Not me, Not Hermione, YOOAUR

of passage. Yeah, But also I feel like the let's make a podcast stage of our friendship was our entire friends. We're just like, how can we capitalize off of our deep connection and intellect and humor? Are witticisms and cultural knowledge? Should we introduce ourselves? I feel like y'all know who we are. But I am frand to Ron and I'm Rose damn you and this is like a virgin our new podcast that you were listening to for the first time.

Isn't that amazing? You are so lucky you, You are so lucky and so special, and I love you for listening to this podcast. You were talking the way Oprah talked to Gaga right after she did with holding her shoulders. No one does that. Um like a virgin is really our friendship in podcast form because there has been this trope in our friendship where I will, you know, like mention something like a movie or a TV show or like a cultural phenomenon. I'll be like, oh, scream like

at that, and I'm like, oh, I've never seen that. Yes, And during the pandemic especially, I feel like we spent so much time introducing each other to pieces of pop culture that like the other one loved. I think it

was more like me force feeding you pop culture. I will say it was a mixed bad because some of these things where I was like, wow, I can't believe I've gone this long without seeing the Elvira movie, and then with things like Twilight, it's like I very proactively have not been watching this and by choice, and then you tape my eyes open. I think that dynamic is like pretty emblematic of like the very different ways that like you and I grew up, you know what I mean.

I think that was like kind of slutely. That's like something that came through as we were like you know, in the pandemic, like months and months just like vegging out ordering really bad pizza because we're in Los Angeles and cannot do pizza. Um, discovering that you know, you really have like an unfettered cultural like encyclopedia, especially when it comes to like cult classics and like queer gay kind of like canon stuff, and you were super sheltered

and didn't consume any of that. Actually, yeah, maybe that's helpful context. Okay, So like I don't want to get too deep into it, but like just the gist of like baby Fran and how I grew up up until maybe like my freshman year of high school a total Jesus freak okay, like purchased Jesus themed shirts at the Family Christian bookstore had the where you jerking it to Jesus. I don't recall actually ever jerking it to Jesus, but I definitely have been aroused by biblical cartoons and the

Prince of Egypt. Hello Everyone's erotic Awakening. But like literally like the w W j D bracelet, like I listened to like Reliant Kay and switch Foot, and like only listened to Christian music. I went to church two to three times a week. I wanted to be a Jesus Camp counselor. I went to Jesus Camp seven years in

a row. Like I there was nothing that could like throw me from the dedication I had to our Lord and Xavior Jesus Christ, except of course, when I realized that I like to have sex with men um and that kind of I was just like, oh, actually this is fine, and I'm kind of over it. Um. But

that was how I grew up. And because of that, my parents, like all my family fundamentalist Christians, really like sheltered me from the rest of like mainstream culture, with a few like weird exceptions that we'll get into at another time, but like most for the most part, I grew up in a cultural vacuum. And so I didn't know who the Spice Girls were, and I didn't know that scream was a thing. In fact, I wasn't even allowed to watch any of the horror any horror genre

stuff at all. How did you grow up? Bros Well? I think that my cultural knowledge is partially the product of um, a lack of supervision. UM. I'm a child of divorce and I have younger siblings, so especially in my formative years when I was a teenager, I just kind of like had the read them to do whatever I wanted to and consume whatever I wanted to do with like very little parental oversight, and that meant a lot of exploration on the Internet. I was also very

much like an indoor kid, very Matilda energy. I was a big reader very early, and then that segued very organically to the Internet, and I discovered fandom and fan fiction like pretty young and just kind of like consumed every kind of pop culture I wanted to and was

very obsessive. You know what's so funny is like reading is really the gateway drug to corrupting all these kids, because I don't know what your parents were like, but my parents were like, you can't watch this, you can't go to this, you can't do this, you can't have slumber parties. But they were like, oh, if you're gonna go read a book, like reading is just good for everybody. You can get anything. Nothing bad happens in books, nothing

bad happened. Then I would be like, literally, you know, in like the y a section, finding every book that had like a very a grazing, eclipsing sex scene in it, and like I don't know, pulling my page. Um, but I feel like that I have to say I hate that phrase, slow my page? What what do you what do you hate about it? It just doesn't sing to my ears? What what would what would you prefer? I say,

I'm jerking off, jerking mas masturbating. Um I loved in in Spencer when when Kristin Sewart says, can you leave, I'd like to masturbate again? Just solidifying it in the lesbian cannon. We will be talking about Spencer today. UM. I think part of the reason why our friendship works is that we're coming from these two very different point of views, but also are unified in our obsessive love of the things that we love and our desire to

share those things with the people we love. Yeah, Like, one of my biggest love languages is like, if I love something, I really want all my loved ones to experience it with me, honestly at associopathic level, Like if you watch like an episode of your Hostice of Everly Hills and you don't tell me, like, I'll be sad, yes that that has happened, probably probably pretty recently. And also you know, our text chain is like do you

want to go to the movies tonight? So we can see this movie together because we have to see it together, although under penalty of death. And that is the energy that we're going to bring to this podcast. We are going to be introducing each other to these formative pieces of media, and if not you know, introducing, I think at least introducing the other person to a different part of it or a different like point of view on it.

And sometimes we will be joined by guests who will aid one of us in force feeding the other some some piece of media or maybe neither of us have watched end. Our guest is going to come in and say, hey, y'all are missing out on X, Y and Z, and I think, you know, and the visions in the in the world of like a Virgin don't always have to be us. Sometimes they will be you, our listeners, and you will experience whatever we're talking about for the first time. Yeah.

I think that if there's one thing that like we want people to take away from this podcast, aside from, you know, a showcasing of our friendship and our witticism. I wasn't reaching out for you to hold my hand. I was just stretching right. I will reach out to grab Rose's hand and she wasn't reaching from my att she was just stretching. And this that is our friendship

in a nutshell, Oh my god. What you can expect from every episode is that, you know, we'll start off talking about what's going on in the world, what's going on in pop culture. Then we'll get into our main discussion, whether it's like a book, a movie, um an era, an album, and then we'll you know, finish it off with like a a fun little game or like a

prompt or something. Will change it up, will change it up, fran Yeah, I think that one of the things people will begin to understand about this podcast is that this podcast is hosted by a Glinda and an Alphaba. Jadis. Can y'all guess who who is who? I don't. I don't think it will take a mastermind to or or really even listening to the whole episode to figure out that I am the Alphaba. Fran is the Glinda. That's right, Alfie.

I do not quite have like the register that Christian China with possesses, but you know I can sell it. You'll get there. I should actually be practicing the new canon Glinda, which is someone who's who's gonna mumble a little bit maybe say yeah, I can't do it. In case you've been living under a rock, last week it was a announced that the Wicked movie, which I still don't believe is actually happening, has found its leading ladies in Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arrivo. Cynthia Rivo is amazing.

