Needing External Motivation in Power Exchange

You're listening to loving Bd and podcast episode 04:02. Kayla here with the 1, the only the app absolute trouble maker. John Browns. Darn straight. So much of a trouble maker. Y'all almost forgot your mic. Let's see. Almost don't count setting in horse shoes and hand age. I knew that was coming. You rallied Lola up before we recorded the Monday up a episode. Yeah. I almost forgot to push a couple of buttons. I mean, we did take a break so

I get it. Like I'm not sure I'll know what to say when we start the stream. Hey, you were at the end of the other 1. You were also like, oh, what do I what I do here? Yes. The power of editing. Nobody has to. Nobody has to know that that Simply just rat me out. It's okay for you to talk about the things that I. Okay. I'm a sassy baby girl. You were supposed to be my long suffering, but patience, kind, wise daddy doll. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, water are here for? Not this. I didn't hear this.

So we're back from my. And we're talking about... I don't know how to describe it in a way that, like, immediately makes sense to everybody, but here we go. We're... Talk about this thing that some people including myself experience. In life in general, but and definitely in power exchange where...

The external motivation of your dom telling you to do something or that you're doing something, for your power changer to benefit your partner will get you moving on certain things in a way that internal motivation just will not Sometimes internal motivation ain't there. Do I wanna fold the sheets tail? No I don't, But does... Do I fold them on my daddy? Some you need to fold the sheets and have it done by x time? Yes. You do. Yes. I do. And that is something called as ex. I

hope I said that right. Motivation, And that's what we're gonna talk about this week. Welcome to the Loving Bd podcast cast. This is your first time listening glad to have you. If you're back for another week. Welcome back. Living Bd has produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and china to are found at loving bd m dot net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast

app. You can also follow the show on fat life at loving Bd pc on Instagram and threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate. Loving Diaz ass. On the number 1, so that's at loving DS1 or on Youtube at Youtube dot com slash loving bd where you can watch just live stream the podcast every Wednesday. Ollie links are in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our patrons over on

Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are able to be weirdo on the Internet in large part because of our king community on Patreon, and we are grateful for every fucking. 1 of you. If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and discord server with a group of super cool super nice Gangster. You can do that. Just join us at patreon dot com slash kayla Lords that's patreon dot com slash server Kayla Lords or use the link in the show notes.

Okay. So before we get into this week's topic back. A couple of announcements. 1, the Monday episodes are coming back next month. July eighth yeah. That's how dates work. Sure. We recorded it today, Wednesday. I guess now, I have to do my part and edit, but it's, you know, it's coming. We're we're back on it. We got a whole, like, list the questions waiting for us. Mh. If you have a question, please, please, please submit it. The link should the it down below.

You go to our website loving bd m dot net, and get it there. The next thing we're back to. We got out of this habit. We're back to it because we got shit going on. We're sponsoring ourselves. This week we are sponsored by ourselves in the form of the kin, the kin dot com. Yeah. Our... Kinky Toy shop where Jb makes 90 percent of the product, and I somehow may now make a 10 percent. Say. Wife is weird. So what do you need to know about the King, Why should you care this week.

The big thing I'm actually encouraging a lot of people to do. We're keeping our standard product stocked. We have thick sticks, which is like if a cane and a paddle had a baby, and it... It hurts like hell. We have plenty of paddle. We've got plenty of canes. All kinds of good stuff, but working on new products right now. So the big thing, the big big thing is to get on our email list because whenever we release something new, it goes to our email list first. Yeah. If you subscribe to the

tinker email list. You will get a 10 percent off coupon. To use on your first purchase. And that doesn't have an expiration date. So it Like, you can sign up today, and then our, next big releases is sometime this month. I don't know how picked a date yet. And that coupon code will still work If you decide you wanna shop when we release a new product. Mh. The email list is also good because Jb has gotten into this.

Thing he periodically does where he has a single piece of wood, and he's like, I will make a single type of paddle and probably never make it again, and we call those 1 offs, and those good to our email list first 2. We had 2 last week. Yeah. They were gone in about 2 hours. The first person swoop in within, like, 10 minutes, and the next person was, like, at the end of 2 hours. It's like, okay. I'll take this 1. Yeah. So email list... Is where it's at. Y'all. I'm I'm

currently in production of another 1. Mh. Mh. I shared a photo of it in our discord server earlier. Shout out to the. Mh. And that that's I still got some tweaks to do it. It's not, you know, and progress. To work in progress, still still some things to add to it. Mh. Mh. But I'm I'm really kinda stoked about. This particular 1. And And I actually even created a template. Mh. For it because while, I, I'm not going to intend to make it a regular. Right. I will do it periodically.

I think. Well, you've already smack me with it. Yeah. And it is... In terms of sensation, not unlike a fix stick, which again, let me tell you is, like, a cane in a about a lot of baby. Mh same. We're very painful. You know. So yeah, the king dot com is the place. If you'd like to get on our email, newsletter, list thing, what are words. I don't know. First of all, we do not spam. Like, I think the most for the shop I've ever sent in a month is like 4. That's usually at the holidays when we

got major sales going on. Do not spam. You will knock get emails every fucking day. I don't have time for that. So you don't have worry about that. You get a coupon, and you'll get to know when new products. Come out before we put it on social media. So link in the places, if you are interested and are not currently signed up for... The King crease newsletter. Okay. Let's get into this episode. This episode has been on

my mind 4 literal weeks. Yeah. And so much so that when we were working on episode 04:01 the week before we took break. Mh. I couldn't decide which 1 should we do? You were, like, just pick 1, and I actually prep this week's episode 2 weeks ago. I am never that prepared. No. Know. Never that not. But this, particular topic it's very close to home. The first opportunity that we got to talk about it, I could not find the the

episode that I'm referencing here. So I'm hoping somebody with a better memory than I can find it. We... I wanna say it was a q and A episode is either 1 of the short Monday ones or it was like, mh. Ask us anything deal, but the person asked a question and they were like, you know, I'm trying to explain to my dom that I want To

do things air quote for them. Yeah. Because they tell me to, even if they're things I ought to be doing myself because I find it difficult to have enough internal motivation to do the mundane chores that I know need to be done. But if My dog tells me to do it. I can get it done, and I was like, it's same. Okay. It's hard same. So the term is ex... I hope I'm saying right? Ex motivation. Which is in direct, you know, opposite

to internal motivation. It is the fact that you are motivated from outside fork. In this case, we're gonna talk about it in terms of power exchange. No It is not just a submissive thing. I think dominance experience their own version of this. I'm very curious to ask Jb about this from his perspective. So that is what we're talking about. And so I'm gonna try and get into it. As excited as I was for this topic the bullet points are, like 2 of them. So... Oh, good.

Now... But I'm not resources, which I have all so linked. So let's talk about what ex motivation is. Okay. The, definition from the American psychological Association Says that an external ex motivation is an external incentive to engage in a specific activity, especially motivation arising from the expectation of punishment or reward. That are... It just sounds kinky, and they didn't even mean it that way. But their example was completing a disliked chore

in exchange for payment. See, the thing is is and this is a joke. That I say around this house all the time. I can be bribe to do a lot of things like things I don't... I need to do and I don't wanna do, and I will also bribe my children. You don't want that to do that thing, mom will buy you that root beer that you've asked to drink because we don't keep it in the house. And I'm here for bribery. And and she's not incorrect about that. But because that's how I get her to help me with the

yard work. Look, with the promise of a coffee when it's dark. I tell you that I help you with the yard work because I cannot stand watching because a 62 year old man with a bad back, kill himself by himself in the front and backyard. So my own, like, guilt of going I I feel I don't think I should watch him do the tense. Maybe the exercise do me good. Maybe so, but I still feel like I should be out there helping you. It's my house too is how I look at that. But but I know that I'm I'm the 1 who

folds sheets. Jb negotiated very early in our relationship. He will not... He will not do bathrooms who will not fold sheets. Fine. I can do those things. But I procrastinate like fuck about that kind of stuff. And and I'll... Man I'll let, they're Washed dried. Usually check to make sure they didn't get rolled up in themselves and or not. Fest and molding in the corner or somewhere. But I'll let them sit until it, like, for literal weeks.

