You're listening to living Bd podcast episode 3 90 90MJ almost 400. Kill here were the 1, the only the man who has way too much patience for my bullshit, and that's why I love him. John Browns stone. I'm glad I'm good for something. I mean, I'm kind of the reason we're waking up at 05:30 in the morning a few days a week. Yeah. I'm the reason we had to re record the intro because apparently, I forgot how it works. Yep. So, yeah. I'm just grateful you love me. Here we are. Here we are.
This week is can probably tell from the title. We're doing a Bd reddit response. Will I rant? I never know until I'm in the middle of it. Sometimes, I don't think I'm ranting, but that's how others perceive that. Yeah. Mh. So, yeah. Welcome to the loving Bd and podcast podcasts. Of this your first time listening. Glad to have you. If you're back for another week. Welcome back. Loving Bd has produced every Monday and Friday for your Kinky pleasure and education and notes are found at loving bd m
dot net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on Fe life at loving bd m pc on Instagram and threads at that handle, I will forever, fucking hate. Loving D and the number 1 so that's at loving d 1. We're on Youtube at Youtube dot com slash loving where you can watch us live from the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. Okay. So before we get into whatever reddit does to my blood pressure.
But we have we have several several announcements. I thought It was just gonna be 1, and then I realized it was 2. And then I realized it was 3. So the first is just a reminder, we are still... We are always, but we are still collecting questions for our Monday episodes. We're gonna kinda let them, like, lump up and then start working on them again. So I have a feeling will be on a quick break from the Monday episodes for the month of June. It's what I'm thinking.
But if you have a question, you would like us to answer it's 1 of those times you can give a big long backstory, you can get really in the weeds with it. Quite frankly the best questions are when you give us more detail. I've had to reject a few recently that were... What amounted to basically a Google search, and I was like I don't. I don't even... Like, this would be a to semester college course to try to explain this out.
If you have any situational things that you would like us to answer in a future, Monday episode. The link is in the places. It takes you to a page that you fill out the information. You can keep yourself anonymous, and then comes to our email, and I just keep it there until we're ready to record our answer. The second thing is that. This... This is gonna be different. Not usual. This Saturday. I wrote down the... No. I didn't write down the day. Right. I think it's June
eighth. I think it's June eighth. We are going to do a live stream starting at 09:30PM Eastern to celebrate the fact that on Youtube, we hit 10000 subscribers a few days ago. Very exciting completely like nothing major happens at this number. We were just happy to hit Yeah. Just an arbitrary number that we were shooting for. It has been teased to me that there might be cake. Has also been teased that there may be a little I inviting to loosen everything up.
But we'll treat it like, similar to the way we do a Friday night livestream. We'll last until probably midnight. We'll hang out bullshit, just sorta of chill and celebrate the fact that some of y'all are like, yeah, sure. I'll let you show up in my Youtube subscription feed, and we appreciate you. Third announcement. That planning got having this announcement today, but then I did a thing, and I got really focused.
So on our Etsy shop, 1 of the products that we carry a lot is meant to help with power exchange relationships for submissive training. For when a is learning new habits or they're trying to remember to do tasks that their dominant partner wants them to do. We... For make and sell digital planner sheets. So you can print them and use paper and pen or you can use them like in a digital planner. And we make them for submissive them for dominance. For submissive, we have a daily task
planner. We have a weekly. Tracker, we have a monthly habit tracker. For dominance, we created a week, you know, daily and weekly, I called it an accountability, track so you can keep up, did my submissive do the damn thing today or this week? What it... What, am I expecting for my of what did actually get for my submissive. Are they keeping up with their habits over the course of a week or whatever. So we always have those or try to add new ones each month. Well, in May and now, early June.
Doing all pride themed things that will exist on our Etsy shop long after pride month because any ain't just 1 month is all year round is all the time. But for June in June just today, quite frankly day of recording. I just uploaded a bunch of pride themed what I call bundles. So the submissive bundle has 2 daily track, 2 daily task list of, a week track weekly tracker in a monthly tracker. The dominant bundle has 2 daily tasks, sheet and a weekly tracker.
But they are... I don't even know how to properly say it, so I hope I do not fuck this up. Basically, it's each of this different I... Some of each of the different identities that have pride flags. So there's bisexual pride flag theme. There's pans bisexual pride flag theme. There's asexual. There's a romantic. There's there's 14 for each dom and sub. Will it be every single possible identity that falls within Lgbtq a plus, no. Because if I couldn't find artwork I couldn't do it. But it's
a lot. And as I find more to do, I won't keep adding it. And in the month of June, all of our pride stuff, which is all digital downloads right now. 25 percent off. Just on top. Just just take the 25 people to off. So that literally just got added day, day of recording, linked to our Etsy shop always in the place if you were interested. I bundle... I put everything that's pride related into a category on our Etsy shop that says pride planner or
collection. It's not a good name. Wanna came up with on the fly, But if you see pride, you'll go, oh, that... That's where I wanna go look. So we did that thing to help keep dom subs organized during your fitness of training during your task during your service, like, however, how your power change it works. If you would like something that feels closer to your identity and you wanna save a little bit in the month of June. There you go. It's
there. Yay. Yeah. I lost my breath on that because I didn't actually plan to talk about that 1 today all, but then I got super super gifts. And a thing that I thought would take me a week. Took me 5 hours. And it's done and it's up. So if anybody's interested, feel free. They will live up on the R etsy shop forever, so you're not gonna miss them if, like now, It's not a good time or whatever. It's it's fine. So Yeah. Okay. I don't I don't think she did breathe today. No. Do you bunny asked in
the live chat. And no. I didn't. Not. I'm not breathing at all right now. I feel like I need to catch my breath. Okay. Let's go into these Reddit post. That was a lot of announcements. It was. Yeah. Up It was It was. Here we go. The first thing we're gonna do is 1 that was sent to us. Did I write down the name of the person sent it to us? Nope. But thank you to that person who did. I appreciate it. So let's go ahead and get started. First 1. Feeling bad after dom, your quote, demanded that
I shave. Now this is where Have to lean into the screen. Bear with me Mh. During the session, my 32 female dom, 47 female demanded that I completely shaved my pubic hair for the next time we see each other. It pulled me right out of what we were doing and I told them know which they didn't accept right away because their head was still in our dynamic, and they didn't quite register my shift in tone over the phone. I keep things neatly trimmed and I don't even enjoy receiving ore.
Afterwards, I did tell them how much I didn't like it, and we are planning on talking more about it. I did get a bit defensive and mean. They're usually so good about asking me my limits before introducing new things. I'm upset and hurt. We've been playing for almost a year now, but part of me just wants to end it over this even though everything was going great up until this incident. I'm feeling so inadequate right now. I typically have a very high sex drive, but
I have no desire right now. I'm planning on telling them that we need to go back a few steps and take it down a notch while we rebuild trust. Yeah. Yeah okay. So I'm moved 2 minds on 1 part of this, Not not the shaving. Like, that, is that person's limit and they get to go fuck no. I'm not shaving. Go bear. That's fine. The part I'm on 2, I'm of 2 mines okay. And the first 1 was, are you fucking kidding me? And the second 1 was, well, maybe.
