Kinky Q&A

You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four fifty six. K. The Lord's here with the one, the only, the man who puts up with my shit and keeps coming back for more, John Brownstone. So who's the masochist here? Yeah. I wonder sometimes. I really do. Look. My shit putting up with my shit allows you to be a sadistic bastard. So I I guess it's symbiotic relationship. Yeah. Yeah. It all all washes out. We're gonna go with symbiosis and not parasitic. We're gonna

and I, remember that much from what? Biology, I think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what another recording of something else I did a physics reference? I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening. That's not what we're here to talk about this week, though. As always, I just as always, life got just a touch extra chaotic this week, so we're taking another easy week, and we're just answering questions. I have a list

of topics y'all. I just gotta have the the bandwidth to do the damn research on them. So doing a Ask Us Anything, we asked for, questions over on that handle I fucking hate. And we got a few good ones, so this ought to be fun. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads at that handle I will forever motherfucking hate. Oh my god. I still get mad every time I think about it. It's loving d s and the number one. So it's at loving d s one. On blue sky at lovingbdsm. Blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you can watch us live stream of

the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest We can keep being fucking weirdos on the Internet, but in large part because of our Patreon community. We are grateful for every fucking one of you. If you would like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content, plus our Discord server, with some super chill, like, good folk, you can do that. Just join us at patreon.com/kaylalords.

That's patreon.com/kaylalords or use the link in the show notes. Okay. Before we get into answering questions, announcement time. But if I don't get my notes up, I'll say something wrong. So the first announcement is a programming note. This would have happened this week, except I don't know how calendars and time work. I was convinced this day we're on October 1 was really gonna be September 30. I don't know where I got that from. I knew there were thirty days in the month. I didn't miscount.

I just don't know how calendars work. So we're supposed to be off our summer schedule as of October, and next week, we will be. Mhmm. So we are changing the time again. This will be, it's a fourth time change really if you think about it. We used to stream at noon, then we went to one, and now we're like, nope. We need more time on Wednesdays. We can't. Stream days used to be the only thing we did was stream and record Yeah. And and do this kind of stuff. And we

kinda can't. We need more time, working on the kangry. The kangry.com. Yep. So our livestream time starting next week, I hope I remember when I schedule it, be 3PM Eastern. I know that's not a good time for some folks. For some folks, that's not your lunch hour. For some folks, your time zone makes it like middle I I I know. If I could figure out the perfect time that worked for all of us, I would do it. I have not found that time yet.

That time we think will work the best for us because of how our days Yeah. Run. And, also, I don't mind doing the 7PM in the summer. Mhmm. There's some because to avoid the heat, but there's something about doing this later in the day that makes me feel like I don't have any time for myself. Big air quotes there. I have plenty of time for myself. I don't I don't know what it is. Like, it's fun, like, the first month. And by, like, September,

I'm like, oh my god. I'm kinda done with the 07:00 thing because I like to be complicated and difficult. Mhmm. Okay. Next, our trans affirming care resource of the week. If you don't know what that's about, you gotta go listen to last week's episode. I promised not to be long winded on that after I did it the first time. Is Point of Pride. Point of Pride provides financial aid and direct support to trans folks in need of health and wellness care. We have donated to them

ourselves. We are not utilizing them as a resource yet, for what why we would need to know them. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go listen to last week's episode. They provide let me I wrote it down because I was afraid I'd forget. Okay. There you go. They have multiple funds for, helping trans folks get, like, care they need. So they have a surgery fund. They have an HRT fund. That one was fascinating. That works like a scholarship program.

So they are partnered with, like, four different places. Two or three are online. One or two are in person, I think, for gender affirming care, medical transition, stuff like that. And what they do is for eighteen months, they actually pay directly to the telehealth or the doctor's office or whoever that is that they're partnered with for trans people to get their care. They pay for labs. They pay for prescriptions. I was like,

that's amazing. I like that. They have an electrolysis fund for folks who are, like, dealing with hair stuff. That one hits close to home with our experience personally, lately. They have what they call the Thrive Fund, which covers what the other three funds don't, so mostly nonmedical stuff. And then they also, mail out free chest binders and femme shapewear. So you don't have to you have to apply, like, put in your information for the free binders and shapewear and that's ongoing all

year long. And then the funds, they open up at certain times of the year. So if you or anybody you know and care about could use a resource like that for, you know, their medical needs, feel free point of pride. We learned about them through, Mercury Stardust on Instagram, a k a the trans handy ma'am. They are delightful. Yeah. I love her. I've learned a few things from her. Oh, you they know what they're talking about. Yeah. Absolutely.

And all it's so sweet. Like, I've I've watched reels where Mercury will be like, the person has made a reel and then Mercury stitched it, right, to, like, answer the question of this thing that's happened in their house and they don't know how to fix it. And they're, like, freaking out. They're like, oh my god. I'm so bad at this. I'll never get this fixed. And Mercury looks into the camera and goes, you can do this. I have complete faith in you. I'm just like, oh my

god. This isn't even about me and I feel better. Anyway, that's where we heard of Point of Pride. If you don't need or know anybody who could use those resources, but you wanna, like, be a part of something and help trans folks out in this fucking world we live in right now, you can donate, just direct cash. That's what we've done before. You can volunteer the volunteer. You don't have

to go anywhere. You write, kind and affirming notes that go in the boxes that get sent out to trans people who need the shapewear and stuff. Or you can help fundraise. Like you can and I was I'm gonna look into that. Maybe the loving BDSM community needs to do a fundraiser. I don't know. Well, no promises. So I said I wasn't gonna be long winded but nobody believed that. Did you? Okay. Point of pride. Link is in the places. That's my spiel. Okay. We are answering questions.

K. And I am hoping that I still remember where to go to get them. Actually, I'm so paranoid. I screenshotted them in case, like, I couldn't. And I was like, oh, how does this work? Yeah. Okay. Hey. First question. This one is definitely for me. What kind of tasks do you do? So I have the set tasks that were negotiated ages ago, and then I have as needed tasks. So the set tasks, I get the coffee pot ready at night. So all JB has to do is push a button when he's not caffeinated and

kind. He's a grumpy, grumpy polar bear without that coffee. I also get the bed ready. I pull it down. I put JB's pillows exactly like he likes before we go to bed. In the morning, I make the iced coffee for the day. I put out his probiotics so he will remember to take it. I also, at the end of the day, put out his magnesium so he remembers to take that. Then you make the bed. I do. I make the bed. I have to explain myself

if I don't make the bed. It's usually I have to change the sheets, and this is how I will remind myself to change the sheets. There was a time in life I'd never made my bed. As a kid, I never did. Into my twenties, I never did. You know when I started making the bed? When I got divorced and I had pretty sheets and nobody in my fucking bed. It's delightful. And then I just it's become a habit and I like how it looks, so I just do it. So I get kinda antsy when I don't make the bed. Good habit now.

Am I missing anything? Oh, I when we're in the car, I Mhmm. When you need your sunglasses even if I don't think he needs them, I ask, do you want your sunglasses? And then he decides. But I always hand them over. We do we have absolutely anybody with glasses knows what I'm talking about. Done the we're speeding down the highway, and I'm passing and exchanging glasses Yeah. Like, in that sort of, like, don't blink, don't

fall off the road kind of thing. That's when one of those times when you want to get a hit a red light. I know. And you do not hit a red light. And you and every freaking light is green. So for tasks, those are the things that are set every time. There are other things that are part of our routine and our protocols, but that's not what you asked. You asked about tasks. Then there's the as needed. So JB needs something and he will assign it to me either through the Obedience app

now Yeah. Or he'll just verbalize it or write it down for me. And that can be research a thing, find me the name of, find me the phone number of, like, whatever he might need. And it does tend to be those kind of administrative tasks. Mhmm. I don't mind. He knows I don't mind. We did have to work around and renegotiate, the can you just walk up and tell me the thing without me being one, without me forgetting it, and two, without me being overwhelmed.

And that that was, I think, frustrating for both of us because we both wanted it to be the way it was when I was still in my thirties. So you could just tell me a thing and my steel trap of a brain could hold it and then go do it and there was no overwhelm at all. And Same. It is not like that anymore. So the way JB does it now, we've only done it a couple times, but he'll actually put it in the Obedience app, and I'll get the notification. And that one was a research thing, find

me a recipe for. So those are the kinds of tasks. They're very service oriented. I prefer my tasks to be part of my routine, something I'm doing consistently, maybe not every day, but in enough of a set routine where I can remember that I need to do it. One task, it goes two tasks. It goes through the, obedience app. I bring him my collar to have it put on. I cannot sleep in my collar. Some people can. I cannot. Nothing can touch my neck. Oh, can't sleep. And then I also fold our laundry.

And the task of folding the laundry is really the, division of labor of the house is not really about our power exchange. But when I get that laundry folded, that's about a power exchange. Not that I fold it when I get it folded. So those are my tasks. But they're very yeah. They're they're household oriented. They're Mhmm. Beneficial for JB oriented, make his life a little easier, that kind of thing. Okay. Next question.

