Kinky Q&A

You're listening to the Loving BDSM episode four forty one. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the you're sweating your ass off just like me for once. It's not just a hormonal thing. It's a a Florida thing. John Brownstone. That's me. Mhmm. Mhmm. Do you also feel the line of sweat on your upper lip? Yeah. Is it also sitting at the tops of your cheeks where just below your eyes? No. Where you go oh. Oh. No. I'm

the lucky one. It's delightful. Mhmm. I'm about to do this damn live stream naked. Study lessons. We'd be demonetized, but we might get a shit ton of watchers. We'd probably get kicked off at YouTube if I didn't. Anyway, that is not happening this week, but, get ready for the chaos, clearly. We're back after a longer than planned break.

We'll talk about that in the bonus section, and we're easing ourselves back into it with a kinky q and a with questions from social media platform with that handle I will forever fucking hate. Yes. That's right. Instagram. And we're time traveling here, so maybe we'll have questions from YouTube live chat as well, but we can't know that until we do it. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Chaos. Okay.

Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC, on Instagram. Oh, at that handle I will forever fucking hate.

It's loving d s and the number one, at loving d s one. On blue sky at lovingBDSM. Blah blah blah, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are able to keep being weirdos on the Internet, because of our kinky patrons, and we are

grateful for every fucking one of you. If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content, especially this summer while we're on a pseudo kind of summer schedule breaky thing. We'll talk more about that later. But you get still get some of us if you are, part of our Patreon. That's with extra content like a behind the scenes, what's going on in our relationship podcast once a month, and access to our Discord server, you can do that. Just join us at patreon.com/kaylalords.

That's patreon.com/kaylalords, or use the link in the show notes. Okay. So before, I look at questions and we try to answer them, let us do our announcements. Yes. The first one, livestream folks already know we're hot as fuck because we can't stop bitching about it. We are going to our summer schedule. Mhmm. Last summer was the first time we did this. We are just as unorganized about it this year as we were last year.

Starting next week, the first Wednesday in June, I don't know what date that is, but it's the first Wednesday in June. Our livestream time is changing because we cannot sit in this room at 1PM eastern during the Florida summer. We're gonna start livestreaming our episodes on Wednesday at 7PM eastern when it is slightly cooler and the fan and the AC actually can make Right. This room cool down a little bit. The audio podcast still coming out on Friday as usual. No. Nothing with that changes.

I know that the time change means that some people who normally watch will not be able to watch at all. I am so sorry for that, but I don't know if I can do live streams while I'm nauseous because of the heat. So I don't wanna try. We know this will be in effect June, July, and August. Mhmm. We will decide on September when we get to September. If If it is a hotter than usual summer, as they all have been, thanks climate change, we might have to extend this into September as well.

So 7PM, I will try to put out as many reminders because I know folks there are folks out there like me that's, like, you have a schedule in your mind and having to shift that. Mhmm. Third year off. I totally get it. We will be thrown off at least the first couple of times.

The other change we're making, because of all kinds of reasons, including the very hot, summer and the very hot office that is not cooled properly, at this point, we are gonna take a break from our Monday episodes through the summer. That's our q and a episodes. Right. Our inbox is still open for questions. I would love to get questions over the summer. So when we come off of our summer schedule and we're doing q and a again Just jump back in. Right. Go right down the

list. We will have an episode that comes out next Monday, which is the first Monday in June as of recording. And then that'll be the last one until we get back. Because streaming in the evening is great. We do not live a life where we could functionally record video at night, and then we have time to edit. But that's a that's a daytime thing. We cannot record during the day. We cannot. We cannot. We cannot. So figured we just we just, you know Yeah. This this room was warming up It's easy

this summer. In and of itself, and then you add in all the lights. I have exhausted the light of sweat on my upper lip where my glasses touch my cheeks. That is perpetually sweaty and wet. My hairline all the way around my face is very sweaty. And I am wearing the cooling neck thing that some, kind listener slash watcher sent me through Amazon. Thank you to that person. And it is working, but floor is floor is hot, y'all. They're hot. It's very humid.

And this room is great for recording when, it doesn't feel like you're sitting on the surface of the sun. So all that being said, we're just calling it a summer schedule. We're lightening things up so we can spend less time in this office. Everything slows down in the summer anyway. Yeah. The heat for one and just because people are out living their life in the summer. So we're just I mean, did it take us ten years to finally figure this out? Yeah. Yeah. I did. Here we are. Here we are.

Okay. So those are our two announcements. Now we're gonna get into questions. We asked her questions, over on Instagram with that handle I will forever fucking hate. And it that's real. I will forever fucking hate it. There are reasons I cannot change it, to what I want. Nobody asked that question, so I'm not gonna go on that rant. We are gonna start this up this episode, podcast stream thing, whatever whatever whatever.

With those questions, there were too many that I we're not even going to acknowledge because what the hell is wrong with people? So, we may have time to take some questions from the YouTube live chat during the stream. If we get to that point, I will explain how we will do that, and then we will go from there. So first question. Uh-oh. How to navigate dynamics of a Dom organizing a threesome with his two very similar sips. God damn. Look at his face.

Podcast listeners, I'm sorry. You didn't get a single look on his face. Go ahead. Talk. Well, you know, I'm I'm gonna say the snarky thing, and apologies to this person Yeah. If you've already done the work. Do your two very similar submissives both know about one another, get along with each other, and have they been like hell yeah let's do a threesome. If you've got that, then, it it goes back to okay now sit in a circle somewhere and like hash this

out. I I I think the biggest thing you're gonna need to demand, or one of the biggest things in my mind, are the expectations. Oh. Something like that. Oh, yeah. Alright. You know, because you can I mean, let's face it? You can blow it up in your head, and, you know, woo hoo. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know, and I think the submissives may be very similar in your mind, but I have no doubt there will be very clear differences on preferences and certain ways of, you know,

behaving and things they like. So while you are very mindful of how they are like, I would spend time digging into where they're different and where there could be some, like, potential pain points, you know. I also would think back to within this relationship or these relationships, have has there been insecurity? Has there been envy? Has there been jealousy for, like, when you're with one person and not the other?

