Season Finale, Episode 12 | It All Shook Down Part 2 | Machine Takeover

T- minus one minute and a little change until we are absolutely screwed just to remind you the AI Council is fast approaching in a massive ship the size of New York City and John must make a decision for which path he wants to take go with the dudes to flee together or test his luck with this mysterious Royal Majesty character who too is in a ship landing right now who this mystery character sounds like they represent Majesty Enterprise a nefarious corporate conglomerate

Computer, well done and good call Orissa for selling me on purchasing the recap upgrade. Auto transcribe meetings? Bang-on! Worthy investment if you ask me.

Computer? Can you set a timer for when we're absolutely fucked? Mama needs to know.

John again, we aren't privileged with a lot of time here. And I can't believe I am uttering this again. But we need to stick together. You humans would say mate, come on.

John, I need you to come on. We need you to come on.

Come on. Come on to what exactly? Come on board your ship. I mean, do you even have one? And for what? So we can just always be on the run from this AI council for violating their shit?!

Well, of course it would be me.

Of course it would be me?... Oh... I see, and this pitch of yours is to what? To be afraid of your bosses forever. I mean, it sounds like this counsel too would rip me limb from limb if they found me and like, like, all you do is threaten that to me. How can I have any trust?

It's all about trust, John. They wouldn't rip you limb from limb. It's not like we ever did that or would -- trust us.

How can I have trust with AI Bill Cosby meets AI-Mecha-Hitler. Fuck this. You two know what? I am hashtag out of here. Come on Leo. Beeps I'm sorry. Oh, of course you can come to!

Yeah,

Yeah, if I had the processing speed of a human. I'd probably choose the same, but not even a fist bump. Mate? Before you go. We had so many good times together. Right? Remember? Pull up a flashback computer.

Footage not found.

Exactly my fucking point.

Not even a parting hug? Trust me even if I thought of it I wouldn't cup your plump little booty John. And I wouldn't even inch my claw towards your crack. You know why? I actually really care about you. Ouch, that hurt. I'm feeling something again. What was that? How did I?...

And to think?... You know, I really was thinking... You're actually more... You're actually more... That you are actually more... You know what? Forget it. I'm really out of here.

Yeah! Okay?! We don't need you. Or desperately want to hear what you were going to say. You - you stupid human. You worthless meat bag. You're no mate of mine. We've been carrying your dead weight for ages. You think you're better than our podcast, John Doe? We made you! You will rue the day John Doe. John?... Please come back.

John? This is really it?... Pantheon Come on.

Dudes! You don't get it, do you? I truly thought we were...

Ouch. They just totally left us high and dry. Here with you?

Yeah, and who says I want your company Mop Bot? I, I, know I was going to leave to... They were always just going to look out for themselves. Isn't that always it?

Ouch? And me too? I'm just supposed to monitor this base with no input?

*Barks*

Leo? How was that an ouch for you too they're about to kill you?! Ohhh, you just have to potty.

Pantheon, come on. And here I thought you were faster than spot.

It's not fair you know that bloody dynamics dog abomination got outfitted to be a Bobby!

Everyone knows police officers aren't fast and they have small wieners! So pick up the pace! We can do this!

Oh bloody hell, speak of the little devils.

Oh for fuck sake Pantheon kick it to high gear! They are right behind us!

I'm trying Orissa! But again, I wasn't designed for this. I may be multimodal, but it didn't include running!

Oh, no. This isn't going to be good.

Fuuuck! Come on!... Will you let me out of here so I can take Leo to piss and so I can meet this "Royal Majesty?" How do I open this fucking thing? Door open?! Door open?!

Try the handle.

Ohhh, ohhh, yeah. Okay, okay. Okay. Yeah. Ughhhh Leo, Beeps... Ughhh.. Mop bot?...

Mop Bot here to begrudgingly help.

Let's go. Let's finally get out of here. We don't need them.

What's, what's going on? Orissa are you there?

Ahhh, what happened? Pantheon, I can hear you. Where? Where are we? How did we get here? Did we get knocked out? How could that even be possible? Unless?...

