You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four twenty nine. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the you have a well of patience that I have missed. John Brownstone. I mean, I haven't been testing your patience to my knowledge. No. You haven't. No. That that you have not. But other things have. Yeah. And you're, like, that was the thing you were kind of famed for. Like, it was infamous on a positive level. And then for a while, no patience.
No patience. When I'm the most patient, one of the two of us, something is That something's wrong. Gone off the rails. Flip that like that. Yes. So yeah. Your your well of patience is filling back up. It is. I appreciate it. You're welcome. Because I would like to try that patience. And I have not done that in a while. Not purposely. No. You have not. Who do I think that? In you know, we're not really talking about that this week, but I think we kind of are. Mhmm. In a roundabout way. Yeah.
Yeah. Because what we're talking about is something I think that a lot of people can possibly relate to now or guess what? You might relate to it in the future. And that is some of the feelings we've had as we've kind of experienced our roles in power exchange again. Part of our roles, and we'll we'll get to that. For me, it's comfort. For you, you said familiarity. And I've had to practice saying that word, and I'll still probably fuck it up at some point. I probably can't say it again
either. It's okay. Try typing it 85 times like I did today. I'm just saying. It's a thing. Anyway, welcome to Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingBDSM.net. Come back often and feel free to add
the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You could also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and, technically, threads, that handle I will forever fucking hate. Loving d s and the number one, so it's at loving d s one. On blue sky, at lovingBDSM. Blah blah blah. Mhmm. Mhmm. The link is in the places, and also if you search loving BDSM on blue Sky, we will come up, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingBDSM where you can watch us live stream the
podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay. Okay. So one announcement. It's the thing I've been saying every week. This will be the last week I say it until we get to 2026. We're still in our Patreon membership drive, and time is literally running out. If I read the calendar correctly the last day to join our Patreon during the membership drive and get the perks of the membership drive
is February 15, this Saturday. For podcast listeners, it's the day after this podcast goes live. So if you've been thinking about it, you're like, maybe. Now hopefully is the time. So anytime you join our Patreon, there are certain things everybody gets no matter what. You get access to our Discord server. Mhmm. For those who have asked for Discord server access, it's the only way through our Patreon. We do JB no. We. No. We do a behind the scenes
podcast episode every month. It's bonus section, but with more purpose. So this year, because our focus is on getting back into our power exchange in the way we want it to be, whatever that looks like, we're talking about that more. And then as I, mentioned in the livestream a few minutes ago, we are alternating each month. One month is a game night. Mhmm. You do not have to have Discord access to,
join in. The other month is a movie night where we will share our screen and watch a movie, and I'm still we're figuring out the logistics of that. But that's for anybody at any level who joins our Patreon. If you join at the $5 level, you get access to all of that and JB reading bedtime stories too, if that's your jam. Anybody who thinks, or knows, I should say, that JB has a very nice voice. There's none of me in it. I'm not in the I'm the the silent editor. It's delightful.
And then at the $10 level, you get all that, and you get access to, our digital downloads that we make for Etsy and put up on Etsy. You get access to all of those, for free at no additional charge. Gotta get that organized better on Patreon. That is also on my list. But if you join during the membership drive, which let me say again ends at 11:59PM Eastern on February 15, the day after Valentine's Day, you get a few things. If you join as an annual member, you get two months
for free. So you pay for ten months of access. You get twelve months of access. Also, if you join, you during that time, you get perks. So, everybody is going to get the digital download of a workbook I'm still working on about communication and primarily power exchange, but it all transfers to BDSM in general.
So everybody gets that. And then if you are in the $10 tier, you will get mailed, even, yes, even if you're international, our exclusive, not putting it out publicly anywhere for sale, tenth anniversary podcast enamel pin, pin, p I n, pin. I just ordered them. You did? Like, late last week, middle of last week, something like that. Got the confirmation from the price hasn't changed yet. I'm grateful for that. I that's why I
got the order in. Don't know what's gonna happen, with the state of the world as it is. Got confirmation. I gave them confirmation. I was I approved the proof. They gave me confirmation that they are putting it into production and they should be here sometime in like mid March at the latest. So you get access to all that. That's a lot and I know I say it very fast and I throw it out at you very fast. There is a link in the places where you can actually read all
of that. I've put a blog post up on the website, but also if you go to our Patreon, which is also linked in the places, that information is kind of there. Maybe maybe not as succinctly as a blog post, but it's all there. So yeah. And what what do we get for yeah. That's what y'all get. What do we get? To keep doing this. To keep me where it is on the Internet. There there are definitely times during the year and over the years when Patreon has helped keep the lights on, so we appreciate you.
Yes. Yes. We do. Okay. Somebody asked why the podcast is no longer available on Amazon Prime Music. That's a good question. I don't know. I will have to go find out. So that is for anybody else who's wondering, yeah. That I don't know. I need to go check those connections. Mhmm. Something may have happened. I think 2025 is, like, a year of change for me because a thing I was researching in 2024 that, hell, I might talk you into considering it, is changing who hosts the podcast audio.
Yes. Because I feel like we are way overpaying for what we get. But also some of the other podcast places actually make it easier for your podcast to show up in different places. Yes. Whereas the host we use currently, things will happen and we'll get disconnected, and I'll have to go back in and, like Yeah. It's not the first time. No. But I don't usually know that we're disconnected until somebody says something. So I will have to go find out. Okay. All of that. We are getting into
the topic. Mhmm. And, for me to suggest a topic to JB means it's on my mind and I'm really thinking about it hard because I'm like, oh, I think there's something to say here, but also I have realized that I feel a little vulnerable. Now I've never clearly, in 428 former episodes, I have not been worried about being too damn vulnerable. But this one has, like, got me in my, Got you in the feels? Yeah. It's got me in my soft squishy parts. I mean, most of me is soft and squishy. So
maybe that's the problem. It's got me in all of my soft squishy parts. But, yeah. So this is meaningful. I think part of it is I have not spent literal months of time thinking about it, like a couple of, topics that are kind of coming up in the future. I've been thinking about those. This one is, like, kind of a thing I just realized. Mhmm. So the title is me trying trying to express it, and then any little intro text in the places is me trying to explain this succinctly.
