- You are listening to Loving BDSM podcast, episode 3 76. Kayla Lord's here with a one, the only, the guy who's doing like a really new hand movement thing to give me my cue that I can start talking. And it feels a little bit like interpretive dance. John Brownstone . What is happening there? You had an arm thing, A finger thing, A head thing. Like you, your whole body was in it. - I'm just getting into the moment. - Clearly it was a dramatic interpretation. Yeah.
Of 1, 2, 3, go. , actually, to be accurate. 3, 2, 1. Go. . - Right? There you go. There you go. Get it right. - . Yeah. I don't wanna misrepresent your, uh, your, uh, bold new moves there. Thank you, - . - I'm gonna have to get video of that at some point and like, make that a reel or a short or something and be like, oh, look, here's the, Lola has opinions about it too. - I see that. - Uh, for the record, that's not what we're talking about this week.
Uh, this week we're answering more questions, uh, because we're tired and we find these fun. These are about how well we know each other in our relationship. Hmm. Uh, spoiler alert, none of these questions are specifically kink related, though. I did kink up one question. Ah, well, 'cause it was a question about sex. I went No, no, no, no, no. Let's, let's talk about kink on that one. So yeah, these are more like non kink, like basic, but in depth good questions.
So that's what we're doing this week. Alright. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. So says Lola Loving. B DSM is producer Every Mon Friday and Monday. Uh, for your Kiki pleasure and education and show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on Twitter X.
Is it still even alive today? We don't know. at Loving BDSM on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and threads at that handle. I will forever fucking hate loving DSS on the number one. So that's at Loving DSS one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, where you can watch us live. Stream the podcast every Wednesday. As long as YouTube has 'em put us on the corner. all links are in the show notes.
A big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps, we're able to keep doing this weird thing we do on the internet in large part because of our kinky patrons. And we're fucking grateful for every one of you. If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and a Discord server with a group of super cool, super nice sters, you can do that. Just join us at patreon.com/kayla lords.
That's patreon.com/kayla lords, or use the link in the show notes. There you go. Okay. Clicked. I feel very out of practice. It was just one unplanned week off, and I feel very, uh, very out of practice. . How does this work? I don't know, but we're gonna pretend we have a clue. Anyway, so this week's episode was inspired by, um, another therapy. Jeff Post. Actually, I found two and I sent them both to JB and went, oh, let's answer these questions. Um, and, um, we went with this one.
The other ones are spicy, but I just wasn't feeling in a spicy mood today. Um, so as you can tell from the titles, we're gonna find out how well we know one another according to relationship questions. That therapy Jeff on Instagram, who is likely also on TikTok, um, poses. So if you were interested in therapy, Jeff, these questions, uh, any of that I have linked to it, uh, in the places. So you can go watch the, it's the Instagram reel 'cause I'm not on TikTok.
Um, so what we're gonna do is I'm gonna ask JB the question and what the question is, is it's how well he knows me and what he thinks I would do with in terms of the question. And then after he answers, I'll give the answer of what I think he would do, and we'll compare notes and see if, if we know each other well enough and we're getting it right. And it's sort of a, um, intimacy, vulnerability, how we behave Mm-Hmm. kind of stuff. Um, so let's see. Um, okay. First question.
- Okay. , - I'm afraid 'cause I don't even think I know the answer to this. Ah, what is the first sign that I am annoyed with you? - Ooh, . - I don't, I tried to think of if I knew the answer. I, I couldn't. I didn't, wasn't sure . - Well, here, here is what I have noticed. Mm-Hmm. . - Mm-Hmm. - My perspective. Mm-Hmm. . Two things. - Okay. - First I'll get the eye roll, - But I just walk around rolling my eyes. Is it a - Certain eye roll?
This is a different eye roll. This is like a - Oh, with the breath . - And, and it's, and it, it's accompanied with a sigh . - Mm-Hmm. . I, I can't, I can't deny that if I'm rolling my eyes and sighing deeply and heavily. Yeah. More often than not, I'm annoyed. Right. But I might not be annoyed with you. I might be annoyed with the situation. - That's true. But it, you know, when it, it's, it comes down to me too. I get the Yeah. I'm, I'm like a situation too sometimes.
Okay. You definitely are - . You absolute. I completely are. - Yeah. - Was that the two together? Okay. - That was, that was the two together. - Okay. So, - So now for me, - First sign that you're annoyed with me. Yeah. My first sign that it's genuine annoyance tends to be, be either the tone of your voice. 'cause it gets sharp and I usually interpret it as I'm being yelled at. And I don't handle that well. Mm-Hmm. Thank you. Childhood trauma. Um, or you get real, um, short with your answers.
Mm-Hmm. Like, you don't give me full sentences. You don't, won't even sometimes look at me. If you're really annoyed, you'll answer me. But you're either real sharp with your tone or real short with your responses. And what kills me is I think, go, what's going on? Is everything okay? Are you okay? He's like, I'm fine. Which is the universal sign that he's not fine. Um, . But yeah. And then now there are times I'm oblivious to that.
We get all the way to the point of, you're like, you're, when I say if you know the term, when I say barking, I do not mean literally like a dog, but like your, your answers are loud, sharp, and short all at the same time. That's when I've been oblivious to the annoyance. And then we're at like, the next step, the next level of annoyance, . Um, so yeah. Yeah. We have clearly have obvious tells. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Next - Question. Yeah. All right.
- . And we'll say, when we say in the mood here, it can be sexually or for kink. Okay. Mm-Hmm. . What's the most effective move or phrase to get me in the mood? - Ooh. Since your libido tank has been so long, I don't remember. . - Well, how do we navigate it now? That's our reality. Now - Thus far. I would have to say the best way to get you in the mood at this point sexually, is to have you read a reverse harem book. Oh, - The reverse harem doesn't for me. . . Yeah. Leave me the fuck alone.
Let me read, let it be. Doesn't have to be well written, like, written well enough that I like, am engaged with it and we'll, Mm-Hmm. , the story's gotta be good. The sex has gotta be hot. Right. I like reverse harems that more when everybody interacts. Like, it's not just all these men on this one woman. It's like, oh, I'll interact with you and then, then we're crossing over that. But yes, yes, you're right. Reverse harem - Does it. Alright. - What about getting me in - The kink and kink wise?
Mm-Hmm. . Um, now sometimes all that takes is walking by you and giving you a swat on the ass. And you'll be like, don't threaten me with a good time. . - I try to keep the signals real clear for you so you don't have to worry. Yeah, yeah. - Exactly. Exactly. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . You know, so that, uh, that, that kind of does it. Or if I just leave a specific toy out - Oh yeah. I'm either like terrified or I'm really intrigued. Right. But either way I'll bend over. That's - Fine.
Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. - So the most, what I think the most effective move or phrase to get you in the mood. Mm-Hmm. . First of all, I don't really, if I say come straight out and go, I'd like to fuck. That's it. That's, we're done. Done. You're good. You're like, all right, , because you know, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna just say that at a time as like, random or not gonna hurt.
Right. Um, I have found that whether we're for, for sexually, if I just like start touching you or getting close to you or rubbing up on you Yeah. And I don't have to touch a body part, like a specific body part. I mean, there's no genital contact. I can rub the top of your head. I can lean into your arm. I can start stroking your beard. Now I, because I know you really like touch. Right. When I just do it as a one-off and keep walking, that is not what Mm-Hmm. . It's when I give you my focused
attention. Exactly. - Right. - Yeah. That's the extent. Because that's, I'm signaling and then he better take control. 'cause I don't know - What the fuck we're doing. Right. And you're right, because touch is very important to me, right? Yeah. - Now for kink, I actually am really direct with you on that. You are. I'll be like, I could really go for a spanking Mm-Hmm.
or, you know, what I've been thinking about as, you know, having the Hitachi strapped me and me being helpless and I just say it like when it's kink, I just, yeah. Mm-Hmm. , I just say it. Mm-Hmm. . And that seems to work for you, . Yeah. - Well, I mean, we, we've always kind of been a, a little direct on that. I mean, we even had a, um, back in the early days, we even made a signal for when you wanted to be spanked, you'd - Say, oh, yeah.
