You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four thirty seven. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the oh, don't you're giving me a grumpy daddy look, but I didn't think you were in a grumpy daddy mood. John Brownstone. I got t shirt. Pruwit. I know. I know you were a grumpy daddy and all you got was the damn t shirt. Right. I don't think we're talking about a grumpy daddy today, but you never know.
This week, we're actually starting a new series on the podcast, about making power exchange work in the real world based on the session we did for the 2025, that's this year as of recordings, Dom Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit, because y'all have to know we had way more we could say, other than within the thirty minutes we were given. So we're gonna start with my personal new favorite phrase, turn it into a drinking game if you're feeling brave.
Kink is customizable, which simply means that there's no single true or right way to do it. You make it make it work for you, not make you work for it. Right. Right. Yeah. So that's what we're talking about. Mhmm. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net.
Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and, technically, threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate for reasons, good reasons. Anyway, it's loving d s and the number one, so at loving d s one, on blue sky at lovingBDSM. Blah blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM, where you can watch us live from the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the
show notes. Okay. Before we get into the topic, couple of announcements fairly quick. One, this Friday don't ask me what the date is. Eighteenth? Is April 18? Today is the sixth. No. Not today. This Friday is that April 18? Okay. Thank you. It's Friday night livestream on YouTube from 09:30, PM Eastern to 11PM Eastern. Yes. It used to go longer. We're older. No. We're not doing it any sooner because that means stuff does not get done like we need
around our house. And also, we're still doing an extra long stream and part of the reason we're tired is that was an extra long stream. Fair. Okay. Have I have I made you wanna come to it now or did I completely put you off? Anyway, yeah. YouTube, Friday. I believe that is April 18, '9 '30 PM eastern. Come join us. Starting at 10:00, we'll do a q and a. If you're like, that is after my bedtime or you're an international person who's like, I am asleep. That's like 2AM for me. The video playback
is available if you are interested. I have been told we are great background noise for cleaning your house. Mhmm. So maybe you can't watch live. Maybe you watch the next day and get your house cleaned. I wish I could find something that worked for that. Maybe I would clean more often, but probably not. The next announcement, very briefly, the this week's episode, the new series that we're starting, all of it is inspired by the session we did
for the Dom Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit. That's a very long title to say 18 times. Replays of that are available if you were unable to attend for free and you have the budget for it. We are not the only thing there that we are just one little bit. There were 19 other sessions. So link is in the places if you're interested. Okay. There. Also, I did wanna say to anybody who found us through the summit, didn't know we existed until then. We didn't scare you off then. We probably came across as a
lot more professional than we do now. Welcome. Comment on a YouTube video from somebody who was like, I found you through the summit, and I'm so glad to be here. And I'm like, I for keep forgetting to reply to comments, but when I read them, I get very happy in jazz hands. So Yep. Thank you. Okay. So Okay. Let's do the thing. Mhmm. Like a series we did our back to basics series was last year. What is time?
I don't know. This is one we'll do a few episodes of, and then we'll probably just add to the series sporadically because there's so much to Yeah. It's a it's a big topic. It's a massive topic. It is literally the whole, like, crux of our professional kink. It is what we do. It's who we are. And it's this idea of living your reality and, with kink, instead of trying to, like, twist yourself into knots to make your fantasy version in your head of kink a reality.
I don't know how long ago it was, but we have done an episode on fantasy versus reality as it pertains to kink. I will link that in the places for anybody who, may be interested. So but I think I mostly wanted an excuse to finally just sort of like elaborate on the thing that I now say all the time, which is kink is customizable. It's personalizable. It is I can't think of any other words. I'm gonna start the drinking game now, I guess.
When I say that and have been saying that now for a while, what what comes to your mind? What comes to my mind? Mhmm. Any number of things. I mean, you can There there are so many different ways you can mix and match. Mhmm. Okay? Feel like I'm selling something here, you know? Make mix and match, you know? Pick your own, Buy one, get one free. Yeah. And if you act before midnight tonight Gintu knives. Yeah. For those of you who have a knife kink is awful.
But I I mean yeah. I mean, there there's so many ways that you can It's infinitesimal infinitesimal? Infinite? What's the word I want? It pretty much. It's it's, you know, and and it's very, personal. Yes. And I think that's that's the big thing because part of the thing about saying kink is customizable over and over again is for me and the way my brain operates, it is the antidote to there's one true way, there's a right way, this is the way to do kink. Because that's
never true. It is anybody who says there's this is the right way, this is the true way, assuming that they are actually, like, living the thing they're trying to describe a lot of people don't. They just try to sell you, you know, some magic beans. All they're saying is this is the way the true way, the way that works for me in this moment in time.
Because even for that person who is willing and able to follow whatever the air quote one true way is, I still don't know what it is because everybody's got a different opinion of it. Let's just be real. Go talk to them a week from now, six months from now. They're not even living this anymore, assuming they were in the beginning. Because it is ever changing, and we've done the episode on it being a journey, and
there always being something new to learn. The thing I find interesting about the one true way thing and the right way and all that bullshit that always annoys me, I understand it because humans do that. They try to create boxes and they try to, like, air quote, do the right thing, and then they can you can you know, the tribe will let you in and Right. But the thing is is BDSM is literally about
not conforming. It is literally about going against societal expectations and doing taboo things, and yet too many of us twist ourselves in the knots to do apparently what other people expect us to do in kink. And it's a bit of a mind fuck. But you know what? When I when I first came into kink, into the community, I think without labels, I would have been lost. Oh, yeah. For sure. It would have been a lot harder to to to find my my footing Mhmm. In lifestyle without labels.
Now years down the road are those labels still important to me? No. Mhmm. No. And when we talk about the things that you can customize, labels is definitely on that list.
I think that the reminder is if you're gonna make kink in whatever way you want want to work for your real life, the real world, however you wanna define that, you have to know that what you're going to do is create a power exchange, a dynamic, a relationship, a kink life that has to fit you in this moment right now instead of doing that common but also frustrating thing of twisting yourself into knots, turning yourself inside out to fit somebody else's definition
of what somebody once thought thirty years ago that kink was supposed to be. Right? Like, that's that's the thing that's going to set you back every time because some people will be that's the fan going, it's hot here. It's Florida. Some people will be able to follow those air quote rules. Right? And they'll do fine until they don't. Something might feel a little off. Something might feel like it's missing, but they can make it through until you they hit a point where it doesn't work anymore.
