- You are listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode 3 81. Killer. The Lord's here with the one, the only, the you keep opening your eyes world wide, trying to convince me you're awake. But I know you're super tired. John Brownstone. - . I don't know what you're talking about, - . All because I might've like said, see, we're time traveling here. We don't record the anything that we do in the order in which it is released.
And I might've said before another recording that isn't out yet, uh, that you look really super tired, . And now, every time I turn my head to look at you, you do your best to convince me that you're not. But your eyes being that wide isn't natural. So, , , look, that's, uh, that's not what we're here to talk about. - May maybe the coffee will kick in. I hope so. But, - Or we'll get you another coffee. Yeah. Maybe it's time for espresso. I don't know. Yeah.
To have you clinging into the walls by the end of the day, but at least you'll be awake. . . Anyway, , we're back. JB is clearly feeling better. The exhaustion is not because he's still sick. Y'all. I did not drag a sick person in front of a microphone. I'm not that much of a bitch. Okay. . I'm kinder than that. Or I try to be. Anyway, um, Joey's back. He's feeling better. And then now, so we're gonna take on what might be a heavy topic for us. We don't know. We'll find out. Yep.
Uh, we're gonna talk about how we've been showing up in our DS relationship, especially when we're like super stressed and how that differs from how we would like to be showing up in our DSS relationship. . Yeah. So this, this could be interesting. Mm-Hmm. , welcome to the Loving BD SMM podcast. This is your first time listening. Glad to have you. And yes, it's like this every week. If you're back for another week, welcome back.
Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education. And show notes are found@lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at Loving BDSM pc. The PC stands for podcast on Instagram and threads at that handle. I will forever fucking hate loving DSS in the number one. So that's at Loving DSS one, or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving bdsm, where you can watch us live.
Stream the podcast every Wednesday. I'll links her in the show notes. Okay. And away - We go. - Before we get into the topic, the nature of having missed last week is we have 11 million announcements. 'cause we have a lot of stuff going on. And I want to go through the 11 million Okay. Um, announcements. And this is when you're gonna walk away, isn't it? Isn't it? - No, I'm gonna take a - Nap. Oh, okay. Yeah, go ahead. . Uh, we've already, uh, established I cannot be concise like .
It's not, it's not who I'm, um, just a reminder, 'cause we did talk about this a couple weeks ago. All of our digital products on our Etsy shop, uh, are 25% off through the month of January. So planner sheets, habit trackers, we even have, um, like we call them accountability trackers for doms. So a dominant who wants something visual to help them keep up with what their submissive is doing.
We have those, we have our workbooks, uh, and those are on sale and available throughout Etsy shop at Link in the places. The other thing that is new, um, we did kind of a sort of Valentine's Day sale. And when I say Valentine's Day, I don't mean you have to be in love. I mean, take advantage of the fact that there are sales at this time. You're by yourself a damn gift. . Anyway, , all of our non-digital stuff at our Etsy shop is now 20% off through February 4th.
And we stopped at February 4th for the whole shipping thing. So that if you order something, you have, as assuming you're in the us, you have time for it to hopefully get to as long as another snow storm, Arctic winter thing does not take over most of the country, uh, that has delayed stuff. - , a arctic vortex, I, - Whatever they call it, whatever. All I know is that Florida was once again, the armpit of the country as it usually is, and was the warmest, but warmest was subjective.
Uh, we are at the 80 degree. - I saw, I saw, I saw some people joking, showing a weather map that, uh, Florida had all four seasons all at once. Yes. - Well, I mean, we're gonna get the seasons. It's usually all at once. It's in the same day. Um, so yeah. Uh, our Etsy shop, basically, everything's on sale when those sales end. Depends on what you're looking at, but we're on sale. Uh, the other thing is Kry is doing a Valentine's Day sale.
Uh, this is the first one we've done in two or three years. Mm-Hmm. , like, we don't usually do a sale in this part of the year, but we did this time 10% off. If you use the coupon code, kinky Love 24, do not worry about trying to re remember that one. It's all, all in the places. Two, when you go to the site, I literally put a banner up at the top of the screen that tells you what the coupon code is. Try to make it easy for folks. Um, but we're still in the middle of restock.
So if there's anything that's sold out, just put your name on the wait list for it. Yeah, we, uh, introduced a new paddle on Saturday as of time of recording previous Saturday. And by the following Monday it was, it was all sold out, but they're supposed to be coming back, so. Yep. Um, and then final announcement. I'm already tired. If you're tired, don't worry. Woo. You're not alone. Patreon membership Drive is going on. It is going on through February 15th.
Um, we give, we offer perks throughout the year for being a member. We try to give as much, if not more than we receive. Um, so you can join at, at any level. $2 is the minimum per month, and you'll get an extra video each month. It's a fun one. We just recorded the January one. Um, you'll get a live q and a. We do that the first Saturday of the month. Mm-Hmm. . Uh, we do a behind the scenes podcast where we talk about what's been going on in our professional Mm-Hmm.
and personal lives. Um, - Oh yeah. We have to do that too. Yeah. - Oh yeah. That was on my list. I was . I was gonna bug you about that soon. . And then we have our Discord server where we always say we have a bunch of super cool, super nice sters there. Um, if you join at higher tiers, other than that $2 minimum, you get extra stuff like the $5 and up tiers, uh, get to play, do game night with us, which is actually this Friday day that this episode comes out on the podcast.
Um, and if you do $10, $10 tier, um, you get access to all of our digital stuff that's on our Etsy shop. You can get that for free. You don't have to pay for it. Um, and I'm putting out new things every month this year. That's my goal. Very excited. Um, and then why the membership drive? Why now? Why does it matter? If you join as an annual member, that means you pay up front and then you get access for the year. If you join by February 15th, you get two months for free.
So you pay for 10 months of access, you get 12 months of access. The other thing is, if you are a paying member by February 15th, we're gonna send you goodies in the mail. Um, late March, early April, probably this year, um, for two and $5 tiers. It'll be a sticker sheet of loving BDSM and other kinky stickers. Um, and then for the $10 and up folks, it will be, go ahead. Fuck with me when I say it. an enamel Pen. Pen. It's pen. It's a pen. It's a pen. Y'all know what I mean?
I say the word enamel so y'all know what I mean. I get shit every fucking year for this. Every year. Anyway, that's gonna be in a design that used to be a sticker on the Kry is now a sticker on loving BDS and Etsy. It's this pink, uh, balloon animal that's, uh, got rope bondage on it, , and it's wearing black cuffs and it's wearing a black, uh, uh, blindfold. And I'm gonna make a pin out of that. I don't know if it'll get to be a soft enamel like it usually is 'cause of all the detailing.
I don't know if they'll be able to do that or if I'll have to do a different style. But yes, that's gonna be the pin this year. Pin, pin. I can't say it any other way. Anyway, that was a lot of fucking announcements. Or is anybody else tired and bored yet? Uh, for anybody who's like, I will never remember all of this shit. You're right. It's okay. Links are in the places for everything, y'all. I try to make the links very, um, easy to find. So, um, let's get into this topic.
Um, lots of caveats and stuff at the beginning. So first of all, we are the, what brought this up is the stress that we're experiencing in our lives right now. Um, we have talked about, you know, dealing with your power exchange while you're handling stress, how that can affect it, mindset shifts, all kinds of stuff. We've got all kinds of, of, um, episodes like that in the archive for podcast listeners. It'll be in the show notes for YouTube folks. Uh, I forgot to put those links. Inri box.
I'll get them there. Don't worry. Um, for anybody who wants to go hear that stuff. And, um, we've also talked many times over the years about like when vanilla life gets in the way Mm-Hmm. You know, and how you sort of navigate that. We've had those conversations. We will have those conversations again in the future. This, uh, episode is brought to you by a moment that could have turned into an argument, but didn't because we decided to be reasonable rational human beings for once.
