Friendship in Long Term Power Exchange

Every When I say good that's a very subjective term, of course, and any air quote good relationship can turn bad for things you don't know about if you're on the outside looking in. But every relationship I would have considered good and healthy and, like, able to go for the long term. Even from the outside looking in, you could see

it. Those people know each other and like each other and want to be in each other's company and and can also be apart from one another, but then are happy to come back together again. The way I have known every relationship, friendship, romantic, whatever needed to fucking end was when I did not want to be in a room with them ever. When I was happier when they were gone. Now Dang. It Yeah. Did it always take me a while to

realize that? Did did my brain, like, filter in all these other reasons I must be feeling a sense of relief or happiness or whatever? Sure. I mean it wasn't always obvious, but looking back I could always go oh yeah. That's all I knew. That wasn't gonna work. Because I didn't like them. Let me say it again. As an actual human on top of anything else. And I mean, you know, I'm gonna, like, toot my own horn over here except toot toot, motherfucker. This to me describes us.

I know I don't know every like or dislike. We are constantly learning about one another. Mhmm. You know my personality, of course, because I've just stopped hiding them quite frankly. And that's another thing. You know, the level of trust and intimacy you get to where you can just show your full true self to a a partner is then where they can learn all of those little quirks that it's possible that your own, like, you know, family that you were raised with, born into,

whatever doesn't know anything about. Right? Well, doing that also, you know, gives, opens you up to vulnerability. Yes. And you and power exchange requires vulnerability and intimacy. Mhmm. But there's there are overlaps. Yes. Yes. So the thing I want to point out as we start talking about this, I don't think the way I've framed any of this, and I hope the way we talk about this does not come across this way. There are infinite ways to experience friendship. Even the

Gottman say that. So the way we define our friendship or how how we know that we're friends might not be the way that you know you're friends with somebody else. There might be, like, other circumstances. I'm gonna get into stuff where they talk about this is, you know, what friendship could do for you, what friendship looks like, blah blah blah. And it's you know, every once in a while, I think it's in here. It's like, you know, enjoying some of the same things.

Yes and no? Like, we do enjoy some of the same things. Hello, power exchange. That's usually, like, the common factor. Right? You're like, oh, yeah. We both enjoy the kink. Right? But it's not a requirement to always like all of the same things or always agree on all of the same things and all that good stuff. So just keep that in mind. Like, however we're talking about friendship as it relates to a successful long term power exchange, there are variations in in how how you

get there. Like how why and how somebody is your friend and why and how that is all expressed. Okay. So I did try to section this off so that we can try to talk about it in sections. It was two pages of, like, all the bullet points. So just Oh goodness. So this is from a specific article, it is linked, about what friendship can add or do for a long term relationship. Okay. Okay? So we'll kind of go down these.

It can enhance emotional intimacy. When partners feel safe and understood, they can share their deepest thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Mhmm. That's absolutely true. Now do we jokingly judge one another? Yes. Yeah. Because we think we're funny. Okay? But we can jokingly judge one another because we know it is a joke. We are both in on the joke because we've had enough experience where we were not judging one another, and we're just going, oh my god.

That's awful. Oh my gosh. How can I help? Oh my gosh. I see you. I've I validate your experience for JB. I'm gonna tell you the thing that I have watched change this man more than anything over all these years together is me literally validating his experiences and going, that fucking sucked. Those people sucked. You should not have

gone through that. Because he's got a whole lifetime of people telling him that he should get over it and it wasn't that bad and what are you complaining about and blah blah. That's just how it is. And I'm over here going, no. That was fucked up. Because when I'm your BFF, I'm a tell you when something was fucked up. I'm a try to read the room a little bit, but sometimes Yeah. Well, it's kinda hard when when your partner

has a psychology degree too. Who also has a deep abiding fascination with why humans do what they do. Yeah. Y'all are my special interest. I don't know what to tell you. But we already know about the, you know, importance of intimacy in Power Change. We have done that episode. Emotional intimacy when we say intimacy, I think a lot of people think about the physical and the physical is there. Hello? Some of us are bent over naked. We're strapped to something naked. Often a lot of naked.

Right? And you are doing things physically to and with one another that in other contexts could get you arrested, that you would not do with e just anybody else. Right? But the emotional intimacy to me is where some of that starts for the long term. I can't speak, in any way shape or form on casual play partners, on, even, you know, relationships that are more, like, a little bit more fluid. You kind of come into and out of each other's lives even though you

deeply care about one another. When I think about it, I am thinking long term. We live in the same house. We have some of the same goals. Mhmm. You know? And that's not necessarily about marriage. It's certainly not about sex or romance necessarily. That's all, like, kind of on top of it. It's the power exchange itself. We are look. Look. I might be mumbling, daddy under my dying breath. Okay? And my poor children and grandchildren are gonna be like, oh, did she miss her father? I thought

she said he was an asshole. And they're not gonna understand. But I'm a 99 and barely holding my last two brain cells together and will probably be asking for my daddy. Okay? Like, I just I just know. So yeah. To to when you now how do you go about making somebody feel safe and understood? That's a long term group project, y'all. It's not what you say today. It's not what you do tomorrow. It is what you say and do every fucking day, including when you fuck up. Because you will. You will.

You will say the wrong thing. You laugh at the wrong thing. Like I always used to say back in the day, consistency. I know. It is good. Consistency is good. It's right up there with patience for me. Like, I know it's good. I know it's positive. It's just hard. So there yeah. There's the emotional entity. Then we've got and this is you and I, we're good at this one. Uh-oh. Friendship in a long term relationship promotes playfulness and fun. Oh, yeah. We have that down

there. Laughing together? Or do you have these little shared jokes? We have so many shared jokes. I could not explain them to anybody. Mhmm. Do you have three hours and enough, focus for the 300 slide PowerPoint I'm gonna need to get you from point a to point z on how we thought that weird thing right there was funny? No. No. The inside jokes. The way you change language. I see this all the time,

online. People are talking about their own relationships of all flavors, and they're talking about how you come up with, like, your own secret words and your own secret language and your shorthand. Boody boody. Whoopies. I mean, whoopies might have an actual technical definitive start, but that is part of our language now. So yeah. The you know, it breaks down to enjoying spending time together laughing about silly things. It's this is This is what I'm thinking of when I'm like, do you even

like your partner? Like as a person, take away the power exchange. They're not your dom, they're not your sub, they're not your whatever whatever. Would you want to hang out with this person? Are you gonna have a good time in their presence? And we don't need like, for us, we don't need outside things. We truly can just at this point, long term, we'll just start talking about something random and one of us will giggle or crack up. Mhmm. God help us if the number 69 is involved.

Podcast listeners who might have listened to the intro. I don't know how many people skipped the intro. The the intro to the podcast episode is always random. It is always silly. Not really on purpose, but that's how it goes. So if you ever skipped it, you need to go back and listen. But like this particular episode, the episode number is four sixty nine. We both fucking cracked up. Because we're 12. Okay? And it's more fun that we both crack

up about it. It's more fun that, we find some of the same things silly and funny. We don't find all of the same things silly and funny? Nope. JB will tell the dumbest pun I've ever fucking heard in my life. He cracks himself up and I think that's wonderful. I just have one eyebrow that just goes up and I'm like, Spock brow. Okay. But I don't yuck his fucking yum either. I'm just he knows I think personally, you find it hilarious that I'm looking at you in total judgment, personally.

