Which Chain Restaurant Made You Trans?

Pizza Street, Great pizza, great price. All you can Eat four three forty nine. I went up to All you can Eat four four forty nine.

She's sheen am me.

No, may not my ny yo yod, what is your childhood?

Rada?

I am a cook chokra.

Yo.

Life's going down before like you Rod and welcome to Like a Virgin reporting to you live from Fire Island Pines.

Yes, we're currently sitting very close together. Yes, touching, touching.

I'm not wearing I'm not wearing pants. I will disclose that.

But you are wearing a bathing suit. It's not like your it's not like your shirt cocking.

Yeah, it's not like I'm like, who is that editor at the New Yorker bag who was like god jerking off on like a zoom cap. I don't know his name anyways, I'm frantro Oh. Welcome to Like a Virgin, the show where we give yesterday's pop culture today's takes. I'm fran Torodo. I'm we are doing our annual new our annual Fire Island recorded episode this year. We are not doing it stoned.

No.

I you know, I thought about hitting my vape like earlier this morning and then you know, I decided that I just wanted to hold off a little bit today on getting absolutely obliterated because we've been starting early. Yeah, we've been on vacation. It's now Monday. We've bought on vacation since Thursday. So like it's we're truly island girls right now. Yeah, island time. I had the other day, I had to ask what day it was. I truly did not know.

I literally really miss a friend's birthday because I didn't know what day it was.

But not my birthday, because it's not my birthday. My birthday is well, listeners, when you're hearing this on Thursday, my birthday will be tomorrow, July fourteenth, bestial day. Okay, a great day to a wish arose a happy birthday, to make your little homage posts to her, glorifying her in every way.

I feel like I've glorified you a little bit already. You have.

So I was surprised with a pool party pinata yesterday. I really loved the chance to hit something violently with no repercussions, with no repercussions, and the pinata was full of candy, cigarettes, lube, and then the things that didn't for them Panada were tuna salad from the Pines Pantry, which is my favorite, my favorite tuna salad in the world.

And an official Barbie Alice doll. Like I didn't realize the barbie. I mean, Barbie will franchise anything, but yes, Alice.

So I can't wait to set her up at home in a place of pride. I don't know if I'm going to take her out of the box or not. I do want to play with her, but it's the kind of collector barbie that I think might need to stay boxed up. Of the two Barbies that I have, and I am thinking about a third, I am trying to figure out, Yeah, which ones do I take out of the box?

Which ones do I keep in the box. I wish it was easier to like.

Do both, like if it was like easily removable and I could like take her out and play and then put her back in the box for display purposes. But it's not, so I will figure it out. So so far on this trip. You know, we've been hanging out by the pool, going to the beach.

You've read two books.

I've read two books and I'm like a third of the way through my third.

Are any of them going to make it into Roses Book Corner? Are they trash? No? I like good trash. No.

I maybe not like a dedicated Roses Book Corner episode. But maybe, like I'll do because I've been reading so much this summer, maybe I'll do like a Hags summer reading like summer book ketchup packis.

Pacus.

But yeah, the books that I've read so far are The Guest by Emma Klein, which I really liked, be hated the ending, and then We Could Be So Good by kat Sebastian, which is a historical gay romance, not necessarily a Codpiece Ripper because it takes place in the nineteen fifties, but you know, cod Piece Ripper adjacent, and I do have some cod Piece Rippers downloaded on my Kindle for when I finish the book I'm currently reading, which is Vladimir by Julia.

May Jonas, which I'm really enjoying. And Fran only brought nonfiction with her, Well, yeah, I brought Polysecure. Me reading Polly Secure by the pool is a meme of myself.

I think the reason that you only bring nonfiction is that so the books being boring is your excuse for not reading.

Kind of Well, here's the thing is, I actually primarily read nonfiction. I don't really know why. It is kind of a sick I want to get into reading fiction more because I don't know. But I think it's honestly an attentions man thing for me for them that you do famously have a very shortest. But I did bring a kind of I did bring a kind of almost fiction book. It's like maybe auto fiction y, but it's technically a memoir question Mark but one Hundred Boyfriends by Brontes.

Pernell, which I own but still have never read, And I know that people really love it, So I do want to read you.

I do think you would like it. I love it entertaining, great beat read. I got it like a year or so ago when it came out, and someone borrowed my copy and never give it back. So this is why I don't lend books. Yeah, like I do, I always do, but.

I the last book I lent was when my friend Ryan and I went on vacation two weeks ago. I had brought Vladimir with me because I was going to read it, but then he didn't have a book, so I let him read it, And as we were sitting there reading, he just ordered me a new copy on Amazon and put it sent to my house.

So it all it worked out perfectly.

That's how it's done, because I just hate lending out books and then not getting them back immediately, and then having to chase down the book that you lent is so fucking annoyed.

See, I'll never remember which book I lent out because I just like always give my belongings.

No, I want my books back, I want I actually hate lending people things, and I know that you do. I know that that's like miserly, and I think it honestly stems from something I've I've been noticing about my off recently, is that I'm very concerned about things being put away in their proper place. Like if I'm having a snack at home, the second I'm done eating it, it has to go back in the cupboard or refrigerator or whatever, like the open container can't sit out.

