You're listening to loving Bd podcast. Kill Here with the 1, the only the guy who got the dog wild up right before we started recording, John Browns. She calm down. It's not my fault. She's chasing her tail now. Well, Dry dragging her butt on the carpet. Lola is AAA thick girl and older. She is not on her feet. Chasing her tail. No No. No. She is on her butt. Scoot her carpet. Now if you fail. If y'all all know what I'm talking about here. You do you... You don't remember the old
sit spins? Oh, my gosh. Yeah. From 40 years ago. Right. That that's what... She's like she's just spinning in a in a circle. Yes. Chasing that tail. And my point is as you did that. Look, that's not what we're here to talk about. Actually, we're back both from our break, which if you listen to Friday's podcast episode you already know. But also we're back back answering questions that we've received.
And this week, we're gonna answer a question from a Kings who started out as their partner's dominant partner, and then they made the switch to being their es partner and now they want to kind of figure out a way to get both M. Welcome to Loving Bd podcast. If you're new here, we help kings like you have happy healthy power exchange relationships. The podcast to your favorite podcast app, so you never miss an episode. And if you'd like us to answer your question in an upcoming 1 of these.
So we have a contact page, literally called to ask your questions on our website at loving bd s m dot net, that's loving bd m dot net, and we put the link in the show notes for this episode. Okay. Let's get into the question. K. My husband and I met through fat life in 20 21 when I was a dom and participated in scenes with myself as the dominant, and my now husband as my submissive.
In 20 23, we shifted our dynamic and he has discovered a love for being a Daddy dom with me taking the role as a submissive. I love the sexual aspect of our relationship. We attend a local club and seen together and do scenes at home. However, I miss the lifestyle aspect of our relationship, The service and the specifically. This is where it gets tricky. I want the lifestyle as a dominant and the scenes as a submissive.
How do I work out a way to bring this up to my part I feel quite shitty about this because it feels like I'm using him to vent through to vent, though I know logically this isn't the case. So I don't think it should feel shitty for what you want. No. Absolutely not. And depending, you know, I the way this has written makes me think, okay. When you're in dom mode, you're working out some energy of a specific. Kind. Mh. That's okay as long as your partner understands what's happening and,
consent to it. Right. How do you talk to your partner? You just say, hey, can we have a conversation? I mean, it's... It's simple and as gives them is... I know. It it's it's simple and yet it's the hardest thing taking that first step. Mh. I understand it. Well But, you know, like, you you you asked us the question. You wrote, you know, pretty much what you said right there. You know, what you need to sit down and talk with your partner about. And and, you know, that's kind of the key short,
answer communication. Right. You know, they they are not gonna know what you feel and what you want, Mh. Unless you sit down and talk to them about it. Right. And I also think unless your partner told you at some point between 20 23 and now that they will never submit again. Mh. Clearly, they enjoyed it. For a time for a reason. Right. So having the conversation to say, hey, I love what we have now. Mh. Here's where I would love to focus that energy. But here's what
I also need. You might find your partners like, yeah. I've been missing that too or, yeah. I feel like I need some of that too. You might not... By the time the discussion done and the discussion might take several discussions to sort of, you, figure out you might not at the end of that end up with what the picture in your head is, but you might come closer. To getting both sides of your kin cells. Mh You know, giving giving both sides, like or room to
breathe and to have those experiences again. I mean, you know, from from what they described in in their in their question and about their relationship, It seems like they've already kinda got the switch thing down a little bit. Right. You went from 1 to another Right. The space of 2 years, So really comp... Conversations had to happen. Right. So, you know, they're they're...
Obviously, yes, something that went when went on there, you know, with the conversations to to get those 2 different dynamics going. So, you know, it's gonna be the same thing here. You... It... It's just need to be talked about it. You know, express your feelings and and tell them what you want. And then listen to the response. Again, the thing about negotiate, we always say it's just another word for communication, and it is. But there is a
a back and forth. There's a, this is my ideal version of the thing I would like. And then your partner gets the opportunity to go. I can do this. I don't wanna do that. Let me think about it. Here's what I would like. I do find that sometimes partners are surprised when they air quote confess a desire to their partner because in a a solid healthy relationship, especially in a a situation where you went from 1 dynamic to the next again unless your partner. Said in new uncertain terms.
