You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four seventy seven. K. The Lord's here with the one, the only, the guy whose shirt says you need to let that shit go, and I'm taking that personally because I feel like I could hear your voice in my head when I look at your shirt. I know who you're talking to. John Brownstone. Wow. I do wonder how often you look at me and you're being polite and letting me vent and letting me get things off my chest and letting me just be who I
am. And in your head, you're like, bitch, you need to let that shit go. Hey. You do it for me. I do it for you. So, you know, we But you're still thinking it. How do you know? You don't know what I'm doing. Oh, I know now. What does that got to do with, what we're doing here today? Not a damn thing.
It never does. It never does. This week, we're answering a question nobody but me asked because I had a thought and then it went in a direction, and now here we are, which is can you, me, us, individuals be truly spontaneous in kink relationships, power exchange relationships? Is spontaneity with regards to kink possible? Yeah. Fascinating. I am. JB acts like that's the first time he's heard the topic. Do not be fooled. I did ask him if this is what he wanted to talk about this week. Anyway,
welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. If the podcast app you're using has a rating or review system and you have not already done so, please rate or review assuming you like what you hear. If you don't
like it, skip the review this week. Thanks. Anyway, you can also follow the show on Fet Life at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads at that handle I will forever motherfucking hate. Oh my god. It's loving d s and the number one. So it's at loving d s one. You watched all the veins in my neck stick out. You have high blood pressure. Well, that's one of many reasons. See? Let go of that shit. That happened yet. On blue sky @lovingpdsm. Whatever else comes after your handle on blue
sky. I don't know. I don't care. Or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm, where you can watch us live streaming the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay. Before we get into this week's topic, two announcements. One, a reminder, the twenty twenty six Dom Sub, Dynamics virtual summit registration is still open. The summit starts on next Monday, March 23, runs through the twenty sixth, is a 100% free. You can attend for
free. Use the link in the places if you'd like to sign up, if you'd like to learn more. We have a session on dealing with conflict, in your your power change, kind of what to do. Okay. The conflict has happened. Now what? That kind of deal. There are, topics like actually figuring out a protocol that will work for you. That's from Evie. When your scene goes sideways, that's from Rara. I promise you one day a scene will go sideways. I assure you it will and a 100% will. I had a panic attack
during one. It was crazy. Yeah. And a lot of other stuff. There's, a person there. I cannot think I can see their picture on this the site. Can't think of the person's name who's talking about kink and the law. We've got disability and kink. We've got, like, all kinds of stuff. All kinds of stuff. So check it out. If you get a free ticket, you'll have twenty four hours, to watch each session. You don't have to be there live to watch it. And when I say live, they're prerecorded
sessions. Yeah. There will be an option to, like, buy a VIP pass. If you've got the budget for that, that'll give you goodies and extra time to watch. But the actual summit, that is actually free. You get actionable information. We were told as presenters, our presentation had to be actionable. So having a free ticket, there's value there. Okay? So just keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. But, yeah, link at the places. It's March 23 through the twenty sixth. Registration's
going on now. Sign up. Sign up. Yay. Okay. Next announcement. This Friday, March, how do dates work? Twentieth? Is this Friday? I believe so. Today's the eighteenth day of recording, if I'm correct. I might not be. Anyway, Friday. It's our Friday night monthly livestream virtual munch kinky q and a thing that we do. Starts at 8PM eastern, goes till 10PM eastern. This is new for this year. I keep having to remind myself of what time it starts.
So if you haven't memorized it and you're confused and you're remembering, you know, the time from years past, I get it. I can't even keep up. 8PM eastern, March 20. It'll be chatty. It'll be chaotic. I don't know what else else it'll be. Hopefully hopefully it'll be positive. I have a hair appointment to get my haircut on Thursday, and I'm with a new person I've never been to before. But I'm going for a vibe check because they are on the strands for trans list.
That is a list that people who do hair and have salons can put themselves on to say, hey. It is safe for trans people to come see me. I'm you know, will be respectful and gender affirming and blah blah blah. And I'm going for the vibe check before the youngest attempts to go to get her hair done. So I don't know what this person will do to my hair yet. I might look a fool. I might just have it clipped back and not let any of you see that I have a new haircut.
So that'll be a talking point. Did it come out badly? Does Kayla look crazier than usual? We'll all find out together. I don't know. So yeah. Anyway, Friday night, March twentieth, if I'm getting dates right. 8PM eastern. Ta da. Okay. So those are the announcements. Now on to the conversation that Okay. JB is always very there's a word I want, and I'm not coming up with the word that's gonna be tougher today if I can't think of words already.
Generous, though, is one of the words is one way to describe it of, like, I'll have a random thought, and I'll be like, hey. You think we could talk about this? And he's like, sure. Why not? So can you be spontaneous and kink? So he let me tell you where this topic came from. Okay? And then we'll get into it. Let me tell you what what went on in my brain in the 85 connections I made to get here.
So I've been having a lot of thoughts intermittently recently about things I wish JB would just, like, do to me. Like, are all within our limits are things that we have done in the past, are ways of being that a 100% fit within our power exchange and our preferences and our limits, all that. Okay? And, obviously, the answer is I just need to sit down and have a conversation with them and go, hey. I've been craving some of this stuff. It'd be great if you could do it.
Duh. First I'm hearing about any of this. Right. Because he here's my I'm trying to take you on a journey of the point. I am attempting to not give you all the side, adventures this train of thought went on. Okay? So that's where it started. And then I thought because I thought, yeah. I need to have that conversation. That's and then I went, oh, but no. Maybe maybe that's not how how would that work for JB? Because it will depend on my mindset. It will depend
on how the day has been. It will depend on how many thoughts are already in my brain, and can I make the quick switch mid thought to, oh, we're doing this now? And would I can I you know, how does he narrow down which spontaneous thing to do to me? Because it will all depend on the vibe, and I don't expect him to be a mind reader. So how can
I ask him, hey? Do these things and kinda just do them because there's no way he could just do them and be right enough of the time to make it worth the risk. So then it's like, okay. Well, then we'd have to have conversation and that would not be a problem. I'm fine with conversations, but then it's not like just happening. It's
a little bit pre planned. And I was like, that's not awful, but it does take away some of the sometimes I just wanna be pinned the fuck down and I don't necessarily wanna have to ask explicitly to be pinned the fuck down. Necessarily wanna have to ask explicitly to be pinned the fuck down. But then I had the thought again of, but that's not fair to JB. He cannot read my mind. Mm-mm. He's gonna check-in because he needs to. That's responsible, you know, fuckery.
