Kinky Pet Peeves

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four seventy nine. Kayla Lourdes here with the one, the only, the guy who got sick twice with unusual symptoms that don't not a cold, and then just gave me a really weird count in. So I was like, do you want me to talk? I don't know. Very confusing. John Brownstone. Okay. She said submissively. Sure. Yeah. You're here. Yeah. Very grateful for that. Me too. I'm sure we'll without going into details because, you know, personal medical records.

I'm sure we'll talk about it later. Sure. Right. But that's not what we're doing today. No. Did I set this entire episode up just so I can bitch for, like, an hour to an hour and a half? Yes. I did. Yes. I did. Because this week, we're gonna talk about kinky pet peeves. Oh. I'm gonna share a couple that had me just ready to rip my hair out a couple weeks ago. Mhmm. And then some folks actually read the email newsletter. Thanks, y'all.

And emailed with their own, Kinky Pet Peas, and we will react to those. Okay. Yeah. Alright. So an hour hour to an hour and a half of just complaining. Sounds cool to me. I know. I'm excited. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add

the podcast to your favorite podcast app. Also, if your podcast app lets you, actually leave a rating or review and do you enjoy this, We would love a positive rating or review. It really does help other kinksters find us. Come back often and nope. I already said that. How do scripts work? I don't know. I'm also watching JB because somehow I'm not able to talk loud enough, but we'll keep going.

You can follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC, on Instagram and technically threads at loving d s and the number one. It's at loving d s one. Yes. The handle I will forever fucking hate. On Blue Sky at loving BDSM or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you can watch us live, stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. There we go. No. What happened there? Oh my gosh. Everything is a hot mess express today. Yeah. It is.

Nothing seems to be working right. Mm-mm. Nothing wants to play nice. No. I hope whatever you had to do so that we didn't sound like we were echoey, did not compromise podcast audio. Hope not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not. God. Hey. We have one of those days where you're like, maybe I should just go back to bed. We'll try this again tomorrow. I'm okay with that. But so, before we get into, this week's episode, a couple of things.

Actually, yeah. More than a couple of things. Where were we last week? JB got sick. And then he got better and then he got sick again. Mhmm. We're we're here. You feeling better? Yeah. Okay. That's all that matters. Oh, then I'm Well, you're hot and sweaty because you're just having to fix sound quality on live stream. Not at the privacy. On the fly. Not the privacy of our own office with nobody watching. We had, like, a dozen people watching. Mhmm. Impression. The next thing,

I'm sorry, YouTube. I could not link to this in the description box. It's linked in our link tree if you're interested. The Cage, which is a kinky community, they've got a bunch of stuff. They've got forums. They've got, like, they do people do blogs, all kinds of stuff. Now has a podcast feed where a bunch of kinky podcasts that they have sort of found and they know about They're curating it. They've put in one page. So for everybody who is like, hey. Wait. Where can I find more kinky podcasts?

At the cage. The cage. I let me see. Let me for podcast folks, it's the not podcast folks. Podcast folks, it's linked in the show notes. For YouTube folks, it's thecage.co,coco./podcasts with an s on the end, or the link is in our Linktree. After YouTube has, like, dicked around and fucked around and put me in the corner one too many times, I'm terrified about what I can actually link to. I know. Lola sounds like she would like

to come back in. K. Friday night, this Friday April, I think that's how dates were, is supposed to be our Friday night livestream. I say supposed to because I don't trust YouTube anymore. We plan on being there, but will YouTube let us? I don't know. So Friday, April 17, 8PM eastern. We're here till 10PM eastern, assuming we get to stream at all. I don't trust YouTube, even though I'm being much more careful than I used to be. So those are the things. Okay. You were sick.

Yep. The cage.co/podcast. Yep. Friday night livestream. Yep. Woo. All the above. Okay. So, oh, there's Ella. Yeah. Okay. Now let's get into some pet peeves. Okay. The first two are mine because I really did need an outlet to complain about this. Oh my god. So the first one is not one I see in kink spaces a lot. I do see it, with people who are trying to talk about BDSM and kink. I am actually seeing it more on the romance reader side of, the algorithm.

Okay. And it is treating BDSM, like the whole umbrella BDSM, as if it is somehow separate from kink. So one of the examples I saw that made me twitch Clenched my jaw, I twitch. I think my eyebrow might have, like, gotten a spasm. I don't know. They were going through kinks that are in some of these books, like the tropes or the kinks you can find. If you're into reading this kink, read these books. Right? So we had things that were legitimate kinks. We had breeding kink. We had

hair pulling. We had and I was like, oh, I'll be like, okay. Yeah. I guess. Sure. Like, okay. We can do it. And then and then we got to if you have a BDSM kink and I was like a what now? A a what now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should yeah. BDSM kink? What? So for anybody who's like, yeah. That sounds right. Look. We can all we all get to think what we wanna think about these things. I'm gonna tell you how I

Yeah. You would View it. You would actually sent me that and, when I watched it, I kinda just I I kinda did yeah. Did a double take of like, what'd they say? No. So if for anybody who's like, okay. But how do you aren't they separate? I don't think so. To me, kink is the umbrella term that encompasses both BDSM and fetish. Fetish is things that are within BDSM can be fetishes, but literally anything on the planet

can be a fetish. A fetish is something that is either the item, the act, the whatever is sexually arousing for somebody or it is needed to be present or part of a sexual experience for that person to be aroused, have an orgasm, want to do the thing at all. Okay? That is a very very simplified definition of fetish. There is nuance. There's a whole I think we may have done an episode ages ago where we talked about what's the difference. BDSM is

a huge umbrella term on its own. Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism, and a lot of shit falls within BDSM. Yeah. To me, kink is the complete like, I just wanna be I'm simplifying both of those things down. Fine. Kink. Mhmm. But BDSM is not a kink. No. Not in in and of itself. No. Like, what? Like, what? Yeah. I was very annoyed by that. I'm sure that the folks who would be watching or listening to us would be like, yeah. I know. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. It and it was not the only time I saw that. It was just, like, the one that stuck in my mind. I just saw different people talking about BDSM, and and they treated it like it was somehow something separate from being kinky. I know what it was. I read an article or I read a blog post. I read a caption. I read some words. I know I read it. And somebody said, well, you can be into BDSM and not be kinky. And I went, no the fuck you can't.

Now you can consider yourself kinky and not consider yourself fetish. But if you were doing anything that could possibly come under the massive umbrella that is BDSM, honey, that's kinky. You're you don't have to call yourself that. You don't have to say you're into BDSM. You could just say you're kinky. You don't have to use labels or terminology

at all. But let us not fucking pretend that they are two separate things that you can just say you're kinky, do the BDSM things, and not at least fucking admit that it's BDSM. Now I know why some people might not want to admit that it's BDSM. That is the big scary thing and you are somehow, you know, gonna go to hell for it or you're, you know, a pervert or you're whatever whatever. Like, whatever negative connotation somebody might think about BDSM. And so to say kinky is the safer term.

But I'm a bitch who will, like, fight about semantics. And if we're gonna talk about this shit, let us at least be fucking accurate and honest. On a personal level, a person can choose to say, I'm just gonna say that I'm kinky. I'm not gonna, like, actually identify with the different things that will fall under BDSM. That's fair. But anybody who wants to talk to the world about BDSM and kink and fed, we are not going to pretend like they are somehow two separate fucking things. They are not.

They are not. They are not. The VIN diagram is actually between BDSM and Fetish because there's crossover there. Mhmm. The whole fucking circle though is kink. It's all kink. It's all kink. It's all kink. It's like people who tell me that they're into spanking but they're not into BDSM. And as a lifestyle thing, I would agree with that. Yeah. You can be into spanking and

not be into BDSM. But you are doing impact and you are doing sensation and you are possibly doing pain and you are probably doing dominance depending on how you feel about that spanking. And depending on where where you fall within what it is about the spanking that you're down for. I promise you it falls under the classification of BDSM somewhere. You don't personally have to say, I'm into impact play. That's this part of BDSM for me, you don't have to do that. But let's at least be honest.

