Hello, and welcome back to The Maths Funny Podcast with Me Joshua Fox and trigger warning. Some of you may find this episode uncomfortable to listen to as it covers topics such as mental health, eating disorders, sexual assault and rape. And as heavy as this episode does get, I think it is a very important conversation to have and to
share on here. So last night, some of you may have watched Katie on a Current Affair where she was talking about her journey since married at First Sight and how she's been focusing on her health, learning to love herself and overcoming some very heartbreaking things from her past
which she's never spoken about publicly until now. And that's because she's no longer ashamed of this, and she's realized that sharing this publicly won't just help her rid any last bit of shame that she's held on to for so long now, but it will also help other victims who have been through similar things feel less alone and
ashamed of what happened to them. Since this season and started airing, I have got to know Katie privately and have been aware of this personal journey she has been on, and I also became aware of how that instant rejection from Tim.
On her wedding day that we all.
Watched brought back so much trauma that none of us had any idea about, and none of us would have any idea about because she's.
Never shared this.
And I remember as Katie's storyline played out, as much as we all felt sorry for her and wanted her to just find her dream man and have a happily ever after, there were also so many people saying things like, oh, stop crying, get over it. You've only known him a day,
you know he's type who cares. Then this conversation will give you all so much context as to why Katie did become so emotional on the show, and this chat will hopefully act as a reminder that we never really know what someone has been through or are going through, so we should always maybe try just be a bit more kinder and sympathetic, which I know is easier said
than done, especially and watching and judging reality television. And for anyone who has read my book or seen a recent video I did on my personal Instagram last week, you will know that what happened to Katie, which she shares in this episode, is something that once happened to me too, and that's kind of why we wanted to have this chat together. And just like Katie, after my incident, I did blame myself. I was mad how I could let someone do something like that to me, and then
I then spiraled. I developed bad habits, I self sabotaged good things in my life. I pushed people away and
it's been a journey for me to overcome that. And as much as I have and I acknowledge what happened and the bad things that happened afterwards, I haven't fully overcome it because like tiny things can trigger the darkest moments, like often unbeknown to the person who may have brought everything back to the surface, which again, if anyone is following the little series I'm doing with my current partner Stephanel, that's kind of what happened between us, and I was
pushing him away because he said something which brought back all these things and then we spoke about that in a clip, which was scary for me to put.
That out there.
But similar to Katie, I'm not ashamed and maybe if more people had these conversations, people who have been for it would feel less I don't know, blaming themselves I don't know.
Sorry I'm rambling now.
Before I played the chat out with Katie again, I just want to say trigger warning. This does cover some quite heavy and dark topics, so only listen if you think you're able to. Hello Katie, Hi Josh, Welcome back to the Maths for new podcast.
Thank you. Good to be here. As always.
You are, in my six years covering the show, the first Maths person to come into my house.
Yeah.
I feel very very honored. We're going to have a safe chat, safe space, you know, peace and love.
Yeah, and that's why I wanted to do this here, not the studio, because I know we're going to talk about maybe some personal things, and yeah, it feels like.
A nice space.
Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. It's so caring.
How have you been.
I've not seen you in a month now since the reunion.
Yeah, since yeah, the Daily Telegraph reunion, I.
Daily Mail.
Yeah, I've been. Well, I've been, you know, getting back into the swing of things as you do. But alongside like all these realizations that I'm left with about myself that I've not been confronted with before. So just navigating that and trying to be gentle with myself and yeah, get get back into the momentum of normal life for the new normal, which.
Is all easier said than done, very much, so.
Much easier said than done. So yeah, it's been it's been good.
I don't know, I feel like I have a better connection with you than the rest of the cast this year. And I think it came down to remember a few weeks when you sent me that voice message for after the reunion and you were like, yeah, I saw there was something off of you.
Yeah, bad energy.
And then you did the saging burning thing. And then my mom was confused because I know she thought I was like, but I just thought that was so lovely. And then for me, we all kind of fell in love with you from the start. You're just a great personality, great energy, and like we just wanted you to fine happiness.
I mean, remember I did the billboard.
