It’s Our 10th Podcast Anniversary!

You're listening to the Living BDSM podcast episode four fifty. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the only crazy motherfucker who'd be in a closet with me and chop. Yeah. Yeah. It's Says a lot about me, though. Really does, but it also shows we're two peas in a pod. Yeah. We're clearly meant for each other. Wow. Right? This one this this intro, not the whole episode y'all. Don't worry.

This intro is for the OGs. It's for the ones who were here when we were literally recording We came back in a closet. And a recording on a laptop because we will commit to a bit, y'all. 100%. We are we huddled around the microphone that's built into the laptop? Yes. Yeah. But are we clearly older than we once were because we're sitting in chairs. Chairs. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Not on the floor. No. No. Neither of us have. We'd be crawling

out of our closet. Yeah. Just I I would not be at the at the, stream tonight. No. You wouldn't. You would not. I'd still be here on the floor. We're doing this, as you maybe have figured out from the just the title. We're celebrating our tenth podcast anniversary. And, you know, we're I've set it up. Is this is this the first time JB is hearing this? Yeah. I've set it up. So it's almost like one of those, those back in the day, the old shows, I'd be like, oh, let's do a retrospective.

Let's do this. Mhmm. And it's like a variety of things. We're not just doing one thing tonight. We're doing a few things. I say tonight. I don't know when y'all are listening. I don't know your life. Anyway, this, not the sound quality, but the chaos, this is what you're in for in this episode. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome

back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC. That PC stands for podcast y'all. On Instagram and, technically, threads at that handle, I will forever motherfucking hate with a passion of a thousand fiery suns.

Our Instagram handle is loving d s and the number one, so that's at loving d s one, on blue sky because things have changed in ten years, lovingbdsm. Blah blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay. So let me get my little notes up. Two announcements. They are actually, like, about the topic episode. Let me do the one I didn't write down while I can remember it.

This Friday, August 15, it's a date I remember because it's the actual tenth anniversary of the podcast. We have our monthly Friday night livestream virtual munch thing that we do. It'll be at its normal time. It will have to end at its normal time because we'll be in the middle of moving the oldest into a new apartment that weekend, Friday and Saturday. So, but it'll be chaotic and celebratory, hopefully. So that's coming, 09:30PM eastern till about 11PM eastern on YouTube. Yay. Okay.

You know what you didn't do? Or you did and I ignored you. Did you say hello to everybody? No. It's the tenth anniversary. You can't be skipping steps. Hello, everyone. There we go. Oh, podcast listeners. Y'all got that one too. Okay. The the second announcement, as we have tried to do consistently but not always been consistent, for our anniversary, we do have a giveaway that's going on. The link is in the places. If you've ever entered a loving BDSM giveaway

before, it will look completely different. That's because that site I used to use is no is going out of business. Yeah. So I was like, maybe I won't maybe I won't use you this time. I'll go somewhere else. Door. Yeah. Yeah. We have four prizes, multiple ways to, enter. The prizes are essentially for first nope. What are fucking words y'all? Let me maybe take a beat. Let me try to, like, calm myself. Let's try this the fuck again. If we were professionals, we'd edit this out.

Okay. No. I won't. So there are four prizes. The fourth, like, I've I placed them. I ranked them because they get you know, there's there's different levels is what I did because it it, like, felt right. And so that's what I did y'all. The fourth place prize, you will get, we will ship to you, yes, even if you're international, our tenth podcast anniversary enamel pin. I'm I'm southern. Pin and pin are the same. I'm talking about p I n, enamel pin. We had it specially created. It was the 2025,

Patreon membership drive. One of the the it was the big goodie, for this year, and it's we're not putting them, like, out available to the public. It's you gotta be connected to us, giveaway, Patreon, whatever, whatever to have access to get one. So they're prizes. So that's fourth place. Third place, you're gonna get a $10 gift card to Kinkery. And I have to do it as a coupon code, but basically $10 to spend in our our loving BDSM Etsy shop and the pin.

Second place, you get a $25 Kinkery gift card and $25 to spend at our Etsy shop and a pin. I have several pins. I'm trying to get these in people's hands, y'all. And the top prize, the one, you get a $50 Kinkery gift card, $50 to spend at the Loving BDSM Etsy shop. And guess what? You yep. You know, a pen. So, we have done giveaways in the past where, like, I am shipping multiple things to multiple places, and I went, I would just like to email most of it and then mail a

small thing. That's what I'd like to do this year. It only took me ten years to figure this shit out. Better late than never. We sort of figured the the gift card and the discount and the whatever might might be interesting to some of y'all. Those gift cards and codes and whatever, they'll be done by email. They won't have an expiration date. Yes. They can be combined with coupons, except maybe the Etsy one. I don't think the Etsy one could be, but the Kinkery one, you could.

So the giveaway has started as of the sound of my voice and runs, until 11:59PM eastern on August 31. Me with weird things about time and dates, thought I would stop this giveaway in the middle of the month, like, a week before. And I went, I'm not gonna remember that date. That's not like, saying the end of the month feels like a round number. It's not a round number, but it's got the same vibe. I know some of y'all have to know

what I mean. I know not everybody does, but some of y'all have to know, like, that feel. It's a good round number. The very last day of the month, the last minute of the last day of the month, that's when the giveaway is. There's tons of ways to, enter. You you know, so please, if you are interested in any of those prizes, you wanna celebrate our ten years with us, go forth. Mhmm. Links in the places. We've barely begun, and I've already gone off the fucking rails. That didn't take long, did it?

But okay. Let's get into this. So I have broken our podcast anniversary episode into sort of, like, let's look at the past. Mhmm. Let's do what we do, which is answer some questions. And then, let's, like, do a little bit of dreaming. Okay. And that the dreaming was a suggestion from Yarn and Whiskey in our Discord server available through our Patreon. So I I who am almost never on FetLife y'all, I just I just almost never am, went on there today. Yesterday? Today? What are

days? I don't know. Yesterday. And was like, oh, let's do a poll. Let's ask questions. And we got responses. And so I'm gonna do a thing that I usually would not do this way because it makes me deeply uncomfortable to say out loud nice things people say about me. That's that's a me thing. I'm gonna do it because some of these things were so freaking cool. So on our FetLife page, profile, whatever, I put the poll out that said, do you consider yourself a cricket?

And then your options were, I'm a proud cricket. And what the fuck is a cricket? It's okay to not know what a cricket is because and I will explain it for anybody who doesn't. Because 81% of our poll, respondents said I'm a proud cricket. But 19% who are following us did say, what the fuck is a cricket? So I also asked, for folks to leave comments and let us know when and or where you found the podcast.

Because, you know, we do have at least that I know of, at least a handful of people who've been with us from the very beginning, but a lot of people kind of filtered in over the years. You know? So I'm gonna read those comments. I'm not gonna say names. It's not fully private because it's on our FetLife, but, like, I'm just gonna read the comments. But let's start with what a cricket is. This is not the first time we've explained it. If you know what a cricket is, feel

free to zone out for five minutes. It's fine. So when we first started doing the podcast, it was just us talking. We'd have a topic, but as y'all have y'all know well, I go off on tangents and somebody, rightly so, left a comment or sent an email or whatever and said, look, I like your stories, but I love your topics. But when you go off on a side tangent, I I get lost. Could we, like, not

do that? But it was always stuff I wanted to talk about because to me, I'm the way I can do this and it's why I just tell y'all we're nothing special. We're just weirdos on the internet. Is because I have to feel like I'm sitting like at a kitchen table or sitting in a coffee shop or just chatting with like people who are friends or people who we are vibing together in some way, right? And so then there are all these side things I always like they come to mind. Y'all

y'all been here. Y'all have heard them. So what we did was we created the bonus section. And I I know that's a misnomer. I know if you're new, you think, oh, I'm gonna get extra kink content. No. You're not. You're gonna get our random thoughts and hear about our lives in different ways and know way too much about our pets. Okay? That is that's what you can do. But when we first started it, I would say things like, there's probably not gonna be anybody here. We're gonna be

talking to the crickets. There's gonna be crickets chirping in the background. Nobody's actually gonna listen to this. Why would anybody wanna listen to this? And after not that long after we started the bonus section to try to keep me more on track, somebody tweeted at us and said, I I listened to the bonus section. I am a proud cricket. And crickets and proud crickets became a total I just went with it. I

embraced the shit out of it. Because I was like, man, if you can sit through us trying to be serious, but we are who we are, and then get to that point where we're like, okay. We're not actually dying about kink anymore. We're talking about, like, random shit. And you wanna be there? Y'all are proud crickets. And so I've used that off and on. We use it a little bit more heavily through our Patreon. I've sort of embraced it even more. So yeah. You don't have it, but I know over time we've had

some listeners send us cricket art. Mhmm. And I had one listener who sent us some cricket art and said, you are allowed to use it. And I was like, cool. But I will never put that up for sale because that's their work. That's not license. So when I use their work, it is Patreon goodies. It's like you you have to be in in that part of our community to get access to some of that stuff. And for folks who have asked for more Proud Cricut stickers, because, I used one of the designs for stickers

several years ago. I was pricing them out today. I'm waiting for a better sale to come up from where I usually get them. I am pricing them. So that's what the hell a Cricut is if you're like, what the fuck? So 81% of the folks on FetLife who answered the poll said, I'm proud Cricut. I love I love y'all for that. By the way, if you do not listen to the bonus section, if you're like, I can only take so much of this chaos, we're not offended. We really are not.

You know, I have said over the years, we've both said everything you learn, about how to navigate kink those skills are transferable. Communication, consent, privacy. Mhmm. So, you know, when we say we we take consent seriously, we mean in every aspect of life. I want you to listen to the shit you wanna listen to and I want you to have the ability to opt out when you need to opt out. Right? So that that extends to small things like the bonus section.

Okay. So I'm gonna do this thing that's gonna make me very, embarrassed because I am really not good at this. But I want I want a JB to hear this. I wanted, you know, some of y'all to hear it if you're like because I think some people might see themselves in some of these things. So I'm gonna I'm gonna read these comments that were left. I've gotta scroll. See? People were, like Alright. Really, like, open. I'm trying to be in order here. Oh, no. I shouldn't have scrolled.

