149 "How can individual therapy make my partnership better?" with Laura and Shane Quick

When you're at Onsite and your significant other or partner is not at Onsite, there's a lot going on there. Yeah. You know? And we've learned we've we've been able to help send a lot of people to Onsite since then, and we're always like, both of y'all need to get there if you can because, you know, just because someone else is having their their their life changed through therapy, you know, the other person's at home still hurting.

And I think even, like, as a caveat to that, even if the both people or that other person is doing their work, if you haven't experienced what's happening at Onsite when you're completely immersed into the program, it is not the same. So you're like, oh, I have tools.

Can't explain it. No. Really.

If you've

never been, it's hard to explain that, you know, to someone else.

Welcome to the Living Centered Podcast, a show from the humans at Onsite. If you're new to this space and just beginning this journey, we hope these episodes are an encouragement, a resource, and an introduction to a new way of being. If you're well into your journey and perhaps even made a pit stop at Onsite's Living Centered Program or one of our other experiences, we hope these episodes are a nudge back toward the depth, connection, and authenticity you found. In this series, we sat down with some of our favorite experts and emotional health sojourners to explore the relationships that make up our lives. From our friendships to our families or families of choice to our relationship with ourselves, part practical resource and part honest storytelling that will have you silently nodding me too, this podcast was curated with you in mind.

Welcome, everyone, to this week's Living Centered Podcast. So excited about this conversation, Mickenzie, that we had live in person with Laura and Shane Quick. Laura and Shane just have so much personality, and they just are both experts in their fields, but they're also, like, experts with themselves. And it's so cool to hear about the pivotal role that Onsite has played in their relationship and in their entire lives. It really changed the trajectory of their path, which is so cool.

Yeah. I really loved the both of them. They came in with so much authenticity and vulnerability and willingness to really pull the curtain back on a lot of aspects of their relationship. So I feel like it was really fun to get to see their dynamics up close. As we talk about in the interview, they wear a lot of hats hats and they have a lot of roles and their business owners, their parents, their friends, and the work that they've done at Onsite and in other avenues to really better their mental health.

introduce today? So much pressure. Laura is an incredible mother and wife, and dog mom, and, she has a massive heart for people and loves to tell stories, sees the best in everyone, and a lover.

Aw. That's good. I love it.

Okay. Shane is a dreamer, a visionary. He's funny and quirky, and he is a problem solver. Mhmm. He just really goes for it. He's also an incredible husband and dad. Pulled in the parking lot, and he was on the phone with our youngest son celebrating him. And last week, he was celebrating the oldest. And he's an encourager, but also a reality checker. And I love it. And also, he loves our dogs maybe more than our children, but don't

tell them.

Don't tell them. It's a secret. It's a secret.

It's fun to think back about when I first met you, Laura. You and Shane, I think, were dating. Mhmm. And you somehow we got connected, and you called me on the phone, and you're like, I have this magazine and I wanna come to Onsite and write about

it.

And so

Annie Annie F. Downs.

Annie connected us. Annie F Downs.

I remember the parking lot I was pacing in when I was chatting with you.

I know. We just had such an instant connection. You I love how open you are, and I've seen that be a thread through your life of, like, here I am. And, people

It's way

too exhausting to pretend. Well, you're great at being you. Thanks. And that's hard for some of us. But it's fun to think about the fact that now y'all have been married for a while. Mhmm.

Yeah.

5 years.

Almost 6. Yeah. My goodness. Mhmm. I know.

So for everybody else, will you tell them a little bit about, like, your early connections with Onsite and how that experience was?

And Yeah. It's interesting because Shane is in the world of artists, and I'm in the magazine media world, and so we both kind of meet similar people and there are a lot of threads that crossed each other. With the magazine, we we used to do something we would allow we would just find somebody we loved, that we felt like was very good grit. You know? This has the strength and tenacity and that passion to, like, when you fall down, you just get up and keep going.

I'm like, are you sure you don't have to write about it if you don't want to afterwards?

I was like, no. It's gonna be great. Oh, of course. Marketing 101. Got it. Got it. But but yeah. And it was interesting how all that went down. So I signed up Mhmm.

