BDSM Reddit Response

You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four seventy eight. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the man who likes change about as much as I do but still goes along with it because, sure, why not? John Brownstone. Change is inevitable. It is. It still sucks. Yep. Even when it's change we've asked for. So visually, obviously, y'all would not be able to tell the changes we have made That's true. To our

podcast setup. But you might notice slight differences because, JB's got a keyboard in his lap now, and I'm doing stuff off of my phone instead of the, screen because we actually don't have any technology directly in front of us or in between us anymore. Yep. In a perfect world, once we get used to this Mhmm. This should be seamless. Correct. I think it will be simpler, cleaner. But until then, we're just, fumble around like drunk raccoons. That'd be great. Yeah. Yeah. I'm down with it.

And while we're fumbling, like the drunk raccoons, this week, yes, we were not around last week. We will talk about that in a little bit. But this week we are gonna respond to a questions asked on the kinky side of Reddit. I picked one, maybe two, because they were infuriating. Mhmm. But also because there was not nuance, but there was a little thing and I went, let me poke at that little thing

there. So I didn't just pick it on the off chance I would rant until, you know, my blood pressure spiked. But I kinda knew what I was looking at. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. Anyway, welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome back. Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app, if you have not already and you are willing to do so, we would love it if you would rate, review whatever your podcast app allows. That does help other kinksters find us. And we have talked to a few kinksters who have found us recently through, the podcast. So it does work and it does help, and we appreciate you.

You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and, technically, threads that handle I will forever fucking hate. It makes me so it's loving d s, not BDSM. Loving d s and the number one. So the the handle is at loving d s one. I hate it so much. On blue sky at loving BDSM, or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the

show notes. A big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps. We are grateful for every fucking body. Yes, ma'am. And we are able to keep being weirdos on the Internet in large part because of our kinky patrons. We wouldn't be here without them. I mean, very clear. I don't know if we would have made it this long without our patrons.

If you'd like to join our kinky community and get access to extra content and a Discord server, and make sure we continue to be weirdos on the Internet for at least another decade, you could do that. Just join us at patreon.com/kaylalords. That's patreon.com/kaylalords, or use a link in the show notes. And away we go. Okay. Before we, get into potential ranting, real quick, where the hell were we last week? So for podcast listeners, this should not affect you, but it definitely did.

Right after oh, two weeks ago, I guess. Yeah. That that Wednesday livestream Thursday morning, YouTube put us in the corner. Mhmm. It gave us a community strike. We should win it on appeal. We did not we you could still win an appeal ages after you submit it, but they did not get to an appeal in order to cut short our time out. Our time out was for a week. So we knew we couldn't do a live stream the following Wednesday. That was last week. And so we went, why don't why don't we just take a

break? We'll just take a week off. So we didn't even record an audio podcast. Mhmm. YouTube gave us the strike also the day before that Friday night livestream. Yeah. So that sucked. And then JB had plans for the following Friday when YouTube would let us stream. But Mhmm. Yeah. I made plans prior to all He had plans. So we I was not going to, like, bat my eyelashes or do any guilty bullshit. Be like, can't we just do just go go have fun. I will sit on the couch in my

comfy clothes and read my book. Yeah. So that's where the hell we were. Mhmm. And then once I we called it a break, I treated it like an actual break. I didn't send out a newsletter. I, you know, didn't do a whole lot online except to complain about not being out of the corner, you know, that kind of stuff. So if you were like, where's the episode? Where's the video? Where's where was the live stream? Blame YouTube. Blame YouTube. Just blame YouTube. I'm just what

I'm gonna do is blame YouTube. Yeah. Okay. So let us get into the very first Reddit post. Okay. Are you fucking kidding me, Reddit? I had it pulled up and ready to go, and the Reddit app just relaunched and said, no. I don't wanna be here anymore. Okay. Here we go. Okay. This one is a long one. So pardon me on this one. Dom keeps pushing things too far, and I don't know what to do. I've been with my daddy since around November.

It was a long distance relationship at first, but he recently moved to my city. Overall, it's been a great relationship. He treats me like a proper princess and has been a good communicator in general. But I'm really struggling with this one thing that keeps happening in the bedroom, and I don't know if it's enough of a red flag that I should bail. Daddy likes to spank me, and in general, I like spankings. But I have a couple of long term health conditions that impact my

stamina for impact play. It can just exhaust me and overload my nervous system before we even finish. So I have a handful of rules for daddy when it comes to Spanx, and he has broken them. The rules are pretty minor. We have an agreed upon hardness level, and I don't want him to go over 20 spanx in a given session. 15 to 20 is my sweet zone where I get what I need to, you know, out of it without being too tired to keep playing.

The first time this happened, we hadn't really talked through specifics and he ended up giving me something like 50 Spanx. It was at the end of a long day and on a work night and I got pretty pissed at him for pushing things that far on a work night knowing my conditions. We talked it out and I laid down the ground rules above. We had a couple practice sessions, even to make sure he knew how hard

I wanted him. Then last night, after we'd been out to dinner with friends, one of whom was a recovering alcoholic, so nobody was drinking, we came back to my place exhausted. I asked if he wanted to stay for some playtime, but figured he knew I wouldn't want anything too intense or drawn out. We made out for an agonizingly long time and then he took me upstairs and started spanking me. It was harder than what we've talked about and he just kept going well past twenty.

I stopped him somewhere around twenty five to thirty. He told me I was a good girl for stopping him and I kind of lost my temper at that. Told him he was not being a good dom, that he should have remembered. He said he was sorry and that he hadn't been keeping count, and I told him he really should have been. He was apologetic and didn't really take but didn't really take ownership of what happened. He said he was still learning about me and my limits and that he wanted to learn

and was trying to do better. I don't feel like that's good enough when I've been extremely clear about those limits and it's been a problem before. Once is a learning experience but twice feels egregious. I told him it wasn't fair to expect me to keep being his practice dummy for learning how to read people and respect their limits when it's my safety on the line.

That if the expectation was just for him to quote try while this might still happen again, and then I'm just supposed to be patient while he abuses my body, that's unacceptable. I said he needed a concrete plan to ensure this never happens again for me to consider getting back into bed with him. He went home to think on things and I went to bed. I'm still processing how I feel about this, but I'm curious how other subs would handle the situation. Of course, I want to maintain the relationship.

If I want to maintain the relationship, there's plenty we could do to avoid this situation in the future. I could count while he spanks. He could check-in more. We could sign a contract. But I don't know that I necessarily should cons be considering the dis okay. Hold on. Why can't I read? But I don't know that I necessarily should should considering the disregard he's shown my well-being in the bedroom. So what do you guys

think? Should I give an inexperienced dom another chance knowing it might lead to more hurt in the future, or should I just close the book on this one, wish him well, and cut my losses? I'm feeling really conflicted. There is an update, but I'm not gonna read that until Until after? Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, we know the answer, but you made a grunting noise. So please Yeah. Go

ahead. Well, you you know, just the fact that this person has this health condition, and they have to stay within those Right. Parameters. And they made those parameters clear. Quite clear in the beginning. Mhmm. You know, the the only thing I would say on on the other side of this and and it's such a minor thing. Mhmm. You know, When talked about, you know When they got home after When they got home afterwards and, you know, there were, in this person's mind, expectations. It was obvious.

Air quote. Air quote that. Obvious. Right? Alright. Yeah. You know? No. You know, you should Right. You know, hey. You know, it's a work night, so let's not do anything too extreme. You gotta be really clear. Yeah. You caught the exact thing I caught because, no, this the sub should not have to expect to be their Dom's practice dummy like that. Right?

So personally, by the second time when you've had the conversations along the way about here's the number we need to stay in and here's my threshold for intensity. You know, if this person was like, I don't trust you to, like I think that's fair. And a 100% would be like, yeah. I mean, there there might even be some incompatibility there too. True. You know? Again, because everything is on a spectrum. Mhmm. Right? He may need somebody that

he can go harder on. Absolutely. Or somebody and here's the thing. It's possible that he needs a more experienced submissive. But that is, you know, conjecture because I don't know. Is he disregarding his sub completely? Is he truly just forgetting? The forget see the forgetting would bother me anyway because it means you are not paying enough attention before you even start a scene to like kind of run down the parameters. For future, right, or I guess if you

wanted to stay with this person. But in the future, what I would probably suggest is before every scene there's clear conversation, clear communication. Yes. You're gonna remind, hey, 15 to 20. Hey. Don't forget my my intensity level. Right? Especially when you're you're new to to kink in general, but you're new to each other. There's not a damn thing wrong with kind of going over it multiple times until it does become a little bit of

muscle memory. And and let's face it. They I think if I remember correctly, they were long distance. They started out, and then he moved to her city. Move. You know? And, you know, we know all too well a lot of times, you know, just because you erase that difference doesn't mean everything goes smoothly. Right. Exactly. Yeah. I'm I'm not impressed with him Mhmm. Because once it went wrong the first time

Yeah. The then it was on him for sure as the dom, and I can understand an inexperienced dom not knowing this, but it was on him to make sure it didn't happen again. Right. Now the the life lesson for the submissive going forward is when you're playing with somebody new, you don't assume they know where you're at. You get it real freaking clear. And, you know, I I get it. I know there are some subs out there who'd be like, oh, well, it takes the spontaneity way. It takes the excitement away.

I mean, yeah. But, having somebody, like, cross your boundaries, is a type of spontaneity and excitement that nobody asked for and wanted. So maybe stay on the side of caution, air on the side of caution, and just say it again and be very clear. Like, just so you know, yeah, I'm definitely down for whatever, but here's my here's my energy level. Here's what I think I can handle. Please remember

15 to 20 blah blah blah. You know, you're you're you're not topping from the bottom to reiterate those limits. Dom's should not get, you know, their hurt their feelings hurt or their panties in a twist when their sub is like, hey. You might not be used to playing with somebody with health conditions. You I get it. This is not top of mind for you yet. Now then it is incumbent on that dominant to make it top of mind for themselves, you know.

