Navigating the Holidays in Power Exchange

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode 421. Kayla Lourdes here with the 1, the only you were a little grumpy earlier, but you seem fine now. Were you hangry, John Brownstone? Yeah. I was a little bit. It's because the muffin you had this morning didn't fill you up, did it? Well, it did. Briefly. The muffin and I made a, homemade protein orange Julius. True. So but all is good now. You were still hangry is all I'm saying. You

were cranky. Anyway, this is what we're here to talk about. Although cranky doms is a thing that happens during the holidays, I just wanna point that out to you. I I am grumpy polar bear. I'm living up to my moniker. So You are. You are. Yeah. This week, we're gonna talk about navigating your power exchange during the holidays. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week,

welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on Fetlife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate, loving d s and the number 1. So it's at loving d s one. And, yes, I will continue

to be salty about it. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, where you can watch us live from the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. A big thanks as always to our patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are able to keep being weirdos on the Internet, in large part because of our kinky patrons, and we are grateful

for every fucking one of you. If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and a discord server with a group of super chill kinksters, you can do that. Join us at patreon.com/kayla lords. That's patreon.com/kayla lords or use the link in the show notes. Okay. So before we get into our topic, I do have I thought I didn't have an announcement. Like, I'm I'm typing up the outline for today and I'm like, announcements. NA does not apply. And then I went, oh, yeah.

So I've been influenced twice. 1st by, Rah Rah of the Pink King podcast, who multiple times was like, hey. Do this thing. And I kept going, no. No. No. And then Hank Green, who can influence me to do almost anything. I almost bought some socks and some soap is And that is we're on Blue Sky. Mhmm. Both loving BDSM and the Kinkery on Blue Sky. If you're on Blue Sky and you just search us up like that, we'll come right up. JB made a Blue Sky account Yep. John Brownstone, which

made me go, oh, fuck. Okay. I'll go get my name so that nobody else can get my name. And so also, Kayla Lords, I don't know what I don't have any plans to talk about anything at this point because I just don't even know how to do that anymore. But on loving BDSM and the kinkery, got, you know, gonna post stuff. Try to, anyway. So yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. And I just realized now I could have put the links in the places for podcast

listeners by the time you hear this. I will have put the links in the places for YouTube folk. Just give me a minute. So, yeah, we're on Blue Sky. I haven't posted to Twitter for loving BDSM in probably a couple of years. And I was posting to Twitter no. I will never call it x. It's Twitter. Give me a break. I was posting to Twitter for the kinkery from the time we opened the kinkery, and for a while

we were growing. Mhmm. And then when, like, Twitter started started being worse than it's ever been Stupid. I was consistently posting, but follower count was going down before. Not because we sucked. I mean, maybe somebody thinks we do, but not for that. But because people were leaving the platform. Mhmm. And I'm like, I literally cannot grow here, and I don't wanna pay for the possibility of being able to grow.

Like, if I'm getting enough back from a platform, I don't mind paying for the services, but Twitter has never been that. So for me anyway. So I was like, I just so the kinkery is no longer posting to Twitter. It still exists. All of the accounts still exist because I'm gonna keep our names so nobody can just take our names and pretend to be us. Not that I think they would, but weird shit happens. But, yeah, Rob, I've said it multiple times in live streams. Hey. Sign up. Sign up. I was like,

meh. And then Hank Green did, like, a deep dive on, like, stuff that's, like, content creator oriented, and I was like, okay. Hank Green, you influenced me yet again. So we're on blue sky. There we go. Okay. So, this week's topic, is one that I feel like should have been our pre Thanksgiving episode, but it did not occur to me. Pre Thanksgiving. Sorry.

So if you're if you celebrate Thanksgiving and you have this, you know, next year you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving and hopefully in a power exchange relationship, let some of this stuff will apply too. But so we're gonna talk about dealing with the holidays while you're in a power exchange. And I think most of this is probably relatable regardless of the holiday you celebrate. If there's visiting family involved, changes to schedules, stress, and or gift giving involved, I

regardless. So there's that. And we will not touch on every possible thing that you might have to deal with. We're we're we're going with 3 big topics. So, you know, if you think of other things, feel free to comment and talk to us in the places. But just know we we can't touch touch everything because we're not that good. So the 3 things we are gonna talk about, just to give you, like, a high level overview, gift giving. Yes. Your power exchange can impact gift giving.

Spending time with family and friends, but the non kinky part of your life, and then just stress during the holidays, getting stuff done, decorating the house, having, like, holiday work parties, whatever. Like, the stuff that throws everything out of whack, that kind of stuff. So we'll start with first of all, let me stop because I've just blah blah blah blah like I do. Top high level before we get into the different ways of dealing with the holidays in a power exchange.

Anything you would add high level, like holidays, power exchange. Not not on top of Okay. That's yeah. That's just Don't let anybody say I don't give him the opportunity to speak, y'all. I don't, but I do try to remember. Yep. Anyway, so let's start with gift giving. Mhmm. Now this is gonna hit every power exchange differently. The reason it comes to my mind is because the in my first and only power exchange prior to meeting John Brownstone, my dom in that relationship had very clear boundaries

around gift giving. He was like and this wasn't just like, in our case, the Christmas. It was anything where a gift could have been given. It's like, I do not like surprises. I do not like to get something I did not personally pick out. Do not. I mean, I I think we had gotten into like a conversation or maybe I had asked or maybe he just said it. I don't know. And I was like, oh, oh, okay. Good to know. In my head I was like, I'm a broke single mom. You probably weren't getting nothing,

but okay. At least we're clear. But it let me know when I met you to ask the question. So if you're a submissive and this is like y'all's first holiday together, first gift giving situation together, and you don't know, it's worth asking. I asked JB, literally years ago now, how are you about gifts? Can I surprise you with stuff? What what would you prefer? And I think that's a good conversation to have, you know, across the slash, either side

of the slash. But as a submissive who wants to do what my dom wants me to do and be the best little, you know, sassy baby girl I know how to be, I wanna give him stuff the way he wants it. And if he was the type who's like, I got control issues. Do not surprise me. That's an important thing to know. Mhmm. And there have been times this is about surprises in general, I think. There have been not just gifts, where I've been like, I have this thing I would like to keep a surprise from you.

Are you okay with me keeping a secret from you until I can surprise you with it? Or do you just wanna know? And here's what's funny. Daddy Dom JB is usually very laid back, and he's like, no. No. No. I can wait. This will be fun. I don't like to be surprised. It also gives him the opportunity to tease me until I finally tell him. But sometimes, and it's really rare, he goes, no. I I don't have the bandwidth. Just I don't wanna wait. Just tell me. And he does it in, like, his sort

of dumb voice. I'm like, that was exciting. I don't get to surprise you, but this was a moment that we get to have. So that's that's why gift giving, like, comes to mind. What do you think about gift giving, holidays, power exchange? Wonderful. Stop. What about from your perspective, getting your your submissive gift, how do you think about that as power exchange? Not just like As power exchange? And not the man not just the man who loves me. Oh. Mhmm. Loaded. Yes. It is.

I, you know, I don't know. I I don't see for for myself, I don't see a separation between, you know, like, the power change and and regular part of life because we're so enmeshed in our power exchange. It just is. True. True. So, you know, I I don't even really think of it in in, you know, terms of 1 or the other. Oh, okay. So just gift giving in power exchange. Mhmm. Where are you at? What what advice? What

things have you learned? Are there things that you've learned over all these years of Absolutely. Okay. Would you please share that with you know, anybody who says your dom can't be bratty has never met a bratty dom. And they will try your damn patience, and I think that's called payback. Okay, bratty daddy. I've I've found with you the best way to, go about gift giving is I just watch you and listen.