Personally. I think that's part of the, like, joke you have with yourself. Yeah. Like, how annoyed can I get her? How stupid can this be? Where she just like, her brain explodes. How quick can we go from zero to 60? And he tries to say he's not a ratty daddy. Whatever. Okay. The next one. This one is for all successful relationships, but they put it under friendship, so that's fine. Encourages healthy communication. Friends tend to communicate openly and honestly

without the fear of damaging the relationship. Let us be clear. Good friends, people who are, you know, they're actually trying to be your friend. They're not the the fakes, not the frenemies, not the not the people who come into your life because they need something and then vanish when you need something. That's not who we're talking about. Genuine true friendships that are that go below

surface level, right? Like, I always say it's, you know, I know you're my friend and I know I'm your friend if we can call each other on our bullshit. Kindly with love, probably with a lot of sarcasm, you f f bombs thrown in, but, like, tell me I'm a dumbass with love. And if we have developed that friendship and, you know, we understand that we're that kind of then I can accept it. I don't have to like it. I might tell you to shut the fuck up, but I'll still love

you at the end now. I don't get to tell JB to shut the fuck up. I'm not trying to stand in the corner. Corner. And that is where power exchange does change the nature of these things. The right lines. We can say anything we need to to one another. We did not start out that way. We had to build up to it like every just like most of the time, not all the time, your friends, you don't usually start out by telling them your whole life story. I do have one of those faces.

JB has one of those faces. Total strangers will tell us their whole life story. I don't know why. I don't know how. Most of the time, people build up to that stuff. But in power exchange, how you call your partner on their bullshit will probably be determined to buy your power exchange. I I can. I have the total freedom as long as I do it respectfully, to tell JB if I think he's wrong. That's true. I don't get to be a brat. I don't get to throw a tantrum. I'm

not there's no name calling. There's none of that bullshit. But if I go there have been times you've tried to dom me at the time that Yeah. It was not appropriate. You were just heated and you went with it. And I was able to go, no. That's not okay. Just like, you know, when I think back to some of my closest friends that I wasn't in any other kind of relationship with, I could do something of that same energy with them.

You know? Because the close true, like, deep friendships can usually can often survive a little bit of that, friction. Not betrayal level friction, not bullshit level friction, but, like, I I think you're wrong, and I think you're causing yourself problems here and there. You know, I love you and I support you and I wanna be here, but also what the fuck are you you doing? Why do why why do you why does

that keep happening? Right? Those kinds of it's just, again, in power exchange, your dynamic will necessitate how those conversations happen. That's all I'm saying. And I would say as subs, if if you're like, yeah, my dom can call me on my bullshit. Okay. But them calling you on your bullshit should not make you feel lesser than, should not make you feel put down, should not make

you feel -Yeah. -bad about yourself. It it can be brutally honest and it can be hard to hear brutal honesty when we are really fucking up ourselves. But there should still be kindness and respect and if this is a type of relationship, you have love behind it. Right? You should still know that this person values you as a human while they are telling you how you have done fucked up and you need to fix yourself. Right? So

Okay. Friendship fosters mutual growth and support. Friends celebrate each other's successes and provide a steady hand during setbacks. Setbacks. I'm sure there are people screaming, but that's what happens in long term relationships too. Yeah. That's right. Because you're friends. Yeah. You're you're friends. If it's happening in your relationship, then you've already checked the box that, yeah, we're we're friends.

Because I think of the besties I've had in life, of course I celebrated with them, and I consoled them when things went to shit. And vice versa, the day I decided finally decided I needed to get a divorce, I was sitting on my my BFF's couch three hours away from home. I was like, I gotta go see my bestie for the weekend because I had to get my head on straight and clear clear my mind. And, you know, she was there for me going the conversation was very roller

like, I don't know. I think I need to try and make it work all these years. And I said I made a vow. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. And then I talked my way through all and then by the end I was crying but I was like, I can't do this anymore. And she went, I'm here for you. Whatever you need. And then later she was like, the whole everybody you know has been waiting for you to get here. We're so happy you're here now. Oh my god. And I promise you JB and I have those

types of conversations. Right? A family member is messing with us. A a business thing or a personal goal is not going the way we want, or it is and we're celebrating. JB celebrates me better than I celebrate me. I don't know how to celebrate me. I'm like, okay. I got that done. On to the next. And JB's like, no. No. No. No. No. No. Like, you just built a website. I think we can take a minute and go, look at you. You built a website. I'm like, no. No. No. Just move on to the next one.

Oh, come on. Sheesh. And yet likewise, I'm gonna be JB's biggest fucking cheerleader because I am genuinely proud of him when he gets shit done that he wants to do or he accomplishes something he didn't think he could do or God damn it when he doesn't believe in himself as much as I believe in him. I get very annoyed at him during this. You do. You do. She does. She does. She does. Okay. And then friendship, within a long term relationship

provides a sense of security. At its core, friendship is about being there for one another. Yeah. And I think a lot of these previous things in this list kind of sum that up. And in power exchange, if we're talking about long term relationships or you're trying to build something into the future with one another and I don't I'm not gonna automatically always say marriage. Not everybody wants to get married even if

you live like you're married. Right? Like, there's all these ways that your power exchange can be configured. Mhmm. But, you know, at the end of the day, I really think to a certain extent that's what a power exchange is anyway. The parameters of being there for each other are very unique to the dynamic. Right? You know, the dom is going to control or lead or be in charge or have some level of power, both because they want it and enjoy it, but also because that's what the submissive wants

from them as well. And maybe they're guiding their submissive to, you know, be the version of themselves they're trying to get to. Maybe the submissive is serving in order to help and and, you know, support their dominant and it's very much in

line with the power exchange. Well, if you I know everybody thinks about these things differently and and looks at these things differently, but quite frankly I don't see how you can be there for each other as dom sup if you don't and that level of support if you don't also want to support them as the human being they are because that's a facet of your humanity, your dominance, your subness, your switchiness, whatever whatever.

So I know it's done, but I cannot for myself ever imagine doing that with somebody that I don't don't again, let me go back to what I keep saying. Like as a human being first. Like, if I don't wanna have lunch with you, I don't want to take my clothes off for you. I know not everybody feels that way. But when I'm thinking long term,

yeah. At the at minimum, I should be able to sit down at a restaurant and eat with you and enjoy being in your presence before we can do all this power exchange stuff. Yeah. Okay. Now that's what you like, that's what friendship does for your relationship. And I think most of that stuff sounds like this is what a healthy relationship looks like. We're just calling it friendship because they're both the same. I think the healthiest relationships are based on friendship

on some level. Right? That doesn't mean you don't have other friends. It doesn't mean you don't have besties that you go, like, let me vent off the stuff that maybe I don't I'm not talking to my dom about or I'm talking to myself about or whatever. That's fine. But yeah. There's still a core base of friendship. Now how to strengthen your friendship? Because and this is where I know that without the strong friendship, the past six years would have been worse

than they were. Yeah. Oh, yes. Absolutely. The past six years, we have complained about them for the past six years. They were very, very hard, both in the stuff we did share and then in the stuff we didn't share. Right. I'm pretty sure folks think that because I'm an oversharer that we tell you everything. We do not. No. There are many things we keep to ourselves. Mhmm. But then still have to come, like, to the microphone and the Internet and go, hi. We're here. Let's do this thing. And so

it's been tough. Right? Mhmm. The thing I think I think is accurate, even with my poor memory, is at no point in that the difficult times did we not want to be together. Correct. The the relationship was never the thing that was difficult. I think it saved us. I think it saved us. I think that if we were not best friends, nothing else could have survived because, as we've talked about in the past, our power exchange went on autopilot, and it was bare minimum. It was like

what is that? And all of those, like, outer space shows where the spaceship goes down to, like, bare minimum power to just, like, keep the oxygen on? And then, like, it's you're not even moving through space other than that the infiniteness of space is moving you along, like, around that. But, like, you're not going anywhere, but the oxygen is still working and you're not dead yet. Right? Like, that power level. That

is what our power exchange was on. And if we didn't have a podcast about power exchange, it might not have even been on that. Okay? If you would like to keep a power exchange going through the hardest times, I I recommend starting a podcast where your whole job is to talk about power exchange. It helps. Because there was a lot coming at us from the outside that we did not control. We just had to react to shit. We couldn't get ahead of any of it. We were just like,

oh, there's another thing and another thing. -And now look, there's another. -And yet at night when we could finally just like, okay, we can put this day down, we should be done, we could still giggle with one another. We snapped at one another more. There were more hurt feelings than usual. But always always always we could talk about a hard thing together. We could laugh together. We would support each other because even in

hard times, life is still happening. So you're still doing shit and having good stuff happen. It's just being outweighed by everything else. And so we were still celebrating each other's successes. Because that's my best friend, who is also my daddy dom. So if you're like, okay. Maybe that's a that's part of the reason I've been struggling in my relationship because our friendship is not as strong as it could be. Here are some ideas. These are not all of them, they're just

from the resources I came across. But how to strengthen your friendship. Be curious about each other and learn about each other. That's a lot of asking open ended questions or saying things like, tell me more about blah blah blah. Right? The how was your day is a tried and true. If you are like me and have a partner who will give you one word answers that are not helpful, Your job is to get better at asking even more questions. To the point where you might sound a little invasive.