And sometimes the only way that I can get it done is for you to use your dumb voice on me. Speaking of. I know I keep looking at the sheets of the. Speaking of what. I know. I know. Okay. So let's... Go ahead. Before we leave for Gainesville tomorrow. I. I am. Okay. So found a article talking about Ex, which is the external motivation and then interest internal motivation. Right? And, you know, a question that kinda came to my mind and it came a little bit from the guilt I

have lived with my entire adult life. And also that person's question because they were feeling guilty that they needed to ask their dominant partner for the direct command order task, whatever to do the things that they know they should do. Right? Like, man, some of us, should all over ourselves, and that's definitely a place where it happens. Right? I'm like, well, I should do this. I should do that. What's holding me back? Many things will hold you back.

We'll And so then, we some somehow feel like we're air quote wrong because we needed the external motivation. We needed to be bribe. We needed to be told in the dumb voice to do the thing. And so the question is which is which is better internal or external, and, you know, according to very well mind dot com, it... There is no better for for internal versus at journal is what gets the job done Whatever you. So that you could

get what you need done. In this case, they said, for example, ex motivation can be particularly helps full when a person needs to complete a task they find unpleasant. Mh. Additionally, external rewards can be a source of feedback to let people know when their performance has achieved a standard that is deserving of reinforcement. I mean, they're just speaking up power exchange language, and they don't even know it.

Now they do say that ex motivator should be avoided in situations where an individual already finds the activity intrinsically rewarding we're offering a reward might make a play activity seem more like work. So I definitely get the the... If I'm already internally motivated to do it. I don't... They they experts recommend not using external motivator because it can diminish your internal motivation, Or can clash with

your your motivations. And so then at the end of it, you're just less motivated in general. And then I kind of understand the idea of creating an external motivation for something that is supposed to be fun and playful. Because then it it does become work. If there's a thing that we really enjoy doing together, and it's fun for us. Yeah. And you dom voice me into it, well now it's no longer necessarily this fun playful thing. It's now my submissive task, and I'm gonna look at it differently.

Because... Oh of where the motivation is coming from, the why that I'm doing it. Right? So those are the resources like, linked to them in the places for anybody who might want to go check on all that. So let's talk about this. Mh I absolutely get this. I've been this way my whole life. I have a lot of guilt about it my whole life because there are a lot of messages from the world around us that say, you know what you need to do, you should just do it. Yeah.

But there are a lot of reasons why you can know exactly what you wanna be doing and just don't have the get up and go and some of that is mental health, Like, when my anxiety is high as did a happening. Some of that is neuro divergence, and anything that can cause executive dysfunction. And sometimes it's just lack of interest, like, if I'm given the true ways. Swing the thing I really enjoy doing.

The thing I find boring or the thing that I feel like it's interfering with stuff I wanna be doing or the thing that is just just not doing it for me. Know? Mh. It can be hard. And I think because I'm not an expert this, I think there are a million in 1 other reasons why sometimes somebody is not internally motivated, You to do a thing that mh air quote this, they should be doing. Well, yeah. Had to air quote you're in your throat.

Sorry. Podcast listeners. I hope you felt the rush of the wind as my air quotes. Yeah. Because those the big 1 man then fingers were like Yeah. Oh boy. So... But our stupid walk first to be mental health. Mh. Yeah. Here's where I'm curious. I know that I get up because you're expecting me to. I also know though that the reason we do this at all is because I came to you and went okay. For that 80 fifth time in our relationship. I would like to try this whole fitness journey together,

what we do. I know what I wanna do I know what I need to do. But I can't... I don't have the internal motivation to get myself going. You walked away. Thought about it came back with this, and and truly as much as I complain about it as much as like, tease about it as grumpy as I can be some mornings of 05:30 as I'm walking through a dark neighborhood. I will do it because I'm following you. Right. I, would like to go through my thought

process. I would love to. So when you approach me with this, And You know, there there have been times in the past. You know, we have done the whole fitness thing with you. And it's been a chore folks. It's been of chore. So, you know, you you brought this up me and and I told you I said, need some time to noodle. Mh. Need some time to noodle. Excuse me. I There's only water in here notes. Only... Be in a better mood if there was something stronger in there.

So I started thinking about it. And the the funny thing was before she brought this up, I had already been thinking about myself. I had shot up to a weight that I was not comfortable with. And yet I was not in a place where was like, okay. I need to do something. You didn't have the internal motivation. You knew what needed to happen, but you didn't have a way to get yourself there. So I I think what kinda happened was there was an external external. Did

we have an a a motivation exchange? I think well as a power change. Yes. So I I was I was thinking about it, and I was, like, I know if I just told you you wanna walk every day, there would probably be some pushback. I didn't at the time when I came to you and I was, like, I need help with us. I know what I need to be doing, and I just cannot fucking get myself to do it. Yeah. I was I was prepared to walk by myself. My concern was that because this is what historically happened.

Is that you would not be able to sustain the motivation to keep me accountable. Mh because that's typically when it's been a thing where you're like, okay, you're gonna go do this thing as my submissive, but it's really good for me too. Right? This thing you can't do without the push from me. Right? When something about fitness and Nutrition. And I think it's the only thing that this happens to us with so I don't know.

Eventually, I would run out of steam, and then you would run out of steam to be on the other side, you know, Mh. Making sure that I do what I need to do. And that's why I was a little concerned with asking you because I know you've had that experience. Nobody wants to, like, keep failing multiple times neither of us did, you know, So that I like the idea that you say it was an external exchange between us because... Yeah. You know, I do... I mean, and, literally.

Y'all. I am following him down the road. Sometimes like this morning was a rough morning, and I had maybe 1 eyeball ball open, and my could not get my brain in my body to... Cooperate while we walked? If she woke up this morning and she was very disappointed it was not raining. Do I check the weather every morning of our walk yesterday I did. Boy But I... As long as all I had to do was keep a pace behind you. Mh. I could do it. And as long as you're getting up up. Mh. I

will get up. Now I don't do it out of fear that you... I will... There will be discipline in in consequences for it. We've never actually talked about what them would be. It's just sort of understood that if you're a bottom up here we go. And and I'd I particularly did not. And any any punishment or consequences to this, any because I know that that does not work for you 1 to certain understand. Are certain certain. Certain things that it it will not work for you.

You know, positive reinforcement is something that is much work Oh, yeah. Better get a lot further with them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, then I started thing. I... I I'm... So I'm I'm thinking about this. And it actually took me a little longer to to muddle all this through before I finally, you know, we sat down and talked about it. And you know, I I was also thinking, well, you know, we are heading into Florida summer.

And and we're getting ready. We're on the cusp of super humidity, you know, July, August. And and I thought, you know, the the last thing we wanna do is maybe, you know, say, do you wanna do this every day of the week. Mh. You know, and neither 1 of us are in good shape per s. So That's how I decided every other day. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. So here's my question. Not on the specific decisions you made. Like, how you... Set this up, which is fascinating me, and I'm happy

to talk about that. But on the motivation part because it's not like before I came to you and said, here's the thing I'm trying to do set walk more often for my mental health. It's not like that was new information to you that that would be something that we both ought to be doing. Right. And that would be good for us. Mh. And yet neither of us had moved on it. Right? So what I'm curious about is... I mean, as you've already kind of said

you've are stu motivated here as well. Mh. But what is it that keeps you going? Because I'm I'm going. I'm getting up every morning even though there's crusty in my eyeballs. Mh. And I'm doing it because you're doing it. I'm falling out good sm of what keeps you getting up and not just going fuck the shit. I'm sleeping into bed. Yeah. Well, you know, there there were a number of other things that kind of bounded along with this.