If any of that has is there and has never been properly addressed and dealt with on some level, I can absolutely see it coming out in the middle of a threesome or in the aftermath of a threesome. So, yeah, I you know, the fun part is talking. I'm sure is the talking about what you're going to do. And depending on the type of dom you are, maybe you're used to having a whole hell of a lot of control. But it's as I've been told by by JB, it's hard managing one sub at a time.

I can only imagine how it might be with two at a time. Mhmm. But, yeah, I don't think anybody is surprised at the the main answers you gotta communicate. Right. But I think it's Right. If you're even if you're used to planning scenes primarily on your own and maybe just letting your sub know and, you know, checking for consent, as I assume you are doing, I don't think this is the time to

plan it alone. I think No. To the extent that they are willing to be a part of the conversation, and I hope they are very willing to be, everybody needs to be in on some of the planning conversations. Everybody involved needs to, sit down, have a cup of coffee, and, chat or beverage of choice, whatever that may be. Right. And, you know, just, talk. Right. And I don't think this is a time if you're if you or your subs are like this, this is a time to try to do

your best to not be people pleasers. Do not Mhmm. Your subs do not need to be saying what they think you wanna hear or what they think the other person wants to hear. Right. If the idea of doing a certain act with another human being that's not you really bothers them, they need to be able to go, I don't like that. That really bothers me. Yeah. So those are the things from a a dominant

perspective. I'd say you need to watch for, especially if you know these missives as well as you feel like you do, then you know when they're not telling you what they really feel, maybe they're telling you what you want, they think you wanna hear. Mhmm. You know when they hide not hide when they Hold back? Hold back. Thank you. Yes. And you kinda gotta go, nope. That's not acceptable here. That's gonna that's not gonna make this a good thing for anybody. Does that

sound boring and kind of clinical? Sure. But if you wanna continue having what I'm assuming are healthy relationships, after said threesome, get fucking clinical with it. Like, Just yeah. Don't rely on fantasy and just what you think Mm-mm. You want to do. Okay. Our next question is not about kink at all. It's about us. Uh-oh. What was your wedding like? Interesting. Chaotic is everything we do as so I think this person probably did ask just to see, did we have, like, a kinky

wedding? Mhmm. We tried to have some elements of kink in our wedding, and it did not go to plan. Because the person who was supposed to officiate our wedding is was a kink friend, somebody who owned a dungeon, somebody we'd played with before. Like, it was supposed to be super cool. They were gonna work with us on, like, nonstandard, nontraditional, vows. Vowels. So it we could, like, slip in, kink under the radar. Right? Power change. And then they

bailed on us and ghosted us. Yeah. And if it was not for my aunt, who is, like, legally allowed to officiate weddings in the state of Florida, that would have been the actual, like, official documentation part would have been in the fucking courthouse. Yep. So, I was grateful for her. Mhmm. I was very pissed about the other. Yeah. Because that was the only real thing where we felt like we could air quote this safely add kink in and none of our non kink people Yeah. No. Would have clocked it.

But we needed help with that. I Right. I might have been a full time writer at the time, but I was not that creative. So and we did not get that. We we kept it inexpensive and easy. We got married on a cruise ship out in, the Tampa Bay, like, bay. Mhmm. So that it had we had the ceremony, the the food, the dancing entertainment, all contained to a two hour cruise. So we had to clean up. We didn't have to, like, go somewhere, like No. Easy. Easy.

Easy. I was supposed to have a kink friend be the photographer. They bailed on me. They they legitimately had, like, stuff going on, but they sort of told me very late in the planning process. So a family member who was is an amateur photographer, she loves taking pictures, you know. She's not a wedding photographer, but she was like, I got a camera. I'm willing to. I was like, thank you. Thank you. We really appreciated her.

Purple was the main color with accents of gray and silver, but kinda came out as gray. So my dress was, purple. It was got it from Amazon, actually. It's kind of in a sort of air quote fifties style because it had kind of that tight bodice. And then I got a a petticoat thing, and it out. And my petticoat was silver gray and my dress was purple. And I went on, like, a whole 30 keto thing for a month, did not touch one drop of sugar

and looked snatched in that dress. But then the day of the wedding, I was like, I need sugar again. Tried to have my my hair was about the length that is now. Podcast listeners, it's a bob that goes to my chin. Tried to have it curled between my hair being super straight and the heat and humidity curls fell. But I could not stop smiling the whole time. No. You didn't. The one air quote power exchange y thing we did is anytime I wanted a drink, I had to ask JB if I was allowed to have a drink.

He allowed many drinks. Very impressive. But I danced until I embarrassed my children. Both kids walk air quote walked me down the aisle. They got shy right as, we were supposed to start walking, so I basically dragged them down the aisle because I was like, I am ready to get married. Come on. We're doing this. We're doing this. I could not stop smiling. I just cheesed the whole time. The whole time. So and then we were supposed to get one night kid free. Like, my mom was

in town. I was like, hey. I'll take the kids. Y'all enjoy your one night. And we spent our one night seeking out food and ended up at a Waffle House at midnight. Yeah. Then ate too much at midnight and didn't do anything sexual or kinky on our wedding night. We were wore out. We were wore wore out. We were. But we were fucking married, man. Yeah. We were. Being married was it is was important to us. But we're we've been together so long, and we're so unbothered by any

of it. We don't we remember the date. I know when my anniversary is. I can never remember what year I was married. Was it 2017 or was it 2018? I remember what day we got engaged because JB very helpfully did it on May. May the fourth be with you. Right? I was very grateful for that. I did not change my legal last name because I had already been there, done that in the first marriage. I went, oh, no. I'm not going through that bullshit again. JV is like, cool. I don't give a fuck.

Truly, truly with our relationship, we did it for the insurance and tax breaks you get when you were legally married to another adult. That is what we did it for. It it had meaning to us, but I think our power exchange was, in some ways, more meaningful. Yeah. But you don't you don't get a tax break. With power exchange. No. No. And I wanted the I also explained to him there was no take backs. There was no refunds. No exchanges. You were in it for fucking life, so you better be sure.