Because I'd be like, how was it out in the shop today? It was good. Okay. I'm gonna need more than that. What did you work on today? Oh, I worked on this. Okay. Well, how did that like, I know this man feels like he's being interrogated. But it's because he is I am the wordy one. You can ask me if I'm in the right mood. A basic question. You'll get way more information than

you were actually looking for. I have to give you all the context and all the trains of thought and how I got here and what this means for tomorrow and you'll know more than you wanna know but you know what? You'll know about me. This man gives fine as an answer. That's not an answer that tells me nothing. Now I have questions. But he lets me ask those questions. He

does not shut me down. So if you were that type of person where you're like, I don't know how to tell and you've got a partner who's like, well I'll ask questions. As long as, like, it's not like a problematic thing. Let them ask their questions. Let them draw you out. But it's not all about the questions and the talking. Mhmm. Because a lot of times it's about observing. Oh. For sure. Right? For sure. For sure. That's how I find the best way to get this one gifts.

You do pay attention. Because I pay attention to when we're out shopping and think of you. Excuse me. What words are hard for you? I had a hiccup there or something. But, you know, I pay attention when we're out shopping to the things that she is attracted to, that she likes. Mhmm. But you're all you also just pay attention to me in general. You to to the extent that our poor, poor old people memories will allow. You remember shit that I've said. You remember conversations.

Mhmm. You will remember that I mentioned two weeks ago that I might wanna watch this movie, and I will have forgotten we've had the conversation but this man's like hey, you wanted to watch this movie, why don't we do that tonight? Right? Because he's paying attention to me and I did not know how much I needed that until I finally had that. I'd been in all kinds of relationships, I'd been in all kinds of friendships where I am a very observant partner and friend.

If, you know, if I like you well enough to be that fucking close to you, I'm paying attention. And I had never really had it reciprocated. If I wanted something, my job was to say very explicitly this is what I want, this is what I need, and I wasn't good at that. Now some people are not good natural observers of each other. Mhmm. I think if you are in any flavor of relationship that you want to make a long term relationship, you want this to be last, I think you train yourself how to be

a good observer. The examples I've seen online that I don't do because I will then forget I ever did it, but some people do and really works for them, is when their partner says I like a thing, this is what I liked, or they they notice every time you go to this restaurant, that's what they order, this is the kind of food they like, this is the color They literally have a note in their notes app on their phone and they just track the fucking information.

I saw one person who was like every time my partner says, oh, I'd like to buy myself that,' and then they don't, they make a note of it in, like, a thing so that they don't have to try and remember their observations. They have a thing to go back to, noting that they made the observation in real time and now it doesn't have to clog up their brain, they don't have to try and remember it, but it's there for them when they need it for the occasion, whatever the occasion is.

Cheering their partner up, having something to do, planning a date night, like whatever whatever whatever. In kink terms and power exchange terms, your your note, your list of observations might not be specific to she really likes lime in her diet coke and her favorite color is purple. It might be they like when I hit with this toy in this way at this speed. They real this this is the reaction I got. Right? You're not relying

on a faulty memory. You're observing it in the moment and finding time to jot it down somewhere. They really like when I use that toy. They really like when we did this scene. Right? You are observing them and you are taking note so that you can use that information later. Can't speak for everybody? I'm not gonna try.

But when JB remembers shit that I can't even remember for myself or I have disregarded for myself, I'm like, I liked it, but whatever whatever, moved on to other things, I I not only feel seen, I feel very special. That is a time when I feel very loved because I'm like, oh my god, he cared enough to fucking remember it. Well, just like around the holidays, guaguas had the, lime Diet Coke o'clock. Diet Coke. And you were just all over that shit. I was like, we're going to Guaguas. Every

time I gotta go somewhere, it's Guaguas. I wanna go to Guaguas. Now never mind I can get cheaper drinks elsewhere. I could not get Diet Coke alone anywhere else. So, you know, she was hoping that it was something that was gonna stick around, and it didn't. I saw it. And, next time we went to the grocery store, I bought a thing of lime juice for you. I know. I've been putting it in my diet coke ever since. I'll be very sad when it's gone because will I remember to get myself lime juice?

No. I will not. I'm okay if my daddy dom who takes care of me keeps me in lime juice though. That is a nice power exchange y kind of thing. I don't have to remember and I don't have have to take care of myself because we have the dynamic that as long as he's thinking about it and deems it important enough, he will keep making it happen. And I get to feel very special and also relieved that I don't have to try and remember And I have this thing that I really like.

The next one is do things you both enjoy together. Mhmm. You have already knocked this out of the park in mutual kinks. I don't think that's where you stop, but I think that's a good starting point. If you're like, we don't like any of the same things. Honey, you're in a power exchange. You clearly like some of the same things. And I think if you wanna focus on your kink, one way to do more together is to maybe explore mutual kinks. Like kinks you're both interested in. Right?

That's one way to to keep it within your power exchange. But y'all get outside the power exchange. If the only thing you have in common is power exchange and nothing else, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a place where you can create extra connection. What would you what would you both like to do outside of that? Sometimes it's movies. Sometimes it's games. It's puzzles. It's going certain places. Sometimes it's learning something new together.

It's going. What do we do together? Doing antiquing, thrifting. You know, I would I would not do that without you. And I prior to you getting me to go, I was like, that's not my thing. And then the first time, I was like, I am looking for this obscure thing. I probably won't find it. And then I found it. I was like, okay. I guess I guess we're doing this. Mhmm.

I guess we're doing this. Now I don't like it as much as you do, but because I don't dislike it and we are each really bad at at remembering, oh, we should go do things we like. I will suggest it because I know he likes like, I'm willing to do it. It's not my favorite thing, but I'll do it with him and I enjoy doing it with him. We haven't gone in a while. Hey. What do you think if we do

that this weekend? Mhmm. JB also likewise has to has to wait for, is it a time I can handle the sights, the smells, the people, the the feeling closed in? And so thankfully, he is kind enough to kind of let me indicate, hey. I can do that. Or if he asks, would you like to go do this this weekend? I don't feel like I'm letting him down when I'm like, nope. I can't handle that, you know, this week.

Let's try another time. So what I try to do, because it's a thing he likes that I'm happy to do with him, is when I know I can handle it or I can at least plan enough in advance that no matter what I can handle it, I will suggest it so that he knows that I'm I'm willing to do it. I'm I'm mentioning it because, yes, let's let's go do it together. You don't have to worry that I'm gonna, like, not want to go or whatever.