Now they're like, am I am I the broken one? Am I the one who doesn't know how to do kink? But quite frankly, plenty of other people will either completely reject that idea of the true way, the right way, heavy fucking air quotes, and, you know, think they're somehow doing it wrong or think maybe kink isn't for them because they know from the start that that, you know, stereotype or that somebody else's definition doesn't fit
them. Yeah. Well, you know, one of the most common things I hear from folks, well, I'm a masochist, but I don't have a submissive bone in my body. Right. Or I'm submissive, and I don't have a, you know, I'm But I don't like pain. I'm not a masochist. Yeah. So, you know, I do I fit in the community? Do I am I, you know, not really? And, you know, the answer is, yeah. And
and you do. Right. Exactly. And then, you know, I think some folks are fortunate that they find a person who does not prescribe to one single way of doing this, and they can start from that point and eventually kinda learn the things they needed to learn. And other people come across other resources where
that is not the case. And then, again, too many people are real quick to internalize I'm wrong, I'm doing it wrong because this arbitrary person who I don't actually know, they will never have a say over my life. Who the fuck are they has told me I'm doing it wrong? I know that what we tend to be for for folks is you found the one true wayers, the right way people, the, all that bullshit. And then you find us. And first, first, there tends to be anger. Who is this bitch doing all the talking?
How is she really submissive? And then it's a little bit of the stages of grief, then there's some acceptance, maybe some bargaining in the middle. You know, I'll watch more if you talk less something. But I know from getting messages that people will come across somebody like us, and it's not just us. Okay? There are plenty of other kinky people talking about it in the way we talk about it. And there's just a sense of relief. Like, oh, I thought
I was all alone here. And I'm like, no. We're a small group over here in this corner of the Internet, but come on. Yeah. We got room. You're definitely not alone. And we have cookies. I probably ate the cookie dough before I could make them into cookies, but sure. So oh, there's Lola. Before we get into the actual kink is customizable, let's break that down a little bit so that you can have a kink life that works in your real world. Let's let Lola in from the backyard.
You're being a diva today, ma'am. Yes. She is. You're gonna bring your stinky, sweaty dog self over here, make me smell stinky, sweaty dog, sweat smell? Okay. So let's go into the kink is Customizable. I made a list of things to consider, but as things come up, if you're like, oh, let's talk about this, we shall. So let's start with the thing you brought up Okay. Recently. Labels and titles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The titles, that that's another thing too. You know, what what do I call my
my person? What do I call my my big d? What do I call my little s? Who am I? What what label fits me? Mhmm. And and you know what? There again too. That that is broad. Yeah. Okay? You know, from from, you know, sir to coach to, you know, your lordship, you know, and anything. Anything like that. To literally be a made up word that only makes sense to you and your partner. Right. And that's we've done this episode on labels
and titles. And invariably, every time we get to this topic, there's somebody who is thinking to themselves and possibly typing it out as I speak, about how they they hate labels. They they don't wanna use them. That that is also a choice you get to make. Right? My thing with labels is it gives us some common language
to start from. Sure. Some places to, you know, maybe a a term or a label feels right and you go down the the path of figuring out what that means for you and in general, sometimes you'll hear something and immediately reject it. But then later, you'll learn the concept without the word and realize, hey. Wait. I thought it meant this. It can mean that. We all have to start with a a place of commonality with language. Right? So words mean what they mean, but our interpretations
are our own. It's why half of y'all will look at me and call call me a brat, and I will meet you in an alley. No. I'm not. I don't know how to fight, but I'll figure it out. Because that is not a term or a label that I apply to myself because I get to choose that. It's also some people will call themselves a little and mean one thing, and somebody else will use that same term and mean something else. Now part of what you need to do is kind of try to figure out the
generally accepted definitions of a term Mhmm. Before you make them your own, but you get to do that. Right. And and that and that that's a good point. Yeah. You, you know, you see what they they actually how they relate to you. Mhmm. But now, you know, let let's, okay, you know, somebody comes along and says, well, I'm I'm a service submissive. Mhmm. K. And and what that means to them is one thing. Next person that comes along says they're a service submissive
means something totally different. Absolutely. You know? And and it goes same thing with the with the big d's. Every label. Yeah. Every title. Mhmm. Every phrase. The thing that we, as folks who are trying to navigate community, talk to other kinksters, need to get, used to doing is sometimes you hear somebody's title or label and you go, I clock them. They're like me in some way, and you move on. And sometimes you're sitting at the munch and you get into a conversation
about these things. Mhmm. If that opportunity arises online, in person, and now we're talking about our identities in kink. Right? The labels we use, the titles we use, how how we identify. The thing to get used to asking is what does that look like for you? What does that mean to you? Yes. Because that can often be a huge wake up call of, oh, we're using the same words, but we come at this from completely different angles. Right.
And it's all valid. Mhmm. Because customizing kink from the words to everything else we're gonna get into is based on who you are in this moment and the life you lead in this moment Mhmm. And the experiences you've had up until this moment. And then so you craft the language for yourself that works for you right now. Cool thing is is as you change and life changes and you get more experiences and you figure more stuff out about yourself and all of those things, you get to change the words you
use. K. You know? I was unironically little one. I have been pet. None of those work for me now. JB tried out princess on me today, and I just went, no. No. No. I'm I'm I don't know what I am, but I ain't that. That that one was not right. But even, the my my reason to even bring that up is twelve years of a relationship. How does math work? Thirteen years? I don't know. Something along those lines. Yeah. And he can still throw out a word for me and go, what do you
think of this one? Look, does this does this resonate? Right? We can still be shifting and adjusting and, you know, adding nuance because we've learned and grown and experienced and gathered all of this information from the things we've done and people we've talked to and all of that. So yeah. The labels, the titles, whatever you have today does not you can use it for the rest of your damn life. You can also in six months because that one doesn't work. I wanna do this.