And so now he's stuck here. Okay. Okay. Next question. Let me get my phone back up because I did not turn off the go to sleep thing. Okay. This is a a big one, and we will probably only be partially helpful. We're both sub submissives. What do we do? Well, couple choices. Mhmm. Probably more choices than you realize. Yeah. You know, you I I I assume what you're saying is you're both submissives in a relationship? Yeah. I think they're I take it to be they're in a relationship and they're both

submissive. Both both submissive. Right. I mean, you know, if what you are looking for, each of you is different than the other, then you can kinda strike out on your own and and find your own person. If you're both open to that. If you're both open to that. And it doesn't have to be sexual and romantic either. It can be platonic, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. You know, or or, you know, to it it depending on depends on what submissive is to them. Sure. Sure. Okay?

You know, if if submission to you is, you know, masochism, then you, you know, find find a play partner maybe. Can your partner provide what you need as a service situation? Mhmm. Are they are either of y'all comfortable topping for each other? Right. I have heard of couples who have sought a d type to One d type to rule them all. Rule them all. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. Which I think if you can find it, that's great. I think that, you know,

that might be more challenging. Mhmm. Right? Like, it's sort of that unicorn hunting thing that happens in other kinds of non monogamous situations. Let's let's not treat somebody like a kink dispenser. Mhmm. If you happen to find that, I think that's great. But I agree with you that if y'all are open to the idea of having power exchange experiences outside of your immediate relationship with one another,

go seek that out. Mhmm. But I for anybody, if either of you are uncomfortable with the idea of a sexual or romantic relationship with another person, yeah, platonic platonic power exchange, platonic kink absolutely exists. I don't think that that means that you just act like it's not that big of a deal because it's not sexual romantic. You still have to negotiate it. You still have to figure out boundaries. You still like, you still have to navigate whatever feelings are gonna come up.

But a lot of people will reject the, oh, I can't go outside of my relationship because they are imagining it, you know, as in a type of relationship they already have with another partner and they don't want that. So yeah. But yeah. I would you know, if there are activities that one of you really wants and the other one's like, I don't wanna experience that, but, you know, maybe you can maybe I can

top you. Like, it's not the exact same experience as a a power exchange where a dominant does all of those things for the submissive. I get that. But if it gives you some experiences and some sensations you want, and if you were the subby partner who would act as the top in that situation, you know, some people get you know, they don't like not being in the submissive mindset, then that's when I say mind fuck yourself and consider it an act of service. If

that vibes with your Right. Submissive self. Some people can do that, others can't. Mhmm. Exactly. But, yeah, I think it's a a matter of, getting creative, thinking outside of the box, thinking outside of titles and roles and labels. Mhmm. And, you know, I think there's there's ways to navigate it. Your relationship just probably isn't going to look like any air quote this average relationship. Yeah. I know. But we're in kinky all. None of our relationships are like the average relationship.

Oh, no. No. No. It's all customizable. So yeah. That's true. Okay. Next one. Best advice for new subs and where can I find ritual ideas? So let me we'll let me start with the second question, if you don't mind. Okay. Ritual for what? Yeah. Like, there's no one size fits all of ritual. You can ritualize literally anything. I ritualize making coffee. I ritualize bending over naked and asking for permission to go to to bed. It was not a ritual that I discovered

Yeah. No. On the Internet. It was something we agreed to do, and we ourselves have, like, created a ritual around it. So Yeah. And, you know, when it when it comes to rituals and things like that, you know, just like one of the biggest questions get asked, you know, what can we do for punishment, You know, along the same lines. Yeah. Yeah. And and the the true answer is we can't tell you. Mhmm. It it's hard to say because what is your S type like? Right. Okay. What

what do they like? What don't they like? Right. You know, this one likes spanking. That's not a very No. That that would not deter. Because the at this point, even when you give the mean spanking, that's no fun. I'm still a little delighted that my ass is getting attention. So but so let's go back to rituals. Any of Right. It's like, well, what do you what rituals what do you want them for?

Mhmm. Do you want them something do you want them to be something you do for yourself to get into a submissive mindset? Do you want them to be something you do to show devotion to your partner? Mhmm. Do you want like, what purpose is it supposed to serve and who is it for? And then from there, you can go, okay. Well, what's meaningful? Yeah. When you're doing something for a partner or the partner is doing something for you, then it's extremely personalized because what do they

want and need? What's gonna hit hit their buttons? Right? If it's something for you, for your own mindset, you may have more resources available than you realize. Submissiveguide, .com is a very good site for all kinds of ideas and, ways perspectives on submission. I'm sure there are submissive groups on FetLife that, you know, where people are talking about these kinds of things. Mhmm. So that that would be the answer to that. Now oh, my gosh. I've already forgotten the first

part of the question. Best advice for new subs? That's a that's a very broad question. Do you have something that comes to mind? Learn. Learn. And, you know, understand what submission means to you as a new sub. Mhmm. You know, submission means many things to many people. Mhmm. Alright? And no two are the same. Exactly the same. And some of that you're gonna figure out with a partner, but there is plenty to learn

on your own. Like, you don't you know, my a lot of my kink education was led by JB, but anything beyond that, I I sought out. And there are resources absolutely that are created just for submissives in mind, just for dominance in mind. Right? Submissiveguide.com being a great one. The so I will not add that. I'll give you a second piece of advice to go with that because Jamie is a % right. So you get a twofer. Whether online or in person,

yes. Even if you are like me and find it very difficult to be social, try to find community. Mhmm. Try to find people who even if they do not submit the way you do, even if they do not view power exchange and kink quite the way you do, but they ex accept you, you accept them, the vibe is right. Find that community because it there's a lot of of reasons it can be very helpful and important if it's a good community. Right? Do not hesitate to withdraw yourself from a bad community, toxic

community, negative community. Right? Any place you don't feel welcome. Right? Yep. But there's the semi normalization of what you're doing. When you are out there on your own, knowing you're submissive, knowing you're kinky, and you don't have any interaction online or in person with other kinky people, it is very easy to feel isolated and that you are the only one. You are never the only one. Also, if you can have community and spaces in this situation, other submissives. Right?

