This is an interview I had with daughter Julie and mother Jane about their relationship with each other. Each shares their perspectives of what showing love, respect, and support to an adult child looks like. You will first hear from the Julie the daughter and then Jane the mom. Listen closely for the common thread of love, respect, and support each has for each other. Proof that love always wins; what happens when the parent puts her desires aside for the desires of her daughter; we don't know ...
Feb 23, 2023•40 min•Ep. 60
What are the obstacles keeping you from loving your adult children.? "Oh, but I do love them" you say. I say back to you, "if love feels so amazing, why are you so miserable." Love trumps every other emotion. Love will win every time. What's keeping us from feeling complete and whole that love offers to us to feel....our thoughts about our adult children's choices and behavior. It's not your child's fault that you are feeling disappointed, hurt, resentful, unloved, disrespected. It's your fault....
Feb 16, 2023•42 min•Ep. 59
Do you see the glass half empty or half full? Would you like to view the world more positively? In this episode I tell you how to do this. "Sitting on our shoulders is the most complicated object in the know universe" .........Michio Kaku. And we all were given one. We can't control, nor would would want to, our heart beating or our breathing routine or our kidney function. But we can control which thoughts we want to think or believe. When we choose negative thoughts we will feel negative feeli...
Feb 09, 2023•39 min•Ep. 58
We use the term boundaries pretty loosely. It's important to know when it's appropriate to use. We need to make sure we like our reason for setting a boundary verses making a request. A request is just that....a request. A boundary is a request but if not honored there is a consequence. The consequence needs to be what "YOU" will do if the request is not honored....not what the violator needs to do. The hardest part of setting a boundary is following through with the action you have established ...
Feb 02, 2023•45 min•Ep. 57
Love is the most amazing feeling anyone can feel. My little Harvey (my grandson) loves his "lovey"....his ragged, little stuffed dog he calls Bunny. There are no conditions attached to loving his Bunny. Do you know why? Because it makes him feel so amazing. In this episode I talk about what LOVE feels like and what LOVE does. I'm talking specifically about loving children that are challenging to love. I talk about what we have to do to love others who are difficult to love. We can choose to love...
Jan 26, 2023•49 min•Ep. 56
Your adult children are gone; off figuring life out on their own. Some of you find yourself unfulfilled because your life without them is not as you expected. Sometimes you are feeling unappreciated or disappointed. Some of you are feeling disconnected from these people you were once the most important person in their life. It's time to find a new way of spending your time. It's time to find a new passion; something that lights you up; something that makes you feel excited about getting up in th...
Jan 18, 2023•48 min•Ep. 55
This is a replay of one of Jody Moore's podcast when she interviewed me about a year ago. I know many have heard this interview but many have not. I'm proud of this daughter of mine....just like I'm proud of my other 4 children and what they are doing in the world, maybe just not with the notoriety that Jody has. I love them all the same. You would think that a relationship between a mom and a daughter who both run a coaching business would be easy peasy. We are both human so that means we aren'...
Jan 11, 2023•46 min•Ep. 54
Just when we thought we had resolved some challenges with our adult children, a son or daughter-in-law enter the picture. Remember we are a parent, we are no longer parenting. You are no longer the most important person in their lives. Everything you did as a couple or as a parent is not going to be copied by your child and their spouse. They are going to do it a whole different way. And that's ok. You get set boundaries, if necessary, but do it in a loving, kind way. The important thing about a...
Jan 04, 2023•25 min•Ep. 53
I hate the word goal. It puts a lot of pressure on me to make them and keep them. But there is so much benefit in "following our dreams". So I'm going to call it a wish. What do I wish to happen or become in 2023 that will help me be engaged in fulfilling activities. What do I wish I could do that would cause me to be happier? What could I do to focus on things that uplift me rather than tear me down? My quality of life is in my control. Yes...there is always opposition but that adds to the fulf...
Dec 29, 2022•38 min•Ep. 52
Some of you are probably not looking forward to Christmas. Maybe even dreading that it's here because of a painful relationship with an adult child or some other family member. In this episode I show you why accepting the circumstance, without giving up the desire for it to be different, helps you enjoy the holidays more than if you were resisting the hurt filled circumstance. Choosing love, compassion and forgiveness are key to living a well lived life but acceptance of the painful parts is wha...