But that was like a maintenance or a therapeutic spanking. True. True. That wasn't like, let's get kinky. Like I'm true. Yeah, yeah. True. But we did have a signal. You're right. Yeah. Okay. Next question. When I'm stressed Mm-Hmm. , what do I find most helpful? Venting, problem solving, distraction, giving space, or hooking up. Well, we know which one, it's not . - Hmm. So for you, um, outta that list, I, I would pick two things. Mm-Hmm. - , - I would have to go definitely with venting.
- Oh yeah. Please let me Yeah. - Release some steam. You, you, you need to pressure pot. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Like, yeah, exactly. Like a pressure pot. You need to let off some of that. Mm-Hmm. that pent up frustration and, you know, get it, get it out of the system. Mm-Hmm. . And, and there's also, um, a, a bit of giving you space as - Well.
Mm mm Yeah. 'cause until I'm ready, like, until I'm calm enough or focused enough or like in the right mindset, like I don't want to talk because I'm just, I'm gonna stay stressed. Because what happens is when I get stressed, I get annoyed. Yeah. And then we're back to eye rolling and sighing, , - It's like a vicious cycle, - Which just presents not always you who are the annoyance, it's the situation. So, - So yeah. Those, those are the definitely the two things I would go with for you.
- Yeah. I mean, yeah. I do. I have, I'll say I've always appreciated about you and I don't always give it to you , but I appreciate that you just let me vent. Mm-Hmm. . And you don't immediately go into problem solving. I think in the very beginning, we, we both definitely did. And we talked it through and went, this is not helpful. And so we just stopped. Right. Um, I do still want to go, like, I wanna fix your problems immediately as you're Mm-Hmm.
as the person who loves you, but also that's my service sub self. So that's what I do. That's not what you want. Mm-Hmm. . - I think, I think what helped change my mind on that a little bit, because, um, I've, I've always been a bit of a fixer myself. Um, saw the video, it's not about the nail. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember that? Vaguely. You might have to explain it. 'cause I can't explain all the, - Um, woman has a nail in her forehead.
Mm. And and she's just like griping on about the headache and, and all this from what I kind of remember of it. Yeah. - And yeah, there's all these things going wrong because there's a nail in her forehead. Right. As you would imagine if there was a nail in your forehead. - Right. And her partner is, you know, trying to explain, you know, just - Take, take the nail outta your front - Nail.
Yeah. And what it came down to in the end is it's not about the nail, it's about just being able to, let - Me just share my frustration with you. Yeah. Yeah. Just listen to me. Right. So when you're stressed, what do you find most helpful? Mm-Hmm. , venting, problem solving, distraction, giving space, or hooking up. So I think you are, you do vent at times. Mm-Hmm. like, when it gets really bad, you do kind of, you'll explode.
But I've noticed that the first thing you will sometimes, or one of the things you'll do is you'll distract yourself and you kind, you wanna be alone until you've thought it through. Right? Yeah. Third in that list is the venting. Once you've, like, you're probably playing solitaire on the computer or reading porn. Mm-Hmm. or watching porn, um, or playing a game on your phone. You're doing one of those things. You're go-to distractions. You're gonna do that first. Mm-Hmm.
you while you're being distracted. You don't want me to distract you. You wanna distract yourself. Yeah. While that's happening, you would prefer space. You don't want me to come talk. You don't want me to come ask what's wrong? Mm-Hmm. . You also don't want me to inundate you with too many other things unless work is a distraction. But then because you're stressed, you're easily annoyed. And then we get your signs of annoyance because you're not really annoyed with me.
You're annoyed at the situation, but your distraction is work. And I'm talking about work and you really don't wanna hear what I have to say. You're trying to distract yourself with work. Yes. I have figured this man out. Did, is there any question? . So we're gonna go with distract, then give you space, and then when you're ready after space Mm-Hmm. Then you want to vent. And I have to remind myself that just 'cause he's done all the work to distract and get space and he's ready to vent.
He is not ready for me to fix it at all. 'cause then we're back to annoyance and we're getting short, sharp answers. . It's a cycle, but yeah, - It's a cycle. - When the, the only time we really have a lot of conflict about when you're stressed. Mm-Hmm. when I try to fix, well, he's venting and I'm, I'm learning and I'm doing better on that. But if we choose to use work as your distraction, which I use when I'm stressed as well. Mm-Hmm. , um, we don't have productive conversations.
No. We can't plan anything. I literally just have to let you go do the thing and save business conversations for when you're not actively - Stressed. Yeah. 'cause I'll, um, I I do tend to go quiet. And there have been times where I have gotten so quiet to the point you've had to drag it outta me. Mm-Hmm. . - Yes. Yeah. That's, then that's when we're at the end of it because Mm-Hmm. , your behavior has changed. Kind of treating me a little bit shitty. You're walking around acting a little shitty.
Not like bad, like negative, like nothing like that could end a relationship. Right. But you're just like, there's a storm cloud over your head and you lash out. . True. You, I mean you, the cancer symbol is a fucking crab for a fucking Right. Like you lash out. Mm-Hmm. . And so, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, here - We go. All right. - What feels more loving to me? Cuddles on the couch being told why you left me, or having dinner made in the house cleaned.
So we've got touch, we've got words of affirmation or we've got acts of service. . - I I would have to, I would have to say with you, it, it's, oddly enough, it's gonna come down to acts of service doing things. Mm-Hmm. - take my load. Yeah. Up off. Give me one less thing to worry about. Yeah. - Yeah. I mean, cuddles for you are nice, but you're not really a, a touch me person. - Okay. Yeah. - I'm not . Same.
Makes me wondered how I ended up in this. You know, - You should be glad I'm a service sub. That's how you get touched . - That's true. . And, um, you, you've had the conversation with me numerous times, how it's not words of love. No. I don't that mean anything to you. It's act the actions Right. - Behind the words. So, and you, there's, there's two parts to that. Mm-Hmm. . My dad never said it. He did not say he just was not word that way. And I know that's not healthy, but there are.
But he, and he would actually tell me he would justify. I don't say it a lot, but everything I do for your mother is meant to show her that I love her. And quite frankly, if as an adult, if he was still alive, I'd have been like, she kind of needed to hear it sometimes. Right. Because that, that fucks you up. Right. So he taught me about how you show somebody you love them, but I was so starved to hear it. As you can tell from Lola, she too is starved for love.
Um, I was so starved to hear it that him, the first person who told me consistently he loved me. I married him, but he never followed through on it. So I became very quickly. Uh, I don't, I want to hear it every so often. I, you know, it makes me feel warm, fuzzy, but I'd much rather you like back that shit up with here I see you, I acknowledge you. What, what do you need help with? What can I do to do my part? Like I'm even unlearning that whole doing stuff around the house.
Mm-Hmm. . That's not helping me. That's help, that's taking care of the house. Right. Right. But I'll still say that's helping me. It's not helping me. That's helping everybody. Mm-Hmm. . But when you acknowledge to yourself in some way that you see what I'm going through and then try to take the load off for me. Yeah. And try to do something that, you know, I would normally do. So I have one list like that to me. Yes. That's love.
Like, that's, that's fucking love. Yeah. Well, I mean, - Even like, like last night, um, you know, you were out with your mom. I was, I was going out to the munch. Mm-Hmm. . And you were already gone. I was here by my lonesome Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, I made sure the fur babies were all fed and taken care of.
And then I did the dishes, whatever dishes there were, I was just, I was thinking to myself, I certainly don't want to come home after lunch and worry about dishes and you're out with your mom, just, you know, enjoying your time. Why should you have to come home and do dishes? So I took care of all that. - I know. And then, because I am a stubborn bitch who takes service very seriously, I was like, but I was gonna do dishes because I'm thinking the same thing.
I don't want you to have to come home to him, blah, blah, blah. Mm-Hmm. . So, yeah. Okay. So in reverse, okay. What do I think feels more loving to you? Cuddles on the couch, being told why you love them. Or having dinner made in the house clean. 'cause your thing is touch. Anytime I cuddle with you, you practically melts. Yeah. And now, and, and it's hard for me to cuddle one, it doesn't feel like natural to me. Like it can get, feel awkward sometimes.