Was that they're dominant in that conversation, and it was a phone conversation, so they didn't have the necessarily have faced... Right. In body excuse mh did not register the tone fast enough. Like, unless you play with some push back and maybe Brat behavior or something where you you you recognize your submissive Micah go. I'm not doing that and it's playful, Mh. How can you be in a conversation as a dom, get told no. Yeah. That and that not
immediately, like, clock something different. Right. I don't that's that's a little difficult, especially since they they were been together for at least a year. Right. You know, you would think by that point being with someone you would pick up some contextual clues. Right. You would know the 1 well enough maybe hopefully, and or how deep into top space are you over a phone conversation that you can't. Mh. Except. Top space from not everybody. Yeah. Yeah. But it typically means
hyper focus. Like, you're more focused. So, like... Yeah. I'm not buying that. I'm think that a person slipped that in because as the... This person says they normally bring... You know, new things to me in a much better manner. Right. I think it was 1 of those I'm a slippage and see what I can get away with. Let me dumb them through this because I really want it. Or let me just see how far I can go. Let's just see what happens. I'm not not fan of that part. No. No. I
also can't catch my breath. Hold on a second. Okay. You... What... So overall, Mh. The demanding that she shaves. And then now she feels inadequate. What what do you say about? IIII know it's not going to to mean a whole lot, but you know, they really have no reason to feel inadequate. I know. It's it's easy to tell somebody that they don't have to and harder for to internalize. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's good that for the time, they wanna step back Yeah. I think probably that might be a
good idea. You know, take take a step back and and kinda start from scratch. And I mean, not all the way to the beginning, but, you know... No. If I tell you no to something, Mh. And I mean, see, that's why I'm moved 2 months because if they were in some sort of scene, I guess it just depends on how they play. But this was such an ask that it's really affected this person Mh. Mentally like, an emotionally.
Like, they are impacted by this. So I feel like Does this mean that this was something that had previously been discussed, told no brought back up, Or was this something that's been hinted at and hinted at not actually directly asked for, but the person's, like, kind of like, shrugged it off, and now direct ask was not immediately told, okay. My
bad shouldn't have even asked. Like, doesn't sound like anything's been done to even even in a small late, like, after the the scene part of the conversation go, m, I came on too you strong that. That's my bad. Like, nothing's went under repair even that small, breach of trust, Something that might be inc if the person immediately acknowledged. Oh, hey. Yeah. I overs up there. I probably shouldn't have done that, or I shouldn't have done it that way or shouldn't have done it that,
you know, at this time. I should have done this in a different way. Because this person Walked away going, oh, my god, do they not like my pubic area. I didn't even want them down there, but like do they... That... I mean, the has to come from somewhere. Some of that likely comes from some, you know, their own internal stuff that they've been through over the years. Mh. But for it to be this messed up and this to for them, to be how they reacted. Yeah. I just... I'm questioning what else is
going on. Because I really think that, you know, if it had been just a verbal, like, Oops c. I don't think you walk away from that going, maybe we shouldn't even be in a relationship Like, I feel like there's more. And they're from There may be... Or it was 1 of those things that... Yeah, It's small on its own. But it's built up on top of a lot of other. Which 1 of those things that it it could have been the destroy they broke the chemicals. Exactly.
Yeah. Exactly. Maybe there's other small things that have occurred enough times over the past year. Mh... On their own, you don't really about, you kinda go on, whatever, and this 1 was just a step too far and 1 too many. Yeah. That's possible. The thing is... I mean, I get... I I can hear a dom out there saying, But I get lost in the heads space too. Yeah. You're human. You do, but use the dog have the fucking responsibility. Like, this this has a responsibility to advocate
for themselves, and they did. They said, I don't want this I'm not doing it. Right? Mh. If you realize that you asked for something that clear early they've... You're submissive vehemently pushes back on, that's on you to, like, rectify that situation. And and dom who have the responsibility. If you know the normal way to do this is to talk about it before. Right. Outside of a scene, it really is on you if you air quote, slip up and bring it up in scene. Like, yeah.
People are human tech. See Jb in the heat of the moment, not thinking too completely clearly and throwing out a suggestion. At this point after 10 years, I could absolutely see it. But he's not gonna let me walk away. If I say no, if I say for it if I do whatever to make it clear, the thing Happening. He's said let me walk away from that interaction without knowing that, hey, wait, we're good. Yeah. So like, yes. Happening Yes, dumb. I know some of you fucking hate it, but the onus is on you.
You brought up a thing at the wrong fucking time. Now your partner has walked away feeling and adequate. What the fuck you doing to make sure that doesn't happen? It is on the submissive. To speak up. Mh. Never gonna not say that. And even now they need to speak up. They need to say something. But I just... It's 1... It's A person can decide that's a big enough thing, but the way they're describing it. I feel like it's a medium sized thing that was just 1 thing to. Building too.
Yeah. Mh. Mh. And then may well be. That may well be. I mean, I know there are people out there who, you know, it it's their personal choice. Sure. Always. Yeah. Yeah, I don't And, of course, I mean, this kind of touches on the whole stereotype that... You know, sickness are supposed to be, like, clean shave or hair or whatever in whatever region of the body. Mh. The dom wants to, like, spend time. Yeah. And just because something is common or seems common, I should say. Doesn't mean
anything. You should not expect that that's your partner wants to do that. It's a it's a legitimate ask. It's not a demand. You can have demand, Like... Yeah. I... It it it goes... Yeah. Yeah. It it's a stereotype type just like the whole thing, you know, you hear you hear people talk about... Oh, is... Everybody in Bd, Poly is Yeah. Just because somebody has had enough experience with it feeling like more... People than not Right. Yeah. It it seems like it may be be
prevalent, but, you know, Yeah. And in some communities, it will be and in some places, yes. It might be really common that a lot of submissive are hair free. But it's it's literally like everything out we do. You have to, like, negotiate it and somebody concerns or they don't. And I just... I really wish I knew more. If because I just feel like, you know, this is more... This is... I don't know how to say it. It's not more than it is. It's just something... There's...
It was a straw that broke of camel back. Yeah. And so I'm like, And you may be right on that. That that may be exactly what it In here... And the thing I would tell us is, if you walk away from encounters with your dominant partner feeling inadequate. I think my assuming you're... That's not a safety issue. My first instinct is always to tell you to at least let your dominant partner know. Unless this is a song of dance you've played about 12 times already. Mh. And this
is just a pattern your end. But if this is like the first or second time, You've had this count... Some... This kind of encounter where things didn't quite go the way they usually do and it... You're you've walk away feeling less than your, you know, submissive of self or wondering if there's something wrong with you especially if you ever walk away wondering if there's something wrong with you. Mh.
Have the conversation with your dominant partner. Most of the time, you're gonna get a sense pretty quickly if that was an oops scene or if that was A0I tried to get away with something I couldn't. And you might not know immediately because you have to watch patterns of behavior? Like, what do they actually do? Do they talk good game and then don't change anything? Or do they actually change their behavior? But if it's a relationship you think you want to keep.
It's worth it to you. Have the conversation, let them know, then see what the hell they do and how they were. On. But if... We're on, you know, more than 2 or 3 times of going, hey, this... This interaction left me feeling like shit. That's probably not the person. For you. No. No. Yeah. But, yeah, it's he can't just tell somebody to not feel inadequate. I I wish it was that Know. I didn't walk around sprinkling that, like, ferry for people.
But, you know, it's it's more either and it's an and or, I think it's... You can do both or you can do 1 of the 2. It's having a partner that genuinely makes you feel good about yourself. Mh. And or figuring out ways to to find that within your self. It's therapy. It's time away from a shitty partner. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Doing things that lift you up and build you up personally, but you can find that with
the right partner. And if you are if we were in a relationship where you feel inadequate more often than not, either side of the slash, what we doing? Need to reassess. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, you know, right, I I have to say kudos to to them for you know, standing their bounds and, you know, Right. Saying, you know, right away. No. I'm not gonna do it. Mh. Mh. Yep. Still give side eye to a dumb the camp.
Can I see circumstances where it might be harder to pull back, like, really intense scenes physical scenes? You're in the room with 1 another. Like, I can see it. And I'm not gonna say, it can't possibly happen over the phone, but I'm still gonna give some side I know still give inside either. No. Okay. So I don't know if that was a rant. Phone but here we are. Okay.
