Behind Bars and Beyond: How Prison Changed My Perspective on Life with Cat Coley

Hi, Kat. How are you doing? Good. Hello.

We're here. We did it. We finally did it. We. It's taken a long time to get us together, but I'm so excited that we're here, because I am. We spoke a little while ago, and you were telling me a tiny little bit about your story and the fact that you're a storytelling coach. And I'm so interested to dive into a How you become a storytelling coach, but also about your story because you've alluded to the fact that it's quite colorful, and I love being colorful story. Okay, good.

Well, I'm excited to dive into that, but also just to learn from you, because hearing you speak about storytelling and the power of it really excites me. And I know that you're about to go and do a speaking gig now. You're using your storytelling to get on stages and things like that, and that's definitely something that I want to do.

So for anyone listening who is also wanting to do that, get their voice out there, get on stages, and, you know, really kind of be that kind of, like, authority voice, I feel like this is going to be a really good episode. So first of all, we need to dive into the story. Let's take us. Take us back. Tell us how you got to be here today. Fill us in. I know I alluded to this, and so when I speak on stage, I have to get to this, to this point quickly. Right.

So you only have that much time on there. So basically, my story actually started where I'm currently at. I'm. I am currently in Las Vegas, Nevada, in the U.S. for those of you listening elsewhere. And I was living this what looked like a really incredible, amazing life on the outside. It always is. But I was working for a very big company here locally, very well known. Well, actually, it's loan internationally, but definitely well known in.

In these areas and for living that corporate life, climbing that corporate ladder, doing all the things, being in all the places, in all the right places to be. But I was really harboring a very, very large secret. And the big secret was I was actually stealing from the company. I was embezzling money from the company. My God. And I kept. Well, this is like real life for a very time dive in. So I was found out, as it always does. Of course, it always happens that that's what happens.

And, you know, anything done in the dark is shown in the light. And I was found out, and we went through this whole investigation. So I left town because I was looking for other opportunities.

But really in reality I was just trying to escape my world and this started a new life where I currently live in actually in Southern California with my then partner turned husband and started a new life, started a new career, all the while kind of dealing with all the things because I needed to deal with all the things that were here.

And there was a huge, a span of, you know, a few years between when I was found out, totally embarrassed, like walls crumbling, of course, it's like the cards falling down, right? And it was all done, done very publicly, obviously, you know, it's a very small town, regardless of how big it actually is. And my industry was even smaller, so everybody knew what was happening. So I left, started a whole new life and then would come back every so often to do the legal things.

I came in to do the legal things one day, which was to go to my sentencing, which was probation, and sat in front of a judge, prosecutor, the whole thing, I did the whole thing. I went by myself because I was too embarrassed to have anyone else come with me. And I thought, okay, I got myself into this mess, I'll get myself out of this mess. So I went into court to be sentenced for probation. And the length of time was going to be about five years of probation. And I was sentenced to prison.

I went to prison. My sentencing was from 19 to 48 months. Now in that time span of during the investigation, I had gotten married and I also had a daughter who was just about to turn one. So I was actually planning her one year huge party, right, like this huge party. And I went into prison and I did not come back out until 19 months and one day later. So I. There's a whole other side to the prison side.

Of course, it's a whole other story in itself because it's what you imagine and probably not what it actually was, but so I went through the turmoil, made it through and came home. And the day after I came home, my husband asked for a divorce. So I came home and I had no job, no money, no husband, no place to live. But I have this barely two and a half now year old daughter who I had seen a handful of times while I was gone.

Now unbeknownst to me that my now ex husband had actually started a whole other relationship while I was away. And that person is now is still in my life because she's now my daughter's stepmom. And we have come full circle in our relationship. We co parent beautifully in my opinion. But it's taken a lot of time to get to this Place. That being said, when I came home, I was like, what do I do with my life? Because I had this big, huge thing above my head.

The stigma of now having gone to prison, the stigma of what I had done to actually get there, and now what do I do? And so, you know, to the request of my family, close and extended family, they were like, just find a job, Kat. Like, don't give up, but find a job. It's going to be very hard for you. And I knew that.

And when I first started, like doing the in round of interviews, having to check off the box when you have to disclose some things and then having to not just check that box but then explain and then try to convince that you have, you change, you've learned, you've done, you know, all these things. But I started then looking and researching for new careers and just to kind of go into.

And as I was dealing with the ending of my marriage, the ending of the person I was, the person I became and then who. Whatever this new version of me was. And I began to just, you know, go to therapy because it was much needed. And so I started to seek out a new career and wasn't talking about what I had done, just kind of said, okay, I've done, I dealt with it, paid my debt to society. I need to move on with my life.

And so I went and sought out a career coach I didn't even know really existed. And it took me two weeks plus to tell her why. It was actually because we would go through these exercises of the things I wanted to do, but I couldn't tell her why I was switching career. And so finally I was like, okay, like the person that's going to have to find me a career, I need to be able to be open and honest with her.