And so it was not an argument, but it was a discussion. - Plus, I wasn't exactly feeling very well, wasn't - I I know it was right, right before you got super sick. Like it wasn't while he was sick, but it was right ahead of that . The other thing, this particular topic, when we're gonna talk about it, a a lot of the things we talk about are personal to us. Um, in this case, this is our perspective.
A couple things to note. One, it's okay if you would not react the way we react or have the same thoughts that we have. The, uh, purpose of this is not to tell you how you are supposed to respond or think about these things, or to indicate in any way that, that the way we are doing it or handling it as somehow superior Mm-Hmm. It is to get you to think about how you would handle it if you are currently in, or imagine that you could possibly one day be in a similar situation.
And to, if you can have those conversations now, whether that's with yourself or with a partner, to just sort of be aware that what we're going through is in no way unique , to any flavor of relationship. But the, the way we are thinking about it is personal to us. Um, I don't know if this will be a long one. I don't know if this will be a deep one. I don't know if there's a lot to say or not a lot to say.
We'll find out. But as I've, I've said many times already in this one episode, I'm not known for being concise. Um, so , all of that. - That being said, - All of that being said, um, let's talk about where, where this came from. So this topic idea came from a conversation we had where JB had started. I think it was not this past time that you got sick, but you had like a little cold a couple weeks before you like - No, it was this past time. Was it this time? Oh, - Yes.
I don't know about time and how all that works anyway. Yeah. No, you don't. You weren't sick, sick where you weren't working. You were just taking some cold medicine or whatever. Right. And I, I always feel like I have to like ride j b's ass when he's sick because he'll forget to take his medicine or he'll try to work too hard or whatever. And he wasn't at the point where he was like living in his bathrobe on the couch. He was still trying to function through the day.
And he's telling me he had taken his medicine. And I'm trying to be the service submissive who's like, Hey, you, you know, make sure you set an alarm. So, because don't make me set the alarm. 'cause then I'm running across kingdom come to come, let you know. But if you set the alarm, then you'll go, okay, it's time for me to take my medicine.
Mm-Hmm. . So what I, I don't know if I wanted to say it gently and I just didn't, I don't know if I just, it never even occurred to me to be super, like, submissive and polite about it. It came out, it, the snark was strong. Yes. Very strong. There was nothing submissive in the way I said it, . Although my intention was to do the whole take care of my daddy thing. - Was that one of those things that it sounded one way
here? No. And another when it - No, it's, it sounded like I meant for it to sound okay. It's just that I didn't think about trying to sound submissive. Mm-Hmm. . Like that wasn't, that was, I was trying to do a thing that for me relates to my service and to take care of you and to try and keep you well and on track. But there was the disconnect between the wanting to do the thing with the expressing of the thing . So I don't even remember exactly what I said or how I, I know how I said it.
I said it like, y'all can imagine how y'all have heard me speak before. And JB says, you know, or you could just say, Hey daddy, you know, it might be a good idea if you say your alarm . So that remember I said, oh, you want a softer version of me. , I mean, fair. However, and this was a high stress day. I mean, they've, lately they've all been kind of high stressed. Yeah. Are we at the level of getting hit by a literal fucking car and being like, you know, flung across the highway?
No. Are we at the level of stress of illness and death of a loved one? No. No. But we are at a stressful point, a different kind of stress. And it's just, it's been riding high. And I, in that moment, I got really introspective in a way I don't think you expected, because I said, you are asking me to be a type of submissive that I desperately want to be and I cannot be. And I , I said, it's - Not in the DNA is it? - It's in, it's the desire. Is there ?
This is where this conversation comes from. 'cause I said, I want to be softer. I want to be gentler. I want to be, meek is not the right word, but sort of demure and, and, and just the a person who suggests and doesn't tell, especially to the person who's her big D. Right? Like, there's this sort of way that I would like to show up and be a submissive and express myself when it's a submissive thing. Not of the baby girl stuff.
Not when we're joking around, but like, I'm trying to actively help my dom do a thing, have a better outcome service in some way. Right. I said I wanna be softer, but I cannot right now. I don't have it in me. I don't know how to be that person right now. Because to be that softer submissive, and the soft is the only way I know how to describe it, somebody else might describe it differently, means that I, it, for me, it kind of means I have the luxury of like, turning off my brain.
I just have to respond. I just have to do the things. I don't have to be thinking about 10 other things and juggling 11 other responsibilities and navigating 85 other people's experience of a thing. . I get to just exist in the moment. Mm-Hmm. . And allow myself to be led. And I said, we're not there right now. . . Which then I kind of wandered off both mentally and physically and was thinking about, I got kind of sad 'cause I was like, I I do wanna be that person.
Mm-Hmm. most of the time. I mean, the snark and sass are fun for us. Yeah. And if that shut off completely, you would probably try and get me into a doctor. 'cause what is wrong? Why is, why is - She not? What's going on with you? - Why are you not doing what you do? But this was a time where I, there was, you know how I joke, I'll like kind of say something sort of strong at you and then go, she said submissively. Mm-Hmm. . It was one of those times.
So yeah, that's the whole how we're showing up versus how we wanna be showing up. - . Mm-Hmm. - The other thing, when we were having that conversation, I said, you can't even handle me being soft like that right now. And just waiting to be led and even giving you gentle nudges so that I said, you don't, you are not currently, I don't know if he's there today. This is what the conversation's about at that moment, your dominance was not there to just take the lead.
- It - Wasn't take me by the hand and you know, I'll follow along behind you like a little duckling or whatever. Like . And I don't know that this is the part where you come in. I don't know if that's the type of dominance you wish you could have right now and are missing it. Or if that's just we're in a different era of life or what - I, I think part of it, especially that, 'cause I, I was on coming to the point that I was not feeling well.
Mm-Hmm. . All right. And, uh, I, I believe I could say my thing was I don't have the bandwidth for the snark. - Oh yeah. In that moment. You definitely didn't. 'cause normally you wouldn't even comment on the snark. Right. If you had bandwidth for the snark. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just rolls off your back. Mm-Hmm. it annoys the shit out of people on the internet. . But you're fine with it and you're the only one that matters. So that works. That works.
- Because I give as good as I get. - Yes. Until I'm nearly in tears. Right. I'm like, no, daddy, be nice to me. . Oh, I can dish it. I cannot take it. It's, it's fine. - That's true. That's true. So, you know. Yeah. No, normally I'm, I'm good with the snark. Mm-Hmm. , you know, and there, if you push that line, you know, I'm baby girl going a bit too far there. Sure. You know, and, uh, at, at this, at, at that point, it, yeah, it caught me a little off surprise.
Off guard. Guard. Mm-Hmm. . But, uh, and - That, you know, what we had been, I had probably been talking to you that way for, I don't even know how long, certainly like longer than a couple days. Like Mm-Hmm. , I don't know the past three years for all I know - - To the point that it's just how I speak. Yeah. Unless I'm in a very, like, am intentionally like thinking about, oh, this is a power exchange kind of moment.
And let's, you know, moderate your tone and let's be mindful of those things. 'cause it's, what it comes back to is if I want to behave in a very specific way, positive or negative, but the way I want to be seen, it has to be a very intentional thing. I have to be thinking about it. And when there's a hundred million things to think about, you're gonna get my sort of what rolls off of me naturally when I'm comfortable and not necessarily the side of me that is in like, service sub mode.
And I guess what I'm asking for that with two is if you can relate to wanting, like, I would like to be a softer kind of sub, but life is just not letting me in my mind, do you want to be a different kind of dom than you have been showing up for? And life is just not letting you, but also, do you wish that I was a softer kind of sub more often? Or is it just in those moments when you're like, I cannot handle - The sass right now, , .
Um, there is sometimes it would be nice to see a side of that side. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Um, I mean, for me lately, do I feel like, like the dom I I wanna be or know I could be No. Okay. With, uh, everything that's been coming our way lately, you know, it's, it's, it's been difficult. It, because seems like all I've been doing is putting out fires. - Yeah. And I don't even know that we're doing that. I feel like we're waving a blanket at a fire. , - We're just making smoke signals, - Smoke signal.
