092 - Top 3 Strategies To Master Delegation At Home

Marisa Huston  0:03  
Welcome to Episode 92 on the Live Blissed Out podcast. Did you know a study in the UK found that women spend at least three hours a week redoing chores that their partner has done because they think their partner did it poorly? Hello, action taker. Welcome to Live Blissed Out. A podcast where I have inspirational informational conversations with business owners and subject matter experts to help you get the scoop on a variety of topics. Tired of hesitating or making decisions without having the big picture? Wanna be in the know? Then this is the place to go. I'm your host Marisa Huston. Helping you achieve bliss through awareness and action. So let's get to it. Joining us is Valerie Recore, a productivity specialists time giver and a decision maker at Home Most Simple. She works with overwhelmed and over committed moms. She's been there. She gets it. She has two young kids, a husband, her own business and occasionally a social life. She too has felt like there's too much on her plate. With a background in mental health and corporate training. She's ready to guide you toward a better relationship with time. If you're feeling pulled in too many directions she's here to help.To learn more, visit www.homemostsimple.com. 

Disclaimer  1:21  
The information opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast are for general information only. And any reliance on the information provided in this podcast is done at your own risk. This podcast should not be considered professional advice. 

Marisa Huston  1:34  
Valerie, welcome to the show.

Valerie Recore  1:37  
Thank you for having me, I'm excited to be here.

Marisa Huston  1:39  
This is going to be a very informative conversation. We were talking about what we wanted to discuss and the word that came up was delegation. And your definition of delegation is a little bit different from mine. If I were to define it, from my perspective, I just think of it as letting go. I feel like we take full responsibility for things because we feel like we're the only ones capable of doing it the way we expect it to get done. When in reality, there's so many other people out there that can do it better, or just as well. But we don't feel that. So then we get into this mode of no, let me just do it. And then we get frustrated because we're doing too many things. I'd like to know exactly what you feel delegation means and how you want to define it for the conversation that we're gonna have today.

Valerie Recore  2:28  
I love your definition of the letting go knowing that other people out there are just as capable. And I think that one piece that I want to add to that is making sure that you're giving the other person ownership over that task. So if you're asking somebody to take on cleaning the kitchen, or putting the laundry away, or scheduling a kid's doctor's appointment, whatever that is that they are now fully in charge of it, not you. So that it's off of your plate, it's off your to do list, you're not going to worry about it, somebody else is taking care of it. And it is not your problem anymore. And you can explain this needs to be done by x time, I would prefer it is done this way, and maybe you show them whatever that might be. But you are going to then just take that off your plate, and it is now somebody else's task. They now have ownership and agency over it.

Marisa Huston  3:21  
That sounds like a dream for most of us, right? I think there's gonna be a lot of people that relate to this. Can you give us an example of a situation you've seen where somebody has struggled with this in their life?

Valerie Recore  3:36  
Yes, when I was in college, and I had a roommate who would reclaim the bathroom after I did it, because he didn't think that I did a good enough job. So I quit cleaning the bathroom, because it was such a waste of my time and energy if somebody else was going to redo it. And I was recently talking to a friend who sharing how his wife would reload the dishwasher. They had just discussions and arguments over the dishwasher because he would load it, she didn't like the way that it was done and she would redo it. And he was like, why should I bother if you're going to do it? How many of us have done that? I catch myself on occasion wanting to reload the dishwasher when my husband does it because I feel like I could fit more dishes. Instead of thinking awesome. It's done. I don't have to worry about it anymore. And we just kind of set ourselves up for this situation where we redo something that somebody else does and then they quit doing it. And now we're mad because we feel like they're not helping or they're not participating.

Marisa Huston  4:36  
Yeah! We tend to then blame the other person because they're not meeting our standards and we end up then putting more responsibility ourselves. We say it's our job now and then you're frustrated because you're having to do it rather than trying to come up with a solution so that you can help that person understand what it is that you are looking for and help them help you, as they say. Remember, the movie? Help me help you, right? So it's kind of that approach where if you just can't let go of that control, and you're not setting those expectations, then you're really just putting more responsibility on your plate. 

