032 - 24x7 Relationship Survival Guide

Marisa:   0:00
This is Episode 32 on the Live Blissed Out Podcast. Did you know that during an argument, if your heart rate goes past 100 beats per minute, you aren't able to hear what your partner's trying to tell you? Hello Action Takers.! Welcome to Live Blissed Out. A podcast where I have authentic conversations with business owners and subject matter experts help us get the scoop, the 411 and the low down on a variety of topics. Tired of hesitating or making decisions without having the big picture? Wanna be in the know?  Then this is the place to go. I'm your host, Marisa Huston. Helping achieve bliss through awareness and action. Thanks for joining me. The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast are for general information only, and any reliance on the information provided in this podcast is done at your own risk. This podcast should not be considered professional advice. Today's episode is sponsored by Audible, where you can find audiobooks and exclusive audible originals. Just head over to my personal link at www.audibletrial.com/liveblissedout to receive your 30 day free trial, a free audiobook of your choice, and a commitment free guarantee. I highly recommend checking out Let go - How to transform Moments of Panic into a Life of Profits and Purpose by Pat Flynn. You can also click on the link in the show notes to let Audible know I sent you and help support the show. Thanks to Audible for sponsoring this episode and allowing me to share this great offer with my listeners. My guest, Gayla Wick, Denver Love coach, author and speaker is the creator of the highly acclaimed It's All About You Love coaching program. Once a true love skeptic Gayla shows those who've been disappointed in love, how to move past pain and struggle to attract an authentic love relationship. She's the author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love, a transformational Four Step Process. In her book, she shares the secret recipe for how to attract and sustain the love relationship you've always wanted but may believe isn't possible. Information about her coaching service's. book, videos and blog can be found on her website at www.gaylawick.com. Hey Gayla. So great to have you here today to talk to you about being together 24x7 in a relationship at home.

Gayla:   2:18
I am so excited to be here with you today. Thank you so much.

Marisa:   2:22
Well, as you know, the dynamic has changed. Now we are in a situation where we're spending most of the day at home, and it's unusual for a lot of us because think about it. We get up in the morning and one couple will go to work or one of them may stay home or maybe they both go to work. There's the routine that we are used to going through, and now that's completely changed. And we're now faced in a situation where we wake up and we look at each other and we're like, okay, we're stuck in this home 24x7 and that there are things that are changing in the way we manage our relationships, and there are some challenges that we're dealing with. So I am really looking forward to talking to you about what those pain points are. How have things changed in today's world that we're faced with, and then what are some things that we can do to address it?

Gayla:   3:12
Well, I am excited to talk about this today because, of course I'm in the same situation as so many people. My husband has been working from home now for the past, actually four weeks, and it's something that I'm not used to. So even though I love and adore him and I'm the love coach and we have a great relationship, I have to admit that I've wanted to strangle him a few times myself. So you're not alone. I want everyone who's listening, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're married or whether you're dealing with children or parents. I want you to know that you are not alone and this is tough stuff. I think there's just this underlying anxiety that we have. I think we're all trying to make the best of a very tough situation. But the reality is we're in our homes or apartments and we're together 24x7 and our routine has gone out the window.

Marisa:   4:12
It's really about change. It's dealing with a situation that's very different from what we're used to.

Gayla:   4:17
Absolutely, and so I hope that during the course of the call today that I can be helpful and gives some really helpful tips on how to handle things with ourselves and our partners that were with because I think the first step is really to just acknowledge that we're with another person or persons. And first of all, we probably have different expectations of how this thing of being together, 24x7 is going to go and having differing expectations, really can set  the groundwork for conflict if we don't talk about what those differing expectations are. I know some of us are also occupying a small space. Relatively speaking, there are people trying to do this in a studio apartment. I know I have a niece whose partner is working in their studio apartment, and there's a real lack of space there. I mean, I'm fortunate I have a house. We started out basically with my husband sitting at the kitchen table, since he's not used to working from home, and if he does do a few projects, he sits at the kitchen table. Well, I happen to want to get out of my office, and I was sitting on the couch working on my laptop, and it became apparent right away that it was kind of annoying that he was sitting at the kitchen table where I could see him, and we quickly realized okay, this is not gonna work. So he went upstairs and created a little office for himself upstairs. And fortunately, my office is downstairs, so we still love each other, and we're still speaking, and we've worked it out.

