- You are listening to the Living BDSM podcast, episode 3 96. Okay. The Lord's here with the one, the only, the, I wish you could have taken a longer nap. I know you're tired, John Brownstone. Yeah. I mean, I think if it had been a longer nap, we would not be recording slash streaming right now. Be sitting here now. You would've slept straight through that night. Mm-Hmm. , uh, fingers crossed. That means you sleep good tonight. I hope so. Yeah. Yeah.
So if you wanna know what a tired John Brownstone looks like, go watch the video , because there's no hiding it. Don't worry. I can, I can talk enough for two or three people. So you, you just chime in when you need to and I'll handle the rest. I'm, I'm just here for eye candy today. And you are, Hey, I don't look on my own. I know how to talk to myself. Okay? I sound like a crazy person. Whatever. I give great advice even to myself.
Uh, but here with the microphone now, I need you at least to bounce off of, even if you don't have a lot to say, , if I think I'm talking to you and not into the void, I can do it. Okay? So don't you worry, , that is not at all what we're talking about, except I would say that I do think that you, your presence, you, your love, our relationship probably does ground and center me. So I guess it does kind of relate, okay?
We're talking about, um, as a kinky person who has certain kinks for us, and maybe something for you to think about. What grounds us, what centers us? What is grounding your centering even mean? And what, if any, kinks, like, get us into that space. We need to be in that. That's what we're talking about this week. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. This is your first time listening. Glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your Kiki pleasure in education. And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving BDSM PC on Instagram and threads at that handle. I will forever fucking hate with all of my heart loving Ds and the number one. So that's at Loving DS one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, where you can watch us live.
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Join us at patreon.com/kayla lords, that's patreon.com/kayla lords, or use a link in the show notes. Okay. So fan going on. It is much cooler in here. Oh, yeah. Than it would be if we were doing this in the middle of the day. Correct. But yeah, we still need the fan. Yep. Okay. So before we get into the this week's topic, uh, announcement, we're going live Friday night, uh, uh, assuming that we are healthy enough for it, . If JB is sick, I'll probably go live, but not for the full time.
If we are both sick, we may postpone is all I'm saying. Um, but assuming everybody's healthy , , Friday, May 17th, 9:30 PM Eastern will be live on YouTube for our monthly virtual Munch q and a thing, uh, where it's chaotic on purpose. So, and I don't apologize for the chaos there. No, no, no. Um, so yeah, that is coming up. Uh, we link to it in our weekly newsletter. Um, if you're subscribed to our YouTube channel, hopefully the notifications work and you find out when we are going live.
Um, so yeah, we hope you can join us. Okay. This week's topic on what grounds us and centers us in kink, like kink activities or parts of our kink life that give us that grounded or centered feeling. This topic came to me when JB pulled my hair, . Look, I cut off all my hair yet again, podcast listeners, you can't see. It's fine. And, uh, it had to pass the hair pull check now. It was a little late once the hair got cut, but, you know, we needed to test. And, uh, he did.
- He, it's just fine. It's perfect. - It's perfect. Um, and I realized in that moment, I'd been, I'd been, I, it's been a bad brain week for me this week. Like, I've just been, I've been off. Um, and for, it's - Been that way for me too. Yeah, it, - It's, yeah. So whatever's going on with us, it's probably been creeping up on us. Um, but in that moment when I'm feeling like that, that just stinging tight, oh my god. Pain from having my hair pulled for like three seconds.
I was no thoughts, just vibes. Like, I was just like, - Everything just kind of snapped back into, - Oh yeah. I was like, Ooh. And then for a few minutes afterwards, I was like, oh, there I am. I remember me like this . It didn't last long enough, , but I, yeah, I went, oh, and, and a topic was born. So here we are. So let's talk first about what does it mean to be centered or grounded? They're technically two different terms. A lot of people do use them interchangeably. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, I tried to find a source that felt reputable , um, but take it with a grain of salt. And if you have a very, like, an understanding for yourself of what it means to be grounded or centered, keep it where I don't, I don't know enough. I'm just, I found a source that I went that feels right, that feels reputable. 'cause when I say centered and grounded, if you ask me to define it, I'd be like, no, I know. It's one of those words. I know what it means just through using it.
. Don't ask me for the Webster Dictionary definition. So to, to the internet, I went, so this is from Psychology Today. Somebody wrote an article called What is Centering? What Is Grounding? I have linked to it in the places, so if you wanna read it for yourself, great. Um, but this is, um, it's a couple paragraphs about centering and, um, grounding. Say centering usually refers to our mental and physical state of mind. It's the place we know we have to get back to.
When we're not feeling like ourselves, when we're not centered, we might feel lost or out of touch with ourselves. When we center ourselves, we bring calm to our emotions. Uh, we do so by slowing down our breathing so that we feel more of what's going on around us. Becoming centered is a way to find peace within the chaos that might be surrounding us. It's all, it's about being air, quote in check with what's going on. Individuals who are centered are typically calm and peaceful.
Uh, so post kink scene is what I like's being described here. Oh, that feeling when I'm like, oh. Oh. There I'm again, . I recognize me. Okay. Mm-Hmm. . So, grounding. Grounding is a term used in conjunction with the energy fields around us. Uh, being grounded means that we're content with who we are, we're sure of ourselves, and have confidence in the decisions we make. Becoming grounded is about getting rid of excessive energy in the body, allowing clean energy to come through.
When we ground ourselves, we're calming or slowing down our emotions and getting more in touch with our internal and external worlds. Grounding our energy can be helpful when we feel either unbalanced or nervous. Being grounded also means that we're more mindful with respect to our environment. I can see why those terms get used interchangeably. Mm-Hmm. , I can see how they can be seen as different things. Yep. I also think that one kink activity can do both .
Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yep. So, um, yeah, I, I, I totally vibe with that whole idea. If I'm, if I'm centered, I am back to myself, I am Mm-Hmm. I'm in that space of, uh, the way I keep saying it, there I am. You like this, this is the me I wanna be. This is the me that I, I've, that feels most right. It, for me, it is not the chaotic me.
It's not the, the way I've been going since what, last week sometime the executive dysfunction me, who cannot do, like, I can't make a decision. I can't focus on anything. I know what I need to do and how I need to do it, and I can't like that. And then the anxiety that sometimes comes with executive dysfunction, and sometimes it's just there because high anxiety. Just because, just because, just because. Um, and so in brief moments, specific to kink, not specific.
Mm-Hmm. Because you can get grounded or centered in a lot of non kink ways. Right. But, and I'm sure I do. I just don't think of it that way. But in kink, I feel like I notice it more because I, it is that sort of snapback of, oh, I'm clear for a moment. All all is clear. When you were pulling my hair last night, all I could think about and focus on was that sharp pull of like, individual strands. 'cause it's not like you take a, just a chunk and they all pull up together.
Mm-Hmm. , it's all like uneven. So one part will be like this kind of dull kind of pull. And another part will be like, oh, fire in my scalp grave, . But when that's happening, all I am focused on is the sensation and the moment. 'cause when you do it, it is for us an absolute act of dominance. Like you are, you are in charge and you are reminding - Me. Now. Now, would you say, when I do something like that, when I grab your hair and pull it, is it like a instant thing?
Like a switch being flipped - Or, um, I think maybe as it pertains to grounding it is because I could be off floaty and like, not being, not paying attention, not focused, not, you know, feeling like I can move forward and do anything. And in that moment, everything comes into focus. , . I mean, am I focused solely on hand in hair that burning? Like all of it? Like, it's all of it at once. Mm. In the moment. I can't really pull out all the things that I feel. I just know, I feel it all.