What other things do we both enjoy that are not kink related or business related that can't be it can't be those things. I know. We like to watch certain shows movies. We do. We we do watch a a number of shows. Mhmm. Especially lately, we've, you know, come that we are regularly watching and looking forward to coming back in another week or so. I know. And we we are also waiting for certain entire, seasons to drop because we don't wanna do the week to week. Like The Pit, we

both wanna watch The Pit, second season. I'm a wait till all the Same. At least nearly all the episodes are out. Mhmm. Bridgerton, The Gilded Age. Yeah. We have gotten each other into shows that I think on our own we would not have watched. I would not watch a lot of sci fi or comic book or superhero or whatever stuff. He would not watch a lot of period dramas if I wasn't over here going, I would like to watch this.

Now this one I think for some people seems counterintuitive, but I 100% agree of how to strengthen your friendship. Support each other's separate interests. You should, even if it's a small thing, have individual interests that are not directly connected to each other. That is how you kind of like remember that you are a whole ass person on your own.

You have your own thing and also it gives you something to like talk about that's maybe new and exciting, that's fun, that lights you up because you got to do this thing you really like. JB is better at this than I am. And JB has a whole bunch of interests, and he does things with them. I am supportive of all of those things. You've got, your record collection. Mhmm. You've got gaming. Yep. You go to the Humane Society to volunteer.

That started as a thing with the youngest, and it I came to find out that I liked it, and I just do it on my own sometimes. It used to be that you were the social butterfly in the kink community, and I stayed home. Now he stays home. I do, like, try to nudge, but that's not that's up to him when he wants to go and do that again. There was something else I was thinking of that you do without me that's your own separate interests. Puzzles?

Yeah. I'll do a puzzle. I have to be in the right mood for a puzzle. Because what happens is I'll start working on it and I'll get focused and cool. And then when I'm done, I it's like it doesn't exist anymore and it's hard to come back to. So if I can't finish it, like, in one setting setting, I'm like, I'm done now. But then again, you have your cross stitch. Which I have not done in ages because of my eyesight. We both read. Yes. We read similar genres and vastly different genres.

Mhmm. My I don't I didn't know it was gonna be one of my favorites. My I don't I didn't know it was gonna be one of my favorite things, but one of my favorite things is to try to explain some of this unhinged smut that I read. Not, like, inanimate objects that are really people that are you're somehow fucking a fork. That's not what what I'm talking about. I'm that's not my

genre. I I'm not interested. But, like, trying to explain how this society does this thing or this mafia wannabe group is handling the and he's just looking at me like you're reading. And and and then you go and then you gotta watch out for those damn den of vipers. Oh my god. If someone will remind me, I will bitch about that book in the bonus section. Holy shit. I was so mad. It was my first did not finish of 2027 because I just couldn't make myself. Anyways,

so Excuse me. We both read. We read at completely different rates. We have some crossover of genre, but not a lot. So when we're reading different books JB is not really like this. He he reads for his reasons. I read for my reasons, but that's my best friend. And he's the one I talk to about the crazy shit I read, so I will word vomit all over him on some of the crazy shit I read. And he indulges me.

I do feel like in those moments, that's very much a daddy dom thing of, oh, look at my crazy baby girl. She's so excited. I'll just let her keep going. Okay. And then the the last one on this list of how to strengthen your friendship, by the way, we're so wordy. I'll go through these real again real quick. Express gratitude. We have been talking about gratitude since early days. That to me is a hallmark of all power exchange. Express gratitude. I

I have I do a thing. It kind of drives you nuts a little bit. Because, you know, she is my beautiful assistant when when we do stuff around the house or or anything and I always thank her for it. I always thank I know. I give him the weirdest looks. And and and you give the you you're like a shrunken violet when I do that. You just kinda Yeah. I'm very uncomfortable by being thanked for a thing I was already gonna do. But I am. I know. I know.

Yeah. And yet when I tell when I say thank you to you You're welcome. Yes. But in the beginning I am. You did not understand what was happening to you. Yeah. Yeah. Along with express gratitude and I know this goes back to friendship, but we're gonna speak specifically to power exchange. Subs to Doms, and this includes when you're switching. So like if to the person who

did the Dom thing. Maybe they topped you in a scene or they, you know, they did a thing they've never done before, but they knew because you wanted it or you liked it or it was pushing their own, like I don't wanna say limits, like hard limits, but pushing themselves to, like, try new things. Jimmy's done that with me a few times now, and I try to make sure, as soon as I'm coherent again, that I

thank him for that. Because I know I I asked asked him to do a thing he probably would not have done otherwise if I had not wanted it. And I need him to know actually this was a good thing and I enjoyed myself and I appreciate you for doing that. That's more power exchange less friendship, but it's still gratitude. Right? It's, I often say this for, you know, to help new doms grow in their confidence, but this is true of all doms at all comp at all experience levels. Hearing

a genuine, like, that was good. I appreciate you doing that for me. You did a good job can can be very helpful and meaningful to a dom who's like, I just did something that's technically a crime. Is this okay? For for a sub to go, yes, actually, please. Please and thank you. Do that more often. I enjoy that. I think it's helpful. Not just for friendship but, like, for confidence. So real quick, how to strengthen your friendship. Be curious about each other and learn about

each other. Do things you both enjoy together. Support each other's separate interests, which means the context there is have separate interests. There's nothing wrong with that. Please have them. And then express gratitude. Now this is not specific to friendship because it's really about how to keep your relationship whole and healthy and whatever. But if having a whole and healthy relationship is predicated in part on being friends, I think this

con this is part of it. And it is this concept called Bids for Connection. The first time I heard it was from TherapyJef. This particular reel, is linked in the places. But I've heard it in multiple places since because it is something from the Gottman Institute again that, they say the biggest predictor of will a relationship last or will it end and it and be very sad for everybody is how both partners handle

what are known as bids for connection. Now my interpretation of this based on the way therapy Jeff specifically, explained it was to me bids for connection are both ways to, as the term makes clear, connect with one another. But doing these things is also about building on that friendship. Okay? Because it's not about the big things. It's not about the kinky things, the sexual

things. It's about these small moments that if you weren't in a relationship and you were doing this with somebody else, you'd do this with your friend and go, hey, look at this. Hey, let's talk about this. Okay? So a bid for connection is any time a partner tries to get your attention, affection, or interest. It is those moments where like, oh, look at this cool thing or oh, let me tell you about this moment

I had. When I say to JB, oh my god, let me tell you about this crazy shit that happened in this book, me doing that is making a bid for connection. And every time he goes, okay. What the hell happened this time? And he gets all into it. That is him, engaging in that bid for connection. What can happen over time in relationships is if you there's three ways to handle a bit of a connection. There's engage, ignore, or get irritated and and come at that bit of a connection with irritation.

When and when you engage more often than anything else, when that is what you do a majority of the time, the relationship has a better chance of lasting. It's a healthier relationship. Because connection and friendship are just kind of the same thing. It's, friendship plus the relation the power exchange and then depending on whether it's a romantic or a sexual relationship, all of those things like add on

to it. But to connect to somebody is to see them as a fellow human that you like being around and so therefore they are your friend. Right?

I can I used to deny this as a kid because I didn't want to be called out on it, but I've done this my whole life? To the point that poor JB asks me now, and I'm like, actually no, I was just breathing that time. When I was younger, if I wanted attention I would sigh. It'd be of such a pitiful mournful sigh. Of course my parents ignored me.

And there's a conversation to be had about using your words versus whatever, but that body language and that noise you might make to say, are are you paying attention for me? In my baby girl moments, beginning days of the relationship, I probably did some of that. It was before I had the strength to, like, just say the fucking thing, I fell back on old habits. I know I did. And it can sometimes be cutesy in our dynamic because JB's like, well, I know what

the hell that sound means. I know what you're doing. These days, JB is so attuned to me sighing that I really am just going, oh shit. I forgot to breathe there for a second.' And I take a deep breath and he's like, 'Are you okay?' And I'm like, 'Actually, no. I'm fine. I was just breathing.' But he's paying attention. He thinks that's a bid for connection, so he engages and I have to be like, oh, no. Nope. Just breathe in. Just breathe in. We're good. I think it's okay to have false starts

because you know what that tells me? It tells me he's fucking paying attention. Paying attention to me. Anymore, I just when I hear those sighs, I I look and I watch. I don't ask anymore. No. You a couple days ago you did. I do sometimes. It must be deep sighs, but I really do sometimes find myself, I guess, I'm holding my breath or I wasn't breathing deeply enough and then I'm like I'm just trying to clear the air out. That's all I did. It's all good. Forgot there for a second.

