070 - Negotiating With Intentionality

Marisa Huston  0:00  
Welcome to Episode 70 on the Live Blissed Out podcast. Did you know that according to research from Glassdoor 68% of women accepted the salary they were initially offered and did not negotiate? Hello action takers! Welcome to Live Blissed Out. A podcast where I have inspirational and informational conversations with business owners and subject matter experts to help us get the scoop and the lowdown on a variety of topics. Tired of hesitating or making decisions without having the big picture? Wanna be in the know? Then this is the place to go. I'm your host Marisa Huston. Helping achieve bliss through awareness and action. Thanks for joining me. The information opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast are for general information only. And any reliance on the information provided in this podcast is done at your own risk. This podcast should not be considered professional advice. Joining me is Kelly Beaudoin. Kelly's coaching philosophy is grounded in her professional background as a leader in the hospitality industry and as an entrepreneur, working with women led women owned businesses. For 30 years, her passion for serving women has made her a top performer in this competitive space. To learn more, visit www.kelley beaudoincoaching.com. Kelley, welcome to the show. 

Kelley Beaudoin  1:27  
I'm excited and honored. So thank you.

Marisa Huston  1:29  
I am really looking forward to talking about the topic we're going to be discussing which is negotiating with intentionality. What exactly is negotiation and why is it important to negotiate in our lives? 

Kelley Beaudoin  1:43  
So the simple definition would be a discussion that's aimed at reaching an agreement. So an exchange between two parties, and there is a desired outcome on behalf of both parties. Negotiation, it's something that we do every day, multiple times a day. Whether it's with our colleagues, our peers, our clients, our children, our friends, our family, there's always a way that you have to navigate through an exchange. And so negotiation is something that I think is it's not an innate quality, it's a muscle that you have to really develop and take the time to create the skill. But it's something that's so incredibly important throughout one's life, so that you can navigate things and really advocate on your behalf. 

Marisa Huston  2:28  
Many of us don't think about the fact that we do negotiate. We have our own perception, I guess of what negotiation is. For example, when I was a kid, and I used to go to the wet market with my mom, and she would buy fruits and vegetables, she loved to negotiate. She wanted to go to her favorite kiosks and when she'd see a price, she knew that the prices were not firm. So she enjoyed that process of negotiating to see if they could offer a better deal for whatever items that she wanted. And I used to feel horrified. I would hide behind her going Mom, why are you doing that? She goes, no, this is the way they do it. Nobody pays the prices that you see at the kiosk. But of course, there's certain places where that's not appropriate. How do we know when it is appropriate to negotiate? Is it just something that happens organically? Or are there certain things that we need to look out for to determine whether or not that particular situation is something that is okay, in terms of negotiating? 

Kelley Beaudoin  3:27  
You know, I think there's always opportunities for negotiation. If someone's seeking a desired outcome, negotiation will come into play. And I think one of the most critical pieces when it comes to negotiation, you know, you referenced your mom, that was kind of an art to her. This is something that she really enjoyed. You know, a lot of people it's really an uncomfortable skill and I think what's really important to put in action is you have to create an equitable outcome. So when you're going into any negotiation, it's really imperative that both parties, they don't feel like there's disparity, they feel like there's equity on both parts, and they leave and they feel whole. If that doesn't happen, the outcome is not going to be favorable. I negotiate for a living and I always think about how I'm going to appeal to the person that I'm having the conversation with, and what is it that's really important to them, that's going to create a visceral response that they're going to be compelled to want to support what I'm requesting. And so going in with that mindset, oftentimes people negotiate and it's just one sided. And if that's the intention moving forward, it's not going to be a favorable outcome. 

Marisa Huston  4:34  
That's a good point. So it's kind of a play between two people. But then how do you know when you're being too aggressive? Like are there signs we need to look out for so you know that the other person isn't being offended by whatever negotiation you're trying to get out of the conversation? 

