What’s Changed in our D/s | Updates from Old Episodes

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four fifty four. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the much less stressed than you were last week at this time when we sat down to attempt to record John Brownstone. Correct. Yes. You were there was gnashing of teeth. Yes. There was growling at anybody who looked at you funny. Absolutely. There was leave you the fuck alone and let you figure this out. Yeah. Yeah. I tried. I tried real hard. I know. I know.

So, yeah, we weren't here, last week if you were like, where the hell is my episode? Because we had some tech issues that had to be sorted out. Yeah. When did the tech issues, show their face? Right as we were sitting down to record. Because of course they did. Right. Because that's when all the heavy usage gets put down put on the computer. Exactly. So but they're sorted. Sort of. Yeah. For for now. Right. Like, the the baby fix that is the fastest has been done. Right. The next fix that's

more permanent but, you know, costs money. Right. That's the next step. Exactly. Right. We'll get there. Mhmm. Oh, that's not what we're talking

about today. Although, there might be complaining in the bonus section because, of course, this week we're actually taking a few topics that we've covered in the past and can't justify doing a fully new episode on, and just giving updates about how things have changed and shifted for us over the years because that's what happens in your power exchange and in your life. As time moves on, things change and shift. And so we're gonna talk about that. Welcome

to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FatLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads at that handle I will

forever. Motherfucking hate. It's loving d s and the number one or at loving d s one, on blue sky at loving b d s m dot blah blah blah blah, whatever the hell that is. I'm not I've commit so many things to memory. I'm not committing that one to memory. I just gotta remember our name. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm, where you can watch us live from the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. I'm gonna interrupt with commercial time before we get into anything.

How would you like literally more? 30 plus. It's almost 40. It's like 38 opportunities in one bundle to improve your kink life. And it's one price. And it's a price that's a bananas discount of 96% off. If this sounds vaguely familiar to anybody who's been here around for a year or more, we're talking about the kink bundle. The kink bundle is back for another year. And it's only But it But it's only available through September 24, so if you want it, you need to get

it now. Link is in the show notes. Our communication and power exchange workbook, which isn't even on Etsy yet because I'm a slacker who can't focus, is part of this year's bundle. So unless you were part of our Patreon membership drive at the beginning of the year, you haven't been able to get this, and now you

can get this, among other things. Because other topics in this bundle include dealing with shame, building confidence, dealing with jealousy, exploring masochism, switching, spanking, and more, dishing out pain without leaving marks, navigating munches and play parties. And there's even more than all of that, y'all. There's so much in this bundle this year. And it's only $99 but you can only get it through September 24. The link to the kink bundle is

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Okay. So before we get into this week's topic announcement, assuming assuming the camera issues stay mostly resolved, podcast listeners, be glad you don't have to worry about this. Our Friday night live stream is supposed to be this Friday, September 19, starting at 09:30PM Eastern. We intend to be there. We don't really have time to be, like, moving it around, so we intend to be there. The camera that we've made work for this week's livestream, will it be an improved view?

I don't know. But we think we'll be there. So Friday night, September nineteenth, 09:30PM. See what we can come up with. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's get into this. Now I have listed this out, not quite a speed run, but because there's but there there are a lot. JB, last week when I put this all together, when we thought we were gonna do this last week, I had a list of 10 and he said, I don't know why eight was the number he chose, but he said, let's do eight. And if we haven't run long, maybe

we can do the last two. So we really are gonna try and be thorough but brief without completely rehashing the episode we're referencing because the link to that episode is in the places. If you wanna know what we were going through at the time, what it was like for us then. Some of the things we'll say will be probably a bit of a repeat. But for me, the kind of the point of this is to show

that things do shift and change. We we know that, but I think it gets forgotten sometimes in something like power exchange where you go, this right here is working right now. I need it to be like this forever in this exact way and it will it will not be like that. I just it just won't. But also when it's not working, when things are not going well, it's easy to go. It will always be be this way. And that is also not true.

Everything just sort of moves and shifts too fucking often for that to be true. So that's kind of what we're gonna do. I'm gonna tell you what this episode is from and what year. So we we'll probably talk about the distance between where we were then and where we are now. So I this one I put at the top because I hear JB say some version of, oh my god. This aging thing sucks. This getting old thing sucks. The year I am getting old. And I so we did an episode, on aging and BDSM.

Mhmm. It's episode one ninety four from 2019 when I turned 40, because 40 is a milestone, and I was having feelings about it clearly. I'm about to turn 46 in a little over a month from the time of recording. And, JB, in the past really, I've heard it in from you in the past, like, year. You're you feel like you're feeling your age more than even you were saying six years ago, almost six years ago. So, what would you like to say about your experience as a dom, a sadist, a kinkster, and being, 64?

Because that's where you at right now. Yeah. I am. I am. I am. My how things change, even in just six years. Yeah. The scenes aren't as long as in or as intense as they used to be. No. No. For different reasons that probably are not about aging, I'm I'm okay with that. I would rather have shorter scenes, less intensity, more frequently than we do. And I think the frequency is less about aging and more about stress levels. I think what happens in the scene might be more about aging.

I hate to ask it this way because it it definitely makes you sound like air quote old, and I don't consider you that. I know some of you do, and then I don't. Do you, like my impression is you feel like you're kind of slowing down in certain ways Yes. In ways I know you do not like because you definitely make that clear to me that you don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Yeah. I I am slowing down even in in the way I work

and things I do. You know, I I keep looking at these two trees in the backyard that are hanging over from the woods that we didn't have the tree folks do. And I'm like, I could do that. You could do it once. Yeah. Yeah. You could do it once. Yeah. You know? And, yeah, the you know, it it's it's not same anymore. It's not the same. Now do you feel like in your dominance or even in your sadism, not the physical acts, like, you know, with At at this Do you feel like on the mental level you're

slowing down? Do you feel like you're just Not not not not work. No. Not mental level slowing down. It's it's more physical Mhmm. Than anything. And, you know, the mental and I and I think that's why as as we've been going going on this year, I'm finding I'm leaning more and more on the power exchange. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm at an age myself where we've I don't remember when, but we did the episode on perimenopause, and I am deep in fucking perimenopause.

And that's where I feel my aging, but I think I'm at a I'm coming out, like, on an uphill swing of perimenopause where I am more interested than I have been in a very long time in fuckery, whether it's actual sex or just kinky acts or whatever. And we're we're at this kind of awkward place where we're a little we're not at the same level there Mhmm. Because you would love to do more physical things. I know you would, but your body is

not allowing you to do it. No. And I'm now finally I don't know every Mercury's in the microwave or something, but in a good way, whatever the good version of that is because I'm like, you know, you could just drag me around by my hair more often and I would be super duper fucking happy. So there is there is that that one of those age gap things that anybody in an age gap, if you haven't gotten there yet, you will eventually if you're in it long enough. But and yet and yet

Mhmm. You do surprise me. Yeah. So TMI for people who didn't know we used to put our ass on the Internet, among other things. This past weekend, I mean, we switched positions three times. It was Saturday night. Mhmm. Fun time was had by all. I was having to not scream in pleasure. And then it even carried over into the morning. And that was the thing. Like, you were, like, moving me around. Mhmm. It was it was delightful and delicious. And then you woke me up.

And I was like, first of all, we are not at a point in life due to age, due to stress, due to life stuff. I don't know what. We don't usually fuck two days in a row. Like, once we've done it the one time of the weekend, we're tired. We're good. We Yeah. We've relieved that stress and tension. Now we just wanna sleep in the next day. Right. So Yeah. To be woken up, I was like, he's feeling some energy. Knock knock. Is it so so because you have all of this time

and experience now. Mhmm. Is it just what I imagine it to be in the mornings, some mornings maybe not all, you just do have more energy and as your day progresses That's it's like a winding down. And that's exactly it. And and it's not even so much the energy. To a certain extent it is, you know. I mean, I'm not a 25 year old kid anymore. But, I don't think I would have liked you at that age. I don't think if assuming we were at the same age and didn't have a fucking age gap, y'all. Right.

I don't think we probably wouldn't have been you wouldn't have been who you are. You wouldn't have been your mature self. That no. That time in your life, no. You were doing shit you should have been arrested for is all I'm saying. I'm not giving details, but Yep. And now you got me off topic, and I forgot the hell I was talking about. Goddamn it. It's not an energy thing, you said, or a winding down. Yeah. It's it's a, it it's almost like a, you know, going through hills and valleys. Mhmm.

Okay. Because as at night, I'm kind of at my worst most of the time. Yeah. Especially if you've had a long day and now you're heavily medicated to And, you know, then I I I take what I medication I need for my back. The elevating helps. Mhmm. Okay. That helps a lot. It re it relaxes. And, that's important because what it does is it helps me sleep through the night. Mhmm. Mhmm. Which is what you need in order to be able to sleep the next day. To to to feel better to get up in

the morning. Right. So when I get up in the morning, you know, I'm like, okay. Yeah. I'm, you know, ready for the day. Then as day goes on, you know, it it it creeps up. Sure. So it's kinda like a, you know, that that roller coaster, the ups and downs. But then clearly you have times where you're like, oh, I got enough energy to do something. Mhmm. The next thing I know, my hair is being pulled. Yeah. And I'm not I'm not mad about it.