So then I got to the end of is spontaneity an option? Now let's be clear. Spontaneity is always an option. Is it a good one? Is it a responsible one? Is is it gonna end well? That's really the conversation. That's where all this came from. Because, yeah, I've I've I've been I've been having thoughts and feelings that I haven't mentioned to you. So I I I see we have to go sit down and have a cup of coffee soon. Something like
that. Something like that. Alright. Alright. So now before we get into it, because I definitely wanna know your thoughts on this. Okay. And I you know me. I have rambling thoughts too. For sure. I did do a quick check of, do I understand what spontaneity and spontaneous mean? I went to Merriam Webster. No. And they had a list of different because a word can mean many things and there's
nuance or whatever. But in terms of what we're talking about, they had two that fits my way of thinking of what spontaneous was, so I used them. Proceeding from a natural feeling or native tendency without external constraint and arising from a momentary impulse. So lack of constraints. Yep. Impulse. Impulsiveness. So that's the question. Okay. And and a pre caveat.
Whatever we maybe come up with for ourselves, that's individual choices, and individuals can make their own choices and make their and you can answer this question for yourself in whatever way you need to. Okay? Just know that. We're not trying to answer, like, you know, kink God on high. You know? Here's the decree. Put it in stone or something. Like, if you're not the kinky Moses I mean, you could be if you want to. Your role play is not my role play, but your
role role play is okay. But, you know anyway, what do you think of this? All of this? All of it. What are your thoughts? I don't know. It's not been scripted out, so I can't. Are you fucking kidding me? She said submissively. For anyone new, yeah. I promise I'm the submissive. So my thought is, at least for me as an individual Mhmm. As much as I might kind of think or in a moment, be like, oh, if this spontaneously happen if this just happened right now, this would be great.
I know in real practice Mhmm. That can't happen because it probably would not work at it would probably not work as often as it wouldn't work. Like, it would you know what I mean? Am I saying that right? I I can I I believe I can say this Mhmm? Because we have been together for a while now. Mhmm. K. You do not have a spontaneous bone in your body. I I do cosplay it. I will come up, I will mention a thing that sounds spontaneous like, oh, we should go do this.
JB, it took him a few years to figure out that I will have been thinking about it, planning, and figuring it out at minimum a day. Yeah. I just make it sound like I was spontaneous. Yeah. There there there is no spontaneous bone in your body. No. I I wish there was. Mhmm. I have urges that I wish could just be handled spontaneously. K. You know, I'm like, this would be a great time to just bend me over and do the thing. Now do the thing. Here's the thing. Do the thing is what
I'm imagining it to be Mhmm. Not necessarily what you might imagine it to be. You know? True. Which is why in general, we don't just tell a Dom they can just do anything because their idea of anything and our idea of anything will probably be completely different. But sometimes it'll just be just enough different. Like, if I told you, oh, yeah. I have no problem if you, you know, we're were in the bedroom and you see me, if you just bend me over something and start beating my ass, go for it.
That will be the gist of it, and you'll be like, hot damn. And then you will give me sensation and an experience that you like, but it might not be what I like. OBS is being weird. For podcast listeners, this won't affect you, but I don't know what it's done to YouTube. So Apparently, we're back. Okay. Good. And I'm I don't know. Can't explain that one. Yeah. And my my worry is I've just lost my train of thought. Oh, but my point is is that, you know, even if I say
the words Mhmm. And you go, yes. I know what those words mean. The way you are going to do the thing will not necessarily mirror how I imagine Now we did have a conversation. It's not about spontaneity, but it is about talking about scenes and stuff. Right. We're modifying and updating the, treats I earn when I actually remember to open the the app and actually remember the obedience app and actually remember
to tick off the things I've done. Anyway, one of them is, you know, trying to do some new behaviors and one was, like, if you do this thing all week, you get impact play at the end by the end of the week. And I made sure to negotiate impact play that's impact that I enjoy, and it's a sensation I enjoy. And so that was an important clarifi bless you. That was an important clarification to make in negotiations. So you can see where if if we were to have the conversation ahead of time
about, hey. If I want you to spontaneously do something, meaning spontaneous to j b, right, or spontaneous to me, like, I did not know it was coming, only that it could be coming, this these are the exact parameters I think I could accept it in, and then it doesn't really feel spontaneous. Same one. So the easy answer for me is no. I don't think I can be spontaneous and kink. The general is spontaneity something to recommend? Is it something that you know, whatever. But let's we know how I
am. Mhmm. Not a spontaneous bone on my body. You, not talking about how you deal with me, we know that you like, if there was another blank space person who was not me, who did have a spontaneous bone in their body, that pretend person, what would j b do? I I have it in me to be spontaneous, I believe. What is spontaneous do you think what does that look like to you? Give me an example. Like, you can use me as the example. We know it probably won't ever happen, but you could use me
as example. What would that look like to you? Well, for example, heck with this. I'm going for a cup of coffee right now. No. That's not a good kind of see? See? This is why I I think that spontaneity and kink is hard because the idea you're having is complete one eighty from what I'm having. Okay. Right. But, 80 from what I'm having. Okay. Right. But if we want to do a thing, we both
might enjoy it. Now now here's here's what I'll say about my thought because I've been kinda noodling on this since you brought it up. Do I think spontaneity is possible in kinked? Yes. With a caveat. Mhmm. I don't think if you and I just walked into a dungeon, never knew each other, just met Right. Okay. It'd be hard to be spontaneous. I'd I'm here's the thing. I think part of what makes this an a kind of a no for almost anybody Mhmm. In many
situations, probably not all Right. Is that in order for kink to be risk aware and enthusiastic Mhmm. Enthusiastically consented to, there has to be a conversation that plans what the hell Mhmm. You're allowed to do, I'm allowed to do, we're gonna do together. Now So you're working within a framework that doesn't allow for spontaneity anyway. Well, and and here's what I what I what I believe Mhmm. Could be the caveat to that. You know, how many years have we been
together? Oh, don't make me do math, but it's over a decade. Okay. So if I know because we have been together for so long and I know what you like what you don't like. Mhmm. Okay. And, I just decided we're gonna do a scene right now. Mhmm. And, I keep it within the parameters of everything we even negotiated. It's the timing Is what's spontaneous. Is what's spontaneous. But here's my question, because somebody asked in the live
chat, what about the free use people? And this is my thought went to that and is going to this. K. Are you not standing back and assessing the situation? Have you not thought, do we have time for this? Is this an appropriate place? Does she look like she's gonna punch me if I do this or go with it? Right? Like, is there not an an minimum a momentary pause to take a a look around at the situation Mhmm. And decipher for yourself, is now the right time for this? And if now is not the right time,
when might the right time be? So free use, you've consented to when you want. Do whatever the thing is we've consented to. But when you want as a responsible kinkster is not it's not always exactly when you impulsively want it because because I'm sorry. What if you pretend you had a big boy job again. Right? And you're on the drive home and you're like, oh, when I get home, I'm bending her over and fucking her. It's gonna be amazing. But when you walk in the door,
I am being violently ill. Well, clearly, that idea has to be backburned, so the spontaneity of it is gone because context clues tell you this is not the right time. True. So therefore, if the first stage of doing what you want because you've got the permission and you've got the framework because of the negotiated boundaries. If the first step is to go, is this a good time? And you have to put more than about two seconds of thought into it. And with
me, a 100% you do. You better have your aluminum tinfoil hat on, your weather vane up, not in a stormy day, and be, like, testing the winds. Right? Is that truly spawn spontaneous? Is that possible? Kinda muddies the water, doesn't it? No. It's not a simple thing. No. I think that there are people who live fairly, impulsively, and spontaneously who are like, yes. We can a 100% do this. And I could be pedantic and be like, but what about that pause? Blah blah blah. I'm not wait. Wait. Wait.