Two, I get fucking hot and then I'm like, oh God, don't touch me. I love you so much. Don't touch me. Um, so I do like a light version of, it's not cuddles, it's just touch. Mm-Hmm. . Like, if I'm walking past you, I'll like rub the top of your head. Yes. Or I'll stroke your cheek. Or I'll put my hand. 'cause I know you like touch. Mm-Hmm. . Like, that's sort of a, we say that we love one another. That's not a, a difficult thing for us at all. Right.
I kind of have learned over time that it's gonna be more meaningful to you if I make contact with you. Correct. Yeah. And so that's like, that's my silent way of like going. That's right. I love you. See, - You're my person. I need, I need to find out if anybody holds a cuddle puddle anywhere here locally. - Yeah. You got, that's all you, that's so all you, you have a good ass time. See, I'd be like, why are people touching me? I don't know these people well enough. I'm hot, I'm sweaty.
Something doesn't feel right. I'm itchy. I want No, nope. Mm mm You can cuddle me. Um, I am, I hug some people, like, like enthusiastically and others. It takes me a very long time. Like once I'm at a level that I hug somebody, I fucking hug them. But I don't, I don't do long hugs. I had to learn. Now this is a little off topic, but it goes with my weirdness about touch. Mm-Hmm. . I read a thing when the kids were little that wasn't really about parenting.
It, it's just about relationships with people. But I think they were in the aspect of parenting, they said, when somebody hugs you, especially a kid, but anybody, when somebody hugs you, they initiate it. Hug them until they let go and let them decide. Because they initiated 'cause they needed the hug. Or they wanted the hug. Okay. Okay. So I, that one hit me. I think maybe, 'cause I have to teach myself this stuff. And so with the kids, I started with them.
If they were willing to come up for a hug, we just hug until, and I can actually tell, they'll like, melt into me like this, this is comforting, soothing, whatever, whatever. Mm-Hmm. . And I don't chase around for hugs 'cause they don't necessarily want that. Um, and so I had done that for so many years with the kids that I can easily do it with you. But it's a, a love thing with other people that Yeah, I'm willing to hug. I'm, I'm ready to be done fairly quickly.
Even if I'm enthusiastically hugging. I'm like, Mm-Hmm. . Okay. I'm, we're good. We're good. We're good. . Um, but from a, I'm, I'm initiating intimacy and love and I wanna know, I want the other person to know how loved they are. And they're close to me like that their family then Yeah. I do it that way. Okay. Okay. Here's our, here's our question. I kinked up. It was about sex, but we're gonna do it about kink. Okay.
Right. Um, on a scale of one to 10, how would I rate the first time we got kinky and we'll say physically kinky together? Yeah. When we were in person, not what we did over the phone. - Right. Right. Um, , I would've to say probably a nine. - Yeah. I, I put, I mean, it's one of my favorite memories. So I would probably be closer to 10. Okay. But when I'm enthusiastic, I give everybody tens. I'm gold stars for everybody . Right.
Like, I can rate a poorly written book a five because it moved me, made me cry. And I can't stop thinking about it. Yeah. So, um, 'cause yeah, like we had a blip. Mm-Hmm. where I had to safe word. Right. Which is why in reverse I would say you'd probably rate it like a seven or eight because I think it threw you off that I had to safe word. Mm-Hmm. . But you handled that so well. That it's not, it in the memory banks of that moment.
It's not a negative, it's a thing that happened and then it got handled so well and we moved on from it. True. True. That I don't carry negative memories of that. Okay. - Okay. - Which is why for me, I'm like, no, no. That was a 10. Like I fucking greeted you at the door on my knees. You did. I did also tell a near stranger. 'cause that's who he was at the time to just walk in my front door. I do not recommend that for anybody else, .
But it worked out for us because I, that's how I wanted to greet you. - I know. - And then we got so enthusiastic you came out the gate like hitting - Hard stomping at the bit . Right. And - So then I had the safe word, which is, I mean, I can do it with ease now, but it's still never a comfortable feeling. Yeah. Because you want, you know, from my perspective, I wanna be able to take it. I want, I don't wanna stop you, you're into it. Mm-Hmm.
. But you know, I've got enough experience now to know that No, no, no. This is right. - And, and that was prior to us using the stoplight system. When I do check-ins, you know, to give you, give me a color. Right. - It was just red. I, if I needed it to stop, it was red. And I think by, by the time my, my brain and my mouth were working together, I was screaming Red, red, - Red, - , . And it even took you a second to hear it. Yeah. And to, for it to penetrate your brain.
- and to Yeah, exactly. - . But yeah. So if I'm, I would say because of that, I would think that you would rate it lower. Not 'cause you didn't have a good time, but because I know that kind of fucks you up. Mm-Hmm. , when you are the, you go to hard or something Yeah. Goes wrong on your end. Like, you are so forgiving of me. If something goes wrong on my end and there's nothing that can really go wrong, but, you know, like if it's my muscle cramp or my body or whatever Mm-Hmm.
, that might make me feel guilty that I had to stop. Which I'm way better at that too. I don't feel - Guilty about it. Well, I mean you and just the way I'm wired, I'd been more upset if you didn't Oh yeah, for sure. We had that conversation night and, and I found out later that you Right. Wanted to, - That would, I think just that moment, even though we did so much in that first scene Mm-Hmm. . Um, I think that would have lowered the rating of the moment for you.
Like I, you wouldn't, it wouldn't be a good, good memory. Right. If you carried any amount of guilt or annoyance or anger. Mm-Hmm. or whatever, because I didn't use my safe word. Yeah. Okay. Uh, , - Uh, oh. - From, what do you think that I see as the biggest imbalance in our relationship that could lead to long-term resentment? That's a complicated question. - It is. It is. Wow. - . I mean, I've already got an answer, so if you need a minute
to think, that's fine. I, I - Would have to say probably where, where we run into hiccups and road bumps, so to speak, speed bumps, uh, is, is not necessarily in work, but in divvying up the household stuff. Mm-Hmm. . I, I think that's where, where that is that little, um, linchpin maybe, or Yeah. You know. - Yeah. I mean, if I feel like I'm, so, I constantly do this push pull of there are things I wanna do because it's part of who I am as a service sub. I want to take care of you. Mm-Hmm.
, I want to do certain things. I want to know I have done them. It's also a control issue. , if that seems foreign to you, be lucky that that doesn't, that that clearly doesn't, isn't part of who you are. Um, so like, there are things I want to do because it'll be done the way I want it to be done. It'll be Right. It helps you. It's Mm-Hmm, it's me doing it. And so blah blah, like blah, all that stuff. Okay. However, - - One, there's just a lot of shit that,
that I do by default, whether I want to or not. You do. - You - Do. Because I'm either the, the right one for the job or like the just Mm-Hmm. and certain things, like I'm the kid's biological mother. It is way easier for me to handle all doctor's appointments, all the this, all the, that. 'cause ain't nobody gonna look cross-eyed at me. Like I, it's just whatever. True. Um, but what happens is all of those things build up and then Yeah.
I get, I get a bit of like a, a martyr complex of I'm doing everything. I'm doing everything. And I'm not good at speaking up. No. And going, Hey, . But sometimes I think we've talked about this before in past episodes. What I don't always need you to do the thing. I need to be acknowledged. Acknowledged how much I'm doing. Yeah. And if I feel seen, I can, I'm usually okay when I need, I've gotten much better when I need help
going. I, I need you to - Tell me with this you have, you have in, in the beginning, you would not ask for help. Mm-Hmm. . - Mm-Hmm. . - Hell would freeze over before you'd ask for help. Mm-Hmm. - . And now there's many reasons for that, but yeah, I've gotten better about that. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. - Hey, - This is a weird question. Trying to ask in reverse. - Okay. - Okay. So I've got to say, what I think you see is the biggest imbalance in our relationship that could lead to long-term resentment.