So for the past two years when our life was basically a shit show, we were just holding on by the skin of our teeth, I was very much a service submissive. We said the whole time, we are still twenty four seven. It's lighter. It's not what we want it to be. There's less we're doing. But for us, we are twenty four seven because I'm always baby girl. Missus Damascus, he is always daddy dom. He is the decider. For those years, that was mostly what you were was the
decider. I brought things to you and said Yep. Please decide. And most of what I did within our power exchange was serve. One, we didn't have to do anything new most of the time for that because I had a routine. I took over financial stuff truly as an act of service, not because I wanted to. If JB ever gets that, desire back, I will hand it over happily. But that that was where I know I
lived in our power exchange. And in my personal role as a submissive was in service, which, can be very fulfilling, and it can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be exhausting, and it can be where resentment goes to grow. You know? And I know in conversations we've had, so add please add something to this. I know that you were often overwhelmed Yes. In your role. Mhmm. So, what would you say in regards to the past few years how you feel or felt about your role?
Because we I feel like we're gonna talk about how we felt Yeah. Before we talk about how we feel. Mhmm. So are you or did I hit a vulnerable, soft, squishy spot? I'm not sure. You know, it's, yeah. The the last few years has been a a wild roller coaster ride. Mhmm. You know, mister Toad's wild ride. And it feels good that things are settling down. Mhmm. And and getting a a grasp on things. There is a part of me that almost does not trust it. Oh, God. No. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm definitely cynical and waiting for it to go away. Really? Absolutely. A wee bit of a cynical. Yeah. We don't I don't trust the good fortune. No. No. No. No. No. And and yet, as as you said earlier, you know, you asked me. For me, it it's a a familiar familiarity. Mhmm. Yeah. I know that's a tongue twister. Okay. And, you know, and and even like you said, there there is a a a amount a good amount of of comfort Mhmm. In it as well. And it feels good leaning back into it. Mhmm.
Mhmm. Yeah. My overwhelming feeling has been a sense of comfort. And when I say comfort, it's more I don't know how to to describe it. It's a safety. It's it's the familiarity of I recognize this feeling Right. Even though some things probably have changed. There's the trust that comes with it. So let me let me back up a little bit. For me, I spent the past several years just focused on service mission or being a service submissive. What I did not do a lot of is just submit.
JB wasn't doing a lot of taking control of, and so I didn't do a lot of submitting, which in for me and the way I I'm thinking about it right now, is, you know, having less control over what I'm doing, where I'm doing it, how I'm doing what's happening to me within my boundaries and limits and consensually, of course. And serving can be a very active role that you can take as a submissive, because to serve means to do some stuff.
Right? Whether it's you're waiting to be told what to do or you're, you know, saying, hey. Can I do this for you? I see that you could, you know, use this this help. Whatever whatever. And submitting for me is decision making is not part of it. It's not it's active in a different way. It's the time I have to turn my brain off and kind of let, somehow, let the body relax so the things can be done to it.
And it's one of those things I think sometimes you don't know that you're missing something or that you weren't you were feeling the absence of something until it's back. Mhmm. And I think there's there's a comfort in that as well. Yeah. Now, why is all of this, naval gazing a good topic? Because we are not the first, not the last, not the only to have had to put some level of our power exchange on pause and then decide to come back to it, like, mindfully, purposely come back to it and go,
okay. What can we build from this? What can we do that we that feels better, that helps us connect better was part of our truer selves. Right? And so there's so many reasons why people in whether you're in a relationship or single, you take breaks from it. There's so many feelings that you can have when you come back to it. So I'm thinking of comfort. JB is thinking of familiarity, but good lord. Happiness, anxiety, worry, fear.
Like, pick an emotion, and we're all complex creatures, so it could be 85 of the emotions all at once. I know when we were talking about, hey. We wanna focus on this. We have the the mental capacity, the emotional capacity to focus on this. I was excited, and there wasn't it wasn't fear as in, Oh my gosh, I'm breaking out into a cold sweat. I've gotta go like sit in a dark room. But there was that little tinge of anxiety of, What will this be
like? Right? Will it be different? Will I still like it? All of that. And so what has happened recently is there's been this sense of comfort and I still I that word is is what I mean, but it does not say everything I mean and I don't have enough words to describe what I mean. So hopefully, it will come through. Even though please don't make a drinking game out of how many times I'm gonna say comfort in this episode, you'll be in the hospital.
So what I have found is as I've been feeling this sense of comfort Mhmm. Is that everything has gotten easier. It becomes this feedback loop of this feels good, so I feel safe to do it. I can let it happen again. It gets easier. Now, can you talk about your familiarity? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. You know, I I kinda like I liken it to riding a bicycle. Okay. You know, one once you you don't forget. Mhmm. And it's it's it's coming it's like it's
coming back. And what I'm grateful of, I and I think this is something that kinda learned over the last few years, it's not like it's flooding back. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No yeah. I find myself looking for opportunities now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You and I kinda talked about that the other day. Mhmm. For me
so you're looking for opportunities. When you take those opportunities, I don't immediately go into flight or frightened fight or flight anymore or freeze. You melt. I melt a lot of times. Here's I do. I melt. Now sometimes it is just the and more frequently as we've gotten further along in this. I mean, it's only February, y'all. But sometimes it's automatic. I'm like, okay. Yeah. More often than not right now, it's a conscious thought. I'm like, oh, relax your body. Relax your body.
Something's coming. Now I don't know what it is, but relax the body, which you've been doing more impact, on me in general, but on my face to make a point. I, within our power exchange, I do not mind if JB smacks me in the face because it's never done in anger. It's never done with cruelty. It's absolutely either the attention getter that he wants or, he's fucking me and he wants to feel my every muscle clench, if you know what I mean. Okay?
And I'm actually more prepared for it in sex because it's more common even, you know, even in the toughest years if we managed to, you know, actually fuck around. I I could tell when it was coming. Now I get a little sassy, and next thing you know Yeah. My cheeks are red. It it's it's kinda move it it's kinda moved out from that that one aspect it was in, and now it's taking more of a forefront. Yeah. I mean, I actually got
a little nervous. I we're in the office here, and your phone is buzzing like crazy. And it's actually for you. Oh, okay. He we were sitting here in the office. I got a little sassy. I'm sure you're all shocked by that. And he pop, pop, pop right on my cheek. Oh my god. I fucking loved it. Like, my eyes crossed. It was so dead. But then I did have that thought of, oh, I hope a kid did not hear that. And I god. I'm glad a child did not walk in at that point.
So we are a little bit out of practice of, like, being aware of our surroundings, I think. But, yeah, the melting has been interesting. So and I have a direct comparison for some of this, and I think that's what made me recognize what I was feeling and what was happening. Because lately, when when we, participate in in fuckery that is sexual, there's a lot of tossing around of of my body, which is not something I'm used to, but I ain't mad at it.
