Kinky AITA

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four thirty four. Ken Lourdes here with the one, the only, the bratty daddy himself. Jump around stone. That's me. You have been quite bratty recently. Yes. Like, your sadistic side is partnered up with your bratty side. Side. Yeah. You tickled me so bad I had the safe word. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Almost forgot that I could. Like, I was not in pain. I was not, like but I I was so, like, no. Don't tell me. So hard. I almost forgot

that that I had an option. Forgot what you could do. Right. Okay. But we're not asking is a sadistic bratty daddy the asshole. No. No. I'm glad about that. Thank you very much. Probably technically, but I consent to it. So are you in a way. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. No. No. No. This week, we're gonna respond to some kinky am I the asshole posts from Reddit, which there's hardly ever, like, timely enough ones to do a whole bunch at one time. Mhmm. So this is fun and exciting. Okay.

We shall see how it goes. Alright. Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC. That PC stands for podcast, Joe.

On Instagram and, technically, threads, I guess. And that handle, I will forever fucking hate. Loving d s and the number one. So it's at loving d s one. On blue sky at loving BDSM Letters letters letters whatever, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM, where you can watch us live from the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. A big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are grateful for every fucking one of you.

Just to give you a little insight as to, like, why should I consider being a patron? Well, other than I think we're kinda cool and our Discord is very chill and laid back. We just recorded, this month's behind the scenes podcast episode where we basically dove deep into the stuff going on in our relationship. That wouldn't be, like, an episode with a topic. It's just, hey, here's here's the stuff. Here's

what's happening. Here's what we've discovered. Like, trust can deepen over time, and, you know, the more you learn about your partner, the easier it is to guide and dom them and all that good stuff. So Amazing. If that sounds, like your thing, you can join for as little as $2 a month at patreon.com/kaylalords. That's patreon.com/kaylalords, or the link is in the show notes. Okay. Before we get into, any potential rants, I never promise rants, but Reddit is good for a rant or two.

I just wanna remind you that the free, free, absolutely a % free to participate in, Dom Sub Dynamic Virtual Summit starts, Monday, March 31. What are dates? And you can still register for let me say it again, free. If you register for free, you get twenty four hours from the time each session, plays where you're able to watch it live

to see it. There is a paid option if you want lifetime access and other goodies, but every single one of us, including us, we have a session too, who made a session. Our job was to give you something actionable for free. Not that bullshit thing that some peop some educators, like vanilla educators do, where they're like, I'm gonna use this time as a commercial and then the real stuff is over here where you have to pay for

it. No. No. No. No. Everybody's session has actual shit you can take away from and try in your own dynamic. We are apparently doing our specialty, which is how to make your dynamic work in the real world. Rara, who is watching live hi, Rara. Mhmm. And as part of the reason we even have this episode, Am I the Asshole stuff, she's got a session on kink comparison. God, everybody go watch that one. Evie has one on consensual on consent. There's one about dating while kinky. There's one

about finding a kink friendly therapist. There's, like, there's some good shit. Link in the places. If you have not registered, there is still time to do so. So yeah. Mhmm. Please please please check that out. Okay. I, I hope Silent, was accurate in the live chat saying, I wondered how long it would take before Kayla stumbled on her words. I did not sleep well last night, so I'm pretty sure there will be a lot more stumbling than just a little bit after it already. Okay. Okay. Hello, everyone.

Yeah. That's alright. You have to do that too. I missed my, We are off our, Yes. It's but it's consistently we're off our thing. Like, our our what is the word I want? I don't know. But, yeah. Mhmm. You're not getting the chance to do the thing. Am I moving too fast and ignoring you? Are you forgetting? I have no idea. Is it both? It's probably both. I think it's I think it's a combination. It's a combination. Okay. And just the, chaotic, day carrying through into this. That well, yes.

That is that has always been true. Okay. So Alright. These am I the asshole questions, two or post or whatever you wanna call them, whatever. Two came from the BDSM underscore a I t a, am I the asshole, subreddit, that is specific to kink stuff, hosted, run, moderated by, Rara, and I'm begging anybody with questions about, was I the asshole in this situation and it's kinky thing? Please go

use that. Because if if that got updated more often, we would do more specific, am I the assholes questions, post reaction thing. And then the rest, I was like, oh, these two are kind of interesting. I think to me the answer Am I the Asshole is clear on both of them, but they have topics I want to, like, discuss. Alright? Okay. Okay. And then I was like, oh, but that's not a two was

not enough for an episode. I need, like, the time and the space to, like, cleanse the palate, right, and, you know, like, get out some aggression. So I went searching on Reddit specifically for kinky questions that might have appeared in all kinds of subreddits, found three that were not five years old, but decided we'd do those. And then if these go faster than I anticipate, I have a bonus one that I don't love, but I was like, for time, maybe. So it might remain a mystery,

if we don't get to it. Okay. Oh. And, Silent, I think, came up with came with the, we've lost our groove. That was the word I was thinking of, groove. Okay. So here we go. First one. K. Am I the asshole for being a 53 year old horny grandma on OnlyFans? So I know. I already know the answer. So here's the deal. I'm 53, a grandma, and I run on OnlyFans because, well, I'm still as wild

as ever. Some people say I should quote act my age, but honestly, I've never felt sexier and I love exploring my kinks with people who actually appreciate the experience. The problem? My daughter found out and is absolutely livid calling it embarrassing and saying I should be baking cookies and not humiliating the family. Meanwhile, I'm over here thinking, who cares? I'm having fun. I'm making money, and I'm not

hurting anyone. So am I the asshole for embracing my sexuality and doing what I love? Or should I just say fuck it and keep enjoying myself? I mean, either way, this person is gonna keep doing their thing. Right. So But, you know, I I think the, you know, one, the the title, and and as you start reading into it, I almost immediately, you know, act your age. Yeah. That's the thing. When when someone tells you to act your age, yes. I hate that. It's gross. What does

that even mean? I've never been this age before. I don't know how I'm supposed to act. So I'm a just do my shit and have a good time. And that's the thing. So Yeah. I you know, who who gets to tell you what Not your kid. Not your kid. Not your kid. Not when everybody's a fucking adult. Like, especially if because I am becoming this kind of parent, and I hope I will stay

this kind of parent. If you're over there as my child being an adult doing adult things and, you know, not asking my fucking opinion, stay out of jail, don't subtract or add to the population unintentionally, live your fucking life. So if the kid can live their fucking life, then the mom should live their fucking life. To me, this one's a gimme. This is an easy one. Of course, the grandma is not an asshole for being on OnlyFans, but I had the I wanted this one because Good good for

them. Right. It it leads to two things. There's the age ist thing of you're too old to be doing something like this, and then there's the the family found out and has fucking opinions. Mhmm. And, I mean, what what would I do if a a one of the kids found that about us and was mad? I don't how would I respond? I mean, I'd probably go bitch mom mode and be like, do you pay my bills? Right. Am I, you know, are you responsible for keeping a roof over my head? Are you the one

paying for my assisted living facility? No. Shut the fuck up, she says with motherly love. See, and we've gone through not the OnlyFans thing, but we've gone through family finding out and saying Mhmm. Judgy shit. Right. So that is deeply personal. The question I have is, well, how did how did daughter find out?

Who was trolling OnlyFans? And then it's gonna be like, oh, I found somebody I know, so I should judge them even though I'm the one looking at shit where I could come across on all places. Or or okay. And, you know, let let's backtrack on that. I I understand what you're saying right there. Mhmm. But, you know, let let's, give credit where credit is due. Sometimes, you know, you're you're an OF creator, you know, you're out hawking yourself on Alright. Social media. Okay?

