You're listening to loving Bd and podcast episode 04:01. Holy shit. Yeah. Kill here with the 1 the only the guy who would totally do the podcast naked if he thought he could get away with it jump out soon? I wouldn't. If there was no live. There was no live component, I wouldn't. Yeah, Don't a mind to underwear back in the day. Just be naked. Yeah. Yeah. Mh. I mean, I'm I'm down for that. I'm pretty sure if we revived our only fan page, other people would probably be down for that too.
Yeah. Just sit it... See us sitting there naked, talking into the mic. Her phone. Mh. Mh. Nick, oh, god. Don't give me more ideas. She said to herself. Okay. So worry your Nikki Time with Jb and Kayla. Know. You know I was thinking again. That is not what we are here for. This week... We're talking about something that I'm kind of calling Task creep in Ds relationships, Mh. Which is similar to just like the... I stole the idea from the concept. Of role or job creep in the workplace. Yeah.
If... Anybody who's ever been slowly assigned more work or slowly taken on more work than you are paid to do. You know what this is. Yep. You got it. We're gonna talk about it in power exchange. Well, to the loving Bd podcast. This is your first time listening Glad to have you. If you're back for another week. Welcome back. Loving Bd has produced every Monday and Friday for your Kinky pleasure in education and show notes are found at loving bd m dot
net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on Fe life at Loving Bd Pc, the Pcs Dance podcast y'all. On Instagram and threads at that handle, I will forever. Fucking hate. Loving d and the number 1, so at loving DS1 or on Youtube at Youtube dot com slash loving Bd where you can watch us live from the podcast every Wednesday.
All links are in the show notes. A big thanks as always to our Kinky patrons over on Patreon including our newest We're able to be these wild ass weirdo on the Internet in large part because of our kinky patrons, and we are grateful for every fucking wonderful. If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and a discord server with a group of super cool
super nice gangster, you can do that. Just join us at patreon dot com slash kayla Lords that's patreon dot com slash kayla Lords, or use a link in the show notes. Your button push her from way back. Okay. Before we get into this week's topic, I've got announcements. The first 1 is, we are taking our little summer break that we do. Next week. So we are recording slash streaming on, June nineteenth, June. Happy June tenth for anybody who, acknowledge that 1.
I shouldn't say acknowledge. Celebrate is it celebrating I should be celebrated? I don't know. But happy June teens. I have fucked that all the way up. I apologize. So the week after this week after June nineteenth, we're on a break. There'll be no podcast. No. There'll be no live stream. There'll be no newsletter. No. There's none of that. Why? Because my mother going to down. So, we're actually kind of starting our break a little early because we have to clean the house from top to bottom.
The day after we record this. Mh. So 1 thing of note because somebody will ask in our, Patreon community we do a monthly game night, which is next week during our break. Yes, We will still do game night. The other announcement it is that we are going live for our monthly virtual months, Friday night, June 20 first, starting at 09:30PM, Eastern. So hope you will join us for that. And then third announcement, it looks like as of our recording schedule and all of our plans.
The Monday episodes will be back. July eighth. They could be back July first if we weren't going on a break extra. You're not recording that. So we'll bring it back the following week. So If you have questions, we are still accepting them. We just have enough now that we're like, yeah, Let's get back to it. But we are constantly accepting questions. And I wanna retry and redo a happy June team. Okay. If you don't know what June tenth is,
certainly no expert. But basically, 06/19/1865 is when enslaved people in Texas were 5 informed that they were supposed to be free. Not not at the actual time, please Don't asking me the data for other it up. So it's a federal holiday. It's a legit thing. Happy June team. Okay. Let's get into the topic. Now that I've butcher that. Just fucking that. Oh, okay. I have to go by the script because topped it all. Okay. So this week's topic is ripped from the headlines of our own life.
But also, I stole a vanilla concept to because I recognized parallels. And in the vanilla world, what I want us to talk about in the whole idea of task creep is usually known as job creep, more roll creep. So let's talk about what that is. 1 of the best definitions I found of my lord, of course. Mh he's and ads and just... There it is. Okay. Here's the definition. It 1 of the... They're all basically same, but it was an easy
1 I found. Job creep also referred to as role creep happens when 1 performs tasks that are outside of their role or the agreed scope of their job. Anybody who's ever had to work for somebody else who gets to tell you what to do has probably experienced some level of this. I job creeped myself into 4 roles at my last big girl job. Job. And it wasn't until my last year there that I got paid more and had some of the work taken off of me. But, yeah, I was under the umbrella of ford job titles
at 1 point in that job. There might be a reason why. I don't do that work anymore. So, yeah, there's this thing with you are expected to do a job, and you have somebody who manages you leads you is the boss of you. And over time, they may assign things to you, you may agree to take things on whatever it is. And before you know it, you are doing things. You should not agree to do that you're not in this case being paid to do.
And you might not wanna do, Leads to burnout leads to resentment leads all kinds of bad feelings. Guess what? Something like that can have an power exchange. Shocking. Right? Shocking. Fascinating. So let's try to define task creep and power exchange. K. My experience with it as a service submissive has been doing things for my dominant partner that we did not sit down and negotiate and come up with parameters for. He did not ask
me to do. I just started. Mh. And without that negotiation, the expectation was set that I would still do it. Now, I only know my ants, but I have no doubt that dominance can be... You can have task creep too. They might not... You might not think of it that way. Maybe roll creep where you're doing more, Mh. Than you originally agreed to do, and there hasn't been a solid serious conversation. Right? About it. Okay? And I think
the same exact things that can have... That happen in the workplace are gonna happen in a relationship. If you don't talk about it and get it sorted, and that is resentment, and that is expectation management. That is where we realized that I was doing things. Mh. That we hadn't negotiated because I didn't do it 1 day because it wasn't an official task. Right. And somebody was not happy with that. I'm like, wait. What happened here? What's going
on? And he used the. Big d voice and I pushed back because that was not the appropriate use of the big d voice. So it absolutely can happen to either side of the slash. Unless Jb b shocks me with something that he feels is task creep, But I have a feeling we'll probably focus more on the submissive side of things. It's okay if You young. We know you're not bored. We know you're exhausted. It's okay. Poor. Pocket listeners you can't see it, poor Jamie keeps trying to, like, swallow was jan.
Okay. So Okay. So I do think it's more common amongst it missiles. Mh. I I think any kind of submissive can find themselves in this situation because it might be a thing that you're asked to do as a 1 off from a dominant partner Mh. And you do, and then somehow that kind of sets the expectation, you'll do it every time. And and and what it is kemp can be early anything. It could be a kin activity sexual activity.
It could be task oriented. It could be in service of your dominant partner, like, it can be anything. I feel it, and I wonder if it maybe is more common in service submissive. Because as service, we tend to be, you know, trying to wanting to looking for ways to... In whatever way you define this for take care of our dominant partner, and it is real real easy to take on tasks and create habits around shit. You never had a
conversation about, you know? Like we... Like, right out of the headlines of, our relationship. The 1 where Jb got upset with me. We had just started taking... I don't think we had just started. Had been trying to take probiotics to fix our own got health. Yeah. Doing it for a while. Had we been doing it for while? Okay. Mh. I had gotten a couple of times. I had been popping mine out of the blister pack, and I did it for Jb. 2 reasons. 1, I was right there. I was like, oh I'll just do it.
And 2, I love Jb. He is capable of many, many things. Blister packs or his enemy. I don't know what it is beautiful they are. They have some. And if you're like, what is a blister pack? It's the plastic pack that has, like, the aluminum foil on the back and your supposed a pop and then the paper. Over that. Yeah. Now. So. Hate. He was forgetting to take his probiotic regularly. If I wasn't having breakfast with him, he might not remember.
