If you have small children with you right now and you're playing this over the car on the YouTube, first off, smash that subscribe button. Maybe you skip ahead about two minutes because we're about to have a real adult conversation.
Oh oh boy, Okay, let's have it.
So I was speaking with my wife yesterday and she said to me, how much credit do we take for the gifts that we give our son for Christmas? This year? My son is four years old? What do we claim to be ours? What do we tell him is from Santa? And I had never even thought about this. I had always just assumed through my entire life that Santa gives all the gifts.
So when you were younger, your parents would write Santa on all of them. They wouldn't write from mom Orsa.
That was my memory of it. And then I asked my mother and I'm like, hey, what did you do when I was a kid, And she said, I would tell you, guys every year that we got you some gifts. Santa got you some gifts, and they got mixed up.
Yeah. I think that's how most parents I remember specifically, like open up stuff. Some would say Santa, some would say mom, dad, whatever. But I hears. I might have talked about this before. It had to have been around eight or nine years old where I started picking up this is a little bizarre. Why does Santa have different
handwriting at every house? Like, you gotta get on the family's gotta get it if you're trying to get if you try to keep this whole charade up, you gotta have one person write all the Santa stuff or maybe type it out, I don't know, bust out your old typewriter and make make some tags. To me, that was the giveaway, Like eight or nine, I'm like, something's afoot here. There might be something going on here that that maybe
Santa is not not always chocked up to be. So that's my advice to parents moreover, the deciding who, uh, you know, who gets credit for what? Figure out the Santa handwriting from day one.
You know what a little old lady should do, because I've always found that little old ladies have the best handwriting, Draganana. They should start a business of writing for Santa.
It's not a bad idea.
My grandmother rest her soul. The best handwriting I've ever seen, beautiful cursive.
My grandmother also has beautiful cursive.
Beautiful cursive.
Right. You know what, the only time cursive has ever helped anyone ever once on this planet planet is disguising themselves as.
Santa little old ladies, best cursive in the world. So back to this, I had this question. I was like, I don't know what to do, so I asked our podcasting fathers our Fagas. I asked Rich Keef and Daddy Davey,
and I said, what do you fellas do? And I believe Keith said that he would do one big gift from them to their kids, and then Santa does the rest, and then Davy will do if it's something that's more technology based, it's from them, like something that couldn't be cobbled would be from them, and then toys or clothes is from Santa. And I like, yeah, I think.
The way I would play it is the one main thing they're asking for is from the parents. Everything else is from Santy.
Well, what I'm gonna do now is I'm gonna let him open all of his gifts first and then whatever thing he likes the best, that's for me.
Gauge the audience response, right, and we like.
That's for me, not even mom. Mom didn't want to give that to you. That's for me.
You got a chart it the whole time too, like, oh, yelp on that one. That's the early leader in the clubhouse.
One go three, yeah, just three. King of Queen.
Marl Street, entertain go and I am mac oh and all you parents out there, please tell me what you do, because I do need some advice on this.
Especially as he gets old.
I don't think there's a lot of advice to hand out here, think everyone.
I want the best advice and the best cursive handwriting. Can everyone please write us a note in cursive. I want to see everyone's handwriting.
I mean, I wonder so my younger siblings, who were twenty three twenty two in nineteen, they didn't learn cursive growing.
No, I think we're the last.
Each of them were last American sign linggug. So I wonder what their signatures look like. I don't think I've ever seen any of their signatures, because that's the only way I use cursive is my signature, and even then I made it my own. So there's like three letters in my signature that aren't the cursive letter. I just made them my own. So cursive was just completely useless, completely and utterly useless.
First, well, it's useless.
Years we're teaching people fucking cursive for no goddamn reason.
It was useful when there was no computers.
No, it was never useful.
Tell us right now, was cursive ever useful? Mac? What are we talking about today?
Uh? Dude? Today we are talking the latest entry into the Sony Spider Man universe.
What the latest and last probably last?
There being a little coy about this whole scenario. We're talking about craving the Hunter today. This is the sixth entry into the Sony Spider Man universe. And for my hopes and dreams, I hope, I hope, I hope this is the final entry into the Sony Spider Man.
Did you see the report that they've been able to use Spider Man this entire time and they're like, we don't need them.
Thank god they didn't. Thank god they didn't. They would have just butchered the whole Tom holland Spider Man.
Well, but maybe maybe you could have made these villains actually villains.
The other thing here, Goo is it's not technically dead because technically Goo technically speaking here you know, officially speaking, the Spider Verse movies are in this universe, yes, or in this you know playground. Additionally, we do we do have the Spider Noir series coming maybe next year, that is also in this universe, so it's not totally.
Dead and fingers crossed Craven goes back in time and fights him.
Yeah, hopefully they put this out out of its misery at some point. Also, there was some Spider Verse news news this past week that it's not coming out in twenty twenty five. That's delayed yet again. I don't quite understand that.
I think it's hard to animate and they don't want bad reports like last time where they were like, we worked our animators to the bone.
I don't think it's well, okay, that's fair. I mean, it's clearly hard to animate, but it shouldn't be hard enough that it's delayed two years. But I digress.
Do you know anything about the situation?
I know all of the situations, UHU, Craven, the Hunters.