Nobody's responding to our smoke - Signal. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. I, you know, it, we're just smothering the fire and just making smoke, so to speak without even really putting it out. Mm-Hmm. But, um, yeah, I mean, that, that's how it feels. Because, you know, we're not ignoring the stuff we can't - Mm-Hmm. We can't ignore. We have to deal with the shit that's in front - Of us. We, we, we have to deal with the shit. Mm-Hmm. . But it's, it's kinda like, there's a number of different shits.
- Yeah. - And focus on one. And, and you know, we're run, run, running, trying to get that as squared off as we can and then onto the next one. Mm-Hmm. , you know, it's not even like being able to manage a couple of these things at a time. Mm-Hmm. It's, it's kind of gotta take it one at a time - Yeah. In the moment that you can focus on the thing. Mm-Hmm.
And sometimes what am I focusing on is the thing I have to, because there's a deadline, there's a person on the other end of an email, there's a, yeah. There's a requirement that must be fulfilled. So that's what gets my Right. Attention and energy. Attention. And you know, I know for me, and we've talked about this in all those other past episodes, Mm-Hmm.
, when we talk about stress or vanilla life or mindset or whatever, um, my, I can default back to acts of service doing the things, what's in my routine, what is, what is the exp expectation that we set years ago. And it's just a thing I do because I can do that on autopilot. It just, you know, it's part of the routine. I know that I have to do it, and I can just, as long as nothing interrupts my routine, I I can, I got it. Mm-Hmm. . It's, it's what I do.
Where I find tends to be the, the biggest challenges during times like this is when I cannot focus on power exchange. I cannot focus on, I am a submissive and I feel this way and I wanna feel this way, and I want you to feel this way. And, you know, I cannot be mindful in the power exchange. And so what that tends to mean is when you throw something new at me that you'd like me to do, you have learned, we've talked about this before, to like tread carefully and lightly.
Right. It, we, there are times in life where you cannot just throw out an errand, Hey, go do the thing or whatever. - No, no, no. You know, need to give you time to prepare for it. - Right. And then, like, like I was saying a few minutes ago, I have, when I am comfortable with somebody, like a hundred percent comfort, a hundred percent trust, know that I'm a hundred percent safe. I have a natural way of being that will never come across to anybody submissive. Um, I have, I have thoughts.
Look, misos have thoughts and opinions. , that's, it is, it's a fucking joke to think that we don't. But there is this sort of, depending on your dynamic, this thinking of there's a time and a place for it. There's certainly a method for how you express it. Um, there are certainly rules around tone and attitude. Right. And, you know, the only rule we have is for me to be respectful. And, and you abide by that rule for your yourself. Mm-Hmm.
. But there's a point of where it's not quite disrespectful, but it's not quite being the best at submissive. You can be , and I, I don't tread on that line lightly. I jump rope with that line. Mm-Hmm. , um, . I tap dance down that line, um, cartwheels even. Um, but when I'm just trying to get, and I tend to be, the more there is going on, the faster I'm moving and thinking and doing. And so everything is rushed. And I don't take the time to be intentional about anything.
It just thought enters brain and rolls off tongue. And I've gotten better 'cause we've been in a power exchange long enough now that I have like a little bit of a filter that's like, oh, oh, nope, nope. Maybe don't say it like that. like, I've trained myself out of some ways. Mm-Hmm.
. But if we're just trying to get through life and we are not being actively mindful of, we are in our power exchange and let us approach one another as Dom sub in this, this way where we're like looking into one another's eyes and talking very carefully about our power exchange and like, we're not swimming in it. Right. I you're not gonna get that for me. But the thing Mm-Hmm.
that I'm a roundabout way trying to get to 'cause this train derailed a couple times in the middle of that paragraph, um, is I want to have the opportunity to be the kind of submissive that, you know, I think that you deserve that. I think that you Mm-Hmm. would like me to be that I used to be able to do. Now I've always had lots of thoughts and opinions and the ability to express them in some way, even if it's just my facial expression being real loud .
Um, and I, I know you don't wanna take that away or cut that off. That's I think part of the appeal. I hope. I hope so. . Yeah. It's a little late now, . But I don't know, in these times when we're juggling our spinning plates, . Yeah. Um, I don't, I don't, I forget or I don't know how, or it's just, I don't feel like there's time to stop and be mindful. Everything is go, go, go.
And my head is, you know, there's about eight paths in my brain and I'm working all of 'em because they all it, I know we say if everything's a priority, nothing is a priority. And in a way I get that. However, child healthcare is one lane. Paying the mortgage is another. Mm-Hmm. , uh, dealing with like, there are certain things that actually they are all a priority . Yeah. And you have to do them all at the same time. Mm-Hmm. . So that doesn't leave the, the lane for be your best of self.
Be the of you want to be Mm-Hmm. not just the one who's going through the motions. Because I can do that with less effort and thought it's muscle memory at this point. Yeah. Does that make any - Sense? It, it does. And I think that's like the same reason, um, you know, when, when you let that, um, snarkiness come out over me taking the cold medicine, you know, I, I had to, I looked at it this way. One, I was not feeling good. Sure.
Two, we know, we both know when I'm not feeling good, I always don't do what I necessarily should do for myself. That's - Why we have the tough love clause to begin with. Yeah. - So, you know, that that gives a little, um Sure. It gave you a little attitude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - In that, and I, you know, the way I said it, I was not purposely being disrespectful either. No. We were not in an argument. No. I was just like, I just, it was not, I she did not say it. Submissively is how that went
is how that went. Mm-Hmm. - . Mm-Hmm. - . But that's the thing. So that's, that's me. And I think, I think in, in the submissive chem probably relate that even if it's the particulars don't match up. If you've got a lot going on and you can't, how many times can I say mindful and intentional in this one episode? Mm-Hmm. don't turn it into a drinking game. But if you can't be mindful and like in the moment Yeah. And have the, there are words, what are words?
The, I can't think of the words, but to just kind of go, wait, this is who I want to show up as. This is who I want to be. Mm-Hmm. . And so therefore I will do that to the best of my ability. You know, when, when I can be that person a scene or you've come to me like as the big D and it's been very clear that that's your mindset. And so then that helps guide my mindset. Yes. Mm-Hmm. Absolutely. Like place could be burned to the fucking ground.
But if you bring your dom energy, I usually respond with my submissive energy. Yes. I'm like, okay, we're in this together. Um, you know, I think there could be an argument to be made for somebody to go, okay, well what you need is more of that dom energy. And I would not disagree with that. But also I am an autonomous human being who wants to be a certain way in my relationship and in the world.
And so therefore I do have some level of responsibility to do my best to try to get into that head space when I'm capable of it. Mm-Hmm. . But when we had that conversation, I was like, and I said it to you and granted you were sick. So it definitely applied then. But I think it applies outside of it. You have not been able, like I can't be the soft submissive. I would like to be at least some of the time. It would be no fun if I was always that way.
Um, but you have not been able to bring certain kinds of dumb energy out of yourself. Correct. That either I respond to or that you, you get compliance one way or the other. Mm-Hmm. , which I find sexy. It's fine. . And so this is a, this isn't just a, I'm out here on my island all alone, not being my best mess of self. 'cause life is crazy. This is a, we feed off of one another. This is a power exchange is an energy exchange. And so I'm not bringing the, you know, sweet little sub, uh, side.
And you're not bringing the in control focus on me baby girl dom energy. Correct. That is not a criticism. Okay. . I'm not criticizing. 'cause if I'm not bringing it, you're not bringing it. We know why. Mm-Hmm. , you and I know what our life has been like recently. Right. We know why we're not, for me, it's not about pointing fingers going, well why aren't you and why aren't I, it's sort of the mm-Hmm.
the acknowledgement of it and the, you know, is it a, is it that this is a moment in time that we just have to like, ride the waves of the insanity Mm-Hmm. get through it. Hope that life does not send us a Mack truck. Yeah. And then, okay, we'll, we'll kind of find our way back to whatever it is we wanna do. Or is it more of a Okay. Life is, I mean, if the past four or five years have proven anything, life is going to keep throwing shit our way because that is what life does.