And, yes, you can reject all labels and titles. You do not have to use them. They are not required. And and certainly, here's a little thing to slide in because some people figure this out quickly and some people don't. You don't have to use terms that stereotypically align with specific genders. The sheer amount of femme people I have seen online who definitely go by daddy, and I'm like, that is daddy energy, and I'm here for it. Right? Mhmm. Like, yes. Terms are and can be gendered. Also,
you get get to go, yeah. Yeah. I'm a film presenting person. Normally, somebody might say mommy, but I like daddy better. You get to do that. That that's it's literally that personalized and customized. And as I said before, you also can just make up words. And I know that because in a couple videos ago, a couple episodes ago, I talked about, an online resource I'd come across through Reddit of somebody who had made these monster lists of, titles, honorifics,
you know Mhmm. For both doms and subs, and monster list. And some are just the cutest little things. Some I'm like, I don't think that's technically a word, but who cares? It is now. We put the letters together and figured out a pronunciation. Tada. That's how words are made. And so I'll link to those in the places too for anybody who's still looking for the label or the title or the honorific that fits you. So what's the next thing on the list that's customizable? You're dynamic,
which is your power exchange relationship. Fascinating. I know. What are your thoughts? It's like flavors of ice cream. And there's way more than thirty one? Thirty three? Yeah. I I lost count with Baskin Robbins. I think it was Baskin Robbins that Yeah. Yeah. I think there used to be 33, and I guess it's shrinkflation. Now there's 31. Maybe there's only 28 and a half now. I don't know. But but yeah. I I mean, it's all, you know yeah. What what do you want it to be?
I am part of that is and I think people I think it's my fellow anxious people and perfectionist people who'd go through this, but maybe others do too, of you knew a little bit about kink enough to go, hey. I think I want this dynamic. You do that dynamic and either immediately or at some point you go, that doesn't fit. And too many of us go, I have failed kink. And then we're the SpongeBob and Patrick meme of them running around, the Krabby Patty in a panic. Right?
Like, actually, no. You learn new things, and then you get to add that in, and you get to adjust. And ideally, if you are a person who is in a relationship with a person you would like to continue to be in a relationship with, they will adapt with you. They will adjust with you. My first thought when I think about how customizable a dynamic is, it it's almost infinite. There's almost too much to say about it, but there is just some broad strokes. So there is the air quote typical.
I don't even like typical. Yeah. The stereotype, the comp I don't know, of it's a long term relationship. It's probably romantic. It's probably sexual, assuming both partners, you know, want and have sex with each other. And Dom Sub, and it's, like, fairly defined. And and even from the outside looking in, most people will go, I I think I know what that relationship is. That is so just mine. Of course, there are switches. And one of you can be a switch and both of you can be switches.
I have not come across it a lot, but I know it exists. Both of you can be doms. Both of you can be subs. Now will you have challenges? Of course you will. Will you hopefully figure it out? We hope so. But there's also not all power exchange. Assuming you even want power exchange has to be romantic. It doesn't have to be god, please. It does not have to be sexual. If it had to be sexual, there was a very long period of time there, we would have been very dissatisfied.
Mhmm. Because when neither of us was interested in sex for both physical reasons and emotional reasons and stress and anxiety and all the reasons you might one day want sex and then the next day not, we still had kink. We still had kink things we could do that were intimate. And sure, maybe one of us was turned on in the moment, but did not lead to did not need to lead to sex for it to be a good time. You can be a person who is not in a relationship and you have friends who
are kinky. And you have established dynamics with them in some way, but it's not your end all be all. You can be long distance. God knows we all know that. And a long distance power exchange is completely different in person power exchange even if it's not romantic and sexual and you're not planning on getting married one day. Right? So there's no, oh, I'm no. I'm kinky. I know I'm submissive, so I'm supposed to go find a dom. We're supposed to, you know, move in together in about six point five
months. And two point two years from now, we'll be married and we'll uh-uh. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. What? Let me remind you. Kink is supposed to fit into the life you have and the the life you want. You are not supposed to twist yourself up and burn down your whole life to fit some sort of supposed air quote, standard big fat fucking air quotes of whatever you think power exchange is supposed to be or somebody has told you is the true
way or the one way. It makes me wanna gag every time. The thing is is I don't even have enough imagination to give you a million examples of what a dynamic can look like. But every time somebody messages in, DMs, emails, whatever whatever, and they're like, oh, well, we're only doing it this way. And I, you know, I taught my partner, but they, you know, submit in the and are we doing it right? Are you both happy with what you're doing?
Mhmm. You communicate clearly. Yeah. There's clear, enthusiastic and informed consent, and you've assessed your risks. Right. You've done it right. Nobody's getting hurt. Yeah. You've done it right. Because truly, they're the we say this we've said this many times before. Let's say it again here. We used to say there's only two rules in kink. But I've since personally added a third, because it does need to be, like, thought about. You have to have consent. Mhmm. You have
to communicate as effectively as you can. That will be a skill you probably have to learn, so you'll get better at it. And you have to assess for risks and mitigate them to the best of your ability. That I've started sort of adding on because too many people think that some kink is, like, has risks, but not all kink. All kink. Every part of the kink spectrum, every little activity you can imagine under the let that fall under the letters BDSM, everything has some level of risk.
Some things will be less risky than others. The risks will present differently. They're not always physical harm. They can absolutely be mental and emotional harm. Everything in BDSM carries a risk. You have to assess for yourself and with a partner where your line is of, like, yeah. There's risk there, but I'm I'm good. We can move forward. And where your line is, nope. That's too far for me. Right? We all have them. That's how I feel about that. Woah. Do you
do you agree? I've made up that there's three year olds. No. I I do agree with that. I do agree. Sorry. I just I just made it up on my own. I did not make up the fact that you need communication, consent, and rest assessment, but saying it here. That's three year olds in that too. Debbie has walked away. I will wait for Debbie to get back before we get to the next thing that is completely customizable into a power exchange. Okay. Sorry. And that is who does what in the relationship.
So now I'm coming at it from the perspective of long term living together because those are the activities I am most intimately involved with and can think of off the top of my head. But the any way that you're pairing up or more than pairing up or living your kink life and the dynamics you choose to have with other people, this gets expressed in a lot of different ways. But the example I want to give here is that, yes, I am the submissive in this relationship.
Mhmm. I am a service submissive, which just means I do a lot of things for my own, like, personal happiness because it it makes me happy to do it and because JB said so, and I agreed to it. But there's no standard for what that means. What that means in practice is JB absolutely washes laundry and washes dishes and cooks dinner. Mhmm. I don't take on all domestic chores
because I'm a service sub. No. Right? If we were trying to raise small children I'm so glad we're not trying to raise small children anymore, we would share that. There is no you're the fem person, you're the submissive person, whatever. You have to do these things.
