BDSM Reddit Response

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast, episode 415. K. The lords here were the 1, the only, the you are as tired as I am, but here we are powering through together. Doing what we do. That's what we do. John Brownstone. I'm sorry. I made that a little low key depressing and could not actually be funny today. It's okay. Yeah. It's been a couple days. It's been a couple days. We'll talk about that in the bonus section because if we can't whine in the bonus section, where can we whine?

That's not actually what we are doing here today. We are back after taking time off for Milton. If you do not follow us on social media and you wondered, I'll just go ahead and say now, we were just fine. Nothing major happened to us. We were very, very lucky in this one. We we just had some light branches and stuff to pick up in the yard. That's it. Very minimal. So we're back, and we're keeping it light and easy with a BDSM response episode.

I even picked one that I don't know that I'll rant, but I know one eyebrow went straight up the moment I read it. So I must be a doozy. Maybe. We'll see. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at loving BDSM dot net. Come back often and feel free to add

the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate, loving d s and the number one. So at loving d s one or on YouTube at youtube.com/loving BDSM, or you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Take it away. Did you I'm not good at innuendo. I think you completely missed that. No. I I

Oh. Yeah. Then you didn't even give me a look for the satisfaction. Nope. Podcast listeners, we were talking about how good JB is with magic buttons. And then he just he just didn't even respond. Kept his old poker face. Is that what it's gonna be like this week? Yeah. Yeah. It probably is. Okay. Let's get into things. Before we get into anything, I would like to thank, this week's sponsor, not us, the FLOR app. FLOR is a dating app, for safely

exploring one's kinks and desires. It is not a kink specific dating app, but it is a kink friendly dating app. They do not have a problem with kinky folks, showing up and being there. They say the way they say it is they don't draw age, gender, race, or other lines. Anyone is welcome to embark, on an adventure as soon as you're open and honest with with yourself and and the people you're connecting with, and also that you respect boundaries. We love a place that understands

the boundaries are meant to be respected. Yes. They how do I put this? I've lost my words literally in the middle of the thought. I am so good at this. Every user is verify verified, and you have control over, what kind of stuff you receive from folks. They also do not allow to like, the the the certain, like, the places where you're allowed to show your tits y'all. So they don't allow certain things to be sent at all. There is a free option. And then if you want more, there is a paid option.

So you can download it for free to check it out, see if it's, you know, your vibe. If you're like, yeah. Yeah. I like this space. And then if you want all of the functionality, then you can choose to to sign up and pay. The link is in the places, if you would like to check that out. Yeah. I I the last time I was in it so I signed up right before the last time that they sponsored because I wanted I wanted to check the vibe. The very next day, I don't do dating

apps y'all. Y'all, I didn't have to. I came up before. That was, like, the only way to meet somebody. If you wanna meet somebody the way I did, you're gonna have to go back to 2012 and start a blog. Okay. So sorry. The like, within a day or so, I had a whole bunch of people that they had, like, shown that they were like, this person is interested in your profile. And I just did, like, the same little selfie that's not, like, not my boobs. You know? Just it was short hair. Not this

color. Sorry. Hope nobody feels like I'm, catfishing them. And it it was pretty fast. I was like, okay. But I also like the fact that they didn't know I was I could see who they were. I like that. Yeah. I don't yeah. And and what, I I signed up too. Mhmm. And I I actually was able to link our accounts. Yes. That's cool. A couple. Yeah. That's the other thing I like about Flor because, yes, you can be single and monogamous. You can be non monogamous, but looking for a new partner or other

partners. And you get to, like, you get to connect with potential partners if they also wanna be on that app. You get to designate which one which one are you. Are you monogamous or non monogamous? And I like that the more information you in my opinion, the more information you can put out there, the more, hopefully, you weed out the ones you don't want. They just self select out and go, oh, that's not my that's not what I'm looking for. And then you have a little less, you know,

to deal with. So, yeah. If you are looking for an app that is not like the other apps, and you don't necessarily need it to be kink focused, just kink friendly, kink aware, check out Fleur. You can try it for free. Download it for free. Link is in the places. Thank you to Fleur for sponsoring. Thank you. Okay. Okay. We have announcements. Mhmm. Announcements. Announcements. Announce. There will not be a Monday episode next week. Again, we're taking a second Monday

off. And we'll talk more about that in the bonus section. But we it's it's a little bit we had to do it for our mental health. Yeah. We are here doing this episode because we wanted to, because it's a fun one. But trying to go just do a little bit more was just No. One ask too many for for us right now. And it was killing me because it even wasn't even gonna be a q and a episode. We're gonna do a review. We haven't

done a review in ages. Right. Lord, I accidentally made our Instagram blow up, and now all kinds of people would like us to do reviews. It's weird. It's been a hot minute, y'all. Mhmm. And here we are. So, yeah, not nothing on Monday. So if if you, are like, where the hell did they go? We're getting back into it. We're it we had stuff come up. We'll talk about it

later. Yeah. The, second announcement is that this Friday, October 18th, the day this episode comes out for audio podcast listeners, 9:30 PM is our monthly livestream. We hang out. It gets random and weird, and also we answer kinky, questions. True. We do. Do a kinky q and a. Starts 9:30 PM EST. We do our best, barring anything weird, to go until midnight. That is probably as late as we will ever go, but certainly this weekend because we're working this weekend, and I don't mind. I'm

excited to be doing that. Yep. But, so, yeah, that'll be, on YouTube, 9:30 PM live stream. You can come hang out with us. We make great background noise. Also, I have had people go, I had stuff I needed to do, but I just put you on the background. My feelings are hurt. Put me on the background. Do that for all the episodes. But this one, there's no set topic. We are just we have talked about bacon. We have talked about pie. We have talked about way too much about Star

Trek and Star Wars. So books, like, whatever comes up is very random. We call it a virtual munch because in a way it is. We're all just we're all just showing up in whatever we talk about. We talk about it. Sometimes it's kinky, sometimes it's not. So that is the announcements. Nice. Okay. So we are doing a BDSM Reddit response. It has been a hot minute since we've done one. Mhmm. I found one in the, BDSM, am I the asshole, subreddit run by our friend, Princess Rara.

And then the rest are from the BDSM advice subreddit. And the last one, I I can never guarantee what will make me rant y'all, but I I did I did have a little attitude about it as I was reading it. So I'm gonna believe the person asked that question in good faith, but I'm I've got thoughts. So let's get into it. We're gonna we're gonna just go down the list. Just dive right in. See what, see what comes up. So Okay. First one why are all these things on the screen

and what is happening? Okay. This one is, a long one. So bear with this. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for not wanting my dom to have a say in my financial standing slash saving ability? So here's the backstory. I had a dom who lives 2 hours away from me, and I've seen him two times, both for a full weekend, arrive Friday evening, leave Sunday afternoon.

So the 1st weekend was hard on me as it was more than I bargained for, but he was very good about apologizing for overstepping, ignoring my signs of distress, getting drunk and hurting me, and overall just not leaving me with the best experience. I felt hurt as much as I was uncomfortable with some of what went down, so I gave him a second chance. The second weekend I saw I saw him, it was much more calm and focused more on my pleasure and regaining my trust. He booked us

a really nice room. We bathed together. It was much easier to trust him after that. We had a lot of good talks after that weekend about how much I appreciated everything. So about a month ago, I had reached out saying I'd like to meet up again. The last time I saw him was July, and then I was ready to try more things knowing he would listen to me more and be more careful. We talked about everything we wanted for a few weeks and decided

on a date. I let him know my cards were maxed out, so I'd etransfer him money for food for us that weekend if he could use his card. This started a mild argument about me going broke for sex. I thought it was uncalled for as I'm 21 and have been financially independent and capable for several years. He said he was only looking out for me. I thanked him, but told him not to worry and moved on.

This morning, 4 hours before I was supposed to get on a bus, he asked me to pick up some stuff and I joked about being broke and having $2.51 to my name. I do really have no money, but I paid my fare off the trip and made sure I had everything I'd need. He then said he was no longer comfortable this knowing how broke I was. Something to note, I have been off work for 2 months for medical leave and have been collecting EI. I'm thinking that must be, like, some sort of temporary funds or whatever.

I'm due to get more of that on October 1st and frequently run out of money before I'm paid. I always have everything I need. I know how to handle everything. And, honestly, I enjoy shopping and going out. I still live with a family, so my rent is minimal. I don't have to buy groceries. I'm extremely lucky to be in this position. Anyway, I told him how I didn't wanna continue this as I felt he was taking a level of control I didn't want, telling me he only wanted to see me again

once I started saving money. And he flipped me for painting him as a quote controlling asshole, even though I had explained I felt my trust had been broken and it was unfair. He said, I'm not going to try to get you to understand shit to you to understand shit since you think I'm nothing more than another controlling asshole and have obviously built

an image in your head. I make it very clear I don't like taking advantage of people, and I made it clear early on that if you don't have enough money to do this comfortably, then we can postpone. You were less than the lowest paper note from bankruptcy. That's not comfortable, end quote. That's all what he said. Back to the person. Now hear me out. Having dollars in my account having yeah. Dollars in my account is normal for

me. It's not uncomfortable or scary as I'm lucky to know there's food at home and a roof over my head. But despite me explaining all this, he still wouldn't see me. I had spent a $100 on bus tickets that can't be refunded and bought many supplies that would no. I would not use on my own and have been preparing for weeks. After our disagreement on how it was handled, he blocked me. And honestly, I hope he stays gone. In my opinion, that was unfair.