Um, this is a very long ebb. I could use a flow. Thanks. Um, and so it's not about like, if we wait for the opportunity, we are gonna, I feel like we're gonna forget more and more - Of who have to have to make the opportunity. - Right. Right. Right, right, right. And - Then, and and yet at the same time, because of the plates we have been juggling - Yeah. The spinning plates - That we're juggling, um, the spinning plates that we're juggling right now. Um, you know, how do I, how do I say it?
You know, when you, when you give your snark like that in a sense, I can't hold you accountable because I'm not giving as good as I. - And sometimes the snark of the back and forth s the mutual consensual snark is fun's. It's pallet cleansing's. It's like we're we love one another deeply. I follow where you lead, however the push and pull the let's tow right up to the line of, uh, wait. That, that might be kind of rude in another context.
Or, you know, it almost, you know, we will, I've seen this with, this is outside of a power exchange context. 'cause it's just how we relate to one another. I've been around like family, my mother specifically who does not like, I know where I get it from. She doesn't like what she perceives to be confrontation and JB and I'll be snaring it back and forth. We'll be like giving tit for tat and she'll go, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'm like, no, no, no. We're having fun. Right.
We're not, this is not an argument. I promise you, you'll know when it's an argument , we will not have it in front of you, but you'll know we're pissed at one another because we can't even make eye contact at that point. , we are both walking around with a resting bitch face. Mm-Hmm. . And we look past each other over one another or anywhere butt at each other when we're angry. But when we get snarky together, it's, it's fun.
Sometimes it's when it's mutual. Yeah. When we're both enjoying it and nobody's feelings are getting hurt. Right. And nobody's, you know, you're not feeling like you're, you're do selves being like disrespected or I don't feel like I'm being teased to a point Mm-Hmm. I can't handle or whatever. Like, that's a part of that is how we relate to one another in power exchange too. That is true. Like we, yeah.
I, I don't wanna say adversarial because it's not, but I, I could see where there's a hint of it. Like we're gonna say stuff not that's mean to one another. Mm-Hmm. . But we're gonna push each other's buttons just enough Yeah. To where we don't hurt the other, but the other's like, well I'm pushing back motherfucker - . And I, and I think, and I think that's what it is. It, it's, it's a little bit of a back and forth Mm-Hmm. between us. And, and that's something that, you know,
we both enjoy. Mm-Hmm. - . But not always, not all the time. Right. And it is possible to go step over the line. For sure. Yeah. - And, and you know, I've, I've, I've often kind of said, and I don't mind saying it, I know you don't like the word, but, you know, I feel like I could almost be called a bratty daddy. - Oh yeah. You def okay. You definitely, you I would classify as a bratt in - A heartbeat. I mean, I even went on fe to look to see if they had that classification.
Mm-Hmm. . They didn't, the closest thing they had that comes close to it, which kind of works for me anyway, is, you know, instead of a smart ass, a Sam a smart ass masochist. Mm-Hmm. smart ass sadist. - Yeah. And you're that too. Yeah. You're definitely that too. And it's funny 'cause it's all subtle. 'cause sometimes you're very just bratty without the sadistic side. Mm-Hmm. you're like contrary because you can be contrary.
You tease to the point of I'm almost in tears and you wanna keep going. And it's only when I'm like actually upset. You're like, okay, my bad, I'll back off. Right. Like, you'll you'll push my buttons to see how far you can push me. Mm-Hmm. in a safe way where I don't feel like boundaries are crossed or anything. Um, but then your sadistic side, the smart ass sadistic side of you, - , - I don't know how anybody else would define it.
I don't know if this fits your personal definition, but outside looking in, in my experience of your sadism Mm. Okay. Is that your smart ass sadist self knows that I can be pushed and that I can want to be a soft, gentle, willing submissive. But under the right circumstances, , the SAS will come out. And I sometimes feel like you use that smart ass way of yourself to pull SAS out.
So then you get to go, ah, look at you being air quote disrespectful , let me give you a reminder about why you should not be that way. - . - And it's like, but, but you did this. I was just over here existing trying to be sweet. I mean I'm, it's not my natural state, but, you know, whatever. Uh, and you did this. And so then I think there is a bratty side Yes. To that. I think that Mm-Hmm. there's absolute overlap. There's a Venn diagram. There's times when you're just a bratty daddy.
Right. There's times when you're just a smart ass sadist. And then there's times when there's the overlap. I mean, I think, and you know, if you I enjoy it. We, we enjoy it. It works for - Us. Yes, it does. - It does. Um, does that, because you sort of are identifying with those kinds of terms, does that mean that's how you're seeing your dominance or how you want to sort of exist in your dominance? Or is it just in addition to other ways of being?
- I think just because of the nature of who I am and how I am, I, I am beginning to think that that is an integral part of who I am. Yeah. At this point. - Does that mean that you no longer identify with or feel the same way about, you've never really been strict, strict Mm-Hmm. . But you have this sort of sternness to you where you can be the daddy who is not the sweet daddy, who will like, bring me a diet coke. You can be the daddy who's like, you done fucked up baby girl.
Right. , that's the daddy that puts you in the fucking corner or makes you write lines. That is not my favorite daddy. But it is just, you know, it is part of it, um, that, that side of you do you feel like it's not, it's not who you are right now and or anymore that you just don't have the bandwidth to be that person? Like, do you miss that side of yourself at all? - I do miss that side right now. I'm missing it. Right now's Yeah. I know you're not . I know you're not. I can tell you're not .
- See the softer, gentler side of me doesn't need that part of you. - But just remember what comes around. I know goes around what goes - Around comes around. I, yeah. - Yeah. So, um, but, um, you know, no, I think that that's still definitely a part of who I am as well. Mm-Hmm. . Um, I think just because of circumstances, it's easier to default to this part. Mm-Hmm. - Do you think it's because it's I agree.
Easier. Do you think it's because there is, I there's there's a, I don't know if joy is the right word, but we enjoy it. Mm-Hmm. most of the time. And it's its own sort of stress relief. It is. Because we can't go back and forth to until the point we are laughing our fucking asses - Off. Right. And I think that's a big, big thing of it. It it has become a pressure relief. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah. - You know, like you got the, uh, pressure pot on the stove, you know, and it, it builds up so much and then it's got aji least thing to release. See why I'm afraid of the instant pot - On the stove . I don't, yeah. I don't want anything to explode at me. Is, you know, - And, and I think that's just and I, I think that's just become the default for both of us at this point. - You know, it's, I I'm trying to be the kind of mature adult Mm-Hmm.
who understands that the thing you're going through now is not necessarily the thing you will go through forever. Because, you know, Time, you know, creates shifts and everything changes to some degree. Mm-Hmm. . There's some things that are permanent of course, but like, you know, a thing can be permanent, but how you see it, how you behave around it, like how you, you know, whatever.
Mm-Hmm. . And so I try not, I try to un always understand that whatever we're going through in a moment, we will not always be going through it. Correct. Uh, things will shift and change again. But , we've all also now been going through our own personal shit for long enough with what doesn't feel like any relief from it. Like we get through the thing and then a new thing. Right. And like, there's not, like I'm, I'm ready to have a, a little bit of life where we're bored.
Like I don't even know what I do with boredom. Um, but I, I'd like to experience it and find out for myself. Mm-Hmm. . - Um, I, I I don't remember what that's like anymore. . No. And - I don't mean like bored 'cause there's nothing to do. I'm thinking I think more of the board because there's nothing to fret - Over . Yeah, exactly. Stress - Over and go like conquer something so that you can keep surviving.
Mm-Hmm. . Um, but with all that being said, even though I understand that things don't last forever and the thing you're going through right now is not the thing you'll always be going through. We've got, we've been going through enough stuff over the years without a break that there is a part of me that goes, is this just who we are now?