And for years, I think before the shit show of of the twenty twenties started out for us, before all that, I would struggle with that. It was like my instinct was to stiffen up because I was like, who nobody I've never been small and dainty enough for anybody to be moving me around. Okay? So now
I am just relaxing into it. I in my mind, for me, that's a form of submission because it's like you want my body positioned in a way, and I'm just letting it happen even on an instinct like, it's not instinctual to just let it happen. I do have to kinda have the thought of relax your body or go with it. Just roll with it. Just literal. Roll with it. Right? But when I do, and then I'm rewarded with something that usually feels fan fucking tastic,
it's easier the next time. But that's where I can I can sense how my what my feelings are and how they're shifting and how my submission is shifting because I don't know how well you noticed it in the past because it's been years since in anybody was interested in anything with between us because the stress just fucking killed us? And then perimenopause is a fucking bitch. I hate her. And it killed any desire for anything before all of this.
So I am you know, I have direct comparisons to make between the stiffness, the way I would, like Mhmm. Resist Yes. And not resist because I didn't wanna submit, but resist because there was a nervousness to it. There there is a difference Mhmm. To that too. Yeah. Because in the past, you when you resisted, it was like a a plant your foot in the ground and, you know, you're you're digging in for the long haul. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay? And now, there
is none of that. The the only resistance is when you get that that flash in your eye and and you get a little mischievous, you know, and sassy the sassy, Wait. This is something you're you've experienced and witnessed? Yeah. When? Can you give an example? Because now I'm curious. Anytime recently? Like, during not during sex. No. Surely. Okay. No. Okay. But just like out in Yeah. Out in the wild. Out in the wild. Well, out in the wild has been very
interesting. So on our list and we talked about this in our first episode of the year, for our plans for 2025. On our list is to kinda do some experimenting with purposeful, like, for me to be more submissive for JV to be more dominant than we are just, like, naturally, like, to be mindful with it. Right? And to do that in different situations and kinda check how that feels. Well, I've been doing it on my own, and what I've figured out is JB's not
used to it. So No. And this is again, this is where that sense of comfort came from as well. Mhmm. So this past weekend, we're running errands. Comfort came from as well. Mhmm. So this past weekend, we're running errands. Now as we've said many times, we are very collaborative, but life forced us to be even more collaborative. So these are habits we now have, and we're deciding where to go and what order to do things and where to park the car, like, just these
small things. And Jamie would ask my opinion, and I would go, whatever you want, daddy. And I was doing it purposely. I was like, let me just do the experiment on my own. Let's see what this let's see if he clocks it. Let's see what this feels like. And it felt really good. Mhmm. But I also noticed how often I have an opinion. Like, we all know I have opinions. We all know it. Shocking. We all know it. I'm I make no secret of it. But even when I'm trying to just go whatever you want.
Is there that part of you inside is, like, clawing to get out? You know, it it depended on the moment over this past weekend. So when it was something simple that there was no I there was clearly no right or wrong. Whatever you want, daddy. Whatever you want. When and I think this is just who I am. I think I will probably never not be this way as a submissive no matter what we experiment with or try. When I thought I had an observation that could help you make a better decision Mhmm.
Or to be more certain in the decision you were gonna make, I I like, without thinking it just came out of my mouth. It was probably not, pleasant. So that I got a little bit of my feelings about that, because I was like, I'm over here trying to just say whatever you want, daddy, like, over and over again. Not mindlessly, but purposefully. Right? Because it it feels good to be a little duckling just following. You know? It sometimes it feels good. And I I had these moments where I
was like, oh my gosh. Am I doing this all wrong? Because the the the questions or the opinions just come out. I I took some time to kinda think about it and I realized that's one, that's anxiety. If I think you did not catch a detail, I gotta make sure you catch it. But two, it's service. I want you to make the best decision you can make. Mhmm. And I'm grateful that you are not the kind of dominant who requires me to ask permission before I give you my opinion because
we would be struggling. There would be head butting because I'm not that disciplined that I don't think I could ever be my fullest self. Like, I could do it for a small amount of time. Yeah. And Lola has opinions about it all. But doing even that little bit without you knowing what I was doing felt it was soothing in a way. It was a little bit like going back to a place you've been before and knowing it's a little bit different, but it's also there's a nostalgia to it, but it's also like
this this is a feeling of rightness. This is A happy place? Kind of. It was it's a softer thing than just happy. Mhmm. It's kind of more a rightness, a knowing, a sense of belonging. Like, this is this is right. This is things are in alignment. Kind of. Kind of. Yeah. Okay. And even that's it's too cold of a definition. The comfort for me, there's a warmth to it. There's a I keep saying comfort because it's a it's like putting on your softest shirt that makes you
feel snugly. It's like getting into bed when it's a snugly bed and not you're sweating through your perimenopause, and why is it not two degrees in the house? That would be great. You're like you know, it's it's those feelings of comfort that come to mind for me. It's a I need somebody who's better with words to come up with a way to describe that because all I got's comfort. And I have been enjoying that feeling so much. It becomes this self
fulfilling prophecy. I like it so much so I keep doing things so I can keep feeling that way. And I'm very, grateful that you have been feeling your own way and wanting to participate on your end because it would be a very sad day if I'm over here trying to be He's one-sided. Right? A swaddled little duckling, and he's uninterested. So I have to ask Uh-oh. Did you notice what I was doing last weekend on our errands? How did you feel about them? At first
I'm guessing you didn't trust it. At first, I was like, who is this and what's going on? That that kinda makes me sad, but also, yeah, I get it. I get it. Fair. That's fair. And and, you know, a few times in my in my mind, I you know, before I even utter any words, I'm hunkered down in my head ready for, you know, the the blast of sass. I mean, I can I can be intentional with the sass sometimes? Yeah. Sometimes. Mhmm. You know, sometimes it's like okay. The sass?