And weirdly, and I think it's 'cause we're power exchange. I don't think it's imbalance because the, we've negotiated an imbalance. Mm-Hmm. , you are the decider. You are the one in charge. Right. I think the imbalance, and it's actually something I think we've overcome. I, but if we slipped back into old ways and old patterns of thinking, I think that this would happen. So you tell me if you think I'm wrong. - That Okay. - And that is parenting.
And actually I had a little bit of, I had to go have some conversations with myself 'cause I had a little bit of hurt feelings yesterday or day before on parenting because of that. Because you have your own bad tapes and stuff. Mm-Hmm. with previous relationships and the way you were treated as the stepparent and the way you, um, how things were handled when the kids did not behave or whatever. And so you are always primed and ready for that to occur again.
And early in our living together relationship, the one of our biggest points of conflict was you worrying that I was gonna let my kids run wild. As if I could tolerate that shit. Like behaviorally. Like, just do what the fuck you want. I don't care. Rules don't matter. Like, And or that I was going to negate anything and everything. You said, like we struggled with disagreeing as parents, which were honest disagreements because you had the struggle of seeing it as an honest disagreement.
Let's find our way to a middle and a ha something we could work with together. You were constantly struggling with, oh, I recognize this from 20 years ago and when that happened, this is how I was treated. And so , I feel like if anything's gonna feel like an imbalance, it's gonna be a conflict in parenting that if we don't navigate correctly, you're gonna feel resentment over. Mm-Hmm. . Now , Knowing that I try to walk a, a very fine line.
Mm-Hmm. with making sure my kids' needs are met and that I feel like they're being, 'cause I'm the default parent. This is like the one area of our life. There's no power exchange. Right. We are equals. And to a certain extent, I actually lead that. Right? 'cause if you're gonna go to all the doctor's appointments, all the kids things, you're gonna do the school thing, you're gonna like, you just know more.
And so Mm-Hmm. , you gotta be the leader in that and go, okay, here's how this is working. But you, you struggle against that 'cause of bad tapes and because you don't like feeling outta control, you really don't like feeling outta control. , - I don't know where you get that from. - Oh my god. Where - You get that. So there are times I give in and, and go, is this thing that he feels really serious about and strongly about? Is it going against my ethos as a parent?
Do I feel like this is wrong for the kids? No. Do I like it? No. 'cause I like to be in charge two of this. Um, I have control issues on my phone, , but sometimes I just let you have the win because it's it for the greater good. 'cause if, if I'm constantly going, I disagree with you, I disagree with you, I disagree with you. Well, one, you don't feel like you have any agency as a parent. And you do. I mean, yeah, I'm default on a lot of things.
But you raise these kids too. You have expectations. They have to, you know, you gotta work with that too. Um, but yeah, that's, I feel like that's the thing I'm constantly like trying to balance so that you don't feel an imbalance. So it doesn't lead to resentment. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Gee. Shocking that I knew that . Okay. What I'm gonna use grammatically incorrect. 'cause the correct grammar feels weird.
What is one short term and what is what long-term goal that I am striving for? - Hmm. - I, I think, um, to a, a good extent. I think we are both on the same page with this, with the answer I'm about to give you. Yes. I - Would say our, our short and long-term goals are very, very much in line. - Okay. So, um, short term, I, I think it would be making what we do between loving BDSM, between the kry, between, you know, all the other little things.
We, our, every hustle - We have , - We we dabble our fingers in to, to making those more viable. Mm-Hmm. . Um, the long term of that would be to become more financially stable and, and reduce our debt. Who, - Or just that debt. Yeah. Yeah. I don't ever think about that too hard. 'cause then I would never sleep again. I know. - Yeah. Yeah. But I, I, I think that's something that I, I could almost confidently say we share.
- Yes. I think like short term, the how is slightly different because we have different interests and we're working on different things. Like you're focused on the kry, which of course I am. But you're thinking of your vanilla shop. And I'm over here going, I'm focused on loving BDSM and the Ry Oh. And all these other things. 'cause of course I am Mm-Hmm. . Um, and then, yeah, I would agree. I, our short-term and long-term goals are absolutely one and the same. We are in sync with that. Yeah.
The, how we're trying to get there, the little things we're working on the details part might, there's the variation. Mm-Hmm. . But not by much because we're still Right. We walk in the same fucking path together. - Either way. Pretty much. Yes. Okay. Yep. - Here's a, this is an easy one for you, I think. And I think it's gonna be a hard one for me. 'cause it's a loaded - Question. Okay. - Which family member am I feeling most connected to right now? You - Mm-Hmm. .
I would have to say right now at this, at, at this point. Mm-Hmm. would be the youngest. - Yeah. . I wondered if I, I thought you would say my mom 'cause she's visiting and you might be completely wrong, but I was, - That was the first thought that came to my mind because - It's the most obvious. - It, it's, it's, it's very obvious, you know? Mm-Hmm. that you two, um, you know, well deserved.
You're spending a lot of time together right now. Yeah. We - See each other a couple times a year at this - Point. Right. So, yeah. Um, so yeah. That, that did kind of pop into my mind. But, um, you know, no, there, there have been a lot of things, a lot of changes, you know, going on. Mm-Hmm. And he's going through it for sure with the younger, and, and he's, he's going through it and he's, you know, trying to to mi through it and, and you're there.
You know, I mean, we both are, but you are taking the forefront on, on being there for him, which you should Mm-Hmm. , you know, so that has, uh, yeah, definitely. - Yeah. - I'm been a, a connection that you've, - Uh, I think I'm in tune with him in a way that I've always been kind of in tune with him. I mean, there was the benefit or just the, I guess that's the right word. You know, I stayed at home with him.
I mean, other than his like preschool and then going to school from the time he was like three and a half, almost four mm-Hmm. three and a half till, you know, 'cause I, his formative, the most formative memories are of me working from home. And so I was with him a lot before he went to school all day long. So I've been very attuned to him. Mm-Hmm. . - Yeah. - Um, from that, you know, even younger than that.
But definitely when I had more time to actually focus and be around and like witness stuff. Um, but now that these past few years where he's just had a lot of physical stuff going on that we're still figured out and the mental stuff. Mm-Hmm. and the diagnoses and the, like, all of that. Yeah. Like I'm, and sometimes I feel like I have to not justify the connection 'cause you would never Mm-Hmm. Like of course the connection you'd like, of course.
But I, I know things about him that I only know because I am so deeply entrenched in all the things that he needs and the things we navigate together and my own research and blah, blah, blah. That sometimes I feel like it's not negated, but sort of like, are you sure about that? You know, are, aren't you just spoiling your baby? 'cause he is the baby, right? Mm-Hmm. . Aren't you just spoiling her? Are you enabling her? Are you being soft on him?
And it's like, somehow my brain is sectioned off in such a way that 24 7, I'm thinking about the youngest and his needs and his struggles. And I'm thinking about our business and growing it. And I'm thinking about our power exchange and how our relationship can like, continue on and flourish and not get stale. And, uh, oh, we're feeling disconnected. How do we get back to that? Blah, blah, blah.
And also then there's this little part of my brain that is constantly worried about the kid that doesn't live here anymore with his damn motorcycle and being in another city. And like, so it's like when there's a - Wow . Yeah. - Yeah. So maybe I roll my eyes than I sigh when I'm annoyed. Okay. . You know, it could be much worse. .
So when, you know, it's weird because there's a part of me that control part of me that if there's a question about something, which I try to be better about, just going, people can ask questions. It's how they learn. It's how they understand. Yeah. And especially when it comes from you. Because if I, you, you're seeing something and you're gonna have a different perspective. And I, I struggle with being open to those questions 'cause I am. So I feel like I'm so connected. Mm-Hmm. .
But also I get very much up in arms about when I, not when I feel like there's like a good faith, Hey, I have a perspective or I'm trying to understand, but sort of a Mm, I don't, I think you could do that better. Like that connection because of the, the req the need for that connection. Mm-Hmm. is so fucking personal and so important. The health and wellbeing of a child. I get . I'm like, are you really fucking questioning me right now?
