So there's an adderall shortage right now. I don't know if you're aware.
I'm not.
Okay, So I can't get my medicine, and that's why.
Needs her pills.
Mommy needs her pills. And that's why the topics are topicking right now.
She's sheen a.
Me, no ma, not may yo yo?
What is your child?
I am a chuk.
You what's going down? Before round?
This coffee is disgusting.
Well, we're trying to okay, maybe we won't name the coffee shop.
No, it's textbook book cafe in a green. I can also see your oat milk separating and these they're not doing oatly.
They're probably doing oat planet.
Oat planet separates and so planet oah, yes, and so does silk and so and Shabani actually is very cool.
Chabani is really bannid. The girls know it.
Yeah.
I was saying before maybe I would switch to getting lattes here, but now I'm thinking about that separating milk, but a whole coup of it with a little bit of espresso. Gotta go at least I put it on the company card and I about paying for it.
Yeah, while we're on the note of coffee, I just I have to say, I love a coffee shop with the rewards program.
Okay, but not just a rewards program. I want a punch.
Card, but then you have to carry a punch card.
I'm surprised you're not siding with me on this because you're a traditionalist. You are, I am, but I hate carrying my wallet around with me. And actually I went to the movies recently at Regal Essex and waited in line for like ten minutes to at the concession stand and they handed me my popcorn and my drink. And when I went to pay, I was like, oh, I'm going to tap. They were like, we we only to physical cards and I hadn't brought my wallet with me.
Because where where can you not tap? In twenty twenty.
Three famously does not take Apple pay Yeah.
No, this is a Regal Oh so yeah, oh wow, that's so. I was pissed. And I had to see him the movie without popcorn or a drink.
There was no one like behind you in line. That was like, don't know.
And I did stand there for a moment kind of like making eyes at the person behind the counter, sort of waiting for him to be like, worry about it. Don't worry about it. It's fine. He was like, okay, well sorry, I like we were in a stalemate and usually I win those.
Yeah, I was gonna say I actually wouldn't have. I was like engaging with a customer. I would never in a million year spe customer, let me take your popcorn away, Diva. Also, where's that popcorn gonna go back into the bin? No, no, it's gonna get thrown out. He should have just given it to me. Give me, give me my popcorn and my mountain dew. Because Regal is a pepsi cinema and I wasn't going to drink pepsi, so I got him mountain dew. Thank god, I had brought some candy with me,
so it worked out. But anyway, welcome to Like a Virgin, the show where we give yesterday's pop culture today's takes Imra's Domina.
And I'm fran Torado and we are not just coffee snobs. We also go to the Theata.
And you have to know, speaking of non amc theaters, Rose, you went to a Regal, I'm going to the Alamo on Tuesday.
I'm okay, I'm furious because the amount of times I've tried to get you to go to the Alamo and every time you've said no, Well, someone else is paying for it. Okay, that I'm going to go see Bottoms, which I think you've already seen. I have seen Bottoms. I saw it on Saturday, and I.
Mean, can you give me like the non spoiler kind of review.
Yeah, well, I mean for anyone who doesn't know. Bottoms is this new comedy starring Rachel Senate and Iowa Debris. It's directed by Emma Seligman, who also co wrote it with Rachel, and it's about these two horny loser lesbians in high school who decide that the way that they're going to get girls is to start an all girls fight club, which is a genius premise for a film. It was so good, it was so funny. It's like perfectly absurd in the way that a really good teen
comedy should be. Like it's very jawbreaker, very Heather's a little mean girls, but meaner than mean girls, and it's so so gay.
Is there an element of revenge in it?
Yes?
Okay, I'm sold, Yes.
Revenge and it is. It's a total fantasy, but it takes place kind of in you know, you know, we don't really know where their school is, but it seems to be in a town where no one is sort of like preoccupied by wokeness. But then at the same time, like these girls aren't facing like homophobic bullying, they're just losers. But also like there's more misogyny than there is homophobia, but it's sort of of like amped up to a
cartoonish level. Yeah, absurd and the men. The one thing I appreciated was that even though the men like are very misogynistic, there's never any threat of sexual violence, just like love actual violence, actual violce, which I definitely prefer.
I love actual violence as opposed to like other kinds of violence. I know that sounds crazy, but because it's at this absurdist or cartoonish level, it's like, Okay, we're not taking ourselves too seriously.
Where if they were to kind of pivot and it were to be.
A sexual violence kind of thing, all of a sudden, they're trying to say something about the world, and it's like, Okay.
Yeah, I don't want to think about that.
They were all my like my animaniacs like cartoons.
Again, Yes, everyone in the movie is so funny. I mean, it's really like Io kind of is the star's she.
Is in three other movies or two other movies. She's gonna be Jesus star.
Rachel's amazing. All of the girls in their little club are really great. Kaya Gerber super funny. The Prince from Red White and Royal Blue is like the main antagonist, and he's so funny. He's doing this sort of like toxic masculinity, but it's this very like femme toxic masculinity that it's like toxic masculinity that's sort of like so stupid. It's like he's he's like.
Childlike an effeminate, like man baby villain.
Yeah. It's giving like almost guest on a little bit.
Okay.
Oh and he's straight, right, he's straight. Yeah, but he acts gay.
I mean he just acts.
He's got those lips.
He's like a baby. He's a big baby.
Yeah. Okay, I love that.
That honestly sounds way more interesting than whatever he did in Red White and World Blue.
If you want to hear our, paywild discussion on patreon dot com.
Slash like a Virgin, there's a couple of really good needle drops. Charlie XX did the music for it. It was just so much fun. I had such a great time. I saw it on Saturday night at the Alamo in a packed house and everyone was roaring with laughter cool including me. Bottoms is only playing in ten theaters in the US right now, so I know it's hard for people to see. But I told my sisters, who are twenty and they're both queer, that they had to see it,
and they had already been planning to. And I'm just so happy that their generation has a teen movie like this that is so fucking gay.
Wow. And you didn't even like BookSmart?
Right, it kind of feels like almost Booksmarty, but just in terms of its audience demographic, not necessarily the film.
It's I liked BookSmart. No, I like, oh you did, okay. I don't think BookSmart made as much of an impact on the culture as like people at the time kind of thought it was going to.