The thing I feel most overwhelmingly sensation wise is any strands that are being pulled, and it's that burn kind of pull. But the, the feeling like I can take a deep breath again, that is usually either towards the end or right as you let go. Mm-Hmm. I kinda go, whew. 'cause while, again, this is personal, it's me having my hair pulled while you're doing that, I no thoughts there. There's no room for thoughts.
I just feel, and I, and especially it was what yesterday, I am very much reminded of who I am. Like I know who I am instead of having a lot of the chaotic thoughts, I tend to, or the, the anxious thoughts that I tend to where I question everything and then I get sort of paralyzed and can't do anything, can't go left or right, can't go forward. I'm like, I'm just, I'm a mess when something happens.
And it, you know, maybe it's not a kink thing, but in this case, when it's a kink thing, like I, even if it's brief for a very brief moment during the whole duration of the during and then for a brief moment afterwards. Mm-Hmm. . I can just take a deep breath again. Okay. And I, it, I don't, to me it's an easy way specific care pulling, but we're gonna get into others later. It's a quick, easy headspace check. Okay. If that makes sense. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
. And when I'm in my submissive headspace, I have found this to be true. Since I figured out I was kinky, everything else falls away. I get real focused on 'em in a, a submissive headspace. Because when I'm, when I'm being your submissive, and that is all that matters in that moment. Mm-Hmm. . Whether it's a physical thing or a, you know, baby girl, go do this thing. Or this is just my task. I do, my purpose is very clear. There's no room for questions. I know what I'm supposed to do. Mm-Hmm.
, because you told me what to do, . We have enough years of experience. I know what to do. And all I have to do is that outside of those moments, Mm-Hmm. , it's chaos. Everything's coming at me at once. And it's all the responsibilities and it's all the choices and it's all, it's all of it. And it's very easy on what I call bad brain weeks or timeframes to just be like floating in space with no tether. It's like being tethered. It's like having an anchor or having something to hold onto.
And I'm no longer just floating lost. Okay. Is this a moment where I am? Everybody is reminded about how, how not spicy your brain is because you are supportive, but you also are kind. Tell me if I'm wrong, 'cause I know you will. Okay. The, the vibe I'm getting is you're like, wow. Oh, that, that must be really tough. , I - Can't imagine . - Oh, like you're, you're empathetic but you don't necessarily have, uh, personal experience that is in your own brain. Okay. .
- That is correct. That is correct. - So is it a little bit like you're watching a movie with subtitles? 'cause I'm speaking another language , and you're like, yeah, pretty - Much I get what's going on here. - Yeah. I, we are following the notes because Mm-Hmm. , I did not want this to be chaotic or more so than usual. So, uh, those are the reasons I tend to need to be centered or grounded. . How, how do you feel about the idea of it? Can you think of times when you're like,
I I need this. I've had this. - Um, I, I, I think that there are absolutely times I need that. Uh, because there are times I feel, um, you know, I am the decider in the relationship. And, uh, sometimes it gets overwhelming Sure. With everything that's going on between stuff with the youngest, between finances, between the, the, the wood shop, between lb, between, between, between, between, - Between everything we do. LB is loving. BD sm sorry. Yeah. We forget.
We don't have to talk in code with y'all. Yeah. - So, um, you know, there, there are times all that stuff just, uh, becomes a lot. Mm-Hmm. . - Mm-Hmm. - - Have you, we'll get into what kink activities make us feel this way. Mm-Hmm. But can, can you think of a time when in kink you, it has a thing you've done has given you that centered or that grounded feeling? Like do you have - Absolutely. Um, I, for me I think it's more centering. Mm. Than grounding. Mm-Hmm. .
And, um, it, it comes to me like, it, it, last night, pulling your hair. - Oh. It's just like a, a thing you're gonna get - For, for me, for me, it's kind of a thing. Ah, you - Just do it. Like, no, you know, a lot, not a lot of forethought to it. - It, it does not happen all the time. No, - It does not, not often enough either. - Um, she said love the, the, the one time or times that I could say it, it definitely kind of does happen, is when we are doing a scene of any duration.
- Oh. So when you get that kind of, that narrowed focus you get in dom space. Yes. Yes. And that, so I'm curious, when you're in Dom space and you get to have that like, super specific focus, like Mm-Hmm. , when we seen you're focused because you're a responsible human being who does not wanna harm me and - Don't wanna, don't wanna break my toys - Non-consensual Ways. Right? Right. But so separate from that kind of just attention, you're paying dom space, focus, that kind of focus.
Mm-Hmm. , that's a centering kind of moment for you. Yeah. So I know that at least in the past when the aftermath of that the scene is over, everything's slowed down, you tend to be really hyped up because that focus was so strong. Yes. Does that mean that when the scene's over and there's no need for that focus anymore, that you feel less centered? Or do you still feel centered? You just have energy when you do - Something with, I, I still, I still feel centered.
It does last a while after. Mm-Hmm. , um, when we do the scenes at night, you know, when we've either been at a party, the club or whatever, um, I know you, when you are done, you, you're ready to close your eyes and, and, and pretty much go to sleep. I'm - Basically as relaxed as I can physically be without medication. , I will get hungry, please feed me. But yeah. Other, mostly I wanna go to sleep - And, and see, for me it is the exact opposite.
Yeah. I know. I am wound up and I I'm ready to go, man. I'm firing all, all cylinders. - Is it, is it part, partly because everything within you mentally, emotionally kind of comes together because you're centered, everything's just real clear and you are who you are and all the other outlying like annoyances have fallen away. Is that like, it's a question I'm actually asking - - , he's already gone.
Y'all, he is not centered right now. No. So when after the scene and you're like ready to go, and you got the energy and the focus and you're saying, yeah, you are still centered, is it maybe because, or is it for another reason? Is it because you are back to yourself in a way? There's no, there's, it's not that the outside chaos isn't there. Is it that it doesn't matter or you're able to tune - It out? It's, it's, it's not as pertinent at that point. Gotcha.
Okay. Gotcha. Because, um, you know, let's face it, you know, doing, doing a scene, there's a lot of stuff involved with that. You know, you, you kind of have to put a lot of your focus in there. Sure. Which can be tiring to do that. You can't, can't just, you know, okay, yeah. I'm gonna, you know, pull out a paddle and flogger and, you know, la la la da la - Da. Yeah. Not for a, a planned scene. Sure, sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah. - So I lost my thought. - It's o it's okay. It's okay.
I'll, I don't know where your thought was, but I did have another question. - Okay. - Which is, is sort of the irony of if you know the things that can ground you or center you and you know, that's good for you, that doesn't mean they don't still get avoided. And here's why I ask that. Mm-Hmm. for all that, you know, that if the stars align, 'cause dom space, subspace, none of that's guaranteed, right? Correct. So dom space is not a guarantee for you, but you know what it does for you.
And yet for a variety of reasons we don't see as often as we used - To - . Yeah. Lots of reasons. This is not, I don't want this to come across as I'm like, well, why aren't we seeing, well, that's not the question I'm asking because I know how my brain works. And so I'm wondering if this is maybe something similar. Do you sometimes kind of tell yourself, I don't have it in me to scene because mm-Hmm. , there's too much going on. I am tired. It's too chaotic. I can't focus.
And do you forget that the outcome of that scene could be that you get your focus back? Like, does - That ever come into play? And there, there, there lies the conundrum. Uhhuh - . Oh no, I feel you. I - Feel you. I, because, yeah. Um, it, it's very easy for me to become overwhelmed with everything. Especially, especially lately. Um, you know, we're, we're juggling a lot of hats right now. Sure. - Do you know your metaphor for juggling changes every time you say it?
