You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast. Kayla Lords here with with the one, the only, the I'm so glad you both permit me to indulge me. Indulge me. That's what I want. And also hold me back at the same time. Hey. Indulge my excesses, but also That's true. Go, okay. Yeah. That's far enough. Mhmm. Yeah. That's probably a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well On both counts. On all topics. There's not a topic that I might have an interest in where you don't both indulge me and also
hold me back. Sometimes by grabbing me by the ponytail, but whatever. Right. You gotta do what you gotta do. You really do. And thank God for you, being there to do it. And that's what we're talking about this week. This week we're talking we got a how do words work? We've got a question from a submissive who wants a $24.07 total buyer exchange, but it it's not quite working out. And they got questions. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If you're new here, we help kinksters like you have
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That helps more kinksters find us, and then we can hopefully help more kinksters. Right. That that's what we like to do. Okay. Here we go. I am 78, and my Dom is 68. We are in a close and long term relationship of two years. We're not long distance, but we only see each other every two to three weeks due to his schedule. And I feel we love each other. It's supposed to be twenty four seven TPE, but it seems he's not communicative enough with me. I get very sad and feel abandoned.
Is this hopeless? Can it be better? Never give up hope. No. And also be pragmatic. I know. I know. I'm I'm being I'm the eternal optimist around here. You are. You are. And I'm the Eeyore. You are. Are. So, wow. Is it hopeless? Only you can tell know that. Right. You know, if you've put in the effort, if you've talked to the person, you know, and and you sat down, explained what you want, what you need from this, and they haven't responded, that's not on you. That's kind of on them. Right. And
so a couple things. One, I left their ages, and not because it is relevant to the question. This will happen to anybody of all ages. But I do like to have examples of I also would like to show that, age does not, change how well or not well things go in a relationship. Okay. But I go back to y'all see each other only every couple of weeks, and you're in a twenty four seven power exchange. Well, it's it's supposed to be. Right.
And that's what I'm saying. If the if the conversation was this is twenty four seven total power exchange, but we only see each other every couple weeks and the dom's not communicating, that's not twenty four seven TBE. It's not. And, you know It's already hard enough if you don't see each other every day. Yeah.
So that means communication has to be 10 times more intense, stronger, consistent, because the only way you can have that kind of power exchange, depending on how you define total power exchange, is through constant connection. Mhmm. Because there's gotta be checking in of things. There's gotta be a here's what I expect to do. All of that. And and, you know, it could be a thing. They're they're using an app like Obedience or
something like that. So, you know But we've already got it seems he's not communicative communicative enough with me. Yeah. It's already laid out there. That's already known. Is it twenty four seven TPE at this point? No. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think I would never tell somebody they can't do it just because they're not living together, seeing one another every day. Because there's too many ways to get things done in the twenty first century.
But if you're not also feeling abandoned, feeling abandoned. Yeah. So yes, what you've already said is is it. You have to have had a conversation. If you have not explained how you feel and they giving them the opportunity to do better, to make it right, to whatever, that's usually the first place to start. However, if you've had these conversations and you've been given promises or reassurances and nothing's changing, then you've been told everything you need to
know. Right. I think. We only have one life, and you are of an age where I think you should be living your best life. Exactly. And we are not wasting our time on irresponsible, noncommunicative doms who want the fun of all that control but don't want the responsibility of it. I would tell you that if you were 23 as well. But look, at 78, if I am not a cranky old bitch who is only doing what she wants when she wants, I something has gone terribly wrong, and I'll be pissy the whole time. So
let's let's be clear there. Now one thing I will say, because you know me, I gotta I gotta find nuance, a shade of gray, if you will. How are y'all defining 20 fourseven TPE? What are y'all doing? Are you seeking out how you've defined twenty four seven TPE and your dom is not telling you, even though they should, that they can't give you all of that? Is it possible you can be satisfied in your power exchange with less of the total power as long
as you're getting something? And and that's because I was I was thinking a little bit before, what are their expectations? Mhmm. Do you know what their expectations are? And do they know what yours are? Did and I don't agree with it. I would still call it irresponsible, but did your dom agree to this to make you happy but has no follow through? Mhmm. That's wrong. They should not have done that. That's not fair to you. That's not fair to them. It's also irresponsible.
However, if that's not even what they want or what they can give you right now or ever, that's a valid thing that y'all need to have an honest conversation Yeah. With. Now if this person has made you feel feel abandoned and unloved and unseen and you are crying and you are sad, I don't know if it's worth trying to get them to change things. Because if you have made it clear you're upset and they're still not changing things, that is your answer. Right. All almost always, that is your answer.
But on the off chance that we've got some miscommunication or not enough communication or expectations have not been managed appropriately, there are are other avenues. But if it's close and loving of two years, then why are you sad and feeling abandoned Right. And feeling hopeless? Then it's not close and loving now. Maybe it was at one point. Yeah. But it's not now. Yeah. No. And those are some hard conversations that need to happen. Mhmm. And it does not matter that you're the submissive.
You get to bring those conversations up. Oh, absolutely. I need to talk to you about this. The only thing that your power exchange, in my opinion, should govern is maybe the tone you use and the way in which you approach a conversation. But total power exchange does not negate the fact that you get to go, 'Hey, we gotta have a hard conversation. I got some things I need to talk to you about. We need to sort some stuff out.' Okay. So is it hopeless? Yeah. Like you said, only you can decide
that. Right. Can it be better? Look. Everything can always be better. Right. Is it worth it? Will this person follow through? Yeah. Can they give you what you need so it can be better? Maybe, maybe not. That's the question to be asking yourself. Mhmm. So that was simple until It was. Straight to the point. Yeah. Just a reminder, yet again, why I kept their ages in, old people be getting kinky too. Okay? JB's gonna turn 65 this year and we
are still going strong. Oh, yeah. So I expect you to still be going strong at 99. I might be wheeling you around. You might just be hitting me with your cane. I don't know. As long as I got one good hand. I will lean down so you can pull my hair. Don't you even worry about it. I will accommodate you so we can keep it kinky. Don't you even worry about it. I'll be chasing after you with mommy with, my mobility scooter. Cool. Then we'll get some private play in at
the end of days there. I'm good. It's fine. It's fine. But no. I you know, I think twenty four seven total power change, it can be very difficult. Yeah. It requires a lot from both partners. Mhmm. And sometimes the situation you're in, just your life situation, does not allow for that. So you have to manage set realistic expectations of what you can and can't do, both partners, and then adjust accordingly. Absolutely. Mhmm. Thanks for listening to this week's q and
a episode. If you want us to answer one of your questions, just use the contact page on our website at lovingbdsm.net, or you can find the link in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to do this podcast and keep it going and help kinksters due to your support. If you'd like to be part of our community and get access to extra content and a Discord server with a group of super cool, super
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