I'm more thinking of it in in broader terms. Again, I think individuals can decide for themselves. Mhmm. But if I'm gonna be like little miss know and all about it, I'm gonna these are the things that come to mind. Because a responsible top or dom is gonna assess the situation first. Well You have to. Don't you? You have to. I mean, even even if there's free use Mhmm. You have to assess the situation. That's a that's a given. That is my point. That is my point. Yeah. Yeah.
So is it possible To truly be spontaneous Mhmm. In the way it's defined? Like because others we can we can, semantics. Right? I I have thoughts about a way to feel spontaneous even if you meet the definition. Certain aspects, I think, can. Mhmm. And what I'm going I'm and I'm gonna use this based on what I have seen or heard other people talk about. Mhmm. It's not something we have done ourselves, but, CNC. Consensual nonconsent. Yeah. Okay. Say someone may have a kidnapping fantasy.
Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay. Now, obviously, with that you have to negotiate. A 100%. A 100%. Right? That's a given. But then, what if in all this you you negotiated this? Okay. This is how we're going to capture you. This is what we're going to do and blah blah blah blah. So when this happens, you're not actually making it happen. Right. Right? But then what if then the spontaneity comes in with not knowing when it's going to happen? Yes. That goes to what Rara was saying in the live chat, which is
for the sub slash bottom, it's spontaneous. But for the dom slash top, it's in no way spontaneous because you have planned. Right. And here's the other thing I I think you get around where things can feel my brain keeps wanting to say spontaneity when I mean spontaneous. It can feel spontaneous, and it genuinely isn't. But my god, kinksters, we mind fuck ourselves all the time. Right? I mean, come on. I know that outside of the walls of our relationship, I'm, like, an independent
fucking bitch from hell. And to you, I am mostly a sweetheart and won't do whatever you're talking to. Like, we we live within frameworks. Right? You know, it's funny. Now you mentioned that I had a dream last night that I had to explain to somebody why I call you the Scorpio bitch from hell. Oh, they couldn't have possibly ever been around me then. No. They couldn't. That would in that dream, they had never been around me. Oops. Sorry. I tapped the mic.
So here's what I'm thinking. I think Okay. Spontaneity or the perception of spontaneity is possible. Mhmm. It is within it's frameworks within frameworks. So you've already got the negotiated here's what we do, here's how we are, here's what I like, here's
what you like, here are the limits. Like, the stuff you figure out, you do the big conversations in the beginning, but you fig you add to it and figure it out and and modify it and perfect it and, you know, adjust it as you go through the relationship. Then if there's a conversation about, hey. Could could we add spontaneity to this? How would this work? What might that look like? Then you're dealing with a framework within the framework of, okay.
Me as the sub who is an anxious bitch from hell, whose mind is never on the thing I'm doing. It's 10 miles away on five other things. Who takes too much of the world way too literally. Like, there's just too much going on. I would need to to have a conversation with you that says, hey. I am down for the appearance of spontaneity. Here is what I think I would be okay with. Here are here are, you know, maybe let's use oh my god. I can't think of the
word. Let's use cues like words or a check-in question to test my headspace and can I get where you need me to be? And here's the maybe the list of things that if they happen to me at a time I'm not necessarily expecting them, it'll probably be okay. And then we go back to the thing where it looks spontaneous for me, but it
clearly is less spontaneous for you. Not because you might not make not a split second decision, but a quick decision where you've scanned the room, you've said asked me the, like, question or the done the check-in to see where my head's at, and then you're like, okay. I can proceed. And then you're pulling from a drop down menu of options. You know what I mean? Yeah.
I think it can be built in, but then once you build it in, you have to kind of go, I'm not gonna be too precious about the word spontaneous because this is At that point then it's not Right. And I have a feeling that many, not all, obviously, like people who do and for use and stuff like that, because we've done that episode. We have a a type of for use. That's a little bit of what you're doing is these are the things I can allow. Here are the things you have permission for ahead
of time. You don't have to ask me. Right. Right. Here are the you know, all it's you you've built it in. Like, this box sorry, podcast listeners. You can't see it. This box is the relationship. Mhmm. This smaller box in the inside is this type of situation. Yeah. But, again, if we're gonna be, you know, no. We don't like I was twenty, thirty, forty years ago. It's not technically spontaneity. Yeah. And if you my concern for many, maybe not all, but many people who try to be actually spontaneous,
impulsively choose Mhmm. Just do it in the moment. Just don't think. Just act. Oh, we've got too many possibilities for consent violations and and overstepping limits and it being the wrong time. And Mhmm. You know, I I'm not gonna be the person who goes, oh, yeah. Be spontaneous. Just just do the thing. You you know, you saw your sub there and they were just looking all good. Just do the thing. Be careful of that because it is easy
to fuck it up. Yeah. It's why I didn't wanna come to you and go, okay. I'm having these parts of my brain that are like, I could really use this treatment and this treatment this treatment, and I kinda don't wanna have to plan for it. And I sometimes I just need it to fucking happen. That would be great. But, also, it's not fair to you to have to try to decipher and guess where the hell my mind is and what I will and won't accept in a given moment. Yeah. That's not fair. You know?