Yes, oh my god, that was Honestly, that was the best thing I've ever seen in my life out of everything I've seen. I was like, oh my gosh, that was gold.
That's how passionate. I was like, the show, did you dirty?
Yeah?
And then you know, at the time we all got caught up with him just how we rejected you, and that was cruel. And then I suppose the way we as the fans, were like, well, bring it back, mixture and do her a better match. But I suppose what we didn't know is that there was like a lot more attached to this storyline that nobody really knows.
For you personally, right, yeah, I think that's yeah, definitely, the case with me and others is that you know, you're on your own math's journey and there's so many layers to a storyline that you just don't get, and especially mine, I was, you know, really triggered, and the rejection was just another kind of heavy thing to carry, and it really it brought me to a turning point. And I could implode even further and internalize that even more, and or I could like use it as a catalyst
to go in a very different direction. And I was ready. I was done. That was the last time I'm ever gonna let anyone make me feel bad about myself.
That's great.
Yeah, And then it was I supposed the storyline was the rejection was he just looked at you your appearance.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I suppose what we're going to talk about today is kind of how layered that is and how much trauma is attached to that. People don't know. And it's easy to on these shows. You know, he took you up just appearance and went no, and then people could be dismissive to you, be like, oh, we'll get over it. He didn't like you, but someone else will. But actually you can't just do that. You can't just shrug things off.
And yeah, I suppose your struggle with.
Body image and your way and kind of insecurities around that that's been with you for a long time now.
Yeah, absolutely, And I feel like the more traumatic things I go through that went through because I'm not doing it anymore. The more trauma I kind of have in my life, the more I comfort eat, or the more I blame myself, or the more I carry that burden and don't know how to deal with that pain and anxiety.
So the only thing that and a pattern and a habit that I have, probably from childhood, is that I would turn to comfort food or turn to binge eating, because when I binge eat, binge ate, I would then get sleepy, so like relax me and then you know, food comba myself and you know, so I just had some really bad habits going on, but it was for survival. It was just to get through the day and get through,
you know, what was going on. And it's just like that's my way that I dealt with trauma and bad things happening on a day to day or whatever scenario situations. So I feel like when I saw myself on MATHS, and when I saw that the person that was supposed to love me for me and learn to get to know me and who I am on the inside was just so dismissive based off five seconds of seeing me.
It was really really difficult because I brought up so much rejection and so much kind of getting you thrown out or treated like a piece of meat and like something to be you know, discarded like ill to And I'm so much more than my physical body, and I have so much love to give and so much you know, beauty to bring into somebody's life emotionally, like I feel like I'm real wifey material, you know, and to be so quickly tossed aside really carried with it so much,
so many triggers, because you know, in this just in this world alone, it's just shallow and gross, and but for me. I have a pretty dark past with relationship with regards to male interactions, where I have been reduced to what I am physically, and I have been reduced to being a piece of meat to have their way with and then throw away like I didn't matter. And I felt that again. I felt everything just get ripped
open again. But it was in front of so many people, and it was Yeah, it was really really tricky, and I like tried to hold myself together and I tried to you know, just be in my own headspace and self self soothe as much as I could. And yeah, I got out of there, and I and then I watched it back in particular, and I saw myself as somebody who hadn't yet healed, and I could see the physical repercussions of my lifestyle, and I was like, no, I'm not gonna let that keep happening to me. Nobody
gets that power anymore. So, yeah, it's been a big turnaround, but it's a lot of yeah triggers, and you know, we all hold our trauma in different ways.
Right, Yeah, And then as you say, you know, within seconds he did just it was physical and like I can't even imagine, like how much it took you to even get there on your wedding day and agree to that, knowing the level of scrutiny, and you know, if you've struggled with binge eating and body image, that you must have got to a place where you felt, actually, I'm past that, I'm ready, like I'm ready for love.
I love myself now.
And then like that, fuck, I can't imagine that. And like when we saw you so emotional in those scenes afterwards, and you know, some viewers will be like, well, he's not into you, so.