As you, you know, make friends or get into conversations or just get to watch what other people are talking about, you will learn. Here's some red flags to watch out for. Oh, here's sub frenzy. Maybe I need to be careful with that. You know, you learn a lot from each other. And then if you, you know, get fortunate enough to make, like, genuine friendships, hopefully, you have somebody who will go, hey. Hey. That that person you're talking to, they're three red flags in a trench coat.

So, you know or, like, if, you know, you have to go through the awfulness that is a power exchange breakup, you have somebody in your corner to go, you know, we're here for you. We care about you. You're valid. You know? Also, fuck that guy or whatever you need. Look. I am both the I will sit with you in silence and let you just cry and cry and cry and talk your head off to to process. I'm also the one who'll be like, oh, yeah. We hate that motherfucker. I don't know

what he did. I don't know the guy. Never saw him. Do am I assuming it's a guy? I mean, that could be my own baggage showing, but you know what I mean. So yeah. For for new subs, education and community. Yep. The the top pieces of advice. There you go. Okay. Next question. Dynamic of four plus years now in love. How do we bring back the fire of power exchange in us both? How to reignite that, that fire. Yeah. You know I have thoughts. I'm just trying to, like, actually give you room. Give me

room. Yeah. I'm gonna I'm yeah. See, I can't talk. I'm gonna defer to you. Two weeks off. See what happened? Yeah. One of us had to go tongue tied. Okay. So my first thought, and this is my my bias showing because of what we've gone through. Why did the fire die over however many years? Yeah. Was it life situations that have pulled you away from power exchange? Was it the downside of routines which turn into ruts where you're doing the same thing over and over again, but not putting a lot of

thought into it. Is it that your life was different in the beginning and so your power exchange was different, but it has not it didn't shift. It either had to stop completely because your life changed enough that that didn't work anymore. Or you've been trying to do the same thing you always did, but your life looks different now. Alright? Is it that the power exchange, the kink stuff you did at one point is no longer as exciting. Like, that

that's to me the first part. You gotta kinda get a handle on how and why did we get here. Because to me, that's what helps you figure out how do we kind of, like, find a new path that is out of it. Right. Because if it's, like, life stressors that like, life's been beating you down because we we get it. Sometimes you have to just kinda get through that. Right? Yeah. Is it that your life has just shifted and you never talked about again? Well, now it's okay. Plan a conversation.

I think it's a start small, pick something. Yeah. You know, we've started saying more and more, recently that when you pick that something small and slow to start off with to kind of build it back up, start with the thing you were both, like, super excited about, super turned on by, like, you're like, oh, I have missed this. Right? Because you both need to look forward to it. There needs to be some level of

enthusiasm there. And then when you do it, even if it's imperfect and maybe it gets goofy and you have to laugh it off, you still shared this experience where you were, like, both, like, yeah. Let's fucking do this. Makes it a little easier to go to the next thing. What would you add? I think you did just fine with that. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Okay. Next one. Okay. I'm a part of me does not want to get to to do this one, but a part of me does. Okay.

How to because the answer is the same as it was for anything else. But here we go. How to introduce swinging with your partner? Time to sit down and have a conversation. I mean, that's the obvious answer for sure. And and the best way to do that is to do it in a nod non judgmental manner. With as as few expectations as you can have going into that conversation. Yep.

Yep. But it's no different than introducing your partner to kink, introducing them to power exchange if you never did that before, introducing them to a a new kink to try that y'all haven't tried before. You need to have an idea of what, you know, some understanding that you have of it and some understanding of yourself of what maybe and then you need to have patience. You need to be willing to come back to this conversation

multiple times. You also need to understand and be willing to fucking drop it if they go, that's a hard no. I don't wanna even talk about this. This is not gonna be my thing. You then have to decide where you wanna go from there with the relationship you have. How important is this to you? Yeah. So Yeah. Be prepared to share the resources you have on learning about, in this case, swinging. If you don't have resources, you need to go out and get some to make sure you are well versed

in Mhmm. You know, ethical practices and risk awareness and, like, just how the swinging culture can operate. And I'm sure it's like the kink communities. Everybody's different in some way. But yeah. Health assure assurances and things that you Like, I would not I'm not gonna ever talk on swinging because I have no knowledge, no experience, no real interest. Like, that's that's not my jam. I have read a couple of, fictional romances about it and that was intriguing,

but that's not the same. Yeah. So yeah. I mean, it's it's not a one and done conversation. No. Even if they say yes. Right? And you have to walk the fine line of are they unsure but willing to keep talking about it versus are they unsure and they wanna drop it for a while and they wanna think about it and then you have to, like, make sure you're not pressuring your partner, like, that's, as that's red, red flag trench coat behavior right there.

But, yeah, you need to to come with information and resources and Correct. But don't bombard your partner in the first conversation. Right? Yeah. We always say when we're talking about kinks and you wanna introduce a partner to the idea of it, I like to start with hypotheticals. Like, have you heard of that? What if, you know, what do you think of that? Instead of jumping in and going, hey, I wanna fucking do this. And your partner's like, what the hell? Where's this

coming from? Kinda kinda dip your toes in the water and test the waters first. Mhmm. Mhmm. Exactly. Mhmm. Okay. And then trying to refresh. Yep. Okay. We have one last question from Instagram. Now I'm gonna stop here because I'm gonna tell live chat what to do so they can be doing it while we're doing the last question. Okay. So we are gonna take questions from from YouTube live chat from the live stream. To ask your question in live chat, you need to tag us. Just type at loving BDSM. It

lights up first. We can see it. Two, your question needs to fit within whatever the character limit is of one post comment thingy in live chat. If it's multiples, that's too much for where we're at now. You can send it to us, through our contact page on our website. Link is down below. And that might be a Q and A episode when we come back from that. And also, if you think we are not, answering your question fast enough and you decide

you want to spam the channel, don't. But if you do, you will be putting in a time out because our moderators are awesome. Okay. So while live chat folks are thinking if they have a question and hell, if nobody has questions, I am happy to bullshit for a very long bonus section. Easy for me. Our last question from Instagram. What's one kink that you would like to try but haven't had the chance to? Either one of us. What would be the one thing?