Marisa:   5:53
And that's the thing, too, is that you have to adjust because, as you mentioned, you're trying to find the right space to be in because you haven't had that defined area. And so now you're testing things out. You're going to the living room going, Oh, I don't think this is gonna work. I'm going to try this other space. I guess that also changes depending on how much space you have, because in close quarters you are limited in terms of where you can go.

Gayla:   6:16
Oh, absolutely. And recognizing that our partners may have a different need for space than you do. So that's another possible area where there can be conflict. You can actually not mean to, but you can get in each other's way trying to fix some food or get a snack. Another thing that I think is really going on is sometimes we feel kind of upset or down or aggravated or maybe even mad. We have a fear of expressing those emotions. And so I want to talk today about how to avoid getting in that situation. We also may have kind of a very different idea on how we're gonna handle this overall thing. I know when we first started out here, my husband's very involved in the crisis management team at his work. And so the topic of the virus was on the top of his mind all the time. And when he would come downstairs, it was a constant topic of conversation until we decided to handle it differently. And so one person in the partnership may have a need to know okay, What's going on now? What are we supposed to do now? What did the governor say? What's happening in our state? How many people are ill? Are we stay at home? And the other person may feel like you know what? I can't deal with this constant barrage of information.

Marisa:   7:38
Yeah, they almost want to check out, right? Like, just separate themselves from the news because it could be a downer for some people.

Gayla:   7:44
Absolutely. And so, just knowing that your partner may have a very different need for information and want to handle it differently. That's a place to start to begin to figure out. Okay, now that we're here together and you can't go down the street to the neighbor's house to even Mom's house, how are we gonna handle that? I think also really one of the biggest pain points, especially for people who've lost their jobs. who have been furloughed. There are people who are not even getting paid. The arguments about money. What are we gonna do now? What are we going to spend money on? How are we gonna budget? Real differences of opinion about what should be purchased and what can wait?

Marisa:   8:23
Exactly Because we're talking about a different way of dealing with things right now because this isn't the norm. And so then if you're not getting the same income coming in and things have changed drastically, then you've got to make some hard decisions, and we're not always on the same page.

Gayla:   8:40
I have seen that so many times in my coaching business about love and love relationships that sometimes you don't even know that you're not on the same page until there's a crisis situation, and then you're stressed and your partner's stressed and you're thinking, well, they should know better than that. Well, they don't because you all never really talked about it. And so, of course, money, sex and children are the top three reasons that couples end up separating and divorcing. And so now those topics are even more front of mind in the situation that we're in, because I think we all have to admit we're in a tough time. We're in a challenging  challenging time right now.

Marisa:   9:25
And something that none of us have ever even thought of dealing with, much less lived through.

Gayla:   9:30
Exactly. I don't know, in my wildest imagination, I could not have come up with this. I know 10 years ago we were dealing with H1N1. There was a lot of talk and a lot of preparation and again I'm fortunate that my husband was on a pandemic preparation team, and so he knows a lot, but most of us, that's not anything that would occur to us. And so we didn't know that we really needed to plan extensively, and we didn't know that it could come down to what it's come down to for us now. This is pretty dramatic. As Americans, we love to get out. We love to go do things, especially Coloradans here. We love to be out. We love to socialize. I'm an introvert, but I'm really missing the social connection of being in the same space with someone and being able to touch them and hug them. Me, I'm a big hugger. I really have hated the whole hand shaking thing for some time now. I would rather hug somebody, and so I don't know what's gonna happen. I think I'm going to go on a hug fest when this is all over with.

Marisa:   10:30
And the other thing, too, is that when we do have to do errands that are necessary, like maybe we have to go to the store to pick food up, it's eerily strange to drive out there or even walk to the store and see no one. We're used to fighting traffic and people rushing and cutting in front of you, and now there's just all the space in the world and it's just very strange. It's unusual for sure.