I'm a well read person who knows cursive. Of course, I know all about the situations.
In its opening weekend, GOO eleven million at the domestic box office, one of the worst comic book openings of all time. Four million dollars less than Madam Webb. So that's really really bad worldwide goo twenty six million.
Let me tell you why it deserves that. This movie, I think we all know why. Let me tell you why. The main reason why this movie is fucking lazy.
This movie is bad in a way that's different than Madam Webb. It is also as much as Craven is a great Spider Man villain, he's not like the most known Spider Man villain. And on top of it, we're six movies into this Sony Spider Man universe and we don't have a Spider Man, so there's nothing holding people to this universe. We just finished our third and final Venom movie that's done, so there. This is like a hope and a dream at the end from Sony that
we're like, oh, we got one last shot. We're gonna make this dark, gritty, R rated comic book movie and hopefully save this SSU And boy.
That that no, but you just said, this is our sixth movie with a Spider Man villain, like a villain origin story or a villain story, And yeah, Venom makes a little bit of sense to make him more of a hero, make him an anti hero. That's what he is in the comics, that's what people kind of recognize him as. Now, it would make more sense if Spider Man was in this universe for Venom, but for the other ones, like Morbius or for Craven, they're just bad guys,
and in these stories they're good guys. They're the heroes of their story.
Because you're doing these villain origin stories. At some point in a in a movie and a story, you got to root for someone or root against someone, And so they've tried to make these Spider Man outright villains into anti heroes the way Venom kinda is, but these characters aren't, and it simply doesn't work because, like, to be a good villain, we don't really have to root for you, We just have to understand where you're coming from.
I we just saw the fucking Penguin.
Yeah, right, right, exactly.
The Penguin, And like the First Joker is a pretty good example too, Like that's a villain origin story that is setting him up and we don't love it, but we understand it. Penguin, I think is perfect for you telling an in universe character story of a villain that you're kind of rooting for but also being like, I don't really like this guy.
Yeah, and Sony just never really understood that. So not only were they going up against the fact that these Spider Man villains are being introduced without spy Man son Spider Man, they're also oddly trying to make us root for these villains in a way that no one's ever wanted to root for a villain. So they just never
they dropped the ball from the beginning. And you know, Venom comes out in twenty eighteen, which sort of jump starts this universe, which they were planning to jump start four or five years earlier after the amazing Spider Man two. They're planning this since yeah, yeah, and it just never came to fruition. And then we end up with with with Venom four or five years later, and Venom does
really well. Critics hate it, but it does really well with audiences, and so they're like, oh shit, we got to capitalize on this this theme we've picked up here. And from that point Goo like Venom. I didn't mind. I somewhat enjoyed. It's not the greatest movie in the world. From that point on, they never made one more good movie. It was all bad after that, and it was like, Okay, you would have thought that they're they're kicking off this
Sony Spider Man universe. Maybe they didn't think they were. You would have thought they had this overatching plan. And it's clear now that the I never had an overarching plan, never had this diagram of where they're gonna go. They were just like, oh, Venom did, well, now we have to jumpstart other shit.
You could argue that these movies have gotten worse, each movie worse than the last. Now I would say that Madam Webb is a worse movie than this, but I also love Madam Webb. I would also argue that Venom three is better than Venom two, but I don't care. Yeah, this movie really reminds me of Morbius, and that's an easy one to link to where it is. It's really bad, but it's incredibly boring and not fun in a bad way.
Morbius might have some more of that because Jared Leto is just chewing shit up, but this is very similar. They just slapped an R rating on it and they're like, y'all like cgi blood.
I actually think Morbius is like significantly better WOWS movie and.
Put that on the DVD for Morbius significantly better than Craven.
What you were saying about this movie, you know, before recording and we were texting a little bit, is I feel about Marius. It's lazy, There's really not much there. It's boring. This movie's outright bad, like really bad. Ida. I don't feel that way about.
Morbi This movie's really bad, but I had no fun watching it. Like I enjoy watching bad movies because there's usually some fun stuff in there. This one did have like one or two lines that were borderline there. But this had no fun to it at all. Even the kills, they weren't that good.
Yeah, all right, come on, Craven. The Hunter is an R rated action in thriller subgenre. Here, goo, we get another new one that I'm gonna add to the top of the list. Here one person army action. Oh, it's like Predator, yeah the thing? Yeah yeah. Also, of course, superhero comic book subgenre.
I would also say for the genre of superhero this is the worst kind of superhero movie. How do you mean in the fact that it came out in twenty twenty four and you could watch it and say this came out in two thousand and six, like there's no progress from the last twenty years of I'll say filmmaking.
You don't have to, you know, use that literally, but like from the last twenty years of movies that we got and even our rated comic book movies that we got, where you have a blueprint, this is the laziest, just joyless piece of garbage that you could possibly watch, where there's nothing to it. And the last twenty minutes, Am I wrong? It felt like twenty minutes. It was a twenty minute sequel setup.
I So I think what you're saying sort of encapsulates this whole universe, even going back to Venom, which I liked more than most, this whole Sony Foray into comic book movies, these last six you could say they all came out in two thousand and six and people would believe you. And in two thousand and six, I don't even know if people would like them, you know, like that's that's how bad this universe ended up being.