I will never be mad about it. So I mean, as it's con as long as it's consensual, I'm not mad. And I I'm not gonna lie too, but the the weather helps a little bit too. Yeah. Well, there's something about trying to do anything in this Florida heat. Yeah. I mean, I'm just mad that I had to move at all and that, that things are touching my body. So

I Mhmm. Yeah. Our our sex life I think if we tracked it, we'd probably see that every summer, it does take a a dip because nobody wants to touch each other. Right. So, you know, that that's kinda what it what it is for me, and that that's why, you know, some days by the end of the day, I'm I'm still kind of okay. Mhmm. And, you know, I can but, most days, I'm just ready to Sure. And two things. One, before I forget it because I almost forgot it a second ago.

I do feel like what we have done as we've had a business together, which we'll come to that topic shortly, is we have, prioritized your both of us, but definitely your health and well-being to be able to do the work that you want to do Mhmm. And still, like, live a life. And so sometimes that means that, yeah, your energy and then all has to go into work, and then your recovery has to be as much as you can with whether it's medication or this or that Right. Heating pads,

the TENS, you know, whatever you need. And so that means that the fuckery will sometimes take a back seat because that's not the priority. We need you to be able to get up in the morning. Knock knock on wood. It's been a long time since I've needed the TENS TENS machine. True. But there are more times than I'd like where you're like, oh, I need to get that heating pad out. I need to just

sit still. Yeah. And and I don't mind talking, you know, I have, several bad discs in my, spine, and I also have, spurs, bone spurs. That have literally only gotten worse as you've gotten older. Right. It's it's arthritis. Right. The other thing I wanted to ask you, you said you're leaning more into the power exchange because it requires less you don't need physical energy really for that. How like, in what ways for you, what's that looking like? How are how are you I know you're

all up in that obedience app. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate it, but still And and that's and that's the thing. You know, the I I have been so focused with work, especially this past summer. Last summer, I was able to take You you did. You took a lot of time off. I I took a lot of time off. I was able to take, like, a Monday off and a a We were less busy sales wise last week. We we were less busy. True. But I was able to condense a lot of my work into those those few

days. True. And, you know, this year, I was not able to do that. Mhmm. You know, I'm I can maybe slip in a half a day, you know, a full day here and there, but, you know, I I was not able to do that at all this year. Mhmm. And with that, you know, and I I even told you beginning of summer, I I've had had a lot of things on my mind that I was creating and and trying to do in different things and Mhmm. You know. So with all that, yeah, the Obedience app has been a big help for me. Mhmm.

Okay. Because I can I can focus on the things that I need and, you know, they okay? Alright, baby girl. Here, here's what's We have one conversation that we have not had time to get to, but it's because we both been Yeah. Busy for things to add to the obedience app. But, you know yeah. It's sort of like for other factors of, like, not just aging, but finding shortcuts to do the things we wanna be doing, in this case, power exchange. You know? I do I don't know how you've been thinking about

it. Mhmm. But from my perspective, I don't necessarily I don't feel like I have felt your dom energy anymore, and sometimes not a lot. We've because we've been busy. We'll get to that section when we get to our business. Yep. Because we've been busy. Mhmm. And so it I like knowing that internally, you're like, no. No. No. I am I am doing my dominant thing. And now we just have to find the balance of, hi. I'm over here waiting for you to do

the dominant thing. Right. Hey. Two days in a row pulling my fucking hair and fucking me senseless. I'm I'm good with it. I'm not mad. Okay. Anything else you'd like to add about? Not not in that. Not in that. I don't really have I don't really have much to add because we did the episode on perimenopause semi recently. And that's where all of my aging stuff

is sitting. Also, I don't have answers for either the things that I think are probably due to aging and also for how to make the solutions that I think I need possible. So, like, I don't have an update other than I'm almost 46, and I'm in the depths of despair of perimenopause. And we're just surviving out here because that's all you can do sometimes. Anything else you'd like to add, though? Okay. Next one. Mhmm. I feel like we've kind of we've kind of given an update a little

bit. Right. This one is, the low libido, low sexual arousal is a more accurate term. In our power exchange, this is from episode two sixty four from 2021, which is actually two years after I like, my libido fucking tanked. Yeah. Tanks. And at around around 2021, because that's all the insanity was going on, your libido kinda went prime. Oh, it it it bottomed out. Mhmm. Mhmm. It it bottomed out. So where do you feel like you are now? I'm I'm in a better place. Oh, yeah.

I've seen I've seen all the the sex toys that get laid on Yeah. Bathroom counters. I mean, it's you know, knowing now at this point how, my depression plays into my libido We'll get to that in a second too. You know, I I have a better understanding of what's going on. Mhmm. Now the weird thing I I I it's I get a chuckle a little bit thinking about it because again, it's almost like a I I I notice I go in as far as my libido, I go in cycles. Oh my god. There's something flying by my

face. Oh my god. Excuse me. But, but, yeah, it it it's like there are times I hit, like, a low, and I've had no interest in sex whatsoever, you know. Right. Don't even and then then I hit the peak where I'm like, I'm ready to go. Let's, And thankfully, I'm at a point I am I too am ready to go when you are ready to go. Let us go together. Right. So this ties for me back into aging, but this certainly comes from

the low libido side. In the past nine months to a year, I have watched you more consistently use your solo toys. Mhmm. Like, you will be turning like the kinky businessman you are, And there will be some kinky fuckery going on in your damn pants. And you're just there and nobody would know to look at you. But I know because I see what's left on the bathroom counter. And I'm always like and I and I say this with actual love, joy, and nothing but positive feelings. You

fucking pervert. I love you so much. And so, one, to me, that's sort of a sign of some kind of sexual arousal coming back. But it also feels like a way for you to experience sexual pleasure in ways that don't overtax your body when it can't always do what it wants to do, if that makes sense. Yes. Absolutely. Anything else you wanna add about your okay. So for me, I had hoped that once I went on HRT Mhmm. And also that some of the stress was alleviated because it was not just a

OMM perimenopause and libido time. That did happen. But it was also, there is all this overwhelming stress and I don't want to fuck when I'm this stressed out. I had hoped that my excitement and seeking out of sexual pleasure would come back. Mhmm. Not really. Not so much? A little bit. There's like Love it. Yeah. Popping full I'll be reading something real good, and I'm like, oh, this is

this is doing something for me. But that only a couple times, yes, I have gone and gotten the vibrator because I was like, this is doing some some shit something to me and I need to do something to me. And you were off being, you know, working and being a businessman. And so there was nothing for I had to do it on my own.

But and so that does happen occasionally and I do take it as a good sign that that ability to read a sexy thing that is well written and, like, realistic enough and, you know, I'm not going, oh my god. Is it a magic asshole that you don't need lube or training? Okay. Like, it's, like, good good. And I can I can immerse myself in it? I take it as a good sign that I periodically, every so often, have a, reaction to that that is Mhmm. You know, positive and sexual, and I'm I'm feeling I'm

feeling good. We've also discovered that, you know, sometimes, not always, if you hand me an edible and I get relaxed in just the right way, I am throwing myself at you. That's true. I coined the term kink horny because I don't I don't think I'd care if I got fucked. I'm more like, could you just do kinky things to me, please and thank you. And those things turn me on. So therefore, that would be enough. So but my drive for it, my my desire to seek it out, to seek out sexual pleasure,

it's a blip. It's not it's not up real. It's not like it was when I first started sex blogging. I you know, it it it's not at that level anymore when I was in my thirties. But when you reach for me and you wanna you wanna I am 99% of the time. I'm down for it. I'm not I think once over the past like year, I've had a moment of oh god I kinda don't want to, but also if we don't do it now, I might not get to do it for another week or so and also he's touching

me. And then you pull my hair and it doesn't matter. I'm lost. I'm gone. But prior to that, you know, before I went on HRT, when the stress was crazy, all that stuff Mhmm. There were many times I was like, I am I am not stopping this for him, and it's not really for me. Like, the the arousal and desire just was not there. TMI again, if you were don't know about us sharing absolutely everything. I guess the hormones and the the decreased stress are doing something because you didn't have

to use lube. No. I didn't. Fuck. Like, vaginal dryness, that's a a typically a perimenopause thing. But also just to get aroused enough for the body to go, sure, we'll warm up like that '94 Mercury Grand Marquis you got in the backyard. Sure. We could we could still that's also an aging thing to go with it. But, like, that has that occurs more often than it used to. Yeah. And so I'm not, like, humping your leg. I guess I could if I really wanted to. I'm not humping your leg.

I'm not going, daddy, please come fuck me. But I am open to it now in ways I was not even in 2021. That's very true. Yeah. Yeah. So that that's a nice little update. I do I do credit, HRT for that. When I started, I I have a a vaginal testosterone cream. We call it taking the plunge. I have to take it twice a week, and it's this, like, injector plastic injector thing. It's awkward. I also call it spicy yogurt. Sometimes it's just it's a little spicy when it goes in.

Anyway, when I first started taking it, I didn't get to take it consistently because there were issues issues with prescriptions, and there was just bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. And now that I've been on it consistently and it got tweaked the prescription got tweaked a little bit, now I feel like I'm reaping those benefits. Right? Right. And so the sexual desire being one of them.