Too long didn't read. Dom won't see me because I'm too broke to to live what he sees as comfortable, even though he's aware I have practically no bills and have been off work for months and still was making this work. Am I the one in the wrong here? My opinion is financial should not contribute, to if you want to sleep with me or not, regardless of if you're trying to, quote, help. I think it's just all bad from the top. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. You know, there there are people who do incorporate

Oh, absolutely. Financial, you know, we'd call it dominance, I guess, in their relationship. Sure. It's not for everybody. Mhmm. It is not for everybody. And, you know, she seems to have an understanding of what were they. Go for they. Yeah. There was no. That's okay. No specification. They so, you know, they, kind of have an understanding. And to me, them saying, you know, I don't want this, he he overstepped the bounds. Well, see, that

there was no negotiation here. No. No. There was no negotiation of here's what makes me comfortable, here's what makes you know, what are you comfortable with? Mhmm. If you know, it sounds to me like the dom thought that all they had to say was if you don't have enough money, let's postpone, and then that that was the end of the conversation and they had made themselves clear. Yeah. Clearly, they had not. This person was still planning

for this visit Yeah. And it's only a few hours out that they call up, that is suspicious to me. I think that's less about, oh, you don't have enough money and more about because if they immediately blocked after this argument, did you just not want the visit and now you're feeling pressured and now you're, like, lashing out and making it their fault for being too broke for you? Like, there's everybody's gonna have a different opinion about this. I don't think there's a right opinion about

this. But my opinion at this moment is until we are in a legit dynamic and my money has any bearing on your life, there's it doesn't matter how much money I have in my account. Now Yeah. I do think it's okay for him to say, I don't want we haven't negotiated this. I don't really want to pay can't or don't want to pay for things for you. Mhmm. But if you have that conversation like adults, then you can,

you know, work around it. It could be a maybe he couldn't afford to pay for their food and lash out and got absent who knows? Who knows? But, yeah, living completely separate lives, only seeing each other every few months for just a week at a time, you don't get a single fucking say over the money in my account. And if I am comfortable with the life I'm leading and getting to and fro and taking care of myself Yeah. I think the only place where absolutely this dom had every right to, like, go, I

don't wanna do that Yeah. Was the, will you pay for the food on your card, and I'll send the money back to you. Not that I think that that's unreasonable for somebody to to to have that conversation, go, hey. Can we do this? I also think it's not unreasonable for somebody else to go, no. I don't wanna do that. You don't know their relationship with money. You don't know how they feel about feeling like people owe them or trying to get paid back. Like every like money is such a touchy thing.

But I don't think this was about money. Maybe not. I I think it ended up being a handy excuse of, I just don't wanna see it. You know? This isn't this isn't easy, fun, and carefree, and I don't have to have any responsibility. You're bringing an issue to me where I'm gonna have a sense of responsibility, and I don't want that. But instead of the dom just saying something like that, it became about

the money. Yeah. Yeah. And to me, it it shows a a certain immaturity on on the other person, you know, on on the dominant because, you know, people have arguments. Yeah. Alright? You know, whether you're you're you're friends, whether you're, you know, a couple, whether you're you're married, whatever the the the people are gonna argue. It it's just human nature.

And, you know, you have, healthy communication and healthy arguing because there is such a thing as, you know You and I disagree more frequently than I think either of us wish, quite frankly. And and, you know, to to just, you know, block someone and and that's that's the

tell right there. Because this wasn't a, I am I am really worried about you and I am uncomfortable with us and or I also cannot help pay for the things that you can't afford or I'm unwilling to because of my own reasons that, you know, that I I think many people might find reasonable for somebody to go, I don't wanna pay for somebody that's, like, not my long term kind of person. Instead of having that adult conversation, it becomes,

well, this is your fault. And with only so you're not that worried about a person's money if you cancel a trip on a nonrefundable ticket. Yeah. If you but also, I'm happy this person did not go there just because they had a nonrefundable ticket Right. Because who knows what would play there. That would've been a that could've been a bigger mistake. Yes. The red flags, though, were long before this conversation about money. It

was that very first visit. Mhmm. Like, I understand going too hard too fast the first time you're together, been there, done that. We we kinda did that too. Yeah. But please let me go back to where I immediately disliked this individual because it was ignoring signs of distress, getting drunk and hurting me, overall just not leaving me with the best experience, then getting drunk alone, I'm like, because you can miss signs of

distress with a new partner. To me, that means you just slow the hell down and become extra careful, but okay. Right. So I feel like there were already signs that this was not probably a good situation to begin with. Now out of the actual question asked, I know my opinion. Is this person who is pissed that the whole thing got like, not letting the dom control the money or have a say over the money? Are they the asshole? The person who asked the question, do you

think they're the asshole? No. Right. I don't No. The thing is is yeah. They're definitely not the asshole because until it is negotiated, nobody has a say over your money. But the way this story plays out, this person was not trying to control about the money. This was I really think this was something else. I think there was something else at play, and the money was just a convenient reason personally. It's possible. Personally. It's entirely possible. Okay.

Next one. Now we're into the BDSM advice Mhmm. Sub Reddit. You saw the headline. I I saw the headline, and that was enough for me right there. Damn it. You always gotta get context, but I know. I know. I know. Just here we go. I know. My dom has multiple subs, but doesn't want me to do the same. They say, I know the answers are going to say talk to him, and I absolutely will, but I just wanted to get some outside perspectives as well.

I've been seeing Adam for a while. He's great, and things are getting a little relationship y outside of the dynamic also. He has one other sub and is looking for more. He doesn't mind if I date other men, but he doesn't want me engaging in anything d s related with anyone other than him. This doesn't seem fair as he does those things with others, and it also limits my options as I am fairly consistently bruised and marked, which turns off a lot of vanilla men.

Yeah. I can see that. Anyway, just looking at people's thoughts on this. If you're a sub, what would you do? And if you're a dom, do you have this rule and why? I don't like the some for me and none for these Yeah. Kind of thing. It's good for me, but not for you. Right. Yeah. I can do this, but you can't. Mhmm. Here's the thing. The bare surface, it's an incompatibility thing. Yeah. If you are meeting somebody and you're deciding, do I wanna be in

a relationship with them? And you nonmonogamy is fine, but somebody has these really strict rules for for you that they don't have for themselves. Yeah. That's an incompatibility. Go find somebody who is wants to live under that rule and does not have a problem with that because those people exist. Your pool's probably limited, but they exist. True. But this is we've been together. We're talking about this. And now this is how Nope. Well, we can't be done now. That was

30 seconds. That was too easy. What are your thoughts? I I mean, my thoughts are, you know, it it's not fair. I mean, even like like you with us. Mhmm. Alright? You know, I I do go out, I I date, I see. Mhmm. You can't. Right up. You know? No. You you can't. I don't want you to. Yeah. That wouldn't work. Right? I mean, you'd you're in theory, but, you know It's a choice I'm making. I have the option. And and we know I'm gonna go for toppy people anyway.

My personal choices is I can't imagine having another partner that I call daddy. Like, the title label honorific is sort of it's very meaningful to me. You are daddy. Could there be another caregiver type? Maybe. May I mean, I can't I can't imagine it, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. But, yeah, it's it is exactly like if you're like, okay, man. I go see all these subs and bottoms, and I'm gonna, like, live my best top life out here. And

you're like, okay. No no doms. Yeah. You you you can date, but only these people I'm comfortable with. Yeah. And that says more about the person setting the role than anything else. Why are you so insecure in your own dominance that you can't let them experience dom top whatever energy with somebody else? Are you are you worried that they'll start comparing and find you lacking and wanting? These would be my questions. Yeah. I think it's fine.

It's fine to have that preference. If that preference gets laid out as part of a we're figuring out if we're compatible. Yeah. I this is who I'm looking for and how I I would like life to be. Because here's the thing. You can like want life to be like that all you want and then never find a person willing to give it to you. But that's okay. You get to want what you want. But to just say, yep. This is how it

is. If you're gonna be my sub, you know, sucks to suck, I the I would not be telling the the submissive to be talking to no damn body. I'd be telling them, maybe you just need to, like, lose their number and tell them to have a good life and go live your best kinky life with somebody else.

Like and I know in the non monogamous side of the world, in and out of the kink community, people have very strong feelings about rule setting and boundary setting in nonmonogamous relationships about what one partner is sort of, you know, air quote, allowed to decree for somebody else, and that is not a boundary. That's a rule you have set for somebody else. And even in power exchange, some rules don't aren't allowed to be set. Right?