And what happens if, you know, something like like the, the Facebook says, oh, we have a, yeah. Daughter still chose to click a link. Daughter still chose to go get nosy. Or it was sent to her by somebody else who was being nosy. Either way, there was some nosiness going on. You know, it is it's not fine in the sense of, oh, that's great, but it is everybody's prerogative to have an opinion on what other people do. But those opinions get

to stay inside thoughts. They get to stay in our head as long as those things do not directly impact us, people we care about our, you know, entire, marginalized communities. Those kinds of things. Like, grandma is out here shaking what she got, whether she paid for it or nature, and having a good time and making some money and just minding her damn business. Everybody needs to leave grandma alone. And too fucking old. Look. Look. I hope I hope at 53,

I'm still like, you know what? I could put my tits on the Internet. They're gonna probably still be sweaty, but maybe I could put my tits back on the Internet. That to me is, like, a good thing to not that everybody should do it, but to want to do it and to have the confidence to just go do it. Like, if you don't wanna do it, don't do it. If you don't want to engage with that content, don't. Don't pay for it if you don't want to see it. The block

button exists. But if you're like, I have an urge and I wanna try this and I wanna do it. Good on you. Go fucking do it. Go fucking do it. It. I I don't I can't remember I don't remember the person specifically anymore, but I remember years ago on Tumblr, there was this woman, and I wanna say she was either in her late sixties at the time or early seventies. Mhmm. And she was doing some beautiful, erotic photography.

Mhmm. Mhmm. I've when I was reading this question, my thought was, would I go back to OnlyFans? And I would go back to making that kind of content, but I would actually not go to OnlyFans because they're kinda evil. I would go to Fansleaf. But either way, if you're a grown ass adult making your own decisions and not negatively impacting anybody with that decision Yeah. And negative impact is not, I think, less of you because that's a you problem, not a them problem.

Correct. Anyway. Okay. That was an easy one, but I Yeah. Okay. Is it this one I wanted to do? No. Where where things got out of hand. Uh-oh. Ah, there we go. This one. Things got out of order. And once I put them in order in my notes, I like them to stay in my fucking order. Okay. This one's, deceiving, so listen all the way. Okay. Am I the asshole for considering quitting my dom due to his size? K. I, 45 female, am a submissive, married, in an ethical, non monogamous arrangement, and play on

my own. I've recently started with a new dominant, primarily looking for impact topping, and it quickly included rough sex. Yay. However, the last time was way less kinky and involved some snuggling and missionary sex, which suddenly brought me head on into the reality that his body frame is very similar to my ex husband's. Very slight frame compared to my my more average size. It didn't bother me so much when there was a flogger between us or a hand

on my neck. But this last time, all of a sudden I couldn't erase that similarity from my mind. I don't know if I can get past those memories. Am I the asshole if I end this because I can't do vanilla ish sex with a man smaller than me? As somebody who outweighs her dom by a good fifty, sixty pounds, on the the smaller than me thing, I get that. On the you remind me of my ex thing. Oh, yeah. That I get that too. What do you think about this? It's a hot mess.

It's kinda it is and isn't complicated. I mean Yeah. I know. I mean, I I think they're overthinking it. Yes. Okay. You know, there are certain physical things that remind you of an ex. I think that's that can happen. Mhmm. But, what really matters is the personality. What is the personality like? I think it comes down to we get to reject or want a potential partner for any number of

reasons. Mhmm. And only you as an individual get to decide what is a step too far for you or what is just a trait you just don't want to deal with. I if it was, like, somebody I knew and who trusted me and, like, they were just asking for my opinion, I would start asking those questions. I'd be like, but what about their personality? Or can you just negotiate that you don't do vanilla sex and you don't wanna snuggle, but you're down for impact and Yeah. Kink rough kinky sex?

Would that be an option? But, ultimately, if something about a person kind of puts you off and you don't want, you're, like, you're not inclined to work around it, you shouldn't have to. Do I think she should say something? No. I don't think you tell the person, look, your frame reminds me of my ex husband and I just can't get that feeling out of my mind. Right? I don't know if you say all that. I think it's okay to go, hey, look. I've had a good time, but this isn't working for me. Have a

nice life. I think that I think that is fine. Mhmm. You know, I think part of it is not always, not everybody, but I think some people get into their head thinking I'm gonna have to tell them why I'm breaking up with them. I have to tell them that they're reminding me of my stinky, stinky ex and I hate that. Right? Like, I mean, you can, I guess, but if it's a thing they can't change about themselves, remember, if no is a complete sentence, then

you are not required to go Mhmm? To, like, crazy in-depth on your reasonings for things as long as you don't yeah. To say I'm not feeling it anymore, that's the full story. Right? They might want to know more, but they're not You're not obligated to tell them. So it's either, can you work around it, renegotiate, don't put yourself in that physical position, or end it maturely. Okay. So let let me throw something out to you.

Because I remember a certain someone who at one time said they could not see themselves being with someone who is either the same height or shorter than them. Right. Also, I remember somebody saying they could not be with somebody who had children again. The difference was there was enough connecting us Mhmm. And enough we liked about one another and enough that made it something that was not insurmountable.

Each individual gets to decide for themselves, is this too much and I can't work through it, or could I work past it? Could I, like, get over it, adjust, whatever, whatever? I'm gonna tell a bestie if they're having a good fucking time with somebody, Look, I'm gonna let maybe just take a beat and think about all the good shit. Right? Yeah. I'm I'm gonna with the influence I have over somebody I care about and I know who they are and I know, like, what they've been through. You know what I

mean? I might urge that. But as a general principle Mhmm. If you don't vibe with somebody, you don't fucking vibe with them. It doesn't matter if I think the reason is I won't say silly. I don't wanna, like, minimize this person's situation. But, like, if I would not find that, a thing to stop me. You know what I mean? Like Okay. Yeah. Me personally, because we've done it, each of us, there's enough good there that that was that was me having my own internal misogyny,

fat phobia. Like, pick a thing is why I couldn't handle, you know, somebody shorter and smaller than me. This person is getting the reminder of their ex, and I'm gonna be like, oh, how did that ex situation go? Yeah. Is this a traumatic reminder? Is this a disgust distaste? I hate this. Get this feeling away from me. I'm not gonna guilt somebody into saying you gotta get over that. You know?

That's that they're not the asshole to me, they're not the asshole for having that feeling and thinking, maybe I can't do this anymore. What would make them the asshole is if they say to this person, you're way too fucking short, and it's creeping me out. Like, that's a thing they literally cannot fix about themselves. So why would you be shitty and and tell them what's, air quote, horrible about them? Right? That is what would, to me, would make them

the asshole. Mhmm. What do you think? I I I after hearing you explain it like that, yes, I have to do. After I bully you into seeing my point of view. Sorry. I feel passionately about things, y'all. Oh, god. Okay. This one, the commenters on this one, this one is nine months ago, and it is from the actual am I the asshole subreddit. Some people were like, I think it's fake. And some people were like, I think we don't get the whole story. I I had initial thoughts, and then I read

the comments, and sometimes that's dangerous. So here we go. Alright. Am I the asshole for accidentally revealing my cousin's BDSM collection? Last weekend, I was at my cousin Dave's place for a family barbecue. Everything was fine until Dave asked me to grab some extra chairs from his basement. I head down there and accidentally knock over a box. Out spills a bunch of BDSM gear and some pretty explicit stuff. I'm talking whips, cuffs, masks, ball gags, the whole shebang.

I quickly try to shove it all back in, but not before Dave walks in and sees what happened. He completely flips out screaming about how I invaded his privacy and ruined everything. He's yelling that I've exposed his private collection to the whole family even though I didn't tell anyone. But he was so loud that a few family members came over to see what the hell was going on, and now they're all curious and asking questions.

Dave stumbles over his words, but pretty much exposed himself while I just stood there shocked. Dave hasn't spoken to me since and has been going on about how I'm a terrible person for snooping around his stuff even though he's the one who sent me down there. Some family members think Dave is being ridiculous and needs to chill, while others are saying I should have been more careful. A lot of whispers going on within the family. I think some of them know know what was in there and some don't.

He's posting passive aggressive things on social media about boundaries and respect, and I'm getting all these angry texts from Dave about how I've destroyed his reputation and how he can never look at me the same way again. I honestly feel terrible, but it was an accident. Am I the asshole for accidentally revealing my cousin's BDSM collection? I honestly don't know what to do because I cannot undo the accident. Yeah. No. They're not the asshole. No. They're not

the asshole. Taking that at face value, no. They're not the asshole. Yeah. I'm I mean, you know, going by the title, it it almost sounds like they outed them, you know, but that that is absolutely not the case. No. They outed themselves by freaking out. Yeah. Mhmm. Yep. Mhmm. And yeah. So, I think what was his name? Dave? Dave. Dave. Yeah. Yeah. Dave's the asshole. Now yeah. The passive aggressive stuff. The Mhmm. Absolutely. That stuff. Yes. Oh, yeah.