I would like somebody to go back in the archives and clock it. We have juggled so many things right now. We're juggling hats. Uh, it's fine. It's fine. I find it, I find it very endearing. - Okay. So, um, you know, and it's funny how that, how, how the mind works like that because you know that doing something like that can, can kind of bring you back and, and take that, that that stress and that tension and, and re relieve it.
But when you're mired in all the stuff, right, it's like, how, how are we gonna find time to do this? Right, - , it's, there's no, it's, I I would say it, this happens for a lot of reasons, but because of the topic, when we are not grounded and centered Mm-Hmm. or, and or whatever, it is very hard to think about things and the outcome of things.
What I think it's a little, it's kind of ironic 'cause it's a little bit like you're in the moment of I am so exhausted and overwhelmed, I could not possibly put together the energy for a scene. Mm-Hmm. . But it means that you're not able to think ahead and go, but wait, if I, if I put in a little bit of effort now it's the same thing of forgetting that a scene scene doesn't have to be an hour long and a, you know, a 18 act play , like, it can be 20 minutes of a very simple activity.
And that still air quote counts as a scene. And you can still get some of the benefits of the scene. But when you're tired and overwhelmed and stressed out, it's very hard to think like that far ahead. Correct. And I think there's a term I'm trying to think of, uh, to, of that kind of thinking. And I, my brain can, is not firing on all cylinders. I cannot think of it. Somebody is thinking of it, and you'll probably yell it into your car while you're driving, listening to podcast .
Um, so are there times, have there been times where you had that moment of Mm-Hmm. , I don't have it in me to scene. Oh my God, it's too much. It's too much. But you pushed through anyway and then when you did the times that you have done Mm-Hmm. is it, is it always worth it when you do? Is it sometimes worth it? It, - It usually is worth it. And, and what's funny is it's then it comes down to the fact, well, God, this, this was great and I feel wonderful. Why don't we do this more often?
You know, and, you know Yeah. - The post scene haze and high Yeah. We will both be like, we need to do this more often. Let's put it on the calendar now. Yeah. And then after the, the bliss wears off, we're like, oh, we're so tired - And stressed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. I'm, I'm near a hundred percent positive that they're the people, professionals, gurus, whoever out there who talk about being centered and grounded and how to do it.
Mm-Hmm. probably talk about ways to have that feeling for more than five minutes. I very rarely have that feeling for more than five minutes. . I can get that from kink. I get if we do like a full on scene where maybe I didn't hit Subspace, but I relax the fuck out and I, you know, feel no non-consensual pain at all. Um, that'll last me usually into the next day when we have even outside of a scene when we just kind of get like deep into our power exchange for a little bit.
Not in anything elaborate, but like for 30 minutes you were very much daddy dom and I'm very much baby girl submissive that can, that feeling can hold me for like, maybe up to a day, you know, into the next day at least. Mm-Hmm. the small moments, like, you know, having my hair pulled last night, I, I got the moment, I got the 10 minutes after, but when I woke up, the, the feeling was
- Had faded. Yeah. - I'm sure there's somebody out there selling some course or supplement who could tell you, you can be always, always grounded or centered if you just take their magic pill and plant their magic bean , um, . And maybe there are people who are able to, and I admire them. I, and I don't know if it's the brain I have. I don't know if that's just not really realistic for people who live in the capitalistic society that we live in. . Um, . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
. But I think that it's, so, I don't wanna say, oh, we're striving to speak centered and grounded all the time. Um, I do think there, it may be worth the effort to try to feel that way more often than not. But I wonder, and this is where I'm no expert on this topic, if over time, if you did only the same, like one thing to center yourself or ground yourself Mm-Hmm.
, um, in kink or outside of kink, if it ha if it wears off like you get used to it, is it one of those things where diminishing returns each time? So after a while it becomes commonplace and is not this thing - That if not the thing. Yeah. - So maybe it's okay if we have many things that help us get grounded or centered that are not, not even just kink things, just things in life. Yeah. Then you can kind of pick and choose and then everything sort of stays fresh.
- Yeah. And, and, and that's something too. I mean, I, I've not reached that point just because of the way our life has been. Um, but you know, yeah. I've wondered if, because, you know, and then when you do it, you're like, wow, this feels great. You should do this more. And then I I've often wondered, well, if we do this a lot more, will it not become, does - It become commonplace?
Yeah. Well and you know, I think is it then that it's the novelty of it that makes us feel a little bit more grounded or centered And the activity certainly plays a part, but it's the fact that we did the thing, you know, I hate to say this 'cause I don't like to equate our kinky fuckery power exchange life to like things as mundane as like making a phone call.
But the way we both kind of procrastinate, like just taking some time and getting our kink on, even though we know we're gonna feel really good afterwards. Mm-Hmm. , I, my brain kind of goes Yeah. It's sort of like that ten second phone call I put off for a month Yeah. That I thought was gonna take all day and it really did not take any actual effort at all. Why the hell did I put it off for so long?
It's, it's a similar vibe to me of why am I procrastinating, I procrastinate on this thing 'cause I think it's gonna require more effort than I have to give. Then I finally fucking do the thing and I go, oh no. I needed less effort than I thought I did. I don't know if that has anything to do with grounding or centering. It's just an observation. Okay. So this is sort of my, the part I was trying to get us to eventually, what is it in kink specifically?
Mm-Hmm. that makes you feel grounded or centered? Um, I have my things. I had, I wrote down a list I didn't wanna forget Mm-Hmm. . But, um, - Um, I would've to say absolutely our, our Ds. Really? Yeah. Um, oddly enough, last night when we were going to bed and I needed to take a muscle relaxer, but I hadn't taken one mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . And I had you go out, I had you get the pills, get me some drink.
Mm-Hmm. to me that felt very empowering that you and my submissive were doing this for me, even though I was already in bed. - So I had a moment where I felt like very submissive. Mm-Hmm. . And then I had to put on the hot robe and go out. 'cause I wasn't gonna walk around the house naked with a kid in the house. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Um, and that's when it stopped feeling submissive. I was like, I mean, I didn't want you to be in pain. I wanted you to take your medication.
Clearly I was the one that needed to do it. You were like barely moving in the bed at that point. But the moment of, maybe for me it was because all my list is, is, um, doing what I'm told to do in, in that submissive sort of headspace. It does the same thing for me. But it's, it's strange that it's not every time, like as I was getting up and checking, okay, is it this medication? He's got like three or four medications. . I was like, which one is it? Um, I was feeling it and I was like, yeah.
And then I was like, oh yeah, I need to get him water and I'll have to go out in the kitchen. But, and then I was like, why don't we have a cup in the bathroom for like, what are we doing here? We're heathens, I guess. I don't know. - . - That's, um, and, and I was like, I was in it and I was like, this is my purpose and I'm helping my daddy and this is what we do.
And then I had to put something on to not walk around naked and I put on my robe as the easiest thing and was immediately uncomfortable as immediately decentered. Ah. Like I was not in the head space anymore. I was like, I now just want this to be over with as quickly as box - . Okay. Okay. - Now do you feel it more 'cause me getting your medication, it was sort of a mutual decision. Mm-Hmm. you needed it. I was obviously willing going to, so it was our power exchange.
But it wasn't the direct - No, it wasn't - Go do the thing. Do you get a different vibe when it's a direct thing versus a we're just in the middle of power exchange? - Definitely. But I, I think what it was last night that made it feel different is because it was out of the ordinary of our regular - Yeah. It wasn't our rote routine stuff. Right. So do you, does it center you more when it is outside of it?
