You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode 426. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the guy who lets me get away with very damn little. Tom Braustach. He'll be calling me out of my bullshit all the time. I do. I do. I do. It's part of what makes us work. That's why this is a thing that it is. Speaking of that, kind of, like, on topic, this week, we're gonna talk about the concept of obedience in submissives in power exchange.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on Fetlife at lovingbdsmpc on, technically, Instagram and threads. That handle I will forever fucking hate.
Loving d s and the number one. So it's at loving d s one. On blue sky, at loving BDSM dot some other letters, whatever. Loving BDSM. You'll find us. It'll be fine. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. You can't ask an existential question right before you hit a button and we start recording. I now have thoughts, but people who were not here for it won't know what the heck I'm talking about.
Anyway Right. Before we get into this week's topic, another reminder that we are in the middle of our Patreon membership drive. It goes runs, from from the beginning of January through February 15th. If you join during this time, you get, some goodies, sent to you specific for being a member during the membership drive.
Everybody at any tier level is gonna get the workbook I'm currently writing and working on on communication in Power Exchange or BDSM, which will be workbook with some references, with some information, but mostly workbook. And if you're in the $10 or higher tier, you will get an exclusive enamel pin, p I n pin, that I just finalized the design. Mhmm. Looks good. I finalized it between you and me. The the pin maker might be like, we gotta tweak this. We gotta tweak that. But they would be
small tweaks. Mhmm. I'm gonna be putting that pin, p I n pin design out on socials, soon ish, but it is posted in Patreon for members to see. There you go. And if you sign up during the annual no. If you sign up during the membership drive as an annual member, meaning you pay one time instead of a monthly subscription, you get 2 months free, which means you pay for 10 months and get 12 months of access. Links are in the places to learn more.
We love it when folks who can afford to do so, we know that's not always true for everybody, are able to come join our community. The support makes a big difference. Mhmm. There have been times in our lives when the our Patreon supporters were paying our helping to pay our electric bill. It's like, kept the lights on. So yeah. And, yeah, the the support we received through Patreon is, you know, in part why we can then focus on the kinkery, and we can focus on this stuff, and we can do
all these things. Otherwise, one of us will be getting a part time job. So, yeah, that is all I'm gonna say about that. You can join at any point throughout the year, but the membership drive for the extras, gotta do that by February 15th. And we, and it's been nice seeing new folks popping into the Discord server. It has. You know, we're those of us who've been in it for a while, obviously,
we've been in it since the beginning. But folks who've, like, been around since we created our Discord or whatever or have just been a member for more than 5 minutes, we're, like, all in our old, like, patterns and habits. And so we'll say good morning like we're all past in a water cooler at the office. We don't necessarily get into crazy conversations, but when we get, like, fresh folks in her you know? Mhmm. Not just going to the water cooler to say hi to folks. Yeah.
You know, we get some interesting conversations. And, apparently, there's loving BDSM lore. I would not have called it that because I don't think of those terms, but the bacon debate. Yeah. And if you know what that is, you know. And if you know Yep. Yep. Yep. There's only one type of accept, allowable bacon, and it is crunchy crispy. That's the only kind. And Andre, yeah, we are missing, some of our mods, but I'm I'm the backup mod if necessary Oh, yeah. On the
livestream. Okay. So let's get into the topic. How did we have podcasts for 10 years? 420 some odd episodes and never actually talk about the concept of obedience. I think that was kind of a subconscious, You know, you give me so much shit about trying to say I'm not very obedient, and we're gonna get to this. I have notes, y'all. Okay. Do you want unquestioning obedience? Sometimes, references, and I don't love this term, but
references blind obedience. And I'm just not built that way, but we're gonna talk about that when we get to it. Not. And yet and yet, you know all I wanna be is your good girl. Right. Which means I wanna do what I'm told. Yeah. Yeah. I just have questions first. We will get to that. So let's start with I don't like to say anything is, like, universal other than things like consent communication. But obedience is part of the submissive experience.
However, it appears in the submissive partner and also the power exchange, that could be different and unique from person to person. But I do think some level of obedience is just kind of like the standard norm for submission. If you're whether the obedience is forced, whether consensually Yeah. Or it's freely given and quickly and, you know, unquestioningly and and everything else within that kind of
spectrum of what obedience could be. I I think I think that's a core tenant of submission, obeying the the dominant partner in your life. That's just part of it. So one level, I get why we wouldn't talk about obedience as its own separate concept because it's like talking about submission as its own separate concept. Mhmm. That being said, I I do wanna take the conversation about obedience seriously. You know, some of us have thoughts. So so that we're all on the same page,
I was like, okay. How does, like, the the non kink world define obedience? Like, what's the actual dictionary definition? And the one I found that I liked the best is compliance with an order, request, or law, or submission to another's authority. Tada. We've just described submission and power exchange. You know, compliance in in however, like, the law well, for power exchange, that's a rule. A request, that would be when you you set me a
task, an order is an order. I think we all know what that probably means for us as individuals. So, yeah, it's compliance. It's submission. It's it's the it's the solid foundation of what submission is. Now I was like, okay. I have personal thoughts about obedience from my perspective. And so I was like, does, like, the the not just kink word, like, the psychological world psychology? Y'all know what I mean. Do they have definitions or ways of describing
it? And, yes, they do. And I linked to my resources in the places if you wanna read more about it. So, in psychology, there are apparently 2 types of obedience. I do not know how widely agreed upon this is, but I felt like the source I had was, a reliable one. So there's constructive obedience, which involves behaviors that promote social harmony and the greater good of society. So if I'm gonna extrapolate that down extrapolate or narrow? Whatever. To power exchange.
You know, social harmony and the good of society, that's the stuff you agree to do, but to keep the relationship going that you want it to be. Those things I think can change. And I think between individuals in a a power dynamic, that obedience can absolutely be negotiated and can be more easily negotiated. Whereas in society, where we're talking policy changes and law changes and politics and lots of stuff that yeah. Not not easy in the year of our lord 2025. Okay. So then destructive obedience
Mhmm. Is the acceptance of request the second type. Is the acceptance of request from an authority that is immoral, illegal, or harmful in some way. And I was like, okay. How can I what's the word I want? I don't know. Extrapolate it to power exchange. To me, a destructive obedience would be and we can all have our opinion here. It's the, submission to and obeying a dom that is has not negotiated, has not earned the right, is the the air quote dom, is the
abuser, is you know what I mean? Blind obedience. Which yeah. Unquestioning is the term I'm I'm preferring personally. But, yes, blind obedience without question, without stopping to go, do this does this person deserve it? Did they earn it? Are they asking me to do things that I'm safe to do? Mhmm. Right? They keep my body, my mind as safe as you can be in a risky thing like BDSM. Like, you know? So yeah. So I was like, okay. Constructive
obedience, destructive obedience. Those are not perfect one to one things for describing obedience in submission in power exchange, but, resource, they they talked about factors that impact obedience. Okay. And I thought this was interesting. So there's personality, conscientiousness, and agreeableness linked to obedience. I think this is the people this is not universally true. There are nuances here.