I can understand panic making you behave in ways that are Yeah. Not your best self. I've also absolutely seen moments in life where your agitation about a thing, your fear of a thing is what actually brings on the thing you're afraid of. Right? I read fiction, especially the time travel stuff. I know. But, yeah. The and then I clocked this as being like

first, I was like, okay. This is a person with high anxiety who responds in anger and gets loud when they panic, which is a thing that can happen to some people. And then I had the thought, and then I went looking at the comments because I wanted to see what other people thought. I was like, wait. Was he was it an accident, or was he really snooping? And now it's I gotta make myself it it just fell over, and I was just trying to put it away.

How you know, you got sent for chairs, and it was twenty minutes later before you like, there's details we'll never get to know. Right. But that would alter my perception because on its face, that feels like a really big, because on its face, that feels like a really big, big reaction. You know? Yeah. And I don't want to say that people cannot unintentionally have big reactions that fuck themselves over. That absolutely is true, but it's like, that I mean, it was already in the basement.

That's another thing that, that I was like, why? Why is your toy box in the basement, but it's not a basement for playing? Right? Like Mhmm. Is it, so then is was it a thing that you were no longer doing and you but you don't wanna throw it away? You just stored it away? You're taking a kicking a break. Maybe. I know. I just I I would desperately like to know. I know. There there there is a lot of, Unknown. Un unknowns in this. It's to me, it's a little too simplistic of a story.

So okay. What isn't being said? Why would he have such like, is this how Dave reacts to everything that stresses him out? Okay. That's his personality, and he fucked himself over. Yeah. Was something else going on? Is there animosity between these two so Dave automatically thinks the worst? Has some shit gone down in the past where Dave is not really reacting to this moment? He's triggered, and he's reacting to everything else. Else. Yeah. This is why these questions are hard because

I have questions. So how can I give you Questions about the questions? Right. Right. You would get a better answer from me. I would know if I felt like I was correct or not in my assessment Mhmm. If I could could have more context and details. So yeah. Based on the on its face, take it, it's your face value, no. He's not the asshole. Dave fucked himself over. Dave, like, might wanna work on that. But also, I'm giving a little side eye. Where are you at? I I get it.

Yeah. The the whole the whole thing, it's it's too vague to really, you know Mhmm. Mhmm. I know. But I feel like I'm bullying you and agreeing with me. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Next one. Okay. Okay. This one is long. I see that. And don't take the title at face value. Oh my god. Another one. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. This one's from ten months ago, so it's still within the past year. Am am I the asshole for kink shaming my girlfriend? This is a throwaway because of my friends and my Reddit

username. Okay. I first met my girlfriend on Hinge a little over a year ago and for the first six months, everything was perfect. She told me early into the relationship that she was into BDSM and specifically into dom sub dynamics. I'm also pretty kinky, so I told her this was no problem and I'd be happy to do this with her. However, I was thinking this dynamic would be something purely sexual and we would be a normal couple outside of the bedroom. I'm gonna give a little

side eye. A normal couple, really? Really? Okay. This is how it started, and the sex was fantastic. But then gradually, it seeped into our public lives too. It started with her asking how I would feel about her wearing a collar when we were out together. I I told her that I would be uncomfortable if she was doing it for my sake, but I wasn't going to tell her what she was and wasn't allowed to wear. She sulked for a bit after this, but it didn't seem to bother her too much.

Next, she sent me a video from some BDSM TikTok account where a woman was demonstrating how her dom had had loads of hand signals which he used to order her around in public without people noticing. She said that if I was uncomfortable with people seeing the collar, then this would be better because nobody would know what was happening. I didn't want another argument, so I just said that I would watch the video and

think about it. In hindsight, I think I should have just shut her down here because after this, she started suggesting more and more extreme things. Her next request was that I should be in control of aspects of her life such as when she eats, drinks, and sleeps. She wants me to tell her what and when to eat and drink as well as when she should go to sleep and when she

wakes up. I told her I didn't wanna do this, but instead of dropping it, instead, she constantly messages me asking for my permission for everything, which is honestly really tiring and annoying. I work in a high pressure job and it feels like not only do I have to manage my own life, I am also in charge of hers as well. Whilst all of this was happening, she also started adopting an extremely bratty persona in the bedroom.

I'm okay with this occasionally but literally every time we have sex, she is adopting a weird juvenile persona where she acts like she isn't interested and she wants me to argue with her for ages and even physically wrestle her until she submits and then we have sex. I have told her multiple times that I absolutely hate this and she'll stop for a couple of days and then gradually start doing it again.

This all culminated when last week I was having an extremely busy and stressful day at work, and she was blowing up my phone all day asking for my permission to do things. After work, I went to her place for dinner. And later that night when we were going to have sex, her bratty persona was back in full force. I was exhausted and not in a very good mood, so I just told her that I wasn't going to argue with her or play her games. We can either have sex like normal couples do or I'm going to

sleep. He needs to stop with the normal word, but I get his point. This really pissed her off and she started shouting at me saying that she never would have dated me if she knew I was a baby dom along with bringing up some other insecurities and things I had confided in her about. At this point, I was completely done and I just told her she can apologize tomorrow or else we're finished, and then I went

home. I turned my phone off because she kept calling me, and then the next day, I had loads of messages from her friends saying that I was being abusive and kink shaming her. I don't think I'm kink shaming her because although I was up for the sexual side, I never agreed or wanted for it to take over our entire relationship. Her friends are calling me an asshole because they say that a dom sub relationship can't just be in the bedroom. It has to be the focus of the entire relationship.

Disagree. At this point, I've had so many of her friends message me saying I'm in the wrong. I don't know if I'm the one being unreasonable anymore. So the am I the asshole for kink shaming? Let's answer that because I think that's an easy one for both of us. Right. No. In no world are you the asshole. No. No. No. No. No. No. She's the fucking asshole. Right. Hot damn. She she she seems to be the problem. It seems like she has a tendency of just springing things on them Yes. Without talking

about it. And not boring. Yeah. Without without talking about it, without negotiating anything, you know, and so, you know, yeah. She's got some of the red flags in this one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a kink dispenser. I'm ignoring your no and I don't want to. Right. Do I think he could have been more direct, more forceful? Maybe. But it also seems like it didn't matter because even when he was super direct according to his story,

she freaking ignored it. You know, and and I think there is a a, a fair bit of incompatibility. Oh, yeah. Completely incompatible. Yeah. You know, for you know, I mean, obviously, it seems that she wants to be micromanaged. And she wants to a bratty a Dom who'll take her bratty side and, like Right. Yes. You know, so, you know, he's not into that. He, you know, he said so. Clearly. So, you know, there there's even in kind of incompatibility.

Mhmm. You know? If if it's a let's look back and what can we learn from this from him, I would say the moment your partner says, hey, I wanna do this thing in the bedroom, do not assume you know what they mean. You need to, like, be very explicit and talk about it and go, this is what I think it means. What do you think it means? And what do we wanna do together? That was a hindsight's twenty twenty, let's do things better for the next time lesson. Fucking talk about it and get into the

details and don't assume. Because he did a lot of assuming using words like normal Yeah. Because, you know, to him, kink is, like, out there and, like, not his main experience even though he's air quote kinky. Like, I'm you know, if this was a person who's like, I'm a kinkster. I'm big in the community. And using terminology like that, I'd be I'd be very annoyed. This to me is more of an education and normalization thing. Like, I'm just not used to being around it. So to me, it is not normal.

But also a normal relate. Like, oh, there's parts I'm like, I don't like that. I wanna know what the hell she told her friends For them to come out and At him like that. Yeah. Because it does not sound like she was like, look, I tried to get him to be the dom of my dreams and he just wouldn't and then he you know, now we're fighting. Sounds more like he didn't like that I was a brat and he, you know, made me feel bad about it. I mean, for them to to, you know, call him out and say he's abusive?

