You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode 416. Kayla Lords here with the 1, the only, the you giggled in an evil way when I referenced you as a playful, silly, goofy kind of dominant. Mhmm. John Brown sounded. I did. Is it because I was letting your secrets out? Or is that because it's not how you see yourself? Or some third thing that I have not said? I'm just gonna keep you guessing. Yeah. I know.
That's what we're talking about this week. This week, we're talking about a concept that has had me in a choke hold. And the moment I saw these words strung together, I knew in my mind what that meant. I was like, we are gonna talk about it, and that is the concept of old relationship energy instead of new relationship energy. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on fat life at loving BDSMpc on Instagram and threads at that handle I will forever motherfucking hate. It's loving d s and the number 1. So at loving d s 1 or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, or you can watch us live streaming
the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Ta da. Okay. Before we get into this week's topic, we are sponsoring us again this week because the Kinkery just turned 4. We just had our yeah. The 22nd October, which was Tuesday. What are dates? I think so. Yeah. Whatever day of the week 22nd was, that was our 4th anniversary. Our wedding anniversary is next Monday 28th. And 2 days after that is someone's birthday. Which we're live streaming on my birthday, unless
we change that up. That's the second announcement. Give me a second. So for the kinkery, thekinkery.com, we're celebrating with a sale. The coupon code, all one word spelled out 4 years, f o u r y e a r s, 4 years. Do not worry. If you go to our website, there's a little message thing at the very top that tells you what the coupon code is. Save 15% off your order. We just we are steadily doing restocks. As of the time of recording, Wednesday night, I just restocked soy wax play candles.
Some paddles that thanks to the nature of our wait list, 1 paddle went from 4 restocks to 1. So if there's anything you see and you're like, oh, I would really like that product in that color slash wood type, and it's not there, put yourself on the wait list. You'll get an email when we restock. Yep. So, yeah, 4th anniversary, 15% off. The sale runs through the 28th October because that's our wedding anniversary, and I
looked it up. We've been married 7 years or we will have been married 7 years. Wow. 7 years. I have to look it up though because we got married in 2017. Okay. I'll say this. Thank you, Apple photo blah de blah things Oh, for Organizing things by years. So, yeah, thecakery.com, we are, we we are still restocking as we speak. I got the soy wax play candles in, and I just haven't made the paraffin candles yet. But all of the supplies are sitting to the left of me. So those are coming as well.
So, yeah, that is that. Then I forgot to actually type it out in our little notes, but there is another announcement just to give everybody a heads up. Podcast listeners, this this will not affect you at all. But, for anybody who likes to watch the livestream or tries to catch it, next Wednesday, October 30th yes. It's my birthday. The oldest child also has a performance that he told me about 2 months ago. That's how much he wanted to make sure I was there
and that we were there. And it's at a really weird time of 5:10 in the afternoon. So there won't be a 7 PM livestream on October 30th. Nope. We had not set a time, but it probably be the noon time because that probably makes the most sense.
So just if if you look out for the livestream or haven't been able to watch livestream because of the, because of our time change that we did for the summer, last Wednesday in October, it will it will definitely be an earlier time because we have, we have we have a place we need to be. So now I would love to get into the topic when somebody walked away because he thought he had more water in his cup than he did, and so he
had to go do a quick refill. Normally, I make sure both of our drinks are filled before the live stream, but I was editing photos, updating inventory, updating listings. And I was doing stuff too, running around here from one end to the other. Well, my favorite was while I was in the middle of editing photos. I said first, I go, daddy, can I ask you a favor? He says no. Now I'm aware enough to know he was teasing me, but he said no. So I waited till I had the all clear
that, yeah, no, really, I could. Then I was like, do you mind could you go get my water off of the kitchen table? I'm like, I'm parched over here, and I'm trying you know, but I don't wanna stop what I'm doing because I don't wanna lose focus anymore than I already do. He goes, sure. So he gets up and So I get up, and I think to myself, okay, you know, we're gonna be doing the live stream soon.
I need to bump the air down. Let me bump the air because it's on, you know, the other, the other side of the house per se from the the dining room, and I'll grab it on the way back. So I did that. I set the air and, you know, put and set the timer for it and everything, and came walking back into the office With no water. And no no cup in my hands. But my perception of things, I didn't I did not realize he had walked out of the office and had been gone that long long enough to
do all of that. So to me, it looked like I thought he walked out and walked back in with no water. And I'm like, did you just walk out there and turn forget what you were here for and turn back around? Anyway, it's been a doozy of a day. Not for any bad things. Just Just a doozy. Busy. Okay. So we're you're back now. You're hydrated. I'm hydrated. I'm back. I gave Lola her pet. She's heading off to her, excuse me, heading off to her cart. You mean her cart? Caught.
Oh. Oh. Oh, no. This is gonna be a long night. I think so. So we're gonna actually get into the topic. Okay. And this is not an expression or a phrase that we came up with at all. Literally got an email from somebody for our q and a episode. We've already done the q and a, but I couldn't find it slash remember which one it was. But they were talking about the nature of their relationship and trying to kinda get back into things they
used to do. And they sort of, in an offhand way, referred to the nature of their relationship as being old relationship energy. And my brain immediately went, I I don't know what they meant, but I know what it meant. Like, I want I know what that is. Yep. And it's the opposite of new relationship energy. And so I've just been thinking about this phrase. Since then, I'm like, that's a thing. That's a thing. And I never would have thought to, like, put those words together like that
even though it makes sense. If you're not in new relationship energy and you you're past the point of anything being, like, kind of an unknown. I won't say past the point of anything being exciting, but you know, you just you you've been together long enough. Yeah. Old relationship energy seems like the right phrase. What that middle bit is between falling out of new relationship energy and getting into
older, I don't know. I'm I'm not smart enough to come up with that, but I think that's a liminal space in between the 2. But we're we're I'm going with old relationship energy is, like, a certain point that's not defined by time. I think it's defined by behavior, ways of being, comfort, how relaxed you are into into your groove. Whenever you hit that point, whatever that point, that's when old relationship energy starts. So for anybody who's like, but what is new
relationship energy? Sometimes referred to as NRE. You love to call it NRE. Relationship energy? Sometimes referred to as NRE. You love to call it NRE, and I'm like, people are gonna think that's like a word that's like you just said in cursive or something. New relationship energy is that excitement and passion and That thrill. Oh my god. That excitement and passion and That thrill. Oh my
god. That the you have more energy and you're willing to do all kinds of things because it's a new relationship and it feels good and everything's new and shiny and bright and exciting. My experience in new relationship energy, there is a whole hell of a lot more sex and fuckery if your relationship has either of those. Tends to be a lot more of it during new relationship energy. It does it can also be a time that's fraught with what ifs and I don't knows and uncertainty.
But mostly, it's just a ton of excitement and being all, you know, for for romantic relationships is a lot of lovey dovey for sexual relationships. It's a lot of knocking boots for, you know, it's just everything is just fresh, you know? Excuse me. In both the amazing ways and also maybe the not so amazing ways of but I don't I don't know when I'm uncertain. So let's contrast that with how we would define Mhmm. Old relationship energy. How would you define that?
Well, you know, we've been married for a hot minute now. Okay. Your. How would I define it? What does it feel like to I I I think the best way I could describe that is, having settled into a comfort zone. Yes. Yeah. You there's a knowledge that you have not just of the relationship and kind of what's expected, especially in power exchange where you've negotiated
things and you found routines and Yeah. You, you know, you built, hopefully, habits or just ways of kind of, like, ways of getting through stuff. And, yeah, there's yeah. It's a comfy. It's like it's like putting on slippers that are molded to the shape of your feet. Or that or that old t shirt that Or the soft sweater slash sweatshirt that you're like, okay. Yes. This is my cozy thing. It's a Mhmm. On at its best, old relationship energy, comfortable and cozy. Yeah. I would I
would agree with that. Mhmm. So what I did for this episode to try and find ways to talk about it without being completely all over the place, I broke it down into the pros of old relationship energy and the cons. Okay. Because nothing is all good or all bad. Even new relationship energy has both its pros and cons. You know? Yes. Indeed. So much more fuckery, but also so much more uncertainty about what does that my partner think and what do they feel and I don't know. Right.
