125 - Don't Resign! Re-Design

Did You Know  0:02  
Did you know that according to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, a record number of people quit their jobs in the US in November of 2021? 4.5 million Americans walked off the job. Hence the name the great resignation. We are in an era where workers can dictate serious change in how, when and where they work. 

Intro  0:24  
Hello, action taker. Welcome to Live Blissed Out. A podcast where I have inspirational and informational conversations with business owners and subject matter experts to help you get the scoop on a variety of topics. Tired of hesitating or making decisions without having the big picture? Wanna be in the know? Then this is the place to go. I'm your host Marisa Huston. Helping you achieve bliss through awareness and action. So let's get to it. In this episode, Lara Buelow defines what life design principles are and how you can put some of them into practice right now. Lara is a certified professional coach specializing in guiding people through purposeful career transition, and designing a good life. She has a bachelor's degree from Western Washington University, and also studied painting at Parsons School of Design. Lara's education and background as an artist fuel her excitement for creatively designing careers and supporting those who are looking to transition in their work. Lara is passionate about coaching because she knows what it's like to feel stuck in a position that is exhausting and feels meaningless. For years she was a serial job hopper, bouncing between industries. As she tried her hand at 100 different trades, she turned to self help and business books to uncover her strengths and interests. Devouring the stories of artists and entrepreneurs gave her the energy to continue searching for what truly lights her up. Utilizing the methodologies from the Institute For Professional Excellence In Coaching, the designing your life team at Stanford and her own creative content, Lara helps folks build a unique and powerful path forward in their career. She currently lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, two girls and dog. To learn more, www.visit larabuelow.com. 

Disclaimer  2:08  
The information opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast are for general information only and any reliance on the information provided in this podcast is done at your own risk. This podcast should not be considered professional advice. 

Marisa Huston  2:20  
Lara, welcome to the show.

Lara Buelow  2:22  
Thanks, Marisa. I'm really excited to be here.

Marisa Huston  2:24  
Yeah, I'm excited to have you too. And I really appreciate you taking the time to share your knowledge with us today. What are our listeners going to get from our conversation?

Lara Buelow  2:35  
I would say that, in a nutshell, we'll be reviewing life design principles, and what that actually means. And how you can put some of them into practice right now.

Marisa Huston  2:45  
When you say life design principles, does that apply to our personal lives or is that specifically related to our careers?

Lara Buelow  2:54  
I would say that it applies to all of the above. So depending on what kind of work you're interested in doing, right? I'm in the world of coaching and typically, I'm working with folks in career transition. But I feel like coaching kind of always boils down to life coaching. So the designing principles are great, because you can apply them to designing a good life, or you can approach it from the aspect of, okay, I hate my job or I'm struggling in my career. Let's define a solvable problem and move forward.

Marisa Huston  3:22  
Yeah, and I'm glad you said that, because it is so true that our personal lives overlap with our work. And in fact, many times we are fulfilled through our work. And so if we keep those things separate, it just doesn't work. Because the reality is they interject. What we do in our personal lives, matters in our work life, and vice versa. And so I think it's kind of a broader thing that you're trying to address. And so when you're talking about designing this life, what does that look like and what kind of problems are listeners perhaps dealing with when it comes to that?

Lara Buelow  3:56  
I'll start with the design thinking principles. So I'm a designing your life certified coach. And designing your life are a series of books, three published books now, from more or less two specific professors at Stanford University, but they have a whole team. And one of their most popular courses at Stanford is the designing your life course. So you can find a whole bunch of information about that online, I'd become become certified in their content. So Design Thinking principles is all about being curious, trying stuff, reframing your problem so that they're actually solvable, which is the whole thing we could talk about in its own. Knowing that it's a process, right, like building your awareness and then asking for help. We're not really taught how to approach our life in general, as designers. Like I would say that the principles that I just mentioned, being curious trying stuff, reframing, awareness and asking for help, they sound simple, and they are simple, but they aren't necessarily easy. And I would say that what people are struggling with very specifically is one, the majority of the population is really not satisfied, fulfilled or happy with their work. And we all know that work takes up the majority of our time here on this planet, people are confused, they're overwhelmed. I feel like the media's message to the world is like that work should be fulfilling, and that we can be anything you want. So we're sort of sold this story that doesn't really translate into the reality of our lives.