I would I think I would have to say, probably suspension. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that being, like, your your thing. Mhmm. And to be clear, you do not want to be suspended. You would like to suspend somebody else. Correct. Right. I I would not you know this. I'm I'm not telling you anything new. Yeah. I'm telling y'all something that's probably not new either. I would not be

the partner for that. Not because I'm like have some aversion to that kind of bondage or I am already an anxious girl and there is something about leaving the ground that makes me very panicky. I also have all of the childhood stuff from being bullied for for not being apparently the right weight and body shape. So I walk around life going I am too heavy for things. I am likely not too heavy for things. I have seen people with similar bodies to mine and larger get suspended safely, happily.

Health, like, they've had the moment and it's been great. But my brain goes, you have left the ground. You're going to fall. And I don't care about bondage enough to put myself through. That. Okay. That is not a fear that I want to, like, work through. I don't know. Thank you. I have literally not thought about new kinks in literal years. Like, I just I want to do the kinks I like already that we never have time enough for. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. That is what I wanna do.

Yeah. I I think part of it is I'm I feel like I'm a very, very simple kinky girl. I like a few things and when I like them deeply and then I'm kinda good for you know, I'm happy to explore and experiment if there's a thing we're gonna, like, one off try. I'm mostly open to to that, but Mhmm. You know, I don't I have not come across anything online, you know, through research, through whatever. I have not come across anything like, oh, yeah. I would like to

try that. I truly, truly just want enough time for the kinks I'm already fucking into. That's that's where I'm at. Oh my god. I'm so hot. Just a reminder for for anybody who's watching live, we are accepting questions. Please tag us. Please don't make it too long. Please don't spam the channel. But if we don't get questions, truly, truly, we we've got plenty to complain about from our two week break, which did end up being a decent break. Okay. Oh, KB.

Podcast funds. People who don't look at live chat after the when you watch the video. JB asked a fucking question because you want to get me ranting, and you want me to sweat this makeup off, don't you? You want my glasses to just slide off my face from the sweat because I will pump my own blood pressure up. It's because I said something. It's because I said something. I did it to myself. Yeah. You did. JB asks, why can't you change the handle you will forever fucking hate? Because I can't

get the handle I want. We originally when I I started our Instagram account for loving BDSM. The handle was fucking loving BDSM. And then Instagram came under Meta and Facebook had their fucked up rules that they didn't want certain names or acronyms or grouping of letters in, a handle for on Facebook or on Instagram.

And when we've we've somehow showed up on the fucking vanilla side of Instagram and somebody clearly reported us and Instagram does what Instagram and Facebook do, and with no communication and no warning and no reason, the account got yanked and banned and so I could not get that handle back to begin with. I could also not get any iteration of loving BDSM where the name clearly you could tell was supposed to be loving BDSM. Not with letters, not with numbers, not no

with fucking nothing. The best I could come up with was Loving and DS because DS for right. Right. Power exchange. But that wasn't enough characters so I had to add a goddamn one on the end. I hate that. So, yeah, I can technically change the handle. And maybe one of these days, I need to go see if the rules have changed a little bit, but then I won't have the running joke, and we won't have the lore of having the handle I fucking hate. So that is why. Mhmm. Hey, you, JB.

Now we have a real question from Paul. Thank you, Paul. How do y'all deal with long days or at the end of the day, one is in, like, a bratty mood and the other one wants nothing more than to shut down and forget the world exists? For us, it's not bratty. It's sassy and playful. But, yeah. I totally get that vibe. Go ahead. How did you handle that? Trial and error. Trial and error. You got you an obedient sub is what you've Yeah. I do.

You know, it it comes down and and I think what I have learned over over time because, I overstepped that balance a little bit number of times, but it comes down to mutual respect. Mhmm. You know? If she's just not in the mood, and I and I understand, how she gets overstimulated and and, you know, different things affect her. So I I respect her when she says she needs that downtime to And I know I'm safe enough to go, I can't do

this tonight. Yeah. Right? Like, it's not I'm not gonna get in trouble for telling my my daddy, Dom, that I was not on the same wavelength that he was for tonight. Mhmm. But, like, at night, this happened to us last night, the other way around. Like I said, I get sassy and playful. Mhmm. I got some severe fucking bedtime zoos. Oh, god. Yeah. I I mean, I Oh. I was surprised. I don't think those supplements are supposed to work quite that fast. I feel like that's just a placebo

effect. I'm taking new supplements and they arrive whatever whatever. Started them yesterday. Anyway, and so I was whole wide yolked in bed. Like, not wild, like, riding him like a fucking bunk of rocks. Bouncing off the wall. Bouncing off the walls. And JB has this ability. And even in my, like, foggiest moments, it cuts through. It literally goes, not tonight, baby girl. Now do I pout? Of course she does. Do I, you know, huff and especially when it's in bed, real low, real heavy.

Yes. But we know each other well enough to know. He knows I'm not serious and I'm not being disrespectful. That's, like, let let me baby girl the moment out, and we'll get there. Because I'm gonna respect the fact that he's, like, I can't tonight. Yeah. Now what I would say is if you have if every night for some length of time is like that, it's time to figure out when you can plan for some time

to to reconnect. Because that's the thing that usually ends up being the worst for us is we'll we will be too tired, too overstimulated, too whatever whatever, too many days in a row, and we're not getting any of what we need, and we're not as connected as we usually are. And then we have to, like, actively make it happen. Yeah. So and or I like to say, fall back on small things. Fall back on little things that have meaning to y'all but don't require a lot of energy or effort. Right?

True. True. But yeah. Oh, gosh. I'm so hot. I'm so hot. It's kinda warmish. There's a reason we went through the sketch change. I'll do that again for anybody who missed it in the beginning, is joining after the fact, had already forgotten because I know how memories were. We are changing our livestream schedule for the summer, June, July, August for sure, possibly September. We are now livestreaming on Wednesdays at 7PM

eastern when it is slightly cooler. And when we do the cool down things, they actually start to work, because this heat right here is miserable right now. And then we are also taking a break from our Monday episodes through that same time. Because in our schedule and the way our life and work and everything operate, the best time to record those videos is in the middle of the day, and that is what we are trying to avoid. Yeah. So, yeah, so that is happening.

