You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode 4 24. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the guy who might originally be from New York, but is no longer made for cold weather. John Brownstone. Darn straight. Yeah. Even Florida cold. Yeah. No. I it's it's, it's too much. You know, I Long time ago. You don't want me to tell you how old I was in early 81? Yeah. No. No. No. No. Let's not go there. No. Age gaps are fun and awkward. Even at our age. Right?
If you hear what sounds like a in the background, that's because our Florida cold and the arctic blast that hit us in Florida, required our heater to be running, in the office. So that's the A little space heater Yeah. Yeah. In addition. In addition to whatever else we can get. As you could tell, we're back from break and still just as chaotic as ever. Mhmm. Diminishing the chaos has never been a resolution for us. It's never a goal. Yeah. We're gonna try maybe not to increase the
chaos. Just to maintain our level of chaos. And and yet we're also we've got plans for 2025, and that's what we're gonna talk about this week. We've we don't do resolutions, but we've got plans and goals and intentions and even words, multiple words of the year that we're trying to, like, follow, as it relates to our power exchange and getting back or getting to a point where we're like, yes. This is the power exchange we want to have.
Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure and education. Show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and follow the show. Nope. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. How, after 2 hun 424 episodes, am I still getting that wrong? You know?
Are we gonna rerecord it? No. Because that would be the 4th take of this intro. You can also follow the show on fat life at loving BDSM PC at blue sky at it's at loving BDSM, and then a whole bunch of other stuff. Just search loving BDSM will pop up on Instagram and technically threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate. And I get annoyed every time I have to think about it because it makes me so mad. That is loving d s and the number
one. So at loving d s one. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay. So before we get into, today's topic, announcements. 1, relatively short. 1, relatively long. Brace yourselves. Okay. So the first one is just, to point you to a podcast episode slash video slash even blog post that we were a part of
with Dom Sub Living. They asked us and a few other, king sters what is, like, the one thing you wish you knew when you got into kink, when you you know, before you even got into kink. So we shared our thoughts along with other folks like Eevi and Sunny Megatron and a couple other people whose right now the names escaped me, but I recognized them. I was like, oh, yeah. But y'all know me and my memory. So if you would like to check out that episode video situation, the link is in the places.
Feel free. Ta da. There you go. That one was the quick one. Look at it. Yay. It was a quick one. Here's the long one. We are officially in our 20 25 Patreon membership drive. This is the part of the year where we try to encourage as many folks who as who can because you happen to have the funds to join us on Patreon. 1, joining on Patreon is a way to support the work we do and make it a little easier for us to do it and to not be working on other things.
It helps sustain life, and so we can sit here with you once a week and be whatever this is. And in exchange, we hope we give our Patreon community something in return to make it worth it. So the membership drive is important for two primary reasons. It runs through February 16th, 15th, 15th, 15th, 15th. I think in the blog post, I said 16th. There's a blog post with all this information I'm about to say. It's linked in the places if you would prefer to read
it, or if you need a refresher. But I'm just now realizing I put an incorrect date. 15th. Runs to 15th February. The during the membership drive, what you get that makes this special opposed to other times is, 1, if you sign them as an annual member, you get 2 months free. So you pay for 10 months and you get access for a year. On a $10 a month membership, that's in in US dollars, it's a $100. Also during the membership drive, if you maintain membership, hi.
Shout out to our current kinking community or you've become a a member and are a member until February 15th, you then get a special goodie based on your tier. So this year, the we have 3 tiers in our Patreon. The 2 and the $5 folks in those 2 tiers will get and not even released yet and not technically not even finished yet, new kinky workbook that we are making, and it will focus on, communication and power exchange, which I just still don't know how we haven't made that workbook yet.
So it's brand new. It won't be available anywhere else when we send it out to the folks who, become eligible for it. They'll get it at no additional charge. Eventually, it will make its way to Etsy, where if you want it, you gotta pay for it. The we're doing something a little a little different this year. Also, the $10 tier, it's our highest official tier. We'll also get that BDSM workbook. It is digital. It's a PDF. It's printable.
We do not have the the means, the funds to do printed ones at this point. Not in this way. Not for something like a membership drive. But the $10 tier gets that, but also gets an exclusive, meaning you will not see it on Etsy later. Pin, enamel pin, p I n pin. I don't know if y'all think I'm saying it right, but I think I'm saying it right. That commemorates the loving BDSM 10th podcast anniversary because 2025 is when we hit our 10th podcast anniversary. Wow. So we're it's gonna feature,
our logo. And then once I finish, like, making it look away, it's gonna say, like, 10th anniversary and, like, 2015 to 25, something like that. And it will only be available, to our Kinky community members. The first chance to get it is to be in the $10 tier, during the membership drive. We do ship internationally, so you can be in the states. You can be in another country. If you're in that tier, you will get that pin. After the membership drive, we will might do
give giveaways throughout the year. So, you know, we can other people can have a chance to get that pin, but this is not one we are selling. This is one that it will be exclusive exclusive, because quite frankly, we would not have made it 10 years without our Patreon community. That's true. Y'all got us through some, like, real lean times. So, yeah. This one is just for Patreon membership. The up through February 15th, you get 2 months
free for for an annual thing. If you don't have that kind of cash, but you're like, I would really like that pin. If you do month to month, you can cancel or change your tier at at any time. It's as little as $2 a month to join. But if you want that pin, gotta be in the $10 tier during the membership drive. So after the membership drive, change your tier if you need to. We don't want anybody going broke just to
come hang out with us. Now if you join our Patreon at any point this year, especially the membership drive, here's what you get. Everybody gets, certain things regardless of tier. Access to our Discord server. It is the only way to get access to our Discord server. And, oh my god. How have I forgotten what we give away? Holy crap. We also do a monthly behind the scenes podcast episode that used to focus more on what we were doing professionally, and it still will because our work life is part of
our life. But as you'll find out in this week's episode about our plans to, like, where we wanna go with our power exchange life this year, we will be talking about that a lot in the behind the scenes in ways that we probably won't do in episodes. So you get a little insight there. Plus, we will do alternating every other month, a game night or movie night. Game night, we'll play Cards Against Humanity every other month. In the month we don't have a game night,
we're doing a movie night. We're gonna do that in Discord. I'll probably just share my screen. We intend to watch kinky movies together. How long will they take? I guess it depends on how often I have to hit pause and go, what the ever loving fuck? So that's what everybody gets regardless of, what tier you're at. If you join at the $5 tier, you get access to a brand new thing we've never done before, but is highly requested. JB is recording himself reading
bedtime stories. And we're doing fairy tales for this year. Grim's fairy tales. Grim's fairy tales. So if you like the sound of this man's voice and wish you could hear it without me anywhere near it, this would be your chance. The $5 tier minimum is what you have to do to join that. If you join the $10 tier, you get access to every digital product we make that goes on Etsy, all of our workbooks, all of our planner sheets, the coloring books we make,
all of that at no additional charge. That's what you get extra in the $10 tier, plus access to the bedtime stories, plus everything else. So, I just said a lot and was chaotic. If you're like, what the hell was that? There are links in the places where you can go look at the information for yourself and not depend on my chaotic ass. I think I need to go read the information. So do I. And I have written it multiple times in multiple places now. I just now realized I got a date
wrong because, of course, I did. And somebody, master Frostbite, in the chat asked, stickers? We're not doing stickers this year. Part of that was because trying to afford to mail out stickers, in 2024 nearly broke us. And the best way to make the enameled pin at the $10 level truly exclusive, that has to be the only thing I'm spending postage
and dollars to create on. Now we do have a a tentative plan to do something special at the end of the year for December for, like, a special temporary tier folks can join. And that will likely involve stickers, but that's not a fully fleshed out plan. So, no, this year, $2 $5 folks get our brand new BDSM communication workbook, and then $10 folks get that and the special 10th anniversary enamel pin, p I n pin. So, yeah, that's that's what
that's what's going on. I hate that I did not have my shit together well enough to explain that. But I knew I wouldn't. I put it in writing. If you happen to be a current Patreon member or you join, like, in the next whatever, we also did a video on it that you would have access to. We also recorded an audio podcast. Like, we just that's all that was for, Patreon folks. But it is in writing if you're like, I have no fucking clue what she just said. I don't know what she's talking about.
