Pound My Ogrussy (feat. Laurel Charleston)

Okay, So first image is donkey fucking human Fiona.

Oh no, not human Fiona, that's unnecessary. She's sheen am me no.

May not my name? Yo yo yo?

What is your childe?

Rama?

I am a cook?

You know what's going down before us round.

Welcome to Like a Virgin, the show where we give yesterday's pop culture, today's takes. I'm Ra's DomU, I'm fran Torodo, New York City Virgins, Tristed Area Virgins, Virgins with frequent flyer miles. We have some very exciting news for you. We are doing we are doing another pride show. Oh this year in New York City. We're doing a pride show for June, for pride. Did you know it's pride?

Did you wait? Is it for pride? It is for pride? Do you feel this pride?

I feel proud in the biblical sense, like I have a lot of pride, and it's sinful.

I see is that a thing? I don't know if that's a thing.

It's out of the seven deadly sins.

But let me tell you what can rose? What can the girls expect to see if they come and see us at the Bellhouse, Because this is a one night only thing, and we are only doing this except we'll probably do it again next year it again, Yes, well that's a thing. It's like we're only doing it, like you know, every now and then, so you only have a few opportunities to see us.

What can they.

Expect, Well, the girlies can expect to see us waring what I'm sure to be our incredible looks. Yes, they can expect to see producer Phoebe, who will be in town. They can expect to see a special guests doing various things upon the stage.

Yes, surprise performances maybe. Yes, we will be having slide shows and interactive materials perhaps.

Yes, we will be maybe commentating over some piece of media and giving our thoughts and opinions on.

It, and also things that aren't that.

We have a little bit of a cabaret plan and you will gag at the programming.

So our Like a Virgin Live Pride Spectacular is taking place on June twenty sixth at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn. The show is at seven pm and you can buy tickets now at the Bellhouse and why dot com. That is the Bellhouse and why dot Com. So put it on your calendar and we'll see you.

There also the posters on our Instagram, so please share it, like, bring your friends, bring your ex'es, bring your booze, Like, let's make it another episode of the Ultimate. And this is I guess, our first in situ Pride Month output because everything else you've heard so far.

This June was pre recorded, so you know, quote unquote happy Pride Month, everybody.

Let's start right here right now.

Like a Virgin is celebrating by launching exclusive merchandise, which was actually so fun to do. We have if you haven't checked in on our Instagram lately, at like a Virgin for twenty sixty nine, we have released our ezros. Calls it a summer collection or I think that was your idea.

Yeah, it's our it's our Pride drop and you can buy it exclusively at like a Virgin four twenty sixty nine dot com. There are T.

Shirts, hats, tope bags, hoodies.

You know, if you're gonna be going to the parade or to the rave or whatever this June, why not do it while also repping your favorite podcast and giving other smart hot people the chance to say, oh my god, I listened to that podcast too. Yes, I mean, what's fuck.

The designs like Rose and I brainstorming on the designs was like endless fun. We you know, use like wiki comments to find like royalty free slash public domain, like classic neoclassic art and mythology like imagery to put like gay phrases on top of. And you know, anything that's on the story you can probably find in different colors or as a tank top or as a crew neck or as a toe. So you know, get it, get into it. We were your pride. We we're doing it,

So thank you to all our friends for showing up and having a fun day with us.

Rose fran you, I was just going to say a Rose head strap. Yes, it was devastating, couldn't be there.

It's been a rough June so far. But you know what, I'm so excited about. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not excited about Pride. I actually actually last week my friend Ryan and I booked a cabin upstate for Pride weekend so that we could escape the city.

And we're here.

That's so nice now, that is how you Pride period, exactly escape.

Yes, I want to be as far from New York City and all parades, parties, panels as possible.

Wow, there was a lot of alliteration in that sentence, so much.

I also escaped the very first days of Pride month by, you know, hopping over to London Town just over the pond to see one Beyonce and Rose like do you believe? Honestly very welcoming. The majority of the people that I did hang out with ended up being trans, and I went to like some cool gay parties. I went to like a drag show while I was out there, British.

Rad you go.

I went to Admiral Dance. I went out with a friend and I specifically asked. I was like, show me quintessential British drag, like down and dirty, sticky floors like dive bar drag, and they delivered with Admiral Dance. Girl, Rose, have you ever seen British drag? It's like so bad? And they know, like it's bad, like they love it. They like the drag bad like they like drag with like lace showing lash falling off like mug yeah, mug dirty, like singing off key, always singing live, like making jokes

I think? I think not.

It's really only in America that we do the very bizarre, the very.

The genital mutilations on children. Yes, yeah, I mean I have an excuse because I'm Jewish. Yeah, I don't know, you're you're my culture is my penis is not a well.

I the queen like when she she was just like she was like, what are you coming over?

You have a full skin of what? And I was like, well I have I like really amazing British ac man. So yeah, coming with a poem for some fool skin.

That's even better.

And I said I said no, because I have it. And she was like, well you have it? Well, I thought you were American and I was like, well, I'm Latin American.

So that's my excuse.

I'm really glad that I am not generally generally mutilated, and I don't think that we as a society should be circumcising people.

But that's another conversation.