That was the problem. Okay. First person says, I think I found your podcast in 2018. I feel like maybe I saw a thing about it at one of the kinky events I went to forever ago. I don't usually listen every week, but I'll definitely binge some episodes when I get the chance, especially the ones that are pertinent to my dynamic at the time.

We're currently we've currently been reworking our dynamic from the ground up or close to, and your episodes have been very helpful in, being talking points for how our needs and lives have changed. Thank you for being a resource for those of us doing 20 fourseven. Uh-huh. I know. See, I need you needed to hear these. Yeah. I can get over my, awkwardness. Somebody said, tune in radio, YouTube, 2017. You know what? If you don't remember and time is hard, same. Same. Okay?

Used to listen when I was diving back into Power Exchange. I was isolated looking for community. I am a kink educator now, and I still point people towards your podcast. Thank you. Okay. I found your podcast about six months after it started. Whoo. You were here when we were rougher than we are now. When I was looking for podcasts to listen to on a road trip and I've been listening ever since. Listening to your podcast is like hanging out

with friends. That's the vibe. I can't remember who said it to me one time that it was like, sitting around the kitchen table, drinking coffee, talking about chat. Yeah. And the that yeah. I didn't know that I couldn't have articulated that until they did it for me, but that's been in my head ever since. Which is why for anybody who's like, why why isn't this slicker? Why isn't this more professional? You know? Because this is the vibe we're going for. It's okay if somebody's not into it, but

Yeah. Yeah. If I have to make it, like, my job job, like, and take it seriously on a on a surface level, like, not the content, not the, you know, caring about audio quality or whatever, but, like, make it, quote, look a certain way or be a certain way to just, like, impress from appearances sake, I'm gonna get bored really fast. So yeah. It it can always be better, but we're going for a vibe here. Okay. Next comment, found y'all after my rough divorce. I'm

so sorry. Sorry. When I wanted to immerse myself into the BDSM slash kink lifestyle, been my only constant in a world of chaos. I'm glad we could be that for you. The next person said, I think it was either 2017 or 2018, which is still we were still rough. And someone in a Facebook group recommended y'all's podcast as a good reference, and I've been listening ever since. There's always something worthwhile there, and my favorite parts are when Kayla has a air quote rant. Right. Not hard

to get me there. Mhmm. They're very cleansing for me. I'm always very embarrassed, like, when we're done recording and streaming and I'm like, oh my god. I just lost my shit over that. I know my face was really red. I've yeah. I got one of I got one of those things. But they are very cleansing. I I it's a big energy expenditure but it all feels good. Okay. This one legit had me tearing up, but I told this person that.

Okay. I wish I could express in words just how much it is meant to have your podcast, the Friday Hangouts, etcetera, to look forward to over the years. My wife found your podcast, I wanna say about six years ago, and it was invaluable in the early days of our journey together into this world and community. I have to admit, life has taken me in some odd directions the last two years, and I went from being on just about every livestream to zero. It happens. And it's left a big hole in my heart for

a while. I think all the crickets here can relate that your content isn't just about kink and BDSM. It's about life and navigating life in general. Maybe through the lens of kink, but you've created a community and you've helped a lot of people. You're the only content creators I subscribe to in a paid sense, Patreon. Thank you for being a proud cricket. And I keep up my membership even without listening because you deserve the support. I'm gonna stop there cause it goes into

other things. But, I will read this part because I I think other folks can relate. Kayla, you helped my wife be okay with being who she is. You helped her understand that it was okay to embrace her little tendencies and accept that part of her is real and not broken. Also, John, thank you for showing the world that a Dom isn't just what the movies might lead you to believe it is, and that tops need care and consideration too. Vulnerability is not a weakness.

You do good work is all I and others recognize it. I mean, I've been trying to pimp you out for ten years. I'm just lying. Oh, gosh. Okay. I'm still scrolling. Yep. Folks left, like this was cool. I don't, you know, I don't go asking for this kind of thing ever. So this was kinda cool. This one listen to this. Google Podcasts is how they found us back when you were recording in a closet. You were only 15 episodes in at that time. And I think

that's about when you came in. I think I did, like, the first I don't know how many I'd have to go look. Yeah. Yeah. I I don't remember. But there came a point I kinda went, could you please Yeah. Condo this with me? Well, actually actually, the way you went about it was Tell me how you remember because you know my memory is shit. Okay. The way I remember it is you came to me and said you were doing this particular episode How we Okay. And and you felt it would be helpful to have

a a big d's perspective. Okay. I have vague memories of that. Do I remember what that topic was? No. No. We'd have to go look at the archive. Don't have a fucking clue. But then, you know, we got such positive feedback from that. And it was so much fun even though we were sweating our ass off in that damn closet. Oh my god. Oh my god. The episodes were a lot shorter then. They were.

But also that's when I went off on, like, side tangents because the brain fell off the tracks and a one thought beget another thought. Okay. Next comment. We have a good friend that introduced us to your podcast and we've been listening for roughly the last year and have loved it all. Thank you guys for what you do. Welcome. This this one is not really does not actually answer the question, but it did tickle me. How come someone might see this poll and wonder what the fuck is a cricket?

I mean, do some people follow your account without listening to the podcast? Or maybe they always skip the intro and the outro. It's fine. It's fine. Right. And then the last one, I'm not sure when I found the podcast, but I know it was on Spotify. I love the live stream. You helped me through the death of my first owner. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine not hearing your advice, and life challenge

and your hearing your I can read. Hearing your advice and life challenges, it's helpful hearing other people raising many humans within a kink dynamic as well. Yeah. I'm it's so weird to me that we're, like, super close to not raising the humans anymore. I know. It it doesn't seem it's real. Wild. Wild. Mhmm. So that's part of the retrospective. Like, we've had folks, coming in and out. I mean, I've had some people who Yeah. For different reasons, they've

they've reached out and said, okay. You know, maybe I'm not gonna do Patreon anymore, maybe this, maybe that. And they kinda drift away for whatever's going on in their life, and then they come back when when it's right. You know?

The I think I know how I am, and I but I think the last few years, we've had our version of this where, you know, there are points in your life where you might intensely be into BDSM, whether it's learning or it's, you know, conventions or it's participating in community and, like, you're just deep the fuck in it. And then there comes, like, some point something's going on in life and you you have to it kinda has to fade to the background.

We made it our professional life. So even when it fades, it never really fades. And I I'm grateful for that because pretty sure one of the few things that kept me sane for the several years of our, like, life Mhmm. Was the fact that we had our power exchange even if it was a muted, dulled down version of it. But, you know, that that makes sense that sometimes you're in and out and, you know, we get it. I I I like it

when people, like, randomly find us. I like it when people are like, I used to listen. It's been a few years, and I'm like, I like it all. I just I'm always, very happy, but and pleasantly surprised, but also fucking shocked that everybody's like, yeah, I could listen to you ramble for an hour and a half. It's because you cut in with, like, your your, chill vibe. I'm over here, like, pure chaos, Tasmanian devil sort of thing. Really called chaos gremlin? That I am absolutely. And you know what?

You wanna know what's sad about that? I desperately don't wanna be a chaos gremlin. I do I have not embraced that about myself. I find it very embarrassing sometimes because chaos is fun when I'm making jokes and we're all, like, having a good time. But then I'm like, what was I just saying? What are the words I like to use? Did that even make any sense? So, is there anything that you've Well, you know, I don't know. The thing I I just, you know, doing what we did earlier.

Yeah. A spoiler in case you would not normally go listen to the podcast. But podcast listeners who are, like, like, here with us now, we for the intro, only the intro. Yeah. We we did it old school. We went into our bedroom closet with a laptop and we recorded the intro like the old days. Yeah. But unlike the old days, we needed a chair. Yeah. Neither neither one of us are gonna sit sit on the floor. No. And, We'd still be there. Crawl we'd crawling is the only way we

go. And we only were able to last five minutes. Like, stamina for being Mhmm. In a hot stuffy, closet for Yeah. For more than a few minutes. But, you know, the the the whole progression of what has or the evolution. Mhmm. Well, I think. Started out in in a closet with a laptop. An old it was an old laptop when we started on it. It was old. Mhmm. Like, I've been using it for a few years from my previous big girl job. Right. I started my freelance life on it.

Yeah. And then started a podcast on it. Mhmm. Mhmm. And then from the closet, we went to my desk. Yes. Oh, those videos are on YouTube. They they are not visually appealing at all. But, yeah. That's when I was like, well, let's let's just do this for more people and in more places. And from the desk, we moved to the loveseat. Well, before we went to the the loveseat for a time, we were doing, when we were renting the house, when we moved to where the town was going now. That's that's

No. You're right. Well, you're right. At the condo, we rent the loveseat. The condo, we were in the loveseat. On my memory. I have a shipment right here. That was when we did the loveseat. Okay. When we moved here to Ocala and we were in the rental, that's when we did the fireplace chat. Yes. But sometimes we would also do desk stuff. True. Right. But for the most part, it was the fireplace. Yes. Yes. And those videos are getting a little traction on YouTube. It's very strange. I'm looking

at stats. I'm looking at my YouTube dashboard and I'm like, that's a very old view of me. I was thinner, younger, and sitting in front of a fireplace. Right. Several years ago. And and, you know, then then we moved where we are now, and and this has been Mhmm. We bought this house primarily for this office that we are in. In yeah. Mhmm. Yep. So Yep. Yeah. We had we had looked at a lot of houses. Yeah. And this one was We walked into this room and went, oh, this is it.