What's the one piece of advice you wish you learned earlier into BDSM, and how did it change you? Goodness. Wow. That's, I think the, the thing that shocked me the most Mhmm. That was the biggest game changer for me, that is real life BDSM, is not what you see in porn or in Tumblr or any of those places. No. You know? And and prior to that, pretty much, that's what I had seen Sure. Online. You know, even from, the old bulletin board rooms, chat rooms. Oh, sure. That kind of thing.

So, you know, when when realized find you know, when actually entering the community and finding out, oh, it's really not like that. Not for more than a senior at a time. Which actually was kind of okay with me. Right. That could be very overwhelming for sure for sure. Because, you know, you see some of that stuff and like, I gotta live up to that? Right. I have to always be stern. I have to always be on my knees. I can't you know? There there are folks who incorporate more of

it into their daily lives than others. We are we we are very, relaxed. But there is everybody has their own limit of how much you can do it before the other parts of your lives kind of seep in and have to take priority. We that's why we function with our power exchange the way we do where it's kind of baked in. There's not a lot of baby girl go do this because we're busy fucking people. So it's like, let me set expectations and let you go, and I'll come to you as needed.

And then we have certain, like, understandings between each other, like, how we'll speak to one another and and how we address one another. But, like, the rest of it is just us living our life and and power exchange is just, like, woven through that instead of it being very prescriptive and this is how we live our lives and this is what we do when we're in sub motor, dom mode and then, and then somehow there's a break for the other parts of our lives. Well, not really.

Like, he's always daddy. He is always the decider. And heaven help us, I'm always baby girl at my best and at my worst. And I tend to be that kind of person that I am naturally of service, air quote that, that's a subjective term, to whoever I love and care for. So too too much to the kids, I gotta back off with the youngest. And so it comes easy to me to do it for him as part of our power exchange because that's what I would be inclined to do

anyway. This is just negotiated and understood and there's parameters and there's boundaries and blah blah blah. So, yeah, the real life v fantasy is, yeah. The the sooner folks can get that in their head and then decide that actually real life is is good, actually, I think the better off most people would be. With me, I think it's it's actually a life lesson less than a a kink lesson, but it applies because there's all of these things transfer across each other.

And it is that the thing that you are doing today in your kink life and your power exchange that you love, the routine, the protocols, the rules, the fuckery, the blip blip blip, whatever, it is meant to shift and change over time because everything in life shifts and change changes. I used to get very torn up about the fact that when we could no longer do a thing that that's how we had done it for months or years.

I would have this sort of internal, like, is there something wrong with me that we can no longer no. It's that life shifted. We shifted health, money, kid like, whatever whatever. And your power exchange and your kink life adjusts to your reality. If you are trying to force that round peg into that square hole and it's not a good fit anymore, I mean, it could be kinky, but that's, you know and it's not happening is what I'm saying.

You just made yourself miserable, and you're not actually living the kink life that you love even though that routine you had, that thing you did was what you loved. Now, you know, the moment I kind of wrapped my head around it and got comfortable with the fact that, no, this is how this is supposed to go because this is how life goes. Nothing bad lasts forever. Nothing good lasts forever. It's just a constant shift.

I became much more relaxed about it and just, you know, understood, okay, this is part of the process. I mean, did we get a what's the word I want? A crash course, from going from long distance to moving in. Mhmm. Oh, yeah. That was a That was a managing expectations thing more than a life adjustment because we thought we had planned for the life adjustment, and then life lifed, and we had to readjust. But over from that point, 2014, we moved in together, you know, pretty

cyclically. I won't say consistently, but there's sort of a cycle of things that we, over time, shift a little bit, shift a little bit. My main tasks have not shifted that much. Do the coffee. Mhmm. Maybe the way I make the coffee has changed when I do it. Certain like, those that's I think I I had get a lot of comfort for that because that has been consistent over the years. But how quickly I do it, the way I do it, your expectations of it, what we've added, what

we've taken away Mhmm. Those are the shifts I'm talking about. So the I think that allowed me to relax and to understand, okay, the shifting of how we're gonna do things, the the easing back of some things, the the strengthening of others, that is absolutely normal. It's gonna happen. I have not failed. The power exchange is not failing. We're just this is life, and it happens to all parts of our life, including our our DS. Okay. Next one. It feels impossible to date as a fat kinky femme.

Advice. I wouldn't know where to begin. Well I've been so Yeah. I mean, you are I I look to you though because you appreciate fat kinky femmes. Like, you you love you a big girl and not in a fetishizing way like you you just want something to be able to hold on to. And I appreciate that. I'm a give you so much to hold on to. I I find it attractive. I like it. It's whatever I like. I know. I'm just saying from that perspective,

you know Yeah. Do you have any, like, as as to being the person who would be the partner of a a fat kicking femme of the connection of the coming together. See, I don't you know, I don't even think about it in those kind of terms. Mhmm. You know, for for me, it comes down to things like, personality. Right. Yeah. You know, what kind of moral compass Sure. The person has, sense of humor. Right. You know, and and of course, hygiene, you know, but We do appreciate hygiene. Yeah.

Yeah. But I mean, things like that I know. You is what makes the person Right. And I and I think for if you and whatever body you're in or may you know, for folks who maybe, like, have a physical disability or whatever whatever whatever. Right? That makes you feel like you can't find a partner. The first thing I want you to look at

is who are you surrounded by? Mhmm. Are you part of an online or in person community that, is kind of homogeneous and everybody looks the same and maybe they don't look like you or they are kind of similar and you do not fit into that group? Well, now it's time to, like we gotta change our friend group. We gotta change our community. We gotta go go be where we are accepted as who we are.

You know, the the sad state of affairs is the stuff that I've I've joked about this before, because I tend to fall into a vanilla heterosexual algorithm every once in a while. And it's sad state of affairs of the dating world these days. Oh my god. But kinksters are just a cross section of humanity. We tend to handle some things better, but we are still people. And so there are still you know, we would call them sometimes a fake dom or, like, a bad sub, I mean, of any gender

of any who whatever. But there are those people regardless of gender who are shitty. They are not real with you. They are they're used they'll use people for as long as they can. They won't commit or they'll ghost or they'll gaslight or whatever. They're out for themselves. They're not actually trying to make a genuine connection. And, you know, that will always exist somewhere. So if you find yourself in a space where there are not others like you, there are not others who are into

you, can can you shift your space? Right? Is it, is it the munch? We have walked into munches where we're like, we do not feel like we fit in, and also we're not being made welcome. Well, it's real hard to meet people if you're in a space like that. There are sort of micro communities for almost any and all identities. I'm sure within the BDSM community as well, FetLife can can be a place where, you know, you have to have to

sift through a lot of crap. But there can be those spaces where Fet's not really a a dating site, but people have met through there. Right. And it's where you can, you know, find a community. Because our thing is, and we will preach it forever, is we think and I don't care what kind of power exchange kink relationship you're trying to have with somebody. Even casual, I think on some level you should like that person as a human before you worry

about liking them as a kinkster. Right? And they and in return they should like you as a person before, you know, the kink thing. Right? And that's the thing. See if you can find spaces spaces for yourself where you can just become friends with people. Or maybe even the pressure is off to try and meet a partner, and you become friends with somebody. Maybe it becomes more, maybe it doesn't. Maybe they introduce you to other kinky people, and now you've made

connections. Maybe they invite you to the party, and you meet the love of your life there. Like, I don't there's no predicting it. You know? But that that is there's no single site I can tell you to go to. I don't know of any that are, like, made for, you know, any specific group. I'm sure they're out there. I just don't know about them. Typically, the kink sites are the kink sites or the places that allow you to be openly kinky and find a partner. You know, they're there and then it's hard

to, like, niche down. Right? But be with people who appreciate you regardless of the relationship thing. Quite frankly, if you are, you know, kind of, like, feeling like it's impossible to date, maybe don't date for a while. Maybe it'd be like, I will whatever it is I need that I'm not getting, how can else can I get it?

And I'm gonna not not worry about dating until I'm in a community or I make a friend or I'm, like, connected to somebody in some way that sees me for who I am not just for the body type. But also, the people who love a fat body and not in the fetishizing, like, creepy way, they are a 100% out there. Mhmm. Apparently, according to the algorithm, they're all at the gym. Like, apparently, the the muscle dude bros, like, love them a a chunky

partner. Okay. And I'm like, well, apparently, I need to go to the gym more to just, like, stand around. You're right. I I did hear something. And that is the stereotype. And of course, that's not universally true. But so, yeah, I think if, you know, you're sort of, like, feeling like it's impossible, take a break from it. Yeah. Go live your best life in other ways and, you know, find a community that's not necessarily

about dating. It's just about, like, chilling with cool people who happen to also be kinky. This one this one. I feel this one. Next question. How to overcome my fears and give my trust completely? I think the first thing I would say is, trust, even as you grant it to somebody, you're not granting them complete and total trust the moment you decide to trust them. It is a bits and pieces thing that grows over time. What I would say is you have to make the first leap of faith

Mhmm. To not actually overcome a fear, to move through the fear with a little bit of trust. Maybe that is you'll do the small kink thing with them. You'll tell them one thing and you kind of put that feeler out there where you're extending trust, right, even though you're nervous and then it's their job to show you, to prove to you, that you can continue to extend that trust. And that takes as long as it takes. That goes as slowly as it goes. You

give as much Mhmm. Trust and work through that fear to the extent that you can. And if they are a person worthy of that, they will do the things that allow you to grow more comfortable and to trust more and more Yeah. So that you can continue doing that. Yeah. Because I don't, you know, I don't think trust is something that is just giving you, like, okay, here it is. You got it all. It's no no more to give. Right.