Marisa Huston  5:22  
How do we know when we're doing what we're supposed to be doing? Meaning, sometimes you want to do something, and you're just not good at it? It's not what you thought it was. How do we go through this process of figuring out where we fit?

Lara Buelow  5:36  
Great question, let's use a previous client as an example. I also have a few reframe examples too to sort of kick us off. And I'm taking these directly out of the first designing your life book. A dysfunctional belief might be something like your degree determines your career. A potential reframe, there's no right answer when it comes to designing, there are multiple right answers. So one reframe could be three quarter of all college graduates don't end up working in a career related to their major. So we all know somebody who studied something, and it is like absolutely irrelevant, the worst. Another really good one is the dysfunctional belief is if you are successful, you will be happy. That's a tough one. So the reframe there could be true happiness comes from designing a life that works for you. Because we all have different ideas and different values that end up helping us feel fulfilled. A good example of someone I've worked with, to illustrate this a little bit further is a previous client, Liz, who lives in the Bay Area of California, and her background is in dance. She studied dance for a very long time and she also has discovered a passion for housing equity in the Bay Area. She really enjoys working with different organizations for housing equity. However, her work is in the health insurance sector. She lives in the Bay Area, it's notoriously expensive there, and she really wants to maintain her standard of living. She wasn't coming to me saying, hey, I'm gonna blow up my life, like quit all these things. She was saying, listen, I need to make an informed decision when looking at different jobs out there, if I'm going to switch companies, but I need to maintain my standard of living, because I won't be able to afford to live here otherwise. So we discussed what the real issue was. It ended up being much more of a cultural fit and the personal dynamics at that particular company. And so we explore different options, talked to a lot of different people and Liz, who is very motivated, she already has the bias to action down. She was such an excellent client, because she just went out and did all her homework and like, tried out all of the things. And she ended up finding a new position through a friend at a different healthcare company, where the culture was a much better fit for her. 

Marisa Huston  6:22  
So you'resaying it wasn't necessarily what she was doing, it's where she was doing it at?

Lara Buelow  8:01  
Yes, I personally as a coach have really drank the like, I want to be passionate about what I do in my life. Like I want to have a passionate career. I drank that Kool Aid. However, it's something that I really don't prescribe. And the designing your life team at Stanford also is sort of like the anti passionate to work, because it's just not very realistic or helpful in the designing process. So what the design team at Stanford likes to say is don't resign, redesign. So there are a lot of different answers to your career issues.

Marisa Huston  8:37  
And let's define that for our listeners. If we were to use a very basic example. Let's say I woke up tomorrow and said, I'm passionate about golf. And now I want to be a professional golfer. I can be passionate about golf, but whether or not I have the talent, and all of the skills necessary to be able to compete professionally is a whole other thing. And there's a disconnect between what I want to do and whether or not I'm the right fit for that. I think what you're saying is that it's a lot more than just passion. You know, if you really like something like let's say, I want to be the next Picasso, even though I enjoy it, and I go in there and try and paint and get all my materials and stuff,  I don't have that Picasso spark or whatever Picasso had that made him one of the greatest artists out there. Then perhaps I would be disappointed even though I was passionate about it. And so sometimes too the things that we're not necessarily too passionate about our what we're really good at and what we excel at. If I understand you correctly, it's really finding that balance. Doing something that you enjoy, but also doing things that you can really feel good about doing.