But if you are the type that wants to be obedient, that, you know, wants to submit, you're probably gonna have that personality, not always, of some level of agreeableness to do what somebody else says. Now I just wanna remind folks out there that just because I am obedient to JB does not mean I'm obedient to any fucking body else. And that's true for any submissive. Mhmm. It is a thing that is earned and negotiated and done ideally through trust and with safety and
Yeah. Risk awareness, all of that in mind. So it's need stuff. Right. But there there is that, you know, that take, I think, that there are some people who recognize in them. So I'm one of them. This is who I am. I am a submissive person in a relationship with a person who has earned it and wants it. Right? It's not to everybody. I tried that. That was very harmful to me. I got into some bad toxic situations, not relationships, but work and, well, relationships too. You
know? And if you don't know that part about yourself and you're trying to fulfill a need you have that you do not have language for, I don't care what side of the slash you're on, You could find yourself in situations where you're getting a little bit of what you need, but it's not good for you. Right? Like, I was a great executive assistant for a shitty, shitty boss. I the way I worked for that man,
not for the paycheck. I mean, yeah, I worked for the paycheck, but not that wasn't why I was so fucking good at it. I was good at it because I got the corporate equivalent of good girls all the fucking time. But I let myself be taken advantage of, and I didn't know my own worth. And also, the moment I could get that scratched itch in a legitimate consensual, you know, way that honors who I am as a person, I could not work for another soul again in my life.
I'm sure there's, there's some, some something some psychoanalysis to be done on that. So another factor is this one's interesting. Psychological distance from the effect of obedience. I don't know that there's a one to one relationship to power exchange, but this in general, obedience in general. It may be, people may be more likely to obey if it seems abstract or unconnected to you. I think that can sometimes explain some of the crazy shit we see in life.
Personally, I'm not I don't think that one has a good correlation in my experience to submission because I am more likely to submit when I know what it's about, and it's not abstract, and it's real to me. Right? Ambiguity or lack of information. This is a double edged sword. So factors of that impact obedience. Sometimes you're more likely to obey if the other person seems to know more than you. That also explains a lot about the world today.
But I think it's a double edged sword of power exchange. Mhmm. I am the type of person I know, love, trust you. You have more of my trust than any human being on this planet has ever had or will ever have. But But I do not go into it. There are times I really we're gonna get into this when we're talking about actual obedience. That I there are times I want to just obey without question. There are times I wish I could when I I can feel myself not able to.
But, also, I am aware that you're fallible as a human being because we all are. Mhmm. And so if you know more about something than me, I actually have more questions. That's right. And so I'm gonna need a greater understanding of a thing before I can obey. Like, tell me about it. Explain it to me. Give me context. Not everybody's like that. Yes. I know I'm exhausting. It's fine. But that's what I need to be able
to obey. Whereas there are some people who are like, oh, you seem to be an authority. I'm just I'm just thinking of all the news. I'm not, watching or reading. You seem to be an authority, so I will I will obey what you say because I don't know enough. You clearly know more
than I do clearly, Eric. Well, I can see how that could possibly be a thing because, you know, when we first started reading it, first thought is, well, okay, you know, that that means, the per whoever is submitting, they don't need to be weighed down by all the, you know, little details. They just need to do their part and, you know And I think for many submissives, that is the freedom. You don't have
to know. Right. You can just go with the person who the person who knows more than you or has decided these things or is in charge, AKA dominance is what we're talking about. And, yeah, let's just get we're just talking about dominance here. That that's like the weight being relieved of I don't have to think of the thing. You can think of the thing. I have thoughts about why that is so difficult for me, especially now, and we'll get there. And why I wish I could
be softer with my obedience. And we'll get there in the I'm just trying to get through definitions. Here's the one here's the one that spoke to my submissive soul as a factor that impacts obedience to the, like, general and psychological whatever. Fear of consequences. Many people obey because they fear consequences. You know? People who don't wanna wear their seat belt, but they do because they don't want the ticket. Also, let's not cause accidents
that cause too much harm. People who, you know, get their have their driver's license. People who, you know, people who follow the rules because of consequences. Jail, lack of freedom, the lack of the ability to do a thing you wanna do. There's a consequence. Right? And power exchange, we talk about consequences all the time.
Because if you're talking about a submissive doing a thing or not doing a thing that they agree to and that's what the dominant wants, my question always turns to, but how do you, like, what do you do if they don't? What what's the solution? Solution tends to be consequences. And so when people are like, what should the consequences be? Our advice is whatever your submissive wants to avoid the most that they would consent to have happen to them. Right. Right?
So, yeah, fair consequences, that's an easy one. That's like a, oh, yeah. We know about that. Power exchange is all about that. Power exchange with, you know, a submissive following rules is kinda counting to some degree Mhmm. On that fear of consequences. But it's not fear of consequences like the worst possible things that can happen in life. It's like you might have to go to bed early. You might not get to go do a thing you wanna do. You might not get an orgasm. You might get a spank
like, it's it's that kind of stuff. Right? Okay. Mhmm. So that is kind of the rundown of obedience from a very vanilla and very broad perspective with some of the points I could find that I'm like, oh, yeah. That speaks to me from a on a from a
power exchange point of view. And I think we all will have our own sort of takes on that because of either from a dominant perspective, whether you're a switch or you're a dominant top, what kind of obedience you want, what kind of you what kind you prefer from a partner, what you've seen in the past, but also as a submissive who it's our job to obey on some level. Like, I know what kind of submissive I would love to be, and that's the unquestioning obedience, the aka blind obedience.
But I also think that kind of obedience has a danger, an inherent danger to it, which is why it's so hard for me. And I'm so anxious. But, you know, I think from a submissive perspective, understanding how I feel about obedience and being obedient makes it easier to talk to you and explain to you when you especially when you get frustrated with me because all you want me to do is go, yes, daddy. And sometimes I can, and I will, and I want to, and sometimes I cannot.
And I think from if you're submissive who kind of can relate to this idea of sometimes you can and sometimes you cannot, I think it's worth a little bit of introspective. Okay. Like, what does that make me what am I feeling? Mhmm. You know? Do I have an idea of why I can go back and forth between the 2 or I can you know? Not all brats, but certainly brats some brats, they'll obey, but only when you make them.