Let's be accurate. I'm just saying. Okay. And somebody said, yeah. It's, awkwardness panda said, yeah. It's all kink. And it kinda all is. That's why I think kink is the umbrella term. Use that for whatever you mean. Right. But I'm no. We're not gonna pretend it's separate from BDSM. We're just not. We're just not. Okay. Here's one that once I saw it once, I swear to you, I saw it a dozen separate times. I read it in at least one book,

maybe two. I saw it in two separate, posts on Instagram, from different people who talk about I've gotten on I don't usually have this in my algorithm when I'm on Instagram, but I'm on the kinks side. And and people I've never heard of are coming up. And some of them are are smart. I'm saving their posts because I'm like, oh, I'm gonna reference us back later. Yeah. And some of them, I'm like, oh, somebody needs to take your Internet away from you. Why? Yeah. You made a

graphic. You made 10 graphics. You posted them with pride, and half of this is wrong. I don't say that to them, but I did think that. Anyway and then I read it in an article. So I saw this several times. Goodness. I ground my teeth every time. Full disclosure, I used to say this. JB used to kind of say this. We don't say it like this anymore. But I think everybody's heard it at least once. Submissives have all the power. All the power. Dump. Shh. You We're power. You ain't got shit.

We ain't nothing. Yeah. We ain't nothing. So here's the thing. I understand and I think I saw somebody on Instagram talking about this. Why people say that? It's a comfort. Mhmm. It reminds the submissive that you're not, you know, ideally, if everything is going the way it's supposed to, you're not being abused. You are not being subjugated. You you know, this is not only is this a choice, you have the ability

to stop things if you need to. And I think there's nothing wrong with reminding submissives of their personal power, but they do not have all of the power. No. Everybody's supposed to have power here. Mhmm. And you use it however you need to use it Right. Including being able to withdraw consent. But submissive that I think I've complained about this

before. If submissives have all the power, because I'm, you know, a pedantic bitch, You're saying doms have none of the power, and that just doesn't make any fucking sense. It just doesn't. Well, let me say again. I used to say it. I used to it is a very comforting thought. If you're about to go in and do something scary Mhmm. Mhmm. Or something that goes against everything you've been taught. Or everything you thought you believed. Or everything you think you know about relationships.

Saying something like that to yourself can feel empowering. But we just need to take the all out of it. Yeah. Submissions have power. Because the Muslims are are also supposed to have agency and be able to advocate for themselves. And they have wants and needs. And you get to consent that power. They don't get walked over walked on. Unless you just negotiated them so you have more power to you. But that's something separate. Right? I did I mean, it was a thing that once I saw it once, I saw

it every fucking way. Yeah. Yeah. I saw it everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. So yeah. I'm I need us to, like, take that out of our vocabulary. I mean, I could look. I am a bitch in places and spaces and with people that I'm uncomfortable with. Hi. I'm comfortable with y'all. I would never go into somebody's comment section and be like, please stop saying this. I know some people who would. I'm not that girl. Will I complain to y'all though? Yes. Yeah. Fuck I will.

Because somebody out there is that type of person and you will come across it and you will say the thing that I can't say. So I'll tell you in one day when it makes you grind your teeth. You'll tell somebody. Stop saying that shit. Stop saying that shit. It's you know, it is meant well. I think most people don't mean it to be, well, my Dom is just my kink dispenser and they're just gonna do what I wanna do want them to do or

whatever whatever. And quite frankly, many of the newer submissives I tend to come across, that's they're not worried about that. They're very worried about, you know, even asking for what they want. Yeah. It doesn't even necessarily occur to them that they have any amount of power, sadly. But it is such just this false view of it takes everybody's autonomy away. Like, it just no. No. No. Even though we negotiate come to this as equals. What you choose to do with that and how that looks,

fine. Fine. Fine. But if everybody is truly equal Mhmm. Then that means everybody has power. How do it's been a while since I've said this, but, it's a it's two equals negotiating a power imbalance. Yes. Yes. Okay. So I complained. Do you wanna add anything to that? You feel good about that? I just needed to get that off my chest. I needed to complain to somebody. Alright. Carry on. The next ones Mhmm. Are ones that were sent to us. So I'm gonna read it, explain it as I understand it.

A couple Okay. A couple of them I've combined because they were similar enough. And then we will say what we think about this. Alright. Now, for these, some of these, at least one of them, I think reasonable people might disagree on it and I think it's okay. My my pet peeve or your pet peeve might not be somebody else's pet peeve and that is fine. I specifically asked for things that are not inherently harmful, you know, extra risky, like, we're like, yeah. We we know those

should be more than pet peeves. These are things that aren't the aren't the end of the fucking world, but can we make some of these go away? Because they're not helpful either. At least the the first few. The last one? I think the last one's gonna divide the Internet. Okay. The first one. So it goes, it's not the the thing people believe or say. It's not BDSM unless it's then insert a preconceived limitation. So it's not BDSM unless it's high protocol. It's not BDSM

unless you have impact play. Unless you have a collar, unless you have a contract. The other way somebody kind of said it is if you aren't doing DS like everyone else, it's wrong and not the true way. Boom. So on one side of that peeve, it's very specific. Somebody's like, well, if you don't have this thing, then it's not actually BDSM. Yeah. And then we also have the other thing where there's the Venn diagram crosses of there's a one true way to do power

exchange, which, of course, there's not. Yeah. Of course, there's not. Agree that that this is I agree with this pet peeve. I I do wish people would stop doing it because it is limiting. It, you know, makes people think they're somehow doing something wrong because they're not following a script or they're not following scripts. It gives

people a very narrow focus. Very narrow. BDSM in general and and relationships within BDSM, power exchange, whatever, however you do it, is one of the most customizable things I've ever fucking come across in my life. Because every element of what is in this lifestyle is not just a set in stone. It's a spectrum. Yes. It is a spectrum from one end to another, and you can curate it to be anything

you want it to be. And that's the thing we spend a lot of time telling folks, newer folks, which is you do not twist yourself into knots to fit some preconceived notion of what power exchanges or what kink is. Mhmm. You make it fit you. You work with your real life, your personal desires, needs, things you wanna try, curiosities, the Venn diagram with a partner of what they want and need and are into, and then you see where do we combine and crossover

and and you make it your own. And it will not necessarily look like anybody else's kink life, and that is a 100% fucking okay. If it does start to look like everybody, you know, everybody else's kink life, one, that's boring. And two, I promise you, Somebody is unhappy because people just are not built that way. We are all very individual. There will be, you know, commonalities amongst some subsections of people, but no two

power exchanges are identical. You could have somebody who on paper probably sounds like our power exchange, and all it takes is one element of their life to be a little bit different. And it's a completely different experience. So Mhmm. Yeah. Or as JB said, boo. You're welcome. Oh, god. Okay. This next one is another kind of fill in the blank. You can't be submissive because you're too old. You're too heavy. You're a man. Yeah. Oh, my God. The whole all dogs are men, all subs are female

bullshit. And and, you know, I I was just I was just thinking when you were talking about that how, you know, one of the things I hear so much about and, god, it makes me just Mhmm. You can't be a baby girl because you're too old. You can't be a little because you're too old. The amount of people who are like, I I'm a little. I'm I wanna be a baby girl. I wanna be not. But I'm 60, so I can't be yeah. The fuck you can. You can. Fuck you can, baby. Yeah.

Be who you want. Whatever, like, speaks to you, whatever feels right. If the language of all that doesn't feel right to you, not because you think you're not supposed to, not because you think you're gonna be rejected or you think there's some sort of age limit, up upper age limit, No. You can use those terms. If the terms kinda make you squidgy, but the the vibe is there, then you find your own term. Yeah. But, yeah, there's there's no age upper age limit. No. There is a lower

age limit. There's no upper age limit on any part of kink. There is no gender requirement for any part of kink. Nope. I mean, every every time somebody bitches, usually, it's a non in a non kink space. And it somehow, the the not the kink crept into a vanilla space and somebody complains about how it's just BDSM power change, whatever term they use, kink is just another way for men to abuse women. I'm like, because you're assuming all of the men are doms. Like, yes. There are men who are doms.

