You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four fifty seven. Kayla Lords here with the one, the only Nope. Nope. There's not a thing you can say about me right now because you, Kayla Lords, are amazing, brilliant, and and diligent. This woman rebuilt the entire Kinkery website from scratch. And now I'm blushing you and then nobody can see it, and I kind of wanna hide because I feel I feel a way when somebody says nice things about me.
I don't know how to handle it. I was actually going to say the one, the only, the kindest daddy who was very supportive in that endeavor. I kept browsed out. I kept kept you supplied with Diet Coke. You surely did. And when we were on the home stretch the day before recording, so Tuesday, October 7, you brought me the biggest Diet Coke for me to finish up Yep. And get it done. We will talk about that later. But as a result of rebuilding a website,
my brain is fried. And so for the third week in a row, we are taking help, and we're taking the easy way, of making an episode instead of researching a topic and diving deep. We're gonna let therapy Jeff help us. Once again, we're gonna answer 10 questions that he says show you really know your partner. Uh-oh. This ought to be interesting. Welcome to the Living BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you. If you're back for another week, welcome
back. Loving BDSM is produced every Monday and Friday, except not next week because I couldn't. I just couldn't, y'all, for your kinky pleasure and education. And show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app. You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically thread, so that handle I will forever fucking hate. It's loving d s and the number one. So so it's at loving d s one.
I really fucking hate that. On blue sky at lovingbdsm. Blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday. All links are in the show notes. We've had a little small, not at all stressful chaos, before we could Yeah. Just a little blip. Chat with everybody and not just on the live stream. And I forgot that you have to queue me in when you do the thing you just had to do, and it gets all, like, confusing and
okay. So before we get into this week's topic, I got a couple of announcements. One, the kinkery the kinkery.com got a major overhaul remodel. The guts have been changed out of it. Like, we're on a whole new platform and system now. Mhmm. It just went live October 7, day before recording. I would love it if you would go look at it. Yeah. Went live last night just before, we sat down for dinner. Is that when that happened? Pretty much. Yeah. Okay. I lost all track of time.
No sense of time at a certain point. I did look at JB and go, I will not be cooking tonight. And we had I we thawed something out. It it was ready. It's not a thing he cooks, though. I And I agreed with her. So last night was a McDonald's. Anyway, we are still in the middle of restocks now that I have finished the massive website overhaul, remodel, whatever. I will be getting back out into the shop with JB to help with those restocks. We are low on some things we don't
like to be low on. Mhmm. But, yeah, I'd love it if you'd go check it out because quite frankly, if it's gonna break, I need more eyeballs on it to tell me if something's not working or to, like, load the system up and see if they can handle it. So, anyway, I'm very proud of it. JB was a wonderful support. It's been a three month project, but really the bulk of the work has been in the past like three and a half to four weeks.
And then the biggest amount of work was in the like thirty six to forty eight hours before it went live. I'm still tired. I'm still very tired, but I am very proud of my work. So far nothing is burning down, blowing up, or otherwise on fire. And I like I love that for us. Next is this week's Trans Affirming Care Resource. This is the moment I've realized I forgot to put it on the Loving BDSM website. I'll put it there when we're done recording. And
that's for gender bands. They are an international nonprofit five zero one c three organization that serves the transgender, gender nonconforming, and other gender diverse communities. They usually give out grants, once a year. This time of year, as of recording, they would normally have their, grant applications open, but they are struggling as an organization and, cannot give out grants right now until they raise more money. So,
that's not all they do. So if you or somebody you care about is seeking resources for trans affirming care, definitely give gender bands a look because they, they're located in around or near Salt Lake City, Utah. So they do pop ups for, clothing swaps, for folks who are, like, having to change out your whole ass wardrobe maybe as you transition. I know something about that now. Learning all kinds of things. So they do that and they, send out, free binders, chest binders when they can.
They sell merch all the sale. And right now they're having clearance sales on their merch, so it's really good prices. Sales from that go to, support the organization. They're celebrating their tenth anniversary. They've been around since, yeah, 2015. And they've got a big fundraiser, where they're trying to raise a $100,000 that'll let them hire some staff, expand some
programs, do some stuff. So if you yourself don't need a resource like that, but you want to support a resource like that, definitely consider going and doting. I have got the link to where to donate, I believe, in the places. If not, it will be there by the time I we're done recording. So, yeah, I was hoping to help somebody utilize them as a resource for grants because they are one of the
few places that do grants. Also, if you are 18, for anybody that you know who's 18, that's rare, apparently. I learned that the hard way.
So now it's, like, on my heart real hard that I've we've got a I've got some ideas of how we can show some support for some of these organizations, and gender bands is, like, top of my list right now since they couldn't do any of their community work that without donations, and their biggest project of the year, they can't do because they don't have enough funds. So I would, like, really like to support
them. Their grants, they do a surgical grant, a medical transition grant, and a social transition grant. So and they're three separate grants. So yeah, gender bands, if you want some to shop their merch, if you want to donate, if you just want to share the resource with whoever you know might need it, there you go. Link in places. Okay. Okay. So, we're gonna answer 10 questions posed by Therapy Jeff. I need he's got a podcast I'd like to listen to. And he's also got a
book. And I'm I kinda would like to read that because I I like a lot of his advice. I like I'm in tune with the vibe with it. So these are questions that he says we should be able to answer about each other. Mhmm. And if we can answer all 10, we really know each other. Now a couple things he does say. One, if you there's some you don't know, that just means there's still more to learn. He's he's always like, don't panic.