Like some people wrote too that I saw you know, oh so she's just such a pain, like crying all the time, like oh, no, wonder she's not wanted or no, wonder this, no wonder that. Oh she's just so emotional. And I was like, oh, I've only you knew.
Because that split second rejection from him broke about what decades of.
Trauma rejection, Yeah, struggle.
Yeah, I finally got myself to a place in life where I really liked who I am, I really liked how I was in the world. I liked the person on the inside, and I was really proud of myself and all the struggles that I've been through and pulled myself out of on my own. I feel like I really love who I am and then to have somebody like not even have a tiny glimpse of that, and not only that, but also turn it or try to flip it to make me the bad person or make me the person in the wrong, I was like, Oh,
what is actually happening? Like so, yeah, I was obviously upset that this situation was playing out the way it was, but I did bounce back pretty quickly outside of things, and I did see what I needed to do for myself. Yeah, so I took action. It was speaking action.
Yeah, Like It's interesting for me because I think you can think you're recovered from things and you've healed in your past them, but then all it takes is one slight thing. And when you recently said that to me that I see my energy was off that because I started seeing this person and then I held out until I stayed over. I said, I don't want to rush into that because I've made that mistake before. I and sex for me is attached to like a lot of
trauma in the past and stuff. And then I was like, with this person now away and he was happy to do that and respectful, and then I finally stay over and then he just ghosted me and like it is what it is. You know, we only met four times, but like for me, it was like, actually, this time, I'm putting myself first and I'm being open and then you know that slight thing then sends you spiraling.
Back, doesn't that?
Yeah?
Again, People even my friends like, oh you barely n him. Get over it. I was like nah.
And then he texted me like maybe two weeks after that, being like, hey, what's up, what's new?
Ill?
Yeah, and then my friend's like, don't even reply. Then I was like, well okay. But then I sat in it for a few days and I actually sent him a long reply like what's not You actually really hurt me because I told you this, this and this and then nothing and again it felt like you just discarded me after what you had my body and had sex
with me, and then that's all I was. And then even with my current partner, who I'm doing this stupid experiment with, it's similar with him because he there was one night near the start and he was wanting to have sex more than I did, and like you know, with a partner, you do have to compromise a bit. Nothing's against your will, but you know it's it's a relationship.
And then I was like, I'm not really feeling it, and I just seen how his body language changed and then he didn't mean anything bad.
But we've spoke about it a lot since. But then it brought up.
For me when there was a time I was I was sexually solid several years ago and like sex on me is a bigger thing now. And then after that incident, I suppose similar to what you said and how you will spiral and bingee and the comfort it was like for me after that incident, I just slect with so many people because it was like that person treated me how I felt everybody sees me, or how I'd always felt. And then when that person did that to me it
was about three years ago. Now, after that, I spiraled like having more reckless sex and letting people just use me for my body because I thought that's all I was worth. And then it goes back to even when I thought I was so healed from that, and then my current partner now that split second thing from him, which he's like lovely, He hadn't there was no bad intent there but it it just makes you feel again, Oh, is this all I am to everybody?
Yeah? Oh yeah, it's yeah, yeah, I'm really sorry you went through that.
That's that's okay. You know, we've all been through things. But I think maybe the thing here is for everyone to just be kinder or more open minded because so many people take things surface level. Again, you on the shower, get over it. Stop crying like you but yeah, actually no, when you know that the lifelong strugle to get to that point, don't get over it.
Yeah, actually be mud, be angry and cry. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, we don't have to go into it. But is that something that happened three years ago to you that's quite fresh? Like what happened to me was when I was twenty years old. It was a while ago. Now I'm thirty eight, and I still find things popping up and triggering me and realizations about how I've internalized that stuff. I did go through a similar thing too, where I felt like all I was was somebody to be used and thrown out, like my body was for them.
If they gave me attention, it meant validation, Like I wasn't For that moment, I wasn't worthless.
Yeah, yeah, exact.