It just I kind of wish it would come back to where it was when I was in my mid thirties, and I was I was just flashing my tits on the Internet and talking about my sex life because that was, like, on my fucking mind. Mhmm. It is not now granted, in our non kink, non business, non professional life, there's a lot of shit going on, and your brain only has room for someone. Yeah. Yeah. So I've had to, like, shove furniture in my brain aside to make room for the things I am, like, I

have to focus on. That is non optional. And I guess the excitement about sex was one of the boxes that moved into the attic or something. I don't know. But at least I want sex when it presents itself. And I'll take that. That's an improvement. That's a legit improvement. Okay. So, I cannot I don't know. I I knew we were gonna do d s and depression. As one of our updates. Yeah. I have it linked on my notes that we're using here. Mhmm. Did I actually put it in

the fucking outline? No. So but we are. I added it. That's what that was me typing if you heard me tapping. The episode on d s and depression, is one of our more recent ones. It's episode three forty five, I think. Mhmm. Yeah. From 2023. So very recent. We're only in 2025. Yeah. And this really is more about you Mhmm. And your is there anything you would like to say about where you're at right now with regards to that? I'm I'm definitely doing better Mhmm. Than where I was a year

or more ago. Mhmm. I'm not quite where I want to be. Sure. And we've talked about what it will take to Mhmm. Help you get there. And, but, you know, being aware of it just just being aware of it is a help. Yes. Because at least you know what's happening to you. And you're not like, oh my god. Am I am I going crazy? And, I'm I'm at a point sometimes because my depression comes with a lot of bad talk. Like self talking? Yeah. Yeah. And and I've learned when that starts happening,

I'm like, okay. Where is this coming from? Mhmm. You know? And not every time, but sometimes I can kind of hold it off. Right. I am more aware I'm always since we've met, I've been aware of your mood. Thanks, hypervigilance. Living together with a song, being together with a song, I'm very aware of your moods. Yeah. I feel like I now just have enough experience with you being able to label this is depression, this is this, this is that.

I can now kind of clock when you are in one of those lows and depression's kicking your ass because everything around you externally, like, my vibe from you, you're very heavy. It's all very heavy. Mhmm. And there there is no sunshine, and I should not try to make a joke. But so you know what? I don't make jokes, but I I do continue to be who the fuck I am. And then I get I get grudging chuckles. And look, that's a

win's a win. Okay? I'll take I'll take a grudging chuckle any day because if I can't I can't make your depression go away. I can't fix it for you. But if I can get you to chuckle Mhmm. Even if it's a snark and it's something like, I I should not be saying that. I should that that this is not a kind moment for me. It's like I can get you to remember that, oh, yeah. I can find things funny. I can feel

a little lighter. Doesn't fix anything in the moment, but it's a little bit in that moment when you're like You kinda cut puts a crack in the wall. Yeah. And you're a little bit more you in that moment, and you can I can kinda bring that forward and you know Yeah? And I don't know how much it actually helps, but it's from outside observing. You know? I I feel what it feels like now in your vibe. I do like that you're really open to just talking about it, not

just here on the podcast. But between the two of us, you'll go, yeah. Yeah. Depression's kicking my fucking ass. And we've we've talked about the things that JB needs to help him. And when we have the resources, we are going to do those things. Yeah. Because that all goes back into everything goes back into our professional life. It goes back into our personal life. It goes back into the goals you set for yourself. Like Right. You know, depression makes all of that so

much harder. Yes. So but I I know you've you've said it on the podcast before, so I don't feel like I'm talking out of turn. But you, you know, I know you also had said that at one point you realized, oh wait, I've had depression my whole life and I just didn't know Yeah. That's what this was. Yeah. What what was that not what was it about. Like, what was the revelation like to go holy shit, this is this? This is And and that's kinda what it was. It was I was like, oh, fuck.

You know, the you know, I because it it's you know, I I did not at at that time, my maybe you did not call it. Yeah. I'm I'm just feeling a little off today, just feeling a little low. Mhmm. You know? Mhmm. Yeah. The blues came to visit. You know? Mhmm. I mean, by virtue of your age alone, when you were coming up in your young certainly your young life and then even your twenties and into your thirties, that was not exactly something that was being talked about either.

Like, certain circles might have been talking about, but not broadly speaking. You were not gonna, Yeah. You know? No. But, you know, yeah. And but, yeah, it was kind of a little bit of an eye opener. It's like Mhmm. Oh, this has been going on a long time. Mhmm. Just there were all these catalysts Mhmm. That just Sure. Pushed it into hyperdrive. Did it feel I the only word I can come up with, and I this is probably not a

good word, so correct me. Mhmm. Was there any sort of comfort in kind of going, oh, this is who I've been? This is why? This is like A little bit. Yes. Mhmm. Yeah. Were there any other feelings that came up for you? Not really. Just, you know, the, the realization of what it what we had been going on all this time, what what it was. Now now that you're more aware of your depression, you you understand what's happening to you when it happens when it happens.

How is that tying into your role as dominant and kink and sex and fury and all of like, where where is that fitting for you these days? And, see, that ties back in for me with the obedience app. Mhmm. Okay? Because it it it allows me to put things in place Mhmm. Okay? And I can monitor it, but it doesn't if if I am in one of those lows Mhmm. Okay, I can just, you know, kinda look and yeah. Okay. She she did what she needed to do and Margaret's, you

know, we're all good. Mhmm. And the other times when I'm more up, that's when that's when you'll, hear me say, good girl and, you know, good job. You know what? I I don't like the reason you don't feel like you're you can do that. Mhmm. But it actually works out if this helps at all. Because if you are constantly every single time saying something, acknowledging it, eventually, I would start to tune that out because that's just, you know, human nature, the the frequency of it.

So the fact that I don't like why it has to be sporadic, but that it is is sporadic, that is that is actually not a bad thing. And what I believe it or not, what I actually took from the Obedience app, because there are certain things that that I have been doing lately that I need reminders for. Mhmm. And I set myself now reminders through the phone. And you use them. And I use them and it has been amazing. It has been an amazing because reminders don't work if you

don't use them. I've learned that the hard way. Yeah. Yeah. Now, just to tie things back in, do you feel like the utilization of reminders, is that sort of part of one of your your, ways of of modifying things and making things work work as you age? Or is it just a, oh, look. We got technology, and I'll just use it? It It's a just a busy ness thing? It's a combination of both. Gotcha. Combination of both. Yeah. I had to start I can't rely on too many reminders because then I will

tune them out eventually. But on the extremely important things that I cannot let myself forget, including obedience app stuff Mhmm. I have reminders or notifications, and I turn all that off for everything else. So when it comes up, I know my brain goes, it's an important thing. Mhmm. Pay attention to that. Anything else you would Nope. Okay. So this next one, I think I didn't know how the fuck to title it. And I still don't know if there's another

way of saying this. But back in 2021, episode two sixty nine, nice, we did an episode called acts of service for each other or about acts of service. Things we did for one another, not because we were required to, not because we negotiated this is who you are in your role, but just things we did for each other as we saw ways that we could help each other, you know, support each other, whatever whatever. Right. Can you think of I don't know I don't know how different these will be from

2021. Mhmm. But we're gonna talk about what we do now. Can you think of anything? I I can't I actually, I can't. Last week, I had several. I should have written them down. Yeah. They're out of my brain now. See? I can think of a couple of things. I mean, the the main thing I I think, but it's it's something that pretty much have done all along. Mhmm. You know, a lot of times when I am out and about, I will bring you home a treat. I know. Less so than used to be, but part of that is

Yeah. We don't go out that often. Right. And we spent several years not spending extra money if we could help it. So it's not a thing we do automatically. Exactly. And also you know that if I am leaving this house and getting in the car, I'm I'm coming home with, something, a Diet Coke or something. It's okay. The only way you can make sure I'm not doing that is if I leave the house with my water bottle and I take my drink with me.

So I know some things I do for you because I do them for you, but also you do them in reverse for me sometimes. So, when I can tell that you're super crazy busy, I will finish folding the part of the laundry that you will get to, and I know you'll get to. But I'm like, I'm here. I, like, finally, like, sucked it up enough to fold my part of the laundry. I'll just do all the rest. It's fine. It's no big deal. And you're always very appreciative of it. So

that's Mhmm. Something that we we say that we do to make our lives easier, but I notice that we do it more when we know the other person is responsible for it. So JB is kind of a little bit in charge of how the kitchen operates. Okay. Like I'm in there cooking almost every night and I'll do dishes and like I'll do stuff in there. But when it comes to, like, layout and what needs to happen when and where things are stored, that's JB's domain. And I just go, okay, daddy, and we move on.

So we were finding that dishes were kinda just piling up to the day because we have a good system on when we do dishes and when dishes get put away and how that happens, and it it typically works. But we were kinda finding that dishes were sort of piling up through the day after the clean ones were put away. And you couldn't navigate the sink, and you we've got plenty of counter space, but it does not feel like it wants something

piled on it. And so he instituted this thing of, okay, let's, you know, load the dishwasher through the day as we go. Instead of throwing your plate in the sink Mhmm. Drop it in the in the dishwasher. Exactly. Okay. What I know that I do, and I have watched JB do, if we know it's the other one's night to wash dishes, how do you know it's your night to wash dishes If you didn't cook. If you cook, you don't do dishes. If you, you know, don't cook, you do

dishes. Yeah. So when I know it's JB's night to do dishes and I've got five free minutes, I'm gonna go ahead and and get a lot of the big stuff done. I'm gonna get that part done for him. I'm gonna do the hand washables. Not always, but sometimes. He does the same thing for me. If he knows he's cooking now you know, at first I was like, oh, we're

just making room for ourselves. And then I realized, no. On nights when we know we're not gonna cook or we're eating leftovers or anything where there's no like direct trade off, it's a we each are doing it and nobody's like putting in this extra effort. We're doing like minimal, like just to keep the sink kinda clear. But, like, if it's my night to wash dishes, I'm gonna walk in and I might have four dishes to wash. And I'm like, but wait. It was my night to do dishes.