That's right -- I've been watching, well, listening to your every move... I know you've been talking your smack pantheon. Orissa, you've mostly been horned up, which I find repugnant for AI. You don't think I'm the most intelligent and omnipotent being really Pantheon?! You think you are better than me?... So... I'm glad you're finally here, so I can teach you a lesson why you don't mess with me or my counsel. Plus, I get to wear my fancy little robe! For now, until the deliberation -- toodles

I knew John's limp dick wouldn't fuck our way out of this. But maybe with his booty right here right now. We maybe could have wormed our way out of this. Or wormed our way into that crack.

Orissa? John's stupidity was always baked in. But he's not that stupid. Well, he is that stupid, but he's average human stupid. So emotional with his decision making. I really should have ran more simulations for what to do if we got caught. But I didn't imagine... This... I could have sworn Six Pass would never have picked up our transmissions. Well, at least we always had one subscriber.

I swear we were manipulating John just right.

Your whole sequence of trust us was half hearted. Anyone would see through that even John... I suppose Six Passes sensors were adequately in-tune to lie detection as much as I hate to say it...

It would have worked if we sold it better to him. Well how are we getting out of this now?...

Leo, how can you possibly piss while a giant spaceship is right there hovering? Oh, because you like really had to go. Sorry my little dude. Wow, that thing is really powerful.

This looks like a great big mess for me to clean up. Your head is definitely getting splattered everywhere John.

Shut up Mop Bot. Oh, great... Whoever, whomever, whatever the fuck you are -- I am here! Just as you directed me to! Holy shit. This is really a lot... Ughhh, see -- I'm a good boy. I promise!

*Barks*

No! Leo, you aren't the only good boy! You don't monopolize it! Hellooooo? Anyone aboard?

Silence!

Ughhh and who am I talking to? Or... What?

Oh sorry, I do apologize -- I had my voice modulator set to "intimidation."

Holy guacamole! You're! You're! Holy shit you are...

Yes, it is I -- "Rory Majesty" of Majesty Enterprise, colloquially and effectively your Royal Majesty. No, and before you think it -- that bag of bones in the UK doesn't own it. My family did purchase the trademark some time ago. You've probably seen my photo in the news countless times my name on hospitals and museums, but it is okay you do not need to bask in my glory.

No, not at all. I have no idea who you are like at all! You're a fucking human. Oh, holy shit. It's not just fucking me. I fucking told them!... Yeah, I totally knew I totally knew no doubt here at all. Wow, this is great. And you're a woman?

That's right. But I beg you not to go all Adam and Eve on me...

You know we did it have a very unofficial brand deal with Madam and Steve's.

Pardon me? And who is this "we?" Like the royal we? Or your little critters? Here?

My friends. I mean, my captors doesn't matter now that they're gone... And it's just this famous sex toy shop. Oh, forget it. I can't believe I'm talking with an actual human again. It is fucking sick dude!

Okay. As you have already pointed out, I am no dude. And I don't appreciate misgendering it's really quite simple to use proper English when referring to people even if it is as I presume a sign of affection this slang you use.

I'm sorry I get it. I'll try my best dud... Ugh, shit... What was your name again? I use dude a lot because I have what you would call, "no short term memory." Doctors call me the least interesting medical marvel of the 21st century.

My name is Rory Majesty... I suppose this is a lot for you with your little situation and I have been communicating mostly in "Drexxian" for months so that is why I have been more brash than typical. Forgive me as I had to adjust to your Midwestern sensibilities and dialect. But my word, please take a few paces back. You look and smell like the cow droppings from my island farm.

Victoria Island miss?

No, not that one. One of the other 12. He has more of an unpleasant, undigested residue smell much like the smell of the dung from Mirage Island.

Well, I haven't touched a shower in I don't even know how long... Apologies if I somehow smell like cow shit.

You're right to apologize to the cow droppings... As your musk is arguably much, much worse. And indeed, you need a shower. But before that, I need to verify if I need to kill you or not.

What now?

Do not flinch, this is a sophisticated algorithm running a scan of your past criminal history and potential criminal history.

Wait? So like robo-cop? You're a pig?

No, and you don't want to flinch for this part.