Yeah that's true, Like there was everyone was like, it's an Olivia Wilde Sonce and oh my god, there's going to be so many more like songs. Again, yes, I mean, but it was like her first movie that she directed, but she was an actress up until that point. I guess I don't know, I'm making fun of other people. I'm not like saying it was a zo on.
No, I think it's it. People expected it to become an iconic teen movie, and I know that we're not that far out of it. But I just don't think it has embedded in the culture the way that I do think Bottoms will.
Yeah, Okay, I hope so too, because, like with the strike, like they haven't really been given a lot of films have been given these kind of like SAG like exceptions that they can promote the film. But most of those are documentaries, and apparently there are two A twenty four films as well.
And also very small indie films. I have a friend who's in one of them.
I also have friends that are doing two different well if actually, honestly, I'll plug them now, but that's.
That's my friend is Oh okay, Yeah.
And also Cocomo City are movies that are like extremely worth finding screenings for if you can, because they've been given the SAG exception.
Yes, it was kind of crazy to see Bottoms knowing that in a normal meatia landscape, this is the kind of movie where every person who is in it would jump up one fame level because of how good the movie is and how big it would be. And I think it will still happen for some of the people in that, Like they're all definitely gonna get more jobs from this, Like definitely the leads, Definitely the director. I feel like she'll have her next project after this. I
feel like will be a bigger movie. But you know, like none of them can promote it, and it's I think if if they could, this movie would be everywhere right now in a way that it's not going to be. But it's still doing really well despite that.
Yeah, I mean Io and Rachel are already like they've already been kind of like the girls to Book in the last year in some way, And so I kind of agree with you. Yeah, Like I'm I want I wish they could promote it. I want more for them. But once it goes to streaming, I'm sure it'll have like an other huge moment.
We got to get it to streaming quick because people just can't see it like right now.
So do you know what I watched last night?
What I watched The Flash?
Oh, friends, I told you I was gonna see it. Look flipped We flipped it on we.
Were like, oh, this is available on Max, Now why don't we watch it? Asra Miller's in it? Non binary something something. This was supposed to reset the DC cinematic universe.
None of those words are in the Bible.
I mean, I don't need to talk about it in depth because you haven't seen it, Slash, you're never going to see it, never, never see I thought at one point you were maybe thinking about it.
I was thinking about it when I was bored and it was in theaters. But now that I would have to commit to sitting and watching it on TV, no.
Well, okay, so the thing for me is like I'm I'm going to talk less about the actual movie and more just about what's surrounding it because you know more about.
That too, and like, but was the movie good?
So top line, I would say the first two thirds of the movie are actually genuinely lovely. I think that there are some effects that are very bad. It feels sometimes like when I was watching the movie, like they realized that it was going to bomb and they decided to like not finish the visual effects.
Oh.
Interesting, there's a really huge like action sequence at the beginning where the visual like it's this do you want me to just tell you what happens. There's basically there's a building on fire and it's like a hospital, and like the building kind of collapses and tons of babies fall out.
Of the Oh, I've seen the thing with the baby.
Yes, with the microwaves. Yes, and he saves all of these babies. And yes, it is a he hymn the Flash, like Barry is a he hymn M. And he's also let you know, oh yeah, okay, yeah, just some things that I noticed. Yeah, Ezra Miller is not LATINX. They are Dutch and French and Irish or something like that. But Barry is Argentinian, which is cool. And the whole
plot revolves around his mother. You And if you already saw the baby shower clip, that was like one of the moments where I was like, this is like genuinely like kind of fun but like the effects are so distracting and I can't actually like see this scene. But Ezra himself was actually amazing, and I was like, you are genuinely funny, engaging, like you're hitting every single joke.
The characterization of Barry as a Flash, to me is trying to fulfill what Spider Man does for Marvel, where it's this entry point of a teen they're like in every everyday kind of kid, kind of a loser, like has a fast metabolism, like always eating, And there was something genuinely exciting about that addition to DC in a world where it's just like Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman, these like huge heavy hitters and no kind of like on
the street yeah level hero apprentice apprentice level heroes kind of. And there hasn't been like a flash movie has technically been in the work since the eighties, and this reboot, like I think was only picked up again in like twenty fourteen, so it's been like eons of like blabored development over this film that had many directors and then on top of that Azra Miller drama, which we don't need to summarize for you, but like, I don't know, I'm just curious. I have like more to say about
the film. For the most part, it's like the last third was really bad, and the multiverse of it all is like really derivative of like everything we just saw in Spider Man No Way Home. So like for me, it was just kind of a flop, even if Ezra Miller was genuinely lovely.
Michael Keaton was very fun.
I think the cameo so if you don't know that, it's already been talked about all over press. So Michael Keaton came back to reprit his role as Batman, which is a very very genius idea if they didn't already do it in Spider By No Way Home like a year ago.
So it's like just derivative.
It's just it's so so un it was so uninspired to me that I had a hard time enjoying it.
But he was loved. He was amazing.
And the characterization of old Batman that Michael Keaton and stated alongside Ben Affleck as Batman, who was also in the movie, because there are multiple Batman's and multiple flashes of course, as well as a cgi back from the dead Adam West Batman, Nick Cage as Batman, like all of these old movie Batman's coming back.
Very weird. George Clooney, George Clooney came back.
He had nipples.
Yeah, no, I wish.
But yeah no.
It was just so it was like girls like this is so monkey Sea Monkey do like do you not have any can you come up.
With something else, with something else.
Oh, I forgot to say, Michael Keaton was or pre maybe you'd be interested. This was repreasing a version of Old Batman, like they call him Old Batman, and it's this version in the comics of Batman that comes to help Flash solve a kind of time travel dilemma. Okay, and I thought that was like in the lore. I thought that was really cool. But overall, the movie was totally fine. I think it's recommended. I would actually recommend
you stream it because I think it's genuinely fun. And I also think I came away from the movie unsurprised by the lack of quality and the derivative nature of it, but completely surprised by what was a very strong performance by Ezra Miller and a wonderful contribution to the DC cinematic universe. The Flash, to me is ten times more interesting than Superman or Wonder Woman. And I am really bummed that Ezra sucks so much that.
The movie kind of tanked.
