Mac for the first time as a father. May I speak to you as a father? Sure? I viewed the movie up and once again you know this, everyone knows this. The first ten twelve minutes of the movie. You're gonna piss tears. There's no way around this, right. You could be an old person, a young person, a father, anything at all in that twelve minutes. The first twelve minutes maybe the greatest short film of
all time. It might be, Yeah, you might see. But what gets me now, what really gets to me now is Russell's backstory of his father that wants nothing to do with him, right, That's why he clings clings ont of the old man so much. But what makes that more upsetting too, is that Frederickson's gonna die soon and he's right back in the same situation. I know. But it's finally his chance to be a father figure.
You know. That's why it worked so well. You have traditionally sort of put up down in the pantheon of pixarm He never put it, no, no, no, It was three top four for me. Oh all right, fair enough, fair enough. When we talk about it, just seems like you put it, you don't you don't give it. It's it's you know, dude, I think that I now. I always thought, like, Okay, they have these super heavy moments, but then they go up against these super silly moments like the dogs and all that stuff too.
It's a super fun movie. It's very fun. So it has stuff for a kid, but then also those layers with the father son stuff, you know, really playing with the adults. How did Raffie take to it? He didn't love it? Okay, I know, but what are you gonna do? It? Hit more from me and that's all that matters. Yeah, fair enough. Are you wearing a McDonald's sweatshirt? Yes? What a sweatshirt? I'm jealous of that. I like that. Should I have worn pepsi for this next movie? Oh? God? God? One? Good?
Three? Yeah, jos three, King of Queen Good, Mill Street entertain good. And I'm Madam Mac macm web. Uh, I want to start over, Matt, mad Macweb. That doesn't make any enough Mac macdhum Web. And we are the Mac and Goo program. We bring you friendship. Yeah, and today we are bringing you I think I think this is a first in Mac and gooo history. This review this for me. There have been movies you have borderline hated and movies I have borderline hated. I
don't think we have simultaneously been this slow on a movie ever. Don't. Okay, but don't say love hate, because I listen love. You can get into the nuances of it. I might think you're a fucking idiot as we go on here today. Uh but this is this is at least a first for me. The only other time I have gone to the theater for this podcast yes and wanted to leave the theater was hell Boy the twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen, something like that. I at one point in this movie,
we're talking about Madam Web. Madam Web. By the way, guys caught on to that. I actually took up my phone because I needed to, Like vent, I tweeted, I had to tweet, I don't want to talk to because there was four people in the theater. This is this is a first for me today. This is this is a first in maca Goo history for mac Anyways, my wife texted me earlier, one of her co workers. It's like, oh, what did he think of Madam Web? So I sent it to him, like, oh, it's ridiculous.
But the last thirty minutes is amazing. And what Dana didn't realize what I meant by that is it's ridiculous throughout and it's amazingly bad at the end. So now I'm assuming her coworker because I'm a fucking idiot. Yes, yes, you well you set yourself up. I guess I did. I also think there. We've talked about this movie briefly. Now, we haven't gone into it. You saw it a day or two ago. I saw it day after. I saw it last night, and I can't stop thinking about
it. This is I'm ready for this conversation because when I left the theater, I was like, that might be the worst movie I've ever seen in theaters. And after like two days, I was like, that might be the worst movie I've ever seen period. The final thirty ish minutes of this movie, I had my hands over my head the entire time, going no way. I would say the final fifteen to twenty had some so bad it was good and that was it for me. You you seem to have peaked
a little bit more. Yeah, we go to Peru. I'm all in good. Madame Webb is the fourth installment in Sony's Spider Verse. Sony Versus just really quickly. The family sitting in front of me. The mother asked the two kids, He's like, oh, so this is a Marvel movie and they go, yes, but it's not. And the mother got so confused and kind of angry. Yeah, just like Dakota Johnson. Seemingly, the other three before this have been the two Venom movies, Venom and Venom
with their Cars. Of course, Morbius. Who There are people on the internet that believe Morbius is the worst movie of all time. Morbius is like, way better. But I got way more enjoyment out of this. Oh I did not. I did not at all. Also, is Venom good? After seeing this? Is Venom good? The first Venom is solid? I would say the second Venom is not good. Morbius is bad. What
if the teas to this movie was you thought Venom was bad good? Madam Webb is a PG thirteen action adventure in sci fi with a runtime of one hundred and sixteen minutes, and it feels like three hours for a movie. I checked my phone. I was having fun with some of the dumb stuff during the boring parts. Yet I was checking my phone the first forty minutes, takes an hour and a half. There's no other way to say yeah
on Rotten Tomatoes right now, Goo. This says thirteen from the critics, fifty five percent from the audience, which let's be honest, it should be zero's. Let's let's be honest, and Bucky Larson wants to be a porn star is at one percent. This is worse than that. This in relation to the rest of the Sony verse. Venom was thirty percent eighty percent. Let there be Carnage was fifty seven percent, eighty four percent. That makes no fucking sense. Well do you think it got high points for being the
loudest. I just think people were happy to see Carnage and then they two weeks later they're like, oh, we really they see what Woody Harrelson did with that character. That was pretty bad. MORBIUSKU from two years ago, twenty twenty two, again some people say is the worst comicook movie of all time fifteen percent seventy one percent. And what I'll say about Morbius is it's a bad movie. It didn't it didn't. I don't feel like it went out of its way to be bad like this movie does. So it was
just a straight up bad movie. Morbius two. You felt like if it came out during a different time it might have been decent. It just came out like twenty years too. And I feel like Jared Leto in that actually did a decent job. Oh he didn't about the leads in this, he didn't, but also a decent job. I thought he sucked, but no, he was. He was fine. I can't think of a time or place or television network where if this came out, anyone says this is good.
No, there's not a time a place, There's not a human being that should like this. So that again that the Rotten Tomato scores insane. Thirty four. People on Rotten Tomatoes tell you that you're stupid. On Metacritic, this is a twenty seven. I don't know if we've ever talked about a movie below thirty. We've talked about some movies in thirties. I'll have to look up what hell Boy was. I'm sure that was pretty low. Venom got a thirty five. Carnage, the second Veto movie got forty seven.