Right. Not even brats. There are just some submissive types out there that would not even fall under the category of brat necessarily. They'll obey once you prove you're strong enough to make them obey. That's a valid form, but I think we all could use, you know, a little bit of introspection and do some thinking about what from a dismissive perspective, what gets us to obey? Why do we obey? Why do we not obey? What do we need to be able to obey? It's all I'm saying. So 85 years later,
that's the overview of obedience. Let's talk about the I wrote down 2 types from a submissive Yeah. Perspective, because it's my perspective, but there's more. So I've got the unquestioning obedience, AKA blind obedience. Mhmm. And then my preferred obedience is obedience but with questions. I am not personally built for the, you have to make me obey Mhmm. Because it goes against so much of who I personally am at the core.
In a scene, if it's part of the play of air quote, forcing me to put my body in a position, forcing me to Mhmm. Do a thing with one of my parts of the body on one of your parts of the body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun in the meantime. When I'm talking about obedience as a submissive, I'm thinking within the power exchange dynamic, the relationship part. To me, obedience in play can be very similar, but can also be
completely different. Because sometimes the way you behave in a kink scene is not how you're actually interacting within your relationship even though it's all power exchange and it's all kink. And I can handle and question a lot less play than I can the big girl. Please don't move that. I need that there for a reason. And I'm over here going, but it's about to blow away and go across the parking lot, and I can see impending danger.
And the whole time, I'm like, I'm supposed to just do what he says, but I'm saving him from himself. And that's the kind of submission that does not make sense to a lot of people because I think what everybody would say or most people would say is we should just do what he says. And I'm like, yes. But also, I can see what's about to happen. And to be of service is to help save you from yourself. Wow. Real world example. We are at Aldi
last weekend? Mhmm. Last weekend. Now the Internet influenced us and taught us a hack about places like Aldi, Sam's Club, Costco. You know, you don't get bags unless you bring them. So they were like, oh, put these little laundry baskets, like, in your car. Load your laundry baskets. It's really easy to unload your car. We freaking love that. Oh, yeah. We use it all the time. Okay. So we're now driving my teeny tiny little Corolla. See last week's bonus section for the info
on that. There's not a lot of room for our laundry baskets. So Jamie's gonna take stuff out of the trunk to put stuff into the trunk to get us organized. It's a windy day. Windy. I offered to hold the laundry basket. He's frustrated. He goes, no, I'm just gonna put it down here on the ground. The moment he puts it on the ground, it moves like 2 inches because there's wind and it's windy and it's like gusty wind.
1, I'm frustrated with him because I was like, I was offering to serve by holding it, but also who's gonna have to run across the parking lot if the wind picks it up? This girl right here. And There'd been one way to get your steps in. That is. But also and this is the thing I should talk about with a therapist. You would have been frustrated if it had blown away and you would have been cranky and not upset in like some lasting way,
but you would have had that outburst. And there's a part of me that will do anything to avoid that outburst, even though it's not about me and it's not personal. Can't help myself. I have to help prevent your annoyance to the extent that I am capable of. K. I'm less weird about that than I used to be. Like, I used to be probably, like, borderline or actually toxic about that. It was probably not healthy at all. And I've calmed down, but I will still do it. Like, it's it's the inherent.
I'm serving you because I'm helping both of us. We will both be less stressed if you could stay calm. So what does this obedience submissive do? I walk my ass around, pick it up and go, it's not allowed to blow away. And I hold it on my hip while he is like fussing under his breath. And I'm sitting there going, oh my God, we're gonna talk about obedience next week. And I am not being obedient right now, but I am being helpful. Yeah. And I I would not classify that as bratty behavior.
I think it's reasonable for somebody else to disagree with that because I'm not trying to not do what you say. Mhmm. I'm in a way that's probably not healthy, trying to be helpful, and because I can foresee things that you don't seem to be seeing because you're focused on something else. I'm preemptively serving, which we have talked about anticipatory. And I was gonna say that that that that yeah. Yeah. And that and that's not always foolproof. No. God. No. It's not.
And sometimes you're helping, but if you've just pissed off your dominant, did you really help anybody? I don't think so. So that scenario is me being obedient at my worst. I never, unless I'm not not consenting and it's like a hard limit, I never say no. I never say make me. We're not unleashing that tiger. Okay? It's not going back at the cage. If I look at this sadist and go make me. Oh my god. I in play, yes. And even then I'm a little scared, which is kind of the point. But in
the dynamic no. No. No. I want I want to be of service. I want to be helpful. I recognize my own observational skills and my own intelligence to know that sometimes I see things he can't because he's focused on his thing. I'm focused on something else. Right? It's not that he's incapable of seeing it. It's just not on his radar. But I, who am, like, from a traumatized childhood kind of way observing everything. Right? I'm I see stuff now. I don't always
get it right. Sometimes I think I see stuff and it's not really there, and that's where this little talent can be unhelpful. So I sometimes give up obedience in the name of service. Mhmm. But I still always want to be the good girl. I get the irony. Okay. How do you feel on that specific example of that kind of obedience where you were clearly frustrated with me? How do you feel? How do you see that?
How do you interpret that? There there are times where I'm I'm like, I wish you just let me do it and be done with it and get it over with. I know. I know. Yep. I I I know you would. I know you would. Robert has a good point of wouldn't pointing out issues to save the Dom be a type of service and therefore still be obedient? I think so. But see, here's what It would it would be. Here's what I've learned. It would be. When he gets, like, all twisted up in his own stress, he
and you're not the only one. People do this. This is a a people thing. I can point it out. I can tell him I see this coming. Can you please listen to me? And and he won't. Now obedience would mean, I think, that I gave him the information, and he didn't want it. And so to be obedient would be to back the fuck off. That is where I can admit sometimes I'm less than obedient. But it's as an act of service? I don't
this so here's the thing. That that's that's specific thing where I went and grabbed the laundry basket before it could blow away, and you felt the gusty wind. I have, enough sense to not go, did you feel that gusty wind? See, I told you I was about to we don't do I told you so's. That will not end well for me. But in that specific moment, when I go grab it and I'm holding it, then I have it right there for you when you want it, you don't have to bend down. Like, I tried to make your life
easy. Does it feel like I'm making your life easy, or are you so annoyed that it doesn't matter? No. It, you know, more times than not, it it comes down to the fact that, yeah, you do end up being helpful and it's, you know yeah. I'm right more often than I'm wrong. Is that is that what I'm hearing? Maybe. Maybe. So here's some things I have I have observed in myself Mhmm. About being obedient,
recently and over the past few years. K. So recently, this sort of this resurgence we've kind of made this year the year that we're gonna try and figure out, power exchange again for for ourselves. Right? I want to be more unquestioning in my obedience. I'm not built to never question, and I don't think that's a great thing to never question. I think you get yourself into all sorts of trouble if you never question anything a dominant wants you to do as a submissive.