Kelley Beaudoin  4:50  
Yes. And I think what's interesting is that men go into negotiations with conviction. They're very confident there's no apprehension whereas women often can be pensive and apprehensive and have a lot of trepidation because of the perception and because of the potential backlash. And when I referenced this, it's really relative to business because the perception out there is that women who are aggressive, they can be difficult to work with, and the ramifications can be great. So there is a delicate balance. And I think when I approach any negotiation, I'm really mindful of my intuition, and energetically what I'm feeling, and I try to be really thoughtful about how I approach it. So if a person's voice is heightened, I'm more inclined to reposition the question. I always encourage people to go into the approach that you cannot be responsible for the way the person shows up. But you have the ability to be cognizant at the way that you deliver your message. And so aggressive, I think, is something that's an overused term, I think in negotiations, there needs to be a sense of parody between the parties, and they need to feel like the cadence is such that you know what i'm here we're having an equal conversation and there's a level of respect. As soon as someone becomes aggressive in the dialogue, there's an inequity that occurs. And so I always encourage people be assertive, but assertive doesn't necessarily equate to aggressiveness. Be very thoughtful about what you're positioning, be mindful of the language you choose. Oftentimes people will use language, you know, well, if you know, maybe you'll think of or would you. It needs to be more definitive. And you can do that with confidence, not arrogance, and in a way that is not daunting or not perceived as someone who is overly assertive. 

Marisa Huston  6:41  
What happens if we don't negotiate? So for example, I hear a lot that women tend to fear negotiation, and because they do they tend to avoid it. And so what are the consequences of that? 

Kelley Beaudoin  6:55  
Oh, my goodness, there's so many I mean, missed opportunity. every aspect of your life. Self Advocacy is something that has to be a developed skill. And generally, men and women are not trained and educated to negotiate. It's not something that we learn early in life. But women, I think there's a perception of wanting to be well received, wanting to be agreeable. With men, it's different. They don't care. So I'm generalizing. Emotively, they're not as concerned as women are, in terms of the perception of the delivery.

Marisa Huston  7:25  
You know I was thinking, as you were talking, Kelley, that you don't get what you don't ask for. And I think that sometimes we think asking or bringing something up, that may not be obvious is rude. And we don't want to come across as rude or not thoughtful. You need to ask. It's really important. If it's on your mind, and it's something that you're curious about, or you'd like to know, if there even is an option, then asking can open up so many doors. You know, so for example, if you were sitting down with your boss, and you were negotiating, let's say, your salary, what does it hurt to ask and say, can we work with this or that? And then perhaps there are opportunities that you would have never known about had you not had the conversation. But I think that we tend to avoid that conversation and as a result, then it's not just going to come to us. They're not going to just offer it to us unless we bring it up, right? 

Kelley Beaudoin  8:14  
Oh, absolutely. To your point, you know, discussing negotiation around whether it's a promotion or salary increase...I work with clients that we negotiate multi million dollar contracts with hotels globally. It is my responsibility to do my due diligence for my clients and whenever I'm navigating in any aspect throughout my life, and I meet someone, I feel as though in conversation or an exchange, I want that to show up. Because to me, it shows that a person values, their position, they value what they can bring, and many employers that are out there, if a person doesn't ask the question, or advocate on behalf of themselves in the interview, they're not going to be called back. Because that is a skill that people now are seeking. Because it's something that we do. It's a thread that is throughout whatever we do, whether it's in life with business and personal life, it's something that is such an instrumental part of everyday exchange that a lot of employers are expecting people to ask for a salary or to ask for an increase. And there's some statistics out there about that. According to business, insider 84% of hiring managers expect some form of negotiation. So that's a really compelling number. And I can set a number of people that I know and pose the question, did you ask for an increase? And one out of 10 will say yes. These are people that are in my social networks and business networks. And again, it's because of fear of backlash, or how do I share a compelling story about who I am that creates value, that the person is going to be inclined to make the offer. 

