¶ Deer Collision and Truck Damage
Welcome to Lockdown the Legacy stories from the inside out . I'm your host , remy Jones .
And I'm co-host Debbie Jones . We're a husband and wife team here to bring you the real life stories , experiences and questions around the American criminal justice system . We do advise discretion with this podcast . I think we should put that out there first and foremost .
We are going to talk about experiences that happen inside the prison system , outside of prison systems . We will use language that might be offensive , but we intend to keep it real , and if that's not for you , we totally understand , but please do what's best for your listening years .
Oh , we're about to keep it real , son . Our goal of this podcast is to share the inside realities of the American prison and criminal justice system , from precharges all the way to post-release , from the voices of those who've experienced it firsthand , including me .
That's right , we'll get into it An inmate at the Graffin Correctional Institution To accept this call . press zero to refuse this call . hang up or press one . This call is from a DRC correctional facility and is subject to monitoring and recording .
Utilization of an unapproved application and three-way calls to communicate are strictly prohibited and a violation of DRC policy . Thank you for using GTL .
What's up , man ? Hello , What's up . What's up man ? How's it going You ?
all right .
Yeah , i'm good man , how's it going ?
All right , are you awake ?
Yeah , I was just over here talking about properties and stuff with Debbie We're in DC .
Oh , y'all looking for property already in DC . I thought that was like a two-year thing , two years away .
It's a few years away , but we wanted to come down here and look at the areas in person rather than just doing online research . Right , just a long weekend . I'll get three days off . I took two extra days off so we could have almost a whole week . It's nice down here , man .
The crash was crazy .
What's that ?
How are you doing since the crash ?
Oh man , i'm fine , that was nothing . I was waiting for it to get off early . I know the listeners don't know that I had been in an accident at work and I had to hit in a deer on one of the fenders of my trailer . I knocked that thing clean across the highway . Okay , hey , listen , i saw this deer . It was on the other side of the highway .
Yeah .
I looked at it . I'm like , oh man , he about to mess somebody's day up because he looking like he wanted to look it . I look away because I'm about to pass him . I look away and I look in my mirror and I see him hop in the fence , coming into this side of the highway . He runs straight into the side of my trailer man .
Those tires , that Fender hit him and he just helicoptered all the way back across the street . I was like , oh my God , man , it's the 4th of July , right , it's cops . Lined in the highway literally at every turnaround spot . It's a cop .
When I hit him I had just passed a cop When I pulled to the side of the road because I seen like the fender was rubbing my tire in my mirror . I pulled to the side of the road and stopped right in front of the sheriff's car . He just pulled out and turned his lights on and just got out the car . I seen the whole thing happen .
I'm just going to give you a card and it's got an incident report number on it . He was like how quick can you get somebody out here to get you off the side of the road ? I think you hit his head on . No , no , i was passing him . It was basically like trying to run under my trailer .
Wow , i'm just glad those tires didn't run over it because I was loaded I'm loaded with ethanol , which is very flammable . If that would have ran under the tires , it would have threw that trailer up in the air . Who knows what would have happened man Yeah . But I'm glad nobody was hurt .
Man , I said to the deer Yeah , i'm glad , i'm glad you're all right .
It was a high traffic time too . There was a lot of cars behind me But it was like a big gap in the traffic . Yeah , So it didn't even hit anybody else . I'm glad it threw it back off the road when it hit And I was able to pull to the side safely .
I'm sitting there the way , the way it was first told . I'm thinking you hit it head on and I have a very active imagination about thinking about how that was . You know what you're carrying and what was going through your mind at the time . I'm looking like man . That was . It must have been crazy .
Well , hitting a deer can be pretty . Now you think it's like .
We got a strange part about . It was the second person within a week that has told me to hit an animal . Oh man , it's crazy out here like my father , and it was driving back from yeah , my father , that was just driving back from North Carolina , and they hit a bear a bear and I said I hit a . What I said ? we hit a bear .