And you so this on this trip you've been you know, uh relaxing. Yeah, I have been. I've been really trying to. No, no miserly energy. Scrooge McDuck. Is there like a lady Scooge Scrooge, a lady Scrooge McDuck feminist icon? Anyways, I was gonna. I don't know where I was taking that rose. Is there any is there any culture to catch up on? I mean we did watch on just like that. Yes, I watched the most recent episode. Yes we watched it last night, but but you know, we all haven't watched

No, I'm not watching Dark gras well. We did, I mean, nothing like current pop culture. But the first night we were here, we watched Aws because there have been a bunch of shark attacks and fire Island recently. We thought it was appropriate. And I hadn't seen Jaws in decades, and you had never seen it.

Well, girl, let's let's be clear. You saw Jaws. The other night, I quote unquote saw Jaws, but fell asleeping.

I was with the most group viewing experiences on vacation or even at home fran Fall fell asleep.

But I watched all of Evil Dead Rise, which was which we bullied Peyton into watching.

Last night we watched People Dead Rise, which I did talk about when I originally saw it in theaters, But I mean you you had fun, right, I had.

So much fun. I also love so like you know, for the versions that don't know or didn't listen to our Fire Island episode last year, we rent a week share with four bedrooms by like plus an extra, and we just shift people in and out based on how long they want to stay, and people crash for the day or all this different stuff. And we last night got to the portion of the Fire Islands day which is girls only. And I think it made a lot of sense to watch Evil Dead Rise because it is

Well you know Alyssa Sutherland who plays the mom maggot, Mommy, she was mothering. She honestly carried the mother load out of the mother Lake.

And this was your rewatch. You talked about this on the podcast before, but this was my first watch and I actually was not ready for you said it was campy. It was really really funny.

Yeah, Well that's the original Evil Dead movies from the seventies or eighties. That's their whole thing is that they're extremely campy. And then the remake from twenty thirteen, which I haven't seen but I've heard a lot of people talk about, is not that at all, and it's much more gory and violent and like depressing. So I think people were very excited that this one was a return to the campiness. Also, one of the things that sold everyone.

I'm watching it last night is that it's under an hour and a half. Yes, amazing, perfect length for a movie and for the virgins. Peyton didn't really want to watch it because she's not much of a scary She's not as much of a scary movie girl. But she loved the film. Yes, she loved She had fun.

But back to Jaws, you didn't see I like really didn't remember much about it. And one thing that I really discovered on this viewing is Jaws is an extremely gay movie because it's about these three guys who wind

There definitely is, And I also say I will also say, you know, most maritime stories are homosocial, Like Moby Dick is like literally like it's hunting on a sperm whale. Yeah, literally, but also like literally like forty pages of this book are all about come like it's Herman Melville really, yeah, went in on that. Yeah, well, the sea is incredibly gay. It is. It's gay because it's deep, it's gay because it's serious. Well, gays aren't mysterious. Some of the ones

And well on here the kind of gaze that flock to fire eye. Yeah, there's absolutely no mystery. This morning we went to the Pines Pantry and institution to re up on groceries. And one of the things that I love about Fire Island is like the sense of community and it's like a small town. And I love to say hi to people in the morning as we're walking on the boardwalk, like it's just like we're all gay out here, like let's be nice to each other and say hi.

And this morning, no one was saying hi back. It was crazy, and the more and like it was crazy, but it wasn't.

And let's be real, like there were four like femme people walking around in a very male dominated space. And I like, the more I was swerved by these men who wouldn't say hi to me, the nicer and like more emphatic I became. And so the dissonance got even greater every time I was like Hi, good morning, good morning, and then would get no, I was trying missing very nice and then and I was getting dust in return.

Dust. But it just proves the point, proves the point honestly, well honest, okay for the virgins. If you don't know, I know we talk about Fire Island occasionally, but there are a lot of people that don't live in New York don't know what it is or maybe haven't seen the movie or whatever. Yeah, it's just the way you and I do Fire Island now, and this is becoming

It just does make me sad that like the moments when I do try to like be part of what's happening here, it's just like then reinforced how unwelcome or

I love feeling secure enough though at this stage in my life, we're in like at pre previous trips on Fire Island. If I'm like stuck in the house, then I'm getting like faggot fomo and I want to go to like a little faget party and be perceived and like make out with somebody. And you were just saying this morning that you want to go to Tea, well, I was trying to convince Hilton to go to tea if I'm being honest. But I love that. I don't feel FuMO, have not felt FuMO this whole weekend. I

Can send well wishes and nudes to my DM or amma.

Do you have an Amazon? Wishless?

I do not have an Amazon, and I would not ask our listeners to buy me stuff.

But they would.

But you know what, if you really want to, let's get in touch and you know we'll figure out with it.

So this week we're going to be talking all about chain restaurants as promised. We honestly had so much material to work with we could have talked for another hour. We maybe need to do a chain restaurants Part two episode, or we need.

To go to an olive garden and record live as we eat salad Bay brings Sophoebe. Figure figure out how we can make that happen. M Chain restaurants the drag shows of food in a way I suppose.

Because it is it's like a kind of mockery of real food.

Yeah, it's a performance.

It's a performance, and it's and it's like cheapen. It's like it's the knockoff of real food.

Or it's it's real food to its nth degree.

Yes, oh oh, an exaggeration of real food. Yeah, it is kind of that, because yeah, I feel like there is.