Does that maybe take time? Does that take tools like something on in your notes app or a reminder or a checklist or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. But that's part of it for anybody you're playing with, but especially somebody who's like, I got it. I got health issues, and we have to be careful because it absolutely will impact my health. I give this person credit Mhmm. For speaking up Yes. Once he got to the twenty five, thirty, you know, that was over and, you know, then, hey.

Right. You gotta stop. Right. Exactly. I I give her credit to that, not just sitting there and taking it. A 100%. And I I think that, if I don't think I could play with somebody who fucked it up twice. Once once I'd be real leery. Once I would the trust would still have to be rebuilt, but, by the second time? And a oops, I'm just learning? I mean, that you know, here's what kills me. That

can be factually true Mhmm. But that is not a reassurance that somebody who is whose own health and safety has been disregarded. It that doesn't do anything. It doesn't mean anything. Like, okay. Sure. I guess that's actually true, but what have you done to show you actually gave a crap about me as a human to make sure you did not fuck this up? Yeah. But for the sub for few you know, for the future, for anybody else, do not be afraid to go, okay. Let's check-in real quick. Just a reminder.

Just, you know, don't forget. Because quite frankly, if you're giving those reminders and the first time they fuck it up after you've said it explicitly Mhmm. That'll be information to use and decide if you wanna stay there or not. Right. But that was the thing I noticed was the assumption. Oh, he would know. I didn't Yeah. Yeah. Sadly, clearly, no. He would not. Right. Yeah. It's in general just Mhmm. I mean, after all these years together, you can usually tell when I'm, like, exhausted

or wiped or whatever. And even then, we're still gonna take, like, half a second to go, whoo. I'm tired. I don't know how much I can handle or, oh, I don't have a lot of energy for, and it's just sort of part of the conversation that we go on. Now, the update. Update. Thanks everyone for your kind advice and the sound reality checks dropped in the comments below. I have decided to block this person after receiving the following air quote apology text later this morning.

Quote, I'm sorry for last night, baby. Truly, I didn't mean for a couple of spanks too many to ruin what was otherwise a really nice evening. I promise you there was no intent for a long scene. I hope we can talk soon. Well, good good on this person on the sub for being like, you gotta go. This could lead into the intent versus impact conversation. Like, you could have the best of intentions, but if your impact harms somebody who gives a fuck about your intentions.

Well, I intended to drive to work safely, but I caused a 10 car pileup. That's not my fault. I was try I meant to go to work safely. Like, okay. Yeah. Anyway, so that was the update, which is nice. It's nice to see because too often, we we don't find out if they, like, did the thing that we thought they should do. Okay. Next one. Okay. K. Come on, Reddit. Load. Okay. Toy versus sub question mark. Hi, everyone. I'm new to this subreddit in particular.

I'm kinda new still to this lifestyle as well. I, 30 female, just ended things with my long distance ish dom, 30 male. We are both poly and he has a wife and a girlfriend already. I had met them both. They're lovely. Now onto the issue. Sir and I had been talking and agreed on harm hard limits and had been discussing things around what we viewed our dynamics to be like and how we could make things work with each other.

However, what he never sat down to talk to me with was rules and expectations. It got to the point where I felt like I was just I was becoming just a toy for him. And yes, I did fall in love with him. He never said we were platonic or anything romantic explicitly. So there was room for assumption and that's my fault for not clarifying beforehand. Well, two well, two nights ago now, I had asked for clarity on what we were

outside of our dynamic. I was just wanting to know because of boundaries with his wife and girlfriend. So he told me really close friends and obviously it hurt me. Then he turned around and without thinking, said he was going to propose to said girlfriend. It felt like a slap in the face. So I do what I normally do and withdraw to internalize. I didn't talk to him for about fourteen hours. Spoke with him the next morning. He knew something was up because I was quiet

and I exploded on him. I didn't yell though, just let everything out. He looked horrified but then tried to cop out. I instantly knew I was going to fight with him because he never took accountability for any of it and tried to say I knew what I was getting into, that we were just friends in a dynamic. And I told him that we had no prior discussion, that he said he wanted me and he loved me. We had been talking for a while prior to getting this into this relationship.

I got so upset and he goes, you've broken off with me. And I never said those words. He assumed. So it ended then and he goes, why would my commitment change because of a label? I said, because I need to know precisely where I stand due to old trauma and wounds I'm working through. And I said, your girlfriend already made it clear that no one else can be your girlfriend but her. So I will not overstep. He goes, but I want you. What we're called is irrelevant to

me. I said, but it matters to me and that's where the conversation ended. Another dominant friend of mine said he got the ick from my ex Dom's behavior with all this and was angry on my behalf. So I guess I'm asking, was I too naive and sir picked up on it and used me? Is this a bad example of a air quote Dom wanting a toy, not an actual person to care for? I'm confused and hurt, but I know I won't go back. My position in his world was made clear. I think this is a clusterfuck.

Yeah. I think nobody was they everybody was talking at each other, and nobody was talking to each other. That's what I think. Yeah. Yeah. It is. You made sounds over there. What's on your mind? I I just listening to it. It was like Oh, another one. Yeah. Another one. There they go again. Yeah. So, you know, yeah, I I I think there is you know, I I can't blame this person for wanting some people need labels. Right. Exactly. You know? And, I mean, I labels were very important to me in the

beginning Mhmm. Because it gave me something to gauge by Sure. You know, now not so much. Mhmm. But, you know, for somebody really, it's like kinda yeah. Well, I mean, what what are we? What you know? But, you know, I I get I agree. I think it so that's what some people want. And even there's nothing wrong with that. But I do think what you do is you go, hey. Can we have a conversation? Hey. We never

really did talk about this. The lesson going forward for this person is have the conversation at the beginning as you start negotiating this relationship and what the hell you're gonna be doing. What does it mean to you? What do you want out of it? What are you looking for? Are you looking for a play partner? Are you looking for, you know Right. Like, what kind of what are you hoping to get out of this? Now, of course, people being people, it can evolve and feelings

can change. And, you know, in a perfect world, sure, it changes in the same way on both sides and ta da, you know, now we're happy for now, happy ever, ever, whatever. But one, that's not always gonna happen. And two, I think this person, this missive in this, would have benefited from expectation management from the start. So they've learned a pretty painful lesson, I would imagine, that do not make assumptions, do not let the conversation go unsaid. You know, the moment you're like, wait,

what are we? What do we wanna be? What are we working towards here? Just talk about it. There was something else. I did find this a little maybe I'm reading into it. So the very first thing she says is he has a wife and a girlfriend. I'd met them both. They're lovely. Right? Mhmm. And then later, we get down and let's see if I can find it. Him proposing to his girlfriend felt like a slap in the face. Well, one, that's a

separate relationship from you. So the feelings he has for the girlfriend have nothing to do with you and don't are not an indicator of anything going on in your relationship. That is the, you know, the next level Mhmm. Which I have questions because he's married or depending on where you're located. That's not as far as I know, legal to have more than one spouse, but maybe something's changed. But it could also be symbolic. Like, let me show you how close

we are. Maybe it's gonna be like a a nonlegal ceremony. So that was one thing. Could be like a collaring ceremony or something like that. Could could be a hand fasting that Right. Something that does not require an actual marriage certificate. So that was my first thing is, okay, that relationship has nothing to do with y'all's relationship. So that sounds a bit like some envy going on that somehow the girlfriend, who was already there and established and had a Right.

Had a history, was air quote, getting something that this submissive was not. And I wonder if there was some envy there because, remember, top paragraph, they're lovely. Then we get the, oh my gosh, she's proposing the girlfriend, and that feels like a slap in the face. Yeah. Which was that I'm gonna say, that was not the what that man was intending. He was like, this is my girlfriend. I'm gonna do this.

Yeah. And then we get to, I want to find it, of that his girlfriend had said that he nobody else could be his girlfriend. Yeah. And look, I know non monogamous relationships come in all flavors and styles and that there are times that that's how things get negotiated. And if you can make it work and everybody's actually happy, great. But what? So then the girlfriend was dictating the other relationship

as well? Yeah. I'm wondering if the the person who submitted this really thinks the girlfriend is lovely, air quote, at the end of all of this. Because just with two examples, I'm like, there's there's some there was some friction there. Yeah. And is it is it because maybe the this guy does not communicate clearly with any of his fucking partners? That wouldn't surprise me if that was the case. That really would not surprise me at

all. And yet at the same time, you know, if if this person is looking on this girlfriend with envy, with jealousy Right. You know, that's a little self work that person needs to do in regards to Polly. Well, you know, jealousy and envy are are part and parcel because we're humans, and you will see somebody having something that you wish you yourself had, and you will

have your feelings about it. I think the what it sounds like is that this person wanted more than their dominant partner was willing to, wanted to, and could give them. I think it's I find it so strange that they didn't speak to their partner for fourteen hours. I do not recommend that in general. I mean, even a quick text to go look, I am I got some stuff on my mind. I need to think through it. I need to, like, just so you know, I highly recommend that.