By the time I, I was so afraid to even share it, it literally took me two plus weeks to tell her. And when I finally did, she was like, oh, God. She's like, I don't think you need a new career. I think like, there's something here. And I was like, where? And she's like, in your story. And I was like, God, absolutely not. I will never share this story. I'm sharing it with you because I need a new career. I need a new path. And that's the only reason why I'm sharing it.

And all the while I did actually find a job. Thank goodness. I was. I'd still had some connections and I found a job, a 9 to 5. But then I was just being pulled into this Area of like, did I just go through that? Just to go through it? Like, yes, of course. I learned the lesson that will never obviously happen again. But, like, what. What else comes out of this? It just kept thinking, or do I just leave it in the past and let. Shut that door and let it be what it is?

So I ended up sharing my story with somebody I'd met at my work. And little did I know that she was actually connected to a small group of women entrepreneurs and who all had these kind of side hustles. So they were all working 9 to 5, but they were building these companies. And so she finally. When I finally was able to get out most of my story or some of my story, I was still kind of going through it. There's this thing that I now teach to speak from a scar, not from a wound.

I was speaking from a wound. Because every time I was still going through. I was going through. I wasn't even divorced yet. Was still kind of dealing with being back with my. In my daughter's life and just trying to make sense of it all. But I started sharing outside of, like, therapy, just. And just to have a different outlet as cathartic. And I got invited to speak, you know, kind of at another dinner. Another fire Chat is what we used to call it, another networking.

And then this network just became bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. I got more and more used to sharing my story, and then it allowed everyone else. Once I share that story, everyone's like, okay, my story does not. Doesn't compare. I'll share my story. And so it's basically kind of what happened. But then it also, not just that. It really just. It springboarded this again, this openness, this level of vulnerability.

And, you know, now that word is being thrown out there with authenticity. Ingenuous. But it really did. It really opened up. Like, there was no. There was no facade. We didn't start off with small talk. We went in, like, just the talk. And it. It really spearheaded and sped up really, our progress because we got through all the. The pretend stuff, right, and conversations, and we got to, okay, like, how can we help you? Like, what can we do for each other? And this community started to build.

All the while I was still working. I didn't know that there was this thing or whatever this thing could be. I saw them creating businesses, but it wasn't from storyte. They were creating products. They were doing all of these other things. They're editors and publishers with all them, like, doing, like, magazines and all these other things. Not what I was doing, not just storytelling.

And I didn't really know anyone other than, at that time, thinking, like, in my hand, like, Oprah that told stories and, you know, was able to make something of it. Obviously, there's hundreds and thousands of people that do it now. But then I didn't really think about it as being anything other than just an outlet for therapy, like another. Another side of therapy. And so what.

As it turned out, my job was eliminated as I was here, like, kind of venturing, like, going out, like, asking the universe, like, what's next? Show me a sign, like, tell me if this is a thing or it's not a thing, or this is wishful thinking, or what am I doing sharing the story. It's not something to be proud of kind of thing. And then my job was eliminated. My position was eliminated. So I was made redundant. So I was made. I was laid off. And I jumped into this one because I had no choice.

I always say that, you know, the entrepreneurship, you know, found me versus me finding it. This kind of became a necessity for me. The vent kind of ventured into it, and then I pulled. So I started my business kind of in the storytelling, but then I went kind of into the marketing and sales because that's. That's where my comfort zone was. Now that it became my business. I almost felt like, gosh, I'm not really sure this is what I want to, like, be the foundation of my business now.

So I started to backtrack and then move into the sales and marketing, which is, again, what I'd done for most of my adult life. And then I started to feel like, okay, what am I doing? Why am I actually doing this? I was finding, I would say, mediocre success. And I was like, okay, is this it? Like, is this. Is this what this is? And it'll always kind of be like this. I'm chasing clients, meeting with the wrong clients, not really doing the things that I thought would light me up.

And then one day, someone kept asking, you should start a podcast. Maybe just tell more of your story, because you only can only hear so much of it in our talks and conversation that I was like, you know what? I'm going to start my podcast, because I'm not really doing storytelling in my business, and this is just another outlet.

And my podcast Bounce back like a badass became the foundation of what I then rebuilt my business as. And so I restructured and started telling stories. Not just of my stories, but of other women's stories. And I found so much it Was so refreshing to again just get to the meat of the story without all the fluff. And I understand fully that sales and marketing and strategy that without that it doesn't, it's just a story.

But combined when you bring all those elements together with the foundation of your story, your unique story, I found that that is what springboarded, catapulted your business from ho hum to like, yes, I'm excited, I want to talk about it. I'm here, I'm open, I'm genuine. This is, this is me. This is the real authentic me. And so that's where the foundation of my business started from now I speak about my story, I share it often, I share it loudly.

I just wrote a book, I co wrote a book just recently that just went international bestseller actually that's one of the reasons I'm here in Las Vegas. We're launching it here. And that's what I really, truly believe is our superpower when we dive into our stories and own our stories. And I didn't really know what own my story meant. I just, I thought it was just share my story.