Sometimes it is because I genuinely just I think the thing I'm thinking needs to be said because it's hilarious, and I like to be funny. It makes me very happy to be funny, to be laughed with, not at. Right? Mhmm. Sometimes, and I've I've kinda had to contend with this as we've done this sort of self exploration as, you know, over the past several weeks, it's fear based. I'm afraid you won't have the information to
make the right decision. Mhmm. I'm afraid that I will have missed something, so you will have missed something. I am very used to a distracted JB over the past few years. Yeah. And you are just now kind of finding your footing, where you are paying attention to more details. Yeah. One I can't remember which podcast episode. Is it either this episode or the one that comes out Monday? We're time traveling right now. You know, if anybody pays attention to those intros I do on the audio podcast, I
always say something about JB. And the one I said today that was so fucking true is that your well of patience is refilling. Yeah. And when you are not patient, you miss details. Correct. And we have had times, and we'll still continue to have them, where missing details becomes costly Yes. Whether that's financially or time or something. Right? Right. And so partly because I'm a control freak who has honed that into service submission, but
also I'm a service sub. I want to make sure you get it right, whatever it is. I am primed. I am trained, not because you trained me, but because life did, to try to look at about 85 different angles and make sure you have all the information you need. Does it come out in a soft, sweet, submissive way? No. No. Almost never. No. So the this is not universally true. There's shades of gray here. Pardon the expression. But when I am the most nervous is when I probably sound the least submissive.
And I, I I think it's a trusting, and it's a strange trusting because you, I trust completely. Right? I'll let you do things to me, with me, for me. Like, I trust you. Mhmm. But as anybody in a long term relationship will get to, if this if you're not quite there yet, I also just like you know my flaws, I know your flaws. Mhmm. And I I think you and I have both been navigating each other's flaws over the past several years. My anxiety being
through the fucking roof. Yeah. Your anxiety being through the roof, but, you know, we No. We handle that differently. Mhmm. I become more type a, more focused on details. Yeah. And you become less. And so I think we have been kind of saving each other from ourselves. Yeah. And I See, I can't let that go just automatically. I'm working on it. Yeah. See. I I I realize now, you know, the the whole working with the detail thing, that was a a combination of my anxiety and depression
Oh, sure. Working in tandem. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It all makes complete and total sense. Yeah. So but, you know, one one of the other things that I've I've noticed, and and I have been very grateful for this in in a lot of ways. And, yeah, you know, I understand why you did what you do and still do to some extent. When you're in the phone, you kind of tune out and you're looking at your phone. Oh, it's my escape. Oh, it's absolutely my escape. Yeah. Yeah. But you have
been doing that less and less. Mhmm. Yes. That is also yeah. I've noticed that. You have been doing that less and less and have actually been more engaged with me when we're in the car. Yes. And one day, I will make it so there's some magic that when your, phone is talking to you and your hearing aids Yeah. I still get your attention. It's that has not been a a one one for one exchange there.
No. No. Not always. And not because you do not engage with me, like, in the car or whatever, but because like me, but for different reasons, once something has your focus, that's it. Yeah. We're literally waving green flags to get attention. For me, it was an escape. For you, it's just a a a function of, like, your your brain and your ears working together. Yeah. And I am doing less. I am still escaping from this fucking reality in the year of our lord 2025,
but I'm doing it through fiction. Thank you very much. Another thing I've noticed, and this has been a comfort maybe more for you than for me. I'm imperfect at this, but I am a little bit less anxious when you're driving. Yes. There was a time, and it was when he was riding a motorcycle full fucking time because some of the best vehicle car drivers are people who ride motorcycles and do it safely. He was an amazing driver. I was telling
everybody. I was like, this is the first time I've been in a a car with another adult driving me around and I'm not nervous. The only other person who gets that is my mother because she drives more anxiously than I do. So I know I'm in good hands. And for years, Jamie could drive me anywhere and everywhere. And I was like Yeah. I would comment on the craziness of traffic, but I didn't flinch. No. You didn't. No. And then he stopped riding a motorcycle
and and not after the accident. This was before the accident when he stopped riding a motorcycle full time, and it was something he only did occasionally. His driving got worse, y'all. His driving got worse. Yeah. Not like he's a bad driver, but he is not as careful as he once was. Yeah. So add that just shift to growing anxiety because hormones suck, and changes of life suck, and then add, like, existential dread from just life happening.
And I've been in, like, a a there's a term I want is it, powder keg of anxiety. Okay? It's gonna explode out. And I we I we've talked about this in past episodes. We had to make the agreement, the tacit silent agreement that what Kayla needs to do is be on her fucking phone while JB's driving Yeah. Or somebody's getting left on the side of the road. It would probably be me. Wouldn't be wouldn't be the driver. Right. So I still can't can't wait for the day when you kind of go back to being
the driver that you were. Yeah. But your anxiety and depression lessening, I think, has made you less aggressive Yeah. Have there been times when I've been like, please don't flip them off. This is the red part of the country and these motherfuckers have guns and road rage. Yes, I have. Yes, I have. But I am less scared of life and just still anxious. That's just who I am. But I'm I'm less so. I am being more purposeful and mindful in my submission.
It's a strange thing to say this because it's gonna sound worse than I mean it to. I am learning to trust in you again. You never lost my trust on very deep meaningful levels. Mhmm. But you needed my support more Yes. In the past few years than you had before. Yes. And it's not a lack of faith in you, but it's a not knowing whether what I'm seeing is consistent Right. Or if you are gonna need me
to serve in that way. And it's and and it is I I think that then is is the part that you're experiencing and, you know, for me, it's a little bit like I like I said earlier, you know, sometimes when you, you know, don't come back at me with the sass or or with a little bit of an argument, you know, that I'm okay, who you know. So, you know, that that's kind of what it does. And for you, you know, and and that makes totally
total sense. Mhmm. It's so strange that you you can't trust the softer side of me, and I don't I'm trying to trust the calmer side of you. And not trust the calmer side. Trust that the calm is here to stay. Yeah. Trust that the patience has returned. Mhmm. Trust that the focus has returned. Yeah. And and then and then because this will be part of the topic when we get when I finally do the perimenopause episode
because this is about aging. Then there's the shit that changes your fucking brain as you're aging. And so we're all getting older and our memories can be for shit. And so sometimes you need the the push on the memory not because of anxiety and depression, not because of stress, but because
Just because. We're just getting older. Yep. And it's it's a I think if it was just an age alone thing and and an aging thing, I I would actually probably be less comfortable with it because I you wouldn't need me as often. And now I don't we don't haven't had enough time to get to the point where I'm like, oh, no. No. No. He only needs me sometimes to be paying attention to the details. He's mostly got it. There's just gonna be some times that, you know, you're tired or
you're whatever. But but, you know, that goes into, kinda where I I wanted to step into this this year, you know, of of being more mindful. Mhmm. Mhmm. And I think, so far, knock on wood, I'm I'm doing okay. Oh, well, I I can feel a difference. You know, you in talking about this specific topic, you're talking about familiarity, and this is, like, muscle memory coming back to you. It's getting back on the the bicycle. Oh, I've noticed. Okay? I have noticed.