Because they're not perfect, and sometimes your boundaries will be pushed that you're not you don't want them to be pushed. Sometimes they a person can have a bad fucking idea. You know? But I have more of a desire now to, at times Mhmm. Just fucking obey. Just follow you. Just Yeah. You know, just do what I told you and how much been. I'm trying. It's I'm actively having to
try. I am clearly actively failing. I can't remember what it was the other day that, you know, I you know, I'm talking to you and you you you did your little dig your heels in and yeah. I know. And and, you know, it it's funny because and I I don't know if I've brought this up before or not, but, you know, obviously, Kale falls under the, you know, questioning. Oh, yeah. I'm I'm I'm obedient, but I got questions. Yeah. And and lots of questions. I need information.
And and, you know, I I will say there are times when you ask questions, and they are and they are pertinent to what is Sure. What is going on. Then there's the other side of that. Okay. So to talk about the other side of that. We're gonna talk about that. So there are times I've gone to this wonderful, beautiful person sitting next to me, and and I've asked a question. Is it when you've asked asked me to do something or ask my opinion? And and in my mind, it's a it's a flat out yes or no answer.
It's like he just met me yesterday, y'all. Yeah. Yeah. No. That that that doesn't work. I'll be there for half an hour. Not always. So you here's what you've gotten good at, which I appreciate, but you ask me sometimes to promise something I cannot give you. Because you'll say, I need to ask you a question. Right. I just need a yes or no answer. And that is helpful communication. It sets expectations. Sometimes part of this is, like, my own headspace and where my mind is at. And sometimes
it's it's I don't know. It's something else mysterious. I don't know. But sometimes I can go, okay. I will do my best. And sometimes I think this is when I'm, like, deep in my own head and I kinda know where my head space is at and it ain't good. I say, I cannot promise you that. Yeah. If your question gives me questions, I can't give you yes or no without more information, without context. Not always. I would love to give you I think my life will be easier if I could just go around going, yes.
I I I even tried. Especially maybe or I don't know. I even tried with her at one point, and I thought I was so I thought, yeah. I got this now. Oh, man. I I I went to her one time, and I said, look, I I do not have the bandwidth for for a long answer. I I I I just need a yes or no right now. I I and and go on my way. I have have to. And it it it was shorter than it could have been. Yeah. If you hadn't said that. True. The thing is is we are are we are clearly 2 different people, but we are
wired very differently. Yeah. And in JB's mind, something is simple. It's either yes or no. Right. Very little in my life is that binary, that black and white, that clear. There's too much, well, it depends. Or, but wait. I I I need to be better informed if I can have more information. Now when you start out with, I do not have time. I do not have bandwidth. Right. Then if I when you ask the question, this is still, I think, dissatisfying, but better.
If he gives me that upfront, and I know he just wants a short answer, when I have to go, I can't answer that. I need more information. Then we can go, we will talk about this later. Like, we'll talk about it after dinner. We'll talk about when I get in from the shop. Like, let's come back to this. This is not yes or no. The other thing I default to and this is, I think, something that can be a very strong
part of submission. And for me, it's and for other submissives I know, something we want more often than not. You'll ask me for a yes or no, and I can't give you yes or no. And so what I've I do more now and I used to do all the time way back in the day, you decide. I'll back you whatever you decide. Yeah. Just decide. Because quite frankly, there are many times when that's all I want. Please don't ask me to help you make the decision.
The difference there and I can my memory is so shit and I can almost feel when the difference happened. When we were early in our living together, and those first few years were, like, everything was clicking, and we were like, wow. Life is really fucking good. Right? Don't ever say that too loud. The universe is listening. Hold my drink. It was very easy at that point to kind of let go of any
not all anxiety, let's be real. But a lot of anxiety and a need for to control and need context and need to understand every detail, or I can't make the right decision. And go, whatever you want, daddy. Let's just do what you wanna do, daddy. Then we hit this past 4 years or so, a very rough patch, and we had to collaborate on everything, which is not a bad thing to collaborate. I love being collaborative with JB. I it makes me feel like we're part of a
team. We're doing it together. And even when we're working together like that, he is always the decider, and that's just understood. And I don't have a problem with that. I don't want to be the decider. I just want the decision to be the best possible one I can make. But there were so few opportunities or times when I felt comfortable and you were capable of me going, I don't care. You decide. Everything felt so critical. If we made a
wrong decision, it could be catastrophic. Like, lose your fucking house catastrophic. Everything mattered. Right? Mhmm. So we did a lot of deep dives and talking and going, okay. Here's here's the things I see. Here's the things I see. Let's try and come together and find the right solution. And JB was quickly unable and, you know, you've admitted this. I'm not saying anything out of pocket. Unable to sort of handle all of that pressure amongst the outside pressure of our lives. Right?
And so I started shouldering more things. I started I took over finances. He used to pay all the bills, hand me some cash, tell me what I could spend. Uh-uh. I had to remind him recently that he did have access to his bank account. No. And he didn't need me for that. Right? I I there was something he could do, but I took over that as a burden to take a burden off of him Mhmm. To be helpful because I have I have lived the broke life before, and I know how to rob
Peter to pay Paul. Like, I I got that. But that meant that if every decision feels critical, and sometimes they were, There is no just you decide. 1, I wouldn't have done that to put that kind of pressure on him. It was too much. It was already fucking with his mental health. But, also, it was abdicating a responsibility that I did I didn't feel comfortable with that. We this needed to be a team effort. It was the only way we're gonna get through it. But that's it's been three and a
half, 4 years of that. Yeah. Just like I didn't let go that easily going from, you know, vanilla person who had to handle all her shit, her kids' shit, her ex husband's shit, everybody's shit. Right? To, oh, I'm a submissive and I have a partner and I don't have to do this alone anymore. That's that was an adjustment. Right? It was a fun adjustment because it was sexy and it was kinky, but it was an adjustment. Well, now I'm adjusting in the other way. We are back sort of to a point
where every decision is not critical. Right? We can relax. We can breathe. You were ready to take on more of that responsibility again. Yes. I am not built to take off one hat and put on another. I need, like, an easing in people. I need to adjust. I need to this is the thing I that I believe is a core tenet of all power exchange, but we're talking submission here. I need to feel safe. I need to know that I can. And it's not that you don't make me feel safe. I've always felt safe with you.