You know, you we're still Mhmm. All after all these years, that is still something that is going on. I don't think it ever it it's something that grows and evolves and it you know, it's all part of that. Mhmm. You know, like you said earlier, you know, nothing we have looks like what it did before. It's something different. And it's the same thing with the trust. That is something that's gradually given over time and it just Right. Peeps.

Right. There's not a you're talking to somebody, you're getting to know them, and one day you just go, okay. I'm not afraid anymore and I trust them completely. Let's do that's nope. Yeah. From the vast majority of us, that's not how it's gonna work. You're gonna have to you're gonna have to do something and be nervous about it while you do it. Yeah. But it the way I always do it because I have such trust issues is I do a thing that I would

be disappointed if they broke my trust. I would be sad but I don't feel like I would be crushed or harmed. That's how slow and small we're talking. Mhmm. And they need to prove to you. And what I mean by prove to you, it's real easy for for, predatory people and wannabes and users and abusers to say the right things. Mhmm. But they will unless that unless they're one of those just, oh my god people and those are the exceptions, but there are people who are super extreme. That's what I'm talking

about. Your average everyday Joe Schmo. Right? They're gonna trip up. They're not gonna be consistent or they're not gonna come across as sincere and you're gonna get a feeling like, is that actually real? I don't know if I buy it. Like, there's gonna be something that kind of can clue you in when they're not being consistent. So that's what you're looking for. It's not what they do one time. It's what they do over and over and over again consistently Mhmm. In a pattern.

And that's when you know that they are somebody that you can continue to develop trust with. Right. And and also, you know, on on the big d side, they gotta be patient. Yeah. Everybody's gotta be patient unless it's through real. You know, especially early on in the beginning, it's not something you can just, you know, drag out of somebody. Right. Right. If, you know, if you are in either side, but, yes,

specific to to dominance. If you're a dominant and you are, you know, getting together, getting to know this submissive partner and you know they're afraid, you know they have trust issues. I was very open with it. I don't trust no damn body and I'm terrified. I've I've too much pain too like, I don't know. You know? It is your job to prove that you are a person that they can trust. You

know? If if that's who you want to be with them, if you want to develop wherever this is going, whatever this is, you know, that that's your job. Be consistent. Be real. Be who the fuck you are. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But also, even if you realize that there's a, incompatibility or this is not gonna work, still, like, hold their trust sacred. Like they're gonna be vulnerable with you, potential partner. They're gonna you know, there's gonna be intimacies between you.

You know, treat that as the sacred thing that it is. Now submissives, your doms get to do that with you too. They're gonna be vulnerable. They're gonna tell you stuff. They're gonna have to learn to trust you. Be a person they can trust. Mhmm. So yeah. Okay. Next one. This one's interesting. Because I can't imagine it even though I have a shitty memory. Because this is not a thing that I would forget. But it's interesting. My sub keeps forgetting the title we've chosen.

They use it about 50% of the time. How do I remind them? Oh. My first thought is, does that title resonate with them? Mhmm. That because if it doesn't resonate, that could be part of the problem. The other thing is do they have memory issues in all other parts of their life? Because if that's the case, then it's not about the title. It's just they got a memory thing, and now

you'll need tricks for that. But when I forget something or when you've dealt with something similar in the past, like, what is your method for Well, and that years and years ago I did for some reason I had trouble remembering certain words. Mhmm. Okay? When I first picked up a camera when I was young, and I got a polarizing lens, I could not for the life of me remember polarizing. Mhmm. Mhmm. K? What the stupid thing was called. The way I

ended up remembering it Mhmm. Was I thought of, okay, what's close to polarizing? Polaroid. Mhmm. Mhmm. So I had the first half, and then it led into the rest of the word from there first. Is that a mnemonic device? Or is that a mnemonic device adjacent there? I don't yeah. There's There's a term for making connections like that Right. And I can't remember. And I I don't know what it is anymore either. I've heard of it, but that's what I

had done. Mhmm. And through throughout, anytime I found a word that I had trouble Mhmm. I create, you know Sure. A companion word, so to speak. Yes. Absolutely. And that that's a great memory trick in general. So if we're talking about Absolutely. And that that's a great memory trick in general. So if we're talking about this just a memory issue, then I would be looking up different tricks and, things to try and tools for how to help somebody, you know, retain a memory like that.

Yeah. That being said, it depends on your dynamic, but there's not a damn thing wrong with leaning into your dynamic. If, you know, there are consequences as part of your power exchange, I I would not make it an overly serious consequence, but I would, you know, if they are if they're trying to avoid consequence, maybe do that. If there's any, willingness and also, like, you know, when JB wants me to never act a certain way again, he'll have me write lines. Now that's not for everybody. Mhmm.

But that is just an example of Yeah. Within our caregiver baby girl dynamic, that works. So I would lean into your dynamic of Right. How do you discipline or how do you maintain discipline or what, if any, consequences exist for when a submissive kinda, like, oopsies? And then Is there something you can do there to help with the memory? On on the opposite side of that, know your know your sub, and do they respond better to positive reinforcement? Thank you. Mhmm. I knew where

you're going. Yeah. You know, if that's something that they respond to, then, you know Reward. Reward. When they get it right. Mhmm. You know? I think the first thing I would double check, if you know it's not like a they remember nothing and they struggle with their memory Mhmm. I would make sure that the title resonates with them. Or or check this. Are they trying to be punished? Are they, like, low key bratting and there's not been a conversation about bratting?

You know, I would I if it's not just a memory thing, see if you can get to the motivation. Yeah. If there's a motivation. Right? Like, is there a mental block? Is there Mhmm. Like, I'm trying to I'm trying to get under your skin and make something happen. If it's not that, I'd lean into your power exchange of however y'all handle when they don't do what they're supposed to do in other ways. Again, I would not I personally would not recommend coming down too hard for memory lapses.

You don't wanna make somebody afraid to say something either, but there's, you know, probably something there Mhmm. That, you know, can help them remember a little bit. But it does depend on y'all's dynamic and what kind of Yeah. You know, what kind of sub they are, what kind of dom you are, all of that, all of that. Mhmm. Okay. This one this one's for you. Uh-oh. Because on a smaller scale, we've had this moment.

How can I, five two, continue feeling dominant when my sub is a lot bigger and taller than me, six seven? Well, you need to climb that person like a tree. That way, I know it's fine. Sorry. I'm having my own moment. I've been reading too much smut. I don't wanna assume there's even sex in your dynamic. Too many thirst traps on that. Just saying. Too, I think. If if I were in if if I had a partner that was that tall, I believe I would just be climbing them. So you are technically now

shorter than me. Yes. But when we first met, we were eye to eye, and I struggled with feeling submissive You did. Because you were not bigger and taller. You had it in here that Yes. You need to be physically So what would you say? Like, how do you feel dominance? How do you maintain that feeling? How do you, like, especially and because you've had partners that there was a significant size difference. You are our short king, and we love you for it. So how how

how does that work for you? Well, I know with you, it's you know, you were carrying on about it one night, and I grabbed you by your hair and had you on your knees. You're like, see? Right. You did the dominant thing and got me into that headspace and I had nothing to do with size of body Yeah. And height. Exactly. And and I think that's where it really comes down to, you know, you you you be yourself, you be your dominant self, and

you just be real and consistent Mhmm. And and, you know, everything should fall in place. Yep. You know, because, again, height, width, you know, whatever. It it doesn't it it doesn't matter. One of my favorite ever scenes to witness, and I hate watching a scene because I get bored and antsy. I'm not I know the one you're gonna talk about. Their dynamic, at the time, these were their pronouns, so I'm sticking on them because I don't know any different. She was

five foot nothing. Oh, yeah. He was a big old boy. He was a bear. He was huge. He was massive. He was I'd have climbed him like a tree too if he consented. She flitted around almost like a butterfly around him while wailing on him. Their Yeah. Their play was impact and he could take crazy hard hard impact. And she was And she just went, okay. You're my pinata. She was not holding back. But she Mm-mm.