So I answered my own question for myself before we even started of I cannot be spontaneous. No. You know. No. No. No. Now if we were to figure out that, air quote, spontaneous framework, is that something that you would want with me or to a certain extent, yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like it it allows more room for some play. Play not play, because all of it can be play, but playfulness and a sort of, oh, the moment feels right. Mhmm. Let's, you know Yeah. Let's pretend that we
can do whatever we want. I you know, that that's one of those things when all the, I would say it. All all the cards come together Mhmm. So to speak. You know, everything's the the the planets are in alignment. Right. Which You know, the planets are in alignment. Come on. Let's grab the toy back and go to the dungeon now. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I think that's where the spontaneity ends
though. Because then you're like, okay. Here are the toys, the limits, where and I know you. Where's your head space at? What's good? What feels good? What are you know? Yeah. Or I or you're gonna start and I'm going, nope. Like, you went to pinch nipples this morning, and I went, n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n. The brain was like, you don't that's you don't want that. You don't want that this morning. Mhmm. I never saw somebody back away so fast as you did that right in that moment.
Well and, you know, I was thinking about it because so I this has nothing to do with spontaneity. And maybe it does because you spontaneously reached out and went, oh, nipples, And, like, we're doing a thing. Right. Hoping the 16 year old is not on the other side of that wall. Anyway anyway, so that is a a form of spontaneity that you then had to be okay with me going, no. Thank you. But the And then what about all the times I walk by you and I just
smack you? You know what, though? You have made that a habit, and now I expect it. And I get a little annoyed when I do not get it. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not the one in charge here. But you do something often enough. Is it spontaneous, or is it now just a habit and a pattern and a routine? And you know how I feel about routines. Don't fuck those up. And yet spontaneously see, you can get real granular with this. Spontaneously, you will do a different, intensity.
The last time you walked by me and smacked my ass, that shit hurt. I was like, are you mad at me? I wasn't mad about it, but I was I was surprised. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's all, you know, there's the the walk by as he smack, you know, flat of your hand, and then the one that hurts, you come with the back of your hand with your fingers. I know. I'm so glad you don't wear rings. Oh my god. So that's just proof that there is room for
some spontaneity. I think it does come down to how long you've been together, how well you know one another. I I think The comfort level. You can definitely be spontaneous in the time. Mhmm. Okay. And I think with the what. Mhmm. Mhmm. You know, because we have our, you know, for us, the toys that we know. And I know what I can cycle through. Sure. And how I can play them with you. And how I can even work in some of the things that you don't technically like, but you know Mhmm. We we can squeeze
it in. So, you know, they're they're kind of lies a spontaneity, you know. You there have been times I have gone into the bedroom and set things out on the bed for you. Sure. Yeah. And and you see these items, like, oh, yeah. What's he got planned? Mhmm. You know? But then there's a time, you know, I'll just grab something and Yeah. I'll be bent over the bed waiting. And you're like, don't move. Not a problem. Wasn't going anywhere. Yeah. And
next thing I know yeah. So in those moments, are you is that a spontaneous thing of, like, I've got an urge. I wanna go get this toy, that toy. I wanna do instead of whatever you were gonna do. You know, it yeah. There are many times I'm my brain's spinning. Sure. You know, thinking about, you know, things we can do. And, you know, times it's just like, yeah. I have an urge, and I'm gonna just do it. Mhmm. And, you know, I think that to me many, most I don't like to say all,
nothing's universal. But I think in many cases, that is where the spontaneity lies is in the having knowing each other's boundaries, limits, wants Mhmm. Needs, likes, dislikes well enough that you were you stay within that framework. So, you know, the me bending over the bed before we go to bed, that's not spontaneous. That is planned. That is a routine. That is how we do things. What you do in that moment with that moment is where then you can be spontaneous and just make
a decision. Mhmm. Now it is then, as always, my responsibility on the other side to let you know immediately if that was not a good choice. Exactly. And and, you know, that that's something too, you know. Yeah. You can jump into the, you know, spontaneity, but it does not relieve you of, you know, your duties of, you know, taking care of your toys and But and also being very comfortable with being told, you know, hearing a safe word or
read Right. Or stop or whatever. Like, knowing that this spontaneous idea you had might be rejected immediately. Now, here's the thing that I try to believe that does not affect me. K. And yet, in all of this thought meandering I've been doing, it still does. Here's the thing. I want to for you to be to the extent you wanna be Mhmm. More spontaneous within some sort of designated framework, like we're talking about. Pre negotiate. Here are some things. Here's my thoughts. Blah blah blah.
Excuse me. I want that. Mhmm. And and yet I know myself well enough to know that you could be going through the whole mental checklist and everything checks off, and you try and it doesn't work. And I know you're, like, you're not fucking adult. You'd be like, okay. It didn't work. The submissive part of me that knows that we talked about this and I've I've agreed
to some semblance of this and Mhmm. That there are times that I do want it in a moment where I don't want it, like it was just a the wrong moment or bad day or my head wasn't in it, there is guilt that should not be there. You've never made me feel guilty. It is all internal to me who doesn't want to tell you, no. Don't do that. Will I? Yes. Because I have all these thirteen if I'm doing math, thirteen years? I've trained myself to do it, but I don't like it.
Right? Like, I I want that sort of fantasy version in my head of where, sure, you've got a checklist you can do, and I might not know what's coming, but I know it could be coming. And I've already agreed to these things, and it's just gonna go off without a hitch, and I will be able to switch my brain over from whatever the hell it was doing to where we are right now. Right. And I want that to be true, and that's who I want to be. But the reality of it I'm honest enough to know.
I'm self reflective enough to know. That is a hard I I think it would take practice because I have a feeling it would have to become something that I got in a way kind of got used to. Not used to, like, a schedule. That you know it was some it was, it was something that could happen. You'd have to have a tell. I think there would because I'd have to have a way where I could manually switch my brain to another okay. Podcast listeners, you don't see him picking
up his wallet bottle. We talked about this, a few weeks ago. I cannot remember under what context. Yeah. We are old people now, and the way we signal that there will be some fucking and probably fuckery to go with the fucking, so JB brings the water bottle into the bedroom because we need a sip of water after that. It it came about after that reel you sent. About how old people, like, seduce one another? They they all had everybody was talking about their different tells. And
I was like, what's our tell? My husband turns on the heated blanket, and I know I'm gonna get some. Right. Ours is the water bottle. And that does work. And you know what? When I see the water bottle Mhmm. I get a little, like, you brought the water bottle in the other night, and I thought for sure I was gonna get dicked down. I mean, what we did was good, but there was no dicking down. And I was like, oh, because I did have that little thrill.
So that goes back to it. If you have to create and, again, not everybody would would need this. We're all different. But, if you have to create a signal so I can switch my brain, is it spontaneous? Even for me now at that point? Because if we go on the principle that it is spontaneous for the sub or the bottom, but not for the dom or the top, the moment I have a cue that lets me know something's coming, am I living in that spontaneous moment now?