But own my story is to be proud of where I've come from, to share the lessons that I've learned, to share the mistakes that I've made openly and but not get stuck in my story and move. So that in a nutshell is why we are here today, is why I feel so strongly. And when I pivoted, right pivoted or went back to storytelling as a foundation of my business, I really went full fledged into understanding what it means to own our stories. But not just that, share it, but also deliver it.

So on stages I have to deliver that story in a short amount of time in a compelling way. And I learned how to do that. I've always spoken in front of audiences and people so that for me became was very natural. But I was speaking about somebody else's product or place I was at or something else.

When it became, when it came time to share me and my story and then obviously my downfall and you know, the cracks and open myself up wide for judgment, opinion, I realized, okay, I really am not that comfortable speaking in front of anyone, an audience, even if it's one person, when I have to share that story.

So I really learned how to share that story and share it, you know, with compassion, with confidence, with clarity and be able to, you know, have empathy for the audience that's hearing it and also for myself, but also deliver it in a very succinct way. And I learned all That I went into the art of storytelling, learned the facets, the different facets of being able to share on stage and how to keynote speak while sharing a very particularly difficult time in your life.

And that's the kind of the expertise that I have found myself in, because once I share my story, people then feel that they have permission to share theirs, and then they won't be able to move forward and find a way to be able to do that. You know, that doesn't make light of it or find themselves too far into the dark of it when they share. So that is where we are. I mean, I was not expecting you to say that. That was not how I thought this story was going. I have so many questions.

As you've been talking, I've had genuinely about 30 questions, like, oh, I want to ask her this, or ask her this. Then when you said about your podcast, you were like, because you want to share more. I was like, thank God for the podcast because I want to know. I want to know more. But it's interesting what you say about how when you open up and share your vulnerability, it gives other people permission to as well, because, you know, when your brain starts, like, going off somewhere.

I know that we. We're going to be speaking on your podcast as well. And actually, I felt like when you said that, I'm really excited to have a really open conversation with her, you know, about myself. Not like the standard podcast, when you go on there and you're just like, yeah, yeah, business is great, blah, blah. But when you actually just really share yourself. Yeah. Side note, but that's. That's kind of what I was thinking. It does definitely give you permission instantly.

It kind of had that effect on me where I was thinking, I feel like I could open up to her. You get through, like, oh, okay, we're having that kind of conversation. Right. Because we're just so conditioned. Especially, you know, I know that you and I both have come from the corporate world, but even as entrepreneurs, we're just kind of conditioned to kind of stay up here until you really get to know somebody. But then, you know, it takes time to get to know somebody.

So it feels like you don't get to that point only after, like, speaking to them for, you know, several times, and you're like, oh, my gosh, had I known this, like, you know, when we first spoke? And so not that it's necessarily an icebreaker, it is in a way, but it also just gets to a deeper level quickly. And just to say, I'm a safe Space. So what you have to share with me, we're good. Like, we're cool. Like, we're good. And I just found that to be.

Especially when I first began working with clients and this wasn't the foundation of my business. And so it would take months and then finally, like, we would finally get to that level. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this would be really helpful for me, like in the beginning. But then also I knew that that had a lot to do with me and their level of comfort and their level of trust and all of that. So then I realized, okay, we need to start here, like, just get here and then we can move forward.

Yeah, totally. I think it's so powerful. And I was having a conversation recently, actually with one of my clients, and I was saying, you know, we need to get more of your life in there. Like, there's nothing about you really. It's like, oh, you, this is your success and this is what you've done. There's nothing really about you. And there was loads about him. You know, he had an asthma attack and he nearly died. And then he had this.

His wife was in a coma and there was so much we could share and he just wasn't sharing it. But then also, weirdly for myself, I did a speaking gig recently and I was going through my slides the night before and I was like putting into bits and I put in a story in there. It was only a 20 minute speaking gig, but I put a story in there near the beginning. Inspired by you. I put a story in there. And my partner was like, no, no, no, you've only got 20 minutes. Don't bother talking about yourself.

Just get into it. Get into the good stuff. And I was like, no, I need to share that because these are all strangers. They don't know me. They don't know that I was where they were. And so those are really important slides. I can't take those out. And interestingly, straight after the training, straight after the speech, someone booked in a call with me. I jumped on a call with him the next day. And then I said, what was it that made you get on the call? What was it that you felt inspired to do?

And he was like, it was just that picture of you, you know, like when you were in Barbados and you told that story about that thing, something just really hit and it just made me feel like, you know, you've been where I am and that's what I want to do. And I was like, yes, yes, the story. I shared some very powerful stuff after that, but you've kind of forgotten all of that. But the stories is what they hold on to, right? It's. It really is what.

And I see it the second I, So I, you know, I start. Typically start off talking about storytelling and marketing and that marketing and sales is just storytelling. That's. That really is advertisement, all of it. Adverts. That's. That's really all it is. It's a version of storytelling. That's. That's, you know, billions and millions and millions of companies spend billions of dollars storytelling. That's all they do. The best storyteller wins. That's really it.

