You're listening to the loving Bd podcast. Kill Here were the 1. The only the I'm so glad you're the type of guy who trip checks himself. Jump browser. K. Try to. I know. I try to be a person who triple checks, and sometimes when the anxiety is writing my ass. I absolutely. Yeah. But when I'm just feeling this real good, I forget. I mean, I, I guess that come about of being a wood worker or are you measured twice cut once.
1 if you're an anxious wood worker, measure 5 times, start to cut stop, measure 3 more times, start to cut stop. Like get what point would... Then I'd never get anything done. Thank god. You're not the anxious. That is not at all. Talking about. This week, We're answering a question from a Dom who doesn't always want to make decisions. Oh, that hit A little close to home. While we read it. Welcome to the loving Bd podcast. If you're new here, we help Kinks like you have
happy healthy power exchange relationships. The podcast to your favorite podcast apps, you never miss an episode. And if you'd like us to answer 1 of your questions in a future 1 of these. We have a contact page literally labeled app obscure questions on our website at loving bd m dot net that's loving bd s m dot net, and you can find link in the show notes for this episode. Okay. So this is another week where the question is shortened to the point. I wish we could be that way, oh, well.
This question yourself. Question is. What should you do if you're a dom who doesn't want to take the lead all the time and make all the decisions. What say you, Dom who has literally looked at me and gone I I can't. I cannot make another decision today. Yeah. Decision overload. Right. Exactly. Yeah. You know, AAA number of different things come to mind, of course,
obviously, you know, yeah. It does kinda hit close to home because, you know, there's there's sometimes life just is what it is and man it can be overwhelming and you're just like, enough is enough. I I can't. You know, stop the ride. Mh you know, and and the the other thing that that kinda jumped out and me when I've first heard the question when you told me about it. You know, it doesn't wanna be in charge all the time.
Maybe needs to explore. May might... Have a little bit of a switch going on there. Sure. Yeah. The the, yeah. The question, I guess to ask yourself is that I don't want to can't or don't want to make decisions right now and or would I want somebody else to do things. Mh. Right. Mh. You know. But I I would think, you know, just from my own experience that there are going to be times in life when you feel that way. Alright. And and it happens. Been there done that got the t shirt as you said.
You know, but I think that also has to come with, AAA lot of communication there. Right. I don't think that's something you bottle up because no. Your is gonna figure it out fairly quickly at some point place that either you're not making decisions or you're delaying making decisions or the... I'd the how you are are your your attitude, your demeanor or around making decisions is gonna be
different. I mean, that's just kinda how it is for most of us If we're doing something we don't really wanna be doing in the moment, you know, we put out a... I almost wanna say Aura, but there's sort of a way there's, a tone of voice. There's a facial expressions. There's body language that makes it can make it clear to some people that, oh, maybe they don't wanna be doing this. So if you're feeling that way. Yeah. You you got to talk
to your partner for sure. Yeah. You know, there there had been times with, you know, us where had to put our Ds on hiatus just because there were things in life going on that were just too Right. Overwhelming. And and that's going to happen. That that that going to happen. Well, and, you know, the times we had to do that, I didn't stop being the
submissive. No. You didn't. What happened us Jb was going through some stuff and said, look, I do not have it in me to make decisions to tell you what needs to be done. And essentially, he said, I trust you to know how to handle things, Just do what needs to be done. You know, I'll back you it on something. If you need to make decision. Mh. I'll let you know when I can kinda get back in that game. And it... That conversation after came... Was when you were still working your
big boy job. Yeah. And you came home, and you... We were in the middle of a lot of things going on at the time. But you came home and all I asked was what would you like for drink with your dinner. And he turned on the time it went, I literally cannot make any anymore to sessions. And that led to the conversation, of, okay. I'm I'm tapped out. There's too much else going on. Life is stressful right now. But I still did the things that I had always said that I
would do, you did. As the submissive. And so if that is an option in your power exchange, keep that going. You know? Mh. Especially if you can empower your submissive. There's to do what they know needs to be done, that can give you the break that you need. The other thing that we do Jb does not manage every moment of every day around here. Like, that doesn't work for either of our personalities. Right. And while that does work for some power exchange folks and
that's great for them. There are plenty of us who are like, no. I just tell me what I need to do, and I'm gonna get on with doing it. So for us, we negotiated our power exchange for me to understand there are certain tasks that I do daily and or as needed. Jb doesn't remind me of them, Jb does not follow up with me. When things... When life is like, okay. Mh. He'll follow up if he sees it's... Not done. But if he were in a moment in time where he could not
do that. His mental health just would not allow it, it... It's my responsibility to get it done or not. But I I like knowing what I need to do and then kind of be being left alone to do it. Another thing that we do, Jb does not have to think of everything that needs a decision made around here. A lot of the time it's me realizing a decision needs to be made and I go to the decide. Mh. That may be an ulta... Alternative way of approaching dominance that is a...
It can get overwhelming on a moment in time when there are a lot of decisions. But on, like, our average day, I'm coming to you for, like, 2 things. Like, here, where could do this or we could do that. Which do you want. Right? And the the bird the mental load I take off of Jb is. I've done the research. I know that he will either likely be okay with either choice or he knows He doesn't have to go searching around for more options. This is it. I'm gonna give you.
