You're listening to loving Bd podcast. Kill Alerts with the 1 the only the pun master himself. John Brown? Know about pun master, but you definitely have a pun bone about me. Lola reese. Yeah. She's starting early to be agreeing with us right here right now. Yeah. There was a time when you were trying to get me to run screaming into the dark night because of your puns and dad jokes. And they have sort of, like... I think I look Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying.
Okay. 9. I don't I don't know. I just know that Lola has strong opinions apparently so. Mh Exactly. Carry on. Okay. This week, we are answering a question from a Kings who wants to know how to move from dating apps or Vet life to meeting in real life. Welcome to Loving Bd podcast. If you're new here, we help Kinks like you have Happy Health power exchange relationships. Out the podcast your favorite podcast apps, you never miss an episode.
And if you'd like us to answer 1 of your questions in a future 1 of the we have a contact page that's literally called to ask your questions on our website at loving bd dot net that's loving bd m dot net, or you can find the link in the show notes for this episode. Okay. Look, let's get straight in the question. It is. Short and sweet with a bonus question additive. U. How do I know when to move from a dating app or fe life to meeting in real life?
How do you find niche kinks? I'm looking for sub daddy, but there isn't even a fe life group for that. So let's start with the second question first. Okay. My thought is when you cannot find a group in a space like fat life, it's sort of like a bunch. You you make your own. Right. If there are others they're eventually, they will find you. Be quick and easy, but they'll... They'll they'll find it. Mh. Yep. And, you
know, if you create the group. You know, you could go and if you know people that you think might be interested, you know, you can recruit for your group. Exactly. The other thing I I would say is think about the other ways people might be labeling themselves that mean what you mean. Right? If you are. Thing looking for a sub daddy, which is not a a grouping of terms. I've ever heard. Nope. Somebody else might use
different terms to mean the same thing. And so you're just using different labels, but you're speaking the same language. So that's another thing to consider terms when you're looking for an niche king. So I wanted to throw that in there because I know that's a question some people do tend to have. But the big question. As how do you know when you'd go trying to go online to in person. Well, It's kind of a personal thing. Mh. You
know, there... There's no there's no set time frame for any of that. You know, everybody, proceeds in their own way. Some people move faster. Some people move slower. Some people, you know, there's is somewhere in between, and and it's... You know, I I think it's just a a come down to, you know, when you're communicating with somebody that you feel comfortable? Right. Do you Yeah. You know, I think it's typical to feel a little a little nervous maybe even it rises to the level of anxious.
But if you are shaking in your boots terrified, maybe you're not ready yet. Right But it's okay to be a little bit nervous, sure, you meet somebody. I do think there's something to be said for kind of whatever your basic checklist of, I think this person is real and it's worth taking the extra step to meet in person. To think about what that checklist looks like. For us. We were online only talking on the actual telephone when I used to use my phone as an actual phone. I don't do that anymore.
You know, we did that for months before we met and purse now that was because we were long distance, but by the time we had... By the time we had gotten to that point, you know, we... Knew each other well enough. We absolutely knew each other's real legal names. Yep. We knew where the other worked. We had a good idea of each other's daily, weekly schedules. We had an idea of what each other's lives
sort of looked like. Mh. And we were friends and wanted to hang out with 1 another, even if it didn't turn sexy or kinky. Right. But we also understood each other. Kings knew what we were looking for had talked about what power exchange would look like for us in person would a kin scene would look like for us in person. And we... Now to it when you're long distance, you kind of have the luxury of time because it it's not
usually a fast thing. Critics to move from online or no. I I think it was what, like, 3 and 3 and a half months Something like that. Yeah. Close to yeah. Close to 4 months, something like. Yeah. To But, you know, that for us was our comfort level, and that was a long process. I will say I do think that some not all people are more inclined to move too quickly than too slowly. Yeah. I'm gonna be Lee of a potential partner who is rushing me, pressuring me, making me feel guilty because I don't
feel like, I'm ready yet. Mh. I'm also gonna be looking for signs like, have we already gone... Had a a time frame where I'm didn't know where the hell that person was, and they weren't talking to me, and it we'd had radio silence. Well, if you're doing that's to me before we've... Meant. Even met in person, I'm not Yeah. Hopeful for, you know, in person. Now, and 1 thing I I will say, about the the in person, for the initial first meeting, I I would do it in a very,
oh, gosh. I need a word and I can't. Well, you wanna meet in the public place, you, you know, but that wasn't the word about. I know. I didn't think so. Pressure free. Pressure free. Thank you. Here's another word for that, but my brain can't. Yeah. You know, so relaxed. So it's it's pressure free. You you have the ability to be...