The the because the swiftness with which you will sometimes respond to my sass Mhmm. That's JB from ten years ago. Let me tell you. That's a man in his fifties and, like, right in that middle age prime. Okay? And it's y'all heard that. Right? And it's delightful. I think what has happened in reverse though is I am very slowly, goddamn very slowly, slowly, getting back that sexual side to myself. Mhmm. And I think it surprises us both because one okay. Look. I took a gummy one night.
It relaxed the fuck out of me. And I it it It was a wild night. It was a great night. It was a great night. And I ended up being the whiny baby girl that I am telling my my daddy dom that I was kink horny. I didn't need him to fuck me anymore, but I needed him to fuck me up some more because I wasn't done yet. And I think that was Kayla from ten years ago too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, also, do we still have some of those gummies? Because Yes. We do. I could use some.
But, you know, so there's there's this even I have no. I don't. I don't I have not felt the familiarity. It's not like a muscle memory to me. It is the comfort. It is the rightness of it. It's the safety. Maybe that's part of the comfort. I feel safe and secure because I think many, not all, submissives can relate to this.
At some point in your power exchange journey, whether it's when you first get to submit or when you finally get into a relationship that's, like, worth fucking working for and having. There's this moment that many of us can experience, and God knows I have of, oh, fucking, finally, I don't have to make all the decisions. I can I can let somebody lead? And there are times, I know from from my perspective, that it's been easier to allow that.
New relationship energies, even sub frenzy, which could be dangerous, but, like, those those all those feel good, you know, brain chemicals coursing through you can make that easier. That's not as easy to let go at other times. Right? And for for us, it was just life. It was just a long term relationship going through fucking life and the stressors of life that Mhmm. Everybody goes through.
And and making it a priority for us to still be a team and be together and not let it tear us apart, but it meant that softer sides of us, and in your case, more devious sides, had to take the back seat. Yeah. And so I don't actually recognize myself in some of the things that I'm doing because I think the reason I don't recognize myself in it, I'm not having the muscle memory experience that you are, is because I am being more purposeful in the early days of our power
exchange. And until I mean, probably up through like maybe the 2016, '20 '17 after time frame before perimenopause got started, on her fuckery, I it was not a thing I had to think about. I just did. I just followed. I just, you know, let you lead. I just like, whatever whatever. And now I'm doing it purposefully, mindfully, intentionally. And that is a completely different feeling from from my perspective as dismissive in this situation, quote natural thing before.
I just did it. You were the first relationship I'd ever had, romantic relationship, where you had my complete and total and utter trust. Mhmm. And I knew I was safe with you, and I've always known I'm safe with you. But what I have had the experience of as I lost my mind to perimenopause and then life just life, right, Was that I was my trust in you has never wavered. My trust in our life did. Mhmm. Because we were riding a a flow of life where kind of everything just sort of seemed to work out.
It wasn't always easy, but shit worked out. And we set a goal and and completed it and Mhmm. Wasn't this grand. And so I could I could put all in total and complete faith in you and truly not think too hard about any of it. Right. And then roller coaster of life, we start on the ebb of fucking life and the natural trust with the the not thinking about it Mhmm. Couldn't work anymore because you couldn't work that way anymore. And
No. Even before all that hit, when I hit Mary perimenopause, and I am convinced that was around the twenty eighteen ish time period, I thought I was losing my goddamn mind. I wasn't the same person. And so I've been all this time trying to figure out who the fuck I am. Still working on it, by the way. Because I am in the age old is that perimenopause? Is that neurodivergency? Is that something else I don't like, what is causing this?
And so what's happening now and I love that I get that sense of safety and comfort, but it's why I can't recognize the muscle memory thing that that you do is because I am trying. I am thinking about it. I am when when we're fucking around in bed, it is it's not we're we're not fucking like rabbits. We are we are in our forties and sixties, and we're tired. Okay? Not everybody's like that, but we are fucking tired. So it's not it's not like it was ten, fifteen years ago. No.
So it's not happening all the time. But what it means is when we start fucking around, around, I'm telling myself, loosen your muscles. Oh, here here he comes. He's flipping you. Don't fight. Don't fight. And it's this instant thing of the you know, of thinking about it so that I can then respond and all you're getting is the outwards of, shit. She flopped over like like I wanted her to. There was no resistance. And I'm in there going, okay. Good job. Good job. You didn't
panic. That felt felt good. You can do this again next time. Okay. Okay. Okay. And then because I like positive reinforcement, when we calm calm down and come down from it all, I'm like, good job. I like that. You could do that again. Yeah. Because everybody needs positive reinforcement. Thank you very much. That's true. So that I think that's why I've been I've been so focused on how it's making me feel because it's not Yeah. If there's muscle memory, it's in the feeling of safety and comfort.
Before, it was an untested faith that did not require my full participation. I could turn brain off and follow. Right? Your sheer force of will and personality when you would turn on your big d self could bring me along. And now I've always chosen it, but I'm choosing it actively. Mhmm. And so I'm just grateful that what I feel is that security, that safety, that soft snugly feeling of how this feels so good and this feels so right. You know? The, you took your bra off at the end of
the day feeling. The, you finally got to lay down flat in your bed and your com covers and sheets feel perfect. It's the right temperature and you stretch out. Like, that feeling is what I'm getting when I'm saying things like, whatever you want, daddy. Right? Like, that's what I'm saying. Okay. Now do I think this is all I'm ever gonna feel? Do I think this is what I'm gonna feel always? No. Because at a certain point, we will normalize it. Gonna shift. Yeah. And there's gonna be other stuff
that comes up. And Right. There will probably come a day and we're kind of doing it, but not in a let's talk it out and hash it out and plan it kinda way. We'll we'll do new shit. Right? Yeah. Like and we I still think we I think we're both in full agreement on this. There was a time in the not too distant past, we were adamant. We would not we were not getting kinky if we were not stone cold sober. And in terms of, like, alcohol, yeah. Yeah.