And here we go. Next 1KI feel like we're gonna ask how many rain drops are in a thunderstorm with this 1, but I just I just felt do it. I I saw the title in like room. Title, what are the ways to vet to prevent ghost? I just got ghost twice in 3 months. Both times after the first scene. And let me tell you, it's happened other times too, just not recently. I don't have anybody image issues and both times we had times coffee The guy seemed to really into me. They even said that
I'm hot during the scene. So what's the deal with Dom ghost after the first scene. What am I doing wrong that they can't tell me in my face or even over a freaking text. Is there a better way to vet them to avoid this? The last 1, I even joking asked during coffee if he'd ghost me because I'd been ghost recently. He said, of course, not. So frustrating it's getting hiring. Oh, I can... I can only imagine. Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm that time person if something bad happens
once. I'm ready you're done. I'm already probably done, But twice, I would just go into a kinky nun and be the my damn himself. I just gonna be like, oh, clearly, this isn't for me. Mh. I don't want people to feel that, but I do know how I would react. Yeah. Oh, you know, I wish there there was a way to vet to prevent ghost. You know. There's no guarantee. There there there there is no guarantee. You know, I I... Whoever figures out a a ghost proof way to do it. They'll they'll make millions
They absolutely won't. You know, They absolutely won't Yeah. Now I will say, and this... I don't know how helpful this advice because some people are just looking for play partners. Right. And so they're moving a little bit faster than a person who's looking for a long term power exchange relationship. Mh. If you are looking for a long term power, change strip, and you keep, like, picking up the ones that tend to fucking ghost. Yeah. It's time to drag the part out
before the first scene. A lot longer. Now that's no fucking guarantee of anything. Something some of these fucker will play the long game. And they'll be like, oh, I've got someone on the side. I'm doing whatever. I don't have to commit anything. Gotta sail all the right words eventually I'll
get what I'm looking for. I mean, I wish... I wish I could be a fly on the wall of some of these, like, the conversations that they would have had with these dom because it's like, were they giving off fake dom vibes that just because I see it all the time I would... I might recognize or were they... Did they actually come across as genuine and then did that thing that happens in all forms of dating in all flavors of relationship? And just, you know, instead of just taking
responsibility and going, yeah. This isn't gonna work for me. Instead of... See here's the thing. I don't like ghost any level. Short of it being a safety issue. Mh. I think that as hard as it is, it's much easier to send a single long as you don't think you're dealing with a crazy person, send a single text that goes, so glad to have met you, this isn't a worker for me Gotta go. Yeah. And then if they can take a hint block
delete to what you gotta do. But If you wanna call yourself a fucking dumb, and you can't just tell somebody, hey, I don't wanna play with you in more. Hey. Listen isn't working for me. Hang up your fucking little pretend dom hat and just call it a fucking day and go tell people you like kinky sex and move the fuck on. Because good god almighty. If you were gonna dumb, you better fucking learn how to have difficult conversations and to tell people shit, they might not wanna hear. Mh.
And say Ra brought up something interesting. When was sex part of the scene. Yeah. You know, if it was, then there... You know, They got they said they got what they wanted and they're gone. I know. And there's just no way to to the to guarantee that he won't be ghost. Now I... You know, while this is no guarantee. Alright. And and this, I think would take a little intros intersection on this person's part? Yeah. Look down k... Okay. All these people how all these people.
What do they have in common? Besides the fact that they ghost to me, what do they have in common? What is there any other common denominators? Mh. So at that point then, what do I need to change where I'm meeting these people, how I'm finding them. The rates I'm seeing, especially that that common traits. Mh. Talk a certain way. Act a certain way. You know, but I... Yeah. You found them a certain place if it... Right. If it's coming from, like, the same place over and
over again. Yeah. Yeah. Time to time to stop that week. Mh. It's been a few years since we had this conversation with this... It thought about it with this. Yeah. I am not going to blame a person who finds themselves in a shitty situation with a partner in the sense that they, like, nobody deserves that. Right? Nobody deserves a a string of failed relationships when you were trying. Nobody deserves to, like, have the same kind of treatment from partner
to partner partner. Nobody deserves that. However, if you keep picking the same kind a fucking people over and over again. Yeah. It is time to fundamentally change I and sometimes that change needs to be maybe I should be by myself for a minute. Because it. Your picker is off. It's the old axiom. If you do the same thing, or run over and expect different results. Right. I mean, there are therapeutic things I've heard about where... And I'm am you hall, I'm not a
mental health professional. I'm not qualified somebody who actually knows, should should you know, speak up if you... Especially if I'm wrong. But the things that I've I've sort of heard recently from, like, therapist online is that when we seem to gravitate towards a specific type of person who is not good for that usually comes from often childhood trauma, but it's trauma in some way. It's something about this as stressful as this person is or this type of person is feels
familiar enough. Mh. That we keep going back to it. And those kinds of cycles... It's it's probably time for therapy to try to break some of those cycles. But, I mean, that's just that's just the thing. You don't deserve shitty treatment? No. But if they're all doing the same thing. Mh. At a certain point, there's only 1 common denominator? Yeah. But in this case, it's 2, okay. Are you finding them in the same place? Are you going to the same spot? Right. Do you think you have a type? You know?
Maybe maybe ignore that type for me. Quite frankly, I found actual partnership and love and whatever when I went. The type has not helped me thus far and and went. We both went against what we thought we would be okay within a relationship. You were not looking for another single mother? No. And then I showed up. I thought I needed my partners to be taller than me. And somehow I liked them really skinny. I don't know why. And then I went for a short, and it worked out for me.
So, yeah. I I wish there was like, a magic thing to do to tell everybody hey if you do this, you'll never be ghost. Ghost is about the person who ghost you. That's truly, maybe y'all weren't compatible, but the fact that they weren't willing to just tell you and just leave you hanging. That is... That says more about them than it does out. Yeah. Short of you being an unsafe
person. There's always a caveat yell. Mh. Because that for me, if you feel unsafe if you're not sure that you're going to get a adult reaction from somebody, and this is... The only way you'll be able to sleep at night? Okay. Fine. But if it's... I just don't wanna say the hard thing. No. No. I'm not. I'm I'm not fan ghost thing. At all. Okay. Okay. Let's go to the next 1. Okay. I am perpetually out of breath this episode. Okay. I gotta get close. I gotta lean in. Got the old eyes. Here we go.
Title, getting your sub to open up during check ins during singing. I'm just learning and exploring my style of dominance with my husband. When doing a scene, I find my husband does not want to communicate with me when things are not going right Like he sees it is his job to, quote, power through and suffer for me. Even when I check in with him, he replies, I'm fine, mistress.
Today I gave him an example of of if I have him tied up, and I'm spanking him, you know, I wanted to power through the spanking unless he needs to use a safe word. But if he had a cramp, he needs to communicate that to me. The cramp is not the kind of suffering I want for him. Mh. I don't wanna find out after the scene that he suffered the whole time in a way I didn't even know about. Skilled dom can many times read their sickness body and expression and can tell something is
wrong even when they don't say it. I don't feel like I'm a skilled at that yet as I want to. Do you have any tips for getting your submissive to open up about how they are doing during a scene? My husband seems to think that he's a better submissive if he's quiet about it? But then he tells me later, I hate that. Edit. Reading initial responses I need to clarify
my thoughts. I think he will communicate, me when things are unsafe or his boundaries are being pushed, but what he doesn't communicate to me is when he's uncomfortable in a non kin way, and it's d distracting from being in us to submissive state when small adjustments can be made. It's a Wow. Mh. So I can't remember in our dynamic. If I was quick to communicate and see in the beginning or not. Do you remember? I mean, clearly, our very I safe for it. You next. You went seem fucking hard.
Yeah. I did. I came in. Yeah. You. Yeah. Ex super. Yeah. Yep. But, I mean, do do you remember... Ever having a sense that I wasn't telling small things. Like, like this person says here, their sub will, you know, say, hey, boundary being pushed. I'm I'm feeling unsafe here safe word, But, like, the small things. No. I don't think you ever did.
Okay. Okay. You know, but then that comes with the fact that you know, have talked about how, you know, need to know what's going on because, want to supply good pain as opposed to bad pain. Mh. And and, you know, I I need I need to know those things. Right. And it's a... And the way I've always kinda thought of it when I started actually, like, thinking about it, is a a safety precaution for both of us. Mh. Because if you accidentally cause me harm. If it's school mental emotional.
