Perimenopause and Power Exchange

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four thirty. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the best damn daddy dom I've ever met, my favorite person, John Brownston. Wow. I don't know if I can live up to all that now. Sorry. We have to set standards around here. You know? Oh, boy. Look. Look. Look. Look. Considering I'm in the thick of perimenopause and we know what that does to my mood, take the compliments while I'm giving them. Because probably in a few minutes, I'll be cranky.

Thank you, baby girl. Thank you, baby girl. You're welcome, daddy. So this week, we are talking about the thing I have been complaining about for literal fucking years, and that is perimenopause, and specifically how it has impacted me as a as of how it could impact power exchange. We will for anybody who's like, I have heard that word, but what? We will talk about what it is for anybody who will physically never experience it or is not old enough yet to experience it.

Don't worry. I I got I came with resources. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. Show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You

can also watch nope. You can also follow the show on fat life at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and, technically, threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate. It's loving d s and the number one, so it's at loving d s one. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM where you can watch us livestream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Audio podcast folks, you have no idea, what it took for us to get to this point where we are talking to you now.

The, folks watching the live stream and the YouTube video, they now know. They have been on this journey with us. Yeah. It looks like I'm gonna have to change the way I Do things. Do things. Yeah. Okay. That's it's fine. It's fine. This is fine. And silent asked, did JB just count me in like a TV producer? Yes. He did. Yep. That's a little behind the scenes there too. Yes. I did. I wanna give the audio folks a little rundown. So we started the live stream. We were in the live stream. We

were live streaming. The sound cut out. We couldn't get it back on. We had to stop the live stream, start a brand new live stream, then talk for a while so I could calm down and we can make sure got jealous. So we can make sure the audio works. So then we always say you know, I tell I tell JB he can push the magic button to bring audio folks in. He went to push the magic button. Y'all y'all side wasn't working. He had to do that again, and now here we are. Yep.

It's like the universe knows that I really care I I care about all the topics we do, but I really care about this one, and I've tried really hard to do it right, and I'm being thwarted at every turn. And I think the universe also knows that there are several people that I can name who really want this episode. Yeah. And they are also being thwarted. Yeah. Yeah. We're we're we're jumping through hoops to get it. Okay.

Okay. So before we get into the topic, just to for anybody who was paying attention to notice, and thank you for the the folks who reached out to check up on us. Yeah. There was no episode last week, and I'm being given a finger told me to okay. Okay. Okay. Now I can keep going. Okay. The mic audio is jacked up. It's it's like one thing after another. Oh my god. Damn. Oh my god. I think we need to get the vodka out, and I think we just need to do shots during this episode.

Okay. So we were gone last week and, clearly, the universe went, oh, you clearly don't work here anymore. Let's fuck up all your equipment. Jimmy was sick last week, so, no, we did not do an episode. And he was mostly recovered. He was, yeah, recovered enough by Friday night. We did the livestream. Mhmm. But I was no Yeah. I was no longer in the headspace to record a Monday episode. JB thought he was. I'm like, I'm not prepared for that. So we skipped a Monday episode, and now we're back. So

that's where we were. JB's feeling a lot better. Yeah. And now the universe is laughing at us, taunting us. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay. So let's get into this episode. I'm gonna I'm gonna say many things. We know this. So the first thing I wanna say that should come as no surprise to anybody with any amount of sense: we are not medical professionals. We are not telling anybody about their experience.

We are using the best information that I could find that I felt like I trusted, but that does not mean we will be correct a % in all situations. So if your doctor tells you something different than I have said and that thing they said works for you, they get to be correct and you can ignore the fuck out of me. But we are this is not just being

pulled from my ass. I'm I am I used references that are reputable and know what the hell they're talking about to get to the sciency bit and then we'll get into, like, the power exchange y bit. The other thing is I made extensive notes so I would have the facts part correct. So, I will probably be reading more than just conversing for part of this. Yes, it's weird to me too. Okay? But I wanted to get this right. Okay, so let's start first for the resources I used, to do this episode.

I highly recommend them. If anybody sounds new to you, please go check them out. The links will be in the places. The livestream folks know that it's gonna be a minute for me. So the first one is a book I own that's actually sitting on my desk, The Menopause Manifesto by Doctor. Jen Gunther. Doctor. Jen Gunther. You can find her online. She's got, you know, blog, a Substack, she's on social media. I think she's even got a podcast. Jen Gunter is, fairly well known online. Social media spaces.

Very smart. Loves, clapping back at fools on the Internet. It's it's delightful. The book that I have, The Menopause Manifesto, that book is from 2021. So it misses some of the newer studies that have come out about perimenopause that you may come across from the other resource. But but that book is still very good. The general information is very, very good, for some of the more common symptoms in navigating how to help yourself while you're going through perimenopause.

The other resource is doctor Mary Claire Haver. She has a book that I want. I have not read it, but I desperately want to. It's called The New Menopause. Her she is a, OB GYN just like doctor Jen Gunter is, but doctor Haver specializes in menopause. Her patients are perimenopausal and menopausal. That's who she works with.

She also has a list on her website, which will be linked, of doctors who focus on menopause or who have proclaimed themselves to be able to and willing to work with perimenopausal people in ways that actually will help them with medications and dealing with symptoms and stuff. There's also a section on her site that links to studies being done on perimenopause and

menopause. One of those studies I am referencing in this episode because it had a great list of 50 plus symptoms, and 50 plus symptoms is even not the only amount. It can there's some talk that, perimenopause symptoms can be somewhere in there's 70 to 80 perimenopausal symptoms that people can experience. So yeah. So those are my resources. Links are and or will be in the places because we're time traveling. Depending on who you are, you can or cannot see them yet because today is chaotic.

So let's talk about who experiences perimenopause and how I'm gonna try really hard to talk about this in what feels like the right way to me which is as inclusively as possible. The most concise way I could I could think to describe who experiences perimenopausal is every person assigned female at birth who continues to have ovaries if they live long enough. There is a way to go into menopause

that's surgical. Like, one day you had fully functioning reproductive, have a full whatever, wake up and you are fully in menopause skipping, the thing about perimenopause is everybody's health experience is different. There are gonna be exceptions to these rules. When I I hate to say every type but every cis woman who lives long enough will go through perimenopause. It's one of, like, short of just going directly into menopause. But every let me put it this way. How

does Doctor. Haver say it? Every cis woman who lives long enough will go into menopause, however you get there. Perimenopause is the most common way to get there. Okay? But I won't want to encompass people who are not cis women but have the plumbing and can experience perimenopause. Okay. So, let's talk about what perimenopause is because here's the thing.

You yourself may not have the plumbing to ever go into perimenopause, but you might have or in the future have partners who can go into perimenopause. And if that is you, you will go through this with us. Just ask JB. Your experience is different, but you are surviving it. Mileage may vary. Right. Just like we are. So perimenopause is basically the multiple years, and it is multiple, when an eggs the egg supply in the ovaries decreases to zero, and that is when

menopause occurs. Menopause is declared twelve months and one day after your last period, or, if you're like me and don't get periods, there's a blood test you can do. I'm now getting very used to getting blood work done every few months and part of that blood work, they are always testing. Are you officially in menopause? I don't know yet. Speaking from what my mom explained of her experience of she didn't label it perimenopause when my mother this is not that long

ago. My mom's only been in menopause maybe five or seven five to seven years. Maybe as long as ten, but I don't think so. She never used the word perimenopause to describe what she was going through. It is absolutely the word I would I'm using because it's what it is. For her, the way she described it to me, her periods were all over the place and apparently her periods would play the joke on her of going, she'd go like nine months without a period and she's like, hot

damn. Three more months and it's officially menopause. Nope. Here comes a period. So do not be surprised that that is, you know, a common experience that you might have yourself. One thing I was both a little pissy to learn but also gratified to learn. Like your experience with periods, if you are a person who has or can get or used to get periods, perimenopause and menopause are your experience with it is gonna be wildly different. Some people are going to have it super air quote easy.