Yeah. The boundary would be, if it's a boundary, the dom would go, if you date other doms, I cannot continue doing so I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. That's a fair boundary to have. Mhmm. But to make it a rule in your power exchange, But to make it a rule in your power exchange? Yeah. No. Nope. I'm not nah. No. No. No. No. Uh-uh. Mm-mm. But and that's I mean, it's my my non trusting nature. Why what are you so insecure about that you can't handle Mhmm. A a submissive of yours

experiencing dominance of somebody else? And I'd I'd be curious if he's that way with the other. That would be a good question. Probably, though. I have I have come across them online and when I mean come across them, I'm like, seen them out there in the wild. I I do not interact with with people in general, but certainly not those types, who just collect subs. Like, what are they

actually doing? There comes a point in time that you're either cookie cut it cutting, you know, stuff where it's all the same for everybody and so then it's probably a little less meaningful. Or you're saying you have all these subs and you really do not have all these subs because everybody has a limit in just how much human interaction at that level that they can do and maintain a life and, like, have a job and pay your fucking bills and mow your

lawn or whatever. Right? Like so I tend to give side eye to these certain types of doms who, not doing it on a professional level, not keeping every relationship casual, but are just collecting the submissives Yeah. And trying to to run their lives at this level. Like, I just I don't I'm giving side eye every time. Look. Somebody's gonna show up in a comment somewhere telling me how they're the one exception and they can do this. Great. You're the exception, not the rule.

That's just what that is. Also, I might give you side eye. Just saying. Just saying. So Okay. That was actually kinda yeah. The moment I saw that title, I was like, oh, yeah. We're okay. Here's the next one. And this one I think is interesting because I think it's one of those where the question they're asking is not actually they don't that's not really what we're talking about here. So here we go. Okay. Is there a way to learn to like impact play more?

My boyfriend and I, submissive, have been exploring a bit of a dom sub relationship. However, he's into impact play and I am not actually. I'm a real wimp when it comes to pain. I do want to please him though. Is there any way for me to get more into it? I do sometimes like the sting afterwards because it reminds me of what I went through for him, but I really can't last long and I want to do better to please him. Could I just be giving up too soon? Am I a bad sub

for not just putting up with more? He hasn't even made me bruise except for 2 hits during one session. I think he's been going pretty easy on me. I see posts or comments where subs are taking a lot of hits and getting very bruised. I feel like a bad sub. We're pretty early in the dynamic though. He hasn't made me feel bad or even complained, but I know he wants to do more. So the question is not really the question. You know this. Right? Go ahead. What are

your thoughts? Yeah. You know, I I if if a person is not a masochist, you know, there's not really anything you can No. You know, there's no pain training No. So to speak, you know? Mm-mm. So go ahead. No. You had thoughts. Mm-mm. Go. Are you sure? Yeah. Okay. Go. For the record, he's telling me to speak. Okay? I'm not just interrupting. Baby girl, talk. So here's the thing. You can, as a submissive, decide to endure something Mhmm. For a partner.

That's a choice you can make. True. And you find the pleasure that you get from doing the thing, from the the after effects, from whatever whatever. And that's the service of what yeah. Whatever. Like, whatever it is that speaks to your bottom subheart, and you're like, yes. For to get this, I will do this. I will allow this to happen. But, also, you can do impact that's not even really that painful. Like True. It could be that they

don't like certain types of pain. Mhmm. It could be they they don't like certain it could be they just don't like impact play. I mean, that's let's just put that out there. That's very valid. I I mean yeah. I mean, that and that's absolutely true because some people like duds, some people like sting, you know. And I mean, you and I have done impact play that's it feels a little niche because not it's not real common,

but it did not actually physically hurt. It was literally it's a a punching thing that a dumb friend of former friend of ours showed him. And, it's not painful to me. There's nothing about it as painful, but it's this very pleasant, thuddy sensation that I like. So if I was telling somebody who said they did not like impact play because they do not like the sensation they're feeling, I would say, okay. If this is something you're willing to try,

you need to try more sensations. Also, there's nothing wrong with a partner, a top, or a dom striking you lightly. Like Right. Little taps and smacks can count. Is it as much as maybe the dom has experienced in the past would love to experience? No. But you and I have had this conversation. There are some partners you've had that you love playing with them because you could wail on them in ways you cannot wail on me. Correct. But that doesn't mean you don't like what you can do with me. Right.

Right. Because the real thing here go ahead. I I I think the the the thing the underlying thing that sticks out to me is the fact that this person is comparing themselves to other subs who have all these bruises, and you know, no. No. You can't do that. Be you. Do what you enjoy. Do what you like. Who gives a fuck what others submissives are doing? Right. Right. Right. Because part of it let's be real. Some people can get welled on and never bruise and mark. Does that somehow mean that they

went through less impact? No. Of course not. Some people, you could look at them cross eyed, and now they have a red mark on their ass. And they barely it you know, somebody else's perspective, quote, barely got touched. Right? Mhmm. So what other people are doing has no fucking bearing on what you do. What you're doing. Yeah. If what you're doing is something and that this is the first thing to a person has to get through their head. Is this something I want to

be doing? Mhmm. Missus have to be very careful because that desire to please a dom can sometimes outweigh your own fucking wants, needs, and boundaries. And safety too. Right. And so sometimes you will agree to things that you genuinely hate and wish you were not doing because you want to make your partner happy. You think it makes them happy. A good partner does not wanna do shit with you that you don't wanna do. Yeah. I know. They don't wanna do something that you are dreading

every time it happens. And I am not talking about specific scenarios and scenes that are about the sadism and masochism of, you know, taunting and teasing and kind of consensually making somebody a little miserable. That's that's not what I'm talking about. If it is a kink act that you just fucking hate and don't want, the right partner for you doesn't wanna be doing it to you. That's not that's not fun for them either. Right? So that's the first thing that somebody's gotta

get through their head. Do I actually wanna be doing this? If what you want and there's nothing wrong also with wanting, I think, for submissive to want to give their partner something that they want, but there's gotta be a balance there. So it's I do things that JB likes that I don't love, that if you gave me the option, I'd probably go, yeah. No. I'd like to skip that, please. Why do I do it? Because I like to make him happy. Because I like to

endure things. I totally, like, relate to that whole getting the sting knowing I went through it. I think that's a valid reason to do shit as long as other needs are being met. And everything isn't just about you enduring, unless you were that type of person that gets off on that. Those people exist too. It's complicated is my point. The the thing this person is doing to fuck themselves over is comparing themselves to what other people are

doing. I mean, you know, saying saying that is just like some people would say, oh, I'm a terrible sub because I can't get to subspace. I've heard that before. Yeah. What's that got to do with anything? Exactly. Exactly. I know. But and that that's the the beauty of the Internet and online spaces is that we get to connect and see it, that we're not alone. The downside, one of many, is that we compare. We go, oh, I'm not doing it that way,

so am I doing something wrong? No. I you know, I As long as what you're doing is consensual and it and it's, you know, risk aware. Right. That's So if somebody wanted to see if they liked Impact Play more than they think that they do, I would whatever you're currently doing, back off on the intensity. Okay? There's no wrong level to start at. A light tap that does not create Mhmm. Any pain is just as valid as, like,

hauling back and smacking somebody. Right? And and, you know, thing too, if if it's not so much pain, what about, you know, having maybe having some clothing on? Yep. You were using a pal last night that usually, like, I can't can't do for very long. Mhmm. I actually had the covers over my ass, and I was able to go way longer. Right. That can can also blunt it. The other thing is to try different things. Has it been a hand? Well, try an object. Has it been wood?

Well, try a different material. Has it been a god help you if it's been a cane, and that's what you started with. Back the fuck off. Okay? Right. Like, that's a thing. If what you if what you genuinely want to explore is, can I enjoy impact play for impact play's sake, then you just lightly and slowly, you try different sensations and different tools and different methods? Because me standing up and bent over

Mhmm. Is and getting smacked on the ass is a completely different sensation than me laying flat across JB's lap. So there's position. There's a lot of things somebody can do to go, is there an impact I like? But, ultimately, it's valid to just not like it. And let and let's just, you know, even with the hand. Mhmm. Okay? You know, if you if you hit and you come up or you come down with your hit, you come straight in, you know, and then there's if you if you hit and then you, you know,

keep the pressure on for a second. Mhmm. There's lots of Lots of different ways to to change it up. So it gets really complex. Yes. There are ways to test to see, can I like impact play? Because and that's the other thing. It is okay to be very picky and specific about the sensation you like. There's nothing wrong with that. I so the way it works for me is if you're asking me what I like, I like thud, I like slow, I don't necessarily

need a bunch of pain. I just like a consistent and rhythmic because I zone out to it. My brain shuts off. It's like a deep tissue massage. If you're asking my preference about impact, that's I don't care what the implement is. That's what the fuck I like. What I will endure is the stuff I don't like. It's the sting. It's a swathe of a cane within very defined specific limits. Now if I'm in my masochist headspace,

you it's fine. Be rough. Do stuff I wouldn't like in other times because that's for me, that's not about the impact so much as it is about whatever else is going on. But then there were things I will endure. I will endure because I have a sense of pride that I got through it. I will endure because I know this is making JB's little sadistic daddy side just so fucking happy. And that brings me joy too. But it is a balance. It can't be all what I want or all what you want. It's

gotta be A mix. Some happy ground in the middle. But it is I mean, impact play is not the only goddamn thing people can do together. True. You can go, nope. We're not doing that. And go find other things you like. Mhmm. And that to me is more meaningful than trying to get to some artificial level in your head of what you think other people are doing because that's what the picture says or that's what they say on the Internet.