Again, it makes no sense. Morbius got a thirty five. So the critics weren't too far off between Venom and Morbius, and that seems kind of dumb. But again, once we hit COVID that all the Rotten Tomatoes numbers got cu good. This movie is written by and we're gonna spend a long time pretty much every instance we're talking about something bad in this movie, it comes back to writing. Some of it is acting, but most of it is writing. There's four writers credited on this movie, so they should
have all. I don't know, they should have all somehow tried to come up with with pen names. Here it's all Alan Smithy. We have four Alan Smithy's on this project, Mattszama and Burke Sharpless. They are a writing team together. They have written Dracula Untold, The Last witch Hunter, Gods
of Egypt, Power Rangers that was twenty seventeen's Power Rangers. They got like secondary on that it was story buy not screenplay by That is the best thing in this They also created the Netflix Lost in Space series that did okay, but no one really watched it. And they also were the writing team on Morbius. The highest Rotten Tomato audience score out of all those goo Morbius.
It's seventy one percent So I know that you said you have to look at it and say, let's blame the writers, But I would say look at so in general more than these writers, because maybe they crafted something half decent and they got noted to death. Yeah, you might be right about that, or everyone on Sony didn't see Morbius and just thought it was a success and sign these guys back up. I'll also say this though, that the
writers knew what they were getting into. It feels like the actors were all told that they were in an actual MCU movie and they were lied to. Uh good. The critics scores and audio are on Rotten Tomatoes. The highest one outside of Power Rangers is twenty five percent. So I would say this duo is probably done writing movies. Maybe. Ever, this is a historically bad run. Wait until Craven the Hunter too. Yeah. The other two
writing credits went to Claire Parker, whose only writing credit is this. She worked on this movie because she worked with the director slash writer s J. Clarkson on a show called Mistresses, which s J. Clarkson was the creator of. The director go s J. Clarkson has done only television stuff up until this point. She's directed a million episodes of Things Heroes, Dexter, Orange of the New Black, Jess Jones, The Defenders, Succession, Anatomy of a Scandal. So she's done a lot of good. Ye my hands
out. The quality of this movie is worse, Like, it looks worse than all of these shows. Everyone in this movie did a bad job if you had ever med like and people joke about this a lot that it looks like CW quality this legit looked like early two thousand's CW two thousand, two thousand and three c W. The movie set in two thousand and three, and it feels like it was made to this but for television and for the cw W it is of the Daredevil electra vein it Like, that's sort of
the feeling, the vibe you get from this movie. GOO synopsis. Cassandra Webb is a New York City paramedic who begins to demonstrate signs of clairvoyant. Forced to challenge revelations about her past, she needs to safeguard three young women from a deadly adversary who watched them destroyed. Destroyed is a is a weird word to use there, uh. This movie Goo stars stars for lack of a better term. Dakota Johnson as Cassandra Webb, the titular Madame Webb.
Sidney Sweeney as Julior Kory. I had no idea that was her. The girl had overalls and a pigtail. She had overalls. She just said, like a minute and like two scenes she had overalls, but still okay. Isabella Marcedes Cortizone. We would know her, at least I knew her from the Terrible Transformers movie with Mark Wahlberg. She played his daughter, and she was also the adult Dora in that live action Door from a couple of years
celest O'Connor as Mattie Franklin. She was the third of the three young women. We saw her in Ghostbusters Afterlife a couple of years ago. She was actually decent in that. And then you the villain in this who will get to it when we get the spoilers. Tahar Raheem as Ezekiel Simms. He it's a toss up. You could go either way. He might have been worse than Dakota Johnson. He was no, he was amazing. He was
terrible' he was so bad that I have never seen. No. I'm not gonna say that because sometimes the villains have been butchered by things outside of the acting. I have never seen a villain get acted this poorly, and it doesn't help him that no one knows who the fuck he is in the first place. But this might be the worst com book villain of all time. He also was apparently in a no Napoleon last year. I haven't seen him in anything. And then a couple of the characters we get here gou that
are notable. Adam Scott plays Ben Parker, actually good, one of two people in this movie that was good. The other person I'd say was good was Isabella murch said. I thought she did a good job. Emma Roberts plays Ben's sister, Mary Parker aka Peter Parker's mother, and she's pregnant in this movie. Goo, did you see the bridal shower? I'm sorry, did you see the baby shower? Right? That scene was horrible, real
bad, real bad. Like I would say once you that Cassander did not want to participate in your baby games, stop like you two aren't the only two at the party. Talk to someone else. I read online somewhere or I heard someone say it. I've been consuming a lot of media revolving around this. They said that Dakota Johnson acts as if she's like being held hostage, and it's very true. Well you be. Do you have any memories of you and your mom? Yeah, my mom's dad. By the way,
when she said that, my theater laughed. Wow. They got Mike Epps to sign up for this movie. He plays O'Neil, like the head of the paramedic squad. And then we also have Zosha Met. You would know her from the Show Girls. There's actually a very good in that show. She plays the villains like person at the desk and she's the very magical desk with like six computers number one, get more computers number two. That thing, whatever they were using, it could just do anything whatever they wanted.
