You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode 407. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the sexily shirtless, John Brownstone. So sorry, podcast listeners. You can't actually see this, but I can. Now that being said, does he look good? Hell, yeah. Did I, this morning, freak out? Because he's a very hairy man and I don't mind that. And his stomach rubbed against my arm and so his hair rubbed against my arm and I thought something was crawling on me.
Yes. That did happen. But I don't mind when he goes without his shirt is all I was saying. The Himalayan fur goblin. We got those too. Yeah. Okay. That's not what we're talking about. This week, we're talking about the pressure that doms can feel in their role, but also the privileges that they enjoy. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm dotnet. Go back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC. On that handle, I will forever fuck. Hate on Instagram. Congrats. At loving d s and the number one. So it's at loving d s one, and I hate it so much. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, where you can watch us live stream
the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are able to keep being weirdos on the Internet because of our kinky patrons, and we are grateful for every fucking one of you. If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content like an a behind the scenes podcast and a live stream and a video and then other stuff, plus a Discord server.
Wow. I know. I know. With super chill people that like yeah. We're a low drama kind of space. I like that about us. You can do that. Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords. That's patreon.com/kayla lords or use the link in the show notes. Okay. Before we get into our topic, 2 announcements. 1, we are sponsoring We again this week. And even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable because I don't like to be perceived because of a when I do a thing, but whatever, whatever.
I'm gonna remind you that I have a bookish vanilla Etsy shop. Link in the places. And I'm saying it right now because, like, because I don't plan for shit and I suck at this kind of stuff. I'm just now putting out bookish Halloween things. Shirts, bookmarks. I think I might do totes. Haven't decided yet. I've put out some stuff at the beginning of this week. Day of recording is, what, 14th August? I got a sale on Halloween stuff that starts
on August 15th. I will actually run a sale on all my Halloween stuff through October. The sale will vary of the percentage amounts, but there you go. So if you are a bookish person and a Halloween person, both click the link link in the places. Do you know knowing that I was going that we were going to sponsor we, and it was gonna be my vanilla bookish Etsy shop Mhmm. Sent me into a mental spiral.
Like, just the moment I put it in the notes for the script, and I do that in the morning, y'all, my day was just done for. I couldn't even I was working on more bookmarks, and I couldn't even do it. So, anyway, that is a thing that exists. The sale will start August 15th. So if you're watching the livestream, not today, but tomorrow, if you're listening to the audio podcast or you're watching the video later, sale has started. So that's a thing. We're
doing the thing. I'm talking about the thing. Oh, even though that's just too much perception for me. Yes. I understand the irony. Okay. I get it. I know what we're doing here. Whatever. I contain multitudes. Okay? Very anxious multitudes. So, yeah, bookish Etsy shop. It's called Book Dreams Shop. Mhmm. So if you wanna just type that into your Etsy search bar. Got some good stuff. I mean, I think so. Yeah. And yeah. Thanks to us for sponsoring us. Okay. 2nd and less uncomfortable announcement.
This Friday, August 16th, podcast listeners, that's the day this episode goes live. 9:30 PM. It's time for our monthly live stream. Yay. And we've already planned ahead that we will not be waking up early on Sunday as we tend to do to our Saturday. Saturday. As we tend to do to ourselves. Look. I didn't know my name earlier. I don't know what days of the week are. I'm unraveling in real time. So Friday, August 16th here on YouTube, 9:30 PM EST. 1st 30 minutes, we're just, like, easing
into stuff and being chaotic. Starting at 10, we're still chaotic, but we will also answer questions. Yay. Yeah. So that's a thing that's happening. Mhmm. Okay. I messed myself up last week by having very detailed notes. Uh-oh. Oh, good news. Points I wanted to cover in the impostor syndrome episode, and then I went back to my notes. And how many bullet points did I find that I forgot to touch? Like, 2. So this week, no notes. Oh, great. Mostly because I'm looking at you.
Free free wheeling it. Oh, then we're really in trouble. I will do my best to yank and pull and quearse the information out of you. Don't worry. So for me, in my mind, the the main part of this week's episode is about the pressure that doms can feel. 1, this does not mean submissives do not feel pressure in a power exchange. Talking about 1 does not negate the other.
We just spend a lot of time talking about submissives because submissives are especially vulnerable in many of these situations, and that is good in writing. We keep talking about that. But I don't think we give enough attention to dominance sometimes. We gotta talk about these things. Also, we have talked about different pressures that dominance and submissives, can feel in a variety of episodes, many of which are linked in the places. We've talked about many
of which are linked in the places. We've talked about stress. We've talked about mental health. Mhmm. You specifically with your depression and how it's affected our power exchange. Correct. We've talked about decision fatigue. We've talked about mental load. We've talked about all these things as broad or, you know, separate topics. This time, I kinda wanna attempt to wrap our arms around what I know is a really big topic, pressure and privilege of of being the one in charge.
The other thing is we can only speak from our experience and the things that we might label as pressure may not feel like pressure to you and that is okay. Also, we may not mention your pressure and that is okay. That is what comment sections are for. That's what social media is for. Feel free to share that in spaces where you can. Okay. I wanna start first. It's like a good news, bad news thing. I wanna start first with the privileges of dominance because I don't know. I just decided I did.
What do you feel as a dom? What is happening with our phones? They're just buzzing. What do you feel, as a dom, are some of the privileges you have in Power Exchange? Oh, gosh. Well, you know, I I guess the the big thing would be that, you know, I could turn to you and say, hey, baby girl, I need to do this for you. Baby girl, I need you to get that for me. Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm. You know, that that is a a big privilege. Yes. And Okay. And you know it's fine.
Be able to just have somebody say to somebody Just do the thing Yeah. And then the thing is done. And see the thing is, it's all within consent. Technically, I could withdraw consent at any point and not do the thing, But that disrupts the way our relationship is and the way I want our relationship to be, which does mean when you just you utilize that privilege, sometimes I am mumbling under my breath as I'm doing it. Or Were you doing that today when I came in and said I need another coffee?