How does it compared to the Fantastic four? How does it compare to Fantastic four Silver Surfer?
Right right, it's in that it's in that same saying.
The cgi in this the animals all looked like trash.
Yeah, yes, I couldn't believe it.
This is a superhero. I'm gonna call him a hero because he's a hero in this fucking nature boy. He's Aquaman on land? Who this The animals are so disturbingly awful looking. Where did the money go?
Dude? Can you explain to me and we'll I'll get into this.
By the way, I wasn't even that mad about this movie talking about it right now.
No, it's true. Yeah, can you explain to me why he gets mauled by a lion at one point in this movie and the lion just lets him go.
It's because his father told him he's not the man.
Dude. This movie's one hundred and twenty seven minutes. It feels like three hours. I started you texting, started texting you about an hour and I considered leaving during this, but I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go.
Obligated by contract, you have to finish the movie.
Yeah. Yeah, that's how bad this movie is on Rotten Tomatoes fifteen percent from the critics, seventy three percent from the audience. Now to talking, compared against the rest of The Sony Spider Man Universe, second worst critic rating, third worst audience rating. To be fair, they all didn't do well outside of the Venom Movie audience wise. None of them did well critic wise on Metacritic, A thirty five tied for second worse. The only one worse is Madam Webb.
This just again, like the critics hated This Sony Spider Man Universe, the audience was okay with a lot of it, which is I guess the audience is easy to please these days. This movie is written by three people, Richard Wank and then a writing team of Art Markham and
Matt Holloway. Richard Wank is a writer on the Mechanic Expendables to the Equalizer Magnificent seven, Jack Reacher, Never Go Back, Equalizer two, and Equalizer three, So clearly they brought him in for the R rated action scenes here, right, That's that's where his influence came in. And I guess maybe the best thing about this movie is the R rated action scenes, but not really because there was I don't know, they were just there, just existed. There was no build
up to them upcoming. If you're interested in in subpar R rated action scenes, he's doing Lethal Weapon five and something called The Last Mission. The other two here, Art Markham and Matt Holloway were writers on Ironman first Ironman movie, Goose they got one. Then they did Punisher, Warzone, Transformers, The Last Night, Men in Black International, and Uncharted. So they're really just hanging their hats on iron Man there. So in general, it's a real bad list. Yeah, these
three should not write movies ever again. This movie is directed by A J. C. Shandor, who I could have swore did something. Maybe it was a television series. I swear I recognized this name, but on IMDb you may know him from Margin Call, which I think he got an Oscar for script writing like a decade or fifteen years ago, and then A Most Violent Fear, which is
a movie you might recognize. That was Oscar Isaac and one of the redheads there from Hollywood, what's their name, Jessica che Stain, you know in the same vein there upcoming doing something called The Robber and the Couple television series. In general, goo, direction, I don't know. I couldn't even focus on direction and cinematography in this movie because the writing was so bad. One of the worst written movies of all time. And it's not even not even like
the big picture story plot. The in between, the character to character dialogue is the worst I have seen, maybe ever, really fucking bad.
They also added in so much audio and posts. Yeah, now it was slightly better than Madam Webb, but it was all very obvious and they were just trying to fill so many holes.
And it had to have been because they were probably trying some accent stuff live on set and it didn't work out.
Either that or the story made less sense. Yeah, even this story pretty straightforward.
Yeah, it's a pretty simplistic story. I'll give it credit for that. Synopsis. Craven's complex relationship with his ruthless father, Nikolai Cravenoff, starts him down a path of vengeance with brutal consequences, motivating him to become not only the greatest hunter in the world, but also one of its most fears.
Now I know that the awards are supposed to be the macin Goo Awards, the cinemackin Gooviy Awards. Uh, we have a category this year for dumbest name, and it was supposed to be a real person's name. I think Cravenoff has to be in there.
Well, it's probably his name from the comment.
I know it definitely is, but seeing it written out and spoken is really stupid.
Good. This movie stars at J Aaron Taylor Johnson as SERGEI craven Off aka Craven the Hunter. Ariana Debos is calypso Azilie. Now. I don't want to speak illy about Ariana Deboe's because I'm sure it's the writing.
It's definitely, it's definitely the writing.
She's been a successful actress up until this point. Her character, in her acting was fucking terrible in this movie.
Really fuck look at the rest of this list, and then also look at if you look at IMDb, most of the lists, I would say ninety eight percent of this movie is men, right, yeah, yep. So I feel like they added in as much of her as possible to be like, shoot, we need a woman in this.
We forgot about women in how do women speak? I don't know. Also in here is Fred Heckinger as Dimitri cravenof Serge's half brother, and the whole movie I'm like, where is this guy from? How do I recognize?
You?
Just see him? I know.
From Gladiator to it was so distracting the whole time because I'm like, I know, I know him. I couldn't place him till I was like, this.
Guy plays a sniveling weasel's I'm not even sure.
I don't like the polly pocket of a fella.
He's a mad max.
Yeah, there you go. Alessandro Novola as Alexi Sistovich aka The.
Rhino spoilers spoilers.
He was playing a different character.