Chain restaurants are trance. That is the thesis of this episode.

We're starting there. Do you have a chain restaurant that made you try?

Yeah? Oh, absolutely, okay, and it was McDonald's because I always toys. I was one of the girl's.

Toy Wait, this is a core childhood trauma that I feel like all the girls have.

And It's something that I'm currently healing, as we have talked about, and I think we've talked about on the show. I'm healing my childhood trauma, specifically around dolls and toys and collectibles and all collector I've been buying, Like the Little Mermaid was big for me. I so over a three week period, I had, I purchased a number of Happy Meals. I don't want to admit to Okay, we'll keep the secret, but I will say that I have three different Flounder toys at home, two Max's and various

eBay to get the oh my god, because they weren't giving you the ones. Yeah, okay, it wasn't giving Well that's the thing about McDonald's Happy Meal toys.

You cannot request which toy you want. No, try it, Try it. I could when I was a kid, request the girl toy.

Did your parents give you the girl toy?

They did to a certain point. I mean generally with dolls, it was like okay until a certain point, and then it wasn't really okay anymore.

Do they so now the tall the dolls are genderless, right like they're they like, don't do that.

They don't do boy girl toys. It's it's one themed thing for everyone.

Honestly shook with how woke McDonald's is. Now, I bet you woke.

Moment, woke moment.

I bet I bet people hate on it. Okay, Actually, you know what I'm gonna say, bring the gender toys back. Okay, we need to be enforcing gender but that way, but then are we going to have a third category for non binary toys?

So we're just gonna be blob.

Silly puddy. Wait, which is the non binary toy of the Little Mermaid Happy Meal Toys? Sweet?

Is it? I would say it's probably aquaf Probably it's Scuttle. Scuttle is non binary?

Yes, actually though because Scuttle because, as we discussed in our Patreon episode briefly, Scuttle, I think in the in the in the live action is she heard?

Yes?

Which whoa all girl reboot of Scuttle? Hello feminism? Y?

Yeah?

Exactly? Okay, So McDonald's.

Made McDonald's made me trans? So did TGI Fridays kind of? I had an early birthday party at TGI Fridays, and I do remember I think receiving a Hansen CD at it and that definitely helped me become Trands Hansen.

That is a moment.

Chain restaurants are very much tied to birthdays for me because because early birthdays, it was like, I want the McDonald's, I want the TGI Fridays, I want like the the thing that like you don't get to have all the time. And then as I got older and I wanted to be a little boogie on the birthdays, it was the Melting Pot, which is a chain fund restaurant where I once almost choked to death on a potato. Have I

But I got it down cook a all We're like, no.

No, more like more like cock, more like cock in vain. Oh, then it's traumatic. And then also birthday chains. When I was at Sleepway Camp, which we talked about recently in our Summer Camp episode. I had a summer birthday, and if your parents sent the camp some money, you and your bunk would get to go out for your birthday, your.

Your bunk, like the whole cabin or like just you just.

Your your your Yeah, your whole cabin. Yeah. You didn't get to pick and choose friends because that wouldn't be fair, and you got to go to friendlies. Have you ever been to a friendly's.

I've never even heard of that.

Friendlies is sort of like TGI Friday's adjacent. It's like burgers and shakes. And that was, you know, that was a nice thing I got to do as a kid, I guess, although I didn't get to have the childhood birthday experience of your parents bringing cupcakes to school, and that was very traumatic for me.

I think my parents did do that maybe once, but not every year. It was like my parents were like, you know, the rich kids can do that. We weren't like poor, but my parents were like very They were just like brugal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which which chain restaurant made you trans So I was gonna say, yeah, chain restaurant's also very attached to birthdays for me. I was not allowed to go to chain restaurants. My mother did

She was almond mom.

No, she was not an almond mom actually, but she was like, I'm gonna cook for y'all and this is gonna be quote unquote healthier. But then she'd be making us like you know, cheese and peas, like masta chicken, masta choli stuff like nothing that was actually healthy. Anyways.

I would request is chicken masta choli.

Masta chi, masta choli. Baby, it's like a delicious kind of like pasta, and it's always served with like cheese, fatty chicken stuff Like it's really delish. Uh So I would request every year and did throughout my childhood every year go to Old Country Buffet for my birthday. Have you ever heard of or been to an Old Country Bath.

I've heard of it, but I've never been to one. Is it like Golden Corral adjacent?

Yes, it's not. It's because Golden Crawl is specifically Chinese food. No, no, no, it's not. No Golden Crowd been crowd Southern. Oh, cracker barrels yes, okay, well cracker bell was not a bufet. Golden Crawl was right, So yeah, it was exactly the Golden Crawl maybe of the Midwest, with there was maybe Golden Crawls in our area, but not in my neighborhood,

I ate so much more fast food living in Los Angeles. Ye, because I had a car and going to drive throughs was like amazing.

Yes, I yes, same, I love going to drive through.

It doesn't hit the same when you order fast food via door dash because it's so cold by the time you get there. That does not stop me from getting McDonald's roughly once a week.

Well in a Los Angeles no here, you do it here? Well do you breakfast? Well? You know, for a while I had to get those little mermaid happy belts. Yeah, yeah, look you're on it.

But also like I be craving McDonald's. I and I have a very specific McDonald's order, but it has changed recently because I'm not eating red meat but I love McDonald's.