I'm also really happy that a black woman is playing Alphaba. I'm also grateful that someone's playing Alphaba who will actually hit the note into buying gravity. I am really looking forward to Ariana in a blonde ponytail um, appearing in a bubble and going the Wicked Witch of the West is dead. Yeah, she's such a theater gay. Like she is such a theater gay. Well, I mean, there was that tweet of hers that people were retweeting about how she wanted to play Glinda one day in two thousand eleven,

but also you know she'd wanted Alphaba. No, she did the Wizard and I on that Wicked TV tribute a couple of years ago. And I don't think that you're Ariana Grande getting cast in a Wicket movie, and don't like think of the possibility that you could play Alphaba. But I really like that because I think wanting to be the star is very Glinda energy. It is so

so she will bring that to the role. And let's say, you know, Wicked is even though it's alphabets story, like they are kind of co leads, even though Alphabet has more songs. Yeah, I am honestly just here for an era where in Ari is trying to be in movies because she was rumored for like Meg and Hercules, She's been rumored for, like other casting opportunities. I feel like she's trying to do what Gaga is trying to do,

which is what share did you know what I mean? Like, I think they're all trying to do the pop start to like actress pipeline. But does that mean we're going to get you know, serious press tour Ariana Grande in a bunch of you know, like of ugly pink dresses if it ever happens, because she does not do good red carpet. Look. I love Arianna, don't come from me stands, but she does not usually serve on the red carpet or you know, there's going to be a green carpet

at the premier. I I'm excited for the tour. I personally, I'm a big um John, I'm Chew fan, Like I love crazy rich Asians. I think that like his style of directing is kind of like I hate that I'm saying this, but like he's doing what like Basilerman used to do with like maximalism and like sense like that this kind of sensational like big like I think that saying he's doing what Basilerman used to do. Well, Basilerman doesn't make movies anymore, No, but Basilerman is what he

does is nowhere near as stylized as what Basilerman did. Okay, well, I'm excited to see what he does with Wicked, But I also have to say that the people that have this adaptation in their hands have a huge responsibility because we waited two decades now for this to be solidified, and if it is postponed any longer, days will riot in the streets, there will be an uprising. Well, there's lots of other movies that actually have come out, and we have seen a bunch of them, all of them.

We have nothing to do. Yeah, well, we're also in prime movie going season. Last week we saw Dune. Um, well, okay, subjective, I saw Dune France. Slept through most of Dune. Okay, we we got blitzed, dear audience, we got we got very stowed. Um. I kept hitting my vape in the bathroom. Oh my god. It's a movie about a space twink that everyone wants to fuck and it can't be interpreted

as anything else. No. Um. I also did love the very like boring modern names that all of these space here has had, Lady Jessica Paul, there was a guy whose last name was Idaho. It was just like weird, like come on over here, Brad Jake. Yeah. It's also a heartwarming road trip story about a boy and his mom. Wait, they go on a road trip. Yes, you were asleep, fully asleep. Look the recliners that the a m C.

Universal Those are some nice chairs. They hit well. One movie that you didn't sleep through that we also saw this weekend was Spencer, starring Kristen Stewart. And let me tell you my expectations for this film. We're kind of low not to be a total bitch about it too late. And I don't say that to like Meg Kristen Stewart, but I am not like a twin Hard and I'm not like a a case do writer die? And so you're not a Chrismian. I'm not a chrisbian. Um, that's

what we call ourselves. I am not a Chrisbian. And I went into this movie with no expectations and I left really loving what I saw with a handful of exceptions. What did you think? I loved it. I thought it was so beautiful. I thought Kristen was incredible. She will win the Oscar. I think she'll be nominated. I don't think it's a shoe in for a win. We will have to see who she's up against. But I think it was Oscar winning work. Like it was obviously very serious,

but there was an element of camp to it. It made us both laugh well I think spoiler alert at the end, Diana's dresser reveals that she's in love with her and it kind of it kind of it took me out of the movie a little bit, Like we we were definitely laughing in the theater, but it was in a way that kind of only added to the appeal of the film to me. Like I liked that

it was a little ridiculous. It took us side of the movie, and that rose dug her nails into my arm and we clutched each other for dear life while rocking back and forth, because the fact that this dresser came out to her was so absolutely uncalled for. Here's something that I'll say about the movie. I don't have a huge cultural context on Diana. I've listened to the

five part series of the podcast You're Wrong About. They do a really good dive into like Dana's life and like how she was and like the Princess Dianna beanie baby, and like maybe watching the Crown is like that's the

full spectrum of like what I know about Diana. And something that I really appreciated was that it was a portrait of Diana at her messiest and and in a in a way that is like the most human, Like I think often when she's portrayed, it's kind of like this mart she's kind of a martyr or she's a victim, and she definitely is those things. And she was like, you know, abused to no end by like the royal family.

But I also love that they show that like her struggle through mental illness, and they obviously went into eating disorder, which I felt, honestly was really gratuitous and really triggery and not well done, but other elements of like how she was battling her own mind and I thought was like something that was really needed from the kind of Diana content of it, all of which we will never

have enough. Yeah, I think a lot of the pop cultural context for Diana that I have is very much the people's princess, and like only what I got as a child. My only real memory of Diana, because I think we were maybe a little young, was right after she died, driving by a Denny's where they had um changed the sign to say you know, we love you Diana, which was sweet, but also like this random Denny's in Florida, that was her impact. So I felt like the queer baiting.

I'm saying queer baiting distinctly because they cast Kristen Stewart and I want to know. So for those of the you that don't know, the writer of this film interviewed people that were at the house Diana was at that weekend and shared firsthand accounts that cannot be shared with public record. So he's using new source material that I appreciate because there's like everyone kind of pulls from the like these two biographies of Diana, and he was like, no,

I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna go and find firsthand accounts as well. And so there are things that he discovered in these interviews that he literally cannot tell the public what was in the interview. So the Maggie thing was very likely a real thing that he pulled from one of these interviews, but he can't tell us like who's who or whether it actually happened. But Maggie when she tells Diana that like I'm in love with

you or whatever like that was. It threw me through such a look because I was like, is the only reason they cast Kristen Stewart in this movie? Because they wanted this like this meandering lesbian moment that actually didn't go anywhere and had barely an argore resolution, Like what did you think of like the whole moment. I don't really think that we can call that queer baiting. And I don't think that Kristen Stewart was cast in this very serious movie two excuse a like super minor like

lesbian subplot. I think she was cast in the movie because she was She's Kristin Stewart, and she was great and who knows if that moment was in the script because it's like based on something true to life, or because you know, they added it after Kristen had signed on, maybe she had some input in it. But I also think that Diana was very clearly someone that obviously, as we've seen, people loved, you know, like people were obsessed

with Diana on a on a huge scale. And I think even though that moment was a little ridiculous, what it did was illustrate to the audience and to her that there were people who loved her even though she was going through this awful time with her family, the people who are ostensibly supposed to love her. And I think in that moment in the narrative, like she needs that life draft a little bit, even though it's like slightly ridiculous. But I don't think we can call it

queer beating. I think it's just actually, you know, maybe ten years ago that would have been like a male butler who said he was in love with her, and now culturally we're at a point where it gets to be a queer woman. Wow. I love that. That's a very generous read of it, and honestly, it's it's told me I feel like that is like how I would like to see the movie. I honestly would see it again. Maybe you know it did feel a little queer, baby though,

And I'm ready to go. There is the Gay Eternal. Yes, we saw Marvel's Eternals and girl there and I don't know if you've heard, but Eternals features Marvel's first out

and gay superhero. Okay, first of all, if you're you're saying that like it's freaking news, But if you're listening to this podcast, you are either gay or trayans or both or and you nurses hetero except everyone here, all of y'all have probably gotten an article pushed to your Twitter feed that said and probably written by me three years ago. You check the byline three years ago that has sped into your album that says Marvel announces it

it's first queer superhero. Um. And also, you may have seen my interview with Samahayak in which we talked about this and about her. Did you talk about a wig that was for a different movie? Got it? Anyways, she has amazing hair. Amazing hair she is I'm talking about in person, you wouldn't know. Okay, fine, how do you know I haven't met Samahayak, because you would have told me if you had. You think I don't tell you everything, Yes, you do tell me everything. You absolutely tell me everything.