This is not my I don't know who this is favorite line in the movie, and this is a Madam Webb like line. Do you know is it called me the Rhino? And then he just takes his little feedbag out of his side. Oh do they call you the rhino because you turn into a rhino? You quite literally turn into a rhino? Is that why they call you the Rhino?
I laughed. I laughed out loud at one point when he just loudly hissed about two thirds of lay through the movie. Yeah, I don't know where the fuck that came from. I don't know what decision that was.
Have you ever spoken to a rhino? Do you ever read a zoo book?
I was in the movie theater with three other people, a couple sitting like five seats down for me and then someone behind me. And there were two or three different points where all four of us were laughing at this movie, laughing at it, not with it at it. It was that bad at points. Not as bad as Madame Web, don't get me wrong, but it did have some terrible moments. Good Christopher Abbott, who you would recognize from the TV series Girls, plays a character called the
Foreigner in here. And I don't know what this person's powers are. I don't. I've never heard of this character. I don't know what they can and can do. Apparently they can count the three and during those three seconds, they can manipulate time and movie.
Okay, they can move really fast, right, that's kind of what I picked.
They can move like the flash. Yeah, I don't, I don't understand it. His character was completely inconsequential. Russell Crowe plays the father, Nikolai craven Off, and then Uri bear with me on this one. Uri colokol Nikoff as Seme and Shurney. He was the gangster in the prison that craven kills in the first eight minutes here. That's all you really need to know about this movie. I actually think Aaron Taylor Johnson did like an okay job here.
Just the character wasn't good. Everyone else is terrible, terrible in this movie. But particularly and again I can't really blame her because she's thrown into the fire ariana debos. Other than Dakota Johnson might have been the worst female character I've seen all year.
It's once again someone being like, we need to put a female in this and then realizing that they've never spoken to one.
I don't know what they did do, but you hear the name Calypso one hundred and thirty five times in this movie, and this is what goes. This is what I'm talking about. The dialogue of this movie is so bad. Like you and I talking to each other, you just address each other when you're in the same wrong. I don't start every sentence someone who.
Has listened to every one of our podcasts, you start every sentence with Goo. I started presentence with Mac to remind the people who we are on the podcast.
They do it because it's somewhat comical when we're When you're just having a regular conversation and a room with just two people, you don't use their name.
I don't do it for comic reasons.
When we're introduced to Calypso in this movie Goo, her and her grandmother are having a conversation and her grandmother says, Calypso and had to have been fifteen times.
While she was writing, and she wanted to spell it right. That was the main thing.
Once again. About an hour into this movie, which was right about at the end of like the background, Young Day, I started texting you because I'm like, this movie is fucking bad. I nearly walked out. My phone was out and I didn't even care. It is unequivocally some of the worst movie dialogue of all time.
The flashback is the worst origin story anything that we have seen on film. The flashback was trash back or.
Does he get no? The lion gets shot and then the lion's blood drips into the wound from the lion.
Yeah to then he gets talking out, talking out, yeah yeah.
Then he gets a little potion from Clipso, who apparently wasn't afraid of the lion that just waltzed away, and that's how he becomes craven. That was that was he.
Becomes nature boy. He becomes a little lion boy, the little lion man that the that band sings about come on Mufford sense, and I had to double check after the movie, being like, I don't think that's what Craven is supposed to be.
Not as brave as you were at the start.
Craven is supposed to be this huntsman. His brother's name is Mike, who what he was always sir ching for the Ultimate Game? His main thing is in the comic is that he wants to hunt Spider Man.
Well, you saw in here it's his big as fears.
Right, No, but it would have made more sense if it was the other way around. Where the Rhino was in complete fear of Craven, not because he's on a list, because Craven has that thirst for hunting and he knows that there's a human rhino hybrid and that seems like fun, so like he needs to have fun while hunting, not because oh he stole my brother. Whatever the fuck it is.
This portrayal of the Rhino is like demonstrably worse than Paul Giamatti's Rhino at the end of Amazing Spider Man two. This iteration is so fucking bad. But I don't even want to talk about that yet. I will save that.
I am a rhino. Now it's because your father told me I was the elk men, so I went with this doctor. He made me a monster.
The most frustrating thing about this movie is they get the R rating, right, so you're like, okay, they can have fun. But them giving this movie the R rating and not doing it to any of the three Venom movies, which had a chance to be really good if it had gotten an R rating, it's so fucking frustrating because what they did instead with this is like, all right, we got the R rating. We're gonna say fuck a bunch of times, and there's gonna have like three scenes
of brutal kills. We don't know what the rest of the movie is gonna be, but we got we got the R. We can't do that. Then they built it out from there and you can tell that's what they did, and it's it's incredibly frustrating, really really frustrating.
Am I crazy? Or was Russell Crowe the best character in this movie?
I'm pretty sure Russell Crowe was drunk the whole time.
Possibly he was drinking a lot of what looked like vodka. It might have been real vodka.
He just drank did a Russian accent or a pseudo Russian accent, and then he left set.
And just constantly what thought you a woman, men, a strong women, weak? And Russia?
It was it was like I just I couldn't believe that, like in the year twenty twenty four Goo, the Year of Our Lord, Yeah, six movies into this universe, that the writing was this bad writing again, Madam Webb's writing is bad story wise, what happens the events and the dialogue's bad there.
