You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four thirty one. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the I love you so much. John Brownstone. I love you too, baby girl. I didn't have anything I could think to say that was snarky, so I went with, you know, relatively nice. I can't say sweet because I don't think anybody would use that word to describe me, certainly not you. I mean, have people thought I was sweet in the past? Yes. And then they got to know me.
Anyhoo. I went with genuine. That's what I went with. Oh, okay. That's not what we're talking about. This week, we're answering questions that you asked us over on that handle, I will forever fucking hate on Instagram. Yep. That's what we're doing. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're
back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads, so that handle I will forever fucking hate.
It's loving d s and the number one, so it's at loving d s one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM, or you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay. Okay. So, I'm gonna say this again because I said it to YouTube folks and then forgot I needed to say it to podcast folks. We ask for your questions over on Instagram. We got more than we can possibly answer, so I get to be choosy. But we there's no way we can get
through all these. Some of these are massive topics that could be their own, episode. But are you red? Yes. First one. Mhmm. This is a big topic. I think we did this episode, but I'll see if we can be concise. Thoughts on age gaps in kink and how to be proactive about safety in that regard. Wow. I don't need It's a big topic. Yeah. It is. And it's a very personal kind of thing. Mhmm. Because we are an age gap relationship. There's eighteen years between us.
But we met when I was in my early thirties, so it's not quite the same as being a 19 year old with, like, a 50 year old. So my personal thought is this, and, JB, back me up or say something different if you'd like. To be in kink, you need to be a consenting adult. So once you are 18, I might have opinions on what you do, but it's and I might even offer guidance if asked for or because I've got a microphone and an Internet connection. But once you are an adult, it is your choice, your decision.
That being said, I will give side eye if the only type of partner, a 40, 50, or 60 year old individual, often but not always, a man, only wants 18, 19, 20, 20 one. Because why? Is it because the the partners in your own age range see through your bullshit? I don't know. Maybe. So, there's nuance to all of that. Do I think it is possible that a 20 year old and a 50 year old can be deeply madly in love and there's not an inherent nonconsensual, power imbalance?
Maybe. Maybe. Part of me is like, as as long as nothing is act actively illegal or harmful is going on, it's kind of not my business until asked. Right? Like, I want people to be as risk aware as they can be. I want folks to make good decisions. I know that the decisions I made at 18, 19, 20, 20 two when I got married for the first time, I would never make those decisions today.
But I also know there are some people, I happen to have birthed one of them, the moment you tell them no, they go, oh, that means I'm definitely gonna do it and two times harder than I was before. So if you are seeing yourself potentially getting into a maybe future relationship with somebody older than you, maybe it's somebody you're talking to, maybe it's somebody you're interested in, on that end, the thing is is they need to work really hard to earn your trust, and they've got to
earn it every damn day. But also, who do you have in your life that is, a a strong personality, takes no shit, is older than you that you consider to be wise? Do you have a support system? Because the other thing that the predators like to do is isolate. Mhmm. And they could do that regardless of your age. So it's complicated. I will never turn my nose up at age gap relationships. That would be hypocritical. But, yeah, I can look at at, two people and go, I don't think that's a
a a negotiated consensual power imbalance. I think that's an older person taking advantage of a younger person. And we can not like that and we can discourage that, but also once you're a legal adult, I can, like I said, offer guidance, tell you what I think.
But to me, that's about it. It's really about hopefully, having a good support system around you, strong friends, people you look up to, people you can go to for help, resources, whether it's something like this or, you know, another creator that you follow that you trust who can help you see through and deal with somebody's bullshit, who is from the older side down. They are older than you, and it's it's a predatory
gross kind of thing. Yeah. If you are older and you're looking at younger folks, I don't have any experience with that. You being twenty years older than me. Now, again, I was in my thirties y'all, and that's a different point in life than your twenties, okay, or your very late teens. But how how do you what would you say from that opposite end? If you were an older person, like, it I'm sure you've seen it. I've seen it. An older person who is only looking to somebody
drastically younger than them. Cannot relate says they cannot relate to anybody who is not drastically younger than them. I know what I would say to folks like that, but I can be a bitch. What would you say? Run. No. Not to the younger person. I know. But, like, to the older person. Oh, to the older person. Is there anything you would, like, say that maybe they need to reconsider or think? I could say a bitchy if anybody wanna. Gosh. I don't know. I'm I mean, I'm at a at a point now, I have 20
reaching out to me. I know it creeps you out. And and it does. I know. It does creep you out. It absolutely does. Because I think about I have a I have a kid that age. And that that's yeah. You know? And and, like, no. No. Go away. I think it's okay if somebody genuinely is attracted to younger people, and genuinely you know, it's okay if there's, like, like, was it somebody was saying I saw it go up. I can't remember. 40 something and 20 something. Right? That was
raw, raw, medium. Okay. Okay. Thank you. It went up too fast. You know, do I think that's possible? Yes. It absolutely is. I just think when it's happening on the Internet a lot, it's not usually it's not always. Let's put it that way. It's not always on the up and up. Mhmm. You had somebody get mad at you because you were like, I'm not interested in this kind of age gap. Like, they were pissed at you. Yes. Oh, yeah. He is 63, y'all. This person was what? 20?
20 six, 20 five, 20 six. And was mad at him because he went, you're too young for me. I'm not thank you, but I'm not interested. Yeah. They they they had originally reached out to me with a question and answered their question and a little conversation had started and then then she was like, you know, wanting more. I'm like, no. No. Thank you. And then she got pissed at me because she said I was wasting their time. So anyhoo.
Yeah. Which just reminds you, people could be people regardless of are they are they younger? Are they older? Yeah. So I think it's complicated because it is unique to the people. I'm not comfortable comfortable saying something like, oh, if you're younger then, you can never do I like, I mean, I would say I would advise against it. You know? I would say, I would rethink that or I would go super fucking slow or whatever whatever. But, you know,
it is personal. I think, especially if we're coming across somebody online who can say and be anything online with regardless of what the reality is, I think you have to be 10 times more cautious. I think if you are meeting somebody in person and you're like, wow. They feel a lot older than me, and I I wonder
what kind of person they are. This is if you're meeting in local community like a munch or, you know, at a at a space where there are other people, once you find somebody that you know, see if you can vet them and be like, hey. Can you tell me about this person? Like, are they legit? Are there any problems I need to know about? Do they always go for somebody thirty years younger than them? Like, what does anybody know their deal?