That was the whole point of that. I cannot okay, before we start talking, before we do any spoilers. Yeah, do you recommend this movie? Well, let's let's go. I need to talk about that fing computer for a second. No, let's run through this and then we'll talk about the computer for five minutes. I'm good. I forget about the computer. So you could just say it now and there's no spoilers here, nothing
to spoil to the box office. To the box office. All right, so box office performance, GW. This is the worst opening weekend for a Sony Verse movie so far. It made twenty five point eight million domestically, but that was over a five day run. Remember this opened on Valentine's Day. Ended up making almost fifty two million worldwide, which is fucking mind blowing. It was number two at the box office, behind that horrible Bob Marley
movie. Didn't You couldn't even beat that. That doubled it up at the box office. So that that's real bad. This this is gonna lose money by a lot. How many people were in your theaters? And you saw it on the Thursday, So I start on the at four thirty pm, so a reasonable time, little work. Yeah, I had I believe I had four people in my theater. I saw it on Sunday night, seven ten and it was the final showing of the day, and I would say
my theater was a quarter filled possibly wow. Actually, And also when the movie ended, little smattering of a PLoud I will say this, we just saw our guy a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I had two people walk out of our gyle. No one walked out of this movie. I will say this time, I think the people that cheered at my theater worked on the movie, possibly because they stayed for the entire credit and they were pointing at names during the credits. Yuck, I don't like that. I
don't like that, Goop. You want to get through the gautlet here? Sure? Hey, Mac, fun factor? How much fun did you have? And I had a blast at the end of this movie. I'm glad you said at the end, because go there's not an ounce of fun in here. The climax, the final fifteen minutes does get laughably bad. I'll give you that. It's not fun though, it just it just wasn't angrily
bad, So that's that's really it. I also couldn't believe how many times they tried to shoehorn the word power and responsibility and discuss at least guys, we get it. Yeah, satisfactor. I was quite satisfied. Even when it was boring. They were giving me little nuggets. I'm like, that's gonna play later, and then it didn't. But what they gave us was even better. Nothing, absolutely nothing in here. They wouldn't even say the
fucking name Peter Go. They wouldn't even give us that they were flashing back. Oh so bad borometer. Yeah, it was super boring, but it paid up for it because once they hit into gear, once they finally said fuck it, this is where all of our money is and we wasted it. That's where it's great. I have never had a theater experience on this
level. The first thirty five minutes really killed me. The closest thing again I can point to was that hell Boy movie in which I leaned to you and say, I think I want to leave, but we were gonna talk about it, so I just stay. I don't know what kept me in this theater, but yeah, this this movie nearly killed me. Halloween. Will this movie go down or up over time? And I am quite satisfied
with the hot dog score I have ready, you know what? The one credit I'll give this movie is it's so bad it can't win or ween because it's already at the bottom. It's at the very bottom. I can't wait till I can watch it for free, because I'm gonna watch it again almost immediately. Actually, Aquator, it's below Aquaman. But if you said to me right now, Goo, what do you want to watch again? Right now, I'm gonna pick Madam Webb Jesus Christ. You you like fucking waterboarding?
I guess I do. I've seen some movies over the last few years that I haven't liked. Some I've hated some I downright get angry about. This was the worst of the worst. It's not only below the equator, it's below the depths of hell Boy, Pants Tent City, Excite bike Mania. What got you going in this movie? To have Sidney Sweeney in your movie, gu a woman who I've spent hours looking up on the Internet, and to not deliver a pants tent at any moment is insanity. It's almost
impossible you didn't like her dancing on the table. It's nearly impossible that table dancing scene. No one's ever done that. I don't know, and I can't even I can't even be I don't know where to begin with. A movie that featured Sidney Sweeney and played toxic couldn't get mac going. Have you ever been now, gou we were fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, once upon a time, Have you ever been in a situation where you newly met female's males, anyone where their first thing they did was dance on a table.
I just said that no one has ever danced on a table. Yeah, there you go. That has never happened. Max, Credit Union, who are you giving credit to? Listen, I'm a Union guy, and through I hope ninety percent of the people involved in this movie never work again. I hope they get fired. I hope they lose their I get busted, get busted. Credit to whoever will now get a job because those people won't,
So credit to those people. Credit to whoever casted this movie, the person that convinced all of these people to be in this movie, a real parcel tongue, hot dog man, hot dug man, whatever can I'll let you go first because I have I got like three words for this ude. I'm flabberg acid, I'm dumbfounded. I truly cannot believe how bad this fucking movie is. Like I was trying to think of not just comic book movies, but all time bad movies, and I'm having a hard time beating this
one. Some that came to mind were and this is like not the room, like those B level movies. I'm taking those like movies that are trying to make money. Let's say I thought of The dragon ball Z movie that came out in like two thousand and seven with Emmy Rossam that was pretty fucking bad. How did that? Bubbles? What is happening right now? Sorry if you aren't watching on YouTube? What just happened was great? Mac even thumbs up, and then his computer stream yard. Yeah, great. That
dragon ball Z movie with Emmy Rossum. The m Night Avatar movie adaptation that's fucking all time bad. If you want to talk strictly comic book movies, this might be the worst of all time. I thought about Catwoman. Catwoman is fucking horrific. Do you get? You get? Like four? That's really comparable, though, it's really comparable. Basketball scene alone puts that over Madame Web because that made me laugh that we haven't even mentioned how this movie
ends yet. A couple others I thought about, And these are more ones that had like a serious tone, like this movie does Electra? That's pretty fucking bad. Maybe Electra is worse than this, I don't know. And then the other one, fant for Stick, the one that wasted Michael B. Jordan, that incredible cast that is probably worse than this, more like Morbius, where it's just boring through no, because they they waste Doctor Doom
so bad in that movie that it knocks it down so far. So maybe that's the worst of all time, but it also still might be Madame Webb. It's just I don't know. It's an interesting conversation to have. Actually, that's one of Dork's episodes this week. I don't know, goode. I'm giving this two hot dogs for the amount of characters that I thought did a good job. That was Adam Scott's Ben Parker and Isabella mer said's on
your corizone two two hot dogs. So you're actually giving it a higher score than I am, because I believe giving something in the single digits really says this is an unwatchable piece of shit. I'm giving it zero hot dogs because once you hit that zero, it's so bad that it's good. And I had a blast watching this. I can I just push back on that for
a little bit. Now, there are bad movies, horrible movies, so bad they're good, they'll go past horrible and then they go into so bad they're still really really bad, And that's what this goes beyond so bad. At around almost every turn of this movie, I was having a good time stunning to me and even saying that, like I was having a fun time at the beginning, trying to figure out why she's like this, Like why is she such a horrible person to everybody? How why can't you act like
a normal person? A child gives you a hand drawn color and you're like, what am I supposed to do with this? I don't know? Put it in your fucking pocket? And that also calls in the question like her very first scene, which we'll get to now Spilerlert Spierler Spilight spoiler spoiler spoiler alert, Good you have anything before I run through the horrific happenings of this
movie. No, I'll just interject when I have to. All Right, this movie, for some reason, like we said, is set in two thousand and three, but that has actually no bearing on the movie Whatsolest. So I've actually seen that they were going back and forth between either making it set in two thousand and three or nineteen ninety three, and they just settled on two thousand and three. But that was in the middle of the movie,
so a lot of this could have happened at any time. Christ And also by putting it in two thousand and three mean means you rule out it being in the Ramy verse and trying to save stuff tinkers down. I'll try to count. That's awesome. Don't use your thumb. It rules out this being in the Ramie Verse. It also rules out it being in the Garfield universe because it's set too late, so it's obviously not connected to the Tom Holland movies. So now you're telling me there's a fourth Peter Parker that they
didn't even want to know. But also by putting it in two thousand and three, so her vehicle of choice in this movie is a stolen, busted up cab that she takes the license place off of, and she also leaves the cab number on the top, which could script that off. Well fucking unscrew it. I don't know figure it out. But at one point in this movie she parks it at an airport for roughly a week, and no one says shit, this is in two thousand and three. Nine to eleven
just happened. No One's gonna say anything. I was thinking the amount of times I thought about nine to eleven during this movie. That alone makes this the worst movie at all time. Yeah, this movie you think of nine to eleven one hundred. So I was like, there's no way this would happen normally in ninety nine or two thousand post nine to eleven. None of this is also in New York City while she's doing this with the cab, she's wanted for kidnapping. Oh don't get all right, let's get going here,
because I that was fucking ludicrous too. So the movie opens in nineteen seventy three and the Peruvian Amazon with Cassandra Webb's scientist mom looking for some specific spider she's she's heard about. She has hired this personal security guard that just like follows her around and he once she finds a spider, he turns on her and the only thing she can say is she's he's made a bad decision. Her reaction to finding the spider was hilarious too. I found the spider.