The dialogue is more fun.
Though the dialogue in this movie, like the story and the plot here somewhat makes sense. The dialogue is so fucking bad. It's like it was written by like a twelve year old boy that like didn't like, Oh this is how adults talk like. The people that wrote this movie have never been involved in an adult conversation in their lives.
Oh why is he running fast because a lion bled into him? You fucking idiot? Shall we get into the nanagon the nonsense agon fun factor? There's none, There is no fun.
I started having fun when I realized the other three people in the movie were laughing at the same things I were. But it was only like two or three things.
It was group fun.
It was, yeah, we had it was a group effort and I was thinking about laughing, but I also was like, I don't like making noise in the theater, even though I had already taken my phone out. And then the female my pants off. The female like six seats down, couldn't contain it. After one of the things, she just like burst out and laughter, and then I was like, all right, we can have some fun here.
Borometer wildly boring.
The first hour of this movie is incredibly boring.
And I'll say, let me let me stop you right there after that first hour though more bore, but.
It was more. There is more bore, but it was more boring the first hour.
Okay, we're looking at the bell curve of boring. First hour No, like I said, the origin story in it fucking horrible.
Yeah, And it wasn't even like and I guess we'll get to.
This and spoilers sad as factor. I was not satisfied by this movie at all, and if anything, it made me sad, sad that I had wasted my time.
Yeah for an R rated comic book movie with Aaron Taylor Johnson, who I really like it to be this bad did make me saddy.
Like they should have thrown him a bone here because they had so much adr. Anyways, that's audio that you add in post that they should have let him, say, go watch Nusferatu in two weeks. I'm better in that.
They should have let him fuck around with the Russian accent. Yeah, you might. If it's the movie's gonna be this bad, Let him have a bad.
Let him do Yakov spear enoff, let him do what I've been doing this whole time. Halloween. I will never ever watch this again. I've rewatched Madam Webb. I have rewatched Madam Web twice now. I watched it on a plane. It was a palate cleanser on the plane.
Yeah, this movie is terrible. There's nothing to rewatch in here, nothing.
Water World, the aquater World. Is this better or worse than nineteen ninety five classic water World? And it is way worse.
Yeah, if Madam Webb's at the center of the earth, so then maybe you have fun again with the lava. This is sitting at the bottom of the ocean floor.
This the action from the nineteen ninety five movie, better than action in the twenty twenty four movie.
Yeah, and Admittedly I did like the the bear Trap kill, but that was about it.
In this movie Plemonade. When life gives you plemings, you make Plemonade. And Russell Crowe was the best actor in this movie.
He didn't make Plemingade though.
No one made Plemonade. No one did.
Yeah, I don't know.
Remember what he was getting shot at and he picked up that smaller, weaker man than he used him as his shield. I like that. I guess, like, actually, you know bullets. You understand how you understand how fucking weaponry works. If you hold up someone while being shot at, will they block the bullets or will the bullets go through them and then hit you?
It depends what bullet is being fired and what gun is firing them a lot of variables.
Those look like pretty high caliber guns.
It could definitely rip through and then it maybe might hurt you. I don't know. I don't know.
You told me at the beginning of this episode that you know everything, and so far you've known nothing.
There's nothing to know in this movie.
The guys go on X right now, go on Instagram, tell us can you block bullets with the human body without being affected?
Some you can?
Yes, you are just you don't tear your goots. Okay, get off the fence? Yes or no? Can you eat the moon if it's made out of barbecue spare rooms? Or would you not? Could you? The answer is obviously yes you could. You can eat the moon right now if it's made out of rocks. I'm not gonna tell you too, but you could. Max credit Union, who are you giving credit to?
I guess Aaron Taylor Johnson for trying trying his darness.
No, he wasn't trying. I don't think he was trying.
Dude, did you see his fucking abdomen?
Come on, he's obviously he looked great. But what I'm saying so you are under selling him and his talent by saying that he's trying in this don't do that.
I think he tried. I think when he when when he signed up for this movie, he thought he thought there'd be something here.
He turned it at first. Mac thinks that Aaron Taylor Johnson is a shitty actor.
No, I think he tried. The writing goo writing again.
Look, the writing deserves all of the blame. Sony Pictures deserves all of the blame. Spam deserves all of the blame, but don't give people credit for being.
Shore No no, because in direct contrast, the co star aren't in a Debo's notable. Trier doesn't try in this movie. She's fucking terrible.
That's because she can't. She can't try in this I mean, you might be right, you might be pants ten City Excite bike Mania, And I will say that the builds up to finally getting the rhino. I'm like, Okay, let's fucking see this rhino. Let's see this stupid battle that's been teased a couple times.
Yeah, this stupid fuck and rhino that we saw on the trailer. Yet somehow they're saving for the final.
Fifteen And then finally they showed it, and they showed the battle, and I'm like, this is what we've been building toward this entire time. This is it.
Yikes again. I liked the guy taking the bear trap to the head. That was That was solid. That was about the only time the R rating was worth it. Everything else was There's no credit to be delved out here. This, this is this movie is terrible.
