Breaking Free: Healing From Toxic Relationships

We're going to be talking about how she helps people recover from unhealthy relationships and take the leap of faith to live the life they want . So , annetta , thank you so much for joining me .

But the problem was I was actually in a really unhealthy relationship at the time , and I can't blame the relationship because it was also a self-reflection of myself at the time . Um , at the time I had a really bad self image of myself . I was emotionally and mentally unstable and I just didn't view myself the way that I should have .

So , in regard in because of that , I cultivated and attracted an unhealthy relationship that literally broke me apart and has given me no other option but to rebuild myself from it .

So when I was 21 , I graduated beauty school and I actually ended up marrying that guy who I was in an unhealthy relationship with , and then we lived together for about a year and a half and when I was 23 years old , I told myself this is just way too chaotic , this is not for me and I need to get out .

So then , when I was 23 years old , I decided that we were just going to file for divorce and go our separate ways and we did unhealthy relationships because I wasn't taking my healing journey serious and I wasn't properly recovering from these unhealthy relationships . It was , I thought I was doing

the inner healing work on the surface , but then on the inside I wasn't , because I was still attracting unhealthy cycles , was still attracting unhealthy cycles , so it went from an ex-husband unhealthy relationship to an ex-best friend and then it went to an unhealthy work environment and I really wanted to take my healing journey serious and more deeper .

So I decided that I was just going to move abroad , go somewhere where nobody knows me , and that's when I really started to heal on a deeper level and that's when I started writing and my podcast Nourished Inside Out .

Basically , my podcast is a self-improvement and educational show , because I want to give people the education and the tools that I once needed during challenging times , and that goes with building your self-image , building and cultivating healthy relationships , not only with yourself , but with the people around you , whether it's friends , family members , co-workers .

I like to interview people who are experts in their areas so that way , people can start to learn to nourish themselves from the inside out . I worked at the salon for four , four and a half years and it's so easy to do the physical appearances the hair , your nails , your eyelashes , skincare . It's so easy to do that .

But what was always lacking is that nobody talks about the inside . Nobody talks about what are you telling yourself and how do you view yourself ? How are you treating other people , what are people skills ? And those are things that I've lacked in the past . So now , since learning those skills and those lessons , I want to share them with other people .

I want to share them with other people , so talk about or give some best practice tips on people who are needing to rebuild self-confidence after a toxic relationship .

One of the most important things that has really helped me on my journey is learning to fall in love with yourself , really get comfortable in your own presence and get comfortable in your own skin , Because at the end of the day , you spend the most time with yourself . You deserve to be happy on the inside and the outside .

So for me that looks like really just looking at myself in the mirror for a couple minutes a day and telling myself things that I love about myself .

At first it was challenging because I didn't fully believe them , but the more that I would sit in the mirror and the more I would say those things to myself , I would start to believe them , and then you really start to feel that weight lifted off of your shoulders .

So I always start with learn to fall in love with yourself and who you are , because everybody has different skills and talents and techniques and everybody has a different purpose that they can bring to this world . But it all really starts with falling in love with yourself .

So the more that you can learn to protect your peace and get comfortable with being who you are and in your own presence , that's when you can really break free , because you're not people pleasing anymore . You're not looking for people to fill that gap for you anymore . You know so many times us as humans .

We're looking at people , places and things to fill a gap for us , but in reality we're the only ones that can fill that gap by learning to love ourselves and be comfortable in our own presence .

what are some of the signs or the red flags that they can look for to say , yeah , this is an unhealthy relationship ?

They may seem small but they're really not like somebody picking at how you look . Somebody picking at oh you know , that color doesn't look good on you , or this top actually looks better on you . You should try that . Oh , you know you should get your nails done .

And just always picking at your appearance , who you hang out with , whether they're gaslighting or they're

love bombing or they're trying to manipulate you , to mold you into being somebody you're not . Because the second , that somebody does not appreciate you for who you are and they try to pick you apart and mold you into somebody else , that's also a red flag , because you are no longer living in your authentic self .

You are now living up to the expectation of what that other person says about you . For example , my ex-husband hated everything about me . He hated how I looked , how I dressed , how I talked , who I hung out with and everything .

So he was just trying to mold me into somebody that I wasn't , and because of that , I started to look for approval and fulfillment from him in almost every single area of my life , and that's when I started to lose myself . So I truly had to lose myself to find myself again .

So when it comes to red flags about being in an unhealthy relationship , I believe it starts with when they don't accept you for who you are and they try to remold you to somebody you're not .

You just have to look a little deeper to see the positive side of things . For example , when you want something ,

something new , it doesn't come to you on a gold platter . It comes to you in the form of challenges and struggles and because of that , it gives you the opportunity to grow and build yourself into the person that you say you want to be . For example , I really wanted to be emotionally stable and I wanted to be more mature mentally .

So I got put with my ex in front of me , who literally tore me apart . Like every weekend , every single day , we would argue . Every weekend we would argue . There would probably be two or three days out of the week that we would spend making it up to each other , and then the second we would be mutual .

Again , we would argue and just break it apart , and I didn't really really understand it at first , but that was actually teaching me how to be more emotionally stable and more emotionally mature , Because every time he broke me down , it was my opportunity to use that hurt as stepping stones to get to the person that I want to be .

And I think that everybody has a purpose in this life . We're not meant to struggle , we're not meant to live in lack . Those challenges and those struggles are just stepping stones to find your purpose . And for me , I've always had a passion for educating people .

But because when I was working at the salon , what made me stand out as a hairstylist was that I was constantly educating my clients , whether it was how to take care of their hair at home , how to use their hair products , anything about hair .

I was always educating and I loved it so much that I wanted to take my education and my lessons from my previous relationships and help other people with them .

I heard this quote the other day and it said if you can't explain why you believe what you believe , then they're not your thoughts , and if you can't explain it , then there's somebody else's thoughts . And when

I heard that , it really resonated with me , because a lot of times we're walking around these days believing so many things that we can't even explain why we believe . And if there's one thing you should believe , especially about yourself , is that you are worthy , you are loved and you have purpose in you and you are created for more .

So I created my book Blooming with Self-Love as a positive affirmations and gratitude journal . A positive affirmations and gratitude journal because for the longest time when I was in my past relationship , he was constantly beating me down with negative words like you're ugly , you're stupid , why are you doing this ?

Or he would always laugh at me and make fun of me for what I'm doing . So I really had to learn to recultivate my mindset and that's when I really took positive affirmations and journaling more serious , so I turned it into a book .

And that will be a live virtual summit , and that's something that I'm working on doing more consistently in the future as well .

Take yourself out to go get your favorite coffee , go take yourself out for a bike ride if you want , or can , go get your favorite lunch . Never stop dating yourself and continue to cultivate that gratitude , because gratitude always attracts more gratitude . So , be your best friend , be your best date . That's the best advice I can give you .

there you have it . Be sure to check out Annetta's book and her podcast . Follow Rate Review . Share this episode to as many people as possible . Jump on your favorite podcast app . Check us out . Leave us a review . Share this episode to as many people as possible . Drop on your favorite podcast app . Check us out . Leave us a review . Follow us . Share the show .

If you have any guests or suggestion topics Curtis , jackson , 1978 and attnet is the place to send them . Thank you for listening and supporting the show and , annetta , thank you for all that you do and thank you for joining me .