Not in the routine. That's funny because for me, when I'm thinking about what I'm doing as a submissive Mm-Hmm. it can be centering or grounding. It could be both. Uh, for me, I think it's both. 'cause I think I'm very uncentered and ungrounded . Like I just think I'm floating in space . Um, and sometimes I, I'm sorry, I can't say it's always . Sometimes when you give the direct baby girl, I need you to do, go do blah, blah, blah. It will do that for me. I will get that.
I'll, I'll be like, I know who I am and what my purpose in life is. Okay. Mm-Hmm. , let's go. Um, but sometimes it won't , which is very frustrating. You wanna know when it's not. I have a clear tell. You'll know every time. Okay. If I go, okay, Downey, or okay JB or Mm-Hmm. whatever. And just to go do the thing, I'm in the moment. I am as mindful as I know how to be. I am submissive mindset. - And, and, and then when you start, but, but, but, - But, but, or I give you a look.
Yeah. Or I go, I have questions , clearly we know I'm still gonna do it. That's, that's the nature of who we are. . - But it is, but it's gonna be the long way around - To do it. Yeah. It's gonna be, yeah. 'cause I, it something about whatever I'm going through in that moment. Yeah. I can't ground me. It can't center me. I'm still, you know, chaos incarnate, you know, . I don't, I'm not, I'm not thinking about myself as submissive at that point.
I am all of the other things and all of the other chaos that comes with those things. And there is no, for me in that moment, there's no space for me to narrow in and go, I am a submissive right now. And that is all I have to worry about. And isn't this delightful? Mm-Hmm. So , if you, if you ever want to know what it's doing for me, , that that is the tell's it. Because sometimes when you say, maybe we all need you to do this thing. Mm-Hmm. . And I just go do it.
It feels like I just, my purpose in life is many things. Mm-Hmm. , you know, I'm a fully fleshed out human being with all kinds of wants and needs. But something about getting to be in my submissive head space makes me feel like I'm living my purpose for a few seconds. Even though I have all kinds of other purposes. , the being a submissive is not, it doesn't stress me out because I literally just have to do the thing you said to go do.
I don't have to think about it. I don't have to wonder how it's supposed to work. I don't have to wonder about the outcome. I don't have to worry about, you know, is this real? Like I and you, it took a while for you to get me there. I recall . Mm-Hmm. . I just have to fucking do what I'm told. Yeah. And what's funny is I don't wanna live that 24 7 in the, the micromanagement kind of way. Like I would get Mm-Hmm. I would get antsy after a while.
And there are times I like making my own fucking decisions. I, we have, we, did we do the episode on submissives with control issues? I thought we did. It's all a blur. I'll have to look, somebody will remember. If we haven't, we will. Because I know that about myself. I like being in fucking control of so things. Mm-Hmm. . I like making the decisions. It's empowering to me. But man, when I get to just be your submissive Mm-Hmm.
. I know who I am in that moment and everything else just falls away. Okay. But it's not every time. And I don't know what the secret sauce is. Yeah. Of how I get there. I just can tell. Now I'll tell you this. You gave me Hmm? You gave me a task the other day. Yes. And look, I, I've never, unless I'm withdrawn, consent, I've never said no to jb. If he assigns a task, it gets done. That doesn't mean I won't whine about it - Sometimes. No, that's true. - So here's the, the ironic thing.
It was about, it's my job to fold sheets. JB iss, like I'm not wrestling with a fucking fitted sheet. Mm-Hmm. . Okay, fine. We negotiated out. I will, I can ball up the fitted sheet as well as anybody else. Okay. . . But, uh, I have a, I have a bad habit of those sheets will get washed, they'll get dried, and then they will sit in the corner of our bedrooms till I need to change sheets again. , - Uhhuh, .
- And you were on a really good roll of, we were just getting our shit done and putting our laundry away. Mm-Hmm. and whatever. And I made the dumb ass choice to make a snide comment about the sheets. Oh. 'cause you had sort of offhand said, oh, well you could fold the sheets. I went, or I could just leave them sit in the corner for a couple weeks. Okay. Usually do. - And as soon as you said that like, no, I want them done by - Before. Like, whatever it was a Saturday or something. Mm-Hmm. .
- So here's before the end of the day. - Here's what's funny. You know how I kind of, I didn't push back. I was not disobedient. I was not mouthy, but I, I I winded. I totally . So in that moment, there was, I was not feeling my, I was feeling my baby girl self, let's be real. I was feeling my sassy self. Yeah. But I was not feeling submissive. Right. I was not grounded or centered.
When I went to go put the damn sheets away and fold them, roll up the fitted sheet, whatever, um, I did in that moment while I was doing it, even though like when I walked up into the bedroom, I was kind of going Right. Because I phone the sheets is so tedious. I fucking hate it. Um, . But one, once I was doing it and I knew exactly why I was doing it. There was only one reason I was doing it that day. And at that moment, in that moment, I was very much grounded.
I was very much like, I know my purpose now, the moment I got it done and put away, I had that momentary pride in myself that I get. And then I, that that feeling was gone. - gone. Gone. Okay. Was gone. - Okay. So giving a command, being in our power exchange. Mm-Hmm. anything else like - Activity, you know, definitely when, you know, doing a scene, giving a spanking or something. - Is it any scene or is it specific - Activity? Um, it can be any scene. It's not any one. Mm-Hmm. aspect of it.
- Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. So mine are very simple. Mm-Hmm. , uh, . So we, I didn't put it first for whatever reason, but this is what we were talking about. When you pull my hair, I mean, regardless of the sensations that I feel in my scalp Mm-Hmm. the moment I realized you've literally got a grip on my hair. I'm, I'm fucking like, pliable at that point. I'm like, you - Are? What do - You want? I'll do anything. You, you're, can I string two coherent thoughts together?
No . But yeah. I, I'll do anything. I'm, I'm in, I'm there. There is nothing outside that moment. I realized this the other day, and I think it's why I complain. When you stop every time butt rubs, we, we know I love a good butt rub. Right. We, you were not feeling it. Was it last night? It must've been last night you pulled my hair. We'd had the moment, it was the hair check after a haircut. . I mean, we do it every time.
Um, um, bent over the bed and you're not like, you don't have the energy for any impact. Mm-Hmm. Okay. You're just rubbing my butt. And it was this very like, rhythmic almost. It wasn't quite hypnotic. But had you gone long enough, I'd have zoned the fuck. I was my world centered to this sensation of your warm ha hand on my ass. And that was all that existed.
Which is part of why not all of, but part of why sometimes when you stop before I'm ready for you to stop, I will whine because I'm like, wait, this was feeling fucking amazing. Everything else f falls away. And I'm, and not only am I in a pseudo vulnerable position Mm-Hmm. . Not only am I getting the attention I crave for my daddy, Dom. Sure. , your hand is on my butt. . And I have, I mean, I dunno, your mind could be wandering, right? I dunno. I'm not looking at you. You, you're
- Not. There's - No eye contact. But in that moment, what I feel is like I'm the center of your universe and you are, you are the center of mind. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . That's all I notice is, is what's happening. Yeah. So when - It's because, well, and, and that makes sense because at that moment we are just there. - Yeah. I mean, 'cause the connection at that point is pure fit. We're not even looking at one another. No. I mean, yes, you're looking at me, but I'm not looking into your eyes.
Right. So, and there's not usually much talking's - Very quiet there. There's not much, usually not much talking. It's more about the, the action. Right. What being done. Yeah. - And so if you'd like to rub my butt more often, Hey, if you need to calm me down when I get my bedtime zoomies, I know the way I do have a question though. Mm-Hmm. , you have the past few nights, not every night, but over like the past couple weeks, you have rubbed my butt in the middle of the night.