Yeah, and then but after what happened is that it is okay to share. What happened is it's a big head. Now I'm come, I'm fine. We're all friends after the world. Yeah, I was three months away from turning twenty one and I was saving up to open my second remedial massage clinic. I'd open one already, it was going really well, but
I just wanted some extra coins speeded along. So I was working at night set a bar and then I was chatting to customers and he found out kind of where I lived, and that's normal conversation or where you're like, you know, just completely innocent. And then I was leaving the shift and then I yea heard this person walk up behind me. I turn around and he's like, oh, my friends all got in a taxi. They all took off, but they're going to a barney where you live. Can
I get a lift? And I was like, oh yeah, sure, that's like no problem whatever whatever. And then on the way there, he convinced me to you know, come out with him, and I was like, okay, like sure, I'm so antisocial, like unless I'm getting like an invite, I don't think to go out. So I was like, yeah, okay, cool, and he's like, oh, and we'll meet up with the guys and stuff and it will be fun. I was like okay, and I said, but I'm via beer all
over me from the bar work. I'm like, I'll just go home and freshen up and then we'll go out. He's like, okay, cool, do that. And then I so I'll go home to my place and get ready, have a shower, and he's just hanging out in the lounge room whatever whatever we go out. He's really got no kind of urgency or to find his friends. And I was like, I was like, where are your mates? Were
your mates? And something really started to kind of like go or you know that cold chill that you get where like something's up, like something's weird and so on. My kind of motivation to be out just started to go. And I was like, I'm going to go home like all the best. He's like, oh, let me, Oh, my friends aren't Oh they're not here anymore. My friends aren't here anymore. And it's like where he lived was like an hour away. He's Oh, would you mind if I
crash on your couch? And I won't be a bother blah blah blah. And I was like like, oh fine, because like I drove there, but I'd been drinking, had a few drinks at night, so I'm not driving anywhere. I was like, yeah, so we've got taxi back to my place. And it's like you set you up on the couch, put a pillow down, blanket, You're all set. And then I went got changed and it was like
night see you. Later came out to get a glass of water and he was in the kitchen sculling a bottle of wine that was unopened, like a full bottle of wine, and my blood ran cold. And I was like, oh my god, just just extract yourself and go. And then yeah, he ended up coming into the room and and yeah, yeah, anyway, I was like pinned down and paralyzed. I never I always thought like I'm fight off anyone. I'm a Viking woman, like I can escape. I can. I'm not gonna be one of those people that just,
you know, give up. That's not me. I had no control over my body. I was pinned down. I was torn apart, and I didn't move at all. And it wasn't until two weeks later that I had to go to hospital with like a massive UTI just from the damage. Otherwise I probably would have stayed there and rotted.
So I.
Yeah, I got to the hospital and I was hysterical, and she's like, just a UTI, Like we can fix it. There's medicine for it, will fix it, and not it hurts. I was like, nah, I think I've been raped. And then I lost it.
It was the first time you kind of said it out loud.
Yeah, there's two weeks in that apartment with no food, just water and on my bed, just confused. I wasn't even crying. I wasn't I was like like numb. And then I got to the hospital and when I got there started having like a massive panic attack because I was like, yeah, they're gonna I don't know, need to know how it happened or something. And then so when
I verbalized it, and then I lost it. And then since then I felt like my body was a thing for people to be entertained with or to use and throw out, like it doesn't mean anything to them, and I didn't honor my body at all. And then eventually, you know, there was a turning point where one bad behavior traumatized behavior turned into another. And then that's when I started like going, I don't I don't want to be that person anymore, but I don't know how to
deal with anything that's going on in my mind. So if they think I'm ugly, and if they think I'm gross and undesirable, then not leave me alone and I won't have to give myself to them anymore. So I just started eating and that became my thing, and then I got to probably asside from like an eight ten to twelve. I met my partner and then it was good for a couple of years, and then he ended up ultimately put on a bit of extra weight. And I think also because I was like, how far can
I push this? How far can I make myself undesirable and you will still love me? And it got to that point where he didn't want to be with me anymore because of the way I looked, And it just reaffirmed the thing that I thought is that I'll make myself safe. I'll make myself undesirable and I'll be safer.
It's like that self sabotage because even afterwards, when maybe you fought, you recovered, but he did down, you still feel.
Like worthless of how you.