She used like, she had to work a little harder to get the strength, to get the angles, but she was able to give him experiences from, like, a sensation point that somebody his own height or taller could not because she's coming up from the bottom, you know? But she was in scene consensually. She was mean and they both loved it and it didn't matter what their size was because, you know, somebody said in the in the live chat, and that is true, dominance

is is mindset. Dominance is energy. Dominance is Yep. The look on your face, the tone of your words, you know, what you were doing within the negotiated dynamic. It's nothing to do with size. Yeah. Nothing to do with And and it was it was I I have to say it. It was cute as hell watching her cuddle him after him. Oh, now that was hilarious. You would think she should have been the little spoon. Right. But he needed the comfort and Mhmm. You know, she sort of draped herself up. It

was Yeah. It was a good scene because, man, I was like, holy shit. He's taken he's taken a beating and loving it. Oh, yeah. But she was this little thing just Oh, yeah. She flitting around him. She was tiny. Mhmm. She actually I mean, she were nuts. Because she was she was small to me. Yes. Yes. So so my point is Yeah. It doesn't matter. And No. Quite frankly, when somebody's you know, if you want it to have that experience of being physically above them, because

I get it. There's a you know, people do use their physical body to dominate to, you know, be over somebody. They just maybe they need to be be on the ground and you need to be up top. And and that was another thing I was just gonna say. But school maybe if that's your thing or Learn some of the, what do they call it? The gory and, kneeling skill, you know, different poses. Mhmm. So, you know, if you wanna if you want to work within body size, don't worry about size, body position.

You are sitting higher, standing higher, whatever. They are if they physically can, they are lower on the ground than you. But if, you know, if you can give them the look and they respond, if you can say a word, use a tone, and they respond, that is what matters most of all. If you can you know, if y'all are getting kinky and have a scene, you can give them the sensation that, you know, help whatever it is that gets them in their submissive mindset. Yeah. It doesn't matter how big or

small you are. Nope. Not at all. Okay. Here we go. I have a new play partner. He likes to be dumb, but he's shy and doesn't dare to do much. How can I support him and help him gain the confidence to be more dominant and show him new things and what I like without feeling like I'm topping from the bottom? So let's start with that last question. Okay. You're gonna talk to your partner about what you like. Yeah. You're gonna negotiate it. That that's all part of the negotiation.

Right. So it should not be coming out of nowhere, and then you feel like you're topping from the bottom. Now you may need to teach and show your partner what to do. Even if you are not a service submissive, think of it as an act of service. Think of it as a thing that you were doing to make your Dom's life better in the moment. Mhmm. You are not topping from the bottom. You are providing unnecessary information. Right. You're keeping everybody safe.

You're making sure that your Dom can do the thing that needs to be done. It's not it's never that is never topping from the bottom. Yeah. I you know, because yeah. You you're coming into this, you know, you don't know what the Dom's needs and wants are. Right. He doesn't know what yours are. So, you know, no. It's not. You you have to have that conversation. That's an important

conversation to have. Right. So and, you know, there there does tend to be this because we've talked about it a million times over all these years, this mindset of if I am I really submissive if I'm kind of leading this moment, if I'm if I am explaining these things to them, if I'm showing them things. Here's the thing. You explain stuff, you show them. Sometimes you do have to correct. Some people don't always do it right the first time or two. Right? And then you

back off and you let them do. As long as they're within your boundaries and you don't need to say for it out or you're not having a bad time, whatever. Right. It's you've informed and educated. Sometimes that's Mhmm. By physically showing somebody. And then you go, okay. You got it. You know what I like. You step back. The dominant part is where they choose how and where to do that thing. Right. You know? Us yeah. Assuming they're also doing other things that you enjoy even if it's not that

specific thing. The bigger question, I think, is is, may may be something you can help with. It's Mhmm. Because he likes to dominate, but he's shy and doesn't wanna do too much as a confident that's a confidence thing. Because you could be shy and be a dominant. That's not a problem. Yeah. How can I support him and help him gain the confidence to be more dominant?

I think one of the biggest things that can help is, you know, after after any kind of scene, you know, I mean, be honest, but, you know, hey. That was really good. You, you know, you, you know, this thing you were doing, I really liked it. It was that was great. Mhmm. Okay. That that kind of thing goes a long way to helping build somebody's confidence. Mhmm. Suggest if it's if it's possible in your area, workshops. Mhmm. You know, to both of you attend and and you learn things, you know. That's,

that's another way of doing it. Mhmm. So The other thing is the boring answer of it takes time. Yeah. You kinda go low and slow. So, like, if it's a specific kink activity, I'm gonna use impacts because that's our thing, and it's just easy to do examples for. If they've never spanked somebody ever Mhmm. Then we're not gonna hand them a crop and go go to town. Right? We're gonna start with hand on ass. I've said it before. I have, flogged many a pillow into submission practicing.

There's practice, and then there's also so practice on any of my objects. Sure. But there's also what y'all do. So you might not, in the beginning, be doing as much as you would like to, intricate as intricate as you would like to, but that's so that they have time to learn and gain some confidence. So let's say it's a spanking and they're willing and you're both willing blah blah blah. Well, they're gonna start out slow smacking your ass. Right? They're gonna do some test strikes and

you're gonna provide feedback. You're gonna go Mhmm. That felt great. You can go harder. Yeah. Not that hard. Whatever. Whatever. Mhmm. And they're going to learn how you know, what that feels like as they do it for you and them. You know, the when somebody's new either or both of you. When somebody's new to Kinky Play or Power Exchange, in the beginning, the one who knows more, has more experience, whatever whatever, you do a lot of it's a lot

of feedback. It's a lot of try the thing, give the feedback, try the thing, give the feedback. Because that's how the person who don't have a clue is gonna learn. This works. This doesn't. I I know I know how to do that. Okay. I tried this. That didn't work. Whatever. And it's not the, like, fantasy scene where, you know, you you get to, like, let somebody take total control and turn your brain off. It's you know, you can get there, but you gotta give them time to get there.

On the doesn't wanna do too much, is it, like, doesn't wanna hurt you? You're gonna have to give a lot of feedback. You're gonna have to go, I can take it. I want more. Mhmm. You know? And and then they might move at a slower pace than you want, but as as long as there's some level of forward movement, I think you're fine. Within their own boundaries. Like, there there are absolutely doms and just people in general, but doms who are like, I don't wanna hurt anybody that much. I'm

not interested in that. Yeah. So there's also the navigating that, like, where are their boundaries here? Their limits and boundaries. And when you're new, sometimes your boundaries are very close. It's a it's a very small little Venn diagram of what you're willing to do. But as you gain experience and confidence That that's gross. You yes. Yes. Exactly. Okay. Oh, this oh, this one. Should I still call my d partner daddy if they use it with another person?

I don't I don't know if they finish their, sentence because it says, if they use it with another person to mean much. I'm not sure what that part meant, meant. But Mhmm. Is it a should I still call them daddy if somebody else is calling them daddy? That's personal. Yeah. It is. That's personal. Yeah. I think I'm much more relaxed about this than I used to be. We did used to have a rule that I was just like, I I don't like the idea of

anybody calling you daddy. You're my daddy. I I think I could handle it better now. I don't know. That might have been insecurity. But my question is Mhmm. If you had me and another partner calling you daddy, like, can you imagine how you might feel? Like, would that be weird? Would you be like, okay. That's a big deal. I could separate it in my mind. Ma'am, would that be an ego boost? Boost? I assure you there is somebody on the Internet who would love to call you daddy.

Get consent first, y'all. Mhmm. So, you know, I don't know. I honestly don't know. I wish we had a like, another person here so you could just hear it, like, in stereo. Yeah. Because I I mean, because because, you know, of of how you had felt about that, you know You never let yourself think about it? No. And, you know, like, one called me papa bear. Mhmm. You know? And that was the same vibe, same energy. Yes. So I think it's personal preference, ultimately.

Can you use the same honorific title label with a partner that somebody else is using? Of course, you can. Yeah. If it makes you uncomfortable, it's not on that other person to change. It's on you to decide to change, to find another term that hits right, but That works for you. Is different enough that you're like Yeah. Okay. This is my special thing to call them. To some people, that is important. That's, you

know, that's a a very personal thing. It's a very intimate thing to, yeah, what you call your partner and, you know, whatever. So you do not have to change anything, but you can. Mhmm. But if they're you can't control what the other person

does. Right? You can only control you. So if you don't like the idea of two two people using that same title, like whether it's a former partner or a current partner in you, you either have to decide that it ultimately doesn't matter to you or you have to decide what you're gonna call them instead. Like, because if we're talking about a former partner, well, you can't change that. That's in the past now. Right.

And if it's another partner or another person like daddy, that could be their child calling them daddy. That's why I kinda giggled when I read this because I was like, we've had this conversation. Would I call JV daddy if my own father, who I called daddy for the first twenty two years of my life, because that's how long he was alive, if he was still alive? And I can't answer that because I'm not in that position. Yeah. I don't have to know what that feels like. I mean, you can, you know,

conjecture and and Right. Guess and all that, but Exactly. You never know how you're going to react or feel until you're actually in the situation. Mhmm. So In in that moment. There's no should. There's no because there's no right or wrong. What works for the two of y'all? What feels good for you? Mhmm. Just how do you feel about it? And that feeling is valid. It's the actions that are gonna matter more. You can't demand somebody else say something different. You can only change your behavior.

If you can't if you don't like the idea that they are daddy to somebody else for any reason, relationship, power exchange, parenting, like, whatever the the reason, if that's you don't like that, then pick something else. And there are so many terms you can use, and I I'll try to remember to link this, in the show notes and and in YouTube after we're done streaming.