No. You know what? It was not the coffee. It was the the dog upchuck. Ah. Okay. And I had to I was I was in my head going, we negotiated. He doesn't clean this kind of thing up. We negotiated. He doesn't clean this. And then I was like, and also he gets up and he deals with bugs. He deals with bugs for me without complaint. I will do this without complaint. Yep. I will do many things, but I will not clean up vomit. Cannot do it. And I'm immune to it after 2 kids. Anyway Yeah. I will I will go
after bugs. I will go after lizards. That's my privilege. That's why I said this to my privilege. I negotiated. I don't have to kill the old bugs. So, yes, you absolutely have that ability to just turn to me and go, you know, Genie, make it happen. Right. Right. What else feels like a privilege? And and some may disagree about this, but just having someone as a submissive. I mean, I I think so. I'm Okay. I'm not down with that whole submission is a gift thing, because dominance then is a
gift as well. But, yeah, it's it's it is a privilege because you gotta earn it. Right. It's where the pressure comes in. You gotta fucking earn it That's right. To get it That's right. To keep it. Yeah. So so, yeah, in in a way, I I do see that, you know, it may seem like a very basic tenet of of this lifestyle. Right. It's the way it works. Yeah. But, you know, I I see it as a privilege. You could choose to remove that Yes. At any point. Yeah. I mean, yeah.
The the thing that I we have to if if I can choose to remove it, you can choose to remove it. So we are very fortunate to have one another and to want to still be doing this. Right. But as the one with the majority of the power and control Mhmm. Yeah. And and you know what? It it's it may control
Mhmm. Yeah. And and you know what? It it's it may seem a little extreme, but, you know, when when you think about it, and and let's be honest, you know, human nature being what it is, you know, the the privilege of having someone at your beck and call If that's what you negotiate. If that's what you if that's what you negotiate. Which we
do. We absolutely do. You know, having having someone at at your beck and call, can be very, heady, very, you know, and It's a privilege that can easily be abused. Correct. Even with good intentions and not, like, being a toxic person necessarily. Right. Yeah. It's it's one that can You know, because and and this is something I I thought very early on in in the lifestyle when I first started coming in, you know, you have to keep some kind of a a a sane mind, maybe.
You know, because as they always said, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Yeah. You gotta be, there's a word. I know that there's a word and I don't can't think of what it is. Pragmatic, for sure. Yeah. Humble There you go. For sure. There you go. You know, because that that kind of power can go to your head if, you know, you let it, you know, egos being what they are. Right. It it's, you know, like I said before, human nature.
And and I think, you know, what what you said was was said earlier about rescinding, you know, consent, that is that right there may as one of the biggest thank you Lola, I'm glad you agree with me. That right there is one of the biggest checks and balances Mhmm. Of of that. Mhmm. You know? Because otherwise, you know, things could just spiral out of control. Oh. Which is funny. I think we've kind of had this conversation before. It's when we talk when
we don't talk about it, not anymore. I think we might have at one time, about the air quotes, submissives have all the power, which is not at all true. But it's because when we're thinking about consent being given or being withdrawn, we are typically thinking of the dominance privilege of getting to have the power and control. The only reason that they do have that is because the submissive has consented, which is factually true. And so when we say, oh, well, you can't have that. I I could just
change my mind in a point. Also factually true. We forget that that goes both ways. I could wanna submit to you left, right, and center, but if you do not consent. It ain't gonna happen. Right. So that's one of those things where the the privilege of that is probably even if people don't think of it as a privilege Mhmm. Is probably the most top of mind, like, benefit
of being a dom. Yeah. You know, you you get to within the bounds in what you negotiate you get to do what you wanna do as long as I'm willing to let you do what you wanna do. Absolutely. Anything else? Not that I can think of. Would you like me to help you? Sure. Here so this is Sure. It's just one. I don't have, like, a laundry list, but the one that always comes to mind because I have very preferred sensations
True. True. Okay. Is that in the way we've negotiated our power exchange, you decide the tenor of a kink scene. Now True true. I have every ability and willingness to say I would like this, I'm I would like this sensation. Can we do this? What about that toy? We haven't done this in a while, but the way we've set this up is he chooses. Right? Thankfully, he listens to what I ask for. He takes it into consideration.
Being the sadist bastard that he is, like, one scene will be what I like, and the next 3 scenes will be what he likes. And then we and then there'll be a scene that's a combo of both of those. Joe, she'll walk in there, and there'll be one of her favorite toys next to one of her least favorite toys. Right. Exactly.
And that and for how we've negotiated things, that is a privilege because every once in a while, I I am willing to do and I still consent, but I'm like, oh, I really could've gone for the deep tissue massage kind of sensation today. That would have been great. And that's that's an effect of we do not sit down and, in a detailed way, negotiate each individual scene. Correct. If we did, there would be the opportunity for me to go, hey. This is what I need today, and this is what I
don't think I can tolerate much of. Mhmm. We don't play that way because it is also about power and control. And I We we did that more so in the beginning. Sure. And I think I think regardless of how a relationship shakes out and what you ultimately negotiate, that's probably how it should start because you just don't know one another well enough yet. Mhmm. But I want the lack of control more than I want
to get exactly what sensation I want. What I have found that I will do is if we've had multiple even short, like, little 10, 15 minute scenes, multiple short scenes in a row where I was barely holding on because that was that sensation was not doing the good things to me, then it's my job to speak up and go, hey. Alright. I know you like the things that make me merely or actually cry, but I could use these sensations. And I it's you are judicious enough with trying to find that balance
Mhmm. That I've never once thought we need to renegotiate how we do this because it does overall work. It just means that if I've had to get better about talking to you about my headspace before any kink happens Mhmm. And you've had to learn through my communication what I mean when I'm talking about those headspaces.
Because there are certain times where if, like, my anxiety is riding me really hard, sharp, stingy pains that I endure as submission and sometimes enjoy as a masochist are much harder to handle than the thuddy relaxing sensations I prefer. And if I'm not letting him know that my anxiety is at a fucking 11 right now, you know, he's he's gonna think, oh, okay. Everything's mostly normal. I'll just do what I would normally do.
But, yeah, I do I do think the coordination of all scenes is a privilege. It is a privilege that I choose to just let you have and not try to negotiate something different. Okay. My recommendation would be for anybody out there who tries that. And if you are resentful or upset or not getting enough of what you want, feel free to renegotiate that. I don't wanna change that. Yes, Lola. I know you agree with me, and I appreciate that. Let me see if I can get her in the other room. Oh my god.
She is a menace today. She's gonna get her hopes up with you opening that door over there. And I had a thought. And did it just melt away into the ether? Yes. It did. Yes. Yes. It did. She's not listening to JB. So, I am the best good girl in this room right now, and so I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Do I feel weird for comparing myself to the dog? A little, but, you know, whatever. Whatever. We do, remind JB that he is surrounded by baby girls in this house.