Lara Buelow  9:44  
Yes, and finding a solvable problem is a big focus area in this work. Being curious, trying things and reframing your problem. We often bite off more than we can chew. I'm gonna butcher this, and I don't even know where to sort of credit it towards. But there's like this saying out there, we often overestimate what we can do in a week or a month, but underestimate what we can accomplish in a year. Also, another great book that I really enjoy incorporating into my work is Grit by Angela Duckworth. The idea there is really like, we need to break things down into actionable and achievable steps. And humans have a really, really hard time doing this. Whenever I lead a habit challenge every September, that's a perfect example of people choose a daily habit, I'm always like, surprised at how big they are. A small, achievable step should be accomplishable in two minutes, so much smaller than most people choose. So if you want to become Picasso, okay, let's break that down. Like what does that look like right now, today,

Marisa Huston  10:04  
We want to accomplish such great things. And what you need to realize is that it's a combination of little steps that get you there. Just feeling like you're taking that first step. Like you said, experimenting, trying and getting better at it is much more important than creating this grandiose goal that you end up shying away from because it seems overwhelming.

Lara Buelow  11:12  
Yeah, absolutely. Which makes me actually think about the brainstorming step of this process, which is actually the first one which is be curious. I mean, it's another skill that humans have done probably in school at some point, but that we really don't get better at unless we continue working at it. Like I find that adults have a very hard time doing a real brainstorming exercise. Because in our adulthood, we have been taught to edit ourselves pretty much immediately. And brainstorming is all about quantity. It's not about quality. It's about getting out all of your ideas, and not editing yourself, the rule is like your first idea is never your best idea. And then being able to like move forward with a bias towards action rather than staying in like fantasy theoretical land.

Marisa Huston  11:58  
Yes, and I'm so glad you brought this up, because this happens all the time in group settings. So for example, you're in a meeting, you have a bunch of people, and you're all given a task. Like you need to come up with ideas for XYZ. And what I noticed is, when people start sharing their ideas, the first thing that happens is somebody in the group will say, that's silly, cross that out. You haven't even had the opportunity to put it up on the board and people are already giving their feedback regarding what they like and what they don't like. And so I've had to say to the team, it's really about all of us just putting our ideas on the board, and then looking at it and really thinking about it. If you do that, then you'll have more ideas. What we want is more things up there rather than trying to streamline it upfront. And then people get discouraged because their ideas are being shot down before they can even put it up there.

Lara Buelow  12:46  
Yeah, and I mean, you know, we all want to get to that quality piece. And especially in my art practice, I feel like one of the nuggets the like core themes of my art practices, if you want to get to quality, you have to start with the quantity. With the quantity you will eventually edit down to quality. Again, it's a process. It's always about the process. People are scared, you know? It's a messy, messy process. And that's just challenging. Even if it's simple, it is hard. So it's really about allowing it to be messy. Being okay asking for help. You also mentioned this group setting and a part of designing anything is eventually maybe not initially asking for help and collaborating with others. 

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Marisa Huston  14:04  
That's really what it's about. And I think that if you're open, you just be surprised how your perspective changes too because you're not shutting things down. You're just letting all the information flow first. And then as a group, you can collaborate and look at it together and say, Okay, well, realistically, this one's probably not going to work. Let's set that aside for a minute and focus on the things that are jumping out at us right now. But it's important to get it down, share it and then have the conversation.

Lara Buelow  14:31  
Yeah, that's right. A lot of us haven't been taught or trained in these ideas. And I feel like coaching sometimes can get kind of a bad rap. And the reason I love coaching is that it involves having a sidekick. Someone who is there to work with you on these design issues for your life specifically. It's like having a strength and conditioning or fitness coach, but for your mind. Somebody who He's going to guide you through the like minefield of the brainstorming process and help you get really clear and excited about the options, and then help you decide which ones to actually prototype. Which is just another way of saying, building an example of that idea and trying it on for size.