And then we realized we had this decent sized backyard, and there was the it was a a garden shed at the time, but we were like, Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. So yeah. And then we'll kinda get into this because we have a section on the future. Mhmm. But we we have been we haven't talked about it in the past couple weeks but for a while, we were doing some serious talking about we want to change our, video setup. We still have to be in this room because this is the room we

have Yeah. At least for right now. I don't think I'd wanna use the oldest, bedroom because this, like, shares a wall with the youngest bedroom. Right. And this is still they can still hear shit. I've just had to go, I'm here for questions if you've got them. They're they're at the age of I just like to pretend I didn't hear you say all of those things you just said while I was in the kitchen. But so we've talked about how we want to update, you know, how we sit, our

background Yeah. What we wanna use for streaming. We can't update the camera because those are too damn expensive. Right now, that's that's out of the question. But, you know, we we've been talking about some time now these, these chairs have, outlived their usefulness and comfort. They were never comfortable. No. Not really. They were cheap for Ikea. Yeah. Nearly maybe everything in this office? Nearly everything in this office is Ikea. There's

a couple things that aren't. But your desk is, I think, the only I can count things. We could do a whole inventory. But no. But yeah. Pretty much. Like, this desk we're sitting at Mhmm. The chair the uncomfortable chair. But it was like a $20 chair. Yeah. You know? We for audio listeners, we're like, okay. What you gonna do for us? For everybody, we have never pinpointed what the hell is going on with sound quality. Right. Mic cord, whatever these mics are, like, several

years old. We have talked about maybe upgrading the mics or just replacing the mics. So I mean, the yeah. The the scratchiness, I don't know. Never find it. I I have replaced these cables numerous times. Mhmm. I've even switched, channels on the soundboard. Mhmm. And it's not a constant. No. It's just a a blippy here and there. It's the, it's our little gremlin. Well, from one chaos gremlin to another, read the fucking room. Okay? Little scratchy gremlin sound. What else? What else?

I don't know. That's kind of it. I mean, as far as the the, you know, evolution to where we are now Mhmm. You know, but I I am looking forward to seeing what, you know, we'll come up with to change. I'm definitely looking forward to come more comfortable chair. Yeah. And, you know, I am I think we need a refresh. Like, sometimes life has forced a refresh because we've literally changed locations. Right. But now Yeah. You know.

And and that's part of why we've also, been thrifting a little bit, you know, hoping to find something that, appeals and is functional and Worth the money. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Our days of just going to IKEA and going, I want that. I want that. And then getting on the floor to build it. No. No. We we will thrift. Mhmm. And so that what the fun part about that is, you know, when we find it, it'll be a pleasant surprise, and it'll probably be a little quirky and a little fun.

Because if it's not gonna be comfy and it's gonna be something we wanna sit for a couple of hours at a time, you know, talking to one another, then so, I came across it was a single chair, that didn't actually look like it would be very comfortable overall, but it was cute. But then I looked at the price tag, and I went, oh, that's right. This is an antique store, not a thrift store. Yep. Nope. Yeah. Let me get my ass out of here. Yeah. It was

cute though. So, how I know what you've told me privately, but I'll so you share what you wanna share. How have you felt and maybe grown or not grown comfortable with this whole like in 2015, the thing was, hey, I wanna start this podcast. I wanna like talk about these things, but I don't know how to edit and I don't really wanna know I got too much going on. Would you be willing to be my tech support and do the editing for me? That's all I need from you. That's the

only time commitment. Well, clearly. And you were not, you know, immediately none of I don't think anybody is ever immediately comfortable, like, recording your own damn voice. But I know you were not initially comfortable. No. Ten years on, where where are you at with that? I'm a lot more comfortable with it, you know. There was a time, you know, you put me in front of the mic and I'm you want me to talk? What?

Mhmm. When I when I let you have a mic, there were years where people were like, could you please let JB, like, get in front of the mic or have his own? Yeah. And, you know, I started getting comfortable with that. Mhmm. Audio only. And then you fucking sprung video on me. You know? Because I had this, like I I was sort of trying to chase the, oh, can we grow? How many more

people can I reach? Which there's nothing wrong with reaching more people, but it was this, view from a content creator standpoint, not necessarily, like, community and, like, chatting that wasn't from that. Standpoint, not necessarily, like, community and, like, chatting that wasn't from that standpoint. And so I was like, where can we be? What can we do? Right. But I'm not doing double work. So if I record it once, we gotta find a way to use it twice. Twice. And and, you know, I've become

much more comfortable with all of it. Mhmm. Obviously. The one thing that has not changed in ten years and probably will not ever change, I still cannot listen to my voice. Yeah. I've after all these years, I'm used to hearing mine. I I I can't. And yet you have a voice that not everybody, obviously, but some people really like to listen to. Like, you've got, like, one of those, like it's not unless you're making it overly growly and, like, sexy. It's mostly just like this nice soothing

Mhmm. Voice. I mean, you know, it's like I'm I'm reading the the stories Mhmm. You know, for our Patreon. Patreon. And, I I guess people like it, but it would be an editing hell for me to have to listen to it. Yeah. That was the agreement. He would read the stories. He would record himself reading, but I had I had to learn how to use the edit the Audacity and learn how to edit them. And and I go a little I'm a little power crazy with the edit, but I'm like, oh, I can

I can splice and dice? Like, there are times because it happens to anybody who's reading out loud and, you know, this is not something he's doing, like, professionally, like, you know, so and he's new. We've only been doing it a few months where, you know, sometimes you you kind of when I say you, I mean the general you, anybody who has to read out loud, there's a little a slight stumbling over words.

Well, I learned where because the editing can be finessed enough, I splice out and you and you just sound like you just said it like it I was like, damn. It was Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm I'm the power. I don't know if I should have that kind of control. Yeah. Well, you know, it it's funny because when you first approached me with this whole podcast thing Whole podcast thing. Yeah. You know, and and I was doing the editing,

I was doing the same thing. I was editing down to a with a fine tooth comb, boy, and and just, you know, for what you could do with what we had at that time. And, you know, as more and more people as we, you know, progressed that we were doing, you know, video and then live stream And longer episodes. Longer episodes and and, you know, people are like, you know, no, we we enjoy we like it, but, you know, we like hearing I started started editing less than that. Editing became less stressful

for you. That's why I make the joke. If we were professionals, we'd edit some of this. We don't. We we really don't. Yeah. We will if we absolutely have to rerecord a podcast intro usually because something that's just like it's too distracting has happened or I have just forgotten how to speak in mid sentence. Mhmm. But we we let it all yeah. We just let the flubs Mhmm. Go. Yep. So for anybody who's curious, the way I am and how I talk

and how I forget words, oh, yeah. That's how I can be in in real life. I'm actually sometimes, you know, a lot more comfortable in real life because I am very aware that there are eyes and ears on me. And And I I have over all these years, I've I've never been able to forget that I am being watched and listened to. And then and I'm very well aware because I spend time on the Internet just like a lot of y'all do, that people who don't know you will interpret

things. And people who do know you will interpret things ways you didn't that was not your intention, but that's how they interpreted it. And I'm I'm overly aware. But the way this, all this awkwardness, you get that in real life too. It's not a show. It's as realistic as I know how to be. So we've been talking about over the past several months, like, how our relationship is going, what we're doing with our relationship.

Just to give some context in in the evolution of our relationship alongside the podcast, we had actually only lived together a little bit over a year Mhmm. When I said I wanna do the podcast. We'd only been together about two and a half, three years at that point. Oh, we were closing in on three years Yeah. When we started it. Yeah. Yeah. Because we yeah. Because we we weren't you weren't doing anything when we were in the apartment. No. Yeah. It wasn't Could have even if we wanted

to. Wasn't on my radar at all. Yeah. No. And so anybody who has either gone through the archive or has been here the whole time, you will probably have heard an evolution in our relationship Mhmm. And how, you know, what we talk about in terms of our relationship, how we talk to one another. I do think I have over time become a lot more relaxed. I've I've always been relaxed too. That's at a certain point of the new newness of our relationship kind of of wearing off and

the newness of living together wearing off. Like, I've always been relaxed, but the sass, the look. I am there are two times I'm very sassy. When I think I'm fucking hilarious. So that that can be anytime. Y'all are here. We're in the bed. Just the two of us. I am I'm cracking myself up. Sassy city. Okay? But the second time after all these years is when I know somebody else watching or listening. Well, they guess why? I have an audience for the sass that amuses me. Let's go. I do think

I grew into that over time. It does, though, mean that a lot of people who randomly come across us and then clearly decide we're not their people, are not impressed with my sassiness. They, they are not fans. Nope. Nope. For all that obviously I do most of the talking on this podcast, for the rando that just showed up and don't know us, yes. I am the submissive. JB has never felt like he had to say more words than me in order to be the dominant.

But it's mostly, like so let me back up to give the analogy. Mhmm. In the kinkery thekinkery.com, we work it together. We each have our own roles, but in my mind, that is your shop. Yeah. And I never thought of it this way till we had the kinkery, but the podcast and the community and all, it works the same way. We each have our roles to play with this podcast, the live streams, Patreon, but it's treated like it's my thing. Now I don't like to call

that. It is our thing. But JB has always been a type of partner, and we do this for one another. I have to push him into a spotlight. He is really good at taking a step back and just letting me do a thing that I'm passionate about, that I'm good at, that whatever whatever. And then he'll just kind of support me in the way that's right for him. So if there's ever anybody who's like, JB doesn't talk very much because JB

don't wanna talk very much. Okay? When JB wants to talk When I have something to say, I'll say it. I made this comment of several episodes ago. It's probably been a few months ago. I don't remember what the top the the podcast episode was about. But, I think I was, like, in my feelings about, you know, the criticism that comes with how much I fucking talk. And I was, like, y'all, if JB was doing this and it was JB, it's a ten minute podcast. Yeah. And that is not a criticism. It's just

a difference between the two of us. I am finally It's a red flag. You need to talk about it. Right. And he's done. No context. No examples. He's not repeating himself. That's it. If you got it the first time, great. If you didn't, sucks to suck. But we balance each other out because I'm a tell you five times until you're like, please, I I got it. I got it the fourth time you said it. So we we compliment one another. Yes. Yes. The one thing that we have,

consistently over the years I say we. I have consistently over the years gotten, critique for, and it's it's fair. It's a fair critique because I'm always like, oh my god. I can't believe I did that. It's interrupting you. Now what you have to realize is in our relationship and this is our relationship on display. The way I talk to JB here is how I talk to him y'all. If he does not like me interrupting, he will tell me so. Okay? He's like, uh-uh. You interrupted me. Stop.