But I it is a close enough memory of watching this the strain on you, of having that responsibility that I don't yet trust this moment of peace and tranquility. Right? It's too new, and it's too raw to know how quickly it can be yanked away. Right. So it's like, can I relax enough Mhmm? To just go, whatever you want, daddy, you decide. Yeah. And and, you know, I I am I am in a in that place, and I agree with you a 100%. You know, the the the things that have been changing in our lives,
they're good, very good. Oh. Very very good, but a lot of it still doesn't seem real. Right. Too soon. Too new. Yeah. So, you know, there there is that. But, you know, for me, I think well, not that I think. I know at this point, you know, going in that that you took more on, I was slowly heading down. I know. And, you know, looking back, because you can only hindsight is 2020. Would it have been better for you to hold on to more responsibility
than to that you let go? Maybe change the responsibilities. Yeah. But, you know, yes, there is the weight of stress and stuff. But was not having an outlet where you felt control of something, was that more hindrance than help? I think so. Probably. For me, yeah. And because we're talking about obedience, having very few ways to keep sort of exercising the obedience muscle, I know was not good for me. I have way too many opinions and questions, and there's nothing wrong with that. I wanna be
Yeah. Very fucking clear to doms and subs. Submissives can have opinions and should, and can have questions and should. The the thing that power exchange will do, potentially, is just moderate how those questions are asked, how those opinions are expressed, how much weight they are sometimes given to a situation. Right? But they don't go away. Mine have just been, like, on hyperdrive because it was needed. We excuse me. We were just getting through life, right, as best we could.
And, you know, we are clearly more relaxed now than we have been previously, but that doesn't mean I just flip a switch and I go back to whatever version of the submissive I was before. Yeah. And and, you know, I, since my bottoming out, now coming back, you know, what we are rebuilding is not what it was. No. Mm-mm. Not supposed to be, I don't think. No. No. It, I think it's it becomes more fitting of who we are now in this time and space. And I think it also reflects
what we've experienced. So we've experienced power exchange on autopilot. Right. We've god knows we've ex experienced power exchange in a rut. Yeah. We've also it's not it's weird because it was not a power imbalance that was different than our power exchange. Like, you you have been and always are and will be the decider. But the the level of ownership of that changed. And it can change maybe not back, but it can change to
another way of doing it. But we can't unknow what we know, and we can't not have the experiences anymore. So we are both a product of everything we went through and what we want out of life. We are also the product of what that did to us as individuals and what we want to avoid in the past. But, also, I think we're more conscientious of what it means to be in a power exchange because our power exchange from the very beginning, long distance, and then moving in together felt very
easy. Life could get hard. The power exchange was fucking easy. So we went with our sort of natural ways of being. And, obviously, we've had a podcast for this long. We've been dissecting it. We've been talking about it. But there weren't always the conversations of but why do I behave this way as a submissive? Why do you be and we're more aware now. So then whatever the whatever I do is a submissive going forward, a lot of it is still an inherent
part of my nature. Sure. But I am having different conversations with you, and I am seeing things through a different lens. So I'm this time around, it's like I'm actively making a choice instead of just going with what's natural. Does that make sense? And no having the experience that I've had, I can I'm thinking more about I want to be obedient. I want to obey. I want the freedom to obey, and that to me is the key to it all. It is
a freedom. It is a luxury to turn your brain off and go, okay, daddy. And if you if you get it and and you you get to have that experience, you know, I hope you get to keep that experience as for as long as you want. But also, my experience tells me that sometimes you don't you can't live that luxury. The life just won't let you. Mhmm. That's true. But also now, I can't turn it off so easily. Yeah. And so this part of this came up for me because we're talking about unquestioning AKA blind
obedience. I like unquestioning. It just I like that term better. There are times my sense of you is that's what you want from me. Like, as as a power changer, that's what you want. Here's here's what I'm gonna say, because this this is something that's been rolling around up here since this. There are there are times, yes. I'm like, I wish you would just do it. I wish you would just say yes and get on with it. But, on the other side of that, I live for that push and pull between
us too. Mhmm. Because if I just became a a s daddy kind of person, you'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And, yes, where our energy would be different if we didn't have the push and pull. Mhmm. The push and pull is the the banter is the fun part. Right. Also also, not to toot my own horn too loudly, but toot fucking toot. My questions sometimes save our ass. Just like your questions sometimes get me to see something differently. Right? That's the team aspect of it.
That's the collaboration aspect of it. I would like to relax enough to have less questions. I would and it's you know, and I this is what I I wonder. When I have questions I'm gonna tell you what it means to me if I have a question for I have a question about questions first. Does it feel to you like I don't trust you when I have questions? What is the sense you get when I start asking questions? I never had the feeling that you don't trust me. Okay. Okay. That that not not an issue.
Okay. At all. I think more than anything, again, and and that's what prompted me to, you know, say to you, I'm I'm not I don't have the bandwidth for this. Okay? But, most of the time more than anything, and it's only when I'm in in those moods that I don't that, you know, it it's more frustrating Mhmm. Than anything. It is frustrating when you want a yes or no answer, and my brain goes, that's not even possible. That's not even Yeah. Actually, the answer is 3. Where did he get
yes or no? Mhmm. So let me tell you no. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go. Go. Go. You sure? Yeah. We kinda suck at this, don't we? We're trying to be polite to each other. So this is not true every time. Mhmm. Sometimes I just got questions I need to understand. My questioning is not I'm glad you don't think it's a lack of trust because a lot of doms do think that, and it it can be, but not always. It's a lack of trust in the world. Not in every situation. Because sometimes that that
makes sense. But sometimes it's like, you know, you're asking a question, yes or no. Or you want me to do something and I put a pause and go, but I have questions. It's because I trust you and your judgment. You would not be in the position you're in without it. But I don't trust the world to work out the way we think it's supposed to. Oh, yeah. That's that's always true. That's always true. That's not a new suspicion. I've been that way long time, but it's just it's closer to
the surface right now. Right? I don't have the confidence in the world around me to just go, I don't have to think about this. I can shut down. I can let my brain just calm down for a
second. And and see, on the on the other part of that question too, I've known you long enough, now after all these years, and I know how you are, and I know for the most part all those questions you're asking me is because you are a perfectionist and you wanna make sure that you have everything in line so you can do that job as well as you can. Because the most in the most maddening thing is to be inefficient. Why am I doing work twice? Because I didn't do it right
the first fucking time. Let's just do it. Yeah. First time. Yeah. And and I get that. So, you know, while while there are times that, yes, your questions are like, oh, god. This again? You know, I I know what's behind it, you know, that you you do wanna, you know, serve and do the best you can. Mhmm. Mhmm. I wish we could, like, have, like, a a signal or a code or a system for I could let you know, hey. This is a good day for Headspace. Just ask and it shall be done.
Or you can wave a flag and go, hey. I I don't have it for all the questions. You know? I don't know. I wish there was an easier way to kind of Transition that. See that right. Yeah. Now I do wanna talk about the idea of unquestioning obedience from not a perspective you and I have to deal with anymore or maybe I don't think I've ever been this way. But is to me the what's the insidious part of that. There are absolutely dominant partners out there that want unquestioning obedience.
That is what they demand and expect from their sickness of partner. Couldn't be me. And I and I wouldn't doubt that there are, folks out there that have negotiated and have that kind of relationship. The thing is is that there's an inherent danger to it. So you can have it and negotiate it and work towards it or experiment with it, but not without a whole hell of a lot of trust in one another.