Two, when we do these things, I like to give them to y'all because maybe you are in a relationship and you would like to do this as a conversation something or other, a check-in, a reconnect. So yeah. Here we go. So when I when that question is posed, you're gonna answer about me, I'm gonna answer about you. Okay. Really? I'm just trying to clarify because my brain is mush. Okay? First question. Mhmm. I'll pose it to you like you're answering me. What's a really small thing that matters
to me a lot? Mhmm. There are two things Okay. That come to mind immediately. Mhmm. K? Okay. A fountain Diet Coke. It is the superior Diet Coke. Right. And butt rubs. Yes. I don't consider that small because they are so important to me. But I I get from the outside looking in, they'd be like, oh, that's like a that's that's not life altering, but, oh, it can be mood altering. Butt rubs are definitely it. And I don't even need I mean, do I enjoy it when butt rubs turn to butt smacks, turn to
a, you know Mhmm. A new version of the great dickening? Sure. Sure. Love it. Love it. It's my it is pleasant. I love it. I'm here for it. But sometimes you start rubbing my butt and I lit like, my nervous system calms down. I zone out. No thoughts, just vibes. Completely chilling. And then and then what do you do? You stop and you go, it's time to get in bed, baby girl. I'm like, no. I was being sent to another plane of existence for a moment there.
What are we doing? So you see why I don't think it's a small thing, but I I understand how that's something I I think I put myself in a very precarious position. K? Because for you, you never enough butt rubs. No. The the limit does not exist. Right? Lola, belly rubs. Mhmm. You know, a set amount of belly rubs does not Mhmm. Exist. And And onyx. And onyx. You heard you heard her a few nights when I I missed her brushing. Head rubs and butt rubs. Yeah. So basically, you have a type is what
I'm hearing. Seems like. You would either attract a certain type to you or you are drawn to certain types. We all but we all need our our daddy on some level to rub us is what I'm hearing. So what's a really small thing that matters to you? So I don't know how to explain it because it's more of a vibe than it is a thing, an action. There are times And I'm not saying feelings are small, but again, it's an outside looking in. It feels like this. You will be in your head feeling tense,
something. Maybe you're stressed and being interrupted at not I can't always predict which moment it is. Being interrupted in thought, word, or deed, you can explode. It becomes a small it's a small thing that becomes bigger. And it's not like bad or scary. It's not but it's like, oh, okay. I if I know your mood like, it's not my job to know your mood. Like like, I gotta get out of that mind space of the hyper vigilance that's not healthy.
I'd like to know your mood. I like to feel like I can, like, read your vibe. But it is if I can do that, if I know what your mood is and I can see that you're uptight, the thing I do not need to be doing is coming and, like, interrupting and then teasing Because that's what I like to do. If you look cranky, I wanna try and make you smile. And sometimes not always the wise choice. That just makes him crankier. Now if we are talking about a physical thing, small thing
that is, matters to you a lot. Mhmm. There's a couple of things. Gratitude. Like, you don't even know what to do when somebody tells you thank you. You look so confused, lost in the the headlights. Deer in the headlights. You're like, what? What? Yeah. That's childhood trauma. I know. We all I know. I know. And then another thing that's actually, like, a physical thing is anything peppermint, mocha, like, mocha or chocolate mint, mint chocolate.
Yeah. If I want to see you light up like a little kid, I will I will bring you a York peppermint patty. Mhmm. We were very sad when the one of the gas stations we go to most frequently. One of them stopped carrying York completely. And another one jacked the price up so much. You're like, I'm not paying you are not paying that. And I had to go, y'all be drowning. But, yeah. If I wanna brighten your day, I'll just bring you something, mint mint chocolate. That's true. That's very true.
And that's all you need. Yep. Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay. Next question. Okay. What is something that you could say that would instantly upset me? Oh, god. I know we're talking about it, so it should not upset me. You know, I don't think it's it's it's what I say as so much the tone. A 100%. Yeah. You can say almost anything to me If the tone I perceive the tone to be off Yeah. I can't handle it. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. But if the tone is fine, I'm like, you would say whatever. Say what you
gotta say, daddy. Like, she said, so And and sometimes you just kind of forget that, you know, I'm Italian, German, and I, you know I know. You don't the whole family is is low. Spoken is not in your vocabulary. When you are soft spoken is usually when you are feeling a little shy or introverted or not quite as confident. But but when you are in your feelings and you know exactly what you think and how you feel and what you wanna say, quiet is not how any of us would describe you.
No. That is true. Yeah. It is tone. It is tone. If the tone makes me feel like I did when I was a kid with another person raised by Italians who spoke very much the same way, but in a traumatic way. Yeah. I've I've gotten better at, like, just removing myself and going and dealing with my feelings, and then we could come back. And doing the self talk of this he's not actually I'm not a small child who's being into trouble right now. It is it's fine. Okay. So what is something that I could
say that would instantly upset your partner? Okay. I've never said it and I never will, but I know. All I have to do is say or do something that sounds like your ex wife. That is your biggest trigger with me.
Yeah. I have never done it, but we've way back in the archive, we've got an episode on bad tapes, which not are not necessarily traumatic things, but they're things that happen in past relationships that when you get a whiff of a similar vibe of it from a current partner, you treat that current partner like they're your old partner. It triggers that, reaction. Yeah. It's Mhmm. We don't argue often. We have a couple main things that if we're gonna get tense and get snippy with
one another, they're there. But one of them is if you perceive Yeah. That I'm reminding you of your ex. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Mhmm. And I've gotten really good at standing in, like, my what in firmness and going, I am not insert that person's name here. And the moment I say that, it's like it's a jolt to your system. Because one, I don't talk to you like that. That's true. I can't talk to you like that. That is true. And, two, it's like this verbal
reminder. Like, hey. Hey. Woah. Woah. Come get out of your head. Talk to the person in front of you. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What's a compliment that I would never no. What's the compliment they'd never get tired of hearing from you? What's a compliment I would never get tired of hearing? Hearing from me? Yeah. Thank you. Mhmm. I'm too tired to be doing that mental gymnastics. Good girl. Or some variation. Or like I said last night, I'm proud of you. Oh my god. I
was about to melt. And you melted. I did. I don't know how to handle compliments. They make me a little uncomfortable, but also in this, like, oh my gosh. I feel so shy. How do you perceive me right now? You I've noticed recently you've always done it. I mean, praise kink is is part of our dynamic, of course. But I don't know if it's because you are kinda coming back to yourself after some rough time or if you're just making a conscious effort. I don't care what the
reason is. I'm just saying I enjoy it. Yeah. You have been sprinkling in more praise Mhmm. Than, you know. Know like, you've never not praised me. You've never ignored a thing I've done Right. Or been, ungrateful for something or, you know, dismissive of something I do. But it is more consistent Yeah. And has been for the past several months. I mean, that that's kinda like, you know, one of one of the big things with us.