We have a literal podcast, so you can tell me more things. Okay, So back to this queer bating thing. Okay, Yes, there's a Marvel's first queer Superhot, which is so stupid because like, I feel like I've been reading articles like that since the John of Time, like Marvel's first implicitly queer moment, explicitly queer moment, like off screen gay moment, a moment that is gay that's not gay, like the whole Venom thing, or like there was that moment in

low Ki, but like this was the moment. When we were watching, I was like, Rose, can you point out like which ones like the gay one, and like you pointed him out to me, and at at a certain point I'd lean over to Rose and I was like, wait, so he's just a fucking nerd. Yeah he didn't. So the gay character is fast dose and his All of the eternals have different special abilities like shooting laser beans out of your eye or yeah, or like manipulating matter

and illusions and turning into different people. Yeah, the gay one. His power is just that he's very smart and can invent things, and he wears rings. He wears probably seven rings, seven rings. He's an arianator there there there. He doesn't really get introduced until like kind of like very far into the movie. After there, you know, all of the eternals are like rounding up the family to fight the monsters. I there were too many characters to focus on already,

and were so many, there were like twenty eternals. Yeah, and I really would have enjoyed the movie a lot if I had, you know, maybe like five to focus on, you know what I mean. I actually felt like what they did was something of a marketing ploy, Like they were like, let's stack this movie with a ton of

different slips that have gotten someone in every quadrant. Yes, every a bunch of niche audiences, you know, like a bunch of like actors and actresses that have like certain kind of cult followings, are certain kind of audience demographics, and you have what you then have is a bunch of people coming to the theater. And for me, okay, like maybe, uh, the reason I'm seeing this movie is like for crew mail on Johnny. Okay, I'm excited to

see him. I'm excited to hear his jokes. Uh, he's really Yes, He's the reason that I had heard of the movie. This is what I'm saying, Like, this is like, this is what I'm saying. It's like I I we were all coming. A lot of people from this audience are coming for different reasons, and so someone else is coming for Angelia and Jolie and other person's like I'm

here just to see Sama Hike. But they're all in ten percent of the movie, and so what you get is a lot of people that really liked about ten percent of the movie, you know what I mean, And like, coming away from that, it would have been nice to have a little more kind of like coalescence between just a few like central characters, so that I didn't have all these different distractions. You know, there was there was

definitely not enough Psalmahiacum, and there was Angelina. Jolie was on screen a lot, but had maybe five lines, and most of her time spent on screen was just posing and kind of puffing her lips out show off. There's there's there's one scene where she's like passed out or something. I think it's because of her illness, and she's just laying on the table and the cameras direct on her and it looks like it looks like the app if you it looks like when you go to like the

plastic surgeon. It's like a picture of the after and it's in like in the surgeons like waiting room and a picture of like her beautiful face. I do have to say it was It was cool for me to see the movie because last year I went on a set visit to the set of Eternals and like walked on the spaceship. So that was cool to see it because I had been on it. Um. I went to the hair and makeup trailer and I touched Angelina Jolie's wig and then someone was like, don't touch that. Um,

So that was very fun. UM. I loved that Angelina Jolie was um serving dRIT Calmsley from Real Housewives Up Beverly Hills, and that her accent was unpinnable. I had no idea what she was trying to do. It was one moment it was like slightly British, then it was like a little Swedish, and it was a little Eastern European like it really, it really vacillated. Maybe that was the point. It's like she comes from many different places or something. But she looked so beautiful. So um as

did everyone just one, just one? There were multiple opportunities for a born this way needle drop, and let me tell you, we did not get it because the gay character in this movie kept being like, um, I was born this way, I'm proud to be me or something like that, and I was like, it doesn't matter if you love him or capital, you know what I mean?

It really would have Well, maybe you know, Gaga now with the way her movie career is going, will end up in a Marvel movie eventually, no question, no question. Or maybe well I guess now x Men is part of Marvel again, so maybe she'll wind up in an x Men movie. I would love that. Um Well, speaking of superpowers, I'm very excited to get into our main discussion today, where we'll be talking about Harry Potter. Do Do Do do do? So stick around and we'll be right

back to um. Figure out what Hogwarts house is current? Don fran Yes, what Hogwarts house are you in? I think I know, but I want to hear what you think it is right. Well, maybe we can, like honestly, like maybe we should take the quiz after this or something like that. But like I feel, okay, yes, everyone stay tuned for the end, we will take an official sorting quiz. But I want to hear what you think your houses. So I feel like most people might classify me.

I feel like you may even classify me as a griffin door. But oh okay, wow, wow, okay, that was a very quick response. I wouldn't do it that I am actually a Slytherin. Maybe not one of the evil Slytherins, because not all Slytherins are evil hashtag not all Slytherans. But I feel like I do possess a lot of kind of self involved and self propelled, like I don't know, decision making that is, like, you know, intrinsic and a Slytheran. Um.

I don't think you're that cutthroat. Are also, I think I kind of ambros I mean, you made this podcast with me, you bared witness to some like really like some some projecting. You definitely are more h You're more into scheming behind the scenes than I think you're the fran base would think. I mean you and I are equally stubborn, but I down on certain things. I don't agree with you that we're both stubborn. Um, I think you're a raven claw. Okay, I'll take it. I'll take it.

Why do you think that? Um? You're very smart? You I think are really into understanding things. Um, you'd like amassing a lot of data around stuff. You force us to be organized and what we're going to talk about for this podcast and won't let me just wing it? Right? I won't let you just wing it. No, You're very inquisitive because every time we watch something, you say, what's that? What's happening? What's happening? What? What's that happening? Why is

that's happening right now? Right? And what I usually say to you is I have never seen this before either, So I don't know. And you know, I feel like most people would say you Rose are a slither. I am a slither, Like I don't know, if there's no other question. I mean, actually, if if there were a backup, it would be because huffle puffs are we may be to their own drum, and that's probably where the most

cancers are located. You know, Like, I think a lot of people I'm doing a lot of people don't bring your Cancyrian kind of ethos into the overall picture of who Rose down you in. But you know what, the sorting hat takes choice into account, and if that's sort of tried to put me in a huffle puff, I would ship in it. Got it, got it. I think people should know how big of it a deal it is that you Rose are talking about it, and we'll get it to this in the end of the discussion.