There are women who are doms. Right. There are gender fluid, non binary don't have a definition to their gender folks who are doms because it's not your gender doesn't fucking determine what side of the slash you're on. Absolutely. And that's just the that's just the gender thing or, like, the age thing. There is, you know, there is you could people think you're too old for this. Look. The only thing I'm too old for is to get as, like, freaky kinky as we used to ten years

ago. Yeah. This body don't move like that. I may not be able to flog as long as I used to, but That's the only limitation of the age. But but it goes back to and it goes back to the overarching one true way or it's not like if you if you don't do this thing or you are not that person, which is just putting limitations Right. On who can do the thing, who is considered, you know, acceptable or it's okay for them to do it or it makes sense. Like, none none of that

fucking matters. I swear I'm I know most of the people who say shit like this have never been to a munch in their fucking lives. Just not even the dungeon, not even a party, not even a workshop. You just walk into a munch and you're like, oh my god. That person could be my accountant. That person looks like my plumber. Like, we're just real fucking people. Mhmm. And quite frankly, I got them back in the day when I was first, like, new to actual in person community.

The munch was like, wow. These just look like people I'd see in the grocery store because they are. Must be real. And then that same night, I think, it I think it was the first time we went to the munch, but maybe it was another time. We go to the dungeon afterwards and I'm like, oh, all these people who look like they could be like, at the company picnic on the weekend, I didn't know that was their kink. I

didn't know that's how they identified. I didn't know that's what they would put on their body or do with their body. And it's even in small communities that are, like, a little too homogeneous, like, overly white or overly, like, 45 plus or whatever whatever, you know, you will still see things you did not expect to see. People will absolutely blow your mind and blow all of your preconceptions and your cliches and your stereotypes out of the fucking water because somebody's gonna be a

freak that you did not know existed. In a I say that in a good way. I do not say that majorly. And you're gonna be like Yeah. Not only did I not know that existed, you are not who I would picture in my mind for any of this. But and and yet it's, you know, completely valid and true to who they are. True. BDSM, kink. If we should use the word kink, is the most fucking individuals who are participating in it. That's okay. What they're into and how they

express themselves. I mean, quite frankly, we've met, you know, in one very small kind of community, we met a couple of cross dressers and that was their thing, cross dressers. They did not identify at least at that time as trans or anything else. They just they were cis men who liked to dress as women and even they had two of the the most different styles. I was like, you look like you should be at the PTA meeting, and you look like you should be on a pole. And both are valid, and it's

all fascinating. It's all fucking fascinating. Yeah. So does that pet peeve also get a boo? Boo. That's our rating system now y'all. That is our rating system. This JB booing. Okay. Now this one Okay. This is the one I think could divide the Internet because I know some people who feel very strongly in both directions. Okay? Okay. Okay. It's the, the way this person worded it, the killing of grammatical conventions in the name of power

conventions in the name of power exchange. So the excessive capitalization of anything dominant, which I do. I if I am in in a kink space talking about kink, I capitalize that fucking d in Dom. It's lowercase for submissive names. Now I always lowercase sub or submissive, but I have absolutely seen people who are talking about themselves. They're writing their names Oh, yeah. Like in a in a chat or into this or that. And the dog's name is capitalized. The sub's

name is lowercase. You know, like, if they say, you know, start I, it would be a lowercase I. Right. And then the other example and I haven't seen this in ages, but I know it happens. It's the people who use and the example they gave us, the word you Mhmm. Capital y slash little y Yes. Where your slash when you're and it's usually like we. Right? That's where I see it the most. We, blah de blah. And the we represents the power exchange.

And the way the we would be written is upper case w slash lower case w to show the differentiation between this. Between the two. Right. So that is that person's pet peeve. Mhmm. I'm intimately familiar with those Oh, yeah. Those ways of writing it out. Mhmm. How do you feel about it? Yeah. You know, I I remember when I first came into the lifestyle, and again, like, you know, at that time, high protocol Mhmm. Was a was a big thing. And I saw it used quite a bit. Mhmm. And

I have not seen it as much. I don't I think I don't think it's as common as it once was. In the kink spaces. Oh, sure. Lola, walk across all of the cores to the camera. This is fine. So, you know, yeah. I I did see that. I and for a while, I did I tried. I did try to do that. It didn't it did not feel right for me. No. It it did not feel right for me either. But what I noted, at least in the circles that I ran in Mhmm. You know, yeah. It's okay if you do it. It's

okay if you don't. Yeah. You know, it's not a For some and yet for some people, it is a thing that they require. Yeah, it's part of their dynamic, but it's not a, I don't know how you would say it, you know, blanket. Because right. Because there's nothing that's required Right. Under in BDSM Mhmm. Beyond Yeah. Risk management and awareness and Mhmm. Communication. Yeah. Yeah. I I think if somebody many customizations.

There and there are ways that I do it when I'm specifically writing about kink in kink spaces that I have always kept. The dom is gonna be a capital d, submissive is gonna be a little s. It's like, my eyes kinda do a a a what? When I'm reading, like, a an article, like, in Cosmo or whatever. Right? And they're talking about dominance and submission. And the d in dominance is lowercase. I'm like, what? That doesn't look right. Even though it's technically true.

But I also know as a reader, as a person who's trying to read words on a screen, it can be distracting once we start adding in a bunch of slashes. Yeah. You know? Quite frankly, if I were if somebody were to ask and actually wanted my opinion in the sense that they planned on, like, following my opinion and nobody has to. We all fucking know that. I would say that if you just if you want to represent the relationship because you it is most common in words

like we. Right? Because it's it is talking about both people in some way. Just fucking capitalize w. Because if the dom is the dom, the powerful one, the one in charge, the then we're gonna know we means y'all. But even that would still be weird to read, I think. I think, you know, for I think I'm not the only person like this. I think I handle it. Like, I'm okay with it most the time. But for many readers, anything that kinda breaks your concentration as you're going or breaks your

flow as you're reading Mhmm. And you have to go back over and go, what the hell did I just I can see that is a pet peeve. I mean, it's not a pet peeve of mine because I've gotten to a point where I kinda I would I would not do it. I don't think it's necessary, but other people do feel like it's necessary. And it's a personal choice, but I do a 100% understand why it would be a pet peeve. Yeah.

Because as a reader, anything that breaks that flow of me reading something, and I it's a little bit like having, you know, a rock in your shoe. Right? Like, it's now the only thing you can fucking notice and feel. It's so I I get I a 100% get it. Okay. But I do think it goes back to being personal choice. Yes. Absolutely. And I also think people can be like like me and find your your personal happy medium where you don't have to follow. First of all, none of these conventions are required.

But if they speak to you and you're like, yes. I would like to to use them in some way, you don't have to use all of them either. Like, I'm not gonna not capitalize my own name. That part of my brain that, you know, still remembers some grammar lessons, does not like that to be lowercase. Like, it just I don't nope. But, again, anybody can make their own personal choice about what they wanna do. Mhmm. So okay. Oh, lord. Somebody in the live chat mentioned being born in the nineteen

hundreds. I don't wanna think about it. I already feel ancient. Okay. Here is another pet peeve somebody has. And it I you know what? I think it's a pet peeve of ours because we have a whole podcast dedicated to it. So I think they might agree with this one. And that is that when when people forget people in a power change forget that life happens and your dynamic or your kink

might have to, like, adjust and shift. Whether you can't do that thing right at that moment or you kinda have to put that on the back burner to deal with the thing. I the example that came to my mind that is gonna get its own episode because I literally cannot stop thinking about it was that post that Reddit post where the dom was trying to figure out how he was going to they were gonna punish themselves for not maintaining the we're gonna fuck twice

a week rule. Yeah. And I just kept going, but but doms get to say, like, there was a reason you didn't fuck. And they even said in that post, like, life got crazy, you know, this is not a thing I could do. And Life happens. And somebody in the dynamic wanted there to be consequences for that because life happens, the consequence and this is another personal choice. The consequence would be you do not communicate it. You know, you didn't manage with expectations are not managed.