So so you saw Beyonce Randon the reason we were talking about London the first place.

Yeah, I did. Beyonce also huckle the crowd and asked about their full skin.

Yeah she did. That was how she actually kicked off her Monday tour. Yeah, her five dayst in London started with foreskin jokes.

It was amazing.

I will not spoil the concert about spoiler, Well, I'm I'm most I'm talking to the versions, but.

This is this is half my podcast, and I want spoilers because I want to.

Know well more.

So, like it's really difficult to like summarize and describe like what Beyonce did on stage because it was so sublime and unnameable and indescribable. But I will say it is probably the best live performance I have seen in my life and will ever see. And I'm very biased because Beyonce is my queen and I had never seen her before and this is probably my favorite album she's

Going to London to do it.

But I did work through the numbers and I did want to see her with really good seats, and this was the way I could do it, so, which is by you know, going into credit card a little bit, but that's fine.

We also did escape the nightmare that I will experience going to the MetLife Stadium in late July.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not looking forward to that, but I am looking forward to seeing her.

I'm very excited. I also saw a concert recently, although it was not quite Beyonce.

No, Natalie Merchant is pretty much the same. So I actually have no idea who this is. Will you describe, okay, Virgin, So.

Natalie Merchant is a sort of iconic nineties singer songwriter diva. She's very Lilith Fair vibe, like I think she like literally performed at Lilith Fair. She started out in the band ten Thousand Maniacs. She has this really famous nineties album called Tiger Lily, and I grew up listening to her because my mom loved her, and also my older brother is obsessed with her. He's seen her like one hundred times or something. That's probably not even an exaggeration.

Okay, I feel like I understand it completely now. Yes, so you were the mother and your brother was your gay son.

Was a gay son? Yeah, kind of I.

Speaking of you know, so classic legendary Caucasian Americana songstresses.

I'm seeing Joni Mitchell this weekend.

What where?

Oh my god, I didn't tell you this. So in December, Justin gifted me and my bestie Ben Wagner tickets to see Joni Mitchell in Seattle, which will be her first live performance in twenty years live concert rather and probably her last. Like it is, like, I don't know what's gonna happen. I have no idea what to expect. She is doing this with Brandy cart Well.

One thing you can expect is her hair is going to be in those long ass a girl from Matilda braids.

Absolutely, that's all we hope.

I hope she's in a cute little fit like I hope she's wearing like a beret and like you know, has sunglasses on or something like, Oh.

My god, that's so amazing. I'm so excited for you.

I'm also extremely jealous, I honestly. Okay, so here this will make you less jealous. It's in a venue where you have to camp.

Okay, I'm not jealous. No, although no, you know, I love but I do. I do love camping, but not to go to a concert.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, honestly not totally sure on the details, but I do know that we have to like rent a campsite, camp equipment, like all this different stuff because it's a you know, non conventional kind of like outdoor zy like woodstocky venue, and uh yeah, I don't I don't know what to expect. I honestly like I am not emotionally or physically prepared for this trip. I

It's worth it. It's worth it for the experience, and I can't wait to hear all about it. Speaking of camping and lesbians, I heard a rumor, which was from your mouth before we started recording, that you watched some of the new Queer season of The Ultimatum on Netflix.

Yes, I have, per your recommendation.

Per per my order.

Basically, well, I really wanted to watch it, and we wanted something to talk about today, So I feel like, yeah, like I knew I was going to watch it eventually because I'm just waiting for something to satiate the kind of like sky high I felt when I watched Are You The One? Season eight which we did an episode on with Honey bluetone ages ago. You should go listen. It's like, actually one of our funniest episodes. But I

Okay. So I think I watched the first season of the Ultimatum, and I don't remember the straight one, and I don't remember it being especially amazing. The queer version. Oh my god, I am so entertained by these lesbians and how much they all seemingly hate each other, hate their partners, hate, hate their new partners, hate everyone. One of my favorite moments was when the host Joanna whatever from REBA walks in and someone is like, oh, are

Yeah, you could tell that whoever produced like was like, we really need to get this out of the way, and I was like, actually, it would have been way better if you just didn't acknowledge that. I also say when she I wasn't, I was like watching it while I was answering emails, and when she walked on, I caught in the glimpse of my eye the host, and I was like, I thought it was Krishelle.

It should have been Krishell. I don't know why it wasn't. I don't know why it wasn't Kreshelle.

Ever went out to her, I bet Krishelle didn't really want to be like a voice for the queer.

No, she would have done it.

She would have done it well, yes, but also like she has on the okay, sorry, just slight, little teeny tiny tangent on this most recent season of Selling Sunset, which of us.

Why niko tiny, Let's talk about.

Pause on ultimatum, Let's talk about Selling Sunset. This season phenomenon was amazing, amazing. Chrishelle does not. I think she kind of said, in not so many words, actually, in a lot of words, she said, I don't identify as queer basically, which is awesome and cool and good for you, like love.

Is love, But like she's she should be gay, she should be a gay girl.

I thought what you took from that, I thought it was more that she's just like, it's not interested in putting the label on herself.

I I think I think that's a very I think that's a really diplomatic way of saying I don't want to identify as queer on the lgb I mean, she probably identifies like on the LGBTQ spectrum, like at most.

But I felt like, which is fine.

I feel like, when you're in public and you're doing this thing for the first time in your life, like you don't want to give everything to the public. So I'm like glad that she's protecting that for herself. But I was also just like, you would be so happy as a gay woman, and.

Like, I feel like she's but maybe she's not gay. I mean, she clearly is attracted to men.

Yes, that's true, she's probably by. She's probably by.

I mean, she's whatever she is. She's in a relationship with them. What did you think of GF a Fab nine non binary person. When I think of g flip, I was sound like a kangaroo. Yes, I was surprised they weren't on more of the season because I felt like they hyped that relationship up so much. But I loved them together. I loved their like they're like energy. They were giving me very much. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban vibes.

They're just so into each other basic and well basic sounds derogatory, like what's a fun?

Like?

It just feels so sweet and simple.

Well, they're just obsessed with each other. And I'm sure they have incredible sex. G flip was I didn't realize that they looked like that. I would. I would definitely like watch their sex tape. Yes, it would be really hot. Chrishelle is so hot, and it seemed like they just have a lot of fun together. And also they probably understand how amazing this relationship is for their individual public profiles,

Yes, I agree, and that's that's totally fine.

Slash.

We want it. I want to consume it. I also wish that there was more g on this season. I also have never really been much of a Chrischelle stand when I like put up my little bracket for selling Sunset cast members like Chrischelle I think like from the first season, I felt like was a little timid or a little too aware of the camera or a little too like m not in not really like going for

Nicole is Nicole like really did what she had to do with creating drama.

Oh yeah.

That being that being said, she is a huge loser megaflop doo doocoka and I am a thousand.

Team Krishelle people.

I'm also Team Krishelle anybody that looks I'm Team Krishelle in the Krishelle Versus Nicole drama. Although Nicole is really good at reality TV, I had no idea that the bald guy Jason has dated three members of the office and has I know it's so, it's so.

Someone needs to call HR. But as they said multiple times, they don't have HR I can't.

And not just that, but like for Jason to say not just that he's dated, like he's had three significant relationships with his employees, but that those three employees still work at Oppenheim and are the quote unquote three greatest loves of his life.

Like he said that hold each other.

Yes, he's only been in love three times and it's with these three women and they all work in the same office together and he's their boss.

What Oh, did you hear that he and Mary Mary Lou broke up? This has happened recently.

I did not hear this, but I mean, I can't say I'm surprised.

I did see someone tweet a picture of them and say they were giving tea for TEA couple.

Too obvious, low hanging fruit, low hanging fruit.

But you know, look when it's right, when it's when it's right, it's right.

She's like a foot and a half taller than him. I mean, anybody that dates him is going to be a foot and a half taller than him.

I especially considering the heels they wear, the way those women dress up like they are in District one and the Capital of the Hunger Games. To go show a house to a to a billionaire wearing like a Henley Is. It's so insane, but I love it so much. They are just not living in reality because the thing is, like, people don't dress like that in Los Angeles. You and I, as now former Los Angelinos, know that people don't don't

Yeah.

I love the fashion on selling Sunset, but it's not quote unquote fashion like TM fashion. Like it's like really like a lot of it is like really tasteless, like really bad, but really like expensive, like it looks expensive, which I kind of it's.

Very it's very first thought. It's like it's like whatever the stylists that they're paying for out of pocket just pulled directly off the runway. Like it's not like they're wearing like archival stuff and no, no, it's just it's just like a lot of like Balenciaga and you know, yeah, but they look great. I mean they're all so hot and skinny and terrifying. I liked the new editions. I wish there had been more Divina that one line where they were like, where's Davino. Oh, she's a burning man.

Oh.

I almost rolled off my couch. I was laughing so hard. God, that was so funny.

I mean, if they were allowed to record and sign inside Burningham, I would have loved Burningham, Birmingham.

I'm back to London. Sorry, it just keeps slipping out.

Let's let's go back to the ultimatum. Because we didn't really talk about him much. Okay, so you know you still have a lot more to go. But I will say from the beginning, I think it doesn't happen until episode two that the main like schism of the season happens, which is that Lexi hates Vanessa and sort of gets all of all of the other cast mates on the

Know what you are, and we love it. And I want to watch the season two of that where they've all transitioned or.

And yeah, and like I will be in love with.

It would make the show hotter, way more chaotic, way more dramatic.

I'm signed up and it's already.

It's already both of those things, and as you will see as the show goes on, like there is just something I mean, we talked about this when we talked about are you the one? There is just something inherent to the way that queer people react interpersonally and like and also a love within seconds within seconds second and the way that I mean some of it is annoying, like the amount of times people have said, like you didn't show up for me, talk about trauma.

Communication therapy like.

Processing, it does. It does get exhausting after WI. But these women plus because that's what I'll say, because I don't in a plus they all identify as women. They really just go there and it in a way that just straight people on reality dating shows don't.

I already love the show. I'm gonna watch every single episode just on the conceit, like we'll talk about this, you will probably talk about it more, but like at an on another episode. But like just like con see of the show is crazy, like it is an unhinged like narrative conceit for like a reality show, and like for them to arrive at this show, you know, quote unquote in a relationship, which I think it's kind of crazy.

I love that conspiracy theory.

I I yeah, I don't know, I don't know. Maybe maybe not, maybe not, but I again, only one episode in.

I just feel it's a show that was It's a show that was so perfectly conceptualized for lesbians because it's like, come here, break up with the person you've been dating, immediately start dating someone else, and move in with them for three weeks, then go back to your ex, and then decide which one you want to be with.

Like that was made for wlw's.

It's wl w's.

I'm excited. I'm really excited.

It's like you should be, you should be. You know what I'm excited for is for the virgins to listen to our discussion all about Shrek with our guest today, Laurel Charleston.

Oh oh, Laurel Charleston is a celebrity makeup artist. She is a social media tycoon, if we can even call her that, one of my besties and one of the funniest people I know. This was such a fun little conbo to do because you know, you.

Know, you're an all star. Get your game month, go play.

We've been having quite a few little viewing parties with Laurel. We did also do a Patreon app with her on Mulin Rouge, which will be coming out at some point.

So speaking of Patreon, yes, I was just about both Frand and I saw the new live action Little Mermaid and we talked about it on Patreon. So if you want to hear about that, you can go to patreon dot com slash like a Virgin and subscribe and get all the juicy tons. Okay, who is the Shrek of the podcast? Who is the donkey?

That's easy? That's so easy, Rose, what's good? I mean, Laurel, what's the correct answer.

Okay me, Laurel, do.

You want me to call someone a donkey?

And you know we just watched this for the Virgins, we watched Trek two together.

I'm so sorry. Rose is the main character and is wearing green and fran You are the chaotic donkey who you know we might be taking a five minute uber, but you're still gonna be asking us every second if we're there.

Yes, let me tell you that's the correct answer. I am always, always, always the annoying sidekick. I am the scuttle to the little mermaid. I am the Lazo to the lion king.

You're not your Sebastian because you're the anxious one who wants to follow the.

Rules, that wants to that wants to snitch. I always, I'm always.

You're actually not a rule follower, you're a rule breaker, but you're still a snitch. I'm still a snitch.

I'm still a snitch where I need to be where conveniences and benefits and protects me, which is you.

Would say you identified more with a donkey and not even like a Puss in boots scenario.

Puss in boots I wish I could pull off. I mean, we would all love to be puss in boots, but I'm just simply not puss in boots.

Right.

No, A few people are what about the dragon? Dragon is is kind of that's that's it.

Yeah, I means, let's let's talk about the facts that. Okay, Donkey, Donkey and Dragon are a tea for tea couple. This is this is can this is canon, this is factual. It is what it is.

That is a six foot four trans woman I'm.

Sorry, six with her shi yeah, six ft five with her with her trans mask, three years on tea boyfriend yeah, six who who tattoos for a living. Yeah, and the and the boyfriend wears cyrus just so that they can kiss at the club. Now the boyfriend wears like boyfriend's kind of got like hype beast vibes, and he wears like Rick Owens sneakers, Yeah, but with urban outfitters geens. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh.

And then that means the doll is in CEO's, which means that she's no, she has she's buying more expensive shoes than CEO's. The Dragon, Okay, there's lots of gold. Some girls like me don't have sizing inexpensive shoes, so thank you. For flaunting your tiny, tiny, feminine my sis feet, your sis gender feet.

I know I wear I do wear an EU size forty one, which means I can fit into most luxury brands.

Laurel and I am so mad?

Are you mad at you? We have transgender feed so anyway, trans from the ankle up.

Exactly, well, from the ankle out, and then from the wrists up because I kind of have ciss hands too, They're very small.

Damn you bitch. Oh you fucking bitch. I'm gonna get you and your sis hands.

Okay, okay, So Shrek.

So, Laurel and I watched Shrek too, and at the end of Shrek two, the dragon comes back into the picture with dragon donkey babies, which the question, yes, how do they fuck? And is donkey the and that makes donkey the No, no, no, Donkey's the bottom. Donkey's for sure the bottom, and carry the babies carries the scenario yes, yes, absolutely, okay.

Thank you? Yeah, okay, So we're getting pretty These are pretty advanced questions, so I think we should rewind a little bit back to the beginning. Shrek The Shrek. So Shrek is a two thousand and one film that was like not it was dream Works, it was not Disney famous, and it was I think like around this time specifically, there were a lot of animated movies that were like four Kids, but that were also kind of for adults or like the adults really liked because there was a

WA's mother, Cameron Diaz.

Cameron Diaz is Fiona.

Laurels gagged, right, yeah, gag one of honestly, some of her best work, yeah him blessed. Okay, wow, some of Eddie too as well.

Eddie Murphy on like the Voice of the Devil, I mean.

And some of Mike Myers's best work. I mean, Mike Myers is a king in some ways, and he gives me chaser vibes, do you think es?

So does Eddie Murphy kind of Eddie Murphy.

I could see Eddie Murphy maybe a little a little chase here and there.

I mean, Shrek is Shrek as a franchise is very trans Okay, go on, no you go no, hold on, no, no, no, no, no, and I'm passing the potato. No, no, no, no, wait wait a second, yes, so chanced. You literally have the wolf who's literally called.

Like a gender queer wolf verbatim. In the second movie, you have, uh, there's a woman. Oh ohaie stepsister?

Oh the ugly stepsisters are clocky tea shop?

Yes, hello, you know I've never felt seen and validated in cinema before, and that very exact moment.

She literally is a bartender ANDed mood ring for sure.

Like let's say, you know, Shrek one laid the foundation, but Shrek two is the moment I now, come on. Now, Only until Laurel and I watched it did I realize and agree that that Yes, like obviously the first Shrek was such a cultural moment, and like because we had never seen anything like it before, it has that that you know, that aha moment value. But like Shrek two has the gags, the songs, the twists, the new characters

I haven't either, didn't like him. I just didn't like him in Trek. Apparently the latest Pusson book movie is pretty good.

I won't be seeing it, but I hope that everyone who did enjoyed it.

That's what they call me in a pair of zeros.

Okay, Okay, if I was Puss in boots, the boots are Margella tabbies, obviously, right, I'm serving Puss in these boots, would.

Okay with your cisgender feet. Yes, of course you're servings in those Margella tabbies. Okay, I'm gonna be sticking with my fourteenth.

They make no offense. They make men's tabbies, so you could get yourself a bear.

I'm going to transition that too.

Wow, Laura other reactions to watching Shreck too when when we were watching it together, Like, what were your thoughts?

What were you feeling? What were you thinking?

I mean so iconic, right, I mean first of all, like how many times does like one person transition in the storyline? I mean like one second you're an Ogre, one second you're not an Ogre, one second you're an Ogre.

Again.

I need that alone, Gaggy.

Laurel was Shrek okay? So you're young.

I discovered this recently and I hate it, and you.

Can get I'm young, you are.

You're twenty six, twenty seven.

So Shrek would have come out when you were a baby baby? Was this? Yeh? Was it okay? So? Yeah? Was this formative for you?

Like?

Was Shrek something that you watched a lot as a kid? Like?

How did it shape your young transgender mind?

Mm hmm.

Well I wasn't transit until I saw Shrek, and when I was like, you know, I too could be this glamorous ogre and paint myself different colors. I mean, oh, that was also the beginning of my makeup artist's career. But no, I grew up in a small town in bubble Fuck, Pennsylvania, and we had like, you know, one TV in the living room that had a small and we had one CD player, and we had two CDs in our entire house, actually three. One was like a

Oh, the smash mouthification of America incredible. So now Hey now You're an All Star and hey now, hey no.

Blinkin eighty two, there's like funky Town.

There's like so funky. It's the reason that I knew the song funky Town. And you know, there was the the nineties were really obsessed with the seventies, and I do think that this is coming at the tail end of that, and now that we're in a twenty year cycle, you know, over the last couple of years, people have been obsessed with the seventies again, like all the TikTok garlies are doing like their fucking curtain bang shit, and like you know, like bell Bottom g are bell Bottom

That's not funky.

But the music supervision stunning, stunning for Shrek one, incredible, no skips, Laurel. Yeah, I feel like when you were watching this together watching Shrek two. Specifically, there is the kind of like plotline of returning to your home, you have a completely new identity and press and presentation, and

I don't know what I'm even trying to see.

Either of you brought a significant other home that your parents disapproved of. My parents have only ever met one partner ever boyfriend when I was young, so no, but.

They would.

Or at least like or rather actually they would do what the King and Queen would do, which is just approved quietly, but to my face be like, oh my god, we're so happy for both of you, and then like plot against me and in their spare time and then like yeah, yea yeah.

And you have a fight. Honestly, my parents disapprove of me, so if I brought up a partner, they'd probably be obsessed. You know, they'd probably be like, oh, are you not tranced? Cool sit at the front of the table, you know. Yeah, No I haven't. But honestly, if I ever returned back to my hometown, I feel like that is how it would be, because it's still like it's it's like a time like I drove past to like recently, like two years ago for the first time, like eight years, and

Old he haw times. Yeah.

Let's just say they would probably have the bow and arrows out for me.

You've rose.

I assume you've never introduced someone to your parents.

No, that's not my view.

I'm wondering what that would be like for you. You did have to do that, like a wet if you had a wedding date or something.

Oh, I mean my mom would be like obsessed with them, you know. My mom would be like try to be like the most supportive ever, and my dad would just like say something embarrassing. Probably, yeah, I just that's not something that's like super important for me to do to get like family approval on someone that I'm you know, dating or whatever, you.

Know What's Honestly, I don't know if this is true for you, Rose, but like my some introducing someone to my friends, the stakes are way higher.

Like one, yes, yes, yes, yes.

If I bring If I start dating someone and I have to like introduce them to you, Rose and.

You Laurel like.

That, it could go bad, it could go south. And I mean and I have had some some opinions on people that you have, you know, been involved with involved with luckily never like dated dated well maybe actually, but regardless, Yeah, I do think that that it's like that's like a much tougher hurdle to go through because they really will converse with you.

It's not just like familial.

Yeah, So let's ask this question again. Have you all ever introduced a partner to your friend group and their reactions have been adverse? Because I, yeah, I would love to know that I feel like we the stakes are higher.

No for me, but I not not really, but like I have definitely had besties introducing me to their waves and I was like, oh, this person's warming or like this person's so basic, Like that is tough, Okay.

So I I like have not really, but I have had a very weird friend experience with a friend of someone that I wanted to hook up with, which is I'm just following the rabbit hole for the sake of the story, please, So I uh, back in the back in the old. He had times when love Gun was

Yeah, did he want to watch that?

I don't know if he wanted to like join, but I was not into him in the way that I was into the friend, and it was we do they like this? I don't think, So that was not the vibe that I got. And I don't know, like cause like today, I mean obviously, like I would never be in the situation today. But if I was in this situation today, I would have just told a friend like hey, loser, go away, you know.

Hey, fad Yeah.

But for some reason, I like entertained this tomfoolery when it happened, and like, yeah, I think they were at my apartment till like noon the next day. We might have all gone and got breakfast together.

They stayed. Wait this was at your apartment?

This was that my apartment.

You go outside and get like a package and just lock them.

Are you into being watched or watching?

Because I am no No, I'm not. I mean, like it's one thing when I've been at like sex parties or places where just like group sex or like outdoor sex is happening, but it's not like I'm not doing it to be watched. But if they're happened to be people watching, like okay, whatever, but.

You're not going to bring a third just to watch. No, it's not.

It's not something that I seek out because I don't like to perform like that. I bet you do, though.

I I mean.

I know what frand loves a right like to watch, but they love to be.

Watched, love to be watched.

I love to be watched.

I haven't really experienced a scenario where I'm strictly watching where like two people are gonna fuck and I'm there to watch and do that I actually thinking, I think I think probably in coach.

I would.

I would love it. I'm really into like live sex. Like sorry, I'm it's definitely a kink of mine.

Yeah, I would just feel left out. No, I would love to watch.

I would be actually pissed the nice too.

I would leave the thing about watching that I like is that you don't really have any responsibilities other than to watch and and when you're watching, you're still elevat in the experience because you're making it hotter for them.

It's hot for me.

Like I get a free you know, it's a a free little you know show.

They're like shouting explicits in the back.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm like throwing like singles dollar bills at them.

Laurel.

What about you, Laurel?

Yeah?

Do you like to be watch so funny? We actually are talking about this. One of my first sexual experiences. Grew up in bumba Puck, Pennsylvania. I had, you know, a fling with this one guy earlier, and I was it was a friend of a friend who if you knew someone who knew someone who was gay, like ten years ago, that was a huge thing, like because people just weren't out, you know, like ten years ago was

We end up making a sex trafficking yeah, literally, and in this like straight guys bedroom. I was like what and he so I got fucked and we were fucking, and then the one boyfriend while we're making out, just slowly my grades to the corner of the room and I'm you know, becoming fully participatory with this other individual and the other.

One is sitting in his like rotating off his deck's desk chair, not in that chair like gachair. Yes, no, it was a gamer chair.

It was a game of chair like it was a gamer chair, like a fifteen clined. He like put on his head set with like the very high back.

Yes, yes, back higher than the shoulders right, and like and he he's there. I don't even know he was like touching himself, but he was just watching and I'm getting fucked, and I'm like, you know, it's like you have a feeling when you're in a room there's like something on the corner of your eye, like what was that? And it was just this James watching James James, and James was in the corner pulling the page while I'm

Of kind of wow.

I Honestly, I love cuckolding. I don't know why.

Yeah, I love glove cuckolding, cuckoldry. I don't know why. But when you cuk aldree, I don't know why. But when you said like that, you like turned to the corner and whatever that there was going to be like a Renaissance painting, and these like eyes like moving like someone behind the Renaissance painting, like peeping through like.

That should be a was going to be there. What if that was a thing like it?

Okay, instead of glory holes, it was like someone watching you through a painting.

Honestly, And it's my face painted the comone and.

Yeah, yeah, girl with the pearl earrings. No, No, it's like.

It's like it's the Scream, but it's like the mouth that's a glory whole.

Yeah, and her face is like a full house labs?

Did you know that? Did you know that the mask from Scream is based off of the painting the screen?

I actually love the Scream.

That's so good. I didn't love. I had no idea.

I love the primary antagonist of the Scream franchise, who goes by scream No.

His name is ghost Face gender neutral icon.

Their name is ghost Face. Anyway, back to Shrek. So Shrek two is the best Shrek movie. And I've only seen those two, and but.

There's three, and there's three, and there's four.

Christmas special yes, and a Broadway musical and a movie of the Broadway musical and a spinoff series.

But the musicals is actually really good.

It's like really good.

It's actually really good. They really lean into like the cross dressing wolf scenario, and they like reference it a couple of times in the stage play.

What did they say, Okay, don't tempt me with the good Who plays the wolf?

It's Ben Platt.

And if you see the trailer for a theater camp that came out today with Ben Platt in it, it actually looks really good.

Oh look, Ben Platt can really pop off with some of those notes.

No, I live for him.

It's great, I live for him.

Wait, we have to talk about the Fairy Godmother from Shrek two, played by the legendary Jennifer Saunders, who fran like literally does not know who she is. She's also an absolutely fabulous She's been yes, she's been in literally everything. She is the dvdal herself, and she plays the fairy Godmother and sings. Does it cover a transcendent cover of holding out for a hero that still to this day is not available to stream on Spotify?

Why what crazy?

I don't know.

They robbed her of those residuals like she would literally like how many times had a drag brunch I've seen somebody you know before?

Oh my god? And also like all the I mean literally just yesterday I saw a picture of Helen Mirr and it can in an all blue outfit with blue tinted hair, and I tweeted it said holding up for hero and this is it's a look that has been done before, like Gaga at the Oscars the Year of Stars Born or no, the Golden Globes the Year Starsborn. She was in blue with blue tinted hair, also looking like the Fairy Godmother.

I love she She definitely does like I feel like the FFAs of the Shrek World, you know what I mean, Like it's just like a potion at that point, you know, like right, you know, I mean that was gender firming surgery for Shrek. Tell me I'm wrong. That was gender firming.

When she turns him into a human, Yes, a hot human jawnline, you know, don oh, oh my god, the fucking gaze on Twitter, who go crazy for the dad from inside out? You know, they would suck human shred off with it until his body desiccated, until he was a mummy.

They would find him at disco.

They would suck him off so hard that his body turned inside out and then disappeared into like a blip.

Those are the same gaze that would quote tweet a picture of that transformed Trek and the caption would be a pantone color of what they think the color of that man stick is.

Yes, And it would also be something like until the castle wall, you know, tumbled down, until the swamp ran dry, I mean dry, until the onion went bad.

Pound my ogre russy, honey, Oh not ogre russy, you know, like maybe like oh gussy, oh gussie, gussy, Oh grussy, oh grussy.

That's aggress.

I mean we all know, Rose that you are more sexually attracted to Shrek as an ogre than Trek as a human.

Yeah. Absolutely, I mean I need those little I need those little like things on top to hold on to when I'm sucking his face.

Wait, I didn't even.

I didn't even think about that as like an actual practical tactile thing like those are.

They're up here for a recent so you can just you know, handlebars. Wow, So you you would face Shrek down, that's what you're saying.

Image.

I would facebalk shrek it down. And you know, because he's an ogre, he loves you'd come. He is a come guzzler.

Well, if the Shrek porn that I've seen.

You not that I have a ton to give, but whatever I have, it's his.

I mean, just a little dribble, a little dribble.

Do you think the semen is green?

His semen? I think it's sort of like a MUCUSI like like mountain dew like yellow.

Oh yeah, mountain.

That's so funny. I literally got a product. Way I think this is what it is.

Literally, it's like it looks like he's very dehydrated, but he actually like he comes a lot.

Oh what about like I feel like this like specific shade of green maybe like.

Ooh ben nye, it's literally called slime.

Let me do a little swatch test, a little.

Oh swatched to come on swatch test.

Oh god, I was gonna say that Shrek must be great in the sack because he doesn't care at all about like, you know.

What do you think?

I mean, when you fuck Shrek, you do not need to do. Yeah, you got to be an ink. He stinky, kinky kind of girl. But what can he likes musk, pheromones. He a pisskink for sure, pisskink. He's a pheromone.

The dragon armpits.

Oh pits, Oh my god, Shrek.

If you got caught a whiff of Shrek's pits, you would probably like you're you would have an aneurysm.

Pit's feet taint. He probably loves to suck on it.

Oh, he loves like a champion.

He eats ass.

He's like me eating ass, like he will eat I'm Shrek, Well you are the main king, Like I'm not Fiona, I'm Shrek. You do get And you know, Shrek. Shrek has like had such a cultural resurgence recently with like I mean we were talking about there was a Shrek grave a while ago. Multiple the whole like gorpe core fashion thing is very Shrek vibes. I mean, Shrek meme culture is huge. There was that TikTok filter where like

What you have?

I mean girl, uncut? Uncut for sure, uncut, but Shrek. I think Shrek's megma is the color of that thing you were just checked. Yeah, that's that's the magma.

No, I mean no, Shrek is definitely definitely an inky, stinky girl.

Are you an inky stinky girl? Do you like smells?

No?

I really don't like people who smell.

I really don't you, Laurel.

No, you know what is the worst for me?

No?

I I don't like smells, particularly those of the oral kind. And when people say that they're in to spit and then they like spit, and then it is the most thing atrocious taste smell anything in the world. Has that ever happened to you?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah?

And what was your solution, because.

I literally threw a man off of me onto the floor on My solution was being like, don't do that again. Because the thing is, I don't have a spit kink, but sometimes it works, like there have. I can maybe count on one hand to the amount of times in my life where someone has spit specifically in my mouth. Because I don't mind being spit on. I like spitting on other people a lot, But I don't mind being spit on, but having someone spit in my mouth like nine times out of ten, I'm like it was discussing

They need to literally brush their teeth right beat four. I remember. I just remember. At one time in twenty sixteen, I was working at an opera company and kid cod for the summer. I was playing French horn and I was meeting up with like a sneaky leak. I found a grinder like thirty minutes away in the middle of the night and this hotel motel, and it was like this kid was like kind of my age, like also

I have to go.

Meanwhile, my transphobic sisters thirteen states away, and I'm just trying to get out of the sneak thing.

And I did I never called you by your name?

Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, I I I know.

I I don't know how like people who spit I'm using the inclusive terminology, people who spin.

People, yeah, I don't know how they find me there.

I'm always spit on, always spinning in my mouth, like in my mouth, and people like, I'm like, not, it's not like a hard boundary form or anything, so of course, I like stick up my tongue. I'm like, but like, I I don't like being spit on on my front. I want to be like you could spit up anywhere on the back, anywhere.

The spit on, spit on you know, another orifice or like some genitalia, you know, spit on something that you're that like needs to be lubricated. Hello, I'm good love enjoy.

Yeah, you know like fans like, yeah, people spit on me all the time. I want down the street and they're just spitting at me. It's it's everywhere. They just keep spitting everywhere.

Just NonStop. Not my thing, not my tea.

But Rose, you have consumed quite a lot of Shrek porn, and I feel like you should share your insights.

I have not consumed a lot of Shrek porn.

Quite a bit of Shrek.

I've seen Shrek's dick a lot, and maybe like one or two ancillery images, but it's not something that I've actively looked for. I could right now, when we could live react to it.

Oh yeah, where is shrekstick going in this porn? Who is he fucking?

I'm going to google Shrek porn.

Sometimes they do, like these pornos will have like different cartoons from different series fucking each other.

Like I'm opening up.

Our group trans trans Fiona porn girl, that is Fiona. Yeah, exactly, why would I even Oh that's not what I was looking for. Oh my god, this one has Jennifer Saunders in it.

No, no, I just got the text.

No, Oh my god, it's fusting.

Girl that cocked. It's giving, it's giving.

Oh my god. Way, I just found the fairy Godmother and she has like it looks like she's enchanted a dildo to fuck her. I'm sending. I'm sending that.

She's ahead of the tech guy.

Oh my god, I see one. Oh my god.

Oh this one also, can we talk about nipples are pierrest? That makes complete sense to me. Yeah, like it's and you know, it's like it's not just like a softcore piercing, it's like a bar.

Oh my god, this naked trek is really sending me for some reason.

Was that done with AI?

I don't know, girl, it looks like good.

This is the strongest argument for AI I've ever seen.

Wow. Okay, I wait, I found the dragon.

I'm looking at one right now where Jennifer Saunders and Fiona both have dicks and they're coming in dragon watching this dragon.

Oh yeah, she's got to be Bill for sure, this dragon.

Oh my god. Wait, I found trans Fiona and trans Ferry.

God, no, a little Bushwick couple.

Oh.

The polycule.

This is the only polycule I want to be.

Wait, can we talk about this. All their dicks are different colors, but the heads of all of them are pink. So even the green dick, it still has a pink head. That's interesting.

That doesn't really make sense to me, but I'm well, you know, it's it's fairy tale.

It's magic.

It's magic, it's magic.

Oh my god, this donkey one wait?

Okay, dragon swallowing the donkey.

What would y'all wish for if you had one wish from the fairy godmother, if you wanted her to kind of help you.

Do something over beautify you.

And it has to be something personal, right, Yeah, it can't just be ffs No, I would have her.

My wish would be to go back in time and see Madonna's Confessions tour live.

Ooh okay, I would do that, but like maybe the Fame Monster tour the Monster and also like invest in apple stock or something. I don't know, what about you, Laura, invest in Netflix stock? No, not that, but that's not worth anything now.

I'd probably rob Rob with your wish.

How so you know, you'd be like.

Make myself invisible and then steal a bunch of stuff and like just give it away. But you only get one wish so then would you be invisible forever invisible on command?

I assume.

Oh, actually, I didn't think this went through. I didn't think this went through at all.

The parameters are way too, way too wide.

Okay, Fran, what's your wish one?

Which I would love for my ask to be fatter. But there's non magical ways to make baby M sculpt.

They're expensive, not M sculpt. Hmmm, yeah, I'm not sure.

I would love bigger balls. Really, that's not something that I mean, My balls are normal, big big balls. That's honestly not my actual answer, but it was something that popped my hairt I was like, I would love bigger balls. Every time I see like huge ball that I want. You want like double double d's double d's double d's down.

There, you want to have to like double b double.

That's like not my real answer, but that'll be my answer for now. Okay, great, Okay.

My actual answer now is I would be as smooth as a dolphin because I have pale skin and light body hair and light facial hair. And when it comes to lasers, it is the number you can't you can't get that ship laser, the laser can't find it.

No, it can't. Yeah, it's electrolysis or bust for you. No hair by hair, no bye, follicle by follicle base. I know I have I have very light I have read facial hair, so I have a similar struggle.

Yeah, well, I guess I'm going to the trek.

You know, girls like girls like us.

Yeah, yeah, well, we just need to find a fairy godmother and then we'll be good to go. Slide into our dms at Like a Virgin for twenty sixty nine and let us know. Are you an ogre? Are you a dragon? Are you a dot dot? Have you seen Shrek? Stick?

You can follow me at friends, wishko anywhere you like.

Like a Virgin is an iHeartRadio production. Our producer is Phoebe Unter, with support from Lindsay Hoffman and Nikki Tour until next week. Au Revoir auahir

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