There are links. So that is that. I am gonna take a sip of my diet Coke and show off to the camera my, new Starbucks cup I got for Christmas. That is beautiful. Okay. So into the actual topic. Okay. And he walked away. Oh, okay. I was gonna say, just a reminder for anybody who maybe didn't catch it at the very, very beginning of this episode, there was a in the background for JB's space heater. I just turned it off. I know. And I'm Yeah. So So now if you're like, wow. I
can hear them better. It's because that's Spacey. Time. Yep. Did you, get hot? Warm comfortable enough. Wow. I'm not gonna say I'm warm. No. You would never admit that during this arctic blast that Florida is experiencing. She, she teased me on mercy mercilessly last night because I, wrapped myself up in a microfiber blanket. Oh, he I mean, he wrapped himself up like he was, you know, escaping war, y'all. Like, it was the way I mean, he was
y'all, he looked pitiful. I the fur the first view I got of it, I didn't get my my phone up fast enough to get the picture because that one was the funniest view. And then I finally convinced him to do a a recreation and I posted that in Discord. I was like, somebody is cold and somebody else is laughing at them. Snap up. Because y'all, he was in his flannel pj pants, his shirt, his did you have your robe on? Yeah. Your slippers Mhmm. The blanket
with the dog. Was the dog next to you at the time with her body heat? Yep. And the space heater 3 feet away from him. And the cat in my lap. Anyway, that's me, what's the right one? Giving you shit. It's not really the point of this episode. No. It's a feature, not a bug of our relationship, though. So, I think we both realized we were on the same page about this week's topic, when we were having our conversation in the last episode of 2024. Mhmm. Because, you know, you said it. You're
like, I I miss us. I wanna get back to us. Right? Mhmm. And then we did a thing I don't think we've done in literal years. We actually took time off during our break Yes. Which did a lot of wonderful good things, but also I think gave us time to just sit and breathe and Mhmm. Think and not just think about the things that stress us out or worry us, but think about the things we actually want. Yeah. And and, you know, for me, that was kind of unusual because I don't normally do
that, you know. In in the past, during our winter break, I would go out, you know, I'd I'd I'd deep clean the shop, so to speak. You know, I'd I'd I'd maintenance tools. I'd make things that I don't have a chance to make during the busy of the season, and I did not do that this year. No. You actually rested Yeah. As as you should. Mhmm. I mean, I believe I was lecturing you in previous years for now. Yeah. But the good thing about that is, you know, we got to just relax and just
do some stuff we wanted to do. Mhmm. We got we got a lot more sleep, all that. Yeah. But also, we, we had a couple of pleasant surprises. So let me start by saying the the, caveat that the reminder, the whatever, kink and sex do not are not required to go hand in hand. You can do kink without sex. It's like you can do sex without kink. Mhmm. However, if we're fucking, it's kinky. That's just how we are with 1 of those. Aspect to that in there. Yeah. Right.
It's it's there's something about it that's definitely under the BDSM umbrella every time. A couple things happened in a very short amount of time. 1, we were relaxed enough and rested enough Mhmm. That we wanted to have sex, and we were in a head space where we were actually actively talking about not just our kink life, not just our power change, but actually our sex life, which is not something we've done in a
long time. The last conversation, I think, I remember having, it was me doing the, I am so sorry that I don't seem to want that right now and, you know. And and, you know, I I think that was my state of mind for for a time there. You know? Yeah. She's going through, you know, perimenopause and has no interest in in segs and Yeah. You know, and and I just okay. That's the way it is. Well, I mean, that was the way
it was to me for me too. And, you know, we've talked in previous episodes about how the way we handle, you know, our individual sex lives and our sex life as a couple, doesn't cause guilt. Like, I don't I don't like it. I want to be sexually close to you, but if if the mind and body just can't, I don't walk around feeling bad about it either. We talk it out. He's got what he has to do, what he wants to do.
I'm not necessarily required for that. And then, you know, I could just be miserable and sexless, in peace. But part of it is, you know, on the on the sex side. Right? We had I have been on this sort of journey to get my hormones, like, regulated. Mhmm. And I think we finally mostly gotten to the right dosage level and the the desire for sex has come back is
coming back. Now the other thing that was happening at about the same time as, you know, the holidays, at the end of last year, was some life stressors were starting to calm the fuck down. Yeah. And regardless of what's going on with your physical body, stress will can kill the desire for sex. A good libido. Yes. You can. For many people, not all people, but enough of us. And so that was helping as well. But the thing I noticed more than anything was the willingness to talk about it. And I
don't mean from you. You're always the one to talk about it if I wanna talk about it. I don't talk about sex with you very often. No. And then we had a couple of, like, crazy mornings. We are now morning sex people for the most part. And you were doing some things I liked. You were doing some things that I was like, oh, I can feel myself responding to this. Mhmm. And for once, I just, like, I just told you. I
went, hey. If you do this thing first, you're gonna get a better response than if you do that thing. And that, one, it worked. We've had a couple of follow-up conversations because we are creatures of habit, and so JV has been getting me primed for a good digging for many years now. And so he has his go to's. And so I've had to come back and go Yeah. I know what you're doing here, but remember remember what we talked about? Yeah. I had some I I still need that little Yeah. Because it's not
habit yet. Right. But it was more profound to me that not only could I just speak up and go, hey. Mhmm. Look. If you want to get me locked and fucking loaded, pull my fucking hair. Actually, what I said was dominate me. Have power. Have control. Yeah. Back in the day when everything was loosey goosey and juicy, you just had to look at my clit sideways, and I was ready to go. These days, I need I need more than physical. I need an
emotional mental thing Yeah. Before the like, the the head's gotta be into it before the body's gonna follow. So in talking about that, in talking about, hey. I need more physical control from you as part of our sex life. It is even just the foreplay part of our sex life, the Yeah. Getting getting us ready for the sex part. That led into conversations about our power exchange Yes. That were needed. Mhmm. What we've we we have had over the past few years.