But it's always gonna be hard because anybody can say and do and be anything they want, and then the reality is they're a predator and that you don't always need an age gap for that. You know? I mean so I think it's a be cautious, but also we're all consenting adults. I go back to, if you are a younger person and you're being approached by all these older people and you are interested like, first of all, if you're not interested, just say, you're probably nice, but you're too old for
me. That that's all you should have to do. Right? But if you are interested, then I think it goes back to everything that's kind of best practices when meeting somebody. Do you like them as a human being? Do they respect your limits? Do you feel free to withdraw consent? Or do you feel like you're being listened to? Are they trustworthy? All of that stuff continues to be true, just magnified a little bit is what I would say. Okay. Let me go to the next one.
Whoo. Y'all had had some deep questions this time. Okay. Any advice on navigating purchasing and then using toys that you and or your partner are not actually experienced with? K. Say that again because I wanna call it the tail end. Is any advice Mhmm. On navigating the purchasing of and using new toys Okay. That you and your part and or your partner are not familiar with? New to you toys. You never you bought a flogger and you never bought a flogger. You never used a flogger kind of thing.
No. I early on and and I think I was lucky with this, one of the communities in in the area where I lived, after the munch, they would hold workshops. Mhmm. And, you know, each week was a different thing. One one time they did, bloggers, you know, another time they they talked about rope bonded and things like that. So, you know, it's to me, it's always you need to get out there and and and learn about it, you know. Just like, Whipps, Dex, he has a book that he wrote, you know, about Whipps.
You know, before before before you try any toys, especially something new that you knew that you've never used before, you know, you have to understand what it is and what it can do. Mhmm. Mhmm. And you it's the boring answer is you wanna get enough enough information, credible information, because you'll learn then what you don't know. Like, you'll learn that you don't know a lot because part of what you'll learn is this toy from Amazon is probably crap and is not really gonna do what you want
it to do. This toy from this, you know, small biz maker might, but also even quality toys might not
work. It it becomes a little complicated. So if you're dealing with limited resources and you only got enough to buy a toy right now to invest in a piece and and some kink you wanna try, some toy you wanna try, you're you're going please do all the research because some of this shit is so expensive, and there is nothing more disappointing than spending all the money you got to spend your whole budget on a new toy and then
fucking hating it. Yeah. So, yeah, you if you have access to in person or virtual workshops where you can watch people and ask questions, definitely take advantage of that. But there are YouTube videos. There are books. There are, yeah, there there there's websites. There's there's, you know, places you can join. The the duchy, That was all bondage. Right? Yes. Yeah. So
depends on what you wanna learn. Then I once you start kind of having some kind of community around you, an online space, in person, ask other kinksters who they like to shop with. Right? That's your starting point. Then you need to read reviews. You need to, please god, read product listings. Yeah. I I knew as a person who has worked with people my whole, adult life that a lot of people just don't pay attention to details and just don't read stuff. You can give them the information
and they just don't read. I didn't realize how often that happens until I had a product of my own to sell. People would buy a thing thinking it was one thing when I was like, I could scroll down this little website page here and show you all the details where I explained this to you, but you're also surprised. Okay. Okay. So, yeah, like, it's a look at the the details of the product. Read the reviews about the product. Read the reviews about the the shop. Right?
Now once you get said toy, whatever it is, I don't care how many classes you went to. I don't even care how many hands on demos you got to do. You with everything with everything, you gotta start small and slow. So use Impact as the the one that we our go to because it's our favorite. Let's do a paddle. Not just because, you know, JB makes them for the kangry, the kangry.com.
The way correct me if I'm wrong. The way it usually goes with JB, he picks up a new implement that he is wants to hit me with, and he's never hit me with anything like this before. He's smacking it in his palm, palm, forearm. He might go to his own leg, but not usually because if I'm standing there, after it's hit the forearm, he's like, turn around. And I'm getting an experimental
swat on the butt. Right? Yeah. And then from there, we're making decisions about what what kind of sensations, how hard could we go with this, how slow do we wanna start. But there's it's hard because I'm we've said this a lot. We'll continue to say this to you and learn as much as you can. There does come a point where it's like there's you could keep learning, but you need practical hands on. At that point, you need to assess risk. Like, if it's wax play. Right? You're starting
wax play for the first time. Please buy, and not just because we sell them, pick the store you like, but buy actual kink wax play candles that are made for the purpose. Alright? Or a maker made, a massage oil for the purpose that you're supposed to pour on somebody hot. Do not go to Walmart and buy a Walmart brand Yankee candle and pour it on somebody. Right? Oh, no. Right. Right.
But even then so wax play. The first time we tried, it's well, not how I learned I don't like paraffin that much, personally. You know? JB went he poured it on himself a little bit first to to know what it's like. So if you're the dom or the top, that is a huge recommendation we have. And then we played with sensation. He poured from way up high, and he each time he would, you know, melt the can a little bit and pour and go
down and go down until we hit. By that point, I was like, if you touch me with this wax at this level, I will not be happy. Don't like this. Right? And so you play with it before you do a scene with it. And it is both that simple and that complicated. Okay. Let's see. Let's go to another one. This is deep. K. How to forgive your partner after betrayal? Here's the thing. I think it's a personality thing because I'm not one who could.
I might be able to forgive you in that sense of I won't carry that energy around, and I won't think much about you anymore, and you're not a focus of of my thoughts, that kind of forgiveness. But me, personally, my personality type, I don't forget. That will always be there. And I, personally, with all my trust issues, will have to work through that every damn day. Uh-uh. So for me, there is none of that. Yeah. I depending on on what what it is,
you know, there there are certain things. I I have certain bounds myself, you know, where that are my limits with that. Mhmm. So I don't know. It's, It's deeply personal because it's what what was the betrayal? Mhmm. What are your own personal trust issues like? Right. I know myself, just like you, I I could forgive. Can't forget. Wouldn't know. Mhmm. You know, what have they done to not
just show that they're sorry? It's it's real easy for a lot of people to tell show you how sorry they are, to tell you how sorry they are. What have they done to change their behavior? What have they done to make amends? What have they done to show that they've learned from it? And even then, that don't mean you gotta take them back. Let somebody go learn and do better on their own so you can go forth and find the person who won't betray you in the first place. But I'm a bitch when it comes to
shit like that. I have met people. I have known people who are like, we went through this rough time. Time. This partner, you know, betrayed my trust, stepped outside of our relationship, whatever whatever, like, did the thing I begged them not to do. And they what they say is we worked through it and we're together. I am so happy for you. You are a a I am not that kind of person. Yeah. No. Even once I get over being angry about it, I still remember the feeling of the betrayal.
And so you don't get a second chance. If it gets to a point, I'm gonna call it betrayal. No. So if you are a person who can do that and, you know, is able and willing to, that per whoever that person is, they've they've gotta work real hard to earn your trust and then they gotta work every fucking day to keep it. And they gotta not mind that you might give them side eye from time to time, and you might not believe them all the time because they did that shit.