Dec 22, 2022•38 min•Ep. 51
Do you say yes every time your adult children ask you to watch their kids? Are you afraid if you say no they will be mad at you? Or your grandkids won't like you as much as the other grandma? If so you might be what we call a "people pleaser". I like to please people, especially my family members but not at my expense. Listen to find out how to know when to say yes and when to say no when someone makes a request of you. Saying yes out of fear or insecurity is different than saying yes from self ...
Dec 15, 2022•27 min•Ep. 50
Do you want to know how to influence your adult children? Show up as a parent that loves them no matter how they treat you. You are a circumstance in their lives. We don't have control over their thoughts so that means we don't have control over whether they accept or even feel our love. What are the chances if you show up as a kind and loving person that they will know you love them. You can influence them by showing them what an unconditionally loving parent acts like. Benefit to you....you li...
Dec 07, 2022•21 min•Ep. 49
I was so inspired when I spent three days listening to Brooke Castillo share how to live the life you want. My biggest take away is that most of us are not living our happiest life because we haven't "decided" to commit to living a happy life. Some quotes I shared in this episode that she said....."Everything you struggle with, you choose to struggle with."...."What does it take to make a decision? You either do it or you don't."...."You don't need someone's consent to love them." Brooke Castill...
Dec 01, 2022•36 min•Ep. 48
Gratitude is more than just a good virtue to copy. It actually causes us to be happier. And what about appreciation. The thought that you are good enough just the way you are. In fact you are amazing and your life would be more abundant with love if you believed that. You didn't create you so it's ok to think that. Having thought of appreciation for ourselves and our lives causes us to have the feeling of gratitude. When we are grateful for what we already have, we live a more abundant life beca...
Nov 24, 2022•31 min•Ep. 47
I offer you four steps to coach yourself when you are stuck in feeling a negative emotion and you don't know what to do. If you follow these four steps, you will be able to start practicing what we call self coaching. You will be able to choose the feeling you want to feel. This doesn't mean you won't need some coaching from a certified coach, but it will give you a taste of how effective coaching can be. Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Clic...
Nov 16, 2022•28 min•Ep. 46
Thank you, kind people, for the responses I've received from sending out my weekly newsletter, THURSDATE. Here are some of the most popular ones. They are gems of thoughts on how to live a more contented life, especially when dealing with unfulfilled expectations of our adult children. Life can be as good as we want it to be. We just need to learn how we, ourselves, can choose to the exact life we want Listen to see if there is something in this episode that causes your life to feel more uplifte...
Nov 09, 2022•29 min•Ep. 45
Most of us have desires in some area of our adult children's life where we would like them to be different. We most often express an unfulfilled expectation as "I want them to change. I want things different than how things really are in our relationship." It might be wanting your children to spend equal time between the two sets of parents when they are in town; it might be wanting them to get a job; it might be as minor as you wanting them to return a text. But when we feel stuck and hurt in n...
Nov 02, 2022•46 min•Ep. 44
We have a choice of what kind of life we want to live, emotionally. We can believe we are a victim of our circumstances or we take responsibility to feel anyway we want to feel. When we play victim, we lose all control of living the life we want to live. When we take responsibility for what we can control, our thoughts and feelings, we determine the outcome of our lives. This episode teaches you the difference between emotional childhood, where you are the victim, and emotional adulthood, where ...
Oct 27, 2022•33 min•Ep. 43
Our brains run off of two software programs. A positive software program and a negative one. It's our choice as to which one we want to use. But it seems we automatically default to using the negative program when our children are not doing things like we would like. We are so familiar with this program that we don't even try to use the positive program. When a negative circumstance happens we lean toward thinking that it's going to be this way forever. If we were to use the positive program mor...
Oct 19, 2022•24 min•Ep. 42
I was privileged to be interviewed by Kurt Francom on his podcast Leading Saints. Listen to find out about all the good things Kurt's offers the world to connect, understand and love one another better. I answer lots of questions regarding navigating life with adult children which causes a parent to feel pain. From not feeling important in their lives to them searching elsewhere besides the faith they were raised in to find meaning to their lives to fulfilling unfurled expectations. Kurt is offe...