Valerie Recore  5:16  
Right? Yeah, you're just taking so much on and you're thinking, well, I'm just going to do it because it needs to be done.

Marisa Huston  5:21  
Yeah. And for the other person, you're absolutely right. It's frustrating. Why bother? Why are you going to do it twice? I have to do it and then I see somebody else redo it. That doesn't make sense. So yeah, it's so frustrating that you just end up giving up. From this situation now. We know what we're defining it as, and we can understand and relate to the example that you shared, how do we address this, then? What are some things we can do so that we don't end up in that situation?

Valerie Recore  5:50  
We'll start with a mindset shift. Say you're putting the kids to bed, your partner's cleaning the kitchen, you come in the kitchens mostly done, but maybe the counters have not been wiped down, or that dining room table wasn't wiped down, or something wasn't done, and you grumble to yourself. Why can't he or she ever do this, right? So let's shift that a little bit where you come in, and you think, awesome, I just need to clean these glasses or just need to wipe down the counters. It's great that my partner did everything else. Same amount of work for you, very different attitude.

Marisa Huston  6:23  
In your mind, you're thinking, I'm not redoing it, I'm just making it better.

Valerie Recore  6:28  
You're just gonna finish it. They got distracted, or who knows what happened, the counters were wiped down. It happens. Not the end of the world. Just do it and let's move on instead of grumbling about it. So being kind of aware of that when you're looking at these things. So, I read this study that men and women are equally messy, and that women have been conditioned to clean up more. You know, how many of us have shoved stuff in closets before company is coming over because we need our house to look spotless? Once I had kids, I had this attitude of if you're going to come over to my house and judge me for the state of my house, we are not friends. Because I am not going to take the energy to like clean before you come over. I'm going to pick up some things so you're not stepping on Legos. But my house is not going to be spotless before we have company. And I think it's this mindset shift again, of what is important to us? Is it spending time with friends, or having a spotless house for those friends to come to. And for me, it's spending time with people. So that mindset shift, and that awareness of it is a really big piece of it. And then you can from there also have conversations with people in your house about this. Hey, it is really important to me that this task is done this way. And maybe if it's really important to you, you're the one that's responsible for that task, and you don't get to grumble if nobody else does it.

Marisa Huston  7:48  
So communicating effectively. And you know, I was just thinking, as you were talking about the mindset thing, Valerie, is that the other way you can look at it is when you have a friend over and you're concerned a little bit that you don't want the house to look the way it is right now, you do want to tidy up. I look at it as, wow, this is gonna cause me to get on my game and spring clean or do something that I've been putting off for so long. And then I actually am thankful! At the end of it, I go, thank goodness I got a friend who came over because otherwise this would have been sitting there for six months and now I got it done. So it's really just putting a positive spin on your mindset. And then going back to what you were saying, communicating. Because often times I think in our minds, we think people get it, they understand us. But they really don't. If you don't share what it is that you're looking for and what's on your mind, how are they going to know? They're not. That's where the disconnect happens.

Valerie Recore  8:43  
Yeah, it's having those conversations. Let's be honest, they can be scary to start to have. But in the long run, I think they're beneficial for everybody in the house. And you can do that through family meetings. So sitting down with everybody in your family. And they can be short. Ours are five minutes. My kids have very short attention spans. And just discussing some of this stuff. What's going well? What would you like to see shift? And tasks? Who's doing what and how can we delegate that? And making sure that you're constantly talking about it. My husband loves to cook, I do not. So he's mostly been in charge of that. But every now and then I say, if you're really sick of ordering groceries or making dinner, let me know and we'll shift things. And then it might be on my end, you know, laundry or whatever that might be. It's having those conversations on a regular basis to make sure you're all on the same page. 

Marisa Huston  9:33  
You know, Valerie, thank you for really stressing that. Because I think that we think that if things are working a certain way that they have to stay that way. And sometimes when we're doing things we're going, wait a minute, I realized that I don't want to do the dishes anymore, so maybe I have to have a conversation and switch responsibilities. Maybe I can do something else and then he can help with this. And so you're not stuck with something just because you decided on it right now. You can play around with it and see what's working and what's not. And in order to figure that out, you have to talk to each other. 