Did you get a little you know, a little pants tent? What do you put on the vest at the end and He's like, maybe I'm not the good guy. Maybe I am a bad guy because.
I am like some people drive, you know.
I go, I drive with two hands on the wheel.
Like this, going two miles per hour below the speed limit.
Well, you don't want to go too fast, too furious? Yeah right, Mac. For those of you tarty to the Mac and Goo party, we rate everything on a forty hot dog rating system. Mac, there was uh the animal CGI. I thought that was complete. Douchie, you mentioned the action, the R rated action. The editing on the action was nauseating. I hated it. It looked terrible. It's an uninteresting story, it's poorly paced, and there's no humor. Where's the fun in this? It's a comic book movie. What are we doing?
And it's not bad enough to be fun. If you're gonna be bad, be bad, just accept it. Be shitty. It reminds me a lot, and I'm saying, like, Black Adams better than this, but it reminds me how just cookie cutter. And they're like, well, I think the people will like this, let's just do this shit. And it doesn't pay off at all. No, this is the worst of what comic book movies have to offer. There's nothing new, it thinks it's edgy, and it makes a fan favorite
villain a hero. Why not let's have people cheer for them, right, And then the last twenty ish minutes I don't know how fucking time works anymore, is just to set up a sequel to what what are we setting up a sequel to?
Right? Yeah, the Chameleon solo movie.
I can't wait to see that snibbling weasel back on.
Screen, which, by the way, you talk about the CGI with the animals, the CGI Chameleon some of the worst we've ever seen.
That was couldn't you tell the entire time he could do voices? He was doing the voices the entire time. I'm like, this is a like a young fucking Bill Hayter up there.
He is so distractingly little that you think they that he's cgi'ed little.
And for some reason, and I don't know if his hands are small, but my eyes were really just drawn to his hands because I felt like they were tiny, like Uncle Jack and it's always sunny. He should have put giant fake hands on good.
What is your hot talk creating for this?
I don't know. I watched this a week ago. And I hate it, but I still like it more than Kinds of Kindness and Joker because of the promise that I was given with those movies.
Okay, so definitively, you have three worst movies than this on the year.
Right, But my final movie, Madam Webb, I would take over almost any movie on the year, over percent of the movies on the year, I'll say twelve hot Dogs. Oh thirteen, motherfuck no, No, I'm gonna go one higher than you because you hated it more than me. You texted me at the time being like, this is the worst fucking thing ever. I think I think it's better than worse, but also worse than better done. Put that on the DVD cover.
Kil This is everything. This is fucking everything. I have to use your name, Calypso, this is everything everything I've always been worried about with R rated comic book movies, they thought just having a few gory scenes and some swears.
And not even al Gore.
So they built this movie around the few action set pieces and some swears and just filled in the restroom there, resulting in one of the worst written movies ever.
Do you imagine a giant craven timeline where they'll like action set piece, action set piece, and then fuck fuck fuck throughout the timeline they're like, okay, guys, we gotta fill in the rest.
That's pretty much what happened here. Wow, pretty much. Yeah, I'm not even talking about like worst written movie of the year. It's one of the worst movies, written movies of the decade, of all time, of the millennium. Again, I agree with you. Madam Webb is worse. Don't get me wrong. The characters in Madam Webb do so many incredibly dumb things that isn't quite present here. They just talk stupid here. This movie is more like what the
characters are saying is written again by a child. So the overall plot isn't as dumb as something like Madam Webb, but the in between shit, Yes, maybe worse. It's awful. Aaron Taylor Johnson is Aaron Taylor Johnson. I really don't have too many issues with things he did, but everything else in this movie is bad. Arianna Debosa's Clipso is fucking terrible. Every single thing that's even involving her is terrible. The new spin on the House.
Stop blaming her, stop bringing up her name, Just bring up the character's name and blame the writers for it. I don't think no one could have done it. You could add Meryl Street play fucking Calypso and it wouldn't matter.
Russell crowz here guz so how about that? Uh? I have it at twelve hot Dogs in honor of how many abs Aaron Taylor Johnson shows us in this movie. It's my second worst movie of twenty twenty four. Only Madam Webb is below this. But good riddance, right, good riddance to the Sony Spider Man in universe something unpredictable, but in the end there's right. I hope you had the time of your life. Fucking put a bullet either in my brain or whoever is creating these movies' brains.
This is like, like at least the last Venom movie, there's some like fun to be had. There's all sorts of suits and powers. This movie is so devoid of fun, like it just sucked the will to live out of me, Like it's it just truly put a stamp on the end of this fucking universe.
You know who you couldn't put a bullet into. Spoilers spoiler spoilers. The Rhino but you know what you could do. You could death star them and then foss at him.
Yeah, so he has this one glaring weakness. He's gonna put his fucking.
He's gonna giant hole. You can put your finger into.
His hole, into his abdomen. So I that was pretty glaring. You knew that was gonna play up. But so yeah, the way he goes out is dumb, obviously, But the characters at that point you don't even care what happens to them.
He gets hit by trucks, he gets blasted by guns, and then what happens wilderbeast.
I have some things here. So one of the laugh out loud moments is when you think that Craven is about to die at the hands of the Foreigner, and then Clipso he's counting, goes one, two, as he does in the movie, and then Clipso goes three and shoots him in the face with it with an arrow.