Gayla:   10:54
Yes, I actually did go out to the grocery store with my husband once. Normally he's taking on that duty, so both of us don't have to be out. But really, what I noticed is people don't want to look at you even. It made me sad. I wanted to just smile and say, We're gonna get through this. We don't need to be so morose around other people. I get it. But I think I just wanted to smile and send a little love their way because people seem so down. And I think part of it is again we didn't know we weren't prepared. We just need a little help on maybe how to handle things. Maybe things aren't great at home because there's all this tension, maybe even arguing about all of those things that I mentioned before. But I think money is sort of top of mind right now for so many people. So I really wanted to talk today about things that I've seen work in the coaching business that I've had for about the last 10 years. I've seen some of the things really, really work for people and lessen the tension, so I thought it would be great to share with people who are in partnership. Whether you're married or not doesn't really matter. Even single people. If there any single people listening to the podcast, I want them to know this is a great place to learn some tips and some skills because you will be in a relationship.

Marisa:   12:16
Well, we all are in some sort of relationship. We are social creatures and we have to have relationships with people. We are dealing with a new norm now. A norm that we've never dealt with before. And now we know or we're at least relating to what you're saying. We understand what some things are that we're having to face. And now we're trying to figure out okay, how do we go about dealing with it now that we know we're in this situation?

Gayla:   12:41
Right. So let's get to that. The first thing that I want to really suggest is instead of making a lot of assumptions that we'll just figure it out with whoever or whomever we are with 24x7 is you know, I tell a lot of couples have a couple summit with the person or persons that you're with. And then by that I mean let's sit down and say, hey, let's all acknowledge that this is strange, this is new and let's make a point of just spending a little bit of time together and maybe talk about the things that we have to talk about. But let's just talk about some other, more fun things. And so, for example, my husband and I, we try to have a little breakfast together and talk about something other than this virus stuff and say, Hey, the sun is shining today It's so beautiful. Maybe later today we could go sit outside or take a short walk, even if it's around our patio. I know I'm fortunate enough to live on a cul de sac and you know, the neighbors air out and we're all respectful of the social distancing, but just to get outside. But just to make a plan. Here's what we're gonna do today, or do we need to go to the store? Or talk about something that we're reading. I know I like to read books. My husband likes to read books. You know, I'm in a better position right now to maybe read a book to get my mind off of it or Hey, our favorite TV show is on tonight. How about we plan dinner at this time? And how about we watch this show tonight?

Marisa:   14:19
Yeah, lighten the mood a little bit.

Gayla:   14:21
Yes. So that's really what I mean by saying, just be willing to sit down for 10 minutes, 15 minutes and just talk about something else and just connect and say okay, my husband tells me, okay I have a 10 o'clock conference call. You know, I have a one o'clock meeting. I have this report to write or this to do, and so I kind of know what he's doing. And I could say to him, okay. And I'm gonna be busy in my office. And just so you know, I have a two hour client coaching session from 10 to 12. That way he doesn't come knocking on the door and say, hey, do you want to eat lunch? And so it's just a simple connection. And you all can decide not to talk about the challenges and the stresses, but just to have a more lighthearted time. And that's what I think is  important every day just to have that little connection. Now, another thing I want to talk about is something called healthy fighting rules. I don't know about you, but I didn't grow up with anybody telling me that you needed to talk about how to have an argument or a fight. It just happens, right? So some people are very expressive. Some people are pouters and they want to just go away and not talk to the other person. And some people are yellers. And so there needs to be an understanding, especially between a couple that really loves each other. How are we gonna handle these conflicts? I did a series a few years ago called Healthy Fighting Rules. I'm thinking that it's probably time for me to do that again. And this time I think what I'm gonna do is instead of just writing a blog about the rules, I'm going to do some videos. Let's talk about some of them today. It's really important to sit down, I think with your partner and say, OK, what are we going to do? How are we gonna handle it when I'm really mad at you? You're really mad at me, or I'd really like to yell at you. But instead of doing that it's going back into being 12 years old, which is what most of us do when we get upset.

Marisa:   16:13
Because we let the emotions take over.