Felt with that incident, and then yeah, I'm guilty of that after what happened to me, Like someone good comes along, something good, and I go out my way like often not knowing in the moment to sabotage it because I still feel I'm not worthy of that person. And you said, like when that incident happened, you fought. If that ever happened to you, you're a fighter, but like no one
knows unless you're in that situation. You know, I just paralyzed with fear and shock, and often it feels safer because like if you do try to fight or push, And this was kind of I spent a long time thinking about this after what happened to me, thinking why did I not like I articulated, no, I pushed, but then when they continued and then again it was like I just gave up. And then I spent so long thinking why did I do that? And it was like because it was like defeat, Like Okay, I've always felt
this way, this person is now validated. Yep, this is how the world sees you. And from this point on, like this is that everyone's sees your.
Yeah, and yeah, like oh, yeah.
I hope you don't feel like when you look back, you still think you could have the more you could have.
I did think that for a really long time. Trauma is not a linear healing like it. It is just stamped in your subconscious. So when something happens in your life, or if you have an argument or a breakup or a rejection on National TV, like it, it shocks you. It's not like, oh, that was so long ago, get over it. Oh you you've said you've healed, and now you're getting triggered, like have you actually healed? And but it's just like time collapses and it doesn't matter how
long ago it was. It's like fresh, like it was like all those wounds are just you'll go right back. So yeah, for me, like the time frame between pulling myself back out of that mindset is getting like shorter and shorter, because sometimes I'd stay in it for months.
Like if I got rejected by a guy again or he ghosted again, or and I went on a bad date and he looked me up and down and was swiping on Tinder, I was like, oh, that would take me months to recover from, like and I would be like, oh no, I'm not doing it, not doing but yeah, it just it doesn't matter time for trauma. Time is irrelevant.
Yeah, it's life log.
Yeah, and only in the last couple of years actually, like I poured myself into work and setting up a business and gave everything to it because I'm like, I'm not going to fail at everything in life. I'm gonna have my good thing yep, to be proud of, you know.
And then.
COVID came along and I lost everything there too, and that's when I really started putting on a weight, a lot of weight. I was like, fuck, like I can't even I can't even do that, like and I know, and I did go to self blame there too, and my mom like she was like Katie, come on, girl,
like it's a global pandemic. It's not your fault. And when I was liquidating the business, I was on the floor crying so much because I was like, oh, I gave everything to try and create something good in my life and like, not even that's working, Like I'm actually like a massive fucking failure and there was no evidence in my life of being successful. So I was Yeah, it was really really difficult. It was really difficult to then get myself out of that mentally and go, you
know what I am. I am enough. I don't need accolades. I don't need a good body to be worthy. I don't need a ten out of ten face to be of value in the world. I don't need anything like I'm allowed to exist as I am with nothing and that's enough. So but I still binge eat like that would come up, and then i'd eat at night, I'd send myself off to sleep in a food coma. I would get stressed and I would turn to something sweet or something just that was my way of comforting myself.
Anyone who's been through anything like you do, get stress s doublewhelming in those moments. It's so easy to revert back to your old ways. But then I suppose there's more time passes how long you stay there get short and s like I still do that, Like I still.
If like after that guy a while ago, go see me.
Then I start hooking up with random people again, and then my house wents like, Josh, what are you doing? You're just doing this because you said, I'm like, oh yeah, And then I'll talk to him and he'll be like, you know, remind me everything I've been through and he even said, don't do this experiment with this random man.
And the other day when I was upset, he was like, well I told you, but like, you know, yeah, it goes back to that it's good to be open and have that support network, and it seems like what you've been through obviously that's so horrible back then, and it it doesn't make sense your reactions on the show, but you know, with that wider context, it well, it does, I suppose explain more because it's not just this mine you've known for five minutes, doesn't like yeah, yeah, it's
actually like everything you've been for you to even get to that point. Yeah, especially in relation to body image and relationships. And then those two things went to that extreme in one day and then the country's watching and commentating, and but I'm glad that was.
The catalyst who really break that cycle. As an add yeah, and then seeing the doctor yeah.