She foreshadowed, you said, the writing sucks. They foreshadowed with the writing that she had used a bow and arrow before.
Somehow goo Yes, we find out in this movie that Craven's mom went nuts. And one of the big reveals in this movie is that she went nuts because of spy spiders drove her insane. And this is also somehow Craven's biggest fear.
That was the time. And I'm not saying don't introduce Spider Man. Let's go all out, let's get fucking nuts. Introduce Madam Webb into this movie, or introduce Madam Webb's mom who went to the jungle to study spiders.
No, give me a Wild West spider. How about that?
What is it?
Give me a big wild Wild West spider?
Oh my god, that's even better. Have a giant mechanical spider in here. And will Smith Popson as well.
The major easter egg we get in here at Goou is the doctor in New York that turns rhino into rhino and ultimately turns Chamellion into chameleon, which again the Chameleon CGI at the end was fucking terrible. Is Mike Warren or Miles Warren aka the Jackal, who was also another character in comic books. No one cares about that. I had a real issue, and again the writing spad but I had a real issue. What do we get a time jump of what like ten years in this movie?
So the cram when they go on that hunting trip with their father in Africa. Meet the guy that plays Rhino eventually turns into the Rhino, and it's not like they're six years old and wouldn't remember this fellow. He looks exactly the same, and they're like, they would have clearly remembered who the fuck.
Let me stop you right there. That was the day that Craven was attacked by a lion. I feel like that would have been the focus of my day. I wouldn't have remembered this weak men who was not strong enough to be like my father.
So cut to the ten year time jump right, alexi Aka of the Rhino and his men kidnap Dmitri. Serget was not in the building. They kidnapped Dmitri, and Dmitri's like, oh, I don't remember you. I don't know who you.
Are because his brother was attacked by a lion on that day. That would be the tenth pole moment of that day for me.
Rhino says in response to I don't remember you. You wouldn't my hair was different. Then there's a good.
Joke in the movie. Don't you snivel at their jokes at me?
And my three friends were laughing. We had a good old time at that point. Dude, this movie is so bad. There's no post credits, is nothing. This universe is dead hopefully. I just I'm glad it's over.
Fourteen hot dogs. Fourteen hot dogs. I forgot this. Thank you for bringing this up. No post credits scene. Don't get me wrong, I had to sit through the credits anyways, but there were no post credit scenes. Thumbs up, fourteen hot dogs.
Okay, yeah, I'm still at twelve. This movie is fucking terrible, but somehow still better than Madam Webb.
Good. Let's get into Mac Sack and mack Sack could be anything. It could be a boat, and this week, since we just got Craven that it could be the last of the spam movies, the Sony Pictures in association with Marvel, which is still the funniest logo ever where they put Marvel up first and then very small in association with I will ask you Mac to please rank the six live action shitty movies.
So once again, there was a plane at some point a decade ago to tie this into the Garfield movies. They never did that and instead we got this, So we get Venom twenty eighteen, Venom Let Their Big Connage twenty twenty one, Morbius twenty twenty two, and then we got three this year, Madam Webb. Venom, The Last Dance in Craven the Hunter to me, head and shoulders above everything else in this universe is the first Venom movie.
I think I gave it thirty originally might be down a couple of dogs, but still head and shoulders above everything else in this universe. Then I think we have a second or middle tier, where you have Morbius and the two Venom sequels that are they exist. There's some good, there's some bad. Well, Morbias is just kind of there.
No Morbius brought the Vulture into this universe and then destroyed them because now we can't come back to.
Those movies are not good. They're not as bad as the two terrible movies in this universe, Web and Craven. Actually you could even have them in their own tiers. But these two movies, to me, are so far below even those shitty movies of Morbius, The Last Dance and Let There Be Carne. It's like I just I can't, I cannot believe that three of these movies came out this year, and two of them are two of the worst movies I've ever seen.
And you know what, they should have really leaned in on a post credit scene of Michael Keaton showing up and being like, how the fuck do I keep showing up in these things? Like let them swear and make a joke?
I just like, because this movie is so boring and so forgettable, I'm not gonna remember it in the pantheon of all time bad movies like I will Madam Webb, but it deserves mentioned. It definitely deserves mention. This movie is fucking tremendously bad.
Okay, so if I'm gonna make my tears at the top, the most rewatchable, best movie of the bunch is Madam Webb. I love that movie. Nothing in this universe even comes close to making me want to watch again, So no thank you to that. I would then Venom of like it's a cromulent movie. It's not great. It definitely has a lot of holes. It really does need Spider Man for a for an origin story for Venom, but it's it's It's Goovy Goo, so how could Goo pass up
on that? Then I would put the last Dance after that, because we're just getting into a pile of shit. Now. Last Dance had fifteen minutes that I enjoyed of him doing a buddy cop road trip through Vegas. I would take that. Then I go with let there Be Carnage, and keep this in mind. Let there Be Carnage, I think is the loudest movie of all time, and I do not. I just I don't like it, but here
we are sure. Then I go Morbius because Morbius is bland, boring, but Jared Leto walked with crutches off the set just to try to be like this character and annoyed the entire crew by doing it. And then we go to Craven, the Hunter that I believe has nothing to offer.