Whenever there are are, home projects going on that are, you know, takes a couple sets of hands. Mhmm. Kayla is my lovely assistant. Because I have the everybody has this not everybody. A lot of people have the childhood trauma of your dad yelling at you that you didn't know how to hold a flashlight. If you know, you know? I was a quick learner. I'm a damn good assistant because nobody's yelling at me because I can't hold the flashlight. Right?
Anyhoo. Anyway. You know, when we are done with said project, I always thank her for your help. That's so weird to me. I know. I'm always like, I live in this house too. Why are you thanking me? But you know what it it does for me? It reminds me that you are not used to being in any relationship, not just marriage, not just romantic, any relationship with another human and being helped, being seen, you know, not having to do it on
your own. And every time I realized that because it will get to fussing with one another. I'm like, you don't have to thank me. I live here too. This is my house to do a project with. He said, yes. I have to thank you because you didn't have to do this. I'm like, oh, because you've been around shitty people for too long of your life and that's why. And then I calmed down and I'm like, okay. It's fine. It's fine. By the time you're in your eighties, we'll have worked through that.
So what's a compliment you would never get tired of hearing from me? Mhmm. So I do feel like an awful person to admit this, and and you always say it's because I'm a Scorpio bitch. It might be the neurospicy. I forget to be complimentary. I forget to say nice things to people I care about. I don't forget to say thank you. I don't forget to acknowledge effort. But I am not a person who's dropping a lot of compliments. That's my Scorpio bitch from hell that I love so much. But here's the thing.
And, again, it just reiterates you've been around too many shitty people in your life. Oh, god. It's usually when we've done a scene because because I treat it as part of your aftercare. But sometimes it's when, you did a thing. Like, yeah. I I'm on the Internet too much, and I'm on the the vanilla hat algorithm too much. But there's all the complaints which are valid, of men who don't see domestic labor as labor. Mhmm. So and I, you know, I married into that the first time around.
Thankfully learned my lesson. So JB will do like, he'll just look around and go, you know, we need to vacuum the floors. And he will just vacuum them. He will look at the trash and go, oh we just need to And he just does the thing, right? But he's also like, I'm What I'm gonna say is I do this in these moments and I do this in kink scenes. I just acknowledge it and say thank you or you did like I really appreciate that and you don't know what to do with compliments.
Your face you get this expression on your face that is adorable and you don't let it out in public. I'm not asking you to, but, like, your whole, like, brow, which is usually in grumpy polar bear mode, just softens. And your whole body softens, and you're, like, you become like a marshmallow. Like, you don't know what to do with the compliment, but also, I can tell you feel really seen. And all I've done is acknowledge and said thank you. I mean, wow.
Yeah. There's a reason that there's one of these questions that I know the answer to immediately. Didn't have to think about it. We'll get to it in a minute. Because I he should have been treated better than he was is all I'm saying. Okay. Next question. This one's a little weird for us because I don't think it really applies, but we'll talk about it. Yeah. Which of my friends do you like the least? I How Yeah. Yeah. How do I So first of all, you have to know I
don't really have friends. But second of all, here's my thought. My two best friends are both my mother's age because I'm that kind of person. And one passed away in 2017. And she was the nurturing one. She was she had a sarcastic streak a mile wide but she was always she was like the Mary Poppins handbag, had everything in it. And she was like real kinda easy to be around. JB likes both of my my closest friends who I've, one I've not seen
in too long. But the other friend whose name I won't say because she's not kinky. Right. Right. Right. Lives in South Mississippi. I know you like her. Mhmm. But when you have gotten to glimpse the two of us together, I believe we overwhelmed you and maybe made you a little nervous. Because I match her energy Yes. And our energies are not that dissimilar. She's just more comfortable being her and I know because she was the first
person I ever met who took Ritalin. She she was diagnosed ADD when we still called it ADD. Right? I met her when I was 19. She's been that way and she was shocked that I could keep up with her trains of thought. I could bring her back around to a topic. I could I could do that. Like, we we meshed. But when we get together, I let up the side of myself that very rarely gets to come out in public out because we
feed off of one another. And JB has had a couple of experiences of driving both of us back to either, like, where we were staying or her house or whatever Mhmm. After way too many margaritas and a whole hell of a lot of queso. That was a lot of pictures. They just kept coming. It's a lot of pictures. I my if you were the type to get air quote nervous, I would say that that friendship, that person, the vibe when we're together, that's the closest I would say that they make you nervous.
Now I'm gonna do a little lecture because you don't again, you don't have friends that I don't like. Mhmm. But here's the problem. You used to be, before the depression kicked your ass, a lot more sociable than you are and you need social interaction. You do better when you have community. I know technically we all do better. That's what the like experts say. Do I do better when I have to be out among people? I don't think so. Anyway, but you do.
And so I've I you've never made a friend with somebody that I was like, ew. You've made friends with people that my instant vibe was, they wouldn't be my friend, but okay. And it was vibes based. It was not based on action or anything.