Because I didn't fucking tell you something. Right. I've damaged you just as much as you've damaged me. Sure. It's Like, how do you feel comfortable going in and playing with a partner. After that, If you can't quite trust, they're gonna tell you shit you need to know? Yeah. I mean, the fact that they're like, well, you know, if they... If it's if boundary is pushed or, you know, safe word, they're they're going to do that. It doesn't they have proof that they will.
They just... They leave Believe that they would. And You know, I've always said someone who, you know, says, oh, I don't need a safe word. I don't need, you know, mh. Not a fan. Not a fan. That that... That's... Because anything that happened at any point. Right. Anything could happen. So a couple things come to mind. 1, I wonder how this dominant is checking in. Are they checking in and going? How are you doing? Mh. Are you k? Or are they... And our way is not the only way,
but I just know our way. You do a a traffic light thing. Give me a color. Right. Now we talked about before the scene what the colors mean. Right? Mh. And the reality is is if I if I don't say anything because I'm, like, struggling or I'm in subs space, whole fucking scene ins immediately. Right. But the color allows Jb to know how to to moderate. How to navigate moderate. Yeah. As I got more comfortable over the years, I got I got sassy with my colors, like, we're... We are
the rainbow here. Okay? Because it's not just green yellow red. It's green if I'm like, I'm I'm good. Let's keep going. It'll be red if it's like the worst thing ever. But if I need something to slow down or something Quite, you know, as a little off. I'll I'll give you a green yellow or an orange red or a pale orange. Like, I I mean, I'll do that, but
that took years to get to. Yeah. You know, I feel like this is a conversation for them out of scene when everybody's got the close on this calm and it's not a king mindset said. Out out of scene and out of protocol. Right. And, like, look. Here... You know, is the way I'm checking a network and we we have to have a way. I think the other thing that needs to be in imparted to the submissive, is it is a trust thing. Right. There is no way that dominant can trusts their
partner. Yeah. If they... If they're they're not telling if they're not giving them them added right. Yeah. I wondered they say that, you know, they're new to dom, So is the of new to submission? Mh. And do they need a little bit like, whether it's sight lunches or workshops or books or how I really fucking learn about shit. Do they need some more of that to understand? I also... And I don't like to reduce things down to gender. I really don't. Did did that... Yeah.
It's a guy. Mh. The were they raised and socialize as a guy or not. I don't know. Can't know. But I do wonder if there's a little bit of the the gender... Oh, I'm supposed to be tough. I'm, yeah. I'm not allowed to tell you to do this that I'm struggling or something is not going well. That... I don't. I'm... An expert in how you deep program yourself or anybody else out of that. Is that's a time thing, and that's a... They have to be willing to
see things differently than they've done before. If if that... The case? I mean, you know, can people learn more absolutely. Some people just don't want to? They don't think they should. They don't know. They can. Mh. Whatever their own past is done to them. I mean, all kinds of shit. But I do wonder. Is this part of. I say it's all of it, I think that's too dismissive. But if there's this...
If that person has any background and believing that they're supposed to tough shit out, and endure and or is all their king information coming from fucking porn? Mh. Because there is a lot of submissive of all genders. Suffering and enduring for their dom, which can be hot and if you wanna know, like, negotiate, have a good time. Mh. But that doesn't mean that that's Miss won't tell you that their hand just went numb or you've got a cramp and hell
right. Right. Right. Lauren doesn't show when they cut the scene, since to rub out the cramp. You know what I mean? And in the... You know, some of the more... I don't like to say extreme forms of porn because that's subjective. But there are, you know, especially in king porn. There are some things you'll see and you'll come across where it looks like those persons, the limits don't exist and they will endure anything, and it's like, yes. But that's fantasy. And that's pretend.
We're not actually supposed to do it in our bedroom at home. I mean, we all get to have limits. And it's okay if for let cramp. Good lord. How many times have we been fucking around. Both of us got guy. Either 1 1 over in the other. Yeah. Oh, my god. I. So... Yeah. And I I commend this dom for going. Okay. I know I don't have the skills for this. I know... I'm I'm still new but also, I wanna take the dominant by the hand and go, hey.
Even if you dom for years and years and you get like, really know your partner, and you can read their expressions. You will still, like, not see something. You will... You're human, you will still make a mistake. They need a safe word. They need a way communicate. They need to be able to communicate with the No no matter No how well you know somebody and, you know, like, III feel I know you fairly well Mh. After all these years, but, you know, and it's not happened at any point. Sure.
So It's not... I don't ever say that to take away from somebody's desire for or willingness to our ability to really read their partner a skill that you you can develop over time with a person, and that's a great skill to have, but do not get so confident that you don't need backup risk mitigation. That there shouldn't be something in place that will snap you out of your moment to go, Oh shit. Something's gone wrong.
You know, I I don't I don't know any anything scientific about this and it anything I might know is really me just looking at things and when I think this is what this means. I don't even know if I've ever heard anybody really talk about it. Except for, but I wonder how many people, dom or subs. Tops or we're bought. Mh. Who internalized in some way that a Safe word is a fail a failing. Because there's just too many fucking who are like, I don't play with Safe words.
It's fuck you. I know. If I just submissive play with a safe word. Guess what maybe you play with a Safe for it today. Because that's what I do. Yeah. But it's like We don't wanna admit that that the most random fucking thing can happen. You don't actually have total control over all fucking things. So if there is... And not, obviously not everybody feels that way. Like, I get that. But if there is some, like... Thought of that floating out in the ether
somewhere. It's gonna affect all sides of the slash. It's going to... Some people are gonna internalize it and maybe not even realize it. But he... This submissive things he is supposed to endure. Yeah. But maybe we don't endure in. Like why we doing it? It it's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be something that that fulfill for both sides of the slash. Okay? And, you know, the... Did our our video froze again. Yes. It is supposed to be fun, and it is... It's... Yeah. I and it can
be super intense. It can be, like, make you wonder if, you know, you need therapy later intent hint as long as everest within bounds, you've played as safely as you possibly can nothing's hundred works percent safe. You've got after care, like, if you can have all that then go fucking crazy, but everybody involved has to be able to trust
each other. And, you know, We spent a lot of time telling submissive was about, you know, a dom needs to earn your trust, but Jesus christ the sub needs to earn their dom trust. Mh. And if that dom cannot depend on you to speak that fuck up, you are no longer a safe person to play with. Yeah. And then you can't get intense in the way that you might want to. Because if the the more trust there is and the more willingness everybody is to, you know, mitigate as much risk as is even possible.
The further if you choose to, you can go. But without that, first and also this caveat, if you don't wanna go that far. You don't fucking have to. I like to play in the middle of my boundaries with a lot of room between me and the men's line as. I mean, That's how I like to play. But,
yeah. I just this endurance bullshit. Yeah. You know and believing that their partner would use their Safe word, but not actually knowing, You know, I I feel like they must be playing in a way that that the dominant is trying to say well within the boundary. Lines, especially as they're learning. And I really respect that. I think that's a good way to start, you know, until you you're confident they're confident you've built up some whatever, but I don't know how that don't trust their
sub. Yeah. Yeah. That yeah. And that might be the conversations. Like, until you get your mind wrapped around this. We can't play. Why can't... It's have the trust. Yeah. No. And and it's more risky. Than it already is. If you're not willing to do then And I don't I don't like for everything to fall back on a power, exchange. Right But maybe it needs to be, I'm speaking as your mistress here. This is a rule. Yeah. If you break this rule you wearing kinky play time. 1 second.
Okay. Okay. Next 1. Yeah. Hang on. Okay. Oh, no. That was 1. I just read next 1. Go head to what you gotta do. This 1 hit close to home. And... Because I I saw myself in it, and I didn't quite like. It, but it did mean I had a very specific, response, mental response. Are you podcast you can't see. He... Jimmy just walked away. He's doing something across them. Are you able to pay attention, or do you want me to wait till you come back? Give me 1 second. Okay.