And he's like, I'm just trying to help you out. Make it easier on you. I mean, you know, some some of those things that I I did, you know, to institute in the kitchen. I I really I do the lion's share of the dishes. Yes. You know, and, Because I do the lion's share of the cooking. Right. But, you know, and it just seemed just like, you know, cut out a Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was there

you were doing it for efficiency. You were doing it to make life easier, but it's those oh, is Lola bringing up I don't know. Something juicy. Oh, god, y'all. She usually goes straight to the door when she knows something's gonna to be alright, but, She's got an old lady cough.

Well So now my point is, yes, you set it all up for efficiency's sake, but the way it plays out so now I'm wondering if you even realize you're doing it because I absolutely I know when I'm doing it because as a service hub, I'm aware of the service. I'm I it's a conscious thing I'm thinking about. But you must not be aware that you're doing it. On the nights when I'm definitely gonna be the one washing dishes Mhmm. 95% of it's done. I'll have, like, two pots.

And even even after you eat dinner, you'll just put your Plate in the dew. Yeah. You make it so I have almost no dishes to wash is my point. That's that is the point. That is the point. I mean, why do the dishes have to sit in the sink after you eat lunch? There's a nuance I think you're missing. I'm not explaining it very well. We don't we don't wash it. They just get a quick rinse and put in the so, you

know. And yet, on the the days where it doesn't matter, it's a catch as catch can, there's no delineation of who's definitely doing dishes and who's not. We're eating out that night. We're running air something weird. You do not go to the extra effort. It is on the nights because you don't go to the extra effort on the days you're doing dishes. Maybe it's because I catch up first. But on the nights I wash dishes, you have gone to extra effort that you did not put in on Saturday or

Sunday or any of these other days. You're doing it and you don't even know it. You're taking care of me and you don't even know it. And, you know, I I do. And that's why I do it. Because I know you're busy and and and now, you know, with with you being not only a wife, sub, mother, business owner, you know, now you're back to being a school teacher. Teacher of record only. I let I let the Internet do what it needs to do. So so, you know, you you have a lot.

So that's why I don't mind doing things like that. I mean, it that's even, you know, talking about I forgot, you know, yeah. After dinner, do the dishes, you know, load the dishwasher and turn it on. Because the other one I forgot about. I know what you're thinking about. You know, a lot of times when we have dessert after dinner, you know, I will wash all all the dessert

before we go to bed. And that and that's again a kind of a two fold thing for me because I really don't like waking up the dishes in the sink because I'm like True. It's starting already. But you also when I stand there and I'm like, I'll wash these, you're like, no. Go sit down. I'll wash these. And and and again, I I do that in the evening because you do so much for everybody. I mean, it's the least. You do plenty. So I I'm not good with taking the compliment. It's

fine. Yeah. But and here's how I real here's how I realized that I clocked what you were doing for on and so if there's if it's a light dishwasher load, we will just wait and not run it until after we've had, like, some hard dessert or whatever. But when that dishwasher is full, they're getting hand washed. Mhmm. I realized it was a thing he was doing for me and not just I want the dessert dishes to be done. When the 16 year old has dessert and and and uses a a dish, that child

is that's the rule. You have to wash your own dish, which might be why they just hunch over the sink and eat their dessert like a fucking raccoon sometimes, but whatever. And I had to explain to the kid the other day. I was like because they were like, well, why aren't you washing yours? I go, mister John washes mine. He does that for me. And that's when I was like, oh my god. He does that for me. I do.

I do find it funny. I would almost like to go I need to go back and, like, look or listen to the the previous episode because, man, our acts of service are very kitchen oriented, very dishes heavy, very chore heavy, like putting out laundry and doing dishes. And but, you know, I think I think what part of what we were talking about in that previous episodes, it still holds true.

And I think some people who tend to be new to this need the reminder that the domestic tasks do not have to be role specific. There are some dynamics where that's what you negotiate, and there's nothing wrong with that. Right. But if you're looking at it going, I did not sign up to do cooking and laundry and dishes, and that's not what that's not what I want in the power exchange. JB is no less dominant because he folds bras sometimes.

You know? It's like or he, like, you know, puts on his rubber gloves when it's a real grody issue that something needs to be cleaned. Like, you know, that's it's not about just like it's not about gender, like, men only do this and women only do that. It's not about it's not role specific either. He is no more or less dominant when he's vacuuming the floor, which he takes very seriously vacuuming the floors, has his own vacuum that I literally have never turned on, never pushed, never nothing.

He picked that one out. We found it on sale. He will send me to the store to get the carpet powder stuff to Yep. And then that's his little I mean and it has nothing to do with our fucking roles because those tasks are not there's just too much else going on Right. That I could be doing as a sub and that needs to be done around this home. And we we share the load, but we will do what we can for each other when we see the need and we have the energy. And and those worlds have to

collide. You have to see the need and and have the energy. But we still, yeah, we still do those things. I think that's just kind of a hallmark of a healthy relationship regardless of flavor. I think you should to your to the ability to the extent you can, do my shit for each other. Anything else? No. Okay. Next one. Mhmm. How we manage money. The, we had a had a episode way early, old as shit in the archives where we actually negotiated. We turned the mics on and negotiated something financial,

for an episode. And then in 2020, episode two forty three, we talked about it again. I don't know how much has changed. I know this our circumstances have changed. 2020 was fucked up. For a lot of people, it was a fucked up year. Yeah. But our 2020 started a bad slate for us, and it fundamentally changed how we do a lot of things in our relationship. Yeah. Who does what and who's responsible for what, and does power exchange have any say in it anymore? And the way we manage money right now

is baby girl manages the money. Mhmm. I don't make big decisions. I don't make tricky decisions. I don't make hard decisions by myself. Mhmm. I will come up with ideas that I think will work, but they all go to JB. JB is the decider. Mhmm. But there are times he's like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I have to decide what are we doing. Just tell me what you think we need to do. What is the best? And the one that makes me super uncomfortable but is responsible is when he asks me, hey. Can I

buy that? I'm like, I hate everything about that question. I want us to make those decisions together. I want us to both be aware of what's coming in and coming out. But something about my daddy asking me if he can do something, Oh, my God. I wanna die. I think I think I I think I know how I can do that better. It just came to me. Okay. Is it in the budget? We need to get have more serious conversations about our budget. But I know. I know.

Now I know. Most of those things, I probably do 99% of our personal spending. I monitor the bills. I know the balances when when things get wonky. Because when you work for yourself and your money comes in at weird times, bill paying can be very stressful, not just for lack of money, but for, oh, shit. The money comes in on this day, but the bill is due on that day. This might be a problem.

So I take care of nearly all of, you know, if if it's being spent, it's probably my debit card that I'm tapping at the store. Right? Business wise, I I have so much on autopay for the business that actually buying things were more $50.50. But I spend a lot online and JB leaves the house and he'll leave the house going, can I how much can I spend? And I'm like, I I it's a responsible question. We need to have these conversations. Mhmm. And those are the moments that I hate,

air quote, being in charge. It's really not that I'm in charge. I'm the administrator. Mhmm. You know, I'm I mean, I handle all of the details. You are still the final decider on big shit. Yeah. I mean, I I think I've been be I wanna say interested, but I've I've been trying to co money with you more than I had for a while. Oh, yes. Now yes. Between 2020 and where we are now, there was a definite dip where I finally had to come to you and go,

I need you to be more involved. This is a this is a level of stress I have not felt in and I'm that's literally twenty years about money and I am I'm drowning in it because I was care I decide I chose I offered JB let me. He gave his permission. I chose to carry the burden of the financial stress of looking at the numbers daily and juggling the which bill gets and how do

we make it work. I chose to to take that on because his you know, the thing that causes us to fight the fastest will be money, and it's because of a it's a stressor for him. I'm I don't fight about the money. Mhmm. JB gets very riled up. So I was like, if I take this on that's less stress for him, I know I'm gonna bring shit to him. We're gonna make decisions together. He's gonna be

the decider. It's fine. But there came a point, and I think this is when you were, like, in the depths of the deepest part of your depression in the Mhmm. These past five years, where I just had to come to you and go, I am I'm carrying too much of this weight. It's too much. And I I need you to be more involved. There so here's what's funny. There's a part of me, and it's not a big part, that's like, I wish I could kinda hand it over to you. Like, we do when we first were together.

We first moved in together, and you paid all the bills. And I just went, okay. Can I have $10, daddy? And, like, it was delightful. Because that was the first time in my adult life another adult was was thinking about it and focusing on it, and I didn't really have to. I needed to be aware as a responsible adult, but I didn't I didn't have to take on the burden.