And

was like, I'm on my way. I can't wait. I'll be there in 3 weeks. And then what happened, Shane?

So I had gone through a divorce and Laura and I were dating, and I was probably at second base of, a midlife crisis.

Yes. And,

That is true. Yes.

She says.

Just before a Corvette, you know? Mm-mm.

There will be no Corvettes in our house, guys. No. No Corvette. But yeah. I was Did you have bangs?

I did have bangs.

You had the equivalent of men man bangs.

Yeah. No. I, yeah, I was trying to burn my life down, and it was it I was in a spiral, in a real bad spiral.

Can I say, like so what was happening when even when Lindsay and I talked, I was kinda like, oh, really? This is how it's like, Shane would love this. Of course, because, obviously, I'm qualified to diagnose everybody. Duh. Said no person who's sane.

not kidding.

I'm not kidding. Like, it was a very turbulent time. And what was crazy about that is, you know, my entire life I had spent running away from things. And this is, like, a really cool season for me to learn how to, like, hold down the fort for someone. Yeah. Because I really didn't know how to do that ever. So I just saw him for what was really happening. Like, he was just trying to figure it out. So I knew it was really bad because I was like, hey. Listen.

In the nineties, probably.

So a couple minutes. And, I just thought he would say, like, no. Pound sand. Get out of here with that. And instead, he was like, alright. I'll go. And I was like, you'll go? I literally was texting Lindsay like, he said don't go.

So I took her spot. She she gave me her spot. Mhmm. And I went in her place and went to LCP, and my life was changed.

In 2018, that was June of 2018, he went in and he was like, we are not compatible. We're breaking up every week. And that whole week, y'all, I prayed. I was like, alright. Well, this is it. Either we're really gonna do this when he gets out or we're not. That'll be what happens here. So I was super nervous. We had a place in Nashville at the time, so I was, like, buying lamps and just anything I could to keep my head above water. And you came home. You came out.

Yeah. I mean, it was yeah. It was just dealt with some stuff that I'd never dealt with in my life and had never had experiential therapy. And, you know, I I knew that I was supposed to marry Laura in there and came out and said, you know, when when you're at Onsite and your significant other or partner is not at Onsite, there's there's a lot going on there. Yeah.

I think even, like, as a caveat to that, even if the both people or that other person is doing their work, if you haven't experienced what's happening at Onsite when you're completely immersed into the program, it is not the same. So you're like, oh, I have 4

explain it. No. Really. If you've never been, it's hard to explain that, you know, to someone else. And so while I was Onsite, they were like, look. When you go home, you can't explain everything to everybody. Don't try to do it. Mhmm. Don't don't try to You

scare the hell out of everyone.

You scare everyone, because they don't have the same experience and I basically told Laura I said, number 1, I I wanna marry you. And number 2, we have to have a meeting every single week.

If you've listened to episode 47 of the Living Centered Podcast with Laura Kwick, you may be familiar with the Kwick's weekly meeting rhythm. I was so impacted by hearing it the first time that it is actually something I have since implemented into my own partnership to help mitigate the miscommunication and logistics that tend to trip my partner and I up. For us, it's been a concentrated time to handle all the logistics that are seeping into the other moments in which we actually want to be connecting. Laura and Shane were kind enough to share how this practice has impacted them and kept them on the same page as they live their life together.

We both travel a lot. We work a lot. Our lives are we're like 2 ships passing in the night constantly, And I just felt like, you know, I have meetings every week. I have I've had I've had 4 meetings today.

Mhmm.

And if I can't give my family, my wife, one meeting a week, then then what is it worth? And just just really as a check-in, as a where are you? Where are we gonna be? What do you need from me? How can I be there for you? What about our kids? What about everything?

Mhmm.

And I just had that vision of a weekly meeting while we're in there. And in how many years?

I mean, we've we've

6 years, we've missed 2 or 3 weeks.

Meetings, and mostly it's because we're on vacation. So we every Sunday, it's a check-in, and it transformed our relationship.