But you don't know when you're going to see me pick that up and walk to the bedroom. True. True. True. That is true. That is true. And I don't quite I would not quite know what is going to happen Right. On the other side of that Mhmm. Other than whatever we have previously discussed. Right? Right? Mhmm. Now I can tell you the things that I had the thought, man, I wish this, could be more spontaneous. I could have this experience spontaneously.
It is the stuff that I like, the sensation, the experience. And so then I that would a 100% take the spontaneity out for you because you like those things, but you like other things more. You you know, you are seeking different reactions from me than like, when I get thud and deep tissue massage sensation, that's a different response than stingy, burning. I'm dying over here. Right? And so then if I come to you and go, yeah. I want you to spontaneously do shit.
Here's the list, and it's all within my very specific parameters of what I love, which is not necessarily what you love. Is it spontaneous? Spontaneous. Because you're not even getting to choose exactly what it is based on your preferences. You see what I'm saying? And to not be spontaneous is not a
bad thing. Thing. I like the fact that one of the things I like about kink is that you have direct deep conversations, and you say what the hell you mean, and you mean what you say, and you plan shit out, and then the dom takes it away from it. I like I fucking like that. So I'm not complaining if it's not spontaneous. But I am wondering, is it at that point like, what is it? Well, at that point, I think the spontaneity then comes in where, you know, okay. We have eight toys that
give thud that you like. Mhmm. Mhmm. So then, I have eight toys to choose from Mhmm. That you have no idea what I'm going to choose. Mhmm. Okay? Mhmm. So, there Right. I, you know, I think that's as close as you can get in some of the For folks who don't have a spontaneous bone in our body, yes. So, who was it? Tastes you in the live chat. Did say it's important to point out not everybody plans out their day as much as Kayla or my wife. That is true. Talking about his
wife. Some people are chaos creatures and can be spontaneous. But here's my question, and I don't have the answer because I'm not spontaneous. But I want our chaos gremlins out there to think about this for yourself. Is it risk aware, consensual kink? Can that be done? Can you be that spontaneous within the confines of kink? Or it are you only able to be spontaneous after you've done some kind of setup so there's there's parameters to live within and define the spontaneity
in that? And, and my chaos gremlins out there who live spontaneously, I can't imagine it but I'm happy for you. Do you still take that moment to assess the situation and get context of, is this is, you know, is my partner bent over puking right now? Maybe this isn't a good time, or is it you don't necessarily pay attention to the context clues and go barreling in? And how does that work
out for you? Because I imagine it probably most of the time would work fine, but then there would be times it would not work fine. But that's like anything. I know. Nothing is ever a 100. Of course not. But the the thing about having I'm gonna keep calling it framework. It's stomach started drinking game. The framework of what you know the boundaries, the fence line of what you know is allowed.
Mhmm. Whether that is just somebody's limits and boundaries and this and that, you're working within something that is not spontaneous, which I think does give you the freedom to be more spontaneous. Alright. You you know I'm I'm gonna use this as as kind of an example. Okay? Because, you know, we we've talked about how, you know, you can be spontaneous within The parameters. The parameters of kink. Right. Alright. I'm gonna go out to eat. Okay. K. I'm gonna go out to eat. Where am I gonna go?
I'm not gonna go to some place I don't like. Right. Okay? Or food that I Right. I I I have my favorite restaurants that Sure. And I'm gonna pick from one of those. Unless you truly are a very spontaneous person Well, and then just walk in where and then you can just walk. No. I'm you're living a life I can't imagine, and I'm very happy for you, but I cannot imagine it. I'm just not that person. I'm just not that person. Okay. So I mean, you're still acting Mhmm. Spontaneously,
but again, within Right. Certain parameters. And that's the thing I don't think I made my point. You're like, yes, that, you know, nothing is ever a 100%. So if somebody spontaneously just barrels in and does not take the second to go, wait, what is the context here? Is this the right moment? They just barrel through with whatever the thought was and they go forth and that sometimes it will not work out.
Here's the thing. Part of the reason we create the parameters within kink and we have the negotiations, we go, here's the hard limits and here's the boundaries and here's the things I want and here's the things I like and here's the things I don't like and blah blah blah blah blah, and we create our Venn diagram of you and me Mhmm. Is to reduce the chance that something is gonna go wrong. Yeah. True. Things will always go wrong. That's why we
talk about Mhmm. Be prepared for even the best plan scene to, like, fuck up. Murphy will raise his head. But that's because there was planning ahead of time, and we know it's coming. I I don't have concrete thoughts on this because I'm not a spontaneous person. But for somebody who, like, feels like, no. I'm a spontaneous person. I just sort of barrel through in certain situations,
That is what I'm wondering about. Is it does it feel like you're being spontaneous because you have the parameters already in place, or are there folks out there who tried to barrel through spontaneously and kink without clear parameters or knowing those parameters really, really well. And, you know, how how is that working out? Because from my viewpoint, I can't imagine it because I'm not wired like that. Like, it's never gonna be my experience.
I would be freaking the fuck out if you were the type of partner who who didn't at least a little bit go, let me think this through real quick. You know what I mean? And I don't want to assume that spontaneous people don't think things through. Mhmm. But I do know what impulsivity looks like. Raised two teenagers have strange random moments of impulsivity myself. And my experience with impulsivity, especially the kind that I didn't really want, you know, the moment the I got the
dopamine hit of the impulsivity Yeah. The moment that faded, I was like, that is not what I wanted. Right? That's the thing. The few times in my life that I've ever just barreled through and didn't stop to think and didn't stop to catch my breath and went, I have thought, do thought now, it did not end well. And I so I'm curious about people who live their life differently, follow their impulses differently.
Are are we still like, does it work in kink as as long as you just are following the basic rules of kink that there are negotiated bounds and you're just staying within those? Mhmm. And does that then especially for a spontaneous person, but maybe for people like me who are not spontaneous, does it give you more freedom to be spontaneous? Because you know the rules, the guidelines Mhmm. The fence, the box. Call it whatever you want. Already been decided, and now you have freedom to move within
that. Mhmm. But then I would say, if you yourself are an impulsive or spontaneous person and your partner is not, y'all are both gonna have to learn how to Navigate that. Navigate that. Because if you were impulsive and you came at me impulsively, until I learned how to deal with that or I got used to it or you and I found our balance Mhmm. That would freak me the fuck out. I married an impulsive person who every impulsive choice he ever made was wrong.