So I don't love that they didn't speak to the person for fourteen hours, but I really don't love that the the Dom was like, oh, this means we're broken up now, I guess. Like, what? What? It it sounds like they all have their own things going on. Hot mess express is what we are looking at right here. Yep. Yeah. That's just there's there's too much going on. Mhmm. Would love to know, like, what's going on with the wife. Is all

well there? Like, I don't know. You know, ultimately, this person needed to have the conversation. What what are we? Where are we going? What are we trying to do? I think they should have been honest if maybe they were. I don't I did not read it here. When they developed feelings for their dom, and start I'm reading this as and it could just be this person not explaining it well. As they develop feelings and instead of going, hey, I'm having some feelings, they were like,

so what are we? And then they didn't get the answer that they wanted, which yeah. That's devastating. That hurts. That sucks. That makes you have to go, is this where I wanna be? Is this the right relationship for me? I see it's valid to need time to think about that, but it does not feel like at any point leading up to that there was any clear communication. I know. Apparently, from the girlfriend because she was like,

nobody else gets to be your girlfriend. I think and I know I'm sure there's some poly people who make that kind of thing work. And I have made statements. We've had these conversations that I don't I hate I don't like I'm better now, but I don't like the idea of somebody else calling you daddy because that feels very say that. Yeah. Special to me. But I would not say you could not have a daddy dom relationship with anybody. And we did have this conversation ages ago.

If it was important enough to somebody else to use that title, I'd I mean, I'd have to, like, sit with it. I'd have well, there have to be conversation. I'm you know, I think at this point in my life, I don't think I would gatekeep a a title. I think I think I'm confident enough in myself and in us that I'd be like, okay. Fine. Would there be a little tiny part of me on the inside that was for me personally that went, I don't like that. Sure. Sure.

You know? So I, you know, I get people having, like, things they don't want to have happen, but I do not understand if you if you are the girlfriend of a person and that person is now seeing somebody else, how you can dictate that that person could not be your girlfriend as well. Mhmm. Like, that for for me, personally, that feels like a step too far. But I I'm sure people make that work, and that's great for you. That's great for

you. Okay. Can can you believe that I actually wish I could put my damn phone down? I'm like, ugh. This doing this from the phone thing, I don't know how I feel about it. Okay. Next one. Punishment or play? Question mark. So I'm in a d s dynamic where I'm 100% his good girl and submissive. Think princess submissive. He's the first dom I have been so naturally submissive with. In the past, I have dabbled with d s, but I always lean towards bratting. With him, I just want to obey and

give him all the control. The feeling is very new for me. However, the other day, we were playing around and I started to tease him about something. I wouldn't let up and he said that I was begging for a spanking. We don't generally do hard, stingy impact as I prefer a deep thud, so a hard spanking would definitely be a punishment. I loved it. It was still hard to withstand and definitely felt like a punishment, but I want more. He loved seeing me that red and loved

watching me squirm as well. I asked him afterward if that meant he wanted the brat back. He said he loved it, but if I liked it that much, is it really punishment? I assured him it was, and he said he wants it in his back pocket for a punishment if needed, but that he doesn't want me to brat. He wants me as his good girl. So where do we go from here? Just wait for me to mess up before we can go there again? Or possibly talk about incorporating into play and not just punishment?

I'm torn. But it was so hot and exhilarating. The adrenaline was intense. But did that come from the fact that it was punishment or just the feeling of being spanked like he did? Okay. I I don't even know where to go. I I don't even So the first thing that comes to my mind is instead of twisting ourselves into knots about how do I get this experience again, just say, hey, I'd like this experience again. You don't have to be as abrasive as I am. Be a cutesy princess as of it's fine. It's fine.

So that would be the first thing I would say. Stop trying to, like, go, how am I gonna have this experience I want? How do I make this happen? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Say, hey. Can we incorporate this? And and have the conversation about what that looks like when that happens, blah blah blah. And then I say and then the part the other part of that conversation has to be, okay. I don't want that to necessarily be a just only in the back pocket as punishment.

Yes. Maybe. If it can you know? Because sensation does make a a a big difference between what you like and what you don't like. Yeah. As somebody who does not like stingy, that certainly gets it a lot. And so I think that could be a punishment he pulls out when it feels appropriate.

Mhmm. But also, if it's done as a punishment, he could change that up with just the tone of his voice, the expression on his face, the words he uses so that it is clearly more of a punishment, and you could then separately negotiate, hey. I wanna seem like that. I wanna do that. Now is it a thing you want it to come from out of nowhere? Do you want, you know, maybe look into funishment where you get a little playful and you know both of you know that the point is to end up there?

Sure. Sure. Go for it. But the part that I get a little stuck on because I think the how do I get a sensation and and a and a scene that I want? Ta da. Talk about it. Okay. Here's the thing. She kinda wants to brat. And he kinda doesn't want a brat. He just wants he's a good girl. Yeah. First of all, that's valid. That is a 100% valid. Mhmm. But I'm I'm in I'm injecting myself in this one because I see myself in this one just a little bit. Mhmm. Because it's the reason I

refuse the brat label. Because at at my core, I am a good girl. At my core, I wanna do what you tell me to do. I mean, do I have opinions and things to say and do I think I'm hilarious? Of course, I do. Am I playful? Of course, I am. And so since the way she talks about this is that she wants to be a good girl, ultimately, I think it's more of a conversation about the playfulness

because there are levels to bratting. And if she already doesn't have the desire necessary she wants this if what she wants is to really at the end of the day be the good girl. Mhmm. Then there's a playfulness that can come out. Sure. A sassiness Yeah. If you will. And to me, the conversation really would be, what do you to him, what do you think bratting is? Like, what is it? Right? And, hey, what if it's not I don't go to that level, but what about this? And I think it's an

awkward conversations. If if this person is even a little bit like I am with it, I cannot predict what is gonna come out of my mouth or what I'm gonna try and make a joke about or when I'm gonna be playful or how I'm gonna be playful. So I'm not a 100% sure how I would air quote negotiate that one. But I think we all ideally, if you know you have this in you, maybe you have a sense of who you are. I think if I was negotiating it, air quote, that from scratch with you,

I'd say, okay. Look. I'm kinda snarky. I'm kinda sarcastic. I think I'm hilarious. I find this fun. Can we try this? Have you seen have you seen me like this yet in other aspects? Could I direct it at you? You know? Ultimately, she has to respect if he's like, yeah. I don't want any of that. But I I think think it's worth a conversation because Mhmm. They were playing around. She started to tease. He leaned into it. Right.

And so maybe and I don't want I don't wanna make it sound like I think you should push or air quote convince a partner to do something they said they don't wanna do. Mhmm. But I do think if you get more nuance to it and you have a deeper conversation, you know, would he be comfortable with every so often leaning into it, you know? Yeah. And that every so often is probably gonna be hard to predict. I I love a code word or a sign of some sort to go, hey, this is a good time or this

is a bad time kinda deal. Sorry. When JB gives me the sign signal that it's a bad time, are my feelings hurt? Of course, they are. I don't like it because I was having a good time. And JB has now literally done a time out signal, and I'm like, oh, okay. I hate this. But also I fucking do it because consent matters. So I I don't I'm curious if he had fun with that moment Mhmm. If it's not really all or nothing. Because it's possible that he has a a definition in his mind of what he

thinks bratting is. Mhmm. And is that really her style of bratting? Is that really what she's even talking about? It could be along the lines same way as when a certain person number of years ago asked me if I was a daddy dom. I said no fucking way. I was like And Okay. Where are we now? Where are we now? Mhmm. Mhmm. And so and here's the thing. That was there's a delicate balance there because I asked the question. JB said, hell no. In my head, I went, sure, Jan. But

hours in it, I was like, okay. And I respected it. Right? Like, I didn't push you. No. I didn't drop hints. I didn't and I left it alone until there came a point where I, like, let me go out on a limb here. And we both discovered how bright I was, but that's, you know, that part's neither here nor there. So the the respecting, you know, his boundaries is important. Like Yeah.

Even if you suspect, hey. Wait. I I really think, you know, as I learned you, you might actually enjoy this more you than you think you do, but you have to kinda let somebody come to that on their own. You you can't be, you know, pushing them. But I do think it's worth the conversation of what he envisions as bratting that he wants to avoid and what she envisions as being being playful and the the conversation about, okay, you wanna be my good girl. How would this play into that? Right.

Maybe that's my next TED Talk of how you could be a good girl, but also kind of a little shit sometimes. Respectfully. Submissively. So, okay. I'm gonna go into the next one. Is everything working okay over there? Yeah. Okay. Okay. This is a long one. Oh my god. I'm sorry y'all. I've just picked a lot of long ones today. This one is called A Very One-sided Dynamic. My story is rather unusual. Introduction. I, 24 female, met my dom, 28 male, on a sex chat website two years ago.

I was fresh out of college, about to start my first job. He travels constantly because of work, so it's been long distance for the most part. Backstory. Let me stop here. There's not gonna be details but there will content warning. There will be mentions of brief mentions of drug use and, sexual trauma. No d details that I'm recalling after I've already read through it. But if you wanna just not even think about it, go ahead

and nope on out. Okay. Back story. I was deep into the world of drugs when we met, had some sexual trauma from the past as I was groomed when I was 16 to 18. And then I'd spent most of my college years being tossed around like a rag doll from man to man. The dynamic. It was entirely focused on me and my growth. He made me start working out and eating right. He told me to go out and meet people so that I'd learn social skills and understand that not everyone was out

to get me. Trauma makes you feel like the whole world is on fire. He told me to get on dating apps and find women like me so that I'd realize that other women have the same fantasies and that I'm not sick in the head. He built my confidence so that I could dress slutty and be comfortable in my skin. Even my friends noticed the transformation. I was dealing with complex office politics and a perverted boss, and he helped me navigate it. I got saved from a layoff.

Because he was bringing the light back into my life, I was gradually able to leave drugs on my own, and the list goes on. The sex couldn't be any better. He taught me how to squirt. I couldn't even come without a vibrator before him. He brought out the slut in me. The problem I really like how they've laid this out. The problem. I'm not progressing the way he wants me to. I still get triggered by certain things. I still suck at dealing with people. I still panic

easily and fuck up. Not progressing much at work either since AI is eating all the entry level tech jobs. He's not happy with me, and I hate seeing him disappointed after all the time and effort he's put into building me up. And now the strange part, I don't know his name. I don't know what he does for a living. I don't even know what he looks like. He's been masked every time we've met. I don't know anything about him. He won't tell me because he doesn't want me to get attached.