Gayla:   16:16
Exactly. Let's sit down and let's make some healthy fighting rules. So one of the first things that I tell people is remember, You know, you're a couple, you're on the same team. It's not about who's gonna win and who's gonna lose. That's one of the things you know as an aside, I really hate it when I'm watching something on television and there's a couple and there's something going on and somebody says, Oh, I won, I won. No. If your partner loses, you lose. I say to people, If you're competitive and you wanna be in a win, lose situation, save that for when you're playing a game. Know, my husband and I like to sit down and play a game of Scrabble every now and then, and of course, somebody's gonna win the game and somebody's gonna lose the game. I personally don't really take great joy in him losing. I kind of like to win. But I don't jump up and down and say I won, I won, I won because it's just not that important to me. I'm not hugely competitive. But I think in a relationship when there's an argument for someone to get excited about winning, you're really missing the point. You want to end up having a win win in as much as possible. So if you just remember, I suggested couples right at the top of your page. We're both on the same team, and that way I think people can remember. It's not about when lose.  It's like, Can we find a solution where both people can walk away and feel good about it?

Marisa:   17:40
Yes, I actually heard somebody say once that sometimes we as couples will say I helped you do X, Let's say like a spouse or partner was cleaning the house and then the other partner will say, well, I helped you. Well, that's not really very beneficial because they didn't help you. You're actually both supporting each other in the task. Theoretically, it's both of you together working on whatever it is that you're doing, and it's not necessarily the responsibility of one or the other. It's teamwork. And we lose sight of that sometimes and we think that one person is in charge of it and I just happen to be helping you. And I think that mind shift is very important to think about as well.

Gayla:   18:20
I agree with you totally which is why I love it when couples can remember you're on the same team. It's not about who did what. You're on the same team. The housework has to be done. The grocery shopping has to be done. Yes, sometimes one person does this and another person does that. But at the end of the day, it's about teamwork to support your household running. To support people, having food. To support people, having clean clothes to wear.

Marisa:   18:48
It's called responsibility and its responsibility that you both have to take control over. And like you said, some of us do more than other things, like one person may specialize in one area because they enjoy it more than the other. But at the end of the day, it all has to happen, and it doesn't happen without collaboration.

Gayla:   19:04
Absolutely. Another rule that I really suggest that people make is and this is tough for some people, but when there's a conflict that there's no name calling period. You should never, ever call the one you love a nasty name. It doesn't matter if you're angry. I mean, I tell adults you're not 12. You don't get to do that. There's no name calling period and there's no shouting. I mean, my husband and I talk about this. The only shouting that is permitted in our house is if someone is about to imminently be physically harmed or the house is on fire. That's it. I mean that's really it. I don't get to shout at him, and he doesn't get to shout at me now, sometimes, you know, we get a little  

Marisa:   19:47
Animated?  

Gayla:   19:48
I love that animated. And my husband will look at me if I'm raising my voice at all and say, Hey, remember who you're talking to and the same thing If he gets a little cranky or a little snippy, I just look at him and say, Hey, remember who you're talking to and that's it. That takes care of the whole thing like all Okay, honey, I'm sorry. And sometimes it's okay to take a breather. I have been known to say I'm really feeling crabby about what just happened. And so I am going upstairs to take a hot bath because I didn't want to talk to you right now, and that's okay. So you need to have your thing or my husband will say, I'm going outside and I'm gonna just take a walk around the patio and when we both feel better, we're gonna come back to this situation that we're not agreeing on and we're going to talk about it. And I will tell you, if you really want to connect with your partner something to do and I know it's hard to do. Sit down with your partner and hold hands. It's really hard to be mean and nasty to somebody when you're holding their hands.  

Marisa:   20:53
That's true.  

Gayla:   20:54
And just say, Look, honey, I really felt x y or z when you did this or you said this and just stick to your feeling, but do so when you're both calm enough. I think one of the misconceptions out there that I see a lot is that people feel like, Well, if I don't respond right away to something that he or she did or said or didn't do, I lose my opportunity to respond. That's really not true. You don't have to respond in the moment, and I really recommend don't respond in the moment, particularly if the thing that has occurred is super annoying to you.

Marisa:   21:30
Yes, and sometimes we need time to think about things. We really need to analyze our feelings and make sense of it. And when you react in the moment when it's not right, you are not able to really express your true feelings because you haven't even thought about it. You're just reacting emotionally.