It was very stressful. So I'm also, in that way, keyed up to not like it as much to to be very wary Mhmm. Of impulsivity. But I do think that with trust and time, I you and I could adjust to one another. You would go, I've got the impulse, but I better send up the flare, use my keyword, do a check-in. You know, we would we would learn we would we temper each other. The more we learn about one another and we want things to work for both of us and for both of us to be happy, the more we
together adjust. Right. You know what I mean? So I I'm not I don't want it to make it sound like, I just can't imagine impulsive people. Like, I don't that's not what I mean. I'm just curious because I can't imagine it. Because I am, like, whatever the polar opposite is from impulsive and ever the polar opposite is from impulsive and spontaneous, that's me. She's she's probably already got tomorrow
all planned out. If I could and if I thought the world would just let me keep my fucking plan and if my brain would cooperate with the plan, the plan I set on Wednesday for Thursday, if I could wake up on Thursday and have Wednesday's brain that made that plan working that plan, life would be pretty fucking good. I'd be so happy. I'd have almost no stress. I'd drive her nuts sometimes because she'd ask me, what do you have planned for today? Work. I don't know how you function. I know
people do. I know people do. I know more than you do. You just more people than you, JV, do. I just my brain cannot comprehend. Like, I I I was like, I don't I don't know how. I don't know how. I can't envision it. Now Tayshoo says that impulsivity and spontaneity have overlap, but they're two different animals. And I think you're right. I was referring impulsivity to the definition from Merriam Webster,
arising from a momentary impulse. You know? Proceeding from a natural feeling or native tendency without external constraint. I'd have to look up what impulsivity means to get its, like, nitty gritty. Mhmm. And there there are it's a 100% impulsivity that can be dangerous. I I married it, and it did not end well. It did not end well. But, you know, our spontaneous people, people who know enough who have have better control over their impulsivity?
And they turn it into spontaneity because that's spontaneity can is is spontaneity more, responsible than impulsivity? Is it semantics I don't fucking know. That is not my journey to walk in life. You're making my brain hurt now. We're almost to getting to the point where you go, what, is the definition of is? Is that right? Or what is is? Yeah. That's Yeah. You can get too far in the weeds of these, and I'm I nerd out over that.
I like the semantics of it. It's a little bit like I'm doing a like, I'm walking a maze and I'm like, oh, I see another way to go because did you think of this thing? And you know? Mhmm. So yeah. I'm you know? And then I find it even more interesting, and I think there'll be something to say in this when I get to this. I keep saying this, and it's not I'm not trying to edge you with this information, but I'm I'm working on the Neurodivergent
series. Correct. And, you know, understanding a little bit more about folks who are autistic who tend to, not always, not universally, tend to prefer plans or routines or knowing what's gonna happen, right, versus some, but not all people with ADHD who part of it is the impulsivity and the, like, I just fucking do shit sometimes. And then God help us, and I I'm including myself in this even though it's a self diagnosis, when you have fucking both because you have two kind of polar opposites
fighting against one another. Yeah. And may the odds be ever in your favor of which one you're gonna get that day. But so my point to that is to say that if so I had not confirmed it and I'd saved it, so I don't remember exactly where the number came from. But there is a thought that while neurodivergent make up just a, like, a two to three to five, whatever, percentage of the population, although it is probably higher than that because people get missed in diagnoses and
all that. Mhmm. In the kink world, neurodivergence, I wanna say it was anywhere from thirty to fifty percent of people tend to be kinkier within the kink community. And part of that is because there's a lot of communication and there's a lot of frameworks. And for for people who want to know what the fuck is supposed to happen and they don't wanna have to guess what they're supposed to do, that's a good, you know, thing that that works well for those kinds of minds.
And then I think about those who are a little bit impulsive, those who do just go for the dopamine rush. Mhmm. Does it sometimes bite them in the ass, or does it just take a learning process of learning how to move within, again, the parameters to still Yeah. Have that experience. And and see this is just me. At least, I think it's just me. For whatever reason, I have always looked at, being impulsive or impulsivity, more in a negative connotation. It's because impulsivity
can lead to negative outcomes. Spontaneity can, but spontaneity is the fun cousin. Spontaneity says, hey. I'm the fun one who decided we just go on this trip and I just told you right now. To somebody who is not spontaneous though is I'm not in a good mood about that. Wait. I had plans and I had mapped my day out and and who's gonna take care of this and did you think of all these things and you know what I mean? So I'm the the Debbie Downer who's gonna say even spontaneity
is not necessarily a positive. But I agree with you. Impulsivity absolutely is seen as the, you make terrible decisions without thinking about them. Where spontaneous is the, I'm the fun aunt who's gonna take you to Disney World this weekend. Just get in the car and let's go. Yeah. But those of us who are worriers and planners and need to know what's gonna happen next do have questions before you spontaneous people do your thing. Who's feeding the dog? Who's taking care of the cats? How are we
gonna get the chores done? We had plans for this weekend. When will we get those done? Look. I am I I'm an efficient bitch who gets stuff done, but I will bring the vibe down. Oh my. I I've had in my in my life one surprise birthday party, and my friend at the time, planned it with my parents because she wanted she wanted it to be truly a surprise. And I figured it out day of hours before, but day of because there was too much, hey. Let's go do this now.
And I had too many fucking questions. Also, pattern recognition. I was like, this isn't none of this is normal. Y'all are doing weird shit. This is blah blah blah. I figured it out. Thank God. Because if that had felt like a thing that just happened to me, I'd have lost my mind and nobody would have had a good time. I am so unfun sometimes. I know who I am. It's fine. It's fine. I mean, ultimately Mhmm. Ultimately, I think, of course, yes, there can be
spontaneity in kink. I do think it comes down to who you are as a person, your comfort level, what you need to feel safe and good within kink. And also it has to do with how you do it. It's a little bit like I don't know if this is the right analogy. I might change my mind mid sentence. So Dom's having control and power, it only lasts while you have consent. So you don't have true total air force, total power. Right? It is a little bit of a mirage because it can be broken at
any time. It is through the consent of both parties. Mhmm. One person takes away consent. It's it shatters. Right? I wonder if spontaneousness in kink is kind of the same way. It looks spontaneous. And to at least 50% of the the situation, it might feel spontaneous. But it's really a mirage because there's been planning and there's been forethought and there's been a careful calculation of how do I think
this is gonna go? Is it gonna you know, am I am I about to, like, break my whole relationship because I done fucked up? You know what I mean? Like, am I staying within the bounds? Right? The the the safe lines of what I'm allowed to do. Right. And so I wonder if that's what it is. It can goes back to what Rara said at the very beginning, which is for the the big d side, it's not spontaneous. For the little s side, it might
feel spontaneous. And, again, that's then just Mirage is the word I keep coming up with, but I know there's a better word. I can't think of what it is. It it's not it's not definitionally actually spontaneity, but as long as it feels like it and you have you know, then it that's fine. Like, it's who cares? Because then it's semantics at that point. That yeah. It's me going, well, actually, let me open up the dictionary. I am so fun. I'm I'm not gonna well, actually anybody on that because
I get it. I get it. Because even I, the most non spontaneous unspont in whatever the word is, No. No to spontaneity. Have cravings where I'm like, man, I do wish this would just kinda come out of nowhere to me. Mhmm. Except I'm realistic enough to know you think that today because you want it right now. But in two days, if you get it, you might elbow check it. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Oh my god. Oh my god. Anyway Any who's? Any who's? Any final thoughts? No. Yeah. I
of course, there is. Not not for me. Yeah. But if you can manage it yeah. Just don't get too precious about the definition of the word spontaneous. And truly be careful because full impulsivity, calling yourself spontaneous, but there's been no negotiation, there's been no agreement, there's no plan in place within kink. That's so fucking dangerous. Now now do you actually have consent for anything
you're about to do? Of course not. I think it it has to work within the bounds of what a kink relationship between people has been decided it is and Mhmm. What you do and what you don't do within those bounds. Also, if you have a partner who's like, do not do shit spontaneously with me. That is a hard limit. You gotta respect that shit. Well, I'm just saying. Do. Yeah. And then decide, are y'all compatible? I don't know. I'm trying to imagine if you were spontaneous.