And so I'm gonna use this question as an opportunity to gently encourage and nudge and maybe put in the tough love clause a little bit that we need to find ways for you to be in community with people in person again because I think that's better for your mental health. Now if you ever befriend somebody that I think is an awful human being Mhmm. I will not be able to hide that. That's true. You wouldn't. I wouldn't tell you I would never tell you who you could
be friends with, but you would know. Yeah. You Oh, yeah. I have I have no doubt about that. Yeah. So Okay. What do you think my biggest insecurity is? Pick. There's a list. Not not being seen. Not being heard. Mhmm. Being dismissed. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do have a laundry list but that one that one triggers me a lot more than other things do. Like, I got ins I got inscurious. But, yeah. But you know what?
Right back at you, your biggest insecurity is being dismissed, is not being listened to, is not being heard, is being treated like you don't know what you're talking about, like what you have to say is not important. Yeah. You anytime something you get a whiff of that vibe from me or anybody else, it fucks with you. As I mean, I know where it comes from as it should fuck with you. Okay. Next one. What part of your body do I find most attractive? It's a toss-up. K. Between
legs and forearms. Yes. Yes. You got good hands too. You got good for you wear a a button up shirt and roll those sleeves up? I mean, good lord. I look, I would already do whatever you said because that's what we do here, but I would do it in a much better mood, whatever it was. Quicker even. Just flash me a little forearm, put the kilt on, let me look at your legs. Let me just lay on the ground and have you walk past me and I'll discover what people wear under kilts.
Happily. Yeah. In non sexual ways, we might just be chilling and I'll either be rubbing his forearm or rubbing his leg, like, there's just nice parts of you. The third on the list are your eyes. Your eyes are so fucking blue. Like, you're wearing that shirt right now and it's, like, pop blue. I was a kid who was, like, I have these boring brown eyes. Right? I always thought blue eyes were, like, amazing. So yeah. Okay. So what okay. How do we ask it? What part of how do we ask it in reverse?
My brain is so what part of okay. I have to answer what part of my body you find most attractive. Mhmm. I'll get there eventually. Top top top top, in my opinion, is my ass. Yeah. Followed, I think, probably by my boobs. Yeah. But definitely Oh, the yeah. Yo. You were an ass man from way five thank god because that's a feature I've always liked about myself. It's a nice confidence booster when your partner also likes that. Well, you know, given that I like to spank it so much.
Thank God. And rub it. I mean. True true true. The limit does not exist. So you like you like to spank it, but do you do it enough? Not really. You like to rub it, but do you do it enough? Never. Yeah. No. I mean, you could just make touching my ass your full time job. You know? Work double overtime. That that just gave me that just gave me a thought. Uh-oh. Oh, god. That just gave me a thought. I could put butt rubs in obedience as a Would I still get
my nightly butt rubs? These would be butt rubs on top of the regular okay. Like, don't be, like, don't be, what's the word I want? Hoarding butt rubs. And, have to set a time limit. They're not unlimited time. But they're longer than what I get normally. Right? Because this is a you wanna know how quickly I'll be turning into some bowling? Look, we've been doing obedience for several months now. Right? I've been racking up points. It's fine. Only twice. And yesterday was one of them. One
of them. Yeah. I said, I I would like to turn in points, and it's a thing you do in the app. I would like to get my Diet Coke reward. I forgot to do it for yesterday. I need to go back in and do it. But yesterday's Jamie was like, I think you just need it. You don't even need to be a reward. Here's your Diet Coke. I would like that same energy for butt rubs. Sometimes they it's not a reward. I just need them. All I'm saying. Okay. Okay. What is my
he called it a sliding door moment. The where if they had gone left instead of right, made this one different decision, their whole life would have gone down a different path. What do you think my sliding door decision is? Not leaving your ex? Or leaving your ex, I should say. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For a 100%. A 100%.
I would to add that the second is starting a sex blog, which really we could go deciding that I'm just gonna fucking masturbate in my thirties for the first time in my life because that sent me down. But I couldn't I would not have been in the been willing to do that exploration and have my sexual awakening at 32 without the divorce. So, yeah, the whole whole life would look completely different. Yeah. Okay. So What do you think what do you think mine is? Your sliding door went, oh my god.
I mean, I could see where there'd be several. Yeah. I think I think everybody's life probably has several. The one that is coming to mind right now based on the conversations we've been having is when you decided at 18 to get the hell out of your house. Yeah. And then what were you? 20, '21 when you came down to Florida? Mhmm. Yep. Mhmm. Yeah. If I had stayed in New York, yeah, things would have been lost. You would be a different human being. I'm not even like, I'm not even talking
about the kink stuff. I think you would have gotten to the kink stuff eventually, but I think if you had to live in and I don't use this word lightly, in the toxicity of your home life Mhmm. And stayed there and felt stuck there Oh, yeah. You would you're not even your temperament would be what it is today. No. Oh, god. No. I mean, the fact that you are I'd for years, have just looked at him and gone, how did you turn out
like this? Because there's nothing in your life in those formative years that points to you being this emotionally mature, emotionally intelligent, communicative, like in touch with your feelings. You know, yeah. I can, you know, it's weird because even as a little little kid, I knew something was wrong Mhmm. That that wasn't right. Mhmm. I think, truly, I think a lot of people have that have a time when they understand it. It's that sometimes that time goes past and they forget, they suppress.