Right. Yep. Am I doing this right? Like, meh. Those are not questions I've asked myself in literal years. I mean, at this point, probably a decade because a decade ago, we were god, a decade ago, today, we were living together. Yes. And it adjusted to living together. So there was some uncertainty, but not Not a whole lot. No. Uh-uh. Okay. Because at that point, yeah, we had an idea of who we are and, you know, what we were expecting from each other. Mhmm.
So what I'll do is I'll I'll run down what we know we'll cover in the pause the pros and cons of old relationship energy, but we might slip some more in there soon. So under I call them the positives, but you can call them the pros. Comfort, communication shortness. I love that. That's gonna be its own episode at some point, and knowing each other very well. There will probably be more as we go through the conversation. The negatives are the cons. It's
easy to get into a rut. It's easy for your relationship to stagnate, and it's easy to become complacent. Yes. Yeah. Which can which can really, really, like, screw up your relationship. Hurt. Yep. So let's start with the the good stuff. This the stuff we find to be positive about, a long term power exchange relationship. Okay. So the comfort part, what what is what does that mean for you? I I think the comfort part for me. Excuse me for the time, sorry. It's been a long day.
The comfort part for me, kind of, falls under stability Mhmm. And and our routine. Mhmm. I know what to expect. I know what most things are gonna look like from day to day. I know your reactions to most things. You can still surprise me. Typically, it's it's not always a good surprise. Because when you think you know how somebody's gonna react to something, sometimes you are surprised. And like that anticipatory thing, you know. Yeah. So yeah. I I would agree with all those
things. There's there's a to me, there's kind of a a a peace, p e a c e peace, in just in that comfort because I'm not I don't walk around second guessing myself. I'm if I'm second guessing myself, it's a new thought for me and for something that that we haven't necessarily gone through before. Yeah. But I'm not second guessing my submission. I'm not second guessing what you want from me. I don't walk around questioning that. I am very comfortable in
my role. I'm very comfortable in the strength of our relationship. I think you can have old relationship energy and not always have the same level of comfort because Mhmm. Having old relationship energy does not mean everything is great in your relationship necessarily. It just means that you've done this long enough that you've there is a comfort level Yeah. Which the downside to some comfort level is sometimes people will stay in a relationship that no longer serves them Yes. Because it's
comfortable. Right. I think we've talked about that in the past. Probably. Probably. Yeah. That you know, while while the comfort it's a double edged sword. It can be a good thing, but it can also be a negative thing. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. I'm already getting to it because I freaking love it, and it's a communication shorthand. Yes. Part of that is knowing you. Like, I know what you're probably gonna say to most things at this point. Again, yes. We I can be surprised.
So our negotiations do not sound like they did No. They did. 12 years ago. That was a very sort of, controlled and there was a was a lot more in-depth. It was in-depth, but there was also a sort of a there's a word I want. It was almost formalized in some ways. Like, we're gonna sit down at this time and do this thing, and we're gonna discuss. And, you know, for a while, we were on a schedule. And these days Yeah. We did. Can't even imagine it. In the beginning, we had weekly check ins for
a while. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And now, you know, the that communication shorthand is when one of us has a thought, we try to find the time when both of us are just available. Right. You know, you I don't know I don't know what it's about. It might not even be about our relationship. But the shorthand is JB needs to talk to me, and he was like, after the stream, can can we sit outside? And I I need to talk to you. And I was like,
yeah. Sure. That's as formalized as a negotiation or a whatever is a check-in is gonna get these days. Mhmm. Most of the time, we're gonna we're gonna be somewhere where we know it's appropriate. The you know, no kids are around. You know? We're not, like, in the middle of a restaurant with a server around. But we're gonna be somewhere where we know we can speak freely, and one of us is gonna say to the other, you know, I've been thinking about something.
And then we're, you know Yeah. There's also you you you went. Do go. Well, you know, I was thinking too the the the communication shorthand also, you know, not just for that, but I I have found that even in in day to day things, you know, I can pretty much tell where you're at with your body language. Oh sure. A lot of things. Say it's funny, we we joked about this, you know, about your, oh gosh, now again, your, size. You know, you're sighing when you're sighing. Sizing.
Sizing. I heard s I z e. I was like, no, we don't joke about my sighs. No. No. No. No. The sighing. The sighing. The sighing. Yeah. The deep breathing. The deep breathing. And and, you know, we we talked about in the past how, you know, I my desk is right next to hers. Yes. And, you know, I'd be sitting there, and she'd be doing these deep sighs, and I'd be, what's wrong? What's wrong? And and now I've kind of come to the point where I can tell your sighs. Oh,
wow. Okay. Okay. I I know when you're just deep breathing and I know when something is really You probably know better than I do. Like, because you can both be deep breathing and very, you know, feeling a way that requires a sigh. Just in case anybody wondered.
But you know what? You know, I it it's things like that after, you know, the the the years that we've been together that, you know, kind of pick up on and Well, it's like I know when you were I I won't know why or what it's about unless we've just had an argument. But I know when you're closed off. I know when you we're not connected in the way I prefer to be connected. I know when you've got something on your mind, but you're not talking to me about
it. Because it it's a body language, facial expression It is. Shortness of tone when you do speak. Like, there's all these clues that over time, you know, we've just been exposed to each other long enough that we have and we pay attention. You know? We're we want to know what the other one is going through. We yes. We like any long term couple of any flavor, we absolutely can take each other for granted or take the relationship for granted or not focus on it in a way we would
prefer. But we prefer to be focusing on our relationship, especially our power exchange. It's it's meaningful to us. So when you have that kind of purposeful focus on one another, you're gonna learn shit about each other. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're gonna notice stuff. It used to drive him crazy that I would be picking up on anxiety, unease, stress, whatever disconnect, whatever whatever from him before, either before he recognized it for yourself or was just
ready to talk about it. Because I'd be like, what is wrong? He's like, I do not know what you mean. No. No. No. No. No. I've got an 82 point bullet point list of all the things that are not quite right. That you've been doing. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry that you don't realize it, but I'm here to tell you I am an expert on John Brownstone and the many facial expressions, tones of and body language, the way you you move your body up. Does that sound unhealthy? I mean, to to somebody.
Not to me. We live together. We work together. We raise kids together. We are together together together. I'm grateful that we genuinely like one another because that's a lot of time to spend with somebody. It is. But I, you know, I feel like for me, it would be sort of a bummer if I spent that much time around you and couldn't read you, you know, and know that I might not know what's going on, but I know something's going on. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Communication shorthand is
nice. And also and I think anybody who's ever been in a long term relationship will know this. But, yeah, yeah. In power exchange, it it it just makes things a little interesting. So one of our things is JB opens my car door for me. That is what he does. When it's just the 2 of us, it is easy for me to ask, is this a time, you know, do you want me to get myself out? Maybe our hands are full. Maybe it's a, it's a weird parking situation and it's just like, it's just more
convenient if I just get myself out. And so I can just ask him. But if we are not alone, we have developed this eye head bop thing and we know what it means. He'll do this. He'll nod his head at me. And I'm like, that means get yourself out of the car. Okay? And I I think any relationship could develop that, but power exchange being something that most of us wanna keep private from at least some people that might be around I am just have to. I am going to say, you know, yeah, it it we do that
and, you know, sometime. What's funny is I I think, you know, I've I've had I'd like to believe I've had a a positive impact on the boys in some ways. Absolutely. And and, you know, one of the things when when the youngest is with us, when we are all out together, you know, I will open the car door and let Kayla in the car. Well, it became established early on that the youngest was going to be the one to open the car door for mom when we arrived at a destination.