Something something. May maybe. Maybe. But the fact that your actual life that is not governed by your power exchange happened and fucked over your power exchange. What? Like, that that yeah. That is going to happen. We Mhmm. You know, if I think it's completely normal and natural and valid to be disappointed Sure. A 100%. A 100%. But if you let that disappointment rule you, you're going to be miserable because there are moments and times in life. There are eras in your life.

Yeah. And you can't always predict them. Some you can. I promise you, any anybody who's pregnant and in a power exchange right now, that that baby comes, it's gonna be different for fucking is. That's just that's just life. That's just life. Somebody who's moving house, moving across the country, moving across an ocean, moving across continent. Even across the state. There's gonna be some stretch of time where what you think of as your normal for your kink life Mhmm. Will not be fucking

happening. And there is nothing wrong with being like, oh, fuck. I hate that. Or I wish this was different. Or what do I have to do to make this not be this way? Or I feel negatively about this. But, man, if that's like if you either twist yourself in a notch to try to prevent that from ever happening, setting yourself up for disappointment and failure, or you let that weigh on you to the point that now you're just kind of a grumpy bitch all day every day until you get whatever you need in

your kink life. Like, then everybody's miserable. And what are we doing? What are we doing? I think some level of acceptance that the other parts of your life will interfere with your kink life. We it's just it's just true. And it's one of the very few universals in kink. There's I don't think a lot of things are universal, but that is one I think that's universal. We know all too well Oh my god. Life be like, hold my beer. Right?

Right? And you'd be thinking, oh, I'll get through this thing, and then we can go back to normal. And then life goes, hold on. You are too eager. Slow your fucking roll over there. I got something else for you. You know? And it on the other side, the people who have navigated hard times in their lives and maintained power change their kinklet Mhmm. Don't get too fucking smug. Okay? Because I I just I'm I'm I'm not a 100% sure of a lot of things. I'm

a 100% sure your time will come. There will be something that you cannot just power your your kink life, your power exchange can't swim along like, go along with it and be on top of it. Something will have to give. There will be some disappointment somewhere. There will be some compromise to what you normally do versus what you're gonna attempt to do to get through this moment in life. Quite frankly, those times are usually the some of the hardest times in life. Somebody's sick.

Somebody dies. Right? Like, those kinds of moments are where I think most dynamics and key clients will kind of fall apart the most. At least temporarily until you get your bearings and go, okay. The thing this is my new normal. Mhmm. And then you adjust to your new normal. Right. Kink life to look exactly the same for your whole entire life. From the moment you figured out what works best for you for the next, what, fifty years of your

life? I hope everybody lives to be over for the next, what, fifty years of your life. I hope everybody lives to be over a 100. Thanks. Unless I don't like you and then I don't hope that for you. But, your power exchange, your kink life, the things you do, the things you're capable of, the things you like, the things that fit with your life, they are going to adjust in some ways. It's not gonna be the exact same. It

can't be. It just I don't say a lot of things with certainty, but that is just a thing I just fucking believe. Alright. So yeah. Just fucking accept the fact that life's gonna happen. Mhmm. I I have Life's gone to life. I do have a lot of empathy for they're typically newer folks. Either it's either a brand new a newer power changer or they're just new to kink who discover it the

hard way the first time. Yeah. Because there's not a lot out there in the bite sized kind of pieces, the the TikToks of the world and the tweets of the world Mhmm. That will give you that nuance. And so if you're trying to figure out your kink life, you know, in quick easy ways or you just get a surface level understanding as you're diving in, you know, no. Probably nobody is telling you that. I mean, most newbies do are not necessarily willing to listen up to ninety minutes of me Mhmm.

On the odd chance that one of the sentences will be no. No. No. You didn't fail at Power Exchange. I promise. Right. And so I do have empathy for those folks. Yeah. Because if the if the kink world is not giving you that message, and especially if you were taking in those messages of there's a true way or a real way Mhmm. And now, you know, life is not letting you do the thing. I see how people internalize that as Sure. They're failing and not just a natural state

of being Oh, yeah. We all go through in some way. So yeah. So I get it. Okay. I would say this falls under not healthy, but I also I I think it can classify as a pet peeve because I think the definition of this is a can be a little subjective. K. Their pet peeve is treating people like a kink dispenser. I think it's a poor way to treat people. Yeah. I don't think you you build

healthy relationships. Whether they are casual, they're long term, they're romantic, they're sexual, or whatever kind you don't build good solid relationships treating somebody as a kink dispenser. But I think I could see it being a pet peeve because people will fall into it. Even well meaning people Sure. Who are like, I, you know, I love and adore you and we're gonna have this long relationship and I, you know, whatever. But also can hello. I'm gonna put in

the yes, daddy quarter. Can I please get the give me the spanking I want in the little plastic bubble? You know? I wish it worked that way. Right? So what do you think about that? No. I I I I agree with that, you know, wholeheartedly. And and that is something that can happen on either side Mhmm. Of the slash. Doesn't matter if you're the big d or little s. Either one can come across like that if you know? So I agree. And I think that I think sometimes it's it's selfishness

on a person's part. They don't actually care about the other person. They're just trying to get whatever they want, and they'll Right. Treat a person however, treat them like a kink dispenser to get their wants. And I you know, I think that's what we see most often. I can a 100% see where somebody is well meaning. They're not actually trying to be an asshole asshole and will feel bad once it's pointed out. Mhmm. And they start maybe taking their partner for granted.

And I can see this on both sides of the slash because I think when we say kink dispenser, most people think about doms and tops who often perform the kink thing. Mhmm. Give the spanking, tie the rope. Right? And yeah. And or be the one in control and do the power and blah blah blah, whatever. But I think that if we think about kink as that big ass umbrella term, I think submissives can be treated like kink

dispensers. Not just in the you're going to do what I say because I'm the dom and I get to do what I want. Like, the the what can very well lead to abuse if it's not just automatically abusing. Like, it yeah. That's nope. That can that can

happen, and that's not good. But I also see where from a the submissive side being treated like a kink dispenser, I think about service subs, and I think about, subs who do what they're told, whether it's through an act of service or it's just that's part of the power exchange and they Dom tells them to do a thing and they do the thing. And when those types of subs get taken for granted, it's not the way we typically think of treating somebody like a kink dispenser, but you

are. If you are utilizing their service and their submission to your benefit and you're not appreciating them, you're not thinking about their needs, you have forgotten that, you know, maybe I need to back off, maybe, you know, like, whatever. Let me check-in with this person, make sure they're still good with all these things, blah blah blah blah. I think that is another way that people can be

treated like kink dispensers now. So missus, if this is you, I will remind you, you have agency and you get to self advocate and you get to go, hey. I feel like I'm being taken for granted over here and something needs to be a little different. And you get to have that conversation. You get to bring it up. But, yeah, I I when I hear people talking about being treated as a kink most of the things I I personally see, obviously, it's not all the conversations of the planet.

It's typically the submissives who and that's I I see it in femdom spaces where, doms are talking about male submissives who just send them their laundry list of things. This is what I'll do for you. This is how I'll submit. There's been no conversation. They're like, you're treating me like a king dispenser. I'm just supposed to check this off your list and that makes that doesn't make me your

dom. Right? So I would say it's actually an unhealthy thing that can become abusive even if that's not the intention. But that attitude of treating people that way is yeah. Of course, it's a pet peeve. Because it's it's, you know, it's in some ways, it's nonconsensual. Sure. I think on a maybe not in the scary abusive way we think about non you know, somebody not respecting consent. What are words? I don't know.

But so on that side, it would not make a pet it's not just a pet peeve, but just the fact that there are people out there who think so much about what they want Mhmm. To the to the exclusion of thinking about what their partner needs. Right. Yes. Yes. And I I think it happens in more subtle ways than people realize. True. And we see those big flashy, like, here's my laundry list of ways I'll submit, check yes or no. Right?