Gayla:   21:47
Exactly, and your might say things that you wish you didn't say, and I think that happens a lot. One of the things that we talked about in our relationship is that if you keep on having these really unpleasant arguments, what you're really doing, potentially especially if you say things that are very hurtful, is that you're creating scars and if you create enough scars, they won't heal. Especially if you keep nagging at the same thing and keep creating that same scar, it isn't going to heal, and people may get to a point where they can forgive you for it, but you cannot take the words back. People remember the words, even though they might get to the point someday of really forgiving you it. Those words don't leave. And so in order to keep words from coming out of your mouth that you cannot put back in, I suggest people just take a little recess. Okay? We're not gonna talk about this right now because we're both really mad.

Marisa:   22:45
And when you're angry, you're focusing on the things that bother you or that particular situation that has upset you. But I think we often tend to overlook the things that we really love about each other, the things that we enjoy doing together or things that that person brings to the relationship that you have always appreciated. And we overlook that because in the moment you're just angry about whatever situation you're in.

Gayla:   23:09
You must be reading mind today because that's one of the points on my list. Stop yourself. And remember, I love this person. If it's your spouse or your partner. I'm in love with this person and take a minute to think about how it feels to be in love with this person and why you fell in love with them and even if it's someone else in your house that you're basically stuck with for 24x7 in an unusual way. Maybe it's a parent. Remember, you love this person. And if it's your children, you love these children. And so that can help to bring down the level of emotion and make you take a little deep breath and say, okay, I love them. And then you can ask yourself. Is this thing that really irritated me in the moment isn't really worth causing a big to do over?

Marisa:   23:56
You know, that gets me to thinking about. For example, my husband and I...I don't like cooking, but he does. That being said, we found a way to make it work because I've discovered that I liked  to sous chef.  I love getting the  ingredients and then him telling me, ok, chop this. This is how I need it prepared and getting that all put together. I enjoy that entire process. The part I don't like is cooking, which, ironically, he loved. And so then we're able to both do something together and complement each other and come up with the perfect dish because he does all the part that he likes to do, and I do the other part and it's teamwork and it works perfectly. And so I think sometimes it's just acknowledging that because oftentimes it takes us a while to even figure that out. It took many years before we discovered that each one of us likes something different in the process. And once we figured that out, it made the whole thing so much more enjoyable.

Gayla:   24:46
Absolutely. We do it the same way. And that's one of those topics that when you have your daily couples summit, you can say Hey, you know, now that we're together and things have changed, let's figure this out. What do you really like to do and what you really like to do? And then maybe we can share the things that neither one of us really like to do, and it feels so much better and lighter when you can say, Hey, we worked this out and now I get to do something I really like like sous chef, and I'm the same way. I do a lot of sous cheffing for my husband because he loves to do the cooking, and I am so thankful.

Marisa:   25:23
Me, too. I hear you. It really works. But until we figured that out, it became a challenge.  You know the recurring theme here is communication and awareness. Because we need to understand each other better. We both want to help each other out, but then we get frustrated because one is thinking a certain way and another one's thinking something else and you don't really know. And so part of that process is you're suggesting is set the ground rules that do a better job of talking to each other and helping each other understand the other person better so that then you can address whatever it is that is bugging you or a challenge that maybe you didn't have to deal with before. You can address it in a better way, and it all starts again with talking to each other and just really trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes and really being more aware. And I think more sensitive to the other person, given the fact that you are now confined together for extended periods of time.

Gayla:   26:18
Absolutely. Another thing I just wanted to share with folks is sometimes people think that this sounds selfish but I really encourage people to really take care of yourself first. And the reason I say that, especially women, we were raised to just be the caretakers and the caregivers. And to just give, give, give and make sure everybody has everything that they need until were are depleted. And I forget really, who said this. You can't give someone a drink from an empty cup, and so you really must learn to take care of yourself first. And when you're feeling like you need a break, it's really important to say Hey for me, I'm going to go take a very long hot bubble bath. I will be such a much better, more pleasant person to be around when I get down. And if I'm really having a day for myself, I say I like pouring myself a glass of wine and going up in taking a hot bath. Don't anyone bother me for a while.