Just like he's gonna be the one sitting next to me wherever we go. Yeah. Restaurant, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. But I I just think it's And we live in the South, so many people have commented on what a a nice young gentleman we're raising because he was the door for me. I know. I know. You did that. I've never been that. You're the one that that taught him that. He went, okay. And even, I I will say this, with the oldest, he does not do that for you. Yeah. No. Okay? That is not his Nah.
But, I have clocked him out in the wild holding doors for others. Very sweet. Yeah. So, yeah, we've got a lot of communication shorthand. I wanna I wanna be careful. I I want a separate episode to think about what communication shorthand is. Mhmm. But the the third one on my list, and we can add more, but it kinda, what we've been talking about, kinda flows right into just knowing each other really well. Yeah. You know? I I know what you're gonna be like when you're sick.
So I know kind of how much you're probably gonna sleep. Mhmm. I know which days you're gonna need to be babied a little bit more than days when you're like, me do it. You know what I mean? You don't want my help. You wanna do it yourself. I have kind of learned which illnesses are gonna make you just cranky because you just don't feel good. It's not so bad that you need to be laid up for a few days, but it's bad enough that you're just walking around being miserable. Mhmm.
The thing I learned, this is not really about the the topic, but it is just a side note for anybody who might be wired similarly to me. Many of us being raised and socialized as women, you know, in western society, I do not stop or slow down just because I've got a cold. I do not take a nap just because I'm tired. I if I am in pain, well, we just fucking work through it. That is how I am for many different reasons. Part of it being just a thing many women can
relate to. Being a mom, being whatever, all kinds of reasons. Early days in our relationship, I couldn't understand why I was always so angry when you would get sick or hurt and you would take care of yourself. I would crash and burn. Man flu for real. Like, oh my god. And what's funny is I think I think it is it's not uncommon.
I think it's even understandable that, you know, if in a in a cishet relationship, especially where you have the the stereotypes of the woman takes care of everything and never takes care of herself and makes life easy for her husband. So therefore, he can take a nap and he can just whatever. We don't have we never had that kind of relationship, but, of course, I can fall back on those kinds of habits and ways of thinking.
And so in the beginning of our relationship, I would actually be very resentful because I'd be like, well, I'm fucking tired too. But you know what it was? And I this is I'm gonna say maybe because of power exchange. Mhmm. Maybe because this is just a good relationship regardless of flavor. We're good with each other. We're very compatible. Instead of carrying all that resentment and holding on to it, what I fucking learned is, you know what? I'm sick. I'm gonna sit fucking down right now. Well,
I'm gonna take a goddamn nap. Sometimes. Sometimes. Well, you're still lot. There there are times I have to step in, you know, the the the knowing each other well because I know you well enough that when you get a headache, you'll say, I've got a headache, but you don't do anything. I just You don't do shit. The moment I get focused, I don't feel it anymore. If I if I don't tell you to to take something for your headache, you won't.
Quite frankly, if you don't tell me to take something, bring it to me with my water Yeah. I probably won't. Well, see, that's the other thing I've learned. I have to actually bring it to you. And I you know what? Talking along those lines of of learning to not be resentful of the fact that you rest when you are tired and you're sick, it's because you do take care of me. You you want me to rest when I don't feel well as much as you want to rest when you don't feel well. And that really
is the difference. If anybody can relate to that kind of imbalance of, you know, one person never rests when they're sick or they feel bad and the other one always does. Right? You over all these years, you have you have gotten more insistent about it. I think early days in our relationship, again, when we were in that space between new relationship and old relationship. Like, we were
still kinda getting comfortable with 1 another. We were still learning a lot, but the the excitement, like, the the frenzy, the kind of excitement had faded. You know? I think in the beginning, you did not quite know that that's how I operate. Like, I I will have a limb hanging down and dragging it on the floor behind me, but I'll be like, I got shit to do, and I'm gonna keep going. That's not healthy. I'm not proud of it. I just
know me. And in the beginning, I think you waited for me to just you figured I was just gonna I'd just take care of myself. No. Cool. And what you were paying attention, and what you learned was, oh, no. No. No. I'm gonna have to go all daddy down on her and make her take care of herself. Mhmm. And that's where, over all this time, I still don't do it consistently, but I am not resentful when you take care of yourself. Because I'm like, I know I have the freedom to
do that. I just am a dumbass who doesn't do that. Yeah. And that that is that's a a part of the the long term process of the relationship getting, you know, not just what do you do for me and how do you learn me and how do I learn you, but what is it that you do that has taught me something? What am I learning about myself because I'm in a relationship with you? Yeah.
And, you know, that won't be the same from relationship to relationship because we each have different things to teach one another, you know, in any relationship. But that's that's a thing that I've, you know, sort of noticed. You've you've trained me well. I now have, not always, but more than I used to, if I am gonna actually complain about the headache, I better follow it up with, and yes, I took something off. Right. Yep. Because you know I'm gonna be asking you.
I'm just having a pill bottle in your hand. And then I'm gonna get the look, and then he's gonna have his own side. That's another part of a relationship, Angie. You can get it wrong, but I know 99.9% of the time how he's going to react to something. Good, bad, neutral, doesn't matter. I can almost clock step by step what he's gonna do. I I I don't walk around doing that. I think that would make life kinda boring and weird, and you do still have the ability to surprise me.
I'm curious if I have the ability to surprise you. Yeah. When was the last time I surprised you? Since you have a better memory than I do. My memory's gone to shit lately. Don't ask me anything. You know, the surprise I'm trying to think. When was the last time you surprised me? I know that you have. They're not big earth shattering surprises. Right? It's usually small things because I'm making assumptions that I know who you are based on 12 years together. I'm I'm I'm mean And
you'll still do something along the way. Things I use one of the things I used to do for you, I don't go out that much by myself anymore. But, when I used to pick the youngest up from school, I would stop and bring you a diet Coke home. God, I miss those days. Not just the diet Coke. Yeah. I mean, not every day, but, you know, what? Yeah. The the get one of us will get the other a little treat. Oh, okay. This is when you know each other, and then and then the kids are paying attention.
So we are all creatures of habit around here. We like our routines. That's it. The youngest therapy days, post therapy, we go to the racetrack gas station. Why? Because if you have their app, found drinks are a dollar, and they always have coupons for other things. So we go there because I'm like, okay. I'll get a diet Coke. The kid probably needs to decompress from whatever he was doing in therapy. Cool. Cool. So it became part of the routine. And unless we're like,
poor as shit, we're going. Right? And I typically and it's the it's the power exchange thing. I don't like to surprise you with something unless I know you want something because you're the the dominant charge. If you don't want it, I don't wanna bring you something Yeah. That you know, there's there's a there's a fine line between a happy surprise and I didn't ask for this and I'm your dominant. Please don't give me what I don't want. Right?
So when it's been a hot minute since JB's had some treats from our, you know, therapy appointment post whatever, I'll bring him something as a surprise because I know I'm paying attention. It's been a hot minute. He hasn't had a York peppermint patty. He hasn't he hasn't gone with us. He hasn't gone to have this experience. I'll bring something of that home to him. But I also know that after it becomes part of the routine, I'm checking in because I wanna bring you
what you want. Right? It's it's not about a surprise anymore because it's now commonplace, and he's the daddy dom. So what do you want? Tell me what to do. Also, I sometimes just like it when he tells me what the fuck to do. Pro tip. If you too like it when your dom tells you what the fuck to do and they haven't been because life has been lifing, ask them. What would you like? And then they'll tell you and look at you being a good submissive. Okay. So that was several weeks in a row of
bringing them something home. And I asked the other day, the la the last appointment. I was like, do you want something? You're like, no. I don't want anything. And you looked at me like I had 3 heads. Well, because I don't like to go get something for myself and not bring you something. I I know. I really don't like it. But I really wanted like, this is what he told me to do. And hello, this is how we operate. So okay. So we're in the car, and we're going to race
track or whatever. The youngest is like, get him something anyway. Get him something anyway. It was I was like, how do I explain this without going, well, he's my daddy. I was like I said, consent matters. He said specifically when I asked 3 times, you know, are you sure? Are you sure? I don't want anything. I said, he would probably not be happy if I just disregarded what he said. I said, because we are not the people who say, no. I don't want anything when we really wanted something.