I found this. She's like running back and smiling and singing like mcleven I get a bone, especially finding a Why she wanted the spider was to save her baby? Why not run back like keep it under wraps? Like what are you doing? For sure? And then during their conversation in this open you hear about lassans, which I guess means like spider or spiders in Spanish or whatever it's called. And then these fucking spider people descend out of
the trees and snatch her up. And she's also a hallucination. She I was real. She pooh poos this when he brings it up. But then when Madam Webb is reading about it later, it's written about in great detail by her mother. So was her mother just you know, like trying to get him off the scent. Maybe some time had passed, uh when we were in nineteen seventy three that we missed. I don't know. You're right, that's good the mother was dead. And then goo, Mama Web gets
snatched up. They jump through the trees and then we end up in this little pool and she's laying there about to give birth to Cassandra Webb, and these fucking people put the spider on Mama Web's chest and let the spider bite her and she dies eight seconds later. So what's the fucking point of giving
her the spider when the baby was just born? Because you can bite a baby, you gotta let it bite the mother, and then the umbilical cord feeds it no, because she dies so quickly, there's no juices flowing through the umbilical cord. Good, the baby doesn't get any of that. So that right there, the origin doesn't even make sense. Have you ever? It's a magic spider God, so fucking dumb you All you have to do
is have the spider bite the baby. That's it. When the guy pulls out, the baby's like, she's strong and I'll be here someday when you need to talk to me. And then when she comes back to Peru later, there's only one guy there and it looks like he works in it. He makes this whole speech about he's gonna look over her. She returns to Peru and somehow finds the fucking spot that she was. She returns to Peru with just a map that her mother drew, and she's got this little knapsack.
She's walking through the fucking Amazon like the deadliest place on the planet. She just has a knapsack she got for three days, three four days, because no idea. They were at Ben's house for how long? Oh wait, probably less than a week week? Yeah, And then then she has these visions, finds out her mom didn't hate her. Her mom loved their Wow, what a fucking revelation that is. And then this fucking Laseranyes guy
gives some fucking backwards term on the with great power comes great responsibility. I have it it is Uh what does he say? He says, when you take on the power, great responsibility will come. Come on with that, Come on with it, fucking Christ. Meanwhile, while she's there, the three Spider women back home are fucking around with Ben Parker and give him some bullshit about oh, you're the uncle, so you don't have the responsibility.
Like there's another turn on it like it is. And also it's so funny that so she's like, wait, so what are my powers? I was able to just go back in time and hug my mom. Yeah, And he's pretty much like, I don't know what. I don't know. I don't know one thing there literally whatever the story needs, it's limitless. But one thing you can do is be in multiple places at once. Just remember that. And you're like, oh, I guess we'll see that again.
But also, okay, so speaking of visions in uh, you know, looking into the future, Ezekiel having his dreams of these Spider women, which, by the way, at no point in the movie, do any of the four dress and costume that was That was one of the things that like you get mad at after the fact. During the runtime, you're so caught off guard with everything else. At the end of it, you're like, what the fuck? We saw zero spider women suits. The only things we
saw were in visions. It was like thirty seconds total. But also so he has these dreams of these three spider women killing him, and he was able to describe this to someone and then they said, let me dage these ten years and it's gonna look like these three children. He signed up the right person and that woman they have what eight computers something like that. It should be a wall of like twenty thirty computers that are constantly moved Lucius Fox
had. It should be what Lucius Fox has. Yes, what they have. But so like there's such an easy way around this. Zeke was bitten by a spider, right, Like Zeke got his powers from being bitten by a spider. So what like maybe he should have these visions and then while he's walking down the street, because you know how they all live in the exact same fucking place, maybe he has spider senses that say, this is
the girl that's gonna kill me. I don't know. We'll get to the NSA stuff in a minute, because I I have I have so many things I have to go over here to point out how ridiculous. Also, why did that NSA lady want to have sex with him? He walked up to her? She works so hard at nsaying kil you know she's gotta fuck every once in a while. Oh my god. All right, we're back in two thousand and three. Her mind. Also, why why didn't the three
Why didn't the three Spider women eventually kill him? Anyways? Like maybe they found a way to kill him? Why does Madam One's like, no, we're interconnected. I'm the one who's always supposed to No, just what, I don't know what. You could ask a million questions about the movie. That's it's fucking into the story. Doesn't make anything horrible, all right, So we're back at two thousand and three. Now we finally meet Cassandra Webb
and she's with Ben Parker. They fucking drive their paramedics and drive an ambulance together. They show them driving to an accident and go this first like forty minutes of emergency stuff and EMS stuff drove me insane. Now, I think this happens with everyone when they're when their job or they're like expertise, when they're watching something on screen and it's relative to that, they get turned off very quickly. Like I can't watch shows about like Chicago fire. Can't watch
that because it's can you watch Dallas fire? That type of shit? There's so much wrong in this movie with simple EMS stuff. And I know it's set in two thousand and three, so standards were different, but even if you go back to then, none of it makes sense. Do you think it was just to be like show that she does have compassion because she has that job. No, because it almost makes her come off as an even worse person that she's doing this. She doesn't give a fuck about the people.
