There are definite health benefits to maintaining good relationships with your adult children. This podcast explains why this is so and how to repair rifts and stay close to your adult children.
Anxiety happens to all of us. It may be evident in sweaty palms, in butterflies in the stomach, in procrastination or avoidant behavior. Although some have severe enough anxiety to require medication and psychotherapy, others can tame their anxiety by taking steps to manage their feelings and fears. In this episode, Dr. McCoy outlines five steps that can help overcome anxiety -- whether this is anxiety about giving presentations at work or driving in heavy traffic, test taking or attending socia...
All our lives, we face so many obstacles to finding our authentic voices, expressing our true feelings and being the unique individuals we are. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses these obstacles, using some examples from her own childhood and young adulthood, and sharing some ideas for self-discovery and building confidence in speaking your mind.
Responding to a letter from a listener about her dismay when her husband began taking Viagra and suddenly wanted much more frequent sex, Dr. McCoy discusses what to do when sex drives don't match, when men face a crisis of confidence with varying degrees of erectile dysfunction and women endure the side effects of menopause that sometimes make frequent or prolonged sex uncomfortable. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses what to do when your libidos are at odds, what to do when a partner wants mo...
Animal companions can be our own personal angels during difficult times. They can comfort and soothe in a way that other friends and family members can't. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the joy of companion animals and the effectiveness of animal assisted therapy which she has used, in certain instances, in her private therapy practice. It can be especially useful with patients who prefer the company of animals to people and who may need the reassurance of a canine or feline presence in or...
There was a time when career success and stability all came down to a few basics: showing up, working hard and treating others with respect. Those qualities are still definite job assets but are no longer a guarantee that you will be able to work as long as you wish. With more Baby Boomers looking to work until age 70 or beyond or at least part-time after retirement, having a strategy is more important than ever. In this episode, Dr. McCoy offers suggestions for those who still have a job but ar...
There are times when we need to look back at history for inspiration that can carry us through our lives now. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the courage and commitment of the Danish people and their leaders to work toward the common good and to keep hope alive when all seemed lost in the darkest days of World War II. Some of their individual choices and actions resonate today and can give us ideas and inspiration to keep our society a kind and compassionate one. It all starts with us -- ea...
Have you ever heard yourself saying something to your adult child that sounded alarmingly like your own mother's or father's voice? Or made a cringe-worthy comment that seemed to come out of nowhere? Or said something you thought was innocuous, but that elicited a negative reaction from your adult child? In this episode, Dr. McCoy talks about ways we unintentionally offend or alienate our grown children and how to avoid this. Please Note: This is a re-recording of a recent podcast that, due to t...
What IS it about our memories as we age: when childhood and other long ago memories remain vivid while remembering what we had for dinner last night or where we left our keys have become ever more elusive? Why does this happen? Dr. McCoy discusses what is going on with our aging brains and what we can do to maintain brain health. She also discusses the fluid nature of memories -- how these can change over the years and how divergent memories can spark family conflicts. She offers suggestions for...
A positive aspect of aging is simplying our lives to focus on what matters and letting go of what no longer fits. The conscious and unconscious changes we make in our lives as we age can help us to embrace what we most cherish and live fully in this new phase of our lives.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses communication mis-steps that can cause distance between parents and adult children. How do you keep from having your words come between you and your beloved son or daughter? Dr. McCoy has five suggestions for better communication: think before you speak;let go of being central in your adult child's life; edit your comments and soften your approach; keep quiet and finally, apologize for verbal transgressions instead of making excuses. Sometimes silence can sig...
Talking about a future of illness and loss with your adult children is far from easy, but so necessary. It's important to approach the subject of your aging and eventual decline and demise in a thoughtful, collaborative way. In this episode, Dr. McCoy shares stories of adult children whose lives were changed drastically by parental expectations and demands. She asks the questions how much is reasonable to expect, in terms of future care, from our adult children as we age? And how much is too muc...
There are some unique challenges for married couples in retirement. There is the reality of a long marriage. There are the losses and challenges of retiring and the pervasive possibility for further losses. There may be new isolation. And there is increased togetherness. In this episode, Dr. McCoy shares some ideas for increasing marital harmony and happiness in the retirement years.
Although the current generation of young adults is more well-traveled, technologically sophisicated and accomplished than young people a generation ago, it seems that it's harder than ever for young adults to leave home emotionally and for parents to let go. In this episode, Dr. McCoy talks about the necessity of loving our kids and trusting in their competence enough to let them go. Giving our children a firm sense of values and a sense of who they are and where they come from is vital. So is g...
Why do we keep doing things that make us unhappy? What do certain things seem to happen over and over in our lives? In this episode, Dr. McCoy explores some common repetitive scenarios: when you find yourself attracted to romantic partners or friends who cause you unhappiness, when you find yourself in similar situations at different work places, when you find yourself having trouble with change.