I knew he struggled, and I am that type of person that if I do a thing for you 1, don't wanna be perceived while I'm doing it, but 2, I love it to be like a little happy surprise that you walk in and go, oh, this is already done me. I get a lot of fucking kick out of that. I pure joy when I can have a thing done and it's a pleasant surprise. I don't know whether that's about. Haven't investigated that. So I just started doing it. I just it would be be part of my rounds in the morning.
About his probiotic pot mine out, Move on with my morning. Now. Now part of that come about too because a lot of times in the morning. Especially weekdays. She will start her breakfast before. Oh, yeah. I head into the kitchen. Yeah. Your sipping on your coffee. Long past the time, I'm ready to nam my own arm off. So 1 day, and I don't remember what I was thinking about why I didn't do it. Mh. But I remember in my head going. Well, it's not an official task. I'm supposed to do.
I'm not even sure anymore why I'm doing it. And for whatever reason that day, I was like, I just don't feel like doing it. And so I didn't. And when Jb went to have his breakfast, which is when he takes biotic he in a calm patient Daddy Dumb blew a gasket. Mh. He was mad y'all. He was like, where's my probiotic? I was like, I didn't do it. And he went, why the hell not? And I'm like, excuse me excuse No. Nope. That is not a negotiated task.
And he was... Seized he's not his grumpy face on because was before breakfast fee, you know, yes, he had coffee, no to breakfast though a little hungry. About half a cup of coffee. Little hungry. And so in that moment I went. Would you like it to be a negotiated task. We did that negotiation in about 30 minutes. 30 against yes. Yeah. Yep. Is this something you want me to do every day? Mh. You went, why? Yes. I would. I is fine. And now every day. You know, part of the product in
with it not being there that day. Mh. I was like, I was in my head. I'm like, Did I take it? Did I not take it. I don't remember taking it, but I might have taken it. I don't know if I took it. Mh You doing 1 of those begging forth it. So Yes. And so, yeah. But because I had set that expectation and had been consistent. Like, I think... 1 thing if you do it 1 time, and then you don't do it again for a long time. Mh. You it
was... It was a 1 off, and You might have a partner who goes, hey, could you do that for me again? Sure, of course or negotiating. You know you can't. But it was the fact that I got into a bit of a routine. And so I set the expectation for Jb, and I I wondered at the time, we didn't really talk about it. If it was because... Because the things I do is tasks are so routine oriented. If you just sort of assumed that we must have had the converse station because here I was
doing it consistently. Yeah. No. I I know we didn't have the con. When He has not hitting the bottle. Y'all. I promise. I'm sorry, Folks. I I mean, you want him to now now that I am so sorry. But anyway, no. I I knew that you hadn't you know, that we hadn't talked about it. Mh. But, you had been doing it for so long Mh. At that point, that I just become used to it. So it's funny because to me in my memory of it at least or my perception I didn't think I've been doing it that 1.
0, yeah. How any idea? Because I would say probably 3 months maybe. Oh, no. It would definitely I don't think Oh, yeah. Oh yes. I feel like it was a few weeks. No. No. Much longer than We'll have to agree to degree on that Good. But... And what I wish I remembered, I didn't know it would be content later. What I wish I remembered is why in that 1 day I went... No. I don't have to do it. Because when something is part of my routine, I just I just get on with it.
Yeah. Think I think I've gotten maybe a little bored with that. Wasn't it was an exciting and interesting I don't know. I don't know why that matters, but I know how I am. And sometimes that matters. But, yeah, that was a real swift in the moment. Yeah. Task negotiation. Mh. It did her... I mean, I was annoyed because I knew we had negotiated it. Yeah. But I also understood Jb perspective. I have
gotten him used to it? He... There... Why wouldn't he expect me to keep doing a thing I've been doing every day for somewhere between 1 and 3 months will agree to disagree. So I I totally get your perspective. What helped in that moment is how quickly you backed off when I reminded you this was not 1 of my tasks to follow And I think it helped that I immediately turned to when, would you like it to
be so we could get it resolved. And then after that 1 day, I I have been later in the morning with it sometimes, but I've never not done never forgotten in her. Yeah. If And, okay. Let me ask you this. Mh. The the the current box of probiotic that we have. Yes. When was that bought? A month ago. Okay. Then it's been at least 2 months because it was the... You were doing it with the prior Yeah. Do you know how long ago we negotiated that?
Task... Do you know how long I've been doing that task for you? 2 or 3 years. It wasn't this box. U. It's been since we moved in. Here, but I've been doing it 2 or 3 years because we've been taking a probiotic since right before or right after my his direct here Just been couple of years now. We're the hell Been. I don't know most certainly we've been taking a probiotic longer than 3 months. Oh, I. Okay. I am just gonna go sit quietly in the corner now. You'll look very handsome while you do it.
I think the 1 you're thinking of. Is the 1 that we... I guess in a weird weird way. We kind of negotiated it, but not in the... We work very clear on our role here. And that. Stinky breakfast I now I have to explain more Scott explain what his stinky breakfast is. Okay. So first, what what happened was, we had been making our breakfast. Separate every morning regardless of what we ate. Yeah. And at some point over the past couple of months, this has been a couple of months.
I started coordinating on the days that I wanted. Yes, I'll explain it. Stinky breakfast. I was like, why don't I just make it for Jb? Like, this doesn't make sense for us to waiting in line because we use the air fryer, and it's like, we're waiting in line to eat breakfast. So I started making if I was gonna eat stinky breakfast, I would make Jb stinky breakfast. It's so weird when you have to, like, say the language of your relationship
in front of people. So let me explain real quick what what a stinky breakfast is k. Stinky breakfast is, you start with an air fryer and you get a tortilla. We get the brewery Yeah the big big ones. And you put that inside the air fryer basket. You kinda like like, it's a little bowl. Yeah. Like you... It... The sides come up and it forms like a little bowl in there. Then you'd... Like you can either scramble your eggs. I like
them scrambled. I just crack kale cracks them and just drop them right in. And then sprinkle some cheese. You can do Ham. You can do whatever Wanna put ham in there, put cheese like a like a omelette on a burrito. Yeah. Open face stomp? Yeah kind of. And and you cook the air fryer. Cook near fryer. The Internet taught us that. I I found that recipe on on the What on the Internet, and else. Yeah. So the reason it's called stinky breakfast though that's the breakfast. Yeah. The 14
year old. 1 for a time there was waking up or was already awake at... We're eating breakfast y'all between 06:30 and 7 in the morning. That's what We. And for different reasons, he would be awake or just waking up at around that time for a while. And I don't know how he's genetically my child. Or how he was raised by Jb. But that child hates cheese. Hates everything about it including the
smell, health So he started. We didn't realize this till finally told us, and he started hiding away in his room and giving us, like sit on and make a money faces, and he was like, your breakfast stinks, and so because we... The 2 of us Jb and myself are a bunch of fucking winning weirdo house, we just started calling thank breakfast. And we... If the 14 year old is awake at that time, and we weirdo what 1 or both of us want stinky breakfast that morning.
We warn him, hey, we're closing your door because it's stinky breakfast the morning. So now you get an insight into our weird little life room. Okay. So out of a need for efficiency because I was tired to wait in turn because y'all know. I was gonna let Jb go ahead of me in line for something. Right? Including the use of the air fryer. Yeah. So I was tired waiting for my own damn based. And I started offering to make his stinky breakfast when I made my... Because we have an air fryer with
dual dual. We can make. Yeah. 2 things I went. So it became this thing where 4 weeks. Any day I was gonna have stinky breakfast. The question was do you want stinky breakfast. And in in 1 way, it wasn't task creep because every day for a while I asked. Right? And finally, I realized what I was doing it. I was just doing it. I was always asking, but I was just doing it. And I went, I'm tired to fucking ask it. Let's just... Let's set a rule? Am I? You know, would Jb prefer for me to ask?