Right. Right. We don't live that long. Because I I even gave you the answer as to why I didn't want anything. Yep. Yeah. And I know, and I I know it's a funny thing on the relationships side of the algorithm where, in in typically cishet relationships, the the woman will go, no. I don't want anything when the the husband or the boyfriend's going to get himself something to eat and he damn well better bring her something anyway.
I've tried to live that life, and I've just mostly been disappointed. It's much easier if I just fucking tell you that I want something. Right. Right. Right. Why why why play the games? But, you know, that is also something that I I figured out for myself over the course of a long term relationship. It does no good to play those games and to make you guess what I want when it is much simpler to just fucking
tell you. And I y'all, I will say to him, I I really would like a treat, but I don't know what I want, or I'd like you to get me something. I'll I'll say that, but, yeah, we don't do this. No. No. You should just know bullshit. Like, no. So before we move on to the the downside of old relationship energy, is there anything else you would like to that's come up to mind for you? Nope. Okay. Let's let's get to the cons, the negatives.
The downside of Right. And I think all of these run together because if you have one, you have all of these. Mhmm. To ruts, stagnancy, and complacency. Mhmm. It's because, oh, I know or we've been or Yeah. And it's easy to put yourself on autopilot and just do what you've done every day without looking up and going, can we do something a little different? Mhmm. Yeah. So what do you have to say about that? It's all negative. That is so helpful.
Did y'all catch that out there? Does that Write write that down. Take that back to your partner and talk about it. One of them JB said. Oh my god. No. It's, you know, ruts, especially, I think they are evil. Oh my god. Because because they creep up on you. They do. You don't know you're anyone You you don't realize it until you are are deeply mired in them. And usually it's when you look up one day and you're miserable. Yeah. Why the hell am I I like you. I wanna be with you. Why am I miserable?
Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. So, you know yeah. That they they, you know, rut ruts are these these insidious things that just kinda creep in on you. And they they are very easy to get into. I know for us, there's lots of ways and reasons for ruts. But what I've noticed for us, it's two things. 1, we love a routine. We like, there's it's comforting to just know what you need to do. Yeah. And I'm I live and die by a routine happily, but a routine can become a rut Yeah.
When there were opportunities for other things that you also enjoy. But it's like, no. Head down. Do the routine. Ignore these opportunities. And then shit. The train derailed. Shit. I had a thought and I bet it was even brilliant. No. Mhmm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Fuck. I I lost it. Bratz? Nope. I lost it. Go ahead. Keep going. Keep going. I've lost it. I don't know where I'm going either. You know, stagnancy, yeah, that that's another one. That that happens. You know, things just kinda come to a halt.
We and, you know It goes along with a rut. If you are in a rut, everything is stagnant. You know? You're not looking for opportunities to do things that you wanna be doing. You, you know or you're not seeing the opportunities when they present themselves. Like, when we when we still had child free time Mhmm. Here's how I knew we were in a rut. We would have child free time. We could we're in a place where we can make as much fucking noise as we wanted, and we just sat our asses on the
couch. Yep. But then 2 days later, we'll complain that we don't get enough fuckery. That seems like a problem. Like, it's like you're not even paying attention to your own life. Now I think that was the thing I was gonna say is but about ruts. Yes. We are we're routine loving folks. And it is it is a source of comfort. It it eases my
anxiety. I I love a routine. But the other thing is life will life, and you will go through a phase in life where you don't have a choice but to kinda do the same thing sort of over and over again, day in, day out, because you're trying to survive this moment in life. It's something stressful with work. It's something stressful with a kid. It's your health. It's a this.
It's a that. And so everything else just kinda has to go by the wayside, and you just you figure out what you have to do to get through day to day to just manage everything around you, juggling whatever, because of the thing that's happening. And what happens is that issue will dissipate or it'll resolve or in some way, it's not as bad and as stressful as it once was, but you don't look up enough to go, oh, wait. I don't have to keep doing it this way anymore. I can
go, hey. Can we do something more with kink? Hey. I have missed you. Can we connect with our power? You know? Mhmm. And that's that's the insidiousness of the rep because sometimes it's it's it doesn't start out as a bad thing. It's it's a necessity. Right. It's a comfort. It's just, you know, it's just what you do Mhmm. To to manage your life. And then there comes that point where you're like Yeah. Oh, I've I've not been paying attention to anything but this routine, this rut that we're now in.
And and they are very, you know, ruts very close to complacency that you have on Oh, yeah. You know, I mean, complacency, you know, a little bit different. You know, you you kinda think, well, you know, everything's going really well. Just let just let it let it ride. Let it let it Ride. Let it slide. The boat. Yeah. Don't talk about anything new. Mhmm. What's on the negative end of complacency, there's
a what's the point kind of feeling. Because sometimes things have been happening, and you're like, I can't do any of this fun stuff or this kinky stuff or add anything to the power change because of whatever life is doing. And you go, well, what's the point? Well, and then you stay there when whatever life is doing is no longer interfering quite too much. The other side of complacency is this feels good. I'm I'm used
to this, I'm comfortable. Yeah. The downside to the being comfortable in old relationship energy is complacency. Yes. It's the, well, why change anything when this is working? It you know, am I excited about it? No. Am I you know, we having as much fuckery as we'd like? No. Are we connecting in our dynamic? No. But it's not the worst thing ever. And I y'all, I'm not I'm not, like, pointing a finger at you and going, that sucks. You should do it. This is
us. We have have been there, are there sometimes even now. Yeah. Like, we 2 days ago? Earlier this week the weekend what is time? I don't know. We found ourselves out on the back patio while JB, we call it elevating. And if you know, you know. He's out there, back there, and we're I haven't gone out there to sit with you in 8 days. Am. And then we end up talking about a variety of things. None of them were at the point that they were so urgent. We were like, we have to
make time. We have to talk to this. Yeah. It was more of a a stuff that had kinda just been simmering. Mhmm. That we were we were fine, but we weren't great. Like, if you can if you can be great, why settle for fine? Right? Like, if great's an option. Right? And we were out there for, like, an hour. Oh, yeah. Talked about a range of topics. Got some stuff settled that we didn't even know we needed I didn't. Yeah. We needed to settle. But for me, I walk back
in feeling so much more connected. Like, I didn't even the the complacency part is you'll there will be a disconnect and you won't even realize it. You know you know why? Sometimes. I I think because if we're in the office, one of our both of us are doing something. Mhmm. If we go sit in the living room, that is kind of a signal we both
tend to disconnect. Yeah. We're decompressing. We're just We're decompressing and and, you know, just letting everything ride, you know, and to sit outside on the back patio, you know, it's it's like a neutral space. So it's disruptor to the routine, the rut of this is what we do. We go from for me, I go from office Mhmm. To living room. Yeah. You know? Right. That's how my day progresses. Mhmm. You go you go shed, office, living room. Yeah. And by the time
we're both even sitting there yeah. And so, yeah, we have to disrupt that routine that's become a rut. Right. And then and then it's fresh again. And for the nice thing about old relationship energy is because there's there are surprises, but they're not left, right, and center. Like, it's an occasional surprise. So what it meet what that means is when we find ourselves in a new space, we've disrupted the routine even slightly, it feels refreshing. Mhmm. Like, it feels new and a little
exciting because it's a little different. But it's still there's still the comfort of, oh, yeah. We do this. Right? We sit and we fucking talk about everything. Yeah. You know, deep stuff, not so deep stuff. Mhmm. We solve the world's problems. Yeah. You know, whatever. And even though it is a thing we have done at different times over literal years, when you when you haven't done it in a while and you you do it again and you go, oh, yeah. That's right. This is really nice.