And so, and they've heard that before. And then. So I'll see it, you know, not that the glaze over, but yeah, they've heard this conversation before. And so it's like a typical, you know, speech. And then I'll then keynote and then, you know, I do always say, you know, I will get to my story. I promise you, we'll get to it. The second I tell my story, the second I share that, the connection starts. But also the second I share it, they. Because I ask, what stories are you holding onto?

What stories are you. What untold stories have you not shared? What could be shared that could help not just you, but somebody else relate, resonate, align with you? All the words, all the things that we hope we do, we are able to when we speak in front of an audience or just, just. And just, just in life in general, not necessarily speaking. And automatically they hear my story, but I could tell they're in their heads thinking about their own stories. And I get pulled off of stages.

And typically it's, It's. It really is that time where some, sometimes I get pulled off stages and I'm. They share their story with me for the very first time that they've ever shared it with anybody in those moments, because they, they feel confident. They feel like a sense of inspiration or empowerment to share, and they don't want to let that moment go. Like, wow, like, I feel like I've gotta. Gotta share this. Who can I share it with?

Like, okay, the girl that just shared everything, Let me just share it with her. And I become that vessel. And I don't. I love being that vessel. I love being that safe space. Because then again, we just get through everything quickly. But, like, for you, what you said, for him, it was, I'm sure, a powerful presentation, but he saw something in that photo and in that story. Probably himself, obviously. Right? And I've seen you've.

I'VE been in your, your presentations before and I know that story. And it hits because again, looks picture perfect from the outside. But I think we're all, we all understand that behind, you know, the highlights is, you know, some, a lot of lowlights that we don't talk about. I always say I want to dive into the lowlights. I don't want to stay there.

But I think there's so much to be learned and there's so much knowledge and so many lessons that we can share with one another if we shared that part.

Like, I'm all for celebrating the big wins, the small wins, all the things of the things that we've accomplished, but if we could shed a little bit more light on the things that we struggle with, on the conversations that have or the stories that we don't share, I think that is where really our impact really can be created and our legacy can be, you know.

Yeah, for sure. Where do you think you stand on, like, how do you find the balance between sharing a bit of you and then but not being part of like the Victim Olympics? You know, like when you go on Instagram now and there's like people like crying, they're like, and everything's just like so bad. And they're like over sharing and it's a bit like, hey, just have an off day.

How do you find the balance between sharing a bit and also like I, in my past business, I used to share everything, everything that was going on in my life, it was always like play by play sharing. And then since I've had kids, something feels different. I feel like I don't want to share them as much. So sometimes I just find it a weird balance of like, how much can I share while still protecting my privacy and also not subscribing to the Victim Olympics.

So my this is actually a topic I'm going to be speaking about today, this weekend and I spoke about when I was away last week as well, is understanding the balance of sharing but versus, you know, I hate to say such a cliche word, but trauma dumping, where we're just like using it as therapy. And every time and when I work with my clients or anytime I talk, I always say most of the people that I speak with, all entrepreneurs and work with, are obviously entrepreneurs and own businesses.

I always say that whatever that story is has to be connected with an end goal. So yes, there is a time where we do want to get on and just share about what we're having in the morning, how our day is going that doesn't Necessarily mean that, you know, that, you know, we're. We're bringing them into our lives to get to know us. But when we. We're sharing those types of stories, deeper stories, there has to be an end point. Like, what, what.

The question I always ask myself even is, why am I sharing this? And is this relevant now? Like, so I start my clients off when they're like, oh, I don't know, it seems like a little too much out there. I said, okay. So I said, do you know that. You know that, you know, for social media, at least for Instagram specifically. And, like, they have this. Your friends, I think they're like, you could use them like your small group of friends that you can code them as your.

Share those things with them. Like, share some of the deeper stuff that you, you know, going through and things like that with them, and then see how that feels versus, like, opening yourself up into everyone that's following you. All of a sudden you show up because also, it's like, one day you're only showing the highlights, and then the next day you're like the lowlights, and everyone's confused, like, okay, what happened?

You know, and then they start kind of going through, like, your stories, and it's like, what happened? I don't understand what happened. And I think that has a lot to do with it as well as understanding why am I sharing it? Is this relevant? And always understanding that the platforms that we're on, the people that are following us, are always wanting to be inspired and empowered and transformed by what we're doing. And if that's your. If those are part of your values, does that. Does what.

Is what you're sharing? Speak about that. If you're just sharing to, like, again, trauma jump or kind of get into that victim mode, share that with the close friends. Still do it, but choose, like, you know, a set of close friends that know your story and know that you're just kind of having a moment and needing a. You know, needing a second to breathe. And, you know, not every day I saw something that. Not every day is a sleigh. And I get that. Like, I love that because you're right.