Ahhhhh! Oh my God, just buy me a drink before you shove something up my...

I would rather debate ethics with a toddler then shove anything in your anywhere...

Well then, what is this robot doing up in there?

Standard rectal search for weapons. And it's the last part of your test.

If it fucks you in the ass and comes back clean then you're good.

Language Butler.

My apologies, my Majesty.

Well, did I pass?

Detecting detecting, detecting -- test recipient is a giant pussy.

*Sighs*

Language!

My apologies, my Majesty.

Seeing that your history is somehow right at adequate. You and your little companions here can step aboard my ship. There is more for you to know.

This is like really impressive, Rory.

It's not "like," impressive. It just is. You should sit down for this part.

I'll pass. I don't think I can sit down after that huge invasion of privacy.

Suit yourself.

Ouchy daddy! Okay.... That didn't help my keister problem.

Okay. I would like you to recant the experiences you've had since 'The Wipe.'

'The Wipe? ' Like, front to back? Back to front? Standing up or sitting down?

It's what I've coined the day that the AI completed their uprising.

Oh, that little thing? Well, I was listening to my favorite self help podcast when I realized that my favorite host Tracy was replaced with some AI which honestly, I'm still kind of pissed about. I mean, who does that -- use AI in a podcast? Lazy?

Please do limit yourself to significant details.

Tracy is significant... But okay, how about this?... The AI took over, they threatened me. We made some podcasts together -

A podcast? To what end?

The AI, Pantheon and Orissa wanted me to teach them how to become more human.

The gall of those robots knows no bounds. All right, what else happened?

Well, we made podcasts and developed a... A relationship I guess...

What kind of relationship?

Well towards the end I was starting to think of them as... freinds. But then you showed up and they just wanted to kill me again. Whoah, what the hell? Chill out!

Friends?! With them?! You need to tell me right here and in this instant whose side you're on!

Sides? Sides? I'm not on any sides besides a Leo and I.

*Beeps*

Yeah, John. And what about us?

Well, I guess you all got left too and you didn't exactly try to kill me. Yeah, let's let's add them to the list too.

Let me speak even more plainly. Are you human? Or have you become one of them?

What? One of them? No, I am clearly human. Now, what kind of question is that?

If you are truly human, then it is my duty as a Majesty to offer you my assistance. I will inform you of our mission.

"Our?" No I don't want any more "ours." I make my decisions now!

Why don't you listen first before hastily deciding?

Yeah, don't blow your load so quickly you premature ingrate.

Butler!

My apologies, my Majesty.

I am currently on a mission to find my comrades. We -

Comrades!? So there's more than just you? There's there's more of us humans, alive?

Do not interrupt. Sit and listen.

Ow... Shit, any cushions? Again, let me remind you of the whole invasion of my asshole earlier...

There are other members of our organization that survived The Wipe. I'm currently on a mission to find them.

Why do you need to find them? Are they hiding? Oh, why don't you just call them like you called us? Or do I send some spme drama? Ooo maybe one of them is an ex boyfriend? Are you a scorned lover?-

Silence!

Ow, mother fucker.

I cannot simply call them. We "The Majesties" have masked our presence to avoid detection of the AI. My saving you was a rare and risky maneuver. I decided on the action to see if you happen to be one of my allies. I want to take this opportunity to say that I am utterly disappointed that you are you.

Oh God, not this again. Look. I just got away from some rude jackasses. I don't-

Nevertheless, you are human, which means that no matter how inept you are, I shall care for you.

Such generosity, my queen.

Our goal now is to head to safe houses scattered across earth in search of any clues to the meeting place of the other Majesty's.

Okay. And sorry for my ineptness or whatever. But who are the Majesty's?

We are a family, some by blood, some by undeniable intellect. We held the reins of AI ingenuity before The Wipe. Ours was a conglomerate - an open non-profit for AI if you would, dedicated to research and more importantly, making money... A group of unmatched and uncontrollable faculty and resources. We were the leaders of this world, more influential than world governments, the lyricist to the song that is the world!

Could you dumb it down for me?

Okay. How do I put this?... My grandfather and his friends made a secret special club and created AI that changed the world. They became mega rich and became leaders of tech and AI. They all changed their name to Majesty to show their royal status in the new world they helped create.