I love that. That that getting gifts because I've happened to have mentioned something, and my partner gives a fuck enough about me to pay attention and take notes, put reminders, like, whatever, like, tricks you have to use for your memory, that's my fucking love length. I I refuse to be a Clare. Oh, God. From Modern Family, if you don't get their reference. Clare was awful at giving gifts. I refuse to be Claire. But, yeah, that that's that's

what I do. I I just, you know, I am I'm connected to your, wish list On Amazon. On Amazon. So I, you know, I can always have that to peruse. Yeah. You get a notification whenever I add something to it. Add something, I get a notification, like, oh. Well, here's what's funny. Last year, I realized we've oh, we were gonna exchange gifts. And then I went, he hasn't asked me, and I haven't thought about what I want. And then I went, wait. He pays attention to my Amazon wish list. And I went in

and was like, boop boop boop. Here's the thing. And then lo and behold, I got what I asked for. It was very nice. You know, give out long term for us, and I this is not universal. So other people will have different experiences, of course. But we are at a point both stage in life and I think just stage of our relationship. We don't like, gift giving is nice. Mhmm. But we're, 1, grown adults with our own money, and

2, constantly communicating. So if one of us wants or needs something, if it's within our budget at any point in the year, we're just gonna get it. You know? Past few years have been more about needs than wants. Yeah. But the other thing is is, you know and I say this around Valentine's Day every year too. I don't see, for us, Christmas as a gift giving holiday is, like, the end all be all. Oh, no. If I don't get the perfect gift, a gift, whatever whatever, that says something about

our the state of our relationship. Right? Because you are reminding me of how cared for I am, how cherished I am, how loved I am, and you're trying to get me or help me get or allow me to get the things I want and need throughout the year. So I don't doesn't all rest on this one day, this one True. That is very true. That is very true. Also, I am that annoying pragmatic person who's like, I would not be mad if my Christmas gift was a vacuum, if it was the vacuum I wanted and then said,

hey. This is the one time we, like, let ourselves spend money. You can get me that thing for the house that I've wanted. But it's because I know that every other day of the year, you're gonna be taking care of me and trying to, like, make sure all my needs and wants are met within our power exchange and life. And, you know, so it doesn't all rest on this one day True. For this one gift. So I tend to be very blase about the gift giving. JB likes to be sneaky about it.

And that, I think, again, not universal, but the inherent challenge in gift giving between a dom and a sub is that the dom has a lot of latitude and power to just kind of go do what they're gonna do within boundaries, of course, because they're in charge and they make these decisions. But if you are submissive in a power exchange where there's a lot of permission asking and getting the okay of and hey, don't surprise me or, you know, don't surprise me in an unwanted way or whatever whatever.

It can be more like a, uh-oh, am I doing this right kind of thing. Now if you have if you're in a power exchange and that's never been your issue and that's never come across your mind or been a topic of conversation, that's great. I'm very happy for you. But some of us are like, oh, there as a submissive, there's in my mind a, quote, right way for our dynamic that I need to do this. We hammered it out real quick before our first ever gift giving anything because I was asking those questions.

Because I had that experience prior to him. But yeah. There's it's hard to be, like, sneaky and to do you know, to surprise you because I one, I'm really bad at that. If I there's a thing I'm doing for you or have done for you and can't wait to, like, see your reaction, I am that person who's like, I got something for you, but I can't tell you. And and, you know, the funny the funny thing about it is if I really pushed it, I know I could break it. Break you.

Yeah. Absolutely. I get it. Yeah. Well, in part for me, it's because at the core, I just wanna be a good girl. So if you were like, I know what you're trying to do, and I respect that you're trying to surprise me. But I'm your daddy, Dom, and I'm telling you, I want to know. You're gonna know. I'm a tell you. Because I'll be like, okay. This isn't about, you know, loving partners, you know, making other partner happy. This is submissive doing what Dom just said to please do.

I know that I could push back against that if I was like, no. It's really important to me to try to surprise you, or it's really important for me to, you know, for you to open this on a special occasion or whatever. And I think you would depending on your mood. If you were cranky and hangry and grumpy polar bear, maybe not. But under normal circumstances, I think you'd go, okay. That's fair. Just you know, it's it's about explaining my reasoning

to you. It's about clear communication. Y'all Mhmm. Yeah. So the thing is is like everything else that we bring with us into power exchange, our poor communication skills, our past relationship struggles, how you feel about gift giving is coming along with you. Right? And so it's not necessarily that big of a deal, but I think it's worth a conversation. Because just like everything else in your relationship, you want it to go in a way

ideally that you're both comfortable with. And if you've if one partner is and I'm speaking as a cynthia, so especially Adam who is the one leading and has this final say and, you know, is the decider and however y'all do that. That's how we do it. I don't wanna do anything unintentionally that goes against that power dynamic even if it is in the name of doing something nice for you or making you happy. You know what I mean?

So I don't think it's something to, like, for people to, like, big big stress out over, but I do think it's worth a conversation. If you've never done a gift giving moment before and this is your first one, go ahead and talk about it. Or if it's your first gift giving time in power exchange worth a conversation, or if it never seems to go right when you do gift giving, it's it's past time for conversation. Because, like, this is supposed to be gift giving times

are meant to be a happy time. If you are not happy receiving or giving a gift, that's that's say something. Right? If you're like, I don't I don't want gifts. That's okay. You get to say something. You get to like, that's a boundary you get to have. Please don't give me a gift. If you're unhappy with the way gifting is done in your power exchange, that's worth a conversation. So, yeah, it's not like this big deep thing, but it is something to think about.

Here's the bigger deeper thing. Mhmm. And we have talked about this before, and I have linked in the places to the, I don't know. It was a I think it was a a mini podcast episode slash video, and that's spending time with family. So we did a thing on, like, tips for, like, surviving the holidays with your non kink, your vanilla family and friends. But spending time with with family while you're in a power exchange during the holidays, and you're kinky and they're not, and do they know and

do you want them to know? Mhmm. These are things you have to think about. Right. You know, you know, first, I I just want to say, you know, coming out or not wanting to come out about your kink life is a very personal thing. Yes. Absolutely. And, you know, in in some families, it it doesn't matter. And in some families, you know, I've heard of people, whether, you know, their immediate family knows, but some people in the family are not very

kind about it. Right. You know. So those are all kinds of things you have to think about in that aspect. And it it's kind of ramped up during the holidays. Oh, yeah. There's all this pressure and there's all this Mhmm. Stuff going on and, you know, depending on which holiday you're celebrating. It's the most magical time of year. Is it I'm tired is what I am. Tired of broke. That's what I am at this time of year. That doesn't feel very magical.