Yep. I

mean, it became from, like miscommunication was just, like, the biggest thing that we were, like, constantly stabbing each other with just, like, well, you didn't tell me you were doing that, and I didn't know you were gonna be there. And we've not had a date night in, you know, a 100 years and, like Yeah. That kinda thing.

So are meetings date nights, or is that different?

It's different.

Oh, meeting is, like, what you would consider, like, even a work meeting. There's an agenda. We're covering certain things. What are we you know, what do you need from me this week? What was difficult this week? We just kind of adjusted this. We just

every Sunday, you know, mid afternoon at a brewery and we've we've got our

Or the boat.

Or the boat or somewhere, but a lot of times a brewery. And, I have my calendar. She has hers, and, you know, we go through it, and we go through, you know, what what are you grateful for from last week, and what was hard, and what was unresolved, and

That was like we just went to Onsite together, in February, and we kinda revamped. We rebranded the weekly meeting to the weekly check-in. Oh. Yeah. I have no idea why, but that's what we did, guys.

Yeah. Because it was kind of becoming monotonous.

And Yeah. With the name change, it changed.

It changed everything.

Did did the structure change

or no? Yes. We have yes. Substantially. No. Just kidding. We did. It's a handful.

So there's

a It's

more of a check-in now.

Yeah. Our therapist gave us more of, like, because it had become so, like, what are you getting done? Yeah. We wanted to soften it a little bit and make it more about our relationship and, like, that kind of thing.

Yeah. That's fascinating. I've heard you talk about it in different contexts. I think the last time you were on the podcast, you talked about it. You've talked about it on Instagram. So I didn't realize that it had come out of Shane's time and Onsite That's so cool. What was it like when you came home? So you came home and said, here are the things that I know are true. I wanna be consistent in our communication. I want to marry you. That feels pretty big.

Yeah.

But then you talked about feeling, there was a little bit of a gap, like, I need you to do this and experience it. How quickly did you go then, Laura?

Oh, it was already scheduled.

But you're about a month later?

He took my spot, and so because his was delayed, basically, we just kinda switched full. So I went, a month after. Yeah. Probably not. He came home a week before my birthday. Little known fact, he didn't know this. But in January, I told my therapist, like, hey, if he doesn't really know, like, I'm the one by my birthday, like, I'm probably out of here because

this is

a lot. But I never told him that. That was just something that an internal boundary I'd set for myself of just, like, okay, like, I need to know that I'm a valued partner here, and this is, like, a week before my birthday. He gets out Onsite and he's like, look. Here's what I know.

In a

good way.

That is so cool.

Did that feel scary at all? Like, going to, like, dive into yourself at a time where you kind of, I imagine, just wanna, like, be happy and celebrate this relationship, like, finally coming to culmination?

Yeah. I think that, you know, I wrote that article for Annie's issue. That was the article. I wrote the Onsite article. So I did it that summer, but her issue came out, like, that December. Mhmm. And I remember, like, I described it as, like, knowing that you had, like, a storage unit with all your, like, horrible shit in it Yeah. And being like, nah. I'm not going there. And then Onsite, they're like, alright.

Lindsey, I feel like the analogy I've often heard you say about Onsite is that someone takes you into that scary storage unit, and you've just been bumping into shit. Like, okay. Maybe I wanna look in it, but I can't see anything. And it's about turning on the lights and seeing, like, okay. We can actually deal with some of this stuff.

At first, it's a little overwhelming. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot.

There's a lot in the storage unit. How do I, like, start to process it?

I knew because I'd shoved it all in there. You couldn't even get in. It was like, there's a lot. You can't even open that door without something falling out and hitting you.

Throughout this conversation, Shane and Laura both spoke to balancing their commitment to one another, their family, themselves, and their work. Both are high achieving and extremely busy entrepreneurs. Lindsay took this moment to ask Shane if he'd be willing to speak to that separation between who he is and what he does, and how being away from all those labels and his access to the outside world at Onsite impacted him. When Shane began answering, he reflected on the role work and striving towards success has played in his life and his ability to find safety, comfort, and purpose through the hard parts of his story.