I'm like who the hell hits a bear ? I can see a deer or a raccoon or something . They said we hit a bear and nobody believed that we hit this bear . And I said would you stop it , else you're like hell . No , we might not have killed him . I didn't kill it does . I'm like , oh my goodness .
What kind of car did you hit a bear ?
I don't know , it was a small car . It smashed up their front fender , i mean all the hood bumper so they had to . They had some bungee cord in the back , so they went ahead and tied that back up , but then they had to take it to a repair shop because it tore their front bumper . Yeah , that sound crazy .
They didn't even hit it flush .
They kind of like clipped it and it messed up the bumper .
Something solid man Deer solid too . But you know , we got a . We got deer guards like brush guards there , like hardened aluminum on the front of our trucks , and it'll still mess your truck up if you hit a deer straight on . Yeah , yeah , that's wild . This is my first time ever hitting a deer man . It was a .
I was very mad because I had just got done telling Debbie that like I'm about to be done early , you know I'm gonna be done like an hour and a half early . I'm gonna just go ahead and come home and hit the road early to go to DC . And I was probably about 45 minutes into my drive after telling her that bam , hit a deer . I'm like , oh man .
So is that a thing against you or this is something that was like mother nature , that they don't really count ?
it . They don't count that against . You know they consider that an act of God . Like you know , it's unavoidable . So it don't count against me at all .
But you know , thinking I was about to get this load done and go on to mind my business , it ended up turning to like calling a truck out because I couldn't move my trailer because the fender was completely like smashed up against the tires and the last thing I wanted is to blow a tire or cause a tire fire . So I'm like I can't move .
I gotta call roadside rescue . They told me it could be like an hour and a half for them to get there . I'm only 10 miles away . They don't have an hour and a half . But uh , dude , the lady asked me if she could . She was like can the tech come out and like use a blow torch to heat it up and bend it off ?
I was like hell , no , he can't use the blow torch anywhere near this thing , man .
Yeah right .
But I told him because when he showed up I was like I don't know what she told you , but all I gotta ask is do you got a socket set ? he was like , yeah , i got some tools . What's going on ?
I'm like we just gonna take the whole fender off , you know , and if I can , i'm gonna fit it in the front seat and I'm gonna try this thing back , cause I mean , i'm responsible for it . I can't afford to have nobody turn it in the toe .
Did you still have to deliver that load , or someone else ?
delivered it . It was going back to our home terminal , so I just took it back and had to get creative of how to get it out of the trailer , cause I couldn't fix the trailer with it in there .
So I mean it was unloaded in the same plan as I was normally gonna do , but the trailer was damaged by the deer , so the tire inflation system was mounted right there where the deer hit . So it smashed that and ripped the airlines out .
So the trailer wouldn't hold airs like the air bag , suspension , the tire inflation system , all that was just leaking air and the trailer has to have air pressure in order to unload the contents of it . So I was sitting there trying to find vice grips and electrical tape , all types of stuff to like stop this air leak . This , jimmy Rick , is something .
Huh , yeah , man , it worked .
Hey , creative mind can do great things . That's what I believe .
I determined mind . How about that ?
Oh , no doubt that too .
¶ Seeking Support in Prison
So how does Debbie take it at all ?
Oh man , she cool man we down here . She's over here , i don't know , probably browsing some more properties on her phone . It's just gonna be me and you on the episode , though , okay , but I mean she's good . Do we have time ? Oh yeah , yeah , what was it ? um ? so we wanted to talk about um asking for help , right ?
Asking for help absolutely .
Or the lack of asking for help I didn't hear you I said or the lack of asking for help .
I think it's all inclusive When you really think about it . Most people have a problem asking for help because what it kind of implies that you're weak , you don't know enough , or you're afraid that if I do ask you for help , what is going to cost me ? Are you going to hold it over my head later on , or something like that .
A lot of us are reluctant to ask for help .
That's interesting .
I think it's a combination of asking for help and the lack of asking for help .