So I'm trying to think of if there's anything else because I had a thought and it's just poofed away and I can't get it back. It's gone now. No, dear. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that when I look at you, I'm like, well, that's a privilege. I you know? No. I from my perspective. Like, you've already named the obvious ones. The I got somebody who'll do what the hell I tell them to do when I tell them to do it. You know? I have a submissive of those kinds of things and, you know,
are there others? Are there other things that somebody else would classify as a privilege? Yes. That's fine. We're gonna move on, I think, to pressures. Because I feel like this is the thing that I'm sure there are people talking about it, but it's not as widely discussed. Because we talk about responsibility of a dominant Yeah. Which is very important. And a a decent dom, a dom who's at least giving a fucking try, is going to feel the weight of that responsibility.
But that does mean that there are then pressures that can come with that. Oh, yeah. So what kind of pressure do you feel as a dominant other than the pressure to do Lola's bidding. That girl is, something else tonight. She is? Yep. Yeah. There there is a good amount of pressure. That goes We've got to ignore her. Go ahead. There's
a good amount of pressure. There there is a good amount of pressure because, you know, when it, let's face it, when it comes down to it, you know, as as you always like to to tell people, I'm the decider. Mhmm. And again, that's how we That's how we negotiated it. That that's how we we set up our our relationship. But, you know, that's, that's a good deal of, weight on your
shoulder sometimes. Is it the fact that you have to is it the responsibility of owning the outcome based on the decision, or is it the process the mental process of making the decision? It's more the outcome of the decision. Yeah. I feel that kind of pressure too. Mostly because I forget that I actually don't have to be the decider. And sometimes when I feel the pressure too much, that's when I finally throw it back to you and go, hey. Yeah. Gotta need those decidery skills you got. Mhmm. Yeah.
So, you know, yeah, there there is because, you know, oh my god, when when you think about it, especially with some of the decisions, you know, it it's it's one thing when you were deciding for yourself. Sure. Which can have its own kind of pressure. Which has its own kind of pressure. True true true.
You know, but then you throw another person into the mix, and in some cases, you know, family and and and whatnot, and and you know, everything sits on your shoulders for that and it's like, o m g. How do you or do you alleviate some of that pressure? How do you deal with it? Not well, is that what that sign means? Lately, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lately, yeah.
You know, I all through most of my life, I I have always prided myself on, you know, thinking through things and and, you know, looking at at all sides of things and and making the best educated decision I can at the time. And and it's always I, you know, I've always done well with it. And, the last few years We had this conversation a few days ago.
Yeah. You know, the the last few years with with with everything that has been going on, you know, some of it we've talked about here, some of it we haven't talked about, and then probably won't. But, you know, there have been a few times, yeah, I've been like, I I wanna throw in the towel. I don't wanna make the decisions anymore. Yeah. I, you know, I, you know, with with the way some of these things are going, I'm I'm second
guessing myself here. What am I And that's the conversation we had a few days ago. We were both in this we're I think I don't even think we've made decisions. I think we're sitting there right even now. It's all up in the air. We're like, what do we wanna do about thing? Mhmm. And the conversation we had is neither of us trust ourselves because for several years, we were making choices of paths to take thinking that, okay, this will be the same. Be the the good Detroit, the good path
to take. And it we've been wrong more times than we've been right. And, yeah, I could I could see that weighs on you. Mhmm. Mhmm. What else? Do me a favor. Hold that thought. Oh, no. You want me to hold on to the thought? Hold on to that thought, and I'll be right back. I'm gonna try something real quick. Okay. Okay. I'll say from my perspective that hit the pressure he feels to be the decider, I think we all, to a certain extent, know what
that pressure feels like. As grown adults, we all have to make decisions for ourselves at some point. And if you've never been overwhelmed by a decision you need to make, you've lived a very privileged life. I I know one of the things I enjoyed about being a submissive Gotta go outside for a little bit. At, in the beginning was getting to to release the pressure and the responsibility of making decisions and hand it off to somebody else.
But just, you know, if you are a submissive who's who knows that that feeling of relief, you then have to probably understand fully what it must mean for somebody who bears that responsibility consistently to then have double it because you like you said, you're not making decisions just for you. Right. You're making decisions for us and what all of us encompasses. Yes. Now you're not doing it alone. True. And I think anybody who feels, if you're a down out there who feels the that
kind of pressure and it's Mhmm. Weighing you down and it's making it hard to function, are you talking to your submissive and getting their input? Right. You know, making the decision with them? And and you know that that was something, yeah, that I was gonna say say next is, you know, the the nice thing is that, you know, one, I value your opinion. Mhmm. Okay?
You know, and and this this is because and and again, this is something I've said for a long time, said it always early on, and maybe it needs to be said again. You know, the way I see Kayla and I's relationship, we are equals. We are equals in a consensually God. You always say it funny to me, but I know what you it's a negotiated power imbalance. Power imbalance, yes. Okay? But, you know, I always come to you for your your thoughts on things.
There are certain things that, because she has more knowledge in in certain things than I do, And I certainly have an opinion on something even if I don't have more knowledge. Well, you know. This is my life too. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I it's yeah. I know. Funny. But Yeah. This isn't you're making decisions for us and our life. Right. I absolutely have opinions on what I would like my
life to look like. Mhmm. But, you know, even even with that, even coming to you, you know, and okay, here's here's what's going on, this is what we're facing, you know, here are some of the options, what do you you know, But in the end, it's just you on these shoulders. I mean, I'm damn grateful. And you have not just gone fuck this power exchange thing. Every person for themselves make your own damn decisions. I'm very grateful that that is not how that has gone. Yeah. So,
you know yeah. There there there is that, you know. Then again too, like, when we bought the house, you have knowledge of real estate that I Sure. Couldn't even begin to fathom, you know, so when it came to to, you know, anytime we Keep talking. Anytime we shifted properties like that, you know, I relied on you, because that that is the world that you know and understand. So, you know, that that to me is is a big help in helping to relieve some of the
pressure. Mhmm. Does it I want it to help. I know for me and other parts of life it helps. Does it help that when you make a decision my here's my thing on it. Mhmm. I back the decision. Even if we disagreed prior to making the decision, even if I'm like, we should've gone in another way, or we can go in another way, here's what I think we should do, and you decide something different. I'm going to back that decision and give it my all. I am not going to not do my part to purposely
throw things off. I'm not gonna, I told you so if it doesn't go well. Yeah. I'm I'm not gonna do any of that. I'm like, okay, we're a team. This is the decision you made. Well, we will follow it and I'll give it And and and that well, there there's a couple things there. You know, that is one of the biggest boons is having your support. Okay? That that is tremendous. Absolutely.