But I would say you're a better human being than I am if you can do that. Because I don't okay. So this is a big topic, so we'll try this next one. We'll try to keep it to highlights. We have talked about these things in different ways. Mhmm. We have a thing that we will be doing that we can't talk about or promote yet where we will kind of talk about this again coming up because it's a hot topic a lot of
people tend to wanna know about. This person's question is how to reintroduce a dynamic when life, for example, having a baby, has got in the way. No. No. No. No. No. No. First of all first of all, here's what I want you to do if you were this person. Not this not this specific person, but a person who can relate. I want you to say to yourself, I have not failed at kink. I am not failing at power exchange. This is how life goes. Yep. This is normal for life to get in the way because
it will. Life's gonna life. At every fucking opportunity. This is normal. So for anybody who might be walking around feeling a little shitty about that, just keep saying that to yourself. Kayla said this is normal. Okay. I'm happy to be the voice in your head if you need me to be. Now I mean, that's scary. It is terrifying. I'm happy to be it. I'm not saying it's a good choice you've made there, but I'm happy to do that for you. So now you're ready to to get some semblance back. What say you?
Low and slow. Low and slow. Low and slow. You know? That that's that's your best best thing. Yeah. We're we're kinda in that right now. We're, we're we're rebuilding. We're not, you know, oh, we had this dynamic prior unless, you know, we're gonna jump in and No. I no. I'm very skeptical of jumping straight back in. Right. Especially if the the life that got in the way is an ongoing thing. Like that person's example having a baby, well, you're now a parent for fucking life.
Being the parent of somebody, being a caregiver to a child, I don't care how what the familial relationship is. Being the main caregiver or the even 50% caregiver of a child is designed to disrupt your the fun you'd like to be having as an adult. That's just the nature of it. So in that case, low and slow is your only option. Right. Right? Like, depending on what that those child that child's needs are. Right? Their nap schedule, their sleep schedule, you know, whatever.
We we have we've not given ourselves a time frame for getting back, but we have talked about focusing on it this year in 2025. Yeah. That does not mean on 01/01/2026, we'll be like, done. Yeah. It just means we're we're giving ourselves a full year to see with to be thinking about our power exchange with intention, to see what we get to. And then at that point, we'll see what we wanna do next. See where we land and then where we wanna
go from there. And that's without having something as life changing as a child to care for, an an elderly adult in your life to care for. Like, whatever it is that disrupts. Major financial upheaval, we lived through that. We're technically a little bit still in it, but it's much better now. That was multiple years of it. Right? So low and slow. When you're getting back to it, the way I always think of it is you've got to remind yourselves, both of you, however many of you there are, that
you enjoy this. So because it can be a little stressful to think about trying to do something you used to do, but now everything's different. And you're not quite the same person anymore, and life isn't the same anymore. And, also, what if I forgot to do this? What if I don't like what if what if wait. I don't like to assume everybody drowns in what ifs, but I know many of you do. So, so the thing I always say is pick the thing that you mutually are super excited, like, you miss the most,
you love the most together. Like, that Venn diagram of what I like to do in King Compare Exchange, what they like to do in King Compare Exchange. What's the overlap? Of that overlap, what is the thing that you're both like, oh my god. It'll be amazing if we could just get a little taste of this. That's the thing you start with. Now that thing might be some elaborate scene that lasted two hours that you used to do, and you ain't got two hours right now
or the energy for two hours. Okay. Now that's what we talk about, low and slow. Take that thing, break it down into pieces. What what element of that kink scene, what element of that activity can you fit into the ten, fifteen, twenty minutes you might have in a day? Right? You build up from there. You have to remind yourself of, hey. This is fun. I like this. This feels good. I like this connection. Look at us having intimacy together again.
And it can slowly over time in fits and starts then become a self fulfilling prophecy where you're like, this felt good. Let's do it again instead of what if it doesn't feel good anymore? What if I forgotten how to do it? What if? What if? What if? Right? So but then in always and always and always, life is going to fuck up whatever plans you make. Right? You're gonna be like, we're gonna do this every Saturday night. I don't know. I don't know your life. And one Saturday, nope. You got a sick
kid. You gotta work overtime. You got right? It's gonna get in the way. And then it's about, okay, how do we pivot? How do we, you know, shift? Does it mean that, okay, we didn't do it this week? Does it mean we schedule for another day? Does it mean we take a a little bit of something that we have? We've got ten minutes tomorrow
morning, and we'll Mhmm. For us, for literal years, the most kink action that I we could get consistently was, JB smacking my butt a few times before we got in bed to go to sleep. But it was our one guaranteed point of connection True. In a very hectic stressful life that was not affording us the opportunities to get our kink on in the way we like. So yeah. Okay. And now everybody in live chat is talking about brisket Yep. And I would like some brisket.
Okay. Okay. Can I change from being a sub to a dom? I'm having the weird feeling that I enjoy more or am I just a switch? Can you change your mind? Or can your life change? Or can your view on things change? And you go I don't feel the sub thing as I feel the dom energy more. Abso fucking lutely. Mhmm. If you want to think of yourself as a switch, whether you it's years before you switch back again, that's cool. If you don't, that's cool. You can be whatever you want to be.
It's about what fits you and feels right to you. What feels comfortable to you. Mhmm. You're not doing it wrong. You didn't do it wrong before. If you're like, oh, I did the sub thing, but that that's not quite right right now. This dom thing is. Does that does it bring does that bring you to your happy place? Mhmm. Are you having a good time? Are you are you connecting with new and or existing partners in ways you haven't before? Right?
And if you label that being a switch or not, that is completely personal to you. You know, yes. The majority of switches that I know can and do in different with different partners and or different settings or mindsets or whatever go back and forth? Absolutely. But I know people who, you know, consider themselves to be a switch but 99% of their time they're kind of in one side of the slash or the other
and that's fine too. And then there are people who don't use that label, and they don't wanna use labels at all, and they just wanna let go with it. All of that is valid. All of that is valid. And now somebody's talking about ribs in Yep. Live chat. Y'all are making my mouth water. Okay. This is an interesting question because I think it's a nuanced one. Is there a difference between twenty four seven and total power exchange, a k a TPE? I think so for sure.
Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And I also think it's okay if somebody uses the terms interchangeably. Again, it's it goes back to a personal thing. We all need to have a top level understanding of what these terms essentially mean, and then you can kinda use them in the way that fits you best. So total power exchange, in my mind, the way I tend to think of that, that is the Dom is in charge of every fucking thing. Mhmm. Now what that means in, practical terms
varies. Right? Is it you have to ask permission for everything, or is it that you don't do anything that your Dom has not already preapproved that you're allowed to do? It can mean a variety of things. Twenty four seven, we adapted adopted? Adapt.