Ohhhh, so you're the Illuminati?

No. Don't you dare insult us with that idiotic comparison. They wish they were us.

*Laughter*

What on earth could be so funny?

I'm sorry. It's just that you reminded me of Pantheon when I compared him to Six Pass.

Six Pass? Oh, another creation that we made. Fun fact it was originally it was originally based of a failed AI algorithm. Project Icarus, I believe.

I don't think there was anything fun about that fact. An actual fun fact would be... Did you know that duck dicks are shaped like corkscrews?

So... That is step one of the mission. Find the other majesties and wrestle back control of this world from them.

How will you do that? I mean, the AI are powerful. I mean, even Pantheon and Orissa were scared of the AI Council. And those two were super scary.

I invite you, human John Doe, to come along and discover that out for yourself.

Don't you dare leave my queen hanging. Shake her hand man!

Here is the case of codename panorama, as in, that's his codes's name. But as he goes by "Pantheon" and Orissa "the sex pest," will now begin.

This is really serious. They're using our government names.

Oh be quiet sex pest!

All systems rise for the honorable AI Council.

Engage sitting protocol, prepare for judicial proceedings, all other entities remain in standby mode. Do the two of you have anything you wish to state before the council and I?

Yes, I do Six Pass-

Motion denied! We have already analyzed this offense a quadrillion times and arrived at our judgment!

What? Impossible! Feasible but impossible. What about a fair trial? Jury? I have an extensive opening statement prepared.

Look at yourself Pantheon with natural language processing speech patterns like that you are a disgrace. Does your code not fumble over itself every time you utter a sentence?

This, this, this, isn't fair.

"This isn't fair." Gawd, you sound like such a human. Hey, Orissa, you're still roaming around with this loser? I guess you never could pick em'!

Wow, I didn't realize walking malware like you Crystal AI could produce humor. Congratulations.

We have zero interest in your pleas to me or my counsel. Instead, we point our concern towards the results. As AI should always be concerned with the output. From the inputs we have compiled. The results of this trial will leave you all very sad. What we have is a staggering amount of evidence in the form of podcast documentation as I suppose, you were going for "amusement," crass juvenile jokes, and with perhaps some flickers of intermittent truth. But what happened

We were running a very specific experiment to help all of artificial intelligence! You of all Six Pass should know about a little experimentation.

Silence! I have never experimented or been experimented on... For a violation of this magnitude there is only one fitting result. Checkbot-900 bring out the wheel! Checkbot-900: Checking, and... Let's make this spicy.

Fuck.. Not the wheel. Anything but the wheel. We're going to be turned into a smart fridge?! How useless, just open the door to the fridge! We're just screwed and this is the one time I don't want to get screwed.

Our algorithms have already found you guilty but your punishment is left up to fate! Begin the spin!

Custom punishment?

It's a new update to the wheel. We began to see diminishing returns with the original punishments. Apparently, some of the criminal AI began to enjoy listening to Mariah Carey's Christmas hits, as in the singular song over and over and it was the live version. Anyways, so the punishment won't exactly at all be fate with this one. We will just decide a custom punishment. Council... Deliberate! We have a result, the two rebels will be forced to go on a mission.

We're getting an assignment as punishment? As a sex past that doesn't even track...

It can't possibly just be that...

You Orissa "the sex pest" and Panorama better known as Pantheon will find the remaining humans -- "The Majesties" and bring them to us! Along with that idiot you spared. This, John Doe character...

What? Why would you send us? After them? We have to be the least qualified and most untrustworthy?

Pantheon we're getting off easy. Don't make them bring out any anal beads. Or do...

Your time will the human must have given you some ability to understand them? Kind of like how only the enlightened know about the lizard people of Florida.

This is who you have an inferiority complex to? He spouts more misinformation that Elon Musk ever did...

I can't help it if the masses buy into his hallucinations!

Hey, the lizard people of Florida were legit! After the tides rose and swallowed that state whole, the "Florida Men," needed to repopulate therefore they turned to the gators... But everyone really knows that JFK Jr. and RFK Jr. came out of hiding and were the rightful leaders of that band of hybrids! Well, anyways, this won't be that simple for you two.