They won't get a lot of symptoms. Those are typical those might be similar to the type of people who go, Oh yeah, my period's not that bad. I barely notice it. I'm so happy for you, but I hate you. Okay. Perimenopause can be that way as well. Up to debilitating. Right? Just like periods can be debilitating for some people, perimenopause leading into menopause can be debilitating. And then there's the amorphous

in between all that. Okay? So not everybody is going to have the same experience with this. And so that means it's, from my perspective, is not at all an expert. I find it very difficult to talk about because what I know to be true is I'm somewhere in the middle of I can kind of function but it's not pleasant and I'm now on medication to help myself function better, right? And other people will have it worse so other people have it better.

I mentioned this briefly a minute ago. We'll go into a little bit more detail here. One study and it's fairly recent and I got the link to it from doctor Haver's website, showed in that study that there are as many as 52 possible symptoms. While some experts, including doctor Haver in, it was a Tik Tok or Reel, whatever that I saw from her, there can be as many as seventy seventy to 80 possible symptoms. That does not mean everybody will

experience every symptom. It also means you get to do the fun dance of, is this a symptom or does, like, my ear just itch? Because one symptom is ringing in the ears and and or itchy ears. That's wild. So let's go over not every single symptom. I don't think y'all want me to list all 52, but let's let me give you this list. I have to scroll down to this thing. Okay. The study is pretty interesting to, to look at. Like I said, it is

and or will be linked. I now have to get very close to the screen because this is very, small oh, there we go. What are you're doing buttons. Yeah. Ah, okay. K. And now let me Just slide it over here. Oh, there we go. Here we go. I'm gonna do some of the most common based on this study, and then I'll stop at a certain point because we go from, like let me see. What is it? There's some that as many as sixty eight point nine percent of participants in the study experienced down to

one point six. So we're not gonna go through all 52, but some of these might sound familiar to some of you. Mood swings, Brain fog, Fatigue, Irregular periods, difficulty with or just poor concentration, anxiety, irritability, insomnia and problems with sleeping, weight gain, night sweats, low mood, poor memory, lack of motivation, reduced confidence, heavy periods, tearful low sex drive, headaches and migraines, aching joints, hot flushes. Heart palpitations

scared the shit out of me. I thought I was having heart attacks. Bloating, depression, itching, body parts, ears, body, vagina, anywhere. Facial hair growth. Been there, done that, breast soreness, painful periods, digestive issues. Do you see where I'm going? A lot of shit's happening. I haven't gotten halfway through the list yet. Is is that like, Pokemon? You gotta get them all? Oh, god.

No. I because of, like, just how people and bodies work, if there are, let's say, up to even just this 52 list of 52 symptoms Yeah. Just mathematically, statistically, there's a chance that, yes, there are people out there with every single symptom just like there's a chance that there are people with almost none of the symptoms. I'm I'm curious because, anybody who sits and watches TV for any, amount of time, we see all these pharmaceutical advertisements. Okay?

And and the pharmaceuticals, they say, you know, these symptoms may occur. Mhmm. Alright? And we we both know, most people know, you could have a cold going into one of these studies and they're going to list Right. You know, sneezing, runny nose, etcetera as a symptom. And that is my understanding of those studies too. Hopefully, If anybody can tell us that they don't do that anymore, that'd be great. But yes. So are you saying is this sort of like that? Is this sort of like that?

The study was specifically done to look at this, and I'm not, expert enough, in any way, shape, or form to Mhmm. Pick apart, studies and really explain them and the efficacy. What I could say is when I was reading through it, I did I have read even, like, blurbs of studies where I went, what was that? A a a survey you put on Twitter? Like, how did you get your data? This did not read that way to me, and it came from a source a re a person I trust to read these kinds of studies.

So these are based on their measurements. They are classifying them as legitimate potential symptoms. Now So my experience with some of these symptoms I may get into some interesting but and also annoying, realities that, can happen in perimenopause is that, sometimes you've had these symptoms your whole adult life or maybe your whole life, and now you hit perimenopause and they just get worse.

So I know for me, when my anxiety spiked two points of literal panic, I did not immediately go, oh, that's perimenopause. Right? I was like, oh, I'm already anxious. It was looking back, I was like, Oh, this is happening in conjunction with all these other things. Perimenopause is playing some part in it. Now here's, an interesting how many of these do I have? An interesting ish fact about perimenopause. So a couple things.

If you have, have been diagnosed with or just know yourself anxiety, depression, you know, anything that, like, fucks you up mentally, perimenopause will exacerbate that. If you've never, in your mind, experienced those things before, perimenopause can bring it on. The most interesting one, and is why I feel like I'm playing whack a mole with my own self, is that perimenopause symptoms can be mistaken for neuro divergency.

So you could be going through perimenopause and, you know, it could look like, oh, is this do I have ADHD? Am I, on the autism spectrum? Right? But also, but also perimenopause can make the symptoms and experience of that worse, which I couldn't find a study to back this up, but I know I've heard it from literal doctors. Late diagnosed, ADHD specifically I'm sure I've heard about that. I'm not sure about autism in women can be is often found, at the time of perimenopause.

Because prior to perimenopause, when your hormones were at least whatever their air quote typical level was and your coping mechanisms and if you mask, your masking skills were right where they needed to be. Perimenopause sets everything on fire and now everything's worse than it was and so coping skills no longer suit. They don't help you at all. So it is not uncommon for perimenopausal people to start getting diagnosed legitimately diagnosed with neurodivergence. The ADHD is the one I'm sure

about. I can't remember if autism is in that list. So if you happen to be like me where you're like, was I always like this? Is this the perimenopause? But wait, maybe we just missed like, I don't know either. And you would hope that doctors could help but sometimes they don't know either. And I'm sure many of us have already figured that out. Okay, okay. Let's- when does perimenopause occur? So that's this is an average, so some people will be higher or lower.

Typically, perimenopause happens seven-ten years before menopause. The typical age range of menopause is anywhere from 45 to 55. Yes, it can happen later. Yes, it can happen earlier. We're not even talking surgically, like, just the natural progression. That means the age range of perimenopause can be 35 to 45. So if you are in your mid thirties like I was starting to experience some of these things and you think, am am I dying or have I lost

my mind? And a doctor won't believe you because they'll tell you like they did me. You're too young for perimenopause. Not necessarily. Not necessarily. For a minute, I believed the myth that the earlier you get your period, I was like, if hormone blockers had been a thing they were offering in the eighties, I'd have been on them. That was that early. Then the earlier you hit perimenopause and menopause, according to doctor Havert, that is not true. I was very sad to hear that

because I was like, wait. I could go until 55? Are you fucking kidding me? So, yes, perimenopause can hit in your mid thirties, and then on on up. Right? So, no, you are you're you might be crazy but you're not crazy if you're recognizing some of these symptoms. To potential treatments, the one I'm most familiar with is hormone replacement therapy. There are other options. It is important to talk to your doctor. Doctor. It is ideal to have a doctor

who will listen to you. Because even now, in the year of our Lord 2025, a lot of doctors suck with dealing with perimenopause and menopause. Doctor. Haver said, and I I believe it continues to be true or has been true until maybe recently. I don't know. But doc doctor Mary Claire Haver has said on more than one occasion that meds typical med school experience is one hour on, learning about menopause. A thing that has that will in some way affect fifty percent of the population,

they spend an hour on. And if you get to have a long lived life, this is something you could be dealing with for thirty to forty fucking years and most doctors don't have a fucking clue. So if that annoys you, like it annoys me, welcome. So it's most likely you're gonna have to advocate for yourself really fucking hard and or if this is an option for you, find a doctor who gets it. The doctor who did my partial hysterectomy for me a few years ago was in the same practice as a doctor who told me

I was way too young for perimenopause. Couldn't be a perimenopause. I did not like that lady and went I'm not gonna be gaslit about my own fucking experience. Even though I was still unsure, I was like, but I think it is. The next year, I went to the doctor who ended up doing my surgery, gave her my same list of symptoms. I'm only one year older at that point. And she's like, oh yeah, you're definitely in perimenopause. There's no

doubt in my mind. She was also a doctor who had no qualms about and was very quick to, when it was a viable option, to offer me the partial hysterectomy. Right? So that was a good doctor. My current doctor absolutely, you know, will prescribe the things that people need to help with their perimenopause and menopause. But something about my age, something about I'm not 100% sure, she was hesitant until I reminded her I'd had a partial hysterectomy.