Yes. Exactly. Because quite frankly, she was abusive. Right. He was saying, maybe not as clearly as I would recommend, not as clearly as I maybe he needed to, but he was saying no. He was saying, I don't want this. I don't like this. I don't wanna do this. And she was like, I'm gonna ignore you and try it again anyway. I know. I you know, that and and that's the thing too. Doesn't matter which side of the slash you are on, no means no. And it's a complete sentence. Either way, you know, it it so

Yeah. I'm I would what I'd be curious about is either how she took it versus how she explained it to her friends. Right. Because for his rejection to be automatically deemed kink shaming means either she was under the very mistaken impression that no matter how what kind of submissive she was or wants to be, that her partner should just accept her and want that to automatically and or she told slight deviation on the actual facts of the case to make herself look better for her

friends. Like, how self aware was she? Did she realize she was crossing boundaries and ignoring limits and doing what the fuck she wanted, but you can't admit that to your friends because then you look like the shitty person you are. Was she that self aware and just change the story? Or did she rewrite that story in her head and go, oh, I'm being rejected because, you know, he doesn't like this kink and it's me and not the kink he doesn't want. Well, at this point, it's

both of you. He didn't want the kink and he does not want you, and you did that to yourself. Mhmm. So, no, he's not the asshole. Do I, you know, think that there's some things he could have a better understanding of? Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. But that's that's, like, that's so low on the totem pole of issues. Uh-uh. You know? And silent ass in the live chat. Now I thought the same thing. I would love to know how this guy defines kinky. Right. Because that's another thing. We don't all define

it the same way. Right. And just assuming that you can say kinky to one another and you both know what you're talking about, so wrong. So wrong. You know, if he's like, I wanna, like, call you names and choke you and pull your hair during sex, and she's like, actually, I want you to put me on my knees and collar me and leave me like, it's such wild hints of a spectra. So yeah. So there was that one. Yeah. And this is the last technical one. And then we'll decide if you want the mystery

one. That was not that good, but this one. This one. Oh my goodness. This one is only from four months ago. Oh dear. And it was from the, a I t a h, am I the asshole, subreddit. There's multiples these days. So Yeah. So am I the asshole for throwing away the key of my ex's adult cage? Cock cage, if you wanna make sure you know. Okay. I, female twenty five, was dating my ex, male thirty, for two years. Before anyone mentions the age gap, I was

into it and pursued him first. We met on Tinder, and our relationship started off as simply sexual as we both had some kinks we wanted to try out and did not want a serious relationship. This eventually turned into us dating as we realized we wanted to spend all of our time together. Our relationship was nonmonogamous as we both are sex positive and nontraditional. The only boundary we had was that we must use protection and we do not lie about our flings or relationship dynamic.

Fast forward two years and things were going great. I just moved in with him and we made new rules where we do not bring any of our flings home. It was amazing until yesterday. My ex, let's call him Jay, left his phone out while he took a shower, and I got curious. I ended up finding out that he was on Grindr and was messaging kinky, but I did not know he was into men at all. This made me very upset as I was completely unaware and I felt like he was keeping secrets from me.

He should know I wouldn't care if he was bi as I am queer myself and I'm very LGBTQ friendly. I started reading the messages on Grindr and found that he had a whole other side of his life that he didn't show me. The messages and picture he was pictures he was sending these men were unlike anything I'd seen from him. I'm not gonna lie. It hurt me a lot that he kept this for me. While he may not have broken any of our rules, I felt like he was cheating on me by keeping all this a secret.

This sent me into a spiral and I started crying. I decided then that we should break up and I started packing immediately. We'd recently moved in together only a week prior so I could easily grab most of my things. I was packed within twenty minutes. In a rage, I left his phone open to his Grindr messages on his pillow and left without saying anything. Here's where I might be the asshole. Really? Here's where you might be the asshole? Before Jay took a shower, he had a

penis cage on. Something we like to do in our relationship penis cage and give me the key. This meant I could at times control when he got erect and he would be more submissive to me. He would just keep it on for one day at a time. Since we're poly, I did not want to control him every day. In the heat of the moment yesterday, I was so angry that I took the key with me and threw it away as I was leaving his apartment. This left Jay in a cage with no

way to open it. At the time, I was so mad and felt like he cheated on me, so I think my actions were justified. However, after one day, I'm feeling a little bad. Jay has tried to call me and has kept texting me asking what's wrong. I told him that we are over because of his secrets. He says he loves me and is sorry that he never told me he was bi, but I do not think that's

enough. He also mentioned coming by my parents' place where I slept last night to pick up the cage key and drop off some of my cosmetic items from the bathroom. I texted him that I threw it away in his apartment's dumpster and that we can meet up later. This is when he called me and left a voice mail yelling saying that it's the only key and that the dumpster was emptied this morning. After a couple hours, he sent me a photo of all my makeup in the same dumpster. I told him I threw the key in.

I am not responded as I am pissed. He could get a new key on Amazon for like $20 but my makeup was over a hundred dollars altogether. Am I the asshole for throwing away the key to my ex boyfriend's penis cage? T l d r, too long, didn't read. I threw away the key to my boyfriend's penis cage trapping him because I found out he was on Grindr. Update. Jay just sent me a text saying he got the cage off and never wants to see me again. I guess this is the end. Y'all see? Right? I

kinda don't blame him. Whoo. I'm I mean I'm gonna go, yes. You're the fucking asshole here. Yeah. Oh my god. Okay. What are your thoughts? You know, yeah. She she's a hot mess. Yeah. She is. You know, I don't know. I've I've got so many mixed emotions with that whole thing to a certain extent. Mhmm. You know, because, she was kinda wrong for going through his phone. To me, she was immediately wrong. You do not say, we're super happy. I'm totally in love.

Go looking through the phone, like, without permission, like, there Yeah. With the amount of detail this person gave us, one would assume should go, I had permission or I didn't have permission. And I'm thinking if you don't tell us, maybe you did not have explicit permission Right. To go through some of these. I mean, you you and I. We hand each other our phones all the time. We we hand you know, you can look at my stuff anytime you want. You you go in my phone. We know each

other's codes. It's fine. Right. You know, you you go in my pass my my email, so, you know, I don't care. The only place she that makes you seems to make you nervous is my purse. Yeah. Like it's, like a black hole mystery, and you are afraid to put your hand in there. So, you know, throwing away the key, that was a bitch move. That was a bitch move. Because unless she like, somebody said in the live chat, these keys tend to be interchangeable.

Mhmm. You really can't get another one. Did she know that and assumed he knew that? If I'm pretty sure if I'd never been locked unwillingly into something, that would not be my first thought. I probably would panic and have to be reminded, you know, because that was not what you were expecting. Everything

is now a mystery. I come out of the shower, the girlfriend's gone, I can't take my dick out of the cage, my phone is on my pillow, I don't know why, like You know, and and yet, on the same hand, you know, or on the other side of the thing, you know, you're practicing ethical non monogamy, okay, or, you know, non monogamy, however you wanna, Polly, and yet he's on a dating site that, and she knows nothing about it. But here's the thing. They had rules. She stated the

explicit there was a lot of info. I understand if you don't remember. Let me go back to it. Originally, the only boundary we had was that we must use protection and we do not lie about our flings or relationship dynamic. Okay? Lying means you have to ask about them. Right? Or that there has to be you have to be in a conversation about them. So a mission. A lie of a mission, maybe. And I have I have thoughts about it. So let

me get there. Okay. So then they move in together, and the new rule is that they don't bring the flings home. Oh, that's a fair rule. And she even says he may not have broken any of our rules. Here's what now, I cannot speak to how I might feel if an an important part of my partner's identity was not revealed to me, not because, like, they owe me information, but, like, yeah. I I might maybe I would have this thing of why couldn't you tell me? But that's the thing on my mind.