I mean, the movie tank for a lot of reasons, but I think Ezra's controversies were the primary reason that the movie tanked, right.
I think it's a mix of that and just superhero fatigue in general.
Yeah, right, I mean the movie is not like amazing, Like I'm not gonna cry home about it, but I do I think that Ezra Miller's performance was worthy of valuation.
And I think that the Flash as a character is great. It was is a cool character. So yeah, I'm kind of bummed that it didn't work out.
For Warner Poor Warner poor, but it was it was diabolically I know, poor WarnerMedia.
WarnerMedia.
I mean, they had their big it was one of their biggest flops of all time.
They lost two hundred million.
Love to see that, Yeah, I do love to see that. Actually, So thank you Ezra Miller.
If that's if those are all of your thoughts on the Flash.
Those are all my thoughts.
Ezra Miller is queering the entertainment industry by way of making the movie flop.
I know that we want to talk about Ronie, but I do want to make a brief pit stop and share then I am a gamer now.
Information that I know. But I'm a shock that you want to share with a version I am a gamer. Well let's not say that.
No, no, no, no, after this week, no girl, I am I am gaming you'll lose.
For like Mark my words, rosewall is interested for hours a day.
I so, I, you know, am in the middle of a little little depressive episode, and I thought that, you know, distracting myself with video games might be a good way to deal with that. In my therapist agreed, so I bought a Nintendo Switch. I originally tried playing Stardo Valley because I thought maybe something sort of like cozy low Stakes would be the way to go. I got bored within I mean three minutes.
Okay, I'll play Stardu Valley for you.
And then I also bought When I bought my switch, I bought the Witcher three The Wild Hunt because I love the Witcher show and I figured, like a sort of RPG like Swords and Sorcery, more quest driven game would like very narrative driven, would be good for me. And honey Out was right because the first night I played it, I played it for five hours. I forgot to eat dinner. And then I woke up the next morning and the first thing I did was like, oh fuck, I got to kill that griffin. And I pulled my
switch and I was and I just went down. This makes me so happy, and like the other. And it's the great thing about it is that while I'm playing, I don't think about anything. All I'm thinking about is what I have to do. I'm like, fuck, I have to find that goat so that that guy will conjure up a spirit, so that I can find those two missing women, so that I can get the information from the baron, so that I can find my adoptive daughter and slay all these monsters.
How far are you?
I mean, I'm not that far, okay, but I watch, yeah, I'm I'm only playing it. I did get I did get the OLED switch so I can play on my TV. But I've only been playing on the console, and I've been trying to limit myself to just a couple hours a day because the time warps yeah so quickly.
Oh yeah.
And I haven't started bringing it anywhere, Like, I haven't brought it on the bus or anything. I'm only playing it at home. But I'm obsessed, and I think this is my new era for now. We'll see. Like, but I do feel you're right in that I think another version of me would have gotten bored or like as soon as I came up against like the first challenge
that I couldn't beat. I would have just been like, ugh, I'm done, but not now, like I'm stuck on this fight right now where I have to kill this miscarried baby who turned into a monster, and then is like summoning these ghouls and I'm like, I can't. I can't be the level. Like I've done it like ten times in the past twenty four hours, and usually I would just like walk away, or I would like find a cheat code or something. Honey, I am killing that baby. If it's the last thing I do.
Do you need help?
Maybe I should try to kill a baby. I'm it's gotta be me, It's got to be I'm the Witcher.
Yeah, you are the Witcher. I am the Witcher. Oh my god. Wait, I'm so happy for your gaming, your gaming journey.
You're officially a gamer, and you're gonna have to play either Mario Kart or the Legend of Zelda game with me.
I want to get Mario Kart and you can come over and play Mario Kart. I am gonna play Zelda game. But I think people have been telling me to do Breath of the Wild rather than Tears of the Kingdom, and then Hogwarts Legacy comes out for the switch in November. Plea, please pleaseleepe And I'm not saying that I'm gonna play it, but I'm definitely interested. Wink wink. Do we want to talk about Ronie here or do we want to do it for Patreon?
Let's do it for Patreon.
Okay, sorry, virgins, we went over time today, so we will be migrating the Real Housewives of New York conversation over to our patreon. If you want to get a taste of that, you can go on over to patreon dot com slash like a Virgin.
I keep seeing people, you know, filling up their backpacks getting ready to go back to school. That's not true. I don't know anyone who's still in school, but I know that it's back to school season. Every time I go to Target, there's like some sign for like kids to buy backpacks or whatever. So it is the perfect time to have a discussion with Greta titleman, incredible comedian, actress, extraordince Jordanaire. And when we asked her what she wanted to talk about, her response was.
Gel pens, gel pens.
And I think it made a lot of sense because she herself has a podcast that's kind of about elementary school high school trauma.
Yeah, I mean, who knows what what regreta is gonna have to say about gel pens. But you know, break out your you know, bick purple, sparkly gel.
Pen or whatever, your G two seven.
Get ready to dot your eyes with little hearts and yeah, it's back to school time.
Think about gel pens first starters. They're a status symbol. Okay, Like if you have gel pens, if you have a complete pack of gel pens in your trapper keeper, that's like the full set, every color, intact, you have your shit together, you are an elite student. And that was never me, Like, that was never ever me. I had a pack of gel pens. But see the reason why I wanted to talk about them today is I have
gelpen envy. I'm a lefty, so like the gel pen is kind of my biggest it's kind of my biggest challenge, one might say, in the world of pen because it just is gloopy, gloppy all over the page when I write with it.
You know, So what I'm hearing is gel pens are what introduced you to the idea of class consciousness, right, And also gel pens are ablest.
Ablest, got it, got it, got it, got it? Okay, okay, okay, Well, now we've said that, we have we have said that, we have said we have said that, and people are saying that.
Well, I don't. I don't want to speak on your experience. I want it to be your own.
But because I am a rightie and I I feel like I love pen culture and have always loved pen culture, I'm like pretty dedicated to the G two O seven in like brown or blue?
Was that? I mean you say that like we're supposed to know what that means?
Can you explaind G two O seven I believe?
Is that a big pen?
No, it is a pot it's a pilot pilot pen. Oh, I know her, and I know seven is the thickness because the point two and the point five are like to thin.
The point seven is right where you need it.