But, yeah, when you when you engage, you tell your partner, I see you. I care. I'm here. That's direct quote from therapy, Jeff. Like, you're you are reinforcing the connection. You're letting your partner know, yeah, you can you and I have we have a connection, and I'm reinforcing it on my side as you are reaching for that connection on your side.

I think I think a lot of times in long term relationships of any flavor, but let's be clear here, we're talking about power exchange, because you and I have this this happen to us. You feel disconnected. There's been a lot going on in life. There's been a lot of stressors. There's been health stuff. There's been money stuff. There's been parenting stuff. There's been, like, whatever whatever. Pick a thing. There's been a lot. Right? And it's chaos, and you can't, like, get a

grip on anything. And your power exchange has been, like, for shit because who the fuck has time and energy for that? And you look at your partner and you're like, I fucking yeah. I sleep next to them every night or I see them every day, but

I miss them. Like I don't feel connected to them.' And in retrospect, understanding this concept, I'm like oh, all those times that I have said to JB or he's come to me, like there's there's a disconnect.' It's because we did not have any of these small moments. Everything got in the way, and so we're just focusing on what has to be done, you know, what our responsibilities are, the thing coming at us that we have to react to, and there's no turning to another and going oh my gosh, let

me tell you about this crazy thing. Bids for connection are as silly and as stupid as oh my god let me talk about the fucking traffic on the way home from the grocery store. That is a bid for connection. Yeah and I I think as humans you know, we desire a connection, we desire to be seen, and and obviously to be heard. Absolutely. And if you can't be seen and heard and known and understood by a person that you are in a long term committed relationship with, who the fuck

can you be seen and heard by? You know? Like, yes, I think I'm not good at this. I don't think you necessarily have to be good at this, but I do think there's some, value to having friends outside of your dynamic, like having connections outside of your dynamic. That man's my bestie, but I know that it's not a bad thing to have other friends. Your partner might be a BFF or one of your BFFs and you might have other people, and that's good.

And you can get bids for connection with your friend group, with your platonic friend group, but at the at the heart of it if this is if this is a long term relationship, especially the kind where you live together, you're building a life together, you're trying to like be together for as long as the universe will allow you to be, then if nobody else can give you that that little bit of connection, your partner sure as shit should. That does not mean it's always easy.

We get stuck in our own heads. Once I learned about this concept, I started noticing. JB would and I can't give you examples because they're really small things. I don't catalog them in my head, but he would make a statement like oh look at this or oh, did I tell you about' and I started noticing when I did one of those 'mhmm' and didn't engage. Like I acknowledged you spoke to me, but I didn't turn with any curiosity or

say anything to truly acknowledge. And not in a disrespectful way that's not really okay in most power exchange relationships. Like not that, but just sort of a I'm over here busy and I'm gonna acknowledge that you spoke. I'm not gonna be rude, but I'm not engaging with you. Right? Once I noticed once I understood this concept and I started paying attention, that was how I think I was able to change my behavior. Because I'm

really good for seeking the connection. I got so much shit to tell you, and I can't wait to tell you. You don't eng you don't I I am I am different. You it's really I engage in spurts. Yes. You are not consistent all the time like I am. No. And what happens, and I think this sucks, and this is, you know, on me as your partner and on other partners who have somebody like JB, the quiet ones get fucking forgotten. They get disregarded because you're not speaking up all the time.

People aren't, like, listening for you and waiting for you. They don't know what's coming. You know I'm coming. You can hear me coming. Okay? In every way you want to take that, as JB Cleary said. That's what she said. But that so because you're not doing it all of the time, I had to teach myself to stop what I was doing and not let myself stay so focused on my thing that I that I unintentionally

ignored your bid for connection. Because that is how you fuck up a friendship, and it's how you fuck up a relationship. If a person feels like they they are never heard when they're trying to show you a silly little thing or tell you a silly little thing or just share an observation or whatever, then they're not gonna keep doing it. Eventually you stop. You go, oh, well they don't want to know anyway.

And I don't think I was doing it a lot before I heard about this concept, but I became aware of when it did happen. And I was like, yeah. That's not cool. That's not cool. And so then yeah. What, Derpy Jeff said, and he is basing this on, you know, the Gottman Institute on the Gottmans and all that, but what he said was when you engage in these bids for connection, you create trust, connection, and resilience in your relationship.

And the reason I pulled this out as part of the friendship conversation is because how many of us have these friends that we text or we call or whoever and go oh my god, I've got to tell you this crazy thing or oh my god, let me tell you about my day or oh my god, look at this meme I found. Oh my god, watch this real We do it with our friends, we do it with our partners and the the thing is still the same. It's a bid for connection.

It's a hey, remember me? I'm here. I want to share this thing that's meaningful or not meaningful. This thing that caught my attention. I want to connect you. And the the things we're doing might have slightly different outcomes. A bestie versus, you know, long term power exchange where you're trying to like be your best kinky self for however many years the universe will let you. You know what I mean? The actions are still the same.

And I think for anybody who's like, god, I've been feeling, you know, I love my partner. They're one of my best friends. I want this power exchange. I want this relationship, but I'm feeling disconnected. There's lots of reasons for it, but I would start with are y'all engaging with each other with those small things? Just the small thing. It's not doesn't always have to be a big sit down and talk over coffee for two hours about the state of your relationship. It can be. Those are important too.

But the thing that gets you through and I think that was I didn't wasn't thinking of it in terms of a bid for connection, but all those times I find us laughing at, like, y'all, y'all. Last night, again, I don't remember what the context was. I do know JB was trying to go to the bathroom and I was trying to get undressed. And I am half dressed and he's taking a piss and we are giggling. I don't even remember who said what first. I think it was JB said something.

Made, like, some Or I was watching you from I don't know. Our inner teenagers just giggled, and we were just busting out laughing together. The moment's kind kind of forgotten five minutes later. Like I said, could not tell you what it was about now, but that shared laughter, that shared moment of silliness and joy That lingers. It lingers. Right. And it creates this sense of safety. Right? I can be silly with him. He will probably laugh with me. We do laugh at one another. But sometimes

individually we are fucking ridiculous. She loves laughing at me, I think. You know what it is? It's the power thing. You are the relatively patient, consistent, controlled dom. Mhmm. Sometimes sadistic, sometimes more caregiving. You are in charge. I defer to you. True. As soon as I gotta tweak your nose, if you're a little silly, if you're a little ridiculous. And never in, a degrading way. Never in a a way to put him down because that's not his kink, and I

don't wanna top for that. Thank you very much. But always in a sort of tweak your nose kinda way like, oh, oh, you're the big bad daddy dom, but see this moment. It, brings me much joy. That's all I'm saying. If it hurt his feelings, I would not do it because that's not a bid for connection. That is how you disconnect, to do things Mhmm. To make jokes about or to draw attention to something and it causes your partner harm or pain or whatever. No. We Yeah. But and yet, for us, we can

go back and forth like that. Because we know each other. And we know each other's limits. We know we can still screw it up and accidentally hurt each other's feelings, but we are also safe enough to go, that hurt my feelings. I didn't like that. Now that is usually me whining. No. You hurt my feelings, daddy. I did not like that.