And both sides of the slash have to trust each other, but for a submissive to just do what they're told to do and to believe that they the risk is minimal or acceptable, that they will be taken care of, that's a huge fucking responsibility. The people I worry about and I don't worry about like, I the worry is twofold. It's the newbies who don't know any better, submissives, who think submission is just doing what you're told and never asking a question.
I worry for them on a, oh my god, I don't want them to be hurt level. And I worry about the, air quote, doms who think that's what dominance is and or don't give a fuck. They're just abusers and predators. And they wanna do what the fuck they wanna do without any of the responsibility. So unquestioning obedience, I think you can kind of want that for yourself whichever way you go, you know, side of the slash.
But in my opinion, it's never the first fucking step, and I want any submissive to give serious fucking side eye to any air quote, Dom who is demanding it when you don't even know their fucking name. Right? You don't you don't know their real telephone number. You don't know where they live. Why do they get unquestioning obedience? Now that I am not saying my way of questioning is the right way. Mine is the neurotic anxious way. Okay. Let's just be clear.
I think it is entirely possible to have as thorough a conversation as you are capable of. And I say what I mean by that is the more you experience and do, the more nuanced those conversations become because they'll be based on experience, not just theory. Right? I think there are for some people, the questions come in the negotiations. Mhmm. Okay. You're gonna want me to do this in this way? Okay. Let me try to think of as many questions I can.
Let's let's look at this from different perspectives. Right? And you can never know all the questions you should ask. Don't even try. Don't put that stress on yourself. Would I put that stress on myself? Yes. So I know I'm probably speaking to a brick wall out there for those of you who would stress. But I'm gonna tell you, you can't know every question you're gonna have in the beginning. But I think that you can try to be really thorough and then practice unquestioning obedience.
Practice, and I mean that by, you're gonna go through a day, a week, or whatever of doing what you're told without question unless it's a safety thing or consent thing, a limit thing. But there's gotta be a debrief. There's gotta be a time while you're working through this to talk about, hey. How did you feel? Oh, this came up for me. Oh, I got 10 questions. Now can we talk through this? So, you know, there's no such thing as
total unquestioning obedience Yeah. And run from the motherfucker who expects it. I think you can negotiate and ease into it and find the way forward. That does not mean a submissive cannot ask their fucking questions and express their opinions. Goes back to how you do that. Right? And, you know, what does that look like, and when is that done, and how do what are your safety measures to take, you know, take everybody's well-being into account
to do this? Because I'm somehow, I'm too anxious to be this kind of obedient, and yet I'm a people pleaser from hell. I cannot imagine doing something for somebody that I felt was gonna bring me inherent harm. Like, I was terrified of it. I could see that I was gonna get hurt. There's not a soul on this fucking planet I trust enough to go. You're asking me to, like, cut my finger off for you. I'll do it. There are folks out there who who, to their own detriment, will,
you know, just do what they're told. And there there are reasons for that that I'm not qualified to discuss. I'm not a mental health professional. But that means there's then a responsibility on a responsible dom, a good dom, to be to watch out for that. If you want unquestioning obedience, you need to trust that your partner will speak up about their limits, will not put themselves in danger just because you asked them to. Right? It's a
trust that goes both ways. And I think that I don't see enough conversations about that. We talk about submission. We talk about serving. We people talk about obedience, but there are inherent dangers to some of the levels of obedience Mhmm. That people say they want. I say say they want because some people want that. They're they're working towards that. And I think that's the thing you could work
towards if everybody's on the same page. And I think some people say they want that until they get that. Because if I just said yes, daddy, to everything you said to me, there would be no banter. I would be born. You would be born. I would. And that's a valid thing. Right? Like and it's I think that's why I get so kind of kind of in my feelings about being called borderline brat because no. No. No. No. At my core, I want to be obedient. And I want it I even want it
to be easy. The obedience to be easy for both of us. Like, I don't want it to be hard. I don't want it unless we're playing and it's kinky and it's a scene. I don't want it air quote forced or taken or I am not brave enough to tell this man, make me outside a fuckery. Okay? I am not prepared for those consequences. I don't want those consequences. But I do want the push and pull of conversation and a thought. This is a thought exercise. The mental back and forth. That's what I want.
But it's so that I 1, because I think I'm funny. I want us to go there. But 2, so that I know that I am safe to go, yes, daddy. Right. Whatever you say, daddy. I'll do whatever you want, daddy. You know? Because he knows when I say whatever, that whatever is, whatever within my limits, within my comfort zone, within my own sense of risk awareness. Like, that's whatever should never just be whatever. Right? So I think you can have obedience with questions. I'm obedient. I just have questions.
You are. You are. It's just that, you know, sometimes instead of taking the the straight path through, we take a convoluted way around. Look. Look. I have been trying to educate you on neurodivergency for a hot ass minute, And the, there is no straight path for me from one thought to the next. It's a meandering path. We probably backtracked a little bit. We went over a hill. We went through something. We went under something, and
we went around something. Yeah. 1, we got there, for the record, unless I forgot in the middle because that happened. But 2, I think it's inherently more interesting my on my path because things connect. The scenic route. Right? It's the scenic route. Not everything all the time always connects. But different things and different thoughts you have, and you make connections mentally. I just take you on the journey as I make connections mentally. I just take you on the
journey as I make those connections. That's all. That's all. I I think there is something to that as well about, you know, there's personality. There's maybe neurotype. There's there's compatibility issues in about, obviously, about power exchange in general, dom sub. But then in the nuances of what does obedience look like and what kind of obedience are you, the dom, gonna get from the sub? And what does the sub need to feel like they can obey?
And, thankfully, 90% of the time, JB is delighted by my scenic route on the way to to obedience. But that what that means is a person who could not tolerate that, we we would never work. And if it's 2 people trying to force their their puzzle pieces from 2 different puzzles to match, you know, it's con there's conflict. And it's not because anybody's bad. It's not because that's a bad submissive or that's a bad dominant necessarily.
It just means that you each want essentially the same thing, dom sub, power exchange, but your method of of how you're gonna get it and your tolerance for what it takes for the other side of the slash to give you what you want may be completely different. And that's worthy of a conversation. Right? Like, if every time JB asked me a what he thinks is a yes or no question, he was always annoyed that I was like, nope. There's a third option you didn't consider here. And that's it depends.
If he was always annoyed by that, it would never fucking work. It would never work. He is annoyed when he has a tolerance level for it when he's in a good head space. That's all I can ever ask. He doesn't have to love all my scenic routes and my weird ways of thinking. He doesn't. He mostly just has to tolerate them. Just like I try. I try. I genuinely try to give yes or no answers when you ask for them. I genuinely try to just do the thing when you ask me to just do the thing, and
sometimes I do. I want it on the record. Mhmm. So once you go, baby girl, I got a task for you, and then I'll just go fucking do it. You you you have made since we have started, you know, reinvigorating our our power exchange, you know, you did say to me that you want to work on being more, you know, mindful Mhmm. In your in your submission and your obedience, And and I have have noticed that.