Yeah. Well, your decision's at eighteenth. Some of them should have landed you in jail. I'm glad they did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know. But that that yeah. I think you'd be just a different human being with, if you don't had not done that. Okay. When you die, I know this. What do you wanna do with your body? You're not dying. First of all, we've established this. Okay? We're going out together. I don't care if you gotta live to be 120. That's what we're doing. I know what I wanna do with your
body. You keep telling me no, and I guess consent matters. So I know you wanna be cremated. Yeah. And and I know you want the same. Right. And then I wanna be fucking scattered. Do not. I don't need the kids lugging me around. I lugged my dad around for fifteen years, twenty years. Wait. Twenty two. Yeah. He's been gone twenty three years. I let him around for about ten to fifteen because he went to my mom Mhmm. First, and then she
met and married the evil stepdad. And at some point in that time, she was like, oh. She she had, like, a beautiful case for his urn, and I can't remember how long. Not long after they got married, I think. She went, here. Take your dad. I was like and she was like, here's the beautiful, like, doolally. You can put them in. Here's like, oh my god. The time I opened the first time I ever opened the drawer where she had put some of his things, the his obituary in the paper,
his glasses, his watch. Mhmm. Apparently, she had kept a thing of his cologne, like, in the whatever piece of furniture that she kept earning. I opened it and I got a whiff of his cologne almost fell the fuck out. But I hung on to him through, two babies and a divorce. I finally went Well He needs to have a final rest in place. I can I I can So I wanna be scattered somewhere? I I I know where I want my ashes scattered. And I'm drawing a blank. I
know we've had this conversation. It's a it's a place in Pasco County. Mhmm. Yep. Yeah. Well, I remember this conversation. Yep. I don't give a fuck. I'm just gonna leave the instructions for whoever gets me. When you open me up, make sure the wind is blowing in the correct way. Right. Don't inhale your mom. Don't don't have it blowing back at you. Nope. Nope. Have had almost had that moment once. Nope. Don't wanna do that. Don't wanna do that. Okay. Next one. The question is for me, who is not
allowed to speak at JB's funeral? Any fucking body from his family. Except for one cousin. One cousin. And if you're well, no. I don't think you would let would want your aunt, if she were even alive at that point, to speak because then we'd be there for, like, two weeks while she just kept talking. Right. Yeah. Maybe one cousin. Yeah. But Nobody. Nobody from your immediate family. So who's not allowed to speak at my funeral? I don't have people who, like I don't
have a big family. Yeah. By the time I'm gone, they'll I'll have the kids and that's about it. I would if yes. Since your family is so nuclear, I would have to say, your aunt. Yeah. And that's sad. There was a time I'd have been like, oh, she will tell the funniest stories and the best jokes. Yeah. And I know. Yeah. She probably still would try to tell the the best stories and the funniest jokes, but I think something awkward would slip in and be like, oh.
Yeah. Yeah. From from the afterlife, wherever the fuck that is, I'd be like, oh, god. That's cringe. Okay. Mhmm. I I would say the person who if I have a funeral, this will be up to my children probably by the way. I don't even I I can't even imagine what they have planned for me. But I think if the oldest talked, he would be the only one that talked, but he would talk a very long time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It'd be my funeral and everybody be checking their watches like, are we done?
Well, you know what? He would he would talk for himself. Mhmm. And he would talk for the for the youngest. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Because the youngest is not Yeah. Nor would I ask that of them. Okay. What what is one of from your perspective, my favorite yeah. What is your partnership? What is one of my favorite memories from our relationship? I don't know how these questions work when I have to reward them. I'm sorry. What do you think one of my favorite memories is? Oh, gosh.
Yeah. I know pick. Yeah. I know. I'm gonna go simple, the first time we met in person. See, I was gonna say that was your favorite. Because so when we first met in person, I did the thing I would never recommend to any fucking body. Don't do what we did. Okay? I knew he was on his way, been checking in. I was like, okay, let me know when you get close. Well, okay. I left my front door unlocked. I said, just come on in. You don't need to knock.
You just come on in. I think I was playing off like, I was gonna be busy. Just walk on in. And when he walked in, I was in, like, a very specific kneeling position Mhmm. Wearing nothing but a purple button up men's dress shirt. It was like the sexiest moment I've ever had in my life. And I wanted that to be the first thing you saw. So I always think that's your favorite memory. Maybe it's both our memories. Probably. Favorite memory.
The the others on my list for you that I would say are probably some of your favorite. Not the very first time I rode on his motorcycle because I cried and I sweated through his his shirt. But the second time I rode on his motorcycle and a couple of times when we still lived in Tampa Bay area. We went to get, burgers. The first time? Yeah. Yeah. And I was holding on to you and your my hands are on your stomach. And when we stopped, we only went a mile up the road, y'all.
When he pulled into the parking lot and I pulled my hands away, there were hand prints of my sweat. I've been so nervous. After that, I was better. After that, I was better. I mean, I one of the last rides I ever got to go on with you on the your your shadow Mhmm. Not your Can Am. We still haven't gotten there. We did this long windy road and it was it actually inspired an article that I wrote and sold to some site. Mhmm. But that was like that free moment of we're just like I was just grooving
with you. The one thing you always said when I would ride the motorcycle with you is you told me okay lean with me but he would go you you did a good job with that. And I was like I'm like a fucking burr attached to your clothing. Don't worry I'm leaning with you. So I guess motorcycle riding your motorcycle is one of my favorite memories too. Now, the one that to this day can still bring a cheesy grin to my face,
wedding, anything wedding. When we were sitting up there and you kept getting me drinks that definitely were, alcoholic. When I embarrassed my children, like, I thought they wanted the ground to open them up and swallow them because did I do the ChaCha slide? Hell, yeah. I did. Did I do the electric slide? Hell, yeah. I did. There was another one. I can't remember what it's called, but it's like a very popular whatever whatever it lined it. Yes. I did.