Can we all just, like, go in with to any situation where we don't know people assuming that what we're seeing is fake? Because sometimes it's gonna be. Right? Somebody's gonna say, oh my god. Look at this bruising. And they've edited their picture. Sometimes they're gonna go, oh my god. This was the roughest thing I've ever been through. And that will be true for them, but you don't know what that means for them. You know what that means in from your

perspective. You're thinking, oh my god. The roughest. That's that must be this, that, and the other. And it could be that that person marks real easily so it doesn't take much for them. Right. Like, you literally don't know. So we gotta stop the fucking comparison game because it only it hurts everybody. Yeah. It does. The thing that makes me feel really good about this particular question is the sub going, my dom's not trying to pressure me. Yes. They want me to have a good time.

Mhmm. So this is about what they think is true about being a submissive and what they've internalized. Mhmm. And yeah. And Silent feels that there's a, PDF guide in in this whole discussion here. So I mean, there is. It's on our Etsy shop. Link in the places. Okay. Next one. Okay. I think this one will hit close to home for folks. Okay. How to deal with a change in dynamics. For a while, I was over the moon

on top of the world, ultra happy. It was because I had become a stay at home mom, and my sex drive was up very high. My day was spent thinking about how to please my husband sexually and non sexually. I felt looked after and very satisfied. He seemed a bit tired but also the happiest he's ever been. Our relationship was hashtag goals. Not my words people would actually tell us. Anyhow, I had to go back to work full time and it has completely blown the

dynamics out of the water. I can't see my husband as a sexy dom daddy when I'm proving providing just as much as he is. I'm always tired and we've gone down to having sex only once or twice a week. It was once or twice a day free use. I'm frustrated. It's not his fault. It's not my fault. It can't be helped that everything is expensive, and I need to work. So my question is, can we fix this, or do I need to quit work? Okay. Look. If you need money to survive, please don't

quit work. Yeah. I know. The moment you can, go for it. I fucking support that shit. If if you're trying to survive, just go your ass to work. Yeah. Yeah. But also yeah. It it sucks to have had the dynamic. You were like, this is it. Mhmm. And then life sucks you up. Because your rug pulled out from under you. Yeah. Yeah. That that's tough. I think there there needs to be time and space to feel okay with just being pissed, sad, disappointed, whatever the emotions are. It's

like yeah. It it's like a grieving. Sure. You had a thing you really liked and you can't have it right now. And and it's it's gone. So, yeah, there there you're gonna be going through a grieving process. Absolutely. Mhmm. The thing is, you're gonna have to come out of that, and and I know it's not easy. It it is almost, you know, one of those things, you know, people don't like the the patience word. No. Alright. Well, there's another word that goes with it called change.

Change sucks. Change sucks. I hate it. Change sucks, but it happens. So, you know, you're you're gonna have to go through that grieving process, and and when you come out the other end of that, you're you're both gonna need to sit down and talk. Yeah. Because at this point, it's about it's you had at what at the time was probably your ideal. This was exactly how you wanted it to go. You can't life is not letting you have that. So now it's time to go, what can I not live

without? Yeah. What is the thing that if I can get this Mhmm. I might not be the happiest I've ever been, but I will be satisfied. There there there's you've you've got to find a middle ground. Mhmm. Okay? Because yeah. For for the time being, the way the way things are with with their lives, yeah, they're not gonna have what they had. It it's it's just impossible. But, you know, you gotta find that gotta talk, gotta find that middle ground. And and you know what?

From what you're saying, you know, yeah. You're tired. You got this. You got that. Yeah, buddy. Life. Life. Oh, boy. Life. You know? And and you're you're probably gonna have to adjust and and, you know, several times in the process. Oh, yeah. It's a constant influx kinda thing, especially as life will continue to life at you. Yeah. I I I have to do this or otherwise, I will run screaming into the night and never come back. I have to believe

it's all ebb and flow. Yeah. And how long your ebb is and how long your flow is, that's pure fucking luck and nobody can predict. We are in an ebb of life right now. And we hate it and it sucks. Yep. And some days, some weeks, we are not our best DSE selves. We there have been months where it was not peak performance. And then we have a moment, we get a moment, we make a moment, and we come back to ourselves. And we have a really good

moment. And what's what I'm finally after all these years of being pissed off about our the ebb we're in right now Yeah. Is that I actually really appreciate when we come together in those brief moments. Well, you know what? Because now I know what it's like to not get hardly anything. Well, you know what? We we have entered our our Florida fall, and, take me out to the take you out to the woodshop. I'm a let you. I'm a let you. You have to make sure the windows are down because the kid's

home now. He will come running if he hears me scream. True. True. Just saying. Or I've been guess that's the new challenge. Just don't make a sound. Right. I'm a little scared of that, but I'm I'm game for it. So the way things were, you may never get back to exactly what that is, but you eventually may get back to some version of that. In the meantime, it's about finding what can be good enough that you can just kinda keep things going, knowing that it won't be

like that every fucking day. It won't be like that every week. There will be times where you can't do shit. There'll be times when you can do more. There'll be times when you do some third middle combination, and it's imperfect, and it's messy, and sometimes it's unpredictable. And, you're like me and you don't like unpredictability. Yeah. That sucks. But it's also kind of

the Yeah. The nature of things. It's why and I, you know, I would never say this to somebody going through it, like, to their face, like, in a judgy way, because that's not what anybody needs in a moment like this. But it is why I do repeatedly talk about the reality of what power exchange is when the fantasy is no longer an option. You know, new relationship energy, the peak of your negotiation, everything's hot and heavy, everything's going well. I'm glad for, you know, for anybody who

gets that experience. But the reality is is that reality will come crashing in like the Kool Aid man, and you're gonna go, wait. Alright. This perfect scenario we've been able to live in the sort of this honeymoon new relationship energy period is is not there anymore, and it's not working and life won't even give us the space to yeah. And that

is the reality of it. That is for some people, they take a complete break from things because it's too much or they don't want it if they can't have it in the exact way they want it. And I that's valid and fair. Yeah. Others, and we are this way, we just adjust. We just find the things that we can hold on to as meaningful for our individual kinks selves. We find the points of connection that are enough for us. They are

not absolute. They are not peak performance. They are not our ideal, but they're enough so that we can still, you know, think about our dynamic and go, yeah. This is where I wanna be, and we're doing what I want what we wanna do. Right? And then when the sometimes you have to make the opportunity and sometimes you get to

come across the opportunity. When the opportunity comes up to have something that feels like the good old days, we grab on with both fucking hands and hold on for the ride for as long as we have it. Now our current life is, like, we get an evening. We get we get midnight sex. That was that was a good night. We get, you know, 10 minutes of the paddle. We like Yeah. For us, that works. It won't work for everybody. And that is okay. You know, you have to find what some people are gonna go, I don't

want I don't want crumbs. I I want all or I want none. Cool. Fine. You got make sure your partner's on board because that's that's gonna be misery for somebody. Mhmm. But I think the rest of us just kinda go, yeah. Yeah. This is this is not what I thought I was signing up for, but but I love him as my partner. I want him in my life. I want what we can have as we have it. I don't care that it's not ideal because ideal was temporary to begin with. Ideal

was kind of fake. Ideal for us, our ideal amount of fuckery and kinky sex was when we were long distance and on those weekends we could get together. Because it was this one time you could kinda go, there are no responsibilities. I've taken a week off of work. I'm in a different city. My real life is not even a factor here. Right. And that that that is something that until we're empty nesters and somehow find that money tree in the backyard, you know, we might not get again. So

it's what do we build together? What do we have that's solid that doesn't need some of the outside stuff that's not always within our control? Right? That that is what you know, for long term relationships who are trying to live it, that's my recommendation. It's, you know, if you don't wanna give it up completely but you're unhappy with what you don't have, I think you just make yourself miserable. You gotta find what is enough. Mhmm. Whatever that bare minimum is.

That's just my thoughts on it. Okay. Hold on. Okay. Here we go. Alright. Am I really submissive? I'm a newbie submissive for over a year, and I've only played with 2 doms casually. I realized from this, I want something intimate and hopefully long term. Last week, I connected with a dom on Fett, and we exchanged numbers. He's great and very committed to building something long term. He's very attentive and eager to find out more

about me. We're still getting to know one another, but we've already made agreements that I must fulfill. Daily calls, daily pictures, checking in during the day. These are not hard tasks at all, but I'm a bit disorganized at times and have forgotten to do these tasks already. He rightfully called me out on these. And even though I understand where he's coming from and immediately apologized,

I'm feeling a bit of resistance. I've not been in a relationship really so I've never had to prioritize like this. This made me think that am I really submissive in this aspect? He's spoken about how he eventually wants a dynamic with a sub where there's total power exchange. I've never experienced this before and I feel nervous about giving myself like this, especially as we're long distance. I'm afraid that I'm going to struggle to be consistent and I don't want to hurt

or disappoint him. Am I right for this? They've been talking a week. I know. I know. And this is where we're at. Yeah. Yeah. We're both like like your your mom who's your dad who's like, you're too young for this. Right. Right. Right. And the old people are like, what are you doing? Sorry. We're both speechless because it's like a week, and you already got, like, a list of things to do. Yeah. And we're talking about total power exchange in the future?