I have something to say. Right? So I I think it's sweet that y'all y'all are offended on his behalf. I am I am mortified when I go back and I'm like listening or watching or whatever. I'm like, oh my god. I just stopped him in mid thought. It doesn't always look like it, but I try to be more mindful of that. You have been. I you have. Mhmm. Mhmm. Because there are there are many people they're not here for me. They might be here for the sass and the humor. They wanna hear what you gotta say.

And I want to figure out how I can make JB say more than a 100 words in an hour. Okay? I'm working on it. Okay. So where was I going? Okay. Is there anything else you wanna say about the the build up to us getting here and here we are ten years later? No. Okay. So now we're gonna do what we do. I put out I put it out several places, but it's summertime and there's not usually a lot of, like, movement on social media. It's I'm used to it after all these

years. That is a thing I have grown used to mostly. So I didn't expect to get, like, a million questions, which is why I was like, let's piece together a whole show. But I did over on Instagram. I did on YouTube. I did on felt life. I was like, hey. You got a question? You know, go ahead and ask it. We'll we'll answer them during this episode. So this is us doing what we do. See? See how, like, there's a whole pattern here. Wow. I actually tried to work. Almost professional.

Fascinating. I know. First question. Mhmm. What is one thing you fell in love with when you first met the other, and what is your favorite thing now about each other? I think the, the thing that really got me was, how supportive you were on so many things. Yeah. I I remember some surprises where you were like, what do you what are you doing? I'm like, I'm Right. Supporting you. That's what we do here. And, you know, yeah. That's that's what, that's how you hooked me in. I did. I did.

And, now I tell you the one the one thing I think about the most with us right now is when we are in bed at night and we're done reading. We've put our phones down. We've put our devices down. All devices are down, and you can make me fucking laugh. I'm always very proud of myself for that. To to no end, and and I love that because it I I need that. You get very much in your head. Yeah. Very much in your feels. Mhmm. And I cannot stand for you to be unhappy, so I will be as silly as I have

to be so that I can enjoy. You you you get that goofy silliness. It's it's like a a bedtime zoomie without, you know, running around, but it's all in the there's some physical, like Well, yeah. Chaos. Yeah. Look. Look. Look. And I'm so this is what happens when you your dominant is also a sadist and not just still, like, a physical sadist, but, like, a mental, emotional, consensually sadist. I'm gonna say a thing and he's gonna remember this and I'm gonna pay for this later.

But this is what we do here. So yes. A lot of the Zoomies are verbal. It's my mind like ping ponging left, right, and center. But some of those Zoomies are physical They are. Yeah. Because, JB will put his arm and, like, hold me down, and I fucking love being pinned down. Like, pinned me down the great dickening from several weeks ago. He started by pinning me down. It was so good. And so this is this is my sass. I do not claim the brat label.

I could see where you could squint your eyes and call this bratty, but I'm being sassy. Is I will absolutely physically get chaotic in hopes that he will pin me down. And when he doesn't, I it just get worse. I just get worse. Now if he said to me Why don't you love me? Why don't you love me? Love me, you'd pin me down. You'd pin me down. Now if he were to say, baby girl, stop. I'm a stop. I'm

I'm a good girl. I'm a stop. But until he does, I'm going to just flop like a fish out of water until I am pinned the fuck down. And now that I've, like, said that publicly, he'll he either just won't do it or he'll just tell me to stop moving because I said I would stop moving if he told me to stop moving. And I won't get pinned for, like, a week until I, like, get real sad about not being pinned because that's the sadist. I'm like, oh, not all pain is physical pain. Okay? No. No.

No. No. So, so, one of the things I fell in love, with you, it's, I can't just say one because it's all tied together. Mhmm. Your openness and communication and your steadiness. There was no bullshit. Shit. I'm a be quiet. I'm a drift away. I'm like, there were none of those mind games that sometimes get played Mhmm. Between, you know, new newish partners in that process. You you were who you said you were. You did what you said you would do. Mhmm. Like, very quickly, I could I could trust

your word. And I knew that if if I sent the text, if I sent the email, if I reached out, you were there. There was none of this, like, some of that weird bullshit that Wondering if Yeah. Yeah. I get it. We did not we did not play games like that and you just you just showed up as who you were. You didn't try to be somebody you're not. You weren't trying to, like, you weren't purposely trying to just impress me. You just you just were and I liked

who you were. And I liked the fact that I could trust that the person in email was the same person in text, was the same person on the phone, was the same person in person. I never had doubts about that. Okay. Now, oh my god. Yeah. There's too many to just go, it's my favorite thing now. In terms if we're gonna talk in terms of what we're doing here, it's the fact that almost every crazy fucked up idea I have for, you know, professionally, you're like, okay, baby girl.

Okay. I got you. Let's you know, if you could figure out how we can do it. Okay. Yep. But you're you're just you are probably the most supportive human I've ever had in my life. And I don't I didn't come from a family where I wasn't supported. Like, I was, you know Mhmm. I it was expected that I would excel in things. So So I was supported in that way. But you like, there you it's almost like you don't you never doubt me. You might have questions about, like, how is this gonna work and and what

what does this take? Like, you you're uncertain about the thing. What is this based on? But if I come you and go, I got an idea. I'd like to try this, but you just go. Mhmm. You know, once the logistics in your head are kind of you're like, okay. You're just like completely sub that is how you rope your partner into a ten year podcast, y'all. You get one that just, you know, fucking believes in you and will go on the wild ride with you. You know?

And that's literally one of many things. Like, the fact that you do think I'm funny and that I you are my safe person and I can be the weirdest, most real version of myself. There's no mask with you. There's I I I completely unmask. Yeah. In a way that I was saying this the other day to somebody. I don't like, not in the same way like socially and with strangers but you know, I wear a bit of a mask even as a parent. Like there are certain things

I don't let my kids see. There are certain ways I carry myself as a parent that, you know, it took years for them to get to see how weird their mother was. Thankfully, kids are, like, really observant. They already knew I was weird. I think they were just happy. I was comfortable showing it. But, yeah. Like, you're just I can be my whole ass self with you. And you're like, yep. Yep. I didn't know I was signing up for this, but, yep. Let's do this. You just I don't know.

Okay. Now we're gonna get into the help me with things because that's what we do here, those questions. We have answered this in in a a version of this many times, but it's Mhmm. It's always worth having a reminder of our answer for this. Mhmm. The question is, how does pegging work if I'm a sub and my partner has expressed interest in being pegged? So the submissive would do the pegging

Mhmm. For their partner. And the the the first thing, and I think that we talked to the about that extent in, you know, doing it as an act of service. Yes. Yes. Because, inserting a toy or a body part in another human does not make you the dominant one automatically. No. Mhmm. So, you know, as as an act of service, that that's definitely one way to approach it. Mhmm. Yeah. Or if if you're not a service sub, but you're, like, a sub who does what their partner tells them to, consensually

negotiate it. Make sure you're comfortable. But if it helps, do it from the your partner wants you to do this so you will do this for your partner Mhmm. As an act of submission Right. Whether if service doesn't doesn't vibe. But part of it is is getting past and getting beyond this idea that, if I insert the thing in your body, that makes me dominant. No. It makes you the top, but it don't make you dominant.

Mhmm. It's like years and years ago, one of many things that inspired this whole ass podcast was when I had I went on a total, like, written ranting rampage on my personal blog that I have not written in forever So about how oral sex, giving oral sex or receiving. You are not automatically a sub or dom depending on what you're doing because Yeah. I know who's in control when his mouth is where it goes. Okay. And it ain't me. It has never

been me. Because there was this sort of misogynistic thing of of your especially if you're, you know, a man and you were, you know, going down on especially a woman, but anybody, if you were the one doing that, it makes you air quotes submissive. And it's like, nah. There's there's power to be had in any Oh, yeah. Sexual position. And and I It's a mind. I feel sorry for them. They're missing out on a lot of fun. Oh, yeah. They they are a 100% are.

So that yeah. That's the thing. If you could think of it as service, think of it as service. Yep. If you can think of it as an active submission, cool. And then just just remember that inserting does not automatically mean dominance. Clearly, it can, but it doesn't have to. Okay. Next question. I this, I think, came across as a little bit like, but I wanted to give you an opportunity because you need to talk more, damn it. Why would someone want to be a dom?

What's the appeal about all that responsibility? Well, you know, I for me, I can I can pinpoint where it came from? And I know for everybody, it's gonna be different. Okay? You know, it's it's not a a pat answer. Mhmm. My childhood was chaotic. Mhmm. It was, yeah. And in this and there were a lot of things that happened there that for me, coming into the BDSM lifestyle and being a dominant, I was able to take back control. Mhmm. Yeah. You don't do well when you're not in control now. No.

In all No. Facets of life. No. Like, we're we're talking about just relationships. Yeah. So, you know, that that's that's where it is for me. Mhmm. Okay. Yeah. Follow-up side question. Sure. In terms of the taking on the responsibility, which I you know, if you are not naturally inclined toward a dominant role, I could see where the idea of taking on that responsibility can be overwhelming.

Can you talk about, like, what is it that you receive or get or, you know, whatever from Here's here's the thing that I'm gonna say about taking on the responsibility. And, again, this speaks for us. Right. Okay? This this Your mileage will always vary. Right. You know, different people, different results kind of thing. Yes. There are times I you know, especially over our our last, few years Yeah. You know, there there were times I thought to myself, I can't do this.

Somebody else make some decisions. Right. But what what helps keep that at bay for the most part with us is before we entered into our our dynamic, we came at each other as equals. Mhmm. Okay. And even though I am the decision maker, in the end when everything comes down to it, I know that I can trust to sit down with you and say, okay. What what's going on here? What what are we looking at? What options do we have? What? And we can sit and talk about all

that stuff. So you don't bear the responsibility to completely alone. Right. Right? You have support. Yes. Mhmm. That that's what makes it Mhmm. And then sometimes, you know, I I'm would imagine I don't wanna speak for you. Mhmm. I know you'll correct me if I'm wrong. It there's also the there's a balance we have. There's responsibility, but then there is pleasure from the control. Mhmm. There's enjoyment. There's satisfaction. There's Oh, yeah. Whatever whatever whatever.