Fuck. I just no. But so there is a part of me that's kind of wishes I could go here, but there's a bigger part of me who has control issues and knows how stressful things still are even though they're way better than they were. Mhmm. That kinda I could never take my fingers out of it completely. I just Yeah. I get it. I get that. And I I actually think that would be a source of tension because I have set things up in ways that make sense to me and the ways I can make

them work. You of course would come in and go oh no here's another way. I don't know that I am submissive enough. Just I think the bounds of my submission would be tested. That that that's that's the boundary for you. I don't know why. It was so delightful for, like, the the four, five and a half years Mhmm. That you just handled it. You handled it more when you still had your big boy job and so you had a regular paycheck. Yeah. But

then Yeah. I had to take over some of it when you started you became self employed and the majority of the income was coming from my freelance writing because I knew how much it was gonna be, what day it was gonna land, blah blah blah. It was we were more collaborative during that time. Yes. And then there was this, like, four to five years where we were not really collaborating. And now we're kind of back to collaborating, but it is still more of my responsibility Yeah. Than yeah.

So, yeah, sometimes I'm like, god, I kinda wish. And here's the thing. I think if we had an abundance in a way that there there was never a question where the bill's gonna get paid or do we have to be creative, right, this week until next week or whatever. I think I could. I'd be like, oh, because there's not really anything to worry about. We put as much on autopay as possible. We talk about purchases. We move the fuck on with our lives. Mhmm. But we're not

quite at that point. It has to be monitored, like, really closely. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that that's our update on our money. It is there we've done a one eighty. Yep. I mean, I think the 2020 episode, we, were more like we are now because that's when that started, was in 2020. Mhmm. But, yeah, from the start of our relation from the start of this podcast to where we are now, complete flip. Yeah. Okay. Next one. Mhmm. Working together, business partners and our power exchange,

that is also from 2020. Man, we were doing some bangers in 2020. That was a very formative year in our lives. That was episode two forty six. And I think we talked about, like, we were talking about how how we split our duties and how that incorporates our power change. I don't know that much has changed, but the business has changed for us. Yeah. So from your perspective as a dom and being business partners, where are you at

in your mind with with that? You know, it's it's kinda funny because to a certain extent, when it comes to the business, I don't really see that as a extension of our power exchange. We kind of can't run it that way. Yeah. Yeah. I can't do now, does my service sub self kick in? Yes. Mhmm. Am I gonna try and get am I constantly asking, what can I do for you? What can I do to help you? Part of that is because I fucking love you, and you're my partner.

Also, as a a business person, apparently, that's what I am, As a business baby girl, I'm like, how can I get more product out because that is how you make fucking sales? You know, you know, and and there's the but I I don't know how to function if I'm not helping you. And I see that you need help. How can I help? So it's very convoluted for me, because we don't make any business decisions on our own that are like if it's under, like, $50, we just do what we

gotta do. We might have a quick conversation about money, but whatever. Right. But, like, business decisions, we always make together. And I here's the thing I don't know that you realize. I will always defer to you. Unless, like, unless there's some part of me that just goes almost like I I say for it out, like, no. I have a fundamentally different opinion. I have a fundamentally different view on this. I have to push this. I can't just concede and go, yeah. Sure. We'll do it

that way. Mhmm. That's extremely rare. Like, I can't even remember the last time that might have come up business wise. But the thing I and that's the thing that I don't I think a lot of doms don't always realize, especially if you have a service oriented sub. My inclination is always to defer to you. Yeah. And I know that's not the first time I've said that. I that's just that's where I'm at. I want you to have what you want. I want to be of service to you.

You know? Mhmm. It's a power that you gotta, like, use wisely. Working to get but that's the thing. Great power comes great responsibility. It does. Mhmm. I do think the deference in the decision making is always there. Mhmm. But that I make more decisions, again, that are, like, not expensive, not business altering decisions. I think I do a lot more of

that on my own now. Like, I I have subscribed to so many services that I use for our business that you were like, I wouldn't even know what that was if you paid me. Like, I don't have a fucking clue what that is. Yeah. Because I've just made those decisions. Mhmm. And it's like when you decide to make product, I'm like something new. You're not coming to me. There's no conference over this. You just go, I wanna make something new. And I go, okay, daddy. And we we move on.

So in some ways, yeah, not a lot has changed, but I think as our personal life has shifted, some of that has bled over into our working life. We are still as bad as ever about having clear separations and demarcations. We did good for a while. I was, I don't know. Was it a perimenopause thing? Was it on the verge of burnout? Something happened for me at the beginning of this year, 2025, up until, like, a like, a month or so ago where I didn't have a lot

of get up and go. I didn't have like, I did what I needed to do, but to go the extra mile to do anything extra, it was not there for me, which I must have needed that break because now I'm at a point where I'm like, we're back to it. I'm like, if I gotta work a Saturday, I'll work a Saturday. If I need to work Sunday night, I'll work Sunday night. There's not a clear stop and there's a clear start. There's never a clear stop. Yeah.

And that has not changed much. Yeah. I know for me and not really for you. Not really for me either. No. And and, what the YouTube is spamming me with ads tonight. Oh. But, shit. Now we're, yeah. I lost it. Okay. If you get it back, you can interrupt. I don't have much more to say because there aren't a lot of differences from before. No. But it is a fact that we continue to be

business partners with a power exchange. Mhmm. And I continue to feel like you just need to be your you need a reminder every so often that, oh, yeah. You you you will almost always win. We I don't look at it as winning. Like, we're on the same fucking team. Yeah. But, yeah, you're you're I will defer to you more often than you ever fucking realize. That's great power, great responsibility bullshit right there. Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. It hasn't come back yet, has it? Okay. We're gonna go the next one.

This one is a little silly, but it became very important over the past few years. And I don't have depression, so I'm pretty sure I did the heavy lifting here. We did an episode again in 2020, episode two sixteen. So it was early ish in the year on cheering each other up. Part of that is, I think, because for submissives especially, but it can happen to doms. It depends on how you view your role. And, if there's a the only word I can think about is how serious you view your

role. And what I mean by that is is if you have this feeling that doms should not do certain things or need certain things and subs should only do the thing they're asked to do. And there are dynamics like that, and that's that's fine. That's valid. We are looser. Right? Like, I'm always submissive, but I'm also always baby girl. And I think taking care of my daddy dom means I need to find a way to cheer him up. He is always my

daddy dom. He is always in charge, but he thinks taking care of me looks like needing to make me happy, make me laugh, make you know, like, just smooth away some of, like, the stressors for just a bit. Now when I say I think I do the heavy lifting, it is because your depression will just tank you. Mhmm. And I have some is it just a people pleasing? Is it love? Is it submission? Is it all of the above and some other things

I haven't thought of? I don't know. But when you are unhappy, and it's not because we're arguing, I want to do everything in my power to if I can't make it better or fix it, I want to get you to smile. I want to pull you out of it. I want I don't know. I want to ease the tension. Well, you know, one of the things that has changed since then Mhmm. Is when we're going to bed in the evening. Uh-huh. And a certain someone, right before we go to sleep, happens to get their zoomies.

I do. Yeah. I do. You do. If I if I was masking before, at least with you, there's no mask. Yeah. No. I don't hide shit. And and, you know, I know I I grump and grouse and so much. Grumpy polar bear. Yeah. That has not changed in all these years. Quite frankly, it's probably deepened. The grump is grumpier. Next thing you know, I'll be putting chair out in the front porch and young kids get off the lawn. I'm okay with that. I I support that message. Leave us the hell alone. Don't come to

my house. Don't don't ring my doorbell. I don't wanna talk to you. I will pretend you're not I'll pretend I'm not home. I'm not answering. Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about. Anyhoo, but the thing is, as much as I harumph and grouse about it, I like it. I I don't I'm not always trying to. Very rarely am I actually trying. But at the the nighttime zoomies, if I get them there have been a couple nights this week I have not gotten. I was exhausted.

And sometimes when I'm, like, when I'm down, when I'm overly stressed, when I'm in my head about something, I'm not getting fucking zoomies. I am like Lola like that. Like, I don't get zoomies just because. Like, the stars have to align here. But I do love when I can get you belly laughing. Like, just bust a fucking gut. There have been a few times we've made each other laugh so hard we're both crying.

When it's the nighttime zoomies, I'm laughing until I cry because I am mortified that I let that much weird out. Like, oh my god. I can't believe I said that thing, did that thing, and there's a witness. But I I love getting you to laugh, which I think I had to learn the hard way that I can't always cheer you up, and I don't always need to try. And that's probably the biggest update from that that episode because I maybe we said it then, but

I don't really remember. Because I am that person who wants wants you to be happy in whatever way I can provide. Mhmm. Even though I understand the outside world is gonna prevent that at times, and your own mind is gonna prevent that at times. I have I think I've gotten more comfortable with letting letting you be because I am better at recognizing moments that this is not the moment for that. And and there and there are times too in that that now I am more able to tell you

not the time. I know. Do you know what? I get in my feelings I when you say that. I know. And but you know what? It's not because I wish it was the time and you said it's not. It's not because you're telling me it's not the time. Something about the tone you use and where which is never malicious, but there's something about that tone that and I'm using this word the way I mean it psychologically that is triggering from little kid me, and that has nothing to do with you.

That took me multiple times of that happening until I finally fucking figured out why I hurt my feelings so bad. I hurt my feelings so bad. The last time it happened, I, I walked away. I had my moment. I went, oh, shit. Yeah. I know where this is coming from. Fuck. And then pulled my shit myself together.