Yeah, I don't agree with you. Looking forward, if this universe does somehow still exist going forward, you still have that third Spider Verse movie. Really interesting thing here, So they are still making the Spider Noir series, starting the Cage that's gonna be coming to MGM. Plus why the fuck are they that no one has that? Like that? That is so fucking annoying? Like what like yet again, let's make yet another bad decision, Like how the fuck does that end up on MGM plus like where else
would over like? And Sony has built up so much goodwill with the video games in the PlayStation.
You paused for too long there first, I'm like, where is this good will coming from?
And even the two Garfield movies I like more than most people. And obviously you have the original Reimi movies, but holy shit, if they are they fucking shooting themselves in the foot with these movies. Just just quit it. Just quit it. Let let Marvel do their thing, let the MCU do their thing, and just reap some of the benefits from that. You don't need to do your own thing.
Oh. I introduced my son to the Spider Man game that came out for the PS four and then remastered for PS five, and god damn it does it look good.
It's so fun.
It's so fun. There was a bit too many restrictions on it at the beginning for him, because he just wanted to swing around New York. He's four years old. He just wanted to go to Times Square, he wanted to go to the Zoo, but he had to go on a mission. He didn't want to go on a mission. Luckily, Astro Boy is free on the PS five and astrobought sorry. He had the time of his life for the next three hours.
There's a second game too. Where are you playing? The first of the second game?
The whicheveryone's free on the system.
There's two astroboch games. Yeah, they came out with the second one. So the second one?
What where is that?
There's two games? Is it also I think the first one came out with PS four?
Maybe is it also free?
Yeah? They're all free. They're all free all the time. My god, the second one. So I was watching. My nephew played the other who's five a year old than Raffi. He loves Astrobot loves it, and he's at which I'm sure at Rafi will be at in a year. I watched him play Spider Man two. He doesn't look up or look down. He's playing like it's intuitive for him. He can actually play the game, which blows my mind.
As opposed to me where I'm looking down and using my fingers like this and pointing like that like I'm trying to type something. Dear Sony, I did not like your movie Crave. No, it's Craven with a K.
I don't know why. I'm so upset with this movie because I shouldn't have expected it to be good. But I guess them holding back stuff from us and me loving Aaron Taylor Johnson set my expectations, I guess way too like expecting a twenty four dog movie was apparently way too fucking high for this.
I think what I'm most upset about is that there are more movies coming out now, like movies around Christmas time where I need to tell my or ask my wife. I'm like, hey, there's a movie coming out, there's a screening coming out. I would like to go and see it, and then she'd be like, well, you went to that one two weeks ago, and I'm like, fuck, I wasted my screening on Morbius. I wasted my away time on Morbius.
You also, just to throw an adendum on this whole thing, you wouldn't shut the fuck up about Hot frost the other day, so I watched it. Oh, how was it better than this movie?
You would take? Actually, I have Hot Frosty above it too. Did you laugh at anything?
I That movie's fucking terrible too, But at least that movie is bad in the way Netflix movie should be bad.
But didn't you feel bad seeing all of our forgotten heroes of sitcom pasted up on screen like pulling teeth trying to make you laugh, and none of them are funny.
Pushed it up a little bit over this, as you have notable actors trying a little bit. You also fucking lied to meet. Craig Robinson plays keyboard like ten minutes into the movie.
I drove by Max House the day after that, and he he had snow on his front lawn and he's tried making this real big booty snowman to come to life, theme to life, this giant rack of a snowman.
I will say. I think it's because she does thirty five Hallmark movies a year. Lacyshebert looks tired not to bring someone down.
Have you seen the Lindsay Lohan one yet?
I have not. Did you see the nod? Did you see the nod to that movie? In this movie? No, She's like, oh, that looks like a girl I went to high school with.
I think that you would actually like that movie, Okay, because you're stupid.
Well that's true, all right? Mac.
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Teapublic dot Com. Merged Still time to buy Merged. I think you can still get it before Christmas. Don't quote me, but just go buy stuff. Who cares. That's what the holidays are all about. Buy yourself stuff. Check us out at the end of the week for news dump. We have tons of Chris Ever coming back, we have Superman trailer. There's a lot that's gonna be happening before the end of the week, so please join us. Then then I
don't know what we're gonna do after that. Next week is Christmas, but it's in the middle of the week so it shouldn't affect our schedule too much.
Yeah, we'll have Yeah, maybe it'll be a double double box thumbs up, mago weeek. I don't know. We've got movies in the pipeline here, we might Is there screen tonight?
But I already told you that I've wasted my screening time on Craven, so I'm not allowed to see any more movies this year.
I know, and I've missed like three of four. So now I'm itching to get to a screen. So we're on op.
So there is a screening today. It's for Sonic three, but we or I can't make it because it starts at five.
Oh that is frustrating. Yeah, but that might mean less? Is it with real people?
I don't know right what is that? It doesn't help me at all. I wanted to bring my son. My son loves Sonic. Tuesdays are goosdays. I abuse Kangaroos tea.
Please flip the cassette over to side B to continue the adventure.
Now it's time for girls jumping on trampolines.