What is it about her that he didn't feel like he could tell her? Right. I when we first got together, I was a little hesitant Right. To tell you I was bi, but that's because I had in the in the past, when I had talked to some people and told them, you know, I was hit by some very judgmental Right. Stuff. And and that made me a little gun shy. Right. But here's the thing, maybe he he went through that. Mhmm. And I everybody has their own

unique experience. No group is a monolith, but I cannot understand how somebody who can say I'm queer, I'm part of the LGBTQ, community would not understand that maybe somebody's not ready to tell you something. So one, that could absolutely be it. They just weren't ready. They had past experiences like you did. They were they were just, like, figuring

their shit out, whatever. But after two years, I'm gonna go back to what was it about that partner that he was like, it's been two years, we're living together, and I still can't tell you. Yeah. Because I'm wondering if, throwing away the cock cage key was just one Okay. String of many Yeah. Red flag kind of behaviors. Look. I'm gonna be I'm gonna piss somebody off with this, and I know that not everybody sees it this way, and that is okay. I do not trust the things that happen in

anger. I do not trust when somebody goes, I didn't really mean it. I just but because here's the thing. Here's how my brain works, and here's how I see it. You are welcome to see it differently. If you said it when you were angry, also for when you're drunk, it means it was in your goddamn head. You knew it was a weapon to be used or you were thinking it at some point.

Because how could it even fucking be like, I could get so mad at you, and there are things that would never even fucking occur to me to say that I know you've heard from other partners. Like, I just would never like, I just would never say it because there's no point in my life with you that that sits in my brain even when I'm cranky with you. We had a conversation the other day about you.

We get to think anything we wanna think, but some things we think should stay inside thoughts because I did not wanna hear that even though I'm not gonna police what he fucking thinks. So, you know, that's that's the other thing. Like, there's layers to this. Mhmm. Somebody said in live chat and I completely agree. Could absolutely have just left that fucking key there. And quite frankly, if you wanted to make a bigger statement, phone opened a Grindr, she next to it. Right? Like, here.

Have it. I don't want this. Mhmm. But that's the other thing. If this is how they responded in this situation, how do they respond to other stressors or points where they're angry with their partner? And so, therefore, was there a reason their partner never felt safe telling them they were bi? Yeah. If if it was a safety thing. I don't wanna assume that. It could just be I'm not used to talking about that. You know, it's always been a thing I kept like,

there's all kinds of reasons. I'm I'm not gonna try and dictate what those reasons are, but I'm just saying, I think if you get this upset at this, when you can say none of the rules were broken yes I was hurt you could be hurt like I could see that if if ten years in I found out something new about you that you had purposely kept to from me because you did not feel comfortable or safe to tell me, I would be upset. Not lock your dick in a cage and run out the door upset. But I would that would

maybe I'm an old lady. Part of me would be like, what have I done to make it so he couldn't tell me? But I also would be like, he's just walked around this life with me and there's a major part of him I don't know about. It would upset me. Like, I would be sad or I would be confused or I'd have a feeling about it. However, would I immediately blow up the whole fucking relationship over it? Well, you know what? Here here I'm I'm gonna say something, and and to me, this is

some what I notice Mhmm. About in all this. K, my, outlook Mhmm. On on her Mhmm. Is is not all that favorable. Oh, no. Okay? And and and here's here is why. Mhmm. From my perspective Mhmm. She values her makeup more than him. Oh, god. Yeah. She was like, keep your dick locked up in a cage for a few days. Not my problem. My fucking makeup, a hundred dollars worth of makeup. You threw it away. What the hell? Right. Right. That that speaks volumes.

Yes. And you know what's funny? I tend like, I don't think it's in my nature to be genuinely petty, mostly because I have issues I should go to therapy about. Mhmm. And so sometimes, at other times, when I see something like they did they broke my $20 thing, so I broke their $50 thing kind of thing. Yeah. I usually I get a little like, was that the best way to handle that? I don't yeah. But because I know how I would be. This was one of those times I read it, and I for, like, my my knee jerk

was, oh. And then I went, no. Bitch, you literally like, I don't know anything about this cage. I don't know how like, was it a good one where, like, it was stainless steel and so you could clean around it and it wouldn't be the worst thing? Was it ill fitting? Was it uncomfortable? Was it a shit went off of fucking Amazon and he could have gotten, like, gangrene on his fucking dick? Like like no. The blew up over a thing. Yeah. Tossed the key. Didn't tell him for a

while. Right. Did not tell him for a while. And I know. I I don't know enough about these things because I've never been in that. But I would think, just like anything else, there is a a limit to having it on. I don't know. I don't know for a fact. I have definitely seen people online talk about wearing their cage for, like, literal days or weeks. Mhmm. But also, there are people who will do take things to the edge of risk and safety.

So I don't actually know. I do I do quite frankly assume that there's a better than good chance if you bought it off of some place like Amazon. It's it might be made from, like, a reputable company who's gotta sell and they're on Amazon, but it could also, like, be shit and crap and not a good one because maybe it was cheap or whatever. Like, could get another could get another key, for $20. Like, if you pay $20 for your cock cage, I'm going to assume it probably is not built to last.

But, yeah, like, this this chick is, like, all the red flags. All the red flags. Yeah. Because we have this great relationship, but I see a thing that bothers me and my first reaction is to storm out, break up, move out, like, then it wasn't that great of a relationship. It couldn't have been because it was a great relationship that you desperately wanted to keep. You might storm into the bathroom while he's in the shower and be like, what the fuck is this? You might

cry your eyeballs out. Maybe you leave for a little while to go calm down, go talk to a friend, whatever you gotta do, but you come the fuck back and be like, what? Like, I just I I would I would love for somebody in our audience to reach out to me and explain to me things about the, cock cages. I'm curious. Because I, you know, a lot a lot of this conversation, even even people in the chat, you know,

like, yeah, is there a time limit? I mean, I, you know, I see things online with these people talking about, you know, oh, my mistress locked me up for a month, you know? I'm thirty days in the cage. And I'm damn, like, but, you know, how do they go to the bathroom? Oh, there are some that are built. Like, you could still pee, and you could still, like, get water and soap in there. Yeah. It depends on the kind. I mean, it really

does depend on the kind. I've even read articles about somebody who accidentally, and then some people who have intentionally, gone through airport security wearing their cage. And the accidental, it was a stainless steel one. And the purposeful, it was like a plastic something or a silicone something, something that wouldn't, like, make the radar go off or whatever. Yeah. But the guy who accidentally did it, that that was a, an uncomfortable moment for everybody involved. Yeah.

So, like, yeah. Here's when you said you want somebody to reach out to you and spend cockages, and I think that's great, and I please feel free to reach out to them. Here's what was my immediate thought. There's not a submissive fucking bone in your body. There might be bottom energy, but there is not submissive energy in your body. But you are a fucking hedonist who loves

to try new shit. And I immediately thought, is he gonna try a cock cage just to see what it feels like, just to get himself all worked up, and then have take the fucker off and, like, have fun with it? One never knows. I could see you doing it. I could see you doing it. You know me too well. I could see you doing it. Just for the sensorial experience of it. Yeah. Also, I can imagine. I'm curious. I assume this. Tell me if

I'm wrong. If you had a partner that wanted to be and you were willing to put them in a cock cage, I can see you at least kind of trying it on to be like, how does this fucking thing even work? Like, not wearing it long term. Like Be curious about it. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, just like I've I've, you know, tried vloggers. I tried paddles on myself. You know? It it helps me understand.

I just I just think the the sensory and pleasure seeking, part of you would be like, I'll just wear this shit for, like, a couple hours. Let's see what happens. The the the head and the side of me are Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Mhmm. I mean, you've worn other things in public that only I clocked. And still, this is bottom energy sure, submissive no, because guess who was not allowed to touch the remote control as he was traveling forth in this world. He wasn't giving me control of it. So,

she's, the asshole here Yeah. For probably all kinds of reasons. Yeah. You know, I'm not usually vindictive, vengeful, want revenge, or petty. But in this case, for all all that I can imagine was the history of their relationship, Yeah. I don't blame him for fucking throwing her makeup out after literally keeping him locked in Yeah. An item for Right. You know, an an unknown at that point amount of time that it would have been. Yeah. Yeah.