I know everyone's gonna think that I'm crazy for trusting a man I don't know, but every single task he's given me has benefited me. He's not around most of the time, so it's not like he's using me for sex either. I wish he would. He makes me use an anonymous app for sending photos and even those are without face. I'm the one asking to do crazy kinky things, and he is the one dialing it back because he says I'm not ready. He's right. There's no way in hell he would

ever hurt me. And now I feel like all his efforts are backfiring. Now if I fail at something, not only have I failed, but I have also let him down. So I'm terrified to make mistakes. I fucked up enough already. I don't just feel like a bad sub, but a bad human. But if I tell him this, then the dynamic comes to an end because he's made it clear that he's there to empower me and not just fool around. I'm trying.

Meditation, can't afford therapy, running, meeting people, giving interviews, working really hard at the office, picking up lost hobbies, staying clean. I'm trying so hard to please him, but I just don't know what to do. And that I know understand not being able to afford therapy. Mhmm. I get God knows I get that. Yeah. But I don't think for all the air quote good that this person has done for her, it feels like we have replaced therapy with kink and that kink is now the therapy.

And that is not sustainable. No. Good for anybody. That is not healthy. No. Because That is not healthy. Because the kink is therapy cannot actually help you, you know, deal with, look at, investigate the internal stuff, the trauma that you've gone through, how you see yourself, how you see the world. There's no professional expertise behind it to help.

It's just, hey, be the perfect sub. Do the things I tell you to and somehow magically your life is gonna be better and clearly that is not the case. No. So I would say to this person, please please look for a therapist and if you don't have insurance, you don't have ask about a sliding scale. See if you can get something like discount or their group therapy sessions that you know, somebody offers? Those are not always great for, like, the in-depth, like, private stuff you wanna talk about.

But my you know, then my understanding is those are typically less expensive per person than a private session. I mean, I just but I'm why would this person go looking for that when they think they have the dom who can help quote fix them? Yeah. You have no impetus to go look for a therapist or get creative about how we pay for this. What do I what do I go without to whatever. How do I handle this? You know? And I don't want people to go without just to get

some sort of care. But assuming they're in The US, this is The US. That's what you do sometimes. Yeah. I know. Because I feel like this is the for all of the other details, don't worry. We're getting into that too. For all of the other weirdness in this situation, the fact that it has, air quote, been air quote so well, gone so well, is the fucking miracle. Because if you had told me about this person, we're getting there. We're gonna talk about that

fucking mask. What the fuck? Yeah. But if you had told me the details of who this person was and what they were doing, I would never have said that this person would have felt empowered or felt like they had gotten, air quote, better in any way. I'd have been like, oh my god. That what is happening? What was it years ago? I had the masked comedian and now got the masked dom. My god. There's a lot there's a lot going on here. For her sake, I desperately want her to find therapy.

Yes. Because what is happening is and I read through the comments on this one Mhmm. Because my supposition and several people said it, and then the the OP responded was, wait. Did he say he'd be disappointed, or is this your trauma talking and you assume it? No. No. No. He indicated. He would find it very disappointing. He'd be very disappointed in her. This woman has gone through, like I can only imagine deep trauma to be addicted to drugs and have gotten yourself clean,

kind of on your own. I I don't care what the masked man is doing behind the fucking curtain. Right. Like and that kills me because they are capable of doing things. They had somebody kind of in the back pushing them or giving them the nudge or whatever, but they're the ones that did it. So they're the ones that are stronger than they realize. But now they think they need this guy and his fucking approval, and the real world is still crashing down around their ears. The trauma

is still fucking veiled. It it it's almost in a sense, like, she's using this Dom as a crutch. And he's allowing it? Yeah. And he's allowing it. And okay. Okay. So we want her to okay. We we want her to go to therapy. Mhmm. I certainly understand the idea of if I just from a submissive perspective, I just do what this person tells me to do and I do it right and look at works. And as long as I keep doing it, clearly, I can get better. That no. No. Clearly there. But I see where the the

connections are made. Okay. So let's I think I think this kind of thing probably would a person in their her situation is probably more susceptible to a thing like this. But I would not be so arrogant as to say only somebody dealing with serious trauma and who needs help could fall for this. So let's just set aside her needs and her trauma, and my god, I hope she finds a therapist. He's a masked dumb. Mhmm. She doesn't know his he's not giving his name. When they meet up in person,

he's wearing a mask. The moment I got to that line, I went, wait. Is this fucking fiction? Is this, like, what? What? Can we can we just set a rule that maybe, maybe, if they will not show their face and they will not tell you their their legal name, Maybe we should not negotiate a power exchange where we give them that much control over who the fuck we are. I don't care if in the beginning it's air quote it's air quote worked out well. Because here's the thing. This person, I imagine, is not a

trained professional. A trained professional who cares about their license would not do shit like this. No. But because anybody with trauma is gonna hit a wall at some point, and there's been no therapeutic care. Mm-mm. He's now I think I said it. Putting a deadline on self improvement. And so now her sense of self worth is wrapped up in a masked, nameless guy. And I get why she would because it

worked until it didn't. Except did it really work, or did that put, like, a a sheen over all the hard, yucky, dark stuff that A Band Aid on an open wound. Right. Right. Masked and no name. And I bumped my mic. I'm sorry, y'all. Oh my god. Oh my god. I mean, I can see it for a scene. For a scene? Sure. Yeah. I could even see it when you meet somebody, and that's like their shtick. I could see it if the guy is, some kind of, like, pro dom of some sort, and that's the act. Mhmm.

I wouldn't like it. I would give it side eye. I don't think it would be risk aware because we want to be able to point out a criminal in a lineup. Right. So maybe we know what the fuck they look like. Oh my god. Oh my god. And I'm I'm not I do not say any of that to criticize our submissive in this. I think they were a vulnerable person. Mhmm. And this air quote dom went, ah, perfect. I would love to know, did she question the mask? Or Right. You know? Yes. Who is that masked man?

Who is now this is this is where the control that a Dom gets is so precarious Mhmm. Because he gave her things to do. He gave her expectations that worked for her or seemed to work for her. So she found some level of self improvement, and she's feeling better to some extent about some things. Clearly, Trauma never really goes away. I mean, even when you do learn how to do it, there are still triggers. There's still panic from time to time.

But now there's a dependence on this person helps me be better. I'm not better, and they're telling her they're gonna be disappointed. Yeah. Are you are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Rip the mask off. Mhmm. Give me his legal government legal name. Let us do a background search. I don't know how to do that. I'd have a friend do that. But still, oh my god. I I would I would love to know what he said to sell that to her.

Because all what I'm thinking right now I don't wanna take away her agency or say that, you know, she was too vulnerable to be able to whatever. But how what kind of vulnerable position was she in? Mhmm. And how how much had he, air quote, helped? The the by the time they got to that point, she went, okay. Or was there a discussion? And then how

manipulative was he Right. To like But somebody who has gone through just a tiny little bit of what you described and was still on drugs apparently at the time Mhmm. That's a vulnerable person. That is a person who might not be making the best choices for themselves. And what what is the long term game for him? Is it as long as she's responding in the way that he wants, he'll stay around forever? Or was there a point he was gonna toss her to the side? And she's got this dependence on him on

that? That would, yeah, that would send that send him into a spiral. Right. Yeah. Right. So even if he thinks he's doing, air quote, good work here and he thinks that this is like, it clearly is not. Right. Oh my god. Oh my god. Look. I am impressed with this person if they pulled themselves up to the point that they're at essentially on their own. Mhmm. Fuck a Dom who tells you what to do or whatever. I'm impressed with a person like that. That is that is that's amazing.

It shows strength. It shows that you can do it, and what you actually need is professional help to to get you to next levels. Not a masked, nameless dog. Now, silent said, the thing that made me think it you know, is this one real? And for me, that line was, I don't know his name, and I've never seen his face. Where the fuck would you meet Yeah. Unless it's in the privacy of somebody's home, where there just be some guy with a mask on, just chilling at the coffee shop? I feel

feel like people would notice that. Or I I guess the only thing that Like, what kind of mask? So, of course, I'm thinking, like, Zora or something. Yeah. I'm I'm thinking masker and I'm thinking, like, Jason. I know. Was it just, n 90 '5? I don't know. If it's re if it's real that's where to me, I start going, wait. Is this even fucking real? Right. I mean, yeah. Yeah. I mean, did they meet at a dungeon and he was there? He had the mask on? You know? And it's, like, part of the the

shtick. Right. You're right. I yeah. The overarching lesson for anybody else, let's assume let whether this is real or not is can't cannot be your fucking therapy. No. Because even if it looks like it's working in the short term, it is not actually working. And it could end up doing more harm than good. Exactly. Exactly. Because you're not actually working through the trauma in the way that a professional In the healthy way. The right person, the the right professional could help you do.

So even if it's fake, let's everybody take two lessons. Kink is not fair kink does not replace therapy. Mhmm. Kink can be therapeutic. Yes. Abso fucking lutely. There are definitely people who have, in conjunction with therapy and other things, worked through trauma in kink scenes, took back the control or got to, like, almost Yeah. Rewire the brain a little bit and associate a thing with something positive instead of something negative. That's a thing that happens.

Please only under professional, like, guidance. Please, my god. But kink itself is not therapy and cannot replace that. It cannot just fix you. And also, the second lesson is if they won't tell you their name and they won't show you their face, run. It's fine in the beginning when you don't know each other. Yeah. Okay. Like, I was we were faceless. Mhmm. You know, we went you didn't know my legal name for a hot minute. Right?