Versus the more quiet. You wanna you wanna see some of that, read some of the comments in, FET pictures and writings and stuff. Oh my god. Yeah. The the DMs. Thankfully, I don't get them a lot anymore. I'm very quiet on FetLife. But when I was a little bit more active and a little bit more round and oh my god. And I was like, look, you didn't even read the bio because I'm the wrong one to be sending this to to begin with. And yet the, so called doms, the air quote doms that

send the, I am your master now. You will kneel for me. I am not your king dispenser either. You know what I mean? Not any sub, not your sub. Mhmm. And I think that goes along with that concept as well. Okay. This one I added at the end because there might be an episode in this and I've seen a couple, like, back and forths on the Internet and people talking in comments and so it came to mind. And that's treating your kinky wants the same as your kinky needs. You're nice

to haves. You're this would this would make me feel good, but I don't need it. Yeah. Now I think somebody can make an argument that we don't none of us actually need kink. Like, it's not it's not what, you know, food, shelter, water, air conditioning. Right. Or you eat depending where you live. Those are needs. And I, you know, a reasonable person would say kink is not a need. Those of us who know that we are hap happier

and we function better Mhmm. And life is better on some levels, relationships are better on some levels, who would say, no. No. I know I need kink. That's that's who I'm talking to and who will get this. Okay? So yes. Yes. Yes. I understand. No. It's not a a thing that you need to, you know, continue to breathe and move through the world. However, for happiness and wholeness and satisfaction of life, there are those of us

who would say we need it. Right? I do better in a relationship when I am the see I have seen a few times recently where people are talking about their wants and how we define our wants and our needs are, again, very individual, very unique to the person. But it I think it goes back to that damn post about punishing a dom for not fucking them twice in a week. You wanted to have sex twice a week.

Yeah. That's not the same as the need to get enough sleep at night to maintain some kind of order so you can function, keep yourself, you know, your mental health in, hopefully, a stable place. Right? And I do think people conflate their kink wants with their kink needs, you know. Or they think everything they want is a need. And Mhmm. I go back to when we did the, the take on hierarchy Hierarchy needs. Yes. Kink

needs. Like, what I need to be settled and comfortable and willing to do the hard work of a relationship is the power exchange. I'm you know, I could maybe I'm a little flexible on the flavor of the power exchange because it's unique to the individual. Right? The other things, the spankings, the thuddy impact, the wax play, the this, the that. Those are things I I want them. I want them. I miss them when I don't have them.

But I don't those aren't I don't personally need those things in order to feel comfortable and confident in my relationship. To feel like I'm living now let's be clear. Everybody gets to define their needs and their wants. Yeah. It's it's gonna be different for everybody. Else is like, no. But I have to have impact play or it is not a good relationship to me, then I'm a sure. That you get to

label that in need. Yeah. But I just the way I've seen people talking about it, I'm like, no. It's either and you're conflating an, a want with a need or we've got a major incompatibility and your needs are not matching your partner's needs. And your your partner can't give you what you need can't give you what you need when it comes to them across them as a want. Yeah. You know? Well, you you have to be able

to meet Mhmm. Somewhere in the middle. And I I also think there's a lot of nuance there because I think that people could you know, the definition between want and need can be very narrow, you know. Mhmm. And I don't think people are should be required to sit around and, like, try to drop their list of what what are my needs, what are my wants. But I would recommend thinking about what you, you your basic needs

for your kink life Mhmm. That are gonna help you feel like you can, like you're living the life you wanna live and life's not all terrible. I think it's important to maybe know those to have an idea of what those are. Mhmm. But, you know, I just I see some folks and I this is me being a bitch. And I know it's me being a bitch because I cannot possibly know their individual feelings on how deeply they feel like they

need these things. But I have seen some folks talking about some very superficial things that and they were speaking about it superficially. So that got to be my assumption that it was a a superficial thing that were, you know, more important than a partner's individual needs. And I think that I I think it goes back to sometimes your power exchange or your kink life will take a back seat to something else going on in your life. Right?

So and maybe it's, you know, not a kink need versus a kink want, but your kink wants versus what you need as a human being. Like, there are there are times when I want a spanking. I would kill for a spanking. JB is, like, has broken out in a cold sweat and can't hold food down. I don't think I should be over there fucking demanding a spanking that I can definitely live without. Say what?

Those kinds of things. Thank you. You know, and I think there's I think there's a certain amount of selfishness on the part of a person who will ignore something to that level. Like, I was Mhmm. Probably an extreme, you know, example, but I think that those kinds of things happen. Somebody's like, I'm I just got fired at my job, and my dog ran away. I won't say what I almost said. And, you know, my rent went up. So I'm not really in the mood to

do that scene tonight. Right? And the other person's like, but I need this scene and you are awful for not giving me because that was kind of the conversations I was saying is people are awful for not giving me into my kinky needs. They're not meeting my kinky needs. But then part of the conversation is like, yeah. But they couldn't fucking possibly. Like, what are we doing? You know? Why not? I think I need to stop, reading certain parts of the Internet is what

I really think needs to happen. Yeah. So Yeah. Oh my gosh. So I'm I'd like to throw one in. Oh, please do. Okay. I'm gonna break you. I don't like that one either. I don't like that one. I'm gonna break you and build you up into what I want. You know, and they're early Why I didn't I don't know. I don't know why you did the voice either, but it's fine. Early days in my kink journey. Yeah. And some shit I've read where that's kind of the vibe.

Sexy as hell thought, yeah. And now that I know some shit and I know myself better, the thing I see people say I'm gonna break you down. I'm always like, what does that mean? What are you going to do? And I actually DNF'd a book for for several reasons. They're kink stuff. I'll complain about that maybe in maybe later. I don't know. Because I need to bitch I need to bitch to somebody other than JB about that. Thank you.

But he already went through it. So, they you know, my my nowadays, my next question is what do you mean by that? And the book that I DNF'd that should have been a great power exchange kink book. Like, I was excited for it. The way it was presented from the perspective of this Dom sounded like and looked like abuse. And I went, nope. Yep. Nope. First of all, why do we have to reduce somebody to their lowest point Right. To think we're gonna create build them back up to be healthier.

What you fucking done is maybe traumatize somebody. Yeah. I you know, somebody somebody I knew early early on, had been talking with with Adom, and they were actually going along fairly well. Mhmm. And then he told this person, well, I I'm gonna break you, and you will not have contact with your family. You won't have contact with your friends. I'm gonna break you down and and build you back

up into what I want. And the thing that the thing that gets me about that is that sounds just as similar as saying, I love you, but I want you to change. Right. I don't like you the way you are right now. Yeah. Mhmm. Okay. You know, that I know. Because, you know, the sentiment if we're not talking about, like, the actual, like, what the fuck do you mean and here's what it sounds like. The sentiment would make sense to me if they if, Dom is telling me I'm gonna challenge you. Right?

I'm gonna I'm go we're gonna, like We're gonna push boundaries. We're we're gonna your preconceived notion. Yeah. I'm gonna because this this topic is coming. And we've kinda talked about it in the past, like, years ago. The discomfort of being a person who you know you can make your own fucking decisions, but here you are in this submissive role and you're done telling you no, not letting you do what's in. Telling, you know, telling you that and you're agreeing to it. Like, you're

consenting. Like, there's a rule that goes against how what you used to do or what you would normally do. And there is an inherent discomfort in that, and only you as the individual get to decide, do I wanna see this? Is this discomfort at a level where I'm willing to see it through and see what it feels like on the other side of it? Or is this too much and I can't? I gotta nope out.

Challenging somebody, especially on their preconceived notions of what they think it means to be a submissive or challenging them to try to make them, you know, be a better submissive. That's so subjective. What do we even fucking mean by that? Okay. But everybody I've ever heard outside of some, like, fuckery fantasy that the vibes were right and so I didn't cringe.