No. That you know. No. He he was as far as I'm concerned, with just from reading everything that's gone on, he was well within his rights. Oh, yeah. Okay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. Okay. So do you wanna try the one that I was like, meh? The the sure. Okay. Sure. I was like, hey. Maybe it leads to a a a cool conversation. Okay. But it was like, meh. What you got? Tell you what, just, pull some filler for a second. Okay. This is filler. I'm giving filler. JB has walked away.

Filler, filler, filler. This is filler. Oh, you're too funny. I know. I'm fucking hilarious. Y'all, he is well, he's in the room, but he's walked away and has got something he needs to do, apparently. But, like, it's not like he got up and let Lola in or out and then in and then out and then in and then out again. She's looking like the yo yo today. And yet she is taking well, she's looking like she's taking a nap. Don't worry. One ear is up so she can listen.

Mhmm. Okay. Yeah. So she's our best good girl, but, man, it's in out, in out, in out, in out today. It's feeling a little stuffy in here. Thank you. We are we are hitting Florida spring, which is, like, just Florida summer light. Okay. Here we go. Am I the asshole for not fully covering up bruises? I, 21 female. No. Let me start at the top because I feel this. I feel like this is kind of a dumb argument, but I'm second guessing myself.

Okay. K. I, 21 female, have some high impact hobbies, fighting sports, and I and I'm exploring kink safely. So I usually have bruises at any given time. For the kink bruises, I do try to make sure that they stay in bathing suit areas or places normally covered by clothing since they're often more identifiable, but it's not always possible between the two pastimes. If anyone asks, they're sports bruises. It's never really been a problem before now except for when I dress out at the gym.

Much love to the older ladies who kindly but mistakenly slipped me domestic violence crisis numbers and asked if I need to talk. They're doing the Lord's work. Yes. They are. It's really hot where I live right now, like, worse than usual this year. So I live in shorts and tank tops when not at work. All my friends know what's up and aren't bothered by it. So when we're hanging out, I don't always go to the extra trouble to cover up. The one exception is Anna, twenty two female.

Anna found out by accident through someone else that I'm into kink and has been really weird and snide about it ever since. I just came off a really great tournament weekend, so I'm pretty marked up. My apartment complex has a pool, so I and some friends who live in the same complex were hanging out and cooling off yesterday evening.

Anna showed up with one of them and flipped her shit when she saw me, saying that I'm disgusting for flaunting my bruises and that I'm retraumatizing abuse survivors by not being fully covered up. She left in a huff when I argued that I'm not exactly skimpily dressed in a one piece swimsuit and that she knows full well these are sports bruises given that I posted a video of my final four bout to the group chat on Sunday.

Since then, she's been demanding an apology for being exposed to my kink without consent. Some of the friends think I should apologize to shut her up, while others think she's nuts. I just don't think existing in public with bruises is anything to apologize for? Y'all tell me. She's not. No. Maybe nuts is unkind, but she's fucking nuts. What the hell? Sorry. I needed to say that. What what do you think, daddy? It's unkind of me to call her nuts, but also Well she's judgy.

You know, and and that and that's the thing I was thinking about. You know what? I I almost wanna say to to to one aspect that, you know, well, Anna kind of does have a point, but. She only has a point because she knows and she doesn't approve of the kink. Yeah. Being exposed to the kink will be watching this chick get her bruises. Right. Or knowing that every single bruise on her body is a kink thing and that it's being actively talked about where Anna clearly is

not feeling comfortable. But she doesn't hasn't seemed to have spoken up that she's uncomfortable either. Yeah. She's just being judgmental. Well, and and that's A path of a graph though. Exactly. You know, reading how she worded her thing, you know, I mean, if it was somebody who's, like, you know, be like, you know, I see you got those bruises. I know, you know, they could be from one or the other thing, but don't you think showing that might

affect some people in some way? You know, I I I It that's a hard one. If I know for a fact that I'm gonna be in spaces or I'm with a group of people and I'm like moderately sure that somebody, especially somebody I know and care about, is triggered by it, I'm gonna do my fucking best to cover it up. If I don't wanna have to explain it, which she clearly talks about, cover up. But if she's trying to keep kink bruises in swimsuit areas so that nobody has to

see that Yeah. That's the responsibility she bears to the public, quite frankly. And the other bruises are from sports Right. Then the what the little old ladies at the gym do, perfect. Spot on. That's what we should all do if we are uncertain. Are you okay? Do you need help? Let a person go, yeah. Yeah. I got this doing MMA. I got this doing this.

I got you know? You don't have to tell anybody, hey, sports bruises, that's a great excuse for kinksters who do not play sports, but sometimes they'll get bruised where other people can see them. This the I want to always, always, always be sensitive to other people's triggers because I have my own and we all have our things and, man, a trigger can fuck you up.

And so when in at certain times and in certain spaces when you can basically be guaranteed that there is somebody in your vicinity who is directly interacting with you, that they might be triggered by this, then yes. For me, as a sense of personal responsibility, I'm gonna do my best to minimize those triggers. However, we cannot walk through public life worried that the random person across the parking lot saw something. I don't want them to

be triggered. I don't want the motherfucker who did it to them that triggered them to have done it to them. Right? But if I only can take so bear so much personal responsibility, And the rest of the time, I just gotta fucking live my life. I know. You know? Like, it it would be a little bit different if the marks and bruises were, like, you choked me out and I got, like, cuff burns on my wrist. I would probably not go out for a little bit because now I look like a kidnap victim.

Like, people are gonna have questions. Right. But, like, what Anna could have done was said, I am really uncomfortable knowing that some of these bruises are from kink. Maybe invited the conversation. That would be up to this person, how much they wanted to talk to this person. But then at that point, if that person is the only one in the group who has a problem with it, then that person hangs out with the other people in other ways.

You remove yourself from the situation if you're the only fucking one in the group that doesn't like it. That's your responsibility, I think. Now there will be times where you cannot remove yourself, and that's where we use our our big kid voices, and we go, hey. I am so uncomfortable. I know I'm probably asking a lot, blah blah blah blah blah. Right? Mhmm. But she was at basically at home at a pool on a hot day. What

is she supposed to do? Because one person who never fucking talked to her is super sensitive and judgmental about kink. Mhmm. Because that was not her saying I am triggered. That was her going, somebody could be triggered. How dare you? Right. This is gross. This is awful. You're a bad person because you do kink. Yeah. Now everybody has to, like, find their, like, their own path. Mhmm. If for you, you're like, I'm not gonna do anything I think might even trigger a stranger.

I'm gonna watch myself. I support that. And if I'm you know, we all have our blind spots. I don't know what I don't know. You know, if I'm thinking about it, it's why when I go to the doctor's office, I try not to wear anything with a scent because I had one doctor's office say, oh, by the way, don't come in here with perfume on because we affect other patients. We have people with allergies, and I think it was an allergy

specialist who said it. Right? And that for me meant I now don't go to a a place of medical anything wearing a lot of scent or any scent on me if I can help it, because now I'm aware of those things. So accommodating strangers, I think, is wonderful, but sometimes we just fucking exist. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think she was being irresponsible by existing with a group who understood what they were seeing and a willingness to talk about if somebody came up and said, what are you okay?

What happened to you? You know? Yeah. I mean, you know, there's you you could look at this in so many different ways. And I think everybody's entitled to have their own response in how they would behave in that situation. Absolutely. I mean, in this person's case, the bruises are not all from kink. And most of them in this situation, they just had a match. They would be covered in

bruises. Right. And, you know, then like I say, you look at it from different things, you know, it's like, in a way, you know, you could say, well, did other people consent to seeing those kind of things? You know, so it it's it's And yet, think about this. We walk around public. I have to see shit I didn't consent to all the time. Politics in America exists. I didn't consent to that shit.

Right? We walk around in life and we see people doing shit and as long as it's not harmful or illegal and harmful by by whatever standard you have for that, there are people I watch people walk down the fucking sidewalks with MAGA hats on. I'm offended, but I don't tell them to take it off. Mhmm. You know what I mean? There's, like, there's there's a line. There is really line. If she was being paraded down the road by her dom whipping her at the back, yeah, that's a problem.