We've had conversations here and there about our power exchange. Correct. But never really with the intention of doing anything, just sort of the acknowledgment of, yeah, this this part of life is kind of sucking right now. And we would love to have something different, but, you know, we would mutually kind of say in our own way and that we just didn't have the energy or the time or the will. We would just keep things going on the routine that we have. Right.
Because when when everything else goes to shit, sometimes it's those, you know, in the background routines that'll That hold you together. Right. Mhmm. So, that's where this all stems from. The first part I wanted to because it was a conversation we had over the past couple weeks Yeah. Was about, the concept of were a word for the year or words of for the year. I never can just have one word of a year. That's that's not enough. No one single word encompasses all
my thoughts. So we sat down and talked about this in relation to our power exchange. Right. What are your what is your word are your words? A word. Okay. My word is mindfulness. Mhmm. Okay? For too long now, I've been in a reactive mode, and I need to get out of that. Mhmm. Now what how what do you mean by that? Reactive as it pertains to our power exchange. Mhmm. Reactive in what way and what does it mean to get out of that for you? Well, not so much that it and
let me clarify here. What I'm talking about is not directly related to our power exchange, but it is how these outside things affected Mhmm. Our power exchange. So, you know, when when I I say mindfulness and and the fact that, you know, I felt feel like I have been on unreactive, mode. It's just because of everything that has been happening Right. You have in in our lives. Mhmm.
And, you know, between that, between the finances, between a number of other things that we were going through, it it just seemed like constantly running to put out fires. Right. There was no time to just sit and think, to plan. Right. You tried to plan. That was Yeah. You you stomp out one fire and Right. You know, another one's going over there, and you go to that, and then the other one started backed up in addition to another one. Right. So, you know, round and round we go.
You know, I I will be I'm not honest with you, with all of y'all, 2024 sucked for me. Mhmm. And yet, in a way, it was the best thing that happened because I needed it. I I feel like last year I hit bottom. Mhmm. I tanked my mental health, my ability to keep on shouldering things and yeah. It it all just, came to an end in not a good way. Knowing what you and I know, that's for
our personal stuff. Do you feel like you're pulling yourself out of that now or that you woke up one day and you just are on a higher step of the ladder? Like, is it a physical, like, I'm I'm actively pulling myself out of this now? Does feel that way. Gotcha. It it's like a physical thing step by step. Mhmm. Mhmm. But yeah. In in, you know, in in some ways, I'm kinda glad it happened because now there's only one way to go,
so to speak. You know? Yeah. This is the first time in 4 years that I would agree with that without putting the caveat of, well, you never know. This yeah. This is the first time I'm like, yes. I I feel like where we were. So even in the 1st 8 days of the year, yes. Yeah. It's a it'll be, a squiggly loopy loop line, but it's a the progression is momentum is upward. Right. Mhmm. You know, so, you know, for me yeah. I I wanna practice more more mindfulness. Be
more aware of things. Mhmm. Okay. And specific to power exchange, what are you what are you thinking? In addition to the power exchange, I would say for me right now just to be more be more there. That's what I mean. It as it pertains to our power exchange, what does that look like? What does that look like? Well, you know, like, you know, I started making sure you get your collar on every day. Yeah. We y'all, we it had gotten so bad. There were Wednesdays.
We were on camera, and I wasn't wearing a collar, and both of us were like, whew, whatever. Yeah. You know. No. We didn't like that. You know, so I I've been making more of a, you know, been doing that more regularly now. Mhmm. And that's a feedback loop because once you started, I went, oh, this is we never had a conversation about it. Yep. I went, oh, this is important to him.
So then if you forgot, I reminded but here's what I'll tell you from a submissive, from my own personal submissive perspective. I like it when you remember it and you bring it to me and you're like, I am putting this on you. Right. Okay. Yep. I I I can tell. There's I I we don't really use terms like ownership in our power exchange, but there is this feeling of, like, I am his and he is putting on the thing that, shows that to the whole world.
Podcast listeners, you cannot see this, but JB just had to run off camera out the back door because Lola was crying like she thought she'd been abandoned, on the other side of the house, she wasn't at the door trying to come in. No. So yeah. The hi, Lola. The focusing on my collar again, that was that was immediately noticeable. And I yeah. I am I am happy too if if you're like, hey. I'm telling you as your big d. Make sure you've got your collar on because that's how it used to be for us.
And I will if that's what you want. But I do like the fact that you are thinking about it, and you are remembering, you're looking at me going, she's not wearing my fucking collar. That's not okay. Like, I I like that. Mhmm. Alright. And and I'm sorry for you saw that look. That was because Lola was winding in between the legs of the tripod. Yeah. She hadn't changed a bit y'all. Gotta love her. We got a little update in the bonus section though. Yeah. Okay. So okay. So intention,
click my collar. Okay. So what else does that look like? The other thing that, I I I like, is our nighttime ritual Okay. Which has gotten You you are more involved in it. That's for sure. Yes. Here's the low was if I was lucky, I got about 30 seconds of a blow rub. You know, I'm a creature of habit and routine. So having the routine of here are the things I'm supposed to do for creature
of habit and routine. So having the routine of here are the things I'm supposed to do for our nighttime routine until he unless he had said stop doing that, I wouldn't have liked it. But if and as long as he allowed me to do it, I was still doing it. But his part required less, in terms of make sure you've done this, make sure you've done that. Like, I did all that. And then he was, like, the final decider of, okay, now get into bed, go
to sleep. And at your lowest point, if I got, like, half a butt rub Mhmm. You know, and and I never took it. Sometimes it was like just a tap tap, you know? Oh, yeah. And I never took it personally. I knew it wasn't about me. Mhmm. But, yeah, it's not not the best feeling in the world. And, yes, I have been able to tell the difference there. And and, you know, yeah, even even for me, I I did not really care for it. Mhmm. Because, you know, I I knew, you know, this this
is not how it's Right. You knew what we used to be like Right. And how it used to be. Yes. Mhmm. So, you know, there was that. But, yeah, that that has definitely changed. Mhmm. And a few nights now you've gone to bed with your ass warmed. I know. My bathroom is cold. My butt is hot as it should be. There you go. Okay. There you go. Yeah. You've, your your sadistic side has been more it's been closer to the surface. Mhmm. And I both love that and hate that
at the same time. Yeah. You can't imagine why. Right. Right. Right. I've also noticed and so we're talking about what's going on now at the very beginning of 2025 with the hopes that one, if we pay attention to it and acknowledge it Mhmm. And nurture it, it will continue on Right. In the future. I have noticed, that you are quicker to at least threaten some level of, I would call it, funishment more than anything, when, my mouth gets carried away with me.
Yes. Yes. And again, I both like that and I'm scared of it. So I kinda gotten used to if he thought I was being funny, he'd laugh with me. But any sort of air quote threat, you know, a consensual threat, didn't pack a lot of heat. The other day, I do not remember what I said or what we were talking about, but you did your classic from many years ago, it feels like. There's a way you say, oh? Are you sure that's what you wanna say? You wanna rethink that?