Again, feel free for anybody who's watching on live on YouTube to, get in a question. I'm happy to maybe take one more and or if we get to 01:45PM by our computer clock and there's no questions, we'll go into a bonus section. Okay. You know, it's funny. I love to just hang out and just chitchat and, like, whatever whatever until it gets hot like this.

And it it really mostly just pisses me off because I would happily, like, just bullshit around for however long, but I get nauseous when I get hot like this. I once I get hot, I stay hot even once I'm in a Mhmm. Cool place. I don't know if I should blame the perimenopause. I don't know. I just know it happens. And it's worse now. Like, it you know? Yeah. I've been living in the

South my whole fucking life. I've I understand heat, but the get hot, stay hot, and can't cool down no matter what you do. Oh, that's new. That's new. Yeah. But, yeah. I think spoilers for anybody who gives a fuck about this kind of thing. I think next week will be a BDSM Reddit episode. We haven't done one of those in a hot minute. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yep. Yeah. If it's if the room is slightly cooler, I have no problem ranting.

Yeah. And I I know I should have worn my hair up today, but I had I literally just got it cut yesterday, day before recording, though. And it's cute. I was like, I I was too what's the word I want? There's a word I want. I can't think of it. I could have had her go shorter and more obvious with what she did, but I hesitated at the last minute. And I think I don't know. It's been fifteen

months since my last haircut. So in another fifteen months, if I recall, I'll I'll go shorter and because it's supposed to be an asymmetrical bob. So for anybody who who's like, what the fuck? The back of your haircut is shorter and it angles, and so the longest part is at the front of your face. And I wanted it very, very subtle because I wasn't sure if it would look like I'd look crazy

with it. And then when she was done, I was like, I should have said more, but I didn't wanna sit there anymore. So oh my gosh. I know. I know. It's hot. I feel sorry for anybody who's like, I thought this is a podcast with people talking about things. And we're just like, do do do do. I'm running out the clock at this point. I'm waiting to see if a question comes in less than a minute according to our clock. And then we'll go into a bonus section. Mhmm. Ticking down. The clock changed. No new

questions came through. We're gonna go into a bonus section now. Okay. Okay. You're gonna hit buttons. Yep. I'm gonna try and remember how all this works. Okay. So are you ready? Sure. K. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Okay. Can we talk to the crickets? Sure. It's really you who needs to talk because you've been through it. Well, I'm I'm not gonna talk a whole lot about Yeah. I'm gonna I intend to talk more about it later, in the Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking

about your foot more than that. That too. Yeah. Because we went from we had the first reason we were off for a week. My mom came to town and we didn't wanna, like, have to juggle all that. And it was good to get a break. Mhmm. I was emotionally drained from that visit. Not not because my mother is emotionally draining. She's really not. In some ways, she and I are very similar and so we vibe well. But the dynamic between her and her sister, trying to manage that, so two grown women don't like

I don't know. Yeah. Do whatever they would do that would be negative that I'm trying to avoid. They they need a handler. And when I stopped trying to be that person, because I just couldn't do it anymore and I recognized that was the healthiest way, is to not insert myself and try and fix a 60 year old problem between the two of them. The first question I got was, you sure are quiet. Mhmm. I don't have anything to

say. You don't? Nope. Because in my head, I'm like, you don't wanna fucking hear what I gotta say. Anyway, so we went from that into finally get our getting our kitchen floor replaced, we, so first of all, if you don't recall, the kitchen floor got flooded from a faulty dishwasher back in October. Yeah. May 2025, we finally got the kitchen floors replaced. Mhmm. And we had originally been told the place hot minute to pick out the tile. Mhmm. And, thankfully, they were very patient about that.

Yeah. Five samples later. Right? We kept coming in and carting out samples. Yep. And we were on our last thing, and I was like, if we don't pick it from here, we gotta go somewhere else because these people clearly don't have it. And, you know, then they sent the installers out to, you know, give us the estimate and everything on on putting it down. Mhmm. And, he was here, what, Thursday? On Thursday? He came in on Thursday. And, you know, he's he's like, you know, I can give price was good.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a price. Price was really good. And, And not for, like, like, some back alley, like, shoddy, like No. No. No. Hey. I got some growl under a a trench coat company. Not that. Not that. Have I got some tile for you? Right. Not that kind of a deal. But, you know, and then and then he rolls out. He goes, I can start Monday. And we went We're like, what? Please start Monday. Yeah. But it meant we had to then take the other week off.

Because he said that, you know, it was a three day process and fine, you know, first day in rip out and clean and get it repaired, and then next day come in and, put the tile down. And then following that And then the grouting. Grout. Yep. So, yeah. It's it's all done. The floor is done. The trim work still has to be done. We we have to put the trim work back in, and also we have to, pull out the kick plate from the cabinets. Which we think and hope and That that

is all we have to be replaced. The the cabinets themselves are okay. Yep. Yeah. So go from there. Yeah. Because the cabinets, whatever damage they might have sustained, would not be enough for our insurance to pay for all of the cabinets to be replaced. So we would have, like, janky mismatch. I don't like our cabinets that much, but I don't want them to be mismatched either. So it's yeah. I'm like, if it if we don't have to worry about it, let's not. Now in the middle of all this Yeah.

JB was supposed to, show up the Monday, the nineteenth. That was the nineteenth, I think. When the floors were starting for jury duty. Oh, that's right. That's what he was supposed to do. And he kept forgetting, and I had to keep reminding him because he was dreading it and he didn't wanna do it. I'm the nosy bitch who's like, put me on a jury. The one time I did it, I fucking loved it. Oh, to be that nosy and to literally be mandated to judge something, oh, as in fucking heaven.