Surprise is too strong of a word, but it's such a pleasant feeling. I like, I that was a point where I did not even realize that we were had been kind of disconnected from one another until I felt the connection again. And that's the downside of complacency and stagnancy and ruts is you don't feel it until something happens. Either a big bad thing and now you've gotta blow up and you're like, who are we and why why are we fighting like this?
Or you get a reminder of what it can be like at its best, and it's like Yeah. Oh, yeah. Normally, we've because we've had this happen a few times over the years. Normally, what I do is I go, okay. How can we get more of this? How can we how can we get out of our way? Right now, I was like, oh, that was nice. The next day but you know what? The the feeling of connection
is not just a a momentary feeling. It we have talked better with one another Since then, we've, you know, we've been more present with one another. We've been more in tune with one another. That's a nice thing about old relationship energy. When it's a happy, healthy, power exchange relationship, we tend to be very in tune with one because we are paying attention to each other. And it's not just, when things are bad, but it's a when things are good and or neutral.
Well, you know, and and I'll admit, you know, I've had my moments, you know, like, talked a few weeks ago and how I went through and started deleting apps off of my phone. Mhmm. I went through and I did a major purge on my phone, got rid of everything. I kept what? Two games and a coloring app coloring book app that I enjoy. But, you know, games, everything, any frivolous, unnecessary app, gone. And my goal has been to start spending less time on my phone Mhmm. And
being more present. Mhmm. I I have gotten I had gotten into that rut Mhmm. Of being on my phone in my free time. And it's one of those things where you do it for a sense of comfort or some dopamine or because it was fun, and then there comes a point where you do it because it's what you do. And then depending on what your algorithm feeds you, you do it because you can't believe the shit that's going on in the world right now. Yeah. And Yeah. It
just sucks you in. It started out as a not necessarily bad thing and just sucked in. I mean, now this was not a formal invocation of the tough love clause, but I did kind of use it with you at about the same time you were telling me or I think right before you you made the decision you were gonna To do that. Be on your phone. Mhmm. Because we were talking about the state of the United States and the upcoming election. Yeah. And JB was basically frothing at the mouth.
And I I agreed with him completely, but I but I could see that it was killing his mental health. It wasn't having serving a purpose to know those things or to to have such understandable, but strong emotions about it. So I did not sound like the good submissive I try to be. And I went, hey, does knowing any of that change how you feel about that politician? No. Is there anything you can do about that information to change anything for anybody?
No. No? I said, so then my question is why do you stay stuck in that and consume that information when all it does is have you walk around pissed off with nowhere to direct that energy? I said, election's coming. We get to do the thing we get to do. Yep. But Yeah. I don't think all that anger's good for you. And so in my mind, it was the tough love clause. Yep. Yep. Because that was a mental health situation instead of a physical health situation.
Mhmm. But, you know, yeah, it was the next day or 2 that you were like, hey. I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. Yeah. Yep. So yeah. Then that's the thing. Old relationship energy is knowing when I can talk to JB like that and when I cannot. You cannot. This is not the moment. Do I always get it right? Nope. But more often than not. But when not,
you yeah. More often than not. Yeah. I I I know you well enough to know when or to think I know when you're going to accept the snarky side of my submission and when you kinda need me to be, like I don't know. I don't have a good word for the the nonsnarky side of my submission. It's not I'm still not meek or mild. Demure wouldn't be right. I'm not those things. I'm less goblin like, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like I'm I'm I'm polite.
I remember I was raised southern, and my mama gave me manners, and I was not raised in a barn. Exactly. Right. You've got that that southern where you can, you know, you can do it bless your heart and and know exactly which meaning it Look. I is being intended. I don't know how to be subtle. This this face I mean, my facial expressions are way too loud. My eyes when my eyes roll, they, like, rattle. Like, you're, doing jacks in your hand. Like, I'm just telling you.
If you don't know what I'm thinking, either I have it on serious lockdown because this is not a safe place for me to let you know Yeah. Or you're not paying enough attention. But with somebody I'm comfortable with oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Goes back to comfort. The you know? Again, the thing that can be the beauty of something like old relationship energy can be the thing that harms the relationship. You get too comfortable, well, then you're not growing
as an individual or together. Right? You're not trying new things. You're not open to the idea that that like, sometimes it's lopsided too. Right? Like, one partner is comfortable to the point of complacency. The other partner is kinda had that moment of, oh, yeah. We're kind of in a rut. And also there's some things I'd like to change on, things I need now that I didn't need before or whatever. And one partner can easily come in and go, hey. Can we talk about this? Can we renegotiate this? Can
we change this up? You know? And a complacent, comfortable partner who is just not paying enough attention can be the the thing that holds you both back from finding kind of the the new level, next level of whatever your dynamic is gonna look like.
But, you know, all that stuff we were talking about, you know, the old relationship energy and and all the different things, and, you know, again, with with the comfort, with the complacency, and and the stagnant, you know, the I I think, you know, all all of those things can be overcome. Yes. Okay? Yes. It it it absolutely can.
Here's the crux to it, and and this is something I've talked about before, and, you know, you get into that into that comfort zone, your your your role, and everything's just going the way it should and, you know, just leave things be. It comes down to the fact that change is difficult. Change sucks, man. Yeah. Change change can suck. It's inevitable. Everything's gonna change. No change. You know, change isn't permanent, but change is. I knew you were gonna quote that song lyric. I
don't know what song anymore. Yep. Yep. Rush. Rush song. I should have known Rush. See? I should have known. I didn't trust myself. Yeah. But, you know and and that's what that's what you're fighting against most times to to break out of those. Yeah. Because comfortable can feel really fucking good. Yeah. And changes on comfortable is scary. Even when you want the change, there can be a discomfort. Now some of y'all, you are chaos goblins, and you're like, everything
has to change all the time. I'm not uncomfortable, and I am so happy for you. Couldn't be me. Even when I'm like, no. I definitely wanna change this thing. I wanna go in a different direction. I wanna try something new. And we are on board with it. We're like, yes. Yes. Yes. I will procrastinate on making the change because of the discomfort. I wanna point out one more thing Okay. That is, to me, an example of our, experience with old relationship energy. Ruh roh.
And I'm gonna reference the live chat where Silent was talking about what, you know, was referencing, like, facial expressions and napping stuff. I think I know where this is going. Silent said, that's when I get a quote, you roll your eyes, but you know I'm right. Well, first of all, I have said that many times. I have heard that a few times. But here's the one that both frustrates the fuck out of me and cracks me out. In the moment, I'll be so frustrated.
Right now, I can laugh about it. This is this is us, old relationship energy. So, it's a joke between the 2 of us that I think I'm always right. I, I tend to be, to be proven right. My way is not the only way, but my way does work. Right? So there are times JB will get really frustrated at me to the point of, like, seeming angry slash annoyed because I disagreed, because I said, I don't think that's the right way, because he wants to do a thing. And I'm like, may maybe that's not
the best. Like, I'm submissive, but I'm not stupid. Okay? And I'm not I'm not a a doormat. Like, I got opinions and I don't think that'll work. When I'm right about something that he didn't like me being right about, he wanted to be right and he was not right that time. He will admit I'm right in such a cranky fucking tone. And I'm like, look. You are only cranky because you know I'm right. You are only upset about this because you know I said, here's how I know I'm I'm right.