Almost... I'm trying not to belt into the microphone because I am a professional podcast house. Thank you very much. Look, drinking diet coke, and I'm talking too fast, and I'm swallowing air. The belt is coming. I'm just trying to hold it off until we're denied streaming and recording. Okay. Are you ready for me? I am ready. Title. Acts of surface or just un. Okay. Here we go. So my dominant I have reached a talking point that I'm not sure he understands what
I mean. Maybe I don't know how to explain correctly. In terms of what kind of sub I am, I'm not entirely sure, but I know that I love acts of service. I want you anything that will make his life easier and his day better. And while he does fully appreciate it, I've tried to explain my reasoning behind it, and I'm not shoot of the message is really getting through to him. I find myself very un unsatisfied to do things if I'm just doing them for myself. Sure I'll wash the dishes, take out the
trash, clean the bathtub, etcetera. But doing it for myself gives me no desire to do it. And since I don't see the reward in doing a common chore, I did procrastinate an 8 on them. On the flip side, if I know that he'll be coming over, and the dishes aren't clean or the floor is vacuum, I am much more motivated in
doing these chores. If I do them for myself, I don't have that sense of satisfaction at the end of doing them, but when I, quote, do them for him, I may not enjoy the chore, but I have a sense of pride for getting it done. I've tried explaining this to him, and I think he understands until I realize that maybe he doesn't. This does extend to other non chore related areas of my life, but I don't know how to explain to him that these things, these are things that I want to give
myself and not necessarily for him. But before he came into the picture, I would rather have had all my teeth pulled before doing any chores. I think he may think of it as me not having any self motivation or discipline and needing to rely on him to basically tell me what to do because I can't do it myself. Can understand if that's the thought process, but he knows I'm very independent and occasionally stubborn person who will still get things done that
need to be done. But made do a half ass job because at the end of the day, if I'm doing anything for myself, I don't feel the need to put in the extra effort to go above and beyond when it's just another chore that have to... That have to be done again, and again, and again, anyways, He feels I'm doing everything for him and not for myself, which is again understandable but not quite the case.
How would I go about explaining to him that I would and could do these things anyways, but having them be part of our dynamic would make me more motivated and cited for the most mundane and boring tasks. I am in this, post and III mean, I could have fucking written that almost word for word. So I I definitely have my point, but what are your thoughts? Being the dominant who would be on the flip side of this type of thing? Yeah because you definitely are.
You know, there's there there's a few things at play here. And and, yes, I do see little bit of someone IIIII know Mh in there. So let me put it you this to because they in... Like, literally came to you for a thing and basically use this language of I know I'm supposed to do it, but I can't be motivated to do it on my own so I need your help. Now the way you ended up flipping at what we're doing is you put your in it because you... Like, you're, like, I need to
do this too. Right. But this was not the first time I've come to you for that. So when I come to you and go look. Mh. I'm not motivated to do this on my own. I need your help. How do you feel that? How do you handle it? How do you wrap your mind around? You know, when when you do that, III feel kinda good that you're willing to come to me and asked me, you know, those things. You know, I'm I'm gonna... Because I am I am my fault on the big D side of the slash, I'm I'm kinda gonna
Are you Yeah. I just can't catch my breath the word. Okay. Now wasn't been trained to pot. Okay. While I am I am not a little SII think what it comes down to is it's not a matter of the motivation like they are saying. I think there's probably a number of things that go on there. There's the accountability. That that's what this person wants, and they just don't know how to say that what they want is a accountability. They they want the accountability.
And you know, I I would have to say, you know, because III know with you and and and with others, you know, when when you are tasked to do something, you know, you look also for the validation of having done something. Yes. Yes. That that's very true. You know, good job, good girl, you know? We're just, like, this person said feeling good that I did that thing. Yeah. Right Yeah. You yeah. For sure. So so there there is that. And that that...
The the the part of me that, you know, is not very generous is is kinda thinking, well, you know, maybe this don doesn't know what to do with a service hub or how to handle them. They might not... And this person doesn't even call themselves a service. Yeah. They just know they, like, axe of service and. Mentally screaming, go, learn about service missing. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds a little bit like you bum also. The word you said is the first word
that came to mind. And that's accountability. Yeah. Alright. Because I've had this conversation with you. When there are things that I know I need to get done, but good god almighty. I don't wanna fucking do it. I know we should I should clean this more often do that, and this would be really good for me. Like, I'm not stupid. I have fucking know all of it and something within me, just.
Right? Yeah. Whether it's executive dysfunction, whether it's just procrastination, whether it's, like, I I've learned too many things so I know it could be any reason. You're dangerous. Whatever the thing is that prevents me from knowing what to do and then just fucking doing it. Any whatever that is. In power exchange, Mh. Especially because I love to do things for the people I care about, True. But also, yes, the validation. I come to you and go look, I need you to hold me
accountable. Yeah. You don't give a fuck. I do this. I mean you might care for me because whatever. But I know that I... And this is what I would tell this person. Mh. The conversation is I don't need you to tell me what to do for everything, and I don't need everything I do to be for you. Right? Because I I wonder if that Dom is a little overwhelmed by that? Like, why is doing your basic home chores for me? Like, how does that work? Right?
The conversation you and I've had. I want person have is I need to be held accountable. Mh. So the real conversation is, here the things I struggle with doing, I need a counter balance to know that you're looking to see if I've done them, not because it was actually for you, but the... If I get them done, Dom has some like, good job or they're happy or they're proud or their whatever, but the the outside... What's the word? There's a word I want. It's not pressure, but a little bit of
the outside pressure. Mh. To get the thing done is how shit gets done. And so if I believe even at if it's just mind factory. I believe that I am accountable to you to get my shit done. And that there might even be a consequence if I don't. This person might very well be a person who's like, I don't want fucking consequences. We'll then do your fucking shit. You know, but but the idea that there could be a consequence might be enough of a motivator
and enough of a... Okay. I I you know, they're gonna come to me if I don't get this shit done. Or I have to admit to them that I did not get this thing done. Whatever it is that gets that person like in their head space and doing their shit and knowing that at the end of the day, it's their dom who's gonna be looking to see, did they do their shit. I I don't necessarily think that a dom has to be invested in the tasks itself. I think it can be...
If you're not invested in the actual tasks, it can be in the did my submissive partner do the things they assured me they would do. And if they did not, do I express some level of disappointment that hit them in in the sub fields wherever that might be. Mh. That keeps them motivated. And I... Also, why do we have to be motivated do bullshit stuff like chores. Like, I if everybody gets fucking un unregulated to do boring shit. Some of us are just like... It's bigger for us. But everybody's
fucking like that. So if outside pressure, outside accountability, is more fucking effective, and the shit's still getting done if the dom is willing and, of course, the dom gets to side if they're willing to play this game. Sure. It is kind of a game because the dom ultimately doesn't give a fuck If the chores is done, but what they might care about is did you do a thing I expected you to? Because that's a power thing. That's a control thing. And I'm curious because there have been things.
You've done this for me on. Did it really fucking matter about the thing being done or was it more that I did what I was supposed to do because you have control over me. In combination of both. Combination of both because that's I helped my example, But Know where I was going with it. Yeah. Right. I know... I know what you're trying to do, but the the fact of the matter for me is I am the type a person, maybe a little too pragmatic. I'm not gonna give you task just for the sake of giving
you a task. If I give you a task, it's because it needs to be done. And that that's might be that same way, but there's still stuff I need to do that you don't... I mean, it doesn't affect you if I don't do a through. So it's not a task you would assign to me that you would care if I did it or not. Like, it wouldn't... You might... My point is the what the reason you would care is not because the lack of the thing being done
impacts you. Mh. More, you control me to the extent that we've negotiated, and I didn't get a thing done that you expected me to get done me because I told you I would, or because you went, hey, These are your normal everyday chores. You need to make sure. Mh. You get your shit done. Not because... And this is why I think the... Fusion is in this conversation. The dom is like, none of this impacts me directly. Why would I tell you to do it? That's not the fucking
not conversation. That's not the point. Right Yeah. And that's where I think that's getting lost in translation. The person this is miss. I need accountability. I need somebody who is not... Doesn't have to be impacted I mean doing this. Mh. But we'll make sure. We'll check in. Like, it's a little bit of emotional labor on the part of the dom. Maybe maybe physical labor if they're consequence. But like, it's not the the dom doesn't even have to think of what the task are.