Anyway, Jamie does not feel that way on jury duty and was dreading it. Now, we were also, like, I was trying to hype him up. First, I was like, oh, maybe they won't ask y'all to come in and we used the notification system they had. He had to go. Then I was like, well, maybe they'll let you go that one that first day and you just lose the one day, but no big deal. JB, what did you do to yourself? He hurt himself. He had to go to the doctor that Monday. I got out of jury duty though. I did. I did.

Lola and I kinda have this this little thing. When when she goes out in the backyard to do her thing, when she's done, she gets wound up, and she will she will charge, full tilt and we had kinda gotten into a routine when she come when I see her start charging like that, I'll throw open the back door, She'll come running in and I'll chase in right behind her and and, you know, get her to play a little bit. And that's what I was, aiming to do. And I I threw open the back door.

She came bolting in and I wound myself up to come in right after her, and I slammed my foot on the door jam. Oh, the little pinky baby toe. You know, somehow the worst toe ever hit, it hurts the worst of all of them, somehow. I don't understand why. And, yeah. It, hurt like a son of a bitch. He basically screamed. We all the whole house came running. Like, what is happening here? And, kinda let it go. And, by later that evening, it was very swollen. Mhmm. And it had turned several

shades of color. Yeah. And it wasn't like, oh, it's a little red. This we were the black. We were like verging on. Mhmm. That can't be healthy. No. So, decided to let it sit overnight and see how it felt in the morning. Mhmm. Come morning, it was more swollen, and the second toe was swollen. Mhmm. The colors were even more vivid. Yeah. And we, like, have a general understanding that usually with, like, a broken toe. They're probably gonna tape it. There might not be much that they can do, but

the colors were making us very nervous. I was like, that that can't be right. Right. That can't be right. So first thing did, contacted county. Oh, let me tell you this. Though, thankfully, it's an online Yeah. Sit situation. We were prepared for him to have to call once the office opened. Right. But it's five something in the morning. We got up early. He was supposed to be at jury duty at, what, 07:30? Seven thirty. We didn't know what time the flooring people were gonna

be there. Like, we were just up and at them, and he stumbles back onto the bedroom after getting up and making his cup of coffee. He's like, I think I need to see a doctor. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Let's organize this. So I'm explaining to him, okay. You can't call the doctor's office till 7AM. Let me see. And he was online trying to figure out what it's supposed to be for dirty. I'm like, give me that phone.

And I found where you can electronically request to be excused for something other than the reasons listed where it's an automatic excuse. And we were doing this day of, so I was like, you are probably gonna have to call and follow-up. We in the I wrote the little notification. I was like, I hurt my foot over the weekend. I'm going to the doctor this morning to have it checked out. I will happily provide documentation of this visit if you need me to. And then what? How like,

an hour later? No. Less than? Less than fifteen, twenty minutes after that. You get an automatic notification. Yep. You are ecstatic. Dismissed. It's like, oh, okay. I was like, look, you you had to, like, bang your foot up, but you got out of jury duty. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. I I off to the doctor. I went and, spent the entire morning. You were there for a hot ass minute. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They they they fit I we didn't go didn't go to ER. Didn't go to urgent care.

Went to our called our our Primary. Primary and, was able to get in because they do every they have do everything in office anyway, anyhoo. And, you know, went in, they did a x-ray of the foot and all that and, wasn't broken. No, no sign of a fracture. So he was like, keep it iced and elevated. But it took, what, like, two and a half hours to be told that. Yeah. Which is fine. At least you got to see our primary care. We have got we like

that office because Mhmm. They have enough doctors that if your primary care isn't available, like, on a same day appointment, they can usually get you into somebody else. And the all the doctors well, except for one. We've encountered there have been great. Mhmm. But we get so much better care from our primary because she's got all the history. She knows us. It's like, when he was having to go in for something else that he was dealing with, when we finally got in to see her, she

was like, it could yeah. Yeah. Keep going down that line, but it could just be this. Here's a medication, and two weeks later, she's like, I feel so much better. Like, I wish we could've gone to her first. Right. So, yeah, I was glad you could at least get in with her. So, yeah. It took a bit hot minute for me to be able to put shoes on. And and he kept whacking that toe on things. Of course. Every day. Kinda like At least once. Isn't that that's kinda like when you bite your

lip or your cheek. Inside your mouth. You know, you you keep yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Except, I mean, I feel a lot of empathy when you bite your tongue or the inside of your mouth. But, oh, I was ready to cry with you every time you hit that damn toe on something. Right. Because JB is not allowed. I you know, opposite's track. Right? Not a loud person. He's not overly vocal. You know, he's he does not show his distress verbally. This man was screaming. It hurts so bad at the point.

It hurt. And it hurt. Me and the youngest, no matter where we were in the house, we were just converging because we're like, clearly he's dying. We have to go nope. He just whacked his damn toe. Yeah. How is it feeling now? It's Over a week later. We can have later. It's feeling better. Yesterday, I worked out in the shop. Did have my my work boots on, my work shoes. And, excuse me. As long as I did not walk too much, I was fine. The work boots are still kind of uncomfortable with the toe. Yeah.

Yeah. But, definitely getting better. It's still just a smidge swollen. I mean, it it might be less swollen if you elevated it, but I saw it. I know. Yeah. What do I know? I don't know. I'm not doctor. You know? Yeah. That's, that's that was my, whole thing. Yeah. I forgot yeah. The jury duty. I forgot. Yeah. Yeah. I know you forgot about you You couldn't remember the jury duty when you thought you had to go. I thought I was gonna

have to drive him there. Be like, no. Really, you're supposed to be here. Yeah. And I I was not jealous because I will happily serve on a jury, but I'm not looking for fucking jury duty. Like, I'm not seeking it out. But I will accept it if it comes my way. So I was not unhappy that you didn't have to deal with it. And I wasn't jealous. I'm not saying I was jealous, but, man, I'd I'd please ask me to make it my job so I'm judging. That's delightful.

Because I'm not judgmental in that I'd, like, stop and I make myself think before I, you know, react or respond to something where you could be judgmental. But that initial thought is always fucking judgmental. And if it doesn't matter and I'm never going to voice the thought, I am so fucking judgmental. I was grateful that you did not have jury duty throughout the floor stuff being done because, one, I mean, I don't really wanna talk to strangers even if they're in my house.