You will rethink all of your life choices when he says it in that the tone he uses for that. I can't do it. I'm not built that way. I'm not I'm not a big d. And I'm I'm not even gonna try to recreate it because it's one of those things that In the moment. Yeah. It it works in the moment. And so far, that has been the best part of this Mhmm. Is that it's felt org I mean, yes. You're being mindful and you're you're thinking about it and that makes a big difference, but it has
also felt organic. We've just kind of been in a moment and, you know, I even at all my worst days, I'm still a sassy fucking bitch. Okay? So I never stop being sassy, but I, the way I respond to him is based on how he responds to me. And previously, you know, maybe a chuckle, maybe a this. Every once in a while, like, you know, the old JB, like, peek his head through. But even since right at the end of 2024, 4, it's been a response and an,
that I recognize. And so then my response to you changes and shifts, and now there's I mean, I I think I think, you've just done it to yourself if you say that I'm sassier than ever. I I think we know whose fault that is, and it's not mine. Because now I'm responding to the putting out there, which has been a lot of fun as well. And the thing I've noticed, and I think this comes into play with mindfulness, in the fun moments, it's easy to to respond to his dominant energy and his daddy
energy and his sadist energy. But But that actually has translated over into the quieter moments. I have gotten so one of the things we do that's sort of a subtle power exchange thing that can happen anywhere. So when we get in the car, my job is to ask, does he want a sunglasses? Not in the middle of the night. I use my fucking brain. Is is the big ball of fire in the sky? My job is to ask him, does he want his sunglasses? And if he does, I get them out for him. Right?
And that was a thing that was happening chaotically and haphazardly at best. But just having these other moments of our power exchange kinda come back into play. Mhmm. I'm a little bit, like, locked into that mindset. So we get in the car and I'm like, hey, ball of fire in sky. Sunglasses, maybe? You know, it's actually happening without me doing a lot of, oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I forgot again. And I like I like that. I like that. Yep. So So mindfulness is your word? Yes.
I have multiple words. So what else would you like to say about mindfulness? That's, that's good for me for the moment. Okay. So What's yours? The one that I'm definitely sticking with goes hand in hand. You said mindfulness and my brain went intentional. Because for the past several years, our power exchange has just been on autoplay. Right. It's just the stuff that we turned into habits and routines that we just always do as part of our day to day interactions.
And that, to me, is a good thing to have for those times of life where you don't have energy or time or whatever for anything else. It is what allowed me to feel like you're submissive all this time through some of the worship we've been through. That being said, just because it allowed that sense of power exchange and that sort of
recognition of, yeah. Yeah. We're we're it's still a dynamic, and and we still think of our life this way and our relationship this way, does not mean we were functioning at, like, peak power exchange. Like, it wasn't like, that wasn't how I wanted to live forever. It was just I understood this is what would work for now.
So now you're being mindful, and I'm over here being intentional, because now I'm intent I'm I'm thinking about beyond just the the habits, beyond just the stuff you do by rote that you are are not even consciously thinking about. And so I'm very aware if my collar is on or not. Just in the past few days, it has not taken a long time. The part of it, I think, is because these are not new habits to get into. These are things we were doing, and they fell off, and now we're getting back into them.
Bedtime routine. Mhmm. I'll probably never be fully intentional with some of my tone because, man, if I think I might be funny, I'll just let it rip. But I am, once again, becoming more aware that, oh, what I say might have consequences. And why might have consequences. I'm not mad about that. Nervous? Yes. Mad? No. So, yeah, one of one of my words for the year is intentional and how that relates to plans and goals for this year will come up again when we get to that part.
And then the other one, I could never settle on which one. Here are the multiple words, and I just need one that encompasses them all. Okay. Renew, rejuvenate, refresh Revitalize. Revitalize. Whatever word it is I'm looking for that I cannot think of right now or ever. I've not thought of it in a few weeks. It is that word for our relationship.
I recognize that whatever we get to and whatever that next part of love level is or next part of the journey is or whatever, pick a metaphor, any metaphor, it probably will not look like it did pre dumpster fire years. Mm-mm. It's gonna look different because life is strange for us. We're different. Stuff is stuff is going on. Coming out the other side, we're different. That too. Yeah. But the feeling is what I want. Renewed, refreshed, revitalized,
revisited. Like, that's that's what and that's the connection that we had that was not 247, 365 where we the only thing we ever thought about was each other and our dynamic. Like, that's not real life. But the you know, in any given moment, any given day, I could pinpoint all these places where, oh, yeah. That that was me being very submissive. Oh, yeah. That was his sadistic daddy. Oh, yeah. Here's where we came together. I just hit myself in the face.
Here's where we came together, and it was very, you know, us as dom sub. Right? That whatever that's gonna look like 2025 and forward, I I don't quite know what that's gonna look like. We're gonna be who we are. We're gonna vibe the way we've been vibing. Yep. But the actual activities, may wildly activities, may wildly differ. I don't know. That then I go back to intentional of how much do we of it is that something we want to intentionally
change. Those are not necessarily conversations we've had yet. Right. And how much of it is we just we we wanna get the feeling back and then let things happen Organically. Right. Yeah. Mhmm. So, yeah, those are Okay. Those are my words. Okay. Okay. So Mhmm. I can talk about one plan ish with the goal of getting us revitalized. See, I don't know what the word is. Mhmm. The the the vibe of that word. It's something that we're gonna do,
that we've already talked about. We don't have a like, we don't have it scheduled, like, on this week, we're gonna do this and this Mhmm. No. But we have a few ideas written out. We've we'll brainstorm as we go on. We are going to do little power exchange moments that are kind of like experiments, kinda like, let's just test this out and see how we feel. And some of those, they're gonna be topics for upcoming episodes.
One that that I've I floated in a nervous voice was so I know nobody is shocked to know that at any moment in time, unless I'm specifically told to be quiet, you know, he uses the d voice and I'm be quiet and I'm quiet. I got a lot to say. I got a lot of questions. I got a lot of thoughts. It is very rare, or has been anyway, for me to be told to do something and to just do it. There's there's But but and What about are you sure?