But like Rose, you really haven't you. Everyone knows you're, like you know, a Harry Potter fanatic, but there are just certain elements of this franchise where it's just like, you know, people never get to hear you talk about this thing that is so in trench to your upbringing, like you were literally one of those people that read Harry Potter before it was cool. Yes, absolutely head of

the game. But I think what is more meaningful to me now, even than my experience of reading the books or seeing the movies, is the extracurricular experience of Harry Potter that I had. It was some of the first

fan fiction I read. It was maybe like the first thing I stand stunned stunned, stude, um and and like the early adds Harry Potter fan fiction was very well, like I think fan fiction in general, and like fan culture was something that you didn't really talk about, especially when you're in that preteen era where like everything is embarrassing and you're like mortified at the idea of caring

about something you know. But also like the like top layer of Harry Potter, the books and the movies and stuff, that was something I wanted to share to people, you know. When I read the book for the first time after my aunt got it for me as a passover present, I was, you know, telling all my friends at school, you have to read this book about this wizard boy. Um.

And then it became, you know, like what it became. Okay, so you were an evangelist for the book franchise, but you didn't want everyone to know like how deep you were in it. Kind although although it was pretty clear because I had, you know, a Harry Potter birthday party oho, although not many people came because my birthday was I was a summer baby, so like it was really hard to have birthday parties during the summer, really hard summer baby.

That's why I hate my birthday to this day. Is because my child trauma known would come to your birthday parties. Is there like an embarrassing slash funny story attached to like your Harry Potter fandom that you could share to paint the picture of who you were as a kid as a Harry Potter fan. Uh? Yeah, absolutely. I made my own Hogwarts letter because when I was first reading it, it was, you know, before it was the kind of

cultural phenomenon that is now. So they're just like, wasn't a lot of merch available, and I had to make my own. I had to d I y it. So I did the thing where you you know, dip a piece of paper and tea to make it look like parchment and staying on what I didn't I didn't get that deeper. Okay, well a for effort. Yeah, so that is like a very embarra And I put it in my mail. But I put the letter in my mail, but you did not. You're actually touching on something that's

not triggering me. And like I think that like when we're something that's like really something that cannot necessarily be described, is the emotional choke hold the Harry Potter universe had pre movie era on like just the child, the child's imagination, like our imaginations were so big when you were a kid, like kids like so unfettered, right that you were like I'm going to put this letter in my mailbox and

like I'm gonna suspend my dis liep intel. I believe that this is like mine, and that is I think one of the reasons why Harry Potter was and remains so popular, because it created this world that you wanted to live in. I think some like for some people even more so than the actual narrative of Harry Potter, they love the world and want to like larpin it right exactly and so all y'all. Even though I grew up like very sheltered, I still was such a Harry

Potter stand. I had to read the first four books in like secret, like my parents couldn't know um. But I did develop into like a full fledged like Harry Potter Stan. But did having to read it in secret make you more obsessed with it? Absolutely, because like the whole franchise is about, like because it was forbidden secrets and forbiddenness and like belonging to a world that your current world doesn't understand and like you just feel that

so deeply when you're like other kid. But like, actually, I've like literally never told this story like on a public platform. Okay, okay, okay. So I don't know how old I was when the first Harry Potter book came out, but I was young. Like, well, you're you're a couple of years younger than me, so you probably I was Harry Potter Potter's age or some of the books because they staggered a bit um, so I was probably Harry's age.

And I remember laying in bed. My mom had like put me into bed, and I remember laying in bed and thinking about like the first spell in the book, I think, which is a guardium lebiosa, or at least the first first major was the first major, the first stunt. It's the first stunt. Yeah, And I remember sitting up in my bed and being like I'm going to move that motherfucking lamp and like trying to move the lamp

by saying wing gardium lebio said to this lamp. Like that's like where I was like cognitively, And I remember you didn't think a wand was necessary. Well, I didn't have a one I should have found a stick. I should have found a stick if I had really committed to it. But as after I had started to levitate this lamp, my bedroom door, after you successfully started to levitate it, that's so cool. I was ahead of my time.

After I tried to levitate this lamp, my bedroom door opens and my mom comes into my bedroom and I was like, wait what And I like pretended you like immediately pulled the covers up. You try to go back to beding like nothing's going on, mom, It's totally chill. My mom comes in whatever, she sits down, She sits down on the bed and she says, Francisco, I, UM, I was going to leave you in your beds, but

the spirit told me to stay and watch you. And I just saw you try to levitate that lamp and use witchcraft, and I want you to know that is not okay. Like my mom told me that Jesus told her to watch me sleep from no. So that is that is a cultural background I'm dealing with going into the Harry Potter franchise and continued to deal with as like my mom basically thinks that like everything is like bruh,

you know what I mean? Anything related to Witchcraft, like couldn't watch Kiki's Delivery Service, pocus Pocus, bed Noms and Broomsticks? Do you remember that? And I never want that was not one of my kid movies. Okay, we'll do an episode. I've seen it, but it's not like it wasn't a big thing for me. It's a child God. I love that movie when I was allowed to watch it, but

I as a teenager. Obviously around the same time that I was getting into Harry Potter was getting seriously into Witchcraft in a real way, Like I was very into Wicka in the early two thousand's, there was definitely a like countercultural like Wickham moment it's happening. Of course, I've spent a lot of time in the New Age section

of Barnes and Noble and Borders bookstore. Basically, what you're saying is that we were diametric opposites in like how we kind of developed our relationships Harry Potter, but we were both just kind of like magnet magnetically, like I have to continue to subscribe to this. What's your favorite book? Okay, what's your favorite book? And what's your favorite movie? Um, my favorite movie is seven Part one. I it's right before the Battle of Hogwarts. It's a real like adultification

of the central three characters. I think it's I think it's great. I think it's beautifully done emotionally, honest, I really connected. It came to me at a time when I really needed it, I feel because that was like a new adult era of our lives too, um or at least of my life, I feel, and I um. But my favorite book was the fifth one, like the

really like I hate Order of the Phoenix. Harry is such a brat in it is, but like that's the thing is That's what I'm saying, is like when in the fifth book when Harry is all like really like emo, like I was emo too, Like I just felt like so alone and sad, and like you were emo listening to your Christian rock. Yes, yes, And I feel like I mean Harry Potter. I mean. The thing the problem with that is like Harry Potter has nothing to complain about. He's always like, oh, Harry Potter, he has a lot

to complain about. His life is pretty rong. My parents are dirt. I'm independently wealthy now and this is really hard for me. He is he is very rich. It's literally it's never ever discussed that he's filthy rich and all of his friends are paupers. Like he's like Ron will be like in the corner, like you know, eating like for lunch. He's like having like a pudding cup that he's eating with a comb, and like Harry Potter is all like do some of my cave all wrong?

He's a He's a rich white man who grows up to be a ca Yeah, that's oh my god. He literally wants to be a cop, a cab including Harry Potter's. Can you imagine being twelve and you're like, I want to be a cop? The toxicity of that child. Well, my favorite book is Half Blood Prints. Of course, of course I feel like it makes a lot of sense for you. Okay, so why I really like that it's the last time that they're kind of innocent, um you know.