And and the other thing that you you just brought up is, you know, let's face it, not everything is gonna go as planned, not everything is gonna work out the way you want it to. We know. Right? We know so well. You know, when when some things tend to crash and burn, they crash and burn epically. We don't do anything by halves. Right. And and, you know, I've I've been there, you know, where where something goes wrong, you know, oh, this is your Mhmm. You created
this. You you did this. You deal with it. Right. Yeah. Okay? Been there, done that, got the t shirt. You are not. You're like, okay. This did not pan out. I have an idea we can try. What do we do to rectify this? And and, you know, you you are not berating me. You are not, you know, holding, you know, not I don't wanna say holding accountable, hold hold myself accountable. I made the decision. I made the mistake, but you are not, like, you know, kinda twisting the knife, so to
speak. Oh, yeah. I'm not so I'm surely not gonna make it worse, and I'm not going to use it as a cudgel against you. No. And and at from, you know, and then that point, you are a a part of the solution more than anything. Yeah. I mean, the that's the other thing. If you make a decision that does not like, I wanted you to do something else. Mhmm. I'm gonna give whatever action is my required part of that decision. I'm gonna give it everything I've got to make it work.
Mhmm. And then if it doesn't work, I'm gonna send up a flag and go, hey. I have an idea. You wanna try something else? Right. And, you know, part of that is just I think that's part of being a good partner. Okay. Well, yeah. Because I have I have, in my own way, been on the other side of not having a supportive, helpful partner who, you know, weaponized incompetence and Yeah. All that stuff. So I don't I don't want to be what I don't want to have in a relationship. Right?
My question for you is Mhmm. Does knowing that help relieve the pressure? Does it make I understand, especially since we've had the conversation recently, that the pressure to make the air quote right decision can be very very big and weigh very heavily. Mhmm. And then if things have not been going right, we start questioning our own decision making. We've had that happen mutually. But does am I relieving pressure from you by how we handle these things? Yes.
Yes. That makes me feel better. Yes. That makes me feel better. Yes. You know, and and I think that's probably why I haven't run for the hills. Here's the thing I'll I'll say from from my side of of it. The it is easy to be a team player in whatever decision you make for a few reasons. 1, I I love you more than life itself. I want us together to be successful. Mhmm. But also, you do make me a part of it. There's it's very rare that you just make a decision and you haven't talked me about
it. And if it is that, it is something that benefits me, is a surprise for me, is going to be pleasurable for me, a thing you might know I want, but you didn't have to ask if I wanted this. You we know because we know. Right? But anything that's going to have benefits or the opposite of benefits, to me, I am absolutely every single time looped in. Consequence, that's the word. You know? If there's a good or bad for me, I am part of that that True. True. Decision making. Yeah.
Is having somebody like me to your partner, essentially, to help make decisions, does that relieve some of the pressure? Does that help at all, or is it just part of the process? I I don't know if it relieves the pressure per se. Because again, in the end, the final decision Mhmm. Comes out of these lips. It's not the only thing. It comes out of these lips. That's different. I I think what that does is it makes the process easier. Okay. Okay?
Mhmm. I don't know if you're done with this topic or if we wanna, like, really run it into the ground or if you'd like to move on to another pressure. I don't know what that pressure might be. Yeah. I feel like we need to do more dom focused topics because does anybody know how much he's been talking? It's delightful. You know. And and, you know, there are times being the decider can be frustrating. What makes it frustrating? Sometimes it's like, oh my gosh, I gotta decide on something else now?
When will it ever end? It will not. You know, so yeah. There there are some days it's like, you know, yeah. I, you know, I I put myself in this position. I willingly stepped up to this. I wanted it. Yeah. Yep. No. You just said wanted. Do you still want it? Yes. Okay. Okay.
Okay. And, you know, I I would not as as much as there are times it is frustrating, you know, as much as there are times where you wonder, you know, you're second guessing yourself all the time, I still wouldn't have it any other way. I think that's ultimately what how you know you're kind of on the the right path for yourself. Mhmm. You know, I couldn't yeah. I could not imagine myself not. And I don't want to imagine it, so that works. That works.
So what other pressures do you feel? I mean, I I get being the decider the decision making would be top line because it encompasses so much. But Yeah. What else as a dominant that is part of your dominance that You know, there's there's always the the the pressure of, yeah, making the decision, you know, of things that that affect our lives. The other thing to me that that kind of comes out is, you know, on the S and M side of all this. Because, you know, yeah, I love beating your ass.
Okay. And I'm glad that you do. I I I love seeing the the, you know, the the the color change in some cheeks and, you know, the the lovely noises that are made and you know, throughout. You know, but then there's always there's always, you know, you gotta be careful. Yeah. You know, because what we're doing, you know, this is fun and and, you know, you're enjoying it, I'm enjoying it. Someone can get hurt. Something can go wrong and someone can get hurt. And it can
take very little for For that. For that slip to happen. And And and I I think I mean, I don't know if I'm the only one, but I I would think that that most dominance would have that in the in their mind in some way, shape, or form at some time. I would think yeah. Dom Topp, anybody who is doing the action of a kink scene Mhmm. Where there is potential harm and there is always potential harm, in everything. Yeah. The risk levels change and they vary,
but there's risk. Yeah. If you don't feel the pressure of the responsibility of that Yeah. I mean, personally, I wouldn't wanna play with you because I don't want my partner I don't wanna be an anxious mess, but here we are. That's why I'm not in charge of these things. I don't want a dom or top that I'm playing with to be such an anxious mess that they actually screw up out of anxiety as a person who has fucked up because the the anxiousness just made me too flustered. I know what
that feels like. That's not who I wanna play with, but I do want to play with somebody who is aware of the risk, is watching for the risk, will do everything in their power to avoid that. And mitigate as much as can. Yeah. But when it happens, will then own it. Right. And feel a sense of, like, if it's been a I don't even remember the last time we were playing and you had, like, a misstep and, like, something didn't hit right. You were always
apologetic. Like, you're gonna take care of everything. You're gonna make sure I'm okay. If I need, like, first aid or whatever, I'm gonna get it. And then you are going to genuinely, from the heart, apologize in a way that I know that that you mean that. As you're submissive, I'm gonna do everything I can. And go, no. No. No. You don't have to. Please. I don't want that. But also, I appreciate that. Right? Because that shows me that you accept the responsibility of the fuck up.