Yeah. Is that for you or for me? Both. What is it for you? - Um, believe it or not, and, and, and this is no surprise, and you know, there I wake up in the middle of the night. I mean, - Same. Yeah. - Um, you know, if I sleep through the entire night, it's a miracle. It, it's, it's time for celebration. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Um, but anyway, there, there are times, thankfully these are far and few between where I cannot go back to sleep. Mm - Mm-Hmm. .
- But I have found that, uh, sometimes when rubbing your butt, when I come back to bed like that and I can't, you know, having a hard time, it helps quiet me and I - Can, so it centers you to rub my butt. - I get, yeah. I guess it does. Okay. - We're disgustingly adorable. I'm so sorry. . Okay. So pull my hair anytime. If you need me to just shut the fuck up, just pull my hair, you know, that. Rub my butt whenever you need it. This butt is available for you. I mean, in multiple ways.
Mm-Hmm. Nope. That's, that's different conversation. Yeah. So the other one on my list, and it is very, it's specific, it's impact play, but it is the fuddy impact play. Like I always tell you, it felt like a deep tissue massage. Yeah. Because like when you've done punching, we did that recently. We needed to be quiet. And it had been a while.
And you just, I mean, we didn't even talk about it because we don't, we know he knows what I like and he knows I'm gonna speak up if he picks a bad moment for something. Mm-Hmm. . So he just does what he feels like within my parameters. And he started doing the punching thing down my back, down my ass. I always like, you're, you're not overly rough with it, but always knocks my breath out. I fucking love that feeling. Yeah. Um, and that type of, it's the pressure, it's the rhythm.
'cause it's usually pretty rhythmic. Mm-Hmm. . It's the, the deep impact. And I'm using punching as the example, but it can be Sure. Um, the way he flogs or a specific paddle or something. Typically what I have found is it's not too, it's not the loud crack kind of sound. It's not there, it's not always quiet impact. But it does tend to be a, a thud impact is usually quieter than a sting true burn kind of impact. Yeah. Not always, but usually.
Um, and when you get into a rhythm with it, that is another moment where the noise falls away, falls away. I am like, sort of like, I go inward and I'm just, I just get to exist. Yeah. And I get to breathe and I get to feel, and I'm very relaxed when you're done. Um, but it's clearly I tolerate a certain level of sting, um, and loud sensation and smacks. I mean, my favorite paddle is loud as fuck. Right. . It doesn't really hurt. Like he has to, like, you have to swing real damn hard to hurt.
Um, but that doesn't give me the same feeling. I get the, the joy and the fun and the whatever, the relaxation to a certain extent of a scene that way. But it's, um, I think it's the sensory experience because it's loud or with, with the sting sensation that maybe I'll feel with something I can't get. I can't block out things around me. Mm-Hmm. , I am focused . I am very focused on what's happening on my ass. But there's all, there's sort of this unknown of what's it gonna feel like next?
How hard will it be? And that's a fun scene. I don't, I'm, this is not a complaint about that scene. But those scenes don't center or ground me in the same way because my mind gets to stay very active . And my mind is going, okay, can, can you handle it? Is, do you need to call yellow? What's that next one gonna be? Oh God. Is he gonna hit that same cheek for the 10th time? Knowing it fucking hurts worse when you focus on that one ass cheek over, like, yes. Yeah, I know, I know .
Or it's like, or is this the moment he's gonna pull out the big toy and make the big stick? Like what's gonna ha And so my mind doesn't get to have a good time and it, there's, uh, an energy release of sorts. 'cause like we're getting out some aggression and I get to like scream and I get to have like that kind of moment. But it's not a centering, grounding thing for me. My brain is way too active for that. Okay.
And if my brain is active, that means there's room for chaos, , , and there's room for other thoughts to creep in, creep in that aren't even about the scene. Now, when you get to really go in with sensation, I do get to a point where all that exists. For me, is the sensation. But there is still an, uh, overlying thought of, can I handle this? And I have to constantly check in with myself of, is this too much? Can I handle this? What about this next thing?
So I don't ever like just turn that part of me off and go deep within myself and like just sort of woo, saw through it. , I don't get Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. the brain is too active. And I don't, I'm not saying that to be grounded or centered, you, your mind can't be active. But for me, if the brain is active, there's no centering or grounding. Mm-Hmm. . Like, there's just, it's just not, it's too noisy up here. When it gets my brain for podcast listeners, it's too noisy in my head.
So if noise is allowed to infiltrate, I'm, I'm not centered or grounded, I might be Okay. I might be functional . Mm-Hmm. . I might be able to, I might be great in a crisis, but, uh, nothing about me is centered or grounded. Like I'm, I'm just, I'm just my little chaotic mental tasmanian devil self. Like I just, I just am. It's just, I'm doing a thing I really enjoy and I'm getting the connection with you, but the Mm-Hmm.
the thing, I would never describe it as this being centered or grounded, which is why, you know, sometimes I'm like, oh, I was getting my, you know, deep tissue muscle massage from this impact. Oh, why did we change it up ? I'm just saying if you need me to calm down, - To change it up and keep you on your toes. - I know. And your say is too, part of it is you want me to be screaming and crying and Yes. You know, saying out-of-pocket shit. Mm-Hmm. . I know. And that is fun.
Like, I don't, I don't want it to sound like the only thing I wanna do in kink is the stuff that sinners grounds me. No, no, no, no, no. I want that from time to time. I need that Mm-Hmm. From time to time. But it wouldn't be fun to me if that's all we did. Sure. Like, I don't need zen moments all the damn time. , like make it chaotic. I thrive. Do I thrive in chaos controlled chaos. I do no controlled chaos with known safe words and a end and start to tie my throat 'cause Okay.
Truly in those situations, I am to the extent that we allow, because safe words exist and consent exists. I'm at your mercy. And that's part of the fucking fun. That's the masochist in me. Mm. That is the submissive in me. But it's more the masochist in me. 'cause being at your mercy means almost fucking anything can happen. And I get to feel like I don't have any control. But if noise is allowed to be in my head and that chaotic energy is allowed to be in there.
Mm-Hmm. the thing I'm not, is Senator grounded? I'm, I'm having a good time. I am relieving stress. Mm-Hmm. , right. Like, that exists outside of being centered or grounded. Like I can find my center and be super fucking stressed. It's more that when I find that center or when I get grounded, the stress exists, but I can, it's not as pressing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's room to breathe. Mm-Hmm. like when I, when I sort of like, yeah.
I, I always feel like when I have those moments of that, that feeling, centering, grounding, whatever, everything kinda gets real quiet. Mm-Hmm. in my brain especially, but it feels like it's all around me. Like I'm in a bubble, a very quiet bubble where I can just sort of breathe and go, I know who I am, I know what I'm doing. You got this bitch, you can do this. This is who you are. And then it's almost like everything went into slowmo.
And then when I kind of realized, hey, here's how I'm feeling again. Um, real time speeds back up. You know, that sort of, that sound effect you get of it going from slow to me and it winds up that Mm-Hmm. . Um, and that being centered and grounded, then that feeling carries through and I can handle the stress a little bit better. I can, you know, the brain's not quite as foggy. I can make a fucking decision, whatever, whatever. Yeah.