Like what? Yeah. And to go back to a previous question, because early days of us living together, our arguments and our strife and our tension, were all parent related. Mm-Hmm. . I'm extra sensitive when I feel like, 'cause here's the thing, and here's the thing I'll, I'll explain. Before the youngest was diagnosed with a DHD and autism from everybody in my life. Like, this is not a dig at jb Mm-Hmm. . He was just trying to help.
And, and, and, but a lot of people were like, are you sure you're not enabling the youngest? Like, yeah, he's anxious, but people have to get over that. People have to get over that. And I always kept going, I'm just working with the kid in front of me and I'm watching this child's face and I'm listening to his words and I'm watching his body language and I just don't feel right this, that or the other. The moment there were diagnoses, everybody got on board. Everybody Mm-Hmm. .
And you never questioned me in a way that made me go, uh, oh, can we parent together? But there were times that if there was tension Mm-Hmm. that was part of it. But everybody in my life, family too, like extended family that had thoughts and opinions on the 14-year-old and what, what I should be doing as a mother. Yeah. The moment they were diagnoses everybody shut the fuck up. They went. Oh, okay. And I'm like, .
My whole thing had been whether he gets a diagnosis or not, you parent the kid in front of you. And I'm just trying, I'm not perfect. There are things I could have done differently I'm sure, but I'm doing the best I can with what I got. Well now we're dealing with physical stuff that maybe connected to mental stuff. Right. But we don't know. We've got appointments for specialists and just stuff. And those conversations come up again in different ways of, well are you sure it's this?
Well, I don't know shit. I'm not sure of nothing. But I'm dealing with the kid in front of me and what the kid in front of me is going through and that connection, you know, I worry, I worry that I spoil him and I I baby him 'cause he is the baby. I know that. I know that tendency. You know, I also feel bad because as connected as I am to the oldest, which the answer in reverse, I would say the family member you're most connected to right now is the oldest.
'cause y'all have bonded over the motorcycle. True. And y'all talk more now than y'all ever did when the child lived here. - . Yeah. - That child had to move out, start adulting and then go, oh, maybe Mr. John knew some shit - . - And then be like, Mr. John, will you tell me some shit? I have questions. - So - That would be my, my thing is I think you're most connected to that kid. - Yeah. And that, and that's true. And I, I'm, I'm happy to see that I am too.
Um, you know, happening that way. Um, you know. Yeah. There, you know, you go back, uh, a year ago he'd be like, what do you know old man , you know? Right. - Y'all's, all three of y'all, the two kids. And you, the relationship is about roasting one another, which just stresses me out. . I'm like, no, we should be talking, speaking nicely to one another when we're mean to one another. There's that mean we hate one another. It does not, they're roasting one another with love. Right.
But that's the thing. You're developing connection. We used to struggle in where you wouldn't have a connection with the oldest. And I had a strong connection with the oldest Mm-Hmm. . 'cause that child does not know how to have an inside thought. If he thinks it and he trusts you, he comes, he's he's telling it to you. And I love that. I'm not gonna stop that, but that we had those struggles too. Yeah. With, you know, am I being overindulgent? But no, I lost my train of thought.
So I'm so connected to the youngest 'cause all the issues. And I've been there in ways. I couldn't be there for the oldest that I often feel guilty because I think the youngest is getting the best version of me as a parent because I didn't know to do those things with the oldest. Mm. Also his personality being what they are. He, the joke is the oldest is a me do it mommy kid. Like from the time he could say those words, he was pushing away and trying to be independent. The youngest is
- Not like that at all. No, - Not like that at all. Um, so yeah, like I, so then we get back to what makes me stressed and annoyed. It's mom guilt of, am I doing it right? Am I enabling, am I spoiling? Am I not seeing something? Am I being too hard? Am I being too soft? So then when there's a question about, are you sure you're doing this right? I'm, you've just hit every sensitive spot I've got - As a parent just, just tapped every nerve. Yeah. Yep.
- Yep, yep, yep. And so then, you know, I'm rolling my eyes and sighing again. . Okay. Those were like crazy tangents. I don't apologize. It's what y'all signed up for. Okay. This is weird. 'cause I don't, we don't, I'm such an unsentimental person. Mm-Hmm. . We don't talk about memories. So it's okay if you're like, fuck, I don't know what's one of my most cherished memories from our relationship? Ooh. - Um, wow. What would that be?
- I can think of a couple if you're like, I think here's what I would tell you. 'cause when I, for me in memories, you know how I am. Mm-Hmm. , what were things that we did together or experienced together where I was my most ridiculously happy self? - I, I would have, I I, this is gonna sound weird, but this is what comes to mind. Um, maybe it's not the most cherished memory, but I think it's one of the most, um, prevalent.
Okay. Maybe, um, um, the night of our wedding, how we ended up at Waffle House, , - If you had said anything with our wedding, I would've gone. Yeah, you're right. Okay. , I was my cheesiest goofball of self. Nothing could go wrong. Look, did everybody arrive? Was there somebody to officiate the ceremony? Did we get fucking married? Mm-Hmm. Then it went perfectly. I don't care what else happened. So yeah. Everything good associated with that day was Yeah.
You could pick any memory from the, the wedding. Okay. Yeah. You'd be right. You'd be right. Okay. Because I don't, I don't grin like a cheese ball often. - No, you don't. - I really don't. Like, I, it's not like I'm reserved. Y'all hear me? I'm wild and out there, but it's like a sharp kind of stark sometimes. Mm-Hmm. until I get su super silly and goofy. But even then, like there's a, there's a reserve somewhere.
Yeah. Y'all, from the moment I got to the hair and makeup place, to the moment we got to the boat, to the moment I dragged my children down the aisle, they were supposed to be walking me down it to the moment I'm like three sheets to the wind and I'm dancing. Like, I could not stop smiling. And when I smile, my eyes disappear and all my teeth come out and I just . I could not, I could not stop. So this is a hard one. Yeah. Because now my job is to go what's his most cherished memory.
Right. Okay. I don't think, and I'm going back to this and here's why I'll justify this memory. - Okay. - It was the first visit when you walked in the door. Now after that, maybe not. And here's why I say that. You and I've learned this now over 10 years, when something genuinely shocks you in a pleasant way. Mm-Hmm. . You have this little gasp that man, I live to create that gasp from you . Okay. 'cause it's a blist out. Like I'm surprised, but also hot fucking damn.
And the way he got to see me for the first time, physically, I was wearing a button-down purple shirt and nothing else. And I was on my knees. Yeah. And I can't remember what that position is that I was in, but it's the one where knees are spread, palms are open, palms are up. Head down, eyes down, no, head up, eyes down. Mm-Hmm. . Which was so fucking hard because I can like hear him pulling up in the bike. I could hear him like getting ready. Mm-Hmm. .
I could hear the, and he's, we had texted and talked and he was like, are you sure I could just walk up? I'm like, I'm telling you, you need to walk up. Fucking in here . - 'cause I was even like, how, you know, you, you were, I was the safe you were, you were insistent that I stayed at your house. And like, no, you need to find me a hotel. Find me a hotel. - I was like, no, you're staying at my house. Um, and now that is not a good, safe way to be. No. I also tr trust my gut.
Like, I'm so nervous with people that if that's what my gut's telling me, I'm, you know. Mm-Hmm. thankfully have been Correct. Um, so you had that little gas. So I, I know there have been a couple other times through our relationship where I've done something and you've had that little gasp, but that's the one that I remember most clearly. Okay. Alright. So that would be what I would say. Now the question is, is there one I you were thinking of that I did not. - Um, it, that is,
is a very good, very, very good. Good. - I won no - gold star to me - Validation. - Oh, I, I think the only other one that would come close to that is the time you and I went to London together. - Mm mm-Hmm. . Oh, I can think of another one. The time we got together down in south, uh, west, the Tampa Bay area, I couldn't think of words. And we destroyed that hotel room. Oh God. - We, oh man. - We should be ashamed of ourselves. Yeah.