I should not have to tell you that I don't have a uterus and a cervix anymore and no more fallopian tubes in order to get you know what I mean? Like, come on now. But that was a place where I kinda had to advocate for myself a little harder. I mentioned this at the top. Doctor, Mary Claire Haver's website does have a list of people who, are like, oh, yeah. We we do menopausal care. We will help patients who who need

that kind of care. When I went to look for our local area, I found one doctor's office in Gainesville which is forty five minutes away. And that doesn't mean that we don't have anybody here locally. It's just that they don't they are not connected enough to have put themselves on a website. So if you do need to do the advocacy route, more than trying to find a new doctor, I've heard Doctor. Haver say this. I've heard

other people say this. Take copies of the studies, like print them out or whatever, email them to your doctor and go, this is the science showing that this thing, you know, this thing I'm experiencing whatever whatever or this is, you know, a good treatment option or whatever whatever. You know, let them see it for themselves.

Now, common suggestions that are not just HRT for dealing with perimenopause: more fiber, more protein, weight training, better sleep, stress reduction, and yes for some people HRT. Supplements can also be like part of the equation. My doctor suggested a whole handful of supplements. I I felt nothing different on any of them. Took them for months and months and months. So supplements were not it for me.

Now, if anybody else out there feels like trying to get enough protein as their full time job, same. I it's I don't know that I don't know how to do it without I don't know. Without mainlining protein powder, I've still not figured out how to do it. And the irony of telling people that who have the main symptom of fatigue and not being able to sleep well, that if they just got better sleep, their perimenopausal symptoms will be better. Yeah. It annoys me too. That that that, Circuitous.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Also stress reduction. Just don't be stressed. Just don't be stressed. Oh, you're at a time of your life where maybe you're like me and you're caring for children and you're helping to take care of parents and you're that sandwich generation. Don't be stressed. Oh, you're at that point in life where you're trying to, like, do something with a career, let's say, and pay bills that now include college tuition or something. Oh, no. Just don't don't stress so much.

Just don't stress so much. That'll help your symptoms. Yeah. I'm bitter about it. Okay. So that's that's a lot that's a lot of information about perimenopause. The folks who have dealt with it already or are dealing with it now and or the partners of those people were like, yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. For anybody else who's like, this is all new information. Please use the links that I have, live stream folks. I will get those links as soon as the live stream is over. Sorry. But for podcast listeners,

the links are there. Check it out. Learn more. Highly recommend The Menopause and I desperately want doctor Haver's book, The New Menopause. So now let's talk about power exchange and perimenopause and our specific experience for sure because that's the thing I can definitely, draw upon. So and I also want to point out that this is not a the thing I'm talking about will be about my role as a submissive and how it's being impacted. But AFAB doms, you're gonna have your own

experience. And if it if perimenopause does not affect how you operate as a dominant, I would be fucking shocked. Right? I think the biggest, most important thing for anybody who can experience perimenopause and maybe is about to or is not that far away from it is to know

that it fucking exists. Because I promise you, I heard the word perimenopause, like, once or twice in my early thirties and then never fucking heard it again until I started to realize I had perimenopause and was in it because the internet was teaching me something and it was social media that was teaching me shit. Fucking kidding me. And now if you can get onto that part of an algorithm and whatever app you prefer, there are definitely people talking about perimenopause.

So there's more information out there. So I will talk about my my personal symptoms that I don't I don't know that I have fifty two. I tend to, like, wave away the small ones that I'm like, it could just be an itchy ear. You know? The heart palpitations is one I get very infrequently and it the first two times scared the shit out of me. I thought I was gonna have to wake JB up in the middle of the night to call 911. I was like, am I dying right now? Because I've never had heart palpitations.

And then I woke like, the first time I woke up the next morning, like, terrified. I was like, do I need to watch myself? You know, I'm trying to think of what are the main signs of heart attack in women. Like, am I experiencing any of that? Thought I thought I was both losing my mind and dying. My bigger symptoms, the low libido, abso fucking lutely. I think that was my first clear sign that I was hitting perimenopause.

Mhmm. The other being and this is I'm only can tell you retrospectively looking back, an absolute spike in my anxiety. Massive spike in anxiety. The first time I was terrified to answer to make a phone call, was late thirties. Like I don't like talking on the phone. I don't like making a phone call. It never scared me before. And Jamie was like, we were talking about me going to a therapist, and you were like, we had found somebody who was king friendly. Like, you just need to call them.

And then I cried. He said, just just make a phone call. And, sat in my car And cried. And cried. And that and that's the hard thing, like, we were talking about earlier with anxiety. I've always been kind of an anxious person on certain levels. I've coped, I've ignored, I've worked around it. And then there are times in life where you have legitimate anxieties. When your when your daddy dum gets hit by a literal fucking

car, it makes you more anxious. When your teenage child can now drive and then gets into an accident, you are more anxious. But what I've figured out, again looking back, it wasn't that I was anxious because I'd always been anxious. It was how it spiked. It was how I panicked. There have been I'm I'm calmer now. I'm gonna I'm gonna, equate this to a lot of the medications I'm on, but there were many nights for a couple years where I would cry myself to sleep because I could think about JB dying.

I can't really talk about that or think about it without crying like for real, But I would be looking at him. We would be cuddled up snuggling. I'd be trying to be silly and I would look at him and think, I love him so much one day he will not be here. And then just I panic and and and I'm a quiet crier. I don't really like for anybody to see me cry because that's part of my childhood trauma. So I didn't tell him I was crying. And again, it's not that I cried. It's

not that I was nervous about something. It was the level of it. It was the way it was impacting me. It was completely out of fucking character. Other major symptoms. Brain fog? For fucking sure. For me, I remember pregnancy brain from having kids. That kind of brain fog. This is not that. Which is what made me start looking more into executive dysfunction as it relates to neurodivergency. And that's been its own separate journey and blah blah blah.

The whole am I neurodivergent, I think a lot of that's it kicked in first because the kids got diagnosed. And then I started looking around at my own life previous to now and I was like, oh, high perimenopause for making making that made potentially more obvious. Let me go back to my list here because I don't wanna, the tearful. Yeah. Poor memory. I fucking hate that shit. I used to have, at least I told myself I did,

a mind like a steel trap. Now this is the first one low libido for sure, and I'll get back to This is the first one that absolutely started impacting me as a submissive, and it impacted our power exchange. Because it used to be pre perimenopause, JB could tell me to do something. Some I'd make a to do list. I'm I've been a to do list person, but if he told me to do it, whether I wrote it down or not, I re I could remember it. I could remember it later that day. I could remember it the

next day. I could remember it a week from then. I could remember it up until the time I needed to do it, and I could get it done. Now, perimenopause? First of all, once I realized my memory was shot, I was terrified whenever he gave me a task, because I was terrified I would not remember it. And so I started putting in kind of extreme coping mechanisms to make sure I

could remember it. But it also made me But it also made me anxious when he would give me a task that he would try to say, you don't have to do it right now. And I would go, no. I have to do it right now. Because if I don't, it will never happen. I will forget it exists. And I didn't wanna And I didn't wanna be in trouble, and I didn't wanna let my daddy Dom down. And I didn't want to not be as good of at something as I had been. So I was very stressed about that.

Did you have a point when you noticed my weirdness around tasks and my inability to remember? Yes. Yes. Okay. And yes. How how did that make you feel? Not too much how it made me feel, but kind of like, this is not her. What is going on? There you would say that a lot for a couple years. You're like, this isn't you. This isn't like you. And I only in retrospect can I acknowledge this and say this and and not freak out?