Yeah. And why? And yeah. So one of the ones we talked about and we if it if we if it works, we might do it multiple times. But one of the things we talked about was having a day, a weekend, a time frame where we have things to do. It's not just our normal routine at home where, you know, but, like, we're out in public. We're doing something different, whatever. And my job is to fucking follow. Unless what he's asking
is a hard limit, which oh, god. You haven't asked for something that's a hard limit in a literal decade. Yeah. Or I genuinely do not understand what's being asked of me. Mhmm. We're gonna have some amount of time where he tells me to do a thing. I just do a thing. I I part of this came from the conversation we had that I have really enjoyed having these moments. We're in a busy yeah. We're going to Sam's Club. We're in a busy parking lot. And he's walking ahead of me, and I realized I don't have
to be worried about traffic. I don't have I don't have to look both ways. I just have to follow my daddy because he's not gonna let his ass get hit. So guess what? He's not gonna let my ass get hit. And the few times I've just sort of played with that, he doesn't even know it's fucking happening. I'm walking behind him. I'm in my own little head. It's I really liked it. But I'm like, okay. I'm choosing to do this and I'm making it happen without anybody controlling it. Of course, I
like it. What happens? Like, can Kayla just shut the fuck up and do what she's told? We don't know. Well, you know, just just for a quick example how it goes sometimes. I do not like to drive the same route over and over again. And I only wonder I I I like I like to change it up. Go different routes. I don't know how your brain works. I just don't get it. And when Kayla is with me and I go a different way, what are you doing? Why are we going
to is something wrong? What's going on? That might be whatever flavor of neurospicy I am. I'm just saying. But the idea of being intentional and mindful, to use your word, of going, okay. I don't need to ask this question. He's a grown ass man who survived the world for 50 years before he met me. He's got this. I do a lot lately, especially with all of this in mind. I do a lot of self like, in my head, you're you're driving and I'm like
Mhmm. Does he drive as carefully as he wants to when he rode a motorcycle every single day? No. No. He does not. No. Okay. Also, have I become more anxious as time has gone on? Yes. Yeah. But also, he's not a reckless driver. He knows what the hell he's doing. He's been driving longer than I've been alive. So that's me making age gaps weird. Mhmm. So, like, what the fuck am I worried
about? I know what I'm worried about. I know how I kinda know how my brain works, but part of the for me, part of the the beauty of submission is letting some of that fucking go and trusting the person that you've put in charge. Right? Yeah. And I've it might not seem it to you because you you hear every oh. And what see the Fred Flintstone break thing happened to me all the time. But I would like it on record that at least over the past few days, I have made a concerted effort
to calm the fuck down. You have. I've noticed that you you you're not, you know, jumping in every time. Mhmm. You know, couple times, you know, you get Sure. Look. If I if it looks egregious, and I'm like, I don't think you know what's coming. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You're all over it. But you you have been doing better, and I'm grateful for that. Yeah. We're not it was not fun to ride in a car with one another.
Because a few things, either if I was trying to pay attention to the road, I was on high alert and just, like, sweating. I was so anxious and he was aggravated. Or I had my nose stuck in my phone to avoid that, but then we weren't talking and we weren't interacting and, you know, I was getting annoyed when he interrupted me reading you. Like, that that's fine every once in a while, but we had gotten to a point where that was our relationship if we were out together. I was glued to my phone.
He was I don't know what you were doing. I wasn't paying attention because I was reading my book on my phone. Driving my car alone. I don't know. I don't know about that. So so, you know, of course, in an ideal world, one partner would not annoy the shit out of the other about their driving. Like, yeah. But I like like, I find it easier to do hard things, sometimes through with the help of and through the lens of power exchange.
I can do a whole hell of a lot more that I find uncomfortable when I'm thinking about how I don't have to be in control than when I'm worried I do need to be in control. You know what I mean? Or I do need to be aware or and let's be let's be frank here. Over the past few years, as your mental health tanked, as your as you hit your your bottom, right, I had to take charge of more stuff.
You did. Now I was doing it through this idea of being of service both to you and to our wife, but I've had my fingers on a lot of damn pots You did. That for a few years you did not have. Like, early in our us moving in together, you did not. And I know that that means going forward, it'll probably be difficult at times to let go of that control. Control away from you. We did the episode on control issues. I got them. Yep. But on some levels, I'm like, dang it here. Have it back.
I don't want it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Yeah. You know, I so those kinds of things, intentional, mindful, moving forward. Purposeful. Purposeful. There you know, what are ways that we can reconnect in our power exchange and do it sometimes, like, genuinely, intentionally, like, we plan a thing, like, the the thing I was talking about. We have we've been asked for years to try a few kink apps, not the dating ones, but, like, obedience and stuff like that.
Mhmm. What we actually have a list now. There's, like, 3 Yeah. That we know of that are specific, supposedly specific to kinky relationships. Well, we're gonna spend some time testing those out, and so we can come back and talk to y'all about what we think about these apps. But, also, how does it allow us to reconnect in our power exchange? What does it do for our power exchange? I believe at some point on the list of ideas is to rehash what we want our power exchange to
look like. Right. You know, the things that I've been doing since 2014, do I am I Should I still be doing them? Right? The things you do have control of, is that what you still are there things you would prefer to have control over that you don't like, stuff like that. Yeah. So that is, you know, our thinking right now on how we will handle our power exchange and hopefully get it to whatever it's gonna be that we think is better than it is now. Right? We're better
than it has been. Because right now, it's feeling pretty fucking good. I've been to the extent that I am capable of, I've been fairly relaxed, you know, in in some things over the past few weeks as we've just taken some time to just breathe and to just be. I and I think that that was that has been a big thing for us because we, you know, yeah, we we took some time to breathe. We touched some grass. Yeah. That really helped y'all. That really did help.
You know, we we we did things unrelated to home and work. Mhmm. K? We've discovered we both enjoy thrifting. Yeah. I still kind of have to have a goal in mind. Purpose. Yeah. Yeah. There I'm but I need to be looking for something. Mhmm. But, yeah, I'm still not sure how I feel about antiquing though, which it's just Yeah. But I did though. Yeah. I I liked it too. And I did find something. So See for me, I I like the the surprise finds. No. I'm the best time I had at thrifting, I
went in with a goal. I wanted a certain size, mason jar. Mason jar? Mason jar. Right? Bell jar. Yeah. Not the little, not the giant, like that middle size. Right? And I I knew from experience, I knew from things people have said, those those sizes are hard to find. They get snatched up really quickly. One day of thrifting, I found 5 at 3 different places. Bought every fucking fucking one I found. That's why you can never find them when you'll go thrifting, because people like
me come in, we buy them all. Yeah. And that was fun. I was like, oh, there's the dopamine hit. We can do this work. Right. Of course, then I had, we had a thrifting experience where everybody had blinders on, and so they forgot that people exist beyond their personal space and were just awful. And I was like, somebody get me out of here. Can I be on a deserted island by myself right now? But yeah. I mean, exploring
new ish things. Oh, this has nothing to do with what we were just talking about, but I I felt the back of my neck. My brain jumped to that was a dominant thing he did. Okay. Podcast listeners, you cannot see this, My hair is slowly, slowly, slowly being long enough I can pull it back in a ponytail. I'm in that very awkward phase of growing up my hair. Also, I have not been willing or been able to spend money on haircut. Like, I'm just whatever. Right? But now I'm able to pull it back
in a ponytail. And if you're a person who's ever gone from short to longer hair, you know, the growing part is awkward, especially like back of your neck, maybe something that used to be like shaved down a little bit. Pull my hair up. I didn't even realize it. The other day, I pull it back and back of my neck must have looked rough. Because JB, knowing what he is allowed to do with me and to me, said told me today, when we were we had to go run
errands this morning. He goes, when we get home, meet me in the garage. I'll I'm bringing my clippers. And I went, what the fuck? What? He had decided. Whatever crazy outgrowth is happening on the back of my neck, that shit had to go. He told me he said, I could not let you go out looking crazy again. I we had to fix it. And I'm over here going, that is the sweetest but kind of meanest thing I've heard. And you sweetest but kind of meanest thing I've heard? And you just took charge and made it
happen. Oh, my gosh. I love this. JV of 6 months ago would have said might have said something. But then would have would have said remind me. Maybe I'll do that if you tell me. JB at 2025 went, we're fixing that shit today. You look you look crazy. I can't let I can't let you go out like that. I I looked at it as, you know, the same way that hopefully you wouldn't let me Right. Go out if I had, like, toilet paper hanging off my you know, somewhere or, you know, something.