And then you're like in a healthier lifestyle.
Oh yeah, And I think, like, you know, that was that was the point for me where I was like, no, like, I'm not waiting anymore for somebody to fill up that part of my life or to.
See me when you did stop filming, and obviously that rejection was so raw, and then you go home and it's just you again, Like how a baud did it get?
Then? Were you binge eating again? Did you shut people out?
Yeah? I was really antisocial. I jumped straight back into work. I binge eat to get myself to sleep. I was sad and I was angry, and I was frustrated, and yeah, I yeah, I didn't know what the edit was going to be. So I still was telling myself like, you know, I'm strong in this and that I'm all good, like nothing to prove to anyone. Fuck getting married and that sucks.
I'm just gonna be alone forever. But yeah, I slipped right back into old patterns and leading up to the wedding itself, I you know, I had so much to do. I was handing over my job, I was going dress shop and that and whatever, and yeah, it was then that happened, and then I like came back so quickly, and I just I just picked up the momentum and threw myself into work and just got as distracted as possible.
Wasn't until I saw it play out where I was like, whoa, I've still got some work to do, and I Am not gonna jump up on the soapbox and preach about self love unless I'm actually feeling self love in all areas of my life, not just pick and choose. And that's why, like I went and got a body scan to just see like where I was at, because you know,
looks can be deceiving. Some people can be really healthy but just hold their shape in different areas, and like different dress sizes can be still healthy on the inside. So I'm like, I'm just just gonna go have a peek at what's going on. And fah, I was shook with the scores, especially around like visceral fat, the fat around my organs, and I was like, yeah, I just I have like weight loss doctor, so I've been doing
it all properly. And basically I was like, I'm one way street to an early grave and death is a very early death was with that lifestyle was a really really high possibility and I was like, no way. And so this is like the last frontier for me is going on this health journey and utilizing any form of science that will help me get there quickly. Because like I said, that visceral fat score like that's it was.
It is was I haven't got another test yet. It was really dangerous to be that way, and I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to be like one of those you know, mid early forties that is dying from a bloody heart attack and something that's preventable, like I've got two year old kvoodles to look after.
Going anywhere.
I can't be going anywhere.
And then you've been because you know, people have been commons in and asking about your weight loss, which is like ongoing. Yeah yeah, and then is it one of those injections.
Yeah, yeah, so I've been doing I went to a weight loss doctor and I was like, this is everything I've been doing, and she knew, like the patterns that I've established were like binge eating and like overeating and whatnot. So she's bloody great and she's like, let's try this, Monjaro, because that'll get a handle over this pattern. You won't feel like your appetite will be suppressed, and you won't
that won't be your go to anymore. So that took a lot of the pressure off and a lot of the overeating just away, which was so cool, Like I am pro science, I might get like, I know.
Some people say, oh, that's a lazy way, but actually, yeah, if you've.
Tried and stry wood and there's this thing being prescribed to here by your doctor, right, why would.
You say no?
Right exactly? And I think like a lot of people are really quick and easy, like it's easy for them to judge it, and I get it. But until you're walking in the person who's been struggling with weight for such a long time and is just then ready to like get rid of it and get to your goal more quickly and like have that physical you know, image that you've got striving towards for it to be there, because you just want to shed the stuff you've been carrying around for so long. You don't want it to
take years. Like I was like, yeah, until you're walking in my shoes with the patterns and behaviors and context and everything that I've had to go through, Like, don't judge because it's so easy for you know, wellness folk and people who in the industry who are doing it for like ten years and they're genetically blessed and they've never had any trauma and they're you know, just like, oh, what you need to do is you know, eat healthy, sleep well, and move And I'm like, yeah, there's I
know what else is easy this on? But yeah, so it's just yeah that it really is. It worked for me, but I felt really like, you know, it's calorie deficit. When you're not getting your calories in your lethargic, you feel kind of crappy. Like so I was wasting away losing weight, but weight also includes I've now learned muscle, And I was like no, like, I don't want to just shrible. I want to be like my best self and do all the right things and do this in
the right way and not just waste everything. I want to get rid of the fat, be healthy and remain strong. Because I'm built like a Viking. I'm never going to be petite. I don't want to be petite. I want to be a powerhouse. I want to last forever. I want to be able to take all my groceries in with both hands in one trip when I'm eighty years old.