And I also love the um you know, ex the exploration of Voldemort's past and um Dumbledore kind of making Harry like do the legwork of his investigation into horcruxes? Was this like after uh, he had already been deemed like a gay and so like in this it was after the whole franchise came. It was after everything was when J. K. Rowling said, he because I feel like the sixth book is when they were like, oh yeah,

and Dumbledore knits wink wink. There wasn't any gay Dumbledore stuff until after all the books and movies because the author of this book series, who has no name will not be naming, you know, didn't want to actually have to do the work of having a queer character in any tangible way of developing them in any regard. Um. But my favorite movie is Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Beautiful. It is, you know, directed by Alfonso Kuran.

It is so much darker than the first two movies, and you know, really is where all of the stylistic choices for the Wizarding World that we know now we're like really set into place. Um. And they also ditched the robes like and meshed them into modernity a little more. Yeah, they're a little bit more like real kids in that one. What about Voldemort's backstory kind of like struck you in like the sixth book, I really liked finding out, you know, like who his parents were. I think that's it gave

like this like really interesting look into his psyche. Also, Um, there is evidence in the sixth book that Baltimore is maybe trans You're not doing this? What do you mean? What do you mean? Okay, So there is a scene in the sixth book that's not in the movies because you know, there's many more scenes of them looking at the memories to like, you know, find out Baltimore's backstory. There is a scene it's the last memory that Dumbledore

shows Harry. Um. It's Dumbledore's memory of a young Baltimore coming to Hogwarts to request the defense against the Dark Arts teacher. And there is a moment in the memory where Dumbledore calls Valdemore Tom Riddle. And at this point Valdemore is just starting to be known as Voldemore, And it says in the book Harry could Tell that Voldemore was furious that Dumbledore refused to call him by his chosen name, chosen chosen name. It's literally in the book,

I swear to God Rose. And so there is a way to read that as Voldemore has some kind of gender carry and Dumbledore refuses to acknowledge it, and Dead names this this gay man dead naming Dead name a trans person, right, don't know? I don't of course we don't know their pronouns, right. So basically what you're saying is that Dumbledore is the turf. Dumbledoes are turf, and the central character of this franchise and hero of the story is a kid who wants to grow up to

be a cop and to kill a trans girl. It's like what you're saying, Yes, that is the plot of Harry Potter. Incredible. You know something that I have come back to a lot is I think when we were kids, we thought that this was like the greatest example ever of like world building, and now as adults, I can see a lot of the cracks. Where are you know? Well, Like, first of all, the entire economy of the Wizarding World revolves around joke shops, candy store, wars, and books, right,

and that's it. That's their whole economy truly, And it's it's enslavery because they have house elves. Wait, Dobby is an indentured slave like literally like it's in surfdom. Like that's crazy. I feel like they're within all of that. It's as also corrupt as fun, like this is not a democracy, like you know, like the Ministry of Magic like controls the media. Yeah, there's a lot of class

warfare in Harry Potter too. Um. I mean you were talking about how poor Ron is and like, you know, it's it's kind of like repeated over and over again, how poor Ron is. Right, But what's unclear really is like what is like the UK currency to like Yalleyan's conversion rate. I think that's like the thing that I'm thinking about is like, like like what what like that

all of these things that are very undefined. And also it's very clear that she who must not be named was kind of, you know, make ing it up as she went along, which is fine. Authors can do that, Yeah, of course, but you know I can see I see the holes now as an adult. And some of the more interesting story choices like why did Harry and Jenny end up together? So like all like Jenny is like such a kind of non character for the first couple of books never and all they like kind of talk

about is that she looks like Harry's mom. Honestly, it's giving like when Joey and Rachel get together at the end of Friends, why did they all have to end up with the person that they dated in high school. Yeah, that's actually so toxic, and clearly the person who Harry had the most chemistry with was Draco Malfoy. Yeah, egs obviously, like I feel like there is I mean, the fucking your enemies thing, or rather fucking your bullies is really

what it's. I know that's like a tired trope and like a lot of LGBTQ stuff, but like it's hot. It's I feel like the Harry Draco tension was palpable. And then you know, like marrying your best friend's little sister who's the first person you kiss in high school is so straight. You know. Something I think about a lot with like book two movie adaptations is what is

gained in the adaptation outside of the story. I think Harry Potter became in the third movie, as I was saying, like very stylistic, it didn't necessarily become cool, like, well, we'll get to Twilight eventually. But one of the things that I really like about the Twilight movies as an adaptation is that there's so much cooler than the books. You know, like everyone's um like dressed better than they are in the books. If I would say Bella is

dressed better. She's dressed better than she is in the books, because in the books she wears a lot of khaki skirts. Um. They have really cool soundtracks, and then you look at things like in the Harry Potter movies, like, um, you know, they were a lot of robes in the books, and then in the movies they have a lot of kind of ugly outfits like her Mind's fuel ball dress. I thought she looked beautiful just because she was in something

that she looked beautiful, but that dress was hideous. They actually have a replica of it at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park. Did you go? Did you see it? I've I've been to the theme parks many times. Okay, we should go together, if you get super stound to go together. Yeah, we have to drink a lot of butter beer. That sounds like I would ganty ship my

pants immediately. But you're actually touching on a really important thing that we have to address, which is that in the fourth movies, the stylistic kind of um integrity really went for their haircuts, and Harry and Ron have these disgusting skater boy haircuts that everyone's so of the time. It dates the movie so much. It really did not

age well, and I had that haircut rose. Meanwhile, her money in the fourth movie, just like you know, after kind of the second movie, they're like, we're not going to do the thing where we're trying to make her hair look bushy anymore. And then by the fourth movie

she's just blonde. Literally, any time you have a series or franchise where they start out and like, yeah, this character's ugly and the whole thing is that she's ugly and a nerd, they give up on it immediately, Like she got the Ugly Betty treatment, where like after season one they were like, I guess we should just make ugly Betty hot, right, Like that's kind of what they did. But at least ugly Betty had braces. Her money didn't even have the buck well that she's supposed to have.

Betty did get the braces removed at the end of the show. It was in the last season. She's still a whole season half season. We will be back checking that in our Ugly Betty episode. Okay, it's funny now to ascribe, you know, are are like, um, you know, two thousand twenty one perspective of like queerness onto Harry Potter, and Um, I guess what I'm saying is, which of the Harry Potter characters do you think are queer trans? A question we will ask for probably every episode, like, wait,

which which are these characters are trans? Um, I mean that we have already talked about Voldemort has some kind of gender canetically trans. I think trans. I think she's a trans woman. I think that after you've kind of described to me what's going on and the dynamic between her and Double Door, that's kind of what I'm like. She did get some work done on her face, and she looks fierce. She went down to Beverly Hills. Now

she went to Brazil. Mama, Um, I think that I think you actually plan in the seat in my head that like Luna Loved Good is giving like some NB vibes to me, like and Luna in fan fiction is always queer in some way. Really, I mean, she's so like open minded and so like untethered to like, you know, the rules of the world. I think she's giving me like non binary pan sexual. You know who's really giving