You you have been. Oh, good. I'm I'm glad it's because I question, am I really doing what I think I'm trying to do? You are. Okay. Good. You are. Okay. Good. You are. Because I know that there are Come on. Yeah. Because I know that there are parts of my personality that from the outside looking in do not seem compatible with submission. I got too many thoughts and opinions, y'all, and I like things to turn out the way I think they should. I mean, don't we all? But you know what I mean?
Like, there's, again, there's kind of a neurotic level to that. I don't even know if neurotic is the correct term to use anymore, but it feels like it fits because I'm old, and that's the word I know. You know? I I just I cannot possibly only be speaking for myself, but I I am speaking for myself when I say deep down. I want to be obedient. I just I think we also all of us as individuals have to broaden our understanding of what obedience looks like and how somebody gets there.
And because I feel safer in the knowledge that you are ready to take on more of the demands of being a dominant and that you are doing that and you're trying to do that. And I feel safer that not every decision we make is fucking catastrophic anymore. And I feel like we have our bearings in life now, and it's not we're not constantly just surviving. Maybe. Hey. Maybe we'll start thriving.
Who knows? Right? Like, those things I I think for many people, but I just know for me, have to be in place for me to be a level of obedient that we both want me to be. Right? Because it's fun to banter and be silly when it's not that fucking serious. Right. And when everything feels that fucking serious, maybe because it is, maybe because it's anxiety, it's it's no longer banter. It's I need to be sure. I need to have I need to know it's safe to just let go to submit.
And I know over the past few years, I have not reckoned with that at all. I couldn't reckon with it until I could get kind of outside of it and look back and go, oh, I both want to be different. And also, that was not me at my best, was it? No. It was not. There were other things I wanted to say about obedience, and now they have flown out of my brain hole.
But I I think here's the thing. I think that even if we had maintained a life where all I we did was banter back and forth on things you asked me to do, and there was a a light push and pull, I think without all the insanity that that's gone on, I think that would have gotten old for both of us. Maybe. There's there is a level of this too much fucking playtime. Can you just do the thing
you're fucking asked to do? Like, there's a balance, and everybody's balance is in, you know, uniquely individual. You like it until you're, like, this ain't the moment for it. And I have not previously, I had not kind of been forced to learn how to read the room on that. And then I I did have to learn to read the room. Hopefully, that means I'll find a a good balance this time around. So yeah. I've obedience is not as cut and dry, I think, as some people think
it is. No. I'm very I I would have to say, you know, just like anything else in in the BDSM world or, you know, just obedience is a spectrum. Absolutely. And I think that the kind of obedience a person is willing to give or a a dom partner receives is based on way more factors than, yes, I identify as submissive, and here's what that means to me. There's safety and trust and
comfort level. And I am never gonna be entirely comfortable with the idea of an unquestioning obedience because I don't fucking trust it. Everybody has questions at at some point and or asking questions is like working a muscle. Like, you can get used to never asking questions. I I I live in the public world, and I look outside my house from time to time. People can get very fucking used to not asking questions, and that's not always a good thing.
And so if you're a dom with a a submissive who has not asked you a question in an age, I think that's worth a check-in. Okay? And if you are a submissive who thinks you can't ask questions, that's time for some questions because the timing, the method, even the tone of the questions, that's all negotiable. Right? But the questions are nonnegotiable. The ability to go, I don't understand. I'm confused. I'm uncertain. I think there's a better way.
Like, I think it's a piss poor dominant who does not lean on to the extent that it's safe, the strengths of their submissive. If you're submissive smart as shit, you need to be like, please be smart as shit for me because we will both benefit from this. But if, you know, you're the type of person who's like, well, I'm the dumb. I'm in charge. It doesn't actually matter your knowledge, your experience, your way. Oh, that's grotesque. That's grotesque. Obedience with questions is
the line I fall on. And I think it's worth going back to what we talked about when we were sort of defining obedience. As a person who is obedient or who wants to be obedient, think about why you're obedient. Think about what drives your obedience. I think it's okay if it's just one thing. It's just fear of consequences. It's just because you're kind of agreeable. It's just that's fine.
But understanding yourself a little bit better can sometimes be helpful in those moments when your behavior is not matching who you think you are or who you're trying to be either. Like, fear of consequences, that's a good motivator for me. It really is. Also, I'm agreeable, but also ambiguity and lack of information is less likely to make me obedient. So if one of the factors I need for obedience to be obedient is not being met, I'm obedient but with questions.
I need a conversation. I need some context. Right? Like, but that's an under and that's an understanding I've come to for myself over time. And it's been put in words by just having the resources that I looked up for this episode. Mhmm. I I understood it on, like, a visceral level, but I didn't have words for it. And that those words make sense to me. So I'm saying, yes. Obedience is an inherent part of submission, but like everything we do, it's it's worthy
of introspection and questioning. Mhmm. That's all I'm saying. That's very true. Anything you would like to add? Mhmm. Okay. So I guess we can be done and go into a bonus section. Yeah. So we're good? I don't know. Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you next week. Dada. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the crickets, please? Yes. Yay. Yes, we can. I've got nothing to say. Well, it's been, I mean, it's been kind of a quiet week. It it has been kind of a quiet week.
You know, we are experiencing our our aspect of the arctic blast here, where we live. It has not snowed. No. I'm grateful for that. Yeah. We they did call for, flurries, but, so far have not seen any. Not at our house? Not at our yeah. Not in this area here, at least. But, my gosh. Tallahassee last night, they were expecting an inch an hour. Mhmm. Pensacola, it's currently unofficial last time I saw it, but they think Pensacola got about 8.8 inches. Yeah.
Yep. Like, I have memories of being in the Panhandle area and seeing a little bit of snow, seeing flurries. Like, it was rare, but, yeah, snow that stuck to the ground and then accumulated it. No less. Yeah. Imagine. Damn. No. We are in Florida for a reason, y'all, and it's to get away from that. Right? Right? Yeah. Everything so I know folks who deal with actual cold are gonna find this humorous, but give me a second here. Everything's fucking shut down because we don't have there's no snow
tires. There's no salt for the I don't even know what the fuck you do. Salt? There's none of that. Like They they salt the road, you know, I think at least they used to. You know, plows, obviously. We we don't and I saw that on the news today. They were like, yeah. A lot a lot of places that could get snow have to close. We do not own a snowplow in our communities. Like, I'm sure you can retrofit or do something, but we are prepared for hurricanes, y'all. If the wind and the rain wanna
get us, we got plans. Right. We're good. We'll go our ass to work. But this cold shit? Not if the white stuff's coming out of the sky. Hell, we don't know what to do. And the joke has been online, and it's a true thing. That's why it's so fucking funny. These people don't know how to drive when it's sunny in 75. Right. We're we are not leaving our house today. Little freezing rain or, you know, snow on the ground? Forget it. And Ra Ra is right and live chat. Hell froze over. Yep.