Marisa Huston  9:53  
And it's just missed opportunity. It's a conversation. Having that conversation is going to get us closer to meeting our objectives. So it really is a win win to have the dialogue and negotiate as opposed to ignore it. What are some negotiation strategies that people can start to apply, like some do's and dont's that we need to be thinking about in order to be effective when it comes to negotiation? 

Kelley Beaudoin  10:17  
Well, I believe there are five. These can be implemented by men and women. I tend to focus on women. My why in life aside from my son is to serve women. And so I've developed five core competencies, if you will, or ideas to think about in any form of negotiation. And I think the most important piece before you have any exchange is to really be thoughtful and intentional about what you're seeking. And so getting into that mind space around, this is what my desired outcome is, and this is what my plan is, and this is what I'm going to do to appeal to that person that I'm seeking this outcome from. So mindfulness would be the first piece. Mindfulness around your energy. How are you showing up? Are you affirmative in your discussion? Or are you using language that is, can I? or would you ? rather than this is what I'm seeking and I've done my due diligence. I recognize that people in the same position that I hold, generate X amount of revenue a year and this is what I'd like you to consider. Rather than, would you think about maybe increasing my salary by 5%. But that's okay. If you don't. I understand if you can't. And it sounds silly, what I'm sharing but what I'm sharing is not uncommon. Stepping back. So really being mindful of the language, and how you're showing up the EQ piece, the emotional intelligence. Being really thoughtful and pausing. Because oftentimes, when we get nervous, both men and women, we can start to speak really rapidly and that doesn't instill any sense of confidence in the person that you're trying to deliver this message to. getting a sense of energy, how do you want to show up? I want to be affirmative, I already know what my desired outcome is and I think that's one of the strategies as well is. Whenever I go into a negotiation, I see what the outcome is. And that permeates the entire discussion that I have with this individual or individuals. And the cadence is such that it's not overwhelming. It's not me being overly assertive. It's me being confident. But throughout that process, as well, it's really important that I've done my due diligence. I need to show the value. And many people go into a negotiation, not prepared. You put yourself in a position to fail. Bring data in. Bring tangible details that you can share and speak intelligently with the person that you're having this discussion with, because that shows that a you're educated that B you believe in your self worth and what you bring to the organization. But also don't speak in "I." It's more about this is what we'll do with my department as a result of x. Yes, you're interviewing or Yes, you're asking for a salary, but people are going to receive it much more favorably if you show how it incorporates into the entire company or into the culture of the organization, and what attributes that you have. They're going to resonate within the organization. 

Marisa Huston  13:17  
How are you going to provide value to the organization and their objectives? 

Kelley Beaudoin  13:23  
Absolutely. When I say this, and I might say this repeatedly, but it's about how you appeal. You want a win win outcome and so going in with these are the reasons why I deserve it, it's not necessarily the right approach. It's these are the value adds that I bring, and the longevity that I have with the organization and the cultural component and alignment that I have. Step into your power. And I say this for women in particular, because women have a hard time asking for what they need and want. I don't think that's a generalization. I think that is a truth for most women, because that's what we do. We're nurturers, we take care of people, we're caregivers. And so asking for what you want, and feeling really good about this is who I am. This is what I bring forth. When I say step into your power it's not having the ego rule, the conversation. It's step into your power from a place of service. How are you going to serve? How are you going to show up. I shared early on about equitability? And that's a key component. So go in with what you're seeking. People in negotiations, they'll tend to, I'll give an example. Let's say somebody's seeking a salary increase, and they really want a salary increase of $6000. And they go in, and they'll say, this is what I'm seeking. I'm seeking a $6,000 increase. Well, you don't go in with what you're seeking. because inevitably, you want an equitable outcome. The person is going to go back and they might say, you know what, I can't do six, but I can do four. So you want to start higher, because they're going to feel good. If you ask for 10 and you get your six they're happy because they decrease the outcome by $4000 and you are where you want it to be and question how we should position, or posture, what that looks like. Always know that in any negotiation, have some flexibility and the way that I always envision is always go high, because then you can move down. So if you're seeking one number, like I mentioned, $6000, don't start at $6000 because you might get $3000. 