This... The first task could be, the submissive brings the list of tasks that they find challenging and go, these are the things I'm supposed to get done on whatever schedule I don't fucking them mh. And I need to know that if I'm not getting this done as And it's a little bit of role play. Air quote for you. Not because it benefits the Dom because the dom sets the expectation that, hey, these are your responsibilities and you'll take care of them.
You know, if they can... If the dog can wrap their head around that, I think they're fine. But I think the word that the wants his accountability. Yeah Because... And I just say that it's... That's that's what what works for me. Oh ready. Okay. This is our last 1. Alright. I don't know if I picked an easy 1 or not, but here we go. Difference between wanting a dom or just a nice guy. I 28 female, am I'm not very experienced in Bd bts at all but have always been very interested in having a dom or
someone to take care of me. I've been in a very few very brief relationships with dom in the past who probably were way too intense given my lack of experience. Nothing bad happened. I just realized these were too intense and not what I was looking for. I guess I'm just wondering at how do subs out there, act... Know that they actually want to have a dominant versus a partner that just, like, make sure you drink water and eat 3
meals a day. So first of all, for some of us, it's the difference between a very intense, dom and a caregiver and a nurture. It's not exclusive but the. And also sometimes no. You just want somebody who cares enough about you to go, yeah. Did you drink water today? Probably, you know, the I In you're reading this, the first thing that kinda jumped out at me is I just want someone to take care of me. I said that so fucking often before I even new Bd and was a fucking thing.
And felt bad. And felt guilty for wanting it. Yeah, you know, what do you mean by 1 you being taken care of. Right. And what if and if you are submissive, what is it that you're giving in return for that caring? Like, are you willing to do things for a partner that you are within your boundaries? But you wouldn't otherwise do if they didn't ask you to or tell you to. Right? Yeah. You know, where... What are your own lines for what you want to give in
Exactly. And and I think that, you know, they they say, what not very experienced at Bd. So you know, what what are they they wanting? And I think that's part of the thing. They're not very experienced. I think they need to figure out who they are. Right. In the Bd community. And if they even find an place... And if they even have a place and, You know, some people think, oh, this this sounds great, and, you know, they they dip their toes in and they're like, oh, no. This is not what I want.
I know. Yep. But, you, you know, they they really need to figure out who who they are in the community and and what they really want out of a Bd relationship. Right. Exactly. Know, exactly. Right. Said they're, you know, they went into some that were too and and they were too intense. Like, okay. Well, That's very vague. That does that mean It it's very vague and what were the negotiations like? Were there Where's
their. Yeah. And that's... They... They were a little too vague because I I have, like, the thoughts come in. Y'all don't know how my brain works. Yeah. So on 1 hand, my thought is Is it too intense because it's just not really for them? It doesn't matter what flavor where they tried. It just wasn't for them.
Yeah. Valid. That's so fucking valid. Mh. Or was it too intense because they found a partner that fit some kind of stereotype or they just happened to come across a potential partner that was and an intense subjective here, but was like more high protocol strict, more rules, like, more structured power. Exchange. Mh. And their net now, their only experience and truth experience and knowledge of power exchange is literally 1 single way of doing it. Yeah. When there are
a million ways to do. Yeah. I... I mean, you know, they're they're they're talking about this and you know, the whole intent. And and why I say they they need to be a little bit more in tune what what they want. You know, is it is it like a a caregiver that they are really looking for and and in prior to this, maybe they were in like a high protocol. Right. You know, and sure that would be hell attempt to somebody I couldn't do it. No. You couldn't. I would drive that poor
dog crate see. They would question whether they really were in into Bd at or not. By the time I was. Good question all their life's choices. Their own sanity. Yeah. Time I was too. See I mean, saying, Be there doing my own version of it. So, you know, I'm yeah. In the live chat, somebody brought up something that is a very good point. Yeah. Why is... Why is it the difference between Dom and a nice guy? Like, right. Yeah. Could be nice.
Yeah. I what would Domino's supposed to be a nice guy I mean, supposed to be forever river river. Which then makes me wonder what what was their experience? Yeah. Did they get them a grow, like, tough personal bear. Right. That was, like, these are my rules and you will follow them and but, like, And there was no playful or silliness? Yeah. Did they... Like, what... I wish I knew that because then I could go, oh, well, you might still not be be into Bd assembly. You just got, like, 1 little
sliver of 1 flavor. Like, there's... There... It's taste the fucking rainbow by way. Out there. Like, there's so many other ways to experience power. But also quite frankly, Even if we were not on a power exchange, I was still on a partner who's gonna ask me did even how many fucking want like, who cares enough about me as a fucking human being. To care to, you know, be paying attention to whether I'm functioning and if you have got what I... If my needs are being met.
You don't you don't have to go search for a dime for that, but also, if you find a dom, that part or be included or you can negotiate that or you look wait until you find the person who will give you that. They're not mutually exclusive. No. They're not. Now it can seem that way if you come across some asshole dom, some air quote dom, some Yeah. 1 true way. I mean, you could be like, oh God, or all of these people just some motherfuckers. I mean, some of them are. Yes. Yeah
but yeah. You, you know, it it's it it it may... It... I got a chuckle when you read the the title to that. Yeah. You know, being a dom does not mean, preclude you from being a nice guy. Right. You know, just like you can be a a non kin person in be raging asshole? Total un nice person. Right. Yeah. I think I think your initial thought
is the exact right 1. What this person needs to do is to go away and learn more about Bd is specifically submission and the vast ways number of ways that it can be expressed, you know, and maybe even, like, be around some kinky people talk to some kinky people read watch whatever whatever. And then think for themselves, okay. Is any of this resonating with me? Right? You know, because is it that they're not kinky or is it that they just came across the
partners that were not right for them? And if you don't even know what you want Like... And that's... Then you you can't possibly find something who's gonna fit. Sure. However, the other... The caveat, like, the the parent here is, you can think know what you want when you go into it, try it and oh. 0 hell no. This is not what I want. This is not for me. And either find another flavor or go Yeah. I'm I'm not actually kinky. I'm gonna go over here to, you know, the non king side of things.
But so just, you know, even trying to figure out what you want before you get some practical experience is imperfect. Yeah. But if they haven't had meaningful good experiences with former partners, and they're questioning this. I and you know, go learn more about it and then ask yourself the question? Do I think I could live without this? Because quite quite frankly, you can either just not be kinky or this might not be great season in your life. Yeah. To explore
this. Right. Too. That's true. God knows plenty of us come to it much later in long. Mh. Because that's the right time to actually think about it and explore it. Yeah. So why can't I catch my birthday? I think if I'm un diagnosed, and I'm I'm not confident enough too self diagnosed. But if I have the 80 8DI think the Adhd is Ad adhd ing today. And I think that's my problem. Okay. So that was the last 1. So Yay for that. Mh. And now we can go into a found a section. Right.
And I will try really hard to catch my fucking breath. Yes. Hell least just do that, you know, I know it's making you very nervous. Kidding. I go through this every once in a while. I do. And it's usually when the the mind is just... Okay. Laughing in there. And I'm I'm not used to seeing this. I don't you have to talk through it? Yeah. See, I... My my midday, the noon fucking stream. I'm much calmer, usually. Mh everyone so... I mean, we get
chaotic. Y'all know that. But, like, my best time for focus in the day is morning to midday. I used all of that today. Gotcha. And then went into what I can only described as possibly a hyper focus and got a week... I said it earlier, a week's worth of worked 5 hours. And now I think my brain is just trying catch up. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Alright. So we're all that being said. That was plenty to be sad. Are good. I don't know. I just hope I would scared anybody awake.