But it's in the moment that it's happening and I'm, I'm having that experience of recognizing or realizing something's happening and the outcome is I'm feeling centered again or whatever. Everything gets real quiet and slow because it, it all fucking calms down up here. . Uh, and that's a very rare thing, . Mm-Hmm. . Um, and I, we kind of, yeah. We went over me being told what to do and being, yeah. Being in the head space. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. actually appreciated. So yeah.
That's, that's me and my chaotic bullshit. Okay. Uh, anything else you would say about centering, grounding, kinky stuff? No. Anything you would add? No. Okay. You're looking a little bit more lively there. Yeah. - Kind of. - I know you're not feeling it, but you're looking at it. Well, um, for anybody else, you know, um, this conversation clearly is, is personal to us. 'cause it's about the things that do this for us. Mm-Hmm.
, you know, if you've never thought about it, if you've never kind of thought about the after effects of a kink moment, I think it's worth the conversation or the, the thought exercise or thought experiment of does this, do that for me. Um, if that's a feeling that you recognize and that is helpful to you or that you enjoy or, you know, I think that helps kind of center the, the conversations you have with partners about, Hey, can we do this thing?
You know, every kink scene doesn't have to be therapeutic. Every kink scene doesn't have to be Mm-Hmm. , you know, pushed to your limits. Right. Every kink scene doesn't have to be grounding and centering. But I think a good mix based on, you know, what feels good and Sure. What works for you. I, I think there's something to that as well.
I think Mm-Hmm. , I think it's like anything, if you get a whole bunch of one type of, let's say in this case scene where you get one specific type of experience, maybe it's pushed to your limits. Maybe it's, you know, I don't know. I've already forgotten what I, of the other examples I use, but you all know what I mean. Mm-Hmm. . I think that it's easy for things to kind of be a little out of balance.
And I think if you figure out the different purposes, different activities can servee and how that feel, if it feels good to you and then you find a way maybe to get a good mix of that. I think that you on in general, maybe we can be, we as individuals can be a little bit, little bit more balanced.
Mm-Hmm. . And maybe, you know, this is a theory 'cause I don't know enough about it, but if you get more opportunities to be, to feel grounded and centered and to remember what the fuck that feels like, maybe overall you, you feel better. Even if you're not always grounded and centered. Mm-Hmm. I can't, I can't imagine a life I'm always, but maybe somebody out there is probably living that life - Couldn't - Be me. Y'all couldn't be me . Not without probably some medication.
That's what I'm saying. Um, but yeah, I think, I think that's all I have to say about that. Um, all right. So yeah. - Okay. So, uh, are we good ? - That is not for me to say. - Keep it, keep the kinky all. - Oh, we'll see you next week actually. Hopefully we'll see you Friday. Daddy. - Yes baby girl. - We talked to the crickets. - Yeah. - How are you feeling? - Um, I'm here. - I know. Hey, you held your own in that. I mean, did I treat it like I was interviewing you? Yes.
Yeah. But I get a lot more out of you when I do that. - True, true. Especially - See there are some topics where I have very strong, clear opinions. Mm-Hmm. . And I want to make sure we share my opinions, your opinions, whatever. Yeah. And then there are some things where I'm, I feel like are exploring Mm-Hmm. the topic. Yeah. I don don't have clear opinions. 'cause it's like, hey wait, I think I've just figured this out about myself.
And so then I wanna know like, ha and I love you so much, you will tell me almost anything, but only if I ask a direct question. . So it's just easier to like interview you - . Okay. Okay. Alright. Alright. Now. And I just wanted to say, um, you ask Bunny, um, a hyper JB is not a good thing. Um, ask, ask this one. - No, we cannot. - Um, hyper for me is, is pacing and hovering. - Yeah. And it's very stressful. Yeah. Like, he's not, he's not a fun hyper Mm-Hmm.
He's not, if he's excited that energy can be similar to hyper, but it's, you can tell he is excited and you kind of get excited with him and it's the, it's, his joy is infectious, but man, when it's the hyper, like, doesn't know what to do with himself kind of energy. Mm-Hmm. . Oh lord. No, - I'm like that. That's a bad thing. Yeah. - I'm like, I love you so much, I need you to go have a seat somewhere now.
And why he's not saying the same shit to me when I get , part of it's my hyperactivity is primarily in my head. Like it can manifest physically, you'll Mm-Hmm. . But it's primarily with the, with the brain and 85 tabs open at once. Yeah. Um, so yeah. But no, I, um, I'm, I'm proud of you for the record. I don't ever ask JB to do these when he's not feeling well. We will cancel. A stream will not record. But over the years, the joke is, I, I roped you into this.
I pulled you into this kicking and screaming. And yet when I've been the one to go, are you feeling okay? Should we do this? He's like, we're recording. - Okay. - Shit. I'm not getting in the way of that - . So, yeah. - Okay. Uh, - And, uh, yeah, Kim Kim's, uh, power of folding fitted sheets. It's, that is witchcraft. It - Is witchcraft. That, that is, I have watched so many reels of people showing how it's a couple different methods I've seen.
Mm. Primarily of properly air quote that folding a fitted sheet. Yeah. And I'm just like that, that's magic. I, Nope. I can get to the part where you kinda stretch it out and you kind of fold it on itself. Mm-Hmm. . And then the first time I like fold the first half together, it's chaos at the bottom. 'cause it's not like a perfect square rectangle. And I just kind of like mush it together a little bit.
Roll it up and then smooth out like the top so it looks like kind of rectangle shape and we move the fuck on. We just move the fuck on. I do not. I, no, no. So, - Well, you know, it's funny, I I, I came across a reel one day and this woman was like, I'm going to show you how to easily, I forget what show you're talking about. And, and, you know, quickly fold a fitted sheet. Mm-Hmm. , you know, and she's, she's talking about this process and she's got the sheet there in front of her.
And, um, I'm thinking to myself, alright, finally , finally, finally gonna, I know. See how this is done. She picked it up and just . Okay. - You just, you shove it together. - Yep. You just shove it together - And just then shove it in a dark corner where you do not have to think about it again until you need to change your sheets. - . - That's okay. We are, we've had to, to slowly replace our sheets. Yeah.
We had beautiful dark, like, I don't know if it was more plumb or more eggplant, but a dark jewel toned purple sheets that we had for Mm-Hmm. fucking years. They fell apart. They look, I used shit to it disintegrates in my hand. That is how I ended up with a air quote, rolling laundry basket that was missing a wheel and part of the handle to the lid that I had had from college. Okay. . Like, I used shit to lip falls apart.
Not because I'm environmentally minded, but because I've been broke my whole life. So we used these beautiful purple sheets until like a little part on my side of the bed just started disintegrating and unraveling and like Mm-Hmm. within a couple of nights it was this massive tear down sheet. I went, okay, well I guess we have to get new sheets. Well, we went looking for sheets at a price we were willing to pay. Can you get any color, any thread count sheet if you're willing to pay for it?
Sure. I don't have that kind of budget. So we're in Sam's Club and Queen Sheets were like decent and they felt soft enough and they weren't too scratchy for like 40 bucks. I was like, great. Not, not a lick of fucking purple. I was like, oh. So we got silvery ones 'cause we are, other sheets are like this gray silver color. I was like, okay, we're still kind of in my color scheme. My, our duvet is purple. Like, but I need purple sheets.
Mm-Hmm. . Well now the original dark silver gray sheets are starting to disintegrate this time on JBS side, ironically. And so I'm like, we have to buy new sheets at some point, but we don't have purple sheets. What is happening here? . So I've gone on a search online, but the problem is nobody seems to be carrying purple sheets in store where I can put my hand on them and go and see how is this a texture? I will, I can sleep on.