Marisa Huston  15:25  
And you mentioned it previously, you said create a win win situation. Well, that's exactly what you're doing, because you're still getting what you want but so are they.

Kelley Beaudoin  15:32  
Absolutely, you start to create a bit of momentum. We're talking about salaries and things of that nature and compensation and oftentimes, people equate compensation with just salary. But it's not. There's so many other aspects to compensation. It could be working from home, it could be going back to school, it could be getting an extra paid weeks vacation, or it could be a bonus, and transportation costs. There's so many pieces to it. You know, I just want to share that we often have a narrow view of what we're seeking, and it generally will fall around the salary piece. So be thoughtful about all the possibilities around compensation, and what that would entail. So we have mindfulness step into your power, equitability, which we just discussed, and then value and due diligence. Be prepared. Know the facts. Make sure you bring data in that can back up what you're speaking and share in terms of how you can create value to the organization or to whatever negotiation it is, but how that impacts the we. And so it's not just a insular desire, it's, this is what I'm going to extend and this is how I'm going to serve. And make sure you're prepared. Many people go into negotiations, and they're not prepared. And as soon as they start, it does not go in their favor, because a person who is in that exchange will know that within a matter of seconds, because they have nothing to draw on. They can't pull from any data of facts to be able to support what they're advocating for. So the fifth one is gratitude. Before you start the conversation, and step into the act of negotiation, be grateful for the opportunity, be grateful for being able to step into a place where you can advocate on your behalf. Negotiation is a skill that takes time, it takes a lot of experience.

Marisa Huston  17:26  
You got to practice it's like anything else, right? If you don't apply it, how do you get good at it? 

Kelley Beaudoin  17:30  
Exactly. And I think it's just for me, it's like an energetic shift so that I'm coming from a place of gratitude. And so I think that also helps in terms of the way that I am received. So if I'm coming from a place of gratitude, I'm not going to be perceived as aggressive, or overly assertive. I'm going to be perceived as someone who just appreciates the opportunity to have the discussion, to have the exchange. And I've used that word, and that is one word to describe who I am. I live in a constant state of it and I do know that it has been instrumental in every negotiation that I have. And I always end my negotiation, regardless of what the outcome is, with Thank you. I'm grateful that you gave me the opportunity to share what I was seeking. And I think we don't think about that, right? We're just thinking about what's the desired outcome, and not okay, I'm already at the outcome, I already have it. And now I need to stay in that space of gratitude. And the person who is in this exchange with me is going to feel good about it. They know that you recognize their position, and that they gave you the opportunity to share what your vision is, and your desire. 

Marisa Huston  18:42  
Yeah, Kelley, and you know, mindset is so important. I think that we are fearful of the no. And I think that's human nature. When you're asking for something or you're having a conversation and somebody says no, it's a very negative feeling and you feel like you somehow did something wrong. So I'll give you an example. Let's say you go to a store, and you find something that you wanted to get for a really long time. And now you have an opportunity to get it at a lower price. Maybe the box is damaged, or there's something off with the product. You have two choices, you either take it to the counter and pay the price and say nothing about it. Or you can go and ask them and say hey, listen, I noticed this box is slightly damaged and so I was wondering, is there an additional discount that I could benefit from to get this today? And what's the worst that can happen? If they say, No, we don't give discounts for that, then Okay, great, then you can decide at that point, if you're going to get it as is. Or they might say, you know, I'm glad you brought that up because we do. We actually give an extra 15% discount for this. Does that work for you? And now you won. I think that in our minds, though, we're afraid to even mention it because we come across as Oh, we're trying to take advantage of the business and trying to get a lower price. But really, it's already in their policy. So all you're really doing is verifying if that's something that they're willing to do for you, and then it becomes a win win. They're able to give you what they already would have anyway, and you got a better deal out of it. And that in itself is negotiation, isn't it? 