The you know, we say fuck up, and a lot of people hear that's a kind of a loaded term of of intentional Mhmm. Fucking up. But sometimes it's just a a mistake. Right. Mistakes happen. Accidents happen. It is why I don't have a lot of patience for the doms and tobs out there who wanna talk about not playing with safe words. You are human at the end of the fucking day. Right. You can screw up and your partner needs a way to let
you know things have gone wrong. Mhmm. And I've I've always appreciated about you that you don't try to be some sort of superhero, big and mighty, blustery, like, I am I am dumb. I am God. Right? Mhmm. Like, you know that you are human. You understand your own human limitations. You are going to do your best within the confines of your human limitations. Right. But still are humble enough to go, yeah, shit can happen sometimes. True. That makes you a safe
partner. That's part of it. Like, there's a lot that make you there's a lot that goes into making you a safe partner. That is one of those things. But, yeah, I can as an anxious person, I can imagine the pressure. I know what kind of pressure I would put on me, and that is why that's not the right role for me. Because I I would crumble under that pressure. Mhmm. That that pressure specifically, because you can play and not be in relationships, you can play with all kinds of
of people. So that's more of a feature of long term, like, I know I'm kinky, and you're potentially still playing and singing even when you're not in relationships. Does that feeling of pressure, does it get easier over time? Does it stabilize? Like, how what's the fluctuation of, like, a kink scene partner pressure? I I think the the the kink scene, you know, play aspect of it, that does get a little easier. Okay? With experience, I guess? With with with
time and experience, you know. It it's like it's like anything else anything else. No no matter what you do, you you you practice your craft and you get better. Mhmm. Alright? And and that's how I think of it, you know, over the years I've learned, I've grown as a person, as as a dominant, as a sadist, and, you know, that has made it easier. It still does not a 100% eliminate Right. You know, because again, you know, whatever can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible
moment. Right? Thank you, Murphy. Have you had moments where you felt more pressure in a scene than others? Like, you and I have been together very long time now. We've known each other almost 11 years. Wow. No. We've known each other 11. We've known each other almost 12 years. I don't know how numbers work. Anyway, we've known each other over a fucking decade. Right. We have played together for about a decade. Mhmm. A little bit more.
Are there times, like, with the, as stable as our relationship is Mhmm. Where some of the pressure should be alleviated because we know each other and you know my boundaries and blah blah blah blah. Yeah. Are have there been times in certain situations where you feel more pressure in play? Than others. I think the the biggest pressure I have felt in regards to play over time lately, or, you know, over just over time, is making the time and finding the time
Yeah. To do it. That that to me, at this point in time, if you were if you were, you know, to ask, and you are, that that to me right now is the greatest pressure. Finding the time to to to play and make it meaningful. Now part of that is because of the way our power exchange is negotiated. You are the decider in all of these things. Correct.
Do some of those does a pressure like that ever make you not want to be the decider or to decide less often or There have been a time or 2 where, you know, after having one of those days you know the days I'm talking about. One of those days. And, you know, I'd I'd sat down and I was like, do I wanna do this anymore? I mean, fair. I think we should all feel like we can ask ourselves that. Have intellectual honesty
with that question. We should not be afraid to ask ourselves, do I even want to do this anymore? You know? And and I I think, to me, that that's a self check. Yeah. I think it's a good one. You know, I I think, you know, even even on your side of the slash, sometimes you should even ask yourself that. Yeah. But It's usually when I I had to go clean up dog's pupchuck. So But, but, yeah, you know, having having days like that,
it it yeah. It it can make you wonder if you're doing the right thing at all. Thinking about finding the time to plan a scene and having the pressure of trying to find a plan. Right. Imagine a world Uh-huh. Where I come and tell you, hey, daddy. We're gonna do a scene tonight at 8 o'clock. What does that do to your dominant heart? Does it just shrivel up and cringe away? Or does it feel like,
okay. It no. Okay. No. You know, if you were to come to me and say, you know, hey, daddy, you know what, we're gonna have an empty house Oh, that's difficult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Day after tomorrow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? And and and, you know, let's do something. And that did used to happen. Yes, it did. It did. You know, and I think that is why now I I feel that pressure more. Okay? Because our life has shifted Greatly. Greatly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, since since last October.
And, Yeah. It, you know, it's it's not that It's not easy. It's not easy. And it's, know, it's funny. It's I mean, for for a while, you know, we I even took you out into the to the woodshop. And we can't do that right now. It's too fucking hot. It is too fucking hot. Even I can't stay out there very long right now. We had 125 feels like temperature the other day. It was actual temperature of 89 degrees. I thought it was 90 something. Or I'm sorry. Yes. 93 and, was 100 and 25,
something like that. But, you know, yeah. We we don't even have that opportunity right now. Well, and part of it is and this is, I think, many people can relate regardless of whatever kind of relationship you have. Yeah. The free and easy stuff is not currently it's still free, but it's not easy. And when you do not have access to, you know, funds, like, discretionary income. Right. You know, there was a time in our life we would go pay to have solitude somewhere. Oh, yeah. And I look
forward to what we can do. We can do that again. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. That day will come. Okay. I mean, I you know, I I think about our times how, you know, for for a good while there, Phoenix Club used to open once a month in the morning and, you know, we would, take the boys to school. That was also the time when we lived 30 minutes away from it. Well, we we were 30 minutes away from it and and
we had that opportunity. Right. Now where we live now, our dungeons that we're equidistant to could open in the morning, it does us fuck all. Well, yeah. No. I I I get that. I get that. Really. Oh. I I had no idea. I think my cancer daddy is doing that thing where he's being nostalgic. Yeah. And waxing nostalgic on a thing that, yes, it was delightful while we get it. It was delightful. How does that help us now? There's the pressure again, though. Right. Right. See what you did? Damn it.
I was trying to go to my happy place and get out from under the pressure. Real problem. He likes to do that. He likes to reminisce. And my Scorpio bitch ass comes in and goes, yeah. But can we talk about reality? Because reminiscent don't get my ass fixed. So I don't know what to do for you. I like to think I relieve the pressure, with comic relief. That or by just taking the wind out of his sails. I don't know.
Now it's now I'm curious about something because I have watched you decide when we play over all these years. Right. And I have seen the times when it was easier and it was effortless, and it was also there was less external stress Mhmm. Making just everything harder. And I've also seen you when you've been in the pits of depression and, you know, the peak stressfulness of our lives from a few years ago.
When when your mental health has tanked now we've had conversations and we've talked about it here before, but there have been times you've had to go, I can't make decisions. Right. I'm not in a good mental space. Mhmm. First of all, on that one, when we've had those conversations and you've explained where you're at and we I go, okay. Does for that time when things are super hard for you mentally, does that relieve a little bit of pressure or does it add to? It's a different kind of pressure.