Because if it's too fucking scratchy, I'm not gonna be able to sleep. I'm not gonna be able to sleep. - Yeah. - Mr. Spock wants to know. Speaking of eggplants, will Sir Richard be making an appearance on Friday? I don't know. That's usually j b's domain. He he handles, he handles the penises. . Yeah. That, that's accurate. On so many levels. You enjoy handling penises. So it works. I mean, I enjoy handling penises. That's the thing we have in common. .
But, so, uh, Kim, I believe you found your new freelance career. Kim's like, wait, y'all will pay me to fold your damn sheets. Yes. - Yes. But okay, I'm gonna leave you for a - Minute. You gonna wander away? I have to like keep this going by myself. Yes. Yeah. So we're on the hunt for sheets. We got, we gotta get a new set of sheets. We only have a couple of sets. 'cause I'm so picky about both color and how it feels. And - We've - Always been broke.
We needed to buy sheets. So it's like, yeah, we found purple, but we like it was the only one or we couldn't, whatever. We couldn't get a second set. So, - But - What else? Mostly just been working. I mean, that's what we do. Um, mentioned earlier I did get my hair cut off. No. Yeah. I got my hair cut off. I cut out all the color so I could like not have to worry about, I haven't been maintaining the color. I will go back to color at some point just now. Right now.
Um, but I think I'm gonna try and grow my hair out a little bit. I was reminded about why it had been so long since I'd had longer hair. It was a sensory nightmare, y'all. It was a sensory nightmare. Um, I could, when I had to feel it on my, like my shoulders and my neck, I was constantly like sort of shrugging. So I was always pulling it up. Um, at night. Now that I have a second fan that just blows on me.
Um, it was blowing my hair into my face and around my face and I was actually waking up because , because of the little feelings of hair, like on my forehead and on my cheeks. It was like, ah. Um, so I don't think I'm gonna grow it out long-ish again, but I don't think I'm gonna keep it as short as it is either. I don't know what I'm doing. So yeah, I didn't really notice, you know, any of the effects of the things I don't like about having long hair in the winter.
I mean, I wasn't overly comfortable, but I wasn't uncomfortable. Man, once this heat hit, I was like, I'm, I'm done. I'm done with it. I'm done with it. But the, um, the person who does my hair, she was, she didn't like, I was so afraid. I was like mentally preparing conversations for how I was gonna answer and she's like, oh, you don't wanna color your hair anymore. Thankfully she didn't do that. She's like, okay, we'll cut it off. And I was like, don't worry. We, I will color it again.
I just don't know when. And I will start with the hot pink magenta when I go back to vivids. Hmm. Because that was the one color I didn't get to try. I, there will come a day. I don't know when I make no promises as to when . Um, but yeah. So - Yeah. - Um, what else? Uh, I think eighth grade is going to last for fucking ever. Yes. We're almost done with eighth grade math. I think I talked about that previously. We have to finish eighth grade math to stay with the same teacher.
I feel like I told somebody that. I think I told y'all that. Me, I know I told you that. . Okay. But I thought I talked about street. I don't remember. I don't remember. Um, so we're gonna finish that up this week. Thank God for small favors. Um, but he still has three. The 14-year-old still has three other classes and um, we'll be lucky if he gets them done in June. One is just a very long class. There's just a lot of assignments to that class. The other two he's procrastinating on.
So I, I was trying to explain to him when we, he's gonna still do homeschool for high school, at least for ninth grade. Um, and I, we're gonna switch curriculums out so maybe I can get a little bit more control over it and get something maybe better tailored to his learning style. But, um, I explained to him he was hating ELA. He was like, I have to write all these papers and there's all this reading. Oh, his current, um, they call the modules his current module.
He will read a whole book by the time he is doing the module. And he is pissed. I'm like, you used to love reading what is going on here? I think it's that he doesn't like being told what he has to read and he can only choose from like five, five or six books and none of them sound. He was like, none of them die at the end. I only wanna read it if they're all gonna die at the end. And I was like, well there is one book in this list where, where they die in the end.
And I'm not gonna say which one that is 'cause that is definitely insensitive. But he didn't pick that one either. , I think he didn't really wanna read about somebody dying at the end. I think he was just being like, he was just pissed. But I, it was like, dude, you think it's bad that in this one section of this class that you've done the whole year's worth so far, you have to read a book. I said, wait till high school English.
There's not a curriculum I'm gonna find for you that does not require you to read books and then write about them. This is your life. I will try to find curriculum that gives us control either over what you read or offer something other than fucking Animal Farm in the Great Gatsby. Like I'll do my best, but you're gonna have to read. And I'm just like, I don't know if I can do four years of fighting this job Hmm. On reading a book and writing about it. - So, - But yeah.
I'm, uh, I'm ready for, for us both to have a summer break things . I don't think I'm gonna know what to do with all my time when I'm not thinking about school. I do. I do . I know we gonna fuck around more . I know. What are we gonna do? Please tell me about this magical, mystical, mythical thing that's gonna happen. Right. I'm actually, depending on how late he goes before he, he ends his, uh, official eighth grade school year.
I'm, I may, I told him, I was like, I might let you be like non southern states. You might get to start after Labor Day . I want the 10 week break. Thank you very much. . I know, but so yeah. Oh, I didn't see this. Mr. Fist asked how much money do we need to put together for JB to dye his hair? - I don't have enough hair. - Oh. We can bleach the shit out of it. . And then we can make it a color or multiple colors. I, we, we meaning I would ask the person who does my hair to do that for you.
You don't want me coming at you with color? We could. What if we just did your beard? People do that. They'll dye their beard. Hmm. Rainbow colors or the, the pan, uh, pride flag for pride month. You could do that. - Hmm. - I mean, they do temporary, they do temp, they do temporary bright colors. I'm sure. I don't know. I I pay a very nice young woman to do my hair . There is a 20 year age gap between us. We do not speak the same language.
Um, it helps, well, you know, it helps that the oldest in - Her generation, I would, I would actually consider mm-Hmm. doing the pride colors of the pan. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. - In your beard. - If we lived in Tampa Bay area, - I know living here it would be here. Yeah. I mean, you're married to me. You don't, you don't leave the house as often as you used to. And when you do, it's mostly to go to munches. - Yeah. - You know, you just could never go to Aldi with me again.
At least not in June. And that is awful. It should not fucking be that way. People should just mind their own fucking business if they don't like what the hell they see. Yeah. But that's not the world we live in and we know that. Yeah. - I mean I I I was very disappointed when I saw a news article just before we started this, um, in, in the Tampa Bay area. I don't know how many y'all are familiar with the, with the Skyway Bridge.
Um, it connects - Tampa - To Tampa to, or actually Pinellas to, um, Hillsborough, - But basically - No, south Florida. Oh, does it going, going into Bradenton and those areas. Really? - Yes. Okay. Oh, I thought of connect. Oh, I'm thinking of a different bridge. Sorry. - And, and this year, for the first time, for the first time since they've started Pride, um, the Skyway Bridge will not be lit up with the pride colors. - Some - Bullshit. Yep. Some bullshit. Yep.
- Look, if it made financial sense to do it, I probably could be talking to moving outta Florida sometimes. Yeah. I - Really good. Unfortunately that, that's why a lot of people are, I know leaving there is, there's a lot of people who are very fearful. Mm-Hmm. with the things going on. - Problem is, is the more affordable areas are, are maybe some, not some, some are just as bad, some are worse, some are not quite as bad.