Like it, we were not good, uh, guests in a social sense, but no man, that was a, that was a good weekend. Mm-Hmm. . That was a real good weekend. It was Uhhuh Uhhuh. It was - . - Why are all of our most cherished memories of fuckery . Okay, last question. All right. And we're, I'm gonna, I'll say the question, but then we're gonna modify. Okay. The question is, who's my celebrity crush that I'd possibly leave you for? If I had the chance? And see, I wouldn't leave you for anybody.
We're we're in an open relationship. Who would I add to the, the, the selection? If I, who's my celebrity crush - Is? Oh God. I can see his face. I cannot remember his name. What - Was he in? Or what does he do? - The Witcher. - Henry Caval. And thank you. He has to wear the wig. If he's not wearing the wig, he's not wearing the wig. He has to have a scruffy, he can't have shaved.
If he's freshly shaved, he has to wait a week for that scruff to come in either with the wig also whether he is shaved or not. Mm-Hmm. without the wig. No. No shaving. No shaving. No shaving. Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. Here's the thing, knowing how you are, I feel like, I don't know that that's when you would say, but I feel like we'd both have a good time. It'd be like, Henry, are you down? Like, we're both old, middle aged, chubby people. .
Um, but we're also kinky and we're like really open to shit. And you're beautiful and we just wanna jump on you like a trampoline. Was that okay? Yeah. Right, right. , I feel like we would share - be like a tag team. All right. You're going in . - So here's where I'm a shitty, shitty person. I I would say Henry Caval simply because I know, you know, and maybe even, um, Chris Evans as the captain.
Mm-Hmm. Right, right. Um, but I can't, I can't think of any specific celebrity because see, I'm very open with you about that. Yeah. I'm sending you like memes and I'm sending you reels of like, look at him. Isn't he beautiful? You, we could both jump on him with his consent. Right, right. But you don't do that in reverse. You're not like showing me pictures or going, oh, I love this one. Well, - There, there's a very good reason for that.
Okay. Um, growing up where I grew up, I was around, um, a lot of people of notoriety. Mm-Hmm. And such. And, and because of that, I lost a lot of that. - Oh wow. - You know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're a, you're, you're a big star. Oh, you're a, you're a athlete. Oh, you're, you know, and, and they're just people. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . So, you know, a lot of that - Yeah. It doesn't do it for you. - Has, has been lost to me from that.
- I feel like, I can't think of any names, but I feel like old Hollywood stars women, especially women, men too. 'cause you know, you're like, whatever. Yeah. Gender is, doesn't matter. But I think of like, the old, like starlets from Hollywood, the, the heady Lamars and the, I feel like that would be your vibe, but I don't, I'm, I don't pay attention enough. I don't know who you like really liked back in the day. Um, - I, I, I think, um, I had at, at one point, and still do to a certain extent
because I absolutely love her voice. Stevie Nicks. - Yeah. I would, I feel like I, yeah, yeah. Because of all like the celebrities kind of people that you talk about in sort of an admiring way that's not just about their music, but like Mm-Hmm. voice and looks, whatever. That's a name that definitely comes up. Yeah. So now I'm like, I should have fucking known that and I should have stopped thinking about movie and TV stars. Mm-Hmm. my mental database of singers. Yeah.
'cause God, you're such a music guy. Mm-Hmm. . Um, except I have such a bad memory for that stuff. I can't think of any names, but Stevie Nicks Abso, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would, I could see that. I could see that. Mm-Hmm. . So clearly there's still some stuff I, uh, need to learn about you - . - Also, I just need to get pop culture references to stick in my head. - See, - Those were all the questions. Mm-Hmm.
. Um, I, this was not for like, to be educational for anybody, but if, if you found the questions interesting, and maybe we were thinking of your, if you have a partner, you're thinking of what their answers might be. This could be a good, like little exercise either for yourself Mm-Hmm. . And then you can kind of go, wait, I don't think I know the answer. Maybe I need to go learn that. Or you could do it together. Right. That's fun. Um, yeah.
You know, I feel like we know each other as well as I thought we would know one another. Yeah. I think we're on the same page more often than we're not. But where we differ most of the time compliments the other Mm-Hmm. . Um, and I also feel like this is just sort of shown what we've learned about each other over, over time. And, - And I think that - We've gotten better at over - Time.
We, we've gotten better at it. And I think, um, and I think what a lot of that, um, comes down to is we, we put in the work. - Yeah. Yeah. - We, we put in the work for our relationship. Mm-Hmm. . - It's worth it. Yeah. You know, I, um, I'm not really, I've said many times, I'm not the most sentimental person on the planet. I just, my brain doesn't always work that way. Mm-Hmm. like, I'll feel it, but I don't know how to like, express it.
And so, like, I am part of, part of the, the, my feelings are, you know, my kids are the, the best thing I've ever done. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but this relationship is the best relationship I've ever had in my life. Like, same. It's not perfect. God. No. I mean, I really did have to go away and have a little, like, talk with myself of like, get your shit together. You're, you're offended at nothing. You have your little cry, have your little feelings. But, but you know what I mean?
And like, there are things where we will still get, certainly get on each other's nerves and Mm-Hmm. , you know, it's not always amazing, but every moment of every day, it's worth it. - Yeah. Oh yeah. Mm-Hmm. - . Because when it's amazing, it's fucking amazing. Right. But even when it's kind of bad, it's still like, yeah, but I still wanna be here. Mm-Hmm. . I just want it to not be bad .
- Right. Yeah. What, - And what I appreciate about both of us is I think we both have the mindset of it's bad right now. And yeah. We might be having the thoughts of, ooh, they need to do better. But I think we both have that thought of, but what do I need to do better? Right. How do I help us get back to where Mm-Hmm. , you know, it's not all on me to fix it. It's not all on you to fix it.
Even when we're upset with the other and we think the other's done something wrong, we're still willing to kind of meet in the middle and go, I just need you to admit you were kind of wrong here. I need you to hear me. I need you to like, acknowledge my feelings. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . But how do we work together to get back to where we want to be? Right? Mm-Hmm. . - Mm-Hmm. . Absolutely. - And I would wish that kind of relationship, romantic, sexual, kink, platonic, whatever for anybody, anybody.
One, one good relationship like that is, I mean, you can do anything when, you know, you've got somebody in your court like that, like they just Mm-Hmm. , you know, I feel invincible. Like there I get scared about shit and I wor God knows, I worry every moment of every, well, we just went over what all is going on in this brain all the time. Yeah. . But I have somebody to share it with. Mm-Hmm. I have, you will either commiserate with me because we're like, yeah.
We are both worried about that. Or you'll kind of call me on my bullshit in a way that I'm willing to be called on my bullshit. Yeah. Um, what I love about you is the same as in reverse. Like, there's this hole, but he's the dom. You shouldn't, you know, tell him about him himself. Fuck that shit. I call him on his bullshit all the time. Respectfully. Yeah. In my most submissive voice. Mm-Hmm. . I'm sure y'all know how that goes.
- Goes, I think that's important because, you know, as your dominant, I'm not all knowing, all right. Powerful man behind the curtain, you know? No. Yeah. - I don't have an Oz fetish, so. - Right. So, you know, um, it, it's all part of, you know, keeping me and my power air quote in check. - And the thing is, is what I have found that, that bothers me the most when we get out of sync or we're in an argument or we're in conflict, is I want you to be the dom that I know you're capable of.
And where I get upset is when I think that that's not happening. And all I wanna do is kind of get you back there and help you get back there. And sometimes it's, what do I need to do? And sometimes it's what do I gotta tell him that he needs to be thinking about, you know, that he's not thought about. And sometimes what we need to do is go in our separate corners and do our own thing for a while until we want to be nice to each other. - , we come back - Together.
Mm-Hmm. . So, and when you do, when you know, and we've done the episodes on teamwork, like we are a team and we've done the episode on this path of this goal, we're on the same path. We want the same outcome. Right. So our whole thing is how do we figure that out together? Because we, without, I know I did not hear this explicitly, although I hear it a lot now in relationship advice that it's never you versus me. It's us versus the problem. Mm-Hmm. .