Not every day. You're not slaying every single day. There are definitely more less slaying days than there are sleigh days. So start with that. But again, always asking yourself, why am I sharing this? And is this relevant to my particular community? Are they going to find this inspiring, empowering, transformative? Will it clue in something for them? If not, then maybe I'll share it with my close friends. And then. Yeah, and I guess, like, the what.

I. I'm just thinking about how I share stories and things like that. And it is normally I will. I always share the story after it's happened. I very rarely share it as I'm going through it. So always share it after. And then I always then like, tail on the end of it. What that taught me or something valuable from it or what it could teach others or, you know, something like that. So that it feels like there is a point to it as opposed to just like, there you go.

It's the ones that, yeah, you're right. It's the ones that you're like, there, you know, that, you know, end it with. There it is, you know, that's it. And then you're left, like, what's it? And then, of course, and. And there's a sense of. Of. The share not being authentic if the following day all is well, or if there's not, you know, or if it's almost like a bait and switch kind of thing where you're like, then you're intrigued to then dive into and there's a part of me.

And then that always feels like a bit of an ick. Like that's not really what storytelling is all about, and this is not really what this platform is all about. But sometimes it does work. It works for that audience to then dive into, you know, because I've been caught in that loop as well. Like, I'm like, oh. And then I go into. I was like, oh, you know, I watched the front. You just watched this one. Okay, let me go to the next one and see. But it doesn't. But there's not.

It doesn't make sense and it doesn't like, oh, I'm like, I'm trying to, like, understand how you got from you know, the happy, you know, moment to like, to this, like, and then you dive. And I get that as well. I get that that's, you know, part of the business of social media. But I also feel like it's just not very. I would never. I don't think I would ever find. To be inspired to follow that person. It's an interesting story and I feel for them for the moment that they're sharing.

But I'm also, if they're running a business, I'm not sure if I'm jumping on board just because of that. And I think that there is a way that you can storytell that you can show bits and pieces of yourself that makes sense and Also, I always want to say when we're sharing our story, people always feel like, well, I've got to tell it all. There's a lot of my story I don't tell. It's been, you know, years and years and years. I still don't go into it. I still don't go into really my time away.

In the book that I just wrote, I co wrote I did, you know, go into it. But even then it's still. Because it's still an area in my life that I, I haven't really opened up too much. And so not that, you know, I'm doing it disservice by kind of staying on the outskirts of it, but that's for me personally. I know that that may be a much deeper conversation that I'm maybe I'm not even prepared for and also kind of understanding that as well.

And when I help my clients go into storytelling and speak, I have them kind of, we have a sense of like, okay, what is your. Because sometimes in these types of settings, in these conversations, you're asked a question that you're. You haven't prepared for. And so you dive in unprepared and not necessarily even just going into tangents, but going into areas that maybe, and you know, that you haven't tapped into, you haven't reopened, you haven't looked at.

And so the session all of a sudden becomes like a therapy session and it's not connected to what you do and you kind of lose track of why you're even sharing it in the first place. And you know, there's some good parts to that and then there's some not so great parts about that as well. So I always have my clients, we look at, we focus on three to four different things that you can speak confidently about, but also know where the threshold is at. Like set your boundaries.

And if, and of course, if you're being interviewed and that kind of thing, people want to know more. Some people feel like, okay, I've got a. Like, oh. Like I'm sitting in front of this audience. They want to know more about me. This is. I've got to do this. Like, I feel compelled or I feel a little pressured to even divulge more. You know, who do these really well are like celebrity, like a listers. Right.

People just want to dive into their stories and they have a way to deflect that, whatever that question is. Yeah. And so there's, you know, I'm sure, you know, they've been taught and they've been, you Know told. Okay, this is not an area we want to go into. Or you. This is not an area you. Maybe you don't want to go into. If you want to, you can.

But for somebody that is not as seasoned as somebody, you know, someone that gets interviewed on a daily basis, you feel like, okay, I feel like I've got to divulge this and maybe I'm not as comfortable divulging it or it doesn't make sense to this particular audience. And then you lose your audience or they're just in too much of a shock to be even. Like, remember anything that you're saying thereafter, and they. Again, you lose what. What the intention of that setting is for. Yeah, totally.

That. That. That's really important, actually having that line. I think. Yeah, it's a really key thing to think because then at least, you know, like, you know what you're getting yourself into. You know, that you are in control of where that story goes. And that's an important piece of what I think it's actually someone that does this really well. Do you follow Phoebe Coon? Yes. Yeah. She does this great. I think with how she shares stories and things like that.

I always find myself, like, swiping through all of her carousels and I'm like, fully immersed in her story. The other one that does it well is the. Have you. Have you heard of the Korean vegan. No. Okay. So she was a lawyer turned. I call it now. She creates vegan meals, but she has a cookbook. She does all these things. She's been on television. She's done all these things. But she storytells so impeccably and that I'm in. I'm. I'm like you. I'm in awe of the way. But she controls.