Because then I started thinking, well, you know, if we get up at 06:00, which is basically our normal time that we get up. You know, we get up. We we we pedal far around. We we get our clothes on. We go for a walk. And and then that starts cutting into, you getting outside. Right. Which gets... Motivation from that because Yeah. Of multiple reasons. So that's how I came up with the 05:30. It's it's half an hour, but that half an hour still... And it's a half hour walks. Right.

So so it it works out with absolutely fine. So there there were a a few things that motivated me, in this. 1, for a while, I had been feeling that not been getting enough sleep. Sure. Okay? So by getting up that much earlier, I was like, okay. Well, we can get to bed a little earlier. To make up for, you know, getting up that earlier, not much earlier. And you know, when we started it, and I and I have no doubt that it would help and it is. It is.

It's it helping physically it's helping mentally, definitely mentally. I used to walk all the time. There there was the time I used to walk. Constantly and got away from it. So the obvious thing with the with the mental health, which is helping me keep going. And the other thing is since we... We've started doing these walks, I have lost a little bit of weight. Mh. And and I'm very pleased with that, not that it would... I I thought that that would that would be... That was not a

plan. That was not a plan, but it it has... So what I'm hearing is you are continuously honest. Cycle feedback loop of internal mode. And I'm dragging you along externally. Because what I'm trying to get to is, I'm doing it because you're doing it? Are you doing it because I'm doing it or because you're a super human who goes, you know what I can just decide to do a thing and go to a thing. And I feel like what the lesson is is you more often than not. Once you decide to do the thing,

you... You're self propelled, like, machine you going. I go. Yeah. I am not like that. Now I am emma But see, that that it that is kind of why. This time when you approach me with this, you know, in the past when you wanted to do things, I would oversee her. Yeah. You didn't sorry... I was not part of it. So I think the secret sauce is this ex motivation per son needs his internal motivation. I just had to find a way to, like, jump start that for you. Apparently.

So okay. The idea is ex motivation because there are people who. I'm 1 of them fill a lot of guilt and shame over. We should not. There's If you're getting shit done who gives a fuck where the motivation comes from. Yeah. There are definitely dominance who don't always understand. If that a submissive knows what they need to be doing, but what they actually need is that external motivation of their dominant saying, you're gonna do this thing because I'm telling you to, and then

it's do. So my question to you is... Okay. Are there things that you do as a dominant that are externally motivated by arthur power exchange by me asking something by the fact that you know you need to do it as a dominant to make this power exchange work. I I would have to say... And and and as far as our Bs is is concerned. Mh. The most external, And I don't even know if you would call that motivation necessarily is when you come to me and like, okay, Daddy. I I need a decision.

On on XYZ We're doing this is we got this going on and and so need to make a... In that situation, is it a thing that you've known a decision probably need to be made, but you hadn't decided to make it yet, and I'm the motivator that get you to make it. Or is it that I just bring brand new information to you and give you the opportunity to make the decision on a thing you weren't even necessarily thinking about to begin with And and that more times than not, it's

usually something I'm not thinking about. Yeah. You're you're internally motivated think more often. Then externally motivated. I think everybody has the ability to have. So both, of course. Right. Think probably, there's also a good chance that some people are more internally motivated high Jb. More externally motivated. Because it... I feel like we're speaking 2 different languages. Like, tell me what to do what I will do it happily quickly and efficiently. And

and yet. And, yet, I'm I'm gonna say that. Yet. Yes, there are things. There are a lot of things you need that external... I need the point it. You need that push. Mh. And and sometimes even need a little bit of oversight. Sometimes. Sometimes. But I have been watching you the last few days, and and with no outside motivation, you have been doing a shit on a work. Mh. The on all the shops. So

here's what's funny about that. And this is where I personally get confused on am I being, am I motivated from within or is it external? 1, I absolutely follow the dopamine. If I am interested and engaged, you get all my attention, all my effort, all my energy and certainly all my motivation until I stop being interested and engaged. And then it's a different sorry. The other thing is there's is the external motivation that we spent 400 dollars at the vet and 300 dollars on our column kid.

So I'm like, oh, we should probably earn more money. So the motivation is we need more money. Okay. Because... And you know... In that way, I know I'm externally motivated a bitch because I have said publicly many times in many different places that I'll do almost anything for a paycheck. Okay. Because if I am. Yeah. If it's a thing I feel like I can do and I am willing to do it. It doesn't mean I'm interested, but I'm willing. I'll do literally... If you're paying me, let's...

Do it. Was... Mh. Fine. And some of the things, yeah, that I've been working on are either payday in the immediate future to or future, like, long distance pay. And so that's where some of that motivation comes from. And I've actually since I've been thinking about this topic. Have started questioning how I am motivated because I up until

fairly recently. I probably would have told anybody who asked and I probably did, that I am very internally motivated because I will get up and just do the shit that needs doing. Mh. And I have set goals for myself and achieved them. But when I start thinking about what actually got me to it get up and do the things for a very long time. It's... I I truly cannot remember going, yes, I just wanted to do the things, so I did it. There are those things exist for sure.

But... And I don't know what kind of crossover this has if anybody is a mental health professional and has its fight feel free to share, but I am my longtime people please. And I have done many things in my life. Fight things that were good for me, things that were not because it made somebody else happy or because I got external validation for it. Like, I'm sitting here questioning Praise kings now like. I know my praise king is because I want to be praised and validated.

But also, I'll do a bunch of shit for a cut girl? Not mean, is it is the praise enough to sustain me long term and keep me doing something no because eventually that gets old and you stop hearing it as clear it stops hitting as hard. So then there has to be some other motivator. And then I also recognize that sometimes

the start of the motivation. The thing that starts the engines is external and then I keep me going long term because I I found something to invest in within that activity that I then don't... Me the external. So the the... For you, the external motivation puts the fuel on the fire. You can. Yeah And then if it... You just... If it catches my attention and it feels like it's going the way I want it to go, I can keep going without more external. The thing is. I have...

I'm learning a lot about myself, and I have been learning a lot about myself over the past year, mostly in response to learning things about the kids and their diagnoses because it makes you kinda question your whole ass life. But, what I preview... I think about how I am now and how I was my entire adult life prior. 2 the past 5 or 6 years.

And sometimes I... I think other people can relate to this, especially if you're are submissive and you now have to be told to do a thing that or a few years ago, you would just done for yourself. That is the thing. There are times you have to tell me not with everything, but you have to tell me a fold that laundry. Mh. Fold those sheets get this thing done. Right? And I have very clear memories of just doing the fucking thing 10 years

ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago. And so what happens is I get in my head and I go, Why can I do it then and I can't do it now? And then I had an epiphany. I'm gonna do crazy The reason I could do it then is because the internal voice and motivator, was shame. Oh, yeah. It was... I gil myself. There were times that I just would feel like I I need to sit down or I don't have the mental bandwidth or what I now... I think I recognize as executive dysfunction. What would happen is I wouldn't do

a thing. And then I would mentally be very mean to myself until I got up to do the thing. And I never, like, felt good about, oh I finally did it I was just relieved that the the mean girl voice in my head shut up for 5 seconds, but that I got so much done because I lived in the you should you ought to, you have to you need to. Of,

I don't know. Everybody else's expectations when I thought it was supposed to be doing was, you know, I've been taught in my family unit that, you know, an adult was supposed to do, like, whatever. And now At a point in life where I have... It'll in a lot of ways, let go of some of that internal self talk, which is not helping not good for me. No. I just kinda own the fact a little bit more than

before. This owners I just... I can't fucking do it without an ex good journal push, and I'm fucking grateful to be a submissive to a dom who's like, no, no. I'll tell you what to do. I actually enjoy this. This is fun for me, because I'm like I fucking need it if I wanna get shit done. Not everything, and that's the thing. Some people are gonna be thinking, like, it's all or nothing. And for me, personally, it is not. It tends to be 1 of 2 things. The things I find.