Because I was I wasn't drunk, but I was feeling no pain and as happy as I've ever fucking been. It was the first major life moment that I was having that I chose that I wanted to be there completely. It wasn't, oh, it's this stressful moment. It's supposed to be this great moment, but it's really stressful. When I when I got married the first time, my dad had only been gone like four or five weeks at that point, maybe six. When the oldest was born, he was a
month early. We were flat broke, had, the water had just been turned off at our house. I was very stressed. When the, second was born, that I was I was cool, calm, and collected, but I think I was figuring out I didn't like my husband. So us getting married was, like, the first time I ever had this big life changing event and was that you and what we were doing was my only focus.
Like, the outside world didn't matter. I on my physical, financial, emotional needs outside of our relationship were being met. I had a safe place to live. Our lights were on. Our water was on. My kids were healthy and safe. Like, I was at that point working in a self self made air quote career that I loved and we were doing well at. Like, I like, life was fucking good. And then I got to have this main life moment that's typically very big for folks and not nothing could have stressed me out.
We didn't have an officiant. I was pissed, but you know what I wasn't? I wasn't stressed. We were supposed to have a photographer. I was pissed, but you know what I wasn't? I wasn't stressed. Because I didn't actually care about most of the stuff. Like the officiant, that was how we were gonna slide some kink in without anybody knowing. Yeah. So I was disappointed, but it didn't take away my joy. True. So that's another one of my favorite. I think one of your favorites we've got
a list here. We could go down. I don't I don't know how I would ever pick, like, the favorite. But I think one of your favorites is when we maybe not the first time because I think there might have been nerves, but maybe the first time when we started playing publicly in dungeons. Mhmm. Because now I feed off of that as an exhibitionist, and I think you I've noticed, in my opinion, if you were gonna go into Dom space, that is when it would happen. It doesn't usually happen at home. True.
I mean, we can, like, get intense if we want, but Oh, yeah. It was it's the public play. True. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Okay. Those are all of the questions. If you would like to do these questions with your significant other or others, in podcast show notes on Friday, all of the questions will be there, but you can just follow the link to Therapy Jeff's Instagram reel. He helpfully put the questions in the caption. And I appreciated that when I did the copy paste for the notes for this one.
So those are the questions. Also reminder, go check out the cankery, the cankery.com. You don't have to stroke my ego, but if something's broken, you should tell me. Please and thank you. And, also, if you or somebody you care about is looking for an organization that can help them, with any part of their transition, gender bands. If you got some extra cash, you wanna, like, help an organization that helps people, especially in the current climate where, oh my god, nothing is safe, clearly.
Gender bands would would love a donation. I have some thoughts about doing some fundraisers in November. I gotta formulate them and we gotta talk about them. But Sure. I think gender bands would be one of Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. So, yeah, that is us. And we can do a bonus section. Okay. So, are we good? I don't know. I don't know. Keep it kinky, y'all. And we'll see you next week. Dad, hey. Yeah. Can we talk with the
crickets, please? Of course. Can I can I have permission to just complain about how tired I am? It's a good tired, but it is a mind numbing tired. That's true. That's true. That's very true. So Kingery website already said you did a different job. We had a thank you. We were having a conversation, over the weekend when I knew we were, like we had planned that this is the day we would close down so I could do some things and I wouldn't do with a live sign.
And we were now on a timeline and whatever. I'm trying to explain to JB my neuroses about these things. And I said, look, I need you to understand that typically the way I operate when I take on a project is I try to be very thorough because I like to be thorough. I don't like to have to go back and do double work or undo to read. I I hate that. Like, that lack of efficiency, there's something about it that just makes me very irrationally angry.
But also, what I am trying I'm endeavoring to do is for it to be perfect. Now why does it have to be perfect when nothing perfection doesn't exist. Nothing can be perfect. It is because if that site had gone live and something had gone wrong because I just didn't have any information or a a human mistake was made, I would feel like a failure that I did not foresee all the things I couldn't have known about. And he's looking at me like, bitch, you are so crazy. I'm like, I know. I know.
So something about saying that out loud did help. So I went when I hit the button and the site goes live and I'm like, oh shit. Right? I was on edge, but I was fine. But it's because the hour and a half prior, even though small things were missed and they were easily corrected, they were nothing was like life altering. It was just a small little thing. The major stuff, I was quadruple I would check and go, but did I really
check? And then I would I have been diagnosed with OCD in the past, and I was like, is this OCD or is this just being thorough? I can't always tell. I could I'd like a medical professional to tell me. You know, I mean, woodworkers have the saying, measure twice Cut once. And I'm the oh, we'll measure five times. Just to be safe. If you do an extra extra times, you can't possibly be human and make a mistake. The other thing I mean, I guess, you know, as we get older,
wisdom maybe. I don't know if it's wisdom, but it's definitely even more self awareness. I said to JB, I said, look. I have a really bad way of doing things where I do not celebrate accomplishments. I finish a thing. I I finish a goal. I finish a project. I put it out in the world or I make it known to the person or whatever it is. Right? I do the thing and it's a big thing. It's made me tired. It took a lot of time and resources and focus. Blah blah blah blah. I said, I don't know
how to celebrate that. And what I tend to do is go, yep, got that done, and move to the next project. I said, but I don't want to immediately move to the next project. Do I have multiple projects waiting for Yes. I do. I was like, I would like to just rest and just, like, take a have a few days where I'm not working fourteen to sixteen hours. I was like, can you help me with that? He was like, yeah. Don't you worry. I got you. I was like, okay. Good. I'm so grateful.