Within your dynamic and within your life with a relationship with a partner where you're gonna interact enough that some of one of you takes on certain tasks and another one of you takes on other tasks, that is based on what you're willing to do, what you consent to. We do it based on who's got the skills. And these days, we also add, who whose brain can handle this task better?
Meaning, if it's too boring and I'm not getting enough dopamine from it, it's probably not the task for me to have to do consistently. That's why, laundry gets washed on Sundays, but it's usually not folded till Thursday. Because I we knew I couldn't wash the laundry because I'd walk away and forget it, and we'd wash it five times before it ever made it into a dryer. JB was like, I'll wash the laundry. I can do that. Cool. He's like, please don't make me fold. Cool.
I can fold. And this was at a time when my hormone levels were, like, stabilized and I could remember. That's no different. See our past episode on perimenopause. It'll take me a few days to get to it. But I do I do it. We split tasks are not split along. My point is tasks are not split along your DOM subline. No. There's nothing that a DOM automatically does. There's nothing a sub automatically Right. And there and there are things that I defer to you because you have more knowledge about,
the subject topic than than I do. Out when you're like, go ahead. Take the lead. Tell me what we're gonna do. Mhmm. I will, because I know what I know, and let's do it right the first fucking time. But also, it's still weird. But see and that's the other thing. When we talk about there's nothing that a Dom's always do and what subs always do, that is true. But those conversations completely leave out switches. Like, switches out here are like, well, sometimes
I'm Dom and sometimes I'm sub. What would that even mean if we followed that thinking that a Dom always does this and a sub always does that? Mhmm. For any switches out there who've come across this thinking, I would be very curious to know what went on in your brain when you realize that people absolutely think that's about our exchanges, and you're over here going, I know that's not how this works. Right? So, yeah, there's no there's no standard in the roles that you No. Accept for yourself.
You're like, okay. Yes. I'm submissive, and here's what that means to me. But that doesn't mean there's this checklist of things you're supposed to do that every sub does. Right? You know what I mean? I mean, if if it was everything was the same, then we'd all be, like, Stepford d s. Oh, god. Kinky Stepfords? Not would I watch that movie? Yes. Would I want to live that life? No. No. No. You'd have you'd have to sedate me. I'd have to be drugged for that. Mhmm. Valium? I don't know. What do they
use? I don't know. I'd have to be drugged to be a kinky Stepford boy. But, you know, when people are trying to figure out their kink life and they're looking at, air quote, this, your regular life, for us, our kink life and our, quote, regular life, it's all one and the same. Other people differentiate it for themselves and that's fine.
But they're looking at the life they lead, the job they have, the responsibilities they have in their home and outside of their home, the other relationships they have with people that not necessarily romantic or sexual, but, like, that's my mom and I do that. That's my cousin and I do that. That whatever. Right? And then you turn and look at this power exchange, this dynamic, this kink light. And I I do differentiate those things. Some people have a power exchange, and some people have a
top bottom situation. And some people are just living their best kinky life, and they're got multiple partners or they keep it casual. Like, it's all of that. Right? They will think, well, I'm supposed air quotes, supposed to do these things because I am this label I have given myself. I identify with this role, submissive, for an example. But none half those things don't fit with your life. You either don't have time for them. You don't have the energy for them. You usually pay somebody else to
do them for you. And if you do, I'm very happy for you. Jealous, but happy. Right? They don't align with your interests. They aren't things you would ever do for anybody. Why do you have to do them? You see what I'm saying? Like, you have this whole bright colorful life you're hopefully leading. You go, hey. I'm kinky, and here let me go figure out what that means to me.
And then some dumbass on the fucking Internet try or at a munch, happens both places, tries to give you some weird laundry list of, oh, well, you're a sub. This is what you do. Fuck that. Let me say the thing that I say a million times. This is a great place for it. Whatever your kink life is, it's a when you you're interacting with a partner, you're interacting within your role, submissive, dom, whatever. It's a fucking Venn diagram. There's stuff you're willing to do. There's the
stuff they're willing to do. And then there's the the stuff in the center that you're both like, yeah. Sure. And there will be stuff that you'd really like to do that your current partner is not interested, now or ever. Same goes for them. All we're looking for is what's the common ground. If you can find the common ground and build a dynamic relationship, whatever, that is satisfying to you, that works for the life you have and allows you to grow as a kinkster,
then you can decide for yourself, hey. Do I wanna learn more? Hey. Do I wanna explore that thing my partner said they were interested in but I wasn't interested in? Hey. Do we wanna bring some of these things that didn't fit in our original Venn diagram? Do we wanna expand our Venn diagram? Or do you, depending on how you're wired, do you have this Venn diagram with this partner, partner? And then you got another partner over here with a completely separate Venn diagram.
That is how this works. Mhmm. There's not a kink activity. There's not a domestic activity. There's not a role based activity that is standard. None of it. Mm-mm. Will many people fit within commonalities? Sure. Yeah. Stereotypes exist for a reason. Cliches exist for a reason. Right? But there will always be people who are like, do do you? That's great. I'm a be over here doing something completely fucking different. And that they're just as valid as you
are. And quite frankly, if you find yourself falling within the air quotes stereotypical, like, what some seem to describe as the air quote right way. I'm sorry. I have to gag every time I think about that. What might happen is as you grow confident in yourself, you grow confident in your relationship, you learn more about kink. You start pushing away from those stereotypes. You start doing things that others might go, oh, I didn't know submissive did that. Well, I
didn't know you were dumbass either. But, you know, okay. Maybe look. I'll be a bitch. You don't have to be. But that's that's a point that I think a lot of newbies miss. They think there's this checklist and a standard and a way and a thing that everybody does, and then it doesn't fit their life. And instead of going, well, I just won't do that thing. I just won't do that thing.
They're either going, I'm clearly not kinky or they're making themselves miserable doing shit they don't wanna do because somebody told them that's what doms do, that's what subs do. Sorry. I have to make the gaggy fates. It's okay. Anything you'd like to add before I go to my next one? The last one on my list, unless you wanna add something, is actual kink activities.