They kind of go hand in hand . So that's interesting because when I was talking to DJ earlier about what we were going to talk about , i was taking more of the approach of being in prison and experiencing people exiting your life . You make promises , they make promises For a while . You get to that point where you're like , no matter what .
I got a plan to do it on my own . If somebody helped , that's fine , but more than anything , i got to have a solid plan for me to get it done . And so then , when people genuinely come and are willing to help , i'm not willing to ask for help or even accept it . Sometimes I was looking at it more than a proof .
Well , I also look at it from this perspective . A lot of times men in prison think that helps only look a certain way . The only people that can possibly help me is individuals that don't wear the same color blue as me . I remember there was a young guy and he and I were talking .
He was saying that you can't know a person who's been in prison for 10 years or better , Teach me anything . And he was mainly shooting a shot at me because at the time I had been down for 25 years . But he was telling me that what made a man a man is . he was out there paying deals , He was living with a woman and he had a child .
I'm not going to say anyone could do that . That doesn't take any effort , A period of time . once he got to know me , every time he had an issue with his girl he would come to me . When he had problems with someone in here he would come to me .
But it takes a while for individuals to realize just because we wear blue and just because we don't go home at the end of the day or punch a clock , we have just as much , we have just as much ability to help other individuals in here as any outside staff members or guests .
A lot of people don't use a resource of us because they think that we was born and raised in prison . A lot of people that came to prison that had businesses , that had occupations , that had placed in the community . it just made a bad decision . It came to prison and they're paying the consequences of it .
Acts were helped just from the resource they have every single day by other incarcerated individuals .
I think , also too , being in prison people think that because you're not there in the situation , that you can't give any insight into the situation . But sometimes you need that person that's not in the situation so that they can give you some objective advice .
It's a lot of stuff you might not consider because you're too busy considering the losses , the possible consequences , whatever else .
But if you've got somebody , whether they're in prison or anywhere else , that's totally removed from the situation , they can be like hey , listen , it sounds like you might be able to try X , y and Z which you might not have considered . That's , of course , based on lived experience previous to prison .
like you said , i remember plenty of times people didn't want to take my advice , man .
Yeah .
And a lot of times we think that asking for help only comes through a person . I was we .
I'm taking this continual education because I'm a peer recovery supporter And we just had this Zoom conference And I've never seen a Zoom conference before up in TV , but I would actually be a part of one last week And one of the things that the person has said was a lot of times asking for help is sometimes reading it out of a book , they said , because when
you read it out of a book , you could take more of the principles and the lessons being taught than reflecting on the person who's given it to you . So , like you were saying , sometimes people won't take the message from you because they may not like you or they may not think you're a smarter , they may think you're going to hold something over their head .
But asking someone to get you some knowledge on it , get you a book , get you some information off the internet or whatever it may be , is another form of asking for help , because now you don't have to put the person involved in the information that you're trying to get in order to help you achieve whatever you try to achieve or learn to achieve on your own .
Yeah . So I guess a better way to put it would not be asking for help , but seeking help . You know , no matter where you seek it , if it , like you said , if it's in a person , a book , continuing education , whatever it's just not relying solely on your current resources and knowledge .
Yeah . So let me ask you this How difficult ? because most of us in prison live an independent life . I mean , we have people involved in our life , but for the most part we live independent lives . How difficult was it for you to ask Debbie for help once you married her ?
Oh man . So for me it wasn't hard to ask for help with DJ , because we had already talked so much about what we wanted to do and what we planned to do , like what we already had going on , you know .
So for the most part we just came together and kept doing us , you know , and it was later on down the road that I ran into some issues , and those issues mainly were like when I was working you know a full-time truck driver , you know 14-hour days and stuff And I was trying to go to school And Debbie was like hey , maybe you should go part-time at work .
And I was like ain't , no way in hell . And she was like , no , seriously , like you could go part-time at work And I , you know , i'll hold it down , like we make enough money to wear . You know it'll work , we can make it work . But you know , of course , in my mind I was like I got to provide for my family . I can't be working .