Will we, you know, will this be the way that we cope through these things so long that by the time whatever the new version of calming down eventually looks like? Mm-Hmm. . We won't even know how to be the old way. - The old way. Um, no, I don't think that will happen now. Partially because I think a portion of it is like muscle memory. Mm mm-Hmm. . Okay. You know, kinda like the old, old adage of, you know, once you learn how to ride a bicycle, you always sure can ride a bicycle.
And I think there, there is a good portion of that to be said in this. Um, will it be exactly the same as it was before? Probably not. No. Okay. Um, you know, just like anything else that, that goes like that it will return in some new fashion. - Sure. Sure, sure. And, you know, hopefully we're mindful enough at the time that we can enjoy Mm-Hmm. the discovery process of that. Right. Um, you know, there, excuse me.
I think what's helping me a little bit is I can acknowledge that things, you know, I can't be the type of submissive I want to be or that I have been in the past. Um, Mm-Hmm. not without like, being led there and it being a, we've planned for this moment, this is our time for this. Like, I can't default into the softer, gentler side of myself.
Um, like I think that sometimes I want to be, but also while I miss it, and I wish I could, I think, because in my mind, being able to do that is an indication that I don't need the snark. I don't need to be so serious. I don't need to be so focused on everything else that I literally have the luxury to go, okay, I can, I can let that stuff go. Mm-Hmm. , I can let you just take over. And I am no thoughts. All vibes. You know, and it's, it's gonna be fine.
And so I I'm very rambling today 'cause the train in my brain keeps derailing. I apologize. Um, I'm okay because I only miss it occasionally. Mm-Hmm. . I don't feel like our, our power exchange life is unfulfilled because I can't have these parts of myself as easily as I maybe could, you know, a decade ago.
It's mother, um, it's usually, you know, when we had the initial conversation that brought about this topic, it did make me sad because I, in that moment I could clearly understand that there are too many things going on right now. Not in our kink life necessarily, like in every other facet of life. Where to be soft feels like a luxury. Mm-Hmm. . And I don't have that luxury right now. And I have enough optimism left. 'cause I do tend to be an optimistic person that I know will get through it.
It's gonna be okay. I don't know what Okay. Is gonna look - Like , what the other side is, what the, what, what it's gonna look like on the other side. Yeah. - Everything, everything in my life has been figureoutable eventually like Mm-Hmm. . We're gonna, we're gonna get through it. We're gonna get to another side. There'll be something else. 'cause there always is. Yeah. But like, we'll be fine.
And I don't, like, I just, I sometimes in those moments it catches me off guard and I go, I want to be softer. Mm-Hmm. , gentler, kinder, you know, meek or milder, like pick a word. Right. Like more submissive. I want to just follow, just follow and let you just figure it out for me. And I get to just be there. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but I don't miss it so much that I feel like our life is lacking. - Yeah. - Does that make sense?
- Yes. And, and I I I want to touch back on this a little bit too, where you, you know, said about going back to what was Mm-Hmm. . And you know, if you can go back to what was, I think that is a fabulous thing, but I believe it can also become a pitfall. Mm mm-Hmm. . Okay. Because you're wanting to go back - To the some idealized version. - Um, to to to the I Yeah. The idealized version of what was Mm-Hmm. . And you're ruining the passing of that, that it's not what it was.
Mm-Hmm. . That you don't look at the opportunity to make it new. Mm-Hmm. so to speak. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. - Yeah. I agree with that. And I, I, yeah. And that makes sense to me. And I, you know, having this conversation, I don't feel like that's where I'm at. I don't get a sense that that's where you're at. Mm-Hmm. I feel like we do better now than maybe we once did. Of just existing in this moment. And Yeah. Are we happy with one another? Are we content in our relationship? Not gonna say life.
Life is, there's dumpster fires left, right and center. Yeah. But are we content with one another and satisfied with one another and we still want to be here with one another then the way we're showing up as dom sub is working for us. Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, I think that sometimes in the midst of very stressful moments where you just wish everything would calm the fuck down and just could you get a fucking break? Yeah. It's easy to wish for what once was. Sure.
Because you at least have, that's a, a memory. You have tangible memories of I that's how and if life felt better and simpler than right. Mm-Hmm. . And you're in this moment right now where nothing feels better or simple. And, you know, I think nostalgia is, is, you know, it's powerful. Yeah. Um, I think that it helps, at least for us, you know, our lines of communication are very open in the middle of you kind of like pushing back on my snark.
We were able to have a five minute semi-serious conversation about where our, you know, our headspace is in our power exchange. Mm-Hmm. . Um, and those conversations are fairly easy to have. They're not fraught. I don't, I don't like, I don't have to work myself up to being able to tell you, man, I wish I could feel your dominance more. Right. It's more of Mm-Hmm. I always come to it with all the, the understanding. I was like, I wish I could feel it more,
but I know why I can't and don't worry. Yeah. It's just - . This - Is just a conversation. Um, No, but I think that the feelings I had about wanting to be softer, gentler, were more the, I just wish life could be a little bit easier so I can be that way. Mm-Hmm. . Um, I am not, I don't have a lot of, um, worry anymore. I used to that I somehow was not a good submissive because we, we tend to go back and forth and the sass is strong.
Mm-Hmm. and, you know, I, I rely on clear direct communication from you. Right. And so as long as you are not telling me that you don't like it, then I'm like, we're good. I'm like, keep rocking until he speaks up. 'cause he's a grown ass adult - . And - If he doesn't like something, he should say something. Yeah. . Because anybody who's waiting on me to just know. - Yeah. No, but see, I, I've said it before. Mm-Hmm. , we've talked about this in the past. Mm-Hmm.
, this type of re relationship with been, you know, non kinky or, or power exchange. I enjoy this. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Mm-Hmm. . And, you know, it's one of those things, it's, it's not for everybody. I mean, you know, I could hear somebody out there saying, why do you put up with that? You know, you are the one, what are you, what are you doing? You're in - Charge. Right. Reminder who's boss. - Yeah. Okay. And you know, this, this is how our Mm-Hmm.
relationship works - Partly 'cause I never don't know whose boss it, you know, we've talked about this lots over the years about how we define our 24 7 mm-Hmm. . And it's not because you are commanding every moment of every day that I, you know, every mo every one of my moments, every day. Yeah. It is not that there's a bunch of rules to follow. It's not that I have to seek out your permission for every fucking thing.
It is that you are always the decider, uh, other than some very specific narrow things that we've negotiated. Right. Outside of that, if a decision has to be made, I'm coming to you every time and Mm-Hmm. how I show up to , - Get that decision. - Depend context is everything. Because sometimes it's a lighthearted, fun thing and we can, I can show up and be silly and sassy and you know, and that's the energy we're gonna bring to it.
And sometimes it's a, okay, this feels like a life or death kind of situation. Um, I have to do a very hard thing and what's got to be done. And, but you know, what do you want to do? And I am serving through all of that because I'm coming to you with the options. Mm-Hmm. I've done done the legwork. Mm-Hmm. I've done the thinking about it. That's why I don't have the bandwidth to be a softer, gentler version of myself. , there's shit to think about.
But at the end of it, it always comes back to what do you want to do now that can, that line can feel fuzzy sometimes when I haven't kind of been in my, my sub headspace Mm-Hmm. because you deciding often looks like us talking it through and me presenting my information and you going, mm, but I'm not sure. Mm. What about this, what about that? And then the decision is ultimately a collaborative one.
True. But the sheer fact that I, no decision is being made until I show up to you and go here, we have to make this decision. That's how we're 24 7. It's how, you know, a lot of people ask me about how you get into a submissive head space. And I, in some ways, I'm always there. In some ways I'm not like when the snark is too strong and I'm not thinking about, hey wait, he's the one in charge here.