But once you're you're down to negotiating a dynamic and there's a relationship Then there you know? Yeah. Nameless and faceless, ain't it? Yeah. That is just like a bouquet of red flags being presented to another red flag holding a bouquet of like, it's just red flag fucking city where everything is a red flag. The red flag parade? Oh my fucking god. So yeah. It oh god. I hope it's fake. I hope it's fake. I hope it's fake. I hope it's fake. I hope it's fake. Okay. Next one.

This one, I think, is interesting because I'm not sure there's an easy answer, but it is I think it's something that people must think about. So here we go. Like more than just this one person who's asking. It's fairness in rules and consequences. Context, me, Dom, set a list of rules that my wife, the submissive, must follow around our scenes and some outside which have consequences if not followed.

My side of the dynamic is easy, but recently one of the rules which, has commitment, from, you know, one side was broken. I didn't uphold our sex at least twice a week rule because of some personal stuff. I'm not making excuses. And she feels it isn't fair that I'm not held accountable in this dynamic, which I totally get. Now we had a little chat with the view of getting some ideas together and discussing

again. Now we're exclusively Dom and Sub, but I'm pretty open to experimenting with being a switch. So I'm gonna bring that to the table with ideas that we somehow incorporate a a bit of, in okay. I the the words aren't all making sense and it's not me. I'm gonna read it as it's written that we somehow incorporate a bit of story into the idea that I'm bound to the commitment of dominating her and failure to do that results in her having to punish me. So I guess

he would switch and be submissive Mhmm. If punishment was needed. I I guess my question is, how would you guys handle this or have handled this in the past? I want her to feel even and the rules really help take the guesswork out of our dynamic. Any other ideas, also welcome. We have had this conversation before. We did a whole episode on accountability Mhmm. Because the question does come up. Well, I, as a submissive, have agreed to follow the rules. And if I don't follow the

rules, there's consequences. There's punishment. So what happens if the dom does not follow the rules? Well, this is easy. They don't get to be your dom. Right? That that's the ultimate accountability. Right. But in this sense of there was a rule we had in our relationship, and I did not follow through how am I held as the dom, how am I held accountable? Now I wanna do that, but I I can't gloss over the rule that got broken. We're supposed to have sex twice a week. Yeah.

And personal stuff came up. First first of all, am I gonna be am I gonna be kind of I don't know if I'm gonna be, like, an old lady or a bitch or crotchety. Uh-oh. Or old fashioned. I don't know. I don't know. There are expectations in our relationship. There are things we agree to. There are agreements that we have of how what we would like to have happen. I cannot imagine there being a rule that we both follow.

And so if the dom, air quote, breaks the rule, the dom needs to be held accountable for it. You make the ultimate decisions. You set we negotiate. You set rules. I agree to whether I can abide by them. You're like, this is how we're gonna live our life. But ultimately, you're the one in charge of the fucking rules. So if a thing does not happen according to the agreement that we've set in our relationship, to me, that's not a broken rule. That is you had to make a decision. Now

should there be communication about that? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Of course. Communicate about it. I mean, that that's just like a, you know, one of those things. Life's gonna rear its head. That's the other thing. I don't think you should have a rule about how much fucking sex you're having in a week because life is gonna rear its head. Right. I mean, what if what if one of them was not, like, had a physical ailment and was or was just simply not in the mood for a week? You're supposed to go,

doesn't fucking matter. I guess I'm curious. That rule, is it set days? Or is it just twice within a week? You know, twice within the week at at some point? And he and see here and, again, I might I might be an old lady submissive who is, you know, still in the two thousands. I don't know. I don't know. The world does move on from you, and I can't follow every conversation kinksters are having.

But all I can think is, I can understand wanting, hoping for, looking forward to, in this case, sex twice a week. I but the dom is in charge of that. Yeah? I mean, ultimately, the submissive you could agree that submissive can, like, be like, hey. Tonight, can we? Or that who the initiation of sex is outside of your power dynamic. You can you can certainly negotiate that. But I'm I think I'm deeply uncomfortable with these kinds of air quote rules being set

for Dom. Expectations and understandings that the rule of being allowed to be a Dom is respecting boundaries and, you know, being risk aware and taking the responsibility on of the control and the power and the whatever whatever whatever. Those are I guess we could call those rules. Mhmm. But there's a rule that everybody has to follow, but the guy the the person that in this case, the dom that's in charge I mean, my brain says the dom gets to decide if that's happening or not because

that's the dom. Unless you negotiated outside. Right. Right. A specific conversation. I mean go ahead. No. No. I'm struggling over here. Yeah. And I it could I know. I mean, I'm you know, to say, you know, well, we're gonna do this twice a week like that. You know, there's so many things, you know. I mean, come on. We both know when you and I, there are times you may have a migraine. Sure. You know, my back acts up. So, you know

Right. I I'm gonna say in general, I don't think a a rule that would have consequences, let's put it that way Yeah. Of sex or scenes or anything physical is gonna happen a minimum of a cert you know? Mhmm. I understand wanting to have to to create structure around that if you haven't been getting enough and you're like, okay. Then we've we've gotta, like, we've gotta set something in place so we have a better chance of succeeding at what we'd like to have happen.

Mhmm. But that would be like let's say let's just say our submissive, the wife, she's on her period, and it's, like, the worst period of her fucking life, and she does not like period sex. Should she still have to have had sex the two times in the week and then be punished if she went, I'm on my fucking period and I'm miserable. Get the fuck away from me. No. We we all know that the answer to that is no. Right? Like, I don't I don't I try not to think in universality.

Like, there's nuance and there's exceptions to everything. But if if she was in a situation where she could not physically or would not physically, like, for whatever and that's just a single example. It doesn't say no was enough. I mean, y'all. And it doesn't sound like they're there's no detail here. Did they negotiate free use? And so he just initiates when I say he. I don't know. The dom initiates whenever. It just needs to be twice a week. But that's still his decision then.

Because he's the the person is the dom. Mhmm. So the the the breakdown is there should have been communication of there's stuff I've got stuff going on. There's this is not gonna happen this week. I like, yeah. Dom's have to be held accountable. But accountability for Dom looks different if a submissive has agreed to punishment, consequences, because the the accountability for the submissive is the consequence. Right? Right. And we've we

did this episode ages ago. I have to go, like, find the link to this ages ago. And it is a tricky thing because once the Dom has the control and the power, the accountability is they don't get to have the control and the power. That can that can be taken away. And it could be that you, if that's the accountability that needs to happen, you might just take you might renegotiate and go, okay. You don't have control over this

thing. Mhmm. Because right? Or you renegotiate and go, we're not doing this anymore or whatever it is. Because that that's it ultimately. Now if we're talking about folks who are switches and they something about that they like or it's a turn on or it feels right to both of them to kinda okay. I'm I don't have an opinion about that. But I would not set a rule around sex or or fuckery because the body will do what the body

will do. The life will do what the life will do, and it will not cooperate with your sex schedule. Sometimes it just won't. If a dom cannot do what they've agreed to do, what they need to do is communicate, over communicate. The moment you know there's things going on. And and quite frankly, if this was a submissive who was saying this of, we're supposed to have sex twice a week and I didn't do it because I have personal stuff, I'd be like, there should be no consequence for that.

If there were consequence at all, it would be you didn't speak up soon enough so we could you know, I knew what was going on. Right. But that is not the same as you your personal life or your work life or your physical health prevented you from doing this, there's no what? What? This isn't like, you know, speaking a respectful tone. Mhmm. Have my coffee ready by. Do this to

like, there's Yeah. I think you have to be you have to walk a very fine line when we're talking about sex or fuckery or kink of any kind that's we're talking physical acts because life will intervene. Sure. The the whole person needs to want to consent to that. You know? And there are all kinds of reasons why that's not gonna work. But I just I'm stuck on why would the dom, air quote, get in trouble for not initiating sex if the dom has control over the initiation of sex?

Yeah. No. It doesn't. If it assuming that's been negotiated, if it's Mhmm. A thing that's with outside of their power exchange, then nobody gets punished for that because it's outside the power exchange. Exactly. Maybe the what the course correction is you renegotiate. How do you make this easier? Do you negotiate that the submissive initiates? Or may or does things that make it a little bit easier to you know? And I don't when I say does things make it easier to do, I mean things like,

hey. Can you take care of this chore? I usually do because if I have to do that, I'm not gonna have time or energy for this. Can you handle a couple of things in the life department? So to to sort of make the path easier Yeah. To getting fucked. Right? Maybe you negotiate that. I don't know. I'm I'm just I'm Flummoxed. I feel like a fuddy duddy. I'm sure there is somebody out there that is like, this is not how we do this anymore.

Okay. Cool. I I just think I don't I do not set a rule around what your the physical things you're gonna do, how often you're gonna do them. If you know you cannot meet the expectation or the this would be nice to have for the time frame, you talk as much as possible. Doms get held accountable. Their accountability is if they fuck it up, they don't get to Dom anymore. They don't get to be in charge of that thing or you as a person or the relationship.

But the what you're looking for from a Dom who fucks up is a sincere apology and change behavior. Yeah. And change behavior sometimes they just need to just not do that anymore or do that thing or whatever. But it is also and can also be how do we renegotiate things within our life and our relationship so this is easier to do? What do we change so this doesn't happen again? How do we adjust for whatever whatever?

But if the agreement is that you'd have sex and and there's no anybody can initiate, it's the dom who's initiating, then the dom is in control of that. The dom has some level of power and authority over that. So then the dom gets to decide when it's happening and if it's happening. And sometimes, the kind of sucky part of submission sometimes is you want a thing to happen and your Dom goes, it's not happening. I have control over this. You've given me control over this.

If you you don't want me to have control over this, then let's renegotiate and maybe do something different. But not you there would be punishment. Like, maybe I just need more details about how this how this rule works Yeah. Within the power exchange. Because what? What? Yeah. It's Wow. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Okay. I'll here's that's what I would say though. No. If it's something that the dom is in charge of, that means sometimes you get denied a thing you want.