It's been a week. Do you even know this person's name yet? I don't I do not wanna laugh at a newbie's message because it is very easy to fall into this. I know. I know. But I do not like that after a week I know somebody for a week, only been doing you know, trying to figure out themselves as a submissive for a year. Been doing this with this person for a week. They've got a list of things they have to do every day. I wanna know what the dom's doing every day.

And they're because they can't keep up. Yeah. Am I really submissive? Well, you know, for for one thing what did they say? A year? Yeah. They've they've Newbies Newbies for over a year. Over a year. And and only played The dogs casually. Casually. Right. So So probably no power exchange experience Correct. To to speak of. You know That that per that person got some learning to do. So much learning to do. And see, an experienced responsible dom is gonna be like,

oh, yeah. You're kinda new. You've never done power change before. Let's talk about what the fuck this even means. Yeah. Let's get to know one another. Right. Let's find out what the fuck you know. Right. You know, you know, where are you at with Journeying the Bear and where I am? You know, are are we working towards the same goals to build a relationship? Like you enough as a human being Yeah. That you get any fucking say over my life. Right. Am I even invested in this yet? A week? A week?

A week. And, also, somebody mentioned in the live chat, and you're damn straight. A week is not enough time to change lifetime of fucking habits either. And if you're not yet invested enough, like so I wanna be careful here because I don't think this is true for everybody. But in my experience, as somebody who struggles to change routines and to to incorporate new habits, the more excited I am about it, sometimes the easier it is to just start.

That makes sense. Yeah. But excitement for me personally, this will be different for everybody, tends to come from the investment from it. But also, there was never a time when we finally did start, like, incorporating things Mhmm. That you were not giving me immediate feedback. Like, there was positive reinforcement for anything and everything I

did, which Yeah. For me personally, because I think this is how I'm probably wired, was enough of a dopamine hit that I was like, I can remember to do that again because I get good thing. Push, lever, get treat. You know what I mean? Like, I am trainable. But that wasn't the 1st fucking week. No. It wasn't. No. It wasn't. Like, that's like, I can see somebody getting, like, really excited and thinking, oh my god. This person's probably amazing from a week of conversation. That's entirely

possible. I can even see them thinking that they they want to do this or that they, oh, air quote here, should do this or ought to do this. But I also think, you to me, 1st week, you haven't even fully negotiated shit yet. We were still getting to know each other. Thank you. So, yeah, to go, oh, I couldn't keep I wanna know what his his responsibilities were. Because it's one thing, it's easy to give a submissive task left, right, and center.

What the fuck was he doing? What were his responsibilities? Because if I knew that, I would know are we dealing with somebody who just went way too fucking fast? They both just went too fast, got too excited. That happens. Mhmm. Or are we dealing with somebody who went, oh, oh, you don't know shit. So I can do and say what I want because you don't know any better yet. And so he's supposed to get whatever he wants. What's he doing as the dom? And and, you know, they don't say really

They do. What experience the dom has. And or what the experience the dom said they have. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. The I think the rule of thumb is, look, if you wanna, like, sex, phone sex, whatever the kids do these days, I don't know. Do you fuck on Zoom? I don't know. If you wanna do that after a week, I will never get in your fucking way. Get your rocks off. But we're talking about a power dynamic with dynamic with rules and responsibilities to follow.

And potentially, they don't say that there's punishment or consequences. And I'm grateful because after a fucking week, you don't know enough for there to be shit going on. But it does like, if he's calling them out for not having done their thing, there is at least that, quote, consequence of the Dom's displeasure. Right? That is a consequence all on his own. No. No. It's it's not been long enough for that. Mm-mm. You're not eve you don't even you don't even know what you don't

know yet Right. To be able to go, okay. I am ready to change my life and fucking habits for you to do like and also and also, first of all, week? No. Too fucking soon. But we start with one thing. We change one habit or routine. Yeah. We get comfortable with doing one thing, especially if we are a person who struggles with changing routines and habits. You know, it helps if you know yourself well enough for that. Not everybody does. Yeah. You don't try to do the whole kit

and caboodle in one week. Because you're setting yourself up for failure. And then and then is the sub being made to feel guilty by the dom? Well, then what the fuck does the dom know? Because either inexperienced or a bullshit artist to not realize, oh, this is too much too soon. First of all, it's too soon. It's too soon. It's a week. Right. It's a week. It's a week. That's the flirty stage. That's the I'm trying to make sure you are who you say you are stage.

That is not the here's 85 rules to go follow, but also I'm gonna make you feel like shit when you can't do them to the point that this person is questioning, am I really submissive? No. You probably are. You probably are. And in the right circumstances with right partner You just got the wrong you'd be fine. Yeah. Oh, I'm so tired of shitty humans too often men making other people feel bad about themselves. Before I get the comment, hashtag not all

men. Okay. I didn't know that one was gonna make me rant. There we go. We are on to the last one. I don't know if I'm gonna rant, but I have I have thoughts. Okay. Alright. It's the last one. Let's see where it takes us. Oh, boy. Title, submissive women with male bosses. K. Hello. I'm curious to get people's perspectives on submissive women with a dom at home and a male boss in the workplace. Women, how do you compartmentalize listening to another man that isn't your dom?

Men, as protectors, how do you feel when your submissive tells you that another man spoke to her in a tone that you don't appreciate and or tells her what to do? My partner brought this up to me today after her boss spoke to her about time management. She asked if I'd like to know in the future if it happens again because she knows it upsets me when I'm unable to protect her. I'm able to separate our personal and professional

lives, but it's still upsetting to hear. How do you both, Dom and Subs, handle something like this? I feel like that was the sigh of judgment, and I'm here for it. Yeah. Go ahead, daddy. What do you think? Yeah. You know what? Yeah. A little much there. Little much. You know what? I I I am your caregiver, your personal care, your your daddy. Okay? And I look out for you. Mhmm. Alright? And I do everything in my power that I can do to take care of

you. Alright? Mhmm. But I also know that there are certain things that I just have absolutely no control over. It's not about you. It's not right. It's not about power exchange. Right. I mean, just like we have negotiated with Stuff With the Kids. Mhmm. Okay? Not part of the power exchange. Right. Okay? What what is this guy gonna do? Go to her boss? Go to their boss? And, you know, you shouldn't talk to her like that. Only I can do that. I was raised by

a man that did that. Almost got my mother fired, mortified her, and he was not allowed to come to her by her, was not allowed to come to her place of work Yeah. Until she transferred the job. So I went to a new location because all you do with that is it's humiliating, because you used to gotta go to work there. Nah. You gonna burn a bridge when you quit? I don't I don't know what that was different. But yeah. Yeah.

I was raised by that, so yeah. You know, it it it's one of those things then at that point where, you know, this this dominant this protector or how, you know that that that's kind of like, you know, when you come to me sometime and, like, okay. Do you want advice? Do you want Right. You know, to vent? You know? Okay. You know? I can't do anything about this, but you can vent to me. Right. Okay? Right. Because you you don't have any power over what a complete third party

Right. Has said to me, the way they've looked at me, the tone they've given, because, you know, I do not want to be with somebody who will whose first because I was raised by this. Whose first response is to go, you disrespected my woman. I'm a kick your ass. That's how you get your ass thrown in jail. No. No. Nope. We're not doing that. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. But yes. Yeah. No. So so first of all, somebody pointed out in the livestream, and I do kinda get this. It's not about it's

sometimes tone, the tone somebody uses. Okay. Can your boss be a fucking shithead disrespectful thing they can talk down? Yeah. Fucking course. Absolutely. Because we're adults who live in the adult world, and there are way too many bosses like that. If you, the dom partner, get pissy when your part like, on one level, there's this there's this loyalty thing I like. Be mad on my behalf. Let me come home to you, bitch about my network, tell you about my shitty boss. I did that when

we were long distance. I still had a, like, a a big girl job. And and you put up with me when I had that shitty boss for a while too. And we man, I hated everybody you hated in your office. I liked everybody you liked. Same. Right? We vented to one another. We bitched. We're like, fucking hate this. We're like, right? Because that that's that's how that goes. Right. But this idea that you're so upset in whatever way that means, it's not clear here.

Mhmm. That your partner says, would you prefer I just not tell you this stuff so as not to upset? What is happening? Yeah. First first of all, though, here's the thing that really pissed me on about this whole thing. It's not the question because the question to me on its face is fucking ridiculous. Are you living in the real world or not? The thing that bothers me about this question, if the question had been, hey, doms, does it bother you when your sub of any fucking gender goes through this?

I still wouldn't like the question because, again, on its face, it's fucking bullshit. Yeah. But why is it submissive women? And why is it male bosses? Because submissive women have shitty female bosses. Mhmm. Okay? Male subs have shitty whatever boss. Male subs have shitty male bosses. Right. Okay. And it's not just like a man woman thing. It's a people thing. Right? Sure. So that's the like

like okay. To me, that question specifically about female subs, male doms, says more about the person asking the question than the question itself. Because that is the, I'm a big strong man who's out to protect my woman. And look, on one level, I read enough smut. I find that very sexy when I'm reading it. And when JB gets offended on my behalf and would ride to war on my behalf if we were not, you know, fucking adults. Who don't wanna go to jail.