To relax because let's face it. You know, whether it's, you know, non kin meeting or or a or kinky meeting with a person for the first time you know, you still wanna get to know that person. Right. Alright? And, you know, if if you do do so in in a public... Place whether you, you know, go out for a bite to eat somewhere wear a cafe, you go to a coffee shop. Have a cup of coffee. It allows both you to talk place because you you wanna see if what you had online
translates its real life. Right. And you also want both of you need the... Freedom to go. Okay. This is not what I thought it was gonna be... I would like to leave now. Right. You have a nice life. Mh. So, yeah, I think that first meeting... Yes. Freedom I'm sure there's a better word than pressure free. Somebody is yelling it and device right now. I. But, yeah. I I agree. I think that you want... To keep your... I think it's okay to have high expectations for the person.
Because you're hoping that they continue to be who they have said they were this whole time. But I would keep your expectations low for what actually happens. This is a little bit like a next level of that first conversation. Because now we're gonna have that first conversation face to face. We're gonna be in each other's presence, and there's gonna be body language, and there's gonna be facial expressions, and there's gonna
be... You're... There's there's gonna be a lot of cues that you are not able to to get and see and experience. There's you know, whether you're chatting through some, like, fat life or text or, you know, email? Exactly. Yeah. So I think... Excuse me. It is okay for both partners to be very nervous, which can sometimes screw up a first and crash and I am that person who can completely make you think I'm a... I am not the person you thought I was because I'm
now out of my comfort zone. But that is the thing I would tell somebody before I met them. In person for the first time Would be like hey, you know how I'm chat with you online, because this is easy. I am terrified about this meeting. I will probably be very nervous. I'm gonna over communicate that. Yeah. Because I know that about myself. Mh. That's But I think that in the deciding when it's time and when you're ready to meet in person, I think there are things that you can look...
To your potential partner, the person you're trying to meet. For green flags and red flags, you know, red flags is pressure high expectations, notched respecting your comfort zone. You know, if you're like, hey, I just wanna, like, get together for a cup of coffee first, and then we'll take it from there. You know, there are plenty of people who will meet a person in for the first time physically meet them at
the munch. True. Knowing that maybe there's a party or a dungeon thing afterwards, and the whole idea is I can meet you in this kin affiliated public things. And if it works out, hey, we'll we'll go do the other thing. Right? So, you know, look to make sure, you know, that you're you're paying attention to how the other person is treating that. Right? Like, if they're... Telling you hey, I'm nervous too, You know, hey, I'd like to do this, but, yes, let's go as slow as we need
to go. Like, if they just continue to be the person they've been online, then I think that's, those are green flags. Yeah. But, you know, be wary of that. And also make sure that you're not the 1 rushing the other person. You might be Mh. Ready to go. You have no doubts you're like This is it. This is what I want. And the other person... But you have to be mindful of the other person. Exactly. Where they're at. Because they may not be at that point mh. As quickly as
you are. Now, here's a caveat, and I don't think it happens. All the time, but I think it happens often enough that there's somebody out there going well. This is my experience. And that is the person who strings you a longs and is never ready. Yeah. To me in person. What your personal time threshold for that is it is person mh. Some people are gonna be like, hey, we live in the same town, and we've tried 4 times over the past month. To make
this work and you bail every time. Or you push it back every time. What's going on here? For others, it's 3 months, it's 6 months. It's fine Yeah. Sometimes people say they wanna meet in person and what they really want is online. Sometimes people are not who they say they are or And they know they're gonna get found out. And then sometimes people are just really anxious. And An is shy, introverted. You know there could
be. All these things. And only you can decide if you are willing to wait out this person's shy or nervous, for however long that might mean. So, yeah. There's no I... You know, there's no real clear cut answer? No. Like you said, the beginning is completely personal. Yeah. It really is based on signs and and signals from of you. Mh. And, you know, mutually being ready for And I think... I know for me, it wasn't like any... As a particular thing.