Do you think it was just so that she would know how to do CBR like that's specifically it. They show these people pulling up to an accident the standard protocol in any city, state, or country for probably sixty years now is police fire EMS. There's just their one ambulance on this massive bridge in the middle of the city, and it's just them dealing with this fucking like four car wreck. Now there's this one car hanging over the fucking bridge,
and they're like trying to help the people out of the car. She yaws one guy, but yes, yes, yes, yes I think there was I think they it was one guy, they whatever it is, But yeah, they had to cut him down. So this act her getting in the car and cutting him out would make so much sense for someone, someone that's destined to be a hero, someone that's compassionate about people, someone that likes people. However, Goo, when you watch the first fifteen minutes of
this movie, you realize she fucking hates everyone and everything. So she would never do that. She would never do that. So the whole premise of the movie, like you said, makes no sense. The whole reason why the shit jumps off for her makes no sense. It would never happen. She would never put herself in harm's way. That would never fucking happen. And then on top of it, the fucking car falls into the river from
a substantial height. She's now submerged with the vehicle in the fucking whatever river under for three minutes. She's out there for a long time. No other response gets kicked up, no dive team, no police no fire department. Ben Diegel is now in the water, and there's still no extra emergency people there. And apparently Ben Parker dives off the bridge, dives down into the water, pulls her eye of the vehicle, somehow gets her up onto the
side under the bridge, which isn't just a shore. He would have had the rock climb with her. Then he does CPR to her for three seconds. She immediately comes back and they just have like a regular conversation. I
couldn't fucking believe it. Okay, So, first off, Ben Parker is Adam Scott, So let's picture Adam Scott doing that, which is even funny, right right, But also what I like to think too, is that so he dove in there to save her, and he pulls her out, and then the first thing that she should have said is, oh, where's the guy that we just saved. Oh he's fucking dead. I helped him on the side of the road, on top of it. Because no one
else responded. Apparently that guy stopped laying on the road because Ben Parker fucking dived into the river. He's floating over there. He fell off the bridge too these days. He stumbled to the river as well he died. Oh so then shortly after this we move on to the fucking the whatever barbecue party they're having. There, we meet Ben's sister, Mary Parker ak Peter Parker's
mother played by Emma Roberts. She was fine, She's very pregnant in this like they're like, oh, when you do it pretty soon Again, we later get that shitty line about oh and by the way, her responsibility, her powers of like seeing into the future really quick and then coming back or going back in time, whatever it is, is like an SNL sketch.
It was called ed gloss or trivial psychic, and it was Christopher Walking who would touch you and you could see into the future like one minute, and every time it was like you're gonna burn your mouth on a hot cup of coffee. That's all I can think about the entire movie. It doesn't help that I'm like still getting over this sickness. That fucking is playing into my hate for this movie. It's a sign. It says slippery when wet,
but it's actually dry. You can walk on it. Gil. Yes, they got called away from this barbecue to this fire at the fireworks facility. They all gotta go I think the captain, who the fuck his name is, was gonna like get blown up or like that. He gets just he backs up and gets taponed. Immediately. They cut to this fireworks factory scene and they show uh, Dakota Johnson doing CPR and some dude just laying on the ground by herself. No one's helping her. There's a man apparently in
need of CPR and no one's helping her. Incredible. He then makes a miraculous covering that She says, you're good. It just walks away. This is now two for two in CPR. Dude, I have done CPR I don't know, one hundred and something times in my life now maybe less. Whatever it is, you don't save damn near anyone, never mind go for two for two like in a week. Oh that was unbelievable. Yeah, So then she does eight seconds of CPR. He's cool, and she's just
like, hey, can you guys take care of this guy. Nope, that doesn't happen. There's no transfer of care there. She needs to go with him to the hospital because she has this vision of O'Neil dying in a fucking car accident. So then she has this horrible conversation with Mike Epps. And then he gets into an ambulance for no reason. There's no one as the ambulance. They don't tell him to go to a hospital. He just drives away for this from the scene, for no reason. Fucking incredible.
He gets t boned. Now he's dead, but also immediately like I thought that he was gonna because they were out of a firework factory. I'm like, Okay, maybe maybe he's gonna get a firework to the head final destination style. No, he just gets t boned. No, and then CPR again. We've now seen CPR three times in the first thirty minutes of this movie. And then we also in the meantime, somewhere in here I forget exactly where it falls in. We get introduced to the villain Ezekiel and his
swinky New York City apartment and his right hand lady Goot Again. We talked about it briefly. As bad as the coach Dakota Johnson always is, and especially in this movie, I think this guy is worse. This guy's the worst. He does a worse job than her. This villa is a fucking indeed, get this suit great question, great question. I have no idea, Like we've asked this question before in Venom, because Venom is supposed to he's supposed to look like that because he sees how Peter Parker looks, and
then he decides to look very similar. So that gets very confusing too. Well, it would make sense if his suit looked like this, if he was basing it off Spider Man. No, that's what I'm saying. Spider Man doesn't exist. That's what I'm saying, there is no Spider Man.
Insane. Also, if this guy exists, right, if this guy who appears to be a Spider Man later on eighteen years later, sixteen years later, when there is a new Spider Man, everyone would treat the Peter Parker Spider Man as being an absolute havoc because of this other poisonous piece of shit that was around twenty years ago. A great point. It's a great point. Now. As you were talking about that, I thought, you know what, maybe he saw the suit in a vision. Whatever. But that's
besides the point. Sometime after this fireworks factory thing, get we get Zeke. I'm gonna call him because he doesn't deserve his full I men for Zeke he pulls the NSA chick at the bar their home ballet no up, uh opera? Oh yeah, wherever the fuck they we walked into an opera and picked up a lady the front row. He just poisons her by a touch, and I'm like, this is fucking stupid. It was at that point where I'm like, this is the dumbest shit ever. So he steals their
n walked in knowing that what are you doing? No, because in my mind I thought this movie's gonna be really bad. I don't think it could be worse than Morbius, And the fact that it's like twenty times worse than Morbius blows my mind. It just blew my mind. And so again he kills this woman to steal the NSA tech. That's why we have the Lucius Fox situation. And then do they finally, finally what weave these four women
together? And the way they do it is so fucking stupid. So the story of this movie is that Zeke has a vision that these three girls are gonna murder him, so he's got to kill them first. On top of that, Cassandra Webb Dacota Johnson also has a vision of Zeke killing these three women, and she decides she needs to do something about it. So they just put them all on the subway because they also her premonitions don't make any sense timing wise, Like it's not like she saw all three of them at
the same time having this issue. It was one by one by one by one, So while she was having this third premonition, the first one should be dead. Yeah, you're right, the timing makes no sense about it. Also, did you see the guy with a PSP in two thousand and three? Do you know what you're the PSP came out? Oh it was after that two thousand and five. I did notice the PSP. I just so many movie don't you guys know when your shit came out? Jesus Christ?
