You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the guy who gets to record, content in his slippers, and I love that for you. John Brownstone. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. Somebody's gotta do it. Look. There was a time we recorded in well, you recorded in your underwear. That's true. Those days are over. Days. Damn.
I missed that. Look. I'm pretty sure there are folks who would pay good money to watch you record and talk about kink while in your underwear. So I'm just saying, the the the door's open. You know? The ball is in your court. How many how many metaphors can I use here? We would have to switch the live streams from YouTube to OnlyFans or some other version. Yeah. But, yeah, it's it's always an opportunity that, you know, you're welcome to explore. Anyway That's not what we're talking about today.
We got a question from a submissive about the I can't believe I'm actually saying this. The financial requirements to meet a Dom y'all, I read the question to JB, and his blood pressure spiked, so this will be good. Hope I'm not overselling it, but he got hot. I can't wait. Anyway, welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If you're new here Be careful. It might be anticlimactic. It might be. If you're new here, we help kinksters like you have happy healthy, power
exchange relationships. Add the podcast to your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode. And if you like what you hear, and want others to hear more about and, like, find us and know us and learn from us, we would love it if you would rate, review, however it works on your podcast app of choice to let others know that you think we're great. Honest reviews only. If you don't think we're great, I would appreciate if you didn't leave that review. I'm just saying.
But I'm not going to ask anybody to lie either. Just saying. If you like us, leave a review. Anyway and if you have a question that you would like, us to answer and to get our thoughts on, please send it to us. I love it when I can read a question to JB and he has an immediate visceral reaction. So it it's usually awful, but also it's fun. Anyway, there is a link in the show notes and on our website at lovingbdsm.net. It's literally titled Ask Your Questions. Send Your
Question Through That Way. And it may be, a future one of these. Okay. This this question is actually two questions. This is all short and sweet. Okay? But, did we have some thoughts, I think? Is it normal for a sub to buy supplies before meeting with a dominant? And how much of a financial output should I expect before meeting someone? Jamie really didn't like this question. I think both of us immediately our minds went to, an air quote dom. Somebody who's posing, somebody
who's using the other person. Before we get into that, because it feels like that's probably what this is, I do wanna make a couple of, like let's be clear. Financial domination? FinDom. That will be negotiated between you and your Fin Dom. Correct. Please don't ever let yourself go broke out of that. There there are many power exchanges that do include money. Mhmm. Many that do not include money. Right. K. That is up to the individual person whether that is something they are interested in
or not. Right. It is negotiated. There is, never has been, the set amount of money that you need to put out before you can meet a dom. Doesn't work that way. Okay? You know, no. It if someone's telling you this, it's bullshit. It's bullshit bullshit bullshit. That is the red flag of red flags there. I mean, what he said I I I know your thought has immediately gone to somebody who's like, oh, well, you're gonna have to do
this if you wanna earn my Yeah. If, you know, you wanna be considered a good citizen. Right. I will I Yeah. I will take another tack that is Okay. More generous because that was where my mind first went. And I don't think I have anything to add to that as bullshit as an accurate statement.
The one thing I will say is if you are meeting up to play with a partner or you know that some kinky scene is going to be part of your first time kind of getting together in person, you might have to spend money. Because if there is a type of toy that you want to experience and your body fluids are going to get on it, it has probably has to be purchased. Sometimes that will be by the submissive. Sometimes the dominance, like, hey. I'll buy it. Right. Here's a gift. That, again, is between the
people Right. And what you negotiate. And and there there are, I I will say, a number of submissives or actually more accurate to say masochists who will buy their own toys. Mhmm. Mhmm. Alright. They will have their toys because if if something doesn't work out, they're not gonna lose their toys. Plus those toys are bonded to that person. Right. Once their body fluids get on it. Right. There's a lot of toys you cannot sterilize and sanitize Yeah. Fluids out of. So, you know,
there there is that. Sure. Okay. But, you know, for there to be a a set amount of money Or a condition that you have to spend money before you're allowed to meet your Dom, that's gross. Yeah. Yeah. Again, just to be clear, we're not talking about Fin FinDom. We're not. No. That's different. That's different. Now do you have to be careful with FinDom? Are there some shady people? Of course. Of course. Of course. I feel like a person who was asking
about financial domination would have mentioned that. So I don't feel like that's what this question is. I there's also, you know, a thing to consider if you are having to travel to see somebody and you are going to them, there will probably be some expenditure of money. I know that there is no way on earth I would have allowed JB to spend money on me for me to go visit him the first time or if that was the first time meeting. And it's not because I'm too good for him to spend his money.
It's not even that I would have just it's this. And maybe I'm speaking as, you know, somebody who is raised and socialized as a as a woman in this society. I've come across too many people, primarily men, cis men specifically, who will a 100% use that against you. You owe me something now that I've spent
money. So in my personal cautiousness on what kind of situations I get myself into, there would there's no way I would I would let that happen different decision knowing, you know, your specific situation, the person you're dealing with, all that. Feel free.
So I say that to say if you are a submissive who is going somewhere to meet your dom for the first time and it's going, you know, and you feel similarly to the way I do, then you should be- expect that there will be something you have to spend. It needs to be within your budget, though. I I don't I don't want one of y'all to go broke because you were desperate to meet this dom who couldn't or wouldn't meet you halfway, spend the money to come to you, whatever whatever. Right?