I'm gonna say that's public kink. Stop that shit. That's irresponsible. But I'm existing in my body and my body happens to have bruises. I mean, sometimes bruises not in this person's situation. They have a very specific situation. Right. But there are people who bruise because you touched them a little too hard. They have, like like, whether it's, chronic conditions or, like, skin stuff or whatever whatever. I mean, should they have to walk around all the time worried and cover themselves up?

Like, I just there's gotta everybody has their own individual line. I'm not trying to tell anybody what your I'm not daddy, I'm not trying to tell you what your line is. Like, if you're like, hell no. That that's too far from me. I'm gonna cover that up. I don't I support that, but I'm not gonna judge somebody else who is like, all my friends know. I have a reasonable explanation. I'm at home. Yes. The public space. And they're not engaging in the thing that causes bruises.

True. True. And they do what so many kinksters do. They have a response for when it is a kink bruise that they couldn't hide. It's a sports bruise. It's the same reason when people ask me what I do for a living, I'm like, I'm a freelance writer who writes about business. We know that's bullshit. But I'm not inviting total strangers into that. In that space. Yeah. Neither is this person. Yeah. Neither is this person. Yeah. Junie brought up a good thing in the

live chat. Mhmm. It was not okay for one friend to outer to another friend. Because maybe she didn't tell Anna the friend because she knew Anna could not handle it. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we don't tell people shit because we know they're not the one to tell. We might not know why they're not the one to tell, but we know. Don't tell that one this thing. They will not handle it well, and this is proof.

But I'm still, like I I think it's because we've I've been reading a lot of questions, and we did one for an episode where the the person asking the question is, like, in their twenties, and so I'm officially at an age. I could be your mama. And so I'm going full on mom with some of this stuff, and I'm like, okay. I'm looking at their age. There's a lot of growth and wisdom, hopefully, to come in their future. Right. This is how I don't want 21 year olds to behave. I think you were

capable of more maturity. Right. But I'm also not surprised by it. Mhmm. You know, I wanna tell the original poster, I I get why you were second guessing it. Don't second guess yourself. You're doing okay. There's always room for improvement. There's always room for improvement. There's always room for maybe I can be more careful in the future with blah blah blah. Right? Of course. Mhmm.

But they weren't they were not doing something wrong by just existing in their body, and it happened to have bruises on it. I mean, that would that would be like telling a victim you should not go out because somebody else might see you in your bruises. I don't like that either. That's not a good one either. Like, yeah. I I think I think to be a responsible citizen in the world, if you are aware of things that can be super psychologically bothering to somebody, if you can minimize it too.

Mhmm. But, I mean, sometimes you gotta exist in the world and the world's gotta suck. And so now you you learn better. Over time, you learn more and then you can choose to do better and more. Yeah. True. True. So, silent pointed out, oh, this was the meh question. Right? Alright. Well, I think it was because to me, it was not quite directly related to kink. Mhmm. It was related to all kinds of other topics, and I was like Kink. Meh. Yeah. Yeah. But apparently,

I felt strongly about that one. I did not bully you into seeing my side of things. Did I, daddy? Nope. Okay. Good. Mm-mm. You still feel like an autonomous human being with your own fucking opinions on it? Yes. Okay. Good. Okay. Look. Look. I am too self aware for my own good. And I know I have one of those strong personalities that is ready and willing to convince the world that I am correct. The thing I actively do is go, wait.

Wait. Your opinion is not the only opinion, which is why I say it so often. One, to to reinforce that for y'all, but also to reinforce it to myself. My god. Okay. Can I? Yeah. I guess we could do a bonus section now. I am so hot. Can can when we can we close the door thing? And then can I run and get my hair tie? Yeah. See, I'll take one time of leaving you by yourself after five times of leaving me by myself. Okay. Alright. So we're good? I don't know.

Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. I'll be right back. Okay. You'll be right back. I'll be here. When I get back, can I talk to the crickets? Yes. You can. Okay. Yes. You can. I need So I hear back. In the meantime alright. Let me set that there. So okay. Here we all are. Filler. Do filler. Filler. Right? I'm filling. I'm filling. No. We're gonna do our best to keep it from going sideways. We we don't like when things go sideways.

So anyhoo, as, Kayla said, yeah, we're kinda warming up in here. We're sliding into, Florida summer. I think we're, what, about 87 degrees today? 86, 80 seven? In here. Yeah. I am so hot. Yeah. I cannot look in the mirror. I just pulled it back. Okay. Okay. I'm back. Yeah. It it's crept up on us. I'm thinking I was feeling something in the humidity, force last night and that's why I did not sleep. Jenny. Ginny, I wish more people could be filmed by JB. I think

that the world might enjoy that. I know he would enjoy that. And if he told me about it later, because I don't like to watch, I would enjoy that later. I don't like to watch, but I do like to know. Man, some shit this man has come back from some times out and told me. I'm like, that's what erotica smut is written made of. Yes. Tell me more. Don't make me watch it, but tell me more. Oh my gosh.

So, yeah, I think I felt a shift in the temperature force and the humidity force last night, and that is why I did not sleep. Like, I I don't sleep well. I'm most people don't sleep well. But I I have we have all the techniques in place, all the tricks, all the things we found that work so I can fall asleep easily. Usually, on a bad night, it's usually twenty minutes takes me to fall asleep. But most nights, it's about ten to fifteen minutes. Hour and a half minimum last night. And

I love John Brownstone. Oh, gone. He is the light of my life. He is not leaving this earthly plane without me. But but I've never wanted to kick somebody out of bed so bad. So here's the thing. We have a queen-size bed that's not an awful sized bed. It fits us just perfectly. I am now jonesing for a king or a California king, quite frankly. But what so what it used to be when we first moved in together, he was always super warm and I was always

so cold. Like, that was the joke. I always had cold hands and cold feet and I put them on his hot body. Hot in any way you would like to see that. And now we flipped. He is always cold. Y'all, it was hot in this house this morning. He's walking around in his bath robe, like, his fuzzy like, and his slippers on to cover up. Oh my god. Mhmm. I'm sweating just looking at you. So when he and he loves to snuggle. If you need a cuddle buddy, you need

a JB. Because this not only is he good at cuddling, he fucking loves it. How do I know? Because he latches on to me like a Reese's monkey in the middle of the night every night. Every night. And sometimes it's real fun because he in his sleep, he'll grab a tit, he'll grab my cooch like his pansy. But I cannot fall asleep if I'm being touched at all. Like, any kind of touch, I cannot fall asleep. And I wake up the moment we make made skin to skin contact just, like, for just a few minutes

because it gets so hot. It's like a boiling point, like, just that one spot where we might be touching. And also when he rolls over to hang off of me like a Reese's monkey, I get and we measured it because you know I'm a petty bitch. I get literally eight inches of space. Now for those of you who can see my physical body, you know there's not a part of my body that can only fit in eight inches of space. So when I could not fall asleep last night,

it was too hot in the room. Even though I had the fan blowing on me, I felt the air kick on twice. It was not enough because I like to have my, like, comf, like it's not a comforter but like a thicker blanket on because that's cozy to me and I fall asleep when I'm cozy but not hot. There's a it's a balance but it was too hot for that every time I pulled the good blanket up. I just start sweating. Full body.

So I tried doing the sheet, but that wasn't enough and it didn't feel right and my body's like, we don't sleep like this, you can't fall asleep like this. And then TWICE, twice, I had to push JB to get him back to his side. Both times, he eventually rolled over to his other side, huffed and then giggled. He giggles anytime I interact with him in the middle of the night and, yes, he's asleep. He never remembers it. But now he also adds a huff,

like, I get it. If I had to be pushed over every night, I might get annoyed in my sleep too. But I'm annoyed in my wake. I'm annoyed with eyes wide open because I just wanna lay flat on my back. I wanna adjust my pillow. I wanna just I want nothing and nobody to be touching me so there's no hot extra hot points on my skin. That's all I want.

And I truly did almost get up in the middle of the night and go sit on the couch, but then I knew I would never fall asleep there either because that's the wrong, position. I don't sleep while sitting up. It'll kill my neck. I wouldn't be able to move my neck today. And the dog and the cats would be very like, I was like, it's bad no matter what the fuck I do. Eventually, I fell asleep. But I'm very cranky about it. I'm exhausted. So tired.