I like the idea of that because that's a thing that hits buttons. Like, there's something wrong with like kinda going, oh, let's go on sexy. You'll get laid real hard tonight if you tell me something like that. There will be a Cool. Right? But there's something about it, and I don't I can't I can't put it into words well enough. I can't I'm not eloquent enough to say why it bothers me, but something about that directed to submissive women. Because everybody, unless you work for yourself,

everybody's got a fucking boss. And quite frankly, I'm not a boss. It's the tax man I gotta fucking pay. Like, I you know? So unless you work for yourself, everybody has a boss. Unless you are the billionaire CEO that they're writing all that smut about. But most of us are not. We all have a boss. We all have to deal with it. Yeah. Dom, sub, switch, don't fucking matter. So why is it about a male dom being in some specific kind of fury on behalf

Yeah. Of their females? Like, something about that rubs me the wrong way, and I don't like it. Now let's just get to the actual question. If the boss is shitty and they're speaking disrespectfully to your partner, commiserate with your partner, and then what are you gonna do to help them find a better job, a different job, or something to

get the fuck away from that? Are you gonna, like, talk them through how they talk to HR or how they file a report or how they fucking quit and they've got another like, what are you doing to help the situation if the boss is truly being shitty? Mhmm. But work is work, and power exchange is power exchange. When I had a big girl job, I showed up and my boss was shitty to me, but I got my paycheck every week. Okay? I went there to exchange my time

in exchange for money. So therefore, it's not a power dynamic. Shitty I had plenty of shitty bosses in that job. And sometimes they were shitty and it sucked and I was like, I need a margarita tonight. And sometimes they were not shitty. And it didn't fucking matter. I was hired to do a job that I got paid for. If it got when it did get bad enough, I fucking left. It doesn't it's not power exchange. My boss speaking to me is not on the level of my dom speaking to me.

Not not at all. Not at all. Now when I was a repressed submissive who did not know anything about kink and did not know I was submissive but just loved authority, did I give a little bit too much of myself in as an employee to a boss that did not deserve it? Absolutely. Because apparently I was looking to scratch an itch I didn't know I had, but I like to be of service. I like to be the good girl even if that would be completely inappropriate at work to be

called that. But you know what that vibe is. Right? When you've made them happy, when you've done the thing and they're pleasantly surprised with you. And they tell you, hey. You did a great job, name of employee. Like, I was chasing that feeling incorrectly. Didn't know I was chasing the feeling. Figure it out with power exchange. But they are 2 complete like, there is a power dynamic between employer employee. Absolutely. But it is not the same. It it's not the same as as a as a no.

It is not. As a lifestyle dynamic. It is not. It is not. But, also, I'm still annoyed that it's the female submissives that the male doms need to be protective of. Look. I am a female submissive and I am more protective of my daddy dom than he is probably healthy. Okay? We I will go to battle. I don't wanna talk to no damn buddy, but if you are mean to my daddy, I can find the words to say what I need to say. Okay? That's a partner thing. It has nothing to

do with his gender. Certainly has nothing to do with his role because him being dominant does not immediately make him somehow superior, does not immediately like, we protect the fucking one another Yeah. Because it's a relationship. Mhmm. I just I don't like it. I don't like it. No. I agree. Somebody out there is gonna tell me how they think I'm wrong. That's been happening a lot lately, so I'm a little sensitive to it. I know I actually give a fuck, but still,

I just don't like that question. I'm really pissed. Like, there's the whole power exchange compared to job thing. I I don't like, I kinda just roll my eyes at. But I would take that I would take that question in good faith if we were not specifically talking about Yeah. Male bosses and women. It's like, oh, well, the only person who's allowed to talk down to my female submissive is me. Okay. We'll just, like, negotiate

that. That's fine. Mhmm. But what? Somebody somebody said in the in the, live chat pretty straight up what are we talking about? Cavemen here? Right. That's what it feels like. That is it's what it feels like. And, yes, it is misogyny. And I think that's the thing that really pisses me off because we don't we don't care about any other kind of of being treated like shit by a boss. Potentially, we don't even know. The boss coulda just been like, hey. You've been late, like, every day for

the past week. What what's going on? Like, that's not acceptable. We can't do that here. And I wish we had those details because I would be more judgmental if it was a completely typical, like, expectation of a boss to an employee. Like, who are you protecting from like, what are you trying to prove? Who do you and who do you need to prove it to? Are we proving it to ourselves that we are the big bad man who can take care of our little females and

business? Because they're so weak, and they can't do it without me. Like, I hate it. Anyway, anyway, I don't like that one, but that was our last question. I I tried to warn everybody. It was a doozy. And I didn't quite I just no. I don't like it. So that was our BDSMeredith response. I should not have worn a hoodie while doing this episode. I have Kinda got the blood pressure up a bit. Didn't you shoot your faces red and, you know And

I can't take the hoodie off. It's just a sports bra on under here, y'all. Right? I'm enough of an exhibitionist that if you like the thought of that, I love it, quite frankly. That's awesome. If you don't, don't worry about it. I'm gonna take my shirt off. You don't have to worry about anything. So yeah. This was chaotic in the best way, I think. We're back, we think. Mhmm. And thank you to Fluor for sponsoring this stuff.

If you would like to find somebody who's actually a good partner for you and not some of these strays, we clearly are picking up off the side of the road somewhere. Consider floor as your possible dating app. Link in the places. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh my god. So, are we good? I don't know. I don't know. I'm I'm pretty sure, the answer to that is no, but we'll go with it. It's fine. Okay. Alright. Keep the kinky, y'all. We'll see you Friday night if you come to our livestream. Daddy.

Yes, baby. Can we talk to the crickets? I I think you can. Okay. I I need to go refresh. Yeah. I bet you do. I got so caught up. I didn't for once, did not finish my drink before the episode ended. Oh gosh. Okay. We're here. It's bonus section time. Let's see if we can get you caught up. We tried to put it all over social media and I told myself I would send out a newsletter last Friday. I did not send out a newsletter last Friday. We were very, very fortunate, with Milton.

We didn't even lose power, y'all. We were very lucky, and we know we were very lucky. Other parts of our county, like, lost power for a couple of days. We just had a couple of flickers. We were fine. The wind howled though. We knew it was coming, you know, it was gonna hit at night. So we JB and I both just went, we we're not gonna go to bed. Well, it sounds like there's, you know, ghouls howling in our tree, so we'll just

stay up. So we stayed up. We were like, as long as we have power, we'll just, you know, watch TV or read our book or whatever whatever. We both, I think, dozed off around midnight. Yeah. And then I woke up at 1 AM because the wind was so bad. It it was just a gust, but it was a big enough gust that I came straight out of my sleep. Realized that JB was sleeping and went, well, I guess I can never sleep again because somebody has to be on high alert. We did not need to be on high alert,

but tell that to my anxiety. Yeah. And then I fell back asleep at, like, 3, 3:30. And we crawled into bed at 4:30, very happy that we came through unscathed. And we that we know that is not true. Not only just people we know, but, you know, JB lived in the Tampa Bay area. For 30 plus years. So stuff that he's very familiar with is basically underwater.

It it's it's it's been tough. I I have not been able to look at a lot of the pictures, because seeing areas that I've I've known for, you know, like you said, yeah, 30 plus years and more, you know, and and and places that I've gone and and, you know, hung out at, just Just gone? Gone. Gone. Yeah. This was a double whammy from Helene to Milton.

And, I mean, Helene's damage Yeah. Stretched beyond, but Milton just hammered an area that was already And and, you know, that that was the worst part about the Tampa Bay area. They hadn't even cleaned up from Helene. You know, you Not even close. The day before Milton, they were showing pictures. You know, the neighborhoods in in Pinellas County, in Hillsborough, Pasco, you know, trash just piled up in the yards, you know, waiting to be picked up. And no. It it it was it was terrible.

You know, I I I contacted one friend of ours, and, they evacuated. You know, most people did. Thankfully. Thankfully. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And and when all was said and done, Tampa Bay didn't even get a direct hit. No. No. You know, I No. They, you know, the the eye landed in Sarasota and that they had Poor Sarasota. Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy. They they don't have it any better down there either. Basically, the West Coast is fucked right now. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, essentially. Mhmm.

So what we the next we slept for a few hours, went to bed at 4:30, did not sleep for very long. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Jimmy basically just went and cleaned up the yard. I kept going, is there anything I can do to help? He's like, nope. I think I might have had some of this. You asked me about this, and I was like, no. I don't think so. And you had said you did. But, basically, it was like we had drop afterwards. Yeah. And, it makes sense, like, from my limited understanding of, like, science

because the emotions were heightened. We were in this super crazy anxious period, and then we sat out we rode out the storm in in absolute safety, like, complete safety, but that doesn't like, it's a buildup, and then you're, like, nervous, and you don't know what's gonna happen. And then you come

down from it, and Mhmm. Even though we're so lucky You know, the the thing there's the low The thing the thing was that that hit us, and this is how I I kind of put it that way, you know, it it first came to mainstream news probably around Monday of last week. You know? And they said it was a very fast moving storm. Right. It was gonna be, you know, Tuesday night into Wednesday. Mhmm. And, you know, started getting ready.