Well, what was your specific McDonald's order? Pre red meat?

So I would get the two cheeseburger meal. I get no pickles and onions on the cheeseburger, even though I love pickles. For some reason, I don't like McDonald's pickles. And then I get a six piece chicken nugget and two apple pies.

And would you say, would you say, currently McDonald's is your fave, like your number one my favorite fashioned food chain restaurant?

Yeah, period, okay, and a favorite of all time always will never be contested.

Okay, mine is probably Popeyes. My order is two so one chicken sandwich meal spicy, I get mashed potatoes, and then I get an extra mashed potatoes because they're so small, and then and then I also get a mac. I will maybe ask for a tea lemonade combined combo, so an Arnold Palmer, and well, yes, yes, an Arnold Palmer. And then I will order an additional chicken sandwich normal, not spicy, and get that in so that it's like I have two chicken sandwiches.

Well you can't. You personally can't eat just one chicken sandwich, or like any if we're getting sandwiches or meals in general, you're usually getting two of something.

Yes, I am getting two of something. And you also know that, like it doesn't matter where we are, what restaurant we are, like what the circumstances or resources at our disposals are. I'm getting a chicken ordering the thing that is the closest to the closest approximation to a chicken sandwich. Yes, yes, I am.

What do you think is the best fast food chicken sandwich.

Aside from Popeyes?

No?

Do you think Popeye's is the best? One hundred percent? One hundred percent like it's It's absolutely unbeatable. I don't know Chick fil a is better. I don't think Chick fil is better. I don't think Shakeshack is better.

What do you think, Phoebe?

I think, yeah, well, I mean, well, here's the thing. The raisin Canes Chicken is better raising canes. Oh you know that one just opened to New York in Times Square. Though I'll never go raisin Canes.

I moved to LA. I had never had it before, and at that point they hadn't opened the one in Burbank yet. And the first weekend that I was in LA, when I was staying at Cheno's, I drove like forty five minutes to that raisin Canes, sat in the drive through for an hour, drove back and ate my raisin canes. And it's so fucking good. The sauce, the Texas toast, the coast lap, the zig zag fries.

You honestly, it was you gave me the gift of raisin canes. I had never heard of this restaurant before, you go so delicious.

We went there like right before I moved, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Oh it was so and I went back Diva like absolutely, and it is the best chicken, but it's not the best chicken sandwich.

They're the best tenders, you know. What's recently also opened. I thought this was only an LA thing. But Dave's Hot Chicken in New York too, That's very good.

Yeah, I'm into Dave's. I hate Blue Ribbon, Blue Ribbon chicken sandwiches suck and their whole thing is chicken, Like what, I don't understand it.

What about chain pizza?

Okay, what's your favorite fast food pizza? I used to really really shit on Dominoes, but it's Dominoes.

No, you used to shit on Dominoes and now dominoeshed. I now I'm shitting out Dominoes. I was craving Dominoes recently so badly, and I ordered it. And I also have a very specific Dominoes order. I get the thin crust pizza with pepperoni and black olives and pineapple, and it's so so fucking good and when I got it, it hit so hard, but then I felt so horrible afterwards and passed out.

I will I actually, I'm gonna amend my answer. I don't think Dominoes is my favorite. I don't think I have a favorite pizza chain restaurant because.

Pizza Hut will really hit it will.

And let me tell you, Papa John's will really hit.

I don't like Papa John's because Papa John's was the pizza that they sold at school when I was in high school, and I always hated it. I did like Pizza Hut because of the stuffed crust and also because.

Of book It. Oh what's book it?

Book It was a program that they introduced when I was in elementary school, and I guess extended to Phoebe two, where if you read a certain amount of books, you got like book it, like stickers or something that you were able to trade in a Pizza Hut for pizza, which is like really like it's really sort of like an insidious program to like weaponize fat kids who liked to read.

I was drinking my drink.

You got three a week, so did I? So did? I?

Wait, that's so okay.

It really like.

Did probably contribute to THEBC problem in America, as did many things.

Weaponized like fat kids who like to read totally did so.

It was like Bob, I just finished a book, let's go to pizza.

Where do you stand on McDonald's versus Burger Well, Burger King is shit, Like there's nothing. Burger King literally has nothing to its name.

No whoppers are good, and like what I think. I think it's objectively a better burger than McDonald's. Burger's because of the frame that because of the flame broiling, like you get that charred taste. But their fries suck. I like that they have onion rings and they have mozzarella sticks.

Does McDonald's have McDonald's the best fries? McDonald's has the best fries ever in the entire world, and that's partially because they are cooked in beef fat. And I do still eat them even though I don't even rend me. Oh well, that's fine, cheat day.

What about breakfast chains? Dunkin Donuts? Are you a dunkin Donuts girl? Because it's like such a specific thing. People who ride for dunkin Donuts like bentha, they ride so hard.

I think the food, I think the menu is good. I think the donuts are good. I think that the breakfast sandwich is like fine. I think their coffee is ass, especially there. I think they're so the thing is okay. You know, we're in the Golden Girls episode we were like when people say it's actually good like Dunkin Donuts, Like when I get it, I'm like, this is actually good. Is kind of the vibe for me. So I'm only getting Duncan if I'm in a pinch, because.