Or can we just 3 that on the days that we both want stinky breakfast, God, How many times can I say that? Should made that a drinking game? You know, am I gonna be the winner to make it? And that... Yeah. It's still never been like, what I think most people would consider, like, a power exchange negotiation where Mh. Hi. I'm The dom dome, and I'm gonna tell you the sub, I want you to do this and me, the sub is gonna go, let me think about...
Okay. You know, whatever whatever. I don't know why imaginary me talks at life, whatever. Through This was just an in the moment thing where I've been doing it. I was tired of having to ask every fucking time. We just handled it. Now, I want to remind people because I think this can get forgotten that a task we in our power exchange can be literally anything. Mh. And is only a power exchange task air quote that if
we assign that meaning to it. So you can do something for your partner as a sub or a dom, and it not be part of your power. You just do it because you're the the best 1 to do it. You want to do it for them, whatever whatever. And it... You can still negotiate that like, you negotiate anything else, But it doesn't necessarily have to be part of your... Power exchange because it's only my submissive task thing because it gives me the feels being, you know, submissive or because in my mind,
I'm doing this for my daddy dom. Right? It's like the like the breakfast thing, that started out as efficiency. I was just fucking tired asking. But if I'm going to agree to do something for Jb on a consistent basis and I take that on and make that part of my teen. For me, that becomes part of the things I do as you're submissive. Yeah. And, you know, I will say too I'm not gonna say I do it all the time, but I try to do it.
Good poor of the time, you know, because it was something that wasn't kinda negotiated between us, you know, while, while your creating the stinky breakfast. I kinda come behind you you're like, okay. You done with this? I'll put this away just... So can I tell you about that in this? So I don't know that you would consider a task creep or something we need to negotiate because I don't know if it hits you when the dom feels. Okay? So I don't wanna... Yeah.
I don't wanna assign meaning when there is a. But here's what I can tell you about this. We do that with any meal. If 1 of us is cooking in general. The other 1 of us is setting the table, getting drinks, whatever whenever. That being said. I know this has happened to me when I've been cooking, and I'm sure I've done it to Jb. I just don't know how you feel about it. If they're... A day, a time. Breakfast lunch dinner, I don't care, where the unspoken expects tension is he will set the table.
While, I'm cooking, and he gets distracted, and he does not do it. I am... So annoyed. I immediately become a mid evil peasant woman who has to do everything. I immediately become a single mom with 2 jobs who loves her kids, and, you know, can't make, like, like, my life before marriage. Like, I immediately think. I'm the most put upon human being. Right, who has ever fucking lived. Why? Because my expectation of the thing that he typically does what we don't have as a hard and fast role.
Is not being done. I'm like, I have to do everything around here. That's not fucking true. At. The moment he shows up to do the thing. I calm the fuck down. My favorite. My favorite is when I do the superhuman thing of, I'm cooking, and I set the table, get the drinks put the condiments out do the whole thing, and he walks and goes, Oh, you got it done, and then I ba in the glory that I am clearly superhuman, and I can do it So what do you need me for? Nope.
Nope. To prevent that initial annoy. That's it is. But it, you know, is that a thing that in any relationship you should talk about so that you don't have resentment and everybody kind of. Understands what the expectations are. Absolutely. Is that task creep? I don't think so unless you've... Feel it within the power sharing.
Right? Like, it's a thing that you're agreeing to do primarily because you're my daddy doll and this is part of the control and the whatever, not as I am a grown ass adult partner living in this house with you and we gotta make it run together like... Yeah. I think I think Task creep can occur outside of power range. As somebody who was vanilla or for a very long time ended way more than my share of the the household work. Abs are fucking
loot. But within power change. I think it's about what does it mean to the power. I think the conversation is different is what I'm trying to say. The and I have with you is your submissive who is, you know, wants to be told by her Daddy dom, what she needs to be doing. Right? Mh. Is different. Though maybe it's a subtle difference from the life partner and wife who just wants the household to run efficiently and to know what the to manage
expectations for everybody. To kinda know is this a rule of our household, is this a rule within our relation shit. I think that's what goes back to where We're was saying, not every task is task creep. It's not every task is automatically part of your power exchange, like It only has meaning if you assign meaning to it. You know what I mean? And setting of the table is an a an equitable kind of thing we both do it to the best of our ability. Yeah, I don't
do it because I'm submissive. I think is what I'm trying. To say. Gotcha. Am I everything I think so. Yeah. So that's been so far my personal service, sickness submissive. Mh.
Experience with the idea of tax Creek. Mh. From a dominant perspective, do you feel like you have experienced this where mine aura another person's expectations of you of what you'll do as the dom changed because you took on something, but we didn't talk about it, and now you've created that expectation, or you did something 1 time, and now there's this it's expectation yeah. Right. Right. Right right. I I cannot think of anything off the top. Of my head. And,
I wanna... The I wanna put it out there as a as a thing that can happen because I have no doubt that it can happen. But I also think it's... It may be less common in power exchange dynamics specifically because most of the time? No, Or many times? No more times than not. As a I'm gonna come to you and ask. Yeah. Right? Or you're gonna come to me and offer or ask me can can you know, you okay if I do this. And the opportunity for negotiation is there in a more clear, you way most
of the time. Mh. Because if I ask you to do something for me. Right? Yeah. You can just tell me no if you don't wanna do it. Right? That doesn't mean that somebody can't feel a dominant can't feel an obligation to do a thing because they did it. Months before twice before done before. And that I think is the thing I want people of either side of the slash to realize it's that until you've negotiated it. The only obligation you ought to feel and mh. Air quote that is do you want to do it for
your partner? And and I I think here's kind of an idea of that. Because, you know, we've... We've been having to do some shifting here around the house. Because of a lot of things going on. Mh you know, working with the the youngest health and trying to get them through school and... I can't wait till eighth grades officially over our home school child. You know. It's getting closer. I can see the end. I just wanna grab him and drag across the finish line,
you know. But but anyway, you know, and and in between all that, she's trying to pull in some some, you know, extra writing. And, you know, we didn't really talk about it per s, but you know, I kinda started taking over the full load of of doing all the laundry again. Oh, my god. The couple of times. So this is what's funny about that's speaking of this topic. A few times you did that for me, where our current negotiated process is Jb b washes and dries, he gets it out of the drive all because
I know me. I can get it in the washer and the dryer, I'll forget all the fuck about it. It exists yeah. He did laundry the full thing for so long when my freelance writing went through the fuck roof for a couple of years there. He burned out. So we renegotiate a few years ago, split the difference, went with our... What we're willing to do our strengths and Right doesn't overwhelm us. Okay. Fine. What we will do for each other as a nice thing is sometimes we will do the other
person's side. My mother's day gift this year among many things that were done for me. Very service oriented for both Mother's day and Father's Day days He did all the the laundry for me, so I didn't have to do. Right? Mh. He made sure I'd have to wash a dish. I'm... The things I just do to help the household brand. For Father's day. I did the same thing. I did all of the laundry, so he didn't have
to. Right? Mh. Okay. Fine. So what that means is that sometimes we'll do the other person's half because we're being nice and we see that they could use the help or they're busy or they're tired or yeah. Whatever. Right. But we've never negotiated that we will do that. It's just the thing we do if we too have the energy. Mh. Right So those few times you did it, it was such a delightful surprise. Now. I don't know if this is my people pleasing with. I don't know
if it is my service submission. I don't maybe it's both. I often feels... So guilty because what I think is that's my job to do. And I, I can't think of the word I want, but, like, over achieve from hell with expectations that don't match reality, think that I should be able to do all the things all the time, whatever. I've been with you long enough that I don't let that feeling sort of overwhelmed. Right. I've I have the temporary. Oh,
I should've have done it. And then I've gotten better at going Oh, but thing fuck. I don't have to do it. But that's 1 of those things where it's a nice do and we know that the other will do it. We also know that in a in a real bad moment, 1 of us could go to the other and go, I just I just can't this week can you
help me out. So I don't feel like that would be something to negotiate because we're not we're not trying to take on the task we're trying to, in a pleasant surprise kind of way, acknowledge that the other person could use a break. You know? And then we do that once or twice, and then we get back on track because the person got their break. And then we go until the in that 1 is more of a... We're just ob ob observe of each other. Mh. And so I and I don't...