Keep it y'all. We'll see you next week. Hey. Yes, baby girl. Can we talk to the crickets, please? Yeah. Next week is episode 4 Yep. That's true. Mh. I had to quickly text my mother this morning. She is coming for a visit. She thought mid June. I looked at a calendar and went, well, that starts the next week. I need to text my mother. Yeah. I like, hey, you know, when you're coming because we're gonna take a week off when she is here. So I
don't... We don't have to try to navigate recording and drink really what it. Hannah, I'm like, have you figured that out. Yeah. Because I need to, like, plan my my work life here. Mh. And she goes, I have no clue, but it will definitely not be next week. Again, the evil step dad has been... Have a medical stuff go on, and they're waiting for results that they're waiting to make appointments and, like, there's all kinds of stuff going on. She's like, just like, I gotta be.
And I'm like no. My I goodness. Jay you had to, like, I had to go through some stuff. I sure ship me there. I go into the doctor's office with them though I talk to the doctor, Hip what? We don't know her. No. I will point out if the symptoms he is not telling them about. So, yes, I would absolutely. I would be in my mom's shoes. I be like, okay, I guess I I'm not leaving town when there's all this medical stuff going on. So Yeah. It it kinda seems that way
silent... And live chat Silent asked, does that mean we're celebrating 400 episodes and 10000 of drivers at the same time, kind of. So we have the live stream on Saturday for 10 k subscribers. And then Wednesday will stream the 4 hundredth episode that is actually going to be a q and a episode, we're gonna ask for questions from Instagram. Mh. Just because it's so much easier to organize them that way. So, yeah, we will be doing that. Next week. So I could sworn there was a thing I
told myself, hey. We'll talk that in the bonus section, gone poof out of the brain. But you and I have been... It's only the second time we've done it. So it's a little new. But we've been a Tim thing to takes stupid fucking walks for stupid mental health. Yes. And it works. I fucking hate that sting Shit. Well, I want I look, I want an... An easy for me because I'm physically capable of walking. I want an easy thing that actually helps, but I don't want it
to be the thing. Everybody tells you you're supposed to do. Like something about that rubs me the wrong way. Like, I don't want people to be right about that, but it... Mh. And I'm sure it doesn't work for everybody. I would never say that. But the first day we did it, Monday, we came at sweaty mess, not because it was even all that hot outside We were walking at 05:30 in the morning, Y'all. Yes. That's the time. I said, but the perry menopause just fucking takes over.
And I got really hot. But we came in Monday morning, and I just like... Started day shit. You did. And kept doing shit till I finally stopped at the end of the day. And kinda so did I? Like, what the fuck was that? I know. And then today, now today's walk all in the second 1. Today's walk. Started out stressful. 2 things. Well this morning. The first thing I do when my eyes open and I turn off my fucking alarm is like, pick up It's
not a good habit. I pick up my phone, and I start looking at this things. And the first app I go to. I go to email first. The first app I go to after that is discord because we have the discord server through at Patreon. And I wanna make sure things that it's not on fire in this morning Fuck, I thought it was on fire. So before we I could go for a walk, I had to, like, temporarily fix things, which it's handled its. Shit happens. But then we get up We...
So I'm already rattled before I even get out the bed I'm like, I, I'd haven't even wiped the crust out of my eyes. This is a little early. But I am too panic and 2 to have gone. It can wait till 07:00 no. It had to be done right or would never... I just... I couldn't... Oh, 0 my god. So then we're a few minutes like out for a walk. We go for a walk. Crazy fucking neighbor who can't keep their pets inside has allowed out at 05:30 in the damn morning.
They're basically... It... He's... The dog's a puppy, but like an older puppy, not quite teenage dog, but not a baby baby. Mh. Like, right in that stage of the ain't got not a fucking manner, and that dog stood at the end of his driveway and used his big boy. And it's a strange dog. You'd... I don't we don't know. Is he protecting the homestead instead? Or is he trying to play? We don't fucking know, and the dog in the middle of barking at us with the big boy voice, got the fucking zoo.
Because he's essentially a baby. And we were out there for a couple of minutes before the woman came out. I was like, luke, let me try and get him I'm so sorry. It took her 5 minutes Get, and he was steady zooming zoom marriott backyard yard boy. I was like, oh my god. So I don't know if that was a Shorter walk today? Maybe we just picked up the pace. Like we we walked the same amount. Did we? Have you mapped art because we shorter Jb leads the routes. I just said, please don't take me into
total darkness at 05:30 in the morning. Go over there are street lights. And he just... He he told me I could pick pace, and then I found myself following them and I was like, I... I'm not setting the pace here. But I today ran Monday, you definitely. I know. But then I watch Jb have that moment that I think many of us have had of having to not behind, but with walk slower,
then you possibly want to. Thankfully, he wasn't behind me because that's 1 of the most frustrating things, but he still kept pace with me and it wasn't as fast as see No when I'm first start. Now I gotta get. I mean, you gotta warm this engine up. Okay. I need a good my. I am a bit out of practice myself. Okay. Yeah. I use there was a time I used to walk, man. I... I'd... You are a power walker. Oh, yeah. I mean, I used to. I used to walk 5 k's and, like, actually care about beating
a time. So, yeah. I, yeah. I I need to... Kind of... Yes. But your... Our fitness levels are not evenly matched. True. True true true. So you're. True true true. Slow is... I, oh, goodness Nothing and puff a little bit. Yeah. So Oh god. My sneakers are not. Mine mine neither. I've got my sneakers are really bad. I really need to replace them, but that has not been a priority and so we'll we'll work on and it'll be fine. I'm still going.
Good so... And it it really... I mean, can I blame whatever today's focus thing was on the stupid walk for my mental health? Am I like this now because I got up at 05:30 and I went for a walk. Mh. Can I can I can I use that as the? It's not a me, it's the stupid walk. 05:30. Yeah. And silent, yes. It is still dark at 05:30. But as it... As summer progresses. Yeah. Well, we're we're almost at the 20 first, which was the longest day of the year anyway. I mean... But
it... You know, yes. At at 05:30, it is still dark. But by the time we wake up, get dressed and and get outside, it is starting to get light. Yeah I mean... It's not totally. Wouldn't read a book buy it, but, yeah. You see the skylight. It's not gonna be sun either, you know, but it's But even as we get a little bit closer to the E or whatever, it'll sun sunrise will back up a little bit. Right now, our sunrise is, like, at 06:30,
the the full official Sunrise. Mh. I wanna say, right at the not we get to about 06:15 when we get sunrise. So we'll get a couple weeks where it'll lighten up a little bit more. Oh, yeah. And then we'll be on the other side. And sorry Going the other way. Yeah. But the nice thing is is once it gets cool the time changes, we'll just walk in the evening and we'll be okay. So so... Yep. But you know. What out? I don't wanna talk about too much because we got Saturday. Got Saturday. Yeah. I know.
And I think enough interesting things are gonna have a trade. I was just gonna say That just means we got do shit between now and then. I mean, I got work to do. That's that's funny. I only have 1 more doctor's appointment with the kid this week. So that was good. Got don't out the way. The way you were saying, I thought there was gonna be several doctor's appointments every day this week. No. That's just me me in the hyper way I speak. I figured that. It was 3 appointments
over the course of the week. And for me, that was just... A bunch of fucking appointments. Yeah. But also there was a phone call with a teacher that had to be factored in, Stuff. But, yeah. The 14 year old is still on his health journey, but we are getting more answers, so that is an nice We're. And and we're starting to make little tiny progress here. It... Yeah. It's only been a couple days and I'm already seeing it. Yes. We discovered a delightful.