So my whole I grew up in a family full of drug addicts. And, you know, I think work and dreaming was my way of coping. You know, staying busy in my own dreams and my own ideas, and that was home for me. You know, like, and it was mainly around work, you know, is around career. And, and so I always, and I still struggle with needing a project.

And, 36,000 square feet? Yeah. It's in the middle

of our downtown, and it was a re it's a rehab of an old building. And it's just all the things I wanted and love, and it's beautiful now in downtown Cullman. But and we cannot we came into so many problems with, getting electrical parts and things that, you know, it's hard to get anything right now. Supply chain is really, you know, tough and but in that in that war of getting this thing done and getting it on time, because I had all these tenants trying to be in there and all these deadlines in the bank, and I was at home. Like, I was smooth sailing in this kind of war zone, in this, really turbulent time.

Wait first. You definitely have lots of work.

I did. But

Still had lots of work.

Yeah. We always have something going on, but it there was just something about having, that finished and then all the waves of the the emotions that I was probably avoiding Yeah. Through the whole project.

Like creative, postpartum.

Yeah. It was like yeah. She she came out with that term.

I didn't. But someone who wrote an article in my magazine did come up

with that. It was a creative postpartum that I dealt with and it started this whole spiral. And my mother called me for the first time in 4 years because she wanted tickets to see Chris Stapleton, and that really lit the bomb. Just dealing with all these things that are happening is probably how I've dealt with a lot of the, you know, trauma in my life. But

Yeah. Staying busy.

You're staying busy.

It's they we talk at Onsite a lot about how, like, our coping mechanisms work for us until they don't. Right. And then it's, like, I know I have been there where you just all of a sudden are, like, why isn't this working anymore?

Coping mechanisms do work for a while.

Mhmm. Right.

But they will stop working. Mhmm. And when it does, it's really ugly. And and it you know, like, when I was a kid, I needed that. I needed to be an introvert in my bedroom, and and and while all the things that were happening around me, to live in my dreams and my journal and writing it down.

Mhmm. Yeah. It's amazing.

Yeah. It worked. But after you are there and you do have a family and you are around people you can trust and there's no longer people abusing each other in your home, you don't have to act that way anymore. Mhmm. And and I brought that mentality into my first marriage, and I think is what ruined it, was I was still wildly protective and in in in inside myself and never became vulnerable ever, you know.

We just did what? We did a 4 day intensive as a couple, and then you did 3 days intensive Mhmm. On your own.

Yeah. Mhmm.

Which is a lot of damn therapy, y'all. Yeah.

It was good. It was amazing. It was great. Yeah. Super needed.

It was amazing. A good hard reset. We went to Onsite before we got engaged or before he did. Then we went again at our 1 year anniversary.

That was the plan. Together?

We did our whole trip. As well. Okay. Yeah. We did a plan, and we're like, this is what we're committing to. Either we're gonna do it once a year together or we'll individually go. Mhmm. And then life happened. You know? And I feel like COVID. Yeah. COVID happened. Life happened. I think that it was my schedule and I mean, I did go on some intensive, and then Shane and I both just had it we there was a lot of life stuff happening.

Yeah.

And so you went we did together, apart, and then you did 2 more. Were you considering cope those 2 that you just did? Yeah.

That's so interesting. And I I wonder if you could speak to we talked about on Matt's episode, actually, of the importance of doing your own work and then doing work together and how it's very different but sometimes necessary. And so can you talk about what those two experiences were like doing it together and then that commitment to doing it separate when you need it? How did you know which was which?

Probably our last big crisis as a as a couple came in, you know, when COVID happened, I'm out of business. Right? We're done. We're losing we lost everything.

Went from doing, like, over 2,000 shows a year to doing no shows.

Yes. And and our employees having to lay everyone off and then then the restart of the industry was really hard because there was all these over corrections and, you know, it was wild. Mhmm. And, so so much stress in that. And, then we sold our company. We went all through all types of changes and Laura is doing her work, you know, incredibly. And, and I stopped doing mine for probably a year. Yeah. I didn't really see a therapist for for about a year. And we got wonky and imbalanced.

He was a ninja. He makes Miles. Yeah. Miles recommended him.