that as well? Is Tonks. Tonks Is Tonks is a metamorpha magus something some word, some word that's like two syllables too long, um, and can literally change their appearance in every way. So obviously there's some gender scenario. They are literally an animal. Do you know those books The Animal? I love Animals? I actually never read them, but the covers were we're definitely doing an animal. The covers were

kind of um, kind of hot um. Professor Trelawney reads us trans to me like a latent life trans woman. Professor Professor Sprout definitely lesbian, older lesbian, Oh yeah, for sure. Harry and Draco gay gay gay boyfriend. Draco's whole I think kind of like the impetus of his character is that he's like a tortured homosexual and that's why he's taking it out on everybody else. Hagrid is a bear. I think. Okay, there's a thing that she who must

not be named. It is going to be confusing now when we say that with a referring to Baltimore or the author of this novel. But y'all can just get you know who, you know who. There's a thing that happens where like femininity is kind of like mocked in this franchise, and like a big stick with Haggard is like he's this big, burly guy with a big beard and he does manly things, but like he comes home and he like wears an apron and he loves tea and gardening and he cries when his animals die and

stuff like that. I think it's like a joke, but I think that's like one of the most beautiful things about his character. And like the I think it's like a complete like gender, like a portrait of his gender. You know, sure, you know who you know who reads this very transmask to me? Whose um Argus Filch the Hogwarts caretaker. I also a definite trans woman to me is Madame Maxine the Giantess Shop. I'm not allowed to laugh at that joke. Um, she's a tall girl, and

she's a tall girl. Tall girls, you know what I'm talking about. The actress who played her served like that was like she was so incredible and like, honestly, the chemistry between them palpable. You know who's very cis though, is Flour Delaco. Flour Delacre is cis culture. Jenny Weasley Sis.

Although she although she gives me um lesbian vibes, Yeah, for sure, I think she hasn't set herself free yet, Like I think I think Jenny's like just honestly, one Maggie Nielson book away from Jenny Weasley is one Phoebe Bridgers lyric away from writing her broomstick right out of the closet. Oh yeah, and straight to the cubby hole peeves the pul cherk Geist. Oh absolutely, um like gender queer.

Speaking of Poulter, guys, I have you ever noticed that like moaning Myrtles, Like the whole thing is that she's like literally a sexual predator, Like yeah, she just hangs around looking at Harry while he's taking a bath and he's four teens like from moment one like like Harry's like taking a piss and moaning Mortles Like what's going on? You a nice cock? You know what I mean? There's but okay, but there's no room for subtlety, like like she must not be named really goes there like he's

in the bath and she's like, oh hoo's going and watching. Well, she's probably a trans woman because she's in a bathroom making a siss person feel unsafe. Oh my god, wow, well you went there. I did not, do, you know? When I was a nightlife producer. I had two very large Harry Potter raves. Wait what did that look like? I bring that up because for one of them, we had our good friend Channo. We both love. She recorded a track as Moaning Myrtle that we played on a

loop at one of the rooms in the party. And it was just moaning Myrtle kind of like saying like really like kind of sexually deviant things. Really that just played on kind of like a low level. Um. She was just like yeah, she was like she was like, uh oh, Harry, like come fuck me in the bathroom or something like that. I don't know. Um, it was just like it was it was funny. Oh god, that's I can't wait what did you wear? Um? Well? I

was harmony at both of the parties. The first one was Hogwarts Rave and the second one was a Chamber of Secrets. They were both really fun, and you know, we're we're full of queer people who loved Harry A. Potter and we're like reinterpreting it from a queer perspective. And this obviously was before we learned what we know now about the person I wrote Harry Potter, and I actually will get to that, but I actually need to know now, like, Okay, did you have you always felt

yourself Hermione? Like is that where you And also as a follow up, did you ever have a crush on the characters as you read them? No? No, I don't really have fictional crushes like that, even though I'm surprised. Even though I love fan fiction, it's not usually from the perspective of like self insertion. I did always see myself as a Hermione growing up, which is interesting because I am such a slytherin um now though I don't know if I'm Hermione. I think I'm more of like

a like a Pansy park in sin. I think you're kind of a Rita Skeeter if I also big trans energy, no no, no, no, no, Rita Skeeter gives me like I mean, I literally when I was a journalist, I was Rita Skeeter. If we're going to talk about all of the foreshadowing of you know who's transphobia, Rita Skeeter was this like kind of garishly dressed performance of a woman who transformed into something else so she could spy

on people in safe spaces. Oh right, Wow, I the whole time, I thought she was like, you know, a mentaphorizing of corrupt media and journal and I think she's I think she's that. But now that we're reading it on like a deeper level, like of course, and I feel like I have to say when I when I read it, I did see myself. I identified hardest with her mindy, like she was my girl. I paid attention

to everything she did and when the movies. By the time the movies came out, I developed a crush on Daniel Redcliffe like pretty quickly, like we were the same age. I think Daniel Radcliffe like got very hot as he grew older. I don't know, like in his like Equis era, like when he was like that play where he like fucked a horse. You know, I saw it like we all googled, like, you know, doesn't he doesn't suck a horse.

He kills a bunch of horses. I've read the play multiple times, and yes, there he doesn't fuck a horse quote unquote, but there is a spiritual sex, sex based like sacrifice thing that he does with the horses that involves an orgasmic climax. No, what happens is that he and then he does kill them know what happens is that he fox a girl in the because he's horning

for horses. He fox a girl in the stable, and then he feels so awful that the horses saw it that he blinds them all because he feels like he's cheating on the horse. But what I'm saying is that he doesn't suck the horse. Okay, well, I think that the playwright would leave it up to interpretation. I do feel like that is kind of something that the play is getting at, is like this this kind of like

psycho sexual thing that he has. And yes, I'm not disagreeing with that, but what I'm saying is that he does not physically fuck a horse. No way, he doesn't physically fuck a horse in the play. I was being facetious, as you often are. You know who I kind of identify with now, Professor McGonagall. Oh. You know what part of the books and movies makes me cry every time without fail is in definitely Hollows, when the Battle of Hogwarts is about to start and McGonagall does the spell

to make the castle come to life and fight. It gets me every time I have goose bumps. I do think Harry Potter is having kind of a second life or third life or fourth life, because I mean, this has been going on for so long now on TikTok. I'm not as on TikTok as you are. You're really in it with the kids these days. Hello, fellow teens um. I think we both have seen the the TikTok reinterpretation of the chess scene from Harry Potter. And when I make my move, uh, there's stuff and then and then

Ron says, not me, not harmony you. It's a very difficult because there's like a rounded r. Yeah, it's like your but you It's like why oh oh a you are maybe is a spelling you're you're you're. I have to say also that Ron, I feel like he was cast to be kind of like this like doofy type, like he was supposed to be like unconventionally kind of like I don't know all of my friend's head crushes on Ron growing up. I feel like I developed a

crush on Ron as I became like an adult. He's kind of like hot, like in that like hot in the like way that like some people look hot because they got like hit in the face with it. They look like they got hit in the face with a shovel, do you know what I mean? He's definitely someone who I would hook up with regularly and tell no one

about it, you know what I mean? Because I mean I think there there there's a certain class of people that I like to hook up with that are just hot, like kind of busted and like nothing going on personality wise or like in their brain at all. Like would never want to bring them to a party, you know what I mean. Yeah, he has dumb jock energy. It's like he's a hot dummy. Yeah, which I love me too, my favorite hot dummies. You can slide into the d

m s. Okay. So this is something that happens in fan of fiction obviously, Like they're wizards and they have sex, so like there are like lube spells, no, they're or like score out of the wand sometimes um or there's like a spell that just like loubes them up instantly, or like a doucheng spell that we need that we need that. If you, if you were you know, an inventor, if you invent the thing that allows people who have but sex to not douche anymore, you will make millions.