Marisa:   27:17
And it's a balance because you want to also have time to relax and recharge your batteries. But then again, you have the responsibilities that you have to deal with. Like anything in life, it's very important balance things because if you don't and you abuse one or the other than it never works out in your favor. So just being cognizant of the fact that you know having that time setting aside that time and being very purposeful in how you communicate and what your needs are and vice versa listening all of those things are going to ensure that everybody's on the same page, we're all respectful of each other, and we all know that were in this together. This is going to pass at some point. We don't know if this is going to have a long term impact in how we continue our relationships going forward. There maybe changes. It's really about being aware, respectful and also letting people know how you feel not being afraid to express those feelings and share. Because if you bottle it up and you don't tell people what you're feeling, they can't read your mind. And then that's a recipe for disaster, isn't it?

Gayla:   28:20
It is a huge recipe for disaster, and it really causes so many unnecessary flare ups. And that's what you really want to avoid is stuffing things to the point where you explode and also I really encourage people to remember, you might think that you know what someone else is thinking, but you actually don't.

Marisa:   28:40
Exactly. It's quite fascinating, actually, when you do have the dialogue, because then they'll express something to you that you never would have considered. And that's so telling and your going...Oh, my goodness. I was looking at it from a totally different perspective, and I didn't know they were thinking that.

Gayla:   28:54
Exactly. And it just can avoid again it can avoid the ultimate craziness and slamming doors and people behaving in a crazy way that later you're gonna really regret. Couple other really quick things that I recommend to people is we are in a unique situation in that we have time that we didn't have before because we were busy running around and now we're not doing that. And so talk about doing something together, even if it's a mundane thing, because when you do a little project together, it makes you feel more connected. So look around your house or your apartment and say, Okay, there's this little project that we've been putting off and putting off. Let's do it together, and you can learn a lot about doing things together. I mean, for example, in my house, I don't know why, but I didn't put shelf paper in the shelves in the pantry or for that matter, in the drawers for many years. And it got to the point where I thought, you know what? I really want to do that, you know. And I just mentioned my husband I really want to do that. When we went out before this whole craziness began and I bought some pretty shelf paper that I liked. And so he decided that he would help me with that. And so we did it. And it takes a little bit. You got to take everything out of the drawer or off the shelf and clean the shelf and measure and cut the shelf paper. And dang. Sometimes that stuff is tough to wrangle. It's sticky.

Marisa:   30:23
You're not kidding. It likes to fold in on itself.

Gayla:   30:26
Yes, I just chose to laugh about it rather than get frustrated about it. But, you know, he would help me with that. And then I just did a few at a time. You don't have to go crazy and do the whole kitchen at once. But it was a nice little together project. And what I suggest the people to do. When you pick a little project, I don't care if it's a tiny little thing like cleaning out a junk drawer together and deciding. Do we need this? Do we not need this? Or maybe we could organize it differently. Even with a little project like that at the end of it, be happy. Say, Wow, we did it. Have a little kiss, have a little hug and say that was fun and then move on but acknowledge the fact that you accomplished something together. And that way, if there's ever a bigger project that you know that you can work together and even if they're just frustrating moments, I just encourage people to just laugh, take a break, begin again or decide to do it differently. And when you work together, it really reconnects you. You know, one of the things I talk about in my book The Art of Attracting Authentic Love, is I talk about staying together in four different areas and they are emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually, and what I find is that when when a relationship has all four of those areas, sort of moving along smoothly the relationship is in balance. But if you lose your emotional connection, then you won't be able to have a discussion that goes smoothly. And certainly if you lose your physical connection, that really creates problems in a relationship. When you can't feel like you can hold hands, reach out, cuddle, touch. It's really important to maintain your physical connection because, especially for men, it makes them feel unloved if they can't have affection from you. And so again, I'm a huge believer in affection. Fortunately, we're well matched in that department, and we love to be affectionate. There's also an intellectual connection. It's important to be able to have conversations with your partner that don't involve the kids, the bills, the dramas to be able to talk about an intellectual topic. Maybe it's a book.  Maybe it's some new project that's going on in your town. Maybe it's a new scientific discovery, but if you make a point to have a little date night and don't talk about again the mundane stuff of life Hey, you know, I read this article about the new community center being built in our town. What do you think about that? and have an intellectual discussion. And then, lastly is a spiritual connection, and that can mean anything that you need it to mean between the two of you. You may be religious or not religious, but, you know, one example I use is years ago, my husband and I talked about the fact that we'd like to do better at helping our planet. And so how could we do that? And we decided, Yes, it's a pain in the neck to remember to bring your reusable shopping bags, but we're gonna figure out how to do it because we want to stop bringing plastic shopping bags into our home and we want to do our part. So we talked about it and we decided that we would leave them in the car because we would intend to take them and then we would walk into the store and we would look at each other and be like, Oh, drat. We left them at home again. So we decided, Okay, we'll start leaving him in the car. And then if we walk into the store and we forgot them, we would just march our little selves right back into the parking lot and get them. Well, I mean, it's just second nature now, before we leave the house it's like honey, do you have the store list? bags in the car? car keys? Let's go. And that works for us, and to me, that's a spiritual connection that we share wanting to do better or something better for the planet. So it could be anything. But I love talking with couples about keeping those four things in balance emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual connection. And then you have a solid foundation to really build a great relationship with.