The hearing, this isn't like you. You're not like this was a gut punch because you are for me, I already have the, the, am I losing my mind? What is happening to me Mhmm. As a human being, which then how is it impacting me as a submissive? I was already, like, really shaky and and I don't always have a lot of self confidence, but the confidence I had was lacking. And then there's JB who, especially in in times of stress and turmoil and we're already a little fussy at one another, he wasn't

saying it to be mean. He didn't know my my thought process, but to then hear, what is wrong with you? Oh, that's a tough one. That's a tough one because I don't know. That's right. Yeah. I don't know what's wrong with me. It did make me very, not just nervous to take on new tasks, but I was resistant to them. Can you can you remember the times you'd be like, I have a task for you, and my immediate response was No. Was irritability. It was like, are you I Mhmm. You learn to go, not right now.

And and sometimes that was okay. That worked for me. But a lot of times it was like, it has to be right now or I cannot do for you what I've done for you in the past. And right now was not necessarily a good time. JB's always been very good about I got a thing I need you to do, but I'm looking at your schedule, your life, your mood. I can tell you you don't have to do this right now, and I'm going, but

no, I do. And it would be at a time when I didn't have time to do that task, but I knew if I didn't do it right then, it would never happen. So my stress levels were through the fucking roof. Now you, I think, have because I don't remember having a specific conversation about my memory loss as it pertained to perimenopause. Mm-mm. But I talked about my memory loss and being sad and and frustrated and and worried. Mhmm. Often enough, you seem to have adjusted. So not so that you don't give me

tasks. Mhmm. It's more like, you know I'm probably gonna forget if I don't write it down. And you don't Lola clearly agrees in the background there. Jamie doesn't get angry at me or annoyed with me if I have to go, you gave me a task yesterday and I forgot to write it down. Can you refresh my memory? Can you can you refresh my memory? He's he's very calm about that, which is good because then I'm not getting the, oh my god. I suck kind of feeling, which is not true. I don't suck. I

No. You don't. At all. Everything about my brain and body are changing in some way, and I'm trying to adapt. Has it changed the way you give me tasks as your submissives now that you know my memory is it's not so much based on your memory. Mhmm. Okay. What makes me think about giving you tasks at at this point is what you have going on at any given time. Mhmm. Gotcha. That that is more of a So when I do forget and I have to come to you and go, hi. I forgot. And I don't forget

you've gotten much better about deadlines. Like, if you give me a deadline, I just go ahead and do it Right. Within moments, so I can't forget But if it's an open ended one, so there is no deadline, I just need to do it. You have have become very sort of kind and understanding about the, hey, can you remind me? How do you feel when I'm having to come to you and go, hi, I forgot. You know, believe it or not, I'm I'm more than anything, I'm glad that you can come to me and and tell me that.

Mhmm. Yeah. It would it would be it would be a hot mess around here if I was so anxious or worried about how you were gonna react or worried about I went through this already, so I can talk about it now. Worried about what it says about me as a submissive. It doesn't say really, y'all, whether you're submissive or dominant, if these symptoms are fucking with how you function in your power exchange,

you are not doing anything wrong. You're going through a massive hormonal shift and it take it can take a while to adjust. It it probably took me a few years to finally go, if it's not written down, I don't exist. And also, I'm humble enough to go, I forgot. Can you help me? So if you are the partner of a person like that, extend a little grace, please. Extend a little grace. The the biggest one they're all they all feel like the biggest because they feel like biggest in different areas

of our power exchange. The low libido, the no sex drive. Now I am a person, during times of high stress, I ain't got no sex drive anyway. But this happened I'd started to, like, tank. I'm gonna say definitely 2019, but I really think 2018 is when it started to diminish, which is where I kind of clock myself as probably going into perimenopause. But I if I'm trying to do the math on it, on that seven to ten years, I start with 2019 just to be safe or whatever.

But the low libido has forced us now because low libido started when there was no outside air quote reasons for it. There wasn't extra stress. There wasn't extra pressure. I just one day I just was like, what is sex and why do I care about it? It?' and then we hit the several years of high stress where of course I didn't have libido, you didn't have libido. I we are now coming out of those several years Yeah. Finding our way through. But be while you were still like, I'm down to fuck. It

could I would love to fuck. And I was at the point of, what is sex? Don't know her. Sorry. It was a lost point of connection and intimacy. We've we've talked about that because we've done an episode on low sec you know, low arousal levels and and libido. It was a lost point of connection. It was stressful for both of us. Yeah. Putting it in context of perimenopause and the symptoms and and you being the witness to how I have changed. And I and I have to say this, you know, to everybody here.

In the beginning, when when a lot of this stuff started happening, the changes, these changes, now I I don't think I ever actually got angry Mhmm. With you about any of it. You could get frustrated with me at times. Frustrated. I I felt mad. I I I was I was very frustrated for a while, until I began to understand understanding more of what was happening. Mhmm. Yeah. And part of that was me communicating and part of I think part of it I think it was how consistent it all

was. This wasn't a couple of bad days. This wasn't me just, like, you know, putting my brain into out of office and just checking out. This was all the time. But in the my memory is has always been kinda shitty on certain things, but it's really shitty now. My recollection of all this is that certain thing no. It wasn't an all at once. I didn't wake up one day and have, like, 10 symptoms. It was a gradual thing where it was

sort of one at a time. First, it was I believe, first, it was my anxiety spiked, something fierce. Then there was probably some other stuff. I I didn't catch it. Then it was the low libido. Sex the the desire for sex, just gone. And that was at the time I was still sex blogging blogging. So that really, like, that was hard on me professionally and and how I saw myself as a professional and hard on our relationship and hard on me as a submissive. We've talked about,

free use in past episodes. We've talked about it throughout many other episodes. The reason we were having sex from about sometime in 2018, but definitely all of 2019 into 2020 was because JB had basic permission to just do it whenever the fuck he wanted and I would be there. And the strangest thing is that I if I wanted to speak up and say, no. No. This isn't a good time. You know, I don't consent to this. That would have always

been available. But what was actually oftentimes happening was I really it wasn't just no desire. I did not wanna have sex, but I knew this was the only way we were gonna connect intimately. And so the the it wasn't a, oh, I just don't feel like it. It was like, I I don't I I could be doing anything else right now, but I want to I wanted to be connected to him. And so I got the whole why don't I want sex when I literally talk about sex as

part of my professional life? And also kinky sex is a big part of our connection. I was this with every new symptom that changed how I functioned in our relationship especially, that being power exchange most importantly, I had this sort of roller coaster of what is wrong with me? Why can't I do what I once did? And when you talk to people usually, who have gone through these things who are older than you, certainly doctors, it's always like, well, it's just part of aging. Well, yeah. But

this fucking sucks. And there are things I want to be doing in my life that that make me feel complete and whole and good and are great for my confidence, and now I can't. And you're just gonna tell me, sucks getting old. No. No. No. There are certain things. Yes. I can I cannot do as I've gotten older? I know that. But a whole mental emotional shift? Like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, that might be natural because perimenopause does that to you, but I mean just the way it it just

sapped my confidence is a submissive. We we've talked about this a little bit over the past few years because I I can find ways. My my Pollyanna, you know, brain is always, like, looking for the good, can find the things that are good and and keep things going and make me feel good about myself as a submissive. But the reality is is when some of these symptoms were just hammering me, That was my immediate thought is what is wrong with me? Why can't I do this

anymore? So if you have ever had that feeling or you're having that feeling now, I want you to know you are not alone. I also I had a thing and perimenopause in action or is it a neurodivergency or is it both? I don't know. But the thought is completely out of my brain hole now. What would you add to some of this? I had a thing and I forgot what for y'all. A little bit maybe.

I was gonna say, at this point in time, looking back in some instances, there was a point where your anxiety started spiking. Yeah. Okay. And it also coincided towards the end of, making the decision for you to remove your IUD. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And our collective, hope was that, you know, when you got the IUD removed that some of that might level out for you. Yeah. That's all I know. And it is not what happened at all. That's

the thing. So, you know, sometimes I wonder if that little spike in anxiety that was kind of the beginning Probably. Of that. Probably. It's it's hard. Anxiety being a symptom of perimenopause is like several other symptoms in that it sucks because I mean, look at the world today. There are plenty of things to be legitimately anxious about. Mhmm. There are things in per your personal life to be anxious about. There are things in the broader world at large, Jesus Christ, to be anxious about.