You are here, you will make more money than she who must not be named, and you will have it, and you will have a theme park, and you're dedicated to you in your honor. Our producer just dropped a Hermione Belatrix fan fiction in the chat, and I think we need to do a little dramatic reading. Should I be Hermione and you can be Bela Tricks? Oh no, this is on fan fiction dot net. Okay, so this, this Bela Tricks Hermione fan fiction is by an author

named peace Love Belatricks peace dot love dot. The title of the of the title of the fan of fiction is only Her, and there is a disclaimer for this chapter was which is this will have lesbian sex. So yeah, wink face. So yeah, how old do you think the person who read this was fourteen? All fan fiction authors are fourteen? Of course they're either fourteen or thirty seven, there is no in between. Got it? Got it? Okay?

And now we will give a dramatic reading of only Her by peace Love Belatricks an excerpt, an excerpt, and Fran will be playing Hermione and I will be playing Bellatricks. Well like we can take turns on the narration. Okay, I didn't think you were capable of looking at a mud blood like this, asked her money, while eyeing the woman carefully. You're an algics. I'm trying to give her. I'm trying to give her sort of like a like

a lived in cockney vibe. Is yeah, the cockney accent. No, No, she would be more like like like stilted upper class like you're known exception granger, said Belatricks. So she bit her lip her money, looked at the woman in front of her, and felt her breathing hitch a bit. As you know, I have always been top of my class at I'm rather intelligent. I analyzed my situation with you and have come to the conclusion that is better for my sake to just give it to you, said her money.

Belatricks was hanging onto every word that came out of her pretty little mouth. Off, I want to give it to you, Belatricks, take me. This last part came out as a whisper. The woman nearly swooned at what the girl on the floor was saying with a flick of her wand the chains disappeared around her Mines risk, Oh this is I think that this is touching on something that's very reminiscent of my high school experience, which is, you know, touching over the bra and that is like

the most erotic thing you could be doing. Like when I had a girlfriend in seventh grade. Please pretend to be shocked. I um, yeah, I remember touching Brittany over the broad and being like, I've never done anything more erotic in mind hare line, you know what I mean. I've never read anything as erotic as that excerpt, which were only her peace love belatricks go for everyone subscribe

and followed to peace dot love dot Bellatrix. Now that we're having a conversation about UM authors, you do think

it is unfortunately time to touch briefly on you know who. Okay, we're gonna put the book in context of our of our modern day, which, unfortunately, I think what in UM she who must not be named did a bunch of tweeted a bunch of things that no one really needed to hear, and we're not going to get into them here because I'm really not interested in going through and talking about exactly what this person has said about trans people.

Other people have analyzed it and broken it down in smarter ways than we will be able to and we'll we'll give you some suggestions for further reading towards the end of the episode. What I think is interesting is looking back at the text itself and looking for clues, because I do think they're there. Um. I mean, we talked a little bit before about Rita Skeeter and kind of a joking way, but also this kind of attitude that this person clearly has about trans women is very

apparent in ways that we didn't pick up on his kids. Um. There is a scene in Prisoner Ascaman, both the book and the film, the Boggert scene where the Defense against the Dark Arts classes facing down a Boggert, which is this monster that turns into whatever you fear the most. It lives in a closet, and so they're in class facing it and Neville's Boggert comes out and it is Professor Snape, which is like the person nevill is scared

of the most. And the spell that they do to defeat the Boggert transforms the Bogger into something that they can laugh at, because that's what makes Boggerts go away as laughter. And what the spell does is put Snape in women's clothing, and then suddenly this terrifying person becomes ridiculous and they all laugh at it because to she who must not be named, the funniest thing she can think of is, you know, a guy dressing a man

a man in women's clothing. Like clearly that's how that's how this author thinks of trans women in ways again that we don't have to get into. But I think

it's like telling. I mean, it just goes to show how out of touch the whole situation, how how out of touch she is from Like what people take away from these books, like we talked earlier about like how this franchise has a really um palpable way of capturing the imagination of a child, especially if that kid feels motored, which honestly, queer or straight, like every kid felt like left out once you start hitting puberty, right, like you

have that air of your life where everything is embarrassing. Um but like, especially if you're queer, like you really feel like outside of the world and you feel like you know, there is like nothing for you. And this this book was such a beautiful, like kind of way of framing like there is a world on the other side for you with people that you belong to. You know what I mean, did you feel that way growing

up and reading the books? Yeah, that's that you know, Um, I definitely connected with this idea of the you know, the the kid who was weird and like discovered that there was something about them that connected them to like a greater community. I mean, that's a queer reading of Harry Potter. And it's like, so you don't have to dig deep to find queer subtext in in these books.

It just goes to show that she the thing that she produced that she's kind of like tainted our memory of is actually like we can't let her taint tainted, you know what I mean, Like it has to This story belongs to us, the feelings we felt growing up.

I feel like it still belongs to us. I don't know where I really fall on that conversation, because last summer there was a lot of discourse about you know, death of the author and like authorial intent and um, you know a lot of people kind of reclaiming this and saying, oh, it doesn't have an author, and like it belongs to us. And I don't think I'll ever personally be able to totally decontextualize Harry Potter from the

person who created it. Um. But I've at least swung back around from where I was last year, which was I don't want anything to do with this. The person who created it like doesn't want to acknowledge my dignity as a human too. Now I'm like, well, there are parts of this I can like love, like earnestly or ironically or like whatever, And then they're parts of it that I'm just like we'll stay away from or be critical of. I think that that is like in the I hate to say this, like to invoke the term

cancel culture at all. There's a really great video that Rose turned me onto by ContraPoints that like talks about the author of this book in relationship like can cancel culture whatever. But like I think that there's like a very unnuanced thing that's happening in social media right now.

We're like people will tweet about something and then all of a sudden, everyone's like delete it, like we never want to see it again, ban it from the libraries or whatever, and like that's actually not what like being kind of like restorative lee justice minded in like our world, Like it looks like like the point as you're exactly as you're saying, is like, when these cultural objects come into like our lives, now, it's our job to like make history, stick to it, and then still try to

enjoy it the best we can understanding that context. Yeah, and I think, um, you know, interrogate and investigate our own relationships to it exactly and what those relationships look like knowing all of this, because I'm sure there are people that that wish they could just pretend they had never read her tweets and like love this in an uncomplicated way. That's not me. I want to know I was this close to getting a deadly hollice tattoo rose Like, I don't know what I would have done if I don't.