But I do, I do feel like us and your BFF across the street neighbors we're like these little liberal like - Bastions of Right - In the middle of, and you know, so I don't know. I mean, when we vote, we cancel out a few votes. So , I wouldn't wanna, yeah. I wouldn't wanna lose that either. Mm-Hmm. - . Mm-Hmm. . - Anyway. - . - Ooh, Ms. Woodhouse's, the hair chalk works. Works great. Um, did pride flag on the back of my head last year washed right out? Hmm. Something to consider? Mm-Hmm - Mm-Hmm.
- something to consider. - Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . I bet . - I don't, I I had hoped on Kry we'd have a couple of products that were, had pride colors of different flags, not just the, the main one. Um, and I had hoped on the Etsy shop that I would have some apparel, but I don't know that I'm gonna be able to get it ready in time. Yeah. Um, I really don't think I am. I've been eighth grade schoolwork is taking a lot of focus, um, trying to, we've been, um, what's the word I'm looking for?
We've been developing products, but I've, I can't make them at the speed. I'd like to, 'cause I gotta get the finishing process right. 'cause if I can't finish 'em and make 'em look good, then I'll have used all this fucking resin - For nothing. - So I got to a point where I had to stop production to start working on the finishing of it. Yeah. So I don't know if I'll be able to do anything and have it done in time for, um, this year's pride.
But, but also you don't have to just put, you know, flag colored things out in June either. We could sell it all fucking year - Round. All year round. That's true. Yeah. That's - True. We are one of those, uh, heterosexual appearing couples. , uh, JB is pan. He's pansexual. Mm-Hmm. . That's why I'm allowed to say it. 'cause he said it publicly here on the stream if you're, no. - Okay. And, and I have it on my, um, fit. Do - You? Okay. I hadn't, you know, I barely look - At that.
I know you do. I know , - I use them for business purposes, but Yeah, - I know I could have all kinds of crazy, all the wall shit going on. My fit. You, you could be doing - All, I would have no fucking clue. Right. You could have a whole other family that you're talking about - - Wouldn't know, would find out and then would get my feelings hurt.
Uh, and be, be, uh, envious and like, you know, the actual, the, the rule that we have established that is for my mental health and for JB to have a continued relationship with me is you can, there's a lot he can do that you probably could not do in, you know, an uh, a non kinky, monogamous kind of relationship. It is like, but I better not find out from about it from anybody. But you and I better not find out about it after everybody else has found out about it.
Tell me shit, whatever it is. Mm-Hmm. I can handle it. But the moment I feel like I haven't been told something or something's been hidden for me, anxiety. So the roof trust issues, you know, start flourishing like weeds in the lawn, , it's a bad time for everybody. . So, but yeah, I think my headache's, no, the headache's still there. It's just like right at this eyebrow right now. Tylenol did something, but okay, I ordered ibuprofen. - It's better than nothing. - I know.
I'm waiting for the ibuprofen to come in. Yeah. We have a thing where we get a credit to CVS each month, um, for a, I can't remember. It's a benefit of something that the youngest gets. And so if he needs medicine or if he needs whatever, I order it through there and when he doesn't need anything, but we need like household like ibuprofen and I didn't have any ointment to put on my thumb when I sliced it over with the putting knife, things like that. I just order it using that credit.
And I was like, I need ibuprofen in this house. I need ibuprofen in this house. I think I could get the youngest to actually take ibuprofen when he doesn't feel good. Now he does. He's he is a champion pill swallower now. Okay. All right baby. He takes so many damn pills. I'll say this. His pediatrician has not impressed me much lately until he lost the weight. And then the doctor was like, holy shit. Okay, let's, yeah, let's take care of it. .
But he did acknowledge, and I, I think the pediatrician was the first doctor I have seen out of all these doctors and, and specialists and people that the youngest sees to acknowledge to the kid he was talking about, going back to the dermatologist for his acne and getting on an antibiotic again. He goes, . He goes, I get why you might not want to, you already take a lot of medications. It gets overwhelming and exhausting to take that many meds.
And I just, I felt like the youngest kind of felt seen for a moment there. Mm-Hmm. . And I was like, okay, I'm, I'm still not sure how I feel about you, but you, you're getting it. Okay. - A a slightly redeeming moment. Yeah. Yes. - Yeah. Also taking the, the weight he, yeah. The, the one issue seriously quickly was a redeeming quality as well. Mm-Hmm. . But anyway, um, yeah. Anything else? - ? - Do you know the other night?
- Uh, oh, - I was, I think I was, it was taking me a while to go to sleep. An entire sh episode topic came to me and my brain fleshed it out. Middle of the night. I eyes weren't really open. I didn't have any paper near me. There was no grabbing my phone and trying to take notes. It never would've been like gobbledygook the next day if I tried to read it. Podcast episode idea came to me fully formed. I fleshed it out in my brain.
Like, I was like, we could talk about this and here's the points we make, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, but will I remember this when I wake up? Guess who does not fucking remember it at all? I remember I had the idea. I remember I flushed it outta my brain hole. - You, you need to, uh, keep a pen and then, uh, post it. - It was probably brilliant too.
It might've been like, for all I know, the best one we would ever have done in our whole ass lives gone Gone into the, - Into the ether. - Into the ether. I know. - Mm-Hmm. - I know. It's very disappointing. - Okay. Okay. I have to go do eighth grade math and I'm procrastinating . Yeah. You can't. - And I have to break all this stuff down when we're down and - Put it on. Well, I don't know. Well, maybe not all the, all the way away. We gotta stream Friday night. True. True. True.
I keep losing track of the days and I was shocked to discover that today was Wednesday. - . - No, I knew today was Wednesday, but this, this has been - A - Week. - Yeah. - I mean, even last night, I, I was chatting and like, it was only Tuesday and I was like, this has been a long week. - Mm-Hmm. . And you got to go to the sawmill yesterday. And that's usually like the highlight that, - That's usually a highlight. I didn't, I didn't enjoy it.
I had, I have always have a good time when I go to the sawmill and, um, brought home some, some stuff. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. And, uh, we'll see. Maybe tomorrow I need to start milling it. - Well, I was gonna talk to you about when we could mill it together, but tomorrow will not work for me because I have to take a kid to an appointment. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. No. Okay. I guess, I guess I should stop procrastinating and go do eighth grade math.
It's, it is technically the last brand new like assignment learning a new thing. Mm-Hmm. of eighth grade math ever. If we can get through this, it's just some testing to do after that. - That's it. That's it. Yeah. We can - Do this. I be, I believe in him. I don't really believe in me getting through this, but I believe in him. Mm-Hmm. . Anyway, I guess we're gonna go. - Um, yeah, I, I agree with you. Bunny. Math sucks.
- Fuck math. Yeah. - I was fine with geometry and trigonometry 'cause that made sense to my brain. I struggled. I took pre-algebra twice. Algebra, algebra. I got up to pre-calculus. I still don't know how the fuck I did - Pre-calculus. The only reason I I made it through algebra was because the teacher took pity on me. Oh no. And tutored me after school. Wow. - Wow. - I struggled with algebra. Yeah. So bad, bad algebra was never easy for me - Either.
- Um, geometry, once I got past that and, and in geo I was just like, - Yeah. Geometry and trig. I, that made - Total, total sense to me. No, I never took trig. I never did. - Yeah. I don't think I had to, but I think I convinced myself that I needed to keep going and I ended up in pre-calculus and I was like, what am I doing here? , there are no numbers here. There are only letters. What is happening. Right. Anyway. Yeah. We're gonna go.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, - Thanks for being here with us, - Especially to the bitter end. Yep. Hopefully we will air quote, see you on Friday. Friday. Yeah. Hopefully it will be both of us. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but yeah, we're gonna go. Yeah. Okay. Okay. - Bye. Bye.