You're mad that you have to agree with me. That was not part of the new relationship energy packet and intro. Nope. I didn't get that at orientation. This is an old relationship energy thing of why are you pissed at me just because I was right. You didn't read the fine print. I'll he'll I'll say something. He'll say something, or he'll do something, and I'll go, wait. No. You that's not no. I don't think that's what you meant. And he'll get so busy. And I'm like,
you're just mad because I'm right. You're just mad because I'm right. You're just mad because I'm right. It is very frustrating in the moment. I think for both of us, because you are genuinely annoyed. And then I am like, but why are you mad at me? I didn't actually do anything except point out that that you're wrong. But now outside of it, you're laughing in a different way than I'm laughing. So yeah. There's a lot to old relationship
energy. It's I think it's highly nuanced, because you like, I would not think of something as we do this because we've been together for forever until Mhmm. Like, you know, it hits you in the face. You're like, oh, yeah. I probably and a long term relationship, you've got so many moments that you've together, so many experiences you've had together. You cannot possibly think of all of them to go, oh, yeah. That's how this fits in. And we all react and respond to things
differently. So Yeah. Your experience of it will be vastly different than ours. But I I do think, the kind of the highlights we hit are probably fairly common. I think most people can go, I've had some experience with some version of that. Mhmm. Yep. And, you know, like you said earlier, complacency, stagnancy, rest, they're not forever. You're not doomed to be in that forever. It just takes effort. Like Yeah. Sometimes real strong effort to get yourself out of it. Out of
it. Yep. The times that we've done the best are when we both kinda looked at one another and went, oh, no. Together, we're like, no. No. No. I don't like this. Mhmm. This ain't right. This don't feel right. Yeah. We have, I think, an advantage because we literally talk about and think about the state of our own relationship every day Mhmm. For a living. Most people how can I keep my power exchange going strong? Run a podcast together for 9 years. I
don't know. I need to talk about it for a living because it's it's just top of mind for us because to me, everything is potentially content. So when something's going on, I'm like, I'm dissecting it. Why did we do that, and how did we do that, and what does that mean? So, you know, we have not, like, figured out some super secret thing to just be aware of these things. We just live it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it Yeah. Work it every moment. Every day. I'm not sure I'd recommend that.
No. I think we might be a little too intense about power exchange. So yeah. Yeah. So that's that on old relationship energy. Thanks to the person who sent the question in and referenced it. If anybody else, like, has ever talked about it in those kinds of terms on any other YouTube channel podcast, but feel free to, like, you know, shoot us a link because I'd this is not an original
thought. Like, we didn't magically come up with something, but I you know, a lot of information out there about King and Power Exchange tends to be helping you get through the hardest part. Finding the partner and and having them be a decent enough partner, you wanna be with them long term and whatever that means for you. But there is that other side to it. You know? And and the thing is too, being in a DS relationship doesn't make you exempt from any of this.
No. No. Quite frankly, I would any flavor of any relationship can have go experience the good and the bad of old relationship energy. Mhmm. I think power exchange is uniquely placed to be aware, probably a little faster than a non kink relationship. Yeah. Because, yes, our routines and our tasks and our our dynamic matter to us, and it's easy to get
stuck in a routine with that. But because life is gonna life and fuck up your, you know, how you get to interact with your dynamic more often than not, I would imagine for most of us, we're gonna be like, hey. I'm I miss doing the thing I used to do in our power exchange. We're probably gonna get that a little bit faster than a relationship that doesn't have that kind structure to fall back on, that they're that you're looking forward to that structure and you're missing that structure.
But that is genuinely just a guess because I don't know. So yeah. K. I guess that's it. Mhmm. We'll do a bonus section. Yep. Just a reminder, 1, we're celebrating our 4th anniversary at the kinkery, thekinkery.com. And we have a sale going on right now through October 28th, which is also our wedding anniversary. Use code 4 years, f o u r four years. Save 15% off, and we're doing restocks through the weekend, y'all. Like Oh, yeah. Normally, when we start a sale, we did
all the restocks. Not right now. They're gonna keep going. And then, if you are a person who wants to, likes to, and tries to watch the livestream, I don't know what the time will be, but Wednesday, October 30th, it will be an earlier time. Mhmm. Because we're gonna go be supportive parents. Yep. And celebrate a birthday. Yeah. I gotta figure out what where we're gonna go for that. Yep. Anyway, so, yeah, we'll we'll be done with, like, the, the official stuff, and we'll get
into the bonus section. K. Okay. So are we good? I don't know. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Yes? I told you I was gonna forget how words went. Really? Especially words I say all the time. I almost forgot how to say keep it kinky, y'all. What? It is literally, like, plastered all over our Etsy shop too. Like, you buy a sticker, you get a thing that says keep it kinky. I put your little receipt thing in your
envelope. It says keep it kinky. And I almost could not say the words. I I don't know. Wow. I am not unhappy at all with the amount of work we've done in the past few days, but I I think my brain is is trying to shut down. I think it's, like, it's given up. It's thrown in the towel. Mhmm. It's like I can't. No more. No more. That's okay. This is our busy time of year, and I love this time of year, so I'm not mad. No. No. Bonus section stuff. We're gonna go see the oldest perform next
week. We saw the oldest perform last night, Tuesday. Yeah. Which is why I've been yawning through everything to to it was a late night, but a good night. It was. It was. And it was it was a good performance. It was so I was a band geek for many years, and then I've been a band mom for many years. So I don't remember everything I used to was taught about music. But your ear knows. And I think even if you didn't take music for literal years on end, your ear knows. So
the concert was mostly good. And even the things that made me go, they weren't awful. It was just a So the kid comes out. We take him to get some some food. And he goes, so what did you think about the concert? I was like, well, the last two pieces were my favorite. And he goes, okay. He goes, what did you think about those first shows? I was like, well, I wondered if y'all were having a rough day. And he goes, we were having a rough day. I said, okay. Okay. I wasn't being overly critical.
That really was rough. Okay. I was like, you know what? We've now been to what? 6 or 7 concerts? Yeah. If they have one rough night, it's fine. Mhmm. So Yeah. Hey. The living in state of Florida, speaking of the kid, this does relate. I promise. So, we live in the state of Florida. And in our county, early voting started this past Monday. Yes. But this is the 19 year old's first election, and he is still, the way it works, he was still in
our area to for voting. Right? Mhmm. He's registered, but he needs to vote here. So we're like, okay. We have early voting over the weekends. We're not gonna go you know, he wants he doesn't wanna go by himself for the first time. We want to go with him for his first time. That's, like, super cool to me. So we're like, okay. So we'd like to go early voting this week. We would have done it on Monday. Oh, yeah. They were waiting on him. Yeah. I was like, so so can can you squeeze us
in on over the weekend? We'll come get you, you know, do this thing, do whatever else you need to do, whatever. He goes, no. I plan on being drunk this weekend. I was like, I don't think you're supposed to tell your mother that. He's like, there's multiple parties this weekend. I plan on going to them all. I was like, well, if you're not hungover, call me, and I'll come get you. I just want to vote and be done with it, and I don't want us to get to election day and then be stuck in lines.
Like, I just don't want that. No. So yeah. Yeah. I might be getting to exercise my right to vote this weekend. I might not. What else is going on? Not much. It's been working working. You know You got to go to the sawmill. I did. I got to go to the sawmill, which which was always a pleasant time, and, came back with some good stuff that's been obviously restocking restocking. Restock. You we would have restocked more, but you're waiting on a very important blade to
arrive. Yes. Yeah. My my my band saw I have been spoiled. There has been a a a band saw maker here in Here in town. Here in town, and, for as long as we've been living here, I've been very spoiled. I just, you know, give him a call and then the next day I go And sometimes not even like that afternoon. That afternoon I can go pick up. He does not have inventory Mm-mm. Anymore. Could not get him to, you know, when is this gonna he he would not give me, any answers.