So yeah. When I was like, I don't have it in me to cook the meal that I was supposed to cook. I don't know why I thought that that the day of publishing the fucking website was gonna be a day I would have the bandwidth to, like, make dinner. I don't I don't know where that came from. But, yeah, you were real quick to go here. We navigated that quickly. Yeah. You were real quick to go, here's your Diet Coke. It was massive, and I slurped it the fuck down. And he was like and then
you were like, yep. Let's go get McDonald's. I was like, that sounds lovely. So and now I'm just, taking the rest of the week and the weekend to just do what needs to be done, but not anything extra, which is why, I told, livestream folks this, but for everybody else, there's not we're supposed to start back with our Monday episodes now that we're out of our summertime livestream schedule. And this week, I just was like, I nope. I cannot do it. Let us do
it next week. And so we'll have, Monday, short episodes coming back out in the October because that is that is what I can do. So Yeah. Yeah. I kinda don't know what to do with myself because I don't have a big long I've got small things I'm working on on the site, but, you know, a couple of little things that came up. I got DMs of, oh, this thing that's supposed to have information, it's blank. I was like, oh, thank you. You know, I added it to my list. And then somebody commented
on the Discord. They're like, why does some of the paddles say they're $0? And we're at the curbside pickup for McDonald's, and I had not yet put the Shopify app on my phone. And I was like, are we giving away paddles? No. No. It was a little glitchy thing in the back. We were not giving away free paddles. It was just not showing the correct price. But I did have like, I didn't eat my dinner. I put I divvied out everybody's
dinner when we got home with it. I put my dinner down and tried to keep it all wrapped up so maybe the fries would not be, ugh, gross cold. And immediately came back here and was like, are we giving away free paddles? We were not giving away free paddles, but I did fix it before I let myself eat. And it was a quick easy fix. It was a quick easy fix. Very quick easy fix. It was a a learning curve of the difference between the old system we used, which was WooCommerce, and Shopify.
Yeah. So I mean, currently, knock on wood, I'm absolutely in love with Shopify. Good. Absolutely in love. But After three months of migration. Yeah. Some of that was procrastination. I know. I spent an ungodly amount of time going, I would like this one page to look exactly perfect before I can do anything else. Because, you know, I'm a goal oriented person. I like Excuse me. To do big things, but I don't I I get so weird about, oh, the big thing I'm doing is going to be seen by others.
What does it say about me if it's not perfect? Mhmm. I know there's no such thing as perfect. I understand. So yeah. So yeah. I could I spent a week on one page at some point in the three months. And yet, I did all that. And then towards the end when I like, we had products in and I was, finalizing things, and I was like, okay. This is gonna this is what it's gonna look like real world. That's a real product that, you know, you could purchase now if I
had it turned on. Right? And I was all that time I spent perfecting the look of it for expedience when it didn't work or something. I was like, nope. We just take that shit out. Nope. We just rework it. I was like, goddamn. So Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. So I'm, I think you are my next project and your Etsy shop. Uh-huh. Mhmm. Yeah. I've been doing a lot with that Mhmm. Lately. And and I don't know why. For some reason, it just kind of, bubbled up that I need to pay more attention to it.
Yeah. I I do think you were getting close if you're not there, I hope you're not there, of burnout with the kinkery because, I mean, our whole life is just about restocks. We can't keep we don't at no point in most of a full calendar year will we have something in stock for every product we have. I know. There were all there are always restocks. And, you know, we're talking about how we wanna move forward with some of that. And if there's some changes we wanna make,
that's a next year problem. Mhmm. But I think that you getting the the creative ideas of what you wanted to make that weren't kinky Mhmm. And then how you wanted that to tie into your Etsy shop. I I think it was your brain going, I get me off this fucking hamster wheel. I gotta do something different. I need another outlet. It it's been it's it's been, kinda good, you know. I've I've been I made all the, Halloween Mhmm. Ornaments that showed off. Then you made me a new display thing, right, as
I was making a website. I was like, I can retake the pictures with this really cool display thing. But I was making a website, so I haven't had chance. That's gonna be really cool. You should I mean, podcast listeners, I'm sorry. You cannot see this. We'll try to describe it. And if you come to the bonus sections part of the YouTube video, you can see it. It's this little wooden, like oval kinda shaped platform with it's not a wire. What what is that
piece of metal? It's a bent piece of It's a welding rod. It's a welding rod. Arced out. And so then ornaments that I have put a little string or a little ribbon on, I can hang and I can take a picture of the damn thing hanging. Because my angles were all wrong on trying to take them. And, yeah. You're so creative. Now here's what I loved about that. Now I know, yes, technically it was to your benefit because better pictures on your Yeah. But all I said was I was looking through Michael's
website, michael's.com. I was like, I need to find a display something that is makes it easier to take pictures of orbments. That's all I said. I didn't find anything. I closed the site. I was like, we'll keep doing what we do. It'll be fine. Two days later? Yeah. JB walked now I am knee deep in doing something not his Etsy shop. And he walks in with the little hangy thing, the little display thing for ornaments. I was like, oh, oh my gosh. I just said I needed a thing and then it was provided.
What? I'm the luckiest girl ever. Mhmm. So, yeah. I've been I've been doing that. Mhmm. I've been, you know, with the I've been working on Christmas ornaments. Mhmm. And, yeah, I've I've just enjoyed it. Matter of fact, I've been enjoying it so much. I've even started recording. You're uploading videos to your YouTube channel. I'm uploading videos to the YouTube channel. The Wood Dom on YouTube. Mhmm. And, yeah. I mean, I've been kinda doing a lot
of stuff. It's like you got a little bit of a creative or not a little bit of, but a different creative spark Mhmm. Going. I like it. You're much calmer when you're using your outlets like that. Yeah. And, we've been doing some small things around the house. I, couple weeks ago, started rescreening. Yes. Our, screens were in rough shape. Partly because, who knows when they've been changed before we bought the place. But also, when the weather
cools off, we open our windows. Right. Our cats love it. They also love to put their claws through the screen. Yeah. So one of the one of the things I've I've done in doing this, I've gotten the, heavy duty Mhmm. Screen for, for pets. Yep. You are who knows if we will continue to be motivated like this when this project's done, but we were having a conversation today about, like, you know, let's do little things around the house. And I was like, look at us
being motivated again. Yeah. You know, it doesn't it never happens, like, all at once, and it doesn't happen consistently, but I can tell that we are in better head spaces together Mhmm. When I look back and go, oh my god. That's right. We didn't have the mental or physical energy to do very simple things Right. For way too long. Yeah. I mean, and that yeah. I know you do this too because
I know how you are. There's that knee jerk reaction to feel guilty about it, but I'm more like, but look at us go now. We Yeah. There was there were things preventing us both within and without, and they're not now. And so instead of being like, oh, that sucks that we didn't do it for all that time, I'm gonna just be like, hell yeah, but look at us doing it now. Right. You know, it's like, you know, I was talking about when I finish with the screens, downspouts
Yeah. Are looking really, really rough. And we we are still planning on painting our front door. I think we talked about that last week or week before. We are a little bit at an impasse with the colors. Yeah. I the paint chips we got because there's different kinds of paint chips. Sometimes they're just a single solid color. Uh-uh. This is, is it the Valspar paint at Lowe's? It's it's got three colors. Right? And they're all, like, in the same family. And I pulled several.