But again, she controls that narrative. She controls. And I think that's a lot of times something that we don't realize. We have. We have the ability to control that narrative and where you feel safe and where you. And it really is about just drawing some boundaries. People always ask me, and sometimes I do get asked about prison.

But also, you could see that I don't focus on that. I can. I don't focus on that. I really. Because at the end of the day, my talk is, I've built a business that I'm really proud of that I really feel such compassion for and I'm really, really passionate about and. Because I've gone back to something that was at the root of my why. And I've really focused in on that because I did get lost in the whole entrepreneurial journey.

I started looking at what other people were doing and going, oh, that sounds great. Oh, that sounds amazing. I know how to do that. Or that seems to be working for that person. So I started incorporating everyone else's, you know, business in a way to build mine. And then I got lost in it.

And I find a lot of entrepreneurs, women especially, we kind of get lost in all the doing and all the tadas and all the bells and whistles and, you know, whatever is trending, that we just lose our way and we go back going, I know I started this business for a reason, and there's still fragments of why that business. And I also understand that, you know, things change and we pivot that, you know, that, and we. That's.

We need to embrace that, and we have to accept when we do let go of things that aren't working. But there is a sense, at least for me, and the way that also I find my clients, where it's like we've just taken all these bits and pieces of everybody else trying to build something that we've forgotten the essence of who we are and the essence of why decided to kind of go in this crazy, crazy world of entrepreneurship.

Because it is crazy as many people that it seems as if we are surrounded by entrepreneurs, because that's what we are. We are certainly that's our community, is that. But outside of this community, I always find myself. I'm like, oh, you don't own a business. Oh, I'm like, oh, you have like, oh, you work for a corporate. Oh, you know, and I'm always in awe of, like, people that, you know, because again, this is like, this is a little bubble that we live in.

And everyone that we meet, especially when you go events and you speak. I speak to entrepreneurs. And so I always feel like we're all entrepreneurs. And then I realize, no, it's. Bless you, it's world. We live in a small world, and not everyone does this. And, you know, again, we just kind of lose the reason why we do this and our big why when we go into storytelling and we don't really have a path and we don't really know why we're even sharing to begin with. 100%.

I can totally relate to that feeling of, like, just being so lost. I would. When I first started out, I would just see so many people. I'm such a, like, course junkie and everything and podcast junkie. I listen to everyone. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna do that strategy. And now I'm gonna do this. And that seems to be really working. And I did definitely find myself at a point where I was like, what do I want? Come on, Carly. Trust yourself. You know, enough now. Like, exactly. Carve your own path.

These people that you're following, they have created their own path. So now create your own path. And I think actually getting to a point of being vulnerable and being authentic, even though it's such an overused word, actually is about trusting yourself as well, isn't it? Just being like, okay, let's just tune into myself and trust myself. So, yeah, I think it's. I feel like that happens to everyone. They get totally lost.

And I think that, you know, trust yourself to know that you are unique enough and that there is no reason for you to copy or emulate somebody else. Like, you are enough. Like, you know, I love your story. I know that there's more to your story than what you've shared, but I love your story because I know the women that I work with, and I found myself, you know, again, you know, my story, my path here is different.

But also that burnout point, that burnout that you speak about, I mean, all of us have felt it, but, yes, like, 100%. I don't know how many people, women in particular that I have spoken to, who just want to burn it all down, right? And. But then how. How do you burn it all down when you've created this, you know, successful or what seems to be really successful? And how does that happen? Like, how do you. How do you start from scratch? How do you pivot? How do you. You change?

And people hang on to that success and to the idea of what success looks like or lifestyle even, right, for so, so long that they just lose themselves in the process. And, you know, then there's a lesson in the rebuilding as well. That is really where I love focusing on, because I know we've all. Even if you are not an entrepreneur, even if you're, you know, going into career and corporate in whatever areas, a mom, whatever.

Whatever, you know, it is, you know, it doesn't have to be entrepreneurship or a business, that there's a. There's a. Like, how did we get here? How did I get here? How did this all happen? And how did it happen, you know, so quickly? And why did I allow it to happen and finding that. And I think a lot of it goes back into understanding your story, understanding owning it, and owning all of. All of the different paths, all of the different version of you.

You know, there was a saying That I read, you know, that it's interesting to meet people now who will never know the 20 year old me. Thank God. Thank God, exactly. And then, and how, you know, and how we, you know, we evolve and we don't cling to our 20 year old, you know, especially as we get older and do all these other things in life. But when it comes to our businesses, we feel like we've got to hang on and cling to that person that was even started our business 10 years ago.

I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago, for sure. I'm not even the same person I was last year. But we cling on to this idea that I have to still be that or still be doing that because that's who I am. And I think the faster we let go of that, the quicker that we are able to pivot and change and understand why we're doing that change and own that story and then move and not get stuck in it.