So I'm addicted to the point fives.
Oh say that always that?
Okay, we're getting a little we're getting a little, a little TikTok here.
It's good for me because of my left handedness. And then okay, really I obviously love a pen.
Pen. Wait what brand is that?
I've never heard it's honey, but it's made in Japan.
Okay. Interesting. So wait, so has being left handed been a challenge for you?
Well, here's the deal.
Let me just show you some pens that are absolute no goes for me. This medium z grip, whatever the fuck brand, this is the demonics, okay, because what it's first of all, trying to force me into a hand structure that, honey, it's that's not what my hand does.
Okay, So do you just keep it on hand to torture yourself with.
I fucked up and I just grabbed a pen willy nilly from my partner husband's.
Penjar oh betrayal.
And this is what I grabbed, and I immediately started writing with it, and I went yucky, yuck.
I just it's it's thick.
And it's bad, and it wants it wants me to get the sentence all over my hand, you know. So then, of course, in elementary school, I always wanted.
To be bubble letter girly.
I always wanted to be pretty handwriting girly.
I wanted to.
Be cursive, gorgeousity beautiful. But kirstp also kind of fucked me because I just dragged it across the page, and it was all blurred, so I had to correct and now I write in all caps.
Oh okay, that is a choice.
Do you all like exclusively?
Yeah?
Like, I will show you a page of my journal.
It looks like I'm screaming.
Okay, and we're going to screenshot so that we can see God.
Like, I hope it all works out for me today.
Your journal, looking at it is very loud. I really like that you write in all caps. I write and all you know, you know the s that kind of looks like a like a sword, you know what I'm talking about. That that's how I write. That's Wait, this s every every letter I found a way.
Are we talking about this famous doodle s?
Yeah?
Of course this s. Wait, we're gonna have to screenshot that at some point. Yeah, okay. I I also was like, like hearts dotting my eyes kind of like a girly penmanship.
I you were a fag.
Yes, I was a fag.
The girls are not being taught cursive anymore, right, is that has been eradicated.
I think it's been eradicated.
And I said, don't say gay, don't write Yes the.
Gate way, that's what I'm So they're not wrong handwriting. Yes, cursive is gay handwriting.
It is groomed.
It is like the grooming of handwriting. And I and I feel like, Okay, this is what we need to talk.
We've got to stop talking about this podcast that they're gonna they're gonna find it once.
One day someone is actually going to listen to this podcast and it will be clipped out and put on pink news dot com.
Yeah news is not who we need to worry about.
But yeah, no, Okay.
So I was like on the cusp of like handwriting still being taught in schools, but we were taught like normal writing first. And I really envy your architectural handwriting style, Greta, because like I my handwriting is like very fucked up now because it's like half cursive, half normal and I do upper case letters in the middle of words.
I love that because yeah.
And it's just like how I don't know how my brain, I honestly should turn like my very bizarre, very murdery handwriting into like a typeface or something, because that makes no sense. It's like, why are the a's capital here but they're not capital here? Like what are the SA's doing? Why do you still do the cursive R, even though the cursive R is the worst cursive letter in the cursive alphabet.
So you've got some chicken scratch tendencies. I do as well. I also have some handwriting related trauma because I grew up not holding my pen right way. I so I hold it between these two fingers and instead of you know the correct way, like this is the right way, you know it resting on your thumb, but I always held it between my second and middle finger, and well,
we are, but I was. I was persecuted for it by various teachers in elementary school who said, even though my handwriting was fine, because I didn't hold the pen right, they would give me lower grades for it are because I wouldn't conform, because I wouldn't conform to their standards.
Do you remember I don't think that they do this anywhere either, But do you remember the grip trainers that they would put on your.
H's Literally it's it's a waste.
It's not like it's like when you would get chopsticks that when you didn't know how to use them and they would like reb a band. The thing was it like that.
It was like they put it on the end of your pencil, and it was kind of like a racer material, like gushy, and it would teach I know, it would like teach you how to hold your pen.
But it was fucked up.
It was so hard to get it was impossible.
It's like footbinding.
It is.
It's footbinding, impossible, possible, and it's painful.
There's actually no one who's wrong.
What are we doing to the children?
Yeah?
Now I feel like the kids aren't getting tortured anymore. I feel like they're all just like using computers and iPads.
Yeah. Are they even getting taught to write? Right there? It's like they're in secretary school. They're just sitting there on the computers.
Wait, have you did anybody listen to I know rosden't, but did you listen Greta?
Did you my chance to listen.
To like the Daily podcast about like how we fundamentally taught a generation of people how to read incorrectly? No, but I'm obsessed with Okay, okay, do we do we remember hooked on?
Of course?
Okay?
So hooked ons, like is the right way to learn how to read? It's how our generations I think learned how to read. But I think shortly after our generation.
There was a woman in like the early aughts who was like, no, like phonetic, Like, phonetic learning is like not helpful and not fun and not intuitive, and so there's an intuitive way to learn by way of finding context clues and like learning context around words and letters and like so and and she kind of was like shitting on phonics, like while she was like populated on shitted on phonics hard. While she was like populating this like new basically this new way of learning.
And everyone believed her.
Everyone was like, this woman's right, Phonics sucks. Fuck phonics. Let's now teach all of our kids how to learn intuitively.
I can't remember what.
I'm as, so what does that mean? I'm now used.
Here's what Michael Barbarros.
It means that you listen to intuition the song.
So it's kind of like, okay, here's how this is.
So but instead of like you learn, you know, sometimes you're learning like cat bat hat and you're like learning how these like different like vowels or consonants move together. We're like if with this new woman's way to learn, it's like you look at bat and then you see the words around it and you're like, like, I don't know. It's kind of like I don't even know how to describe it because this is not how I learned how to read.
But anyways, lo and behold.
Now we're like, I think a decade out from like teaching an entire generation how to read this, and studies are now finding that kids fundamentally are like their comprehension skills are bad.
That does not surprise me because like, yeah.
Okay, say say more. Look, why doesn't it surprise either.
Of you rus children? I just no, I like, I'm like, I'm on TikTok. I guess I have I have empirical evidence that the kids are not all right. The generations comeing up Generation ALPHA, that's the one after Gen Z. They are dumb.