And so sort of it doesn't will not always be in balance. It's impossible. But in general, over pick your amount of time, it has to be kind it has to balance itself out so that the responsibility is not, you know, weighing so heavily and there's, like, no there's not enough pleasure and satisfaction or whatever it is, you know, to go with it. Because, you know, the same question can be asked. Why would you wanna submit? Why would you want somebody to tell you what to do? Well, I got I personally

got got some reasons. Right? And it ultimately is there's your reasons and then there's what you receive, you know. So, what am I where was I going with that? You moved real fast and I went panic. So yeah. It's just Yeah. Because I saw something pack pop up and I need to Right. The the whole thing is there's something you want and you receive it in a way that is ethical and consensual. And so for the the rough times or

the hard times or the Mhmm. The things that carry a weight to them, they're balanced by whatever you're getting from that that True. You need and you want and is satisfying. Mhmm. Okay. How do you navigate shame related to being a kinky person in a vanilla culture? That's a heavy one. It it is. It is. And and, you know, for me, for a long time, I dealt with that. Mhmm. I think probably most people do Mhmm. Coming into into the lifestyle.

And I think what, helps me navigate it now more than anything is I have reached a point in my life where I have little fucks to give. Mhmm. Mhmm. And I don't Yeah. You know? It it it's not as important to me to navigate. I mean, I'm not blatant Sure. About it. You know? Walking around in leather and leaving me by a leash. Right. No. We do not do that in public. That is not our chance. No. But,

but yeah. I mean, you know, I I look at doing things certain things in public like that, and I know that's a whole conversation. We've had these conversations before. I know. You know, in public, people did not consent. Right. Absolutely. So, you know, there's there's that. We're not doing We're not You know, I'm not whipping out the flogger in public. Right. We're not bringing, people who did not consent to be in

it with us Right. Ever. So it is it gets to be behind closed doors and or in spaces designated to be doing those things. You know, from the conversations we've had because I know at least one of the ways that you were in real life absolutely shamed for being kinky. Mhmm. You know, I think some of it is a a growing confidence in yourself over the years of realizing that you're not the only one and other people do this.

And so you're not some, like, freak of nature out here, like, just coming up with crazy shit. Like, you're you there's a there's a whole swath of humanity that's like, yeah. I'm kinda into that shit too. And, you know, just in the time we've been together and you knew you were kinky long before you knew I existed in this world. But even in the the oh, gosh, 2012, they're almost almost thirteen years.

I've watched you grow in confidence just because you've lived the kink life that you wanna live in the way you wanna live it, and that has evolved over the years. When the kids were younger, we were a lot quieter in, like, in our own home about it. When you had your own, like, corporate job, you had to be way under the radar. Like, his face didn't get shown. We were, like, we were super, super careful. We were less careful.

I think that's kind of when we started doing video for the podcast was when we stopped being concerned about that. Not as con well, the funny thing is when we started doing the video, you were like oh we need to set up we need to have Facebook pages and social media and stuff and you know at that time neither of us were out and you know, when Not to our vanilla ice cream. Not not to yeah.

And, you know, when I set up your, because your Facebook, we set up first and locked it down really good, really well at that time, and, kinda missed a target with mine. Yep. Yep. And you and that's the thing. You know, the shame is gonna come from different places. There's the internalized shame, which JB dealt

with early days of his Kingcliff. I other than the wrapping my head around the fact that I was on the spectrum of being a little as a baby girl, I never felt the internalized shame of, oh, I'm submissive. Like, for me, that was a a feeling of rightness. Like, I was like, oh, I make fucking sense now, and I felt good about that. But I'm not immune to the shame because, in 2019, when the stepfather I kinda tolerate became the

evil stepfather Yeah. It was because he went digging where he shouldn't have and then didn't like what he saw. And then, you know, tried to in his way to he tried to shame us, because he did not approve. He does not pay my fucking bills, so I don't need his approval. But he attempted to create a rift between me and my mother and that's a whole thing. We got an episode way back. I'm not I'm not going

into that at this point. But I have I kind of just realized recently, I have been dealing with some level of I don't know if I don't know if if shame is the right word for it, but a hesitancy. I basically stopped writing on my personal You did. Site after that because it no longer it's I put it on the Internet. It's not private, but I had kept that part of my life away

from my non kink Mhmm. Life on purpose because I'd always, you know, said if I if there was a chance that somebody in my non kink life was seeing this, reading this, I I would not feel as free. And when it happened and it came with an attempt to shame me and a whole dose of anger Yeah. I was like, I don't feel safe here anymore. Correct. And that and that is something that has happened to other bloggers over the years. Oh, yeah.

I thought I was immune to it because by the time that got, you know, that got found out, my, you know, writing about sex, talking about kink life had bought a fucking house, like, or was about to buy a house. Yeah. And so I was like, I have nothing to be ashamed of, but it still manages to stop me in my tracks. A lot I've let most of that go. I just haven't I've not gone back to writing. I don't know if I will, when I will. I don't I don't think about that

too much. I don't have time to think about that. But in terms of dealing with my internal feelings, I I think it helped that that happened after I had understood I was kinky for several years, had lived a kink life, had found a career in the kink world in, you know, in some ways. Yeah. Because I was much more, like, confident in who I was. But I also I surround myself with kinky people as much as as possible. Yeah. And it's a way for me to sort of make it more normal, air quote, all that.

Like, we do taboo shit, and it's not maybe it doesn't need to be normalized. I don't know. That's a separate debate. But, you know, I I'd purposely put myself in places where I don't have to deal with anybody's judgment. I don't have to deal with whatever feelings that brings up in me. I don't I just I just don't. I just don't want to and I don't.

So, you know, I am freely myself and you see my face and whatever whatever part of that is because the family fucking knows at this point, and I just warned them, don't go poking because you can't unknow. Mhmm. But my life is it is very strange to be called by my legal name. Let's put it that way. I am Kayla Lords. Yeah. You know? I'm legally Kayla Lords. I have a d b doing business as yeah. Yeah. I pay good money for that every few years. But I I think a lot of it is a time

thing. It's a community thing. It's a confidence thing in yourself. I I am sure there's probably a therapeutic aspect because I think it depends on where that shame is coming from. Are you what is oh, is it called deconstructing? It's where people who, were raised in not good religious ways Mhmm. Are trying to, like, kinda undo some of that to, like, have, like, have the life they want and to, like, not have as much shame and

guilt. And I'm not religious, so I I'm not saying any of the words right, but somebody who knows wouldn't you know what I'm talking about. I know I know what you're talking. Yeah. That is, like, that's not a thing that you're just I think you just wake up from, you know, six months into your kink life or six years in your kink life and you're like, oh, the shame has come. Like, I think there are there there's different avenues to how you deal with that. But what you said at the top is

probably the most important. You gotta run out of fucks to give. Yeah. You know? I think that's different because we've warned about this over the years, and it was a fear we had, because the kids are of a certain age when the evil stepdad lost his fucking shit. Yeah. You know, people do lose custody over their kids, for for Mhmm. For people finding out they're kinky. And people do lose jobs. You know? People do like, you could get kicked out.

You can get divorced. Like, there is a loss to be had there for some people. And so if you are super private and you don't tell anybody and you have a lot of fucks because you know what you have to lose, that's that's different. Once that was not really a concern of ours anymore Mhmm. The fucks do sort of drift away eventually. Yeah. Yeah. But I sometimes get confused in my head. I hate being perceived when I'm not trying to be perceived. And so sometimes I can't quite tell in

my own head. Is this a sense of shame or is this the deep seated hatred of being perceived by people that I don't know and do not have not welcomed into this thing. Right? Like, it's too personal. Like, Kayla Lords is probably the rawest, most vulnerable version of who I am as a human being, and so it is very uncomfortable for people who don't fucking get it to perceive me. And so that's you know, it's all complex

is what I would say. And there are many paths to get to the same outcome of going, this is who the fuck I am, take it or leave it. But, also, if you are never like that and you're just like, this is what I do behind closed doors, and it's not for anybody else to know. That's what I find too. Valid. Yep. Okay. Last one. It's kind of easy. Mhmm. Mhmm. What apps slash websites do you trust for meeting a kinky partner? I don't trust anything for meeting people online.

Like, there's not a a designation you go to and you're like, you can trust everything that happens here. This is the Internet. Don't trust anything. Don't trust anything. But are there better places than others? Yes. Yeah. I, you know, I I don't I don't know what to say on that. I I really don't. I'm gonna do the thing I always say and it's the boring answer. It's not the the fun answer because people really wanna Mhmm. If I just go do to this one place, I'll do the thing.

Kinky people exist on every platform, every app, every website, everywhere. They're we are everywhere. If you know you want a kinky partner, go to the places where the kinky people are gathering. Fetlife is the top one because it's the most popular but there are other sites that have kinda cropped up over the years that have a social aspect. Fetish.com, The Cage. There's several out there. I don't I don't remember them all anymore.

There is I cannot remember the name of the app that is the most kink friendly. They're not like a kink dating app, but they're like it's I think it's used primarily by, like, non monogamous people or it's friendly to non monogamous people too. I cannot remember the name of the fucking app. But wherever if if doing that does not appeal, what what social media site, what app are you most comfortable using? Like, you spend most

of your time there? Okay. Well, if you don't want this on your main account, create yourself an alt account that's just your kinky life, and just go to the extent that you can and that's safe for you and all that. Go be kinky on the Internet in a place you can, you know, you like to be, like you like to hang out because we are fucking everywhere. So the whole thing is if you're willing to be open about that you're looking for a kinky partner, put that fucking shit out there.

Go where you feel comfortable, and if a place makes you uncomfortable, just don't fucking be there. But, like, get to know people as people. Our default answer is and has always been and I just I just think it's it's good. Make be there like make a fucking friend first. Make sure you like them as a human being and you're like, yeah. I would I would share oxygen with this person.