No part-time job , man , you know . But eventually , you know , i would say I had a given notice at my job telling them like almost six months in advance , that I was going to go part-time . But in the meantime I was working my butt off man ,
¶ Value of Asking for Help in Relationships
but it did . It took a lot for me to accept that , because I ain't never had that in my life before . I never saw myself as somebody that was going to sit there and let his woman pay all the bills and stuff . So it was a lot for me to accept that Or even consider it , you know .
But when the time came and I was back working full time and stuff , it ended up reversing . You know , i was like hey , you always said you wanted to get this PhD . How about I be the full time worker and you go full time student ? Because at first she did do part time student , but she was like yo , this is kicking my butt . I was like man , go ahead .
Like drop it , don't work . It's interesting , though , that she almost had the same hesitancy as me You want me to like not work at all , like I don't worry about it .
But I will say , like you know you're right , because I felt like , without me working full time , all I did was throw that into something else , like I was like all right , well , i got to do all these home projects . Then Like no , and it ended up costing me because I could not focus on school . Man , i was really overwhelmed , even being part time .
I was overwhelmed at school because I just couldn't accept the fact that I was taking so much help from my wife .
Did you have a problem with that ?
How about ? so ? how about you and Chris man ?
What else I was going to say that ? So Christine and I have been involved for five years , and it was . It was hard initially to ask her for help Because I knew the stigma of a man asking anything from a woman that they're involved with in prison .
I didn't , i didn't want to make it seem like I was using her or taking anything from her , and at the time that me and Christine had first got involved with each other , i was just coming out of this maturity level of spirituality and mental maturity .
And this is one of my beliefs is that we as men have to go through a season of emotional maturity , and I think the best people to teach that to are women , and so Christine . Christine taught me a lot of emotional maturity And so it's becoming easier to ask her for help .
But I have to explain to her that for the most part I'm an independent person , so 98 percent of the time I can figure things out of my own , but two percent when I'm a bit lost or I'm a bit confused or I don't , i don't really know which way to go That's when I need her , and I thought I'd say that two percent may not seem like a lot , but I think
of it like air . Most of us don't really think about air when we breathe it , but push your head under water and then Feel like you're about to die . That single , that single breath of air will be the most important thing when you need it . And that's how I look at health . When it comes comes to her , that two percent is when I really really need you .
The other time it's going to be nice to have you , but that that two percent is when I really really need you . And she has proven vital , in those moments when I'm suffocating , to give me that air when I really really need it . And so it's easier for me to ask her for help than most people , because I know she always has my best interest at heart .
I know she's never going to throw it back in my face . I know she's never going to use it as leverage or weaponize it in any other manner . So I have complete trust in her , which makes me confident enough and courageous enough to ask her for the help that I need when I need it . And , like I said , she's been invaluable in my life Ever since she .
She taught me this emotional maturity of asking for help when I need it And you know that's like that's super interesting .
You know , for me that's super interesting . You , if anybody knows , because me and you have had a lot of people who have been with me and you have had the conversations where we talked about like whatever significant other at the time and telling them straightforward like I don't need you . You know , i don't need you , i want you but I don't need anybody .
you know , because I'm going to make it happen on my own , with or without you . And that is how I always went through life . It's like I don't need anybody But even if it costs me dearly , i will get it done . But I don't need you , i don't need a woman , i don't need no help , i don't need you know . And I still think that that's kind of valid .
You know , i still think that . You know , there's a lot of relationships where I could say , if we broke up , i'm still going to be just as you know me , just as successful at anything else that I pursue . But there is a time where you have to like mature and say it's not just nice to have you .
You know , back then that's what we thought Like , yeah , it's cool to have you , i want you . That's where the value is being wanted not being needed . But there is a lot of value in asking somebody for help , because life as a team with your partner is so much better than life as two individuals that share space .