Valerie Recore  10:05  
You do yeah. And getting your kids involved, too. So we've started having our kids put away their own dishes. We'll empty the dishwasher will put their dishes on the counter and they're responsible for putting stuff away. Well my oldest was really frustrated, because she felt like it was always her responsibility to do it. My younger daughter, she's five and didn't want to do it. Like she won't do anything unless it's her idea. And this really annoyed my older daughter. And so we sat down and came up with a plan, where each day, one of the kids is in charge of the dishes. And we wrote it out on the calendar so there's no argument over it, we don't have to remember who did it last time. The calendar tells us. And so now we know. And both kids got on board, they came up with this idea together. And now everybody's happy. And my youngest will put the dishes away now because she knows it's her day. That's her thing. And so, just these little simple things. And these are young kids having this conversation, and we're not putting away all of the dishes, and they're helping and participating in the family. And we can revisit that. Whatever change of season is going on things shift. And it's okay to have those conversations of okay, it's a new school year, it's a new season, let's re examine who's in charge of what. What is going to shift? As your kids get older, they can have more responsibility about household stuff, and less for mom and dad to do. Whatever that looks like. But talk about it on a regular basis, so that everybody knows what's going on.

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Marisa Huston  12:19  
Yeah, I think that communication is so huge. And not being afraid to set preliminary expectations, but then be able to adjust it based on that communication. It's just key. I think that's why we hesitate sometimes because we're not clear on what those expectations are. But then we're also fearful that okay, if I have been told that my responsibility going forward is doing laundry and then after a year, I decide I really don't like laundry, and I don't want to do this anymore. Does that mean I'm dropping the ball because nobody else will take it on? Or can I take something else on and maybe somebody else will pick this one up? There shouldn't be any hesitation to have that dialogue with your family?

Valerie Recore  12:58  
Absolutely. It should not all be on one person and like, doling out the tasks. You're a team. Regardless of who is in your household, whether you are a single parent, whether you have kids, whoever lives in your house, you are a team to keep this house functioning. And you all need to be on the same page and you all need to be working together. It's not just we're going to help mom make this happen. We're all doing this together. The third one will be really just knowing your priorities. Spotlessly clean kitchen every night is a priority if spending time with a family is important. If you are integrating a full time job outside of the home, as well as everything else at home, what needs to happen on a daily basis to keep things functioning, and then being able to let go of the things that don't need to happen that day. So you're not wearing yourself out every day getting your house spotlessly clean every day. Getting all your work, emails taken care of. Like whatever that looks like. Knowing what are the key things you need to take care of each day. And whoever else in your family fits in with that. What are those tasks you all need to do together? And part of that, too, was just what is your level of expectation of what the house looks like each night, and how many tasks have been done? Where you with your work tasks? However, that looks like. So there are times where I'm perfectly fine with dishes being on my counter because I'm tired. I do not want to empty the dishwasher right now to deal with it. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I'm taking the night off. And there are other times where I'm thinking, my future self is going to be really happy if I just deal with this right now. And then I'll just take care of it. So just being aware it's going to change,. Just being aware of what those daily things are that need to happen and what your priorities are.

Marisa Huston  14:48  
Yeah, and taking into account that there are also like you said seasons, right? In the summertime, you're going to have different things you have to worry about around the house, like mowing the lawn for example, that you wouldn't have to worry about in the wintertime. Things always change. During the holidays, maybe you have this whole thing or ritual about how you prepare for holiday season. Those are going to be tasks you don't normally do throughout the year. So just understand that change is okay and make those adjustments. And setting those expectations is really what is key. And if you do that on a consistent basis, you should be heading in the right direction. 

Valerie Recore  15:21  
Absolutely, that's perfect. 

Marisa Huston  15:23  
What is something that our listeners can do right now? Some quick activity or action that they can take on that might help them get closer to being more successful with their delegation.