Or if you were impulsive the way I think of the word impulsive, we would not be together. I I would have noped out very early on Yeah. Because that was there was too much baggage there. Mhmm. But spontaneous in the way that it's, like, meant to be of, like, this is actually supposed to be fun, I probably could have gotten used to it because all your other good traits and the things I love about you would still, you know, have been there. So but I think there would have been a
lot more navigating. I think there would have been a lot more misunderstandings before we figured out what worked. True. So that's just what I'm saying there. Anyway Anywho. Yeah. That's all I got. Okay. So, are we good? I have no fucking clue. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you on Friday. Dottie. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the crickets? Sure. But not too much because we have to have, like, stuff to talk about. That's true. Hopefully, we're not laughing at
my sad haircut. I get very nervous going to a new person because you don't know know them. You don't know them. You don't know what they're like. And this person is on Instagram, but not like there's not video, so I love them talking. It's pictures. Yeah. And so Lola agrees in the background. Whoo. She's very sad. Oh, yeah. She's been she's been, abandoned. Nobody loves her anymore. She is alone and lost in the world. And by the world, I mean, our couch.
She her we are a little worried that her eye that we just got cleared up a few weeks ago, from the, ulcers and infection is happening again, which the ophthalmologist had said if her eye goes into this cycle of needing antibiotics, clearing up, needing antibiotics, clearing up, that means that she will need surgery. I need surgery for Lola to hold out until early next year when then I have some surgery funds for Lola. Just like I need surgery for Ella to
hold out till early next year. But Ella is still peeing on everything. So I don't know. Yeah. And I want I don't look. I don't want I don't want Ella to be miserable or in pain or uncomfortable. But if she is peeing on everything, I want it to be because she is uncomfortable and not because she's a little bitch that now has bad habits. Yeah. If it's happening, I can be very forgiving of you don't feel good, and so this is a result of that. I hate it. I wanna help you. I wanna help us.
But if it's just like a oh, I know I could use litter box. I just don't fucking feel like it. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to be sympathetic and understanding and kind. JB watched L. A. P. On something the other day. I don't remember what I just remember you being I I I was very annoyed. I was, sitting in in the back room. And she just peed on the corner again. And I was sitting there doing some doing stuff on the computer, and, I turn around and I see her walking in. She walks all the way to the
far corner. She looks at me, squats down. And so JB, rightfully so, was pissed. Was pissed. Now JB and I handle our anger differently. I, being who I am, y'all know, I try to only say exactly what I mean. JB can be a little bombastic. I think it's the Italian in him. He's like what the fuck? You're right. So he's like that goddamn cat. And I'm like, and I can't remember exactly what you said, but my response was, and what do you propose we do with her?
Like, what is the solution? And then he didn't wanna talk to me anymore because I was like, well, let's be solution focused. And he was like, I just wanna be mad right now. Just let me be mad. I remember they're going, no. I don't like that. You're gonna be mad. Take us somewhere else because I'm gonna be looking for solutions, and I don't think there is a solution right now. No. There's I I know. I I know. It's the it's the it's the it's the frustration.
I know. And yeah. You know, it's probably healthier that you let your frustration show, and I just sort of I I'm constantly loosening my jaw. My jaw just sort of stays clenched, and I I don't realize I don't I don't even think about it. There's a creator, I see I see on Instagram. I'm sure he's on TikTok. And, he's got a whole thing about he's currently a stay at home dad, six month old, two and a half, three year old, like little, like two under, like very young children.
And so he'll be showing his day about how he's clean as this up or he's doing that or he's working on this or whatever. And then so usually about twice in, in his video, he'll go, unclench your jaw. You're not in trouble. Nobody's mad at you. And every time he says unclench your jaw, I just I just relax my jaw. I'm like, oh, yeah. Thank you. I should I should follow I should follow you, like, so I could get this advice every day. Yes. I get your job.
I can report that Onyx let me pick her up and hold her for about two seconds this morning. So when I want Onyx to move from wherever she is, it typically is when I'm making the bed, which was the situation this morning, or when she's sitting in my seat at the dining room table, I just put my hands near her torso as if I'm gonna lift her, and she takes off like a shot. She don't like that shit. She's on the bed this morning, and she had been on the bed with me while I was laying in bed. I did not
wanna get out of the bed. It was too cold. I was too cozy. I stayed there way longer than usual. And she, like, was all on me. She was purring. She's letting me pet her. She was a little bit cuddly to the extent that onyx can be cuddly, which same girl. But I got I finally got up, and I make the bed in the morning before I start my day. It's, like, the very first thing I do. And she's in the middle just lounging and I'm like, girl, this cover is I gotta straighten it. I can't I cannot have a
lumpy cover. We gotta fix this. So I figure I'll put my hands out to her. She's facing me. This was not behind her. Put my hands to towards her torso as if I was going to pick her up, and she'd dart away because that's what she does. She did not dart away. And so I was like, this is the great experiment, and I let my hands come around her. Oh, she was so soft and warm. And then I started actually picking her up, and she allowed it. She was confused, but she allowed it.