I probably play it two things. I play it a little safer because I have to I have to ride the line between respect and disrespect within our power exchange, but also your feelings don't get hurt quite as easily as my new your feelings still get hurt. Yeah. It's not to say they don't, but I can sometimes be hypersensitive to stuff. Thank you. Childhood trauma. So, yeah, I would say for whether the friendship is strong or not, if anything about your power exchange is you're going, oh my

god. I feel disconnected. Something's not assuming all else is basically good. Right? You trust each other. There's no, like, cheating stuff, infidelity, like, however you wanna define that. Right? Or term that. You're both faithful to the relationship and the thing you negotiated. Right? You know, see see if it's that you're ignoring the small like, it is I think the one of them could be me agreeing to go to an to the thrift store with you when that is not a thing I would normally do.

You know? You would have been fine, because I think it happened a few times before where you were like, would you like to go? And I was like, no thank you. No thank you. Mhmm. And then the day I was like, yeah, sure. I'll go with one, we found a thing that we like to do together. We don't have to do it together. He you know, I'm perfectly fine if he goes off by himself and does it.

But I think that was maybe a slightly larger bid for connection, because I we had the conversation, but I was Because I We had the conversation, but I was able to go, no thanks. So it wasn't ignoring or irritation, it was just not You know what we need to do again? Uh-oh. What? That we said we would do when the weather got cooler? There's so many things we always say we're gonna do when the weather gets cooler. The the oddities market. Oh, yeah. We went to it. Right? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

We didn't stay long because it was warm. It's still hot. It was still hot. Even though even though it was like 08:00 at night. Yeah. Once I got hot and sticky, I didn't wanna be out there now. And it was still, like, humid. So for anybody who has noticed this whole conversation, we've actually it friendship is to make your power exchange, like long term like last and, you know, be as good as it can be. Right? Nothing about that is specific to power exchange.

None of it. The things you might consider are how much, you know, if you're looking for bids of connection or you're looking for something that you share, then of course kink. And how you speak to one another will be determined by your dynamic, right? Like what you've negotiated. But the rest of it is just human stuff. It's not kinky specifically. You can all of this is applicable to any relationship you have with somebody.

And let me be very clear. Although all the articles like to talk about marriage and there's an expectation that all marriages will be romantic and sexual, None of this is specific to romantic relationships, sexual relationships. None of it. Okay? Because this is about how we treat each other as humans regardless of individual wants, needs, or munch, and you're not dating them, you're not fucking on me, but you find that they're your friend. Right? So

just keep that in mind. It's this is not about a specific way to be in a relationship or type of relationship or even flavor, even though we talk about about it in terms of power exchange. Because I genuinely genuinely believe our power exchange and relationship in general would have been a lot harder over the past five to six years if it had not been for the friendship that's at the the base of it. Right? We like each other as people, but also we'll say say tell the other when we

don't like what they did. Right? We can have those conversations. Well, even after we had gotten together, you know, when we first met, we even talked about it. How, you know, the way we have our relationship, even if even if DS went away Right. You know, we'd still be friends and have a relationship. I know. It makes me sad to think of us being in a relationship without power exchange. Yeah. However, yes, I want to be around you because I like you. We make each other laugh. We call each

other in our bullshit. We can plan together and and work together. And I don't just mean work, like, business wise, but, like, we can come up with a plan for what we wanna do with the house and then execute that plan together. Like, we can Mhmm. We can interact. We interact that way. And also let's go sit down and, like, have lunch together. You you and I you and I renovated a condo together. And we still stayed together after that. Yep. I was actually very proud of that renovation. I was sad

when we had to leave it. I know. Because we cannot do that level of work at at this stage of life and in this house. No. I I I am I am kind of at a point where, you know, she chuckled yesterday because I We've got to get a new backdoor for this office where we record. Anybody who watches the video sees the light fluctuate. We know, believe me. Yeah. Part of part of it is we need a new door. There's a specific kind of door we want to get. Okay, great. We went to Lowe's to get the price for

the door. We're like, if we get it from Lowe's, we'll get them to install it. We know there's a cost. The they couldn't give us an exact price quote. We'll get that when the guy comes tomorrow to measure the door to make sure we JB knows how to measure shit because don't ask me. Anyway. But the price to install the door will likely cost more than the door. Or equal to. But probably more. And she explained this to us in the store and I went okay. And I'm trying to keep, like, my

game face on. I'm like, okay. Do not act like this is freaking you out. And I turn to JB and I figure he's gonna go, okay, we're gonna keep looking elsewhere. And I go, JB, did you hear? He goes, yeah. Okay. And I'm looking at him and I'm not gonna say anything in front of this person who's just doing her job. She does not need to hear all our business. So she walks away, do something or we walk away. I can't remember. And I'm like,

you did you heard that correctly. The door installation could be more than the cost of the door. Yeah. Like, yeah. It's worth every penny to me. And I was like, okay. Okay. If you don't care, I don't care. Okay. I I year this goes back years ago. I hung a front door on my first house. It was a fucking nightmare. I And I've never done a zorn right on fire. Yeah. I for me, no. I I would never never do that again. Mhmm. I mean, there are there are things I would I'd gladly do.

And, I have learned over the years certain things I just keep my hands off. Look. It's just better that way. If it don't bother you, it don't bother me. Simple on that. So, I defer to your expertise on these things. And, you know, I mean, like with the, even with the tile in the kitchen. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know, there was a time I would say, yeah, I'll do it. Mhmm. Can't be down on my hands and knees that long anymore. For sure. And they came in, and they had it done in one day.

Yeah. They did. And it was done well. Mhmm. So So Silent said in the live chat comments on our topic, maybe just don't wear yourself out for people you don't like. That's all there is to it. Yeah. Yeah. That's why, you know, when people are trying to figure out who they want to be their partner, I understand that having a compatibility in kinks and power exchange is important. Of course it is. You're trying to have a DS dynamic or a kinky life of some sort with this person. Of course that's

important. But I think what's what gets forgotten by a lot of people, and it's sometimes how they end up with people that they look back on and go how the fuck did I get there, is because the compatibility and kinks on what they're offering you and how you can express your kinky self with their kinky self ends up overriding the basic basic fact of do you like this person enough to wanna share oxygen with

them? Mhmm. Is this a person that outside of this context you would like to have lunch with, have a coffee with, go see a movie with? Doesn't mean you have to go do it, but would you be willing? And to me, especially if you're looking for some sort of long term serious relationship, we're not talking maybe casual. I think you should be this way even with casual, but some of that's personality and I get

that. But long term, like you're trying to negotiate a very specific kind of dynamic to have with this person, what are we doing if you don't like them? If the only thing about them that is appealing is that they are the dom to your sub, the sadist to your masochist.

Because I promise you when somebody's too sick to get kinky, somebody's life gets too crazy to keep up the routine, when things change and shift just naturally and the things you've been doing don't work anymore, and you have to figure out what you're gonna do with them and in the meantime it's gonna there's gonna be a lull, when you don't fucking like them the rest of that shit gets miserable the moment it stops being exactly what you negotiated and you're outside of that honeymoon phase.

A 100%. Please, Jesus, like them as a person. Oh my God. Oh my God. Because some of y'all describe these people to me and I'm like, they sound like a shitty human being and you kind of go, well, they're kind of a shitty human being, but they do that one kink thing I like. And I'm like, but you're telling me actively that you're miserable. Stop being miserable and maybe go find the person who's willing to learn that kink with

you and for you. Right? Because they like you and you and you're compatible enough that you can make something work and then you can learn and grow together. So I'm saying it. Anyway. Anyway. Anywho. Anywho. Ending on a ramp, whatever. Mhmm. The friendship thing? Like that and I know that there are people who come at relationships and and see the connections differently. I get that. I get that. And I like I said, there's difference between casual and long term to a certain degree. Unless

like me, I'm wired that way. I gotta like you enough to be your friend before I can like you enough to even casually play with you. But that's how I'm wired. Just say it. Goddamn, stop being with some of these people who are trash human beings, but do that one thing with their tongue that you like. Like, what? Anyway. Anyway.