But also don't make rules about specific amounts of time or time of the week or whatever that you're gonna do a thing that requires your physical body. Because the physical body will not like sex or scenes or whatever. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Set a nice to have. Set a goal. This is what we would like to achieve. But then be really fucking realistic about life. That is what I would say on that.

Anything you wanna add on that one? No. Kim says, so the only way to hold the dom accountable is to leave the relationship. If they won't apologize and change their behavior, sometimes, yeah. What are you gonna do? Put your dom in the corner? I mean, you could negotiate it. Look. In a package range, you can negotiate anything you want. And if a dom is willing to, like, do that, I'm not gonna tell somebody they can't do that.

But that is there's a a level of authority depending on how you negotiate your power exchange that you grant a dom. So if they violate boundaries, they should not be doming you anytime soon, maybe ever again. Right? That's a that's a a broken rule that a dom needs to follow. If they consistently won't do a thing they agreed to do, or why are we in this power exchange? Something needs to be renegotiated or maybe this is not working.

You see what I'm saying? Like, the rule air quote rules that a domino break are the kind that will fuck up a relationship. Right? They ignore the safe word. They didn't they're not checking in consistently. You're having the conversation. They're not apologizing when they do fuck up. They're not following through. They're not being consistent. They're not being consistent. They're not admitting that they they've made a mistake. Right? They're trying to gaslight you into, I

didn't fuck this up. You misunderstood. The kinds of things doms can do that would, air quote, break a rule are the kinds of things that will harm a relationship or a power dynamic or a person. So when something goes wrong, we have a conversation, we figure out what the hell happened, The dom tells you what they tell you. They say I won't do that again. I will put some things in place so that doesn't happen. Whatever. Can you, within your unique power exchange, negotiate that maybe a

consequence? You let me say it again. You can. My brain cannot wrap around that, but that doesn't mean it's not possible. It just means it no. I couldn't. I don't I don't know how that would work. Because the air quote rules JB has are to be my dom and to be responsible for me, for the relationship, to do the things he agreed to do. Those are his rules. My rules are to do the things I agreed to do, but my rules are very specific. I make the coffee. I do the bed. I do the this. I do the that.

His rules are keep me fucking safe. Mhmm. Respect my boundaries. Yep. You know what I mean? So the accountability part is, yeah, maybe they don't they're not your dom anymore. That's that's what, I would say. I'm not yelling at you, Kim. You I got ranty. I'm sorry. And, again, I think that there it is reasonable for somebody to have a completely different, perspective of what a rule is for a DOM and then to define that differently. At this moment in time, my brain is not not seeing it.

By the way, maybe because of how our power exchange works. By the way, I understand power exchange to be. Because now when we're talking power exchange, we're talking a dom versus a top. A top who's not been given any necessarily any general authority over anything, but they're the the doer or the giver or the whatever in the scene, well, then we just don't do that same. There's your accountability. Nope. We're not doing that right now or again.

Whatever. But yeah. I mean, it it does depend on how you negotiated your power exchange. But if what the power exchange is for the dom is broad authority over something Yeah. Then their rules are kind of high level specific, but they're about safety and care mostly. It's not usually, the rule is you'll give me 10 Spanx with a wooden paddle, and if you don't, I give you 10 like, I I take your paddle away. That doesn't I just don't that doesn't work in my brain. Even a bad dom.

Yeah. No. Yeah. Because when a dom is a bad dom, they are then an unsafe and irresponsible dom. Like, I don't know. That's that's where I'm at on that one. Okay. Good. Kim knew I wasn't yelling at her. You're good. I did raise my own blood pressure. Okay. Okay. We have one more. Okay. And I think this will be lighter hearted. I think so. It is shorter if that counts. How to keep praise and verbal affirmation feeling meaningful in long term dynamics.

I wanna start off by saying that I haven't been in a DS dynamic yet, but I got a little bit into overthinking mode yesterday. And I was wondering how those of you that have been in long term dynamics keep things new and exciting in terms of praise slash being verbal. I imagine that after a year or so of hearing the same phrases like you feel so good, good girl, you take me so well, etcetera, over and over again, they might

lose some of their impact. Like, you hear the words, but they don't hit the same way or feel as meaningful anymore. Does that actually happen? If so, how do you avoid that? As I said, maybe I'm just overthinking, but I'd really appreciate some insight from more experienced people. Look. Look. Over thinkers of the world unite. Okay. I can I can see how you go down that that mental rabbit hole?

So as as, as a dom who does lots of talking, both praise and dirty talk and degradation, and as a sub who likes to hear at least some of it, what say you? How do you how do you change it up? Get it to Tharas. Here's the thing. Here's what I would say. If you were just saying good girl all the time over every little thing, yes. It will absolutely lose its impact. Just just like somebody who's, you know, constantly says I love you. I was married to that. I got heard I love

you all the time. Saw no action, but I heard it all the time. And it does lose something. It it it loses something when you hear it too much. Absolutely. Mhmm. You know, and I I can't help to think sometimes, you know, with with us, I think actions speak more than the words. Mhmm. Okay. I'm trying to you know? But then again, you know, one of the things that I do with with this one, I thank her. Mhmm. And I give you a weird look. That's what You do. You do.

Might be my own trauma sneaking in there. You know, she when when she helps me with stuff around the house Mhmm. I always tell her, thank you for helping me. I appreciate the help. Mhmm. You don't have to tell me. I yeah. I do. Yeah. I do. Mhmm. Because you need to know it. If you don't know it Right. You know? But I'm not constantly It's not every little thing. It's not every day, all day. No. It's like, good girl. I actually I love a good girl. Mhmm.

In the obedience app, when I finally remember to check something, I do everything I'm supposed to. I forget to go into the app and check things off. But I get a good girl. Like, there's this little thing that pops up and it says good girl. Right? And that's a thing he could set. You if you decide to use the obedience app, that's a thing he could set. So technically, every day, I actually remember to go with the obedience app and get a good girl.

But life happens. And so Right. Clearly, we are not the only way of doing something, but I think we're probably typical in in this way. Life happens, and so he's not always saying good girl. Right? He's not during sex, he's not always saying something. This man is a talker during fuckery. Okay? He is. And I have very mixed feelings about it, but he's in control and I go with it because I'm about to either get dick down or have my ass beat in the most delightful way. It's fine. Okay?

But just because that's a thing JB likes and enjoys and can get really into and does and can be kind of air sort of consistent about it, that doesn't still doesn't mean every time. Yeah. Right? He is very good at praise in general because he's very good at gratitude. He knows that I, like even though I'm usually deeply uncomfortable with praise because for some odd reason, I'm like, what is happening? I also like it. It's a bit

of a kink of mine. But he's found a rhythm within the way he conducts himself so that when it is said, it is meaningful. And in a way that's very subjective, because it could be he said, let's say, good girl, yesterday and today, and they it hits both times. But yesterday was for something that was not fuckery or seen ish or or dicking down, And it was, you know, a thing I did. And so there's that context, and that has that meaning. And then now he's, like, growling in my

ear while he's holding me down. I'm I'm living for it, and he's saying it then within that context. And so even though there's been now a repeat, it means something completely different. It has Right. It has a a different slightly different impact and so I'm not getting tired of it. So I think many people are probably like that where you kinda find rhythms. You don't say the same thing all the time. Look. I got I got impact kink. I got praise kink. I got my kinks. You've got your kinks.

None of us get to indulge those kinks every single day. Or if we do get to do it consistently, it's rarely the same exact way every time. So that kind of praise is not happening every day, and it's not happening in the same way most of the time. And the context around it is different. And I have a feeling that is probably much more typical. Are there people who have to, like, help themselves remember, oh, yeah. I'm supposed to say

these things. And can they go a little overboard and do it a little too often or only do it within a specific context because that's what they can remember? A 100%. And they're gonna have to find tricks and ways to work around that to kind of vary it up, and it's gonna be important for the submissive partner who or whoever is receiving that to have the conversation of I love it when you say this or I like this kind of thing, but it here's how it's happening and it's losing some

meaning for me. Can we try something different? You know? Right. I have a feeling many people might be a little uncomfortable saying, what do you mean I have to negotiate my praise? Uh-huh. It's your fucking kink. It's the thing you want to hear and you or you like hearing it. Mhmm. If your partner is not giving you something in a way that they're trying to do something you like and it's not hitting for you consistently, have a conversation about it. You don't have to be you don't have to be a

shit about it. Like, be respectful and kind. Sure. But you get to say, hey, you keep saying it this way and it's it's something. It's just, it's not doing it for me. Can we can we try something different, you know? I would say if you're gonna bring up that conversation, maybe do a little research or there's some other phrases that might work for you or there's some other context in which you'd like to hear it that you're not hearing it, whatever it is.

But I have a feeling that if people are using that naturally and they're not forcing the praise every chance they think they're supposed to, I don't think it does get old. I also think that, you know, as long as at least one of you is open to learning new things and, you know, whether that's reading or listening to podcasts or watching videos and hearing how other people do things, you take in ideas from the world around you. This is like a little sponge.

And so over time, you come up with different things because maybe you heard something or you read something you went, oh, okay. I kinda like that. I'll try that, you know. But yeah. I'm I'm somebody who has a deep praise kink. I probably need to talk to a therapist about the value I put on myself to be a good girl. There's some stuff there. I don't hear it every day, and I'm there's no lack I don't feel like I'm lacking anything. When I hear it,

it is meaningful. And And I think for anybody who worries that they might say it too much or they might not say it enough, it I don't know. How do you for you, is it just a thing that you don't have to think about? You just say? Or is it a thing you kind of have to No. It's it's a thing I think about. Okay. Okay? Because I don't wanna overuse it. For example, here's here's an example. Mhmm. I wash the laundry. Mhmm. K?