Oct 12, 2022•52 min•Ep. 41
What keeps us from admitting the truth? We say everything is “fine” when it’s not fine. We might be thinking, 'well, others have it worse'. But that’s not your reality right now; things aren't fine. There is such benefit in admitting the truth. It helps bring us to reality of what we can change to make it fine and what we don’t have control over to change. This causes us to more confidently answer the question of “what now” when things are not fine? People respect you more when you speak the tru...
Oct 05, 2022•35 min•Ep. 40
We assumed most of our lives when we were feeling offended or angry or some other negative emotion it was the fault of someone or something outside of us. We didn't have the emotional maturity to understand that we are responsible for how we want to feel. Another interesting concept we don't explain well is that it's how we feel causes how we behave. People that are happy usually are kind to others. People that are hurting often hurt others. So if our feelings cause us to act like one kind of pe...
Sep 28, 2022•26 min•Ep. 39
Most of us worry about our adult children. Why? Does it help solve the problem? Does it help them make better choices? Or change their behavior? The answer will always be no. The only thing it does is make oneself feel terrible. Listen to find out why we default so often to worrying and steps we can take to stop worrying. If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources: Website: bonnielyman.com *Book a 60 minute consult with me; click ...
Sep 22, 2022•29 min
When our children become adults we often have many unfilled expectations. My clients often compound the situation by using the word "should" regarding what they are or are not doing. The word "should" implies judgement and judgement never feels good in the normal sense that we use the word. The "should" thought doesn't solve the problem, rather it feeds the story of why things have gone wrong. I good place to start is catching yourself thinking the word and then changing it to want or would. "Yo...
Sep 15, 2022•24 min•Ep. 37
Why do we long for the good old days? Life was simpler? We knew what our kids were up to? What if we had the thought "these are the good old days"? I had some big disappointments and heartaches with my children when they became adults. Was it a difficult time? You bet. But I am so glad that I was able to have children; I am so glad for the the challenges they brought that allowed me to grow into a person I respect. These are the good old days. I can't wait to see how everything turns out; I can'...
Sep 08, 2022•25 min•Ep. 36
In order to view your life from a more positive perspective, you need to manage your brain. Learning to mange our brain takes practice. When we practice something consistently, it becomes routine, or a new habit. I find to form a new habit I have to be intentional and I have to desire the benefit it will bring me, not someone else. Bettering ourselves doesn't happen by accident. One of the benefits of forming a new habit is that it increases our self confidence. When our self confidence builds, ...
Aug 31, 2022•27 min•Ep. 35
Have you held back from having a difficult conversation with an adult child because you are afraid of the result? If we are in a space of love and concern for the health of the relationship, it can happen without regret. It takes some preparation on your part to have such a conversation. and first of all you need to decided why you are having this conversation and if you really, really like your reason. Hopefully after listening this episode you be able to have that conversation that you've want...
Aug 25, 2022•25 min•Ep. 34
Have you ever wondered when do you hire a coach or when do you hire a therapist? I think everyone needs a coach to maintain their mental health. What are the differences between the two? How do I know if I'm a candidate for therapy or for coaching? If you are not sure, listen to become more informed. Investing in your mental health is worth the investment. It transforms your entire life. If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:...
Aug 11, 2022•33 min•Ep. 33
Have you ever wondered why you take things so personally in the relationship with your adult children in a way that is unlike any other relationship? Why are you able to feel compassion and understanding and love with your friends' adult children and you often feel despair and despair and embarrassment with your own children? In this episode I offer you a way to practice feeling compassion, acceptance, and understanding with your own children that helps life be so much more satisfying. Thank you...
Aug 04, 2022•22 min•Ep. 31
I share with you excerpts and some paraphrasing of what Joseph Grenny believes is causing most of the despair among parents with children who have strayed. (From an article in the Meridian Magazine, July 7, 2022. Link below). Not only from their faith, but also from coping with the challenges of life in a healthy way. He gets his insights from Jacob 4 and 5 in the Book of Mormon. Even if you are not a member of this faith, I think you will find his words very comforting and hopeful. I quote him:...
Jul 21, 2022•33 min