They're called generation.
Because they because we're at the end of the alphabet, we had to start all over.
But they are out stupid.
I will just say, kids in general just are dumb like that, you know, it's just period.
They're dae fair face.
I think that like the more.
Like the Okay, when I'm on TikTok and I see kids they have the knowledge of like this will give me something, will fulfill me with something and then I'm gonna like focus energy posting on this thing that will like lead to other emotions and other feelings. Like I feel so grateful that we didn't have that, because I do think that. You know, the internet can make you smarter in many ways, but it can also make you
dumber and so many more ways. And I get disturbed when I see like ten year olds being like like whatever it is on TikTok, and I'm just like I and not to sound like a fucking boomer, but I'm like, go and sit on a goddamn swing and like play outside, like what are you doing fun?
And use your pens and write heart above your eyes. I think what it is is and I've noticed this. I have sisters who are gen z. I think what it is more than anything, it's a lack of curiosity about the world because everything has been handed to them and they are just not seeking out additional information. Everything's been demystified. Yeah, were you dumb child, Greta, No.
I was.
I was not, And I'll tell you why. I was curious to a fault where like I was. I.
Well, we all went through a face.
I saw some like uh, some tweet about.
Someone that was like that was like if you were.
We all went through a phase where we wanted to be Harriet the Spy and I.
Was like that was talk about.
I was like, that is me.
And I would just like I was a snoop Like as a kid, I was just like look through everything, want to find out everything. I was obsessed with, like you know, movies like Now and Then where they would try and solve a big mystery.
And I also was a kid.
That I hated other kids, like I just wanted to hang out with my mom and her friends. Like I just wanted to be forty seven smoking a Marlboro light, having a gorgeous glass of fucking Sonseer, you know. And I really was like is that so much to ask? Like that's all that I wanted.
Language Yeah, I mean Rose famously hates wine. But aside from that, Rose was born of forty seven Marlborough smoking.
I mean, I grew up in Boca Raton, Florida, Like I was, you know, I was old before I was young.
I mean, my my mom's friends would joke that I was their age trapped.
In a little tiny body.
And that's like a really good quality to have. I think that, like, I think that speaks to your character now I think was it? I think cap er Lant was also like one of these kids who are just like she only hung out with an adults. Were you an only child?
I was not.
I have two older siblings, but when I was my both my siblings were out of the house by the time I was oh.
Ten, by the time I was nine nine.
Time you were only child? Adjacent? Yeah, I was only only child passing?
Yeah, I in my mind I was the only child.
Okay.
A lot of like what I envied from other kids like U in school was usually something to do with like trends at the time, like crazy bones, Pokemon cards.
Crazy bones. Oh my god, I forgot about crazy bones.
Like crazy bones were banned at my school because kids were too intense about trading and playing with them.
Did y'all were lame? I was like suffocating myself so that you would pass out and like get you get high? Do you remember that, yes, choke yourself or when you go.
You pant and you'd like be on all fours panting until you pass out exactly.
So it was that, and then it was those crushed velvet textbook covers, those.
Oh those are gorgeous, the stretchy, the stretchy like ones that you could like roll up into a little ball.
Oh my god, yeah, Greta. Something I'm wondering is were you the kind of girl who when you had a crush on someone, did you take your gelpen and write missus TKTK I or mix. I don't know mix.
I don't think I ever.
I'm sure at.
Some point I doodled someone else's last name. I think I was mostly concerned about what my autograph would be.
That was mostly what I was thinking.
I was like, I was figuring out what my autograph would be.
And do you remember in.
Like US Weekly's or people when they would have like a handwriting expert that could tell you what people's autographs like said about their personalities.
I used to know.
But what a what a stupid fake thing that I absolutely would have consumed.
I loved them.
I was like, oh my god, like Brad Pitt's signature says that he's sensitive but also.
A little shy and like whatever.
And I just remember signing my name over and over and over again, thinking like one day, when my autograph gets you know, deciphered by and handwriting expert what are they going to think about me? So I was mostly obsessed with doing that.
So I didn't care about my signature when I was a young, a young thing. But one thing I did perfect was my mom's signature so that I could use her credit card yep, and so that I could sign permission slips yep, like disciplinary notices. I remember one time actually, I like got a note sent home because I was doing bad in some class, and I forged my mom's
signature on it. And then one day I was at school and I got called down to like a guidance counselor office, and both my parents were sitting in the room, and I was gooped because I discovered that I had forged my mom's signature.
How did they discover that? Did they call?
They had to have called her, I think they called. And the thing with my mom was like she had to pretend like she was upset about it. But my mom many times was like, just sign it. I don't have time for that, Like it absolutely is something that she would have preferred me to do for the convenience, but she had to, you know, pretend that she was upset about it.
I also was obsessed with forging everyone's signature. I could do my mom's perfectly, I could do my sisters perfectly. I also did the same thing I would get I was queen of getting disciplined disciplinary letters in the mail. I would always intercept them. But yes, oh my god, I was like the mail, honey. The only reason why the mailman came to my house was for my disciplinary fucking letters. And I would forge my mom's signature all
the time. And similarly to your mom, my mom was just like, yeah, I don't have time for this, just like fucking sign it like whatever. I can still do her signature to this day, and it's useless now because she's dead, honey, So I ain't got no use for it.
Did y'all?
Did any of y'all have like a coveted field trip like every year? I'll start with mine. We had this thing called it was called like Reading Millionaires or the million Words Club or something, and it was like if you could read one million words in a school year, which was we would have to like log all the books we read and calculate an estimated average of how many words were in the book based on like simple math of like of the pages. And if we did
get to the you know, million words club. We got to go to six Flags?
Wow did you get did you read a million words?
No? But I don't think to six flags like, No, I don't.
I don't think you can.
It's easier than you think. I mean, it's a I mean, a million is really not that much.
I think it's not.
That's not true.
It really isn't that much.
No, it's I remember hearing something like it would take you thirty years to count to a million.
Well wait, let me see something. I'm going to google how many.
Words in a book, because.
You know, these bitches will know how many words are in the Bible.
Okay, seven hundred thousand?
It's oh really?
I here it says one hundred and eighty one thousand, two hundred and fifty three words are in the Bible.
Maybe that's the New testamenty.