Right , you get so much more done , you know , absolutely . And there were so many times where I would tell DJ , like why are you doing that ? Like don't do that , i don't need you to do that . Like I got it . And she's like it's OK , babe , i'm just helping . I'm like you know , i would like walk away , like whatever man .
Well , after enough times I'm like what the hell am I tripping about ? You know , like I'm literally telling somebody who is like standing there doing nothing And who is willing and able to help while I'm doing 10 other things , like no , don't help me . Like what am I thinking ?
Yeah , right , i know this person that I've chosen to partner with in life And so it's real . It's real nice man to realize that and mature past that . And all of a sudden you realize that , okay , life is not an uphill battle anymore . There's a lot of cruising when you get help .
Yeah , because we don't . We don't really know how valuable a partner is until you really have a good one , you know , you think like , yeah , i don't really need anyone .
Because most of us especially individuals like you or myself who have been in the streets , have been in prison , who always had this guarded mentality we've been taught that to be independent , to not need anything from anyone , is the highest that you can get , to . Not rely on anyone , to be able to be self-sufficient , that's the highest that you can get to .
But then when you find a partner , you realize that there's a stage higher than that And that's interdependency . And interdependency says I'm great by myself , you are great by yourself , we don't need each other , we are whole within ourselves .
But when we , when you take your whole self and I take my whole self and put that together , we become something greater than either one of us can be on our own . And that's what Christine has taught me .
Christine has showed me that , look , I already know I'm a powerhouse , but with her she sees things that I can't see all the time , where she's emotionally in tune to things that I'm robotic and logical about , and she helps me . She helps me fine tune my thinking .
Sometimes I wake up at four o'clock in the morning with some crazy thoughts in my head and I'm all over the place , but I'll talk to her and by the time I'm off the phone with her , i am . I have everything solidified because she just points out one thing . That just puts everything back together .
I remember when you was telling me , maybe a week or two ago , when you was just like go , go , go , go , go , go , go , and Debbie was like no , you're sick , Sit down , i'll take care of everything .
Now , if you was left to your own device , you would have just went and probably would have been sicker , but your partner saw something that you wasn't able to see . But because you honored your partner's opinion , thoughts and words , you stopped , and it was actually to your benefit .
You know what , don't neglect to give yourself them . Don't neglect to give yourself some credit too , because that same time you ended up calling and I was telling you I was sick and you were like it sounds like you're overworking yourself And I was like bro Debbie just told me the same thing . So it goes back to what you were saying .
Like people feel like because you're not there , because you're locked up , you can't give any good advice , whereas really that friendship , even though it's far away , even though it's not present here , could still see , like bro , you're doing too much . See , just as well as my wife , who's here with me every day .
So that was a good example , who loves you , and that's what I told you . I said we love you , all of us care about you . Your life is worth more than anything you can do for anyone else . That is the most important thing .
And going back to the partner thing , we can ask from help from our partners whether it's a friendship , whether it's a wife , whether it's a family member each one of these things are part of the whole event to constantly move our lives forward . Everyone you should ask everyone for And a few episodes ago about that opportunity cost .
It's going to cost me something to take pictures , to receive help from you . So that's the kind of help I think I have to think about before I receive it . But people who love me , people who have my best with my best being you have one minute remaining . These are the individuals . I don't mind asking .
Yeah , it reminds me of an episode of like one of those hotel horrors . You know , chef Ramsey , and it was like the dude on the hotel , but he was like he was the accountant , he was the head chef , he was the dude that was like the interior decorator And I'm like well , you need to hire people for help .
He was like no , no , no , no , no , no , i don't need no help . And he was running into the ground , man Soon as he got some help in there , though , bam bounce back and it was all good Yeah absolutely .
Yeah , it was a short one , but I definitely agreed , loved everything that was said . I love you . I have to call Christine because that's my partner .
And I will give it to you later . All right , man , I love you too , bro man , You be safe in there .
All right Later . You too , ma'am , take care of yourself .
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Thanks for listening .