Mhmm. So I had to go searching online and, found a place, you know, compatible, but now I have to, you know, order and wait on the shipping. Mhmm. And we're gonna get in the weeds of wood stuff that I don't fully understand, so JB will correct me. So what one of the methods we do to get wood ready to become a paddle is is that the planer that makes it thinner? Is that the is it the jointer or the planer that makes it thinner? Well, the jointer makes one side level. Right. I know.
And then The one that makes it thinner. And then the one that will take it down, yes, is the planer. It's the planer. Mhmm. And all of our wood goes through that at least a little bit. But when it's real thick and and JB is like, I can get multiple things out of this. Right. You don't send it through the planer, you lose it's waste. You lose way too much wood. So he's got these thick pieces of wood. And at first, we
were like, okay. Just to get some inventory and just to do a restock, we'll go ahead and do it, and we'll we'll do the planer and not use the band saw to cut it in half, whatever. Mhmm. And then we're both we're standing there in the garage. We're covered head to toe in fucking dust. We're looking at this wood, and I'm going, that's so thick. And he goes, that is so thick. I was like, you could get 2 paddles. Like, not just side by side, but, like, so instead of 2, could get 4. I'm
like Mhmm. I said, I I can't do it. He goes, I can't do it either. I was like, well, I guess we have to wait for your blade to get here. It was so sad. We were like, we're making paddles, man. Yeah. No. We just got some thick wood. I think everybody who likes wood should get to have thick wood. If you don't like wood, then who cares? You don't but for those for those of us who appreciate wood Yeah. My my personal preference is thick wood. So DSPenny asked, what do we do with scrap pieces?
Thankfully, the way I I have things work, I have very few scrap pieces. And the little bits that do tend to end up in in the scrap bin, they will go into the fire pit. At some point. Yeah, anything that can get multiple uses out of it does, but then there comes a point when something's just too small, or too weird shaped, or too something. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I I do my best, to utilize everything I can. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yep. My favorite is
so we are both like this. So this is not an this is not shade to JB. I'm like this in with different things. JB has wood fucking everywhere, y'all. There's wood in the garage. There's wood in the shop outside. There's wood here in the office. And I've been having to, like, we've been able to squish and make room because when we do restocks, there's just shit everywhere until we can put it away where it goes. And so I'm having to make room on the top of a credenza, and I looked down.
And we had wanted to make, pounders, which is one of our paddles. Mhmm. And they're fairly popular, and they're an affordable basic paddle. They're a great basic paddle, but it's a very specific, like, way they get made in. So they don't get made as quickly as other things get made. And I'm moving things around on the credenza. And I looked down and there are 3 pieces of wood labeled powder, which that tells me knowing JB system that these should book were supposed to become pounders.
And I know for a fact that no new wood has been laid on this credenza for, like, literal months. It's been a hot minute. Yeah. So I pulled them off because I'm like, he clearly, he's forgotten. He does not know they're here, or he thought they were gonna be pounders and he's changed his mind. So I pulled them out and I put it on his desk. And when he comes in, I'm like, did you see that? And he goes, yeah. I forgot about it. And that's the sheer amount of wood this man has, and it
it's everywhere it needs to be. It's not like it's sitting on our kitchen table. Actually, plans for a wood thing are sitting on our kitchen table. Yes. But there is he's got it in all these nooks and crannies. So you just might look down sometimes and find some wood he can make something with. So funny. But you walked away, and I don't know what I'm I'm looking for something. I well, clearly, I don't know what to talk about without him. Oh my gosh. I do. I lose my train of thought.
You are my emotional support partner. Okay? I can do anything if you're next to me. The moment you walk away though. Nope. We did restock one paddle that is called the Ass Beater Junior, because it is the smaller version of the one we call the Ass Beater. We did learn today that I refer to it as the Ass Beater. That's the 18 inch one. And Ass Beater junior, which is the 12 inch paddle. JB thinks of them as Ass Beater senior and junior, and that was a
communication mix up. I templated the new Ass Beater junior in black walnut, and I templated it incorrectly. And so it does not look like the others. They are. They will work really, really well. They they still do what they're supposed to do. They just look slightly different. That was my project. Yeah. But, you know, talking about about scraps, some of the scraps that, you know, are too little for for, paddles, you know, I'll I'll glue them up and now I've got a bowl.
This this is, maple or not maple. Cherry? No. Not cherry. Geez. Ash. It didn't look like ash from here. Okay. And, Black walnut. Black walnut. So, you know, things things like this that I Yeah. And typical, creative person. He's got projects Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Mhmm. Yeah. This this is another thing I've started playing with too with some of the Make sure you describe it because podcast listeners can't see it. That's right. It's it's a, smartphone stand.
Mhmm. Just, you know, to put and this was the very first one I made, so it's not made totally correctly. But, you know, that pops out and you can move it. Actually comes apart so you can adjust Mhmm. Depth of the stand, whether you're gonna have your phone stand up vertically or sit horizontally. Right. You can do the do it upright and Mhmm. You know, playing with things like that. And you've been cutting out little, like, decorative shapes
on part of it. So Yeah. That one you're holding up to the camera, it has oh, god. We're it's so old timey. It's in the shape of an old receiver for a phone. Phone receiver. Yeah. But but then it's got the, the bars. And then you have some that, you've cut out a certain kind of leaf. Yes. For it. Mhmm. Yep. I see. Let me get let me get that other one. So He started making phone stands. He made so he had a pop thing on the back of his phone that was a pain
in the ass. I had a little, like, so it looks a little bit like a d ring, but, like, I could hold hold my phone and put my finger through it and and steady my phone, or it would prop up my phone like a stand and it went kaput. And we were both annoyed that we could could not just prop our phones up when we're watching videos or whatever. Yeah. So he made a kind of a rudimentary stand. It was beautiful. It was made out of scrap wood. It did the job. Well, then the youngest was like, oh, what's
that? Well, then he got 2nd generation, same basic design, but with a little, like, extra support, whatever. And now we're on 3rd generation where you are fancy. You are cutting shit out. These are adjustable phone stands. They have designs cut into them. Like Yeah. Yeah. This this is the the other one that I was playing with. Guitar. That's right. I forgot about that. Guitar. They they slide apart, so you can Which once we get them added to your Etsy shop, that will make shipping
easier and Yep. It should arrive in 1 piece. You know, the this it's it sits the phone sits in there, and you've got a hole there for the your charging cord to come through and and up. Mhmm. Yep. We keep 1 on the coffee station in the kitchen Yeah. So that if we're in the kitchen cooking or what doing dishes, we can plug our phone in. And that the the power strip that we're we've everything's plugged into, that's a fast charge. Yeah. I can get my phone from, like, 75 to
a 100 in, like, 10 minutes. It's brand new. Oh, it's the outlet. Yeah. Okay. Everything else is as old as shit. That's why it takes a lot of charge. So, you know, yeah, I, you know, I do what I can to with the scraps to do, you know, to use things up. It it's tiny little stuff that gets that makes it to the burn barrel. Yeah. Because he's gotten to a point where he goes to the sawmill, he can usually, within like half an inch, assess that's wide enough I can probably get 3
paddles out of the width of that. Yep. Okay. I'm only gonna get 2, and then I'll have some extra. Or, you know yeah. Mhmm. I mean, it's and you went to the sawmill last week, and probably next week you'll go again. Go again. Mhmm. It's delightful. I love it. I'm falling in love it. So, and and silence that if it's so it's not on the Kinkery, it's on the wood dom. Yes. Weapons of Ass Destruction are all on The Kinkery. The Kinkery. The Kinkery dot com. Mhmm.