It's circumstantial for sure. It's it's like situational. If I'm like driving somewhere and Duncan is the only thing on the road, I'm getting Duncan. Well, I'm never searching it out.

The realty is and this is getting us into breakfast chain restaurant territory. I am miss Starbucks rewards member baby as am I and I no longer I'm not really getting Starbucks here in New York, but in LA, Starbucks multiple times a week and getting.

Multiple times a day.

Yes.

Sometimes the thing I missed on the most about LA is going to the Starbucks drive through every day every single day.

I miss having Netflix money, Yeah, I but Starbucks really like they get it with the pastries, the accouchments, the breakfast sandwich is. Like actual chain restaurants don't have food that's as good as Starbucks.

I mean, I really do miss going to the Starbucks drive through before we recorded in the studio in La picking up breakfast sandwiches. Two for you.

Angelina's will know that the Starbucks in Los Phelis at the corner of Hillhurst.

The reserve. Yes, the start.

Well, here's the thing, the Starbucks. The Starbucks that Starbucks on Hillhurst and Los Felis used to be a reserve and yeah more it's like I.

Got it's Michelin starts taking away and.

I remember so it was. It was a reserve when I moved there, and like one day I went and I was like I had, unfortunately had made friends with the Burisos at this point, so they were like, hey, Fran, like one, I got you one Grande cold brew and a Venti cup with two pumps of simple syrup and oat comeing right up. And I was like making conversation and I heard someone behind him say like, oh, yeah, we aren't a reserve anymore actually, and it was sounded

No, I bet someone killed themself. That's not happened.

Oh my god.

Okay, we have talked about this before, but we can't talk about chain restaurants not talking about Olive Garden.

Oh my god, what is it? Oh?

No, cheesecave arctory too. We've actually talked about both these things both on par we have. We talked about Olive Garden. I believe in our episode with Hunter Harris on the House of Gucci, because Hunter, much like me, is an Olive Garden officernado.

And what what is the order at Olive Garden? It's chicken parm isn't it.

It's I'm actually not like tied to an entred at Olive Garden because the most important thing at Olive Garden is the salad and bread sticks. And honestly, like when I go to Florida, I will usually go to Olive Garden alone during the day and just get the soup,

I've never dined and dashed, but I would go with my fellow theater kids in high school to CEC's Pizza, which is a buffet, and we would bring gallon sized ziploc bags to.

Put the pizza.

You're sick, We would bring gallon SiZ ziploc bags and we would we would be like stuffing like pizza slices in it and putting it at our backpacks to eat for lunch for the next week.

Was that the post show restaurant for you with CC's no ours was Steak and Shake? Oh or Denny's.

Oh wait, we we did kind of Steak and Shake. I fucking forgot about Steak and Shack and those combo milkshakes work. And when those when those waiters see a parking lot full of theater kids roll up at ten thirty PM, I know they fear for their lives.

Oh yeah, I know. The homophobia that's sitting in their gut rises up out of them and fill their whole body. And all they want to do is hate crime. All of them.

Speaking of homophobic entities, we have to say, going back to Chick fil A, Uh, it's so good, It's really good, and everyone, all you gays can grow up.

Yeah, I don't grow up. Stop being gay.

Every entity is homophobic. Literally, every corporation has transphobic homophog people at the top at least penning their money, yes, exactly.

And their chicken sandwiches are so good and their mac and cheese is really good.

Period.

I don't love the waffle fries, and usually if I get Chick fil A, I'll get a Chick fil A Chicken sandwich classic, a side of mac and cheese, and maybe like an order of six nuggets. I don't usually get fries there.

The waffle fries I love, I do, I honestly so when Chick fil A, when the homophobic Chick fil A thing blew up, I was dating this guy in the city and there was a public protest kiss in at Chick fil A. It was like a national day where it's like we're prosting testing Chick fil A by like doing gay kissing at chick Fila, and I went with

That's beautiful.

I was gonna say that. The thing about Chick fil A is like it was such a national moment because of like glad level like organizing around it, you know what I mean. I fucking wish that we could create or I fucking wish we could replicate the organizing power that went into people boycotting Chick fil A the way we could for literally anything else.

Like it was such wasted energy. No, because it's so low stakes. That's the only thing that people would show up.

For it at this level.

Sorry to have a thoughtful aside and conversation. Okay, So I want to ask you. I want to I want us to do this exercise. If you could build the perfect the perfect meal of elements from any chain restaurant possible,

This is such a good prompt. Okay, okay, Oh wait, I forgot about dessert.

I'm I'm gonna say, oh ah a soft serve from Chick fil A because their soft serve I think is the best fast food soft serve.

Really.

Yeah, wait, have you ever had.

Dairy queen though?

Okay, then maybe actually a dairy Queen blizzard with vanilla ice cream and Reese's.

Yeah wait, blizzard blizzard. I actually think the blizzards aren't that good. I think that Dairy Queen like a chunky ice cream moment. I do like chunky ice cream as well, but the blizzards you have to eat with a spoon. I kind of wish it was suckable. Well don't we all?

Okay?

Okay, so I my first thought honestly, is a Culver's double butterburger.

Have you never had Culver?

Culver's is a Midwestern chain restaurant. I would also maybe get a Culver shake as my dessert. I'm making two things from Culver, Okay, that's fine. I'm gonna go with McDonald's fries. I feel like because I am a breakfast diva, it's my favorite meal. I'm gonna throw in a McDonald's sausage and cheese.