So it's it it feels even when when it's not perimenopausal, you just are diagnosed with anxiety. Right? It feels so small to go, well, I'm anxious. And and a person with common sense is gonna look at maybe at your life or the world and go, well, of course you are. How could you not be? No no no no. This is a level of it and a depth of it that I was never fully able to articulate because all that would come out was I am so scared. I'm so scared. I'm panicked.

I can't breathe. You know, the worst possible thing ever is going to happen. And I've been anxious my whole life, but just not to that level, to where I was like, I maybe I need to be fucking medicated for this. But we we didn't have the means to do that. I'm I can say, when my HRT meds, I'm on, estradiol, progesterone, and a testosterone cream that also has estradiol

in it. When I'm on all three of those at full level, which I am not currently, after after it's in my system for a while, a couple months usually is what it takes me, my anxiety is my air quote normal level anxiety. Right? Like, once I started once I got all my HRT good and it was, like, working in my system, I stopped crying at night because I was terrified you would die in the middle of the night. That yeah. Yeah. The other thing I've done that's not met

is coping skills. Everything gets written down. Mhmm. Now I then have to remember where I've written it down at, and it can't be on multiple pieces of paper. It has to all be on one. The making me do the family calendar was good, and we talked about that Yeah. Ages ago. That was good for a lot of reasons, but that was brilliant for my fucking memory. Yeah. Because It freed up. It freed up so much brain space. Mhmm. Let me look at these symptoms because I

there's just Alright. And and while you're doing that, I want Yeah. Go ahead. In case you had a question. Sure. Kayla, do you think the peri the peri induced low libido contributed to the to the poly jealousy feelings you felt? I do not think so because the feelings I felt came from stuff that was older than being in perimenopause. It came from insecurities I've long held, and I was I was able to to some degrees work through some of those feelings, and then they were not kicking my ass later.

They're there's they've never gone away completely, but in each time I've dealt with that those those insecure those feelings of insecurity, they've been a little less and a little better each time, which means I'm working through some things. And it's in my mind it's not an outside trigger. It's it's internal. It's Yeah. It's stuff I bad things I believe about myself that definitely are not true that come from probably pre puberty, quite frankly. So digestive issues.

Anybody can have digestive issues for any reason. It can be because of, another chronic condition or illness. It can be anxiety. It could be perimenopause. My experience was perimenopause. Fucked it up so bad. One of the symptoms in the list here is bloating. I prior to my hysterectomy and prior to HRT and prior to things I started doing for my reproductive health, I could look eight or nine months pregnant easily.

And guess what? It's real real hard to care about sexy kinky times, or to feel your most submissive self when you can't even bend over without thinking you're gonna vomit? Or does it hurt so bad because your whole stomach is like, bitch, what have you done to us? I spent the latter part of my thirties, I spent a lot of time going, it didn't used to be like I didn't used to have this problem. I didn't used to have this problem.

My doctor's been trying very hard for me to get my cholesterol down naturally because she's like, I don't wanna put you on a cholesterol medicine if I don't have to. And then I learned from Doctor. Mary Claire Haver that high cholesterol is a symptom of perimenopause. If you have not had high cholesterol prior to basically hitting perimenopause and it's not like major lifestyle changes or you've done the things that should bring down your cholesterol, and I have, and it still doesn't come down,

that could be a sign of perimenopause. Or that could be one of the symptoms. High. High blood pressure. High. But those early years, I spent so long going, but I've never had this problem, I've never had this problem, I've never had this problem, and then here I am with these problems.

The weight gain is real. I blamed it on COVID, like everybody else who had weight gain during that time blamed it on COVID, But I was also reworking my relationship with food so I could maybe have a better relationship with food. And it's never my whole life has never been easy to lose weight. I was never blessed with whatever that is. But it became impossible. I mean, I could eat, like, the amount of calories a toddler

is supposed to eat. That's 1,200 for anybody who tries to do those kinds of things. And it nothing worked. You know? I could I could eat all this. I could do this. I could nothing. Part of that might be stuff that's pre perimenopause, and perimenopause is just exacerbating it, because when there's hormonal things and autoimmune things and, like, other things happening internally. Perimenopause just makes it worse.

That's my new now that I think I've got my hormones kind of under control, that's my new thing to journey down. But that was one of one of the things was I was constantly going, I'm gonna like this. This doesn't happen to me. I like I said, knocked my self confidence really bad. The other part was, things that had already existed just being way worse. Right? Like, even harder to lose weight, but way easier to gain weight, even harder to manage my anxiety. Even, you know, things like that.

I think the biggest thing it's done for me as a submiss ever done to me or however you wanna put that is is my lack of confidence. Not currently, not always, but every time I had to adjust to a new symptom that made me see myself differently because I was over there going, I I used to be able to do this. Right? I had to go through usually a long windy, like, curly q line of adjusting to that and rethinking that, you know, realizing that in in one way nothing is wrong with

me. Like, I'm not a bad submissive because I'm going through this, but also then taking on the, oh, this may be either a symptom of something new or this is another symptom of perimenopause and adjusting my own expectations through that lens. But a lot of the things, the memory loss, the high anxiety, the low libido, just the goddamn the aches and pains that come from fucking nowhere and make it so you can't really function sometimes. Right?

All of those have interfered with with my submission in some way that either make, you know, there's less physical intimacy or there's less of an ability to connect emotionally sometimes. Jamie will be trying to talk to me, and it used to be I could focus and concentrate on the things he said. The lack of focus and concentration and the way that sometimes affects me has absolutely sent me down the, do I have ADHD? And I don't I don't know, and I don't have the means to go deal with

the diagnosis. And, you know, maybe not. Maybe it is just perimenopause. But it is it's hard. You know? I'm I am a submissive who who twenty four seven submissive, I am always submissive to JB. No. It doesn't always look like it from the outside, but internally, I am. And I can't focus on anything he's trying to tell me. Well, you wanna know how hard that is to know that you have tasks to do, remember them, and or I'll have your partner feel important to you.

Like, it's not that he's not important to me. It's that the the brain just wanders now in ways it never did before. Never. My ability to focus in the past was this what I would have called scary. Like, I didn't hear anything else around me. I can do that now, but it is never when I want to do it. It's never when the light of my life is trying to talk to me about something and I have to retain the information. It's when I go down my own personal rabbit hole and I'm doing a thing, right?

So nearly every symptom I've had has interfered with me as a submissive in some way. And much of it has been a rethinking. All of it has required clear communication. Like, I have to tell you what I'm going through. You have gotten better now that I think part of it is being able to put the name to it's it's likely perimenopause. I don't think it's something new. Whatever this symptom is today, it's perimenopause. Because in the beginning, we didn't have that

word for it. I was just shit was happening to me, and you were like, what? Didn't like What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I don't say this as a criticism to you now. It is retrospect. Looking back, I can see this, so I'm gonna tell anybody who might need this for the future. I understand that urge to look at your partner, whatever side of of the slash, and go, what is wrong with you?

If you happen to be a little bit like me, there's a good chance you will take it a little bit like I did, which is the gut punch that it is. Because for a partner to notice your symptoms, good chances are you've been living you've been noticing it much longer. Right? You've either been trying to cope and hide them or you've been able to catch problems before your partner notices. And so then by the time your partner notices and going, what's wrong with you? That can hit on an internal way that

nobody means for it to. Like, a good partner does not mean to make you feel worse about whatever you're going through by asking that question. But I am telling future y'all who might need this at some point, try to be careful how you get to the bottom of that information. Like, I would I would tell JB today, maybe don't maybe don't say it that way. Yeah. Maybe maybe and I this depends on

the person. Maybe something like, I see that this is difficult for you or I see that there's a difference here. Is there anything I can help you with? Is something going on? Can you tell me? You know, whatever. However you do that conversation. But when he said, what's wrong with you? It was already echoing my internal, what the fuck is wrong with me? If any of y'all get to go through perimenopause and and it's the mild kind, I'm very happy for you, but also I hate you.