And from whatever day I wash the laundry, you have till the middle of the week Mhmm. To put it away and fold it. Mhmm. K? If you wait till Wednesday at 04:55? Right. Because the deadline's Wednesday at five. You did it. You came in under the wire. You ain't getting a fucking good girl. And that you know? And here's the thing. If that because for a while, that was my thing, and no. I did not. But you once watched me have a hellacious week, and I still managed somehow to get it

done under the wire. And I did get a good girl because context circumstance. Right. Right. Exactly. Now But yeah. Now, again, if you fold the clothes and put it away on the same day I wash, yeah, that's a good girl. If you notice and see, that's that's the thing about that kind of the the praise and and why it's being said and when it's being said. Because we're all human and we're not always a 100% observant. Your dom is not gonna be observant a 100%

the time. Maybe in the beginning when it's new relationship energy, but, like, conventionally, you kinda calm the fuck down and people are people. Right? And so there was a long time. I didn't like JB to know when I was folding laundry, whether I was ahead of my deadline or I was I just don't perceive me. And then I finally got into the habit where I was doing it earlier. And then I was I am like a little kid. I would

be like, daddy, did you notice anything? And poor man, he's looking around like, oh, god. It's not her hair. I didn't know she didn't know. What has changed? Right? And that's that's not really fair, but it we're it's playful between us. And I I would point out. And so once I started pointing out, then he started looking. Now it it it's a point now that I know enough to look and see if the laundry basket is back where it says And yeah. And and when I say this, I'm not saying this as a criticism.

I'm fine with this because I think this is how a long term dynamic can use similar praise over the years and it still be effective. The past few weeks, Saturday or Sunday, excuse me, I've gotten that laundry done. He has not said good girl every single time. I have not pointed it out every single time. I don't care. I don't mind because I understand if he says it every time the same way, the eventually, it will lose its meaning. Right? And I and what when I say it'll lose its meaning,

I won't even clock that it's happening. Right. I'll be like, uh-huh. Okay. And that's that happens. Nothing it's not the worst thing in the world if you get like that, but that does mean that it's not necessarily meaningful. Now there's a opposite ish problem. If it goes too long without being said, you're either gonna miss it or you're not gonna realize you've been missing it until something happens. Maybe you finally get a good girl or you hear somebody else get one. You're

like, oh, shit. I haven't been told that. I haven't heard heard of that in a hot minute. Years. Right. Right. So I think for many people, maybe even most, there's kind of a natural flow with that kind of stuff, that yeah. There will be times it's not the praise or the the sexy words or the whatever aren't said very often. And so then when they are said again, you're like, hot damn. And then there will be times where it's inconsistent.

And I think to after I think it depends on who you are and how much you need to hear those things. We're at a point where I'm fine with it being inconsistent because for me that means when it does happen, I notice it. I know he always thinks I think that's the other thing too. The the praise or the sexy thing. I know he's thinking it because we've been together long enough. I know if I don't hear it, I don't feel

like I'm missing anything. I don't I don't take it as a, oh, he doesn't think I'm a good girl or, uh-oh, he doesn't wanna growl that sexy thing in my ear. You know? I don't take it that way because his actions and everything else expresses that. So I think if you have that as well, some form of that, it does it it'll it's fine. But, yeah, the real the real concern is if you were just saying the same thing over and over again all day, every day, yes, it loses its meaning. But I think the the,

what are the words I want? The flow of life, because there's ups and downs. There's times that your head is not even on your fucking power exchange no matter how hard you're trying to have it be. And life is coming at you and all this other stuff. You're not even thinking about that shit because you're not getting do that shit. Which means that when you're back to saying it again, you're like, oh, this means good things. This means fuckery. This means whatever it means.

Mhmm. And, you know, since life sort of flows that way, I think some of that I think it is not I think it's an issue that an overthinker, and that's not a criticism, I'm an overthinker, would be thinking about. The what if, the oh my god. This is I think in the natural course of just living your life, most of the time, it's not really an issue. That's what I would say. But I've said so much today Yeah. In, kind of a hot sticky room Yeah. Where the fan is not it's doing something,

but not enough. Not not enough. Not enough. No. That was my last one. Okay. We can do a bonus section. Alright. So yeah. You got this the setup is so new and weird and different. So, are we good? I have no fucking clue. Don't know. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week as long as YouTube doesn't put us in the fucking corner again. Daughter. Yes. Can we talk to the crickets? Sure. Okay. Go right ahead. I did a lot of talking. You did. My throat hurts.

Oh, and, silent in the live chat said the accountability. Mhmm. How to hold your dominant accountable was episode 57. That's a long time ago. That's a long time ago. I'm gonna go grab my water. I'm gonna park. You didn't oh, no. You didn't have it. I forgot. Oh, look at you. You got up and you didn't bang your own mic. Now the pressure's on. Yeah. I know. Now I gotta sit back down. Yep. You gotta sit back down. Can you do it? Dun dun dun. I have faith in you.

Oh, podcast listeners, you can't see it, but JB silly JB. I don't know if that if you shrank in fear. I don't know. I don't know what that was. I don't know if that was a little, like, excitement that look. I didn't I don't know what that was, but that was something. It was something. That was something. I don't even know what it was, but, you know, I didn't hit the mic. That's all I know. I'm very proud of you.

Silent in the live chat says, episode two zero five was how to hold each other accountable. It is possible and she says, but that's entirely the same thing. It is possible. I'd have to go back to that episode. We talked about accountability for a submissive, which can be consequences, but doesn't have to be versus accountability for a dominant. So we might that's still episode two zero five, we are on episode four. Hold on. I know this. Four seventy

eight. Yeah. Four seventy eight. So episode two zero five was still several years ago. Account. On one level, accountability to me is very simple in my head for how I see it, but it also feels like a very squishy topic. Mhmm. So I don't know. Yeah. Now that you've had an episode to be in this new setup Uh-huh. Are there are you noticing things you would adjust, or are we thinking this for the most part, other than needing new mics, this is going well? I think it's gonna be okay. Yeah. It

it needs some tweaking along the way. But Mhmm. And we're we're clearly not comfortable with, like it's not our normal way, and we have to, like, create the normal way. We have to get used to it. Well, there's that. There is getting used to it, but there's also figuring out what will work. Right. And this is the first time, so we haven't figured out what will work. So we'll do things different for a while.

And the part of my brain that just wants to know what's supposed to happen next will not love that. I understand the process. I know why it has to happen, but I won't love that. I won't love that. Silent says I'm noticing things. Let me know what those things are. What have I got for the nope. Not the bar. The bonus section. Lowell's good. Mhmm. Lowell's doing good. Ella's good. Onyx is good. Mhmm. Oh, we we did have a little bit of neighborhood cat drama. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Would you like to tell the story? So our our neighbors, they moved. Mhmm. And their cat, they wanna One of their cats. One of their cats. Yeah. And well, I'm not getting long. Anyway They moved. They moved, and before they moved, they were not able to get this cat. This cat's an outside cat. Yeah. And, so what it looks like is possibly going to well, what was said at first was, you know, somebody needs to put food out, you know, feed the cat. Because they have the people have moved. The

neighbors have moved. The cat is still in the neighborhood. Right. Right. Right. So between me and bestie neighbor, we've been managing that, and she was telling me that the real estate agent was going to set a trap for the cat and then, you know, send it where it needs to be. That's been my question this whole time. Was it going Yeah. Up north with the neighbors? No. Yes. Okay. Yeah. It's very confusing. Yeah. That that's what I was understanding.

Then this morning, I got a text that, no, the cat has been adopted by somebody here, and they're gonna take care of it. And then twenty minutes later, I got a message, oh, nope. Wrong cat. And see the person who was adopting if I under if this is the same thing you were telling me, the person who was, air quote, adopting the cat, wrong cat Mhmm. They do they trap and neuter slash fix or whatever, release the strays in the neighborhood so

that we can have fewer strays. Strays. But they feed those strays as well. So the understanding that we have, I guess, until oops. No. Not that one. Was they were just gonna lump them in with their strays and take care of them, get them neutered, feed them, let them live on the street with the other strays that live on the street. I was and all I can We have so many cats in this neighborhood. We do. So many cats. Lots of orange cats.

Yes. Somebody didn't get fixed fast enough. That's all I'm saying because there are a lot of orange cats in this neighborhood. Mhmm. Some are very sweet and friendly, and some are not. So I guess that's not happening. It was a different cat. So we still are under watch for the cat. Cat. That was, like so here's the thing. It was an outdoor cat, but it was an outdoor cat that would go home from time to time Mhmm. And would come inside.

But, apparently, we learned after the fact that the reason they were letting it outside was because it was spraying all over the inside of the house that they've moved out of. Cat's a male, but had never been fixed. And Big boy too. Yeah. Big old cat. Mhmm. Big old tabby. So And, yeah. So they they have all that to deal with too. So, yeah, I guess we're still on a little bit of feeding duty. Mhmm. And I guess the agent is gonna try and come so. To try out? I I guess. I hope.

I don't know. I'm not gonna go into detail about the next door neighbor's stuff, but they were going through some stuff. Yeah. So I kind of understand it, but I kind of they were supposed to have family in town who's been helping them. So I don't really hold the person who lived there, the people who lived there because of their situation, like, responsible. They there were some precarious things. The family that was supposed to have been helping them, supposedly, to me, they're the ones

who have done fucked up. Because what do you mean you didn't, you know Well take the cat or pay attention to the cat? I I will I will I will say this. Okay? In in many in in in some cases, you know, cats, when they see a lot of activity, you know, the the the pod was brought in, furniture is being moved, people are in and out. I know. And I That in itself can stress.

I know. I know. I'm and I but I'm also thinking of the family that had been living here and coming by every so often and helping out. And Yeah. They just left a cat that was spraying all over this house and did not try to find some solutions. What we will not be doing is telling our previous neighbor who used to own that house Yeah. The state that her old house is in my town. I know. Oh, no. Well, we see her every so often, and, oh, nope. We won't talk about that. Mm-mm.