And and then they pushed it back a little bit, and then, you know, a little bit more. The storm slowed down. It's getting stronger and, you know, pushed it back a little bit more. And it it was just like this hurry up Yeah. And wait. And what's it gonna do? And, you know, we were concerned because if it had hit Tampa Bay directly on, we probably would have had We'd have worse winds from the store. Worse winds. You know, thankfully for us, that didn't happen.

Mhmm. So, you know, we we came out of it fine. You know, but, yeah, tamp Tampa Bay got got hit. So after the storm, we basically crashed. Yeah. And we kept going, we're gonna do stuff, and then we did not have the energy to do stuff. No. So we come out of this weekend, I think, feeling, you know, better ish, you know. Mhmm. Kinda getting back to normal, ready to get back to normal. And then, you know, I keep saying, I think I found the straw that broke the

camel's back. And then another straw happens. So we are fine. When we say this, we're just tense and stressed. Yeah. Our dishwasher has not been cleaning properly that we've noticed for over a week. Yeah. Okay? It probably has been going on longer, but it was visible for about a week. So we're like, oh, it's been a hot minute since we cleaned it real good. Let's check filters. Let's like, we know how to take care of our dishwasher. So we're like, oh, we we would like to I went

through. I yeah. I pulled everything apart, cleaned made sure the filters were all clean. The drain was open. Right. We popped. Vinegarin and, you know, several things we read said if the because we have hard water. Hard water. If you have a big buildup, let the vinegar sit for a while before okay. We went and made sure we got more dishwasher cleaner because we hadn't had that for a few months. Fine. So we let it sit for a couple of days. We don't touch

our dishwasher. We actually let the dishwasher sit for several days. Yeah. And then we're like, okay. Let's run a load with to get the vinegar that was in there. Right. And then we ran another load With the with the dishwasher cleaner. Thinking, okay. And the inside of our dishwasher is spotless now. We woke up. And we did that at night before we went to bed. Monday night. Yeah. Tuesday morning, we wake up. Yeah. Like, why is it wet over here?

Why is it when I step down on this part in the dining room, which is adjacent to our kitchen Mhmm. Water squeeges up from the hardwood floor. From the hardwood floor. Why is under the the mat we have in front of the kitchen sink that we stand on, like, a comfort mat thing? Why is it wet underneath? Yeah. So then, of course, you have to go on the great hunt for the leak. Mhmm. Pulled the refrigerator out, tested the water. I we're like, I'll get water. I'll do

this with Yeah. No. Looked under the sink. We're like, is it leaking under? Like, the Not a thing. No. Pull the dishwasher out and see a little bit of water, but we're like, what? So JB goes, let's dishwasher is fully yanked out, y'all. Mhmm. He goes, let's test the dishwasher because we had tested the fridge. We there's no leaks under the sink. Like, what is called? Where is this water coming from? Turns on the dishwasher, and water just pours out of the bottom.

Mhmm. And we're like, well, we found the leak. Yep. The dishwasher repairman was out today. He was very nice. Yeah. It's cheaper to fix the dishwasher than it is to buy 1, so we're fixing it. Yep. But the water. The water is an issue. Yeah. Yeah. Water is an issue. Yeah. Yeah. Because, it ran the water ran underneath the kitchen cabinets. Yep. Underneath the hardwood. Underneath the hardwood floor, underneath a a a short wall between the kitchen

and living room or dining room. Right. And then over the ledge into the office. Right. That that part's carpeted. Yep. Yep. And also because our bedroom is on the other side of the kitchen, it came it it was enough water. It soaked through the walls, and the carpet in our bedroom is damp. Yeah. And it's been a slow leak for a while that we didn't notice, and then the 2 loads backed back. Is what pushed it over the

edge. Pushed it over the edge. Yep. And we're still waiting to find out if the kind of water coverage damage coverage we have on our homeowners insurance covers this kind of damage. Yep. Because it's a pull up flooring in multiple rooms. Like, not not necessarily the whole floor in each room, but multiple flooring in multiple rooms. Yeah. So yeah. Yep. So we're we're just so when we were trying to move through our week, I was like, well, of course, we're doing the livestream.

Of course, both to the Wednesday night for the Friday episode and Friday night. I was like, but we can't I don't have it in me to do much more than that. These are easy because I feel like I'm having a conversation Yeah. In a way that I don't feel like with shorter episodes where I know you y'all know we're not fully scripted, but we got, like, more of point to try and get to. And cons a little bit more concise. Right.

We were also supposed to review something, and I was, like, between the storm last week and now this, I haven't even had time to look at the damn thing. Yeah. So we're just we were like, you know what? That that's we're just gonna give ourselves a little break. Mhmm. We're just gonna give ourselves a little break. Yeah. So, yeah, we we basically lost yesterday because the morning was spent finding the leaks, figuring out, like, how far it spread. Port JB was in every room that connects to the

kitchen in any way. We got real paranoid. It was like, okay. When it came over the ledge into the office, we were like, did it soak through the wall into the office? It did not. It did not. No. It did not. But then it was several hours later, he went, oh, shit. Let me go check. And then he checked the bedroom because Sure enough. Sure enough. Yeah. Our cabinets The bottom are soft now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. It's just a thing. Yep. And I I, I I said, I will never ever

buy GE Appliances again. Every single GE Appliances again. Every single GE Appliances. We're we're we're on our second icemaker in the fridge. In the fridge. Yep. Yep. Yep. Matter of fact, I haven't even fixed that yet. Just And this time, we're not hiring the appliance person. We're just doing it ourselves. Right. That that yeah. Be able to get the part. This is the second time our dishwasher is scrapped out. 2nd time dishwasher is crapped out and, burner on the stove

too. Yeah. And that's still working. And talking to the person who came to look at the dishwasher today, he was like, oh, yeah. That happens a lot. The burner element that would have to be replaced, he's like, that by itself before labor and well, that's $250. And I was like, I need to go price ovens now? Like, is it gonna be cheaper to fix it or plant a new

one? And and, you know, I I I I feel a little bit of responsibility in this because, you know, when we were looking, you know, we we looked at GE because my grandmother had GE appliances, and they lasted her entire life. And my mom had Yeah. Her GE appliances, and they lasted her, you know, entire life. And, not anymore, I guess. Yeah. Mister Spock points out, at least the GE stuff doesn't sing

like the the other ones. Yeah. Yeah. Our our, washer and dryer stick to us, and I after all these years, I'm still not used to it. Yeah. Still, like, what is happening? I it it's become a joke when the, dryer and the washer go into their, little thing. It's like, oh, the ice cream man's here. The ice cream man's here. Yeah. No. I'm I am I am old in the way that I'm, like, I would like to go back to like, give me appliances that don't have computerized anything in them.

Give me apply give me the, like, washer thing that you put in the top, like, something. Give me something that can be repaired easily. Of course, that's a dying art and the people who have the knowledge to repair them are, you know, slowly going away. But I'm just like, now I know why my dad was always like, I don't need a car with all the, you know, bells and whistles. That's just more stuff that can break. That that is my old person thing. It's like

like Yeah. I don't want all these damn appliances that could do 85 things because all those 85 things will break. Yeah. I I mean, you know, I I guess what I'm you know, you you you spend that kind of money on this stuff and, you know, shoot, it's barely out of warranty and it's, you know It's usually like the day after it's out of warranty. Yep. So the joys of homeownership for anybody who's like, gee. Is it worth it? I can't answer that for you. Yeah. Can't can't,

can't tell you. Yeah. No. Owning my own home is 10 times better than a shitty landlord because I've had shitty landlords. But when you have a decent landlord that actually will fix shit for you, I mean, I I could be convinced to come back to rent a claim. Yay. So, yeah, we were a little tired, and we've just we've been low energy now. Yeah. But things pick back up as they do. So tomorrow afternoon, I head to Gainesville. The kid needs the oldest needs groceries Yeah. And was texting me on, like,

Sunday night for me to go Monday. I was like, I cannot do that, but I can get there Thursday. I was like, okay. But then I'm an I'm an old lady who has anxiety. I was like, we're doing this quickly because I wanna get back to my part of town before rush hour traffic. I'm not driving that traffic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He laughed at me. So there's that. Next week, we go to, a concert of his. Oh, that was the other thing. So Sunday, he was like, I

need groceries. And he thought I was going Monday. I was like, I cannot go Monday. Mhmm. Then Monday, he goes, I have a performance tomorrow. And I was like, I love you so much. You did not tell me about he's like, I thought I had told you. No. No. I was like, I really hate this because we are not going to that was he's telling me this. Yeah. He's telling me this Monday. We didn't even we just knew the dishwasher wasn't working right. We didn't know it was leaking all

over the place. And I was already like, we got stuff going on. And then Tuesday morning, I was like, no. No. For real. I'm definitely not coming. Because that was when we were dealing with the dishwasher. So I was like, oh, so you have a concert next week. I'm deaf we're definitely going to that one. We'll see you for that one. And then there's a concert on my birthday. Apparently, my birthday's in the middle of the week this year. I didn't notice.