So you need to read the Bible ten times to hit a million?
Who the Bible ten times?
Less than ten?
Probably I'm reading that.
The Bible's seven hundred. I'm reading that the Bible is seven hundred thousand words.
I don't know.
That's Christian propaganda, Yeah it is, it is.
What about y'all field trips Okay.
We like when I was in the fifth grade, my class went online like an outdoor adventure like.
Camping trip. I guess where we'd go.
And I grew up in DC, and we'd go to this camp in Maryland and it was like on the Chesapeake. And there were a few things that come to mind. First of all, I was not an outdoors girl. That was not my vibe. I was like I wanted to be in. I was an indoor kid, okay. I wanted to be specifically in like my mother's closet and or like I don't know, just not doing outdoor stuff.
I didn't like dirt. That wasn't me.
So here I was, and I was ill equipped, not in the right clothes, like I was wearing my cute little like gap puffers, and all these kids are in like Columbia, like Patagonia, you know, a REI like the real brands. Serving Cunt, Yeah, serving Cunt, one might say. The first thing that I remember is we went on like a little hike down to where the Chesapeake was on the bay, and something must have happened because it was filled.
In my kid mind, it was.
Filled with dead fish. Every single fish. It was like washed ashore completely dead. It was like something from a horror movie, like birds picking it over.
Naturally.
I was terrified because I was like yeh, like ah, like, I don't want to be near these dead fucking fish. This is gross. I'm not having fun. I don't want a mountain bike. I'm cold, and the boy that I have a crush on is not giving me literally any attention because I just was not into it. So that was number one. The number two. All of our meals we like cooked like campfire vibes, so you know, you take foil and you put whatever the fuck in there,
like potatoes and corn and whatever shit. And I remember eating this meal and the potatoes were my potatoes were hard because it was impatient and I didn't wait long enough. And then the worst part of this entire trip was I got diarrhea.
So got diarrhea. I had to dig.
You know, you have to dig that six inch hole. Now I don't know what six inches is, honey, Okay, I really don't. So I have to go into the woods with a little fucking shovel, dig dig dig. I probably dug like maybe an inch, like I don't even know. Shit overflowing from this hole in the ground. And then this other kid who was in my class also I think, had to go and ship his pants. He was like jetting in the woods and we like two, like two
wild animals. We locked eyes, Me squatting, shitting, ship falling out of my house.
Into a shallow you know, like grave.
Radean and then William hide from Baird, God bless him. He looked at me and like, I think saw the ship drop and kept on his journey.
Wow, and now you're like bonded forever. You you that's your husband, and.
How legally had to get married. And that's how I met Abe. That's how we met. He saw the ship fly out of my hole when I was in the fifth grade, and that was it.
It was just true love.
It was so traumatic.
I felt so sick, and I just remember like waking up the next morning being like, please God, I cannot get out of here fast enough. I don't want to zipline. I don't want to like do whatever the fuck. I just want to get on the bus and go home.
I hated it.
I we had boy Scout camp, and I similarly hated all things nature. Hated shitting in a hole, hated waking up wet or tired or dry or rose any field trip trauma. I'm sure there is that you all that you've repressed since that.
Yeah. No, I do remember once going on this like science themed kayaking trip. I was also not really I was an indoor kid, you know. I loved reading and theater and blah blah blah. But I did go on this kayaking trip, I think just because I really liked science. And I fell out of a kayak at some point
and that was not great. But then something. This wasn't like a travel field trip, but we did used to go on an annual field trip to a local science museum, and for some reason, we always dissected things there, Like we never really dissected stuff in school. It was only on these trips. And one time we dissected baby sharks and learned in doing that that sharks pee through their skin. So when we cut the sharks open, piss flooded out.
Oh my godness, for me when I died, I hope they kept me open and pissed just live everywhere.
That's amazing.
I will do you one better. We had this.
So I grew up in the suburbs of Illinois, as we know, the Midwest or a lot of just like middle of the country schools systems have no infrastructure on teaching kids how to have sex or any sort of sex education in any way. Our like health classes were not equipped to actually do sex talk stuff. And even
though they like abstinence was widely taught. And so there was this science museum called the Robert Crown Center that was in the kind of Chicago Tri State area that high schools in the entire Tristate area would shuttle kids as soon as they turned as soon as they get to fifth grade, these kids would be shuttled in mass to the Robbert Crown Center so that an expert at this museum would give them the sex talk. And we were there like watching like the Miracle Love Life and
look at looking at these like baby models. And I, at the ripe age of fifth grade, learned that sex happens when you put a penis in a vagina.
That's really yes, can you? But I was so sheltered.
All I knew was that there's naked likeness and like rubbing, Like I knew that it's like two naked bodies, But I my brain never at any point.
Put together that the Pope goes into the JJ.
I feel like my sex education came from me watching like movies that I shouldn't have been watching.
Like can you think of about movies.
Like specifically Jerry McGuire. My mom was like obsessed with Jerry maguire and it is a great movie. But I just remember when when Tom Cruise is fucking Kelly. Why am I blinking on her last name?
Uh uh?
Ke Kelly Preston? May she rest your niece?
Is that her name? Kelly Preston?
Right?
Who was married to John Travolta. Yes, Tom Cruise is fucking Kelly Preston. They're standing. They're fucking like in her library, in her house, and she's like a business woman who's like not fucking around, and like while they're having sex, she's like, Jerry, you need to listen to me, like you, Jerry, Like while they're having sex, and then they finish having sex, and then they eat this like gorgeous bowl of strawberry and in my mind, I was like, that is sex, Like that, well, it is everything.
That's why he keeps strawberries in my fridge at all times.
You're a big man, Jerry, Yeah, and like like standing like just bouncing like Jerry.
Yes, dry, I don't even know the plot of Jerry Maguire.
It's not a sports agent.
That's all you need to say.
Yeah, bros, So I discovered what sex was in a way that I think a lot of kids do, which was I was out of sleepover at my friend's house and we walked in on his mom.
No, that is so mortifying, and also like for them, well, I mean, if you.
Went did you go home?
Did you tell your parents? I saw mister and missus Fuck fucking.
No. But his mom was very embarrassed and made us pancakes. And then this boy and I was my best friend. We decided to copy.