Right. This is where I wanna talk about things you might do as a dom and sub and things you might do as a top bottom because you can be a dom and still bottom. You can be a sub and still top. In in some things, not all things. And that is a thing we'd like people to remember. Mhmm. What say you? Yeah. It yeah. Again, just like, you don't like you don't like being caned. Uh-uh. I do not. Imagine if, canes were the standard. I'd be very Boy, that that that look was, priceless. It'd be very
nice. So, you know, they're they're right there. That that shows you the point, you know, of what what you can, work with, what you can do. Mhmm. Alright. You know, you you talk about, service submissives. Yes. There are many service submissives out there who are willing to do housework, but not everyone is. Right. So I'm thinking of a current example that we're about to, I think experiment with a little bit. You were you were dominant, But you are also a curious motherfucker. And
you wanna know what shit feels like. And you are currently exploring cock cages for yourself. Yeah. I won't even be involved in that most likely. That is a thing that is and it makes sense that it would be. But it is most often associated with bottoming or submitting. Like, your cock gets locked up and somebody is controlling that key and somebody is telling you you couldn't touch yourself and somebody is telling you you get all that.
Or you could just be a curious fuck, do it, and go, actually, this feels kinda good. I think I'll just do it to myself. Mhmm. You know, there are I'm just pulling examples from things people have told me. Right. You absolutely can be completely dominant, big d dominant in your power exchange and also wanna get your ass beat with a fucking paddle. Because it's not about the submission, air quote, that, that is assumed in being the bottom of of impact, it's the sensation. It's the
way it relaxes you. It's it's the whatever. Like, it's the whatever you feel when you experience it. I mean, let let let's use rope for example. I like rope. I like tying. I also like to be tied. How did I not know that? That feels like new information to me. How could that be? Where have you been? I I've said this time I think you've talked to your other kinky friends. No. I have. Okay. Yeah. But, yeah. I mean, it it's back when I could, when I was limber enough, I used to self tie.
I always thought you were just practicing your tie. It was a bit of both. But you like the sensation. Yeah. Now here's what's hilarious. I am I am a wiggly rope bottom on my best day. No patience. But I could absolutely enjoy seeing you be tied up. I probably wouldn't do the tying. I just don't have interest in I'm not trying to, like, accidentally, like, hurt you or anything. You are no less dominant. I'm no less submissive. But also, JB says, I like being tied up. Cool.
There's no immediate expectation that I will do that for him as a service. Yeah. I mean, could I be talked into it as a service? I'm sure I could. Nor is there this automatic assumption that he's gotta go out and find somebody who'll do it for him or that Mhmm. I'll just switch and do it for him. Yeah. You see what I mean? Like, you can like what you like
irrespective of your role. Your role within a power exchange with a person does not have to dictate what you want to experience in the actual kink activities that are independent of a relationship, if that makes sense. And I think too many people forget that. It's like, oh, it goes back to the well, I'm a masochist, but I'm not submissive. Valid. I'm submissive, but I don't like pain. Valid. Mhmm. How many of us came into kink and somehow got the message that,
all doms doms like giving pain? No. They don't. Some are like, hell no. I'm not doing that. Yeah. And all subs are supposed to want pain or or accept it. That's the other insidious thing. There's this, thing of, oh, you might not like it, but you're submissive so you're supposed to take it. Grit your teeth and bear it. Yeah. No. And I have had too many conversations with people who are like, I'm clearly not submissive because I don't like that. I don't wanna do
that. No. No. No. No. No. You get to still be submissive if that's what feels right and reject this thing over here. So there is not a facet of kink life and experience that is not something you can personalize to who you are as an individual, personalized to the relationship you have with an individual, and the life that you have right now, whatever that looks like. I have no doubt we'll get into this
because several people requested it. Let me just throw this out there to all to all parents, with children at home, specifically your small children. Your kink life right now does not look like it could look in twenty years. Right. And I think we all know that. But again, I get I get parents of young children who are like, are we even kinky? How how do we make this work? Well, I'm gonna be kind of Right. Real with you. That's kind of
disappointing. You probably don't. You will do a lot less at this stage of life than you will when they don't meet you as much anymore. And what it looks like when they are little is going to be different from when they are tweens, different from when they are teenagers, and so on and so on and so on. Right. And then, apparently, there's this mythical day that comes when you do not have children in your home anymore. I want to believe in the myth. Myth. I have not yet experienced it for myself.
For those of you who are either way past that stage, your your children, maybe they're having children, or you just never had kids and you're child free. And, like, I mean, do I some envy? Yes. I would not give up my experience as a parent and all that for anything in the world. But also, do I do I look at people who are not currently or ever raising children at any stage and go, oh, what must that be like? I can't imagine it.
And I I don't even let myself dream too far about no kids in the house kink life, but I do imagine there's gonna be a lot more nudity. But I just I don't know if we will do kinky shit on every flat and vertical surface of our home, but I do think JB will be walking around dick out. Like, I just I just think the clothes will come off. Like, you'll hit the front door. Hopefully, remember to close it and just strip down and walk around naked. I just I do feel like that.
Do I think that, you know, there may be, parts of our home where there's, like, an o ring hanging off of a, load bearing something because you had a kink thought and maybe we could do it. Right? Like, we will we will talk about, you know, parenting. But it it's true of every stage of life. If you're a college student, you're gonna have a completely different kink experience than some of those of us who are, like, you know, thinking, do I have enough in
my four zero one k? The answer is no because I look at the news. But, you know, like, every facet every stage of life you're in will, in some way, change your kink experience, and you move and grow with that. You know? You find, hopefully, the good, the fun, the fulfilling at whatever stage of life you're in, but it will look different Mhmm. All the way through. And, you know, yeah, we're we're kind of at 50% with the, child free. Yes. Except I'm still at the beck and call of one child
Yeah. On the weekends. And, you know, don't don't know yet, but, you know, there could be a chance. It it's amazing. They have a homing beacon. They find their way back. I have heard that. Yeah. I did not, but I was I didn't either, but You know what I think it is? Were you nice to your children while you were raising them and they love you and think of your home as their home? They'll probably come back. Were you a nightmare as a parent? Traumatized your children and they couldn't wait to get
out? They're not coming back. Short of having zero place to go on this planet. They're not coming back. Nice. That's just my experience. I think JB can relate to that experience. Your mileage may vary. I will say, that is an expression to take deep in your soul when talking about other people's kink experiences or listening to people share their kink experiences.