The way we used our power exchange communication skills at negotiation to negotiate the divide of household tasks, but none very little of that is about Power exchange because it's about the household, how we as 2 adults living in the household, keep it running. That's not about our power exchange. Because, while, yes, there absolutely plenty of power exchange relationships where the domestic tasks are the submissive tasks. That's not how we roll around here.
My submissive tasks in general are in direct service of Jb and they benefit nobody but Jb. If it's to keep the house running, so we don't think, and we're not dirty? That to me is not a submissive task. Yeah. That's a... I'm a adult who has to make it through this crazy life task. That's a... I don't want my house to get condemned because I didn't take care of
it. Right. Task. Right? And the negotiations, I think should still occur because household labor is labor, and everybody who is capable of participating opt to. But that... I think you can handle Task creep can still happen there, but that's to me outside of the scope of power exchange. Yeah. If that makes. Now I I have a little story to tell more funny than anything kinda goes along with this a
little bit. Okay. No, you know, Kayla had taken on the task for me, which has has been a tremendous help of doing the resin pores for the resin light paddle. For the shop, the king for the shop. And and that has been a big boom for me. Mh. For that to to have happened. And also what she has been doing, it, you know, when the resin is all cured to it's very uneven. So she has taken on. I taught her how to run the drum sand because it's not a blade it's machinery, but I won't
hurt myself too bad with it. No. You won't. Yeah. And she's she's been doing that initial sanding. Mh. So the other day, I was working out in the garage. I was gluing up knives. I was oil wood and and doing some other things, and I found myself having some time in between where I was a standard t my thumbs, and there was a stack of paddle. Over there ready to... Waiting to go through the sander. So all I was like, well, since I have be here, and I've got nothing else
to do at the moment. Let me start running some of those through the sander. Look at her paste. Look at her podcast you you can't see it, but it... It's it's it's this look of horror on her face. Annoy, but it's fine. Annoy with love with a ting of love. So, you know, while I'm waiting for the glue to set up on the on On the knives I was gluing and to, you know, slaps sticks to soak up the oil and and be done. I'm I'm running this. She comes out to the garage. To ask me a question.
She opens door steps out into the garage. She sees me at the drum sander. She just stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth dropped to the floor, She you would looked at me and was, like, what are you doing? She said a not... The submissive voice over? No. She did not. And it, you know, it's almost like it's the opposite of Task Creep. Yeah. Is the you were doing... You were keeping yourself busy, but you were doing me a favor. Yeah. An I am the rapidly possessive control freak.
We've talked about that control issues. Yes. Missile gonna have control issues who sees that as my job. Again, not my submissive job. A business job. Right? And I I wanna say, it is a point of growth and maturation that the initial thought I had of... He's not gonna do it right. He's not doing it its way. I do it. So therefore it it's not the right way. I did shut that down more quickly than you would realize or you would want? I'm I'm glad I'm that seeing as I was 1 who kind talk to
you how to do all this. That was what I haven't tell myself I was like, he knows it better than you. No. He's the weather to tell you. And I don't know what the... I... Maybe it's just called being an un uncomfortable little bitch. Does it know how to... The accept help. The mother... The scorpio bit from hell. But, you know what? The way I that too. The way... And this might be just meat other people me and nobody else may relate, but I'll tell you from my perspective.
I think that in a weird way is how me I can let tasks creep up on me. Because there's the control issues of I have a way to do it, I know I can get it done. Right. Just let me do it. Tied to the... Deep, deep desire that I have to take care of you do for you, you know, make your life easier, all the things that speak to me as a service mess. So when I see a thing that needs to be done in a moment. And I know in that moment,
I can do it free you. Mh. That's just me be a nice and I just took on an extra thing and it's fine. It becomes task creep when I slot it right into my routine, and I start doing it, except we've never talked about it. So 1, let's be clear here. I don't know if he even wants me to do it. Now we have good communication skills. If I did a little thing for him and he didn't like me doing that. I'm a no. I a know after maybe the first time. You might let me slide the first time, I
do it. The second time you're gonna be like, I did not ask you to do this. Please Don't do this. Right. But in general, if it benefits you in some way and you are okay with me doing it. Then I can let that just oh what's part of my routine now. And it makes my daddy happy. And I like making my daddy happy and them. Mh. The day comes at some point, that I go, but I don't have to do this because we didn't negotiate it. I just won't do it today, and I really don't know what wild hair gets mask for
that. Because I am so routine. Pressure you something them. Go stars are in alignment. But now I've created the expectation that I will do a thing. And what can come with that is if I know the expectation is there, but also, we haven't negotiated. That's where resentment can build. Mh. So the thing to do, the ideal thing to do, I'll say to service missiles out there, maybe some submissive in general. If you have an idea of a thing to do for your partner that make gives you all the good feels.
The ideal thing is to ask first, because you do want their consent. Some things are harmless putting out his probiotic every day was a net good. It was a net benefit it helped him because I watched his ass struggle. Okay. So there are short hands and understanding that and in in relationships after a while where you don't have to ask everything Mh. But it's still good practice in an ideal world. It would have been weapon better for me to say. Do you want me to just do this
for you? And that we have had moments like that where I've seen a thing. And I'm like, I could totally just do that for now. And I've asked, do you want me to do this for you? And sometimes it's led to a conversation of yet, add this on and sometimes like, I can handle this, but today I could use some help. Yeah. And that's the ideal thing is ask
first. Right? Ask if you can do the thing, ask if they want you to do the thing that opens up the ability to negotiate it, so you both are on the same fucking page. If you don't do that because you have that kind of relationship where that shorthand is sort of happens. Right? And or if you're the type of person is like, I see a need, I must fill it. They won't even know it's me. Happens until they see the job done. I'm like a little fairy. I don't know what the. I'm I'm I'm a kinky Santa's elf.
Just wants to, like, in service to my job, have him walk and be pleasantly surprised at what I fucking did for him. I get an extreme amount of satisfaction action and validation for that, I don't know. But if if you don't have the conversation on the front side and now you find yourself doing things that in your mind, you're going, but didn't... This isn't on a rule that I have to follow. Mh. But I'm getting somebody's fuss at me because I'm not doing it. Stop.