No. Just needs more work, but, you know Which, you know, eventually, we won't be like you know, the kids will be grown up and we'll be doing it quite the same. And, you know, it's it's kind of an awkward thing too because, you know, if family doesn't know anything, you know, then you kinda gotta think about, you know, what you can and can't do in front of them, you know, because then comes kind of the whole consent

thing. I mean, you know, like with Kayla's family, you know, they're they know, but they don't wanna know any details. No. My aunt would love to know details, but I just keep reminding her she can't unknow it Right. Once she knows and that gets her to calm down. You know. And so, you know, in in that case, you know, you need to kind of watch and, you know, because it, you know, it does come down to a consent thing being around

family. Absolutely. There's also the you need to think very deeply and very carefully and very clearly about what kind of awkward questions you feel like answering. Mhmm. Like, you know, I have like I said, my aunt would really doesn't wanna know, but she thinks she does, so she would let me tell her anything. My mother knows more than she ever wanted to know, and that's a whole saga that's that episode is, like, 300 episodes ago. It's fine. That was a moment.

But, you know, I also part of the reason I don't share, even though they kind of have a top level sort of pseudo understanding is Mhmm. I don't want them asking questions that I don't feel like answering. Right. You know? Not around the Christmas dinner table. Not while we're unwrapping presents. Not not anytime. That's please no. Don't don't don't ask me those questions. Even if it comes from a, hey. I'm kind of interested in this and I'd like to learn

more. Like, I don't know if I could handle it if my mother, my 64 year old mother, and my 61 year old aunt were asking me for kink advice. I just I think my head would explode. But even if, oh, God, even if that were to happen, the place I don't want to be having these conversations is around these holiday family times when there's a lot going on and there's a lot of people around that maybe should not be part of the conversation or don't wanna be part of the conversation.

So even then, I'm you know, I've long thought about, okay. How do we present in front of non kink family specifically? You know, once I once we moved in together, 99.9% of my friends became kinky people because it was going to munches and we were doing community stuff. And so friends, not not that big a deal. The my my BFF, god. I met her when I was freaking 19, over margaritas and queso. I can tell her anything and have and have recommended

products to her over the years. So we have that kind of relationship, but I'm not gonna I'm probably not gonna call Jamie daddy in front of her. I'm I'm not gonna talk about my collar in front of her, not because I think she would be prudish, but it's like that's not that's that's not the nature of our relationship. So for me, it tends to be more about family. Now if you are raising children while being in a power exchange, you actually already have practice at this even

if you don't think you do. Like, what do you not let your children see? Guess what? Don't let grandpa see it either. Okay? If you wanna keep that private and you don't wanna answer awkward questions, treat the rest of your family like you're being, you know, under the radar in front of your kids. Now if you're super out and and like with your kids, then that that's a different conversation. But that's how I look at it is that this is the time. The holidays are a time to figure out what subtle

power exchange means for you. What what can you do publicly that has meaning for the for y'all that nobody else is gonna clock. Right? I've talked about this many times over the years. If we're at a family gathering and it's meal, I'm gonna serve JB his plate. Mhmm. You know? I look like a good southern woman because that's, you know, the expectation, but I know I'm doing it because this is a way I can do something for my daddy. Right? Like, I it means something to

me. It's like when we're sitting in a restaurant, if he orders coffee, I'm gonna do his coffee up. That's a thing that people might go, why why is she doing that for him? But it, you know, it doesn't I don't care about that. It just has to have meaning for me. You know, if you normally wear a what feels to you a very obvious collar, and that's not a conversation you wanna have with your meemaw, then maybe for the visit, you go to what we would call like a day caller

that does doesn't get clocked to something. Right? It's much more subtle. But that I think the the big thing to keep in mind is it's another conversation you need to have with your partner before you find yourself in this situation. Because I know me, if I haven't preplanned how things are gonna go and I get caught in the moment without that plan in my mind, I will default to however I normally do it. And that's not a thing I necessarily want to brand in front of my family.

So, you know, it could be some people just don't do anything that even is near their power exchange when they're with family. Some people look for subtle things. Some people make sure that they have their own hotel room or they are leaving quickly. Like, they have a place to go to have their private space and time Right. To be as, you know, kinky as they can be. When we used to go visit my mom in South Mississippi, that would be a week too during that one storm where we evacuated,

where nope. Nope. Nope. That was the kids were too close, and the the mom and evil stepdad were way too close. So we just Yes. Indeed. Put it on lockdown other than the subtle stuff. Yeah. And then the subtle stuff that that translates to when you're out in a restaurant, when you're at the movies, when you're, you know, at your company something something picnic parties, like, whatever. That those things come in handy. Anything oh, this is the other thing about

spending time with family. Mhmm. This this came to me, 1, because we've been long distance before. And then also the folks who are and not necessarily because it's a a nonmonogamy open and proud situation, but the I'm married over here, but this person over here is my dom. And that person over there is married with their own family, and I'm their submissive. And now we're at the holidays. And it's it's you're are you gonna see one another? Is that even gonna be feasible? But

so that's something to think about. But for long distance, that can get I remember for us until we started spending, like, when we could, a holiday day or 2 together, It was really tough because we were each pulled in different directions. And so we didn't have a lot of time to kinda come back to one another, and we couldn't keep up our new normal routines. We weren't communicating as much.

You know, there I would still be working other than, like, Christmas Eve and Christmas day, and you'd have several days off, but you'd be at home and, like, with your regular life going on and it, you know, it was tough. The thing is is talk about it now. Make a plan now. The plan may not go to plan. You might yeah. It's one of those things where you you make the plan and then you have to throw out the plan because reality happened, but talk. No no no battle survives

or no plan survives battle. Right. But it's worth the conversation. Like, when do we think we can talk? Will we be able to see one another? How do we feel about not seeing one another? What do we normally do on a routine, and how will this upcoming visit with family and whoever else affect that? You can't completely eliminate the possibility of feeling sad or feeling lonely or even hurt feelings over the way things are going, especially when you can't be together.

But you can minimize them a bit just by being upfront and honest with each other. Like, you know, if you are especially long distance. Let's say, you know, one of you has kids and the holidays are a huge time for your children and for you as a parent. That means there are times when your priority is as a parent doing the holiday thing you do with your kids. If you can fit this partner into that in a way that works for everybody involved, great. But that might not be the case.

I can respect and understand and feel for somebody who's like, I don't get to be a part of that because we're long distance, because this is a a thing that maybe not everybody knows about, whatever. And, yeah, it can suck to be like, man, I have to give up this time that I thought I would have with my partner or that we would normally get together. But, you know, that's a that might be a time when you realize, is this a

relationship I wanna continue? Because it's like, in this case, I'm using the kids as an example because that can be a huge priority for people at the holidays especially. You know, these children are part of this person's life. And until y'all are more enmeshed to And until y'all are more enmeshed together and physically together, this will keep coming up. Right? So if you're if it hurts now and it feels like it sucks now and you hate this now, This doesn't stop. Like,

the kids continue to exist. Right? Mhmm. But so you can't prepare for every eventuality, but you can talk about it. You can absolutely talk about it. I know for for us, before we got married I think before we moved in, you did a Christmas, with my family. Mhmm. Is and and I did he get taken out to the barn and have a real serious conversation Yeah. While the future evil stepdad was, what, cleaning a gun or something? Yeah. I was like Yeah. Dude, you're only, like, 8 or

9 years older than this, man. What are you doing? Age gaps are weird. This is a time of life when age gaps are super weird. Anybody who's ever been like, oh my god. My partner is around the age of my parents. You know, it it gets weird because that normal, like, chauvinistic, misogynistic bullshit of, I've got to threaten you with a gun. I do not like it. It didn't hit the same when that person was probably in high school at the same time you were. You know what I mean? They're probably

gonna retire when you retire. Like, that's just it's we're not intimidating like a, you know, 18 year old here. So but yeah. So what what was your first well, what do you remember for our first first, it's Christmas. It's the holiday we celebrate. What what do you remember from our first Christmas together? Oh, gosh. Other than the being subtly threatened with a gun. That, you know, that that that was sadly, that's the thing that kind of stands out the most to me after all this time, you know.