Yeah. Mhmm. I did see I did see a thing online that also made me laugh that, I guess people from other countries have put this little thing out that's like, other countries look at the US the way that the US looks at Florida. Oh, so wow. The whole US the whole US is like Florida? To to other to some people in some other countries. Yes. Man, that's scary. I know it's terrifying. I'm so sorry. Also, I mean, sometimes it's sometimes it's terrifying. More often than not, it's terrifying.
But sometimes it's hilarious because Florida man and Florida woman and Florida cat and Florida dog and Florida alligator. Those headlines are real. Those are real things that have started a headline. Some weird chat about them. I I I wonder if it's the same way. I know for me, at least, you know, I I view Australia. Oh, I'm terrified of Australia, but I saw a reel that was probably a TikTok. Oh, that's a whole thing I'm not getting into. Thank I'm just that's a whole thing.
I'm not qualified to talk on TikTok, but I am watching and my eyes are wide. But there was somebody from Australia, I guess, who said, let me explain Australia to those who have not been there and to Americans, I think. And so they went kind of through the geography and they're like, this part right here, I don't remember names, that's like the New York City. And over here, that's like the California. And then there was some spot. I couldn't tell how big or small it was. They're
like, that's like Florida. There's crocodiles. There's snakes. There's crazy people. I was like, okay. And they just kinda went around, like, the the geography of Australia Mhmm. And related it to, like, US states and and areas. And I was like, oh, okay. I understand. They're like I I think their premise was you're looking at Australia Australia like it's all, like, bugs and reptiles that wanna eat you, and actually, it's a little more diverse than Yeah. No.
Let's see what else. Lola has an appointment with the, ophthalmologist. Ophthalmologist. That's a fun word to say. Yeah. It's right up there with the aesthetic for me. Mhmm. Ophthalmologist. Well, the, the, medication has helped her eye, but is not still is not, a 100%. So we're gonna get her in and see what they have to say. Mhmm. We got the car running like it's not a 13 year old vehicle anymore. Yeah. We did that. Yeah. Had just had to crawl in, had a bunch of work done on that.
Yeah. So, I also learned that, a decade or more of, accidentally hopping curbs when I'm driving is not actually good for your car. No. No. No. A wheel something something had to be repaired before it fell off my car. A a, lug nut was loose. Yep. Had zenclosed. Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. I was like, oh, so I shouldn't be so nonchalant when I I don't try to hop curbs. Y'all, I'm trying to make a turn, but sometimes I misjudge because my depth perception is not good. Yeah. I'm depth perception
is not good. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that that's kind of I've been I have not been working very much in the shop, actually, with this cold weather. And I know they won't it's not that cold in Florida compared to other places, but to to us, to me, with my thin Florida skin, it is cold. And, you know, being being out in the shop and and being that cold and, you know, plus it makes me makes the bones ache a little bit now.
Yeah. Yeah. No. I mean, neither one of us has tried to go outside too much, and yet we have our across the street neighbors in what for us is extremely cold weather. They were out there cleaning gutters Yeah. And had hoses going. It's like nothing was gonna freeze or out of that temperature right now. Yeah. But it was like, okay. Take advantage of your day off, I guess. Right. Could not be me. We had to I I had to get a prescription called in
kind of late yesterday Yeah. Which made me a little nervous because, you know, if I wanted it, I needed I needed to feel better. I was like, there's a good possibility the pharmacy will not have this ready before they close. And I was like, but it's supposed to snow tomorrow, so I kinda need them to try. They did. They did. I had we were able to get there, like, right before they closed. We're like, we don't have to
get out of the car. We've Mhmm. But I had to drive because Jimmy was like, I just need you to drive, and it's the Corolla, so I should drive it. It's and I was like, yeah. But I don't drive well in the dark. So I'm like a little old lady. People are zooming past, and I'm like, I kinda see where I'm going. It's not bright enough out here. But yeah. He was like, do you want me to drive home from the pharmacy? I'm like, I got it. I got it. So Andre asks, have we found the current
exchange rates have been hurting our sales? We do not get an overwhelming amount of international sales. So I'm sure it has affected the few people who might have purchased Right. If the exchange rates are not great, but we are primarily American customers. And sales have been have been slow this month, not like we're used to, but, you know, there's a there's a lot going on in the world. And I I know even for kinksters, sometimes a new toy is not your priority.
And and we've we've had a lot going on too. So, you know, we we haven't we we haven't been, balancing some stuff along with work. So, you know Yeah. But, I can't tell when we're a low on stock because we're still doing restocks. It's hard to know, would we have more sales if we had product and that's sold out? We don't. You can't know. Mhmm. So Yeah. We'll just we're being kind of I wouldn't call anything about me relaxed, but we are not, in panic mode about anything.
No. It's just we're aware of the state of the world too. So And and, you know, so a lot of what we're alluding to, we'll be talking a little bit more in-depth when we do our, Patreon podcast. Yeah. We do a a behind the scenes Mhmm. Podcast episode every month for for patrons through our Patreon. Membership drive going on right now. Patreon.com/kayla lords. But, yeah, there's there's stuff. There was something else I was thinking about, and now I don't remember what it was.
Could not have been that important. See, you know, I used to say that, and I used to say it proudly. Oh, because my dad said it during my formative years. And so now it's just the voice in my head of, oh, you can't remember what you were saying or thinking or doing. It must not have been that important. But now I'm a person who cannot hold a thought in her head for more than half a second. And I'm like, no. No. No. I forget the important shit too. My mind used to be like a steel
trap. It's now like a sieve. That must not have been that important statement. It's bullshit. Oh my god. There's so many things. I'm not gonna 1, I can't remember them all that mind like a sieve thing. And 2, this is not I'm not getting into it all here, but there are a lot of, like, sayings or aphorisms or just things that like, bullshit things that people say because saying these things makes you sound certain, makes you sound like you know, instills, like, a false sense of confidence that
you understand the world. There are so many of those fucking things from my childhood into my my twenties and early thirties that, man, I believed whole cloth, and I'm like, that's all bullshit. What the fuck, man? Goddamn personal growth. Having to rethink everything I fucking know. So Alright. So yeah. I guess that's it for us, Yep. We still got stuff to do our day, man. Our day's not done, but Yeah. This part of our day is done. Yeah. Okay. We're gonna go.
Thanks for being here. Absolutely. To the bitter end, especially. Mhmm. Okay. Yeah. Bye. Bye.