Y'all, I was so tired. I've barely read my book today because I cannot focus on the words. That is not like me. That is not like me. Man, I But then again, I I did get up at one point during the middle of the night, and I came back to bed. And right where I should be getting into bed, there was a knee. I was trying to get comfortable. You know, I know I'm not, like, some perfect angel sleeper. The thing is I'm just awake more than

you are. Like, you get up to pee and then you have to come and, like, See, you would also like it if I snuggled up to you. You'd be like, oh, this is because he comfy. I fall asleep like this. And I'm over here going, oh my god. If I am touched for one more second, I don't care how much I love him. I'm going to scream. Yeah. Ben, that's kind of where we are. And we don't even normally keep our thermostat at 73 because Yeah. The temperature outside is

really not that awful. So we would have to keep it low to even get the AC to turn on. Doesn't matter. It's still still so fucking hot already. And it's all ready. We're just at the March. I we I expected this temperature and this change. Like, it's time. It's a little late, actually. We got a cold spell, air quote that cold spell, a cool spell Yeah. Later in March than I would normally thought we would. Correct. So I'm not surprised by it, but I'm also still surprised by it.

Mhmm. Mhmm. Because it's, like, just Yeah. Yeah. Lola is not wreaking havoc right now. Nope. She's over there. She's she's moved. She moved. She's on the floor near her bed. But not in her bed. Not in her bed. No. No. She's doing that fake sleeping thing. She's pretending she's sleeping, but her ear is up listening. Asked if we want some of this. It's

snowing again. I just I'm not saying anything concrete because we have not said anything concrete, but I will tell you, JB and I have had serious conversations over the past week or so Yeah. About which, non southern state we might want to move to. Mhmm. And all of the ones that might work for why we might want to move all have snow. Yeah. Yep. We're not, we're not actively planning a move. No. But we are being aware that there could be reasons we decide that's the right

choice. Yeah. I mean, it's not at the top of my list right now, but if we have to, we have to. Yeah. Yeah. So Yep. It's a health and well-being Yeah. Thing. Mhmm. Not a, I'd like to go live in snow and never leave my house from the first time it snows to the last time it snows. Because y'all know I'm not driving in it. Y'all, I've already halfway given up driving at night. I'm not driving in fucking snow. Just get me a snowblower. I ain't shoveling no

snow. I'm being no. You're not allowed. You're not leaving this earthly plane like that. It's not like it's dangerous for certain for people's health of a certain age range to shovel snow. You'll you'll get a snowblower. I'll be your snowblower, but that's a different thing entirely. Now you look like I got white down there. Yeah. We I like, of sheer, like, stubbornness, I don't wanna leave Florida because I have memories of when Florida was not the Florida that it is today.

The current reason we're not actively going, yeah. I think we'll move, is because the oldest still kinda depends on us. And while he's in college, he's got two years left. Yeah. If he had, like, a not quite a big boy job, but, like, a college big boy job and a car Mhmm. I could probably make that decision right now. Yeah. He does not have either of those things. So I since we can be so close, I would prefer to stay close, but there are things in our personal life that could change that decision.

And so we're just sitting back and waiting. I did say, JB, I was like, if we do move, I want to go where the cost of living is not Florida cost of living. Yeah. But we don't have income tax, and that's a personal debate on whether you would think that's a good thing or bad thing. I'm not I just know we don't have personal income tax, and, yeah, that's a savings or tax time. However, our auto insurance is fifth highest in the nation. Our home insurance is

what? Three third or fourth, maybe fifth in the nation and going higher. Yeah. One day, the the, Peninsula part of Florida is gonna break off and float away into the Mhmm. Atlantic Ocean. Yeah. So, like, I mean, there's good reasons to maybe not. But You know, I could I could go off on it, but I'm not. I'm gonna hold my tongue. I know. Because it it gets your blood pressure up. And, Robert made making a good,

plug for Virginia there. Look. Look. I'm, volunteering on some Get Out the Vote campaigns for the Virginia primaries and general election. And Yep. Yeah. We we have a special election going on here in Florida. We already went and voted. We voted. We gotta go collect the 19 year old, bring him home so he can vote. Mhmm. And, I don't think I've ever voted in a special election before, mostly because I'm like, why do I care if I vote for this Republican or that Republican? Yeah.

They're kind of all the same in our area. I mean, some are worse than others. But you know what I mean? Like, it's I'm not voting on, like, different platforms. Right? It's just So I don't usually go to do special elections. I've never been to one to see how fast it is to vote. Yeah. Yeah. We are fortunate to have early voting. True. So they haven't taken that away yet. Mm-mm. So, yeah, we went on the day early

voting opened. And Saturday the weekends for early voting tend to be pretty fucking crazy for every election I've ever done, but I've never done a special election. So we walked in. There was no line. There was just walk up to the person, get your ballot, and it's one thing on the ballot because it's the special election. I was like, oh, I don't know. Let me think real hard on this. Now I have to think real hard on this. Voted for my guy. Don't lie. So but yeah. I don't know. Man, Rara is,

Right? She's making Rara, you need to go work with the the kinky real estate community Right. Industry in your state. Rara's like, look. We got some houses. Right. Right. We're we're blue and Oh, yeah. Kink community, you know, sound enough. I know. But let's just let's just tell you how you know, you start looking around. Grass is always greener on the other side. I know that. Yeah. But I'm looking around the country going where based on politics and politicians and people I respect and

admire. Where might I want to live? And when I realized Minnesota was on my list, I was like, that's, like, half a step from Canada. That's that's so far north. That's so far north. So I don't know. I've never lived outside of the South in my whole ass life. I've only traveled as North as Baltimore, Maryland 1 time. Like, the idea of it like, y'all know I'm already an anxious fucking bitch. Like, travel anxiety alone gets me. I'm just but if we need to, we need to.

I've I've been a long time removed now, but, you know, grew up in Upstate New York. Which is how you won't want to, but I know you I you could drive us through snow. Yeah. I don't think you could handle my anxiety. You'd have to sedate me, quite frankly. I'd be doing home delivery for everything. I'm not going in. We we probably have to, blindfold you, gag you. Kinky. Yeah. Don't don't put the 15 year old in the car, though. Actually, and and for all that I I'm for health safety, well-being

reasons, we might move. I don't wanna move. I don't wanna take the 15 year old away from their therapist. They're amazing therapists. Anyway. Yeah. Anyhoo. But I'm not gonna lie. Regardless of why we might consider it, why we may not, whatever whatever, the idea of being somewhere not this hot and humid at this time of You know, Tayshoo in the chat was saying how it was 80 degrees today and it's too soon, you know, and he's not over last summer.

And I'm kind of the same either. I'm not over it either, and I am dreading what's ahead. Yeah. You were we usually try to work, air quote, more in the summer because it's slower, so we have more time. But this is the you're you're like, do you think I could actually work less so I don't have to be up there as much? I'm like, I could see how we could make that work. Yeah. Because you're not passing out from heat exhaustion

on my watch. What the hell? My my big thing that I am not looking forward to is really need to find a way to get the riding mower fixed or get because I cannot do another summer No. If the summer is like last year. No. Pushing them over. No. You should not. Not not up to that anymore. No. No. You need to become nocturnal. Yeah. Like a bat? You're right. I mean, by some definitions, I'm probably an old bat net by now. God, I think I just I just aged myself by even knowing that expression.

Anyway Yeah. I kinda wanna hang out, but I got stuff I gotta go to. I know. I got stuff And I don't really have anything to talk about. Mhmm. So I guess we don't need to hang out, but I, you know Yeah. I get it. I also have to run to the post office, but that is also how I'm gonna get a Diet Coke today. So I have to go to the post office. Yep. Yep. Yep. So Anyway, I guess we should go. Mhmm.

Thank you everybody for staying, for being here, especially to the bitter end when it gets weirder than even in the middle. And it's already weird. We will be back next week. I see. I feel your pain. Oh, yeah. Orlando is so hot. Mhmm. So, yeah. We're gonna go. Yep. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.