Yeah. Evil Evil Stepdad, because he Yeah. Even through dinner, he was throwing questions and shit at me, you know. Oh, yeah. Because evil stepdad, nosy as fuck. He always couched in, oh, I'm being protective. I'm like, protected from what? I've known you since I was 25. Yeah. Who are you? My mother could have done that and I would have respected it more because I'm like, oh, it's my mommy. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But, yeah, I I do remember there being a lot of trying to be intimidating.

And I was just and you know what? Part of that was the the whole southern thing of but part of it, I I've long thought, especially after we got together and were together and you were there for all the family stuff, was that you were dealing with a thing that a lot of people do to you, and I just find laughable. You are quiet, and you don't need to be the center of attention, and you don't need to tell everybody who you are, what you are.

You know? Your your confidence is quiet and does not have to be, like it's not blasted out. You know? For the for the most part, I'm comfortable in my skin. Right. And that's hard earned and hard won. And it's a thing that's always, like, been a draw to me. I just fucking love it. And some people can't handle it. And he was and I guess I really think that they saw you as quiet and assumed that and, oh god, this misogynistic bullshit, that I would run right all over

you. Yeah. That I would push over. Yeah. And it was like, y'all have no fucking clue. Now early days when we we were before we got married and everything, before the whole evil stepdad thing reared its head, My mom and and stepdad on their property, they have this barn shop thing, and they had built an apartment on the back end of it that they had used while they were building their house. What it became for years, it was like our opportunity to have

basically a week away. Yeah. The kids were there, but the kids are in the main house with grandma and papa. And we were in the apartment, and it was so and I think we had that the first time Yeah. As well. And so it was delightful because it meant that we could be in the house and doing the family stuff and all, but at night, you know, we Mhmm. Nobody can hear you

scream out there. That's right. And so it was always such a mind fuck to know that JB was being treated a certain way on a perception of what it means to be a quietly confident man and treating you like you were probably gonna be a pushover because I am seen as bossy, loudmouth, pushy woman. Sure. Whatever. And it was always funny to me because it's like, yeah. You're being you're thinking that now.

You do not know what happens behind those closed doors and what we how we are desecrating your apartment. Okay. The shit we did. And yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. There was no because those walls could speak. There was no doubt about who was in charge of the situation.

So if you're if if you happen to be facing that sort of the perception of who people think you are because they don't actually know this side of it, just remember just remember who you really are behind closed doors, and you ain't got nothing to fucking prove to any of them. So last one, and it's the one I think that came to mind first when I was like, this is a topic. This is an appropriate topic. Dealing with stress during the holidays. Now we deal with stress all the time.

We have done episodes on stress and disagreements and arguments and anger. Did I remember to link to any of those? No? I'll try to remember that later. So this is not just a holiday specific thing, but it is a thing that I think throws some people off because either because that's how it has been in the past or because we are believing the hallmark, you know, message of this is supposed to be this happy, wonderful, joyous time.

And anybody who has to do anything with planning around the holidays knows that the thing they're probably not feeling is joyous. You are running from store to store or or clicking from website to website. You are waiting for packages to arrive. You're trying to hide gifts from people. You're trying to deal with family and work is probably nuts. If you've got kids in school, they're doing 85,000,000 thing. Like, it's a time like, it's a time that does not always feel joyous.

And so Yeah. You know, I think many people will internalize that of, oh, I'm not real happy right now. I'm real stressed out. I'm doing, you know Mhmm. This holiday season wrong. No. You're not. This is life. To me, you know, yeah, life is stressful on a good day. Mhmm. But, you know, coming into the holidays, I think it it is magnified. Absolutely. Especially with the high expectations. Mhmm. So with respect specifically to power exchange, the first thing I always like to do

for folks is to normalize it. If y'all disagree, if you if you, perfect devoted, loving, submissive, are side eyeing your dom. Like, what the fuck is wrong with them? You're not doing submission wrong. Okay? You're being a human at a stressful time. The the thing that will sometimes, especially if it's been negotiated, dictate how we respond to one another in those moments is what you've negotiated in your relationship. We've said this a 10,000,000 times after all these years.

The rule I have is I can say anything else I can need to to JB. Even if it's tell him that he was wrong and I'm mad at him, I just have to do it with respect. That's what we've negotiated, which gives me a lot of latitude to share my opinion. I think it's because JB took one look at me and went, this bitch is not gonna be able to hold that curtain. It's just not possible, so let's work with what we have. Nope. Ain't gonna happen.

But, you know, if you've never had that conversation, if you were so new into power exchange, maybe not the relationship, but the power exchange part, that you kind of can't conceive that you'll get mad at one another. Let me disabuse you of that idea until you just start preparing because something will happen. And how are you going to handle the conflict? We know people who put a time out and go, we're not power exchange right now.

We are dealing with this issue, and we will resolve it, and then we'll go back into it. We, you know, we have the say whatever you gotta fucking say. There are people who will schedule time, specific layout time of this is the time to go over grievances. That does not stop you from being upset in the moment that something happens. But that can be helpful and useful for knowing you're gonna have an opportunity to say

what you need to say. That is especially important for submissives who, depending on your dynamic, might not have that kind of relationship where you just say it in the moment. I have the relationship where I say it in the moment. Do I sometimes get told to hush my mouth and we will talk about it later? Yes. Yes. Indeed. Do I hate that? Yes. Indeed. Yes. I do. And then I have to hate it a second time because he's right and we have a more productive conversation when we've calmed down.

I hate that. So let's start there just just acknowledging. There's gonna be stress. There's probably gonna be a disagreement. You know, you're gonna be short-tempered with one another. I have not, not always as as in the way I would like to, but I think I did it just today. I have found ways as a submissive to be dealing with a cranky, grumpy polar bear, John Brownstein, and to say, hopefully not in a condescendous anyway. I'm not

trying to be. I'm trying to be, like, nice and sweet and go, I love you. You are my best friend. You're the best domino. I love you. I'm glad we're married. This is wonderful. However But you are speaking to me this way and you're looking at me this way. And and I said this today, I am not the enemy. I am here to make your life easier and better. That's what I do because as a service so that's what I do personally. Help me help you.

Help me help you. Now if he starts grinning when I start laying it on thick like that and being all silly about it, I know I can get sassier and sassier. If he looks at me with dead eyes, I have to tread very carefully, and watch my tone. The holidays are also a time if you happen to be a service submissive who does a lot of domestic stuff, a lot of caregiving, like, to either older adults or to children or to whatever.

This is a time you well know that things get busier, And it's, to me, a time you need to be talking to your dom about the division of labor and things that you need help with. I'm gonna be very skeptical of a dominant partner who goes, that's not my job. Well, is it your fucking household and family? We all contribute here. You know, JB knows that if you wait for me to put up Christmas decorations, it'll be January before I go, oh, well, that's right.