Your mileage may vary. Whatever is true for me in this moment of 04/16/2025 does not have to be true for you and might not even be true for me on 04/17/2025. Mileage will, you know, will always vary. The experiences will always vary even if you're were two people, three people, bare bones outlined talking about the same experience. I'm a submissive to a daddy dom. Well, that looks very different for me Mhmm. To me than it does for you. Right?
So I have a couple more notes. Do you have anything else you wanna, like, touch on the to customize it? Like, find what works for you. Mhmm. Make it up if you have to. Right? If you if you're following the three basic rules of kink, communication, consent, and risk assessment, make it fucking up. Yeah. There's there's no standard here, and please don't think you have to find it or follow it.
Here's a thing that, I've said in a few episodes because I got it from a therapist and I use it for my own internal self talk. It doesn't apply to all situations, but I think it applies here. There is no should in power exchange. What I mean by should you get consent, should you get communication, and should you assess risk? Yes. Bleh. Those are the rules. After that, you should do that because you're submissive. Uh-uh. Do it because you want to and it
fits within your submissive role. Sure. You should do that because you're a top. You should do that because you're, into wax play. You should. Uh-uh. There are some rough guidelines for how something can there is a skill set for how to physically do a thing. Yes. There is some broad strokes guidelines for how to be a submissive, how to be a dominant, how to whatever. Yes. But if anybody is if you were if your internal self talk is, well, I should wanna do this. I should be doing you're shoulding
all over yourself. Mhmm. Because typically, if we're telling ourselves, well, I should do this. I I should want to do this. It's be we're saying that because we don't. We don't want to do it. Or even better, it should be done that way. Right. It should be done that by who's fucking standard? Does if it doesn't, again, consent, communication, risk assessment. After that, if it does not fit you, if it does not serve you, it does not fit the life you have, there's no fucking should in
it. Mhmm. But especially when you're doing self talk, especially when you're feeling resistant. Like, Like, I am submissive. I should do this kind of thing, and yet there's a part of you screaming, but I don't want to. That is information you need to use to figure out what you do wanna do. Can you modify this thing that supposedly you should do? Can you fucking reject it? Right? Yes. As humans living in the world, there are plenty of things we have to do that we don't wanna do. Mhmm. Yes.
And that can still be a little true in kink, but in general, we choose this life. We choose these relationship dynamics. We figure how what we're interested in and into, and then we choose to do those things. So guess what the thing is you shouldn't be having to do? To do a thing you fucking hate. My god. Enough of us go to work or have to work with somebody or be around a human being that in any other circumstance, we would never choose to do it. Right? But we do it because we'd like
to pay our bills. Right? Okay. So why you gonna come home and live your kink life and do something that you don't want you would never choose to do this. You hate every second of what are you doing. It doesn't satisfy you. Yeah. I don't, you know What's the point then? What's the point? Like taking a shower with a raincoat on. Do I put effort in as a service up? Of course, I do. Do I do I sometimes do things when I'm really tired and would rather be sitting and reading my book? Of course I do.
But ultimately, I'm doing it because I want to. And if I stop wanting to, that's time for conversation. That's time for a renegotiation. That's time for a can we look at this in a different way? Is there another way to do this thing? Anything in your kink life that you were starting to resist and either guilting yourself into doing, avoiding it, or in in some way just not feeling good about it, that is information to immediately. If you're with if you were in a
relationship, stop and talk to your partner. If you're not, go find your kinky bestie and, like, just hash it out and go hear me out. Let let me think this through. That is information you gotta stop and start thinking about and talking about. Because it's that's some part of you telling you that you don't want this is not right for you. Might have been right six months ago. It might be right six years from now. It's
not right right now. Right. And that's the thing about kink air quote, kink is customizable. You can change it on a dime. It's there's it can be challenging when you're in a relationship because you wanting a change means they have to agree to that change and be okay with that change. That is not always easy because sometimes the thing you hate is the thing they love. So now there's a negotiation of can we find a middle ground? Can we find another
way to accomplish this? Is there another way I can do a thing and have you feel as good as you do, but I don't have to do a thing I hate? So it's not always a one and done. Just stop doing it and it's done. There might be some effort that has to be put in, but that is the reality. There should not be a fucking thing in your kink life you have to do that you don't wanna do. That's true. And for anybody who wants to to get a little little some of us overthink and I know that.
So I'm trying to, like, find the caveats for us overthinkers out here. There are things I agree to that JB can do to me that I don't love, but I am willing to do it. Here's why. One, I don't have to do it all the fucking time. If I had to do a thing I don't love all the fucking time, we're not doing it. I don't wanna do that. That's not how I wanna play. But two, if it's something that I find another satisfactory feeling from. So the example is
JB loves a stingy pain. He likes to see can that bring a a welt up on her skin? And is she going to shriek like a banshee? Can I make her dance too? It's usually a stingy thing. So if it's study, I'm a relax. Like, I'm getting a deep tissue massage. I allow it. I consent to it, not because I'm enjoying the sensation, but because I'm enjoying giving up control. I'm enjoying enduring it. I want to see, can I can I endure this for him? Sometimes it's it's it's a a pure act of submission.
I'm literally letting him do something to me that I would not let another fucking soul do and don't even like that much because I'm finding pleasure in it in other ways. But you also know that I am not going to abuse that power. And I also know that I don't have to live with that endurance all the time. I get plenty of what I like. So that makes it easier to sometimes do a thing you like that I can find a way to go. Yeah. I'm willing to do that.
Right? But that comes, let's say again, communication, consent, and risk assessment. I know what I'm agreeing to. I'm not forced into it. I'm not pressured into it. I'm not No. Guilted into it. My own internal self talk is not going, well, girl, you should do it. You're the I have weighed all my options. I've looked at what else can be done. I have I understand what's happening, and I understand and can articulate why I'm willing to do it as long as it doesn't have to become my new reality.
So for my overthinkers out there who are like, but sometimes I do what they want. It's okay. You can do things you don't really wanna do for your partner, but, again, you should not be pressured, guilted, forced into it. You have to choose it, and you need to have some idea of why you're willing to choose it. And it has to be balanced with getting what you want. That's the other thing that's not a customizable thing is a, a truism.