Them after pancakes.
After pancakes.
Yeah, were you guys horny kids?
Yes?
I was as well.
And this comes back to gel pens, because my horniness would manifest trenifest in like really really horny drawing really of like Pokemon trainers and like Greek mythology, like gods.
So that's why we send each other so much Disney porn.
Yes, No, okay, Greta, you have to know like Rose and I are, like, you know, I wouldn't say like active consumers of like tune.
Porn but we do. I would say it that we are.
Do you do you like?
Do you you whack it to tuon porn? Or are you just admirers of the art I have?
I I have it.
I don't regularly whack to tone porn, but I I you have.
But I definitely have pulled.
My patch yes to some to some like Hercules Milo from Atlantis. No, it's Maloa from Atlantis and Tarzan is the one that everyone talks about. But there's a lot of good tune porn out there that isn't mister xtuone who's an amazing tone porn creator.
But have you whacked it to tune porn? Greta?
I like, I have not whacked it to touon porn, but like I'm very interested.
I okay, I will send you some recommendations, please do.
I watched porn last night.
My like, my relationship with porn is very I'm very in and out.
You know.
Sometimes I'm like, I really want to watch porn, and then other times I'm like, you know, is it ethical?
You know what I mean?
And that's kind.
Of like sort of the battle that I've always in with myself and I really only like to watch one very specific type of porn, which is typically like a girl being dumbed ideally by another girl. If if I if it has to be with a man, fine, but like I just want there. I want it to be with toys, and I want it to be dirty talk.
And that's it.
I don't need anything else, and not even dirty talk. I just want it to be like someone needs to be Like did I say you could come?
Not yet?
Like don't, don't. Don't you think about it? Don't think about coming yet, like you know, and it's so hard to find. It's so hard to find.
Important question. Do you need the setup? Do you need a storyline? Do you need your narrative? H Greta, you are my girl.
No, honestly, rip the panties off, let me see the puss, blast it off with a goddamn fucking hitachi and let's be done. Like I need. I literally need under two minutes, that's what I need. I want it to be in and out. I'm not trying to lounge you, but I don't have time. I'm trying to release and get on with my day. I'm trying to relax. I'm trying to
do whatever I'm trying to do. And you know, last night I thought I found a good, a good little clip, but then it turned into this like weird setup where a girl was like tied up against the banister of the stairs, and then a guy just.
Kept on putting his dick through like the nuts through the stairs.
That's so funny.
I kept on like making her. He was like face fucking her through the banister, and I was kind of laughing, and I was like, this is so not horny at all. I'm just like, I'm get I'm just having fun at this point, and was.
Gigglingesty, that does sound fun with porn like that, I feel like I love this discussion on porn. I feel like with porn like that that I also get very distracted on like little details in porn. And I don't watch, you know, heterosexual porn, so I don't know what the tea is over.
There, but I I do feel like, not great, it's not great.
No, it's not great.
Well that's why you look for, you know, two women fucking or like I feel like gay porn.
I don't know. I feel like everyone everyone you know loves gay porn.
I love gay porn. I love watching to be honest, with you. I love watching gay porn. I can't really whack it to gay porn for me as much because I need.
To because you don't respect them, because because.
I don't respect you know, I don't respect gays.
Well, I mean that's kind of I think that's fair. Do you like, since we're talking about pens, do you like erotica possibly potentially written with a gel pen? Have you ever have you ever read the seminal work Uncle Ronnie's New Whore.
Shut No, I must it's.
You know, talk about this.
We're not going to talk about it again on the podcast, but.
Hold on, is it real erotica? Because I'm actually I think.
I would be the kind of person that we get really horny for erotica.
Yeah, I mean, I think erotica is a very gen term for it. It's it's written porn.
It's called Uncle Ronnie's New Horror Gay Incest Porn.
I love written gay incesto.
Yeah, well, unfortunately new horn love incest porn. I hate to say it, but with the okay on the topic of this, of this Dix through staircase rails, et cetera. What you're describing, honestly, is something of a thematic quandary of porn, which is porn actors making choices. You're an actress, you understand this.
That is it.
They're making a choice to be like I'm gonna do oh maybe I'll do it through this ban this like railing or whatever. And this is like an interesting thing. It's like no, it's it's not like what I was. I saw this like this only fans porn, Like a few weeks ago, where in these two gay guys for some reason or another post it up too fuck next to a like life size cutout of Mariah Carey that was in this person's bedroom, and.
It is pride.
They were trying to make. They were trying to go viral. They were trying to make a meme. But they're not trying to be sexy. If you watch the porn, it's extremely earnest. I mean I didn't see the setup, so I don't I only saw the two minute clips, so I don't know.
How they go, like making love?
Did I reference Mariah? Like are they well?
The tweet that it circulated on did have a Mariah lyric in it. But if you watch the porn, because I didn't know how they got that's the thing. I don't know how they got there, and so I don't really want the narrative. But in this case, I was like, actually, do want to know how you got there and why? Because it was because they were like it was I mean, just like if I didn't see the Mariah cut out, it would be really really hot porn.
But I was like, why is this here? And you're so earn.
Mariah's scrolling on Twitter since season like, now why am I in it? Now?
Why am I in it?
Mariah gets pissed that she's not more that she doesn't have more of a story.
Yeah, Honestly, similarly ones, I'm also like a very I love like verbal porn and so like I you know, I'm always watching porn with the sound on.
That's not the case with a lot of people.
I know people that prefer to watch porn the sound off, which is crazy to me. But one time I was watching porn and there were these two guys fucking and like the soundtracks that people pick sometimes for like sex music is like so distracting. It's like the most KD out like EDM, like whatever blasting. One time I was watching this porn and I was like, why are they why is this guy getting railed to Judy Collins cover of both Sides?
Now, like what is happen?
Like because they're happening because they're gay, but bothcause now gay. It's like that's like lesbian divorce music. Like that is like not even gay music.
By the way, there have been moments where I've been watching porn and I've shazamed.
Porn. I'm not kidding you. I did it with that song. It's like soft house.
It's like sits it.
You're gonna have to send it to us. That's very you, Kamala meme. Can you turn this off? Can you turn this up?
Yeah?