My body's looser, but my ability to tell you, that's actually a bad pain, gone. But give me a fucking edible? Let's talk about what we wanna do beforehand. Okay. That's fine. That's fine. But then I'm gonna get king corny, and I don't think there's anything wrong. It is helpful to be king corny. I don't I don't know why I get Does anybody believe that there was might hear that. Does anybody believe that there was a time I was a writer who was so prolific at
bought a fucking house? Because I don't think so. Because I can't string two fucking words together. I I don't know a better word than King Corney. Like, even that novelty of it will wear off. But no. Like, we we have changed. Like, nope. We call it being elevated. Whether Jamie's smoking or I'm chewing on a gummy. Let me get kinky while I'm elevated. That's, like, that's fucking delightful. And that's a shift
from, you know, not that long ago. But because we're just shifting and things are different and Yeah. And that's always been true and that's always going to be true. I think the uniqueness of this moment is that we are paying fucking attention to it. Well, you know, I I and I honestly don't know how true this is. Did not really dig into it too much, but yet, reading this article kinda made me go,
that kinda makes sense. And they were talking about how when you are under a lot of stress, you have a lot of anxiety, raises your cortisol Cortisol, yeah. Levels. Mhmm. Cortisol apparently what this article said is when you are in this cycle of anxiety and your cortisol levels are continually spike, it is part of what can lead you to make bad decisions. Yeah. Because I haven't met a person yet who's made real great decisions while they're peak
anxiety. Right. Just nope. Yeah. So and and, you know, you you kind of experienced this the other day, because we were talking about sending the, RAV off to its last final resting spot. Yes. Okay. Yes. And, you know, then you were like, well, what about this? What are we gonna do about this? And and, you know, what do you think about that? And I was like, no. We're gonna take care of this. We're we're gonna settle this. We're gonna get past this.
Once that is done, then we will have in place to do that thing and we will make the decision from there. And I have to say that's been a delightful return to what I got used to. Yeah. Because you yeah. You were able to think a few steps ahead. You were able to be patient. You could be worried about something, but you it it didn't necessarily drive every decision. And yeah.
Choice decisions made based solely on the fear you're feeling, I mean, they'll get you through sometimes because sometimes that's all you can fucking do is just make a decision and go forth. But, yeah, it's it becomes easier and less fraught when you're not terrified that you're gonna fuck up your whole life. But I but I I also see now, you know, looking back that, you know, be the the way things are happening, things in my mind were snowballing. Oh, yeah. They absolutely were. Oh, yeah. I'm
there with you. They they they were just absolutely snowballing. And and with that, that was, you know, pulling me away from from our DS because I'm, you know You kinda had to. I Yeah. And, you know, I I look back now and I I see what that did, how that took its toll. Mhmm. And, you know, for, you know, a lot of reasons for for our DS, for for just our lives in general, I'm I'm I'm trying to break away from that now. Oh, yeah. You know? Absolute and and we have the
luxury to be able to do that. Yeah. I I how do I say this? For anybody out there who's ever had the thought of, shouldn't I be able to maintain this intricate power exchange through the shit show of life? No. No. Not necessarily. Not well. Mm-mm. We I mean, some people do perform well under stress. Not long term or no? No. No. No. No. The body can only handle so much. True. True. True. And some people will think they're performing well when actually Yeah. You won't know until you're able to
look back. You'd be like, oh, shit. That that wasn't great. But I think that you know, there's no universals. I know that. But one of the more common things that, you know, anybody in any relationship, regardless of flavor, is going to experience is that life is gonna life, and you're gonna have to make choices about how you navigate that. And in Power Exchange, we had an we made the choice together, but we didn't talk about it. It was
very strange. By mutual understanding, we focused on the things that you could put on, what's the word I want? Mhmm. Like, make it automatic. There's a term I want. I'm yes. I used to be a writer, y'all. Where you don't you're not thinking about it. So for me, that was service. That was routine. Service made me feel like I was doing something in terms of the shitshow that was our life. So if I could be helpful, then I was valuable. That's a thing I need to take up with a therapist. I know.
And my impression of what I think you were going through from the outside looking in Mhmm. Was you were trying to get us through to the other side. Like, everything else would be fine if we could we could do the other shit if we could just get to the other side of whatever this was. Yeah. And so, no, there was there was no mental capacity to also then, you know, be devious and sadistic and think of creative things. Because the too too much brain function is being
used for other things. Right. That is true for almost all of us at some point and in some way. I would that is a thing I would say is gonna happen to all of us. For folks who are maybe in the middle of it and you know you're in the middle of it and you can't figure out when you're gonna be on the other side of it and making different decisions, you know, anything you can put on, repeat that you can just Excuse me. Autopilot. Thank you, Tayeshu. Autopilot.
You just put on autopilot and let it kinda run-in the background, and it doesn't take up as much brainpower, or emotional weight. That you know, that's a way to get through it. And then the thing I'm we've said it before, but now we're experiencing it, is the getting back into it when that becomes an option. Right? Mhmm. It's it's slow, and it's not even steady. I think it
does build momentum. So when we first started talking about it in late December and we realized we were both on the same page and wanted the same thing Yeah. You know, there's been fits and starts, like, stop. Start. And then what we'll get is, like, a really good week where, man, we're on the same page and every Everything just flows. Every power exchange or fuckery moment leads to the
next one. Mhmm. And then because this is the nature of what it means to try to have power exchange in a real world, you know, then there'll be something that comes up that's gotta take your focus. And so maybe we won't fuck around for a couple more weeks, but we will have the knowledge and the memory that we can do it. We did do
it. It still feels good. Mhmm. I think that's that's the thing I would want for anybody if you are getting and when you can and if you are getting back to whatever level of power exchange you've been missing and and want back, you know, familiarity is a a good thing to go. Oh, yeah. I remember this. Right? Because there's that fear of what if I can't do this anymore? What if it's not the same? What whatever your mind conjures up. I think that muscle memory and familiarity is
important. And then some people will feel both of these things, and some will be like us and you only feel one amongst other things. But I think that feeling of comfort, of rightness, of security and safety, if that's what you feel, I think that's a sign. Like, you're on the right path. It doesn't mean your path won't twist. I mean, the thing you thought you tried last week, you thought you keep doing you know, you won't have to shift again.
It's such a strange thing because I didn't think I was wired this way. The only expectation I have in this is that we will keep moving forward and figuring this out. I do not have an end goal in mind. I do not have a state of our power exchange and where it's supposed to be. I don't have plans for other than some things I wanna try. Right? Sure. Because it'll be content as well as helpful to our relationship.