Yep. And, Al from, Porter's Call Mhmm. Both recommended our our current therapist and, just been amazing. But, yeah, I think you have to do your own work, and it is different. Yeah.

I was

like, where the hell did that come from? Like, why are you I'm

like, teasing hold on.

I pull

up my notepad.

It's like I

actually have created this.

I do have

a couple of things I'd like to cover. Thank you so much.

Yeah. But there are things that even when we're just chatting together

Yeah.

That when you bring a therapist into the room, maybe it just feels safe enough to have that conversation.

Mhmm.

And we do work on those things.

We're learning a lot about intimacy, and we're tiptoeing. I mean, we're both, like, come from drug addict parents, not, you know, not his, both, mine, one of them. Abusive environments, lots and lots of trauma layered in there, and just, like, traumatic event after traumatic event. And then you you know, I had this Enneagram coach who I love so much who Evan, I know y'all know her Mhmm. Who describes when you're born, you're born this, like, perfectly clean white sheet of paper.

That's really graceful, I think. And just that you can view your partner through that lens and just say, oh, I see you and I accept all those wrinkles. But also to yourself, like, of course. Of course. I was in a war zone and I was doing the best I can. I think about you saying, I did this, and it kept me alive, and it was good for me, and it kept me safe

Right.

In figuring that out, but I'm not not safe now. And it's telling your body you're safe

again and again.

It's the wrong armor Mhmm. Yeah. In the relationship that I'm in now. It's it was designed for a different time. And how do you turn that off? Like, how do you know when you're 26 and you're you got your own life now. You don't have to be that way. Mhmm. You know, I think that's man, I wish I had started therapy when I was a kid. Mhmm. You know? And, and

That's why we're so passionate about Yeah. Being advocates and talking so openly about our journeys and, like, telling people, like, therapy is awesome. It's the best thing you can I tell people it's the greatest gift you'll ever give yourself is to go to therapy? Like, go do the work. Like, yeah, it'll be hard, but shit, so is running 5 miles. Yeah.

I think it's the I told someone this the other day, it is it's the greatest proof of our privileged generation that we actually have time and energy and finances to work on ourself.

Mhmm.

I mean, this Yeah. For 1000 of years, no one did that and and we're starting to see that more. It is proof that we're a very blessed generation to be able to do that. And, at Onsite, this last time, I I started working on something that I'd never worked on ever and it's the b word and I still don't really know how to do it, but it's boundaries.

Yeah.

I mean, I've been Onsite a few times and it felt like I never heard them talk about it. I know they did, but it was real this time.

Their ears weren't

ready for it?

They weren't they were not they were not ready

Yeah.

For understanding how to have a

Well, what were we we did we did equine.

Equine. Yeah.

With Didi.

And Didi is just

a mom.

She's awesome.

Like, the most precious Take her home. Literally, like, Didi, get in the bag. We're going home. Come with us. Didi said, a boundary. She's so cute. She's like, a boundary is just simply asking yourself 2 questions. Am I okay? If I'm not okay, what do I need to be okay? And I was like, that's it

right there.

Yeah. I mean, but truly, like, this idea that especially and I feel like I was like, I know boundaries. I do boundaries. But then I realized, I don't do boundaries with Shane. I don't do boundaries with our boys. I suck at it. But I'm getting better at it. But that idea that I can ask myself, am I okay? And if the answer is no, then I can look at him and say, Hey, I'm not really okay. I need

Speaking speaking your truth.

Mhmm.

You know? This is this is how that made me feel. This is Laura said something, you know, at the very beginning of our relationship with a, a sermon that she had heard, from

Brennan Manning.

Brennan Manning. And, he says, how can you love me if you don't know what hurts me? And, basically, was talking about Jesus and how Jesus knew love because he knew what hurt us. Mhmm. And but I feel like that is probably the deepest thing that I've learned in couples therapy is learning what hurts Laura.

Mhmm.

And knowing to avoid that and because it's crazy and this is probably the thing that scared me the most about our relationship in the beginning. I always tell people, she scares the absolute hell out of me because of losing her. Yeah. You know? And And

also, whatever it is on paper. She You know what I mean?