No. The the people who live there, their situation, it was a sad situation. There's, like, lots of bad stuff going on for them. Mhmm. So I'm I don't judge them for anything at all. I'm just thinking about the family members who apparently part of the reason they moved into this house where they did was so their family would help them, and then their family was not helping them. No. No. No. No. They they lived way out in the forest. Right. They came in because came in She was because

both of them Right. Her and her husband had poor health, and they wanted to be closer to doctors. Right. The one relative that was the one that came to help him, they didn't want the help from that. But that was the only Person. Person who Could help. Could help. Or would help. Would help or whatever. Yeah. Right. So And yet and yet, once it started being the pack up thing, I I know the one vehicle that came down that was driving them up

to where they're I got that. There were a lot more vehicles that finally started showing up Right. Right as they were about to leave. That one vehicle, excuse me, was never was not there for any of that. Notice that too. I did notice that too. Yeah. Those those people were not there for any of that. Mm-mm. Yeah. It was it's a tough situation. It is. It is. But yeah. So now we apparently potentially just have a new stray in the Mhmm. So We have so many strays.

I And, you know, there were there were a few cats. When we first moved here, there were a few cats. Now it's like We it's gone in cycles since we've moved here because there were a few and then it exploded. Mhmm. And then it dropped back down. Right. Currently, when I'm going on my morning walks, it used to be I saw four or five cats every day. Mhmm. Their days, I don't see a single cat up there. Yeah. So I don't know if they're Wow. Running off. I don't know if they're dying

off. I don't know if they've gone deeper into the woods. A coy we've got coyotes. Yeah. Who knows what's happening to us? I, I thought that was a a cat this morning. Remember I said it was a mane? I thought I saw a mane. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering if it might have been a fox. Could've been. Yeah. Because there's tons of construction going on around here and a lot of,

like Oh my god. Trees coming down. And so the the wildlife that that that was their home, and now they're trying to to They they just come in here, and they just dose everything down. We're a we're fortunate we're near a national forest, so that part at least is not. Right. But anything that is not national forest is fair game. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. It's upset the the local wildlife for sure. Oh, yeah. Because then people are like, oh, no. There's coyotes. I'm like,

yeah. Because you took their fucking habitat from them. And now they're trying to find a place to go, and they're hungry. Yeah. Yep. So, yeah, our I heard on the radio, and I'd seen, something about this online. The specific city we live in, percentage wise, has had had Last year was the fastest growing city in The US. I know. But, you know, in sheer numbers, because it is a small area, it's not like millions of people. We had 15,000 people move in, but percentage wise, it was the top.

Yeah. So, yeah, in other cities, they had 50,000. They had a 100,000, but they were already real big. Right. But 15,000 to our area, traffic has gotten really bad. It's really noticeable. Oh, yeah. And we've got more car washes and storage, unit companies, which is actually a sign that a city is growing, which is so strange. You know, you you're gonna get me started. I know. You're you're gonna get me started. You're gonna get fired

up. He goes full old man yelling at clouds or yelling at kids to get off his lawn over it. It's I don't disagree with you. I think it's fine. I mean, no. That's you know, I watch the way they are building like this. And back in the year 1999 Mhmm. We had such severe drought in the state of Florida. Mhmm. K? That is what helped run me out of my lawn business. Yep. K. Tell me that. Because they were so strict on the water restrictions. Mhmm. K? Nothing has changed. Mhmm. We still don't have

more water. We haven't Less. More water. Exactly less. Tampa. And more and more people are moving here. I know. I don't disagree with you. Yeah. There's been a whole thing. My algorithm has showed me a lot more Florida content because I've been following more Florida content. In Tampa, Hillsborough, massive, restrictions on water right now. They're back to what they've done in the past. Yeah. We're we are we are in a point where we are experiencing another drought. Mhmm. We never

really fixed anything from the last drought. Sure. You know? And now we're overpopulating. We have one community here is bragging. They wanna sorry, folks. Didn't they they want they want to stretch from the East Coast to the West Coast. Yeah. The villages. Right? Yeah. They they wanna be so big. They wanna go coast to coast to coast. And I promise you if somebody can figure out how to let them do it, they will. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's it's getting ridiculous. I know it's not just here.

I know they're not just doing it here. I heard the same thing about Puerto Rico now. Oh, yeah. They they know. Coastal place, of course. Yeah. They're they're they're tearing down the rainforest and and, you know, building all along the beaches. So They paved paradise to put up a parking lot. We're literally watching parking lots go up in our downtown area. Yeah. That's made the streets narrower. There's parking lots, and they're all paid. You and and not a human works in

them. You better have that app or that scan that QR code or whatever it is. Yeah. I I am not against progress. You need progress. You have to have progress, But it's gotta be done sensibly, and nothing is done has been that way here. Mhmm. So We still somehow live on the quiet side of town True. For now. For now. And I'm I'm very grateful for that because, you know, we left the Tampa Bay area because it was so overcrowded. It was And unaffordable. Unaffordable. Mhmm. You know?

And and we we came up here, and we did, you know, the the area I'm gonna out around 200 was busy. Yeah. But now Mhmm. Now it is it's like a parking lot. Oh, I hit my mic that time. You know, it's it's like a a parking lot out there. But the thing is you gotta remember, we move for affordability. So do a lot of people. Yeah. They either come from up north, down. They're coming for the sunshine. Mhmm. We are a fast growing area, so you still kinda get the feel of country. Mhmm. But

yeah. So Yeah. Yeah. I know. A a starter home here now is priced at $300,000. Starts at 300. When we were looking we look started looking in 2018, 2019, starter home was still, like, a 150, 175,000. Yeah. A lot has changed in the past few years for everyone everywhere. Right. So Oh. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, other other than that, you know, we've been we've been doing good. I've been doing a lot of yard work. When you're not doing a lot of making shit for Making sure. Cancery. Yeah. Cancery.com.

And then handing it off to me. I have stacks and stacks of things. We we got the, front yard cleaned up from all the, winter detritus. Mhmm. And this afternoon, I did the backyard. Yesterday afternoon. Or did you do the hard today? I mowed backyard yesterday. Right. Oh, you did the other side today? I wasn't able to go all the way to the back because with our tree line, there was so many branches and twigs and stuff. Didn't wanna run over with the mower and tear it up.

But, you know, so I went got all that cleaned up today after I finished out in the shop. Gotcha. And Lola was helping again. She was out there. She's a very good helper. She she was, you know, supervising the lawn, you know Mhmm. Sitting there on the porch watching me. Making sure you didn't screw it up. Exactly. Mhmm. Mhmm. She's she's become quite a good supervisor. Yes. JB was on the floor in here and here in the office where we record.

And, he had to get on the floor to unhook some stuff, and Lola just got right next to him. Mhmm. Let me make sure you're doing this right now. Yeah. Silence out here trying to hurt everybody's feelings. In live chat, she says, I don't wanna hurt anyone, but 2018 was almost ten years ago. Almost, but not actually. Come on now. Come on now. Almost, but not quite. My brain still thinks every time I think, oh, COVID. COVID was a few years ago. We're at COVID was six years ago ago now. Yeah.

There's the start of COVID, let's say. Mhmm. Yeah. Like, what? Like, what do you what do you mean? What do you mean six years ago? Yeah. Time has no meaning. No. So yeah. That's us. New setup. Same chaos. New chaos because now we're it used to be I was the one that banged the microphone. Now you get to do it

too. Somehow I have a feeling that, within the next probably twenty four to forty eight hours, I will be given a link of the appropriate mics to purchase and be told, make this happen as soon as possible. Yeah. Yeah. Feel like that's coming. This is not working as good as I had envisioned it. No. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know mentioned maybe the, you know, just the the one mic in the center. Yeah. But you have us on two separate volume Volume. Yeah. Volleys

because I'd be shocked. I'm I'm louder. Yeah. So Jamie turns himself up, and he turns me down. I did I did try That you yeah. It was worse. You That was worse. We were really Podcast listeners is moving the mic from one side of them to the other side of them. We were we were really bonking into everything when we had them both in the center. So, yeah, I think the, the lavaliers are gonna be the way to go. Yeah. And I've been need to figure out everything to get for it. Sure.

Yeah. I started researching those sometime last year. Maybe maybe year before. Time has no meaning. I don't know. Because, yeah, this changing things up has been on my list for a hot estimate. I know it has. And here we are Mhmm. Changing things up, hopefully, for the better. That Right. That is the plan. Right. So Yeah. We should probably go. I know. It's almost time for me to feed fur babies. I can hear them in in the kitchen. Yeah. Also, as comfortable as these chairs are Mhmm.

After almost two hours, a little less comfortable. And see, I don't I'm You're feeling good? I feel okay. Look. I your back and the pain that you experience is way more important than, like, one of my butt cheeks being asleep. So it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. This is still better than the chair we had before. Yes. Absolutely. And, ultimately, that's what matters. No. It's better than we had before. Mhmm. But, yes, we you know, this was bound to happen. We didn't stream

or record last week. Right. Our Friday night livestream got so y'all know I take a break, and then I can't shut up. And I didn't wanna I I narrowed down the Reddit post. Like, I pulled up oh my god. I had, like, 15 pulled up, and then I weeded it out. Oh my god. Could've, you know, got us down the last one. I was like, nope. I don't want to. So I didn't. And here we are. Here we are. No. But, yes, we are gonna go. Mhmm. Thank you all for being here. Yep. Especially

to the bitter end. Mhmm. And, appreciate y'all putting up with our Amptics. New insanity around here Mhmm. Till we kinda iron things out? Yep. And, hopefully, YouTube's not an asshole. Yeah. And we're we'll be back like normal next week. Mhmm. Okay. Alright. Bye. Bye.