So tedious, so inefficient, so boring. I'm doing this today, and I'm gonna have to do it in 6 more days. Why is life like this? Those things. Again, not all, but most. Yeah. And then the things that I am afraid to be bad at. Like, not you don't get in the business of my business, often we're... We work side by side, we work together, but things that you know were my thing. You don't really say. I don't much about. I don't pick in... Right Windows.

But things were we're, like, working together, if there things that I've talked to you about that I wanna do promotional or Product development or whatever. And I start procrastinating. A lot of that will come from fear. Fear of fucking it up, Not being perfect. Rather a little lot being seen like all the fears. But if you go baby girl, you need to work on it. You might not even know what telling me to work on. But if you tell me to do it, Mh. Something about that, and I... I've only

experienced it in our power exchange. They have never had another partner shortly. Not a vanilla partner who would have the e privilege to tell me what the fuck to do. Okay? When you do it, even though I I'm scared. I'm, like, could just be sick everywhere. I'm so nervous. Mh. I can fucking do it. That there's something about the dynamic. Maybe it's the trust. I'm maybe it's the... You've never asked me to do anything that I wasn't capable of. And so I might not trust myself, but

I trust you. You think when I when I come to you and I I say, you know, alright. Baby girl. Need to get those sheets folded. And and and put away by, you know, the specific time. Do you think there's a certain amount of of validation for you they're a hand. I mean, I do have I'm if that's the right word, but that's what... Validation feels right. I know for man again. Cannot speak creative any anybody ever. It is a strange feeling to know, like, if I allow myself to think about it closely, that

10 minutes ago. The idea folding sheets was so boring. Why? I don't want to. It easy to forget. I got other to think about It's outside out of mind. You tell me. Now 1, I get the playful little thing of I get to whine for about 10 seconds because Yeah. You allow that Like, I don't overdo it. Most of the time. And I'll go, oh, do I have to and we get this banter back and forth. Right. Which is very much our power. Exchange. So I get... There's that. There's that, like, that reinforcement.

Then I'm still not excited about the thing I need to do, but I am maybe motivated is the what I want to get it to exceed your expectations, get it done sooner than you told me too. Oh, I do love an impressed oh, you're already done my whole life since childhood, let me be faster, better, stronger, something something something than you thought I would be whoever you might be. The Scotty ticket. Me. Let me surprise the shit out of people I fucking love that shit.

I don't know why. But there it is. It's me probably the praise you get from shit like that. So I like... I don't wanna... Just still don't wanna do the thing. But I want you to be happy. I want you to be proud, and I want you to be pleasantly surprised that I did it quickly. I did it without reminders. I did it in a time and a way or whatever you that was un expected to you. And I think it's not just because I feel like I'm giving something as a submissive. I think

there's a little bit of that. I think it is the response that historically, I have gotten for being that. Way, I don't know if that's healthier, I just go. Like... Yeah. When I work way like a a big girl job in a in a corporate kind of atmosphere. Yeah. That could be used it's and it was used kind of against me in a very toxic way. It was like, how much can we work her into the ground before she just... Yeah. And and there's a lot of...

Like that. And that is the downside to being that kind of person who wants to exceed expectations because I get a little thrill out of it. Did I get more money out of it No, but I got the thrill. Right? Like, not everybody is deserving of... That desire that I have. If this sounds relatable to anybody, not everybody is going to be worthy. Of that from you either. And learning that was whoa, that was some tough lessons.

But now give Like, I don't even think about doing, you know, looking for external motivation anywhere else, I am really sorry for you because your stars over there and you're doing it well me, But it also means that I don't know for anybody else. I very few very few people can externally motivate me now I don't wanna fucking do it in the first place, I'm I'm probably not fucking doing it. But if you want me to do. It. And I can't come up with a legitimate reason why I shouldn't have to.

And make a clear case for my, side of the argument. Then I can... I mean, I can almost do anything. Now that's a huge power you have. Huge power. It is. And that's an reminder to king pictures out there, not every partner you have is gonna be worthy of that level of power. Too. If you know that about yourself, if you have figured that out about yours yeah. That that is. Yeah. You're right. You're absolutely right. Mh. I... Good thing I choose to use my powers

for Google. Fuck. I am... I mean, Chase is gone. I'm... You know, part of it I think it it works for us because I am I'm so routine oriented. There's plenty of things. I don't really need motivation for. Other than the, I said I would do this as his submissive, and it will make him my daddy dom hap. If I do it. Right? Because if I... I don't do it, I'd better have a fucking reason why. And I can live with that, and I can I can kinda go on a pseudo autopilot that

way, like, I just? Mh. These are the things I do. I agree to do them. That I have no reason that I have come up whether that has, like, struck me, but why I don't want to or shouldn't anymore. So I just keep doing it. And, you know, I've embraced the fact that I just... I get a fucking kick out of it. Like, I don't I don't think it would work if you were coming to me every 10 minute, with another thing. Like, I, we just don't live that kind of life

that's not gonna fucking work. Yeah. No. So you use your powers wisely and judicious, thank you for that. But it's with And I'm at this point, because of the nature of our... How busy we are as parents and as, you know, with work, you actually don't come to me as often as you once did. And so sometimes, I have to put my miss of hat on and remember that you were asking me something is my dumb, but sometimes, I'm super excited. I'm like, look, he's asking me for something. I'll go. We we have

Excuse me. My goodness. You know, there... There's a very good reason why they're... I have not been coming to you with a lot of stuff. Since the youngest has been home, you have been juggling a shit on a plate. You know, over the last... Some people spin plates I juggle them. Yeah. Well, whatever. Whatever. It just made me sound extra impressive. That's okay.

You know, I I have stepped in a little bit more over the last month to to try and help and take some of that that load off And even if you can't, you know, I have been taking up on some of the things you do around the house. Mh. You know, to to free... Oh when I have feels about that. I'm sure you do, but, you know, you were not getting any... Breathing room, so to speak, you know, and it it needed to happen. It it needed to happen.

It's so funny because, you know, 4 months, you know, I was sort of just... I I don't... I wouldn't call autopilot. I I feel like I was the pilot trainee that like started school yesterday and somehow ended up in a a crashing plane with the experience pilot the passing out. Like, sometimes that's what I felt like my life was, Like, it was just it was sponge bob and Patrick running around on my brain going, oh, what do we do? Like the that with... That's what it.

And yet, I could kind of in some ways appear to be on autopilot of getting things done part of that is because I'm very routine oriented and as long as the routine stayed the same. I could do the same things. But also because in that case, the external motivator was if it doesn't get done, everything falls apart, and we don't have the luxury, of everything falling apart. No. We don't. Now.

That's not sustainable. I I am not the first, not the last, not the only person who we'll have to function through life with that kind of motivation. I mean, life ebb and flows. Right? Does. In the flow, you get to like, sit down a little bit more in the app, maybe not. So it's weird to me because it's not like I wake up every day and those kinds of situations, and I'm like, I'm ready to do this thing because it fulfill me. It's the right thing to do. It's more like,

okay. Just keep your head down and go straight straight line. And if you do not get through it, it will be even worse tomorrow, and that would be I'm motivation. Yeah. Having you come in with the assist was weird. I wasn't used to it. Sure, I'm I know it can be hard for people to to believe this, but there was a bit of a... You mean, I'm gonna let go of some of this control, which weirdly, I parenting we... There is no power exchange,

but mh. You know, when you're the default parent when you're the 1 who does the majority of a thing, you claims some ownership over it It you kinda control how long shit goes. And in a way, I was like, oh, good. I don't... I don't have to be the only 1 to think about this But in another way I was like, oh, but he's gonna do it differently, and that's a whole other thing. And I think we've done that episode.