Okay? You you would think at that point, you know, me coming to you and say, hey, look, my mind is spiraling right now. I I cannot do that. I cannot. You you would think that, you know, yes, coming opening up and and and, you know, saying those things and would relieve that pressure. But then you got and then again, maybe it's just my crazy mind. I don't know. But then I think, but I should be making this decision because that's who I am. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. It's probably
there there's pros and cons to everything. I think that's a con to when when your kink role is part of your identity. Mhmm. When that's how you define it for yourself is it's part of your identity. So when you can't do that thing, then you can't quote, this is incorrect, but big old air quotes, can't be yourself, can't do the thing you're supposed to do. So I'm curious. Okay. Because I've seen that, we've gone through
that. Then I have watched your mental health spiral to the point where it's part it's a little bit of why we stopped doing our spicy page because you have to be up and up for seining and your mental health was not there to scene. Correct. Which means that you're outside of spicy page stuff, you're you were not able to scene. Is is there once it's your mental health, it's for you,
that's depression. Depression. Yeah. Once your depression is going strong based on how you experience depression, does that increase the pressure of the not seining, or is there so little desire to scene that the thing you feel is not pressure? It might be something else, but it's not pressure. When I spiral that far down, there is no desire. So there's no pressure. If there's no desire.
So the if for kink scenes, the pressure primarily comes from the desire to do it, but the not it not being cheap or easy. Yeah. When no. I I will I will I will say this. When when when when my depression rears up and it is that bad that I spiral like that, yeah, I have no desire. No desire whatsoever. Which makes sense. I would expect that. Yeah. I'm just curious, because I speak from an anxiety standpoint. Yeah.
My anxiety can make it, so I have no desire to do something, but I still feel the pressure because I'm doing that, this is what it should be doing Yeah. Kind of self talk. And and there is How how can I say this? For me, on on the way down in that spiral, yes. Okay. Once I hit it if I hit a certain Point. Yeah. Point, no. Don't even feel it anymore. Don't even feel it anymore. Okay. So decision making, kink seining Mhmm. Pressure.
Do you experience pressure specifically as a daddy dom, a caregiver? You know, not as much. Not as much. Being in, a say, like, high protocol Mhmm. Okay, type of of situation. A lot to me, that was a fair amount of pressure. Because there were a lot of decisions to be made. A lot a lot of decisions to be made. A lot of high expectations for Yes. Behavior and stuff. Mhmm. Now, Mhmm. Now, for for me, with us being daddy dom is excuse me, folks, much more, relaxing, so to speak.
But, maybe others can relate to this, but, you know, as a daddy dom, am I spoiling her too much? Am am I am I So there is some pressure. You know, am am I am I being too hard on her? Or, you know So I will say this, and everybody's gonna laugh because I know what it's gonna sound like, but please let me have my, like, semi colon to finish the thought. The one thing I am not as a baby girl at this point in life is spoiled. Semi colon, partial new thought.
Not because he is incapable of spoiling me. He's capable of it. He does not have access to resources with which to spoil me, and he's a sadist. So sometimes he actually likes me to be a little miserable, consensually. Oh, you mean you wanted me to bring you home a diet cocaine? Which is why I stopped sucking ass. Because then he gets a little sadistic thrill of going, oh, I know what you wanted. No. Which I do find that I do find that fascinating because it it tracks for me.
It makes sense in my brain that there would be a push and pull as a caregiver doll of am I spoiling? Am I indulging too much? Am I being too hard? Am I, yeah. And I can't wait till we get back to a point in life where those are decisions you can make again. I think that's a good kind of pressure. You know? Yeah. So, mister Spak, in the Mhmm. The live chat mentions health. And in your case, thankfully, your health has been fairly stable. Yes. Your mental health has been our biggest concern, but
then there was there's your back. And there are things that you have had to deal with physically, medically. Mhmm. During those times Mhmm. We know we know mental health. We just had that conversation. Right. But unless your physical health, like, just the way your back has has changed and what you've had to change how you do things over the years, does that add to the pressure? Does it create its own kind of pressure for you? It it it does create a pressure. Mhmm. Okay? Yeah, it does.
You know, because with my back, for me, you know, up here, I'm still The head is willing. You know, I'm still 30 years old up here. I mean, same. Okay. Same. 25, but same. And and and then when I try to do something Right. As a 30 year old, my body tells me, you know, no. No. No. No. Yeah. You know, so going through what I have gone through with my back, okay, and into something I have dealt with for many years. Yeah, like decades at this point.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a chronic condition for you, that just flares or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. You know, back in my late mid late thirties when it first started acting up, I I would say my body has betrayed me. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm. You know, I Oh, the hubris of youth.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, one of one of the reasons I say that is because up until my back really gave me a a that it really went to a point that I had to, you know, take notice of it and really take care of it, I, you know, was an avid kayak fisherman. Alright? Loved it. I I had several kayaks sit on tops that I, you know, go out in the Gulf on. Each one was set up for a different type of fishing, and and when my back finally exploded, I had to give that all up.
And ironically, we were the literally, 2 days after we had a conversation Yeah. A year or so ago about how we could maybe ease you back into it Right. With help, your back when your back is trying to tell you something. Yeah. But, you know, what what comes from it, because I'm a stubborn bastard. You you really are. Thank you. You know me for who I am. You know, I'm gonna say, well, you know, I this is it. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this certain things anymore.
What it has done for me is, you know, yeah, it's put the pressure on me of, you know, not being able to do things the way I'm I'm used to doing and would like to do. Right. But once get over that that feeling, it's almost like grieving Yep. In a in a way. You know, then I start looking for, alright, well, what can I do? How can I do what I used to do Just in a different way? That that I can work around Mhmm. You know. Yeah. I mean Sorry. Go ahead. That's okay.
You know, that's that's that's kind of, you know, the the outcome, but, you know, yeah, the the the medical yeah. Absolutely does put a a good amount of pressure. Does that pressure get alleviated at all while you're going through the medical stuff? Like, during that time period where your back was just that was bad. Yeah. When when the doctors are like, how are you walking? You know, it's it ain't good. I know. Is there anything during that time that can alleviate the pressure?
Or is it a matter of working through it, getting stabilizing in some way, whatever that means, and then the pressure? During that moment Mhmm. No. The only thought on my mind is is getting to the other side of this. And what you're not able to do while you're Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know? For sure. And and, you know, taking care of what I need to do. Mhmm. It Are there times that you have been able to use your dominance to alleviate pressure? And I'm what I mean by that is, like, the way
we're set up, I'm a service sub. So you don't pick up certain substances on the ground. I'm I'm trying not to say it too often. I don't wanna, like, mess up anybody's, like, stomach or whatever. Yeah. And that's the thing that we negotiated that. But, like, that you know, what that also means is it might be 5 o'clock in the morning. He wakes up, and it might be 6 o'clock before I wake up. And I have a task at 601. But it happened at, like, 2:30 in the
morning. So Yeah. Anyway, are but are there times because you you know, the way our power exchange works, I am your service that I do things when you tell me to do them Yes. That you have been able to use your dominance to alleviate other pressures, or to alleviate the pressures of some of your worries that might be tied to power exchange. To to a certain extent, yes. But I also know that that is a power needs to be used cautiously. Oh, yeah. For sure. For sure. For sure. Okay?