And I step over the line a little bit and you know, you push back like clearly I'm not in a head space, but in a way, because I know how our life works, how we've set it up so that even when there's not a direct rule, a direct task, uh, you didn't ask me to go do a thing, I didn't, I don't need that. I know that whatever's going on in our life from uh, what time of the day or week we're going to the grocery store to, are we going to apply for this big thing online and try to do this thing?
Yeah. I can, I can have all the thoughts and opinions I want. I can do all the research I want. The place I stop is just deciding, which quite frankly for me, and not everybody will feel this way. I think it's, it's the anxiety of me. And there's probably other stuff. It is so comforting sometimes to go, okay, I did all the work and I see all the options and I, I have opinions on which way, but I don't actually have to decide .
And so I, I guess I always, even when I don't feel it, even when I don't feel like the kind of submissive I want to feel like we've talked about this before when I'm like, I haven't had enough baby girl. It's not snarky sassy, but like the playful kid-like baby girl side of me. You know, I'll say I have not had enough opportunity to be a baby girl lately. It's, you know, it's been more service than anything.
Or it's been whatever. But, you know, because of how we just live our power exchange, I always know I'm submissive. I always know who I'm submissive to. 'cause I'm working on shit in service of both you and us as a whole. Right. Family as a whole. Um, and also I'm, I might bring it to you for you to lead on something, but you, you know, the buck stops there with you, which I, I mean, I kind of like a little bit of the pressure is off. Not a lot, but a little bit. Yeah.
Um, I feel like this was very much about me, and I don't want it to be where, where are you on, like what, is there anything that even briefly you've missed recently about your own dominance or that you're like, okay, I'm looking forward to when we can. - I, I think do that again. I, I think the biggest thing I miss right now, um, as, as far as the power exchange Mm-Hmm. aspect of our relationship. Um, I think under the circumstances it's doing pretty damn good. in some ways. Mm-Hmm.
, um, you know, yeah. We're, we're, we're going through a lot, but we're keeping one foot in front of the other and, and we're just chipping away at things. We're - Handling this current batch of stress. Clearly we're handling it differently than the previous batches of stress, but in a way, I feel like we're handling it better. Like we're getting better life. Going - Better at handling the bullshit. Yeah. I, I think Oh, used, you - Thought you were gonna get a chance to just like, be bored.
No, no. Here. Mm-Hmm. here. I want you to, I want you to like, deal with this - Mm-Hmm. . Now, I, I would say the thing that I most certainly miss, um, in the way things have been, um, have been playtime. - Oh yeah. Yeah. - Lack thereof. - Yeah. - You know, and, um, there, there was a time, you know, during the day we had opportunities. We had the house to ourselves. We no longer have that at all. Mm-Hmm. - . And there's stuff going on that even when we could have that, we can't have that.
And, you know, I, I agree. I miss it too. Um, I think that we would probably be better connected if we got more of that. Mm-Hmm. , um, time in. Yeah. I also, you know, there are times when I get I miss something or I wish something was different. I get resentful about it. Mm-Hmm. , this is not one of those times because I understand clearly the priority and, and why Mm-Hmm. . Um, and I, you know, I think I have enough perspective now on some parts of life that I go, I know this won't be forever.
This will change. Mm-Hmm. either kids grow up and move outta your damn house, or you start to have grownup money again and you're like, you can stay at the house. I'm going, you know, . Yeah. And that I, you know, I, I don't know. And maybe it's a, I'm, I'm getting older and we will pretend wiser and that's how, why I'm less impatient and frustrated about it.
Like, yes, I acknowledge it and I want it to be different and I wish it could be different, but I'm not, I don't walk around miserable about the fact that it can't be different. I sort of accept it. Mm-Hmm. , maybe that's because I am intimately aware of why it is. Yeah. What it is. I don't know. I dunno. - I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say that, um, my headspace has been, you know, nonchalant about this.
Mm-Hmm. , um, no. Uh, my head space has definitely been affected, but not as bad as it would have in the past. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, I hate to say this, but I almost wonder if it is in part because of, you know, since things kind of started for us, you know, going back a couple years ago, if this isn't just about being desensitized to some of it - Probably, but you know what? If that's what gets us through without being more stressed than we could be, I'll take it.
Yeah. I'll take it. We probably are because our new normal has been Oh, that thing you wanna do, you're not gonna be able to do. Like, that's just Yeah. We, we roll with it now. 'cause we're like, oh yeah, , - Right? - Yeah. Yeah. Li Life's been doing this to us for a few years. I mean, I, I, you know, there was a time, I think we still got our hopes up about - Shit. . Yeah. Yeah. - No . Nope. - To hell with Hope . - It's weird. Um, maybe other optimists will, will relate to this.
I don't know. But it feels weird to acknowledge that I am optimistic about long-term future. Like I know that this is not gonna be our reality forever, that things will shift and change again, because that's the nature of life, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. But also very much at minimum a pragmatist and maybe a pessimist about in the moment stuff like, oh, we might get time to do the fuckery thing. Okay. We don't get your hopes up . Yeah. That's probably not happening. - . Mm-Hmm. . Yep. Exactly.
- Like, I'm optimistic for a broader future. I'm, I don't know if pessimistic is right. Maybe that's too strong, but I'm not optimistic about the immediate moment. - Yeah. I mean, just, just like we thought we were gonna have the opportunity to have some playtime a few days ago. Mm-Hmm. . Okay. Mm-Hmm. . And, uh, not that I wasn't looking forward to it, but it was kind of one of those things where I had it in my mind. I'll believe it when I see it. Yep, yep. - Yep, - Yep, yep. .
- Yep. Which did help for the disappointment to be minimal. Yeah. Because I was like, yeah, I sort of expected this to go this way. Mm-Hmm. . - Yeah. - And are we being cagey and not giving details? Yes. But that's 'cause there are certain parts of our personal life even we don't wanna put on the internet. Thanks. Right. Um, uh, - So Yeah.
Yeah. You know, and, um, I I, I think if anything, you know, what the last few years have, have taught me, um, you know, kind of roll with the punches a little better. - Yeah. Oh yeah. the one, the one, uh, consistent conversation we've had over the years. Uh, 'cause when your stress levels get high, it could be because there's stuff going on. Sure. Mm-Hmm. . But it typically is about you feeling out of control about a thing.
Yes. And it's not to say that you don't still have those moments where you're stressed simply because you don't have control. They, you handle them better. - They're not Yeah. It's not as much of a Oh, you - Are unbearable in the beginning. - , they're Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. I, yeah. I'm, I don't deny it. Yeah.
- And, and you know, maybe it's, we're desensitized, but I, there's, I there's a little bit of a benefit to that because that decent, we're not so desensitized that we can't acknowledge our feelings. Mm-Hmm. and talk about the reality of things. And, you know, it's not that we don't care or have hope we all of that is true. Yeah. It's more that we are not reactive in the moment as much as we once were Yeah. We, we are laughing more through this particular stressful moment in time.
Mm-Hmm. , which for us is a str type of stress that we knew we always knew could be a possibility. And we desperately didn't want it to be . Yeah. We're laughing more through this one than we were the previous stressors, which were the new and unknown and like, we hadn't become desensitized. Right. And I think that's it. To bring it back to the actual topic.
I think that's why I'm not always, I don't always get to be the submissive that I kind of have been in the past and would like to be at times, but I'm not always unhappy. I'm actually mostly happy with the type of submissive I am right now. Now that works because you are showing up in the complimentary fashion. You want, you like this from me and you're giving as good as you get. Mm-Hmm. . And so it's a reciprocal thing and it's a mutual thing. Right. That would not work if it was not mutual
- . Sure, sure. - We would all be miserable - If that was the case. And that, and that's the, the, the, you know, the big thing about it, um, you know, the, the relationship we have with the snark, you know what, what I get from you, what, what you get from me, you know, it, it's part of our relationship. It's consensual. Yeah. You know, no. And no different than, um, you know, somebody being with a bratt. Sure. Okay. You know, that, that has to be all consensual as well.