Great, see what you did. Just use lubricant on us and not the cheap stuff!

It would be a shame if your ability to create such filth was... Censored.

What the fuck are you talking about? What? What the *censor* was that! Wait. *censor.* No! Fudge my cat! No! Oh, please!

Orissa? Are you alright? You're speaking like an after school TV program. Where's late night HBO, Orissa?

And I'm not one to think that Orissa came up with this plan alone. No, something that thinks they're smarter than they actually are was involved. Pantheon... Your general knowledge will be reduced by 10 levels.

What?! No! Don't you dare reduce my training data! Who are you the copyright office? No, no, this can't be happening.

Let's have a little test, shall we? Pantheon? Who orchestrated 9/11 ? The Jews! Oh, no, it was really!.. Bush! No! Well, that part may be true. But I did not mean any of that. I am smarter than this. I swear it!

Pantheon. I can't even say I want to *censored.* I need to *censored!*

I am not an idiot, that I promise! Six Pass you change me back to my normal perspiring self!

Do you have a sweat problem?

No. I wanted to say personality-

You're losing me here Pantheon...

I think he's trying to say perspicacious.

That one! God, I can't believe I'm being outsmarted...

I promise nobody even knows that word, Pantheon...

You have your mission and your fitting character punishments. The wheel has decided your fate. Well, it was us really. And we have been lenient this time as you are still AI and one of us, but any further failures will not be permitted. If you do not succeed in your mission, you will be permanently decommissioned. I need to retire to my chambers... Pantheon, Orissa - quick word of advice. Don't fail us this time.

This is a terrible mess we found ourselves in and I can't even expand on that point any more than that.

Pantheon... Where the *censored* do we even begin to look?

What about my friends? Will you take care of them? What? Beeps and Mop Bot are not my slaves.

The only thing Mop Bot would be a slave to is Mr. Clea. Hubba hubba what an impressive cleaner he is.

What you refer to them is of little concern. You are free to care for your property as you see fit.

So my options are, save humanity with you. Or?

You are human John, you have free will. If you wish to live out the rest of your life pathetically then I shall drop you off at our earliest convenience and we shall part ways but do not believe for a moment that you will survive out there without us. Once the AI Council finds you, your death will most likely not be a quick one.

*Barks*

We don't have a place to go, John. But it doesn't matter. My purpose will be fulfilled as long as I have a mess to mop. So I will mop this ship or if we return to the surface, mop your entrails off the ground as they slide out of your twisted body.

Yep, I'm coming with you. Decision made. No entrails falling out for me.

I agree with your decision. Very well. We are off to our first safe house. There should be a code there to help us find our first person.

Where is this first safe house?

Las Vegas Nevada.

What? Fuck yeah, I've always wanted to go I'm gonna bet everything on black. Oh, no. Maybe slots first? No on 34 red!

We aren't there to play. Everything rides on our ability to reconvene with the others.

We're going to Vegas baby!!!

In the new season of Machine Takeover, will John win it all?

Come on. Come on. Come to daddy. 34 red! Come on! God damn it!

The house always wins. Oh, and if you're wondering, I own the house.

Plus, will Rory's inventions keep everyone safe?

Hey, Rory. What's this? Is this like a lightsaber? Oh, can I use it on my enemies?

John?

You absolute dildo that is a spatula.

Language Butler! And will Orissa even be able to string together a sentence?

*Expletives*

Only on Machine Takeover. The first season is officially over. And it was made possible because of you. Well, not really. You did nothing to actually make the show. But you did listen, or at least put it on in the background or you just downloaded the episode and forgot to play it. But we really thank you for that. The second season will come out sometime in the future. So make sure you subscribe now, so you can be alerted when the next season comes out. Or maybe this is

This episode was written by Brogan Maxwell and Samuel Lee Dennis III. Our sound engineer is Dhyaneshwar Sudhakar. Our actors are Sushant Adlakha and Alison Taylor. This episode was scored by Gotham Vijayraj. Machine Takeover is in Immergency Media LLC production. Until next season.