But there was a time in the not too distant past, not only would I have stood my ground and been like, no. But I want you to hear me because the part of it is that is the not being heard and being dismissed, and that's how my brain is interpreting some of that. But it's also man, if god. Something's flying around here. Goddamn it. Yeah. It's one of those mats in here.

If I can just get you to hear what I'm saying because I'm cracking a joke, I'm being silly, you will then also laugh and we will be happy together. I still fall into that. I mean, because it's sort of like my default and I have to pull myself out of it. But I have gotten better at going, it's not my job to cheer him up right now. It's not my job to make sure that JB is happy every moment of every day because one, that's not possible. Mhmm. And two, sometimes I become the annoying.

And so I don't like it. I find it a very uncomfortable feeling, but I just have had to accept that you'll come back to me. You'll you'll get to a point where you can, like, deal. Some sometimes I just need to get through it Mhmm. Myself, and there's nothing that anybody can I know? And I know that. I know that. I know that for myself as well. And yet, I desperately wanna be the one that makes it better for you. No. I don't think that's healthy. I don't think that's healthy.

And and, you know, maybe I'm added wisdom for every fucking gray hair I've added. And I just I understand it now. And, like, it's not I don't need to cheer you up. Now I will say, and I think this is because I probably am better to an extent hiding where my mind is at. Not always because you get I'm an open book with you for the most part. Mhmm. You I part of it, I think, is your depression. These past few years have been rough.

My people pleasing service missive can't handle somebody being unhappy self focuses on trying to cheer you up and had to break myself with that. You are not that's not your default. Like, you want me to be happy. You don't want me to be unhappy. No. But I I wonder if it's the the vigilance thing. You you don't clock where my head is at as quickly as I clock your mood. True. And then I'm trying to fix it. Not always healthy. I don't know. Maybe it's a maturity thing.

You are not always trying to fix my mood. Or did I just teach you from very early on that my mood can't be fixed until I want it to be. I don't know. And and, you know, and that that is kind of what it is. I You're smarter than me. I I have noticed, you know, many times when you get when you are in one of those moods, I'm best to just You know what? And you're right. You're a 100% right. There's no world in which you

can win that. It because I will I I will snap because of whatever is going on in my head, and then I get to feel the guilt of having snapped at the man I love and also my daddy dom. And then all those feelings. I don't want any of those feelings. And yet there is still this little kid part of me who never had somebody as a kid go, are you okay? You know, what do you need? I'm here for you. That's my own issue and shit to work out. That thinks that's what I want.

And I know realistically, if you there are times you could do it, but what am I supposed to do? Wave a flag when this is the right time to do it? I don't even know fucking know if it's the right time to do it. But that is really about shit that I have to work through and I have to deal with because it's never like, when you feel like when you realize, oh, I I done fucked up. You're coming as soon as, like, it's we're not, like, we've calmed down. You're coming to repair. You're

coming to say you're sorry. You're coming to check on me because you know, oh, I I caused that. That that one was my bad. But when it's just, like, the air wafted wrong against my face and my hair touched my cheek or something, and now I'm overstimulated and pissed off and I dropped something because I'm a klutz and I and you know to just back up. The problem is you don't piss me off and do wrong things often enough for me to get the, hey, baby girl. I'm here. Can we talk? What can I do for you?

You're too busy, like, taking care of me on the front end, so I don't even fucking notice. And you're too busy not hurting my feelings on purpose or accidentally or through your own actions. I'm over here hurting my own feeling. So, yeah, I think the biggest thing is learning that I don't I'm not supposed to cheer you up always. I can't. It's impossible. I mean, there there are times with you where, you know, I may try to dip my toes in the water and kinda gauge, feel it out a little bit.

I think that's what yeah. Like, if I if I snark a little bit and I crack, like, I'm, like, just a sarcastic shit and you chuckle, I'm in, we can joke. I can't be boisterous. Mhmm. But I can say shit. Maybe I can even talk to you. So, yeah, that that feeling out of where you're at, yeah, I I would say that's a 100% a part of of it as well. And that is growth. It was was not from my perspective, I was not always like

that. So maybe that's an aging wisdom maturing thing, and I just had to get there. Okay. I think this one's gonna be the last one because we did not speed run like I thought was a speed run. Mhmm. This one I put in here because, technically, we've done this for 50% of the way of this. So this is the from the oldest episode 18. Wow. Holy shit. So in 2018. Wow. Holy shit. So in 2018, our youngest, depending on what part of the year we were in when we did this, was 13.

Now the oldest was 13. The youngest was eight or nine, depending on where we were in the year. Mhmm. Fucking babies. They are now 20 and 16, still babies, but different kinds of babies. Yeah.

And we did an episode on raising sex positive kink friendly kids and being age appropriate and being talking to your children about sex ed and raising them to not be kink shaming without ever talking about kinks and saying the word kink and saying the word BDSM, because we were keeping it age appropriate Mhmm. For a 13 and a nine year old. So our update from that, the oldest, he's gonna be alright.

In high school, because of the education we provided, the way we talked about sex, the things we made sure they the kids understood about consent and about, you know, please don't get anybody pregnant. I'm too fucking young to be a grandma. I'm still too young. 20 is very young. Please try not to do that. The oldest was sort of the sex ed guy amongst his His friends. His group. Yeah.

Like, when they he was, like, when they would say something so fucked up and wrong about sex, I just had to correct them. He'd be like, really? It's like Exactly. And now, you know, I don't know everything. And and now that he's he's got a a partner in his life, he needs his mom a lot less than his junior year of college, which is not a problem. It's fine. I'll adjust. But those first two years of college, he was we were talking a lot, and he

would share a lot with me. And his his sex positivity, but also his understanding of consent and being very protective of his friends, his his female friends. Part of that is because of who he is, obviously. Part of that's because of what we taught him. And I know that if we had not had those conversations, he would

not have had to think about that. And being in college, he has had friends who either before they met him had not good we I'm not gonna say it because I didn't put a trigger warning in, but you know what kind of experiences those girls have had with boys and men in their life. And then he was with one friend when as a thing was happening, and he was helping her navigate that. And then some of the the drama of 18, 19, and 20 year olds afterwards.

I've learned way more than I needed to know about people I will never lay eyes on. But he has carried that forward into his adult life, and he's more of a fierce protector advocate. You know? He's like, he will tell me things. It's so wild. It is so wild. I know how, air quote, typical guys reacted when I was the sage to to rejection, to this, to that. I think anybody of any age who, you know, feminine appearing, cis female, just lives life as a woman in some way or just appears to be a woman

in any way. What is that? Oh my god. I can't think of my terms. Assigned female at birth and socialized as female. Right? There's a reaction you get from from guys when they're getting rejected and it's not good. And my oldest will talk me through how he's feeling when he's like, yeah. You know, she said no. And I had to go, okay. You know, just try to be cool and not, like, you know, be weird. I'm not trying to, like, freak anybody out. I'm

just whatever. It happens. And the way he talks about rejection, I love it because he's like, it happens. You know? And he's gone through heartbreak, and I've been on the phone with him while his heart is breaking. Yeah. But he doesn't

you know? And, again, I don't know how much of it is our influence and how much of it was just we had him in the right environment and he had a good set of friends and, you know, it's the twenty first century, and so some information is just more and different than we woulda had when we were kids. But, like, I'm very proud of him as a human to begin with, but I feel like I can see the fruits of our labor of sitting through all of those very uncomfortable conversations.

Oh my god. There's uncomfortable conversations. Now we'll say once that child turned 18, I did not run out and tell him stuff. No. And I wanna have those uncomfortable conversations, but I would not, You you held back a lot less. Oh, yeah. Don't ask me a question and think you're gonna shock your mom. I'm a shock the shit out of you and give you the real answer. The youngest is different.

The youngest got a lot of that education at a very young age because they were just there while their big brother was there. These days we have to approach it differently with the youngest. The youngest is not gonna come ask a bunch of questions. The youngest is not super curious. So to get them more open to let's talk about these things so that you can know what these things are and we can I can raise a second sex positive educated child, we would drive down the road and play word games?

What's the p word? And I'd have to think of as many words as I could and then it would be okay. Well, what is that? And then next thing you know, I'm like, you know, driving down there going all the p words and like a lot of words are coming out of my mouth. And I'm like, what do you think that word is? That's a thing I learned as a parent. Instead of just automatically telling them something or thinking I know they that they understand the term, I go, what

do you think that term means? Get yourself out of a lot of trouble that way. Because the oldest one day, I've I've told this story before, I came home and asked about the p word and was whispering it and didn't run. I'm thinking, oh, there's a lot of p words. Which p word? And then it was porn. And I was like, oh, baby. You could I wouldn't have liked it, but you could've said that word. So, yeah, you gotta you gotta ask, what do you mean?

That child, the youngest, is very aware of consent, very aware of predators online, not necessarily in a great way, but is aware of them, and is able to because we have kept the lines of communication open, will come will be very honest with us about who they are as a person, both in terms of identity and sexuality.

They just don't give me quite as many opportunities, easy opportunities to talk about those things with them, but they got a lot of it when they were young and now it's more of a a touching base and going, hey, let's talk about this thing. Hey. And they like to crack jokes, inappropriate jokes at the dinner table. They still have not learned that that is I just see that as an opportunity. Well, now we have to talk about sex and king in an age appropriate way.