Christmas decorations. I've I've been the decorating elf here. He has done it. He has poor thing. He gave me one job at Black Friday time. I don't know what he was thinking, and I still haven't done that one job. But he's, you know, he knows there's no way I have time to do the things I normally do as a submissive, as a business partner, as a mom, as a whatever Mhmm. And do some of these other things. So he goes, I can

do these things. I have the time because she's working on that stuff over there, and he just does it. So it doesn't get all laid on my shoulders. In in a in a work sense for us during the holidays, you know, my work is done during the day. I I am cranking stuff out, you know, making what what going on, you know, like today. I'm I'm I had several things. I was doing paddles. I was working on some of the, ornaments that we're gonna give as gifts to

family. I was working on a pen order, you know, doing all all these kinds of things, and and it's weird because at night, you know, I'm done. I I I pack up the the equipment and the wood, and I'm done till the next morning. You, on the other hand Are still going. Still going strong. And and, you know, it's it's it's funny because even though I'm her her big d, her daddy, there's still a part of me that feels a little guilty. You know, I'm always asking her, can I

help? Is there something I can do? And guess what? I actually let him help me the other day and I taught him I'm wrapping paracord bundles. Paracord is important to the kinkery.kinkery.com. And I've been very delayed on this. I'm wrapping up these paracord bundles. They have to get done. It's not an option anymore. But I had been jonesing for sweet tea. Yeah. The youngest had been like, mom, when because everybody knows mom makes the sweet tea. Mhmm. Mom is the most southern of the

people living in this house. Mom makes sweet tea. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, buddy. I wanna I wanna make it. I I plan on it. I plan it. It was 8:30 at night on a Sunday, and I'm like, I still have not made this damn routine. So I am really bad about asking for help. If JB comes and offers help, if I can think of something in that moment, I'll I'll try to just go, yes. This would be great if you can. And sometimes I go, I cannot think of anything. I'm so

sorry. This was a moment where he was, like, peaceful in his bathrobe just, like, chilling. And I went, hey. You know how you say you wanna help with things if you can? And he goes and it was the sweetest thing. He looked so excited. He was like, yes. And he thought he was gonna get to work on kinkery things. I was like, no. That's not where I need help. Nope. Nope. She put me in a whole different room. He's in the kitchen. Now podcast illustrators cannot see this, but where we record, there

is a window. It's technically an exterior window because our office used to be the outside of the house. Mhmm. And that window goes into the kitchen, and we usually have the window up. We can talk through. We can hear stuff, whatever. Mhmm. So I'm standing at my shipping station, which is on the other side of that window doing stuff with paracord, and I'm walking him through step by step through this window how to make my sweet

tea. Yeah. Yep. And he was I mean, it was it feels weird to me from from the service massive aspect of guiding or walking through or telling my daddy dom how to do anything because of the way I kind of see my role and how I want to be talked to at different times and and how we engage with one another in those roles. And this was outside of our roles, but in a way, it wasn't. He is a daddy dom. He's a nurturing, caregiving kind of dom. He wants to take care of me. He really would like me to

let him take care of me. You know? And so it's not and that's the thing I would tell submissives. If you have a dominant partner who wants to be fucking helping you, let them help you. They are no less dumb. You are no less submissive. You're actually just being a team and trying to get through shit. Right. Because, you know yeah. It's

the other the other thing, you know. She talks about how she does for me, but in those moments when she's busy like that and she's working late, I do whatever I can to, you know, to help her and in make it as easy as possible. You know, I'm checking, do you need anything to drink? Can I get you a drink? Do you want a nibble? Do you know, you want a snack while you're working back here? And that, you know, for for the the folks who would be like,

oh, that doesn't sound very dominant. Well, I'm guessing you haven't met very many caregiving doms. That is extremely dominant because what he's gonna do is he's gonna ask me for things I want and or, back in the day when we left the house more often, he would just sometimes come back with, like, a diet Coke because he knew it would be a little thing for me and I'd be happy. But him asking, what can I do for you? Is not a subservience, submissive

position to be in. It's a, I am clearly communicating with you that I'm here for you, but I don't wanna do shit that does not help you, that does not alleviate your stress, that does not actually do anything for you. Right. That that's not contributing to to moving forward with whatever whatever's going on. This is right up there with communicating your kinks. Right? It's like, you gotta be able to say the words to get the thing you want.

It's a little bit more fun and not always easier, but it's kind of easier when you're doing it under the the, you know, umbrella of we're talking about our kinks and I'm gonna get, you know, there's gonna be fuckery in the future because of this. So I don't think we think about it translating to the one to one translation to another situation, but it is no different. Those same skills that hopefully you're, like, getting good at and perfecting

over here are being used here. He is just he's he's It's it's just an extension of, you know, talked about it for years. You take care of your toys. You take care of your toys. You know, that's you have to. And and also I I would like there to be a parenthetical that's, unspoken, but I have to say things out loud and your wife. Yeah. The person you love and your life partner. But, yes, also your toys. It's a I think it's a thing that

you don't bring ego into it. There's no point where you're like, I'm such a domly dom. I have to be so much in charge that I can never be seen asking how to help. Right? I'm never gonna be impressed with the kind of dom who just thinks they are just supposed to know stuff or treats their partner like their partner's input is not important and not necessary, and that's

not just to kinks. We're talking about power exchange, especially if you're long term, you're living together, you're trying to build a life together. You know, there's so much more that goes into what it means to be a domino sub in in that relationship that has nothing to fucking do with kinks. It's how you're navigating the whole relationship. But if a dom has this view or, god, help us if the submissive has a view of the dom of when you ask for things that you're somehow no longer in

control or in charge. I've even seen it's been a while, but, oh god, it stuck with me. Seen as being weak, weak to ask a question of your submissive. No. We're we care about consent around here. We care about actually doing stuff that's meaningful. It's not meaningful to me if he comes in and says, oh, I know I know you need help. Here's what I'm gonna do. And he's organizing paper clips while, you know, I'm over here drowning in,

you know, paddles or something. Like, you it's a the best the best doms and subs, but from a speaking as a as a the best doms can their ego is in the background. Like, yeah, everybody's got some kind of ego. We have these things we feel and, you know, try to see ourselves out and try to be. But it goes back to that quiet confidence thing. He didn't Jimmy doesn't have to project an image of what he thinks being a dom means. He just has to be himself and genuinely care about me as a human

being. And he's not always gonna get it right. I'm not always gonna ask for help when I should. But the whole, hey. I'm here to be a partner with you, and we're on the same team. For us, as you know, in our relationship, it extends way past the fuckery, way past the what are we doing to be kinky,

and it's how we're living our life. That's just there's a layer on top of that, and really it's kind of interwoven of the power exchange because the way we live our power exchange is he is always the decider. He is always daddy. We've said this before. I'll say it again even though it makes me, like, I have a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. He could say tomorrow, we don't do d s anymore. I'm not your daddy dom. And whether he likes it or not, he cannot control my internal world.

I would still, to some extent, treat him that way because that's who we are together. I would not use terms he did not want. I would not I would stop doing activities. But in my mind, he's he's always gonna be my daddy. He's that's that's who the fuck he is. He's not getting away with from it no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries. But being the one in charge does not just mean being the one to spout commands and sit back like the grand poo ba,

and everybody's doing shit for you. It's getting in there and getting your hands dirty and getting shit done in service of the relationship and the well-being of your partner. That's true. Either side of the slash, but, you know, for these kinds of power exchange relationships, that's what it takes and what it looks like. Now what the it physically looks like vastly different from from relationship to relationship. You

know? Some people are not gonna stand there and let their service witness walk them through making southern sweet tea in the kitchen, but they might do something else. They might offer something else. They might, show up in some way to help alleviate the stress in differently. But the point is is it's gonna be stressful. These holidays is gonna be stressful in life. And are you working together? Or is the submissive being thrown out there on

their own? And Dom's just like, I'm just here to get, you know, to get what I want and for it to be about me, and I hope you do good over there or whatever. Like, if you're ever like, am I in the right relationship? That's that's a potential test. You know? Are you a teen, or is one of you doing making a lot of effort and the other one not so much? You know? Yeah. So, yeah, the stress is gonna happen. It's

already happening. We're recording this in December. So everybody's kind of probably in the thick of it right now. If you have not had the conversation with your partner about how you feel about the stress, what it's how it's impacting your power exchange, we do even less of our more outward physical power exchange y stuff at these this time of the year. It's too busy for us. Too stressful. Right.