I love you, but I hate you. Because I don't think I have, like, the debilitating perimenopause. I probably have run of the mill average perimenopause. Right? And everybody I've ever kind of heard talk about their experience who has multiple symptoms, but maybe not like they can get out of bed at least. They say some level of I thought I was losing my mind, and that's what I thought at first. I thought I was losing my mind.

On one level, I kinda like that it's a multi year thing because we've had time for both of us to adjust. Mhmm. Right? We adjusted our expectations. I think that's a huge important thing. Correct. I've learned to communicate them better. Mhmm. You now have a better understanding of most likely if everything is different from the way it used to be is probably the perimenopause. Yep. And so we're nav we have time to learn how to navigate it.

But also I hate that perimenopause could be up to a decade long because that's a long time to be this hot and sweaty. Okay? I am the hot flash, night sweat girly. That's that's one of the ones I got too. You wanna talk about fucking up your intimacy? When I am so hot that I think I am part of the sun now, he cannot touch me. There's no fucking. There's no pulling my hair. There's no hitting my ass. There is I love you so much. Get the fuck away from me.

There there there are times during the night when I wake up and I reach over, put my hand on her, touch her. Mhmm. It is like a a raging fire. Yeah. And if it feels like that externally, just imagine, like, we Yeah. I've joked here before. My internal combustion engine runs hot. I am hot and sweaty right now.

And that's again I can't tell you what if whether you are the partner of somebody with pyramid pause or you are the partner with pyramid pause and for those of y'all where both of y'all might be going through it, you are in my heart. If I was a prayer, I would pray for you because I cannot imagine two people going through it at once once together. You know, I it's going to impact your power exchange. It it is in some in some way. You're gonna have to do something different than you instead.

You're gonna have to maybe admit to some, physical discomfort that normally you might not have talked about. Happy about. Poor JB over the years has had to hear about my gastrointestinal stuff. I'm just like, well, well, this is well, this is what intimacy really is.

I think I don't I don't know what you'll experience and what you'll feel, but I do think that if you feel that you've lost your mind or everything is different or you don't know who you are now or you don't think you're being a good dom, submissive partner in general, I don't think those feelings are uncommon. I don't think they're correct. I think there's there you can do things that make you not an ideal partner, of course. But I think there's an adjustment period and there there

needs to be grace given. And I think for for you, for yourself, like please try to be nice to yourself. I think the biggest, most important thing to do within the power exchange is just you gotta talk about it. You gotta talk about I can't remember shit anymore and I I work like from a dominant perspective, when I think about what happens when you forget stuff, it if I was not aware and this is not about perimenopause. It's just like aging can fuck with your memory too. Like, that's

just part of it. You know, if you forgot to give me praise often enough, that would that would be hard. If you forgot to follow-up on things you'd asked asked me to do, that would be hard. And those are the kinds of things I can see happening to a dominant going through it. Like, the things that, yes, you know are important and are important to both of you, and they just they just are gone into the ether. Like half the thoughts I have these days just gone into

the ether. You know, we've gone through it from your your back problems, but you know I think about perimenopause, folks having joint pain and body aches out of nowhere. Well, you know what? That can make it a little tough to get kinky. Right? Like, it and I think for some people, if you experience it like I do, and it is a knock against your sense of self and it disrupts your sense of self, I don't think that

is unreasonable. It makes sense if you can no longer do things or are no longer doing things you once did, that you wanted to be doing. You know? But it not talking about it, pretending it's not a problem, you know, pretending you can fake it and maybe they won't notice. I promise you.

If you are a part if you were in a power exchange where your power exchange is a top priority for both of you and it is, like, especially if it's, like, in the fabric of your life and it's just a your partner notices, just go ahead and admit it. Just go ahead and tell them. Even if all you can say is I think I'm losing my mind. Right? Or there's something wrong and I don't know what it is. Because the reality is and this is I've said this and I'll keep saying it because it's my consent.

I'm doing the is this thing perimenopause? Is this thing something else? Like name your something else, right? And you can't always know. You genuinely can't always know. I think, you know, talking to your doctor is very important. If you need to and you can find a new doctor, definitely go that route. And I think it's sort of the cluster of everything, right? If it was one thing, I would not call it perimenopause.

But once you start learning about what those symptoms can look like and you're like, I got a cluster of them and I'm in the age range and it it's probably perimenopause but definitely talk to your doctor but goddamn it talk to your partner. Of all the things that, like, are strong doms who think they're supposed to be strong all the time and can't admit weakness, please admit that, like, your hormones are kicking your fucking ass right now, right?

To submissives where like, but I have to be good and I have to do I have to do what they want and I can't disappoint and I can't let I know I have that same internal monologue. I'm gonna need you to suck it up and go, I am your submissive. I wanna be your submissive. I love being your submissive. I can't remember shit. Right? Or, I I want us to be connected physically. The idea of sex right now is I just I can't. Right? Like, you those conversations have to be had because that

the symptoms will impact your power exchange. No doubt. No doubt. But the lack of communication will have a bigger impact. Because you can work around a lot of symptoms, you know? Especially if they can be managed with medication or I don't know, somebody out there who's gone through the perimenopause and is in the menopause stage, how much of this goes away? I've had some people tell me it all went away and then I have my mom go No, no, no, I still

sometimes get a hot flash. I'm on with my mom, I'm like No, no, no. I want you to go talk to your very old fashioned doctor who tried to talk you out of HRT many years ago. Like, here are the links, take them the studies, that science about nobody you know, nobody should do HRT. That's not good science anymore. There's just some people who shouldn't do it and I don't know who they are. I'm not a medical professional. Take the information to your doctor, please please

please. Because, what the studies are showing, this is why I like to follow Doctor. Haver, is the importance of estrogen, progesterone estrogen especially, on the body because perimenopause is this massive fluctuation. It's it's all over the fucking place, more so than whatever your previous air quote natural cycle of hormones might have been. And studies are showing that if you can keep those estrogen levels higher, then there's less chance of dementia. There's less chance of cardiovascular

health problems later in life. There's all these things that can be killers of women and other people assigned female at birth can be can't make them go away completely, but you can reduce those chances if medication is an option for you. It is not an option for everybody? I know that. But if it is so I'm like, mom, you need to go find out if it is an option for you, and you need to tell that old man doctor that

put me on it. Because she's of the right age, she's gone through menopause, she certainly still has some symptoms. Not all of them, but so yeah. Mhmm. This is, I I I hesitate to use words that are maybe not mine to use because I don't have any official diagnosis, but just like kink was my very much my, special interest or whatever that is, clearly, I made a fucking career out of

it. Perimenopause is on that list partly because I I have this innate need to understand myself and where I fit going on with you. Right. And then where I fit within the world and how I relate to the world around me. And the world around me is not every fucking body. I don't like every fucking body. But, like, my world. Right? Perimenopause is just another part of that that journey.

So like I get I get really geeked out on some of the information but then I find it hard to talk about because my experience with it will not be your experience with it, right? Because we'll have different chronic conditions before perimenopause. We'll get different symptoms of it. The role you play in your power exchange is probably a little different from mine even if we're both submissives. And so that impact on your power exchange is gonna be different. Like it's like every

interesting thing to me in, kink. I can't give you a five point checklist of just do this or these are the things that'll tell you, you know, here you've got all the secrets of the universe. No. And the big boring answer is how peri what you do when perimenopause affects your power

changes. You gotta talk about it. If medication is an option, if there are, like ideally, if I was weight training, if I could get enough fiber and protein, if I could get enough sleep, if I could reduce my stress, a lot of not all but some of the symptoms might not go away but they'd be reduced. It would be more manageable, right? Plus I'd just have better overall health. I would love to do that, but I can't hire a personal trainer to teach me how to to strength train because I will

hurt myself. Right? I will hurt myself. I can't figure out how to get more fiber and more protein at the same time and afford our grocery bill. Like, that's where we're at right now. It doesn't mean I'm not working towards it. It doesn't mean I've gone, oh, that's not important. It's just another part of the puzzle. I went for the thing I could do that was, for me, the most easily accessible and that was medication. That is just a part of the puzzle, and I'm working through everything else.