And it was when I went to draw her in, she was fucking done. She was done and she was gone. And I let her go, like, I wouldn't, wouldn't, you know Yeah. Consent fucking matters. But I I got I got to hold her for, like, a whole, like, two seconds. Yeah. So that was a highlight of my day. Anything else you got going on? Most most of the stuff I wanna talk about is saved for Friday. But Yeah. You've been bringing me product. Yeah. I've been very busy. Mhmm.
Very busy in the shop. Silent says, find me a Gen X that doesn't have a sore jaw or sore shoulders. Guess what? I have both. And a sore spot. Now not my neck, but just below my neck where there's that muscle that every time a doctor touches it, they go, oh my god. That's tight. Uh-huh. No. I I I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've just been keeping busy doing stuff around the house and working, making stuff.
Yeah. I, I've been doing exactly what needs to get done and then struggling to do above and beyond stuff. I did figure out what was slowing me down in the research part for the neurodivergent series I wanna do. I was the book I was going through and reading to, you know, get some greater understanding, I did not enjoy the book. And I understand that a different person with a different brain would go, well, just start another one. Just either don't finish it or come back to that later
and start another one. That's not how I operate. I started that book. I have to finish that book before I can start the episode. Damn well gonna finish that book. And that's not universally true. One of the books I got, I truly did skim it because I knew I knew within, like, the first page, I was like, this is this is not written in a way that I can read it. It's not happening. So I did just skim it for, like, the highlights. I knew what I was looking for, and I wanted to get that information.
But this you know, the other books I've got are books I also want to read for me, for my personal benefit. Yeah. So anyway. No. Silent. I have not read Katie O'Sourcer's book. I can not is her book still on pre order or is it out? But I the books I have are from the library. So I don't our library is probably not gonna be quick to get that one. Yeah. I actually have to read the physical books because I could not get the ebook through the Libby app through my library card.
Because our library system was like, we didn't think anybody would ever even want that book. I'm like, yeah, I do. I would prefer to read an ebook. I would be oh did it already come out in September? Okay. I must have seen an old reel that came up or an old TikTok because she was talking about preorders. And I was like, oh, okay. I I had thought her book was out and then I saw that. It must have been an old one. So I'll double check it, but I don't think it's available at the library.
So but there are I have a list of books I want to get that I that are not at the library. So those will be probably supplemental, later. But so anyway yeah. I'm finally finished through that book I didn't like, and now I think I'll go a lot faster through this. Through the rest. Because the rest in looking through them, like, oh, yeah. These are books I I really wanna read. You know? So anyway
yeah. I mean, I don't really have much that's not just boring old work, but, like, actual boring part of what of our work, not, like, fun great times that, you know, I think are boring, but y'all would be like, no. I actually think it's passing. No. It's actually boring. So, I've I've been making, like, doing, price, estimates cost estimates for a project I wanna do. And then I'm trying to figure out sales numbers, and I've gotta pull a report about
see, it's it's boring. Somebody out there would be like, oh, that's totally my jam, but it's it's not enough of y'all for me to go into it. Tay Tayeshew said it right. Unfortunately, our library system is in a state which is one step below book burning. Yep. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Yep. Sad but true. Nah. And it's just getting worse here in Florida.
Florida just for anybody who keeps up with news to any US news to any extent, Florida just passed the Florida version of the SAFE Act Yeah. Which the federal government congress has been trying to pass and failing, thankfully Mhmm. For a while. Don't worry. Florida's got us fucking covered. Yeah. It's already lawsuits already been brought Yeah. For it. So whatever. But yeah. Yeah. Bay basically, the way it's written, it would it eliminates online registration for voting.
Just makes it harder harder to vote. And it pretty much eliminates, mailing. It air quote fixes a problem that doesn't exist. That doesn't exist. Yeah. Out of all of the voter registered voters in Florida, and there are millions, current and previous, out of all those millions of people Mhmm. We have a total of a 198 who have ever read who have ever registered and they were not allowed to register. That's not a fucking problem.
Anyway, I'm not gonna get into it because I don't want blood pressure to go out. Yep. So And and the way I understand it right now with with the state, they only, can really control, the college libraries. Yeah. Aren't libraries locally? Our city council can control control them. Silences. I feel like there's multiple libraries that are all go right ahead. It's free. Aren't there a bunch of states that let you sign up for membership no matter where you are?
In Florida and in the bigger ones that I looked that were out of state, you have to pay a fee. Yeah. An annual fee. Now I was because I did look that up. Could I register at other libraries for free? Now in in within the state of Florida, we have say, we have a, library card here where we live. Mhmm. Supposedly all the libraries in Florida talk to one another.
Yes. You can do interlibrary loan. Mhmm. And technically, with my library card, I could physically walk into any county's library in Florida and get a physical library card. Correct. But I could not, I checked, check out their, ebooks. It's only for physical books in the physical library. Yeah. I I mean, I I promise you I
looked. I haven't done it in a long time, but when I when I lived down on the, you know, Tampa Bay area, I used to go to library a lot and could request books from other libraries, and they would send them and, you know, it And for physical books, that's much easier. The licensing on ebooks is much more complicated, and it it there's depending on how an ebook is licensed Mhmm. To a system, and then it's done in different ways, and I do not
know the specifics. But in some cases, it can be very expensive to, loan out too many ebooks. So you get multiple multiple licenses or whatever. And so from the pay the fact pages I was reading on all of the different library systems, I was checking because I was trying to get to bigger library systems. It because it can be so expensive after time, they many of them keep their ebooks for their residence or state Okay. Local or
state. Not all. I did not read the FAQ page of every single library system in The US. But the the ones here in Florida that I did find that were like, yes. You don't have to be local, and you can get a library card here. And even some of the ones out of state, yeah, it was it's limited. So Okay. It was frustrating because I tried to do that work around because I remember a couple years ago, information going viral on the the on Bookstagram or BookTok because that's where they all get
posted first about how, oh, yeah. Get your Libby get the Libby app, and then get all these library cards, and then you get access to all these books. And I was like, maybe a few years ago it was easier, but a lot of libraries have wised the fuck up. Yeah. And they will let you do it, but then you have to pay a fee. And I was like, it for the money I would save, it's a good deal, but I didn't have that $50. At the time. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Anyway. Anyhoo. Mhmm. Are we, good?
Get on with their Yeah. I still have to cook dinner. I know. I've already done a lot of good dishes. So I know. I appreciate you. We're gonna go. Yeah. Thank y'all for being here, especially to the bitter end. Yep. Hopefully, we'll see you Friday, 8PM eastern, March 20 for podcast listeners. That's the day this episode comes out. So, yeah, we're gonna we're gonna go. Okay. We'll talk to y'all on Friday. Yep. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.