I don't know. She's got a performance that day too. So we'll be doing that. My birthday's at the end of the month for anybody who's like, what does that matter? Our anniversaries at the beginning of the week and then your birthday. Yeah. I know. So yeah. So life just keeps rolling on and we just keep rolling with it. Yep. And, I've been doing a lot of, handyman stuff at your aunt and uncle's. Oh my god. They gave you a honey do list. So I think I mentioned this a

couple weeks ago. Last time we streamed, my uncle had surgery. My aunt is disabled. My mom, who is retired and has, like, tons of free time, came to stay with them to help them out. Okay. Fine. So my uncles recovered very fast. And so my mom was, like, helping out around the house, but also kind of you know how when you live in your own house and something, like, stops working right and you go, I'll get to it.

And then it just becomes normal and background noise, and you don't even remember the oh, oh, yeah. I'll get around to it. I'll get oh, yeah. That's right. Well, my mother came in with fresh eyes and was like, oh, this needs and this needs and this needs. And then it was turns to JB. Oh, could you do this for us? They're out of town this week. They're staying up in a cabin in the Georgia mountains, where, like, where there it's not like a devastate state of place from, like, Helene or

whatever. Like, it's it's fine. They can be there. And so we were like so we're taking care of their cat, which is fine. We do that for them every time they go out of town. Anyway, but my mom left with a list of chores to Yeah. Could JB complete for them, and we got them done. We did. We did. We did. And saved their it's not they don't have a Roomba. They have a shark.

But they're like, our Rosie the Roomba, their version of that had, like, gotten lost in the wilderness of their house while they've been gone. Found her, put her back on the charger. Yep. Got to love on the cat a little bit, like Mhmm. Mhmm. So And, talked silent, asked about the the the pets. Fur babies are all fine. Oh, yeah. They're right as well. They're doing fine. Lola, she she's been, oh my gosh, almost obnoxious with her with with the nice weather. She wants to go out, then she wants to

come in. Wants to go out, then she wants to come in. Yeah. All day today. Yeah. And then when the appliance repair person was here, I kept her in the office with me because she's actually fine with most people. But, 1, most people don't wanna be some people don't wanna be around big dogs. Right. 2, until she's fine with you, you will hear her big girl bark, and none of we just and that could scare people. We didn't want any of

that. We're like, So I kept her here in the office with me while JB was talking to the repair person. Yeah. And, she was mostly fine, and so she decided she didn't wanna be in the area. She wasn't she wasn't barking. She was howling. She was doing that oh that she does. Yes. You know? That that she's been abandoned. Oh, yeah. Just lost, forsaken. I am sitting on the floor. I did not sit on the floor. I'm sitting on the floor going, Lola, come here. Here. Lola, let me love

you. And she would run over to me, let me scratch her ears for, like, half a second, run back to the door, and I woo. And I would go, Lola, come here. And she'd run to me, and I could scratch her ears, and she'd run back. And we did that multiple times. Yeah. Thankfully, the person who was here did not seem to, be phased by me. No. He didn't. That was nice. Some people some people love pitties and are like, oh, do you have a pity? And then we get into a conversation about how much do

I love pitties? And some people, especially if if she does her big girl bark Yeah. They just sort of tense up, which is why we keep her away. Like, we're not trying to, like, freak anybody out. Ever ever since we we realized that, you know, with when we had the pest control

and Yeah. Or even if she would see someone in the neighborhood, you know, or or spray tech doing the yard, something about these folks that they have a wand in their hand, and and that brings us to well and and sometimes I wonder if it's because she was shot. If that to her that And I think I don't She I think she went through more abuse than just Probably. Being shot in the Probably. The leg. Probably. And I yeah.

But, you know, she's she's doing good. It was funny after after he left and opened up the door, she, pretty much had been glued to my side for the rest of the day. Yes. Oh my gosh. I, I I had the opportunity today to lay down and on the sofa and take a nap. You know, I was barely sat down on that sofa and had that little throw blanket over me, then she was on top of me. Wow. Okay. Because you've been very sad that she would not get on the couch for the whole day. She she did. You know?

She couldn't wait. I think she feels like a new woman with this cooler weather. I do. I do. Yeah. I mean, my whole personality is strange. Mhmm. Well, maybe not, but you know what I mean. Yeah. So yeah. And the the cats are fine. Ella has actually been a little more, personable is not the right word because she's very a very social cat. Passionate? Yeah. Thank you. That's what I want because she's been going from lap to lap to lap. Yep.

And then, like, a circuit. Like, if we're all especially if we're all sitting on the couch, she just Yeah. Kinda goes down the line and wants to sit with everybody. And, like, her purse feel, like, louder to me. I'm like, it's because you don't normally cuddle up with me, but girl. Onyx is Onyx. Oh, yeah. Onyx is Onyx. And she will always be Onyx. She will always be Onyx. Will never not be. Yeah. Thank god we love her. Mhmm. Well, like we say about Ella, thank god

she's pretty. Oh, lord. That one. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I know it's a running, like, joke on the Internet about, you know, cats multiple cats sharing one brain cell. Ella Onyx does not let Ella have the brain cell. No. No. She does not. She's like, this is mine. I had it way before you came along. You don't know what to do with the brain cells, so you don't get it. I'm pretty sure Onyx has more than 1, but she's, like, keeping Ella's one brain cell away from her. Oh, thank god Ella's cute.

Oh, lordy. So yeah. We're Yeah. You know, other than the little extra, like, house stress, we're we're mostly good and fine. We are, finally in a way that we were not able to before, but we can now. We're finally doing some, like, major major restocks for the Kinkery. Yep. My major restock will be as fast as they get me the supplies come in that I've ordered to be shipped. And yours, you're going you get to go you get to go play with wood tomorrow, your favorite thing to do.

I mean, it's probably been a hot minute since you've gotten to play with wood, but that's Yeah. A different conversation. And so we're gonna spend the weekend milling and processing wood and making more paddles, which is very exciting. Yep. And, I did a doing some rearranging in the garage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to eke out more a little more space in there. More space. Yeah. Yeah. So You know, I, the, the the the benches where we do or where you now do most all of the

Resin work. Resin work. I cleaned that off and gave you some extra real estate on top of the catalog. Like, 2 more feet of space. Yeah. So that's been So Yeah. That's been nice. And, yeah. It's So here we are. Here we are. Hopefully, next week, we can be fully back to normal. That would be nice. That would be very, very nice. And then, yeah, Friday night, we'll be here. Mhmm. Yeah. I don't know what state we'll be in. But we'll be here. Yes. We will. Yes. We will. So, yeah, I guess that's

enough for now. Mhmm. Oh, somebody mentioned it in live chat. So Yes. Yes. You have something that is not new behind you. I don't know how to describe it for podcast listeners. What what words do we need to say to describe this? So it it's a candle. Mhmm. It's purple. Purple. It is a wizard reading his I hope I can say it right. Grimoire? I don't know. Grimoire? I don't know how it's actually said. It's a word I've never read. Standing behind a dragon. Mhmm. And he's had

it forever. Yep. Forever. And that is not a candle that is has ever seen a flame. No. It will never get burned. No. No. No. No. No. No. That's decor is what that is. So Yeah. I, You zhuzhing up our space for Yeah. I thought, you know The background for YouTube? Yeah. I thought, you know, maybe every once in a while, throw something a little, you know, shake it up a little bit. I'm I'm here for that. I'm telling you,

I'm in this phase where, like, yeah. I want I I want and I'm seeking very specific kinds of change. If I do not seek it out, I don't want it. Thank you. Are you listening to me, universe? I'm not asking for change. Anyway, ah, thank you, Yarn and Whiskey. Grimoir. Grimoir. Okay. Always said it. Thank you, x. See Thank you. There's so many words that I've only ever read. I mean and I'm you and I both it's funny because you get a little we thought we were leaving. We're not.

You sometimes you get a little self conscious because I'll correct a word. Yeah. And I'm a and you kinda do this thing. I go, no. I know you've only read it. You've just never heard it said. Here, I'll say it for you. Now you know. I don't get I only it bothers me when somebody I'm not, like, super close to corrects me because then I get that whole, oh, no. I'm an awful human being who made a mistake. I'm not allowed to do that. That's that's my own personal trauma.

JB is allowed to correct me, but he tends to get the giggles because it's very rare that he has to correct my pronunciation. Normally, it's the other way around. Yeah. And so he finds it very humorous, but it's usually because I have really butchered a word. Like like, no reasonable person would know how I got that combination of letters to sound like that. So it's it's fine. It's fine. If the people you love most in the world aren't allowed to laugh at you, who is? Nobody.

But anyway, that's, again, my emotional trauma. So yeah. That's kind of, been us in a nutshell lately. Oh god. Every time you say stuff like that, I, I can't is it Jim Carrey? Is it it's somebody who went, it was Austin pow it was an Austin Powers. Wait. This is me in a nutshell, Every time I'm just now admitting it, but every time you say that's blah blah blah in a nutshell, I'm like, no. This is me in a nutshell. Anyway, Okay. I think we should go now.

Yeah. We'll be back Friday night, October 18th, 9:30 PM EST. Mhmm. Thanks for being here, especially to the bitter end. Yep. We appreciate all of you. We do. We will talk to y'all Yep. Later. Okay. Bye. Bye.