Marisa Huston  15:17  
And you're talking to somebody who really understands you, because you have the opportunity to share with that coach, exactly what challenges you're going through. So the coach can dig deeper with you. And then on top of that, it puts you in the driver's seat in terms of accountability, because you know, you're going to be meeting with your coach, and you know, you're going to have these conversations. What happens for most of us is we have great intentions, but then life gets in the way, and you don't set aside the time that's needed to do these activities that are going to help move you forward. Without a coach, that's a lot tougher to achieve.

Lara Buelow  15:51  
Thank you for saying that. Marisa. It's so so true, right? Like people often ask, How can I hold myself accountable? And I mean, I like jokingly, you know, respond, well, you don't. There's very few individuals who are excellent at holding themselves accountable. And it may even appear that way on the outside, but they probably have a coach, if not more than one, and a group of people who are behind them. It's just a human thing, is that life is busy, we get very distracted, we all have sparkly object syndrome. And if you really want something, then you need to invest in it in multiple ways, because there will always be obstacles.

Marisa Huston  16:29  
And you have to think about it like there are coaches that you go to to help you lose weight or to exercise. Whatever the thing that you're struggling with, you tend to want to get professional help. This is just from the perspective of your life, your career, the direction that you want things to go. We all heard the saying, right? To keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you're getting. You have to change, and the only way to change is to really take a step back and look at where you're at, what's working, what's not working, and then figure out okay, what are the activities that I need to start implementing to help me get to where I need to go?

Lara Buelow  17:03  
Yeah, I mean, I like to tell people, one, I'm a professional life designer. I've been working with these design principles for years, even before I was a certified coach, or a certified designing your life coach. And another way of looking at that, as I'm an a professional accountabillabuddy. There's great research on this as well. If you look this up, Google it, ask the Oracle. When it comes to building habits and accomplishing your goals, making a statement, a declaration of your intentions and what you plan on doing, even if you only share it with one person is a very powerful step for holding yourself accountable. Then you know, somebody else knows, and you don't want to have to go back to them and say to them, I failed. You come to me, you make your declaration. And then I can also hold you accountable by asking you probing questions as far as like, well, what got in the way? How are we going to avoid this in the future? How can we plan for that?

Marisa Huston  17:52  
And these are questions that we often don't ask ourselves and helping us dig into that will help clarify. Because sometimes it's right in front of you and you didn't even see it. Like the example that you shared with your client in San Francisco, she didn't know what the root cause of her frustration was, until she spoke with you. And then you were able to identify, look, it's not necessarily what she's doing. It's where she's doing it. So now she got a different position somewhere else and now that environment is where she wants to be. She wouldn't have figured it out likely, at least as quickly as she did. Or maybe it would have never come to the surface if she hadn't had that conversation with you.

Lara Buelow  18:27  
Right. And honestly, like, we really explored a lot of options, right, going back to that quantity idea. She explored switching industries completely, which is a huge fantasy so many of us have. Burn that bridge, move away from insurance and move into travel blogging,

Marisa Huston  18:43  
Like make an extreme change in your life, because you think that things are going to be better on the other side of the fence.

Lara Buelow  18:49  
And I am very guilty of this. I have been there. I have done that. And I've changed my ways. Thinking about Liz, you know, we explored her attending a coding boot camp. It is very popular to do in the Bay Area. Switching industries, going to a programming boot camp and becoming like a website developer. I know people who have successfully done that. So we explore doing that or potentially applying those skills, and creating some sort of position with housing equity probably wouldn't support her same lifestyle. So we really explored a lot of different avenues and spoke to a lot of different people in those fields. Before she found this connection, a friend of hers was already working at a different company. So she had that connection, as far as moving forward, getting exposure to the company, getting an inside voice, landing an interview, etc.