So Yeah. No. And and I wouldn't. And I wouldn't. I think for me, it's refreshing because you saw it. Did something like, it was it was dom energy, but it wasn't strict stern dom energy. It was, like, it was nurturing caregiver dom energy. And I cannot tell you the last time I felt that directed at me with high beams on. Like, you directed it at me, but not Yeah. Not with an intensity, you know. Yeah. So Well, you know, that that's all part of, you know, wanting to be more mindful of the things
that I'm doing Mhmm. In regards to our power exchange. Yeah. Everything really, but power exchange. Right. As it relates to conversations like this, power exchange. And just our relationship in general. Mhmm. Because our relationship could we can we be together without the power exchange? Yes. Mhmm. But who we are as we understand ourselves today, the power exchange is, like, a necessary layer. Mhmm. It is the peanut butter in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Okay? You can't have
it, us, this, without that. Yeah. If we had to undo life to not have the power exchange, well, now it's gonna probably be a turkey sandwich on rye. It's a whole completely different thing. All new ingredients. I am killing it at a figurative language today, I'm sure. So I actually don't think I do. So but I'll ask you. Do you have any goals, things that you want to accomplish, whether it's in 2025 or just future with regards to our power exchange?
I would like to see us maybe kind of break some boundaries or or or not break boundaries in in in a bad way. Mhmm. You know, but Stretch boundaries? Stretch them. Tries try different things. Maybe soft limits can go to Yeah. On the table Right. No limits kind of thing? Yeah. Okay. Look. The most submissive thing I know how to do is to go, okay. Minimal effort. Maximal anxiety, but minimal effort. Yeah.
Now I I'm I'm saying this because I believe it kinda goes hand in hand a little bit, but after our our break where, you know, we actually took time to be with each other and and and, you know, go out and do some things. Have sex, lots of sex, all my kinky. That too. But no. I I realized that neither one of us I mean, even even when I was going to munches, though, I mean, yeah, I was getting out of the house, but you and I were not doing things outside of this. Right. Not together. Yeah. Yeah.
Mhmm. And, you know, I I think that all goes hand in hand with the relationship, with the power change, with which every everything that we are. And I think we need to have a little bit more of that time Yes. I think away. And and that is something that I definitely want to I think that we are now finally back at a point where we might have the luxury to do that. True. True. Because for a while, it was a luxury to do that. True. True. Because for a while, it was it was not an
option to try to do that. And then slowly, we've gotten creative. We found new ways of doing things, but we we and that is becoming more of an option. Correct. I this was true before dumpster it continues to be true. It's probably just even more solidified into into my DNA. I do better doing things when I'm with you. You are my emotional support human Yep. And my emotional support daddy. So,
I'm still not great with big crowds. I'm still not good with social stuff, but to get out of the house, like, they're for a while, we had a time where I didn't even hardly felt like I could leave. There was just some shit going on. And now we're not that's, that's old stuff now. Yeah. Right. Now it's things have changed and things are better. Mhmm. I still don't wanna go too damn many places. But if I'm going anywhere, I'm only going with you. You know? Pretty much. Yeah. Pretty much.
Beyond the, like, being a mom and taking your kid to an appointment, like, not that kind of shit. But, like, you wanna go to a store? You wanna go to this or that? I need my emotional support, daddy dom. I'm sorry. And, yeah, I I feel like we're at a point, not just that we can do those things, but that we want to. Because I'm fairly certain there were points over the
past few years we could have. Mhmm. We just did not have the energy to even think about what we could go do, what we might wanna do, how we wanna get it done. Now with some of the pressure and stress, it hasn't gone away completely, but it's lifted. Lessened. Right. Yes. Like, that's just cleared up space in my brain to actually think thoughts again and think creatively again. To think, oh, here's a way we could do this that we don't normally do it. Whereas before, I felt so weighed down.
I mean, I was just like, I could barely see, you know, a few inches in front of my face to just do what I'd been doing. And that makes a big difference. You know? For anybody else who who might be, you know, who might be sort of resonating with the dumpster fire life for a few years thing, you know, You're not doing power exchange wrong or kink wrong if you can't, you know, think of amazing new things you wanna do with a partner or change your entire power exchange. We 2021 through 2024
were some rough fucking years. Okay? And I'm not saying they won't be rough in the future. We're currently in this space where it is way less rough. Yeah. And we have hope again. Mhmm. And so now we can do things we just did not have the energy for before. We were just surviving Yeah. Before. And the the thing that helped our power exchange survive it was the fact that we had put routines in place that could go on autopilot, that did not require a lot of
Effort or Right. Or, you know, deep thoughts. Exactly. It did mean that our power exchange stagnated. Like, it just stayed in place like a bug in amber. Yeah. Yes. It was just Yeah. It was just stuck there. It couldn't get better. It couldn't didn't get worse. Thank god. And now, heavens have opened. Angel choir is singing. I don't even know. Whatever. But you know what I mean? Like, it's it's a brand new day, and there's hope again. There's optimism again.
My thing to anybody else who might be going through something that feels similar is that it won't always be this way. It'll when it gets, air quote, better, it'll probably be a new and different life that you won't even recognize anymore because that can happen too. But whatever shit and awful hard thing you're going through now, the feeling you have and the hard thing, they don't last forever. They can last a long fucking time.
They can last a long time. I got all of it my feelings when I came across somebody online who, like, does a lot of stuff online. Like, I think she's a comedian too, but she shares her life through her videos or whatever. And she was like, yeah. We've been in a decade long everything sucks period. And I was like, it can last a decade. Oh. It can last a decade. It can last longer, but it never lasts forever. Yeah.
And so I will gift you some of my eternal optimism if you don't have any for yourself. But yeah. Let if your power exchange needs to go on autopilot for a while, that's okay. That's okay. You're not failing at Power Exchange. But once you start seeing, signs of hope again, this kind of conversation and the conversations we have privately, that's the thing I would recommend for anybody is let let's get intentional about shit. Let's talk about how you've been feeling.
6 months ago, I could not have probably told JB, hey. If you wanna turn me on, pull my fucking hair, man. Okay? I didn't say it like that the first time, but he he knew the energy I was bringing to that. I could've maybe told him, but he'd have gone, okay. Right? Like that. And then ultimately, what that would have done is probably made me feel awful, because I'd have been like, well, I told him. I did the the hard thing
we we tell everybody you gotta do. But he wouldn't have been he wasn't in a place to for that to mean as much as it did later Mhmm. When we started at the same time in our own ways Right. Focusing on our power exchange again because we could. Because it's sometimes it's a fucking luxury to be able to do stuff like that. Sometimes you're in survival mode. Sometimes you're just in every other part of life is on fire right now, and I have to focus on that.
And then sometimes you you get to take the time to focus on your fucking self and in the relationship that you want and make the changes that you need to make. The reason we could do this now though is we've never not been open and honest with each other about where we were mentally, you know, emotionally. And we've had all the opportunities over all these years to talk about what we wish we had, what what we recognize about our own power exchange, and how we don't love
that. We want it to be better. Acknowledging that truth to me makes a big difference because then nobody is having to, like, climb through layers of, like, shame or guilt about what you haven't said over the past few years. We never pretended that this was was the exact power exchange we wanted. We knew things were lacking. We knew what we had had before. Mhmm. But we never, like, tried to just internalize that feeling alone and act like everything was fine to the other.