Is that her her trauma and her pain Yeah. And mine bring a

reaction Mhmm. To

our lives that is a trigger. We our triggers trigger each other. It's a double trigger.

Mhmm.

The way I respond when I am threatened to her is her greatest fear.

He's like unblocks completely and I'm like, hey, where you going? Yeah. Where you

going? I I leave, you know, and she and she's her fear.

Great. More people leaving. Got it. Great. Yeah.

It just confirms what you're already believing. Totally.

I suck.

Yeah. But learning that. Like, I had no idea that all I was trying to do was survive, you know?

The war.

And and in my weakest moments, she was, you know, she was needy. Like, I was needy and my response made her needy. I'm like, what the hell? Why do I when I'm in this situation, why do you become more needy than me? You know? But I'm what I was doing with to her was only triggering her greatest fears. You know? And so therapy has taught us those things that this is her fear. This is her greatest, you know, and then therapy on my own is me learning that myself. Yeah.

I wanted to hear from Shane and Laura how they hold space for one another to do their own work and support each other in different seasons of growth and struggle. Because I've often found when we don't feel like we're personally struggling, it can be easy to just leave our partner on the side lines and assume the issue is individualized to the other person, when in fact, we're only as healthy as the least healthy person in a relationship.

I hired a new therapist at the beginning of this year, and I was like, I'm in maintenance. Thank you so much. Oh, my God.

I'm actually Change in crisis.

No. I literally I was like, hi. I'm here. I'm just mostly in maintenance. So, sort of work on, like, I'm writing a book and so, like, sometimes things come up for me. I wanna be able to process those with you. And he was like, great. And then 3 weeks later, Shane's like, I'm gonna burn down our life. And I'm like, I'm not and he so my therapist looked at me and he's like, hey, you're not in maintenance anymore.

Let's just call that out.

Thanks, Mills. Thanks for the newsflash. I had no idea I thought I was still in maintenance.

That's so funny to me.

Because I think about how we're in relationship with people. And even though, like, you're doing well over here, you can't not be affected. And I don't I mean, especially when you're in close, intimate, vulnerable relationship and allow yourself to be seen in that way, his crisis becomes a little bit of your crisis. And what is that Oh,

I was also contributing. I mean,

of course.

Like, on I definitely know now that, like, yes, he was in crisis, and obviously, I was in maintenance. Duh. Because that's what grown people say when they've been doing all this work. As it turns out, the work's never done. But that wasn't true, because when we went to Onsite what I realized is, like, my contribution was he was he was spinning.

my own work.

And, you let me know when you're and that was, like, not what he really needed from me. You know, I would like to go back to that version and be like, fight, girl. Get in there. You know? But I know that now. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank y'all for, like, letting us behind the curtain. I think that, like, being single and having the privilege to be around a lot of people that are married and, like, deeply in the relationships. Like, all marriages, all partnerships are messy.

Mhmm. Yeah.

And it's like, are you dealing with the mess or are you not dealing with the mess? And what I can tell is that y'all have clearly, like, dealt with the mess and are dealing with the mess, you know, like and willing to keep choosing each other and keep working on yourselves and each other, and that commitment is inspiring. So thank you.

It's kinda like kudzu, you know, like

And Alabama.

In Alabama kudzu, you're you're just it's never gonna always be gone, like, but you have to keep it from taking your house over. You know, like, you can't kill kudzu.

For those of us who are from the north, what is kudzu?

Kudzu is it's, it's a leafy vine. But it will take a

look at anything. Forget.

It's very fast growing vines, and everybody just knows you can't kill kudzu. It just it's gonna come back and keep growing. And I think therapy and trauma is that way. I think it's just Mhmm. We're all screwed up, you know? We live in a world that's constantly weighing on us.

And poking us.

And poking. Yeah. You know, there's always a new season, you know, or like I said, my son in 3 weeks, you know, graduates and, like, this new season of dealing with that. And there's always seasons in life and and and it's you're never gonna kill that ivy, that that kudzu, but you can keep it clipped back and you can keep it from taking your house over.

It could look really beautiful is what he's saying. Yeah. Manage kudzu.

Yeah. Manage it.