Every time I've ever heard that, it I my question is what what why does that sound like you are about to just bully and abuse another human being Yeah. To then what? Have them so dependent on you. Of course, they're gonna be a great submissive because they're fucking traumatized and scared and Yeah. You know? Mhmm. No. I'm with you. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. A caveat being, yes. There was a time

I found that sexy. And I would love to come across content, real life or fiction, where that was presented and we were shown what the fuck that meant Mhmm. And it didn't didn't didn't come across as abusive. And it was challenging. It was, you know, whatever. I will go ahead and bitch about this because it does relate Okay. To that. There's this kink book. I DNF'd it. I was like, well, she DNF'd it. Did not finish. I went, nope. I'm done. And I was like 30% through the book. And I already had

a wild premise. What was this woman going to a strange man's house in the mountains because of a an insulting ad. Where the fuck was this ad posted? I don't know. To say, hey. If you want to be dominated and mistreated, as a woman, you should fill out this form and go visit this guy up in the mountains. Everybody else had used it to harass this man. The premise being an an angry ex did that. I'm still like, where did you put this ad that anybody fucking saw it?

Whatever. I was going with it even if that part didn't make any sense. I was going with it when this woman fills out the form, does not verify that the man saw the form, know she's coming, drives up to a strange man's mountain home, presents herself, and within thirty minutes, if I could understand the time flow here, they are somehow kind of negotiating that they will try power exchange. He hasn't gotten to be his dom self

and he tried the vanilla life. This partner who's pissed off at him and is like humiliating him on the Internet. So he's been missing it. She has been dumped by four fiances. Oh my gosh. And she's at the point where she's like, maybe I'm the problem. And so she's like, well, maybe I will have this experience and see if I can be made into, you know, a better woman, have a better type of relationship. Just try this thing. Something's gotta change because I think I'm failing.

And I am going with it. I am side eyeing. I am sure. Lola Lola, don't knock the camera over. I am raising an eyebrow. I I am confused, but I'm going with it because I'm here for the kink. I want to read the kink, and I'll I'll just put up with it. And then in the space of like two pages, And the title, by the way, ironically enough, the title of the book was Break Me. So they did, like, a five minute kind of negotiation where they agreed they would try this thing, but there were no details.

And then she she was the her her premise, she was gonna be like a bratty sub, and she had a mouth on her. Right? So she mouthed off. You know Shush. She said submissively. So she mouthed off, and he forces her into a bedroom, what will be her bedroom for this time, but locks her in and does not speak to her, does not tell her how long she will be there, does not whatever. And his inner monologue is I will I will break her down Yeah. To build her back up. And I kinda and I started going,

because I was kinda curious. I was like, am I finally gonna get an example of what the fuck breaking somebody means? And is it gonna be sexy or is it gonna be abusive? Let's find out. Right. And then we get to a point, he's got a contract. Both, like, he's a billionaire that was part of the premise too. Where he when he's in a relationship or he's doing this dumb thing, he has, like, a boiler plate kind of contract that he always uses. And I'm sure there's probably an NDA in there. There's

probably something. Mhmm. But he had in his contract that his attorney that was the other thing. The premise was I have to have this contract to protect myself. I'm like, no contract will protect you from BDSM stuff. Like, that's the how the law works. It's not legally binding. Okay. Okay. So you see how things are starting to add up for me. Right? And then he's talking about this contract. And this contract has his hard limits, his safe word, his, things he will not do, blah blah blah.

Things he's not that's not type of dom he is. And there was no space for her wants and needs. He literally was that was not the point because he had also said at some point in this first third of the book I made it through that it's a dom's job to just know. You get to know your submissive so well that you know what they mean. You can you can see it in the expression on their face. You can you can tell by the tone of their voice. You can tell

by their acting. And your job as a dom is to give them what they need, not necessarily what they want. And once we got to the part where the contract literally was just waiting on her signature and there had been no negotiation, there was no room in the contract for her negotiation, he had just talked about breaking her and had shoved her crying in her room. She screamed for literal hours until she lost her voice. I went, what the fuck am I reading? What the hell?

What the fuck up? Wow. What the fuck up? I went, nope. I will go on journeys with authors. I will forgive might be too kind of a word, but I will overlook some some things. I'm like, that's not best practices. That's not ideal. If everything else is mostly okay. Right? If it's and especially if it's not a dangerous thing. I can be like, that conversation probably should have been a little longer. You probably should've whatever. Okay. This,

she was a red flag. Who the fuck just drives up to somebody's mountain home Yeah. And goes, I'm here for you to dominate me. What? What? He became a whole set of red flags. He's gonna break her down. Contract no no discussions about her limits. She didn't get a safe word. She and he did the whole that was the other thing. He did the whole, you won't need a safe word with me because I'll know. And I was like, nope. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I I I closed that book. I I said that

back. I said I don't blame you. No. No. I can I cannot do this? I cannot do this. Excuse me. So yeah. And I think that happened right before I started seeing these other pet peeves. I was just things were annoying me. Okay? I was very annoyed for a few weeks there. Oh my god. It was awful. It was awful. And I was like, man, I because I will even I will even accept some pushing of boundaries in some fiction if, you know, especially if it's like we already know they're not the best person.

Like, the dark romance where the the person is, like, a shitty human being. I have moments where I'm like, okay. I'm here for the vibes. Will the sex be good? Is the kink like, is some of the power exchange stuff gonna be good? And I have a 100% overlooked and forgiven some shit that would never be okay in power exchange and in kink for the story because it actually fits the characters. But this one was just I just couldn't.

I just couldn't. It was like, if we could have a lot a list of everything, don't do that. We just went down the fucking list. Mhmm. Like no. No. I do not like that. Yeah. So, yeah, the break me, the I'm gonna break you thing, I'm very skeptical. I nope. Nope. Nope.

You're welcome, dear darling. I don't know why somebody feels the need to bring another human human being mentally and emotionally, not physically, because that's kinda lower in the point to the point of you don't even kind of know who you are anymore. Everything you thought you knew about yourself, you're now being maybe told as a lie or you're doing things out of character. Build them up. Don't break them down. Right. The break like, the building up part is the part that matters most.

Yeah. But what are you doing to quote break a person now? If what we're saying is you're challenging them within their own boundaries, you are pushing them in a way that they are consenting to. It might be something I would never personally allow, but I can respect it because I'm like, okay. They've consented. They know what they're saying. We're challenging them that we are not trying to, like, have them be a crying mess on the floor who doesn't think they're

worthy of anything. Yeah. Outside of role play in a scene, that's a diff like, that's different. Mhmm. And I and I think that there are probably very few people who could do something like that with the care and the, focus on protecting mental health, and emotional well-being. I don't I think most people are not really capable of that and should not be playing in shit like that.

I think a person who could air quote break a person down in a way that they are not traumatized by the breaking down, I think those people are few and far between and are an exception to the rule. And I think most people need to stay the fuck away from that break me shit. Yeah. Now as part of dirty talk, as part of a Hey. You know, a fantasy, I'm here. Look. I accept a lot of crazy shit for fantasy. Okay? Some some non consent stuff that would never be okay anywhere else.

I have read it and gone, why was that kinda hot? I feel feel like I should feel guilty that that was kinda hot. I know that was wrong. It was kinda hot. But no. No. I don't think most people are equipped for the breaking down. Yeah. I know. And

this is just my limited experience. But the people I have come across who claim that they're going to break down their submissive are also the people who think that everybody should call them Munster, and that they are the domliest domed who ever domed in every kink space. And it's not confidence. It's arrogance. And Yeah. It's dangerous, and I'm not impressed. So I'm just saying I'm with you on that one. Okay. What is our official word on I Will Break You? What what

Boo. So, yeah, those have been some kinky pet peeves and a rant about a book. Imagine that. One thing I will say I've seen somebody mentioned not pushing somebody past their boundaries. I have seen recently some people, kink folks online, talking about how and I don't necessarily disagree that we should not be you know, doms and tops should not push, their partner. Like, the goal should not be to get them to safe work. Yeah. Now here's what I will say about

that. I think that in large part, I think that's true. I think we stay within our our boundaries and we don't whatever. But you and I have a 100% negotiated one off scenes where I was like, let's see how far I can actually go. And I was willing to be pushed to that point Yes. As a choice I was making on my own that you were consenting to Mhmm. With a lot of experience and understanding about the thing we were doing.