Okay, I'm gonna say not a mcgriddle.

No, well with the midgriddle? Is that the one with with a pancake. That's a very me I love sweet and savory, But I do think the classic is the the sausage and cheese mcgriddle.

Yeah, No, I mean McMuffin.

Yes, the sausage, the sausage sausage negg McMuffin, which has like a visceral like we would only get those when my family would go on like vacation and it was so nice. I would I would probably. No, I would definitely throw in the the raising canes Texas toast. I think for chicken, Yeah, it's gonna be raising canes, like I would pick raising canes over Popeyes, but maybe I would just get a Popeyes. No, no, no, I would never get Popeyes separately. I would only ever get the

Or like, no, I think it's about the fizz. Yeah, the carbonation is is very different than if you pop a can or a bottle.

Well, isn't it a little flat?

No? No, it's it's actually more fizzy then. Well then, and also I think it's more the syrup is more concentrated.

Than Actually, maybe I need help. Where am I getting a diet coke?

Hmmm from a gas station?

Yeah, yeah, that's it, I'm getting. I'm getting a seven eleven diet coke. I already said Culver's ice cream. I have to say when you first asked me, I was like, I want a frosty, But I literally just got a Frosty on Sunday. Not that good. Sorry, Wendy's. Frosty's could be better.

I've never been a Wendy's diva. I've never eaten one of their weird square burgers. I think I've only had the chili and a Frosty before.

And then I'm definitely gonna pick the Pizza Hut pizza that has the stuffed crust.

It's so good.

It's so good. Oh it's disgusting, but it's good.

Something that I forgot that I do want to throw in is there is a chain in Florida called Miami Subs and they have amazing euros and also all of their restaurants would have a huge mural of the ocean inside and that I was obsessed with that. Oh my god. Wait. Something that we didn't talk about is with like the McDonald's of it all the play place.

Oh, I'm sure started a actual pandemic amongst kids with the amount of germs it exchanged at a play place.

But I loved playing in a play place when I was a kid.

Yeah I did not, I mean well, I mean I would, I would. So we only went, as I said, we only really went to McDonald's for breakfast on vacations. I had this polish babysitter named Michelle, who would also take a very polish name. No, it's not, but she would.

Say, like Michelle, why so much just kind of polish, So she would she would.

I don't know if she was like kind of like doing it against my parents wishes knowingly, but she would. Me and my sister would get to go to McDonald's if Michelle was babysitting, and going to McDonald's is a very babysitter, yes, vibe it is baby's it's getting babysitter vibes. And I do babysitter or like your mom's new boyfriend, yes, yes, and Michelle also give a mom's new boyfriend.

By the way, with Michelle a woman, yes she was.

She was a single mom who worked too hard. So the only time I would play at the play place was with Michelle and I just the My only real memories is that the playplace was frequently closed because someone pissed shit or vomited on it.

Of course, has anyone ever been murdered in the McDonald's Playplace?

I want for sure, I would bet so much money on it.

Those feel like a liminal space that like maybe could be a portal to another dimension. Yeah, like Narnia, Like if you go in the ballpit, like you like go through and then all of a sudden, you're like falling from the sky.

You and I we've been talking a lot about chain restaurants. I think we honestly are are you passionate about this topic? And I'm so hungry because of conversation though has been overwhelmingly positive, And I think we need to talk about chain restaurants that are shit. And I think that IHOP and Denny's should go to hell.

Okay, I have a soft spot for Denny's because when I was in when I was in middle school in high school, I went to an art school that was like far away from where I lived and I had to take a train to school and the train station that I went to there was a Denny's right next to it. And when I was in high school, one of my friend and my favorite thing to do would be to get dropped off at the train, skip our

I have that relationship to waffle House. The food is not good. But the esthetic value of waffle House is very you and my brand, Like for sure, it's it's diner feel. The waitress is kind of giving, like honky Tonk, kind of like graveyard shift, like Blue Island Tu PACs a Day, Yeah, blue Inliner and like blonde Extensions.

But I think the thing for me is diners are a sacred space. I need a non chain diner.

Yes, well, what are the chain diners aside from walchap House, No, Denny's an ihak Oh yeah, they're diners, right, we're right, Okay, no non chain diners one hundred and ten percent, except Cracker Barrel. Is that a diner? No, no, right, it's a restaurant and a store.

So this weekend when I was in the Catskills, we went to a restaurant that was the old country Store, okay, And it was either the kind of restaurant that Cracker Barrel is based on, or it was trying to reverse engineer a mom and pop version of the Cracker Barrel. Like literally, there was a porch out front full of rocking chairs, there was a country store inside, and then a restaurant that looked like an unbranded Cracker Barrel.

That's kind of fierce did they were they successful?

The food was very good. I had pair cakes and they were delicious. It is probably better than cracker barrel Yes, because actually I really wanted biscuits and gravy and they didn't have it.

To be honest, cracker barrel food isn't that good?

Like, oh, it runs right through your Yes, the chicken fried chicken I like.

I love water down coffee, which is part of why I like Diners.

Same burnt water down coffee.

Yeah.

I can't really think of anything else that's amazing other than the biscuits. But the biscuits are better than Popeye's biscuits. I think they're better than KFC biscuits.

The little like apple, the app hot apples they give you on the side are good.