Marisa:   34:24
Yes and setting common goals and systems that you can both work with as  you said. Having that process and agreeing to the fact that this is important to both of you really helps. There's so much beauty that we can enjoy. It's really about appreciating the things you have.  Being grateful for, what you have and also making the processes work better, given the fact that things are a little bit different than what we're used to. A lot of times we focus on what the issues are, but we don't really look at okay, How can we resolve these issues? What are some things we can do to better ourselves so that we can address these things in a better way because we're trying to think outside the box and we are just so within ourselves and we can't see how to get past it.

Gayla:   35:09
And I'll just end with a little bonus tip. My husband came in the other day, and he said he had just read that cuddling increases your immune system. So how about that? So I encourage you all to do some cuddling, and it's good for your immune system. If anyone listening to this podcast is having a relationship little issue and you'd like some help, I will let you know that I'm gonna open up an offer that I sometimes do around Valentine's Day. If you buy my book from amazon.com and read a couple chapters and put a short review up on amazon.com for me, I will be happy to give you a complimentary 60 minute session, and this is something that I rarely have time to do. But now that we all have more time, I'm happy to do that. We can schedule that as soon as you post a review, two or three sentences. My books on Amazon. The Art Of Attracting Authentic Love. It talks about all the thing that I talked about today. So if you're having an issue and you think, well, I just really like to talk to a love coach experts. I'm happy to put that out there.

Marisa:   36:16
That is so awesome. So again, it's The Art Of Attracting Authentic Love on Amazon by Gayla Wick. And Gayla what is your website so that they know where to go if they want to get more information?

Gayla:   36:26
My website is www.gaylawick.com, and so what you can find there. You can find a lot of my blog articles there talking about all kinds of love relationship subjects. The other thing that you could find there are a lot of my videos. I do have a YouTube channel where I have lots of videos. I have some playlists. One of them is dating and the other one is healthy relationships. And so I probably have about 100 videos. If you have time and you want some advice about how to have a better relationship or how to go about dating. Now I know there's not a lot of dating going on right now, to get prepared to date, so you, ah, you certainly can go to my YouTube channel. As I said there's also a bunch of my videos on my website. Click on those videos. Feel free to watch as many as you want. Send me your questions. I'm happy to answer them for you.

Marisa:   37:18
Thank you so much for sharing everything with us today. It's so great to have you as a guest on the show.

Gayla:   37:23
I have loved it. Thank you so much. Wishing you all the very best in love and in life. And let's all remember this too will pass. We will get through this.

Marisa:   37:34
That's all for this episode of Live Blissed Out. Thanks for listening and thanks to Gayla Wick for being my guest. If you find value in our show, please visit www.liveblissedout.com to reach out, subscribe and share on social media. This show is made possible through listeners like you. Thank you. So long for now and remember to keep moving forward.