I Actually they went out of their way to show that guy with the PSP. That's funny. So eventually these three get attacked by fucking spider Boy in the subway, which is surely witnessed by dozens, if not hundreds of people. They managed to escape. They steal that fucking cab, and within eight seconds of being in the cab, Goo, a fucking radio station cuts in with a breaking news report that Cassandra Webb assaulted the cops and kidnapped the
girls. How in the fuck would that have been reported that quick? Number one, but also that it got reported as her. The only way that that would have made sense and been awesome and also would have tarnished his legacy is if that was JK. Simmons. They did allude to, uh, what's the paper that he is a daily bugle, They did allude to the butil Yeah, but I'm saying, like, make him the Alex Jones character again, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then they're like,
we gotta get out of here. They drive to the middle of fucking nowhere and she just leaves them there for like eight hours, so predictably, predictably, you know they're not gonna stay there, and again, go, this is all day not day one stuff. But the first day they come together. There hasn't been a second day yet, right, so keep that in mind. That subway thing happens, They drive out to the middle of nowhere. This is all the same day. So these girls then hike over to
a diner in the again not a new day. The man sitting in the diner has a newspaper with the three people you don't remember in two thousand and three, when there were newspaper boys on the sidewalk selling the afternoon specials. Incredible a newspaper with the missing people from that day, from the middle of the day. That was the dumbest thing in the whole movie. How did no one? How did that get overlooked? That was so fucking stupid,
so dumb. Anyway, if she fucking flies back from Peru, the car able to be able to get the cab out of the fucking air No, but Peru happens later in the movie. She goes, she goes to the diner and she hits Zeke with the car, one of multiple times that Zeke is smashed by number one Get he gets got by the How does he die by a letter falling on him after getting smashed by cars several times? How strong is he? What is her power set? What are these girls able
to do? How did they be spider women? Valid questions, all valid questions. They escape the diner, they go to this motel, YadA, YadA. This is when she decides to go to Peru because she needs answers good, I'm sorry no. Before she goes to Peru, she gets a hotel room with the girls they bond. She she actually thinks about leaving them. She's like, I'm I might not be right for this, But then
she's like, no, I have to protect these girls. She teaches them CPR and then while they're talking, they all like at the same time, are like, you have to go to Peru. So she does. She drives this cab that's been reported stolen. It's got no plates. She drives it all the way. When she took the plates off the cab, I was like, Okay, is she gonna put a different set of plates on
there? Is she gonna swap cars? Is she gonna do something cunning to not be driving a clearly stolen cab, and not even in New York. So if it's just driving around the outskirts, if it's near New Jersey, someone's gonna look at that and say that's a fucking stolen cab. The odds of getting pulled over in a cab with no plates in severe front edd damage is pretty fucking good, especially when you pull into a New York City airport post nine to eleven. So she pulls in parks it goes to Peru.
Fucking takes a bus to the middle of nowhere, Peru, gets out of the bus and just starts gallivanting free. It wasn't a bus, it was a single engine plane. She was oh, bust the plane, yeah too, it was both. She's in Peru and somehow from one photo near a river, which, by the way, I don't know if anyone remembers this. In the Amazon, there's a thing called the Amazon River. Pretty fucking big lot of trees by the river. She gets to the exact spot that's
in her mother's photo, and then fucking Lassarana shows up. This is one guy done, one guy. Yeah. She meets tree guy, figures out she can be a hero. Her mom didn't hate her. She gets back to New York City, still has the cab, and she gets back with immaculate timing. Go because now Mary Parker's and Labor they're on their way to the hospital. Oh wait, in two thousand and three, if you saw
someone with a cell phone, would you have lost your mind? Like Sydney Sweeney did not two thousand and three, Now like ninety six maybe yeah, But like she pulls it, would you have a phone? For a young person to have a phone, I would. I would say, yeah, Well, they're in their teens. Yeah, there were several people in our eighth grade class that had the church chrips. The next stills, yeah, yeah, you're right. No, I would say, I would say probably
a quarter of kids might have cell phones two thousand and three. Uh So, anyway, she gets back, while fucking Zeke is chasing them through the streets of New York City, she steals, she commandeers a New York City ambulance, drives it in. This fucking drove me insane too. This is like, I don't maybe I'm dumb for being concerned about this. If you go into a parking garage, it is very clear which vehicles cannot fit into a parking garage. I would venture to say maybe one percent of the parking
garages on the planet could fit an ambulance inside. She happens to find the one that could fit an ambulance. She zooms around, pops out the second or third floor, and again HiT's Zeke with a fucking that was the one. So like I bought all the way back in when she went to Peru.