Think But, yeah, it has... I I didn't realize it at the time, and I don't think I realized it till you've just said something, but you doing that, freed up space in my brain. Mh. And so then I can be a little internally motivated to go work on inter sting to me projects. Right. I can maintain the whole air quote energy to get up and go for a walk even when... I mean, I've had this conversation with you a few times. There have been days today

would have been 1 of them. That if this had been a me doing it thing and you singing, this would have been a day I would have gone nope can't do it roll and go to sleep. With you as the motivating factor for me, And all I have to do is follow, there is something so just nice to me sometimes about turn the brain off and just fucking follow him. Okay? What he doing? He's not leading me into anything dangerous? Well, I have had... There's been doubts. We walk a very be dark new

before the sun comes up. Yeah. And many, a lot of the street lights do not work. And if he... If you were not walking with me, I would not be it we have this time. I would I would not expect you to walk. But alone with that hour of the month. But I may I will truly get to just go just just follow them. Just put your clothes on. And keep... You can keep your head down if you want. Just and it's a luxury to kind of be able to turn my brain off and not have to think about what

am I doing? Why am I doing it, you know, in the case of what I was saying earlier about the shame and guilt I have felt for years about the need for... External motivation. I wish I kinda I hadn't picked that up apart yet. I wish I knew where the fuck that came from? Like, what is it in society or just in my upbringing the taught me that somehow getting a push from outside is an air, inherently wrong and bad and you're weak or

you know, you suck. Right? Like, none of that is fucking true, and it actually makes me happy as you're submissive, to just fucking follow you sometimes. Right? Like, I just I just gotta do what, my daddy says, and life is good right now And that is enough of a motivator for. Now, I do not... Outside of this the context of this conversation. I don't think of it in those terms. I think of it as as I just get to be my study self, turn off brain, you know, move body, just what what he

wants you to do? You just do it. Right? Yeah. And then I know for a lot of submissive, that can be a very relaxing freeing, comforting, pick your word, feeling to finally go, oh, You mean, I don't have to worry about this. I don't have to think about this. In in this case, our main example being our Stupid walks or our stupid mental health. I don't have to convince myself every day that I ought to be doing this. I don't have to find the external motivation

for myself. I don't have to find or pretend to find the internal motivation for it, and I don't have to have the mean girl voice in my head, making me feel bad when I don't wanna do it. I literally... Get to shut all that dot off. Mh. And just do what Daddy says. Now. That does not work. We're. Yeah. But when it works, it is fucking amazing. And it... And it's only amazing because we're sitting here picking it apart. In the moment, in, I'm just not as stressed. I'm

not as cranky. I'm not as what I'm just like, look at me, I did the thing. You know fold the fucking sheets. When you did say have to do that before we go to Cancel. Right? Do I remember that correctly duck thing is I've gotten older, and life has shifted and changed, and I... Just to handle life differently than I once did. I'm not ready to say that I'm un mask, because I'm still... But I I think that's probably... For people who know what that term

is, it's probably something like that. So as those changes have occurred, I can no longer trust my memory In a way I once could. Is it perry probably? I don't know. It just 8. I don't know. But man, the... This mind is not a steel trap anymore. So that is my... That is another motivator I have to... Not just a validation in the excitement and the praise and the, you know, exceeding expectations because I was that kind of person from childhood. It's It's also the oh

shit. I will forget this existed And I... If I get it done now, I can't forget it. And then I can't get in trouble because ultimately what I want is to be a good sickness. I wanna be the kind of submissive that you and I both want me to be. You know? You, you know, I don't think you want me to be a specific type of submissive, but you like the type of submissive I am most of the time. I on 4 times a not. Ra right. I mean, it's, you know, if it was not majority, then that'll be a problem.

So, you know, there's that as well. I think it's a very... I think motivation in general is very complicated. I I saw... I've already... Like, I'm not looking at it, but I remember seeing in the live chat? Me. So what are you do You have no motivation, internal, external. Sometimes you just get through day to day and you just survive until whatever it is you need for the motivation hits you. Person or internal or paycheck or the con... Avoiding the consequences Of I'm not doing a thing.

That's a motivator. That is a motivator. It's not always the most helpful motivator. I mean, is it some sometimes I wonder too if it's a case of you know, opposites a attract. Sometimes. So to speak. Sometimes. I mean, I don't I don't think that's a universal. I mean, it's just stereotype tight because it Yeah. Soon true for some people. Yeah. I want to... I mean, I'm very familiar with external motivation as a submissive. Is how I get shit done as we have... Clearly stated.

I would like to... And I guess we have to do a thought experiment because somebody named John Browns stone is very internally motivated. But I can absolutely imagine a dominant who would be externally motivated by their power exchange. Like, even if you can't real to external motivation. Are there things you do? In your relationship with me as a dominant that if you are not the dominant of me, like and I did not have the needs I have as a submissive that you

just wouldn't do because they... They... There would be no need. Yeah. Right. So it is absolutely feasible to me that some dominance are doing it whatever that thing is as a dominant. Mh. Because they're submissive needs them to. Not because an internal force goes, we just do the thing and here here's why. And however, you're fucking wired over there mister healthy 1 what the fuck at about. You know, some people are gonna need the... This is what my submissive needs and so

I'm going to provide it them. Mh. And I just, you know, we've spent all this time talking about me as a submissive and hopefully 2 other. Just wanna go dom, who need external motivation. I see you. You are just as it that motivation is just as valid as the motivation I need. Right? Like, it's not it is not wrong.

Or inherently bad to find your motivation from outside of yourself from your power from your your kinky partner from the activities and the routines and the tasks and the pro call you negotiate within your power exchange. Quite frankly for anybody out there who's, like, dealing with negotiating a power exchange or you're shifting your power change, let what externally motivates you guide you as long as that can fit in a healthy way? Like, if you are submissive up, there

who's like, oh, yeah. I'm gonna do more of if my dom tells me to do it. Even if my dom does not quote need me to do it. They're That's where that question got kinda hung They're dumb got hung up. They're like, I don't need you to fold your laundry. You need to fold your laundry and that's... This it was like I will do it if you tell me to do it. Right. Right? Like, Yeah.

That... You know, sometimes we need the motivation, not because because you need something from us, but because it it helps us as much as, you know, we can help... If I'm a better... If I'm feeling good as a human being and a sickness, I'm a better sickness submissive. Right? If you're feeling good as a human making to dominant, you're a better dominant. If some of that are. Feeling good comes from what your partner, asks of you does for you needs from you.

It's as long as everybody's kinda in on it and understands what's going on. And it's not it's not using somebody without giving back in return and rec, not a 1 to 1. I, you don't need me to motivate you. We've established that. Okay. You do not need to hold up my end of the power exchange board. And Mh. And if I can't, you need me to communicate that. That's enough of a swap. Right? Mh. For me to be come comfortable with and grateful for

you as an external motivating. Mh. Because I'm not asking you to do things you don't wanna do wouldn't do otherwise are outside your comfort level. I'm asking you to be my dumb, and sometimes I'm telling you, hey, in a very specific way. This is what I need from you. That is no different than negotiating any other thing about your Power exchange, your kinks, your boundaries, your wants, your limits. I would like this from you. And it... Yes, it will serve as external

motivation. I understand that, but this is what I I would like you as my dom to do for me, will you do that? If you agree to do it, then it's a reciprocal thing even though maybe what I'm getting out of it. Is beneficial in a way that you're not benefiting from. Other than the fact that you're benefiting from benefiting for me doing my shit, the way you want me to do shit. That's true. That's very true. For anybody who gets hung up mh. On the... Why should I do this? Why should I ask them?