We changed things up for ourselves because twenty four seven, people would say some say, well, that's just like 20 that's just like Total Power Exchange because you're in your roles twenty four seven, so clearly the dom is in charge every moment of every day. And I'll I think some people see that as, oh, well, that means the dom is constantly giving permission, constantly, saying yes or no, constantly being asked and con right? We had to change and shift how we think of twenty four seven because
life lifed. Right? So for us, twenty four seven means we are always a daddy domino baby girl, a a submissive, a masochist, or whatever. Right? We are always those people, and we have set up our life where primarily we move through our life within those roles. We do have some exceptions that are just, in my mind, practical. Parenting is not part of power exchange. That's a whole separate thing, and we are dead ass equals in it.
But because he is always daddy, and he is always ultimately the decider if a decision needs to be made. We are twenty four seven in that way. Because there's not a time when a decision doesn't need to be made. I'm not gonna look to him and go, what do you wanna do? The only time I won't is when he says, my mental health will not let me do this. Just just do what you think is best because I trust you.
Now there are sticklers out there who go, well, that means you're not really twenty four seven or because parenting is not part of our power exchange. Well, that means you're not really twenty four seven. Well, no. We are who we are every moment of the day. And in 95% of situations, our power exchange is gonna govern what we do. Yeah. There's no off for it unless under very specific circumstances. And I don't know about y'all, but I I like to do this funny little thing called sleep.
Yeah. I know. Right? So, yeah, 247, to me, 247 is, like, maybe its own broad category, and a subset of twenty four seven could be Total Power Exchange. I could see the argument for somebody saying Total Power Exchange is the umbrella and twenty four seven is I don't know which it is. But there was a time I would have called us Total Power Exchange because he was always daddy. He was always the dom. He's always in charge. And, ultimately, it's not even about always being
in charge. He's always the decider. He always has that control and that power, unless he he gives it up for any specific reason or it's parenting related. Man, we we clash over the parenting stuff sometimes. When he gets to see that side of me as not his submissive. And I think he knows why I intimidate a lot of potential people away from me because, no, there's no service in that part of my persona.
But I there was a time I would have said total power exchange, and then now it made more sense to say twenty four seven. Because to me, twenty four seven means it's it's ongoing. Bedroom only, to me, does not necessarily mean that it's always only sexual. It just means that there's specific times, and it tends to be behind closed doors. Right? But, again, it's it's personal. You know? Let me say again. I think we all need to start with a similar broad understanding of what these terms
mean because words do mean things. But then I think we can use those terms. We can make them fit us instead of us having to fit them is what I think. Mhmm. You poor thing having to mess with the audio this whole time. Yep. Okay. Oh, gosh. This is, this one's a complicated one or because it's nuanced. What to do to balance things when the dominant feels more love, romance, has deeper romantic feelings towards the sub than the sub does to the dominant.
I think the first thing you gotta do is if if whichever side of that you're on, I think you have to decide what you ultimately want from a relationship. And are you giving that and receiving that? Mhmm. Because, like, I'm thinking of a dominant who is hopelessly in love with their submissive, and their submissive is maybe lukewarm and likes them, but is not, like, in love. Right? For some people will be like, I'm good with that. Just let me love you,
and we'll work everything else out. And I think that that might work for a while, and then some people would hit a point where that doesn't work anymore. Right? They they want something more. They want the feelings returned. Whatever. I could also see it from, in this case, the submissive side of enjoying somebody lavishing that attention on them, but then feeling pressure to reciprocate when they don't or feeling bad that they can't give this person
what they are receiving from them. But I can also see two fucking adults having a real deep meaningful conversation about it and being really fucking clear where each one of you stands and then consistently, which does not mean always, just means consistently, checking in with yourself and each other of, does this still work? But, you know, I think there was a time early ish in our relationship when we're finally into the power exchange thing where JB was more in love with me than I
was with him. Not because I couldn't love him, not because I had to be convinced of him, but because I wasn't fucking ready for that. I wasn't ready to admit it to myself. I had to do like, I'm I'm queen of the fucking denial party. Okay? We ain't just floating on something down a river. Okay? I my denial can be so fucking deep, and it's in in we've talked about this before. When I
finally kinda realized, hey. There's something there was when I was like, JB's trying to tell me, oh, a dom wouldn't let you be friends with another dom. And I was like, fuck that shit. I don't want that dom because nobody's taking you away from me. So, you know did it to myself. I'll say this. Do I think that the majority of people can manage that kind of imbalance in feelings and emotional connection in the power exchange?
Most people? Probably not. Are there some people who maybe can, and are willing to put in these the so much communication and effort it would take to be very clear and open with one another, yeah, there probably are. I don't think either side would be wrong for ending the relationship because it's not what they can't give what they're receiving, and they wanna be able to give what they receive. They want it to be more balanced in terms of I think that's valid too.
So and now the live chat is talking about ribs again. Yep. Okay. Let's keep going. This one, I'll have opinions, but I want JB to to chime in here. Oh. So are you with me? Because I know you have to keep playing with buttons. Yeah. I'm done. How do you handle it when a sub disregards slash disrespects the dom's boundaries? Oh. That's, wow. I'm just sure you guys know that that's kind of a a red flag. Absolutely. You know, no. No. I'm gonna no. Run. The thing is That's not good. Like, I
this that question gives me more questions. Is it within your boundaries and within your power exchange, and do you as the dom have the consent to give consequences to punish? Would that even be effective? I think it would depend on the boundary that was Well, that's true too. I mean, you know, when when you talk about disregarding boundaries, you know, that that that's a little, yeah, depending, I yeah. Depending on what they are, but still, you know majority of the
time. Yeah. This is a red flag. Like yeah. Yeah. I agree. I could see some moments where somebody maybe thought they were being bratty and, actually, they were being a shit. And what they wanted was, hey. You know, make me pay for this in some way. Well, you're just not using your grown up words at that point. And you've now probably betrayed the trust of somebody who you coulda had something good with,
but you don't fuck it up. Right? I mean, sometimes, you know, I'd like to play the devil's advocate on something like you know? But You just What did I hear about some because, typically, devil's advocate is not usually used for good purposes. I think I heard somebody say one time, the devil don't need an advocate. He's fine by himself. No. He's fine by himself. No. He's fine by himself went, I have rethought the devil's advocate argument ever since then. Okay. That that hit kinda
hard. So I think you treat a sub rejecting or or or ignoring or whatever your boundaries the same as a sub should treat a dom. Well, then we don't get to do the thing because you can't respect the most basic thing that I require from you. You know? Only you can decide if it was a betrayal of trust or if it's something you think you can work through, if it's something you even want to work through. But I think you were I think you're perfectly within your rights to
be like, okay. That was that was a red flag and I don't do red flags and you have a good life. Hope you find somebody who wants whatever that is because it ain't me. Again, like I said a little bit ago, people can grow and learn but you are not obligated to be there with them while they do. Let let them grow and learn with somebody else. Yeah. Go live your best life. But I think you have to be honest with yourself. I do always think it's good for a
conversation to have the conversation about it. I could see where in some circumstances it's, too scary, too violent, too dangerous to do that. Dip. Get the hell out. Right? If it's not that situation, I have the conversation about it. Call them out on it. Make to the extent that you have any control over it, make them, like, be there to listen to you, like, be mad about it. What you do from there, that's on you. So yeah. Okay. This one, I don't mind answering because we
we're talking about it all the time. How is the dynamic at home? Good. Good. Yeah. It's we're very relaxed about it. Like, we, in way here's my take on it. Tell me what you think. Okay. When we didn't when we knew the dynamic was not what we wanted it to be, but we also knew that it was chaos, not having the dynamic we wanted for me
went one of two ways. I either just couldn't think about it because there was no capacity in my brain for it, or I was annoyed, upset, sad, pick a negative emotion that we didn't have what we once did. Now where we are intentional about it and we are putting more focus on it, when something comes up and we can't focus on it. Right? We're not we're not getting kinky like like we did back in the day. We're not fucking like rabbits. I don't who knows
how rabbits fuck? I've never asked that question, but, you know, we're like, we're not pawing at each other. We're not naked all the time. I'm not crawling around. I can't. I we're parents. That's not how our life works. I I'm okay. I recognize, and I feel more confident in us and in myself in our roles, our power exchange roles Mhmm. That I get less twisted up about it. I have the faith in us that when we can, we will come back around to it. What would you say to them? Yeah. I I I agree.