At this point, when she popped out of the side of that parking garage, that's when I edge of my seat, eyes wide open, like, Okay, we've finally made it. This is what we've been working our way up to this entire movie, and at this point moving forward, the rest of this movie is fucking gold. The rest it is amazing. Fifteen minutes for me to giggle at something. They escaped the fucking ambulance situation. They lure Zeke to the fireworks factory and goo, get this. This is
their master plan by the air voint, Madam Webb. They're gonna blow up the fireworks factory with Zeke in it, but somehow they're gonna be able to get off the roof and roof and jump onto a helicopter. That's the fucking plan. The fireworks also had random capabilities as well, like some of them could I know? But like it's as if she knew which ones were gonna do what which stack said the fucking Roman, like the one that blew through
the wall. I was fucking dying. And then oh my god, on the roof of the building she had the shield and she was blocking fireworks. Oh god, yes. So then inevitably, obviously they get trapped on the roof. Zeke has them right where they want them. All three girls are hanging Madam Webb is backed up against the fucking sign and you're like, oh, no, way to get out of this. Wrong, No, but he says, He says to her, you gotta pick one. And then
Batman said, wait a second. We did this in Batman Forever. Yeah, we did this in the Amazing Spider Man two. Yeah, we did this in Spider Man Fucking No Way Home. We did this, and then in a Million Movies du Coda, Johnson said, joke's on you. I can split into three. This decently sized piece of metal falls on Zeke. But remember he's an enhanced human here, so he should be able to lift this piece of metal that is somehow keeping him down, and then he gets
fucking dragged in to the explosion as she gets thrown off the building. He has been hit by many cars. It's like, pretty clear he's at least displayed enough that we know he'd be able to move that piece of metal. He is a poisonous, less, web slunging Spider Man pretty much. Yeah, maybe not a strong spider Man, but he's he's picking up people with
choke slams here. He's fucking clearly real strong. So he falls into the fire, she falls into the water again, and then they go out of their way to show one you it would make a little more sense if there was like three hundred fireworks blasting to the water. One fire blasted to the water. She apparently didn't see that, and the fucking firework blitzing byer in the water blinds her And you don't even realize that until like a full minute
later. You're like, what, also, the CGI whenever they show her with like the webs going around her, Yeah, dear level oh, speaking of the CGI. By the way, the spider people jumping around in this movie so bad looked horrible, so bad, so bad. That's the flash. That was the one action that they did in this movie, and they couldn't pull it off. Couldn't do it. And then go, guess what. She's in the water gets pulled out again by the three girls, and
wouldn't you happen to know it? They now know CPR from that previous scene, you know, for saying hell yeah, so you remember she taught them that and that was one of the sixty awful scenes in the movie. So they bring her back, we see she's apparently fucking blind. Cut to her in the hospital room, they're there for ten seconds and finally Gou. We
get to the closing scene of the movie. They're in this fucking top floor apartment and something I thought to myself heading into the scene, how can they top what they just did? And the dialogue in this scene was phenomenal. Kung pou chicken, how did you know she has a fucking nose? It wasn't until she splits into the three, but I laughed a little bit. And then this scene, this to me, was the only real scene that was so bad. It was good. And then she's on that super high
wheelchair with these little ETBT glasses on. She looked like a mix of Cyclops and Professor X with this fucking just bland oatmeal face just going around. Hello girls. These girls bop into the apartment like they're having the best day ever. And she's just sitting there like so happy, happy as can be. And you're like, hold on a second, Like, yeah, she looks bad, but where smile is like this, But we're like, hold on a second, when did she get paralyzed? Why is she paralyzed? Why
is she wheelchair bound? They didn't explain that. There's no fucking rhyme Marine else right too, and she goes, you know, it's great about the future. You don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah, and then you get the Kung pole chicken. It's perfect, do bless you? Oh great? And oh I forgot about that too, yeah she and she with that line you said with the future. Now you're showing off, I guess. She spins her wheelchair around and rolls towards the window and looks out into the window
pane into that future scene. Oh so horrible. And then so, just to summarize, here go Madam Webb's power. The whole premise of this movie is she has these premonitions. She's clairvoyant. She can see in the future. She saw these three women's deaths. She prevented it. They show other shit happened in the future. So she is fully aware that Ben and Mary Parker, two of her best friends, are gonna die, and she's just
gonna let it happen. They even talk about it. The girls say to him, oh, he's gonna have a lot of fun, or if they might have said to him, uh, being an uncle, it's all fun without the responsibility. And then Dakota Johnson gives this dumb smirk like that's what he thinks. It's fucking unbelievable, Like you know this is gonna happen. She like brags about his death. Yes, it's insane. There's no reason, based on the movie I just watched that she can't prevent those deaths.
There's fucking no reason or at least to attempt to, especially in a universe it's not even gonna have a Peter Parker, so you don't need Uncle Ben to die. Fucking christ O, good final thought here. Final thought again alluded to this earlier after all that blew down, and I had seen this on the internet before I went and saw it, but it didn't hit me until I was sitting in my car. We get this movie about these four spider women and literally never see them in the suits. They're never in the
suits. You get like two flash forwards. It's fucking insane. It's insane that to tease that the way they did, it's so fucking stupid, so
dumb. I just don't know why those three are spider women. They never explain why these three are t like Dakota Johnson bleeds on them or something, and then like that's that's how maybe not something as crass as that, but like like all their all their periods sync up, and that's how they become mac Come, come on, you have a submission from the writer Jeffrey McNamara
on how they're gonna become superheroes. But no, but like like like maybe give a hints toward like how do they become spider women, because like this was planned to have multiple movies in this sequence of movies. The only thing they allude to is that they all come from like kind of broken homes. But like that's like not a good enough reason these days because every hero has that ship. So you're right, they should have given you a reason.
Do you want to hear what's next for Sony? What they have in the in the pipeline here before we do that, the exact line of the best thing about the future, It hasn't happened yet. Cut to her floating around the three of them, and you're like, what's it like the giant Oakleys? Yes, yeah, God, like a fucking scarecrow. Not for nothing to Sidney Sweeney's character. I think her name's Julia Carpenter something like that, Julia something. She looks like she has some really fucking cool powers. It'd
been cool to see those. Also, you cast the hottest thing in the world outside of Anna d Armis. She's the number one person on the planet, right and you did that to her, right right? What a fucking tease. So and also like she is void of comedy in the movie, she's funny and other stuff. She was great in Anyone but You. She carried the movie. She's good in Euphoria. She's a very good actress. On top of the other very good thing she has Yes, agreed, agree
to agree, Okay, good. Here's what's next for Sony. So this year we get two more and honestly, I think this is gonna end. After this year we get Craven the Hunter with Aaron Taylor Johnson, which I think will get yet another Spider Man. T's in that, and then we get That's August August thirtieth. Venom three comes out November eighth. I don't know what the fuck they're gonna do for that movie, but I think after those two movies, they literally won't have a path forward because they won't be
making money. And none of the characters there's keep caddamn thumbs down. None of the characters now I'll give Craven a little bit of a benefit of the dot. I like atj none of the characters besides Venom is likable, and you don't even like Venom, so they're drawing dead now. But the Venom movies have made decent money. But that also might cap off the trilogy, so they don't need to really go further with that. Yeah, I don't know, Maybe they just start over again and then we get some tbds.
And these are all the things that I think won't happen outside of the So you have beyond the Spider Verse that's clearly gonna happen coming out next year. Tom Hollands for Spider Man movie. That'll happen not attached to this, and the stuff they have planned in this Sony verse. I think SAT series Sinister six, they don't even have that planned yet. They have Silk Spider Society series. I think that was supposed to be a show that's not gonna happen.