Be because, you know, what good is it if I'm feeling pressured by all these extraneous things, and I just take and go, okay, my baby girl, my beautiful submissive, here, this is all for you to do now. Go take care of it. Go take care of it. And yet there are times I would give anything to do that for you, but even I know that there's a limitation to that, yeah. It's not,
you know, feasible. Not long term. No. And, you know, To me that, you know, overusing, overreaking something is an abuse of my power. I would agree with that. And I don't wanna go there. I appreciate that. I don't wanna go there. I really do. So I So I mean, you know, yeah. Yeah. On on one hand, it could be, oh, you know, I I can take all this shit and dump it on somebody else, and I'm golden. Right. But it it doesn't. It it just transfers
it to you Right. And and the pressure is still there, but in a different way. Right. And then there's a new pressure because now, you know, you've got a a submissive who can't keep up, a submissive who's frazzled, a submissive who's stressed. Right. There's probably some resentment building, you know, from Yeah. So, you know, yeah. It's it's something I do. I I have done Mhmm. With you in the past, but I try to be very judicious about it. Yeah. And and I appreciate that.
I mean, I like to think that we've kind of set up our power exchange in a way that as often as makes sense for us and for me specifically, I try to make your life a little easier anyway. True. So that there are maybe fewer stresses for stressors for you outside of power exchange, like just in life in general, or I'm doing things that make your life a little bit easier. And so I want to be able to do that for you. Yeah. And also, I'm damn grateful you do not take advantage of that. Yeah.
That's another good self check for the doms out there. Well, I I mean, again, it it's one of those things, if I were to abuse that privilege okay, what's it gonna do? In the end, it's probably gonna drive a wedge. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now you got problems going on. And and and then you got problems and, you know, then your your your power exchange has gone to shit and what do you got? Right. So, You know, you you you have to find that that balance. You have to walk that
line. And it's a it's a responsibility that has a level of pressure of its own, but it's not a negative pressure. It's just a knowledge of I gotta be careful. Right. I got yeah. Excuse me. Mhmm. Mhmm. Is there anything else you'd like to say about the pressures or the privileges that you experience as a dom? I don't think so. Because I've ran out of questions to ask you. So Okay. Okay. Okay. So yeah. I I think that's yeah.
Like we said at the beginning, you if you are a dominant, you may have a completely different experience of what feels like pressure to you, what feels like a privilege to you, how you handle those things. That that's all fine. That is all that's all fine. I I find it fascinating that for you, I sort of expected when I was thinking about this topic, that you would, like, get granular in the things where and and you're like, no, no, no, big picture.
This is where I feel the pressure. The small stuff takes care of its fucking self. It's the big thing. It's the big things. Yeah. And I think that's that's gonna be one experience. And then somebody else is gonna be like, no, no, no. I can I can write you an itemized list of what where I feel pressure? And I think that's fine. I think I don't think it's necessarily healthy to spend all of your time thinking about how hard things are, as long as it's something you want to
continue to do. But I do think it's important to acknowledge that, yeah, Adam, if if you're in a good relationship and you're doing things right, you have it good. Mhmm. But also, that doesn't make it easy to do all the time or Right. Stress free all of the time. And that kind of acknowledgment, both as an internal check, like, am I
abusing my power? And even as an external check with your partner, you know, because you and I have gotten to a point over the years that I try to be really mindful when I can tell that outside stressors are impacting you. I try to be cognizant of that in how I approach you and how we deal with things. And, you know, we have enough experience now. I know to ask, hey. Would you like me to just, like, take some of these decisions and
just handle them? Yeah. And we can do that now because we've gone through enough times where you've had to go, I can't do it. And we we know each other Right. Well enough. You know? So we can we have we have developed our ways to navigate them, and we are both aware of how that kind of stuff can impact you.
Mhmm. If that is not a conversation that you and your power exchange have had with a partner, and and you don't know how to handle it and you don't know how your partner either feels about being the one on the receiving end of the feeling the pressure or like in my case, if his if when the pressure got too much, he started lashing out and I wasn't saying anything, that would be a problem. So, you know, it's it's good to be aware of those things. It's good to do
a self check. Yeah. Submissives, if you are resentful of things in your power exchange that comes from somewhere, and there are many places it can come from. We have talked about this. Lack of self care, overextending yourself, not communicating properly, not managing expectations. But also, do you have a dom who is to alleviate their own sense of this I'm feeling too much. This is too much for me, abusing that power and having you do everything
for them? Do you have a dom who is being affected by the pressure they feel but not talking about it or admitting it and trying to act like everything's fine. Well, if that's the you you're there's gonna be resentment building, especially if if you are like, as every power change is different, blah blah blah. There are many things I can still do.
JB can be crumbling over there physically and mentally, and I can still keep ticking along doing what I do as a submissive in a lot of ways because that's how
we've set ours up. But if you are a submissive who has the kind of power exchange where many, many parts of your day, your life, have to get a decision from a partner, and that partner is buckling under the weight of some of the pressure but not talking about it, you are going to have a different kind of experience of that than I am gonna have, and it is going to directly impact your submission. There has to be a conversation about it. And, you know, everybody reacts differently to pressure.
You know, there are there are I will say, there are times when the pressure is on, man, I'm like, alright, bring it. And it's a good thing. It's a positive. Yeah. You know, some sometimes it's a good thing and like, you know, oh, you're gonna you're gonna put the screws on? Let's go. It's invigorating. That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And and I just jump in and, you know, guns blazing and and, you know, have at it. And other times, yeah, it can be tough.
Mhmm. Yeah. And I don't I don't think, acknowledging that, admitting it, figuring out ways to deal with it is a weakness. Very good. Yeah. So yeah. Okay. K. Is that it for us? I think so. I guess we'll do a bonus section? Yeah. Okay. K. So we're good? I don't know. Maybe. Kinda, sorta. I don't know. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Dottie. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk with the crickets? Yes. Okay. I'm pretty sure there was a thing I was, like, saving for the bonus section.
Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. I would like to report for the for the 2nd week in a row. Apparently, it's like a once a week thing. I caught Ella grooming Onyx and Onyx allowing it. Mhmm. I don't know if it happens frequently and just when nobody is watching. I don't know, but I'm standing in the kitchen. The 2 of them were there. And I turn around, and their, like, their face and one another, they weren't sitting or laying down. They were standing up. And their
heads are like the cheek to cheek. Mhmm. And Ella's just nuzzling and cleaning. And Onyx is standing there and standing there until she's like, no. Too much. Too much. And then she was gone. Oh, dear. I don't have to tell you how Lola's doing. She let you know throughout this entire podcast thing. Yeah. Lola is very vocal today. Lord. Weirdly, there are times I wish she would be vocal. I I know. It's she when I and I don't I can't even think of why I would want her to be vocal.
But when you want her to be vocal, not vocal. Yeah. When you're, like, please be quiet. Mhmm. She's got plenty to stay. But, you know, I in in her defense, I know. You know, we She wants her walk. She she wants her walk. You know, we we have been working really, really hard with her to get her weight down. Mhmm. You know? And and her walks are are important for her, you know, to get get out some exercise because she doesn't dog. No. She does does not. She ain't chasing
a ball. She ain't running around the yard. No. She does not understand what the deal is. What what I find That's my dog. It is totally hilarious. She will go outside in the backyard during the day, and she will walk out that door. She'll walk 2 feet away from the door, and just fall on the ground, and just sit there and sunbathe. Oh my god, it could be so hot, and she's like I would like to lay on this
concrete pad out here. Now, in the meantime, all around her in the backyard, the squirrels are frolicking, and the birds are doing their thing, and you know what? She never budges. Sometimes there's even a cat in the backyard. She could let them And she she doesn't budge. Now, you you put her on a leash and take her for a walk, and she sees a freaking lizard? Oh my god. Actually And she'll you'll be like a kite. If she is aware enough, like, she's ready to come back inside from outside, then,
what am I trying to say? She will and she sees a lizard, but before I can, like, open the back door and let her in, I she let the lizards to get away from her will go up, like, our gutter drain thing outside the back door. And I will hear her her little tippy toes tippy tapping at that metal drain thing. Because she is chasing that lizard. But the other day, she is inside. I come back inside because I have to take to get good lighting. I have to take pictures outside. Yeah.
It's just what it is. So, for products. So, I take some pic I go outside, take some pictures. As I'm on my way back in, a lizard, a dumbass lizard, runs straight into our office, and I'm like, you are taking your own life in your hands, lizard, right past Lola. Lola's laying on the car. But I was like, oh, okay. Mhmm. It's something about the leash. It is something about the leash. I I have to, you know yeah. It it's it's hilarious what she does. It's it's funny. She's a character and we adore
her. Mhmm. Yep. She's our girl. What else we got for the oh, so school started this week for everybody but us. And I knew what date the first day of school was here in our our local area. I was well aware, but I wasn't thinking about the date. And JB goes, I saw all these kids just walking down the road this morning. It's like it took me a minute to remember. Oh, yeah. School. Yep. Not in our house. Not in our house. I am still reveling in the break we're in. Thank you very much.
I'm kind of hoping that, for 9th grade, the 14 year old's like, you know what? Maybe I'll speed run. I get done early. I don't know. We'll see. But yeah. I mean, other than that, it's just it's our same old same old. Yeah? Yeah. Same old same old. You know, we're we're we're dealing with the summer doldrums here. We're in the, dog days of August. We ended up not going on our daily walks for, like, a week and a half. It was the week that the storm hit, and that was what? Last
week? I don't know. It was like a week and a half, 2 weeks worth of not going on a walk. And I could tell that I had not been going on a stupid walk for my stupid mental health. And then we were supposed to go last Friday, and I was the one that went, I I can't. My Yeah. I had barely slept. Then Monday, the alarms go off, and Jamie goes, we're not going. Yeah. So then for today, because we walk Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I was like so Tuesday, I was like, we're we're
we're going. Right? We're setting the alarm. He's like, yeah. We're setting the alarm. And then I still slept really bad. I had bad night sleep last night too. I woke up at 4 o'clock. Is that what time that was? I I was awake for it. I just refused to look at a clock. I was awake at 4 o'clock and Yeah. Till the alarm went off. I did a tossy turny kinda thing all night that was just miserable. But when the alarm went off for the walk, we got our happy asses up. Mhmm. And
did it. You know what? I I spiraled as I pointed out during this the sponsored portion of today. But before then, like, we get done with our walk. And it's a shortened one because the it has gotten a lot hotter. August and September are the 2 most miserable months. So we're whatever. But I was super fucking productive. Like, got out of the shower, still dripping wet, cleaned the bathroom, kind of productive. Yeah. And I have to admit, I was I was pretty productive myself. We need the we need
the fucking one. Yeah. It it will be it will be shortened until, the weather takes place. Until we get through, you know, like the, around here, like like the song says wake me up when September ends? Yeah. I mean, it'll will it still be warm in October? Yes. But the humidity starts to drop off. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Climate change being what it is. Yeah. So, so, yeah, the stupid walk, first two mental health was a good reminder today that we really do need it. Yeah. So Yep.
I think that's it. Yeah. I think that's it. Yeah. Just been you know, we've been been doing our yard work when we can. But even that, we've kinda been Yeah. And that's an 8 AM endeavor. Yeah. It's just like it's there's no way anymore. You you're not doing it at 10 AM. You will heal over as soon as I'm out. No. No. No. So I guess before we go, just a reminder, we sponsored us this week with my I'm gonna say it again so I could get used to being perceived. My bookish, Etsy shop has Halloween
stuff. Streams. And I am adding more Halloween stuff this week. I am thinking about tote bags for real for real. Anyway, I have a couple of tote bags, but those are different than the tote bags I'm thinking of. So and then, yes, Friday night, August 16th 16th at 9:30 PM EST, we will be here live. Will there be adult beverages? I don't know. Will anybody be wearing a bra? No. No. That will be a pajama party kinda night. So Yeah. Just saying. Mhmm. So I guess, I guess we can say, goodbye. Goodbye,
daddy. I love you. Okay, Gracie. Thankfully, I'm old enough to get that reference. Okay. Good. Oh my god. That's what happens when you're when you have a parent that's almost 40 years older than you. I know a lot of references that I probably shouldn't. Okay. We, we're gonna go thank you Yeah. For being here, especially if you stayed to this bitter, bitter inn. Yeah. And, yeah, that's all I got. Mhmm. Hopefully, we'll see you Friday night. Yeah. Anyway, hope to
see you then. Love you. Bye. Love you. Yeah. Love you. We do love you, Al. We do. Because we wouldn't be here without any of you. I know. But I'm still awkward as fuck. This will be the thing that keeps me up tonight. Okay. Goodbye.