I think the faster that we'll find whatever level success or whatever success, you know, means to you and just living genuinely. Yeah, it reminds me actually of a conversation. I interviewed Dr. John Demartini on this podcast and he was amazing. And his outlook on kind of self acceptance was really interesting because it's not like I've always felt like I just always want to be better. I want to be kinder, I want to be, you know, smarter. I want to be more loving.

I want to always like enhance the good bits of me and reduce the bad bits of me, you know, that's kind of like what. How I viewed growth and how he talks about it is like you have to be in the middle. Like you truly accepting yourself is not getting rid of the bad parts of you. It's accepting the bad parts of you and understanding that this is just how we're made up. There are days when you're an absolute asshole and there are days where you are the nicest person in the room.

Do you know what I mean? There are, there are all these parts of you and it's about accepting, accepting all of it. And I guess like, yeah, as a whole, and not being like, oh, that's a bit that I'd like to get rid of. I really want to be more like this. It's just like, okay, this is me in the middle, but I can hear people think.

I can hear people listening to this and thinking, well, Kat, that's fine for you because you quite clearly got a story like, you know, that is a whole Netflix series right there. You know what I mean? Like, okay, clearly you've got a story. And I know that people will be thinking, I haven't got a story. Like, my life's kind of boring. I haven't really got much to share. But what's so interesting is, like, what's become my story or a big part of my story?

You know, me burning out and Barbados, whatever. It was actually a time. It was like a week. You know what I mean? It wasn't a big life event. There wasn't like this massive thing. It was just this thing that switched things. So sometimes people are thinking of these massive events, but it's not, is it? So how. What would you say to the person that's thinking, I'm boring? What can I share?

So one of the exercises that I love doing with my clients is this thing called. It's. It's called Minding youg Story, the in between. And so we go through decades at a time, and we go through story. And I always ask the in between questions. Like, I ask what the highlights were, what were the highlights? What were the lowlights? And then they're like, okay, let's move on. I'm like, actually, no, like, what happened between X, Y and Z? What happened in that time? Oh, that's right.

I moved cross country. That's a pretty big deal. Or I got married and we ended up xyz. Or I pivoted, or I was let go, I was fired. You know, all these things that didn't make it on the highlight low light list. And it's always in that in between that they find one. The connection between the high and low and the reason why they are here today. And also that they actually.

We so belittled our journey because we do compare it to somebody who's had a journey like mine or somebody that, you know, we've heard their story over and over again. Well, I haven't had that. James Wedmore is famous for saying that his story is. He doesn't have a story. He's famous for sharing that. He was just this guy, but he actually. He actually had a story when he once. He actually dove into it. You know, there was the thing that happened that transformed his life.

I think he was heartbroken. See, that's the funny thing about stories is I. I know history. I don't know him, but I know his story. Right? He's heartbroken. He doesn't know that I know his story. And I'm telling it to you now after I heard it, you know, years ago, and he moved out of the country and got into an accident like some far off foreign land and had this aha moment of like, hey, life is short. Like, life is short.

I don't really have this much time in my life and started doing something about it. And that was his story. But if you look back, he wouldn't have thought that was anything. And he starts off with saying, my story is. I don't have a story. And I think everyone falls into that. Yes, of course, mine does fall into a little bit more Netflix documentary. You know, we need to know more details about it.

But there are definitely parts of my life where outside of that that it seems just like an everyday thing. But if I go into it, I can bet that there's people that will resonate with getting a divorce, right? Getting your heart broken, co parenting with, you know, with, you know, co parenting with, you know, my ex and his wife coming back into society or reinventing myself. All of those things outside of the major downfall, all of those other things seem like insignificant things.

But there are things that people find interesting, intriguing, empowering, inspiring, and they want to learn more and hear more about it because maybe they've gone through something similar or they're going through it, or they know somebody that's going through it. So I think it's. I received a comment in for one of the books, one of the feedback and the reviews in the book. And she was. And she basically said, you know, it's allows, you know, thank you for sharing all of your stories.

The different paths that we all took to get to where we're at today. And I saw women entrepreneurs and literally was all different paths, all different ways, all different stories. And she said, you know, because it allowed me to look into my stories and find myself. And that's really the key. She's like, and find myself in each of your stories. I haven't gone through, you know, but I felt what you have felt. And that's it.

It's like, you know, suffering is suffering, guilt is guilt, grief is grief. And they're all just emotions that we go through. We don't necessarily have needed to experience exactly what that person has gone through to understand what it is to be burnt out, to feel like you're alone in a very overpopulated alone surrounded by hundreds and dozens of people. Because we're sharing the emotion of what we went through.

And I think that's really also what storytelling is, is kind of bringing them through that process and not just shining light again. Yes, I'm here now, but it's gotten. It's taken a long time. A long time. Lots of detours, lots and lots of failures. Lots of lessons to be learned to get here today, to be able to speak on stages, to be able to teach what I feel that I really, really passionate about. And I feel that I'm so intrigued by people's stories. That's all I want to tell me more.