They are, but they're not amazing biscuits. They're just like better than the rest.

But the gravy is great. And I love playing the little the game, the stick and a Hole game, even though I'm really bad at it.

Yeah.

Oh, I love Bookbebo. We went to Bogudbebbo a lot when I was.

A kid, and you, as an adult, made pilgrimage to the door design.

I actually never went didn't you. Oh but I did.

Actually, Rose, I will remind you that you fiercely advocate it for you, me and Phoebe's Christmas party to be at the Deree designed and it never happens, which we would have had to I think drive a very far way to get to or so.

I think it was like an Encino.

Yeah, we had to cancel because of the pandemic. Yeah, but it was worth it.

That's unfortunate.

Wait, Bukaabeppo is so dystopian to me. It is actually like, I don't remember anything about the food.

It's it's like family style Italian food. They do have a pretty bang in chicken marsala.

I don't know if this is no, this is a chain restaurant, ma Giano's Cana ma Giano's.

I actually once went to Thanksgiving at Maggiano's.

I would go to Thanksgiving at Maggiano's this year.

And I had I had, I had the baked ham. It was delicious, but very salty.

Maggiano's is legitimately good food, right, I actually haven't had it since the kids.

No, it's not good.

It's not good, but it's better than cheesecake factory.

No, nothing is better than Cheesecake Factory.

We briefly touched on it. I don't know if you have a favorite thing at Cheesecake Factory, simply because you know the menu is roughly the size of like great Expectator.

I love the Evelyn's favorite pasta. They used to have pine nuts, broccoli, a bunch of stuff. They used to have a really good shrimp belt that was delicious. And the bread.

I don't remember anything except the pumper nickel bread in the bread basket.

Let's talk about chilis.

I've never been.

I love chilies, the chicken crispers, are you kidding me?

The caeso ough chili baby, and the molten lava cake.

Fuck, I've never been. I think go about that at night when I'm jerking off.

What's the kind of chili? What's like Chili's? But it's about wings? It's uh is it Chili's?

Wait?

Maybe I have been to Chili's. Does Chilis do a lot of wings? Do they have like a wings special? One time I took my friend, my best friend Ben to like a I think I went to a Chili's whatever, I don't remember. We ended up spending like a lot of money at Chili's or at whatever restaurant whatever.

I would go to a Chili's right now, I am so hungry.

What about arcade chain restaurants? Oh yeah, Chucky Cheese. That pizza had cracked in it. It was there was sugar in the sauce.

I didn't spend a lot of time at Chucky Cheese. As a child, we had a I mean, yes, I we went to Dave and Busters occasionally, but we had a local sort of like game restaurant that was called Wilt Chamberlain's after the I think he's like a basketball guy.

I don't know name for a che restaurant.

Oh. Actually, when I was a kid, so I always love cheeseburgers. I mean who doesn't. And the best cheeseburger was at a chain restaurant in Florida called the Roadhouse, which I think is like a thing that lots of regions have their own version of. It's the kind of place where they have peanuts out and like you throw the shells on the floor. They also have really delicious rolls.

We are currently within walking distance of a David Buster. Should we go with Phoebe right now and we'll record it. You're gonna be on the on the Okay, it's gonna be Phoebe on the street. We're going to David Busters. We're bringing a microphone. It sounds to.

Me that's a little Dave.

Do you think Do you think Dave and Buster have ever explored each other's bodies?

I think they have.

Have you ever been to that restaurant where they're just like mean to you on purpose? What you've what you've never been to?

What are you talking about? Are you talking about every restaurant in New Yorks? I don't know?

Okay, no, no, I have to say this because I know the Virgin's at home will appreciate the reference. There is a restaurant called ed Dubevics where wait, I need to actually see if it's a chain restaurant. For I'm I'm positive it's a chain restaurant.

Ed I've never heard.

I need to tell you, I need to I need to talk about this. Uh oh, it's not a chain restaurant. Yeah, okay, Okay, you'll appreciate this. So this is not a chain restaurant. But I feel like any Virgin from Chicago will understand that there's a restaurant called Eddabevics where the waiters and waitresses are mean to you on purpose as part of their job, and.

They'll like what how means?

So they'll like walk up to the table and be like here's some fucking menu and like throw menus onto the table like literally like yeah, and like be like whatever and like if you need anything, like don't bother me.

Well, they say, like personal insults. You're ugly.

So everyone who sits at the Beebeks has to wear a hat made of like paper that like twists at the top. It looks like a like a rotted little dun's cap that the waiter pulls around your head, like you know, like around your head and like makes it for you and they write something on it based on how you look or whatever. It's like just right the

Honestly like that. Maybe we should open a franchise.

I was gonna say, I would be so good.

Okay, Loretta LLC. We are bringing this restaurant to New York City.

Okay, work that I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because that the fact that the restaurant exists is psychotic.

I need a weight to be placed in my stomach. I need to eat something immediately.

Let's get out here and walk straight with the day. Slide into our dmst like a Virgin four twenty sixty nine, and let us know what's your favorite chain restaurant? What's your favorite item out of the six hundred page tome that is the Cheesecake Factory menu.

And make sure to come back next week when we will be talking about Barbie with Trixie Mattel who else?

Who else? We just saw her at the premiere she liked.