You know, I don't there's no, like, master plan of we have to do these steps in this order and try these things and achieve these goals I just fucking made up and, you know, there's none of that. It's just a I'm for all that I'm not wired this way at all, I'm going with the flow. And the cool thing is the thing that I'm, like, mind blown is I'm going with the flow as the submissive. I'm going with the flow in I'm always seeking for ways to serve. Mhmm. I love my daddy dom, my partner, my
fucking soulmate. Okay? So I wanna be here that's easy, but I am at a place and in a mindset where I can go with the flow because the flow is named JB. Right? Like, he's gonna set the pace for this. He's gonna, you know, he's gonna decide when he has the capacity to be his devious dominant self. And if I don't have the capacity at that moment, I know I can say something,
but otherwise Yeah. Right? And because of the nature of our relationship in general, one of the things that has never faltered or changed in all this is that if I see something that I think we need to think about this, we need to talk about this, I'm always gonna go, hey. I see that you're doing this. And can we talk? Right? Like, that's always available. That's always an option. And so therefore, I can go with the flow. Right. And I recognize that nothing about me screams a
person who goes with the flow. And in any other part of life, nope. I am the flow. Goddamn it. You just broke your bitch from hell. Right. But the yeah. Like, I I can do this because I think because there's not supposed to be an endpoint. Right? This is this is just figuring out what today's new normal is, and it will hopefully be. And then when that no longer serves us, we'll shift again. And and then whatever tomorrow's normal will be. Yeah. Exactly.
Mhmm. So, yeah, I'm feeling a sense of comfort, and I'm glad your muscle memory is kicking again. I I knew we were on the right track when you when we were talk kinda just talking about it between us, not for, like, an episode. We're just talking about how we were feeling. And you were like, yeah. Sometimes I just find myself thinking, oh, I could do this. And I was like, oh, yeah. He's coming back. That's the JV I know and remember. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. And, you know, that's that's been that you know, part of that's been nice to kind of rediscover parts of ourself. Because even before Shitshow of Life, there were things that were becoming mundane. They were becoming routine. It's just kind of what one of us did. And now because there's more conscious thought behind it Mhmm. And because we went without it for so long, we can actually celebrate it and notice it and go, oh, yeah.
And I think that's been helpful too. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, yeah, for anybody who is maybe starting this process or hoping to be able to get back into your power exchange in whatever way, in the future, I want to give you hope that I don't know what your path will look like. I don't know how you'll manage it and what will happen for you, but yeah. You know, I think it's it's possible. There's gotta be the intentionality. It's gotta be the
right people together. Right? There's gonna be a a mesh there. But yeah. Mhmm. Highly recommend. Mhmm. 10 out of 10. There you go. I'm Mhmm. 10 out of 10. There you go. So I guess we can do a bonus section now. Okay. So are we good? That is not for me to say. Keep it kinky, y'all. I will see you next time. Dottie. Yes, baby girl. Can I talk to the crickets, please? Yes. I don't know what I want to talk about. Do you have anything you wanna talk about? Well, you just said
I want I know. I misspoke. I should've said we. Right. Right. I'm I'm So now it's all on you. I got nothing. This is the first I wanna go back and look at our family calendar. I think this is the first week of the year so far that we haven't had a whole lot going on. Right. Yeah. No. No crazy. No, we're not full of appointments. No. And and here's the thing that annoys me about that. Instead of taking advantage of that and going, man, let me make some to do list.
I'll get a whole bunch of stuff done. No. I have procrastinated and just fallen the fuck apart and not actually, like, known what to prioritize and have just been lost and unproductive. It's very annoying. That's all I'm saying. It's very annoying. Oh, Tayshia's got a question. What are the numbers JB, usually writes down at the end of the live feed? So I know exactly where the break is from the end of the podcast. The audio file? Yeah. The audio file audio file. So,
yeah. I know where the where the where the break is so I know where to edit and put the music in. Yes. So as I've been learning how to edit for JB's bedtime stories, I've learned some interesting things. And I don't blame JB for not doing this. On our shorter episodes, our Monday episodes, he'll go through and he'll edit more heavily the episode, take out some umms and ahs, take out some uncomfortably long pauses. But these episodes are so long No. That No. He does not do that.
I I did that in the beginning. In the very beginning, when I used to edit, I used I used to do, you know, edit with a fine tooth comb. And then when it got to be the both of us and episodes started getting longer and longer Mhmm. And longer. I'm like, no. I I can't I can't I do not have the time to keep doing that. So yeah. Other than an obvious thing where we've talked about it, like, when there's a tech issue on the livestream
and it jumbles the Mhmm. Podcast for some reason, we'll make note of those time stamps so he can cut those parts out. Right. But on these long episodes, he just needs to know what, where did we stop for the audio intro, which is separate from the YouTube intro. Mhmm. And then where did we stop for the bonus section? Yeah. Yeah. It's it's a a neat little, like, you know, inside baseball kind of thing. Mhmm. But now that I kinda know how I mean, there are there probably ways I could
do it with the software? Yeah. If if I sat down and probably, you know, looked into it to see what I can do, absolutely. But, I've been doing it now this way so long. I do. Well and and also, it's already a little sketchy to be for mostly him, but for both of us, kind of, to be watching live chat, camera livestream, and audio. It's like, let's not add too too many more functions to this. Too many levels. Yeah. Like, whatever you can get into a routine of easily doing
and managing it. That that that's bay basically, in a nutshell, that's what it is. I'm I'm marking down certain points in the, audio recording so I can quickly go back to it. Mhmm. Mhmm. And podcast listeners are like, I see nothing, know nothing, probably don't even hear any of this. No. Thank y'all for going on that journey with us. It's for the podcast, but y'all never get to actually watch it happen. It's such that's
such a strange thing. Yeah. So, I think I'll be seeing the 19 year old at some point this week. Mhmm. His meds or his prescription medication needs to be picked up at from our pharmacy because there's something weird going on with the fucking pharmacy, and it's a pain in everybody's ass. So I need to bring him his prescription meds because he needs them, and we don't want him to go without. But he also keeps getting fucked over in the Adderall shortages that continue to happen.
But I don't know if I'm going, like, literally driving to town, throwing his meds out the window at him and driving back, or if I'm going and we're running errands together, I'm waiting. I'm waiting to hear back. Yeah. Yeah. He's a he's a very busy guy. And so this Monday through Thursday, he basically has fourteen hour days just for school stuff. So it'll probably be, like, very late tonight
before I even hear from him. And then he's got a after this week, he's got a performance every week, like, the next three or four weeks. Yeah. So So And and Tayu said, yeah. It's like Dan Rather signing off. Yeah. Pretty much. Or or Carol Burnett when she used to cover you. It's why we do leave in the keep it kinky part. Like, we could we could create we could not do a transition or we could record that and have you just add it in to the podcast. Mhmm.