You know? Not, oh, that is a dom and I am looking for a dom or that is a sub and I'm looking for sub and so I'm just gonna slot this person in because they have the title. Like, just go be a person on the Internet, a kinky person if that, you know, if you feel comfortable doing that, alt accounts are great. I've been living by them for years. Actually, I actually now have an alt vanilla account. I locked that shit down though, even that

one. And it's like, I don't have my legal name on it, but I blocked everybody in my vanilla life because I was like, I want privacy. This is for me to go look at what I wanna look at and to talk to my college age kid, not for the rest of you. So yeah. The life is weird because my alt account is vanilla. Yeah. Yeah. So strange. I get it. I do. But, yeah, I mean, the thing is FetLife has the reputation for being a cesspit, and it can be. Mhmm. But Instagram can

be a cesspit. Yeah. Facebook is a cesspit. Let's just I'm a need, like, everybody's oldest generation family member with access to Facebook to to get them to stop sharing that AI bullshit. Like, come on now. But it's it's a matter of vetting. It's a matter of getting good at kind of listening to, you know, whatever your intuition might be telling you. For me, that's definitely a gut thing and checking vibes and being willing to go.

I you I don't even know why I feel iffy about you, but no. Like, you've made me feel iffy, you know. And it's a time thing and it's a weeding through a lot of crap to find, like, a couple of decent people. And sometimes you have to take breaks from it. Sometimes you have to go, I don't wanna be on this site anymore. Fuck that. And go be on another one. But also this in person too. It's munches munches if you can find them, if you have access to them. Or

it's specific kink communities. A lot of them are through Discord these days. Now our Discord is through our Patreon because that is how I I feel safe. I want people to be in that type of community where you get a lot more access to me than you do anywhere else. To be people that I like feel like I have a sense of who you are. Like I can't have a Discord that's literally open to everybody or that I have to spend a lot of time vetting people for. That's not that's not me.

But there are Discord communities. So you can go if you can find one that where you feel comfortable or people you trust are in it and they're like, hey, here's what you gotta do to get in or whatever, Do that. But always go into any of those spaces knowing you gotta weed out a bunch of shit, considering a vibe check. Even if you're out of practicing, never listen to your gut or your gut, you're like, but my gut's been wrong. There's so many fucking people on this planet. Let your gut

be wrong. Weed them out. Because you can't talk to be with date, try out everybody. So, you know, and make friends. From there, maybe you'll meet somebody. Maybe something will grow into more, you know? Mhmm. And it is the most boring, not fast answer. And I know people hate it when they ask. They're like, just tell me the one place I gotta go. It don't work that way. But yeah. So there is that. Those were all the questions. This is a very long episode. So normally on a q and a, I'd be like,

live chat. Yeah. Nope. That's what Friday night's for. We do a Q and A during our Friday night livestream. You can ask questions in. So we've we've done our job of a thing we do now. We've we've tried to help people Mhmm. And given our perspective on things. Yep. And always your mileage may vary and you can reject any advice we give you. We are we do not pay your bills. Okay? Quite frankly, some of y'all pay ours. But if it if a piece of advice from anybody does not fucking serve you, ignore it.

Go do something else. It's fine. So now is the third layer of this No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No Shout out, I hope, Yarn and Whiskey is listening or watching. This was, because I asked. I went into Discord and I was like, hey. I'm trying to plan this episode. What would

y'all like? And Yarn and Whiskey was like, you know, can you like, we're we're getting to watch you plan your power exchange sort of, like, what's happening in future. What's the dream? The podcast. Like, where where are you going? What do you do next? What are you aiming for? What what are you dreaming about? Look. I'm just trying to get to next week and know I that I know what topic we're gonna do. So I'm not sure that I have dreams. Do you have dreams?

And and see, I look at it in in a totally different aspect because I look at it from the tech side. Okay. Oh, that's valid. Because the tech side is indicate And I'm like, what creates the experience. And I mean, it's it's pie in the sky because I think, like, you know, what Dream big and manifestation and all that stuff. You know, the evolution of of just about everything from, you know, what not just how we have evolved, but, you know, what comes next? LB Holograms? Oh my god.

No. No. No. No. No. You know, I don't I have not figured out yet if I've if I've been burnt out or if I'm still recovering from the the crises we endured for a few years. I am just really happy, like, right now with being able to figure out usually, but not always, prior like before the day of, we record or a live stream what we're gonna talk about and to feel like we're talking about things that are relatable to, you know, people who care about power exchange.

Because, like, not all kinky people want the the relationship like like we've got. Like, they don't want that kind of dynamic. They want the kinky play. They want something casual. They want they want something different than what we talk about here. But after ten years, we have not talked about all of it, but there comes a point where you start feeling like, man, didn't I say that before?

And, you know, there's there's the fear of not being that relevant, you know, in a world where it feels like more and more people have shorter attention spans, having hour to hour and a half long podcast where it gets chaotic and sometimes, you know, I forget how words work. You know, I I, kind of when I'm thinking about it, I have to I feel like I have to think about it in terms of what do I enjoy doing versus what do I think will I'm using this as a metaphor sell. Like

what will get people's attention? What will you know what will draw them in? And I just wanna have interesting conversations that will will be meaningful for people just trying to live this fucking life with whatever the rest of your life looks like. Right? But I always feel like I feel more confident when we're talking about topics that we can relate directly about back to our power exchange, which does mean that sometimes it gets very boring.

Because it's like, we're not doing much, but you know? So I don't I have not been thinking like, you know, big things in terms of the future. What I'm you know, when I think of the future, I'm like, okay. I hope we don't get I don't get bored because man, the moment I get bored doing something, it's like pulling teeth to get me to do it. It's like, I don't I don't wanna get bored doing this. I wanna keep doing this until I don't wanna do this anymore. But also, do I have anything to say?

Do you know, is it is it new enough or interesting enough where people are like, yeah. I'll I'll give you an hour and a half of my time. So, like, I sometimes because I'm usually and prior to probably a few years ago, I was always like a a planner and I had goals and had things I was striving for. And the past couple years, I've mostly just been trying to exist. And I

don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I think living in the moment and just like doing what you gotta do, that sometimes that's just how people are. I was never like that, but I think this time of my life I am. So I don't when I start thinking, should I set goals for the podcast, for the YouTube channel, for I actually get a little overwhelmed. Like, oh, no. I don't I don't know if I'm ready for that. And I you know, that there's lots of different reasons for that. Burnout

might be part of it. Recovery from crap might you know? Mhmm. So it's more like I wanna keep doing what we're doing in a way that is interesting for the people who want interesting enough for the people who wanna be here, who are already here, that, you know, understand our vibe, whatever whatever, and say something that's, like, genuinely helpful, that's genuinely relevant, that's, like, doesn't feel like we're slogging through a topic and your eyes are glazing over as we slog. Right?

But, like, what new thing do I wanna be on? Oh, no. Every time I think about a different platform or a different way of doing things, I I get either overwhelmed or I get tired. When I, you know, when I think about what kind of new content could we come up that's different than what we do, I'm like, no. I don't have any ideas right now. And if I, like, try to push myself, then I'm like, oh, I feel overwhelmed. So then I just don't.

You know, I'm I feel bad for not having more dreams and plans and a vision for the future. Mhmm. Because I what I don't wanna do, I don't want us to stagnate. I don't want us to, you know, be unhelpful. But I also know that I'm this is about me personally. This is not about our kink life. It's not about the podcast. I am at a place in life right now where I do not, am not comfortable with feeling like strangers have eyes on me. Now let's be real. Parasocial relationships being what they are.

For a handful of y'all, I've literally met you in your life. You are not strangers to me, but the rest of you know way more about us than I will ever know about you. Right? But it's different. Y'all y'all are here because you want to be here. You get our vibe. Like this is our kitchen table and we're all, like, hanging out and talking. Right?

But when I think about ways we could grow and things I could do and new content I could create, it means I'm gonna put myself out there in places, like, on Instagram, where I enjoy being mostly, to people who don't know this vibe, who don't know what I'm like, who don't, you know, get my vibe. And also I'd have to learn another new skill in front of people. Like, I learned how to podcast by podcasting. I learned how to stream and make videos

by doing it. So I had to be bad at something and then put it out there for the world and go, we'll try to do better next time. And, you know, there's a I gained a comfort level with that. Mhmm. But when I think about trying to do that now, like trying to learn how can I can I do short form content? Can I be concise? Can I stick to a single point and get it out there in less than a couple minutes and not ramble? And I'm like, I would have to be bad at that before I could get good at that.

And the idea of being bad at it where people who don't know me necessarily and don't know my vibe could see, I that's very overwhelming to me right now. And I don't like that feeling. Like, I I would like to, like, work on that. Just add it to the list. But for me at this point, that's kind of the way. It's like branching out into different places Mhmm. And presenting our thoughts and our views and the way we see power exchange in different ways so different people can find

us. You know? Because the world is a little bit different than it was 10 ago. Like, yes. There's still plenty of people who read blogs who would prefer to read over listen. Their podcasting is just growing. I mean, do I think maybe maybe there should be a test before we let somebody get themselves a microphone? Because some people I'm not impressed with what they're doing with their access to the Internet and a microphone. Whole fucking manosphere. But,

you know, so that's booming and huge. You know, YouTube, I've sort of Settled is not the word. I've gotten comfortable with the fact that we will probably We will never go viral. That algorithm YouTube's algorithm

will never let us go viral. And I will I am not currently interested in worrying about the thumbnail so much or making sure the title's like super catchy or grabbing somebody's attention in the first like two seconds in order like I just want to be who I am and let the people who get it, you know, hopefully find us. So I actually don't think think much about YouTube growth at all. I think about how can we make it better, a better experience for the folks who are here.

How can it look better? Because that probably drives me the craziest of anything. But I don't think about how we're gonna grow. I think about how do I learn how to do it in short ways to to give people new ways of getting the same information, in ways that they are consuming information that ten years ago, that's not how they were consuming information. But it would require for me to be bad at something publicly before I get good

at it. I'm not saying I'm great at it, but ten years on, I do things better than I used to. And I just right now, I'm at a I'm at a place in life where I don't I don't have the drive or the energy for that. It's it feels overwhelming and I don't want to do anything that will make me not want to do this that we're doing right now. Yeah. I get it. I get it. I do. So that was a very long winded response because of course it is.