The oldest figured that shit out real fucking quick. Yeah. He did. The youngest is like, I'm gonna make a penis joke at dinner. And I'm like, oh, okay. That's my opening. But yeah. So I I think I think the oldest they're, you know, they're a baby adult. 20 is so fucking young. Oh, if you're a 20 year old out there, I'm so glad you're here. You are an adult, but but you're so young. There's so much ahead of you, hopefully. Fingers crossed. And just like I've learned with you, I can't

fix everything. I can't make everything better. Mhmm. I am that skill is transferring to the kids. I can't fix their problems. I never could fix their problems. Their problems were beyond me. I was like, I am probably too anxious or too neurospicy for whatever that is. I don't but, yeah, I feel like when I do the update of raising these sex positive kink friendly kids, I feel like the oldest check that one. Just Oh, yeah. The youngest has got they're going

through stuff. They're doing shit they shouldn't do, and we're having to respond accordingly. Yeah. The quiet one. You'd think the quiet one would just be the quiet the quiet one is keeping us on our fucking toes. Okay? Yeah. You gotta watch the quiet ones. You do have to watch the quiet ones. But, yeah, we're we're 50% of the way there. And Yeah. So yeah. Mhmm. But, so those are our updates. Mhmm. A lot has changed and yet not I don't think in drastic ways. Not drastic.

Yeah. Slightly larger changes. Most of it's subtleties. It's shifts. It's we've learned how to handle things better. So or we've learned what things are that we didn't have names for before. Or we did we survived, like, crazy shit together, kind of were forged in fire together. That's a good way to put it. Thankfully, came out have come out on the other side stronger for it. You know, that's not always the case. It really you know, we know that. I know that.

But, yeah, I thought, you know, I'm not gonna do an not in the next couple years, another aging in kink conversation, not unless there's something new to to say. I don't really feel like I should do a whole episode on, let me tell you about my sex life now that I want sex again. Like, I don't I don't see me doing that, not anytime soon. So, yeah, these are just after ten years, and we didn't we only went back to 2018. After ten years, we

talked about a lot of shit. And anybody who's listened from the very beginning, whether you're an OG or you just went back to the catalog, good lord, I'm I'm impressed. You can hear it. Like, things have shifted. We talk about things differently. Hopefully, we talk about them better than we did before. I god help me still stumble. But I think there's a core of we are who we are, but also you grow, you learn. Ideally, you do that together.

You do things differently. Things you would wouldn't have worked in 2014, we do in 2025 because they work now, because they have to work. Mhmm. Or because we've hit a a point in our life, I think, or age or time in the relationship or something or just life experiences where we're like, I just don't have fucking time for whatever that was. Then we gotta do it this way because this is what gets you through the day and we can move on and do something else, you know.

I don't think we've compromised our power exchange for that. I don't think we've compromised just compromised on things that probably used to feel super, super important, and this is how it needs to be done for us. And now we're like, nah. Nah. I ain't got time for that. So, yeah, that's our update. We can do a bonus section. Okay. So, are we good? I have no idea. I have no idea. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll hopefully see you on Friday and the next week.

Daddy. Yes, please. I know you're still trying to hit buttons and make them do what you want them to do. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I know. I was sitting in silence, but there comes a point where even the podcast listeners are like, did something cut out on the audio? Yeah. I know. So can we talk to the crickets? Go ahead. We're here. Mhmm. Tomorrow, day after recording, day before the podcast episode comes out audio only, is the 20 year old's

first concert of the semester Mhmm. And we hit the ground running. And there's one this week. There's one next week. I have to confirm that because I was like, oh, man. It is it. I don't know. They don't usually do on this soon in that particular group. And then there's one I think either the next week or the week after, and then there's two in the same week in October. I don't see us doing both of them. No. I just don't see it happening.

And the the oldest upgraded his band instrument with the help of his grandmother. Mhmm. And then I'd have an adult conversation if we do not just call our grandmother when we want something from her. You have to have a relationship with her on some level. If you love you know, you love her, you like her, she's not a bad person, and also you want her help financially, that should not be the only time she hears from you. Mhmm. Like Yeah. Be a good grandkid. She don't expect

your attention all the time. You're a busy kid. She gets it, but, like, just be mindful. But he's having she's there. Right. Don't leave her on red. Okay? Just fucking say good morning back every once in a while. But that giganto instrument is coming to our house. Yeah. And I am praying that it does not come when it's supposed to, and we don't have to haul it on the

same night. We're having to do a concert, which makes us very tired the next day because it's late at night because we're old people. And we do we don't we don't stay up late like we used to could. But I do know that that means if we can't give it to him the day of that we're gonna be there, then I have to make a trip back over the weekend, and I kinda don't wanna do that either. Yeah. But, yeah, we get to go see like, look. We can't hear the child. He's part of a group of, like, a 100. Okay?

I can usually, if I'm lucky, see the top of his fucking head, but that's about it. But just just I like to be there. We live so close, and this is my only chance to be a band parent anymore. And I fucking love it. Love it. Love it. But it we're old and tired. And because it's college students, they're gonna perform, like, at night. This is not middle school band. They'll perform at, like, 04:00

in the afternoon. No. No. You go in at night, it's gonna be dark when you get there probably and definitely dark when you leave. Yeah. So, yeah, that's what we're doing this week. What else have you got? Did I get oh, I got the thing that was flying around. Sorry for that tap. That would've messed with anybody's ears. I mean, me, really, I've I've basically just been working a lot. Mhmm. You know? Between thekinkery.com and thekinkery.com. You gotta say it right, daddy.

Just saying. Nobody can say it like you do. I gotta have something, you know. Gotta have something that makes me special. You know, I've been doing a lot of, wood dump stuff too in between. You have. Mhmm. Assuming, we still have camera ability like we do today. Oh, lord. I'm sorry. The visual is not great. Maybe we could do a show and tell. Yeah. What what you've been actively working on, like, the majority the bulk of your time this week is, diabolical sticks for the kinkery at thekinkery.com.

Diabolical's evils and mini delrin's. But the diabolical Turn. Turn. Turn. Halloween diabolical. Yeah. And we have a new style coming that I did in two separate colorways that looks so fucking cool. And yeah. Like, the first year we did Halloween diabolical, we didn't get them out till, like, mid October, which is not when you're supposed to put your Halloween stuff out, by the way, if you didn't know. But we were, like, oh, we're gonna do this, and then

we did not plan well. Then last year, we planned really well, and, like, on September 1 or Labor Day or something. Yeah. We had them all out. And even the Christmas ones were We're coming. Like, we're almost done. I know. I haven't even poured the Christmas and the and not even just Christmas, winter holiday dye box. I haven't poured those yet. And now we're mid to, like, late September. We're getting in and we're like, we're gonna have them.

And we've done something we've done something well because I'm getting people reaching out on, like, Instagram going, are these coming back? Are these coming back? They are. Yes. They are. So, but it's it's one of the things I feel I don't feel guilty about it. I don't wanna make it sound like I'm always walking around feeling, but I wish there was more I could do because to do diabolicals, they're done in kind of stages. We I poured the the

top the tip, the resin tip. If you're not aware of what a diabolical stick is, it's got a resin tip. It's got a resin handle, and it's connected by carbon fiber rod. Resin tips, I can pour whenever, and I do. I have we have buckets of tips that are not Halloween that are waiting. And JB wants to be in a position where he just turns and we just have them ready and we just put them together as we need them. But to do that, there is

the sheer amount of turning. I'm like, you've got to be so sick and fucking tired of turning at this point. Yeah. Like, if I if my math is correct, you've turned between di balical sticks, evil sticks, and the mini delrin canes. You've turned 70 plus handles this week. Yeah. This week alone. Mhmm. Y'all that's a lot of fucking turning. Tomorrow, turn some more. Mhmm. And then Friday, focus on doing the, finishing touches on the handles and then start assembling everything.

Mhmm. And then, yeah, what you don't get finished this week, probably be working on next week. And Right. Yeah. Yep. Yep. So it's a nice problem to have. It's just I don't like it that I can't do more to help you. I wanna do more. I know. I do what I can, and what I do I know what I do is enough. I'm doing other shit. But I'm always I'm always over to go, daddy, what can I do to help you?

You know, things things are are are thankfully going very well, with with the business, and, I'm actually considering looking into getting a second bandsaw. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. You've mostly out of necessity, you've you've upgraded a couple of things. Yeah. Yep. Yep. But they they do the job, and then we can do the job, and then Mhmm. Life is good. Mhmm. Yeah. The the new lathe is amazing. I think that's why you have turned 70 plus handles. Yeah. Yeah. This week alone. And that's on top

of doing other stuff, y'all. He's been Yes. The Resin inlays, the handles, and all kinds of stuff. Yeah. And and like I say, I'm just grateful that the weather has broke so I can I know? Work like this. You know, we're we're we're experiencing Florida autumn, which is like summer for most everybody. I know. Normal summer for everybody. Is it a false fall, or do you think we're really starting to maybe get into it? Well, you know, I I I thought it was false Mhmm.

But the the temperatures are have looking steady for the next Mhmm. Several weeks. And it's very pleasant at six, seven, eight, 09:00 in the morning to walk out the door into the open air and not feel like you're breathing through cotton. This morning It was so delightful. This morning, it was 68 degrees Fahrenheit and no humidity. Mhmm. It's that no humidity thing. Yep. Feels so good. Yeah. I'm pouring I've been pouring a lot of resin lately, and I'm not dripping with

sweat. Right? Yeah. It's delightful. I actually work most of the morning without even realizing it that I never turned the little fan on. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. So Yeah. We're just it's busy. This is we're coming into the busy time of year for the Cancri, which, again, is a wonderful problem to have. Mhmm.