I never want that again. You will likely be surprised at their response. Again, it might not be an immediate Oh hell yell let's do this figured it out, but it... At the minimum, what you need is let me think about that. That's intriguing. Or, yeah, there's some things I've been missing from... That dynamic. Mh. Before you have whatever conversation is gonna be the nut some bolts of what you're trying to achieve. So I think the first conversation is, hey, here's how
I've been feeling. Here's are some things I miss. Here's some things I'd like to experience, you know, Mh, especially since you can reference back to your previous dynamic. I think that's 1 conversation. And then depending on the response of your partner the next conversation might happen right then. It might happen on another day, but I think save the, hey, let's get into the nitty gritty of here exactly what I'm trying to
accomplish. Mh. For the next conversation, The second, maybe even the third, depending on, you know, there's feelings and everything, but take the time to think about what you most want, what you're nice to haves are and what your... If I get it, okay. Fine, but I can live without this, and that gives you a place of give and take you won't, you know, I don't know anything about switching. We... I'm not an expert. Have
you ever switched? No. Yeah. We are not the ones to ask about how to make them to work. But I think that there is some... There needs to be some room for here's what I think I would like to have happened, and then your partner to go. Here's what I... You know, here's what I would like to have happened. Here's what I'm willing to do. And then you kind of parse through and you try things a little bit at a time assuming they're they're willing. And you're not gonna get it right immediately.
It's not gonna be how you imagine immediately And also, you may be crafting a power exchange unlike any other you've ever heard about before. Like, your friends might not have this experience. Your you know, the people you learn from might not have anything like what you have, and that is okay. That's the other thing I would say for both partners is to realize, that you get to make this, whatever you want it to be...
Absolutely. Even if that means you throw at all labels and, you know, in certain situations, your husband is that Daddy Dom and in other situations, he is yours submissive, and y'all manage to flow back and forth. From what I have heard from other switches, no experience on my part. Some people, it is a flow. It's a it's an energy. It's a mood. It's how am My feeling in this moment for other people. It's situational. When I get into this heads space, when we're... When this thing is happening,
this is the roll I'm in. And then, of course, there's gonna be some combination of that across the spectrum of humanity. As long as both parties are having a good time in consenting and willing to do it. There's no right or wrong, but you do have to start with the first conversation, I think that first conversation, you talk about the good times from before, and you give your partner the opportunity to let you know. And If they've been missing it too, I really think a lot especially
in the the solid relationships. People tend to be very surprised I think they're the only 1 who wants a thing misses the thing needs a thing. And when you have a partner you're in tune with, eyes They either know and they were like, oh, yeah. I could tell. Yeah. Was thinking about that or they're like, oh, yeah. Me too. Mh. I mean, you know, from from all this too, it it sounds like your your relationship is your... Or at least your Ds. Dynamic is is changing, which is not a
bad thing. You know, it... It's not staying stagnant, which is very good. Right. You know, and and it sounds like it... This is just another, step in the evolution of your dynamic And how... Going. Absolutely. And I would take comfort in the fact that you've already made a shift once before? Right. I, you know, I can't imagine what, you know, was that an abrupt shift? Was that a subtle shift was at a 1 day, 1 of you woke up and went, hey, I kinda would like something different. It doesn't matter
how that went. The fact that you went through it and you're still together, and you're still wanting to explore things with each other. That's a good sign. You did it the 1 time. You've already been through that. You've already, like, through done a complete 1 80 on your power exchange life, you can do a subtle shifting. You you.
Are more capable than you realize and I'm, you know, I'm I'm hopeful for you and and optimistic that you may be pleasantly surprised at the response you get when you just talk to your partner. There yeah. Thanks for listening to this week's q and a episode. If you want us to answer 1 of your questions, Just use the contact page on our website at loving dot net. Or you can find the link in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our
Kinky community over on Patreon. We're able to do this podcast and keep it going and how, due to your support. If you'd like to be part of our community and get access to extra content and a discord server with a g of super cool super nice King You can do that. Just join us at patreon dot com slash k that's patreon dot com slash kayla lords or use the link in the show.