Valerie Recore  15:37  
So this is one of my favorite things. I have done this with my own family. We still use this activity on a semi regular basis. This is taking a stack of blank index cards or three by five note cards and on each note card, you are going to write a task that is done around the house. So it might be cleaning the sinks, dusting, putting away laundry, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the microwave, whatever it might be. You could expand it to other tasks like scheduling, doctor's appointments, or something else that needs to happen that isn't just a household chore. You're going to write down all of these tasks, and every task gets its own index card or note card. And then you're going to sit down with your family and start by putting in front of the person who does what. Dad may get a few, kids might get some, whatever that looks like. But most of them are likely going to end up in front of the head of the household, whoever that is. And that can be your starting point for having a conversation about does this seem fair? Is this okay? And if not, what should this look like? So we will pull stuff out for what are the cleaning tasks that need to happen this weekend or this week, and my kids will choose them. They like to help dust. My five year old likes to help with laundry. So just little things, and you get them involved and you make it fun. We all think of household chores as boring, which they can be. But put on some fun music, put on an audible book and do it together. Make it fun. Dance around your house as you're cleaning. Whatever that looks like. But this index card activity will help you figure out how to pass things on to other people. How to get everybody in the household involved.

Marisa Huston  17:20  
That sounds like a very easy project. And something that is going to make a huge impact down the road. I think that the visual will help us see things better. We think in our heads, we know what needs to happen in the house. But then as you start writing things down, and then you put them in front of people, you go, oh my gosh, I didn't realize I had 50 things. Everybody else only has three. And I didn't even know if these 50 things are necessary. It's very eye opening, isn't it?

Valerie Recore  17:49  
It is I felt like that could be a whole other podcast on the things that we're doing whether they're necessary or not, right? How many things are we doing that we think we need to do? But when we really take the time to look at it like oh, that's actually really not something anybody needs to do. We should just let that go.

Marisa Huston  18:04  
Yeah, absolutely. Prioritizing your list as well is part of that. And I think this activity is definitely going to help. If people want to learn more about what you do, Valerie, and how they can reach you where do they go?

Valerie Recore  18:17  
They can find me on social media. Home Most Simple. I am on LinkedIn, and Instagram and Facebook. And then I have my website, you can come read all about what I do and past blog posts that cover all of these topics in more detail. Everything that we talked about today, I support my clients in implementing in their lives and building those skills and habits to delegate their tasks and to build kind of a better relationship with time, if you will. How are we managing all of the stuff that we have on our plate? And I do that through a virtual community called Chaos Contained, that is not on social media. It's a separate platform. It's a community designed for women to really dive into this stuff. Figure out how to take some tangible pieces into their lives, support each other of the hey, I've got this going on, what do you recommend? And we've all been through this stuff. So let's talk about it together and shift it in our own worlds and support each other through it. You can come and check out the virtual community and we'll cover all of this stuff, and even more moving forward.

Marisa Huston  19:21  
Fantastic. And what is your website, Valerie?

Valerie Recore  19:24  
It is www.homemostsimple.com. You can find links to all of this to my virtual community, to my newsletter, to Facebook, everything else to connect with me.

Marisa Huston  19:34  
I have to say I really love the title of your community because we do feel like it's chaos. And I know that oftentimes we just get frustrated because we're trying to do too much and there are solutions. And I really love the fact that you are helping people understand that there's a way out of this. That then you can solve these problems, but you need to do it together and you really need to think about some activities that you can do to get there. You start with awareness but at the end of it, you got to take action and do little things that are going to get you to where you need to go. And I think that's exactly what you're doing. And I thank you so much for sharing this with us today.

Valerie Recore  20:14  
You're welcome. Thank you for having me. This has been fun.

Marisa Huston  20:17  
That's a wrap for this episode of Live Blissed Out. Thanks for listening, and thanks to Valerie Recore for joining us on the show. If you have a question or comment for a future episode, all you have to do is go to www.speakpipe.com/lbovm, or click the link in the show notes to leave a brief audio message. If you find value in our show, please visit www.liveblissedout.com to reach out, subscribe and share on social media. This show is made possible through listeners like you. Thank you. So long for now and remember to keep moving forward!