In terms of us, I think we are in a better place than we certainly were this time last year. Yes. I mean, not just like like financial I mean, in our power exchanges. Oh, yeah. Specifically, what I'm referring to. I think that we are being more mindful about our power exchange. I can kind of see a little bit of, like, a just a pinpoint light at the end of the tunnel that is the end of the tunnel of one day we will have the freedom to make sure our fur babies are taken

care of. But we can come and go and maybe we can walk around our house naked and maybe we can, like, do kinky shit in our living room, you know. I can kind of see that day sort of on the horizon. It's funny in general in life, but certainly as a parent, you think you know how these things are gonna go as they get older and you raise children and then and then they go completely differently and you're like, oh, okay. I gotta adjust expectations. So, you know, that that

I get excited about that, you know. Mhmm. Yeah. And I think, okay. What what can we get up to, when we feel like we have more freedom to get to it? And I I even think sooner than that, I think, okay, as we have the financial resources to leave our fucking house to go do kinky shit, okay, can we, you know, when can we

get back to that? Mhmm. But again, for me personally, I don't think just like you worry about you know, we talked about this last week, week before, you worry sometimes, like, everything's gonna like, the good that we've got right now and the progress we've made, it's gonna just go away at some point and you have you're kind of on edge. Right. Yeah. We we were talking I was saying, you know, I'm I'm last year is still a little too fresh, and there are times I'm just wait for the bottom

to drop out. Yeah. Yeah. And I I have a little bit of that myself in terms of trying to plan for the future because I spent three or four years telling you and planning next year is gonna be better. In six months, it's gonna be better. And I don't have the trust yet that I can do that. And I think that that's a that's a little bit of it. I'm I feel like I'm being a downer, and I am sorry. I also feel like I'm gonna get yet another thing that's like, you need therapy.

I did I did get that. Yeah. I want to believe, because I'm not a total bitch, that that came from a good place. I do think the delivery could have been better. It's like, yeah. I know. I I keep saying that. Like, every episode, I'm like, oh, I could use some therapy. There's a good chance we might not have health insurance next year because we live in America and for, because the subsidies that we depended on to afford insurance Are going away. Are going away.

So I'm just gonna be like, can I just afford to go get my hormone replacement therapy appointments and medications? That's all I care about right now. Oh, yeah. Maybe my blood pressure meds. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like there's yeah. So Anyhow. I know. I brought my self down. Oh my god. Mhmm. My dream for the future is that we will keep doing this even when it's, like, just, like, six of y'all left. And we're like, yeah. But we're we're we're hanging out and having a good time.

And that, you know, we will keep working on our power exchange in meaningful ways. Right. And I don't know. I think that's that's it. I don't wanna try and predict if what the future will look like because I got it wrong for some fucking so now I'm just like, I just wanna keep working on what we're working on and let and find out what the future holds and find and find out what that is and, you know, figure out who we are as we go along.

And, you know, there's a it's a little bit of, like, kind of living in the moment. I wish it came from that, like, Zen meditative place of this is a really good thing to do for your mental health is to live in the moment. And it's actually no. It's all fear based. But if the outcome is the same, it counts. Right? So yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm I'm grateful. I'm grateful. I'm grateful to you, my loving daddy dom, for every step along the way going, yeah.

I support you. We're like, let's see what we can do. I'm grateful that, you know, I still have feel like I have something to say. I'm so fucking grateful for everybody who listens, watches Mhmm. You know, shares with the kinky people you know. They're like, oh, no. Maybe this can help you or they're talking about this thing you're talking about, you know. I'm I'm grateful for the messages we get and the comments we get where somebody's like, oh my god. It's like you just, like,

are in my my relationship. This is exactly what we're going through. Because, you know, the reason I started blogging back in 2012 2012? 2011. I started blogging my fucking sex life. Let's put it that way. 2010? I don't even remember anymore. Okay? That's how

fucking long it's long ago it's been. But the reason I started blogging my, like, sexual awakening and my kink awakening and then, you know, my kinky relationship and my is because I was realizing very quickly I was not the only one going through these things, thinking these things, feeling these things, questioning these things. And even if, you know, not everybody can relate to everything Mhmm. Somebody will. And somebody else out there will go, oh my god. Okay. I'm not

alone. I'm not the only one. You know? Other people deal with this too, and I have to figure out my way of dealing with it, but how'd they deal with it? Maybe I can, like, get a hint there. Maybe I can whatever. And, you know, to when I when I get those messages or I get those comments and people are like, oh my gosh. Thank you. Like, it's it does not matter how many mean comments on the Internet I've gotten that week. I'm like, oh my god. That's this is worth it. This is why

we do it. Yeah. This is why we do it. But also I'm my own biggest critic, so I usually walk away from episodes going, oh my god. Why did you say that? What the fuck? And I am always deeply uncomfortable after I've been really vulnerable on an vulnerable on an episode because I'm like, that was too much. You did too much that time that you just cracked your whole chest open. Nope. Nope. Don't do that. But then I keep doing it. So true true. I guess at this point, it's in my blood and soul and

everything. It's just this is. Yeah. This is what we do. I've now brought myself down. I'm so sorry. This is a celebration. But I will stop. Before we go into the bonus section, I'll just remind everybody we have, our podcast anniversary giveaway. Mhmm. Four prizes up for grabs. They're, like, ranked. The link is in the places. There's multiple ways to enter, and it's open until 11:59PM eastern on the August. I think that's the thirty first, but y'all know how I am with dates. I never

know them. Whatever the August is. That's what it's open till. Yeah. So we could do a bonus section now, and you can, like, lighten me up because you're very good at that. So are we good? I don't know. Probably not. Probably not. Keep it kinky y'all. And we'll see you next year and maybe for the next ten years. Next year, next week, and for the next ten. Wow. Words, they've been a problem all night. I see that. I see that. God. I see that. Next week. And then hopefully

for the next ten year. So what happens when my thoughts are faster than my mouth or my mouth is faster than my thought? I don't ever know which one. One. Okay. All that. Can we talk to the crickets? Yeah. Okay. Please please do some talking. I am just not the light of the part life of the party right now. Not because I'm sad. I'm not. I just was thinking about deep things and Yeah. Well, we just, we, we we wrapped up the season two of Gilded Age. Season three. Three. That's right. Three.

Oh, it was so good. Yeah. And and the last episode had us debating about misogyny and societal expectations of men and women, and, I I I am a Bertha stan. I fucking love her. I do. She's ballsy, man. I I just love and I I cannot remember his real name, but I love how, George has become railroad daddy. Online. Yeah. The Internet has is referring to the actor. Railroad daddy. Yeah. Railroad daddy. And, you know, that we've said it before. We'll say it again. Keep saying it. Daddy is a vibe.

And yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. The moment I saw that, I'm now current well, I'm currently on on Instagram on the gilded age side of the algorithm. So I got all this gilded age, and I'm like, stop. I'm watching. I'm watching people's reviews. I'm watching the analysis of the costume, the this, the that, the whatever. And also, where oh, what is the is it Morgan Spector? Is that the name of actor who plays George Russell on The Gilded Age? If you have access to watch The Gilded Age,

highly recommend. Mhmm. But I've seen him, like, outside of the character, thanks to, like, Instagram algorithm. Mhmm. And I'm like, yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. I'm down for that. I'm down for that. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, it's funny because yeah. Now that I've seen some of his, you know, little reels and stuff off Mhmm. Set, so to speak, totally different demeanor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He looks fun. Mhmm. He looks super fun. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, his his character is very

intense. Mhmm. I have to say, this is I probably thought this when we watched Downton Abbey. It's just been so long now. I don't remember. But Gilded Age is one of the few shows I think that I've gotten into over the years where each season in my mind is better than the one before. Like, when we watched Bridgerton, I enjoyed Bridgerton, but there were were, like, there were some moments I was like, no. I like the last one better. I like the last like,

I mean, this is okay. Quite frankly, out of the whole, Bridgerton universe, it's Queen Charlotte I fucking love. That that little, like, side series has actually been my favorite. But with Gilded Age, like and the reason I brought up Downton Abbey as a comparison, if you don't if you're not aware, the creator of Downton Abbey is the creator of The Gilded Age. Mhmm. And so there are there are people make parallel, like, comparisons to those two between those

two shows because of that. But somebody said online, Gladys, who Mhmm. Her her mama, Bertha, married her off to a duke because she was gonna make sure that Gladys was, like, had the best societal advantage she could. They, somebody made the comparison that Gladys' marriage to the duke is essentially I cannot remember the character's name, but the American mom in the in Downton Abbey, the wife. I think yeah. Yeah. That's this Gladys is her backstory. Gladys' story is her backstory.

And if you have not watched or cared about any of these shows, you're gonna be like, what the fuck are they talking about? Gilded Age is amazing, and I fell down the inner the Instagram rabbit hole with it is all I'm saying. So, yes, it was it was very good. It is. It is. It's very good. Lola had to go to the eye doctor Yeah. This week. It was a six month checkup. Mhmm. She

did not wanna be there. No. They and they don't I mean, they look they get real close to her eye, and I'm squidgy about stuff near my eye, so I get it. But they also agree with us. The calories don't count when when you're at the doctor. And so they're just they're taking regular sized treats and breaking them up into, like, 10 pieces, but they're feeding her treats all the time. And she still tried to sit in JV's lap.

So in their exam room, there's lots of open space because, like, the the vet and the the tech or whatever are on the floor trying to get down to, like, her level to Mhmm. Check her eyes. But there's, like, a couch. It's it's, like, lower and more comfy than what we have at our vet's office. Yeah. And Lola jumps up there. Mhmm. Is there only two square inches of space for her? Yes. She still jumps up. And this whole visit to just check on her eye because there's she's got a roll one hazy eye.

Her face was buried in JB's chest. They lit the the doctor's like, do you mind if I do some of this exam while she's right here with you? Because I'm gonna be real close to you too. Yeah. I had no problem. She was actually sitting still while she was in my lap, and she wasn't still wasn't happy about it. Yeah. I know. She didn't mind that hamburger patty. She got a treat after her. She got that that prime treat afterwards.