It's about your needs? I And as long as your partner consent to it, then... Mh. Then then you're good. I... Yeah. I got myself all hot and bothered. You got yourself in a Ta. So I did see Tissue say something in live chat. Mh. That if you work from home and get work done, he met he said extra he met internally motivated. Here's the thing. For the most part, I would agree with that. Mh. But also, if I pick it apart,

I'm not... Sometimes I'm doing shit because it's important to me reaching the goals is important to me, you know, hitting a certain number that we've said, doing a certain thing. That's important to me. But I'm motivated by the money. Well, I mean, I... That's kind of it's... Star. III think I... You know, I I think that's kind of AAA given for most everybody. You know, You like to have a roof over head, you like to have, you know,

food on the table and True. But when you own your own business and you have to do... Everything. I think it's okay to go part of the motivating factor external to me. Because we can't control who buys how much what they buy how much it's spend. We can only do our... We can only do something that we care about and enjoy. That's the internal motivation we want to be making kinky toys. We love what we do. That's our internal motivation. But on the dates.

When I would rather sit my ass on, a couch and doom scroll. The thing that is getting me up is not internal. It might be John Brad and it's time to go to work with a what are you still doing here? There there been a few times. You, you, you know, during the day, I hear my phone being, and I know the sound of... What of of Instagram. And I'm very tempted. You know, I'm in the middle of doing something, but I'm very tempted sometimes to pick up before that aren't you supposed to be working? So

here's it's funny. Let me tell you about my mark method. When I have to do something tedious. I y'all. Aren't I think I made this clear earlier. I fucking bribe myself. Now some days, I let myself get distracted by my phone, and I just scroll and scroll and then I'm... Like, got that mean girl voice in my I head about, oh, you suck. Well, I mean, more than... Less than it used to be more than it. Yeah. But, like sometimes I bribe myself, and I go look. If you go do that thing

that you're you don't wanna fucking do. Just go do it. Mh. You're allowed to have number minutes. To just look at your phone. Now, the hard part, and this is where this is where internal motivation comes from because it's not truly 1 or the other, someone's that's probably both is then I have to be the 1 to stop myself. I go, okay. Oh excuse me? You cannot scroll for an hour then it's not how you get worked done. But, you know, here's... That's the thing.

When I worked for somebody else, unless I had something that had to be... Delivered done completed by a date. I could dick around all I wanted the the motivator to get me there Got me there in the morning, but there was no internal motivation to keep working, that still occurs as I work from home for myself. There are days when I'm like, I wish I was I was a corporate person again who could... Just dick. Well, you know, So I just dick.

The big the big difference is if you if you have a job that you go to. And and this is not a hundred percent always the case. But if you have a job that you go to. You go to your job and you perform a particular function, that then is a part, you know, and everybody else is performing their function Okay? And then everything comes together, whatever, you know, service or or or good you're producing. But when you go to that job, usually, you're not doing everything. You're performing a function.

Yes. Now here we are self employed sure We do all the. Right. And or we go, well we can't do that function because we do not have the skill for that function or the budget. But, I mean, the the... There are plenty of us who... However you work, you have a day where you go. I'm just I'm just passing time. I'm just passing time. I'm not actually doing anything. See what what take happens to home too. Yeah. This might be I mean what what Tissue just said it

kinda hits. The nail on the head. The money is the external reward for the internal motivation. I think for some of us. Yes. And I think even for myself much of the time. But there are... I have I have I have done a thing I hated just for the paycheck. To me, I'm gonna call that journal motivation. Yeah. I think it's parsing, you know, it's semantics at a certain point. If you feel like the motivation is coming from within the call is coming from inside the house. It is.

I don't I don't... It doesn't have to be the same for me. I don't have to see it that way. It is. If for you, that is internal, it's internal. If for you, it's external and you're, like, in, I don't really see it coming from inside me, but, you know, payday. Every Friday got a nice. Mh. It is. Like, however, you know, however, it feels to you is I just know myself well enough to know that, yes. There are

absolutely things. I just fucking do because they're important to me, and I wanna get them done and I don't need anybody to tell me to do it. I don't need a air quote reward or a result for it. I'm just fucking doing it for my own reasons, and I'll get myself going and quite frankly, motherhood. You know? Like, like, that we know... We all know shitty parents exist out there so cool clearly, there are people who are not motivated to, like, try and do right with their kids.

I do the things I do for my kids not because of external motivation. I do it. It... That's internal. The... A lot of the things I do for work in business. A lot of them are internal. But I am becoming more comfortable with admitting than a lot of fucking should I do requires and is because of some level of external motivation there. Plenty of things I would never do if there wasn't something from outside. I mean, you you talk about, you know, how I have internal motivation. Okay?

But there are things that externally affect that. Sure. Alright. Because part of my internal motivation is driven by the responsibility of, oh, I have a family take care of. Sure. I have a home to take care of. Mh. Alright? You know? So all all those things kinda... You know, and if I don't do what I'm supposed to do. Then... Here's what that tells me, and here's what I think we're getting at without saying

it. The whole fucking thing is more nuanced than a black or white, yes or no, binary, internal external. Plenty of things require both. Yeah. Or work when you have both or allow you to have both, Right? No, like, when I start... When I just get up, and I start working on some tedious thing in the business that... If I had my brothers, I would not do. And I do it without thinking about the outcome of this is money or the, you know, my daddy told me to, and I just go this needs to be

done and I do it. That is internal. However, when I get bored, and I mentally wander off and start scrolling Instagram and sharing 85 reels a minute with you, and I get the... Baby girl. That is... And I put my fucking phone down and get back to work. That is external motivation, and it's all happening at the same time. Right. I I think it is something that is so intertwined. Yes. I agree. For the comp... Conversation today because as usual,

we're getting into the weeds. Because they like to be in the weeds. It's more of a simplifying the idea of external motivation for Kingston, especially those who think that somehow

they... Air quote this should not need an outside influence on their motivation who feel bad because they only do something because they're wanted them to do it or a dumb, who somehow feels bad, guilty whatever whatever for only doing something because I'm you know, they they said they'd do it for their submissive, it's part of the power. And without that, they wouldn't do it. Plenty of people, Probably I don't feel bad at all. They

just kinda go about their... They don't even think about it that fucking hard. But because I think Kinks are in a unique position when The communication is flowing and doing well where we start talking about the why of stuff. Right? Is especially if you're negotiating your Power exchange, and I'll speak from the perspective of a submissive, and I ask you to do something for me or to help me with some thing or to oversee something that you would never normally even consider. 1 of your

questions is most likely gonna be okay. What's this about? Tell me more. Help me understand. Right. And then I am in the position of trying to explain to you why I, a grown ass woman. Needs to be told to fold the sheets. Right? Like, you there are plenty of us who will feel a little silly. Foolish childish, pick a word. I don't know. Mh. Because we... There's societal, usually. Culturally, we have been taught. We've gotten a message somehow.

That we should just do shit we're supposed to do that we know we're supposed do.

And, yeah, that would be lovely, but sometimes it's hard and power exchange gives you the opportunity to actually create the dynamic where you can get that need fulfilled without the guilt and the shame and the the mean self talk that pushes you to finally do a thing you're supposed to do or to just feel like shit when you look around it, your life and you're like, there's all things I know I need to do, and I just can't.