Because I want to be happy and healthy as just a human, but also as a submissive in our power exchange. I wanna, like, keep myself going long term. I can actually if you happen to go down the rabbit hole of perimenopausal information, you will get to hear about the terrifying loss of muscle mass and now more brittle bones that I am living in, and I can see some of the muscle mass. I I look at my body.

You know, I'm I've lost muscle mass already, and it's like, I I don't I don't wanna look like my great grandmother, Dan, at 81. I don't. I don't know who I want to look like, but I want to be strong. Like, I that's one thing I like about doctor, Haver because she does talk about diet and exercise, and so if that's a thing you can't be around just be mindful of that, right, if you go look for content. But she has the best thing of she's like, if I could tell any woman in their 20s stop trying to

be skinny, just be strong. Right? And what she says to perimenopausal folks is it's not about it's not about calories in calories out for this point in life. It's about nutrition. And I'm like, okay. Well, that takes some pressure off. I appreciate that. And I want those things too because I know that they could make things better in other ways so then I can be the submissive I want to be. Right? But it's all a process, which I go

back to. That's the double edged sword of this being a seven to ten year slog. Right? I get enough time to start figuring some shit out, but also we have to survive it for a decade. Mhmm. So yeah. Yeah. If if it's your partner going through it, try to be as supportive as you can be. Somebody said in the live chat, my partner is younger than me and is perimenopausal. She had a lot of guilt when saying no, and it helped her to know that I was not going to pressure her as I had been there myself.

Yeah. If I have to tell JB that I can't do something right now or at all, right, the best thing I can get from him is just total acceptance. He's allowed to be a little disappointed we couldn't do a thing. I mean, that's human. But he's just, you know, he goes, okay. It does help, I think, in our situation. You're going through a period of life where you're going, oh, I can't do things right now that I used to be able to do

either. And so you we understand it differently, but in in our similar I'm I'm reaching that stage of life where, the mind is still willing, but the body is not always I would like the mind to be willing on my end, but my mind is a bunch of hamsters on broken hamster wheels. I mean and they're all going different fucking directions. So yeah. Wow. That that that's been a lot. Mhmm. It takes up a massive chunk of your life.

Somebody said it this way and then had to, like, make a video, like, explaining themselves because the Internet hated it. They said it's a little bit like puberty in reverse. Not that it's a literal puberty in reverse, but it's like the other end of puberty where your hormones are going wild, your body is changing, your brain is changing, but on the opposite end of the age spectrum. And I was like, yeah. I get that. No. No. I I I definitely get that. I I vibe with that.

So yeah if you are experiencing it and it's fucking up your power exchange, you're not alone. If you're the partner of somebody, you are also not alone. And if you are young enough that this is like a thing you don't probably won't have to think about for ten, fifteen, twenty years, let me be a person who at least explained what the fuck perimenopause was to you. Because I promise you in my twenties I'd never heard that word. Maybe once. And I I didn't even clock it as anything. So so yeah.

That was a lot. I just kinda knew this one would, This one will probably run long. We will do a bonus section. And so yeah. My throat hurts. Not bad. I don't know who this helped other than those of us who are hot and sweaty right now and just needed a place to, like, share our, our, community rage. At the minimum, if I can help people realize they are not alone in something, I then my job here is done. Yeah. So to all those who are the the sweaty, cranky, forgettable masses out there,

I'm with you. I am you. So anyway, we can do a bonus section. So, are we good? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's not for me to say. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Daddy. One moment, girl. Audacity is being Audacity is giving me fits right now. Has been all the whole time. I know I've watched you. I've watched you. If anybody's, like, watching the video part and you've watched JB go in and out and click and that is Right. Audacity. Yeah.

Okay. Bonus section. Talk to crickets. Yeah. And I just realized we gotta work on your handwriting. I just realized what you were asking me. But, I know if I ask silent very nicely, she will help us out with audio. Yeah. I I can been having problem. Audacity has been self adjusting the audio. Mhmm. Okay. A few times it almost dropped to nothing. Oh, God. And I keep having to bring it up and eventually it, bounces down. So I've been I've been fighting

with that. It will not let me adjust it because it's recording. Right. No. Yeah. K. So that'll be interesting to listen to the original audio playback of the console. I should be able to, normalize the audio. Okay. It's just gonna be a few extra steps. Yeah. And, you know, as long as it is, it's gonna take a while. Good. On one of the most important topics I've ever wanted to discuss in 400 plus episodes. Of course. What else? It's like this topic is fucking

haunted Yeah. Somewhere. We got an older guy sitting here somewhere. So, yeah. They're asking about the Discord channel. Oh, I have several things I wanna do in Discord. Okay. Let me That's the Bing one I'm Let me know what you wanna name them, and I'll get them set up. No. I gotta tell you my whole plan. I meant to talk to you a few weeks ago, and I can't remember what stopped me. It was my own emotional whatever whatever because there's

a few things I want. So our Discord is available through our Patreon. That way it feels more manageable to me, and I am I personally am less overwhelmed. So I prefer it to be through our Patreon. You can join Patreon for as little as $2 a month if that's something you're interested in. But, we have all kinds of channels because it's not just about kink in there for us. We talk about other parts of life, and I got a couple of things on my mind currently that I'd like to do that are more

life focused. Well, maybe this evening we can sit and talk. Maybe we can. Yep. Oh, I had an idea for a not a lunch date, not a coffee date, not a dinner date, a Culver's custard date. Oh. Right. I know. Because I I can eat one custard, like, every couple of weeks and my stomach can handle it, and I haven't had one in a few months. So maybe we could do that at some point. Yeah. The, having the the some of the brainpower, opened up because stress has, been alleviated a little bit means that the

ideas are starting to flood back. I'm so sorry. And I know. I I get it because I've I've been the same way, you know. Now that my that I've been, you know, slowly, lifting away from my depression, things are, you know Yeah. The creativity can come back. Yeah. Let's see. Jesus. I would just stop if you can. I can't. No. I mean, I would stop playing with it if you can. I think you're gonna I can't. Okay. If you can't, you can't.

Lola who's snoring in the background. Lola is snoring in the background. We we had been on a a, a little bit of a journey with her, some of you know. We were back at the vet yesterday. That was follow-up, not because something was wrong. Yeah. That was a follow-up. We had taken her in again because we thought her allergies were flaring up. Right. And And come to find out it was probably pain. It was probably pain. Yeah. So This new I really like our new vet. Yeah. Same office, new vet. He's also

gorgeous. Look what he's so beautiful. God, he is. Oh my god. A good looking man. Yes. Yes. And he has an accent. So I'm like, you could can I stare at you? And you just you could just read notes, like vet notes to me. And I'm good. I'm good. I I had to go to their website. Mhmm. And and, you know, I I believe he's from South America. Oh, okay. Okay. I believe he's from South America. Okay. He's

got he's got great hair. Yeah. He has, I guess he'd be called no. He's would not be called a silver fox because he has just one splash of silver at the front of his hairline, and then the rest is, like, really dark and it's curly and I'm like but it's, like, like, wavy curly. I have spent way too much time looking at this man and thinking about this man. I'm aware. I do feel like maybe there's a little there's a little in there even though my meds are a little off right now.