Right? The Cliff notes version. Oh god that shows how old. I'm the spark notes version of each 1. Tell me tell me pick you're leading. Right? You need me money more. Right. And when things are going okay, that's an easy ask. Anything that is gonna require more time and focus and attention or there's gonna be a lot more decisions to be made We're gonna set a time to plan that. Yeah. Business decisions are like that. When we wanna drastically
shift something in our personal life. Mh. That requires different changes, we will set time as aside where we know we're gonna give that mental energy to that, and it doesn't have to be part of the daily give and take as Dom sub, So... Yeah. I and I do agree with you from the very beginning. Like, go go do some inner work and then some outward investigation. On may... Maybe you've got some submissive energy there that you need to, you know, explore or to really some bottom energy something.
Right? Like, yeah. Maybe there's... You got you you wanna you wanna go the other way for a while. And there's nothing wrong with that Mh. But also, is it that you have been led to believe through whatever, that the dom has to always be on, always be making decisions, always tell us sub what they should be doing all the time. Again, some people love that. They thrive under. Some people, we are those people. No. That will not work for our life. And that's okay to adjust your part. Change
that way. I mean, we consider ourselves 24 7. Mh. And yet, I do not, my manager. Yeah. Work. And and that's something that I... You know, we we discussed early on upfront. Know, to micro manage someone, that is not what I want, mh. In a relationship, Mh. You know, even a Ds, you know, I can, you I I know I can trust Kayla to give her, you know, her her tasks, you know, there's things that need to be done, and she's gonna
do it. Mh. Mh. Yep. So it goes back to you gotta communicate with your partner. Mh. You're actively in a relationship and you're feeling... Like, you know, control power, decision making. It's overwhelming. It could be that you're just doing too much of it. It could depending, you don't indicate in your question, How new is this? Did you do that very common thing? Of. What from 0 to 60 in about 2 seconds. You went from. I'm not at all
in a Power exchange too. I'm doing all of the power exchange things all at once on day 1. That... That's gonna create overwhelm probably for everybody involved. So Right kinda step back and take a look at what is happening. Yeah when this feeling comes up. What's happening and get realistically yourself. What is happening? Outside of your relationship. What's happening in your your professional life. What's happening in your personal life outside the relationship Do have some family
stuff going on? Do you have some money stuff going on? Do you have extra stress that is weighing on you? And mh we know from firsthand experience when Jd mental health is in the tank. But it is not good. He's not equipped to make decisions in the same way. Correct. As when he's mostly steady. Right? And and then there could be also a a thing don't, you know, you you say if if the person is new at being dominant? Excuse me.
You know, it could be... It's somebody who has actually been doing this for a while. And, yeah, we talked about it once before, decision fatigue. Oh, yes. I'll try to link that in the places. Mh. If if that resonates decision fatigue Yeah. Yeah. That can that can be a very real thing, And it can lead to things like Burnout. Even if you're happy with your relationship, you're happy with your partner, but the way you've set up, Your relationship is not currently serving you,
you know? And and there's also something to be said for there have been periods in our relationship where I've needed to lean on Jb as my dom more than other times. That leaning more cannot for us at least be indefinite? That's too much. Yeah. So are you currently in a period of of life with a partner where they've needed you more, and maybe they don't really need to lean that hard right now, but y'all just haven't talked about it and done a reset. Right. So the big thing and
did we say it at the beginning? I hope so, the big thing I want to, like, leave anybody that this resonates with is that it is okay to feel this way. This is not a feeling that means you're a bad dominant or not really a dominant or, you know, you've done something wrong. Not at all. You were not the only person M. Has a dominant to ever feel this way, you will not... You're, not the first, and you will not be the last. I do think it needs to be talked
about more. I think that Yeah. Dom sense of all genders sort of have this expectation, both of themselves and from partners that you were supposed to always be wrong and in charge and ready to go. And I can Eye as a submissive can throw a question at you and you are ready to take it on whatever it is. And on when things are going well. Yeah. That that can very well be true. But dominance are humans, like everybody else, and you're gonna have times when things are harder. Right? For all kinds
of reasons. And, you know, this kinda goes along the same line too, you know, number of years ago. You never heard anybody talk about dom drop. No. It was like it didn't exist. Yeah. Which is so stupid. It... You know, everybody talked about, sub drop. Mh. You know, but not not much was ever said about dom drop. Yeah. No. For sure. And I don't know. Don't have any more words of wisdom beyond, Like, just think about the circumstances that have led up to help. Feel.
It could be all of these things. It could be something that we just don't have enough experience to have dreamt of. Don't be afraid to or other desires and urges if the idea of switching in some way, like speaks to you on a level. Yeah. It doesn't make you an less dominant at all.
But if that does not resonate at all, Take a look at how you've got things static What's going on in your life, how your power changes is set up what is being asked of you as a dominant and get really honest and really clear up about what you feel like you can handle either permanently or temporarily. You know, we have... We've been together god, over 10 years 0 be 12 years technically that we've know whether that's so weird.
And I think in all of that time, twice you've made it plant clear that you needed to, like, you had to step back. Yeah. And other times where I just kinda understood what it was happening in your life, and I did what I could to ease the burden And then quite frankly, there have been times that between the 2 of us, we're doing our absolute bare minimum that we or, like, okay. This helps us still feel like Dom up, and it is it's a it's a bottom floor bear level, bare minimum.
And we don't love it. We don't wanna be there long term, but sometimes that's... That's just how it is and it is. Mh. Mh. So... Yeah. You're definitely not. Alone, and you're not somehow a bad dom or not really a dumb. Mh. Just go explore what's bringing up these feelings and see if there's something you can modify in your life. There you go. Mh. Thanks for listening to this week's q and
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