We don't do we don't do, like, drive through hamburgers or anything like that very often, and we it's just the patty. Like, not the bun either. She takes it from me real sweet. Like, we'll be driving like, Jamie's driving down the road and I'm feeding her a treat after I cool it off for it. Don't wanna burn her mouth. And when it's me doing it, she's real gentle, takes out of my hand real sweet. Most of the time, every once in a

while, she'll accidentally knit me with JB. She's like, daddy's giving me food and the aggression. She's She's trying to take your whole hand. And it and it's not no. You know, it's not I not aggression. No. I mean, yeah. That's too strong of a word. It's, excitement. Oh. Oh. Yeah. But she forgets herself. Yes. She's all teeth. Mhmm. Yeah. I sometimes I need to Sometimes you have to use your, like, big d voice on her to get her to back the fuck up. And I'm, like, well,

I'm backing up too. I know what that voice means. You and me, girl. We'll back up together. He he means it this time. So so, yeah, that that was an ordeal for her. Yeah. We came home covered in fur because she Oh, stress shedding. She yeah. It was just coming off in clutch. She's a very short haired dog. She's a pity if you've never, like, seen a picture of her. She's gonna have a lot of hair, but it just comes off her in clumps at the vet.

And then because she was sitting between us on this, like, couch kind of thing, smaller than a loveseat, it's ice it is small. Yeah. Her ass was pressed into my leg while her face was pressed into JB. And I come out of the vet's office and the my whole leg, my hip is you can't see the pants. It was a little just Hair. Coated in fur. I was like, this is delightful. I love this. But she still loves us and she didn't give us side eye when we got home. So I I think I think the hamburger

patty did its job. She's she's laying at my feet now. So, you know I think it helped that she got Zoomies before we started recording plus streaming. Yeah. Because she got it out of her system. She's she's been doing pretty good with that. We I think it seems we've got her, doing good with her meds. Yeah. I mean, you were the big meanie that cleaned her ears out today. I know. She hates that. Oh, she oh, she hate that with a passion. But I saw her start to do the

Scratch her ears. And I'm like, nope. Time to do it. I'm not gonna go back into the rant from a couple weeks ago of the vet we do not like. But the more I have thought about that vet encounter every time I'm angrier every time. I know. Right? Like, I'm just like, here are all the things I should've fucking said. Mhmm. Hopefully, we'll never see that lady again. Exactly. Exactly. The cats are good. They're still crazy, but, you know, same

same shit, different day. Mhmm. Saturday, the oldest moves into his new apartment. Mhmm. We thought that would be earlier in the day. So Yeah. We're doing a cargo van again through U Haul. That's what we did to move him out because it's not even he's not even moving out of a one bedroom apartment, like, a whole apartment. It's, like, literally a fourth of a kitchen and a bedroom. So you don't need, like, an actual U Haul, but we only have a Corolla, so

we do need some help. Yeah. So we've scheduled it to to pick it up on Friday, and the kid is doing, UF Gator band marching band again this year after not doing it last year. And he thought he would be at band camp while we needed to pack up his van. And I was like, okay. I hate this, but we we've gotta do what we gotta do. Yeah. The kids out there, like, doing the school thing. So we you know, JB and I talked

about we're like, okay. We'll get the van at this time, and we'll load it up at this time, and then we'll blah blah blah. Some of that's still happening, but, thankfully, the kid will be here. But it's still a late afternoon Friday because we have a thing we wanna go do before we stream, and then we have the stream Friday. We will pack up the van.

And then the next morning, early morning, I have to go out and, get some groceries for his apartment and a couple other things I've been trying to remember that I need to get for his apartment. And I've gotta do that early so that the kid can take the car between probably 10:30 and eleven, go to campus because he has a time that he is required to be there for band camp. It's a short thing. It's, like, probably less than an hour, but he's gotta be there at

noon. But the apartment won't let him move in until 4PM. Yeah. So we pack up the van late ish on Friday. Mhmm. I have errands early mornings. There's no sleeping in after the stream. I gotta get my ass out of bed, go run these errands. He will take our car. We will ride in the van together to meet him at his apartment complex, which thankfully is next door to his old apartment complex. We don't have to learn new directions. Mm-mm. Meet him there at four, unload

as fast as we can. Because the van has to be back by seven. Yes. Because if we keep it longer, then we're paying, like, we're paying more. Don't wanna pay more. Yeah. And and Panda, yes. She she is doing well. And the thing we had looking for looking at yesterday was that, lesion in the eye, but it's doing very well. It's stable. It's stable, which is which is good. So it looks like I will be giving her eye drops from here to eternity. They,

I meant to ask you Mhmm. Because I felt my ass clench when they mentioned this. So I wondered how you felt. So they were talking about how, you know, these kinds of eye problems are very common. And, you know, it's it's they were happy to know that she takes the eye drops well. I mean, we we didn't talk about how we have to bribe her, but she

takes her eye drops well. But the vet mentioned that sometimes whether it's a problem like this that escalates or another kind of eye problem, some dogs have to get drops in their eyes three to four times a day. And I felt my whole ass clench. I went, I how how? And I don't even do the eye drops. That's not that's not a thing I do. That's not on my list. But I was like, oh my god. Poor JB. Thankfully, we're not there yet. Hopefully, we will

never be there. Right. But I was curious about how, like, if if you caught that, if it Oh, I I caught it, and it was one of those things that in and out. You were like, I'm not thinking about that shit. Right. You know, that does speak to our personalities. I'm over here going, oh my god. Oh my god. And you're like, I nope. I don't wanna hear it, so I didn't hear it. It's not my reality. I mean, you know, yep. One twice a day, we're good. She's doing good. She's great.

Just keep it that way. Yeah. Yeah. And and if doing it twice a day keeps me from having to do it three or four times a day Yeah. I'll I'll keep keep with the two times a day. And it's a medication because it's not medication medication. It's like saline. We can buy from Walgreens. We don't have to keep, like, getting prescriptions. Correct. Correct. So, yeah, that that's nice. Yeah. I had a thought. I was gonna say, and I've already

forgotten. Already gone. Happens that way. Later it gets in the evening, the more I forget, the quicker I forget. But yeah. So she's good, though. Mhmm. And she still loves us. Yeah. She since we since we came home from the vet yesterday, she has been, like, Velcro with me. Oh, yeah. She usually is oh, that was the thing I was thinking about. Like, look. Anybody who, was here during the sake era, you know,

we love a small dog. Yeah. I did not know how tied to sake I was until he was not here, and I had to experience what it's like not being the favorite. It's fine. That being said Mhmm. We got to the vet's office and then trying to leave the vet's office. The problem children who were snappy and yappy and you had to watch were the small dogs. Yeah. Lola was the only large dog in the waiting room, like, both times going in and leaving. Mhmm. And

she was the calmest. Yep. She was like and thankfully, she didn't react to the dogs who were, like, clearly, like, upset and want to bark at everybody. And I'm I'm grateful that she's like that. But Yeah. Like, the thing that is frustrating, and it's a personal thing, it doesn't actually matter, is the fact that all those people who had their small dog were all side eyeing Lola at first when we walked in. Like, she was gonna be the problem. Right. And I'm like, our girl is quiet. She just wants

to leave. She keeps walking to the door, like, can can I don't wanna be here. But she's mostly staying right by JB and just, like, let's She laying on the floor. Chill like she typically is. Yep. And yet folks are, like, holding their small dogs a little closer. I'm like, she is not the problem here. Y'all are yapping over there. Now once the waiting room cleared out and we could actually sit down like, we got there and we could not sit down. Yeah.

Partly because we were not gonna drag her up into the middle of all those small dogs because it was so busy in the waiting room. Then there were people who there was one lady who just clearly loved all dogs because she walked around going, can I pet your dog? Can I pet your dog? Can I pet your dog? But I don't know if you noticed that the the people who came in after us still side eyed Lola until we left and walked her. I didn't catch any of that. I was offended on Lola's behalf. Catch any

of that. And I don't have a problem with small dogs. I I just No. But I I think, you know, with Lola's particular breed, there is a stigma that comes on unfortunately. There absolutely is. And now I've had the experience this is why I'm, like, I'm offended on her behalf. I've had the experience where our girl was calm and on leash, and it was a small dog that instigated it. And I'm like, well, yeah. If she had taken that dog's head off in that particular incident

Mhmm. She'd have been the bad guy. Right. And but I watched this little shit start it all. Yeah. And that and that one time, Lola was trying not to I know. She was trying so hard that time. Yeah. But yeah. I was just I was walked in there. I was like, don't look at my dog like that. Yeah. She's a good girl. She is a good girl. Oh, she's she's got what we call her satellite ear. Yeah. She's laying down as if she's sleeping, but one ear is fully up. And the more we say her name, the

more that ear twitches. Mhmm. So Well I know for me, I think I think I have finally run down. Not run out of anything. It's the batteries. It's it's yeah. It's almost We've had almost a two hour Mhmm. Situation. 09:00, and we we need to leave some stuff for for Friday. You know? I know. Well, there'll be some we have a lot to do between now and then. Well, that's always true. No. I'm I'm pretty sure, we will all be you and I at least will be will have thoughts and feelings after having to load

the fucking van back up. I know. So I know. The nice thing, though, we can just when when we unload, it just gets unload and dropped, and we can I know? I kinda wanted to, like, have the moment my original intention was we'll unload. We'll get a stuff dropped off. We'll take them to go get something to eat, and no. Now it's like we gotta, like, leave the parking lot on two wheels and get out like our asses on fire to get the thing back in time. Yay. That's fine.

Okay. I guess we can be done. Mhmm. I can't hardly keep my eyes open anymore, so that's probably time to beat. Yeah. Yeah. I'm ready to put my feet up for a little bit now until, you know Yo. Yeah. I got, like, twenty minutes left of a really good book I'm reading. So thank you all for being here to the bitter end. Thank you all for being here at any part in the last ten years.

We fucking love y'all. We we we appreciate every each and every one of you from the ones who've been with us since beginning to the newest folks. We Yeah. We're we're we're grateful for you, age and every one of you. And we will keep showing up as long as some of y'all do. Mhmm. Yep. Okay. K. Bye. Bye. Ice cream. You scream.