I like the deepest darkest colors. JB likes the lighter colors. I think the, compromise will be the middle center color. Mhmm. Because I'm like, no. No. No. I want our the the color of our front door to pop so much. You can't miss it when you're just driving by. I want it bold. I don't want anything else about our house to be bold. I want the door I don't know why. I want the
door to be bold. Yeah. So, yeah, we have not moved forward with that because we are we are a little bit out of stalemate on it. What shade is what color? I was actually thinking though I could, regardless of what we decide on color, I can move ahead and clean Yeah. The door and Prime it. Prime it. Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yep. Look at us doing home projects again. I know. Yep. It's been good. It's been nice to, to, you know, get some of this done. Somebody woke up from her nap and just
lumbering over. Mhmm. She's a little bleary eyed. Big stretch. Oh, yeah. You have to acknowledge the big stretch Yep. When the big stretch occurs. And followed by the big yawn. Is she on her back with her belly up waiting to be loved? No. She's not quite awake yet. Right. Right. You know, I'm no. Not Onyx because Onyx is probably a cat that could do with, like, whatever the cat version of, like, Lexapro is or or Prozac. Right? Like, Onyx could be on meds. And I know that there are antianxiety
meds for for pets. I know that. But the other two, Ella and Lola, I can tell that either our energy is better or they're just, like, chilling as they get older or what because those two, Lola and Ella, different times in different places, spend a hell of a lot of time on their back, stomachs exposed, limbs splayed, like they've got not a care in the world. Not our girl, Onyx. No. Onyx is a little bit like You're lucky to catch her in a loaf. Yeah. And you won't catch her in a
full loaf for long. She'll go in a full loaf when she's comfy, but then what you did was you walked by just a little too fast, a little too hard, or a little too aggressively Or you did that. Made on. Right? And now she's not comfortable to be in the full cat loaf. And yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm. Oh, but, yeah, that's that's been us. Mhmm. And, still kinda waiting for the real fall weather. It Probably be December before we get it. Yeah. It it kinda teased us a little bit.
We had like a week and a half of gorgeous weather. See, and our definitions of gorgeous are a little bit different. Mhmm. You're like anything that's not a 100% humidity and 95 degrees, anything lower than that, great. It's nice. Yeah. And I'm like, do not call me until it is 72 and free of humidity. That is my perfect. Yeah. Jamie would be like, oh my god. It's so amazing. Or you should walk out. And I would walk out and break a sweat. And I was like, nope. I do
not find it amazing at all. I'm gonna go back inside. Oh, gosh. So, you know. Yeah. That's how it is sometimes. Mhmm. Mhmm. Alright. I guess we can be done. Yeah. I can't keep my eyes open. I gotta go check my gravy. Spaghetti sauce. If you're not Italian I've been to other cultures or or call spaghetti sauce or sauce gravy. Because see, I'm Southern. When you say the word gravy, two things come to mind. A brown gravy, a white gravy. A white gravy probably with sausage in
it, but that's different. But I know that I know that is like a certainly a thing in your family because your mom used to call it gravy. And the first time I heard it, I was like, oh, we're having gravy and rice. And I was like, that's a meal? Okay. Look, I'm new. We're still dating. I'm not rocking the fucking boat, but I did have a very specific image in my head of what was going to be served.
And thankfully, sometimes I do have a poker face, and I was just like, oh, you meant spaghetti sauce on rice, which I had never had spaghetti sauce on rice before. Risotto. It wasn't risotto. See, I only know risotto like the fancy restaurant risotto. See, here's here's what We're never leaving. Sorry. We got ourselves on another track. My my my great grandmother explained it. Each region of Italy had their own version. Okay. Okay. Okay. And that that's that's why
you see so much difference. Plus, you know, a lot of stuff has been over the years now. They've Certainly Americanized. Yes. We do that to everything. Yes. Yes. And the home cooking is gonna be just automatically different from whatever's in the restaurant anyway. I know. Yeah. So That was the and again, let me say, I knew we were going to their home Mhmm. For gravy and rice. I did y'all know I had a picture in my head of what gravy was, and I was like, is there gonna be pro
like, how's this gonna fill you up? I could not finish everything I had. That was some dense rice. It's very good spaghetti sauce or just sauce, like pasta sauce, I guess. But I was like, oh, that's how you fill up on rice and sauce. Okay. I was I was very full when I was done. Anyway, we got sidetracked. That we did. So I guess we'll go now. Mhmm. This is weird. The sun is still out and we're gonna stop recording now. I'm not gonna know what to do with myself tonight after
dinner. Same. Same. Same. Same. I'm sure I can find something, but Always. So I guess we should go do that. Yep. We will see y'all next week. Bye. Okay. Bye.