You know, I think definitely come back around to it because at the core, that's who we are. And it's what we want. But I think I get the vibe that we are much more understanding right now. Mhmm. Before, life kept happening to us and coming at us so fast, and it was like everything was happening to us, and all we could do is react. Right? Right. So then you get a little depending on who you are. We got a little bitter and pissy about what we couldn't
do. Right. Right now, when something comes out, JBL has not felt good, didn't feel good a couple weeks ago, hasn't felt good this week, something different, but still. Yeah. So it it curves everything at that point. Right? But instead of sort of, like, feeling glum about it or worrying that we're, you know, not making progress anymore or whatever. We're rolling with it, and he Mhmm. Today, he found a way to be his dom self that did not require anything physical and shocked the shit out of me.
That's right. It did. He did. And it was just before we started or not earlier. Whole recording day. Yeah. So what he did was he domed me with tone of voice. No no anger, annoyance, aggravation. I hadn't I hadn't done anything, air quote, wrong, but he needed to, like, set me on the right path. And he just his tone of voice. He he laid down the law in a way that I think it's been a few years. You know? He he's not really physically up for doing anything right now. It's a middle
of a workday. We can't. We, you know, had some plans, like, last weekend that we kinda didn't follow-up with, try again on another day, whatever. But it's these moments that are coming back to us that Mhmm. I mean, I had feelings about it, but I kept my cool. It's fine. I just said, yes, daddy, because that's usually the the best thing to do. Okay. It's what you tell everybody else to do. Just do what day he says. It does. It does. It does. Just why do you dupe? Streamline things. I know.
Okay. This one is definitely up your alley because it's what you do. How does a dom support a sub practicing more active consent while keeping the scene's energy? I know how you like to do it. Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm very hands on in that manner. You are you have, in my mind, perfected the art of check-in, but make it hot as fuck. Right? It's tone he's asking me for a color. And if I don't give a color, all play stops. Yeah. But he's he like, okay. Every domino's
different. Everybody's got their own vibe. We know JB's vibe. Right? He's got a growl to him. Right? Fucking love it. In scene when I'm all loosey goosey and, like, the brain is not connected to anything, and the muscles are just like, yeah. We're here. This is fine. Whatever. He leans in close. He's in my ear. He can sound low key mean, but in a sexy way, and I'm here for that. It's kinda my vibe. And he's asking for a color. Mhmm. And
he you get playful with it. You do I mean, and it and you are pacing yourself. When we've just gone really harder, you know that's more than I would usually you're in there automatically. Right? When when we've gone for longer and this I'm having to go back from memory because this has been a hot ass minute since we got to do early involved scene. Yeah. When we've gone longer than, like, we normally would, you're checking in. But you're you're doing it. You're keeping your dom self.
You're talking to me in ways that you know turn me on. The other thing because active consent doesn't have to just be the dom checking in. It's a great way to do it. Like, demand a response. Sometimes I can't speak. Right? So demand whatever your signal is or whatever. Like, however you were gonna keep going and knowing if things are good or not. Yes. But also encourage and I'm gonna say reward, but that's kind of too broad of a word. Encourage and reward a sub who just tells you shit.
It used to feel awkward, and now I find it really easy. Last time we did the last time we did a major bondage scene, and this that has been a hot minute. Something didn't feel right, and we're at mid scene. And I still have this feeling of, oh, I hate to speak up because I'm gonna kill the mood, but that was like, you know, it's gonna kill the mood to trip to the ER.
So JV's like he's got me strapped down with rope, and he's moving around the room to do other things and, like, just leaving me hanging out there because he's a sadist, and that's what we do. Anticipation. And I had to go in like, there's no check-in. He was off he was doing what he needed to do to get us ready. I had to go, hey, daddy. This part of me is numb over here. I don't think it's supposed to do that. No. And, one, there's never been any backlash if I speak up. If it's like, I'm
air air quote, speaking out of turn. Because if it's about my safety, if it's about my health Especially, like, something like that. Right. Like so it is possible that a sub has gotten the message from previous partners that they should not speak up. What you, to me, what you wanna do is not just encourage it, but then you reward it. Then you, like, lavish them with praise. Give them something they something, whatever, like, works for them.