We were like, no. No. Let's talk about about it. This sucks right now. Doesn't it? Yes. It does suck right now. And so we done. We could stay connected through the socket, which made it way easier Yeah. To connect when things started to get a little easier. Right. So yeah. So is that, I feel like that's I asked you about goals. I don't really have goals. I just wanna, like, do shit and see what happens. Mhmm. I wanna I would like to get to the end of the year and look back at what we
did this year and go, okay. What's different? Right. What is something that's been rejuvenated? That was another word of my word of the year. What is what is fundamentally different than what we used to do? And and then assess assessing go, okay. What worked? What didn't? What do we wanna do in 2026? Mhmm. But I don't have any, like, concrete goals. Yeah. No. Plans. Plans and intentions. Yes. Yes. Yes. So so so are we good on that aspect? I guess so. Okay. Just one thing I wanna talk about
real quick. Okay. And it's not a bonus section thing? No. Okay. Okay. It's a community thing. I I saw some people bringing it up in the chat. YouTube live chat. Yeah. I'm not going to mention any names, but, there has been a dungeon in the Orlando area. I mean, I think we could I think pretty much know. Well, would yeah. The shed. The woodshed. And, there had been some problems that Ongoing for years, apparently. For years, apparently. And, it it finally came to a head recently.
There have been over about a decade, from what I understand, there have been, accusations of consent Violations. Violations. And and, yes, at this at this point, it it has finally come to a head. Management was involved. And, unfortunately, when it it it's in the upper level like that, it also trickled down to dungeon monitors. Yeah. People that you should be fucking safe with when you go to the dungeon. Goddamn. That that was my understanding of it.
You know, over a decade, that's a long That's a long time and time. A lot of people. So, you know, the the Orlando community is is reeling right now. You know, Rara mentioned it about, you know, this this stuff going on in PhET, and we've we've been keeping up with it. Yeah. We we have finally kind of gotten some information. What we were seeing was like a bit here, a bit there, and we're like, okay. Something's going down. It sounds like what happened a
couple years ago, but where's main information? And then Rah Rah in in the loving BDSM Discord shared a link of here. Here's where somebody's compiling all of the stuff. Right. And it it's a it's a lot. I haven't even gone through all of it yet. Mhmm. But, yeah. So You know, and, there's there's even a number of, apparently, a number of, past dungeon monitors that have come forward, that over the years they have left. Yes. Some people, we were like, oh, I
thought you'd be here forever. You were like Right. We we were in the community. We were we were very close with them. They they were very, you know, enmeshed in the community there. They were educators themselves. Mhmm. You know? And, yeah, they, they, they left just, you know, they, they were done. They, they could not continue, you know, with the things that were going on. So, yes. Every everything has come to a head, and for now, yes, the the shed is
closed. Mhmm. My understanding is it's supposed to be getting new new ownership? I I had read something that, there's already new owners. Okay. That it will be opening, but I I think my understanding that is right now at this point in time, that is not the focus. The focus is on helping people who are victims of these consent violations and and the community healing. Yeah. You know, that and and that's something that's not gonna happen overnight. Mm-mm.
You know, I'm I'm very happy to see the Orlando Munch has has stepped up, and and they have put out resources for people. Okay. You know, so it it's it's sad. Mhmm. It it's it's very, very sad. You know? I I had actually heard some rumblings years ago, and I I just kinda, like, you know no. That can't be that that doesn't that doesn't sound right from from what I've seen, but, apparently, yes. It it had been going on for
a while. Yeah. But the I had I've always been in the dark about stuff like that because I'm not usually paying attention. But what was that? A couple years ago, things blew up, and there were promises to do better, And clearly, that did not happen, and now and I'm sure there's been many things in between just because I saw one thing one time. And that's, I think, why this is finally just come to a head and, like, things just cannot continue as they have been. Right. Right.
No idea what that's gonna look like in the future. Mhmm. We are not heavily involved with that community, but, you know, our we are thinking about the folks who have been harmed and Right. Had a community they felt they could trust and don't right now. Yeah. So Mhmm. Yeah. But for anybody who's like, you're in Florida. Don't you know? We are aware. We are so far on the outskirts. This is not our story. We are just able to kinda look in and go, oh, that was all fucking awful. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
So Yeah. And and on a little bit of a lighter note, another club that I've talked about a lot in the past that we've attended This is the very first dungeon I ever got to go. The the Phoenix Club. Mhmm. They are under new ownership, my understanding of what I've seen. What's your name? Deviant. Okay. Yeah. Or Deviant or Deviants. Okay. Can't but yeah. They they've got a whole new name and, yeah. Maybe one day we'll get to go back there and see see what it's like.
Yeah. I mean, since we since I have even been aware of the Phoenix Club and had gone to it, they had changed ownership a couple of times because unless it's your career running a dungeon, especially a successful one, can I mean, that's a lot of late nights on your weekends? Yeah. That's a lot of night work. Yeah. And we had known people who, for the phoenix who had owned it, and then they went, we just can't do this anymore, and then sold it
to them. But, yeah, this is Yeah. To since I've been aware that the Phoenix Club existed, this is the first name change that I'm First name since they opened, they have been They've always been the Phoenix. Always been the Phoenix. So, yeah, the the name change now, that that's very different. Since I've known the club, they've gone through a lot of Yeah. Changes Yeah. And that's owners. And that and, you know, you're right. You know, one I I was fairly good friends with owners
years ago. I used to and, yeah. You you pretty much give up your life, you know, because every weekend, you know, a lot of times during the weeks they would host lunch Mhmm. At times. You know, and they they'd have other functions. So, you know, it it just goes on and it it, you know Yeah. And then you've got to deal with the bureaucracy of wherever the hell you live and potential liability.
Like, we, I think, for 5 seconds, flirted with maybe one day having a dungeon and just a tiny bit, we looked into it and went, yeah. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. We are not built for that. Mhmm. Mhmm. No. But yeah. So So yeah. There there's a there there's a lot of, changes in the in the community here in Florida. Some good, some not so good. Clearly, some needed. Yeah. Some. Mhmm. Yield something better going forward. Right. So yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to, talk about that a little bit. Yeah. So,
On that note. Are we good? We are sorry to bring the room down with Yeah. That reality. But, yeah, I guess we're we're good and can talk about our snoring dog Yeah. Who sounds like she just worked a double. Or she did. Mhmm. Mhmm. K. Alright. Keith, Keith, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Dottie. Yes. Can we talk to the crackheads? Yes. And then I'm gonna hold you back. Oh, oh, the the only thing I could think about is the Lola update because it happened fast fast fast.