But so if we're we're talking big picture, not singular asshole who is trying to use you, we're talking like, should I expect to have to spend money? It depends. Yeah. You don't have to spend money to get kinky because the body can do a lot lot of the work. Words and the mental and emotional aspect can do a lot of the work. There's no requirement for toys. But there might be a requirement if you're long distance.
There might be a requirement if neither of you has a place you can be you know, have privacy and you need to, like, get a hotel room for some semblance of privacy. That is something that should be discussed and negotiated Correct. You know, with you and a partner. And if this is your first time meeting them, I just say exercise caution. Caution. Make sure you don't get yourself kind of like stuck in a corner where you can't easily
extract yourself if you need to. Like if if you find out that they are not who they, you know, claim to be and how they portrayed themselves online and now in person, you're like 'Woah.' Right? Like be thinking of those things. Sure. But if a dom is like well you're gonna have to buy this, and you're gonna have to do this, and you're gonna have to look this certain way, and and you're gonna have to spend all this money before we Mm-mm. That that's got to be a mutual decision?
And and there is nothing And it's not required. I I I have to say is just because the way that the last part of the question was, phrased. It's not meaning a dom is not a a carnival game. Mhmm. You know, where you put so much into it and then you get the Kewpie doll or the Dom. Right. Right. Right. Like, there's there's not like a there yeah. There's not this list you're supposed to check off of, well, I well, I bought the corset or I bought the
cage or I bought this or Right. And now I have advanced to the level where I have to meet a Dom. Like, When does the boss Dom come? When does the boss Dom come? I put in a thousand coins. Does that mean I get a bigger Dom? Like, no. It's just not how it's supposed to work.
No. No. In a in a typical situation where maybe you're, you know, you're in the same town or you can like, maybe you meet at a munch, you meeting a dom should could be as free as going to the park if you don't if one or both of you doesn't have a lot of cash. Right. Or one or both of you does not wanna take money from a person you have not established a relationship with. It it is different if you're traveling. Right? If you're going in for a very specific kind of
scene. Right? And you want specific toys or you know what's the word I want? There's a word I want. Oh my god. I hate it when I do that. Props to be used. Right? You might need to be the one who spends your money on that, especially if you want that to be yours when you walk away. Mhmm. Correct. Or if there's a toy that a, you know, this person has used on other people and you do not feel comfortable with that, quite frankly, I wouldn't either. That's a personal risk assessment.
I would I think I would argue caution. Like, if body fluids can get on something and it ain't silicone or stainless steel or something that can be sterilized. Yeah. Have your own. Right? Mhmm. But that's that's it, and that's personal to each dynamic. Correct. And that's based on your specific set of circumstance.
So if if a dom is, like, setting these requirements and saying you must have this and you must buy these toys and and do this thing and spend this amount of money before you are, you know, allowed to be in my presence, then that is what JB would call Bullshit of the highest degree. Exactly. That that's no bueno. That's no. No. No. No. No.
I you know, let let's face it. I mean, I understand, you know, sometimes I I can understand, somebody, especially if it's somebody new coming into the lifestyle. You know, toys can be expensive. They can be. They can be. Toys can be expensive, you know. But, one thing I always said about that, you know, you're you're buying almost like an heirloom piece, a bespoke piece when you buy some of these, you know, these these cloggers and other things that that folks make.
So, you know, it's it's almost an investment. But then again, you can go out and get yourself a wooden spoon and a spatula. A hand. Yeah. Hand. Of the the words your dom speaks that gets in your head and, like, messes with your imagination. Right. Yeah. Money is a tricky thing in in kink because some things absolutely a 100% cost money. And when you don't have the money to spend on that, it is tough. It can feel like you're missing out.
And but I also think that people think that you can only do these things if you buy the right things and spend the right money, have the right gear, have the right clothes. Those are nice to haves. If you've got the budget for it, I'm not gonna tell you how to spend your money. Please get what makes you happy. Enjoy. Right. But if you don't have the budget for it It doesn't make you any less of a masochist submissive. Doesn't make you any less of a a sadist dominant.
Of anybody who tells you otherwise is spewing what? Bullshit. How many times can I get JB to say bullshit in a second? That is that is reading what I wanna know. That is that is what I wanna know. So, yeah, I think that's that's our probably our final answer on that. It's pretty it's simple and also it's nuanced. Bullshittery. Bullshittery. There's no requirement that you spend money to meet your Dom No. In in general. Right? Again Yeah. Caveat. We're not talking about FinDom.
But, yes, there can be expenses that go along with certain facets of it. So that that's the reality, I think. Correct. Mhmm. Thanks for listening to this week's q and a episode. If you want us to answer one of your questions, just use the contact page on our website at lovingbdsm.net, or you can find the link in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to do this podcast and keep it going and
help kinksters due to your support. If you'd like to be part of our community and get access to extra content and a Discord server with a group of super cool, super nice kinksters, you can do that. Just join us at patreon.com/kaylalords. That's patreon.com/kaylalords, or use the link in the show notes.