Everybody involved in this, whatever your dynamic is, should be getting some of what they want. You don't get all of what you want all the time, but everybody needs to get enough of what they want to be satisfied, happy, wanna keep coming back and doing this. Mhmm. Because it's a it's a compromise, you know. Yes. Yes. It can be a very pleasurable compromise. It can be a very satisfying compromise. But, you know, I haven't I know people talk about this.
We talked about this probably 400 episodes ago. It usually comes up in conversations about, like, ethical non monogamy. But it's this fact that most of the time, one partner cannot satisfy every need another partner has. In some cases, the solution to that is it works for everybody involved, ethical nonmonogamy. Go find another play partner, get whatever. Sometimes that's not the answer. You're monogamous and wanna stay monogamous. Please do.
What that means is you have the partner you're with has to get enough of what they need and you have to get enough of what you need for this to be worth it, for it to be satisfying, for you to wanna keep this going. Sometimes you'll come across people who cannot give you enough of what you need. They might not be the right partner for you. But also they might give you more of what you need outside of a kink context and just enough of what you need for
kink to be happy. Keep it. Yeah. And it might not be, like, this overly active twenty four seven kink life, but you're happy. That's all that matters. Mhmm. So yeah. Yeah. I don't think I lost steam. I did not lose my train of thought. I think I didn't know how to, like, semi colon and then book in this. Right? Part of it is because a lot of the things I think to to, like points I want I could come to mind when we're talking about this, we've done those episodes.
BDSM is a journey. You're always learning something. You can shift. We've done the episodes on how your dynamic can and will shift over time. We've done many episodes on that because that's been our reality. There's, you know, a labels and titles episodes. There's the, you know, figuring out your role and what does that mean for you. There like, every point I wanna make I have I would that comes to mind to make is, like, oh, but we've made that point. We spent an hour and a half on that
point. I'm just hoping that for anybody who this is new information for or it's validation, like, you the little voice in your head was saying it, but you didn't have enough people around you agreeing and confirming this for you. That that's what I hope you get out of it, but I just need you to know there's a it's deeper than that. There's more to it. There's nuance to every fucking thing. I think that's why we and this podcast exist. I did not know that's what we were starting.
I think that's that's what we do here. But yeah. Your kink life can be literally whatever you want and that your partner you have or the partners, consent to. It doesn't have look like anybody else's. It probably won't. It probably shouldn't. You know? And I I I get the messages from some listeners who are like, oh my gosh. You remind me so much of me. Oh my gosh. It sounds like me. And and, yeah, personalities can be different or the similar. But I promise you our lives
are different. Because even if line by line similarities, you know, you've got two kids in this similar situation or similar age or similar life stage, we're gonna make different decisions. We're gonna see things differently. We've got different life experiences that, you know, shape how we view the world and how we want wanna move through it. So all of this is unique to each of us even when there are similarities. And I
say, hey. Let's embrace those similarities. Let's find community with those similarities, but also let's embrace the differences and learn from one another. That is why we often recommend if you're new and you're like, I need ideas on this and I how can I do that? Please go be where the people who are kind of doing what you wanna be doing are doing it. Right? If if an in person group is possible for you, great. If not, online is fine.
But you're a dom who wants to learn how to be a better dom, go be around doms that you respect. Right? You're submissive who wants to, like, learn how to blah blah. Go be around people who are talking about those things and and see what they're doing. That doesn't mean you have to do what they do, but it will spark those thoughts of, oh, here's how I could do it. Here's how it fits into my life. Right? Yeah. Find your tribe. Find your tribe. Here we go. Okay. I think I'm done.
Have you got anything? I know I was a whirling dervish for this one. It was. It's fine. Did good. At least I think so. That's all that matters. I mean, obviously, it's not all that matters because we ask y'all to leave, like, likes and comments and reviews and shit. Clearly, we want y'all to like it. But Right. From a personal can I sleep tonight standpoint? Yeah. So, are we good? I guess. That's not usually for me to say. True. True. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week.
Your button pushing seems to be not pushing buttons. Yeah. And you're a button pusher from way back. You're like, fuck it. It won't it won't let me go back while it's recording. It won't let you do what you wanna do. No. So yeah. Tada. What have you got for the bonus section? Oh, can I talk to the crickets? I wasn't actually talking to them. I was talking to you. I didn't even know anything to say. I was looking at the comments to see what I missed while we were focused elsewhere.
You may talk to the crickets. Okay. I don't have anything to say. What do you wanna talk about? That's why I was asking. I I don't have a whole lot this week. Things have been, a little cray cray, a little busy, a little upended. Yeah. You were not feeling very good last week, but you seem to be feeling better. Mhmm. Yeah. Can I tell you something I learned that is both validating and a little, explains kind of what you and I are personally going through? Okay. It's a little depressing.
Okay. So apparently, sometime in your mid forties, hi, that's me. And sometime in your early to mid sixties, that's you. There are things called World collide. Things called aging bursts, I think is what I've how I've seen the said in the headlines. And it's this idea that there's kind of a cluster of years where the aging process kind of explodes a little bit, and then you, you know, in general, find a new normal. And we're both over here going, have I lost my mind? Why can't I do this?
What is happening? And you say a lot, I can't do things that and I'm always I used to. Yeah. Because you're in your sixties. But also, if you're going through an aging burst, as I am going through an aging burst, As a teenager is at the height of puberty Mhmm. And admitted, to us the other day, mom, I can't stop thinking about sex. And I was like, I get it. Sometimes, same. So So we are all going through aging bursts in some way, and I don't know how the roof hadn't
been blown off this. I know. I know. Oh my goodness. I know. It's, it it's been an interesting, week. Mhmm. To say the least. Mhmm. And we're only halfway through it. I know. And, we are so out of our groove with having a fan in this window that is behind us where we're recording. Yeah. That one, we almost forgot to turn it off before we started recording something, and then clearly almost forgot to turn it back on. And can't remember to tell y'all, hey, that that's a fan. And
look, it's working. It's it's doing its best. It is. Yeah. We we we found we, we we were gonna try and do without a fan in the windows, you know, you know, for quite a while. But, we got a brief taste of what summer is going to be like. And, we're like, no. We we we need that fan back. So as as the Internet has said, o m g wix is the account that Yeah. When I get this from, there's a lot of Florida humor on the Internet.