But that's a time and trust thing. They'll have to play long enough to know that they're not breaking the mood. They're doing exactly what you want to just they don't have to wait to be asked. You don't you should be checking in, but also you should be encouraging them to, like, say something. Right. And you can
even keep it if you want. If you're worried about the energy, whatever their persona is as a sub, like, however y'all you want them to speak to you with respect or however they address you or whatever, have them do it to the best of their ability in emergency situations. All this is out the window. But to the best of their ability, have them speak to you in that way so that that energy is still there, but they know, okay. I'm keeping the energy of the scene, but I'm actively
communicating consent. I'm actively communicating what's going on. And so then you have both that and the check ins. So yeah. There's that. What would you would you add anything to that? No. Okay. There's so much here, y'all. I'm gonna I'm gonna answer it. We'll do one more more question, and then I will address a question without answering it because I do wanna be able to address it. Okay. Thanks for all
these questions. Here's the last full question we'll answer, and then there's the question I want to address without answering. Here's the question. How do you know if you're a fit for twenty four seven? If you're I think the only way you're gonna find out is if you try it. Yeah. You're gonna have to try it. Sure. You're gonna have to that's the really the only way you know. And that's only if when when you think about twenty four seven, you do not immediately
go, oh, hell. Fuck no. If that's your immediate response, you that is not right for you. Whether that's never or not right now, it's not right for you. If it's intriguing to you, you're gonna have to try it. Mhmm. But I go back to what we talked about with twenty four seven. I guess we do need to do the TPEV twenty four seven episode coming soon. Mhmm. I think before I would try anything, I'd get real clear with you and a partner on what
twenty four seven means to you. Yeah. Because if one of you is thinking of total power exchange, all the control, all the, you know, permission, all the this. And the other one of you is thinking, I just kinda wanna be your your kink partner all day every day. Right? Like, it's a managing expectations, setting the parameters, getting very fucking clear, and then you try it. You try it for a day. You try it for an
hour. Like, again, low and slow build up, right, based on what you mutually agree twenty four seven would be for you. And then you tweak from there. Like, I think we've recently talked about this, so it's kinda top of mind. The after we moved in together, we've been long distance for, what, fourteen months, eighteen months, something like that. What is time? I don't know. Life lifed, and we actually had to put our power exchange on hold, for, like, two weeks before we could we
would try to get back into it. But before we put it on hold, it wasn't just because we were having to unpack boxes and build furniture and get our AC fixed. It wasn't just that. No. It was because we had tried a vert also had tried a version of Power Exchange that I had a whole hell of a lot of rules. There was a lot of, you know, ask daddy this, get daddy's permission from that. And what we found kinda quickly is some of the stuff just was not fucking practical.
It just was not practical at all. It sounded good in theory. It made our little kinky hearts happy, but it didn't work in real life. So, yeah, you that was part of us having to to restart and rethink what Power Exchange in person was gonna mean to us, knowing we wanted twenty four seven. Again, because the twenty four seven for us means we are just always who we are, and it isn't like like a it's a layer on top of
our relationship. And it's really a a something woven into the fabric of it, but it's just always there. And so whenever we can, we're gonna default to it. But, yeah, that was a big thing. Clear communication. Mhmm. Get into agreement on what it means for you both. Right? Mhmm. Assuming you're in a a relationship. If you're single, just research different ways of doing it and then kind of make your own, like, internal or actual physical list of this is what that means to
me. And when you find a partner who's compatible, try it. But when you try it, please don't go from we've never done this before to this is our actual life now forever. Please don't. I there's a good chance you can overwhelm yourself. Start with an hour. Start with a day. Like, to me, I would start with an hour of just whatever you think that's gonna look like. And you're gonna have to plan things and set things up so you get to
practice it. Right? And then from there, I would go to, like, half a day or just a few hours, depends on what your life is like, and I would build up. I would build up to a week, and and every time you're building up, you're checking in. You're talking about it. You're debriefing. You're like, what worked, what didn't? And it requires the thing I hate more than anything, the dreaded p word, patience. Imagine that. I have part of it's getting older just in general.
But as a submissive partner in a power exchange, I have learned more patience over the past twelve or thirteen years than ever. And, again, some of it is is just getting older and just, you know, whatever. But a lot of it is because JB has forced me to practice patience. Okay. So that was our last full question. Here's a question somebody asked that I want to address, and I want to, through comments, through social media, through email, through whatever, I want to get feedback on.
Patrons, Discord, feel free to to give me your opinion on this with Discord. Somebody said, I would like to hear you talk about neurodivergence in DS dynamic. I would love to talk about that. The thing that stops me, I'm not diagnosed. I am partially, even though I doubt myself every other day, self diagnosed. Like, I think based on all measures I can find that a person not seeing a professional can maybe measure themselves up against. Right? I think I am.
I think I am. But if you recall the episode from perimenopause, I do have the consistent debate of, is this neurodivergency? Am I just perimenopausal? Right? Like, I don't know for a fact. So the reason I would not want to just talk about it in general without having a lived experience and feeling comfortable sharing a lived experience is because neurodivergency is so unique to the person experiencing it, there's no way to kind of broadly go. Here's here are the things in which you
need to know. I if we chose to do it, I could talk about most common things people experience, and yet for every air quote most common, there will be an equal number of people who are on the opposite end of that spectrum. And so I don't wanna take space or talk about an identity that is not mine to do. I do not want to disrespect anybody who's actually neurodivergent, is aware that they're neurodivergent, is living the neurodivergent life.
But if y'all as an audience, especially the neurodivergent folks, that's who I'm actually talking to here, would feel comfortable with me talking about my suspected self maybe, kind of. One day I'll say self diagnosed neurodivergency and how I think it has impacted power exchange and our power exchange. I would be willing, but I want feedback before like, I put it on my I actually started this year 2025, like, trying to be professional again because I had the the brain capacity for that.
And I have a list of topics I'd love to address, and that topic is in there, but I am I am not here to take space that is not mine to take. So so that is my comment on that. I think if if we look through some of how I am with JB as a submissive through the lens of possible neurodivergency, I think JB probably has a lot to say on it too.
But because some of the things I would classify as neurodivergency, I only became aware of twofold when the kids are diagnosed, which is as I'm going through premenopause and as premenopause is, like, in its giant swing of things, again, I often go, is it is it this or is it that? I don't know. So that is that is my
my assessment on that. Okay. If there's enough folks who are actually neurodivergent, who listen to this, listen to us long enough, know us well enough, feel comfortable with us, and they're like, yeah. I I think you could talk about it. I think you'd be fine. I'm okay. And I know that y'all aren't nobody's a monolith. So just because five people say, hell yeah. You totally should doesn't mean there won't be 10 who don't like it. But I just I wanna give people what they would want.
Mhmm. But I wanna make sure I'm not taking space I'm not supposed to take a sip. So thanks to everybody for all the questions. I'm it's kind of exciting that we're I'm sure it's annoying for the folks who don't get their question answered, but it's kind of exciting on this end to get to a point where there's too many fucking questions. We can't answer all of these. And there are were several that could absolutely be topics, so I need to take notes from these and add it to my I have a
a notions. If you know what notions is, if you know, you know, board, and then I've got this whole line of just topic ideas, and I just I go through. And when we do a topic idea, I I mark it as completed. And then when I come up with an idea, I add it so that I'm not trying to trust my brain anymore or a ridiculous dizzying amount of Post it notes.
I, at the end of twenty twenty four, beginning of '20 '20 '5, was cleaning through my desk, trying to, like, set myself up for a good start to the year professionally anyway, and I had to go through a stack of post it notes that was half an inch, an inch thick that some of which I had been holding on to for two plus years. I was like, you don't even know what this post it note means anymore. If you can't make sense of it, it doesn't get digitally archived for your memory. Toss the fucking thing.