And the just can't comes from so many different reasons, and so many places and so many, and not everybody will understand why that simple task to you, I struggle with Right? And I know that you get confused you're like, what, are you just... Just fucking fold them. Why is this so hard? Well, we could go through a cycle analysis. Of my mind if you'd like, but how about we simplify this And I just tell you I need this. I need the push. I need the push. I need the the outs side accountability,

I need. If you'll just tell me to do it, I'll do it faster. And owning that for yourself, side without judgment and shame and apologizing for it, and just going on. This is what I need to be a better submissive. This is what I need to be a better dominant. This is what I need to be a Gangster who just, like, does basic life things a little easier. You know, that's valid. That's legit. What and that's why to me the conversation becomes important. Because of that question we got from somebody

way. Lola agrees. Because of that question we got from somebody who was feeling bad that they did better when their dominant just told them what to do. And they're dominant couldn't understand the need. In that case, if I recall the, I wish I could remember what fucking episode it was. It was 1 of the Q and a. I know, but I couldn't find it when I looked my notes. And so I don't know which 1 it is. My point is is that... That's fairly recent.

In the conversation we had about it, our advice was through shift the language you're using because the dominant got stuck on, well, I don't need you to do this. Mh. And that is a thing that I think dominance probably newer dominance probably need time to get comfortable with is not everything that you want a submissive to do necessarily has to take care of your the dominant your needs. Sometimes it's about what the submissive need. Yeah. You know? And I think that gets lost

to. That could be a whole conversation. You know? Absolutely. So that's why it's been on my mind because man, I resonated with that, and I've dealt with all of my own tough feelings about that and how wrong I have felt how bad I felt Lola agrees. And so, yeah, I think worth the conversation, but I do think it's very complex. It's not an always either or. Sometimes

it's both. Yeah. So Mh. I gave myself a headache with that I have, like a little bit of AT3 temp but not the temple of my eyebrow right here. Maybe... No. That's temple. Before the head region. So I have ran out of steam. Is there anything else you would like to ask? I don't think so just people You ever here going. I don't understand external motivation. I just I think I need to do a thing and I just go do it and I see some me. I see something that needs to be done and I do it.

And I am grateful for you. More shit gets done around here because for like that. And then I... Yep. I know Lola. I, you know what? Sometimes motivate when I see you just taking care of shit the needs to be done. I feel I feel guilty that you're over there doing it. And so I'm like, oh, let me get my let me get my lazy, butt I let's go do it. Now I... I've heard this. I have internalized this, not everybody Right, Lowell, And Everybody will agree with this.

But a lot of people that I have observed, talk to interacted with red, whatever, whatever they've put content out that talk about needing external motivation or talk about. Mh. Executive dysfunction often call themselves lazy. Right? And I've done that when I'm being mean to myself in my own head. I just got some seriously machine side eye.

So the thing that somebody's therapist not my own once told them that resonated with me is that they apparently said something to the effect of when you're lazy and you don't do the thing you need to do. Something you tend to enjoy yourself. So if you're thinking about the thing, you need to do and you're unable... To do it and you're miserable. Whatever else you are, it's not lazy, and I'll I have, like, para phrase that and rep it. But basically, lazy, if... When it's laziness,

it feels better. It's a... It's fun. You're, like, look at me not doing the thing I was to do. Mh. When it's whatever else causes you to not be able to do the things you needed to do, it's not laziness up. It's something else, executive dysfunction, Mh. Mental illness, like something something something. So... Yeah. If you need... External motivation in your power exchange to get basic shit done. You are not lazy. You just need a different approach. You the right motivator. Right.

Exactly. There. Okay. That's my panel talk, for the week. Lola is done with this. I think she would go outside if she could, but it's still raining, so she cannot. Yeah. We can do a bonus section. Okay. If you would like. So are we good? I do not know. Keep it y'all. And we'll see you next week. I It's. Can we talk to the, please. Go ahead. Thank you, Danny. Your dog is standing by the door No. She months probably go to her bed. She's ready to go to her crate. Yeah bed. Yeah. Yeah. She...

Lola has not spent as much time on the couch with us. In recent weeks and has just gone to her bed, and that's where she would prefer to spend her time. So we took a week off. And we worked. Now my mom did come to town, Yeah. And we had a whirlwind like, 5 days or so. The 18 year old came home for part of it. He enjoyed his time with his grandmother who's spends a lot of money on him. We finally got to try crumble cookies. Mh. Because my aunt uncle bought. Yep.

Spends we ate out way too often. My mom kept going. This this is me making up for not... And I don't know why she why she felt Cab compelled. I didn't send anybody mother's day gifts. I'm was the only other than her, the only other mother in the group. I didn't... I'm not sending any father's day gifts. Jb is the only only father in the group, like, she was like, so to makeup up for it. It's by treat will eat out every

night. And I was like, you you never spent this much not a mother or father stay present before. I feel like you've gone overboard. But it didn't take nobody had to cook. Nobody had to, like, keep a super ultra clean house because, you know, Afterwards. Right. So... So it was kinda nice in that aspect. Yes. I would felt more uncomfortable with it if it had been a request anybody had made to eat out, and then she was like She's, like, a month before she got here. She's was

like, this is what we're doing. And I don't wanna hear anything from anybody and I was like, okay. I'll just trying to pay it forward to my kids. I'm at my sixties, and they're still broke. Let's let's try that. I I did still work. I just didn't do as much or the same kind of work? Yeah. And now she wants to come back in. She's at the door to come back in. I don't know if the mic picked her up. And now we're streaming slash recording on July third podcast listeners.

This will come out July fifth. We are taking July fourth off. To the extent that we seriously mean we're not doing anything on Thursday. I'm actually gonna, get the podcast ready tonight to go out on Friday. Lola is off to the side she has come back in the office. She is happy. She is on her back.

Sp out as her daddy who is sometimes my daddy, but he's more her daddy gets on the floor with her to rub her belly, and she's bliss out, So as long as Lowell was happy, that's really all that matters in life. Yeah. Yeah. I've got nothing to add the 18 year old to be home this weekend. We're... We are going on Thursday to go, pick him up. He has to do... Something with his driver's license on Friday. I meant to ask that he check to make sure the Dmv was gonna go Friday.

I did not ask. He's coming home anyway whatever. So that's nice. The 14 year old is this. Close to finally being done with great. Now, for anybody who's like, it is July. How is he not done? The virtual schooling thing he did. He actually started November. So he's finishing 2 months after he would have... Right. Public school, but he's started 3 months after so and because of the way that happened the way he he started, he... You know, left school, but what he had done up to

that point in school did not count. He basically had to go back start start from square 1 per eighth grade. Like, literally, like, a handful of things to turn in and then done with eighth grade. Yeah. We asked them? Like, what do you want? How do you wanna celebrate finishing middle school. Right? Because he didn't get to have the in person and experience with his classmates, and he goes, I would like a cookie cake. And I

was like, I like how you think. I will get you a cookie cake an I'm hoping I can convince him that we need to, like, celebrate it. I don't know whatever food thing he likes. He's very particular about what he eats, but he will eat a good Mcdonald's or Wendy's or, you know, a couple of other places. So, like, just He and I are both. We're... It's like we're in the trenches to this together. So we're getting through stuff, and we're talking through, like, we're mapping out in the next

few days. He's gonna take Thursday off. It's a holiday as brothers coming home. We're just gonna, like, a everybody's and chill for Thursday the fourth. We don't really sell up great for of July. We're gonna make hamburgers. That's that's about it. We're gonna be annoyed at 2 or 3AM when the neighbors are still setting off fireworks slash shooting their guns into the air. This is an area where you legitimately have to go was pot Alright go fire arm. I don't know. Yeah.