She's going for eye surgery on Thursday. For livestream folks, that's day after. For podcast folks, it's day before. Day before. Yeah. But, yeah, she we talked about it several weeks ago about her eyelashes curl in, and that's what causes problems with her eyes, blah blah blah. And so we started we were we realized Monday? Is it just been Monday? Mhmm. No. Or it was Tuesday. It was yesterday. We realized, oh, we can schedule her surgery
now. Right. So we call the vet and we're thinking, oh, it's a couple weeks out. I'll be putting her on the books for February. No. They're like, we can get her in on Thursday's schedule. And I was like, doesn't she have to do pre op stuff? They're like, oh, yeah. You can come in today and do that. It's happening very fast, which is fine, which is fine. The sooner we can get her the surgery, the sooner her eyes hopefully won't bother her. Yeah. But it is gonna be 2 weeks of a
cone. 2 weeks of the cone for her and and she has to wear it until apparently, they're not using dissolving stitches. Oh, okay. They're using kind of they they will have to be we have to bring her in to have them taken out. Yeah. So but, yeah. We're getting that scheduled. This all started in July with her. Yeah. I mean, it's been a lifelong thing for her. Yeah. But it The effects were starting
to show up. The effects were starting to get more severe, and the medication that I've been using, it helps, but it does it's not gonna Right. You know, make it totally go away. As soon as I stop giving her the medication, it it flares back up again. So, yeah, this this is gonna be it's I don't know if she's still gonna love us after this. She is gonna be so mad. She don't like going to the vet anyway. No. Okay? No. The her blood work was a 10 minute max appointment on Tuesday. Yeah. She
was very annoyed with us. Mhmm. Well, we tried to get her in, tried to get her on the scale, tried to get her in the room. Ironically, when it was time to leave, then she didn't wanna leave, and she wanted to go explore every room in the building. Right. I was like, what is happening here? But see, normally nor and I've I've am I anthropomorphizing? Of course. But my sneaking suspicion is she thought that was gonna be a bad one, and it wasn't a bad one, and she was fine.
Thursday, we drop her off at 8 AM, and they're like, yeah. It'll probably be after 3 before you can pick her up. So we just are taking her to the bad place for the whole day. Yep. I mean, I'm hoping that she's, like, real drugged up from the anesthesia and the pain meds, and so she does not give a fuck. Yeah. I do wonder, are we gonna need to bring the wagon? Because Right. She does not feel like walking. We are not gonna be able to carry
her. No. No. No. But, yeah, she does not know what's coming. Nope. She is She doesn't have a clue. So mad at us. Yeah. Yeah. So just real quick, bad cat asked where the, where the Phoenix Club is. That's in Largo in Pinellas County on the West Coast, just, Tampa Bay area. Tampa Bay area. Yeah. Yeah. Excuse me. So yeah. She's she's got that coming. That that it threw us off of how fast it was. It was like that that was super fast. Okay. Yeah. She's, she's she's very funny.
She over time, she has learned, what the eye drop bottle is. Uh-huh. Few times now, she's seen me pick it up, and what she will do, she sees me pick it up. She runs for her crate, and she goes into the very far back corner and buries her head. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So, I have to be slick about getting the bottle, not let her see me pick it up. Yeah. But right now, she doesn't have a care in the world as scoring, like, only, a dog her size and a pity can
do. Right. I mean, truly, like, we have worked her hard Yeah. With no breaks. Yeah. She's out like a damn light. Yes. She is. So But, yeah. Other than that, you know, she's she's doing good. Mhmm. Mhmm. Onyx and Ella. Onyx and Ella are Onyx and Ella. Yeah. But they are slowly, so slowly, inch by inch, moving closer to sitting next to one another on our bed. So Yeah. The way it typically works is 2 pillows on the bed. Mhmm. One cat is on 1, one cat is on the other. It used to be Onyx on JB's
pillow, Ella on mine. And then one day, Ella went fuck that shit. And they flipped. And Onyx, I guess, decided not to fight her on it. Onyx will fight Ella. And when I say fight, I don't mean, like, the scary cat fights where, like, oh, shit. We we need to, like, take somebody to the vet now. But, like, she'll bat at her. Like, bitch, get out of my spot. No. Mhmm. Ella said I wanna be here, and Onyx went, fuck it. Okay. So for a couple weeks, it's it's swapped.
Right? Onyx was on my pillow. Ella was on JB's pillow. And then what was it? Today? Mhmm. So they've been slowly gravitating closer to one another, inching towards the middle of those pillows. Yeah. Until today, they were on the same pillow together. There was still a few inches of space, though. I'm expecting fucking cuddling with the elf. Okay? But they were in the same vicinity. Yep. It's happening. I has it taken us 4 years to get here? 5 years to get
here? 4 years? But see Whatever. Mhmm. You know, you you talk about how how Onyx conceded the pillow. Mhmm. The one thing that she will still will not after all this time, and I don't think that will ever change, she will not let Ella in the closet. Oh, that is her yeah. That's her sacred safe space. That is where she goes when she is terrified. That that's her fortress of solitude. Yep. Yep. Nobody's allowed. She didn't really like us being in there. No.
Nope. Mm-mm. So yeah. I don't think that will ever change Oh my gosh. Her with that closet, but Oh, we can report a semi update on the flooded kitchen that we had several weeks ago. Our insurance company did say, yes. That's a covered claim. And then we learn neither of us has ever filed a home insurance plan before. We are learning all of this as we go, and I've had to Google shit. Well, here's what here's what. If you don't know, I'll I'll help you know because I didn't know.
They don't and I knew they wouldn't just send us the money because then you could spend it on whatever the fuck you wanted, and they don't want you to do that either. So they send you a check with homeowners names on it, that's both of us, and your mortgage company on it. Yeah. And so everybody has to endorse it, and then the mortgage company gets to decide how the money
is dispersed. And ours, I don't know if ours is making it complicated or if this is what others do, but it's gonna be a long process now. It's not just a, hey, hire a contractor, you know, get a quote, have them start working. Personally, I would just prefer if we hired them and everybody agreed to them, and then the fucking insurance company just fucking paid them. To me, that'd be the simplest thing. I know. That is not what is happening. Nope. I'm still not a 100% sure what is happening.
But Insane. Well, I guess we'll find out. Eventually, we'll have a new kitchen floor, though. Yeah. So there's that. That and I do not know what that is gonna do to recording shit. I have no fucking clue. Yeah. But our next now now that we're past the holidays, the next project is to start getting quotes so we can figure out who we, wanna work with Mhmm. That will accept that this is a home insurance thing and it's going to be jacked up and slow. Right. Can you be patient with it? Mhmm.
So yeah. So that'll be happening. Mhmm. Is there any other home stuff going on? I I kept thinking there was something that was gonna happen that was probably gonna affect recording, and maybe I'm just thinking of the floors. Maybe that's all that I'm joining. I didn't think of really happening. Yeah. So yeah. Those are there's some life updates. The kids are good. Mhmm. The youngest is doing just fine. The oldest is, he took some a few months off from working to get through, fall semester.
He's going back to work because his spring semester is a little lighter. It looks like and I hate to say this. I am a proud band mom. I will go to all the concerts, but there is a possibility we will have fewer concerts to go to in spring semester. And it will, the concerts we do go to will be the the ensembles that we really like to listen to. And I I feel bad about being excited about. But so yeah. So yeah. That's that's us. Mhmm. And we're back. Yeah. Here we are. Here we are.
In our chairs. Yep. Doing our thing. Doing our thing. Did it only take us 85 tries to get the mics fully functioning? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. We got here Yeah. Eventually. So now I guess we're gonna go. Yep. Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye.