To Completion

that I jerked off it. Okay, wait wait can you can you really like flannel where they like they were a plaid mat, but specifically they were Invader Zim boxers that I bought at hot topic, so many twists and turns and when I, you know, was discovering my sexuality, you know, when it was milk and time. But on those Invaders in boxers. Every time you say invaders and boxers, and they were if I like smacked them, they would have like cracked open the how crusted they were. But

you watched them, but you washed them occasionally. But like I was jerking off a lot, you know. But I like distinctly remember the night before my freshman year of high school, maybe just like go in four or five times and that evening into those Invaders in boxers and being like, Okay, I think it's time to throw these out. So you did eventually throw them? I did eventually. And you know we're talking about masturbation because today we're going to be talking about porn and erotica and things we

could fact too. Yeah, and uh, if the opening anecdote any indication that this is not going to be a disgusting conversation. Oh, we're getting We're getting nasty. The virgins should be primed. Please prepare yourself. Yes, we are going to dig into our search histories, into our parents DVD collections, and into you know, our own experiences with corn throughout our lives, because this is like a virgin in the show. We give yesterday's pop culture, Today's takes. I'm Mozdomine and

I'm Fran Toronto Virgins. We are coming to you live from two different posts. Technology really has brought us so far to this moment. I'm so I'm so happy. I love science. We are finally going to talk about the finale of Interview with the Vampire. Um TikTok finally figured out that I have been watching it and so now I'm getting nothing but listat edits fan can fan cams. I think we have graduated from calling them fan cams to edits. That's what That's what the kids are saying.

I don't know that's what gen Z calls them. I think fan cams is fan cams is very kind of millennial terminology. Oh god, I hate aging myself on this podcast, but I hope we are millennials. We're old, We're ancients. I know, I know, don't remind me. Yeah. So, the first season of Interviewed the Vampire has ended. I thought

the finale was so good. It was so unexpected. I mean, that's what's been great about the whole first season of the show is, you know, as someone who knows the source material, knowing what the story was working towards, and then seeing the ways in which they altered and and subverted those expectations was really exciting. Like, obviously, you know that the first season is going to end with them attempting to kill Lestat, and they still do, but the

way it happens is so different. Um, and so what changes? So you know in the original novel, there's no big party or anything. The plan progresses much more straightforward. You know, Claudia drugs these two little twin boys, Listat drinks from them. One of the vampire rules is that you can't drink for them from the dead, where you will die yourself.

Claudia is the one who splits Listat's throat, and then they toss him into the swamp and he later you know, feeds on alligators to you know, kind of regain some of his strength. Um And in this finale, you know, there were parts of that. They're like there were still

the twins, they still drugged them. But then there was the whole twist of Antoinette having been turned, and the sort of like false memory that Louis actually refused to burn Lestat's corpse because he couldn't handel killing his lover, and then at the end, and then at the end we find out that maybe none of this is real because Rashid revealed himself to be Armand, and it's like

obvious that he has been manipulating Louie. One of the sort of details that I saw in a tech talk that someone pointed out is that in that special room, all of the bookcases are like on the ceiling, so only someone who could fly could reach them. So it's just more signs that Armand is manipulating Louis. So who's Urmand in the franchise. I don't really, I'm not. I'm not in on the lore like that. Yeah. So Armand is one of the oldest living vampires. He is a

lover of Louise. In the original novel and film, he and Louis meet when Claudia and Louie are in Paris and to Armand is you know, the person who leads to Claudia being killed, but he and Louis become lovers. He also in the books has a relationship with Daniel, the journalist, and we kind of got a flash of that in the show of Daniel's memory of meaning Louie and Armand in the seventies. So maybe we'll see that

play out in season two. But Armand is a very manipulative figure, so it's clear that all is not right between him and Louie. And I'm just very interested to see where this goes, because the whole first season was about telling the real version of this story that's already been told, and now we're finding out that now there's another layer to that. So who knows what the real version of the real version is and which we're going to find out in season two. I guess I guess so.

I the episode was so good. I love Claudia. I'm really hoping that maybe in this new version of the story of Claudia isn't dead and she's going to come back in it in the present, and I don't want my girl gone. The experience of watching Interview with a

vampire is truly just waiting for people to kiss. I think that people to people to sort of give long monologues about something like there was that scene where Louis and Lestat were on the balcony, and like, you look back on it and it's clear, like obviously Lestaton knew that they were going to try to kill him, and he was having this like whole emotional moment of like talking about how he loved New Orleans, and I was like,

what's he talking about? It was a lot. I mean, honestly, I felt similarly when I was watching The Crown this weekend, because I did watch at all. Did you watch any of The Crown? I haven't started the new season yet. I just have been so busy with moving. So I will give my non spoiler kind of a preview for you. Can you really spoil a historical show? Yeah? Yeah, exactly. That you're like, I don't know, if you know, I don't,

Well she does. She doesn't die. I think she dies in the next partum apparently I think that the franchise ends with her death questions, So she didn't die in this season. No, she doesn't die in this season. Now, okay, well that is a spoiler, is it really? Because I

thought that I thought with her dying, I don't I know. Yeah, So my my non spoiler preview into The Crown for you going in is that I wouldn't say it's mid as it is just slightly less thrilling, which like a lot of like the previous seasons of The Crown are good, like with like the fucking like fog and the mud slides, and like the intrigue and like the sexcapades, and you know, this season, I think that the thing that changes the chemistry so much is the casting of Emelda Stanton and

Elizabeth Debeccky, who I think are giving extremely specific performances. And this is the evil queen right, like, this is the world's most powerful imperialist, like reaching the point of her life where she is the least popular and will remain the least popular until she dies and then the same thing with you know, Princess Die is that we have this like complex character who is someone who's like chaotic, like mentally like needs a lot like more support than

she's getting. And like I mean, long story short, I think that they're both playing slightly edgier, slightly soapier versions of these characters that have like opinions on them, right, and so if you like the Queen, you're not gonna like Emilda Stones. I wonder, I think it's it's interesting

that you point that out. And I wonder if that was sort of an intentional casting choice because the you know, produce there's of the show know that they're going into the era where the Queen is no longer a sympathetic figure and Emil de stant it, I mean, hello, she's professor,

professor Ambridge. Maybe it was like that's I was worried that it was two on the nose, and I do think it is a little too on the nose because Emilda is extremely expressive and the Queen is not, you know what I mean, Like she is like like she she's never ever showing emotions, and Emila stan is like giving us like downt now be kind of you know what I mean, like, and I appreciate doubt now be but it does feel different from a lot of the realism we were getting with Olivia Coleman and Claire Foy,

who portrayed emotionlessness with such depth and dynamism. Olivia was so good and just you know, Claire Foy is the version of the queen that I fell in love with. Yeah, those were the glory days. Yeah. So I just watched for the first time the first two seasons in my depression Spiral and New York. I watched like nineteen episodes of The Crown in like one weekend, And yeah, that

that it's such a stark dichotomy. But when you do finish the season, we should have a chat about it, because I had so many things I wanted to talk about. For sure, we actually have a lot of Netflix stuff to talk about today, including um, did you ever get around to watching any of Young Royal Season two? I only watched the first episode, but I did. I did revisit the first season because I hadn't really actively watched it.

I think I had it on I think I was going to say on background, but how can you how can you watch? How can you watch a show in another language on background. I can't it's I mean, I can't. Um, yeah, I just probably maybe didn't retain so much. But it's only six episodes long with something well yeah, they're very short seasons. Um um, you liked it. I really liked it. I thought it was I mean, I was obviously so

happy it returned. I think the setup for the season it's just, I mean, what is the way to put this. It's it's like the perfect fan fiction, you know. It's like, I mean, and you saw the first episode, so like the setup is like the perfect angsty setup. It's like they broke up because of something the Prince did to Simone, and Simone like has a new boy who's interested in him, and will Willie is like still in love with him and is jealous, and it's like just like all the

perfect angsty tropes coming together in the best way. I did finish the second season, and I was so impressed with the storytelling, so impressed with the acting. I think the actor who plays Prince Willim is so good and I think this will be the start of a really interesting career for him. And you know the ending, I mean, you'll see if you if you ever get around to

finishing it. I liked that, you know, who knows if there will be a third season, but it does have a very definitive and also hopeful ending, and I really appreciated that in case there isn't anymore. Uh, and I just thoroughly enjoyed it. And you know, I don't like teen shows shows, teen shows. I just don't think teenagers are real people, so I like, I just can't watch anything that's about them, and especially with this, it's like they're actually played by teens, so it's kind of even

more like that. But I really loved it. I mean, I I cannot wait to watch a second season. I'll let you know what I think. But like, speaking of realism, we have you know what is essentially a historical drama Falling for Christmas starring Lindsay Lohan. Yes look original Christmas. Yes, friend and I watched Following for Christmas last week. Lindsay Lohan is the new Queen of Christmas, affirmed I've determined as Yeah, you know, the thing about this movie is

like it is exactly what it promises. It is a you know, Christmas rom com, the kind poorly written Christmas it promises that the trailer. The trailer specifically is like this is going to be bad. I think it it what it promises that it is exactly the kind of Christmas movie that Netflix has been making a lot the past couple of years, sort of following in the legacy of like Hallmark Christmas movies, very formulate plot and tropes, and I think it's very aware of those things, like

literally every twist I predicted. Yeah, and you also pointed something out to me that I'll never not think about, which is the way that people are lit in these films. Yeah, just like washed out with like these like overhead, Like it's so crazy. It is very it's very bright. Both of her love interests were gay. It must be sad well and one of and one of them is confirmed to be I mean at least by at the end of the movie. But you all throw a twist. Yeah.

But her fiancee, who she spoiler alert doesn't end up with, also like meets this poacher in the woods who rescues him, and I thought that's who he was going to end up with because there was such a vibe between them and there were things like he said something about how he had such big hands and I think, I mean, even though he did eventually end up with like Lindsay's assistant who worked at the hotel, I just think he, he and the poacher should have wound up together because

they had a beautiful, beautiful love and lots of sexual chemistry. It's something that you and I noticed immediately is that Lindsay was good. Like she was saying she was amazing, and I felt like, I feel like she you know, maybe I went into this movie being like this is going to be such hot garbage. And she has a reputation in Hollywood and has for so long for being someone that is impossible to work with and um like declines the quality of a production in a lot of

different ways. And like I I'm just so happy to see her back in movies. And I do hope this means she can do more ship because she's really good at doing this right. She's good at doing rom coms, she's good at doing slapstick, okay, physical comedy. Um and she also has like a humanity and a likability I

think that just most actresses can't create. It's like the movie start quality, Like Julia Roberts c Yeah, when we were talking about it, at dinner the other night, I think Lawla said that she just feels very turned on, and and that is absolutely how I felt watching the movie, watching her whole press tour. The light is back in her eyes, and you know, maybe she will be the new Quein of Christmas and do one of these movies like every year, every couple of years, or maybe she'll

you know, do something else next. I would love to see her in a horror movie or something, because Lindsay was so good in like every movie she did when she was one of the most famous people in the world, and there is potential there for her to make a return. She is very talented, and you know, watching these interviews and like pressed stuff she's doing, you realize, like Lindsay really at one point she was the most famous person

in the world. She has all the hits, she has been in, all of these like films that have left indelible marks on pop culture, and so much of it is because of her performance in them. So I'm happy to see her back on my screen and I want her to stay there. To me, she's like right for the picking too now because okay, she's actually assented to

this part. This like height of celebrity where her celebrity is a part of the performance, right, And so the nostalgia for Lindsay Lohan, I think is something that should that like a kind of Darren Aronofsky or like that's like a crazy thing to say about, like or like I don't even mother to Can you imagine like a prestige director taking what Lindsay does and giving it like a totally different vessel, like, because I think that what we see, the kind of meta nature of Lindsay Lohan

in a movie and what she means to us culturally is something that has like a lot of thematic depth and if like a really amazing director got ahold of that. I also think, like obviously I want her to do rom comes too, but like she would eat in like a prestige erotic thriller or something like that, Well she's done those well not prestige. But have you ever seen have you ever seen the movie I Know Who Killed Me? No? But I have heard amazing thing. Um it's one of

the worst movies I've ever seen. But it does involve a subplot where Lindsay gets one of her legs amputated and then has a prosthetic that has to be charged or else, like she won't be able to walk and during a crucial chase sequence, like her leg powers down because she forgot to charge it. It's a really it's a really insane, insane movie, and she's a stripper in it and she has a twin. Wow, incredible. I mean, now I really want to watch that, but you should.

It's not worth watching. But like, see there's a version of that movie that's like directed by like Sofia Coppola or like or like you know, like the guy that did Ex Machina or whatever. I could maybe see her going the way of like what's been happening with Nicholas Cage this year where he did that where he did that movie that was sort of meta. I think you're right that if she's going to do something prestige, her celebrity has to be part of the film. Yeah, that

would be so good. I don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Do you remember what was the first media you were titilated by viscerally? Viscerally? Because unfortunately, and yes, I was one of those children, no one told me what jerking off was. I figured it out on my own without any instruction or knowledge of what masturbation was. Is that not crazy? Um? But it was. I did not masturbate to porn. What did you masturbate? Because I think I

knew what porn was. But uh, you know, as we've established, my internet at home had like parental parental locks, child safety stuff on it, so that the very first thing that I ever consumed in a in a pornographic sense was I was playing as you ever play mall tycoon? Uh no, it's like it's like roller coaster tycoon if you never played roller coaster tycoon. I played roller coaster okay, but instead of building a roller coaster, you know, theme,

instead of building a theme park, you're building a mall. Yes, so much better. It was so fun, Like I'd let you know, to me, malls our theme park. And that is pornographic, like like being like here's my auntie An's like, here's where like my little like women's department store is, here's my you know what I mean. I'm not really seeing the comparison that how it's pornographic, but I'm sure you'll get there. I just know not actually, um, So what happened was I'm in a very pure time of

my life. I actually don't even know how old I was, probably early early teens, not high school yet. I remember during puberty, yes, during puberty, Yes, a normal a pretty normal time, still not knowing what masturbation was, still not knowing about the world that the secular world around me. I remember like building my little mall and seeing that inside this little like clothing store whatever, there are like little sims like changing in their changing rooms. I'm not joking.

And you jerked off to that. And when I tell you that, the that the person that I jerked that, the sim that I jerked off to, had no nipples, no vagina, like was barely like looked like a little like monopoly piece like. So what got you off was playing God? What what got me was playing God and knowing makes so much And the fact that I could see her change because it was a woman. No, it was, it was it was okay, I remember, I guess, yeah, I could have been a non I know it was

definitely a woman. Um, how do you know? Did you ask? I didn't ask because you were playing God. Yes I was. But the fact that I was watching her, the voyeurism of it, I brought myself to completion and rose to completion and theode rose. I don't know what masturbation was. So when I completed, so to speak, I was like, what am I dying? I literally I was like, this is bad? Do you? But like there is something wrong, like this is this is rotten? Just this is bad,

and I like made a mess of myself. I luckily was alone, like in this part, and like in the house. I remember running back to my room and being like, what is this stuff? You know what I mean? Like it was I was freaking out. And then of course that opened up what would then be a lifetime of hurricane and jerkin to whatever I could find. Um, what about you? What was the what was the in seminary incident?

If you will not in seminary? I mean, I think the first time I ever found I've talked about this before, the first time I ever found like a piece of media erotic was Halle Berry and Kyle mcla Backlin in the Flintstones movie. They just had this like crazy sexual chemistry that I think was the first time I felt

sort of the stirrings of bisexual desire within myself. But the first time I ever masturbated to something was I was at my dad's house one weekend, because you know, I'm a child of divorce, and we did like every other weekend my dad's and he and my brother had gone out for something, and I was snooping, because like, if there's one thing I'm gonna do when being left alone somewhere, it's snoop, of course, and I can picture it so vividly in this blue denim duffel bag and

my dad's closet that was like very obviously like a thing that things were hidden in. I found a VHS of a porn that was about like naughty schoolgirls, and I, you know, put it in and I had never seen people having sex on screen before. And there was like a really hay very teacher in it who fucked all the girls and he he became my god, Oh my god. And so I would constantly try to get my brother my dad to go do stuff without me, which wasn't hard because we didn't have any of the same interests.

So I could stay home alone and just fab it to that video. And then this was also around the same time that my mom had just gotten remarried and my stepdad had a subscription to Playboy. There were always playboys in our house once we moved in with him, and they were playboys, playboys everywhere, and I just had like eleven twelve and I just had unrestricted access to them.

So yeah, those So actually, both of my father figures are like the people who gave me, you know, entree into pornography, which I guess like kind of makes sense. I'm kind of jealous because my parents really were tried and true, like pornography is the devil. Like there was not a lick of anything erotic in my house. Like my parents definitely had a sex life, but like it was not one that included pornography. I really didn't consume porn until like probably like middle end of high school

for the first time. I was very precocious because this was also the time when I started reading fan fiction, and as you know, a lot of fan fiction is porn, so I was chafing myself reading a lot of Buffy porn. There was one story specifically that I will never forget because I don't know why I found it so um scintillating, but it was a story in which Angel for some reason was in the hospital being take care of by a nurse, which like would never happen because he's a vampire. Um,

and the nurse gave him a hand job. And I used to go back to that story all the time and jerk off to it. And there was something about it because like I was a die hard Bengel shipper, and there was something about Angel cheating on Buffy that I like both hated and also was so turned off by God this nurse, this nurse who like she knew they would never be together, she knew he loved Buffy,

but she was gonna jerk him off anyway. Oh my gosh, okay, wait, wait, you're actually um on your uncovering something very deep right now, um fan fiction. I was not in the fan of the online fan fiction world. However, I definitely wrote my own erotica in high school about yourself. I am pretty sure I was putting myself. I was putting myself into it. Yeah, And I had him. I had like a spiral bound notebook that the covers I had um encased in duct tape, you know how like we used to like duct tape

the covers of like our Yeah. Yeah, So it was like one of those duck tape was very multib and I filled this notebook with feelthy, disgusting erotic stories about myself.

The only one I can really remember, there's this one that was like a kind of pool party scenario, and I remember like it was something about like taking off this girl's swimsuit without her noticing, and then she stands up in like her swimsuit is off, which is like obviously problematic and bad, but like but like I was in I was in high school whatever, but literally, like what I'm trying to say is like these stories were

like actually barely erotic, like they were. They were weird, like well, when you're not young, you just need the barest suggestion you have eroticism, nudity contact, yeah, and then you just dry hump yourself like on a pillow or whatever. I similarly used to draw just like naked bodies and like really like not well but like even just drawing a boob, I would just like, oh, I used to draw like we we've mentioned on previous episodes, Like I

used to draw like Greek mythology figures. I used to draw like superheroes or whatever, but like all of their suits would be like too small for them, so like they're yes, they looked fully like this on this Jennifer Anderson a lure cover like right now of like the teeny tiny like chanel like nipple clamps over her like huge breasts. That's what like my drawings look like. But gag. I remember writing all these erotic stories and then reaching like an apex of my shame because I was still

a Christian. I wasn't supposed to do any of this stuff, and I reached it like a kind of come to Jesus, so to speak. Mon came to Jesus, and I was like, I can't be doing this anymore, and rose should you not? I ripped out every single page we just so said, can you imagine if I still had this, this this talisman,

I'm artifacts pretty sticky. Yeah. I ripped out every single page, tore it into teeny tiny little pieces, and then took the pile of pieces, you know, I took the tiny piees and soaked them in water and my bathroom to verify the no say yes so that well that's what they could never be discovered. Like I'm not joking. I created my art, my art into this like pulp this you made, you made, you turned it into sculpture, mixed media. Yeah,

it was paper. But you know, I think like early fumblings are all about shame and like the fear of getting caught. I did get caught once by my mom. So the way that when the house I grew up in, my brother and I had two bedrooms, um, and then like a shared what we used as an office in front of our bedrooms. Like that's why I would sitting and do my homework. That's where our computer was. But it was like the room that you had to go through to get to our bedroom, so like was not

in any way securable. You know, I couldn't lock the door because like my brother would need to get in or get out. But I still like would stay up late until the night after my brother was asleep because he was a heavy sleeper. I would be out there like it in fan fiction. And then eventually, like I discovered, you know, how to find porn on the internet, and

like specifically gay porn. And there was one night when I was just like sitting there and jerking off and the door opened and my mom walked in, like obviously she knew what was happening, and like I knew what was happening, but she just kind of was like dinner's ready, and then like closed the door and it just there was nothing said about it. Oh my god. Really that was the only time I ever got caught, um, but

I was so ashamed of it. And then, like I think, very soon after that, I asked for my own computer that was in my bedroom, And so my bedroom had a wall of closets on it, and I moved a little desk into one of the closets and put my computer into into the closet, and like I would just be up all like listening to the Wicked soundtrack and jerk it off, listening to Evanescence and jerking is there's a scene in there that could be jerked off to? There's a sex scenes and the sex scene between Pharaoh

and Alphabo. Yeah, isn't isn't it? Isn't it sexy? Or it's I mean it's sexy, but not. I mean, well, the thing is, when you're a horny teenager, and especially a horny teenage boy, I think, like, I mean, at least that's my experience. That's how I was socialized. Everything is that you can make anything sexy. Where I got most of my horn from the Internet was downloading it off of lime Wire and Napster. I wish how to do that. I want to know. I'm going to show

you a video. I don't really want to say the porn. I just want to see if you recognize the screenshot because I feel like it's so indelible. Do you know this one? No? Actually no, you don't know? Though why I don't think so? So will you read the caption that read we we might beleeve it out but real pound And it's definitely I have definitely seen someone like tweet this before and be like if you know, you know, and like everyone knows this is a video that has

been They're not They're not real brothers, are they? They might be? Have you ever seen check Twins? I think like that's the whole thing is that they are actually have you have you seen check Twins on TikTok? I've seen I've seen I've seen porn of Check Twins. Are you talking about the Bellamy Twins? Well? No, okay, are they Bellamy? I don't know. I I they're not. They're not the type that I look for imporn, So I've

never seen porn. But I saw them all over TikTok and I was like, who these like gay boys are really good friends. And then like someone, I heard someone talk about them on the podcast about how they're twins that look and I was like, what like these innocent TikTok tweens these guys look like and not and not like in a boyfriend twin way, like in a same gene pool web. Okay, look, there are a lot of things that are considered social taboo that like we all did.

Here's the thing about incest. There's no one in my family that I want to fuck. Yeah, that's listen. If Game of Thrones and specifically House of the Dragon have proven anything, it's that people are turned on by incest. Yeah, absolutely, And I actually yeah, so I do think at a certain point in my life, I became, you know, a porn connoisseur. I did stop eventually jerking off to fan fiction,

but I did um still read erotica. There was this website I don't I would love to know if either if you or Phoebe ever visited it, litt erotica dot com. It was a website that was like an archive of erotica. And there was this one story that I used to jerk off to all the time that I has still like as recently as like three years ago, went and found it. And it's because the name is so specific that like I'll never forget it and we'll always be able to find it. What is the name? It's called

Uncle Ronnie's new whore Ronnie. Wait, they had to say, like Ronnie, I guess that's very moon struck of you. Um, you don't so you don't need pictures to get there? No, at and and and in recent years, definitely post transition, UM, my desire became much less centered around porn um and im like I was always able to jerk off two

things that weren't images. And I think that the way that has progressed is that now, um, like in my thirties, I sometimes am just masturbating, like not even necessarily too fantasies, but just like to the sensation of my body alone. Although there is one particular memory I do go back

to a lot when I need to come. I used to go to the sex party when I was in college, and one time fucked this guy who was just like so hot, and he wore this red underwear and I will just never forget the image of him like on top of me, like riding my dick in the middle of like a room full of people fucking. And that's always like when you talk about spank bank, like that is I turned my own experience into the porn. Uh.

And that's the thing I will always go back to. Okay, wait, I UM also have a memory in my spank bank and it's when I sucked this masseuse and like mid massage, and it was like, so I've already told you the story. I'm not going to get into it for the virgin sorry virgins, um, I tell I tell the story actually an episode of Food for Thought. You can find it. But like I it is actually like it was the creation of my own pornography, like my real life pornographic experience.

And I was like I literally was experiencing it, and I remember being like I feel like I'm in a porn right now, Like this is a yag, you know what I mean? Do you have any Have you ever taken video of yourself sucking? Um? Actually, unfortunately no, I've had I've had someone else take videos, like well we had sex, but uh no, I get most of the

people that I have sex with I don't trust that much. Well, that's why you keep it on your phone, because I have videos on my phone of of situations, but I was the one who took them, although the guy was the one who suggested it, but he never asked for the videos, And like, I mean, I don't think I would really have cared there are naked pictures of me on the internet. Don't go looking for them. There are no naked pictures of me on the internet. And to

be honest, I'm offended. Like I actually like I send my nutes to everyone, and I feel like they should have leaked by now, and like there's just like really horrible website that like, you know, like tries to find It's like a reddit where you like try to find people's nudes or whatever, which is like literally organized sexual assault. Um. But anyways, there's a page for me. We're like people were like, we can't find friends nudes or whatever, and

I was like, should I drop one? You should drop one? Just drop one one to the people. I do, though, masturbate to the videos of me having sex regularly. I think it's it's really hot. Although the thing that I hate about them is that I had a really bad sunburn in them, and it's very distracting. Not a bad sunburn. Oh no, was it like a specific shape or was it just because I had been wearing like a strappy dress so I had like my my, I'm like all read except for one thing. Look look now, you know

next time you were you know, heavier SPF. I guess um. I definitely have a hidden folder on my phone where you know people who have consentually sent me like videos or nudes like I returned to them definitely, And I would probably prefer that over porn a lot of the time because part of what gets me off is intimacy and and knowing that it's a possibility for me, which

is kind of crazy. But like I obviously like consume porn to love porn, Twitter love porn, Tumbler, r I p oh my god, tumbler porn, and air i p um. Are there specific tropes that you look for in porn or do you consider it to be quite a wide rain. Well, I need a porn with the story, Like I like the setup more than the fucking the people. I need to know why we're there. I need to know who's who.

I need the position. But I just need like at least a scene at the I need, you know, because now, so much of porn is like when you want like porn Hub, it's you know, like a six minute preview of a longer video that's pay wald er, like on someone's only fans. But they still give you a little bit of the set up in the beginning before they get to the good stuff. But I'm just still I'm still shook that this is I've like never in my

life paid attention to a porn snared. Actually, there's one porn that I can think of that takes place in the fourth of July where this guy puts his dick in a hot dog bun and and put the mustard on it. Yes, and they also try to I'm not joking. And in this point it's like it unfortunately has a porn actor that he's like the most basic twank ever, but like I always watch his porns. But in this same point, they also play ping pong with their dicks.

They literally try It looks painful. They literally try to hit the ping pong balls with their erect penises. Have you ever done drugs off someone's dick or had or had someone do drugs off your dick? I have a vague I have an unfortunately a really vague memory of doing of of doing coke off someone's dick, but I can't really replace it, which is really bad. I've done so I was really up. I've done coke off a couple of people's sticks, and ally it's hot. It's just

it's actually not hot. It's mostly silly. Okay, Actually, let's let's say that porn is silly at the end of the day. Porn really is kind of silly. Porn is is goofy Mormon porn is really funny to me. Well, I was, okay, so like, let's talk about it. I am technically a porn star. I have appeared in a porn in a in a like specifically goofy porn. For anyone who you know doesn't know this best the parting actress Hello, I was a featured performer in A Tale

of Two Cocks. Um I was. I got flew out, I was flown out to London to be in porn starring the cock Destroyers Rebecca Moore and our friends and um Sophie and our good friend friend of the podcast for my Mitchell former podcast. Um. So yes, that is a very a goofy porn that I've never seen all the way through. I've only I've seen my scenes. I've actually never watched any of the sex from it. I have, but it was really being on a porn set was pretty funny. Yeah, what was What were some of the

things that you remember? Um well, I mean, obviously my experience was a little different because you know, I was there to like be in the porn interview Rebecca and Sophie and like it was, you know, kind of non traditional in that way. Although I guess like men dot Com does this, especially like bringing you know, kind of gay icons and like putting them in bonds and just like a like a cameo. Kim Petras was in a mean dot com. I think wasn't like fair Pheromone was

in an dot com. I don't know. I wrote a porn for Manila Luzon that I don't know if they ever actually made. But I like the day that I was on set, they weren't filming any fucking They were only filming the framing scenes. So I loved that because that's my favorite part. Of course, love the narrative. But I think like it was, it was very fun. It was very tedious, Like I mean, it's like with any

set it's like hurry up and wait. You know, you just like spend most of your time waiting and then like then they need you when they need you, and you have to like come right now, and um, I mean literally come right now. I didn't. Um. I'm sure porn have having not been a leading perform a leading performer in an adult film. I'm sure it is, you know, somewhat tedious, but it must be impossible. It sounds so hard to me. But like, does money turn you on

in porn? Um? Narratively, like if if Lady Gaga's Beautiful Dirty Rich video was adapted into a porn that would be number one people people fucking on money? That would be hot. Wow, Okay, I love that. I want to know more about like what tropes you like seek out in porn or like if there's something you specifically if not one like for me, it's like it's it's usually about voyeurism or something that's like public or and or actually and it is and like this is actually a

need for me imporn. I can't do like the slow and low stroker, like I can't do someone who is like giving like emotion and like passion, like I just actually want to be like thrown around and hit like you know what I mean. But that's all I want to see important. But that's actually brings me to a

good question. Is the porn that you actively seek out, is that actually a reflection of the sex that you want to have, or is it totally divorced from the sex you want to have and it's purely fantasy or is a little bit of both, maybe a little bit of both. I definitely, um, there are a lot of things imporn that I would not enjoy in real life. Like I don't think I would enjoy a gang bang

at the end of the day. I would probably enjoy like the first like ten minutes of it, you know what I mean, Like are the first like the person getting fucked or as one of the bangers. Honestly, either I'm not gonna lie, Probably you could just leave pretty quick, I think being the star. If I was the one getting banged, I would probably get too anxious anyways, But like, I don't know, that does not sound fun. I mean, some of our bravest warriors are gang bang bottoms. Ye,

gang bang bottoms with like braver than the marine. Yeah, holds the size of like tennis balls. You know what I mean, like prolapsed as flashed through my head. But like I yeah, no, I like fisting porn. Not really No, actually don't. I don't. And I actually feel like I kind of had to, Like I was, I was. I was with someone recently who like forced me to fist them, and I was so it was it was hot because they were enjoying it. But like like fisting people, I know,

I just here's that. I have no problem with fisting. I like, I just like it. For me. It's it wasn't hot, and I think it has a lot to you with like how beat up this hole was. And I was just like I was like, oh my god, girl, I mean, fisting bottom a lot of times you're causing like permanent alteration to like the size and shape of

your whole. And I was like to Dr Evan gold Evan Goldstein, that also is like something to not endorse on the pot like botox and your anus, Like you should you should not be doing that, you know what I mean, unless you have to, of course, but like don't like plan to ruin your whole, you know what I mean, Like everyone, even fisting bottoms, need to be

careful about how they like engage. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is this person like was one of those like bottoms where like their their whole and they're like there the inside of their body is like so desensitized to like any kind of sex that they could only come if they get like hit by a car, you know what I mean. That's really like how it is.

And I was like, I was like, I just I was like, I just topped you for like an hour and a half, bro, like couldn't feel like, yeah, exactly called people bro when you suck them never never, never, And if anyone called me bro, I would call them out bottom out there. If you're listening, don't listen to her. You are beautiful. Your asshole is beautiful just the way it is. Okay, wait, here's here's a nasty question. Since you asked me about being a bro or just be

getting called a group bro, what are some things? Is there anything that happens during sex that you would just never happen in real life or something that that that's like something that something that you know has occurred during sex where you just like that is antithetical to like who I am as a person. But I just did

it because I was horny in in the moment. Well, I don't know about sex so much, but I definitely feel that way about like porn and I watched you know, there are there are are porns that I have watched or types of porn that I watched that the second I come, it's like I have to throw my computer against the wall and then it breaks into a million pieces and go into witness protection. It's like like the set. Like the second I feel to come, I'm like, I

have to call myself. I am the most susting person in the world. Yes, it's post First of all, that's a scientific phenomenon post quatal tree stie have balance. It's why I still watch all pouring on my phone in an incognito window, even though it's my phone. It is literally I also so I now no longer use incognito

mode on my computer. If you typed in literally any letter is gonna be dripping, and especially if you type like x or whatever, like just never into my anyways, um x x X. Ryan is so good at finding photoshopped nudes of male celebrities just by looking up celebrity name gay x x X. That is that is the formula. I love fake celebrity needs. They're so funny. They're so funny. But when you find either a really bad one or a really convincing ones, those are the job that can

really get you home. Um yeah, I can seem a range of porn. I'm actually pretty proud of that. Like if you if you went to my like porn Twitter, like I I like a range of things, but um, yeah, I drink into some really basic porn like little you know, like just like twunks, like like basic white twunks with the little baby voices that are like like sometimes yeah, like I hate that ship, but it's like so it happens that. Yeah, I mean I definitely, certainly, I certainly

have desires that I am shamed by. But there's nothing that I do in my actual physical sex life that I'm not like happy to own up to. But I think that's also as a product of not being very kinky. I'm pretty vanilla, and that's that's I mean, Well, I think you're seeing you're I think you think you're vanilla in comparison to your friends, but I don't I don't know if you're holy totally, I wouldn't go, well, the kind of the kind of sex that I'm usually seeking

out is pretty tame. I you know, I like very basic kind of you know, you love missionary, not not missionary, but like, I'm really more interested for play than fucking. But I really like asses, Like I love I love holes. I just I love eating people out. It's like my favorite thing to do. Um and I mean and fingering people. And that's why I like, I do like fisting, even

though I haven't done it that much. Yeah, I don't think there's anything that I'm into sexually that I'm I wouldn't want to own up to, because I also have had a life and a career where I have been very open sexual to pretty much the entirety of the people I know and the Internet. That's actually true of

me as well. I've talked about pretty much almost every sexual experience I've ever had on Food for Thought, and I I think for me one of the things that I was thinking about that I actually really like in bed. But I think it's just kind of like what the like. I love when guys are like, I'm gonna get you so fucking pregnant, you know what I mean? When guys are Yeah, when guys are like Yeah, you want like daddy's milk or something like something, do something disgusting. Yeah, yeah,

nobody's specifically them. Yeah, like I'm gonna get you so fucking pregnant, like literally, like they will not stop talking about getting me pregnant, and that to me, it's like a little jennerifirming. I'm not gonna lie. But the idea, I mean total is body horror to me, like I could never, would never be pregnant. Ever, I don't believe though that what you're saying is that you're into white

twins is the most shameful porn thing that you're into. Definitely, let's dig a little deeper, you think, OK, so, what's the kind of porn that you, you know, engage with that you are ashamed by, that you are comfortable revealing to the virgins? This is a safe space, um well from all the thousands of people listening. Yeah, to be honest, I'm not really ashamed, so to speak. Congruoss to me, like like anything that you think people would think you should be ashamed of. Yes, I mean I love coercive

porn like I love coercion. I don't watch rape poorn if that's like your kink like, you know, that's like a whole other conversation that we don't need to have. But like I do like when people are like like kind of they don't want it, So like when the character doesn't want do well, do you do you watch gay porn where one of the guys is straightercive porn? No, no, no, no, that doesn't get me off. Straight people don't don't hate

I hate that. That's the majority of gay porn is still centered around the idea of getting a straight guy to it's not sexy to me, but you know what the closest thing that sexy to me is is fraternity brother porn. Oh really, yes, there's this there's this psych called fraternity X And it's all like these like college quote unquote people like like hazing each other and the coercion of that. I feel like people would like be like you should be so ashamed of that, and it's like, no,

it's it's like a part. It's like I think, like like hazing porn. It's like hazing porn. Oh my god, isn't that really like so not me? Yeah, but it's so not you that it kind of I kind of get it. The thing the trope, the things that if they're I'm attracted to do a lot of things. And I think that the through line and most of the

porn that I watch is about a power dynamic. I think that's actually true probably of most people, but like for me, I I do like specifically like a specific sub and a specific dom somewhere in the mix of what this is. And I in my own sexual life like playing both roles. And that's something I've only recently discovered it by myself. I feel. Have you ever watched

porn in public in like a theatrical um arena? No, not outside of or outside of like Eastern Block, you know, going to the Eagle or whatever where there's porn on the walls. So you've never been to one of those like adult xxx like video like porn stores that have the video booths. Have you? You give that vibe? Okay? Well, so you know I went to college in in like posted Giuliani in New York City when those were like not as available but still existed, and like um, you know,

especially in like midtown um in Chelsea and Hill's Kitchen. Yeah, I used to like go to the place where they have the video booths and you know, they're like glory holes or like you see someone's like in a room with the door open, jerking off, and you know, things happen that I would be very into that. It's some it can be hot, um, I mean it was hot for me. Was like one of the early ways I found just to like find people you know before your um like when you're still figuring out cruising, that is

a way to get laid. I also have watched um porn that someone made in the room with them. Did we talk about this? Did I talked about Definitely? Not? Okay. I when I was in like when I lived on the Lower Side, Um, like right after college. We my apartment. There were five of us who lived there and we were friends with like a lot of the people who lived in our building. And our upstairs neighbors were this straight couple who we used to hang out with a lot.

They were like very cool and one time, we remember this, one time we went up to their place and they like there was a video camera set up and I think one of us jokingly asked, like, what were you guys like filming yourself having sex? And right shar was there, yeah, and she was like and they were like, yeah, actually,

like do you want to watch it? And like a party of us like watched as they turn a projector up to the up to the ceiling and like the watching their sex table and people and people like slowly filed out like one after one, until by the end I was like one two people left watching it. I don't remember. I don't think I was like, I wasn't into it, but it was just fascinating to me that these people like clearly enjoyed showing that off to us.

Oh yeah, that would be that if I was the person showing people this this porn, like that would be hot to me. I would love for someone to like the idea of people consuming porn about me. Yeah, that's really hot, Like I avoid easy sex. Wow, I think. But that's why it's the kind of I just don't understand how they got there where there they were, like, let's ask these neighbors who we don't know if they want to watch. They probably baited us by leaving that

camera out. They wanted us to know. They wanted you to know they were freaks. They were. I mean, but no judgment, right, no judgment. We're not king shame. But you are also do kink shame a little bit. The thing for me is, like, again, I am not super kinky, and I find a lot of kink to be kind of embarrassing just because for me personally, just because the amount of set up in negotiation and like props and stuff.

I don't have time for all of that. I think that, yeah, that there is some part of that sometimes when you're doing when you're in the moment and you're like trying to like be kinky or whatever. I consider myself like lightly kinky. It does feel kind of silly. I can't do role play really, I can never commit to a bit. I don't want to inhabit a character. I've done some role well, you know, I was a b F a acting major. The pain role play I used to do was in chat rooms. So that okay, that I can

do roleplay over text. Yeah, so that website I was mentioning before litt erotica had a chat site and I used to go into there and I would pretend to be a teenage girl. Oh, I do have a question for you. Have you ever watched straight porn? Um? No? Not I I really I've never Okay, actually, no, that I have watched um, and then porn of Lorena Bob. It's like ex husband, the guy that got chopped off. I watched like most of that porn. Did you find it arouse? No, not at all. I was watching her

research purposes. It was actually like the least sexy thing I've ever seen. But like, no, to answer your question, no, not really, but but you do occasionally. I do watch straight porn. I mean I did when it was all that was available to me, obviously as a teenager. Um, and then like whitched, you know, primarily to gay porn and like post transition. Yes, I do watch straight porn sometimes, but like the thing about poor and post transition is like gay porn makes me feel depressed about the fact

that I'm not having gay sex anymore. Straight porn makes me dysphoric, and trans porn just makes me sad and crazy. It makes you feel crazy. Yeah, So like that is part of the reason why I don't watch poor, or why I don't masturbate to porn as much, is because all of it is a little loaded in these different ways, and the straight porn is really its own thing. Yeah, I agree with that, as is gay porn. Transport also is like mostly not made for trans people, you know

what I mean? But I love, um, I watch a lot of poor little trans men. Oh yeah, I didn't even I was thinking of trans I was only thinking of trans woman when I said that. Actually, but I'm kind of newly into watching transmask porn. Do you watch any um like weird porn, like tentacle porn, or like monster porn or animated porn. I watched an animated porn recently. That's like of mons. No, it's of monsters. Fucking I

have to show you. I've seen a lot of porn. No, this is like I think these are actually the monsters from Silent Hill, fucking not Silent Hill, and like they're grotesque, and I love monster porn. I um, don't love monster porn. It's just for the virgins. These are two open brains like muscly like they look like kind of like exoskeleton muscular chure. Yes, and then just like skulls and talents and one of them and one of them is using like a ten foot long tongue to eat the other's ass.

Oh I didn't even realize that was what was happening. So okay, I love love love animated porn. I love like Mr x tune or whatever the funk that guy is. I don't I should subscribe to his patreon, honestly, because we should be supporting porn like with our dollars, like

porn creators with our dollars. But I also like every time aim that, like we get that like five second ad for like the porn game that will make you come in thirty seconds, you know what it's like, This is like trying we bet that you will come in

thirty seconds watching this porn game. And it's like two of the most like bulbous, like they look like literally like slick filled to the brim with liquid and covered in oil, and they're kind of like to me humanoid, and that to me is kind of weird and that and that thing really turns me on. But I've never actually tried the porn game. Have you watched? Have you seen the porn of Tarzan? And my low? I did more than made I unfortunately, Yeah, like I know, I

also jerked off to it. I I don't not all the time, but it's definitely been multiple times and it's an excellent Okay, actually no, no, let's pick it apart. The sounds effects my God. The sound effects are good, the sounds of the fucking, so I have the sound of the great I have a theory though about the dial because sometimes the dialogue and these porns based on

intellectual property, like like copyrand intellectual property. Sometimes the things that they're saying to each other are like very random, like like he'll get fucked in the ass, and like Mila will go or something like you know what I mean, Like they probably use like a sound from a video game. Yes, yeah, they're using video games or like I watched I've I've watched this port a couple of times recently. It's animated porn of like a humanoid lab being fucked by a

like humanoid maybe great Dane. And it's the sound like the sounds are definitely coming from a video game or something. Great Danes are hot. Great Danes are hot. Tony the Tiger is hot. I would let Tony the Tiger do anything he wants. Older Simba after he stops being a teenager. Yes, who else is always in porn? Like like cartoon characters, Hercules, Hercules, Dad, if you want to talk about incess porn. You and I texted each other a lot of but it was

during the Hercules episode everybody was for work. You know what I love is trans Disney princess porn. I didn't know. Oh yeah, it's like she male Disney princesses where they look the same but they just have huge cost Oh my god, I would be very into that. Actually, I'm not into it like sexually, but I think it's funny. Some porn is just funny. Some porn is just objectively funny. But wait, wait, wait, what porn is funny and gets you off? I guess like that. The Tarzan one is

kind of that, yeah, animated stuff. That's the July porn where they hit hit the ping pongs with their day. You know, it did get me there. I have watched some you know, um like Marvel parody. There's a Captain America Fox the Winter Soldier porn that's like men dot com or something, and it's like, I don't even think I jerked off, Like it was just silly. Yeah. At a certain way, you have to look at yourself and you're like, what is my life? Where am I? Well? I you know, I don't um get off to fan

fiction anymore, even though I still read fan fiction. Sometimes they do think it's like very find it very scintillating. Yeah, I'm definitely reaching a purity in my life where I feel like I'm getting horny from fewer and fewer things, or that the things I think that, Yeah, that is kind of depression. Babe, Um, does danger make you horny? Do you like like auto erotic asphyxiation or any kind of arotic Do you like being choked? I love, love,

love being choked and choking and porn. And I do love when like a guy will like, you know, put put his foot on your neck or whatever, like while he's like fucking things like that. Like that was one of one of ties early porns, very iconic image of him having his face stepped on. While I love that. I used to it used to be his um like profile photo of my phone for a really long time. No, not that. Oh, we love tie At, one of the best out there. Yeah, he's so good. I'm trying to

think of I love Sharrock. I'm trying to think of my favorite porn. No. I love seeing Tie in ads on like porn Hub when I'm scrolling looking for things. Wait, let's also talk about the search for the right porn, because baby, the way, it could take me forty five minutes to find the exact right thing that will get me to come in under two minutes. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah,

But why is that? Because, like you, I primarily start searching on Twitter, like I just kind of go through and I tried to latch onto something where I was like that's what it's going to be, and then I try to find the longer video or whatever, like how do you like how similarly you know, I will like start with a sort of like general search and then find something that I'm into and then look at the related videos for that because I'm I'm actually it's the

algorithm that's finding me the thing that's actually gonna work. Because sometimes for me it's like one science. I love science, I love algorithms. I love being data minded. We have the technology. Because we have the technology, we love to be surveiled. Um I Yeah. Sometimes it's like as simple as like a porn actor or whatever. It's like, oh, I've never seen you before, and like I want to

find something with whatever. And other times it's like I actually want to see like this position, or like I actually want it to be like Jackhammer sex, or like I needed to be in a shower, I need to see your ass from the side. Or what about when you want a specific porn and you can't find it, you know you're not going to be able to come

until you find it. Yes, It's like it actually becomes like a stupid mind game at this point because you very well could just calm, you could just come, But it's gonna be so much more satisfying if you find that specific thing that you're looking for. And sometimes I really feel like I'm not going to be able to come unless I see that thing that is what I'm

hot for. It is I think like from a sexual health perspective, it's healthier to like edge right, Like it's it's better to prolong the process than to like have Lovian le training your body to come in two minutes um, which is why a lot of people come in two minutes. But I feel like, I think the thing about like gay porn in general is that just like because like men make gay porn, it's very difficult to find porn that that feels like it's actually for either of us,

you know what I mean. Like I feel like a lot of times like I'm even if I'm turned on by things or like the whatever is going on, it's like really hotter. I'm not going to get like get to completion for like whatever. A lot of times I'm just like like this is like why can't someone just make something that feels good after I come? You know what I mean? Kind of even I'm just not even

expecting what what you want? Like a non binary porn kind of but like not no, like I I really they're obviously they're like non binaries like like only fans or whatever they've subscribed to. But like it's just it's not the lens. The lens is still gay mail porn, you know what I mean. Well, the lets I'm well, you know, the lens, and I think probably the entire industry is just centered around men men exactly, and it

doesn't matter if it's the male point of view. Yes, and obviously there are there's like arthouse porn and like independent porn that like U is trying to like you know, fix some of these things, but like literally like like whether it's straight porn or like trans girl porn or like gay or lesbian porn, like a lot of times that porn still has the male gaze on it, you know what I mean and sometimes the male g a y s. Yeah exactly exactly, But I don't know. I

would love to produce like radical, radically different porn. I think that would be so fun or like in erotica, Like I I'd love erotica. Didn't you write erotica? I did right in erotica for you porn and then they like a ghost in me. But I still got paid, which is great, and now it's gonna be published in like a coffee table book of hellme Ester. But I meaning erotica is great. We should bring erotica back. Writing

sex scenes is really hard. Oh really? Yeah, Well I just I've I've written to from my novel now, and I like it's so I know what I think is sexy, and like I also know what I like what's going too far, and like you know, I still I like want it to be kind of like vague and like artful, but like still sexy. And that's such a hard balance to strike. Yeah, it really is, because like eroticism is usually in what you don't show or what you don't say, and so which is why erotica like a lot of

times just goes all the way. And so when you're trying to write something that um Garth Greenwell, amazing writer has a lot of like thoughtful kind of teachings and writings about erotica specifically, and the balance we strike between something that is like garish to something that is beautiful. Um, but like both are good. You know, like you could totally write something that is a little porny and still make it funny, memorable. Um, real right, like the realness,

the realness. Yeah, because that's what I wanted. My porn is reality more than anything. And also what I want my porn is RuPaul. No, oh my god, would you watch RuPaul get fucked? No? If if like RuPaul's knew it's got leaked? No, no, no, no, I would not want to be scarred for life? Would you you would? Yeah? I think he's so hot with not. Next week we will be taking a journey into the wardrobe as we discuss Nan Yeah, Tilda Swinton, Tilda Swinton, Mr Tubness Paine.

But yeah, stay tuned for that slide into our d M s at like a virgin nine and tell us what nasty, kinky porn you're into or I mean maybe not, but that could cross the mountain dream I mean, yeah, just can say if you want, you can know, don't, don't, don't Actually I don't want to know. Tell us what makes you horny? But like in a chill, I don't know. Like, let's not get to Paris. So unless unless, unless you're

unless we are just a couple of shy girls. Um okay, Yeah, the d m s are always You can always give it a shot. You can, Yeah, you could totally give it a shot, but don't give it a shot into like a Virgin. Full hold, but don't slide into full hole. Send full hole to like a version, leave us a review on Apple podcast It helps us out so much, even if you know it's like a little spicy. Um, I'm your co host Rose Dammy. You can find me anywhere online at Rose Damn you and I'm fran Tarata.

You can find me at France, squish co. Wherever you want. You can subscribe to Like a Virgin anywhere you listen to podcasts and leave us a rating on Spotify or review on Apple Podcasts. Whatever, whatever floats your boat. Like a Virgin is an i Heeart Radio production. Our producer is phoebe Under, with support from Lindsay Hoffman, Julian Weller, Jess Crane, Chitch and Nikki tour until next week. Bye.