They have the Spider Man No Wir series that might happen because that's attached to the Spider Verse stuff. El Muerto no idea. If that's gonna happen. No, that is so it's a Mexican wrestler with superpowers. Oh, we talked about that, and it's with bad Bunny, okay. And then we have an untitled female cast into the Spider Spider Verse spinoff, which I don't think that's gonna happen based off the intr we got in the last movie. But you never know. I think the Sony Verse is dead after twenty
twenty four. The DCU DC Extending Universe died in twenty twenty three. Sony Verse dies in twenty twenty four. I think it depends on because I know that Venom's gonna make money because it's a likeable character. I think it is. The last one made money. Yeah, but it was terrible. I you and I didn't like it. The critics seem to think it was fine. Yeah, you're right. I think Craven. Let's see how Craven does at the box office, because this movie that'll be more daily underperformed. Oh
boy did it? Yeah? Boy? Did it? Ever? I do think though, well, I don't know though, because they have Sony has shown that they have no idea how to do a proper scope of their movie, to like keep it in line here or broaden it and then do this. It's all over the place. So probably Craven's gonna attach to seven things and none of it's gonna be good enough. You know, like they probably won't just tell one story. I'll be completely honest. I want their Sinister
six movie. Oh God, could you imagine all of these characters that we know and hate interacting with each other. We have Morbius, Vulture and Venom currently, but Venom's probably Carnage. Bring in Zeke, get Seek, get Zeek on a minimum deal. Bring in Paul Giamatti. God, Uh, you can do anything? Really? Yeah, Sony? Could they? They have now finished off the anything? This was this? I'm just like, the more I think about the movie, the more I'm dumbfounded that it happened
this way. It's just so like, at every turning point of this movie, it's what are her powers? Wow? If you think of choose your own adventure style type of storytelling or the way someone might write a story, you get to sort of this precipice or this turning point in every story, and it happens, let's say I don't know, ten times in a story, each time they got to a massive moment, they made the wrong decision. They took the left, disagree took the right. Impressive. I think
they nailed it around every corner. I love this movie. God unbelievable. So, like I will tell you right now, of the movies that I have seen this year, this was my favorite. It is definitively the worst movie I have ever seen in theaters, and I'm not gonna rule out that it's worst movie I've ever seen. Let's get into and Max. That could be anything. It could be a boat. And we ran out of time for Echo. So what do you want to talk about? First things First,
very glad our palate cleanser for this Goup is doomed too. We get done too this week. So I'm fucking stoked about I need and put a podcast. Put your thumb I didn't even do a thumbs up on that one. What's going on? Why does yours do my thumbs up? Why can't I get a little bubble? I don't know what were you doing last time? You were saying that you were excited about something, and then you were getting all this cool stuff around. Oh say congratulations, congratulations? Nothing damn
it pretty birthday? No, this is pretty cool. In my sack this week h actually really cool. Our guy Friar of the Change My Mind podcast, of the book Boys, the hell t l d r t LD Draft Game. You know, he's very successful these days, he do. You know, we all know, we've all heard of, even us who aren't comic book readers, We've all heard of the comic book writer Scott Snyder. Yes, apparently he teaches classes. Friar is in one of those classes.
And Scott Snyder's next project, called The Cloakroom is coming out soon and it's featuring short stories of members of his classes. The opening story in this book, called The Cloakroom is written by Nick Fryer, and it's coming out in like a month maybe or something like that. It's pretty cool. A story is called The Widow Maker. The premise of it is a biker queen ascends to empress as she finally removes the organization's long festering virus her husband. So
maybe some sons of anarchy vibes there saw some of the art. It looks pretty cool. So there's a kickstarter here if you want an issue of this comic book, this book whenever they're calling it, you can donate too. And I think the minimum one you get a copy of this and we'll share that where we tweet at dorc already has you go Friar's profile to get it.
But the cool thing is they've already reached their goal for the kickstarter, so they're getting it printed and now it's just for if you want to copy, go go donate. It's pretty cool, cool stuff, all right, maccord, I've hit a point in the episode. I am just fried Good. You are Nick Fryar. Yeah. The people can find us on Twitter and on Instagram, at mac and gooo podcasts, every other platform. We are Mac, Amberson and Good. It's Max Shift seven. Good includes Facebook,
sit Trituning, Castbuckspreak, Google Play, iHeartRadio. We are on Spotify. More importantly, we are on Apple Podcasts. Got on Apple Podcasts, Rate review, subscribe five stars. If you do that, we'll get you a free T shirt from the folks over at Watertown Sports Where. That's Watertown Sports Where thirty four Modome Street in Watertown, Watertown Sportswear dot com expert screenprinting
and Embroidery, Deepublic dot com merch. I just held up this is a photo that we got at one of the comic cons at one of the fan expos of you I and the Boy Meets World cast, including the other other Billy d And one day when I was at work, this was the background on my laptop. One of my older coworkers walked by and said, Oh, is that a family photo? And I said, yes, yes it is. Why, Yes, it is good. What are we gonna coming up at the end of the week? We think Echo, We're gonna dump
at the end of the week. Maybe we do Echo dump Dune. Let's go. Maybe we do Dump at the end of the week, because I'm also going to a very pinch for time at the end of the week. Okay, Echo's already done, though I know we also need to do our vault next week. On Tuesday we have I think we can do it the next next because it is I think we get an extra We got one more week than anything. Are you sure? Yeah? The the Oscars are Sunday, March tenth, I believe. But the issue is that we also so
our Dune episode, Dune Too Tune comes out on March first. We are recording our episode, our movie draft. The Oscars is definitely March tenth, Okay, because well, our episode, our movie draft is also coming out the week that the oscars are happening. Uh, you could do it before that. We're recording the second, right, yes, so that you could do it recording. Hold, I see what you're saying. Do you want
to record and hold? No, we can put it in the two that week could be the dump and I mean the the Gooby Vault and the draft, so two three hour episodes. The Goody Vault will be an hour. My hand's hurt when I have to animate live. Uh, I mean we can have the vault out for the Monday after the Oscars too. Now, now before it all right, we'll figure this out, all right, Tuesdays for Guesdays. I abuse Kangaroos. I E. Please flip the cassette over to side B to continue the adventure