I am that girl. Like, we will, like, we'll never run out of things to say because I am like, tell me more, share more, do more. And I'm really, really intrigued by everyone's stories. And then there's. Because there's. I always feel there is a connection there. There's always a thing that connects us all. My God, I love it. I'm gonna speak to you forever. My laptop is about to die as well. And I've got one more question that I really want to ask you. Absolutely.

Well, I want to ask you, first of all. Well, not first of all. This will be a short one because I have a real question. Short one is, I want to know, is there somewhere where we can learn your formula for storytelling? Do you have a formula, do you have a process where you learn your way? So the best way to start into my world would be through Instagram. It's where kind of I spend. I share stories. So I'm at therealcatkoli or my website.

Also, I will share with you once we're done here in your show notes, I will share with you a link to start your storytelling. So basically it's understanding the basic, the beginning levels of how to storytell, how to understand your origin story. And that's a great place to start, is to start with your origin story.

And origin story doesn't necessarily mean talking, you know, speaking about, you know, when you were first born, but basically the origin of what you do and why you do it versus your signature story, which is why should we listen to you and why should we buy from you and why should we follow you? And those are the two differences between those things. But the origin story is really a good understanding because I think a lot of people, when they share their.

Their keynote speak or their signature story, they kind of tend to go into their origin story, which is always fascinating, but love it. I'm definitely going to dive into that. I want to ask you this question really quickly before my laptop, guys. And you have to go, I obviously going, I'm not going to dive into full on prison, because I know that's your line. But it's such a unique Experience.

I want to know if there was a lesson that you learned in that experience that is something that you really could have only learned in that experience. You know, something that's just.

It's not something that maybe everyone would feel, but that is such a unique experience that it gave you something, a real gift that you took away. So having done what I had done, so the lies that took, you know, the actions it took to get me to prison, surprisingly, I was a very judgmental person. Right. And I didn't really realize that about myself until I went into prison. How. Wow. I held a lot of judgment considering the crap, the things that I was already I was doing.

The biggest lesson for me in my time away, how human we really all are. And there is something about walking into a place where you are all at equal levels. Because my whole life I felt like I had to pretend to be somebody I wasn't. And there is no facade in prison. You are there, yes, for varying different things and different reasons, but you are all in this place together.

And there was, I think that was the very first time in my life where I felt surprisingly free and free to be me, although I didn't know who me was because I had spent so long, you know, lying and covering and doing all the things. So it was really the first place. And it took time for me to realize that. That I can just be me, whoever me was, and that there was no pretending and there were no judgments. I met some incredible people while I was away.

Some not so incredible people, but really some incredible people. And the lessons that I have learned from them, even just the lessons about how to survive prison, was so welcome. And obviously, ask me that question before I went in, I would be like, no, absolutely. Would I take advice from somebody? No, never. And so walking away is that we all have. We're all human, you know. Yes, we all make mistakes, and there's, you know, we all need second.

But aside from kind of maybe that obvious statement is that we really all can learn something from one another and that if we could just let go of the judgment. And I still. I'm not believing. I'm like, I have to check myself still till this day, because, you know, you kind of go back into it, and if I just hold the judgment, I could really get to know somebody because I feel that about me as well. My story is, you know, one of those stories where it could be.

It's jarring, first of all, but it could either completely turn you on to me or off, depending on where you're at in life, what happened, your own story, all you. All the things about you. I. What I share could be like, okay, off putting, or, yes, I'm welcoming, and I understand that. And I know that. I know that it has that effect, and not for everybody, and I get that. But also that if I could just.

When somebody is sharing something about themselves, about whatever they're going through, if I can just hold the judgment and just be open to listening and be open to hearing their story, hearing the lessons from their story, I think I grow. Like, I grow. I, like, literally grow from hearing somebody else's experience. So freedom, in a way, you know, came from me while I was away. Wow, that is so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing all of that, Kat. I really appreciate it.

I've taken so much from it. I literally want to go and binge your podcast now. I go into it at the beginning of my podcast, literally, it was just me. I just need an outlet, and that really is it. I just needed an outlet to share because at the time, I was like, I couldn't really share too much of what was happening in my life for all these different reasons. I was going through a breakup. It was very kind of.

It was just all the things, and I just needed an outlet and, you know, to, you know, maybe the disappoint of my family because they were just like, why are you sharing this? And then, you know, you're writing a book, you're on a podcast. I don't understand. But I do it again. I do it for the reason of the feedback that I get. You know, every time I hear somebody say, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for, you know, I'm just like, okay.

Like, okay, I'm okay with, you know, have people having opinions. They will always have opinions whether I share it or not. It happened. People will always have opinions. I might as well do something good about it. Sure. Oh, thank you so much. I've loved this conversation. I'm so glad we managed to get it in. And, yeah, I appreciate you so much. And I cannot wait to hopefully at. Some point to schedule that and we will get it in because I know that there are many, many more stories.

That it's like you to draw them out of me. I'm like, oh, we will, we will, we will. I will assure you. We definitely will. Amazing. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thank you. Bye.