I came across and utilized a lot, massive long lists that somebody on Reddit created for the kink online kink community of all these terms you can use to to call what to call your dominant, what to call your sub so that you can because you can get creative and it'll maybe spark some ideas if you do decide to call them something other than daddy. Okay. I am a sex positive therapist. How do you think most kinksters feel about therapy? Most? That yeah. It's Yeah. I have no idea

what most of anybody thinks. I mean, I I can tell you what I think. Right. And, I I think it's it's good. Mhmm. I think it's helpful. You know, I was in therapy. I would go back if I could. And I would go back in a heartbeat if I could afford to right now. Yes. Yep. Absolutely. But, you know, no. You know, yeah. I I I believe in it. I think therapy is is a good thing. I it's it helps. Right. This is pure conjecture. I have no way of knowing.

I don't know if anybody's ever done, like, any sort of survey of the kink community. Yeah. Because, overwhelmingly, the kink community understands the need for open and clear communication and boundaries and consent and negotiates these things well or tries to or learns to negotiate them well, and navigate them well. I think in theory probably more kinksters than not are absolutely open to therapy willing to do it. Understand it's a a net good for so many.

But it's hard to know because I'll say it again, kink community is just a cross section of humanity and there are absolutely people who don't think therapy is real who refuse to talk to somebody who are like, I'm not gonna, you know, talk's not gonna fix my problems. What's it there? Like, of course there are.

But there's probably something to it that studies have found that in general, on an average of spectrum of like, statistically, kinksters tend to have, you know, better mental health outcomes than non kinksters. One article I read several weeks ago, I put it in our newsletter because I put those kinds of articles in our weekly newsletter, talked about how, you know, when you are free to be who you truly are Mhmm.

And you tend to you tend to be happier than the average person who maybe is not living their truth. So there's probably something there as well. And and I know for a while too there was, you know, a thing, going around people that to I'm trying to think of the words, how to put the words, that can can be thing I would say, not because there's no way to know how most kinksters feel about therapy. Here's what I will tell. From my experience, this is anecdotal. I have no data.

The kinksters who want therapy would have a therapist in a heartbeat if they had the resources for it, are seeking a therapist. What they want in the conversations I've had is a kink aware therapist. They either don't wanna have to hide that they're kinky even if they're not really gonna talk about it. Things come up like, you know, hell, hell, what if you saw a bruise around their wrist because they had some you know what I mean? And they're like,

it's a bruise. You know? It gets weird when you can't just you don't feel comfortable to just go, I'm kinky, and we did this thing this weekend. Right? Some of us, ourselves included, the first so far the only. But the first time I went to a therapist, I was looking for a kink aware therapist because I was I needed to be able to talk about my relationship. And to understand our relationship, you have to understand the dynamic. Exactly.

What kinksters have told me, and I agree, I don't wanna do this either, is I don't want you to just be open to kink I want you to have very limited basic awareness of what it is. Mhmm. That's what a lot of people say is, I don't wanna have to teach my therapist what the fuck a power exchange is just to get through to the conversation about whatever whatever. Right? Or to wonder, oh God, are they gonna think that I'm automatically being abused because I'm the submissive?

So regardless of how many kinksters want therapy, believe in therapy, go to therapy, no way of knowing unless somebody does a study on that, I think it's more important for therapists who are who know that the kink community exists to just bare bones, get an more than just an awareness of kink. Get a basic, like real basic understanding of power exchange and kink dynamics and BDSM so that and then put yourself in spaces where kinksters are.

They'll come to you. I mean, we we did this years ago when we still lived in the Tampa Bay area. And I I know we've tried to do it here, and we probably could if we we have. We will go on FetLife and look for folks for any service industry if they're kinky. Our HVAC guy is a kinkster. No. Does he listen to the podcast? I don't know. If you do, you know who you are. It won't out you because privacy concerns all that.

In the past when we were looking for an accountant who let us down seriously, the first one, kingster. The second one, also a kingster. Star. So, like, I think not all. Our real estate. Yes. Was from the kink community. That's that's the thing I found. Not with every kinkster, we're not a monolith. But kinksters who think about things like that, who maybe, like us, your whole life is your is kinky Mhmm. And your kinky shit is all over your house and you gotta

get a service from somebody. We're looking for kinksters and or people who are openly kink friendly. That's who we want. Mhmm. Because we don't need the judgment. We don't wanna hide anything. And I and as for me personally in therapy, I don't want to explain kink to you. I'm not there to be Kayla Lords loving BDSM content creator. Mhmm. Okay? I am there to tell you all of the the sludge in my brain. So And that's kinda what ended up happening with me. Mhmm. That's why I ended up

Yeah. It was a little less effective. Yeah. Yeah. Now if you are and I'll I'll try to remember to put this in the plate the link in the places after the stream. There is a site through the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom. Mhmm. Took me a second. I know. They keep a page up of a database of people who add themselves under all kinds of industries across. I've seen primarily The US, but I think in other countries and, on other continents.

If you are a kink friendly, kink aware, whatever professional of some sort, therapists are a big one. I've personally, I think, used the site mainly for that. But there are other industries there. So if you are looking for somebody like a therapist, we'll link to it after we're done streaming, you can do that. If you yourself are a kink aware professional and would like to get in front of more kinky people, that is one place to do it. Because those of us who know about

that site, fucking use that site. Mhmm. Okay. Last question. Okay. How did you two spin up your DS Dynamic while long distance? What got you started? Well, what started out started it for us was we just dipped our toes in it. Yeah. Because we were talking and flirting and realizing we were we liked one another. Mhmm. Not necessarily like liked, but, like, we were friends with one another. We got along on that way, and we both

met knowing we're kingsters. So there was none of this, like, introducing Yeah. No. I know a sub. You know it's Dom. We came at it from that. So as the friendship developed, I asked you to, in a a dominant way, help me with something. I think it's the same old thing I've been asking you to help me with for all these years. Yeah. We haven't started it yet. And that was the start. You know, we were still being friends. We were still I I, would play 20 questions by text

and I mean that literally. What is your favorite color? What's your favorite dessert? What's your favorite this? I would be sit I remember one particular time I was at Captain D's. I was, like, eating lunch and texting you, and we were playing 20 questions. So Yeah. But we did. We started with a thing that was not sexual at all. It was a task oriented kind of thing Mhmm. While still developing the friendship and quick fairly quickly going beyond friendship. Yeah.

Once we got beyond friendship and it got sexy, then there was more to it. Because then we're playing with orgasm control in general. And And I was picking out panties for you to wear and And I had to send a picture every day. Making the panty database, that was peak geeky nerdy Yeah. Kinky shit. Because I had to for somebody who doesn't wear underwear regularly now, I have a shit ton of underwear. I did then too because I love me some pretty panties.

I had to take a picture of every single pair of underwear I owned. And the method we had back in the day, because this was 2013. Goddamn. I uploaded all those to a drop box. Mhmm. And Jamie would send me a picture of which panties I was wearing that day so he could stay organized and I could stay organized. Yep. But, yep. You you too can feel submissive taking pictures of your underwear. It was a slow and steady kind of thing. Because we were long distance, there wasn't

a lot of task oriented stuff. Every once in a while, you'd be like, can you look this up for me? Can you whatever whatever. Or I'd offer to help you with something. And it was for us mostly sexual because that was a very easy way to play with power dynamics. We would be talking on the phone the way I woke up every morning was JB would call me, And then he would talk me through masturbation and either I got a whole bunch of orgasms or maybe maybe I got one after way too long of being edged.

And I you know, I do think if there's a sexual component, it feels easier because there's so much power play you can do in sex. Mhmm. It's not required. You just you'll have to be creative if you're long distance and it's, you know, either service oriented or maybe some self application of kinky stuff for the benefit of your partner. Right? Because I I even had you doing research on different, kink topics. Mhmm. And basically writing little mini papers. Yep.

Which all you were doing was getting me prepared to be Kayla Lord, sex blogger and sex writer. I appreciate you. Yeah. Doing it and I didn't know what I was doing. Exactly. But that, you know, it it we started out as friends. Mhmm. But we both knew what we were, and we were Yeah. Like, that was never a secret. Nobody had to divulge. We Mm-mm. Done. Because we met online. Like, I people ask, you know, where do I go to meet somebody? I'm like, well, you can go back to 2012 and start a sex

blog. That seemed to work for some of us. And I mean, not just me. I know several people who met short term and long term partners through the comment section of sex blogs. Yeah. And so, you know, but we started out with banter. Like, he was posting silly shit on his blog, and I was cracking up at a time when I was bleeding all over the pages of my sex blog because I had my first power exchange and my first power exchange breakup. And so he was being kind and sweet

without coming across as creepy. And I do not know how to tell somebody how to do or not do that. It is a vibe. Okay? I get a vibe when somebody I'm thinking if I saw you in person, I would think you were slimy and please go away from me. And the person who feels like a genuine person on and I don't I don't know how to help you differentiate is the vibe. But the vibe was good, and we started out talking. I contacted him first. Yeah. I never do shit. To this day, I never do shit like that.