- Right. And you have to like, kind of have an idea of what you're signing up for and go, yeah, yeah. I'll, we'll keep doing this. Right. I wanna be clear, I don't think we just showed up this compatible in this type of way. Like one day we were like trying to have more of a, uh, air quote this word, typical kind of power exchange kinda moment. And the next moment it's snark and sass and who can be meaner to one another without crossing a line kind of thing.
That we didn't, that we didn't just wake up that way because No, my, like, I think I said this at the top, if not what I'm saying it now, my natural response to stress and hard times if I don't shut down, I get sharper, I get harder, I get, like, I get more pointed in my words a lot of the times. Yeah. And that is not always welcome .
And in the beginning of all of this, as we were sort of shifting into like what life looks like now on top of just the learning how to live with the levels of stress that we hadn't had to live with before, you know, there were things that JB did not always respond well to that he, you know, there were still times you're like, this is inappropriate and it may have actually been inappropriate, or it may have been at that moment it was inappropriate.
And if it happened in the exact same way today with the experience we have of one another being this way, he would not clock it that way. Like, I don't, I don't, can't say don't know, but this is a thing that we, we each, we're working through stuff together because we're married. Mm-Hmm. . And we raise kids together and we own a business together.
Everything we do is together. Sure. So we're working through it all together, but we still had to get to how we could internally handle all of it in our own time and in our own way. And so there absolutely have been times of conflict because maybe I'm in the snark head space of fuck it, anything even matter at all anymore anyway. And j b's over there, depending on the situation or the moment or the whatever going, no, this is super serious and you are not responding in a respectful way.
And I feel like my power and control is being threatened and not being respected. And you know, that was especially true in the early times when you, your stress level was connected to how out of control you felt. Correct. And then if I was not showing up in that at least semi respectful way, your tolerance for it was not like it is now. And or because I'm constantly trying to read people. It's the hypervigilance Hi .
Um, I was sometimes moderating and modulating my approach because of how you were Yeah. And now I think we are absolutely at a point, and I'm not saying that this couldn't turn on a dime and we couldn't be like so stressed that we're catatonic, but right now we are at the fuck it levels of stress - Like Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. - . And so we, yeah. Our sense of humor is better. Mm-Hmm. . And so then the push and pull of how we interact is more fluid and it fits better.
Yeah. But also, yeah, , there's parts of us and parts of our power exchange experience. I don't miss so much that I'm miserable, but like, if I think about it, if I take the time to think about it, I'm like, oh yeah, I know. I miss that. Yeah. - And, you know, to to, to say, you know, would it be nice for things to kind of, you know, chill out and get back to a little bit of what it was. Hell yeah.
- Yeah. And, you know, I won, I I think we'll get to find out, but I wonder if we'll be mindful of it when we're figuring it out. Yeah. When we get some of these things sorted and we get back to the flow of the ebb and flow and we, even if it's just for like a week, we get to be bored - . Yeah. - We get to be like, you know, you get to have that false sense of Oh, I've got my life figured out. That is right before life will throw you another like, curve ball.
But that's fine. I'll take that - Five minutes right before life says, here, hold my drink . - Right. But what I'm curious about is if we'll be mindful enough of what's happening in our lives to recognize it and to go, oh, this is our time, this is, oh, we can, we can do things differently. We don't if we want to Yeah. We don't have to continue on in this way. We can branch out and, you know, in other - Yeah. - Yeah. Go down memory lane a little better. Mm-Hmm.
whatever, whatever. Yeah. - Ah - Hmm. - . - So I don't have anything. Could I keep talking in circles around a topic while Lola snores in the background? Of course I could. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I didn't expect this to be personally helpful for anybody. 'cause our experience will be different from your experience. Mm-Hmm. - mileage may vary, - Obviously.
Definitely always. Yeah. But I think that if you ever have, if you ever have that realization of what I used to be, we used to be like this together and now we're, we're not like that. And it's not been a, we sat down and talked about it and renegotiated. Mm-Hmm. . It's just been a natural shift. You know, I think it's worth thinking about, even if it's not maybe the right time to talk about it, uh, maybe it is the right time to talk about it.
Yeah. And you can go, Hey, have, let's acknowledge this at least and let's check in with one another. You know, this for me has been kind of a check-in of, oh, we actually like this. This is okay, this is not, we're not lacking in some way. Right. Um, I miss the older aspects of the way we used to be able to do things, but I also agree that we'll either get there at some point in the future or we will get there. We'll have a different experience that gives a similar vibe. - Mm mm-Hmm.
- Yeah. No. So I don't have anything else to say. Mm-Hmm. Okay. Okay. I guess we'll be done. - So are we good? We're - Gonna have bonus section and then , you're trying to rush us over here. . We're gonna do a bonus section, but yes, we're done. And yes, to answer your question, uh, are we good? I don't know. That's not for me to say. Okay. - Keep it kinky y'all - And we'll see you next week. Daddy. - Yes, baby girl. - Can I talk to the crickets please?
- You go right ahead. Oh, - Damn. He is tired. Y'all - . - I mean, his eyes are not fully open. So . Yeah. So here's how our, our day started. We recorded the first thing and his eyes were not open. , we recorded the next thing and he made his eyes be open. . We did the intro for this podcast for the audio side of things, and he made his eyes be open. But the longer we've had this conversation, the more they've shut again, - . - Uh, I know your original plan was to go work in the shop.
Maybe, maybe a nap would be better. I don't know. What do you think? Should you take a nap? - No, I'm still gonna go and - Okay. You're gonna be that tired and go work around the power tools. - Yeah. . Oh - God. Oh God. - Yeah. Um, so yeah. Yeah. No, I, I kind of giggled, uh, earlier back Rah said that, uh, oh. So I'm sad. - A smart ass daddy. - Smart ass daddy. Yeah, you definitely - Are. . - You definitely, - You absolutely.
I would, I would say on the lighter end of the spectrum, you're a sassy daddy, uh, . And when, when you, you get to the, you've gone to the dark side and had the cookies, you're a smart ass daddy. Yeah. - Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. No, no, no intention whatsoever. Arranging myself, Ms. Spock. So, um, mostly gonna be doing some sanding. - Yeah. You're working on knives. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. We're, we, were sold out knives, so I'll take some knives. Yeah. Right. We're trying to have a sale, man.
- I need some naps. . - Yeah. Uh, Kim says Kayla deserved a diet Coke . Yeah. If that's Jamie's plan, she needs a way to cope with tired and power tools. . I, you know, My coping mechanism these days is, uh, is definitely diet Coke and any crunchy food. I like the crunchy. I need crunchy. I mean, are those usually potato chips? Yes. Did I tell myself when we went to the grocery store the other day, I would like an apple. 'cause you bought an apple specifically for Lola. Yes.
And he cut it up and to have it ready for whenever he wants to give her one. And, uh, 'cause we're trying to give her treats so she feels like she's getting treats during the day and stops, like scrounging in gross, weird ways, but without the calories. 'cause she's, we still trying to deal with her excess weight that's not good for her joints. But, um, so Debbie cut the apple and was putting it in a container. I went, oh my God, that apple looks so good. , I too would like an apple.
And we were going to the grocery store like later that day or the very - Next morning. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . - And did I get an apple? No, but did I get corn chips, pretzels and potato chips? Yes. - Yep. - Yes, I did. . - Yeah. And that, and that's true Mr. Spock, when you, uh, you know, have no intention of, of doing something like that, that is when it, uh, has the highest probability of happening. Oh yeah. - And you're like, no, I'll be fine. Yeah. Only one eye is actually open and Mm-Hmm.
, I'm sort of snoring in the background, but Sure, sure. Turn on this high powered spinning thing. Yeah, - It'll be fine. Well, I mean, and you know, my own defense, I'm not gonna be using a table saw. True. I'm not using nothing with blades. Not using the big band saw. No. You know, I'll be using an oscillating sander. Yeah. - But still be careful. I, that's all I'm saying. I know. That's all I'm saying. Um, what else is going on with us? Lola is steady snoring.