And then anything like the the bowls and pens and different things and eventually, like, you know, the these little phone stands and different things. Yes. They're they're all on the, wood dom on Etsy. Mhmm. And, other than these phone stands, everything on your Etsy shop is one of a kind. Like, you might use the same kind of wood and and turn the same kind of shape or, you know Yeah. But every like, they're not repeatable where there's if you see a type of style of pen, there's gonna be
10 to choose from it is. You Yeah. Get it, and once it's gone, it's gone, unless you decide to make it again. What I was looking for actually before that I didn't see was the, the bowl that I made, like the one that I showed, but I made the lid for it. Oh, yeah. The lid. It's somewhere. I don't know. Because I don't think is it listed on the site? I think it might be listed on the site. It should be listed on the site. Yeah. I don't remember. It all runs together after a while. Yeah.
So But, yeah. Alright. Take care, Teshu. So anything else on the section? Yeah. Kind of. Uh-oh. Do I know about it? No. You don't. Oh, god. Okay. He's going rogue, y'all. Yeah. I am. You know, I I just wanted to urge folks to get out and and vote. American folks. American folks. Yes. Yeah. You are legally allowed to vote. US folks that are, you know, a lot legally allowed to vote here.
You know, there's there's a lot of things going on in the country, we all all know, you know, I'm not going to tell you how to vote, that that's only something you can do, but, you know, I I something I read today in in in one of the news articles really kinda shocked me that many people go to, you know, the to the to vote and, you know, they they vote on the main, you know, for president. Mhmm. And that's it. And then leave everything else blank. And leave everything else blank.
You know, there there there there's a lot of things happening in this country and, you know, I I really urge everybody, you know, not just go out and vote but, you know, have opinions on on some of these these amendments and different things. You were just because Florida has a bunch of constitutional amendments Yes. This year. And we usually the way our constitution works, we usually do in an election
cycle. Yeah. I know the general site for an American to go to to see what is on your ballot and so you can research the the people and the things that aren't, like, just the president. That's go to vote.org. But what did you go to? I went to a site that I came across, it's called vote411.org. Okay. Okay. Okay? And and it is not a a local site. It is, it you put in your address and it generates everything for your district. Gotcha. You know, from federal down to local and all state amendments
and everything. And it's vote411.org. The number is 411. 411. Yes. Mhmm. You know, I I, I went there, I put in my address, it came up and said, yep, you're registered to vote. Oh, good! You know, it gave me that information. You wanna know how crazy I'd be if we got there and they tried to tell us we weren't registered? And and and that that website, also points you in the direction if you need to register Mhmm. Where you can do that.
And by putting in my address, it gave me everything, and I could go through everything step by step. Yeah. Because we had been talking about we needed to look we there are 2 amendments that we know what we're gonna say yes to. Yeah. And that is, to restore abortion rights in Florida and for recreational marijuana use. Yeah. If you don't agree, that's that's lovely. You don't have to. Right. But the others, we were like, these are mysteries. We don't even know what these amendments
are. Right. So and and what and what's nice, you know, because we all know a lot of times these amendments are worded that, you know There's one that makes it sound really wholesome, but then when you dug into it, we were like, no. We're not saying yes to this, but the way it's worded Mhmm. Yes. What the fuck? And and it gives you, you know, it tells you what is what with these amendments. What would happen if you voted yes? What would happen if you voted no?
So, you know Yeah. That was really helpful and useful. It it was. So, you know, I I urge you folks, please get out there, vote, you know, have have your say in all these matters that are going on in our country right now. We we need we need that. Yeah. Please. It's one of those things where you think your single vote doesn't matter, but if you were not the only one who will have that thought and if everybody who has that thought Mhmm. Were to vote, it it you know, one drop alone yeah. Not much.
But when it's a whole bunch altogether moving in the same direction Mhmm. That's when hopefully things could be different than they currently are. So yeah. No. I agree. Vote 411. That's cool. I'll I may go and look. I look. I am anxious as fuck. We all know this. Mhmm. We vote we try to vote every time. I think we missed did we vote in the primary? No. We missed the primary this year. I can't remember why that would what happened. But okay. So we vote when it it comes up and we get to vote.
Mhmm. But I was like I think I've read too many articles about voter suppression and people being kicked off the voter rolls. And I was like, I so I started getting paranoid. Like, somehow by some mystery Mhmm. I have would be knocked off. Yeah. I don't think I have been, and I will still double check. But if I showed up to vote and they told me I was not listed, I they they better they'd have to haul me off. Yeah. I tell you, I'll be pissed. Mhmm. I I would stand back.
And not because I didn't care about you I'd probably get cast. But because because I know you'd be like the freaking Tasmanian devil, man. You'd just be I don't lose my shit to strangers hardly ever, but that would be a time. Yeah. That would be a time. Yep. I personally have always lived in very deep red parts of the south. That's I've said this before. I hope this does not come as some sort of shock to anybody.
When you are one of a few little blue dots in a deep red area, you do get funky looks when they hand you your ballot, though. I just smile sweetly and make and maintain eye contact. I hate maintaining eye contact, but if you're going to give me side eye because there's a d on my ballot, I'm going to make you as uncomfortable as you're trying to make me. So Yep. Yep. Hey, God. If that if the fact that we vote, blue in Democrats surprises anybody, I'm gonna think you you might be
new here. We do not talk about politics very often, but we are because for us, it's a it's a it's a personal thing that's not what this channel is about. Even though politics affects every part of life, we all know that. But we are invested in on our in our personal life, and we are trying to keep ourselves educated on issues and trying to make the best decision we can make in a 2 party system that feels really outdated when you look around at the rest of the world. Yeah. So yeah.
I am absolutely a bleeding heart liberal. I know that's not even an expression that's used anymore, so I'm showing my age there. I'm a tree hugging hippie liberal. Okay. Damn hippies. I know. Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna watch me. So But but yeah. Do, you know, please do, folks. Please please please do. Just learn what's on your ballot. Yep. You know, quit Google searches on names you don't recognize. Mhmm. You know? Yep. But So So, Annie Annie who? Now that now that we got up on
that soapbox Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I I just felt it was, you know I respect that. I think for me, because politics I I have the luxury and the privilege for politics to be private, and that's just how I have all I mean, it is a luxury and it is a privilege to be able to keep your political thoughts to yourself. Right. I just default to that, but Mhmm. No. Yeah. No. We, we believe in, human rights for for all people. Yes. We are pro abortion.
The best conversation I ever got to have with the oldest is when I was trying to teach him about why he needs to wrap it up until he's ready to be having babies. He we were talking about how broke I was when I got pregnant with him and how he was a surprise. We were not planning on having children at that point. And he interpreted it as me being either living in the south and not having access to abortion or not knowing I had that
as an option. And I said I said, baby, I said, I chose you because I had that luxury. I could choose, and I chose you. And his little face just Lit up. It's like Yep. It's about the choice. Oh. So, anyway. Yeah. If you are shocked by where we stand, okay, well, welcome. Yeah. Mhmm. So I guess we can be done now. I I think we're good. Yeah. Yep. Oh. Until next week. Next week, we get the, we we we have some celebrating to do next week.
Just look. Wherever we end up going to eat, do not tell them it's my birthday. Mhmm. Please do not tell that is a red. That is a red. That is a I'm throwing down all my safe words. That is a red. Do not tell strangers that it's my birthday. If you decide you're going to sing at me, just be prepared for me to cringe a little bit. I I promise I won't sing. You have a great voice because it's not you. It is me. It is absolutely a me thing. Please, no. I'll do it in spoken spoken
No. No. Happy birthday to you. No. Happy birthday. No. That's a different level of cringe. Oh my god. I want to still be sexually attracted to you the day after my birthday. Okay? So I'm gonna need you to not do that. But it's not singing. So anyway, I know that you are going to try to embarrass the shit out of me next week. And it's fine. What you're speaking of. It's fine. I can handle it. It's fine. We're on that note though, we're gonna go. Yes.
Wait a minute. Folks. What? I was gonna say we'll be back next week, but you were still going. Alright. Good night, folks. Thank you for being here with us. Especially to the bitter end. Right? Yep. Where it really gets wild. Mhmm. We will, see y'all next time. Yep. Mhmm. Bye.