Right now, Florida is just preheating. Like, for anybody who's traveling here or who is new to Florida and like, oh my god. It's so hot. No. No. No. No. This is the this is the preheat. Yeah. We we're the oven is set for 500. We're only at about two fifty right now. We got a ways to go. Mhmm. And it will only get worse from here. I I am Yeah. Almost sweating through my shirt right now. There's a wet patch. It's gross.
Because I have no shame, I will happily share this, like, little tiny story that's nothing, but the connection was made in my brain. Sweat sweat. And my mammogram, my annual last week, fine. No big deal. I hate getting it. I don't I haven't met a person with boobs yet who's like, hell, yeah. Let's go to the mammogram. But I think it's more of the strangers a little too physically close to my body even before they grab my boob. Okay?
And if you've never had a mammogram and probably never will or just haven't yet, yes. They pick I guess maybe if you have small ones, they don't. But when you got big ones, and gravity is not being kind to them anymore, they pick it up and put it on the flat part. Ask me how I know. I've had four of these. I started sweating before she even told me to untie the little toppy thing I had to wear. And I knew part of it was nerves, but part of it is the increasing hot
flashes I've been having. And I just went, I am so sorry. I'm in the middle of a hot flash right now. The sweat was pouring off my damn face. She goes, it's fine. Happens. I hope so at the mammogram place where I was the youngest person in the general, We all are are tits out waiting area. She goes, just make sure it's not too wet under there. And I'm like, this is the highlight. This is the highlight
of getting a mammogram. Taking the little dressy thing, it's kinda like boobs to make it not so wet for the stranger. I was going to literally pick it up, and then and then my favorite anybody's had a mammogram probably can relate to this. Okay. Now move towards me. Move towards me. Okay. Put your hand here. Hold the machine. Okay. Forward forward. We have to get the whole breast in. Yep. Even the back fat part. Mhmm. The whole thing. Okay.
Hold still. Don't breathe. And I, when I don't think I'm getting enough air, panic. I would have to time the don't breathe remark with a deep inhale. Moment she said don't breathe, I could hold it. She was never as fast as she thought she was. My brain was like, you have no oxygen. You have no oxygen. You have no oxygen. I did. Right as I was about to go, I can't do this anymore. She'd go, okay. Breathe. Okay. I'm breathing now.
So, yeah, you could see why maybe I I get a little sweaty before they go to do that because I'm now I think on my fourth one. Actually, probably my fifth because one year I had to go back because because they didn't like the quality of the images. Okay. So yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's the thing on my mind. Right. What else? Your dog is sacked out over here Oh, yeah. On my side. Oh, she's on your side? But still with an ear up. Oh. So that she can see an ear. Truly. Yeah. Yeah.
She even from this angle. I don't know if this is what it really is. This angle, yes, her eyes are closed. But what they appear to be is like little kids scrunched up. I'm gonna make them think I'm asleep. But the ears up. So No. What else? What else? Friday night livestream. Yep. Yep. Got that coming up. Yeah. I'm I'm still every evening, sitting outside on the porch right now and subjecting neighbors to, the the the twangs of ukulele. Neighbor on the right side
she's so chill. I know. The neighbor on the left side is probably a very nice little old lady. I don't know. But her fucking dog yap almost all day. So I feel like play ukulele well or bad. They deserve whatever whatever you do. Oh, god. Well, I I hope it's not a testament to my playing, but, you know, when I go out there and I I start, you know, strumming on stupid thing, that's when the dog starts barking. Right. Because they sensed movement. And these are small dogs, so they are
afraid of everything. And they think if they can see it, sniff it, or hear it, it's theirs. The, the doggy version of Yertle the turtle oh my god. They're so annoying now. And, you know, I maybe it's because we were lucky when we had Saki. If you're new here, first dog, teeny tiny, our old chill dude. We got him when he was 10. Min Pin. He was just Mix. Min Pin Chihuahua. Little guy. You couldn't pick him up. He didn't really like that.
But chill old dude. Mhmm. But even he could get yappy if he thought you looked near his yard and he sensed it. Oh, yeah. He didn't have to see you. He just had to sense it. But Saki never did that shit. No. Never did that shit. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. He did not. He did not. No. No. And and they're they're they are they do get annoying. And I know several of the other neighbors have Oh, yeah. That's like the neighborhood, like, thing of, oh, god. Those fucking dogs are barking
again. It's right up there with two doors down that direction when that neighbor had a beautiful but very unruly chocolate lab Mhmm. And kept getting out. We would all watch out for this dog. We did not want her to get hurt. Mhmm. And she really was a sweetheart, but she was young and completely untrained and undisciplined. And so the whole neighborhood is, like, watching out for her, trying to get her back in so she didn't get hit. But it's also like, goddamn it. Keep your dog in your house.
My favorite, there's, strays that live in our neighborhood that get fed by a neighbor on the right side, several houses down. Yeah. And she takes care of most of them, but one of them kinda comes this way towards our end of the neighborhood and sits in what I call JB's besties house because that's who he likes to do some gossiping with. And I appreciate that. Please bring the gossip home. I do not want
to participate in the gossip. I don't wanna stand there for it, but please bring it home and relay it to me. But that one of the that cat who goes between these two houses named Butterball does not look like a Butterball. I don't know where that name came from. But you at any usually at the evening, but really at any given point in the day, you can hear one or two or three voices going, Butterball, butterball. And they're coming from different sides of
the neighborhood. I'm like, goddamn it. Butterball does not look like a butterball. I feel like there was stuff, and I don't I've forgotten all the stuff. Or it was stuff that was like, I've already talked about it to the people who need to hear me talk about it. I don't know. I feel like there's stuff, but I I don't have stuff. And then, of course, you have to, like, walk the line of don't talk too much stuff or you won't have stuff for the Friday night livestream.
I mean, I kinda hope some stuff happens between now and then, so I have stuff to talk about. Mhmm. But I'm I'm hoping I get some had to call two different doctor's offices yesterday for several for different situations, like, completely, like, unrelated things, but, like, lots of phone calls and messages online and waiting and waiting, and I'm not patient. I would like to think that by Friday, those will be sorted. I can stop thinking about them. So okay. Mhmm. I guess we can be done.
Like this. We're good. Yeah. Thanks for being here. Mhmm. Especially if you're better in. We hope, this series is helpful to somebody. Mhmm. If nothing else, we hope it can affirm some shit you already knew, but maybe you just need to hear somebody else go, yes. You're right. That works for me often. So Mhmm. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.