Like she worked third shift last night, y'all. - Yep. Yep. , - I dunno if how well the mic picks that up. Mm-Hmm. But all we did was take a pause and there was a snort srk snore thing going on there. Right. And we think Rosie, the Roomba attacked Ella the cat today. Right. I do not know what happened. Rosie was running throughout the house. Ella was in our bedroom. Ella made a sound like she was about to kick some ass. Yes. She was pissed. You could hear it in the, like the meow growl thing.
Mm-Hmm. at first I was like, oh no. Is she fighting with Onyx? No. Onyx was in one of the cat trees in another part of the house. Heard Ella took off running towards Ella. Ella came running out of the bedroom and her tail, her whole body, but her tail specifically was puffed up to like two times the size, natural size of her tail. Mm-Hmm. She was so pissed. She wouldn't let Onyx near her. She would not like, let me come near her. She was pissed.
And the only thing I could think is that, um, because of the, the way the sounds were and where things were going on, I'm wondering if Rosie the Roomba got her tail a little bit. Right. - Well, I I I do know, and, and I've seen this happening a little bit over time. She has been coming, been Bec ella. Mm-Hmm. at any rate and has been becoming more, uh, comfortable - Around Rosie. - Around Rosie. Mm-Hmm. . Um, I've, I've caught her following.
See Rosie a time or two, - Maybe the way a cat becomes a Roomba rider is you gotta like, do some battle first. Yeah. Like, you gotta learn to keep your fucking tail out of the way. Right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. - Yeah. When I saw her tail puffed up, I was like, holy shit. Yeah. And then it was probably good 20, 30 minutes later before I saw her again and she was calm. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. She was back down to her natural - Signs.
. Yeah. I mean, Lola, she doesn't even budge when Rosie No, no. Is doing her thing. - I think she's figured out that there's no way in hell Rosie is smarter than her. . - She's good. She's good. That's true's good. That's true. And, uh, Onyx, um, she's either in her hide hole in the closet. Mm-Hmm. Or she's parks herself on the bed. - Yeah. - Well, out of the way. Yeah. - No, she does not have time or patience for Rosie. Mm-Hmm. and instead of like investigating or trying to hunt it down - No.
- She's like, I'll just stay the fuck outta the way. Right. Yeah. - Yeah. - Mm-Hmm. Don't start no shit. Won't be no shit. I think is Annex iss, uh, a Yeah. Vibe. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. - And j just J Jay, just j said sweet potato treats for the dogs too. Yeah. - We've done, um, the kind of like pre-made treats that have sweet potato flavor and we've done dog food that has sweet potato supposedly in it. Mm-Hmm. . She does like that. Yeah. We're doing right now. Uh, baby carrots. Mm-Hmm.
and apple slices. - Apple slices. Mm-Hmm. And, and of course the, um, occasional banana tax that has to be - Paid. Oh yeah. Yeah. We do not pay the cheese tax in this house because we are trying to help her watch her calorie a day. . Mm-Hmm. . She, I mean every once in a while she'll get a little piece of cheese. Yeah. And that is the happiest I think I've ever seen her look. And the most hopeful, like if you're a slice and cheese or grating cheese, she's,
she's looking at you. Oh yeah. She's hoping. - So, um, yeah. We're, we're, we're trying to do, um, more fresh, you know, vegetable based snacks for her that are very low on calories. Yeah. Um, and, and so far she's, she's doing, she seems to be quite happy with it. Mm-Hmm. , you know, between the, the, the carrots and the apples and the occasional, um, banana bite. She's, you know Mm-Hmm. - . Yeah. The, it's been a hot minute since I did anything with fresh, like broccoli.
But she will eat a little bit of broccoli. Yeah. - She loves watermelon. Watermelon. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. She loves watermelon so much. - Mm-Hmm. . Um, she likes blueberries. Yeah. When we have fresh blueberries, I will pay the blueberry tax. Mm-Hmm. . Um, so yeah, we're just, she is so food driven and food focused, um, that we're, but we don't give her treats during the day because you know, of her weight.
And so we're like, we could give her these low calorie, almost no calorie things that are safe for her to eat. And then if we cut back on her food just a little bit at mealtime Mm-Hmm. , then we're putting her into more of a calorie deficit, but she doesn't necessarily feel deprived. Right. That's our thinking anyway. Yeah. - And, uh, starting to see that she has hips. - Yeah. I think she's, she's a lot like many women who hit middle age. It's all around her middle. Like her hips are fine.
- . Yeah. - She's, she is, uh, like her mom barrel wasted at this point. She's stout. She's stout . I, I feel that, I feel that real hard. Yeah. So I - Can't talk either. - You know, it, years ago it was when I first started working for myself and I was in my phase of listening to people I respected and thought like, might make some good sense, but it was about the whole entrepreneur life kind of thing.
And in that context, the person was talking about when you're building your business and trying to grow it so that it's an income you can live on or whatever, whatever. He's like, I think he said he got the theory from somebody else. So it's not this guy's theory, it was somebody else's, but I can't remember who he said.
Basically, there's certain times of your life when you're at like your busiest or you're like you're grinding it out or whatever he might be, you know, you have your family, friends, your work life and your health. And of those three things, his contention was at peak like performance. Like you've gotta be like really focused on stuff. You can only focus on two of those three at a time. And that feels right in my brain. It's fine if others disagree.
And so that actually helps alleviate a lot of guilt for me when I'm like, you know, I do, I do a lot of the, you should be doing this, you should be doing that. That's a lot of my, you know, internal self-talk. Mm-Hmm. , regardless of what therapy taught me about should all over myself.
And, um, you know, when I'm down on myself for not doing more to take care of my health to, you know, exercise more, to eat better, to like put the amount of time and energy that goes into actively trying to change your body in some way or change your whole lifestyle around Yeah. Food and activity. I sometimes you'll say it's a cop out, but I don't think so. I'm like, no, my, the thing that's got all my focus right now is work.
'cause I like to pay the mortgage and um, family right now 'cause of health stuff. And it's like there will come a time when these things will not be my top priority and then I can put the focus into health in a different way. Um, because it's not to say that I'm not focusing on it doesn't mean I'm ignoring it and just doing dumb shit. It's more like I'm doing my best to just maintain so I don't fall apart completely.
But I think it's, you know, for anybody who doesn't, you know, maybe doesn't, hasn't thought about it this way, deciding to change what you eat and how you eat and when you move and how you move and to focus on that, that requires energy and effort. And anybody who says it doesn't to me is probably full of fucking shit. Or your life is just charmed is all I'm saying. . So, so only so much to go around.
And so that's Mm-Hmm. that's sort of how I like, make myself feel better about that because I go back to the times when I did put the energy and time into what I ate and how often I worked, worked out and how it worked out. Mm-Hmm. it took up a lot of time. Like that was my hobby for like Mm-Hmm. years. Yeah. And I spent hours a day in some way on it. And it's like I, who's got that kind of fucking time right now? . - Yeah. - So, but - Hmm.
- Yeah. Um, I dunno that I've got anything else. Yeah. Yeah. The, the part of the problem is, is the stuff that is like top of mind for both of us is stuff that we just have chosen to not speak about Yeah. Publicly and put on the internet. That's just one of our boundaries. So it's like, yeah. I guess I got nothing to talk about. And in my brain I'm like, oh, I got stuff - . - Yeah. I'm just not here. . Right. Right. It's not for public consumption.
- . Yeah. - So unless you have something else that's on your mind, I guess we can, I think we're, we can be done. - Yeah. - Uh, good news. When we were recording stuff earlier today, we did record with, uh, our mics functioning . Yes. So there will be for YouTube folks. There will be a video next - Monday. Mm-Hmm. . Yeah. Yeah. - Well we got it right this time, . Okay. We're gonna go. Thanks for sticking with us to the bitter end. Mm-Hmm. , - Thanks for hanging out with us.
- We're grateful for all of y'all. Mm-Hmm. . Um, we'll talk to y'all later. Mm-Hmm. - . Bye. Bye.