Yes. And it was a one off, like, we were this was not this was not every encounter we had of me being pushed to a breaking point. Right. Because that goes back to that breaking thing. Mhmm. We're not trying to traumatize you No. Around here. You don't wanna break your toys. But apparently, some people do because they think they can super glue them back together and they'll somehow be bad. And I just don't trust some of those fucker fucking people to even be able to

super glue somebody back together. Yeah. Just a sec. So okay. I I I can I keep going? We know I can. Of course you could. We know I can. But Mhmm. There there I go. And here we are. So, are we good? I don't know. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. We think. We hope. We'll try. I am very concerned about the podcast audio. Yeah. I have a feeling I am quite muted. Well, it's not doing me much great either, but I know in editing, I can go

in and Okay. Boost. So poor podcast listeners. If it sounds weird Yeah. It's it's been a hot mess over here with the sound It has. This week. It has. I'm gonna keep blaming Onyx. That's all I'm saying. Can we talk to the cricket's daddy? We can. Okay. Thank you. One week off. I know. I forget everything. And everything goes to Mhmm. C t double hockey hockey sticks. What?

We're not gonna start spelling out or I I did say FUBARED while we were, like, two minutes into oh, let's give it ten minutes before it. Is valid. Come on. That's it. Well, it was. But, no, I could've said fucked up beyond all reason, and I didn't know. We were, like, two minutes into the livestream. I was, like, let's not lose 5¢ of monetization this soon. We'll lose it. Give me a minute, you know. But no, we're not HE double hockey sticking

it anywhere. Okay. Anyhoo. Anyhoo. So to the extent that you were comfortable with it Mhmm. What would you like to say about being sick? Yeah. I was sick. You were sick twice. You got got better and then you were sick. I did. I'm I'm kind of on a little bit of a roller coaster ride at the moment with things and, working very diligently to turn things around. Mhmm. But, it's not something that's gonna happen overnight

either. No. A part of it some of what you're going through, we kind of understand it, but it's still a little unexplained and Well, you know, and that's that's something I was thinking about. And I know it's partially my fault too. I don't I don't know the questions to ask. Sure. And I'm not sure which doctor to ask them to. Right. I had the one doctor that, you know, went through a lot of this stuff looking into. And they I got a phone call. And they said,

yeah. This is this is happening. And you need to do this, this, and this. Okay. Goodbye. Right. And that's what I got. And kind of finding out on our own, little by little, the things that, kind of all Yeah. Quite frankly, it's been some Google searches. Yeah. Minus the AI. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Because I don't trust that at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it's it's nothing serious. I'm not going anywhere. No. The fuck he's not. But, it it's, something that I'm I'm dealing with and trying

to work through. I know. And what I'm curious about because the first, when you were sick last week Mhmm. I thought that was maybe a flare up of the health issue you have. Right. And I was like, okay. We need to learn if this is a flare up Mhmm. And what should we expect? And is there anything that can mitigate it? Are there medications? Certainly, the the Google search wanted I was, like, looking up specific symptoms related

to the health issue. Mhmm. And, like, the first three or four after the AI, the first three or four links were all links to medication for it. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. So one, that's kind of annoying. Two, that tells me there's medication. Should you be be on medication? Is that what will happen? And we just don't have that information. Right. But then you started getting better. You worked. You had, like, a whole day where you're like, I can do shit. Oh, yeah. And

you didn't overdo it. You were you were sensible about it. And then the next day, you're, like, sick in a different way. And I was like, nope. I don't don't know where why these symptoms. I don't Mhmm. I don't even know what we're supposed to do with these symptoms. Yeah. We did eventually kind of get it sorted out. Right. Hello, Lola. But I didn't even know if we were gonna stream this week because of it. I know. We were, like, just watching them, you know. Mhmm. Lola, you have walked over

these boards And around. On this camera multiple times today, and you are stressing me out. Why don't you go back just laying next to my desk and take a nap? She was snoring so hard. Yeah. We started with our bad audio stream. Mhmm. Oh, yep. Just just step on that cord. It's it's fine, Lola. It's fine. It's fine. Do you wanna go out again? Again. You get her this time. My turn? Okay. I'm on. You don't I don't you don't have to put anything down. True. True. True. Watch Ella. She's usually good.

I once had Ella in a sun patch right here. Mhmm. I opened that door. That girl didn't move. She walked right up to the door yesterday on me. She only does it to you then. Because to me, she just, like, rolls and, like, looks at me like, I'm not going anywhere. I don't need to follow Lola out. I'll just sniff Lola's feet when she comes back in. Well, she does that. Yeah. So but anyway, I I did talk about it a little bit more in detail in the Patreon. Yeah. We'd probably share more those. Yeah.

For anybody who's really nosy, you can join as a paid Patreon. Right. And you get a little you get a few more details. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, on the Oh, yeah. The mic mic side. The audio side. We have I I have been doing some research, and I did find, some lavalier mics that can be integrated with with our soundboard. Except our soundboard seems to be the issue. But I guess if you're hooking something up new, you know, we test everything. And I, I am good. I think you were gonna

do a little bit more research. Mhmm. But you could tell me, like, tonight and I'll get them ordered. Okay. And we'll see how quickly we can get them. Sweet. Yeah. Sweet. So, you know, yeah. We're we're looking into to making some changes with that now. Mhmm. You know, it, I think I think it'll work out well. Hope so. I mean, we've had a sound issue for a hot minute where there's, like, a clicky, staticky noise or it kinda Yeah. We've never found it. No. What cord is it? I don't know.

So getting when we bought the sound equipment we have now, we I mean, we went to a place that sells professional sound equipment, and we didn't get top of the line. We didn't have that kind of budget. But we got better than the, like, beginner stuff. Oh, yeah. And, you know, these mics are, like, $100 mics. The the what we got was, like, it's supposed to last, but that's also been since before we moved here. I'd have to go back, but it might be close to eight or nine years. Yeah.

Because we We've had this stuff. We still lived in Tarpon. Yeah. We were in the car. Time. Mhmm. So it could be that some of it's aging as well. I don't want to buy it. That's entirely. True. Yeah. No. No. Not the sound board. I no. Things things got, shoveled around with the sound board. I'm just gonna have to take a hot minute to get it back to where it needs to be. I'm still I'm just gonna blame models. Yeah. I just Yeah. I know before I I complained before because the soundboard was

sitting on two milk crates. Right. Yeah. That that was our fancy professional setup plan. And and now since we've shuffled access. But, yeah, we we have, Onyx and she, you know Bless you. Bless you, Lola. Onyx has never found a flat surface she didn't like. Right. One was it last week? She got up on top of the, kitchen cabinets? Yes. And Very, very top. And she started knocking stuff down up there. We have a, what do you call it? Like a china cabinet? Oh, it's like a

hutch thing. Yeah. In the, in our dining area. And my god, she gets up there. She'll go with gargoyle. Yeah. She and and she'll perch right on the corner and she'll just And in the dark, all you might see Are her eyes if they're open. Yep. Just lay on the cords now, Lola. That's great. That's that's not gonna be a problem. It's gonna be fine. I trust this. This is Yeah. It's gonna work out because it usually does. Right? Yeah. Something like that. Something like that. Yeah.

So yeah. You know yeah. If there's if there's a flat surface, Onyx will be on it. She's even figure out how to get into the, light box. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There have there are I I need to dust it out. I need to clean out the light box periodically. I kinda leave it open so it's very easy for me to just put something down and take a picture. Yeah. So dust gets in there. So I'm constantly dusting it.

But Onyx gets in, and I'll know she's been in because there's little toe bean prints on the background thing, which is like a plastic thing. And those don't just wipe out with a duster. I have to get the Clorox wipe and I have to, like, scrub it out. It's a whole production. Mhmm. Yeah. But I've also how many how many days have we seen those same toe bean prints on the top of our stove? Yep. Because she's a counter surfer. Mhmm. Yeah. Yep. Thank god she's pretty. I know.

So we got to see the, oldest in his final concert of the semester. Yeah. And it was a good one. You didn't get to see. I didn't. You had to stay home. I I got hearsay. I know. I mean, if I had thought about it, even though I stopped recording his concerts when he started college. I should have recorded it because it was very interesting music. Mhmm. But it was Oh, is that the one last week? Yeah. That's true. Different music, though. That's true. He was at this is when he was like, no. No.