I have the conversation. Right? The other thing, and this is the harder 1 because sometimes people are unreasonable. It is too... I mean it's aren't unreasonable because you shouldn't be with? And sometimes aren't unreasonable because sometimes people just... They need a moment, and maybe they're hungry. I don't know. Sometimes, you're gonna have wanna who's gonna have partner who asks you to do something, and they're trying to negotiate a new task a new ask and will you do this? For me,
daddy. Get out a little of that. And you're not gonna wanna if Fucking can do it. To this ism out there. Please speak up for yourself and say I don't want to do that. In an ideal world, your partner backs off and or you brainstorm store between the 2 of you to figure out a way that they get what they want and it's it
within your parameters. But the thing to remember is that submissive are not under any obligation to say yes to a negotiation a thing that be added to your submissive of life for your dominance. If you don't wanna fucking do it. That's true. And that's hard. It's... I'm I'm saying especially for your service of because I'm speaking for my personal experience, and that is I get great joy out of taking care of Jb, and it put hits me right in the
sub field. Those It's... I've said this before, and I don't know what this is about, and I should look into it. I can feel a physical pain in my body. Those when Jb can't have something he wants. When Jb b is disappointed, when I can't give Jb b something he wants. The fight for me. My own internal fight is I have to be honest about what I am capable of doing what I have the energy levels for.
What I am willing to do because the desire to to do things for Jb in service of my dominant, can over power my own good goddamn sense of, you don't have any more time in your date for that shit. Right. What are you... And that that seems like that is a danger or a downfall. All Mh. To to task creep because, you know, yeah, it's it's not something that that was negotiated, not something that was talked about. And and you do it. And yeah. 1 of many, but 1 indication of...
Can this power exchange potentially go for the long term. Right? Potentially work out be healthy and solid and something worth... Having and fighting for is can either side of the slash, handle being told no. Handle being told I don't wanna do that. That's that's not a thing I'm willing to do. And I think not always, but I think many Kings find it, Easier and put air quotes around that. Right because that's subjective. To do it when we're talking about kinks. No. I won't let you hit me. No.
I don't wanna be tied up. No. I don't want to tee value you up and call you names. Like, whatever. Mh. But in power exchange where, depending... No matter how you define your power stranger or what your specific roles are, and what kind of power exchanger, the relationship, on some level, the submissive has to do a thing in some way that satisfies the dom. The dom is going to demand slash asks request, things, and the submissive is going to give up that control in some way to
do what's being asked of them. Mh. And so I think for some people, especially if you... You know, there's that part of you as a submissive I'm speaking on that perspective for you want to give your dominant what they want. I think too many people probably find it harder, to go... But I don't... That that I don't want to do that. Like, I'm trying to think that about if you came to me tomorrow and said baby girl? I would like to go over your task list... Because you know, you know my buttons to
push and There's not a single task. He sets for me that that we negotiate and I agree to. That doesn't have some level of I need you to do this for me. The magic words are for me. Right? Because I'm a sucker for that shit. You came to me tomorrow and said for me, baby girl. For my life from my sanity for my mental health. Mh. I need you to take on the task of doing every stitch laundry that we have work clothes, regular clothes, towels,
sheets. Mh. All of that. I don't wanna do that anymore, and I want you as my submissive to do that for me. If he caught me in the right slash wrong mood. He'd probably get a sassy cheeky little answer. Okay? But if we were, like, having, like, doing the state of the union on our power exchange, and we were like, let's reconfigure things. Right. I know that my initial non sarcastic response would want to be yes. Except 1, I fucking hate laundry I can tolerate doing we part of it.
Right? I can make myself do that. 2, within 2 we we'd don't be walking around here, naked anyway because I... Sometimes my only task is to fold it and it still sits there for 4 days before I finally get to it. And it's 1 of those things I would have to be able to look at Jb and go. I love you. I'm your submissive. I'll do so much for you. But and I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that. Do that. And that that is 1 of many.
Reasons why communications, slash negotiation, negotiation is just another word for. Y'all. Yeah. Is so important But it's also the insidious of where at least for submissive, I can absolutely see task creep occurring. Mh. Your ass to do as a 1 off or you see a need to help your partner and you do something that you don't normally do as a
1 off. Next, you know there's an expectation being created next thing, you know, you've got a partner asking you, hey, as your dominant, I'd like to ask you to do this. It takes sometimes more strengthen you might think you have, but you do asset to go. I understand that you want this, I cannot give it to you in the way you're you're asking for right now. Now, negotiation tends to mean you can do the back and forth. Mh Like, if you... It's kind of what we did. You came to
me went. I'm so. On I'm fucking laundry. I can't do this anymore. And I went, I can't do it sorry. Because I do know myself. And the negotiation was, can you give a little and I'll give a little? Right. Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes it's so far outside of your zone, you're like, pale fuck, no. I'm not doing it. And no is a complete sentence. You are not obligated to to justify yourself and give 80 Ba reasons to a partner why you can't
do it. You can choose. Too. I'm happy to tell Jb, You don't want me to be responsible for that because we are gonna be naked. Right? The thing to... And this is just negotiation 01:01, I think at this point. The thing to look for in that instance is not just can your part or accept no, especially as a full fucking sentence either side of slash on that 1. It's when they try to... Because sometimes you're really good at this I go new. I can't
do that. Most often you. Okay. We'll figure something else out, or you come back with could you do this? And if I can do this alternative. I will. The the harder to to know if it's gonna happen part is the partner who goes starts doing the pressure thing and starts trying to re word and twist the concept. So It doesn't... They're they're getting more than they're giving. Right? Right Like, we split laundry in half. We split taking care of the kitchen in half. The person who cooks
does not wash the dishes now. Right generally. Again, that's not Power exchange Cha household shit. Right? But if Jb was that We gross kind of partner who was, like, well, You could do it for me this? And could you do that? Or if I said, hey, no. I don't wanna do it that way. And here's why. Yeah. Then what he did was try and talk around my reason to make my reason sound stupid to me so that I backed off and went like, okay. If you want me to That kind of thing. Now.
Excuse me. That kind of borders on something to master frostbite said in the aisle. Chat? Mh. Said, so, could this fall in the scope of being a king dispenser? Oh, like, from the dom side of things Abs so fucking lily. If a dom... I mean, the concept is the same. I just... I'm curious as to how common it is. If a dom does a thing for their submissive 1 time. Mh. That wasn't necessarily negotiated, but that they were like, yeah, we'll do that
thing, that you wanted to do. I'll I'll leave that dom for you in that way. Right. And then you set... And then there's an expectation created. And sometimes you can hear a person kind of doing that With, like, well you did it for me last time. And and, you know, yeah. That's that's something that you know, could very definitely happen. And and on either side, Yeah. Like that. Because, you know, you as as a submissive, you know, you could just take on more
and more and more sitting there. Well, yeah. Look like she doing all great. Great. Right. Nothing no. Right. And there arcs. And I know I know that these dom exist. They're absolutely dom exist. Think that's what missiles are there for. Mh. I am when I am able to. I'll take on as much as I can hand. I'll take on more too much to my own detriment. Thankfully. I have a partner who will not let me do.
But I'm also willing to do that. That's not just because I'm, you know, let around by my own fucking urges. It's because I'm receiving as much as I'm giving, You know, I have a partner. I have a person who if I, you know, go to Jb 4 help or guidance or please please decide this for me. Right? He's gonna do that. He's going to fulfill his side of the bargain here. And that's why task creep for us has been a 1 off. It's been a thing that got just
figured out real quick. Yeah. It's never been a thing where resentment was allowed to build within me. Because once we recognized the thing was happening, we just dealt with it. Mh. But also, he has proven over the years that if he sees me doing too much, he will... I will shut it down. Absolutely. And
that's that's the... You know, we talk about the responsibility both sides have responsibility, but the responsibility of a dom, is not to just take and take and take and take every fucking thing a submissive will give them. It's to sometimes within the scope of your power. Change, protect a missile from the fucking south. Right.