And we internalized that a, a long time ago. Yeah. And I think it's because we had more, we didn't have conflict until we moved in together. And even then, not right away was when we were navigating the hard things that you don't usually have to navigate in a long distance relationship that are just naturally kept separate until you're together. Um, so we had had enough good and we had enough desire to keep the good, when the tension finally occurred, we were like, we don't like this feeling.
Yeah. How do we make this stop? - Go away. Yeah. Right. Mm-Hmm. . Yep. - So, - Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . - So that was our episode. Yeah. - Yay. Alright, - We're gonna do a bonus section. Mm-Hmm. . Uh, that's all I got. - Okay. So are we good? I don't know about - That. - Keep the kinky - Allall and we'll see you next week. Daddy. - Yes baby girl. Can - I talk to the crickets please? - You really want to talk to the crickets, don't you? I always, I know. Mm-Hmm. . I know. Mm-Hmm.
- . I was sad that we only got to talk to like one half of the crickets last week. - I know. Mm-Hmm. . - Mm-Hmm. . I was happy to be able to talk podcast listeners was very happy to be able to talk to you. Thank you for being there so that we could talk to you. But I missed the YouTube. Crickets. - Well, go ahead. You - Are such a fucking sadist. I swear to God. . - Holy shit. - . Um, what have we got?
So I have barely talked to the 18-year-old, but I'm gonna, we're gonna, we are all gonna see you tomorrow night. Tomorrow day after recording. Podcast listeners will be Thur this Thursday. Um, we're time traveling. - I'm going to be the chauffeur tomorrow, tonight.
- You have to be, or me and my mother who, look, I think we are strong, independent women who can handle our shit, except we also have a lot of anxiety, worry about things we shouldn't worry about and have become as we've each individually aged very nervous drivers. And so who both for different reasons, struggle to drive at night because it doesn't look quite right. And then add that to our anxiety.
And really, should we be allowed to get in a vehicle and speed down the highway to go watch a concert that is gonna be at night, it's gonna be dark. And also you like your mother-in-Law. Like she I do. You actually like my mom? I do. She's a good mother-in-Law. She does not, she is not getting in the middle of shit. She's not interfering. She Well, you know, if I, if I talk to her and vent, she's gonna listen.
If I, and she's the type, I'm not giving you advice unless you ask for it, but be careful what you ask for. Yeah. Right. Because I will tell you what I think . Um, but I knew that about her before I got married the first time. And denial is powerful. So I just never asked her shit. Um, and now we're at a point, 'cause this is a good relationship and she has struggles in her own that she's like, what do you mean he just does the dishes unprompted? I'm like, because he is not a fucking man, baby.
And he knows that he lives in this house too. And like, if he didn't, if I wasn't here, if they, if he didn't do it, they would like, what, what, like, what are we talking about ? Yeah. What do you mean ? ? Because I didn't marry a man baby. Okay. Anyway, we also, that rule goes the other, the other way. I do not, uh, offer unsolicited opinions about her situations. Yeah. But if she asks, I will tell her. Um, . Yeah. My, my mom's not like the other mom-in-Law. She's a good mom-in-Law.
Uh, she's a cool mother-in-Law . Um, I butchered that, but y'all know what I mean. Um, so yeah, so the oldest has a concert Thursday night. We didn't go to the October concert, even though we planned on it because he said, please don't come to this one. It's not gonna be any good. We got music that was too hard and we got no time to prepare for it. And I just don't think it's gonna be very good. Just please don't come. His, - His words were, this concert's gonna be ass so don't come - fair.
That's fair. And then, and then when I, I, and it wor it worked out in a way because JB was sick that week and he, we didn't need to be going anywhere anyway. Mm-Hmm. . And I didn't wanna drive at night by myself with the kid, the youngest. So I was like, okay, we'll stay at home. This, this works out, you know, and then come to find, he was like, actually it was pretty good.
But the other part, the part where why JB keeps giving me side eye every time I mention this concert is, the original agreement was we went to the first one in the, what was that? September, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. And we were looking at the schedule and there was an October concert and a November concert. I don't know about next semester. I just know these. And so at the time when we were planning the October one, and I knew my mom would wanna go to the November one Mm-Hmm.
because she's in town and I genuinely don't think she's heard the oldest perform in a concert in like, years. Like - It's been a while. Yeah. I - Don't even think she got to hear him in high school at all. So I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe I don't, I'll have to ask her. - I don't - Remember. Yeah. Anyway, the agreement, the negotiated agreement was JB would go to the October one, but he could sit out the November - One. Right. - I should never have made that agreement in the first place.
I should have thought about two crazy, anxious white ladies driving down a dark highway, uh, with a 14-year-old who is equally as anxious. Like I just, I did not think that through that was, I should never have negotiated that. But my point has been there was, you didn't get to go to the October concert and so therefore you still owe me a concert. But also use your judgment.
Did you want me to come home in one piece and with my mother and one of us not have been left on the side of the road or wrapped around something because we overthought like a light in the distance. Like I just, or still circling Gainesville, just nobody listening to the GPS going, I dunno where to go. I mean, we, it's a comedy of errors when we get together and we do things that make us nervous, we can do them, but it's going to be chaotic.
But if you are there leading the way, chaos is kept to a minimum. And you didn't, you didn't, there was no October one to go to. You were sick. So therefore the original negotiation is null and void. The original terms couldn't be kept. So I'm owed a concert. - I was planning on staying home - , - She can go out, spend some quality time with her mom, and I would have the TV and the living room to myself and I could sit and binge watch. - And what did I offer? What did I offer?
Because see here, when he wants to watch a show that I don't watch, I, it's one of those things I don't even, I can't even stay in the living room. I can't, I can't hear it. Like I, because I'll I'm not, I'm, I'm gonna get distracted by the bright shiny. 'cause maybe a dialogue will be good or something will be happening. And then next thing you know, I see like a zombie and then I'm like freaked out . So I leave the room.
So I, and the bedroom's not like super comfortable for me to be in and the office, if I'm in the office, I'm gonna work. Yeah. So as a, as a, as a thank you for, you know, giving me the one concert I was owed anyway, 'cause that's what I prom was promises that you'd go to one of the concerts. But whatever. I offered to make myself scarce on Sunday and negotiate an amount of time where, okay, fine. I will not sit on the comfortable couch where I like to read my books and watch my videos.
I'll go into the uncomfortable bedroom and do it there so that you get your time. You're not being completely left out on in the cold here. I am trying to take care of you in the way that I know how. - Just - Saying . - Okay. - Also, I just feel immediately better and calmer knowing you're gonna be the one driving and you're gonna be there and you'll keep us all rounded up. .
Because here's the thing, , my mother and I are our own individual people and we have our own quirks and our own whatever. But there are some ways we're very similar. And those, when those similarities come together, there's a clash. So examples, these are mild examples, but examples, she let me drive her vehicle. She's got a brand new Rav for Toyota RAV4. I fucking love driving that thing. Um, try not to think about it too hard.
'cause they'll be like, oh, it's way better than our cars , but our cars are fully paid for. So whatever. Um, she let me drive to take the kid to school. We had had band yesterday. Um, and then let me drive, we did errands and then we drove and we did an early dinner. 'cause then we were gonna go do shopping like on a completely different side of town. And n none of us in this crowd, we're gonna do a late dinner. We're not wired that way. So I do all that driving.
And the longer I drove, the more anxious she got. Now look, you hop two curbs and they just, they get, they get nervous. I did. And I don't do that very often anymore. I was unsure of my, the vehicle size. And I like undercuts anyway. But she also started doing this thing that she does. 'cause she's an anxious passenger. It's, you know, there would be taillights. And I know you're gonna laugh at the irony of this. It's fine. There'll be taillights. I am like half a mile up.
And she'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm like, I'm, I've, I got, how many years did I, I was like, I got 25 years of solid driving experience with zero accidents. It's, I, yes, I see them. I'm slowing down. I'm, I hadn't gotten us killed yet, have I? And she's like, it's, I know, but you know, I get anxious. And then somebody would be coming out the side road and yeah, they sometimes speed up to a stop sign and you do have to be careful, but she'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
And make me nervous. So then I was like, - What is happening? . Huh? I - Understand the irony. , - What comes around goes around - Two things, - Huh? - One, you and I have figured out what works. I, he used to complain that when I'd get in the car, I just, my nose would be in my phone. And we weren't having conversations and we weren't like connecting.