Like, I think that's because.
You said that you lose muscle with these like yeah, but then I suppose the thing because when people say, oh, people that take that are lazy, but you you have to find that balance of actually you still you can't just take that injection and then that's it. You still need to maintain a healthy life stay.
Yeah, right, and yeah, the doctor did say to me like, oh now, this this has the habit or the symptom of you know, chewing up your muscles because that's how your body gets energy and and when you're not giving it calories, it's going to pull away from your muscles first. And I was like, oh, okay, So she's like, make sure you have plenty of protein. It's like, don't know what that means, like potato chips. I was like, what
does that even mean? And it was just like you get all this info and you're trying to figure it out. And yeah, I was fortunate enough to have a brand kind of reach out and offer me one of like a world first product to experiment with. We all know, like an experiment.
Yeah. Like I always said, I've sat in this podcast, I think every week when it comes to the Castmum's post show, I say, take anything that it's offered if it aligns with you, because you know, this opportunity is not there forever.
Yeah.
Well, I felt like, you know, the the universe or whatever was just like quickly coming together. It was really fucking cool because I'm like, as soon as I switched my brain into like health is what I need to take care of, Like the pet came out, I'm doing like sessions with him three times a week. I'm doing like group classes. They came out of the woodwork too. And I've got like this protein powder thing that I'm doing every morning which makes all the symptoms of jarro just disappear.
Yeah.
No, it's glow up one so and it's been awesome and I feel like amazing so and it's a combination of all the things. And I'm no, and I'm so excited to like see my scans again to see like, you know, I've still got like my strength, if not more. I feel great, and my visceral fat, like the dangerous stuff is going or in a healthy range, because it was like not in a healthy range. So it's gonna
be really curious to see. But I can see differences, and I can feel differences, and I can feel like, yeah, this like excitement again for life.
I bet you never fought back to your wedding day with that rejection and when everything was so raw, that eight nine months later you'd be here on this journey I know, able to speak about all this trauma, Yeah, which will help of us. And then even just like an ambassador of like a protein company.
Yeah, how funny is that? I was just like great, the mean twelve months ago, sitting on the couch smashing a bag of potato chips, crying into a pillow is like now.
Forever?
Yeah, yeah, I mean I have a lot of love for my past selves and every version of it, because you know it, it's you've got to have compassion for the things that you've been through in the past. You just if you hate on yourself back then, or you judge yourself or you shape, it still shows a lot of like shame and yep not you don't give yourself enough love you understanding. And I guess writing your book too write like that would have been like a really
because correct me if I'm wrong, But like what was that? Like?
Like I was writing it there by days a diary. So it's just my way of like processing my thoughts. And this was mostly at a time when I wasn't speaking about these things. Your family are friends, so like while you're struggling, that was my only way of getting out of my head, and yeah, that was beneficial. And then I wrote most of that thinking no one would ever read it, and then.
The bestseller like on amazonas like A day a day county.
Serious but like, yeah, it was crazy. It's kind of similar to what you're doing now, Like it's too. I feel great when you can take what you've been through and those darkest times like if you know, well, actually, if now that can help someone and maybe it was not worth it, but at least it's a positive that's come out of it.
Yeah, definitely, I'm going to read your book now because I didn't, like I haven't and I will because I'm just like I didn't realize it was a healing journey book.
That's the confusing people figure it's me just talking about schragging people.
Yeah, no, I'm yeah, apologies. I will read it now because I think, Yeah, like you said before, we have like a bit in common. And obviously our traumas have expressed in different ways, and mine probably shifted from you know, a validation through physical affection to punishing myself through all those things. But yeah, so yeah, it's we're getting there.
Well, I look forward to checking it with you in a few months.
Yeah. Likewise, are you good though, like I'm good, committed in marriage now.
Yeah, we'll see see him after this.
Thank you, Katie, thank you so much. Pleasure brother from another mother.