But it it's I think we're I've I've said this a couple times, and every year, you know, we get closer to whatever our top limit is, our uppermost limit of what we can produce and, you know, still have a life to live. It's hard though. The the, urge to keep up with demand, it's there, but, man, the Jimmy would burn out so fucking quickly if he tried to we did three restocks of the Lego, but we legally have to call them building brick diabolical sticks. And and they were gone. They were gone so

fast. People were so mad at me. I got so many messages. I was like, I'm sorry. It was the third restock, and they're gone again. Yeah. I mean, I did a restock for the Labor Day sale. Mhmm. Then I did a that sold out, and then there's You actually did a restock prior to the Labor Day sale. That's right. They were gone. You did a restock for the Labor Day sale. Mhmm. They were gone about less than a week later. While the Labor Day sale was still going on, you did a third restock. They were gone.

And and that and that's why this time, I was like, no. I'm not thinking I'm not gonna do a quick restock. I'm just gonna buckle down, and I'm just gonna this is I'm focusing on this. Mhmm. And I'm just gonna turn my ass and turn, turn, turn. You're gonna turn your ass, That sounds kinky. Look, I know you'd you've got some toy up under your shorts when you're working. It's I mean, so if you're gonna turn your ass around, I'll or turn your ass off. Turn your ass. Whatever you're doing with your

ass. Yeah. Oh, you know. I'm Yeah. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. No. But, yeah, that's that's the thing with the, looking at the the next another band saw right now. The, the big one I've got set up, I do what they call resawing on that. It's a very it's a big blade. And, basically, take a board instead of cutting it, like, this way Like in half. Cutting it. So you cut along the The grain. The grain. So let's say it's an inch thick piece of wood. I'm just

throwing out easy numbers. I can cut that in half and have two half inch pieces. Exactly. Right. So So that that's what the resaw means. But, I've also been having need for a a, like, a one eighth inch blade where it can do tight bandsaw work. And, yeah, that's that's kinda where I'm at. And, you know, that's my goal before the end of the year. Yeah. We're fingers crossed. We're working towards it. Yeah. We've I I have realized we've grown. We're not a big company by any stretch.

There's no stretch of the imagination where you say we're a big company. We are bigger than we were a couple years ago, and I am realizing that our reach is a little bit further, and we appear to be bigger than we are because there are people who do not realize it is literally just the two of us. It's like, nope. Nope. It's it's just dom sub, husband, wife Mhmm. Two crazy motherfuckers who just wanna work for themselves. It's just us, y'all. It's just us.

That's always a trip because I just, for a while, I was like, I just assume everybody knows. Everybody does not know. Silent we are currently not speaking of the CNC machine. No. There's not been progress. I've wanted to ask, but there's never been a good time to ask, so I'm not asking. This is not me asking. We'll get to it when we get to it. Yeah. Right right now, yeah, it is it I had to put it to the side. I I just have not had

the time to devote. Also, the I think the the bandwidth because it's a challenge that you have to be able to focus Yeah. And investigate and learn Mhmm. And then tinker with and go back and forth and yeah. I'm almost say it's more emotional energy at this point than it is anything physical. So I think she wanted She's done with us. Logos like, look, I have wandered. I've been in my car. I went outside. I've laid next to my daddy. I've given him puppy dog eyes. I'm done

with you people. You've been in here too fucking long. Yeah. Yeah. So So You know, I'm I'm doing what I can do. That's all you can do. That's all you can do. And I am learning to relax. I don't mean relax like, oh, take time off. But, like, up in this is the first year I think that, yes, I am aware that we need more product. If we have more product, we'd have more sales, blah, blah, blah. All

those things, I'm aware. But I am working very, all those things I'm aware, but I am working very hard to not let that become so stressful. I can't function and have that overwhelm. Mhmm. Because all it ended up doing was having me push you harder, which that's not fair. You're doing what you can do. I think what I've managed to do to mitigate that is I just try to do more. I'm like, what can I do? What do you need? What can I like, what skill can you teach me that does not involve a blade?

Because I'll Yeah. I'll cut the shit. Look. I was just, cleaning up some resin because there was a little bit of an overpour on a piece and sliced the shit out of my thigh. It wasn't even a blade. It was just dried resin. Resin. Cured resin. And and and, Tae Shoo, you know, an old office office printer and a a sledgehammer? Mhmm. I'd have some fun. For anybody not looking at live chat, Tae Shoo said, JB, do you need me to send you a broken printer to beat up office space style?

Which that just reminds me. I I told JB recently, I need to I keep seeing things that are, like, from movies I watched as a teenager and that are nostalgic that are still kinda out there. Like, there'll be clips or memes. I'm like, I need to make a list of movies that I saw as a kid, as a teenager that I fucking loved, and we need to just watch them. And I'm I now Office Space has to be on it. Dogma was rereleased for a limited run yesterday or the day before. This week sometime, I

would kill to go see that. Fucking love Dogma when it first came when I first saw it. I didn't see it in the theaters when it first came out. Chain Silent Bob, man. Chain Silent Bob. Yep. But and now Lola wants it? No. Lola doesn't want and she wants us on the couch, doesn't she? Is it time for her high value treat? She has not had her treat yet tonight. So she is very annoyed with us. Treat. Yeah. And and, x, thank you. You know, if when I get back into it, I may reach out

to you. That's about the CNC machine. Yeah. I did learn. Am I correct in remembering you've never seen the movie Titanic? Correct. We have to watch that one. I haven't. I I need you to weigh in on do you think Jack could've fit on the door? Even if you don't know what that reference is. I yeah. I can't. Okay. Because I saw somebody, some science, somebody, somebody prove that it would that it would not have worked for him to be on the door. But I was 14,

15 when I saw that movie. I was just crying at the tragedy of it all. I wasn't I I I didn't clock that. Now I need to see it again so I can, like oh, Tati says Rocky Horror Picture Show is coming back to theaters for a limited run. Oh, I would watch that too. Do you know my first experience with Rocky Horror Picture Show? I was in my very late twenties. I might have been 30 before I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show fully and in a theater where everybody was doing the stuff and dressed

up. Oh, yeah. I was, like, 29, 30. I was, I had my big girl corporate job, and I that's when I was I was 17 when I saw Rocky Horror. My mother was about the same age as you, and then she was one of those so funny because my mom does not come across as somebody who would, like, wild out to Rocky Horror Picture Show, but apparently, she and her friends went to multiple showings, that was the midnight showings or whatever.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. My you no. But no. Nobody who knows my mother would think, oh, yeah. That was some you? I'm like, yeah. Of course, she fucking went to Rocky Horror. But, yeah, I was, like, I was, like, 30. So Yeah. She she was very happy when I gave her her treat. She had that big, pity smile, and she just pranced over to her her treat eating corner. I mean Do you have Rocky Horror? No. I was gonna say maybe maybe that needs to be a movie night option. Rocky Horror Picture Yeah.

X says, I saw Titanic in theaters. Me too. My mom and I went and saw that movie together. You're bald. I don't know what changed. Cried so hard. On YouTube, but I'm just getting bombarded with ads. And that's YouTube serving the ads up because I don't have ads turned on for live streams. So that's YouTube going, oh, we're gonna make money whether you're not getting a cent, but we're gonna show ads. And they're they're they overlay the Mhmm. Mhmm. It's not even a a break in

the thing. It's just it overlays in every couple minutes. So Anyhow We have to stop, or we won't have enough to talk about on Friday. On Friday. We'll find it. We'll talk about bacon. We're coming up soon enough on it's time for fall and winter, desserts and treats. We can talk about those foods. Absolutely. Right now, I am enjoying not everything pumpkin spice because some of that shit what are we doing? Why is that pumpkin spice flavored?

But I am enjoying the things that make sense to have be pumpkin and pumpkin spice. And JB is starting to get to enjoy apple, all things apple. Mhmm. Mhmm. It's that time. Yeah. And soon it will be winter. Excuse me. So Alright. I guess we should go then, Yeah. Oh my gosh. It's almost 09:00. I know. I know. And here we are. I am. Well, we did, like, we didn't get last weekend. That's a lot of pent up. I have things to say to people. You're not doing what you gotta do. True.

True. True. Okay. Okay. Maybe at this week's livestream, y'all can help me make the list of the nostalgic late eighties, nineties movies. Some early eighties that, like, ended up coming up on TBS and I watched reruns. Like, Mr. Mom. I'd fucking watch that shit again. So I could clock all the sexism, I'm sure, and other problematic stuff. But I'd watch Mr. Mom again because that's where we got the term whoopie. Yeah. Which we don't even use that term anymore because you don't think any anymore.

No. You don't have a whoopie. No. I don't have a whoopie anymore. We need you to I don't want you to vape. I'm glad I'm glad you don't. I'm glad you, you know, whatever. But you need a whoopie because I don't get to refer to whoopies anymore. No. I just realized that. Anyway, we gotta go. Hopefully, we will Yeah. See you, talk to you, however the all that works. Probably will. One way or another. Friday night livestream. Mhmm. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Okay. Bye. Bye.