I mean, we didn't see her in person, we weren't there, but we saw we saw the foot, we saw the phone from the.

Fire Island, we saw the guests. Yeah, this is a very timely episode and you'll also be getting our Barbie takes at some point, so stay tuned for that.

Yes, by our merch at like a Virgin four twenty sixty nine dot com, we just released a new tr manifesting hat that is super cute. You need you need it, and you can become a patron at Patreon dot com slash Like a Virgin for weekly bonus episodes. This one we did a little dispatch from Fire Island and got very candid of out some of our sex stories little sexcapage.

No no, no, it's fine, It's all pay Welt.

You can also follow us at Like a Virgin for twenty sixty nine On Instagram, you can follow me anywhere you want a Rose Damu.

And you can follow me at frands.

Who Like a Virgin is an iHeartRadio production. Our producer is Phoebe Unter, with support from Nikki Etoor and Lindsay Hoffmann until next week. See you Suckers my and here's a clip from this week's Patreon episode. You can become a patron at patreon dot com slash Like a Virgin.

Do we have any like tips or tricks on how to plan a good group vacation? I feel like we have actually a lot of tech.

Well I feel like you do because I do not participate in the planning.

Well, you actually participate in some of that. I would say that you and I were together to curate a certain kind of vibe and to make certain components of bit fun and to make this feel like a different kind those fire Island troops, not like the other girls, you know what I mean. First and foremost, Okay, let's talk about rule number one. Okay, Rule number one is you don't invite anybody to our house unless you tell the house first.

Yes, And the house does get to decide whether or not that person gets to come yes.

And why is that rose.

Because someone can show up and really harsh the vibe, and especially on this island specifically, Yeah, is full of entitled hot people.

That are friends of friends of friends. People will absolutely just show up and be like can I charge my phone? Right?

And also it's like a lot of people who don't necessarily have their own situation here, and like I have been one of them my first couple of years. Coming here was always like staying at someone's house and.

Like, love you, power to you, but this is not a hostile no, And people will show up and then just not leave, and then they'll eat your lunch and then they'll be nude in the pool without telling anybody first, and they'll mooch off of your drugs and they won't know the vibe at all.

Yeah, and they will literally like try to stay until everyone's going to sleep, and they will try to sleep their tent.

And it's like no, no, get out of the house.

Yeah, because we, I mean, as I'm sure with all the other people here, have put a lot of work into curating the right group, the right vibe, the you know, planned meals and activities, and you know, it's just not it's not the move to just show up or to invite someone over without letting everyone else know. And I now that I'm almost thirty five, I turn thirty five on Friday, Like, I am totally fine being like no, actually your friend shouldn't come over.

I will actually say I'm not just really fine. I actually enjoy Yeah, I actually enjoyed being like, hey, sorry to be mean, mommy, but actually, like we've worked really hard on this trip and we all pay a lot of money to be here, and you shouldn't even apologize for being mean, mom. You should just say like, hey, like no, so logistically speaking, this isn't gonna work out. Yeah, that's all it has to be. But yeah, no, I think that's a very important rule. In terms of meals.

We had ribs one night, we had wings. Last night there were meatball subs.

Oh.

And then the first night Amy made the salmon which was so oh. Also some incredible desserts, like our friend Amy made pavlova, which was so fucking good. I've had an agent not a not a dessert that I like frequently eat.

And a dessert that's difficult to make in this climate.

Honestly, So when it comes to the meal prep, planning and execution, I recuse myself, Yes you do, because I don't cook. I don't like to cook.

I'm not.

A you know. And we are traveling with people who love who get such joy from not only cooking for other people, but all of the work that goes into that. So all I want to do is step out of their way and let them and so once they leave, it does become more of an every trend for her self situation. But we did not for dinners. Not for dinners.

And that is totally fine. Yeah, I mean, I will say, so, I'm gonna I'm gonna be maybe grill daddy for the day. Mommy, No, I'm gonna be grill daddy. Okay, yeah, I think I I think I have to be grilled daddy. I don't know if there is a grill mommy archetype.

That's perfect because I did not know how those things were going to get cooked.

Really happy that you're on top of it. Yeah, I'm so lad I was socialized as a man. We should have gotten some coleslaw or something. Oh no, we have the greens, and we can actually whip up a kind of coleslaw using greens or like potato salad or yeah, well we'll just we'll just do salad. Yeah, it's fine. And then I'm you're hearing it live. Yeah, you're hearing it live. I'm also going to be doing a Alison Rowman big pot pasta with sausage and broccolien, and you're

Just like having to carry all that stuff on the boardwalk, like I was struggling walking to the house from the pier with just my luggage. Yeah. I have not been that like sweaty and gross after a like a commute, a ten minute walk in a long time.

I have to say something I've learned about myself in my thirties. I don't want to schlep. I don't want to schlep. I don't want to schlep anything for anyone. And if I can pay eight dollars to the pine's pantry, yeah, to deliver our groceries, which they did well.

That's why when this morning when they offered us delivery and everyone was like, oh, well we could tell.

I was like, no, we're paying that. Those fourteen year old girls better bring it over stat yes.

Oh, the girlies who work at the Pines Pantry are either our strongest allies or the.

Most homophobic people in the world. And we have no idea. We have no idea, And I love that mystery. Yeah, not knowing. I don't need to know. I don't need that. None of my business. It truly is none of my business.