What it means though is 2 things. 1, the little bit we can do, much more meaningful because we know that it's like us snatching away an opportunity. Count. Yeah. Right. 2, the moment things feel like they're slowing down a little bit, and over the years, we know kind of when that time frame is, we're gonna look for opportunities. We're gonna, like, let's reconnect. Let's have a moment. Let's just you know? But I think it just makes it harder if you aren't having the conversation about it.

If you're not laying it out there, like, look, as you're submissive, I'm I I already do these things, but now I've got these things on top of it. Dom's, y'all do shit ideally as the dom. And also as a productive, you know, human in the world, you've got your things that you have to deal with. And then you have the added stuff of whatever the holidays brings to you. Right?

Neither of you are failing if that other stuff is getting in the way, but I think you're doing yourself as an individual and the power exchange a disservice if you don't just sit down and go, look. This sucks right now, and how are we gonna get through it? And what do we need to calm down on? And what can we where can we pick up the slack for each other? And also, let's remember we like one another. And after these holidays are over, we'd like to still be together.

Yeah. That's a thing I say to JB a lot. Like, woah. Woah. Woah. Yeah. This this moment sucks, but we're still gonna like, we need to be nice to one another now because we still wanna be together then. So remember we're on the same team? Mhmm. Mhmm. And some of that's old habits from before you got kinky and

before power change was a thing. You just bring that stuff over because you went through shit or you had partners who, you know, did not pay attention to you or, you know, you you handled things in ways that, you know, might have been about gender expectations and societal norms, but don't fit power exchange. And most people are if they're thinking about the communication they need, they're thinking about what's what am I doing as a dom? What am I doing as a sub? What kinks are we doing?

What kind of scenes are we doing? And and too many people forget, oh, yeah. We we've gotta survive this family meal together. You know? What that most people aren't negotiating that until they're in the thick of it or it's the aftermath and it didn't go well. And you're like, what just happened to us? Where did our power exchange go? And so you're dealing with it in the aftermath. So, you know, if you've got time, talk about it now is, is my whole is my whole point. That's all I'm saying.

What wisdom would you add since I you know, I I think I'd just say, this at this time of the year, you need to be kind to yourself. Mhmm. And and remember that your partner needs a little extra kindness too. They're probably not doing this whatever they're doing to piss you off. Probably going through it themselves. So yeah. You know. But, I know I'm looking forward to rocking up to the Christmas dinner and full leather gear and paddles and vloggers hanging off utility belt,

you know. And see who's intimidating then. There's I imagine there's gonna come a point in our life because, you know, I'm if the boys, you know, get married in a hetero appearing relationship, there's that sort of jokey meme trope thing of, oh my god. I'm I'm, you know, dad's mom. Right? And and dad's side of the family is usually like, does anybody even know they exist? And I get it because I'm very was always very tight and have been very tight with my mom and my mom's side of the family.

So that makes me think that there will probably be times in the future where our holidays will literally be just the 2 of us. Mhmm. And you know what? I think I could see us having a very kinky Christmas. Yep. It's just to do it. Mhmm. Those boys better call before they come over. And they'll get an eye full of something they can't unsee. That's and, you know, I use that. I use that with my my, like, my aunt, and I don't have to use it with my mom. She's already, like, I don't wanna know.

But I use it with the kids too. They're they'll get a little curious. You know, the oldest is legal adult age. He asked something. I'm much more prone to answer it because I'm like, yeah. You you're an adult, technically, on paper. But that's my go to. You can't unknow this. So Right. Choose wisely. Choose wisely. So yeah. But now speaking of family and kinky stuff, I was very proud of my mother the last time she was in town.

She not only walked into this space that we're recording in, which is our office and inventory, blah blah blah. She, like, sat down and talked for a while while I was working at the computer. And there's I mean, we have paddles stacked everywhere. We have all kinds of shit everywhere. Our boards, podcast listeners, you can't see them. For the video, we have background, and we have a, like, a kinky sex sticker board in the background.

Mhmm. She sat where JB sits, which is directly in front of that sticker board, and never batted an eyelash. She was I was like, look at you. Look at you being around it without having to, like, know too many details. And I think I was wrapping handles for You absolutely were. You know? Yeah. You absolutely were. So yeah. There's no one way to do any of this. It's gonna be unique unique to your situation, your Right. You know, your family, your partner, your who you are as a person.

I just like everything, I think it's the thing we have to be reminded of is it's worth a conversation before you find yourself in the thick of it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You know? Yeah. You know? It's worth a conversation before you find yourself in the thick of it. You know? And your power exchange can be good for a lot of things. It can provide structure maybe that you want, and it can provide guidance for how you wanna live your life.

There will always be outside factors extenuating circumstances that are there to potentially blow it all to hell. And, you know, being aware of that is part of it and kind of flowing with it until you can get back to whatever air quote normal looks like for you. It's another part. So yeah. Yeah. So that's that on that, I think. Are we, Yeah. We'll go into a bonus section. Reminder, if you're on Blue Sky, so are we. Literally just in the search, type our names, we'll come up.

We're still little baby accounts, so you can easily like, if you find me, Kayla Lords, you'll find every everything else, right, in in who I'm following. Yep. So yeah. So there's that. Mhmm. So are we good? I don't know. It's not for me to say. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the crickets? You can. We can. Thank you. We are you. Who's talking to the crickets? What have you got? Bonus section. We, we went to see the oldest perform

last night. Yes. Brass band. Brass band. It's he just joined this, school year. We missed the first concert of the year because he decided to tell us about it the day before. Yeah. In the same week, he had another concert that we had already planned on going to. I was like, we cannot do all of these things in one week. So we got to go. You know? It was Christmas themed. Mhmm. And it was really good. Mhmm. It was really good. That was really pleasant to to watch. And he did a trio, for,

a song. I can't remember the name of it now. And he texted me before, and I knew he was in it. And I saw his name on the program. I was like, oh. And he goes, you're gonna record that. Right? I'm like, I'm gonna try. So I recorded it for him. I sent it to him. He's like, oh, I sounded good. I was like, good. I didn't know what I was hearing. So I just was like, that's my baby. And Mhmm. You know? But, you know, that was good. It was. And he has gotten to a point, you know,

freshman year especially, he was like, okay. You've you've come in with me. Let's go get food. And now he's like, I am tired. Mhmm. Y'all have a good safe trip home. I'm going to bed. I'm going to sleep. I'm too tired for this. I'm like, I love this because I spend a lot less money now on these trips. Yeah. Yep. So yeah. You can't see it. It's off camera. In podcast listeners, you can't see it at all. We do have our office Christmas tree. I have found 2 of the ornaments for it.