Health professional, that's on the kids team, diet, who was so delightful. We were quoting as we walked back to the car. Write on. Write on. Right on. Write on. Every time, he was asking the kid question I was trying to like, not to talk too much, but mh kind of supply stuff. And if what he heard was either usable information or I think positive information. He would before he would tell us the medical thing. His first response was right right
on. We've walked throughout this house. For the rest of the week just going, right on right on. He was wonderful. He was fucking wonderful if he was he was he was... I I liked him. Did. I him... I I liked him. He explained a lot of things. Gap. I mean, he went over a whole medical lesson and that That was amazing. And and he did it in a way. That we all understood it. Yes. Without being condescending? Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. And and it was... That in and of itself just amazing. Mh.
Mh. I mean, it helped me even learn some things about myself. I know. I haven't been able to have dessert. For the past couple nights since Lauren I a few things I'm like damn it. I don't have 3 hours to sit up right after I. Right. So fully touch it. Yeah. Damn it. Yeah. I know. But, no. He he was he was a big help. And silent I absolutely thought about math Mc. Talking. Maybe he's just heavily influenced by Matthew Mc mckenna and Matthew Mc mckenna is his personal
hero. Yeah. I'm here for that. So... But, no. With with with some of the stuff he will... He was talking about, we we had started, slowly implementing it. And just in a few days, we have started seeing some positive Yeah but positive changes. Yeah. And for how deep some of the issues went to even see, I mean, I didn't expect to see changes at all this Quickly, but small ones are it's huge. Yeah. Yeah. We'll follow up with the diet attrition
right on right on. The which will also be the kids, the kids Gi doctor is retiring. Yeah. And the kid's appointment with him is the dudes last day. And we also learned at this appointment because he's he's he's retiring from age, like, not, like, after. We also learned that, apparently, the... Those in the office who work with the Gi doctor, call them grandpa grandpa. I hope it was said with love and infection. Right. Right. Right? Right. I I hope it's meant as a
term of deal. Exactly. Exactly. So Kim, could we go back to the new dessert because of the 3 hours thing. 1 of the things the diet explained to us we were talking about what the kid is dealing with. And so the thing you want them to do is, I think specifically because of this, But I think it's a best practice. And that is the reason the reason it's recommended that you don't eat something heavier or eat food and then immediately go to bed is because apparently, once you lay flat
body... Like, you stop digesting. Right? And so if you eat too much and immediately go to bed that's kinda why you wake up film like crap. So the recommendation for the kid, is after his last meal, he needs to sit at at least 45 degree angle or more up, so that his body is still work and digesting. Right. 3 hours before he Mh. For at least 3 hours. So in that way, it was really 3 hours before bed, but that kid stays up late it's for 3 hours. I not I never heard that before.
None of us have had, you know, we're we're aware of the fact you know, when he was telling us that when... So when you lay down. Everything stops. Everything stops working. Sense. Everything everything stops working. He he explained to us the whole process of how when you swallow? We had diagrams on the. A diagram going and everything. And it was a whole ass lesson he showed us is a teaching hospital So I'm pretty sure that or a teaching facility. So he's used
to doing the teaching part. So what's happening is it might be 09:00 before I go fuck, I wanna deserve I'm like, I'm not sitting up it. Now, for something like dessert, do you need the 3 hours? Probably not, but... And the diet right on right on has not told me otherwise Lola agrees. Well agrees. So just want attention. But... Yeah. So, yeah, it's really fucked up my ability to eat dessert. This past couple days, which is not a bad thing. I'm pretty sure. I didn't need
too much more dessert. Now. But, yeah, now, I'm, I'm, like, paying attention to the clock when I eat something. I'm like, well, it's dinner time. We're not going to bed too soon. It's But, yeah, It's just it's kind of... I think it's kind of... It is a relief to feel like we have not just answers because kid was getting diagnoses left right and center. But then there's like, hey. Here's the thing you do about this side. You And what I really liked about the diet. He was, like,
here's why this happens. Here's how this happens. Yeah. And it was aligning with everything we've been watching happen for, like, 3 years and are like, oh, I seen where that happened. Okay. That makes sense to me. So that's nice. Is. It's it was nice. It was it was refreshing. Yeah. And a little bit of a weight lifted because it was like, oh, we have a team here We have a team working on this issue because this issue is the kind
of issue that sends people to hospital. I mean, we've been looking at the kid going. Is that where we're headed it? There we go into hot. Hopefully not. It it was weight lifted, but very encouraging to see the small changes in the short time. Well, also... That gives hope, Well, also reminding ourselves that these things aren't linear, so we'll do loop your loops and go back and go forward and jump up and go down, but... Yep. Yep yep. Yeah. What you said.
So Yeah. Our we're talking about digestion and stuff, and, Gi stuff. That's what you come to the bonus section for. Gotcha. I know I know that it is. I know that it is. Yeah. No. It's it's typical stuff it's work. It's always work, but then it's it's medical stuff. Yeah. And it's dogs with big boy voices. That's but what we got this week. We gotta keep, like, we gotta minimize because we got all Saturday night.
But if you've never been to, evening livestream like, a Friday night, and this 1 will be a saturday and night It gets random. It gets chaotic out. It's can on purpose, Like, that's the point. We talk about fucking it everything. Not actually fucking everything, but many, many, many topics. What so it... It's almost 08:30. Are we gonna have time for dessert tonight or now? We would have to sit up right until 11 minutes. You wanna watch 3 episodes of?
I don't wanna get through season 2 and Queen Charlotte too fast because I don't wanna start season 3 until I could watch all of season 3. I mean, I'm thinking for a small thing like, dessert, you probably don't need the full 3 hours. Yeah. Because he did say after dinner, which is typically right. The larger meal. With the way the kids eating right now. It's his largest meal. So maybe there can be to start.
Well you know what you said you know wanna rush through through you said you don't wanna brush through Bridge. I don't wanna get through too fast. I think, last season to sweet tooth. Yeah. Is out. Feel free. I know. You're you're not... You weren't. Episode. It just wasn't 1 that, like, I was r, Like... I've I've liked. I know have, like, you were debt or Mh. Definitely into it. Hey Yeah. I will say the most recent doctor Hu episode was better or
was young? Also still good. Mh. The the end when you realize more clearly what the actual point of this episode was? Yeah. Yeah. How... It was it was powerful. I would imagine people who actually live through racism how may have a different take or may have spotted the signs. Much quicker than we did, but... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was still... It was a good episode and then it was jarring, and I was like holy shit. I thought we were here to have a little space of insurance
save people. Yeah. Okay. We did something different to this time. Very different. And, I mean, it's stuck with me since we watched it And I do count it as 1 of the top episodes for this season so far. I mean, which isn't hard to do considering the first 2 were won't won't so disappointing. I'm not going back into that rant. I'm sure Saturday night, somebody will get me into that rant because f day we need to watch the next episode 1. Of doctor. Say There you go. So on that note, Mh.
You wanna go watch sweet tooth because this new season just came out. Yeah. Or no That until tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. I don't remember. Yeah. Maybe Thursday or Friday, I think it... Date order numbers. That's not my job. It'll be there. But now we can need to go have the debate about, can we have the cert? Set upright. That that's the real. Yeah, decision trying to made around here. I know. Okay. We're gonna go. I gotta go time stamps in. I... We had stuff to him.
Yeah thanks for being here, especially to the bitter end. Hopefully, we'll see you again on saturday. Join us and. And then come hang with us saturday podcast folks. If you don't normally get to do it and near free Saturday night. I know for some people it's difficult because this is pride month and there's lots of events going on and it's the weekend and there's kin events and it's the week. Like I get it. We will miss you. But if you can, you got time.
I don't think it I don't think it was Mo, Ken. The live in live chat kim asked curious as to whether or not the most recent was written by Steven Mo. I don't know. I I don't think it was. Any anyhow. Mh. We're gonna go back. Go Thanks Thanks for being here. Yep. All that. Yeah We love you. Bye.