Kelley Beaudoin  20:10  
It is indeed. And I think you know, what I will share is that everything is negotiable. Keep that in mind. We talked about on the business side, yet, everything's negotiable. You can have a conversation and pose a question and you won't know, as you mentioned, what the outcome is, if you don't ask. And so much is left on the side.

Marisa Huston  20:31  
They're not compelled to ask.

Kelley Beaudoin  20:33  
Exactly, there's trepidation around asking, because of what you just mentioned.

Marisa Huston  20:37  
You know, as well, as I do, even in business today. Let's say you're using a service in your home. Oftentimes, they're built around you having to call them every year to renegotiate your fee. Whatever it is, you're paying on a monthly basis, if you don't call them, they'll keep charging you that and the rates keep going higher. But if you call them and you say, hey, I thought I got this special rate last year, and now it's getting so much higher than I anticipated. Is there something you can do for me and nine times out of 10? They'll go Yeah, great you called. We actually have a special right now until we can drop it by another 30 bucks a month or whatever. But if you don't ask you don't get right? It's as simple as that. 

Kelley Beaudoin  21:13  
No, absolutely. 

Marisa Huston  21:14  
We have to think that this is normal. That this is not a bad thing. This is actually something that can work for both parties. You just need to start feeling more comfortable to be open about what you want, and ask. And then, of course, as you said, there are skills that you have to start to develop along the way, based on those five strategies that you just shared. And if you start applying them and taking baby steps, maybe go out and negotiate one thing today and see how that turns out for you and apply it, then you'll start to get more confidence. And then you'll be able to get better and better at it. 

Kelley Beaudoin  21:51  
Yes, because he goes become pervasive. And as soon as ego or fear come into the exchange, you just have to move beyond that. Because oftentimes, it's expected. And I love what you just mentioned about calling the utility company. It's even as simple as just saying, like you mentioned, would you be amenable to reducing the price by $10? It's as simple as that. I would be grateful if you could reduce the price by $10. 

Marisa Huston  22:17  
Yeah. And it's so surprising what you come out with. It usually works. If you don't, then you're just continuing to pay more than most people are because the other people are actually doing it. Because they already know that that's kind of part of the deal. So you're losing out on opportunities. And we're going back to what are the consequences if we don't negotiate, and that's a big deal there is you're losing out on opportunities, if you don't at least try. 

Kelley Beaudoin  22:43  
Exactly 

Marisa Huston  22:44  
How do people learn more about you, who you serve and how do they get a hold of you? 

Kelley Beaudoin  22:50  
Thank you so they can learn more about me by going to my website, which is www.kelleybeaudoincoaching.com. I provide business, life coaching and negotiation coaching. I'm an entrepreneur, and I've been in business for 13 years, and I've been in the hospitality industry for over 30 years. My business is geared towards women. My why is to serve women and to elevate and to inspire and to empower, and it's been my life's work. It's an honor to be a conduit, and to be a witness to one's narrative. I'm in passioned about what I do. And I'm just grateful that you gave me the opportunity to visit with you and your audience today. 

Marisa Huston  23:32  
I am so grateful for you to be here. I think this is such an important topic. If we just shift our mindsets a little bit ee can get better at this. We can all benefit from it. Thank you so much, Kelley for sharing this with us today. 

Kelley Beaudoin  23:46  
Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you again. 

Marisa Huston  23:48  
That's a wrap for this episode of Live Blissed Out. Thanks for listening and thanks to Kelley Beaudoin for being my guest. If you have a question or comment for a future episode, all you have to do is go to www.speakpipe.com/lbovm, or click the link in the show notes to leave a brief audio message. If you find value in our show, please visit www.liveblissedout.com to reach out, subscribe and share on social media. This show is made possible through listeners like you. Thank you. So long for now and remember to keep moving forward!