I know. Suppose it's not their tongue. Sometimes it's their dom look or it's the thing they do with their hand or the way they look in this one like, just because the thing is is that you don't get to live in that space all the time. Mhmm. And that for a long term relationship will not be enough to carry you forward and for anybody to be happy and healthy. Just saying. Anyway Anyhoo. I'm done now. Okay. Are you sure? I don't know. We don't have a bonus. I don't think you're ever done.

Well, no. Ten fucking years of this, I still got shit to talk about. So, are we good? Not bad. I can't answer either. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Daddy. Yes? Can I talk to the crickets, please? Yes? I'm gonna announce a thing in order to complain about a thing. Oh, dear. It's actually not a complaint. It's just a fact. There's not gonna be a Monday episode, a Q and A episode. After this episode goes live, the next one will be next week's podcast.

Because first of all, JB was working on that tool thing he was talking about up until, like, fifteen minutes before it was time to come in here and start setting up. Hence the way I'm dressed. Right. For anybody who's watching the video. So there wasn't really time to record something today anyway, but we have so much going on. None of it, like, awful stuff. Just there's so much going on. It's just been a lot of busyness. I told him was it yesterday or today? I

can't remember which. I was like, I don't think we should do the Q and A episode this week. I said, I don't know when the fuck I would even edit the damn thing. And I was just like, thank you. Because okay. So yesterday I would like to complain for a minute. But it's not really a complaint because it is all neutral slash good stuff. Yeah. Yesterday before recording Tuesday Mhmm. Lola was supposed to go do a meet and greet, get to stay at doggy

daycare for a few hours Mhmm. For the the dog boarding place that she's definitely gonna go to because they're the only ones that even fucking called back, and we like them Yep. All to find out that they didn't have us on the books. And I was like, I had a ten minute conversation with your scheduler, so I don't know what the fuck happened there. I didn't say that, but that was And I I told you, when I got that email Mhmm. She put in the wrong date. She put in the day of the phone call.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure she's a lovely human. But also, I thought we had Lola completely vaxxed because I'm always like, just give her what she needs. Just tell me how and there was one she was missing. Mhmm. So she could not stay for doggy daycare. No. We could take the the tour, which was fine. It is how okay. We are usually because out of necessity we are usually cheapskates. Okay? Whatever is good, but at the lowest price we can pay.

Mhmm. They were explaining how their top tier package for boarding, they, there's all this stuff that they get regardless of the package, much like the Patreon membership. Anyway, shameless plug there. But at this top tier package, the they you will also get daily at a scheduled time a report and a picture of your dog. And they go through all the other packages. And I'm looking at this man next to me who's like, this is my baby. You're just gonna throw her to the proverbial wolves. I'm like,

we'll take the top package. This man can't go two days without a picture of it. Maybe just it's fine. Then they take us on a tour of the facilities, and they show us the standard place. Like, they'll have a bed, whatever. I want you to know folks right here. I did not say a word. I did not say a word. Because he didn't have to. I am the JB translator. Okay? So the four foot by five foot space and the guy was not trying to upsell us. He was like, this is plenty of room. It's great.

We go in and we see the the standard space, cottage they call it, and then we'll see right over here, the big open space with a TV, and it's only $8 a day more. And before we saw them, I was like, oh, we'll just take basic. It's fine. Then we walk in there and I'm like, that's basic? That's only $8 more? And JB is looking at it and we're both going, oh, but you can't oh, Oh, that doesn't look like a lot of Lola has a giant fucking house to stretch out. I

went, don't worry. We'll take the the upgrade. We'll give her the bigger space with the TV. So anyway, we couldn't do everything we were supposed to do for that. I think we ended up having something else to do yesterday. I don't even fucking remember. Today I had to take her or we had to take her because we do it together, to go get the Bordatello shot. That's what she was missing. And she hates going to the vet. That should have been a small thing, but she

gets so stressed out. She paces the whole time. Yeah. Tomorrow, I drop Ella off at the vet at 8AM because she's peeing the wrong color. The guy who's gonna give us a quote on installing a new backdoor is coming at 10:30. Mhmm. And then JB has a procedure at 01:30. Right. On Thursday. But don't you worry. On Friday at 05:50 in the morning, he's we've gotta be at the place so he can get his hand MRI Yeah. Scan done. And don't don't worry. On Saturday, between 10AM and 2PM

The shit sucker's coming. Septic tank is gonna get pumped, but we don't know what time. Sunday is an off day. I think we might try to sleep. Actually, we'll probably do fucking chores. Then Monday, Lola goes back to the eye doctor. Is her eye healed up? Can we please take off the cone of shame? Because she is miserable and we are miserable. Yeah. Then Tuesday, she goes for her doggy daycare. She's rearranging the furniture with the Oh my god. She

is. And so I just went, where in the fuck am I on top of everything else that's always going on, where in the fuck am I editing a video Yeah. And posting? So that's why we're not having the Q and A. Yep. Oh, sorry, Kim. I did I did gloss over that. Ellipede a bright orangey red color this morning. So we don't know what it is. I'm not trying to speculate.

I was talking to the vet tech who was giving Lola her vaccine and going, okay, I know I'm supposed to do this separately with the person up there, but I need to schedule something for Ella. She's not peeing the right color. But also, you've sent us home twice to collect urine, and we can't do it. It's not happening. I just wanna bring her to you. So they were like, 8AM. Yeah. Life life has been hectic for us. Not bad. Not no. Not bad.

You know, I've I've had a couple things going on, tests and different stuff. Had the end endoscopy Mhmm. Last week, and that went fine. Yeah. They didn't find anything. It's a lot of stuff. It just takes time Yeah. Is all it is. Yep. We don't get a single full day of work until sometime next week. Yeah. There's just something everywhere. Every yeah. So, yeah, tomorrow, I get my my hand MRI'd. And No. Friday to get your Friday. That's right. Jesus. Like, I can't keep up with all

these Thursday's all the other stuff. That's why we have a family going out on the weekend. I know. I know. I know. Yeah. I know. We we go through, like, the next till early next week, and then it does slow down, because we've got like our basic stuff that's always scheduled. And then at the February is where we've got more that comes up.

It's just it was a lot. And I'm I'm trying to be very proud of myself that I'm not panicking that it's a week and a half or so where I do not get a full day work Monday because of an appointment the youngest has. I just probably won't work at all Mhmm. Because we've got the whatever's happening at nine Yeah. Now I can't even oh, the eye doctor. And then the the kids' appointment, like, I'm like, okay, I guess I'm taking Monday off. Yeah.

What it really means is I just work after dinner until I'm like, I don't wanna sit here anymore. And and that's kind of what I've been doing. I've just been working in between when I can right now. Mhmm. You know, and that was even how I ended up tackling the lathe today because, you know, like I said, all the videos they said, you know, one hour, one hour takes about an hour, takes about an hour. And, taking it apart was easy. Putting it back together was a little frustrating.

But, it's done. It's done. And, it's working. And, it's quiet. Yeah. But, yeah. It's it's been it's been a lot of running around. Mhmm. And neither of us like, obviously, we can do it, but we are homebodies who just wanna keep to our fucking schedule and routine. We're like, all of these things serve a purpose. None of this is is, there's a word I want. I can't think of the word. It's not fluff stuff. It's not unimportant bullshit that we're just making up. It's like stuff that needs to happen.

It's like we have a routine. We know what time we're having breakfast in the morning. We know what time we're gonna start our work day. We like, you're you're fucking up my flow, man. But it's just Yeah. There's just stuff that's gotta happen. Yep. You know, and and it's like even, like, what's Friday morning? 05:50 in the fucking morning. The the MRI was requested before Christmas. Mhmm. And it is now getting me And it was after you placed And it was after I I called

I placed one phone call. Word I wanna thank you. Because, I hadn't heard from anybody. And, yeah, they they called me, yesterday. And, you know, they told me they had an early morning appointment. I was like, get me in. Let's go. I mean, do do we treat ourselves of course. Will there be breakfast on Friday morning? Of course, there will be. There will bare minimum be the coffee. Coffee. Yeah.