We don't have kinky ornaments. God, we should. But we do have coffee themed ornaments. Mhmm. So, hopefully, we've got 2 episodes left before we go on our break, for the end of the year. So, hopefully, we will get our tree up. But as somebody who was told 5 days ago that she needed to fluff our tree in the living room, I hope nobody is counting on me to get the tree out. I I made her the designated fluffer. I I it is it is a part of dealing with a Christmas tree that I

am okay with. I it's kinda satisfying and soothing to me as long as I don't get bored. If get bored, oh my god. I just wanna wander away. But if I can get into the zone of it, I love it because then I've got this nice fat, floofy artificial tree when we're done. But I have we our Black Friday did not go the way we thought it would for the kinkery. And our our Black Friday, like, oh, biggest sales year. Everybody's shopping. For us, that was this weekend instead of, like, the Friday

is delightful. I'm not complaining. But it's meant that I've spent it's Wednesday now as we're recording. I've spent the past 3 days dealing with just the stuff that came up from that. And I was like like, 12 hour days. And then the yesterday, we're stopping everything so we can go to our performance. We've got this and that. I'm like, I I would love to floof the tree. I'm not sure when I'm I can. I mean, good lord, Sunday night. I was like, Jimmy, here's how you make sweet tea.

Yeah. And actually, it was like, here's how I make sweet tea. Yeah. But no. I'm also the one I think I said this last time. I don't I'm fine if there's no decorations on our tree. It's really pretty just the lights. But I do see that the decorations are sitting out. Are they sitting out waiting for me to floof the tree? Do I have to put decorations on the tree? No. Oh, yay. Okay. I feel like I have incentive. All I asked is for you to fluff the tree. I know. You asked, like, literally.

God, did you put the trip day of Thanksgiving or day couple days after? Day after. Day after. Yeah. I I feel awful, but but I think in my defense, I have not been sitting down to just be done until, like, 10 o'clock at night every day. See, I I did not make it a task for her either. No. Oh, god. The pressure. It would have been done with the pressure. Yeah. So The pressure. But, you know, last year, the way things played out for Christmas, we were lucky to even get our tree

up. That's true. That's true. You were doing better this year. And and and no decorations on it. And this year, I wanted to make sure some stuff got put out. Yeah. You know, I wanted the tree, got the, stockings all hung on the the the bottom. You do stockings every year. Yeah. And, did some of the stuff outdoors outside. I've got a couple more things to put up

outside. Mhmm. But the thing I wanted to make sure too, my mom did a, she was into ceramics for a while, and she, she did some ceramics and she has a ceramic Christmas village. Mhmm. And also ceramic tree And I wanted to, put that stuff out this year. We still need to get go get light bulbs that fit it. Yeah. Yep. Mhmm. So, yeah. That was kinda neat. But, you know, yeah. And and put the, got the nutcrackers. I put them all up

on, you know, up on top. This high spot in our living room, dining room area that I mean, I Onyx likes to jump up there. It's way up high. Like Yeah. You have to get out the big ladder to get up there. Mhmm. Yeah. I came in through the front door from something I probably run-in an errand. I had to I had to go get some stuff done. And, I walk in and I just I'm like, I just don't normally walk through the front door and look up. Mhmm. I looked at everyone, oh, all the nutcrackers.

So there's a nutcracker. I don't know if it's an ornament or if it's just a little tchotchke thing where when it opens I don't know if you've seen this online. When it opens, it's not his mouth opening to correct it's I yeah. I saw that. Yeah. It's a dick popping out, and I'm like, I want that. Yep. Not bad enough to go seek it out, but I was, okay. I'll take that take that to heartbeat. Yeah. Bad, bad design. I think that was a purposeful design, but

maybe bad design. I I I think it was, I saw that on, Refashioned. Hippie. Mhmm. Yeah. You follow her on Instagram? Yeah. I just discovered she's got a YouTube channel. YouTube channel. Yeah. Mhmm. I love her. Discovered she's got a YouTube channel. Channel. Yeah. Mhmm. I love her. Her her humor is We are very we are very curious about we would never ask we'd never come and ask, is she kinky?

Mhmm. There have been a couple times I've seen things that look like collars, but I I often forget that that's a fashion statement to some people. So I'm like Well, she's she she has made some comments in some of her her reels that kinda had me. Yeah. And she seems if nothing else, she seems like like kind of she even did a real where she goes, we do not kink shame here, but we do kink question why this exists. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Mhmm. Refashion Hippie on Instagram and

apparently on YouTube. Yeah. No. What else? Ouch. Lola, Aminis. Mhmm. She I think we said this last week. This weather that we've had, she freaking loves it. She's in and out, in and out, in and out. I just you let her out a few minutes ago, and I heard this thump on the side of the house, and I realized that's her just, like, plopping down in the warm rocks in the sun. She is baking like a potato out there. I almost was tempted to join her yesterday.

You You have just walked around perpetually frozen. Yeah. I'm over here going, this is the best. I love this temperature. And he's like, I'm a little icicle. I feel bad for you, but also I'm so excited to just not be so stinking hot. I know. I know. You know? And I'm I am I'm I am happy for you. I am. I'm happy for you that you, you know, have have managed to reach some kind of tempered agreement there, you know.

I part of it is absolutely this weather, and we you know, it's nice enough that we don't we we don't run the heat. We'll open the windows. If if it gets a little bit more moderate, we'll have the windows open. It's a little too cold even for us to open the windows. I think also my HRT has started kinda kicking in Mhmm. Better. So I'm feeling feeling the benefits of that. So yeah. But, yeah, that's us. Me, you know, I'm just I'm I'm doing my shop thing.

Mhmm. I've it's early December, and that's still technically enough time, but I just pulled up, like, search tab things of what to get our children for Christmas. Oh, yeah. Extended family? Oh, yeah. Extended family's getting homemade shit. They don't mind. Every like, my mom loves that stuff. My aunt is just as broke as we are. She was like, I might not get you anything. I was like, please don't. You cannot I know what's going on in your life. You cannot afford it. Do not worry. Yeah.

I know. So everybody's focusing on the kids this year, which is fine. But, yeah, I was like, oh, yeah. They actually asked for stuff this year. We should probably actually get it for them because they it's like one of the first years in forever they didn't just go, just give me money. Just give me money. Mhmm. They're like, no. I want this thing and that thing. I'm like, Yep. So yeah. That's that's us. Mhmm. I, maybe it was getting a good night's sleep and not

overheating in the middle of the night. I actually woke up with a couple of in-depth topics for the podcast. The holidays when, like, we're half brain dead anyways, not the time for it. 1, I actually wanna do more research on. Very impressed with myself. And I wrote them down so I would not forget them. Well, that that's a good thing. That's always a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. We're we're doing like the old days and actually trying to plan for the year ahead. I'm very proud of us.

I don't have anything else. No. Because I don't think anybody wants to hear me bitch about a a profession I chose and the work I I asked to do. I wanna hear it. Hey. Actually, this is the first day I think I will be able to floof the tree Okay. Because I think we'll be able to, like I can slow down today. Yeah. It's very nice. I was, you know, the I I have wanted to say, you know, I know we have the, Q and A coming up. For Patreon. Yep. Saturday. Saturday.