And it was a friendship thing. You know? Yeah. It was an understanding we were both dom subs. Sure. But he knew what I was going through because I was writing about it. And I knew I was not interested in a relationship, but I was really drawn to him because he was a cool dude who who did funny shit on the Internet and talked to me like I was a person and not a potential sex object. It makes a difference. I don't know. But yeah. It was friendship first. Yeah. It

was non sexual power exchange. Just can you please help me with this thing? And it then it grew from there. Because, again, go back to my own I do take my own advice. We did this nonsexual power exchange, and he continued to be who he had been before we tried power exchange. Mhmm. He earned my trust. He explained himself. He was the first adult human I'd ever witnessed give clear communication and say the thing he was thinking. I had not had not in a healthy

way. I had unhealthy ways of people telling me what they were thinking and thank you for the trauma. But JB was like, let me explain myself to you. Here's what I like. Here's what I don't. Here's what we're gonna do. And I went, okay. I like this because I already like the vibe. And so it it grew from there. And when Mhmm. As long distance, we added visits to it. And our

long distance for us was highly sexual. We were way more sexual in our power exchange while while we were long distance than we have been since Yeah. Being living together. Yeah. And that's eleven years. We moved in together June 2014. And we had some sexy fun times in the beginning. We had a lot more energy eleven years ago. Yeah. But the the day to day life of it, it became less it's way less focused on sex. Like, sex for us is kinky sex, but our fuckery

almost never has sex involved. We'll do impact scenes. We'll do this scene, that scene, and and no sex is involved at all. Right. But long distance for us, so much so much sex. I wish I could give good advice for people who are in nonsexual park exchange long distance. I think you just play with your dynamic like what kind of sub are you, what kind of dom are you. It's a lot of talking. Yeah. Whether you're verbalizing it or you're typing it

or whatever. It's a lot of communication and it's a lot of imagination. JB could spin up via text, via email, did not matter, could spin up a whole fantasy for me of what he was gonna do to me and what he wished he could do to me. And that worked too, you know. We had whole fantasy kinks. Now thankfully, he learned real quick. I don't dirty talk. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel very awkward. What? I don't what am I supposed I don't know. I don't know. I don't

know what I'm supposed to say. And so then I freeze. So he was very okay with spinning up the conversation via text and me going, or I didn't speak quite an emoji, then we didn't have quite as many emojis even in 2013 as we do now. But if an emoji could fit, I would and he would just keep going. Thank god. You know, I've always felt kind of lucky in that to to not not be comfortable with, not like, not do dirty talk. I just can't.

And I've I've always been felt like I was lucky to be the submissive because you could just take the reins and say the shit, and I just had to kind of respond to let you know I was engaged with you know, I was paying attention. I was into it. Oh, man. But, like, as a submissive, sometimes there's no fucking expectation that you say a goddamn word. And I know you might think I find that, difficult, but not in those moments. I was grateful. I was like, nope. I'm I don't even have to say anything.

I'm I'm needed here, but I'm not needed here, if you know what I mean. So, yeah, it's the there was a lot of sexual stuff. Once we decided we were gonna move in together and we mapped out a plan, the first plan was he was gonna move up there because I didn't wanna have to, like, uproot the kids. And then we realized we could not make that work. Like, everything we tried, nothing worked. Yeah. You could not find a job with them. So frustrating.

And so then we started making plans for me and the kids to move down to the Tampa Bay area, and everything got easier once we went that direction. It was like, that was the direction we were supposed to go. And then there was more task oriented stuff because we were we were already figuring out how we divide labor between us anyway, but I you know, JB could go, hey. I'm gonna need you to do blah, and I would go, okay. And then there I was being all submissive. Right? Yes. I was helping

to plan our own future. Sure. But the mindset was like, I'm doing this for my daddy. You know? But it's long distance. Get ready in whatever way you communicate best to communicate a fuck ton. Imagination kinda stuff, the fantasy stuff, and also the how was your day, what are you doing, what what does life look like for you today, and whatever your power exchange ends up being. You know? I want you to do this thing every day for me. That was his thing. Every morning, he would pick my panties.

Every morning, my before I got dressed for work, I had to send him a picture of me wearing those panties. I had a great mirror closet closet with a mirror door, full length, really wide. I could get some great angles. I should have been taking more pictures then. But I anybody who knows me from all the booty pics I used to post on Instagram, me and my underwear, that's where that started doing it for JV.

I don't have good lighting or good mirrors anymore, and I don't like how the pictures come out, so I don't do it anymore. Also I barely wear underwear. So whatever whatever. But, yeah, I mean, it just it developed over time. And wherever JB could take control that made sense Yeah. We negotiate it and I'd let him. Wherever I'm a service that I find it. I think I think service that's have it easier because I could be like, I'll do that for you and I'm in my submissive mindset.

But I would do I would take on as many tasks as I could for him. You know, long distance was harder. There's a lot more research. I think once I did call your dentist for you. I think you're right. Yeah. I did. Yeah. That's when I had a job where I had to talk on the phone, so it was no stretch for me to pick up a phone and call a random number and, like, just talk to somebody. But, you know, that's how that's how we

did it. Mhmm. And it was little by little over time adding more and more, and at some point deciding we don't wanna be apart anymore. We don't want this to be visits every, like, six to eight weeks. We wanna be together every day. Mhmm. And then we started mapping out life of what that would look like and how we were gonna get there. Excuse me. And I think that's that is probably when we started when our power exchange just became interwoven through the relationship.

Because everything we did just had the the flavor of power exchange. Mhmm. Because you've been the decider from day one. If there's a decision to be made, I'm gonna defer to you. And so even in the move, I would I knew what I wanted and needed and required, like, as a parent, but I was still gonna bring him the options and be like, what do you wanna do, daddy? And that's where he was in his dominant self a lot.

Because once we got to the stress of, like, picking up lives and moving and all of that stuff, we were still sexual, but it does put a damper on us. So, yeah, that's that's how we did that. And I'm you know, I know it's the boring answer. I know it can be the very dissatisfying answer. People, like, kinda were like, ugh. I just want this to have happened ten minutes ago. Goddamn. Talk to somebody that you vibe with,

that you like talking to. Right? Like, whether that's through DMs or just on social or in person, like, and you you're not always gonna know right away if the vibe is right. Like, I've come across people and because of my head space, because of their head space, I didn't I didn't know I didn't think that was a bad vibe. Those are different. If I get a bad vibe, you very rarely get a second chance with me. But there was no vibe, and so I didn't know. And it was polite conversation.

And then the next time I came across them, I was in a different headspace. They were in a different whatever. And then you could tell if the vibe was good. If the vibe is good, just keep chatting. Like, again, without the, this is gonna be my next kinky partner. Like, you don't know. You don't know. You know? If you start making those plans after the first conversation, but by the fourth conversation, you're like, oh my god. This person, do I need to call somebody on this

part? You know what I mean? Like, the vibe is all wrong. You know? Now there's disappointment or you've you're now having to extricate yourself out of situations that you would never put yourself in if you had known what they were like. You know what I mean? Just just just fucking be friends with folks. Like, get to know just talk to them. I say that as somebody doesn't wanna talk to anybody.

I'm telling you, if I could tell you how to get in a time machine and go back to 2012 and start a sex blog when we were when people still commented on blogs, I did figure out that part of my blogging thing was the dopamine rush of people commenting Mhmm. When it was positive. When it was positive. And I don't get that from blogging anymore. Very few people comment. And so now for different reasons, but one of those reasons is Mhmm. It's not as interesting to me if I'm always talking to

me. But, yeah, I exit it in live chat. Talk to people without expectations. Yeah. This idea is to just are they an interesting human that I would like to be around again at the next month? Or to be around them because they're an interesting human, not because they're your soulmate in disguise and, you know, if you get in there real fast, you'll figure like, it's a very dissatisfying answer. I know. I

know. I know. And I think that the the dynamic shifts a little bit if where you're at is, let's say, a play party or a dungeon where there's a heightened, like, half these people are naked and there's a lot of screaming and crying consensually. And, like, that's a different vibe, and you might be more in your play mode than in your Mhmm. Get to know you mode. And, you know, there's nothing wrong with starting there, but, you know, because I I Gotta start somewhere. I I

get that. Like, that's a whole, like, oh, I'm gonna watch this person quail on that person, and I'm feeling all kinds of things about that. And, oh, they're gonna come talk to me now. Like, that's but even then, you're talking to them because you think they're interesting, or you're talking to them because you think they were good at whatever you saw them do. No expectation that you're gonna be their next one. You know what I mean? I just anyway. Anyway. Anyhoo.

Those were all the questions. Okay. Thank y'all for those of you who submitted them. They're really interesting. Good questions. Good questions. As usual with a q and a, my throat hurts. I'm trying to get back to it. I do think that was the last one. Pretty positive. Yeah. That was it. Mhmm. That's all we got. Okay. So are we, good? Well, we will go into a bonus section. Yes. I guess we are. Okay. Okay. Keep it kinky, y'all. We'll see you next week at 3PM Eastern.