And and, you know, and and that's kind why you know, we had kind a thing going on with with the youngest, and and and and this nice lady over here, you know, she she was bearing the brunt of all the home and and still taking care of her tasks and doing her work and doing everything out and and that's when I finally stepped in and we've gotten a little bit more... We've gotten a little better. We have... More equitable
More more equitable. We've we've established a little better routine that works better for all of us. Mh. And Yeah. I I step in and and help more even with the homeschool and And I've gotten better at just asking you. That's another thing. And I've... Again, this can be either of the slash because I think this is personality based. I just know from experience. It happens to plenty of submissive, including myself. And that is as a submissive as a person in a
power change. You got to figure out how to learn how to ask for help. Now does your partner of either side of the slash need to be a person who for will give you that help who will step in when you need support, who is paying enough fucking attention to some, I'm see that you need support before you Ask for. Mh. Yes. Okay. 1 1 not easy but clear way to weed out. A shitty shitty partner is what do they
do when you need help? You know, do you even feel like you can ask for help, but a I probably knew. I could ask for help long before I started asking for help, and I still fucking struggle. Give you example that has nothing new with Power change. It's just about people in a relationship. The youngest has health issues and so what he eats him when he eats is of the utmost important these days. It's top priority over everything. Mh. Mh. So when that kid says, mom, I'm hungry, and I want this.
I stop everything. Doesn't fucking matter. I am making him something to eat, and I have a raging headache and I am I'm desperately thirsty, like, should have been drinking more water. And I know that what needs the way my I know what could have happened. I know all the ways I could've have done it, but I know based on how I am. I was like, I'm gonna start on his food, But I also know how to distracted
it it. Right? So I I said, Jb I was like, and it was the third thing I had asked for help on in the same day, and that's just not like me. And I like oh my. I can't believe I'm asking this. Oh my. I'm so. He's was like, what, Just fucking ask me. And I'm like, look, I gotta start making this thing and it takes concentration. Could you grab me some ibuprofen. Could you get me something drink, and I'll pop it down real quick while I'm doing this He's like, of course, I fucking will.
Everybody out there deserves a partner that within their abilities gives help that enthusiastically. It needs to be reciprocate. You can't just be asking for help all the time and never given it. But that is another way to sometimes avoid task creep. If you are the person, either side of the slash, who thinks that you are the best person for the job, and you have all the things and people are counting on you, and I know dominance who feel that way. And you just go...
Well, I'll just do it. Just do it. I'll just do it. You'll get task creep that's not... Well habit, you'll just take it on all the time and then you're overwhelmed deed. We all deserve the kind of relationship where we can at as hard as it is. We can ask a partner. Can you help me? And that help should not be conditional, conditional on you not being an asshole in your relationship, but this is not be conditional, and it should be not just for the
big things when your life is... Floating around you, but also when you just needed a couple of Ibuprofen that was lost in the depths of your purse, and a refresh on your water, that, you had left scattered to the winds in house. III will say that, you know, when when some of this started Creeping up. I I love you. I love you so much. You you're the light of my life. There are times, you are a marty, and you will fall on your sword. Oh, god. I then have an attitude. Yeah. And I'm. So sorry.
You know, you never asked for help. I know. We can do task creep to ourselves for fucking sure. You take on you take on you take on. You do not ask for help. And then again, you're the single mom with 2 jobs who loves your kids, and, you know, what I can't remember the the Lyrics of the song, but y'all know what I'm talking about, Like, yes. Yes. I am I immediately become the most put upon human being ever. And I... Y'all, it is not a good look. It is 1 of my red flags is I'm
not proud of it. Okay? But, yeah. I... I mean, and that's why you know, when the urge to ask for help hit. Mh. I usually ignore that urge. Okay. I usually just power through. It... I stumbled. You heard me stumble over my words because what I said was, I wanna ask this thing, but I feel bad asking for help for this because I could just do it. I know I'm capable of just doing it. And you were like, what the fuck is it woman In your case, you're so fucking eager to
help. You're like, please just ask me right. Wow. I know. And you know what? I I know that happens in power exchange on either side of the slash because there are plenty of domes who think they have to do it all, and they have to carry it all on their shoulders. And they've got some supporters who are like, I would I would kill to fucking help you, please give me something to do. And then there is like me who are like, nope. Nope. I got it. I've been
self sufficient. My whole ass adult life. I'll just keep on going I'm gonna say this wrong, and I'm not a mental health professional, So I'm I might not be using it quite correctly, but there's this thing I that keeps cutting up in my feeds about the coping mechanisms that we learned through tough times life could be childhood could be formal relationships. Become I think the term is m because they were helpful when we needed them.
Right? I need. I had a look life where if I didn't do it, it didn't get done, and that was, like, the most important shit too didn't get done. So I life figure out how to just do it all and be burnout out and be exhausted. But here I am no longer in that kind of situation, and I still fall back on that coping mechanism, but it's no longer helpful. Yeah. And and, you know, I... I have gotten better about it. Still have a long way to go. I am not always the best at asking
for help myself. No. For your own reasons that are not that much different than mine. Yeah. You know. And yeah, It it was just recently that I had come to find out that a good part of that it can be trauma related. Mh. Mh. And after hearing that, I I kinda started looking back at my life and Oh. Sometimes you could pinpoint, the exact moment that got hard coded into you. Yeah. You know, asking for help is not just... Go ahead.
I'm sorry. And and, you know, there there was a a certain aspect of it too because in in past relationships, even if I did ask for help, I was just dismissed. Sure. It's sure sure. No. But you have... See, I think you kind of have a cheat code, and I think more dom with service submissive have a cheat code that they don't know about. You don't ask me for help. You don't use those words? Not you rarely use those words. Do you know what you do? I have a task for you, baby girl?
You know what I'm fucking doing in that house. I'm helping him. But he didn't have to use the words help. He didn't actually have tasks. That is not... Fucking criticism. That's another coping skill. That's a way to get the thing you need, but avoid the part of it. That's hard for you. Y'all use it. Make it a check code. Dom okay. Because here's the thing everything you've ever asked me to do as a task for you specifically that was off the routine. Mh.
Was to your direct benefit. It helped you in some way net. You don't give me enough tasks for the amount of help. I'm pretty sure you need. Okay? So it's not like a per big system. No. But it is your workaround where you get the same outcome. You got some help. Mh. That you got to avoid that dreaded h Hard heart. Yeah. Right. Now, should you practice actually asking for help just like you require me to get better at asking for Yes. I think you should.
Here's the thing about asking for help is not just potentially part of word task. Creek can start. Right? I mean, if we go back to the original definition we're stealing from on Job creep and roll Cr. Somebody asked you for help at your job and you said yes, and then that created the expectation, you would always do it. Right? That can happen in Power exchange 2. You ask for you get asked for help, you provide your help, You get asked again. You say yes again,
and then it... The expectation is set, but you haven't actually sat out and gone, hey, Is this a thing you want me to regularly do in our powerpoint? But another thing that asking for help can do if you are aware of what can happen is, and I've sometimes do this. With things that I can see could be routine oriented, that can open the conversation for negotiation. If you came and ask, you know, you asked me for help, this is not power exchange for this business. You asked me
for help doing work resin work. On the panels we sell. I think within that first conversation because you were explained to me what it would take. I could see that would be a thing that would need to be repeated? What I was able to do is go, is this something you want me to do on a regular basis. You thought you were asked skiing for 1 off help. Yeah. I could see where this is a thing that's gonna come up
right. More than 1. Yeah. And so because I could fore see that, you out there being asked for help if you can foresee this. You immediately get the opportunity to have the conversation. You avoid task creep altogether, you sit down and wash it out. Mh. You know, is this something you would like me to do more regularly for you? Would that be beneficial to you? Right? And that was how that
conversation happened. Yeah. So for don's out there who struggle because I know you do because you send questions about it? With what tasks do I give a submissive of, how do I set those up, How do I figure that out. We've said this before. 1. I'm a keep on saying it. What would you like help with? What when do you have to do routinely that you dread? That you struggle with, that if you did not have to think about it much anymore, your life would be a little bit better.