I I would like y'all to come to this one. This one will actually be good in my opinion. And I was like, okay. And it was, but it was just me and the 16 year old. So I did the drive out and back last night, and I was very slow moving this morning as a result. Slower than me even. Yeah. I've normally, I I have a a new current routine where I wake up earlier than I used to. 6AM. That's too fucking early, but here we are. And I, I look. This engine needs a lot of warming up before Mhmm. I can

move for the day. So I spend, like, the first hour in bed. I'm I check my email. I make sure nothing is on fire in Discord. There usually isn't. It's very our Discord is very chill. Yeah. And then I read my book. Whatever book I'm working on, I'm reading it. And I read until, like, right before seven usually. And by seven, I'm like, I'm out of the bed. And I'm Yeah. I start my morning routine Mhmm. My tasks for you. I go for a walk. I do today was not

that day. No. Today 08:00, I think, is when I finally got out to bed. And I went, you know what? I drove out and back last night, at night. And, you know, I I'm becoming my mother more and more every year and not her best qualities. Right. Right. So I don't I can drive at night. I don't love it because I don't know if it's my glasses or just my vision in general, but things don't look quite right. And the the road that we travel to get to the 20 year old, I fucking love it because

there's no fucking traffic on it. And it's a very quiet road and It is. You completely bypass the interstate. And I I love driving that Oh, yeah. On that section. However, at night, that means there's not a single light out there except for the flashing signs that tell you this is where deer cross the road and be watch out for deer crossing the road. So I'm I'm I'm driving. I'm not going like grandma slow, but I am doing the actual just the speed limit, which is not usually how I drive.

And I kept coming across the flashing little signs that were like, deer crossing. I was like, okay. We could do it. So that time I drove into town where there's tons of lights, like, my shoulders are up by my ears, and I'm going to the steering wheel. I was tired from that. I don't think I was tired from the drive. The

drive was mostly fine. I apparently will be making that drive again this weekend to take the 20 year old, his prescription when it comes through, which means I will also be bringing him McDonald's because that's how that always works. Whatever. Yeah. I don't buy his groceries anymore. So That's true. That's true. I spend, like, $30 a month to go see him. I get ten whole minutes for her. He's like, okay. I'm done now, mom. I hear you. Thanks. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

So yeah. Oh my goodness. Can't talk about too much. Hopefully, we have the Friday night stream. Yeah. If I don't piss off the YouTube gods. Hope not. It takes so little these days. Yeah. I know. But I know. Yeah. 8PM eastern, Friday, April, if I'm doing the math right, seventeenth. If today is the fifteenth, happy tax day, everybody who's American. Our tax we do not file our own taxes. They got really complicated a few years ago. We pay way too much money for somebody else to do it.

We get every year for, like, the past three or four years, we've gotten an extension to file them. Mhmm. Like, look. Well, part of that too was on their end a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's she's was a very small shop for a while. I'm just expanding again. But I don't I'm fine with it. I'm like, let's let's delay this. Let's delay this. There hadn't been a year in a decade where we hadn't paid something. Right. So I'm not in a rush. I'm not in a a rush. Mhmm. But happy

tax day. Yeah. I wonder with all of the craziness of this country, which is just embarrassing on many levels, and infuriating, will the post office still be open till midnight to do the postmark for folks? Because I know there were some changes to, like, regulations and laws, but I don't know when those go into effect or if they actually or it gets very confusing because of that. Yeah.

But yeah. I don't know. For for non Americans who do not have to file US taxes, previously, historically, you could if you did, like, file your taxes, like, paper and you mail it in, because that's what we all did pre fucking Internet. Right? Mhmm. As long as it was postmarked on April 15 or April 16 if the fifteenth fell on a weekend Right. They would accept it. It wouldn't be considered late. Mhmm. Yeah. They they But I know they were

talking about changes. They they made they were trying to make some changes. Yeah. Not not in the taxpayer's favor. Let's Yeah. No. Really. No. Well, that the changes had to do with the mail in voting. But That's what they're trying to affect, but what it means is that they're trying to affect everything. Right? Because they don't think through these things through. Yeah. Because why would we do that? I'm not we don't we're not getting on that soapbox at this point. We could

we can't handle it now. Yeah. Not at the end. Not at the end. I don't want my, the my eyebrow to twitch. Well, you know, it was funny. I eyelid. I was kinda looking at the, chat throughout, and, I think it was Tayce who made a comment that, giving off a little bit of comedic vibes with the, lap desk and holding the mic and You're adorable. I'm something. Aren't we all? Yeah. I got I got nothing for that. Oh, I saw was it silent who said this, still need to do the kids' taxes?

I'm sure it's probably different between Canada and, The US. I do the 20 year old's taxes for him, but he is a simple ten forty easy. Yeah. I'm like, I go to TurboTax and I click a few buttons. Did they try to charge me $60 this year for a form I did not use and never filled out the information for? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Did they make it hard to find the link to to get the free version? Because it was very simple. But yes. They did. But Yeah. Did I get that child's

taxes done for free? Yes. Fuck. I did. Yeah. For tax purposes, he's still a dependent. And that's, so he he's able to stay on our insurance and, blah blah blah. So his his taxes are very simple. Yeah. So I while he's in college, I said, I will do these for you while you're in college because, this is not a thing I care about you focusing on or forget or forgetting about Mhmm. While you're in school. But when you graduate, I will I will teach you how it's

not hard. You can do it as long as you're a w two employee. Taxes are fairly easy. You you know me in numbers. When I was, younger, H and R Block was my friend. Oh, my mine too. Mine too. For a while to save money. Oh, no. Ella, do not climb the tripod. Do not climb the tripod. Oh my god. To save money for a couple years before I was self employed, I would use TurboTax to do my own taxes. And then a few years after I was self employed, I used TurboTax to save money.

Shaking every time I hit submit. I was like, I'm sure I fucked this up. I'm sure I fucked this up. And then I I, you know, over time you learn that in other countries, your government keeps up with it for you and just tells you what you owe if you owe anything. It could be that easy. Now our taxes are complicated because self employed, we're a business, we're an LLC, and we're an s corp. Yeah. And that has been the s corp. Anybody who is a business, feel free to look into it to see if it's a

good thing for you. I would not know, could not give advice. That has made paying taxes much less painful. Yeah. Much less painful. The year I pay I had to stroke a check for, like, $12,000, I was like, so which which 10 foot portion of the highway is mine? What did I just pay for? Oh my god. Woah. The tripod. Sure, Lola. Just just nearly knocked the tripod over. We might I don't know what the solution is. We might need to get another solution. I I have no ideas.

But I we need to get some of those, strips that go across to hide the cables. Maybe that's it. Yeah. I don't know. Yep. Yep. Yeah. But yeah. If you work for yourself, and you just do self employed tax, Yeah. It's pain it's fucking painful Yeah. In The US. S corp saved our ass up to that. Mhmm. So Yeah. In a big way. Mhmm. And that is my tax advice for today. Google an s corp, the letter s, c o r p. I don't remember what it stands for. It's

a tax something something. It did make doing my taxes more complicated and expensive, so I hire a very nice lady to do that for her. Mhmm. And she does a fine job. And she does not blink at the fact that all this stuff comes through that says the kinkery. Nothing says loving BDSM. I do all of that under our, like, LLC name. But, like, there's there's shit that comes through and I she doesn't even question. She's like, it's just numbers, whatever. And I'm like,

thank you very much. I'll give you all my money to not have to do this. So anyway. Anyhoo. I guess we should be done. Yeah. Still have things to ramble about on Friday. Mhmm. And there it will be rambly and it will be chaotic because, of course, it will be. What else? Hopefully, the audio will be fine. Yeah. We'll find out together. Mhmm. So So Alright. I guess we're gonna go. Yeah. Hopefully, we'll see you Friday. Mhmm. Thanks for being here, especially to the bitter end. Yeah. And,

we're gonna go. Okay. Bye. Bye.