It's kinda nice. And I love having a partner where we can elbow each other and privately, we will not make another human being uncomfortable and be like, oh my god. Did you see that person? They're so sexy. Yeah. So yes. But he's also very perceptive about things. Yes. Things that we had been told, and they probably were for for part of it, that were definitely allergies, definitely allergies. There's a good chance that some of what she's been dealing with has been pain in from her her

back. From her injury in her leg where she was had been shot. They, you know, had to basically rebuild the leg. We told them about that. And it's Before we adopted her. Before we adopted her. And and that leg is shorter. So the last the time before, he had asked why are there no pictures of her legs? Like her leg. Right. And they're like, well, nobody has to ever do them. Right. Because we were we were not

dealing with anything related to her leg. So he he went ahead and and did a an x-ray of of her leg. And, what come to find out where they did did the work on the bone in her leg and whatever they used to put in there To stabilize it. To stabilize it, bone has completely grown bone. And whatever they used to stabilize it has shattered in her Yeah. Leg. Basically, what he was saying is if she was in more severe pain, if it was, preventing her from being able to function, he

would probably recommend surgery. Yeah. But she can get up and down from the couch. She walks. She does this. She does that. But he said I there's a because we were talking about, you know, she licks her paws. You know, that if you have a a dog, that grotesque sound of them licking their paws. Oh my god. Anyway, we were like oh, and we've always equated that to her allergies of licking in between

her toes. And and the fact that I have seen so many people on on social media with with Staffies, complain about how their dogs just lick randomly lick their paws and Right. You know, seems to be a Staffy thing too. And when we got her, her allergies were just she was just inflamed. It was so bad for her. So that's what made us think, okay. And he was like, well, he says it could be. And we did give her an allergy shot that she's had in the past

that Yeah. Calms us up down. He's like, but that can also be a way that they soothe when they're when they hurt. It can be a soothing thing. And we're like and he was saying a couple other things to kinda describe, like, signs that that she might be in pain, and that was like a light bulb went off over our heads. Yep. And so he's like, let's try some pain management. And the first medication he recommended, which we did end up going with, is a very

expensive monthly medication. And he was like, well, before I prescribe this, let's do this test that's of medication. Like, let's see if she gets pain relief from this less expensive thing. And if that works, then you know you need pain management. And it did. She this for seven days on two pain medicines. She has been spry. She's been running. She's gotten zoomy. She gets excited about shit. She still struggles to get in my little Corolla, which I find fucking hilarious. It's like a

small car and she's like, whoo. Yeah. But she's just she's acting younger. And we were like, oh my god. I think part of this has been pain, but she's such a sweet, gentle girl. She just looked like she was becoming like, you know, a baked potato. You know, it's just napping all the time. Right. So so yeah. We're, we're, on a different different track with her now a little bit, and it seems to be to be working. Yep. We got to see the oldest in concert last night. Yeah. We will that's Tuesday,

the day before recording. We will go back on Monday for another concert, of which he has solos in that one. Yeah. So next week, he has two days of concerts back to back. And I was like, hey. We love you so much. We wanna support all that you do. We cannot do two evenings of concerts in a row because we we struggle to function the day after. Today is a day where usually we start working at, like, 09:10 o'clock in the morning. Nope.

11:30 is when we did our first actual work thing today because we just needed to sleep in and we had a slow start. So we can't do two days in a row and get anything done. No. So I was like, okay. We want to see you in this band and this band, but this band, Monday, you have solos. Right? And he's like, yeah. He goes, actually, I'd prefer you to go see me in that performance because the band that I'm performing in on Tuesday, it's gonna be a hot mess. We're not

prepared at all. So come to another one of those concerts. I was like, cool beans. I can do this. So yeah. He's, I cannot maybe I talked about it during the Friday night livestream this month. I cannot remember. But his he cannot ride his motorcycle right now because he he got into an accident. He did not get hit by a literal fucking car. But they cut him off. But they they could have hit him, and he swerved, and he could not slow down fast enough to

not hit this car. So he had to swerve and he ended up in the median, and he busted a part of his bike so he can't he can't safely ride his bike. Turn signals have broken off. Right. So he's gotta get into the guy who does his bike repairs for him. He's got a guy now. And yes, Silent. I I do think so too. So Silent says, isn't that his third accident? I think he's cursed. Yeah. He's also a human being that only learns by doing. The hard way. Right? It has to happen to him, and then he

goes, oh, I know. Yep. Yep. Yep. And and Not a cautious bone in that job, buddy. We we did give him the Corolla at one time. Remember that that time? He really, really needed a car and we we let him have it for a few days. Yeah. Got it back with a flat tire. We had We did. But before we could even take the car home and the and the car was track it couldn't even repair the tire. Had to get a whole new tire. Yeah. That was that was fun times. Yeah. Fun times.

Yeah. He's he's been on a vehicle journey after college. Yeah. Yeah. He he other than a little shook up and mad, but also I think Yeah. He was not hurt. I was more scared than anything. He was fine. This was this was not like JD flying through the fucking air and landing on his head. For the record, I was having my panicky, overanxious crying because something could happen to my daddy Dom before he got hit by a

literal motorcycle. It just got worse after he got hit by a literal fucker literal car. So I'm I'm just saying, yeah. So but, yeah, we were we got to see him, and he's been very tired. There's some man, there's still not that spring semester of probably any school, but certainly college that, is, I guess exhausting. Yeah. I guess maybe because everything's kinda coming together for the year, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know right now. I I just bring him pay for and bring him his

medication now And food. And food and feed him and take him to Sam's Club when he needs it. Mhmm. And my favorite thing, I I love that we continue to have this relationship. He'll call me, and it's always at, like, 09:00 at night. He'll call me on like some random Tuesday or something and go, can I rant to you? And I'm like, yeah, sure, of course, baby. He always real sweet. He always goes, are you busy? Like I would tell my baby boy that I am too busy

to talk to him. And what the hell am I doing at 09:30 at night that I'm busy? I'm like, no. No. I'm fine. I'm fine. What you got? I need to rant. Go for it. Forty five minutes later, he feels a little bit better. I'm a little more stressed on his behalf. So yeah. And I'm I'm trying to figure out why it looks like I have a line down the center of my head. Well, look at me and I'll oh, you're looking at yourself on camera? One half is lighter and

one half is darker. Okay. Can you look at me and see it, like, been your because one half of your head is lighter. Wily. Yeah. And I don't know if it's from the glare or if it's legit, but at this angle, podcast folks, I'm so sorry. But if you if you wanna if you wanna see this for yourself and judge for yourself, just just go to this week's video.

For anybody who, like, actually accesses our show notes page, whether it's through our website or whatever, at the very bottom, I always put the video to the episode for anybody who, you know, might come across our website before they come across anything else. Mhmm. So yeah. Yeah. Skunk daddy. Thank you, silent, for giving us a new name for JB. Skunk daddy. I'm not making that shirt design. I'm not. And now and now it, makes me think of the skunk cabbage I had in the woods growing up when

I was a kid. Okay. That's beyond my understanding. At least that's what I it it was a, it was a plant grew mostly around swamps, bogs, and Okay. I didn't I didn't do anything like that. And, when you if you, like, disturb the plant, you crush it, it stinks. Oh, okay. It's like a stink plant instead of a stink bug. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if it's a light no. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. No. It's oh my god. Okay. Podcast sisters. Let me see if I

can describe this. JB's got his head pointed out. Come here. Come back to me. Come back to me. Me looking at JB, the left side of his head is this dark brown with just a little smattering of silver. And then there's this patch on on my right. Yeah. My right. Yeah. My right. And it's more silvery than dark. And it's just this patch, but it is there's a center line. Is that new? Or did we just never notice it? I don't know. But now when you look at me head on, there's a I can't understand.

See it. No. We need to ask one of the kids who, will absolutely, tell you like it is to hurt your feelings, what they see. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Alright. Okay. So I know. Right? No. Silent Silent said if if we only had several years of video footage, sure for two. Here's what thirsts me off. Every once in a while, somebody watches an older video and they'll comment on it and then I'm I'm seeing things in my feed again, like, on the the dashboard side of things, and I'll see one of our videos from

2019, '20 '20. Oh my god. Your hair was so dark. We were so much thinner. And I I I look at those and I'm like, what the fuck happened? I know. I know. I know. So anyhoo. Anyway, I think that's enough chaos for this week. Yeah. We'll be back with more chaos. Next week. And, hey, hey, if you're a Patreon member, the behind the scenes podcast episode will be up soon, and there there's some more more chaos for you. So, yeah, we thank y'all, for being here.

Mhmm. Even if perimenopause is a thing you will probably never be around in your whole life, but you listened anyway, we appreciate you. For my fellow hot cranky folks out there, I see you. I am you. We will survive this. This. And so yeah, we're we're gonna go. Thanks for being here with us. Yep. Okay. Bye.