As we rounded out this conversation, we also wanted to explore how doing their own mental health work and work as a couple has impacted the other relationships in Shane and Laura's life. It was fascinating to hear how their passion for this work extends into every area of their lives.

You've mentioned kids a couple of times. Y'all both have big jobs. How has, like, doing your personal work and your couple's work impacted those other roles in your life? Like because it feels like if you're coming in from this place of success and, like, the work sounds kind of scary of, like, hey. I'm gonna deal with the fact that I need more boundaries around work.

Well, I think that's I I believe that my own personal mental health journey and really, like, getting into therapy and, one, that idea of maintenance is so hilarious because the truth is that I think when you're healed up enough is typically when new work reveals itself. You know, another layer gets pulled back and you're like, damn. More. Oh, cool. Forgot about that.

Yeah. I mean, I think it's you know, we've at, you know, at our new companies, Premier and Peachtree, we talk about therapy. We talk about Onsite It's it's a very open thing. And we, when I went to Onsite, I didn't tell him I was going on vacation or that I was going whatever. I said I'm going Onsite.

Yeah. Same with myself.

And even today, where are you heading next? Well, we're doing a couple's therapy podcast and, it's it's, me and my partners, we I think we're gonna go to the alumni, in August or is September. September. The experience is LCC alumni.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

And, I love that.

I'm not going, but they're going.

But, you know, it's just having that conversation about therapy to my employees. And we started a chaplain program 2 years ago, where someone needs therapy, and our company is available 247, and I'm always blown away about how many people are using it. Mhmm. And, you know, I didn't think many people would, but it's really been amazing. I try to figure out how to offer that to our people and just even talking about it openly, I've had competitors, people that I thought hated me in our industry, call me in a crisis and say, Hey, can you call Miles?

we apologize to our kids a lot too, you know, and we mess it up. I think that's so important. It's something that's really changed the dynamic of our house. I was gonna say, also, we rolled out a new program at Good Grit where we will, do in kind services for therapists, like, if they need website work or, like, branding or whatever, and then they'll trade services with our staff, so that they can get access to therapy. And that's been really, you know, I mean, we're smaller.

Yeah. Yeah. There's something about, being willing to raise your hand and give people the gift of going second. I think that's something I talk a lot about. So I think being willing to say that, and so thank you. Being willing to go first for the people in your life, and especially when you have influence, I think, is so important. I love how even people who you think hate you know you're a safe space for that. They're not ashamed to come to you.

That was great. That was a huge honor. People like I said, people that never call me, like, I know you went because I was maybe vulnerable enough to mention that I did, and I was spinning out, and I was about to burn my life down, and I didn't, you know, and when they get into that place, they think of you immediately. Yeah. Because there's not many people in their life that they can call about that. Mhmm.

So,

yeah, that's been really cool. And

I don't really know anybody that actually hates you. I think that Oh,

I'm sure there's some.

And I think it's helpful to see someone who is in a successful place also pursuing health. Because especially in the creative industry, I think, in our town, there can feel like my edge, my creative edge comes from this dark part, not dealing with this or whatever. And so where have you seen in your own life of, hey, when I do this work, it actually

Frees me?

Yeah. It frees me and elevates and kind of the word that Miles often uses is optimizes my life.

Yeah. I had myself I had convinced myself for a

long time that my screwed up ness

in my family and all successful in my career. The reason why I was successful in my career, and that's a dumb way to think. Yeah. It really is. You know? Because I think, you know, if you don't work on those things, and and creatives do deal with that a lot, there is a there the only way to be successful long term is to also be mentally healthy.

Yeah.

And you might have short term success. And we see it so often in the creative space of people burning their lives down, incredible amount of suicide. Mhmm. You know, and and you also learn that thing that, yeah, maybe you did get the record deal or maybe you did get on that tour or maybe you did get to manage that band or whatever it is you do, you learn the thing that we all learn is it didn't make you happy. Mhmm.

Well, it takes up so much space. So those things always are going to take up. It doesn't matter how cool the thing is that you're doing. This other thing is just looming. It's always in the room with you no matter where you go.