You ask for help, and you can you can start it with, will you help me with this and see if they're even willing to do it and can do it and you like the way they can do it and let it lead into the converse conversation, or instead saying I have a task. I wanna set rules. I wanna... You can have that conversation, but if that is a struggle, say, I need your help with something. But I need that help on a consistent on going basis. It becomes a task. It becomes part of
your protocol. It becomes a routine, Next thing you know if it has meaning to 1 or both you, it's part of your power strange. True. And you avoided the creep pass greek part. Might just fucking having the conversation. Just talk. Yeah. At the front. But if you're are... If you're thinking about the concept of task and you're looking around your power change going, oh, I can relate to some of that. The easiest way is just to to go
talk to your partner now? What that might look like is, can we talk about it right now? Or can we set a time to talk about it or when can we talk about this? And assume you're not in toxic relationship where you both actually kind of hate 1 another. I think you kinda start off in the... Maybe you probably haven't noticed that I've done this or maybe you thought we had this conversation, but we didn't...
I'd just like to formal it. Because then in in those negotiations, you can do that back and forth of. I've done it this way for you, non un renegotiate and here's what works and here's what doesn't. Right? I'm happy to do this part, but can we modify that part. Right? Maybe you share some of the the effort and the work and the burden. Maybe you don't. Maybe your partner goes, yeah. You've been doing that for me and I appreciate it, but fucking meet that. Like, you don't have to do it
at all. Right? You don't know until you have the conversation. Right? And of the 10000000 signs over 401 episodes now that we've probably shared of how to kinda tell you're dealing with a Dud partner. If if they don't care that you've experienced Task creep, if they don't care to fix it. If they don't wanna have the conversation, if they act put out that a thing you never actually negotiated and agreed to, you're coming to them and would like to alter it or make it formal. If they
are shitty about it. I feel like you know some shit now about them. Because. None of us have are should be expected to be perfect partners, but healthy partners partners who are putting in legitimate effort. They want you to negotiate this. They want there to have been conversation about it. They want you to want to do the things. Maybe not because you're excited about the task because it has meaning for you because it makes you feel good in some way because
whatever. You know it helps your partner. Like, whatever the thing is is that makes you all warm and gooey and inside the kind of partner you want long term wants that for you. So they're not gonna, like, try to get out of just having a conversation even if it means a thing you did for them non negotiated, you don't do for them anymore. And, you know, it goes back to pay attention to how that person responds when you say no, because that'll tilt... That will
tell you every fucking thing. Not tell you that right now. Well, assuming they're not some gross snake in the grass who is professional liar. That's different. Most people aren't like that. So I think that's Task creep. Here's the thing. We hit the 07:20 mark, and I want, U0I might not have a lot to say about this. We got into the communication side. I always have things to say. Very go. So all that being said, if you don't have anything else you'd like to add,
we can do about section. Okay. So are we good? I don't know. Keep y'all. And we will not see you next week. We'll see you in 2 weeks. Yes Big. Can we talk to the crickets, please? Sure. Okay. What do you wanna talk about? Oh, I'm just counting on you to have something. Well, for the Youtube folks, I've already bitch about how? I'm very excited my mother's coming. But also, it is stressful because people who love a plan still won't make a plan. I don't understand that I. I'm
Here's the thing... You know what it is. We also are raging people please who don't want to step on the toes of a offend or in any way, annoy each other, and we mean the 3 of us... None of us are afraid of offend our partners or annoying them. We kind of revel in it. Mh. Look, the Sas had to come from somewhere. Yeah. I know. I... Oh I'd I... It runs a deep. But it is 1 of the most annoying factors of a family visit when the sisters
get together. Now here's the thing here... And I don't know if anybody else can relate this. I know. I'm a 44 year old grown ass woman with 2 children, my own fucking business who pays her own mortgage. And yet, I do not feel like, and you can tell me because you've watched the... Mh, the dynamics. I do not feel like I could tell these women who are 20 years older than me, what I think we ought to do and they would accept it because both my mother and my aunt.
I have 44 years. Oh y'all, and they still like to tell the stories of when I was a little kid in diapers. I that's just... I think that's just a common thing they still see it that way. So I hesitate. Like, I know what I'd like to tell them to do look. You're gonna go to your house. I'm a go to mine. I'll see you for dinner at your house on these days, After that, I don't fucking care. Like, that's what I would say. But I don't think they would. Up that for me. Probably not. M. No. M.
No. M. But now they've accepted it for me when I've... Because you got that dom voice and you are their age. You are in between my aunt and my mom. Yeah. He's 1 year younger than my mom young. Yeah. Well, part of that is I like older partners. And part of that is my mother was only 19 when I was born so. Yeah. It would act to me. It would be weirder if you were older than her. It's think okay. Think that would make me go.
But you have... You know, first of all, they give you that respect of knowing y'all are all the same generation. Y'all within 2 years of like whatever you're right in the middle. Part of that is, you are... You doing this with a lot of people I don't think you realize. When the people in who are closest to you in your life, figure out that they can trust to you and that you're 1 of their peeps people you you just have their confidence. Like, my
mother who trusts no fucking body. Had to get that from somewhere too. You tell her to journal she will almost ask How high. She will at least say in what direction. Point me in the right direction I got this. Right? Like, you just have that air about you. You have that, they you inspire that level of confidence, at least in my family. Mh. I know you're thinking of your family like, ma'am. Yeah. Sure how mess anyway, but, yeah but, yeah, Like... But you also have that big d voice.
Look, this is... I mean, I know where wearing bonus action, and this is probably in the realm of education. I need to know. In your opinion from your experience, so we're not speak for all dom out there. Mh. Is the dom voice something you're born with or you just learn? Or combo, because it's your fern stern voice is what it is. You know, I... I think it just kinda kicks in when need. Choke on a fucking straw. And with 3 unruly women in the house going, I don't know what do you wanna
do? I don't know any I don't know how you put up a gotta fucking make his decision. Look. You wanna know how he puts up with us? He goes, no no. You go spend the whole day with your mother. I'm gonna stay here You Nope. Nope. I don't wanna go to lunch. You don't have to bring me anything back. Nope. I gotta self new hair. Right. I'm gonna... Yeah. I don't... No. You don't have to tell me how long you're gonna be gone. Just just go get in the car, enjoy yourself. Have have...
Spend... Spend some quality your on. Man. Me and my mom together just the 2 us. We are enough a like that decision making is easier. We're also not afraid to offend each other because without the buffer of her visiting her sister, my aunt at the same time, she and I can handle 1 another for about 48 to 72 hours. And then we're done. Done. Yeah done. We've had we've talked all we can talk. We've done all we can do. We need separate corners now. But we stretch that out because she stays
at my end. House, and then comes here and she comes here to get peace. I my aunt, lets her cut here, so she could get peace and... Right. It somehow works. But, yeah. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, that's the thing coming up next week, But day after this recording Thursday, we have got to clean this house from top to bottom. Yeah. I am both dread it because I'm fucking hate cleaning. And also, it's 1 of those things I don't want to clean, but I want to have the cleaning done. And so I I know.
I will be very happy when it is done after I take a shower and get the sweat off of me. Have clean clothes on again because I'll be like, oh, look at my house. I have my whole adult life have felt so guilty about my lack of desire to clean because my lack of desire means lack of action. If I don't wanna fucking do it. Oh, unless you're paying me for it or you're my daddy and you tell me I have to. I don't usually do it. Which is actually part of the topic that we'll do the week we come
back. I've already gotten that prepped. But the the cleaning 1, I I've always felt guilty about it because I was raised with a clean freak mom. Like, her house has her, and the evil step, not pet, not a child, not nothing. Mh. And she mop every day. Y'all. They're not tracking in mud at that house either. She mop everything day eat off the. Floor Yes. And I am not like that. But part of it is that I cleaning, anything.