So, yeah, the morning you were gone, and the the guys who are doing the floors, they were they're fine. They were professional. They did their thing. They looked young, and I guess I'm now in an age where anybody who's not 45 looks young to me. Yeah. Guess this just happened. But, yeah, I was happy that you could be around for all the rest of it. Because then I could just go, oops. I'm not around. Let me go find something else to do. You got to babysit Lola. Oh, yes.

We didn't wanna keep her in her crate for all that time. That was no cool. No good. No. So we kept her in the office so that she had access to going outside. We brought her water in here so she, you know, she wasn't gonna be uncomfortable. Yeah. But the amount of crying. Yeah. You know, and it's and it's not that she's, you know, aggressive or anything because she's not. She she loves people and that was that was the deciding factor because she probably would

not have left them alone. No. She'd have tried to be all in their business. She's she's very curious so she would have been in there and I had to figure out what they're doing Mhmm. And why they're doing it. Mhmm. It was funny. I I prepared them. I was like, look. We're gonna have our dog in the other room. She will cry. Mhmm. She's fine. She just sounds pitiful. And if she sees you, she'll probably bark. They're like, okay. No problem. You know, no

big deal. Yeah. Well, they they laughed their ass off that, the first day because she just cried and cried and cried. And I did not wanna be in there with her because JB wasn't there. I wanted to be out and available if the guys needed anything. So I'm sitting in the living room reading my book, living my best fucking life, listening to the dog cry as if we

have broken her heart. Right. And then by day the end of day two and then definitely into day three, they would be more visible because they would be at that end of the kitchen next to the door leading into the office. And she would stand there and she would bark, but it was not her big girl mean voice. It was her who the fuck are you voice. And it would get that laughing. And the tail was doing the the metronome. You know? And the pity ears were up, like standing at attention

pity ears. Mhmm. And, they would they would just talk to her through the door. Then so my favorite part is what she would do with judgment in her eyes. She would see them bark, like, who the fuck are you? And then if she caught one of us in her line of sight, she would turn to look at us and go, what the fuck? Yeah. Who are these people? Like, I'm not letting you out. You're just gonna sit there Yeah. And be sad. I don't know what to tell you. Mhmm.

Yeah. She did not spend a lot of time in the office after the floors were tight. No. No. She's in here now. She's sleeping on her cot. Mhmm. But yeah. No. That was basically two and a half days. She was like, that's that's enough. I'm done now. So Yeah. But, yeah, that that was our adventures. Yep. I'd the the week we were meant to be on a break, I tried to do that right. I did not do a lot of work. Then when we found ourselves, like, with another break, I was going, ah, like, the three days

of the floors, I could do some. I couldn't do a lot, whatever whatever, which was fine. But then there was, like, that Thursday, Friday. I'm like, I could work. And I went, but I really don't feel like it. So I've kind of had two weeks off, give or take. You know, there's packaging orders, and there's some stuff that has to happen no matter what. But it's like, oh. And then, shockingly enough, I had a lot of energy when this week started

and was ready to be productive. It's almost like when you take a break, it is easier to get things done when you're done with the break. I know. Who knew? Who knew? So now I am I'm sitting in this office where middle of the day working in here in the middle of the day is almost impossible, And we have things piled up. They're all jobs for me. I have to process that. I have to put away that. I need to do that.

I need to figure out where this is and it's been sitting here for three weeks, some of it. I'll get to it. I started I started digging through some of it the other day. Mhmm. Yeah. Poor JB, every time he turns around, I'm like, here's another empty box. And it's not like a box. It's like eight by eight. It's like two feet by two feet and probably a foot deep. It's like this massive I'm like here. Mhmm. And then I realized, every once in a while, I end up on a certain side of the algorithm.

Typically, like, straight people married side of an algorithm, which is fascinating. And then I go, oh, I guess that's me too. And I am the, stereotype of the wife who has never broken down a box in her life. She thinks they just live in the garage and then the the box fairy makes them go away. I would not know. I mean, I clearly, I'm a functional adult. I know that you break in the box and you put in your I'd put it out there for the but I don't know

what process he has. I don't know which ones he breaks down and which ones he keeps whole. I don't know. Does he put them out the night before, the trash pickup when we put down the barrels or does he go out in the morning? There's a whole system. I'm not aware of it. Right. I just put him in the garage. System and there's variables that go along with it. So And I'm not fucking up a good system if it already works. I'll just make him aware of a box, and my job is done. So Yeah. But yeah.

For all intents and purposes, we're back. Mhmm. We're on a modified schedule. Yep. Part of me feels very good about that. And then part of me who is a people pleaser from way back is like, oh, somebody will be disappointed. Oh, I feel selfish for taking care of myself. I really need to work on that. Really need to work on that. You do. You do. So I think taking a certain amount of a break is what allows us to, like, maybe have new ideas or look at things from a fresh perspective.

And retain our sanity. I'm gonna well, there's a I mean, I feel like I gave that up many years ago. I think the day I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna record my thoughts on this janky laptop sitting in a closet. But I I don't know on the calendar what date this will fall on. We will celebrate our tenth podcast anniversary in August. Mhmm. Yeah. Got some ideas for some giveaways. No clue beyond that. Like, hadn't hadn't gotten

that far, but we will. And I feel like if I say it, I can't forget our anniversary. There have been years. Literally forgot until we were, like, almost in September. And I'm like, oh, yeah. By the way Yeah. This is this is kind of a big one, though. Yeah. It's ten years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We should not ignore it. No. Or forget it, really. Not ignore it. Just forget it. But with that being said, I am starting to feel sick to my

stomach again. And my neck coolly thing has melt is melty, and there's no cooling properties left. Time to turn out some of these lights and open doors again. Yeah. Yep. And put on my raggedy sleeveless shirt that shows way too much, so I would not wear it on camera. But, man, at least it's a a little cooler. Yeah. So I guess that means we're gonna go. Yeah. Thanks for being here Mhmm. To the better end. Absolutely. For anybody who sent in a question, gave us a question, thank

you so much for that. Mhmm. And we will talk to y'all next week. Bye.