I don't know what my relationship to that would have been if that You know, well, I did get a deadly hollowed tattoo. And I mean even before she who must not be named, came out like really as transphobic, I could already see the writing on the wall, and I got it covered up because I she she had at that point kind of already started like liking transphobic tweets, which is funny because I used to tweet at her even before there was any even whisperings that she could

be a turf. Um I used to tweet at her asking like, what is trans healthcare like in the Wizarding World. I'm sure it was something she was very concerned with. What do you think trans healthcare is like in the Wizarding World? Um, I mean not there is there like

is there a hormone replacement therapy potion? Okay, So producer Phoebe has dropped into the chat that that the um Diagon Alley does have like crunchy queer vibes, like kind of like and I feel like maybe the girls got their moans a Diagon Alley, like in the kind of like back and and and like I think it's a lot like how healthcare exists in America, and that there's not a ton of infrastructure for trans healthcare federally from the government, but Mutual Aid has found ways to get

healthcare to transgirl. Okay, so maybe they weren't going to Diagon Alley. They were going to Knock Turn Alley, which is like that's like the bad alley, like where you know, like dark magic stuff happens. But Okay, I do agree that maybe at one point trans healthcare in there wasn't in world was like kind of jankie um. But I would say like, let's um, you know, reclaim the narrative and say that it has let's apply some fan fiction type.

Thinking I'm a student of Hogwarts. I would just go to Madam Palmfrey um down in the you know, infirmary, and say, Madam Palmfrey, you know I have always seen myself as a woman and I really want to start my medical transition. And she's like, Pip, Pip cheerio, here's here's an est. Madam Palmfreys like the front dust people at callen More, They're like, you're gonna need to make an appointment. No, I don't even need a prescription nothing. She's just like, here you go. Actually, maybe you don't

even need to go in. Maybe it's sent to you by OWL because you ordered it online. There's there is or worldwide Web. I feel like, well, actually, I don't know. I'm sure in this version of our reality there's a worldwide Web, or at least a wizarding Worldwide Web www w dot com. You know what I think it's time to do, Fran, what do you think it's time today? I think it's time to take this sorting hot quiz. Fran I found a quiz it claims to be better than the pot or more quiz, which also the pot

more quiz takes like an hour. And also we don't want anything sanctioned by she who must not be named, So true, I think what we should do is I'm going to ask you the questions and put your answers into into mine. You're going to do the same thing for me, and then we will be able to surprise each other. And with the house. Okay, France, imagine you have a wand and you can do any magic with it. What do you want it's core to be made of? Come?

I'm sorry, Oh, there are options. There are options. This is not a right in quiz um Holly with the phoenix feather core, Chestnut with the phoenix feather core, Cherry with a dragon heartstring core, you with a phoenix feather core, or I'm going to say you with a phoenix feather core. I would say, what's most outstanding portraits? Hanging plants, various paintings. I have stone walls. Well, we know that my apartment is like essentially not decorated at all because I hate it.

So I'm gonna say I have stone walls and you portraits. Now I have a lot of art, oh right, right, various paintings, various paintings, failing the best friend. Well, I was confusing, like the idea of portraits, and I have a lot of figurative work. What is your magical transportation model? Apparition, flu network flying or port key flying boots for me and for you? No apparition? I wanna. I want to be popping in and out like that. Okay, cool, I

I enjoy the ride, I'll fly. What is your zodiac sign? You're a Taurus and I'm a cancer. What are you curious about the world after we die? I will say that. Actually the quiz says world after the die, Earth, world, evil, plants, magical creatures. I'm I'm concerned with evil. I think that morality is like the crux of a lot of things that take up space in my brain. I'm more curious about the world. So just world or world after the die? I'm not. I don't care about that. Please slop. Okay,

So you're evil, I'm world. How do your friends describe you? Well, we can only answer this for each other. Rose recklessness, hard work, wise, mysterious, brave or righteous. I think people that don't know you that well would say brave. I think most of your friends would consider you I'm sorry, I'm gonna say righteous, and I don't say righteous necessarily in the ethical sense. I'm saying righteous and that when you believe something, there's very little that can back you

down in a good way. I'm saying that in a positive way. I think of Rose as someone who just really knows what you want. That's kind of righteousness that it was my second runner, I would be recklessness, okay, um, And for you, I think the kind of obvious one also to people who don't know you very well, would be brave. Um. But I'm going to say hard work. I think you're very committed to your work and your friends and your life. From interesting that none of us

chose wise for each other. I don't know if people look to me for like wisdom. I think people who subscribe to your newsletter maybe not you, but I do subscribe to it. I just don't read it. I read it sometimes, well, I mostly read it to see if you mentioned me, which I do. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you steal my jokes. And now we're at the final question, what do you typically do when you get together with your friends at home? We celebrate a special event. We

usually research and discuss scientific ideas. We usually get together to do our homework, or we deal with our enemies and build special strategies or relaxation. I can only go off of what we do with each other, and I guess relaxation. But also like we do build strategies. Yeah, we do work a lot, we did together, butn't know, it doesn't feel like work, but not to deal with our enemies, which is what this question is about. So I guess, let's say for relaxation, we do both have

a lot of nemesses. Yeah, which is important to note. I guess for the sake of the well, a real answer, but like yeah, because we do spend a lot of time processing with each other and and and like you know, conniving. Yeah, okay, so we strategies, special strategy strate. Okay, So now we're going to click the button and get our result surprising no one. Do you want me to tell you who you are? Yeah? Well, can I guess? Yes? You can? My Slytherin. Yeah you're a slitherin. Yeah, yeah, of course

you are. Okay, do you want to guess what you are? Does it say I'm a raven claw or no, you're a griffin? Door fuck that I've taken other quizzes that said I was a Slytherin. I had some slitherin answers in there, but I was trying not to throw the quiz. You know, fran I think you're just not a slytherin denial and in denial. But you know what this means that we are not allowing the houses to divide us.

That's right, We're having um inter house friendship and we are almost diametrically opposed, and that that's what's what makes our friendship so strong. And I'm going to reach my hand out to you this time. This time, actually we are all this time. You are reciprocate, and I'm not just stretching, and it's definitely you. You're not you're not in the vibe. You're kind of you got a kind of stiff shoulder. But I am also now digging my nails. Yes,

you are giving me a little acupuncture here. Well, Rose, it's glad that we confirmed things that everyone already knows about us, which is that I'm a grove indoor and your a Slytherin. But that is what makes this whole story so interesting. So we'll be back next week talking about Taylor Swift's Red album Kennon. Obviously, we're going to do an episode on Not, so y'all can study up or not, you know, come into it cool and that's wine. You can tweet us your takes on this week's episode.

I'm actually really excited to know what y'all think of the podcast. Rose. Are you excited? Rose, Yes, but only if it's positive. I'm your co host frand Toronto. You can find me at Franz Squish co on any social media you want. I'm Rose damn You. You can find me out Rose Damn You on Twitter and Instagram. You can subscribe to Like a Virgin anywhere you listen to podcasts, and definitely leave us a review because it helps brand new podcasts quite a lot. Like a Virgin is an

I Heeart radio production. Our producer is Phoebe Unter, with support from Lindsay Hoffman, Julian Weller, Jess Crane Chitch and Nikki Etour. Until next week, See you later, Virgins Chow