So but yeah. So, are we good? That's not for me to say. But, yes, we can do a bonus action. Okay. Oh, yeah. God bless you. Girl. Wow. I spaced out. I spaced out. Wow. Where did you go? I don't know. It was it was a void. I wasn't having a a clear thought. I was just gone. Okay. Are are we good? Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you next week. Yes? Can we talk to the cricket? Yes. You may. Oh, I can. In a brief second. Okay. Did you solve the mystery of Audacity? What?
Yes. Silent. I'm a little afraid of what facial expression was happening. I'm sure it was vacant. I'm sure my my expression was just completely vacant. I don't know where it went, but I was there. I was there. Yeah. It was blissfully quiet in my head for, like, half a second, which maybe was maybe longer than half a second based on JV's reaction. I don't know. Yeah. I understand the irony of of hemming and hawing over am I neurodivergent and then just having that happen. I get it. I get
it. It's one of those if you know, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Claire in live chat says, I think there are probably a lot of people, Claire included, in the same place of not diagnosed, but there's probably something going on. I saw I've seen a few shirt designs. I would kill to have it. This is undiagnosed, but something ain't right. And I'm like, that that feels that feels right. That feels right. Okay. So, bonus section. Mhmm. You've had a bit of a whirlwind this week.
I do. What would you like to share from that? Yeah. Whew. We I was I wasn't sure we're gonna have an episode this week. I know. Which would have been fine. Your health is more important. But yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Let you know? Does anyone tell you, you know, the the the golden age, you know? Golden years. Golden years, you know? Fuck that shit. No. I I had an episode with my, with my back beginning of the week and, have been doing the old man walk for
a couple days. Yeah. And, just getting back to walking upright again. So without going into too much detail, you know, I talked about a little bit. I have arthritis through my spine and a number of bad discs. So, you know, I have good days. I have not so good days. Yeah. Exactly. And this was a a week Yeah. For you. Mhmm. Mhmm. We just slowed everything down. Yep. Bunny asked in live chat, how many total questions did we get this time? 25. I almost forgot the number. I literally was
just counting. Wow. 25 questions. Yep. Dang. Yeah. Yeah. You when you're back, it does what what it does. I I'm my brain immediately goes to, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who do I need to call? What what's happening now? And I was about to invoke the tough love clause because you had started feeling bad. It was clear. It was obvious. Wasn't able to, like, function well. But every time I was like and I I know I'm a nag about it because,
like, I'm anxious. We know this. So I try to, like, not check-in too often, but I had already gotten by, I think, Monday. I think I had decided, okay. If he's not seeing improvement by by today, Wednesday, or Thursday, I'm gonna insist that we go see a doctor, and I'm invoking the tough love clause. But you are starting to Yeah. Be on the other side of it. So Yep. So yeah. Yeah. Most most times, as long as I can sit back, take it easy, you know, sit with the heating pad Mhmm. And,
yeah. Usually, I can get Yeah. I know. We because we had to, timing being what it was. We couldn't do it earlier. We had to go to Sam's Club on Tuesday. I would kill for a Costco in this town, but we don't have one. So we go to Sam's Club. Middle of the day, not my favorite time to go, and I need to drive, because that's how you you wanna know how j bad JB's feeling? Is he driving or not? He has not been doing a lot of driving. So I had to drive, which that was fine. Parking lot with Sam's. Any
if you know, you know. Costco is the same way too. It's a madhouse. It's crazy. So the weirdest thing was even though he's got a bad back, and I'm constantly going, how can I help? How can I help? Even when he's not feeling bad, This time, he had to admit, yeah. You gotta pick up all the heavy stuff. No. It's like, okay. I mean, okay. Like Mhmm. Not even a question. Right? But one, I am both stronger than I think I am and also in a couple of areas much weaker than I
think I am. I almost took myself out. Yeah. I had to lift something heavy over my head, and I could just feel myself going backwards. But that that's when we almost came, not to blows, but we got a little fussy with one another in the parking lot. Because I was like, I'd watched him walk through Sam's, and I had not liked what I had seen. And I was like, please sit down. Just just play on your phone, and I'll I it won't be the way you like, but
I'll pack the car up. And, you know, he insisted on, like, helping and got got a little little growly. Yeah. But I I stayed with the light stuff, the paper towels, toilet paper, you know, that kind of stuff. So And and I'm I'm sure it's the constant back and forth that you become annoyed by, and I'm I'm trying to do what's right, but I'm probably fucking it up of I want to help you take care of yourself Mhmm. And also, obviously, let you keep as much autonomy and ability to do shit as you
want. And I when I'm worried that you're gonna, like, get hurt hurt, like, I I have to remind myself about that. This this time, especially when I had when this little episode popped up, I'm I'm actually trying to do better Mhmm. You know, in saying when, yeah, I need help instead of trying to power through. Yes. Yes. I I I'm trying to be better because I'm I'm gained have gained a better understanding of what's really going on with my back. I I can see that, and I agree with
that, and I'm grateful for that. I would probably, if if I was not the little s in this situation Mhmm. Would demand slash urge, pick a word, you to be more cautious. Because I still think some sometimes, I still think you go too far. But, again, you're a grown ass adult and the dom. I'm gonna be like, hey. Are you sure? But, you know, ultimately, it's it's your choice. True. I just I do the annoying thing of just remember the if you push too hard today, that means you can't do shit tomorrow.
Right. But yeah. And and I am. I'm I am trying to be better with that with this because, you know, I I know, you know, what the outcome will be if I disregard it. Yeah. For sure. And I do not wanna go back to that. No. No. I can help. By the worst one's done. I mean, if if it if slash when it gets too bad consistently, like, our whole life then changes. Yeah. In in some pretty big ways. I've I've been doing everything I can to to hold off surgery on this. Yeah.