At least. Very least. But I'm not eating my breakfast at 05:30, nor am I waiting until if I have to wake up at 05:00 or earlier so that we can leave the house on time, blah blah blah blah blah. Alright. The only good thing too I'm not waiting on is that I can get up and have coffee. You can. This is not like the endoscopy where you couldn't have Yeah. No. No. So yeah. I just I'm I'm try to the best of my very rigid ability, I've tried to just go with the flow. Yeah. I'm not letting it panic me.

I'm just like, okay. These things all have to happen and they are happening. And and then I do a lot of this kind of self talk. We have the fucking freedom to just schedule shit. We don't work on somebody else's schedule, which if I was trying to do all of this stuff and work, like, a nine to five or whatever And then balance a job. Yeah. No. It would it would be so difficult.

So, like, I've I don't wanna complain too hard because I know there are plenty of y'all who are like, I wish I could just go to this appointment when I need to. Mhmm. So yeah. It's just it it was just one of those. I was like, I'm I'm not adding another thing to this list. Yeah. Yeah. Not when I'm looking at empty inventory boxes, and I'm looking at the state of sales for everything we run, the Etsy shops and the kangaroo, the kangaroo.com. And it is typical for January to slow

down after the holidays. Sure. But our experience prior to this year, January has always been great. Mhmm. Always been great. So it's like, oh, shit. Okay. And we're you know, sometimes you have to go, okay, maybe it's us. Maybe we're the problem. But we're having conversations with other people that run similar types of businesses and are like, no, dead as a doornail out here. Yep.

It's almost like all of the chaos that's being, you know, happening around the world, but for our perspective primarily here in the country might be having a negative impact on people's willingness to part with their money. And I can fucking understand it. Man. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Anywho. This is fine. Mhmm. Yep. Because I'm not gonna go on that rant right now. I'm not. And, after this, I need to get you out into the tiny shop. Oh. Because then, I need your, I need your assistance.

On rearranging some stuff. Alright. Are we And I rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic? Yeah. Now that you've seen the movie, I think it's actually are we playing classical music while on the Titanic on the deck of the Titanic? I finally Got JP to sit down and watch Titanic with me over the weekend. And I remembered it. I've seen it multiple times, but it's been years since I've watched it. I was like, oh gosh, that's right.

The musicians, they played to keep the ambiance up, and then they kept playing knowing it was the last thing they were gonna do. Mhmm. I I don't I wish I knew. Maybe somebody else knows. Is that historically accurate, or is that just artistic license? Because that was poetic. Mhmm. They I wanna say I did hear something about, like, to that effect, but who I don't know. I don't know. Who knows? So So anyway Anyhoo. Yeah. Mhmm. I think we're, but, yeah. I'm I'm,

out in the tiny shop. I am finally, finally, finally getting a good handle on my dust collection. Which is good. Yep. Yeah. Because it's, it's dusty. It's dusty. I was gonna say that I don't spend a lot of time out there, but I have vague memories of before you got better dust collection to now. And yeah. Yeah. You did not leave the tiny shop without being completely plugged up in your nose and being sawdust. Even with a Yeah. The mask thing. So taste you. It is historically in our spot.

Said it's history. Okay. Alright. And Eva said so too. Thank y'all. Cool. It's yeah. It's beautiful. It's tragic. It's sad. It's so funny. There were still certain points, even after watching the movie so many times over the years, that I still cry. The one thing I don't cry about anymore is, Jack at the end. I don't think it could be a spoiler for a 28, 29 year old, maybe 30 old movie. I don't know. But you know, some people don't make it in the end because it is Titanic.

But the scenes where at the end as the the ship is genuinely just going down, there's no more hope, where the the poor people in steerage Yeah. Are just like the mother putting her kids to bed and telling them stories and tucking them in so they'll go to sleep. The old couple holding each other in the I every time I'm boohooing. Every time. The musicians when they are about to go, okay, let's go find our place, and then they kind of go, we'll keep going. Cry, then.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a good movie. What? Taste you. Spoilers for Titanic the ship sinks. Wow. Look, there's a reason I really do prefer historical kind of, content, really, like, media, like movies, books, whatever, because they all died in the end. Like, if it's old enough, you're like, okay, ain't nobody living from here. I might be sad because of the human story, but there's no anticipation. Actually, that's why I like romance. They're gonna end up together in the end. I'm good.

The stress, the tension of that, I don't need it. Tell me how we get here. Oh, that was the thing I was gonna complain about, the fucking Den of Vipers. Okay. The book is called Den of Vipers. I I DNF'd it. If you know what other means, do not finish. I got 55% of the way and went I can't fucking do this anymore. The premise of the book was really good. It's dark romance, and it is dark. Like, I just casually read about, a dismemberment that felt like it came out of nowhere

and went oh, okay. Oh gosh. Okay. Yeah. Dark, dark. Fine. And, these four mob type guys who call themselves the Vipers, hence the name of the book, are air quote given as debt repayment. This woman from her father she's a fucking fighter, man. She took down they sent some men to go pick her up because that she was their air quote payment. She knocked all four of those fuckers out and had the police come pick them up. I'm like, yeah, great. The the four actual guys come to get

her and they're like badass fighters. Nobody gets the drop of them. She did. She got two like on the fucking ground. She was the coolest fucking female main character I've read in a while. Okay. The men are all like they have their own unique personalities. They all have their this, all that. Cool. They're all interesting. The sex is gonna be hot. The tension is high. You have to, like, how do you, like, close this loop of y'all are all falling for each other, but she's literally was given

to you. She's not not here by choice. You came and got her. So does she want to be with you because she likes you and loves you, or is this like out of necessity? And it was the tension. But I swear to you almost every page we were reminded that this was a den of vipers and they were venomous like snakes. Y'all, like, I I got it. I got it from the title. I got it from the fact they call themselves vipers. I got it from the fact that every single one of the men has some sort of snake tattoo.

I got it when they bought her jewelry that all had snake stuff on it. I got it when they put a snake tattoo on her without telling her the significance of that. I did not need the female main character or any of the men in their inner monologue to talk about how this was the den of vipers. There hit a point where I just went I don't care what happened. And we were at 55% of the book, she's already fucking all of them. I was like, Well where

the fuck's the tension? Supposed to hate that motherfucker. That one's supposed to hate women so bad he can't even be in a room with them, but we're already fucking. She has already healed him with her magic pussy. Like, I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. The premise was so cool. I was there for it. That character couldn't do it. Yeah. So now JB teases me because I I really was there was a point I was ranting, den of Vipers, den of fucking

Vipers. I know you're the den of Vipers. So now out of the blue, I'll just yeah. You know, I heard it was a den of Vipers. Yeah. We all heard that multiple times for the fifth first 55% of the book. Anyway Anyhoo. Now that I've bitched. Anyhoo. And it wasn't even kinky. Like, I was going through all that and it wasn't even kinky. And, yes, it was Y Choose, my favorite of the subgenres, but none of the boyfriends are boyfriends. So

I don't I don't love that. I I prefer when there's, like, their interplay of all the boys. Anyway, Anyway. I guess we can go now. Yes. Maybe one day I'll get a wild hair up my ass and just, like, start going live to talk about fucking books I've read before. I forget they even exist entirely. I think I'll remember, do not try to read Den of Vipers again, but anyway. Okay. K. I guess we'll go now. Yeah. Let's say goodbye. Thanks for being here till the end, especially the bitter end.

We'll see you next week. Mhmm. I don't know what the fuck we're talking about. We'll figure it out. Thanks for joining us. Uh-huh. Bye. Bye.