And I finally said, if I look up from my phone, I'm gonna be the nervous passenger and you're gonna like wanna put me out on the side of the road, which would you like? And he was like, I would like your time and attention. And so he got it. And then about a week later he went, it's fine. If you look at your phone while I'm driving, please, - Please look at that damn phone. - I read books. I watch reels.
I like, I do not look up because then I can't tap my imaginary break or grab the o shit handle or go to let him know that somebody of us is stopping. My mother does not have that. My mother will just tell you that clearly everybody's trying to kill you. So we get to the restaurant, we eat dinner and as we're leaving, 'cause at this point I knew that she knew where she was going. I was like, would you like to drive? She went, yes, yes, I would. I was like, fine. swimming. So I understand that.
Uh, generational cycles, it's all repeating. I get it. I get it. But I have found a way that we can both survive it. Yes. I was ready to put my mama out on the side of the road. Okay. and I love her so much. There's a reason we have like a 72 hour like max that we can do before we have to go to separate corners. And this visit has worked because like, um, I saw her for a few hours on Sunday. Mm-Hmm. , I saw her for several hours Monday.
But like by mid-afternoon, she had gone her direction Tuesday, that was the day before this day of recording. I saw her for the whole afternoon into the evening. But that was really only like five or six hours. Mm-Hmm. today we won't see her at all because we had so much work to do. She was like, I'll just stay on your aunt and uncle's side of town and tomorrow, tomorrow will be the longest day that we spend together.
'cause she'll come like mid-morning and it might be like 11 o'clock at night before she's back at, at my aunt and uncle's house. So it'll be a long day. But that, that like works like we like Mm-Hmm. stagger it out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure there are other things going on, but I have just rambled. - You have, I have. - Because I find myself amusing. I don't know if anybody else does, but you know, I'm, uh, enamored with me.
Look, when my, I can get my brain to function with my mouth and the words are wording and I can get 'em to flow. Like, I'm like, look at me. I got a superpower. I know how to string some words together. I wanna keep doing it until the words cut off. Like the brain stops working or something. Like run outta words . Then I'm like, oh God, okay. Maybe I should stop now. Also, I think I've hit the point of it's a good kind of tired, we talked about this the beginning, right?
We've been, we've been doing our Black Friday sale, uh, podcast listeners. By the time you hear this, the sale is over. Um, but we're like finishing that up and the orders are coming in and it's been a very successful sale and we busted our ass to prep for it. And it went really well. And the woodshed went really well when we did that. Like it all, like, it's all been good, but it's Mm-Hmm. it is caught up with me today. I am like deliriously tired. Yeah.
- It it, it's been just one constant thing after another. Mm-Hmm. And, uh, - Yeah. Yeah. And no complaints about it. It's just like, I'm, I'm loopy. I don't Mm-Hmm. . I can't cont I don't know. I don't know what's coming outta my mouth. Yeah. I don't know if it makes sense to anybody. I don't know if I've annoyed the fuck out of here. I don't know. . And I'm too tired to give a shit. So there we're case in point, not, not a lick of makeup on this face.
'cause we had choices and I could feel, I could feel the, what's the word I want, the, the paralysis that comes with, I know there's a thing that I should do, but I can't make myself do it. And what'll happen is I'll just freeze and I won't do anything. Mm-Hmm. . And so I was like, we gotta make the decision. We're just not gonna worry about it so that we can That's okay. Keep moving - Forward. I didn't, I didn't shave either, so, you - Know.
Oh, you have to. We, there's a reason these, uh, legs are covered in long pants. Shaving the legs. What? - - Look, once I realized you did not give a fuck if they were super smooth I shave for me and I Mm-Hmm. . If I think I'm gonna get laid and I want to be that night, I might shave for that. But yeah, I mean you will, you will absolutely trek through the wilderness to get to Hmm. You know, the center of my Tootsie Pop. So - .
- I was gonna say something about cream and, and that didn't, so I went Tootsie Pop. Um, have you got anything? I know I sucked up all the oxygen as usual as you're letting Lola out. Yeah. - So, well last night I went to, um, went to the big community Munch. Was - It still 40, 50, 60 people? Like usual - I was about 30, 30 some folks there. Yeah. - That's actually kind of quiet. Yeah. Compared to Mm-Hmm. The Times I used to be. - Well thanks. 'cause um, you know, holidays.
Holidays, yeah. Yeah. - And it probably won't be in December too then. Mm-Hmm. . - But, um, it was good. It was, it was nice to see, excuse me, folks that I hadn't seen Mm-Hmm. in a while and met some new folk and Okay. You know, a lot of new faces there. Mm-Hmm. . So, uh, that was cool and enjoyed that very much. And it was kind of funny because, you know, our, our life pretty much since, uh, September, we had been really focused on, on work.
Mm-Hmm. . And in, in conversation with somebody, they were like, um, you know, so, so what do you, what do you do? What have you been doing? ? And I was like, uh, uh, - I've been making paddles. - I work , - I work. - Yeah, yeah, - Yeah. Fourth quarter baby. - And uh, yeah. Not much room for anything else. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Of late, you know, um, I, I have really been wanting to, um, especially with the weather turning away.
It is, you know, we, we have a lot of, uh, state parks around here and stuff and I'm like, you know, I wanted to do it last year, but I couldn't because of my back. Now my back is better. And I'm like, you know, I want to go out and walk some of, of these trails at the parks and Mm-Hmm. and stuff. And when do I stop working? you - Know, you have, you have to make a conscious decision that that work will be there when you get back. I - Know. Mm-Hmm. . I know.
- Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Neither of us is good at that, but I'm good at making you do it and I think you're good at making me do it. We're just not good at making ourselves ourselves - Do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, you know, yeah. That's kind of where, where I've been at. Um, you know, my, my my free time when I do get some downtime Yeah. I sit in front of the TV and watch a few shows. Mm-Hmm. - , we did finish Loki, - We did season - Two of Loki.
That was, that was really good. I liked how that ended. Yep. I mean, I, I won't say anything 'cause I don't want spoilers for anybody. Mm-Hmm. But I did my, my, I think my baby girl side came out because I had questions or I was very worried for him. Like, it's a good ending. I like, but I just like, I started thinking about, but, but what about after? What about after the cameras are off and, and the world continues and I have questions and, um, I won't pose those questions here.
I do not want spoilers for anybody. Yeah. But it was really good. Mm-Hmm. - It was, it was, um, - Yeah. And I think Loki got a literal decade plus long character arc that was satisfying to me in the end. Oh yeah. The payoff was very satisfying. Yeah. So, - Mm-Hmm. - . Yeah. We did watch that. So yeah. Yeah. - And uh, on that note, we probably should go, - Yeah. I got stuff to do before I go do other stuff. I, and then come home and do other stuff. - I I have wood butter to make.
- Yes. I need wood butter. That's what we put on our paddles . It's not, it's not sexy or dirty or kinky as No, it's a wood conditioner. . Yep. Well, if you buy certain paddles from the kry, you get a sample of them so that Mm-Hmm. You can have it to take care of your paddle. And then we sell full-size ones if you run outta your sample. Um, so, but I need that for the samples, . - Yep. - So, and I got stuff to do too. Mm-Hmm. . Um, thank y'all for being here, especially to the bitter end y'all.
Especially to the bitter end. Yep, yep, yep. Um, are happy to be back on, on YouTube and, and be outta the corner and for YouTube to have ungrounded us . Thank you. YouTube. I guess even though you're the fuckers who were the problem, but whatever, whatever. Um, and yeah, uh, I don't know what we'll talk about next week, but hopefully we'll be less tired while we do it, . - Yes. - Yep. Uh, and we will, we'll see y'all next week, I guess. Mm-Hmm, . Okay. Bye. Bye.