December 7th. And, you know, we talked several weeks ago about going, thrifting. I know we haven't done that. And we haven't done that. So maybe Thrift on a Sunday? It doesn't have to be a Saturday. I know. We've had we've had stuff going on every weekend for the last couple weeks. And we also had a serious conversation about semi serious, Thanksgiving with the oldest, the 19 year old, about, you know, why he would just prefer to

be in his apartment. And it's all valid stuff that had I had an apartment at his age, that's what I would have done too. Yeah. Because he's like, I like my bed better. I've everything's my stuff is there, whatever. So you mentioned it to him, and I heard, and so it's been stuck in my head. He's like, oh, so maybe we it's time to actually keep the bed as a, you know, guest room or whatever, but use the space, the spare bedroom,

for us and our plans. And so I walked in today, and I started looking. I was like, you know, if we move that and we put, like, a big table there, I that could be for me, and you could have this and where and I was because I I wanna utilize part of it to make a little gaming spot. Get a find a TV at a thrift store and, you know, hook up the gaming consoles. My concern, this is not a large room

I know. At all. Mhmm. He chose that room when we moved in, but it ended up being the smaller of the 2 bedrooms, is that we have big dreams and not not enough space for it. Yeah. So for me, I just want, like, a corner, of area where I can actually set up my sewing machine and, have a space to not have to take it down and put it away and every time it just lives there and, maybe even a little little flat space for

easy cutting of fabric. I may, end up rolling that that thing into the into the bedroom anyway just to Well, I don't know. You have to have a conversation with Onyx. She uses the second shelf I know she does. For looking out the window. I know she does. I we got to a point I have this, 3 tiered rolly cart where I keep all my sewing stuff Mhmm. That is now covered in cat hair. Okay. Because the the second shelf, there was an open space that I didn't fill with anything.

And so, Onyx started sitting there because it was perfect to look out the window where next to where it was. And when I my very first ever, like, little quilts that are poorly made were made for the the girls, 2 cat little quilts and one for Lola. Yeah. And so we folded up one of the cat quilt things and put it on that shelf, and that's that's their seat. Yep. I know. That's their suit. You have to you have to talk to your girl. I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

You are in that frame of mind of, like, you're moving and changing and doing and planning, and you're like, I got stuff to do. Like, it's a it's not I think it's a creative thing. It's a renewal thing. It's a I wanna make changes thing, like small changes, like, not, like, run away from home and, you know, get a Corvette or something. Hey. I don't know. You know, that new Corvette sounds pretty pretty, wild. A 100 1,064 horsepower,

top speed at 312 miles an hour. I feel like this is where I make a disparaging remark about compensation, but whatever. Overcompensating. Anyway, like, I it feels like a renewal energy from you. Yeah. Like, you're just, I don't know. You know, there I I have been, and I started it. It's been a slow little process. I despise clutter. I really do dislike clutter, and and it's it's as much as my fault, as anyone's, what has happened around here. There's just clutter everywhere.

And and little by little, I have started chipping away at it. Mhmm. Because I'm I'm just tired of all this I know. Stuff and and I have noticed that as I have been clearing some of this stuff out, it's also clearing out stuff up here in my head. Yep. Yeah. The my mom got me into this habit years ago, and I stopped doing it, oh, after we moved into this house, quite frankly. Mhmm. And she calls it she calls it her purge every year. Yeah. She goes through closets.

And if she didn't need it through the year, it's it's used to be if I didn't think about it, I didn't remember I had it. Mhmm. I toss it. She I think she is more aware of, how brains can work, and it's more like if I didn't need it, even if I forgot this existed, and what and you maybe had to buy another one or whatever. If it was never necessary within the past 365 days, then she gets rid of it. And I used to do something like that Mhmm. Myself, and I haven't for years. You

know, fun funny story on that note. When we moved into the house here, there was the ugliest chandelier in the dining area. Oh, God. It was so ugly. We got rid of that thing quick. Mhmm. Yeah. That that didn't last long, but what I did do was I saved all the bulbs out of there, because they were little, LED candelabra bowls. Excuse me. And I put them in a box, and and put them in the hall closet, and that's where they sat. That has been dubbed

the tech closet now. Yeah. And those bulbs have sat in that closet up until 3 months ago. And I was like, we are not gonna use these things for anything. They don't fit any lights we have. Gonna get rid of them, and I did. In setting up my mom's Christmas village, did I find out that, those bulbs would have fit perfectly in that? Yeah. I did. I did. I yeah. They would have. And see that's the trap of falling into I have to keep it because what if I need it. Right? I and I get it. I get it.

I get it. Mhmm. Mhmm. So but, you know, I I I think there's even a term for I think it's a feng shui. Ah, that's me. That's me. You know? I know that's about how things are laid out in a room, feng shui, but that's all I know. And yeah. And so, you know, it's, yeah. It it's something I've been doing, and I've been slowly my gosh. Just what I cleaned out of the closet. We've And the closet still has a long way to go. Our bedroom closet has been

a disaster for a while, but Yeah. Over a few years where we did this crazy marathon of freelance sex toy reviews. God. I do not recommend. No. We had built up stuff that had to be dealt with, and some stuff just couldn't be cleaned. If I never see a fleshlight for the rest of my life, I'll be happy. Yeah. You your cup runneth over. Yeah. So did your fleshlight. Mhmm. So Mhmm. Yeah. We've but we to my chagrin, we still even have a couple of boxes boxes that have moved twice now that just got

stuck in the closet. Yeah. A lot of stuff you brought home, from your mom's house when we were cleaning that out Right. Never did put it anywhere. No. I would kill for our closet to be organized. Yes. Same. Now am I making the time to go do that? Mhmm. No. To be organized. Yes. Same. Now, am I making the time to go do that? Mhmm. No. I'm not. Well, you know, part part of the thing is with our closet, and, there's toys hanging everywhere. We need a better organizational system. We need

a bigger toys. Yeah. Need and I and I and I'm noodling something that You're the maker. You'll make something. It'll be perfect. Yep. I'm I'm I'm noodling something, And, yeah. I think we're we're gonna do something in that soon because it'd be nice to have that all that a little bit more organized. Oh. I could see it being a video idea if we get it organized. Be like, this is how we organized. I blah blah blah. So before so just putting it on

record here. Before we make any changes, we gotta get footage, b roll footage of what it looks like before. Because, whoo, it's not something we're proud of. No. No. No. No. No. It's And and and you know, the thing is too, it because of the way stuff is kind of haphazardly in the closet, it's always a chore to find what you wanna I know, and then so you don't pull it out, because then you got to put it back and Right.

So, you know, it'd be nice to have all that stuff organized to, excuse me, to, you know, have it better organized to just be able to get to it when you want it. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. I mean, we do we have do we have a stockade in the corner of our closet? And I've even been thinking about a way that I could make a base for that to Oh, my. Okay. I do love your new, renewed creative, era you're currently in. I don't know if my ass can handle it, but it'll be fine. It'll be fine. So

yeah. Yeah. I think you're I I feel like you've had some, in other ways, some weights lifted off of you. I have. There's yeah. There's there's been a couple things that are are are yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. Mhmm. And I I love singing it. Mhmm. I do. Yeah. But we should probably go now. Yeah. We did that thing that a lot of people do, where we said, well, we need to go, and then we kept talking. I've been doing that my whole damn life. But for real, we we will, we need to go.

We've got some other stuff to record. Yep. And then we gotta do some other stuff, and then there's stuff and then more stuff. Always stuff. There's always stuff. It's that time of the year. Yeah. Stuff for everybody. Mhmm. Thanks for being here, especially to the bitter end. We will see y'all next week. Okay. Bye. Bye.