I I it's sometimes distracting, but I love the I love choices, and sometimes choices get you there, like I like you like. I often will just do like too, like I want a two minute clip and then I gotta get on with my day. But sometimes and Rose, you and I have talked about this, sometimes.
The search for the perfect clip.
Oh, if it's not hour, if it's not the right, if it's not the right thing that I need to get me there, I'm sorry. Everything else gets set aside. I have plans canceled, I have dinner reservation, move it. I have a podcast to record. We're gonna have to reschedule. I have to go through sixty nine pages of porn Hub to find the right thing to jerk off to.
You know, you know it's dark when you're on like page fourteen and you're like, how have I not found anything? And you think you find something and then you don't, Like I thought I found something the other day and then it turned out to be this like elaborate, like massage fisting thing, and I was like, I don't want to see fisting personally, I don't.
I don't want to see Okay, I disagree, asshole.
I want to see if you fist my my asshole, fine, fisting my pussy hole.
I don't want to see it.
I don't want to see that.
Yeah, I feel like, uh, not unless you have a gel pen gripped in that fits.
Yeah, exactly, Not unless you're inserting a like the gel pen this shimmer, the like blue Mermaid shimmer jelp into my pussy and then autographing your name on my surface? Do I want you fucking fisty so?
And you know what that I'm sure that's out there.
Yeah, And that's why we go to the Guana Colleges Tech to get that done.
That's why it's important to.
Go get your checkup.
To go get your check up.
They're like they open me up. They're like, wow, I see I was just about to say, Rodney.
Dangerfield, Like what you have?
Really? You have really great handwriting, Rodney Dangerfield. Or they're like oh, they're like, I can see that you ford your mom's signature. Slide into our DMS and let us know what's your favorite school supply. Do you love the smell of freshly milled computer paper? Slid into our DMS on Instagram at like a Virgin four twenty sixty nine and let us know. Also become a patron Patreon dot com, Slash like a Virgin for weekly bonus episodes.
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Virgin for weekly bonus episodes and more. Whaw. The recurring storyline on this show of like that there's never enough food at the It is funny, it's a good it's a good housewives bit, and it's also like.
Me, yea, if a party doesn't have food, go fuck yourself.
She's like, let's go to Nobu.
Yes, that was a.
Serve that I thought that was so funny. And Erin's like being very unfun I mean I would if I was Aaron, I would be really really pissed obviously.
But I don't.
I'm not team Aaron. I think that she is probably my least favorite in the entire no, but.
Erin is very necessary because she, unlike Sigh, she drives the platform.
She does.
She is the one who's having the events. She's the one who's starting shit with people and having issues with people. And you can be a bad person, but a good housewife and actually the worst of a person you are the better of a housewife.
You usually are something speaking of Aaron, something that I wrote down, and this is very bad housewive good housewive dichotomy. Erin is a little Kelly Bensimone coded to me. She's way smarter than Kelly, which is why it's different like Kelly. It's like she's not as delusional as Kelly. Well, Kelly wasn't even delusional. She just literally had no no. But the thing is, in order to be delusional, you have to have like aspirations, motives, incentives, values. She had no thoughts, feelings,
believes and motives of values. She literally was just reacting to things with an empty head in real time.
She was so stupid.
She was and is.
But Aaron gives Aaron provides a similar archetype. This like kind of like I'm driving the plot forward. I don't really know why, but I'm gonna do it anyways, and now everyone hates me like everyone hated Kelly Bensimone.
Yeah. I think Aarin does lack a little bit of self awareness that probably comes from, you know, a lifetime of privilege. But she's very confident and because of that, you know, she is making things happen, and that is kind of the most important. The most important things you can do as a housewive are either create the plot in a really engaging way or react in a really engaging way. And the worst thing you can do is neither of those things. Is just sort of be there.
I guess in some.
Way, Kelly is maybe more of a reactor. But yeah, wait, something that we didn't talk about was Jessel basically suggesting that Jenna lyons creative direct the ending of her two year dry spell.
Well I missed that.
At the wedding, Jessel.
So, Jenna was telling the girls that she just got broken up with or rather they just broke up and life happens, andah blah blah blah. She's not revealing too much, but they have like a little moment, and I think Sy has this momentre it's like, oh my god, Jenna's like finally being like vulnerable or whatever, and Jessel's a
part of this moment. And they're talking and as Jenna's trying to like describe like the breakup or just like she's having a literally like emotionally describing something about the breakup, Jessel interrupts her and goes do you want to have a threesome with me and my husband?
Yeah, it seems like a way to solve their problems. Her husband hates her, they hate each other, and the fact that they don't fuck concerns me. To me, it's like, I don't even think that the husband. For a while, it was like or like, for a minute, I was like, the husband's gay, clearly.
But I don't even think he's gay.
I think that he legitimately wants to like please and support her, and I think that she has some.
I can see.
I feel like maybe I'm projecting cultural religious trauma.
That's like underneath a lot of her insecurities around IVF sex, being a good wife performing. I feel like I had a lot of shame around sex because of my parents and their beliefs on me. And I think that if her parents' beliefs had such an impact on her opinions on IVF and how she had to conceal that for years, I wouldn't be surprised if there was something else going on in her sex life or.
You know, yeah, you know what I actually think it might be is he loves her. She hates him because their story is that they were friends for years and then got and then just like got together and had these kids. And she, from the looks of it, she runs their life. And I bet he is like a full cook, you know, like she just like owns him.
Yeah, and she's literally gonna force force him to have a third child, like forcible impregnation.
And then their marriage is gonna fall apart. Their marriage, it's well, it's will be her season two plotline, you think, absolutely.
Okay, I hope we get it that soon because I can't wait another season.
Maybe season maybe season three. No, like season two, it'll be really brewing in the background, and maybe, like as the second season of this new iteration of Ronnie is airing, it'll start falling apart publicly, and then we won't get it on camera until season three.
Oh god, yeah, they will plan their divorce exactly when they're not filming. Well, that was quite a recap, that was, And honestly, I feel like Ronnie has not really been worth recapping until now.
Yeah, because it is. But this this also is the mid season point, so yeah, well, so it's good that we checked in, and maybe the next time we'll check in is at the end of the season, like before the reunion episodes, and then we'll do like post reunion check in work, full wrap up,