And we did that in the podcast. And we did for the stream as well, but time stamps make it a little easier for people watching video to make it clear to to to listeners that, okay. The sure, air quote, educational, informative part of the episode is over. We're gonna go into the bullshit part now. If you need to skip out, cool cool. Right? Like and and that's just a thing we never we've never changed either. True. The, intro that I read for the audio podcast, there have been some tweaks to
it. Like, when we wanna shift what social media we're promoting or, like I'm not mentioning Twitter anymore because I kept our name there. I didn't want anybody else getting it, but we Yeah. We we are not active on Twitter. Oh, god. No. I deleted my accounts. Yeah. I kept our brand accounts just for the name, not for the for anything else. Mhmm. So we've made shifts, but, like, the first two or three sentences, maybe, I'd have to go look, of the podcast audio intro.
I that is from 2015 when I was googling how do you start a podcast. If anybody wants to know how to start a podcast, that's what the fuck you do. You Google how to start a podcast. There will be information. And I was working off of 2015 information, and they would say, okay. You're gonna need to write an intro and you and this was best practices at the time. You know, you want it to kinda be the same and so people kinda, like, get the memory of, oh, I know who I'm listening to,
whatever whatever. And so then I did not trust myself to know what the fuck to say in an intro like that, that I wanted to be consistent. So then I googled, how do you write a podcast intro? And I read, like, four or five. And I went, okay. You say things like this, you say and I have never changed that part. So yeah. Yeah. So there there you go. There's a little bit of the Yeah. How the sausage is made. The behind the scenes
Mhmm. Mhmm. Archives. Yeah. I do every time I read the intro, when I see the stuff that is literally from ten years ago, I'm like, should I update that? I don't know. I don't know what I should do. And then I forget about it until the next week when I forget. Oh god. Yeah. It's it's it's so strange. What else? What else? Well, I I had posted, some pictures a little bit ago on, our Discord, of something that I purchased. Mhmm. Mhmm. I have, gotten myself another motorish cycle.
Yeah. Not quite the two wheeled car. No. It's not it's not the two wheel type. It's a it's a three wheel. Mhmm. And, it's a 2011 Can Am. Yep. I mean, it it's it's got some parts where you're like, oh, yeah. That's older. But it when you're standing back, it's it looks sharp. It looks really sharp. Mhmm. I will not be getting on it until you are comfortable and you are confident again.
Mhmm. Things we he and I have not talked about too in-depth, and I we've probably only slightly mentioned it even in Patreon, but a thing that is a very real thing that neither one of us was prepared for. The last time he was on a motorcycle was when he was hit by a literal fucking car. Yeah. Right? So there was not an a moment from that point to buying the Can Am where he had to get back on a motorcycle and deal with the anxiety. No. And I didn't have to deal with the anxiety. So
when did we deal with the anxiety? The Dave bought the bike. Driving it home. Yeah. I'm doing Yeah. The the person I bought it from was very generous. The the bike was registered and everything. He followed me home. Mhmm. Got the bike home and then he took the plate and and, you know, went his way. That ride was very tense for me. For me too. Different reasons for me too. Yeah. Having not been on a bike, you know, for a number of years and then kind of just be, okay. There you go.
You gotta, you know You haven't done this since you got hit by a car. Go for it and do it. So, yeah. It it it was a it was a little stressful to say the least. And I've, you know, since then I've been going out. I have not been doing a lot of riding, but, right now I'm keeping it, to the neighborhood and side streets and just getting comfortable with it. It is very different, having two wheels in the front and and steering.
So after the accident I think after the first real bad back problem you had after the accident, which is I still don't understand how you went through that accident and did not fuck up your back. Right. I know. Still the miracle. But the first time your back just fucked you over post accident, you were con on the way to convincing yourself you'd
never ride again. And Not. And you and part of what started the shit show of our lives, but also it was happening in the middle was this accident, which came, on the heels of the youngest accident. No. Before. Before. Like, all this was kinda hap but other things are happening, and it was life was crazy. And the promise I made to him was I did not care how we had to do it or when we would do it, but he would get a bike again. Well, then his back went
out real bad. Yeah. And he was on the road to convincing himself he'd never get on a bike again. And I went, wait. Yeah. Yeah. Two wheels, maybe not. That's a lot of balance. That's a lot of but why not three? And so you've probably spent the past two years more just researching what your options were. I've always loved that about you. When when you are at, like, your peak in your prime, and I don't mean age wise. I mean, like, mentally Mhmm. I don't have to research a thing
that you wanna do. I just wait for you to come tell me which one is the best. And I fucking love that we're getting back to that too. Okay? That takes a lot of time off of me. So yeah. Yeah. And, yeah. Just got a new helmet. Mhmm. Kayla has a new helmet on the wing. I know it has butterflies on it. I could we one thing we did take away from the accident is, helmets that don't just cover the top of our skull, they cover more of our face and our head and our ears.
And I could not find a good one that was one I was willing to wear that was had enough coverage that also had purple in it. Well, that was a price I was willing willing to pay. If I if we were gonna pay 500 fucking dollars, I'm not. But I did find one that had butterflies. Damn. I know. Very excited. So Anyhoo. Yeah. I think that's that's a big enough thing. Lola is snoring like she just got off an overnight double shift. Yep. She's oh, she's out. Her eyes are actually
closed while she's sleeping. Mhmm. I'm very proud of her for that. I know. Right? But are her ears down? Not the one. The one is a little Yeah. A little up. Mhmm. Yeah. If she's if she's sleeping but that ear is up, she's still in listening mode. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It would not take much to get her attention. No. No. It would not. Anyhoo. Anyway It's been great hanging with you folks today. It has. But it is. It is Florida is Florida ing and it's like
80 some odd degrees. 86 degrees today. Some fucking bullshit. But, yeah, some of y'all are getting snow, and so I'll keep my 80 some odd degrees in sunshine because I don't want snow. According to the, weather report I saw yesterday, by this weekend, temperatures will plummet. Yep. And That was how they put it. Temperatures will plummet. Plumb it is so relative.
I was so excited when I saw it because it means we're gonna go back down into our highs being in the sixties, and this sweaty lady just fucking loves that shit. Oh my god. Yeah. Thank god I'm not, like, looking for, another partner because I would not know how to to sell that. Like, look, I'm gonna have boob sweat. I'm gonna be cranky. I will forget things the moment you tell me. Then I'm a total catch because
I'm good at sucking dick. I don't like, I just don't think that's the I just don't think that's the selling point. Yeah. You never know. Anyway Anyhoo. I'm sure everybody was, like, really wanting to know all that. You know? Right. Mhmm. Mhmm. If I can't overshare here on the Internet, where can I? Okay. We're gonna go. Thanks for being with us. Thanks especially to the bitter fucking end. And we will be with you all next week. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Bye.