It was just something that after an amount of time it was like, I I just knew. Mh. Mh. Okay. You know, I I know that's not a... An explanation or, you know, AA2 answer, But I I think when when it it comes down to it. You just kinda know. Yeah. By the time we were meeting each other in person face to face, neither of us slept the night before because we were so excited. Yeah. If you can get to that point mutually, then, you know, regardless of how it turns out, that's that's
a perfect sign. Mh. But sometimes you have to give yourself and maybe know, your partner a little nudge, and that's okay. As long as there's not pressure and guilt and all the, you know, unnecessary stuff. You that goes along with that. But... Yeah, that is the imperfect un, probably very dissatisfied answer Sorry Sorry. But I know that it's a question people have. Yeah. Especially if you've had past...
Experiences that were negative where. You know, you thought you were going to meet with them and then they canceled on you 10 times. Or you did have that person meeting made you had your first scene, and then you got ghost. And, you know, there's there's no way to ga t that none of that will around you. There's there just isn't. There just comes a point for you personally when you go, I'm ready or need a little bit more time, or I have I have some things I need to get
answered and... Like I know about this person first. Mh. And that's fine. Okay. That really is fine. But when you do, we highly recommend public play separate. Separately get there so you could separate, like leave. Mh. Make sure you're both... Who you said you were. Right. And then you can go from there, what you do. And and both of you, you know, I I think it's a good idea for both parties make sure you have a safe call.
Yes. Now explain what safe Call. Safe call is when you are meeting somebody for the first time especially in in king lifestyle, Although, the... It could go for any absolutely. It's it's actually a a good rule of thumb for anybody meeting in for the first time. But you have a designated person that say, hey, I'm going to meet this person that I met online for the first time and don't know what to expect. So at at at a specific time, I'm gonna call you to let you know everything is okay. If
you don't hear from me... Call me. Yeah. Because sometimes that goes so well that you forget your supposed to call person. Now in the... 20 first century and, you know, 20 24 and beyond. There are things like life 03:60 that friends add themselves to. I am too far and old, I cannot imagine any being anybody being able to track my movements. But if you got something like that, and you've got a friend that you trust You're, like, here's where I'm gonna go... Here's what
I'm supposed to be. Here's how long I was supposed to be here if you see movement if you... You know, call me reach out, blah blah. Right. But, yeah. Safe calls are sort of an old ish school way for Kingston to make sure they stayed safe when they went to. To meet somebody new. Whether it was just a a regular old date or whether it was for play. So if there's AII think, you know, yes. It it is a... A old. Because it's before things like life through 60. Right. Or you could track. Exactly.
But III... You know, it it it may be 1 of those those things that have been around since forever. But I think it's 1 of those things that are tried and true. Yeah. And and kind of, you know, I think we'll always be what Yes. At some version of it needs to exist. If you were going off to meet a stranger. Mh. Essentially a stranger, Please let somebody in your life now. And if you are that person like, I have any kinky friends.
You do not have to tell them you're going to meet a king purse just say, hey. I got a date. We've been talking online. Now we're doing the in person thing? I need... Could you be my safe call? I'll say you know, you should hear from me by this time. Here's the name of the person I'm going to be with yes, their legal name. Here's the place where... Supposed to be. I will call you tech... Not even a text. This is a phone call. Okay?
I will call you at this time. If you do not hear for me, please call me. If I don't answer a call somebody who, like, you know, has authority because something has gone time wrong. And sometimes it's a false alarm, and nothing has gone wrong, but in into in the world. Let us please, maybe you know, air on the side of caution. I would rather have to be a little bit embarrassed because there was a well checked up to my house. Right. To tell an off. No at no.
I'm really live. I just... I... My phone died to forgot to to tell my friend whatever was. But, yeah, that's a that's a thing that I've certain but I have not only known since I figured out it was kinky back in 20 12, which feels like like forever ago, but it's really not. But I've, you know, read books that were written in the late nineties early ops, and that was, like That was the advice then too. Yeah So I no doubt it's it's a very long standing kind of Mh. Kind of thing. Yeah. But, yeah.
There is life's 03:60 And if that's more your style, whenever. Out something. Something something something in really are. Right. But, yeah. 60 that was a little bit of a side tangent when went on there was. It was. It was. But hopefully that helps somebody? Yeah. I mean, it's, you know. I I think it's something that bears mentioning, you know, to be safe at all time. To forget. For yeah. K. Mh. Thanks for listening to this week's Q and
A episode. If you want us to answer 1 of your questions, just use the contact page on our website loving bd d dot net, or you can find the link in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to do this at podcast and keep it going and help Kinks stores, do to your support. If you'd like to be part of our community and get access to extra content and a discord server with a group of Super Cool be nice Kings, You can do
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