That too. That too. Yeah. So anyhoo Yeah. Just brought the whole room down. Sorry, y'all. Anyhoo. What else is going going on? Let's see. Lola is doing doing fairly well. She is on a new pain medication Yep. That had her apparently feeling so good. I think we saw a little bit of her puppy self come out. Yes. Last night. Yep. All we did was go to we were gone two hours, y'all. She don't usually give a shit if we're gone two hours. Yeah. That's, like, one of her naps. She was so
excited when we came home. She was there. Every time we went in and out to carry something in, she was there by the door waiting for us. She had that not just the tail wag. It was the whole Her whole body. Yep. And then she And she had to sniff And that's everything we brought in the house. And part of that's her, like, dog thing, duh. But it's, like, her breed just they sniff. Right? So we have learned we keep her happy and whatever when we if we walk in with
something, we let her sniff. Yeah. I've never I I mean, this was zoomy level energy, but in her nose. Like, right. She wasn't racing back and forth in Zoomies, but her whole head so I don't I think we've talked about this before. We got a hack off the Internet that actually fucking worked. When we go to Aldi and we go to Sam's where you don't get bags for anything, we have laundry baskets in the trunk of the car. Mhmm. And so we can carry that stuff in much easier just
using a laundry basket. Right. This dog sniffed from one end of the laundry basket I was holding. Of course, me, the weak one is like, it's starting to, like, drop out of my hand. She sniffs from this side all the way down the length of the Yeah. Laundry basket and then back again. Like, she was eating corn on the cob or something. She's going back and forth. And I just stood there and let her do it, but she that's not not her
normal It's it's funny vibe. Because now after having taken Lola to the ophthalmologist Mhmm. The, assistant that was, you know, taking the picture, doing everything, She understood her breed so well before she tried to take her temperature, before she tried to take pictures. She she sewed Lola the camera. She showed the, you know, the thermometer Mhmm. And let her sniff until she and yeah. Yep. So we are getting better about
that. Mhmm. I don't the just because the Internet told me something don't mean it's true, but the Internet said that terrier breeds, this the kind that need to sniff shit, that that's a good mental exercise for them. It kinda keeps them sharp and keeps them engaged. I don't know. I just know the Internet told me that. And she seems happy. So Right. It's not a bad thing. So, yeah, that's been Mhmm. That's been nice. Yep. I took you for your first Oh my god. Ride on the Can Am
Oh my god. Sunday. Okay. So I don't think we ever explained this because by the time we started the podcast, we lived together, and then we were long past this. The very first time JB took me Excuse me. On the motorcycle when it was a two wheeled motorcycle and he came to visit me where I used to live in the Panhandle Of Florida, I screamed the whole we went a mile up the road, but he had to get up to, like, forty, forty five miles an hour, because we had to go with the flow
of traffic. And, I I screamed the whole way, and I didn't have gloves at the time, and I was latched on him like a monkey. And I actually left wet hand marks in his shirt from how hard my palms got sweated from the fear, the anxiety. That was and he's 13 before perimenopausal levels of anxiety, by the way. We get on the Can Am, which is steadier. There's no balancing. Yeah. On three fucking wheels. I have a more comfortable seat with a back to it. So, technically, I'm more, like, surrounded.
And he's right there, and I don't got a lot, but I I got these thighs will squeeze you. Okay? And so they're, like, wrapped around his hips. He tried to get up to fifteen, twenty miles an hour, and I was just behind. I was going, too fast. Too fast. Too fast. I'm glad we didn't have the intercom system set up yet because I don't think you would've I was just talking myself knowing probably would've turned it off. You probably at First, he tried to get up he got up to, like, 15. I went too
fast too fast. So he backed back to 10. Then he needed to get up to 20 because we I mean and I was like, I think it's too fast. I think it's too fast. I even have hand, like, grabby things. I have a place to set my feet. I did not have this shit the last time. And I felt insecure not holding on to him, but also the hand rests the bar things are stable. They're not going anywhere. So I had one arm holding the arm thing. It was my left, and my right hand was holding his jacket.
And, I don't know what would have happened if somehow I'd gone flying through the air. I might have lost an arm. JB would have lost a jacket or he was coming with me. I held the the handle thing so hard. My whole arm was on fire because of the muscle tinge. I was like, oh, this is this feels like the same level of anxiety as the first time, but I didn't scream, and I got to wear my own big girl motorcycle gloves. If I sweated through them, I did not notice. I just I very little voice going too
fast, too fast, too fast. He was so comfortable at that such a slow speed. He's got one hand on, like, the thing, and he puts his his arm back and, like, pats my leg. And I'm like, nope. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. My brain is going, look. You're clearly fine. If he feels comfortable not being at the motorcycle equivalent of ten and two, you're fine. But it felt so fast. It felt so fast. So we have to get my reintroduction to riding back. It's gonna be a slow thing. It's
gotta be a slow Yeah. I'm gonna have to be used to a certain speed before he's allowed to bump up the speed. I don't know how long it's gonna take before I can go on a legit ride. I used to love riding with you too. Once I got comfortable on the motorcycle, man, I was like, hell yeah. Let's go. And I I was I was telling JB, my anxiety level is more extreme than it used to be. But also, I don't know how other anxious people are about this, but here's how my brain works.
My anxiety is constantly worrying about what if my version of the worst happens, right? And typically, if I can plan what I think I'll do, that's very soothing to me. I can usually, like, usually calm down. But what I have discovered about myself is once my version of what the worst what's the worst that could happen actually happens, like getting hit, like being flying off your motorcycle, like going to the hospital in a fucking ambulance, all of that, I can never convince my brain again that
that there's it happened once. It can it's clearly a thing that can happen. It could happen again. And the way perimenopause has affected my anxiety, it's just it it's more intense. It's more intense. And now I am acutely aware of how bad it can go. And he didn't even get the worst of what could have happened. The, EMTs and the nurses were were real happy to tell us what they've had to do for people not as fortunate as JB. Yeah. So, yeah, we know how bad it could,
and I trust JB. I trust JB completely. I just still contend. If I could just have a lap belt and feel like I'm tied in, I think I would be more comfortable. Oh god. Alright. And Silent pointed out, my helmet. My helmet is cute. I hope you enjoy the helmet. It is very cute. I did. It has built in shades. I I forgot where the button was to slide them down, but, like, if the sun's in my face, it it covers. It's really cool. I have a cool helmet. Now I just apparently need to, like
I don't know. We actually did talk about taking a small dose edible, see if it would, like, reduce the anxiety enough I could function, not for him to drive, for me to ride. Yeah. No. So we might try that, see what what that does. But, yeah, but, yeah, that that's that's my reintroduction to writing. Mhmm. Okay. So all of that, you're tired of having to fight with audacity? I know. Tired of having to fight with that. And, let's wrap this up. Mhmm. And, folks, you're gonna see us pop back in
a minute here real quick. You mean on the livestream? Yeah. Okay. Or on a live stream. On a live stream, not the live stream. Mhmm. Okay. So JB is in IT man mode, and we just need to let him be in IT man mode. He just needs his cape. Purple, holographic, sparkles. Color changing. Absolutely. He'd rock it. Y'all, I'm not joking. I'm not I'm being silly, but I'm not that's not facetious. He would rock it. He would absolutely wear
it. We love somebody secure in their masculinity that they're not afraid of colors and sparkles. Anyway, I'll that's another bandwagon for me to get on another time. Yeah. Another time. Okay. We'll go. Okay. JB's gonna do his thing. Alright. Okay. Bye, y'all.