Dada. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the crickets? Sure. Podcast listeners at 3PM is meaningless to you if you only listen. It's still Friday for y'all, but we are changing our livestream time. So just a reminder, 3PM. Do you wanna know what I've been wanting to say every time I said 3PM? What? I know we're in Eastern. Been in Eastern all this time. My brain keeps on and say Central. I don't know why. I've not lived in Central time zone since 2014.

True. But for like two days, every time I've thought of a time, my brain is like, central. No. Not central. That is how we start mass confusion with everybody. I gotta at least keep the time zone straight. So what you got for the bonus section? Are you ready to talk about your tummy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're waiting for the the office call so he can go get a CT scan. Right. We've been waiting for a day and a half. The for those of you remember, a month or so back, I had some tests done.

Month feeling so hot. First thing they said was heart. Mhmm. They wanted to rule that out, and they did. Everything cardiovascular, all that is good. I can't wait till we can stop paying on the payment plan for it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And they put me on medication for GERD, is it called? G e r d. I don't remember what all the letters stand for. Either. And and it did help Mhmm. For a while until it stopped helping. Mhmm. So, day before yesterday, it was really bad. I told Kayla,

I need to see a doctor. I'm willing to see a doctor now. Yeah. So I called for him. Right. And, went in, and we're talking back and forth. And, then they started do you still have your gallbladder? You. Mhmm. For now at least. Yeah. And, you know, possible ulcer. And so, you know, they wanna do a abdomen ish CT scan. Pelvis and abdomen. Yeah. CT. And, kind of, in limbo, was supposed to waiting for the call today. Yeah. Our doctor wanted him to the best of possibility to do it Yesterday.

The day of the appointment, which was the day before recording. They thankfully, our doctor's office is connected to a lab that's all in house. It's a medical center. Mhmm. So they send us down the hallway for him to get some lab work. I won't tell the other part, but that part is cute if you wanna share it. Yeah. No. Damn. Oh, it's so adorable, but I I won't. Anyway Thank you. Lab work. And so then we're waiting for the results because they had explained we're gonna have to get authorization

for the CT scan, meaning from insurance. Yeah. And they won't give authorization till lab results are in. And so our doctor took this seriously enough that she was rushing everything. Everything was stat. So we're like, okay. And we're sitting in limbo. We're at the office waiting for somebody to come say, okay. We're gonna schedule your CT scan for or okay. Whatever. Whatever. Nobody comes. Nobody comes. Finally, the assistant to the doctor comes. It's like, okay.

We're gonna let you go home because nothing's happening as quickly as we wanted it to. Right. Here's what you need to prep for the CT. Mhmm. They're gonna call you and give you a time to come in. We're gonna try and make it for Wednesday, the day we're recording. I did not call you. I I spent my whole day pretty much on hold waiting for the phone call.

And I say on hold, I I wasn't doing nothing, but I was You're still in that place of, like, anticipate I was doing little things that I could just drop in a Right. Exactly. And, so, yeah, it didn't happen. And, you know, yeah, kinda waiting on the insurance now, it seems. Probably. Yeah. Knowing insurance companies. Mhmm. Mhmm. Because it's often a, well, did you do all these other 10,000,000 things that aren't as effective as this one test the doctor wants to do? But there's also

human error. The our doctor was on it, and and everybody in her office was on it yesterday afternoon. But if they weren't still on it because they've got patients coming in and they've handed it off to whoever does the scheduling of the lab, that might have fallen through cracks. They might not realize this is because they were saying, when you go get your CT scan, when you are done with your CT scan, which is at another building, you're gonna

drive back over here. Over here. Yeah. And and let them know you're here to see the doctor, and you will be seen in between whoever whoever. Like, that's how seriously the doctor was taking it. Yeah. I don't want it to be an insurance problem, but it probably is. I won't be surprised. Yep. And I'm like, I hope you will let us add on to your current payment plan. We haven't met our deductible yet. And, you know, we still get, like, air quote, this big old air quotes discounted prices.

But a CT scan I know for an MRI, they quoted me 3 or $400 with our insurance plan. I don't know if a CT scan would be less than, same as, or more. Yeah. Your echocardiogram between both procedures was about $500. Yeah. Yeah. About $500. Yeah. Maybe 6 no. It was about 600. It was something. I had to put it on a payment plan. Yeah. And, yeah. I do have to do the, oral contrast. Have the bottle sitting in the Pour it into Powerade. Yep. Mhmm. So, yeah, I will have to do that.

Yeah. Like, we're we're ready to go. Yep. I just want some answers at this point. I just wanna know really what the hell was happening. I want you to find relief and answers. But I think now I'm a little bit on edge is too strong. Like, it's I'm personally fine. And as long as he's doing mostly okay, I'm I'm good. But because our doctor, who is very level headed, we adore her, was like, I want this information as fast as you can get it to me. Now I'm like, oh, wait.

No. Oh, okay. There she's trying to move fast fast. Should we be worried? I'm not gonna worry until I have something to worry about. But should we? Do I need to prep myself for worry? Sort of like when you were because you we were seeing whoever could fit you in when it first started. Right. And due to age and medical history, they were like, heart. It's your heart. And I was like, you're gonna make my heart stop beating. Stop saying that.

And that was a very sort of, like, on edge moment because the heart, that's serious. It's like crazy serious. But yeah. Her her urgency is making me feel like we need to be urgent about this. I'm I'm trying not to, No. Read into it too much. I'm just, like, you know, hopefully, she's thinking, well, you know, this has been going on. Let's, you know, kinda push this and get it Mhmm. Resolved.

That's how I'm seeing it. Well, and I did think I saw her eyebrows raise when you were like, the medication get for GERD was working and now it's not. And I think that's when she went, wait. That's not supposed to happen. Yeah. And yeah. If she hadn't been so urgent Mhmm. I think we'd be like, okay. It sucks. We would like some answers. But okay. Yeah. Now we're like, who's gonna call? When are they gonna call? Poor JB is taking his phone with him

everywhere. And if he has to, like, be in the bathroom for anything, he's like, here is my phone. Please babysit. Mhmm. Yeah. Now that's funny to me. You waiting on a call from the doctor, which would make sense. It is your medical situation, your blah blah blah. But I am the one who calls to make all the appointments. We use, the online portal that our office has. I send all of the written messages. I have to make sure because we are both in the same portal, but with two

different logins. I have to make sure I'm in I'm logged into the right one and that I remember to write his name at the end, like, because I'm of course, I'm an old lady. I write it like it's an email and not just like a like, so I don't say, like, dear doctor, whatever. I don't do that. But, like, we sign it at the end. Thank you, comma, name. Mhmm. And there have been a couple times I've scared myself going, did I put his name for this one? This was his account.

But, yeah, I I have to remind myself when we're in there because I'm used to calling to go, here are the symptoms. Here's what we need. Blah blah blah blah. Or when I'm messaging, here are the symptoms. Can we get a refill on this prescription? Blah blah blah. We're in the office. They know us freaking frack. They know we come as a a pair. We you will never see one without the other at the doctor's office. I have to remember and hold myself back from explaining his symptoms to the doctor.

But it's a good thing I'm there because he sometimes won't mention some of his symptoms. And I'm like, tell her about the nausea. Don't forget the nausea. I just didn't want her to think I was nuts on that one. Well, that was not just I didn't think you were gonna tell her about your sneeze thing. Would you like to explain that one? You Googled it, so it's a phenomenon other people have experienced. It is something that other

people have experienced. Like, I Googled it, and, basically, what happens sometimes in the morning, before I eat, I will feel a little nausea. It's not like, you know, I'm running to Right. Somewhere but that sicky feeling. It's that it's that feeling. Well, it it just kinda sits there, and and then I'll sneeze, and it's gone. The nausea's gone. The nausea's gone. Yeah. The look on her face, which was because you could see her, like, wheel spinning, like, okay, what mechanism would be

causing? Right. Is that really happening? I stumped the doctor. I was like, oh, and I'm looking at her. I'm like, is he a medical marvel? Is that what we're discovering? And that's when I piped up. I said, I'm not the only one. I Googled it. I started. We are a delight wherever we go together. Yes. Yes. We are. Thank God for this doctor. Right. Thank God. So, yeah, that's, that's been that for this

week. And, you know, you just been kinda you you may have been making a trip to see the oldest this weekend. Have to. Yeah. Oh, that's right. His medication I still need to remind myself to go pick up his medication from the pharmacy, and then I would drive it to him. Which, you know what? I can't even complain about that because now that he has more of a social life than he had the first two years of college, I never hear from this child. Never ever hear from this child.

Wait. I think I was supposed to have this experience when he was 18. I got used to, like, hearing from my kid. We for freshman and sophomore year, he would text not every day. We'd go several days without text. But if I realized it had been several so, like, five to six days without a text, no fail. By the seventh day he was calling me, wanting to talk, mean something, blah blah blah, I do not hear from that child. And I am finally on track to be the parent who gets, like, one and two

word texts. I used to get books. Okay? He needed somebody to talk to, and I was there. Now he's got actual, like, you know, Pierce's own age. Goddamn. Right. And now I have to, like, experience this. Wait. My child does not need me? Alright. It's a it I was supposed to have gone through this two years ago, but it's it is weird. It's quiet. Mhmm. So Yeah. Lola's doing good. She's sleeping by my feet. Yeah. I heard her call her when she shook her head or whatever. Yeah.