But, yeah, we've mapped out house. He could potentially be completely done with Eighth grade by Monday or tuesday of next week. And every time we talk about it, he, like, he gets a little bit more un enthused. Mh. Silent and the live chat asked what is a cookie cake? It is a gigantic. In this case, chocolate chip cookie. 11 inches 9 inches. It can go bigger, that they use cake frosting on to decorate. Yeah. Is it cookie cake? Mh.

I'm we get ours from pub. I'm sure other places may make them in different ways, but the public's way is just around... Like... Chocolate chip cookie. Yep. Yep. Yep. And the kid loves those? Like, he'd rather have that than actual cake, and I'm like, who's chop? Are you? Because yeah be cake and the frosting. I want... I think I don't know, maybe the cookie is a vehicle for the frosting. I I don't know. No Old But, yeah. It's been school year wise. It has been a fucking year.

I think we are all kind of survivors of his eighth grade experience, but his mental health is improving, his physical health is improving. The we've had to make some changes on our end as parents to help get him to that point. His but the more improvement I see that is above and beyond how he was in in school. Mh. 6 seventh grade even before that. Like, it's not... It has not been an easy decision. It is is very stressful. I worry that I am fucking up my own kids and education every fucking day.

And yet, I can't regret it because he is he is more himself. It it is... Has been in probably years. It is nice to to see that because, yes. He was not himself for... So long. And now his personality is is shining back through. And, Bill even the typical 14 year old ish stuff, you know. I mean, I can't I we might have to sometimes discipline it, but I can't even be mad about it. I'm like, look at you. Maybe developmental them lawyer. Appropriate.

Yeah The thing is is what I've noticed is as his health overall has improved, He is willing. To do things that he found impossible. Like, small things that most of us would kinda go, oh, that's a big deal. For him, it was a big deal. Mh. And he's, like, he's he's able to make those steps and I'm like, okay. I'm still not convinced then I know what the fuck I'm doing is a parent. Certainly not a home parent. However I if it now feels like it was the right direction for him. It is not something

I would recommend for every fucking box. No. I said no. I can say no. It's definitely not for everyone everybody. If his health had not been basically ruined if this school year. I probably never would have made the note. The choice either. But no. So... So, yeah. We're just... We're mostly being parents and mh, trying to survive Florida's. Summer. And apparently, we're already watching storms as poor bear people in barrels path are getting fucked.

Mh. And yet, it's that weird thing of you feel bad for the people affected and then you... At the same time, go, I'm am so glad not us. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Knowing that, you know, at some point, our time will Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hopefully not. Am. And you never know. It's a So... And so yeah. Hurricane season is in full horse. Mh. Fur babies are all doing decent. Yeah. Like, Kayla said, did take lola to the... I am motivated to work more after the vet bill. Yeah. They really didn't find anything

glowing wrong with her. No. There. There were a few little things, her weight. Yeah. The nice thing is the the vet validated estimate. You were doing everything. Right. Supposed to. We we we're not the problem. No. We we told her what we're doing, you know, when when we started using this weight management food, You know, we look. This is what her weight is supposed to be, and this is what we're feeding her.

And you know, in in the past, her snacks would have been, you know, dog biscuits and you know, pieces of cheese and and whatnot, and and that has totally been cut out her snacks are now fresh vegetables and fruit. Mh. And and, you know, she does it. Now they did notice she had a a slight infection. She's on. She's on a serious about. Siri for 28 days. She's gonna we were given her antibiotic. And they said that might have been why

she was so low energy. Yeah. Now what they also are trying to do even though her thyroid is kind of in the... In is in the normal range. Apparently, vets have done this in the past. They put her on the lowest dose of, thyroid medication. You kind of try and boost her metabolism a little bit. And it has been noticeable. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, she she wants to walk. Oh, yeah. She will stand at the front door and a woo.

Yeah. Until somebody... Yeah named john Brown and for a. And I think that's kind of what... You know, because you, like, where's my walk in I? Oh, Definitely. You wouldn't get to go anyway. Right. Raining. Right. So, you know, she is doing decent on her walks. Right while she's not walking as far as, you know, we used to take her. But then again, I'm... It's taking into account. It's hot. So so freaking hot. So much. She does not

walk at 05:30. No. Because that would be an hour long walk, and we still wouldn't get very far down the story. You know, God god lover. She is not really a walker. She is a sniff. Mh. And you know, that is what she did, but we have been walking in the evening her and Eye after dinner. And she... She is doing well. Prior to being on the antibiotic and the thyroid meds, she would stop lay down and rest several times during the

walk. And now she is not doing that, But I have I have noticed, you know, she has been doing very well with the self regulating on the walk. Meaning that, When we get to a certain point, she will turn around of her own accord and start heading back. Mh. So Yes, ma'am. No. We... No. You're talk we're talking about She's sitting next to me now. Mh. I've been patti her and now, I guess she's... Yeah. Done with whatever... You're not tonight, ma'am. It's raining. Yeah. So,

you know, there... There's been that, and she's been doing pretty good with that now. So, you know, and as as you can hear, she's been rather vocal tonight? Yeah. More vocal than... Than she has been. Yeah. So maybe that's another sign She's feeling. Yeah. And you know, Kayla got a little upset me because I did get her a bit r up before... Right before it start recording recording. Yes, ma'am. I not. But you know, I also knew 1 gonna take her for

a walk and true. And part of the concern we'd had, which is why we got her into the vet. When we did was that she was not getting her Zoom. Like, like, Lola is like her parents. She's creature habit. You can almost sat. I'll watch by certain things. Mh. And we also just sort of know what the circumstances have to be for her to get some, like, a crazy Zoom is in this office. Yeah. And it just wasn't happening and know. Yes, ma'am. Should we just, like, put the mic down by you and let you

serena the the good people out. Is that you tell them all the things you're thinking about. Alright. Met many of them would listen. I know. Oh, yeah. It's tough being you. And and you're probably right. Silent saying that w word. Yeah. Silence said all that g is probably because you guys keep saying... W a. Okay. We don't spell as a rule, so I don't think she can spell, and we're good. Right? We've gonna let this be the Lola show now. Right. She seems to have a lot to say

tonight. She does. It's nice. Folks haven't gotten to hear your voice. Mh. Just don't knock over the tripod. Okay. Nope. So, yeah. We're the cats are menace. We love them. Yeah. That's kind of about it. You know, we're just, doing our. Yeah. Tough. And just existing. And you want we do. Yeah. It's not. It's 1 of those times of life. I'm I'm grateful before. It is neither bad nor good. It's neutral. I'll take neutral. Okay. Mh. Good is nice. Good is nice. Bad sucks, but I'll take. Girl.

What is Lovely they would over there? Every time I stop petting her? U. She puts her nose under your hand and girl yes. 1. Yep. I did not give rep permission to stop Yeah. Right. Who's the dom over there? Who's in charge? I don't think it's you. I don't think it's you. Lola was large and in charge. Yes. She is. She's... Maybe, you know, maybe it is. She's getting some of her spun back. Yeah. You're just good. I'm happy to see that. Yes. Yeah. Very happy to see that. Boop. So

I think that's think it for us. I was plus. Eat Right? A week away. For week... Away and knew what than almost an hour and a half. Basically, Yeah. So for anybody who stuck around to the bidder any a couple of reminders, 1, the kin dot com exists. If you'd like to know about the things that we're doing and selling and making and please subscribe to our email is. We do not spam. We promise. No. 2,

if you like, chat. And when we answer questions, this Saturday, July sixth is our Patreon monthly live Q and a. And so if you join our Patreon. If you have not already, you get access to that, plus a discord over plus other stuff. Links are all in the places for all of the things. And if Todd da. Mh. I guess, I guess it's time to go. Yeah. I guess we're gonna do that now. Yeah. I'm joining us and Good to see you and hope to see you back in next time. Yep. We'll be

back next week. Yep. Okay. Bye. Bye.