Marisa Huston  19:36  
And I love the word explore. It's so important. Because I think we forget that it's okay to try things. That's the whole point. Sometimes you see things that look great and then when you actually get in the weeds, it's not what you thought it was. But if you allow yourself to explore it, maybe volunteer time or talk to people who are doing the job, find out what they like, what they don't like. If you get more of that information and give yourself time to analyze it better, then by the time you actually get into it, it's not a surprise anymore. It's kind of like an internship, so to speak,

Lara Buelow  20:07  
Right trying stuff is absolutely essential because humans also have a tendency towards the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Another like hot frase that I love talking to my clients about is leveraging your network is a great way to sort of get an insider's view point of a particular situation or job. And speaking the grass is always greener, something my dad loves to say is that if you have a 60/40 split in your work, maybe you hate your job, 40% of the time and you love it 60% of the time, you are doing much better than most people, and it's not really going to get much better than that, except in extreme situations. So I always think about that. Because there's pros and cons to everything. Work is work, and you're going to experience struggles there and not always want to do it. In the same way that life has its own ups and downs.

Marisa Huston  20:59  
I'm so glad you shared that with us because it's so true. I get asked a lot about podcasting all the time, because it just sounds so wonderful and easy. And it's not, but I love it. Even though there are times when you do something and you're like, oh, that's gonna take several hours and I got to go through this tedious process, because there are so many steps, and it is to your point work. But the difference is, I enjoy it. Because there's so many things that I love that I get out of it, that I wouldn't be able to appreciate if I didn't go through the process. Everybody's different. Some people would absolutely dislike it. Don't do it, because other people are doing it, do it because it's the right fit for you.

Lara Buelow  21:38  
Yeah, and I mean, we could spend a whole hour talking about that. The conditioning that we've gone through in our lifetime, to undo a lot of that comparison thinking or doing something because that's what your dad wants, or because your mom thought X, Y and Z. It's human nature to take the people who are close to you or even not close to you and take their input. That's where coaching can really be powerful, as well as kind of bring it home to your own opinions, get clarity in your own thoughts and feelings so that you can take action based on what your values are, rather than the external influences that will always be present in your life.

Marisa Huston  22:14  
Absolutely work is work, it takes a lot of talent to make a job look easy, but it never is. It gets better because you're used to it and you're comfortable. And certainly those things count. You need to find the work that you at least enjoy or are passionate about that you're getting what you want out of it. And once you find that, that's what's freeing. And talking to a coach like you who can help you identify what that is so that you don't end up jumping around from job to job or trying so many new things and getting frustrated. Trying to get there with more clarity is really important.

Lara Buelow  22:19  
Yeah, it's great that you bring that up, because that's actually a very specific piece of work that is in the designing your life books. It's an excellent exercise about defining your work, you, your life view, and then a combination of the two, to really discover what are your values and like, What purpose does work fulfill in your life? And it's amazing how many different ideas and values that you will get from people. It's also very revealing about your current mental state around your work. So it's an exercise that I do with almost all of my clients in order to define where are we starting and where do we want to go?

Marisa Huston  22:50  
How do people get a hold of you, Lara, and learn more about what you offer?

Lara Buelow  23:18  
They learn more about me through my Instagram, that's @LaraBuelow. There's also a lot of great information. I'm very proud of my website, which is www.larabuelow.com. Those are the two best places to learn about me.

Marisa Huston  23:49  
We are all going through life, trying to figure things out, and we don't have all the answers. And sometimes we feel stuck. We feel like is this it? Is this all there is? And it's really just a matter of taking another step to figure out what do I want? What is going to fulfill me? What am I looking for? And then mapping that design as you said, to help you get there. Lara, thank you so much for being with us today.

Lara Buelow  24:15  
Thanks so much for having me. I had a lot of fun. 

Marisa Huston  24:17  
Me too.

Outro  24:18  
That's a wrap for this episode of Live Blissed Out. Thanks to Lara Buelow, for joining us and thanks for listening. If you have a question or comment for a future episode, all you have to do is go to www.speakpipe.com/lbovm, or click the link in the show notes to leave a brief audio message. If you find value in our show, please visit www.liveblissed out.com to reach out, subscribe and share on social media. This show is made possible through listeners like you. Thank you. So long for now and remember to keep moving forward.