Anything. Mh. Feels like the most inefficient thing you can do why because you will clean a thing. You will clean it, it will look beautiful. I'm only gonna get dirty again. And you have to clean it so get it didn't. Because you don't... I get it. You don't want things to stay dirty. That can be broke fast. Like, I get it. But my brain goes, I have to keep doing this thing. Oh, it's already the most boring thing I can think of. It is... Also on top of that, the most inefficient thing.
Ever. You mean I have to just keep doing it forever. Nothing just stays clean, and I know that, of course, that's how the world works. With man. If you're gonna ask me if about got any fucking motivation to do. Okay. Y'all. I'm probably gonna grow some clean freak out out there. Completely out. You're gonna be like, oh, my god. I Don't worry. You never will come to my house and never have to use any of my stuff. The the night... Oh 0 god he's not 19 yet. The 18 year old texted it.
He started to lean into the... There are adult things. I don't know how to do. Let me ask my mom. He texted me and went, how often should you wash your shower curtain? And I went. No. Think that's a thing I'm supposed to know, but my my rule of thumb has been when it gets gross enough that I notice. It's time to wash it, And so we talked about how you do that. Now. I'm, like, I know how to do these things. So he called right after he texted and we're talking. And he goes,
he goes... He said something, and I went no. You don't understand. I said, I didn't know until the Internet. Taught me in the past 2 years that you could wash in the washing machine, the plastic liner to your shocker. I y'all. I did not know that because when I was growing up, we were too fucking poor for a liner. The liner was our shower curtain what you're talking about. And my mother cleaned that thing daily. So I didn't know
you could throw it in washing machine. Mh. I said, dude, do you have no idea how many years I spent, not no 1 I could clean the thing? Waiting for it to get so gross. I didn't want it to touch me to throw it away. It was clearly done to go fine. I'm I'm better now y'all. The shower curtain for the 1 shower curtain we have because our our shower has a door. It gets washed, semi humor. Usually, when I think my mother is gonna see it. And I'm like, oh no. Am I proud of that? No. Is it reality Yes.
Look, everybody has their strengths and everybody has their challenges and opportunities or weaknesses, However, whatever corporate speak you wanna use. I keep I do not keep a tidy house, but I hate clutter, so that's annoying. I won't let our house get grow gross. Jb won't let our house not gross. The house is not gross. But we're not going... It's not eat off the floor clean. It's lived in. In. Live home is lived in. Gross Yeah. I mean, it's not... I mean, yeah. It's not condemn, but...
Look, I've had family members who had that, So I know what the extreme can be. Yeah. I made the decision because I don't know. I've already made it clear. I'm I'm not the the neat freak cruise walking around cleaning her floors every day. Yeah. The moment I had the first kid. I went. Oh, we're... I'm not fighting this. We're gonna keep it clean enough that it's not... There's no need for hazmat. Suits, we're gonna let these children get out before I worry about how neat and tidy anything is. So
we... I still... I'm not worried about having super nice furniture. We have a few nice pieces from when we moved in, But it was because the kids were old enough. I wouldn't worried about them drawing on our dining room table. Right. Right. Right? But we still have plenty of stuff. It's, like, we got we got dog, cat and kids. Mh. The couch is gonna look like shit. It'll be fine. Not worried about it. Yeah. Yeah. We're getting to the point with with all the animals
in the sofa. We're gonna need AAA throw to go over the Yeah cover something to go over the... Yes. Yeah. But that's why I'm so happy. We have even though she's on the sad sad end of failing. We have Rosie the Roomba. Yeah. Because that the floors are not g task and that is matters. But, yeah, like, look, I'm not I'm not proud of it. I am less ashamed than I used to
be. The internet showed me that there there are people who are way worse than me and there are people who are, like, I'm on that level with them, and I'm like, okay. Okay. And What... Was it show we we started walking while back. Oh my god. It was the was it the horror show? It wasn't quarters, but it was... They they were like, the the cleaners the Yeah. They would go into these hoarding hoarding homes Homes. And clean them out, and
they were, like... It they were like the crew that came in in protective gear. Oh my god. Oh, there are 2 things I've watched in the past couple years that just make me feel better as an adult human being. 1 is that show because I'm like, well. You know, the thing is that that show is sad though because it's usually a sign of either mental health problems, mental illness or physical disability. They just can't do it, and
they don't have help. Right. And that is sad, but there's also that visceral reaction to Oh god. No. At least. The other thing is this Youtube channel that keeps coming up in my feed. He's named Caleb something or other, and he yells at people who are dumb about their finances. And again, the empathetic side of me goes, clearly nobody ever taught them. Like, they they they don't have the education and the experience, but sometimes they don't have the will to make the changes,
and I watch that and go okay. I'm not great, money, but I'm not that. I'm willing. Not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So so yeah. Money But, yeah. Sometimes some sometimes you watch a thing then you go, okay. It could be worse. Mh. And at least I'm not there. Okay. Okay feel a bit better. A little better. See So yeah. No. But, yeah, we're gonna take next week off. Yeah. I We have the the live stream Friday night, podcast listeners that's the day this episode goes out,
09:30. We think 30 Pm. We're planning on 09:30PM because neither my mom nor my aunt are the type who stay at super late. Mh. We expect them to be gone 9 to their place. Their realm. By that time. Mh. But if they somehow have not yet. If we're late, we're late, but we're comfortable Mh. Because we don't have another Friday in our schedule for this month to move it to him. M. And during the visit every night could be like that. So we're just keeping it in
Friday. Yeah. And we didn't have time to kind to the shuffle everything wrong because it was very last minute. And I knew that was gonna happen this time. I knew that was gonna happen. I'm just glad. I mean, we just gave us 5 days now. Yeah. I mean, we didn't know if it was gonna be this month or next month. I know. Wow, And at 1 point you said this month was out. Right? But then it was banging. Yeah. But I believe she's planning on coming back at the end of July.
Okay. Okay. So... Actually, I really do enjoy seeing my mother. I mean, like, most people, I have a complicated history with my mother, but, you know, I love her, and I'm I'm glad to see her. III like your, mom. I I yeah. She's nigga is fuck, but her heart's in the right place. She's too much of a people please or to, like, be that over bearing person. She's... Mh. Also, she has ben doing the work.
Probably since she got an Internet connection and or just a phone that connected to the Internet, she's been kinda doing the work to un learn bullshit things that she would have been taught from her generation. Mh. And so, you know, discovering that my mother is possibly more of the growth than I am was was a delight. Was a delight. But, yeah, No. I mean, but it's still it's an it's for we are people who...
You like to go out when you like to go out and you like to be around people when you like to be around people. But there is still that thing of people visiting. There's that expectation and it's... It's messing up the routines. Mh. Thank god we like my mom. Yeah. So, it's Yeah, we can't say too much because we gotta save something for Friday night. Night. So... Yep. Also, we have time to watch an episode, and that is how I would like to spend my.
So we are gonna go. Mh. For anybody who maybe could relate to the topic of I hope you found something helpful. Mh. If it hasn't happened to you yet, maybe you are now armed with the information, so you can avoid task creep. Mh. Wendy yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess we can go. Okay. Okay. Take a night? Night. Goodbye. We're time traveling. I don't know when you hear us see us whatever. Goodbye. Thank you for being here. Appreciate the onion.