Spousal punishment can be inspired by and cause misery for a variety of reasons. As a therapist, Dr. McCoy has seen spouses punish the other for a long ago or more recent transgression: an infidelity, a lost investment, a wayward child, a business that went under or a career that never quite blossomed. Another frequent cause of spousal punishment: a relocation. Living with such tension is hazardous to health and happiness. It takes two to perform this malevolent marital dance: the outraged punis...
We all have life stories and scripts by which we live our lives. What one does with one's story can cause painful inertia in the present or facilitate positive change. For some, clinging to an outdatd life story is a habit, an excuse not to risk change. Some have a story that is an endless loop of victimhood. Some have life stories and expectations that complicate family relationships in many ways. Changing one's perspective and one's life story can be difficult and painful, but can lead one tow...
What is life like when the retirement honeymoon is over? Settling into this major life transition is much like we experienced in settling into our life's work or a long marriage: taking responsibility for our own choices and behavior and living with gratitude. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the fact that constant happiness is an impossibility, even under the best of circumstances, but we cn make the choice to stay positive, to accept current reality and to make peace with what is. Gratitud...
In this episode, Dr. McCoy reflects on a New York Times opinion piece by a young writer complaining of the rudeness of people who send emails or texts to say "Thank you!" or who leave a voice mail message instead of texting. He said that such people were wasting his time. Dr. McCoy discusses the value of all forms of communication across the generations, saying that we need to honor each other's favored means of communication, reaching out to each other in a variety of ways. She talks about the ...
How often do we look back into our personal histories and see the past in a new way, not forgetting the past as we once experienced it, but now reviewing it through the prism of life experience? As time goes on, we have a choice. We can hold onto anger, bitterness and regret, letting negative experiences from the past darken our present. Or we can choose to look back with new understanding and with love. And that can be so freeing. The value of perspective, the seasoning of our views and emotion...
Not all friendships are forever. Even some close and treasured friends fall away over time -- maybe due to changing life circumstances, maybe due to misunderstandings, maybe due to no longer truly knowing and supporting each other. What do you do when a friendship becomes history? In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses lost friendships, what we learn and how we grow not simply despite them, but because of them.
How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Neutral or disapproving of yet another commercial holiday? Having warm memories of past Valentine's Days? Or painful reflections of romantic disappointments or long ago hurt? In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses these varied reactions -- and the lessons we can learn from our experiences.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the discrepancies we face between the people we once were and the people we are today; between how we seem to others and who we are inside. She talks about those who feel passionate and energetic despite weakening bodies and increasing disabilities, between seeming shyness or arrogance and the fears and insecurities within. She suggests ways that we can live fully whatever our circumstances by paying attention, not just to present aches and pains, but to the ...
There is great value in the Hawaiian tradition of "taking story": sharing stories of oral history or one's life or simply one's day. There's a real therapeutic value in sharing with another, to be known and accepted, to know and accept another. Differing points of view or experiences only add to the richness of the exchange. By listening to others' stories, we can begin to undestnad who they are and why they make the choices they do. It can keep us from making assumptions about others. Strangers...
So often we miss the full measure of today because we're looking ahead to new challenges, either anticipated or dreaded, or behind us to old regrets or to triumphs unlikely to happen again. How would it be to live just in this moment, savoring it fully? Dr. McCoy got a lesson in mindfulness from two elderly Irish nuns, lifelong friends, who are facing a barrage of physical challenges and yet who live joyously, vibrantly in the moment. This podcast includes an exercise for savoring all aspects of...
Have you given up on your New Year's resolutions yet? Many have. Resolutions can seem punitive, stressful, set-ups for failure. Instead of resolutions, make some New Year's promises to yourself. Promises mean hope. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses some promises that may help you to meet some goals important to you with much pleasure along the way. You can promise yourself nutritionous meals, more engagement with life, the freedom to surprise yourself, the peace of making choices that resonat...
Does Election 2016 have you down? Are you longing for the past as your life continues to change? Dr. McCoy has some suggestions for reclaiming your holiday spirit while embracing your melancholy self and revisiting the warm memories of Christmas Past in other times of your life: the wonder of childhood holidays, the happy busyness of the holidays when your own children were young, the peace and quiet joy in your later years as you watch your children play host to family holidays and the grandchi...
Responding to numerous listener requests to talk about what it takes to become a successful professional writer, Dr. McCoy, the author of more than a dozen books and hundreds of magazine articles, talks about the realities of the publishing business, the challenges and the possibilities. She gives 5 essential qualities that one must have to launch a successful writing career.
Some surprises of aging are happy ones -- new comfort with your aging body, new ease with the person you are -- and some are sobering -- such as an increased sense of mortality. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses a full array of the surprises that aging brings and how these can enrich rather than limit one's appreciation of life and joy in living.
Wondering how to get through this holiday season after an ugly and divisive Election 2016? What can you do, this Thanksgiving and beyond, to keep your sanity if you and family members have been at odds over politics? Whether you choose to brave big family holiday celebrations, postpone festivities until later into the holiday season or skip the family festivities altogether this year, Dr. McCoy has some ideas for dealing with family differences and divides and actually enjoying the holiday seaso...