She's she's been doing good. She's, Yeah. Knock on wood. It's been quiet with the the girls. Mhmm. Onyx has become and I say aggressive. I mean it in, like, a friendly way. Yeah. Very aggressive with her desire for love and affection. Yes. I'm still not allowed to pick this cat up. Y'all, it's not like I do not try. JB has managed it, what, twice now? Twice now. A little bit longer each time, but not for very long. It's not like we're

walking around cuddling her. Ella, you can pick up and hold her like she is a baby. Yeah. She tolerates it from the kids more than from us. But and Onyx is like, bitch, if you touch if you come under the undercarriage while I'm standing here, I'm out the door. But in the morning, she follows me around the house, and she has this very distinct meow. And it you Mhmm. It's clear she's annoyed with you when she meows at you. And she will follow me, and any flat

surface I'm vaguely near, she's jumping on. So if when I walk into the living room and I walk past her cat tree, she jumps on it. But then I walk past it, so she jumps on the top of the couch. Then I walk past that Yeah. And I'm going into the dining room, and she jumps on a chair, and then she jumps on the bench we have, and then she'll jump on my seat. And I'm like It's like, what is that what is that that they do? A park parkour. Parkour. Parkour. Meowing the whole time. Meow. So this

morning, I took a few minutes. She followed me to go to the bathroom, silly me. And I'm in the bedroom after, you know, and she's on the bed. And I'm like, fine. I will give you some we were there ten minutes, and she still was not ready for me to leave. Mm-mm. She came this close to licking my hand. She sniffed it real hard. Like, I could tell that her nose was wet. That's not an onyx thing to do. I was like,

okay. So you've gotta, like, hit not quite middle age and you're you're relaxed enough to let your nose touch my hand that you're aggressively head butting. She gets so aggressive with, like, doing that swipe that cats will do, like, the side of their head for you to rub against you, but she'll do it against my hand that she'll literally get my my finger is either trying to go up her nose or in her ear, and she just

rolls with it. Mhmm. Like, that doesn't freak you out, but me trying to gently pick you up does. Well, you know, she, in the in the evening before we go to bed, while I'm doing my little routine to get, you know, the house ready and everything, she expects. She expects. Because you trained her to expect it. Her brushing. Oh, yeah. She will be brushed at night. Yeah. She will let me brush her because she likes being brushed. She likes clearly likes the

sensation. Mhmm. But, it's not it I could spend an hour brushing her at any point in the day. Ten minutes before the normal routine, she would still expect the same treatment at the time. Yeah. Yep. Okay. I will not get between, a cat and her cat daddy. I'm just I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing that. I know better. I know better. Oh, oh, speaking of this time, not cat daddy, dog daddy. The other night, over the weekend, I can't remember which day it was. Monday night?

I don't remember what we're doing. Sunday night because we had game night, on Discord Mhmm. With the Patreon community. Okay. We get done with game night. We go about, do our thing. We go to bed. We're getting ready to go to bed. Yeah. Lola Oh my god. Yeah. Usually is already either in her crate or on the couch sleeping at when we are getting ready to go to bed. She's done for the day. She comes in the kitchen. She leans against JB's legs. She leans against mine.

We give her love and we're like, what are you doing awake? Loving, loving, loving, loving. And we're like, that's so weird. And JB's like, okay now, Lola. Okay. Go to bed. And she's a good girl. She's all. She did it. We are in our bedroom. We are, like, we are naked, y'all. We're ready to be in we were in the bed. We were ready we were under the covers. And JB goes, oh, shit. I know why she was in the kitchen. Yeah. Why was she in the kitchen? I forgot to give her her,

big treat evening treat. Her her dessert at night. Yeah. It's like her last treat she gets, and it's her, like, her good ones. Her big premium treat for the day. And so you you absolutely know this man got up, put clothes on, went back out, got her out of wherever she was sleeping, and gave her her treat. Right? We all know that's what happened. Right? Of course. Let me just say, if in the middle of the night, I realized I had not gotten my diet Coke during the day,

sucks to suck. Lay your ass down and go to sleep. Just saying. I'm just saying. I mm-mm. I am in third place after Onyx and Lola. It's fine. It's fine. Ella's not really on the rating. Ella's always spit out of him. Poor Ella. Ella can do nothing right for JB. I'm the one who does litter boxes and cleans up, outside the litter box because apparently her ass hangs over the we have a lidded litter box because her ass really does hang over.

She still manages to have her ass hang over out the entrance, and I I clean up a lot of pee. But I like Ella more than And I'm cleaning up her piss. Ella's brain dead. She she is not she does not get possession of the brain cell. That is so true. No. We just look at her and go, thank god you're pretty. And she's Exactly. She's so cute. She's so cute. She's got that perfect pink nose. She got Mhmm. Pink Toby. Which is, you know,

got the fluffy ferns. Yeah. Yeah. And she will let you hold her like a baby. But she also whines. Oh my god. Oh my god. And because she's not allowed to hold the brain cell, Onyx has permanent possession Right. And probably a couple extras because that Onyx is smart. Yeah. She will she'll be eating her breakfast, and she's gotten slower about eating over the past several months. Mhmm. Not like she's not eating. She's just slower than she used to be. She doesn't unhind her jaw anymore. Right.

So she will not be done with her own food. Onyx eats primarily in the bedroom so that she'll actually eat. If the bedroom door opens because we're letting Onyx out because I'm coming out whatever Onyx is done with her breakfast, Ella will stop eating her food to leave and go see if she can get whatever Onyx has left behind consistently. Yeah. It's like, coral, you you you haven't even finished this yet. Finish all your food. Do you do you know see, I I feed I feed the two

cats first in the morning. You have to or oh my god. Yeah. They'd cry the whole time. And once they're settled, then I feed Lola. Who is the ultimate good girl because she's she's she just sits there and waits patiently. Mhmm. Now, I made shelves in the kitchen Mhmm. So that the cats can eat up off the ground. So they're away, you know, so There's no worry about Lola getting into their food. That's before we knew how much of

a good girl Lola is. Yeah. Like, Lola's gonna graze, but she'll let you leave your bowl. She won't, like, slurp in your bowl while you're in. You know? She's got manners. Yeah. So Ella's spot where she eats is pretty much over where Lola Mhmm. Eats. Mhmm. So when I prepare Lola's food, I bring it over. We do our little thing. She sits and does her little Oh, he's trained her. Like, he does puts a finger up, and Lola just sits like a

very pretty girl. Mhmm. I mean, he could probably train me the same way, but And she doesn't move until I put that finger down and say go. I don't know if I could do that. I don't I don't think I'm as good a girl as Lola. Yeah. She fidgety. Yeah. I know. But but when I when I do that Mhmm. She stops eating. Ella. And Ella stops eating and she's leaning over and you're like, what what they got? What do that? Maybe it's better than mine.

Yeah. Ella. Now for all that JB acts like he does not like Ella, let me tell you I think I've told this before what what he does. So sometimes Onyx goes off her fucking feet. Okay? And she doesn't want that flavor of wet stuff. Maybe it's batch bronze. Something they they screwed up the recipe. I don't know. She wanna eat it. So we always keep dry food on hand for those times because sometimes when she won't eat wet, she will at least eat dry.

To to be kind to Ella, because Ella just wants a bowl of food in front her. She does not know or care. Is it gonna be wet? Is it gonna be dry? That makes no matter to her. Hot cold, she don't care. She'll she'll eat it in her bowl. As long as it's put in front of her, she will eat. Right. But what JB will do unprompted, when he gives Onyx a bowl of dry food, he sprinkles a little bit of dry food on Ella's food and we call that her croutons.

And he'll be like, that damn cat. I'm like, that damn cat, you still gave her her croutons? You still she didn't ask for it. She didn't know to ask for it. We're frenemies. I think you love her. You just don't like her very much. You love her. You just don't like her. She would not be your friend in another in another universe. Anyway Yeah. Anyhoo. That's us Mhmm. And our crazy fur babies. Exactly. So are we ready to, call it a

night? Yeah. Wrap it up. I am. I'm I'm wearing too many, like, clothes that I can be seen in. I'm ready to, like, wear the stuff where my tits are practically hanging out, but I'm comfy, and that's all that matters. I'm ready for very soft and very comfy too now. Mhmm. And dessert. We have dessert. That's right. Oh, yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. So we're gonna go do that. Yep. Okay. Dessert. It's, apples It's an apple dumpling. Based dessert. So, yeah. Gotta go. And it's the last of it.

Yeah. We finished it up. Mhmm. Anyway, we're gonna go, next week, Wednesday, 3PM Eastern. I almost said Central again. Mhmm. That's when we'll be live streaming. Hopefully, that's a time that works for folks who wanna go to the stream and haven't been able to. We hope to see you there. Okay. Alright. We'll be back next week. Yep. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.