And so It's like when Jim Carrey said, I wish you guys could achieve all your dreams just so you could realize that it is not gonna work. It's not enough. Mhmm. You know? And

she's done that a couple of times.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I, you know, I had all these goals and checklists of things I wanted to accomplish even very vain things, honestly, a lot of times, you know, when I was working at the factory, one of the, one of the salesmen that would come try to sell me things because I was a purchasing agent at this factory had a Range Rover. You know? And I was this 23 year old high school dropout living in North Alabama and riding around in this badass, you know, white leather Range Rover, and I thought this is the epitome of success. You know?

I also think we learned a lot about, you know, I work in a creative space too, and I do think it's really interesting that when you do your work and when you're practicing gratitude and you're seeing what is Mhmm. You know, that the thing that you focus on always gets bigger. So it's gonna multiply no matter what. And so the mindset, like, what happens to our minds when we're focusing on the big thing, that dark thing that's in the room versus, oh, wow. I love my back porch.

Now one one other thing Yeah. Was so, like, I'm still very competitive. Mhmm. I still wake up every day with my list, chopping wood, going after it, but now I know that when I achieve that, it's not going to bring me true happiness. Yeah.

Wait. There was a whole long line of people who wanted to be your friend.

I know. Yeah. And there were a lot of people that are good to me, but I was never a friend back to them. Not a

friend. You have to be a friend.

That's right.

So my mom said

Totally.

Shane had a lot of people pursuing him, and I will say that's a gift too, you know, for the people that'll hang out and wait for you to catch up.

Yeah. So yeah. But I think there there is a ways to still be competitive. Yeah. To still be incredibly creative. And it's the only way, really, to do that mentally healthy. And if you're out there thinking that, yeah, I need to stay in my shit so I can still be good at what I do, then you've lost your mind. Or you're going to.

Or maybe you've just never been out of the shit and you don't know how good it is out there.

Totally.

It's just so much better to have clarity and space and breathing room and good people around you and lots of things to be grateful for.

That's so good. Y'all, this has been such an incredible conversation, and I think Thank

you. Yes. Let's do it.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you for just showing up so authentically and vulnerably, and I am grateful from both of you. I feel like you made our jobs really easy. We didn't even hardly any ask any questions. You were great. As we round out, one of the things we often ask is, what is one practice that keeps you centered? And so I wonder for the 2 of you, what is one practice that keeps you centered in your relationships? Let's add that little caveat to it.

Go ahead.

Date nights. Date nights with no phones. Actually, our best new practice is no phones 6 to 9 PM, Monday through Friday. You can't touch your phone. You just have to stand and hover over that weird ass charger we have it hooked to. So it's real weird for you.

Yeah. I would say that, that has been huge. And being able to when we got to Onsite this last time with no technology, the intimacy between she and I, it went

Better than it's ever been.

It went from 0 to a100.

And I didn't even like them. I was like, but do you wanna make out? I'm really mad at you, but I will make out with you.

I swear. It was instant. Like, the amount of kissing we wanted to do, like, by turning off that, just turning the world off and completely focusing on each other, which is so hard for us all to do. So that's huge. I say the 2 hour drive to Nashville for me from Cullman, Alabama is pretty amazing. I really love it. I just love that alone time. And I'm one of the weirdos in the world that drives down the road with 0 music happening. I'm just driving with no sound. And it is just good for me

to

process that. But yeah, we came we came back from every time we go to Onsite we come back with something that sticks.

Yeah.

You know, let's talk about the the 2 degrees, and it's about all that sticks. Right? But if 2 can, 2 degrees can, and the 2 degrees this time has been that sacred time after work, 1 hour after work, you know, you still come home. You're still coming off the, you know, the whatever, doing the emails. 6 to 9, no phones, and it's been amazing, really.

Well, thank you all for giving us little tidbits into your life and pulling back the curtain. Thanks for listening to the Living Centered Podcast. If you're enjoying the show, we'd love for you to consider leaving us a review or rating on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever else you listen. It only takes a few seconds to navigate to the show in your app and select the stars to begin your rating. It helps more people find the show, and we really appreciate it. Thanks so much.